#yeeeep the gang’s all here! :3

[visionmarred-archive]

Old Habits - set between Act 2 and Act 3 of the Jedi Knight story line

Somehow, Iaze had forgotten how truly disgusting Hutta could be.

When Orgus had discovered her those years ago, she never thought she’d find herself sleeping in alleyways and scraping the street’s muck off of her boots again. Stepping off of the shuttle and setting foot onto the planet again had brought a plethora of emotions surging into her mind - bittersweet nostalgia, resignation, numb frustration.

Mouth full of whatever mystery meat sandwich she had purchased ten minutes ago, Iaze stared blankly at the wall in front of her, unable to stop her mind from running wild. Somehow, it had been both simple and difficult to fall back into old habits. The old gang recognized her, and some had been happy to have her back. Others called her a traitor, spitting in her face, but backed off and accepted her return when her fist had shattered the cartilage in their noses. Just like old times… but then, the melancholy accompanying those punches hadn’t been there before.

This is where you belong, Ygdri’aze, she tried to tell herself. Being a Jedi was a fun experiment, but it hadn’t worked out, had it? The other masters on the strike team were still missing. The Emperor had played with her mind, taken control of her so easily. She screwed up. It was simple as that. You failed. This is where you belong.

“I wouldn’t eat that, if I were you.”

Iaze startled, turning to her side and finding herself face-to-face with a white light taking form. She bit her tongue as Orgus Din came into view, her fist clenching around the sandwich.

“Yeah? What’s it gonna do, kill me? That doesn’t sound so bad.” Iaze grumbled a moment later, waiting for her heartbeat to calm down before she spoke.

Orgus’s ghost merely shook his head before moving to sit beside her - did a Force ghost need to get off his feet? Iaze pushed the thought from her mind, huddling into herself.

She looked to the ground when Orgus turned to look at her, finding herself unable to meet his eyes. “Iaze, what are you doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m eating my dinner.” She said dryly.

“You know what I mean.”

She almost wanted to laugh. It was just like when he was alive, really. Whenever she’d been having a bad day, Iaze would try to brush it off with a snide remark, and Orgus would see through it every single time. She’d always given in and confessed what was on her mind to her master, and he’d always had a word of wisdom for her and some snarky comment that made her laugh.

But he was dead, and she wasn’t sure he could fix this problem.

“What’s there to say, Orgus?” Iaze put the sandwich back into its container and set it onto the ground, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m just coming back to what I’m good at.”

“Shaking down civilians and breaking bones for credits?”

“Heh heh... Yeeeep.” Iaze nodded, finally turning to look him in the eye. “I screwed up back there. They told me I’d fall to the Dark Side if I went on that strike team, and I went anyway. And guess what happened?”

“You truly blame yourself for what somebody else did to you?”

“Yeah, well… how can I not?” She asked, fingers picking at the grass next to her. “If I was stronger, if I was better, maybe I could’ve… but I didn’t, and you had to come save me.” She closed her eyes and sighed, resting her head against the wall. “I don’t know what I did. I don’t ever wanna know. I just know that I can’t - I can’t…”

“You’re scared.” He said it so matter-of-fact that Iaze couldn’t help but scowl.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m scared that I killed people. I’m scared that the reason those masters are missing is because I, personally, cut them up like they were meat at a butcher shop.” She opened her eyes again. “You should’ve just left me here years ago, Orgus. I wish you had.”

Orgus smiled, albeit a sad one. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do!” Iaze said, clenching her fists and driving nails into her palm. “I’m no Jedi, Orgus. I’m just… just a…” Lazy, whining, good-for-nothing crybaby. “I’m no Jedi.” I’m sorry I failed you.

The two sat in silence for a moment before Orgus sighed once more. “Iaze, do you know why I asked you to join the Order all those years ago?”

Years ago, when they’d been little more than a myth to her. One that had come very much to life when the dead Jedi before her had caught her after she had filched his credits. “I always figured you just needed more bodies in the Order after the war. Build up numbers. Get ready to beat down the Empire again.”

She’d known that, and she’d taken the offer anyway. Anything was better than staying on Hutta.

She was surprised when Orgus chuckled, shaking his head. “Wrong answer.”

Iaze blinked, a lump in her throat. “Then… why? Why’d you do it?”

“Because I knew you had a good heart, Iaze.” Orgus said, smiling warmly, and she felt the sudden, strong urge to cry. “Because I looked at you and knew that you were somebody who would do the best she could, who’d keep going no matter what. Because I knew you were meant to be a Jedi.” He chuckled again, adding, “It was kind of obvious.”

Meant to be a Jedi. Iaze swallowed, feeling another lump in her throat. “You… you don’t mean that.” Nobody could mean that. Nobody ever wants me.

“No, I do.” Orgus said firmly. “Iaze, you’re better than you think you are.”

“But I fai - ”

“Iaze.” He cut her off, face deadly serious. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault.”

She sniffed, clenching her fists again.

“I wish I’d taken more time to tell you this when I was alive, but training you was one of the greatest privileges I’ve ever had.” Orgus said, that sad smile back again. “I got to watch you grow from a smart-mouthed teenager into a compassionate young Jedi Knight who never hesitates to do the right thing, even if there’s no chance of coming back alive. I only wish I’d gotten to recruit you sooner.”

Iaze couldn’t help but smile at that, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Master…”

“So, I’m going to ask you something again.” She had missed that warm smile of his. “What are you doing here?”

She looked down, unsure how to reply for a few moments. “I… I want to go back,” she admitted quietly. “But can I? I… I kinda turned in my resignation.”

“Do you really think the Jedi Order wouldn’t accept you back?” Orgus chuckled. “Bengel Morr. Lord Praven. Sajar. They’ll welcome you back home, too.”

Back home. The lump was back in her throat, and Iaze knew she was crying again. “Master… I just hope it’s not too late to help again.”

“It’s never too late to try.” Orgus smiled, the two standing up. “Go home, Iaze. Your family’s waiting for you.”

Iaze wrapped her arms around herself as Orgus’s ghost disappeared from view. “Thank you, Master.”