#yeahhh i'm hitting y'all with the angst now because although i could EASILY talk about how horrible barton is for a while... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mad-hunts · 2 months

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have i ever talked about how barton is genuinely jealous of people who seem happy because he feels so hollow a majority of the time that even when he's 'happy,' he's not really happy? because i just 😭 yeah...

#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#yeahhh i'm hitting y'all with the angst now because although i could EASILY talk about how horrible barton is for a while...#he knows that he's horrible and he feels like a monster who exists on the outside of everything that is 'warm' and 'good' sometimes #and although it doesn't haunt barton as NEARLY as much as it should be he does sometimes spend days on end just. In bed and crying #because he feels like he physically CAN'T be normal like everyone else and that he has deserved every terrible thing that has happened-#to him because it he legitimately believes it was too late for him since the beginning. that merely born as part of the mathis family-#had pegged him for misery and causing people pain because that's what his father did as well as his father's father and likely-#even further back. and i just... UGH i am of course allowed to feel sympathy for a fictional character at times but it's such a double-edged #sword with some because even barton has these moments where he is not so bad and maybe even does something kind by another-#person you know? but he is self-destructive and sabotages his relationships + his anger is just. out of control and it's kind of sad #but also like... if you want something to change then you've got to do it for yourself. i don't think barton as a character right now KNOWS-#how to change though and that is honestly tragic in and of itself

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