#yeah what the fuck did B'Elanna mean by 'did Tom put you up to this? It didn't work.' like HEHEHEH what does she think Tom's end goal was??

[stitching-in-time]

Wrote a silly little fic in honor of Threshold Day!

Tom and B'Elanna's teenage kids find out about their lizard siblings- chaos ensues. (Rated mature for language.)

****

Years after Voyager gets home, the moment comes that Tom Paris has been dreading since his first child was born- Starfleet making Voyager's mission logs available to the public.

For a few days, he waits, tense in agony, for the other shoe to drop. Then, one sunny afternoon, he hears the confirmation that they've found out the truth he hoped he could spare them forever...

His eldest daughter's voice shrieks through the house:

"Oh my god, Dad!!! We have amphibious half siblings?!?!"

He winces; it's just as horrifying a moment as he'd imagined it would be as her door bursts open, and three incredulous teenagers round on him like sharks who smell blood in the water.

At least B'Elanna isn't home to see this, he thinks to himself, thankful for one small mercy- but no, nothing is to be spared him, after all- he hears the front door open, and his wife's usually welcome voice greets him like a slap in the face.

"I finished up early today and I thought-" she stops short at the scene before her- all three of their children in an uproar, hovering over their father, scream-shouting loud enough that they can probably be heard miles away.

"You flew at warp 10 and turned into a lizard?!?!" Miral spits incredulously, brandishing the PADD in Tom's face like an indictment.

"Technically, the Doctor said it was closer to a salamander," Tom corrects her, feebly.

"Then you kidnapped Auntie Kathryn, and turned her into a lizard too?!?!" Owen demands, fascination and horror mingling in his voice.

"Then the two of you fucked nasty lizard style and had lizard babies?!?!" Katie screeches contemptuously.

Tom, finding this a bridge too far, stands up to address his daughter- "Whoa, there's literally no reason for you to phrase it that way!"

B'Elanna, standing back and watching the scene with an air of resigned detachment, interjects sardonically, "Yeah, I really did not need to hear my daughter utter that phrase with my own ears."

"And Mom, you knew about this?!" Katie demands. "You knew he lizard fucked with Auntie Kathryn?!"

"We weren't together yet back then," B'Elanna shrugs it off, "He was free to turn into a lizard and mate with whoever he wanted, it wasn't any of my business, I had nothing to do with it. Thankfully."

Tom shoots B'Elanna a withering glance. "Y'know, you're really not helping here."

"And then you just abandoned your lizard children?!" Miral's tone is more like an accusation more than a question.

"How could you leave our lizard siblings behind??" Owen's face is filled with disbelief.

"Now look, I didn't abandon anyone," Tom protests, "Chakotay was in command- I was a salamander at the time! I had no capacity to make any kind of decision on the matter."

"A convenient excuse! What if they became an invasive species on that planet??" Miral puts her hands on her hips the way her mother does, and narrows her eyes at her father, "Did either of you think before engaging in reckless lizard sex and leaving behind a trail of abandoned lizard children to wreak environmental devastation on the Delta Quadrant?"

Tom feels like he's going to scream. "We probably didn't have any thoughts- I have no memory of my time as a lizard! I mean, a salamander! None of you were there, you don't know anything about it- I turned into a freaking salamander! It was not a pleasant experience! My tongue fell out! I developed an allergy to water! Did you get the part where I literally coughed up my own tongue!?! It was not a fun time!!"

The three children stare at him, horrified, then Katie looks thoughtful for a minute, before saying the worst thing Tom's ever heard in his life: "So I guess there was no lizard cunnilingus then..."

Tom puts his hand to his forehead, reeling. "Why would you even say that?! Oh my god! How do you even know what that is?!"

"I think this conversation is getting out of hand," B'Elanna says decisively, stepping forward into the middle of the room. "We've all had a chance to read the log now- I think you kids need some time to sit with it and come to terms with it on your own, without throwing any moral judgements around, and without uttering the phrase 'lizard cunnilingus' in my presence ever again."

B'Elanna shepherds the children away from Tom, and they look somewhat contrite at last as they grumblingly trundle back to their rooms.

Tom staggers back toward the sofa, and plunks down with the face of a man who's just experienced unspeakable horrors.

B'Elanna turns back to Tom, obviously trying her best to be sympathetic, despite the absurdity of his predicament- "So, how do you feel that went? Compared to what you've imagined?"

Tom looks up at her, smiling ironically. "Not well, but it could have gone worse, I guess. Though there was more mention of lizard sex than I expected- which I could have done without, to be honest."

"Yeah, it was no picnic for me either," B'Elanna says with more than a hint of sarcasm. She sits down next to him on the sofa, and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Look at it this way: you knew this day would come eventually, and now it's over. At least now you know you can survive telling your kids about their long lost salamander half siblings."

Tom does his best to take the barely surpressed amusement in her voice in stride. He laughs sardonically. "I guess so. I should probably be grateful they took it so well."

B'Elanna gives Tom's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Hey, they're good kids. They'll calm down eventually. They'll probably forget all about it in a few weeks. Don't worry."

She gives him a little kiss. He nods in assent, thinking she's probably right.

Little does he realize that they, having inherited his penchant for shenanigans, will not forget all about it.

The phrase 'fuck nasty lizard style' becomes a little joke to them, among themselves at first. Then they start using it with their friends. And then in front of anyone, anywhere. They know it torments their parents, but that only adds to the appeal. Soon enough, Tom begins finding little notes with the phrase written on them around the house. Peaceful family vacations are punctuated by the three Paris kids shouting 'FUCK NASTY LIZARD STYLE!!!' gleefully from the top of the Grand Canyon or Machu Pichu, like a battle cry, then laughing themselves silly. Tom has to plead with them not to use it in front of any Starfleet admirals, under any circumstances. Especially Janeway.

One day, when Admiral Janeway comes by for a visit, Tom thinks he's done a good job of straightening up and eliminating any trace of the little notes the kids leave affixed to random surfaces all over the house. He and his former captain enjoy a pot of coffee, laugh over old times, and share the latest news. He goes to the kitchen to pour her another cup.

Admiral Janeway gets up to stretch her legs. She walks over to the mantle to inspect the ever-growing collection of Paris family photos. She smiles at one of them.

"Is this Miral's graduation? I wish I could have been there!" She picks up the photo to get a closer look at it.

"What's this? A note?" Janeway wonders aloud as a small slip of paper falls off the back of the photo frame and flutters down to the ground.

Tom suddenly looks up in horror. He plunks the coffee pot and cup onto the countertop with a slosh as he zips over to where she stands, and plucks the paper from the floor.

"Oh, just some joke the kids have, it's a... a little motivational slogan, I think," he lies, as he crumples it up and hides it awkwardly under a throw pillow.

Janeway, surprised by his odd behavior, gives him a quizzical look for a moment. However, having been his commanding officer for seven years, she knows better than to open the can of worms of asking what he's up to, and lets it pass without comment.

"I heard from Harry that she's been accepted to the Academy, congratulations! It's so nice to see the next generation of our Voyager family following in our footsteps."

"B'Elanna and I are very proud of her," Tom replies, inwardly thanking his lucky stars that Kathryn Janeway had not just read the words 'fuck nasty lizard style' emblazoned on the note in Miral's handwriting.

This is where hubris leads, he thinks ruefully. You try to stick it to your old man by breaking the transwarp barrier, and then one day, you just end up trying to cover up your kid's obscene joke about your lizard evolution to keep it from your former captain/lizard baby mama.

He sighs.

This is just his life now.

With an air of resignation he hopes she doesn't detect, he offers Janeway the plate on the table- "You want any coffee cake?"

[bumblingbabooshka]

Just watched Infinite Regress and damn Jeri Ryan’s really acting her gd heart out. Also, I love how much people shout in this one.

[halfblood-fiend]

Fictober 2019 - Day 8

From The Fictober 2019 event <3

Prompt 8 : “Can you stay?”

Fandom : Star Trek: Voyager

Words : 1,616

Warnings : more alcohol, and one dumbass character; companion piece to this

(WOOOO THIS MEANS I’VE FINALLY CAUGHT UP)

“Can you stay?” Vorik x Modern OC

I crested over that plateau of Party Enjoyment into the diminishing return of Fun pretty quickly after the game of beer pong. It was like suddenly hitting a wall at full speed and crashing into a hard stop. I was slurring, I was saying dumb things, I could barely walk straight, and my internal monologue became something of a chant of "I hate this. I hate this. I hate this." Though it somehow didn’t stop me from continuing to take shots with my crewmates.

As the night went on, trying to keep track of the threads of conversation got tedious but when I started zoning out more often than I listened, I called it. Pretty much just like that, I decided I was Absolutely Done and wanted to be in bed five minutes ago. I had no idea what time it was and people were leaving anyway so it seemed like a good time for me to skedaddle too. So I grabbed Vorik's arm and told him so.

Not that I was particularly complaining, with my stupid crush still gong in full force apparently, but my friend had hardly left my side ever since our beat down of Tom and B'Elanna. It would have been fine if I'd had even a sliver of more self-control. Vorik's quiet and calm made me all too aware of how fucking obnoxious drunk-Giana must have been. Not to mention that I'd been doing dumb shit to the poor guy all night. Not the least of which being exactly what I was doing now: touching him way more than necessary. All the casual physical contact was all well and good for an inebriated social Human, but I had always been under the impression it was pretty taboo for a Vulcan. He was just too nice to say so.

Which was why as I made my rounds to say goodnight to folks, the Vulcan was still at my shoulder.

"Aww. You guys are leaving already?"

Already, as if it wasn't hella late.

"Nice game! I won't forget the look on Tom's face any time soon."

You and me both, friendo.

"It was fun finally hanging out with you. I'll see you tomorrow!"

You might. If I didn't end up sleeping all day tomorrow. No shifts meant no alarms and there was no way in hell I was getting up any earlier than my body wanted to, even if that meant I missed every meal.

I went back to our table to pick up the jacket I'd abandoned hours ago, waved a final goodbye to my friends still sitting there, and turned to find Vorik still behind me, hovering a few paces behind, waiting patiently.

“You know, you don't have to leave just because I am. You should stay and enjoy yourself.” I kept extra busy making sure my jacket was draped over my arm just so. I told myself I wasn't holding my breath for any particular reason.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vorik shake his head and clasp his hands behind his back. “If it hadn’t been for you asking me, I wouldn’t have come at all. Now, you are quite intoxicated. I would prefer to escort you to your quarters rather than staying, to ensure you make it there.”

I laughed, “As opposed to, what? Passing out in the hallway somewhere?”

“Or being taken advantage of. I have not known you to act out of self-preservation and I have often observed your inability to tell others ‘no.’”

Was I so easy for everyone else to read too, or was he the only one that paid attention?

“Okay, okay,” I sighed. “Since you chased off my date earlier, I guess that makes it your job to take me home anyway.”

God, why did I fucking say that?

Vorik arched an eyebrow and fell into step beside me as we left the rec room and turned down the hallway towards the crew quarters.

I couldn’t even keep quiet a minute before I had to open my stupid mouth.

“I’m glad you came, after all. Even if I did have to beg you.”

“As am I. I may not understand the Human obsession with loud music or dancing, but the conversations we had were just as enjoyable as on any other day. More so, perhaps.”

“Why more?”

“Only when they are drunk, are Humans finally honest,” he said. I sensed this could be a dangerous road for me so I tried to switch gears.

I reached out and caught the sleeve of his dark grey tunic and felt the strange crosshatching fabric. “I really like this on you,” I said with a smile.

Then suddenly: God, would you stop touching him, please?? As soon as I thought it, I released him and took to crumpling the light fabric of my dress in my fists instead.

Vorik raised his eyebrows and cast a somewhat amused look in my direction. “Thank you for proving my point.”

“Nuh-uh! I would’ve told you that even if I wasn’t so drunk! Vulcan fashion is to die for. I love it! I just…usually stop myself from giving out compliments is all.”

“Why?”

“Because…” I faltered. Because I am usually too shy? Because I never know how to react to compliments, so I don’t want to put others in that position? Because whenever I give out too many compliments, people accuse me of flirting and that makes me more uncomfortable? “I dunno. ‘M always worried they’ll come off awkward.”

Frowning, Vorik said, “Although many would likely hold the same opinion of me, you don’t strike me as awkward, Giana. I do appreciate your compliment. I, too, am fond of this overcoat.”

“It brings out your eyes,” I blurted before I snapped my teeth together so hard, I probably rattled my brain.

Vorik glanced at me and nodded. “I know. Though I am surprised you noticed. It is unusual for a Human to see the subtlety.”

I wasn’t sure if that was meant to be a compliment or not, but it sure did feel like one. So the smile I flash him is dopey and bright.

I had no idea why I kept doing this to myself. Why keep trailing along picking up the scraps of affection? There was no future here. Vorik wouldn’t—couldn’t possibly—return those feelings. It wasn’t in his nature, and that was okay…just not for me. That would never work out for someone who so desperately craved love. All I was doing was hurting myself. IN the short run. In the long run.

And, logically, I knew that most days.

But it was hard to see that when my head was so thick and my heart was giddy.

“Giana?”

“Hmm?”

I stopped and looked around to find him a meter behind me.

“Your quarters are here,” Vorik said, gesturing to the door to his left.

“Oh.” My face burned. “Y-yeah.”

I pressed my hand to the biometric reader and the doors hissed open. The computer greeted me as I walked over the threshold but I barely heard her. As soon as I walked inside, I was exhausted and felt ready to collapse.

“I would not recommend going to sleep immediately, though I am sure the urge is strong.” Vorik strode in behind me and went straight to my in-room replicator. “You should drink more water and remain alert for at least another ninety minutes.”

“Why?”

“To lower your blood-alcohol content.”

I wrinkled my nose at him. “Wha’? I didn’t know you were a doctor and an engineer.”

“I am not, but the amount of alcohol you consumed could easily lead to poisoning if you aren’t careful.”

My stomach twisted. “…oh?” It hadn’t been that much, had it?

The replicator dinged and Vorik approached me and offered out a glass of water.

I took it, still feeling rather confused and more than a little worried.

“You neglected to eat beforehand as well. It is a wonder you can still stand.” When I hadn’t moved, he reached out and nudged the bottom of the glass with his fingers until I raised it to my lips and took a long drink.

“Will I be okay?”

Vorik shook his head and shrugged halfheartedly. “If you listen, maybe.”

I laughed into the glass. “Don’t ever pursue a medical position. Your bedside manner is ass.”

He sighed. “Do as I say, and you will be fine. Now that my task is complete and you are safe, I will see you tomorrow.”

Vorik had made it all the way to the door before my anxiety won out over my self-consciousness.

“Um. Vorik?”

He paused with his fingers hovering over the keypad and looked over his shoulder.

“I. Um. C-can… Are you… Uh. W-were you planning on sleeping tonight or-or meditating?”

“Meditating.”

I nodded, and rolling the empty glass in my hands, I mustered all the courage from every corner of my being that I could possibly find. “Could…could you…? I-I mean, we don’t have to be in the same room or anything b-but if you���re only meditating, can you—I mean, if you don’t mind—can…can you, um, stay?” He was quiet, but my heart was loud in my ears. “To make sure I don’t die?” I clarified as if that would make the embarrassing request better.

“My mentioning it made you nervous.”

“Uh,” I said with a shaky laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, it definitely did. I had no idea I was that bad.”

“I can stay, if it will put you at ease.”

I smiled. “You’re too good to me.”

“You…are my friend. If my presence will soothe your anxiety, then I am glad to be here for you.”

[lexicalberries]

fic: "You want this. Your rose is calling me, Kat," he growled, nudging his tip against her anal hole.

me: what. the actual. fuck.

fic: He could feel how her anal walls adjusted to his great size.

me: oh of course he has a giant dick

fic: resisting the urge to stick his cock in one of her orifices.

me: like her nostril? her eye socket?

fic: like a hungry baby she greedily closed her mouth around his tip and played with him.

me: not sure semen provides the nutrition babies need

fic: Something exploded behind his eyelids.

me: his brain, probably, from embarrassment at how terrible this is

fic: He resisted the urge to suck her tits, though they beckoned like two flashing beacons.

me: can't unsee janeway's breasts with blinking lights

fic: Just stroking her pussy had been enough to allow her muscles to relax so that he could push his engorged flesh deep into her anal passage.

me: ...

fic: A searing kiss - his tongue probed her mouth, causing him to swoon from the pleasure of it.

me: ROFL

me: THIS GOES FROM HORRIFYING TO HILARIOUS IN SECONDS

fic: "Oh, spirits! You're tight, Kat!"

fic: "Let's just say I hate dildos," was all she murmured as she gazed at him with her heated, smouldering cat-like eyes.

me: I CAN'T

fic: He held her for several heady seconds to allow her to adjust to his size.

me: just in case you'd forgotten he has a big dick

fic: He lifted her out and rammed her down on him again. So he continued the forceful ramming,

me: everyone loves a good ramming amirite

fic: he settled her on him, filling her glorious softness. No climaxing this time, just a lazy thrusting as they enjoyed their shower.

me: seems uncomfortable?

fic: the good feeling of being inside Kathryn with his mouth on hers overrode any discomfort they felt.

me: oh okay then

fic: He rode her hard and soft, slow thrusts and sudden pounding until he lost control and simply heaved in arrhythmic pushing against her.

me: um

fic: His hand stole to her centre, her soft, kind core that wanted so much of him during the night.

me: are we still talking about her vagina?

fic: Their bodies joining in slow lovemaking was everything he wanted, everything that Kathryn desired.

me: cool he's psychic now

fic: how he filled every orifice as if he belonged there

me: ...up her nose, in her ear

fic: He filled her heart and her mind and, with a sob escaping her suddenly, her soul.

me: apparently souls are filled with air. gotta equalise.

fic: Her battered soul. The one that cried out to him without her ever giving heed to those cries herself.

me: i get it, battered from the ramming

fic: He was big and almost hurt her the way he filled her to the hilt.

me: DON'T FORGET HIS ENORMOUS PENIS GUYS

fic: And Chakotay's image, his roaming hands on her body, his mouth in places she thought could never be touched by him, his manhood…Those images haunted her.

me: same bb

fic: So they were intending to marry…

me: THEY'VE HAD ONE DATE FFS

fic: A dagger with ragged points drove straight into her heart.

me: *drives dagger into brain*

fic: a waft of cool air just the right thing to soothe her raging emotions.

me: an ac vent is all you need to regain emotional equilibrium?

fic: She hadn't been to this part of the ship in a while - if four days could be called a while -

me: no. it can't.

fic: Still, the plants, the rows and rows of glass tanks, completed her sense of closeness - a closeness with the plants

me: wait, what?

fic: Kathryn walked to the tank containing her tomato plants. With a great sigh, she put her hand in and carefully fingered a ripe tomato.

me: that's probably not supposed to be sexual but tbh it's hard to tell in this fic

me: there's a bunch of slightly weird/creepy stuff about noah?? if they start going at it in hydroponics i'm out

fic: It was a stroke of inspiration that she’d appointed Noah to take charge of the hydroponics bay. He had taken to the task with a love and enthusiasm that pleased her a great deal and bore out his own entreaties that he was no murderer and killer of alien life forms. The gentle giant she called the tallest member of Voyager's crew now would do anything for her.

me: so there's that. and then this:

fic: Noah of the gentle eyes. Noah who could never in creation hurt a fly, much less a hapless alien form. She looked up at him. He stared down at her from his great height of almost two metres.

me: so i'm getting the impression he's tall?

fic: "Commander Chakotay is standing outside. I promised I'd break him in two if he hurt my captain. I'd like to know from you if I should let him in to see you or whether I should break him in two. Just say the word."

me: it got better

fic: Noah really could break Chakotay in two. The tall former Equinox officer could tear Chakotay's limbs from his body or draw and quarter her first officer in the holodeck.

me: BECAUSE HE'S TALL

fic: She didn't want to face a bleeding, broken, dead Chakotay. When all was said and done, she still needed her first officer.

me: OLOLOL

me: NO NO WAIT IT'S DECLARATION TIME I JUST WANT TO CP ALL OF IT IN ITS MAGNIFICENCE

fic: Not only did he keep her hands imprisoned in his, he also gazed deeply into her eyes, like she had caught him once or twice before, on New Earth, and once, when they had had dinner together in her quarters. His eyes were warm,

me: the next bit is in italics yasss

fic: loving… and during the night, when she had imagined she saw love in his eyes…

me: while he was ramming her, obvs

fic: "C-Chakotay…?" she stammered, unsure of what to make of his look of love.

fic: "Kathryn," he began hoarsely,

me: wait for iiiiiit

fic: "no one knows about the night we shared. I made sure of that. It was the most beautiful thing that happened to me. I'm sorry about what I did at the start." She nodded mutely, a tear forming and rolling down her cheek as she remembered with embarrassment the anal sex.

me: AS SHE REMEMBERED WITH EMBARRASSMENT THE ANAL SEX

fic: "It wasn't my intention, but you…you brought out the untamed in me. You did things to me that…"

me: pretty sure it was you doing all the DOING

fic: hope flared like a giant flame in her heart.

me: let us pause and contemplate just how many things are burning in this fic

fic: "Chakotay, w-what are you saying?" she asked, too afraid to hear his answer.

me: THEN WHY DID YOU ASK THE QUESTION

fic: "As I said, no one knows about our night of passion. But Kathryn, I was desperate - "

fic: "No, Chakotay. I was the one who was desperate, who threw myself at your mercy, begging for a f - " His fingers against her lips stopped the crudity from her.

me: damn it chakotay!

fic: "You tricked me…?!" she whispered incredulously, but too overjoyed to be mad at him.

me: OH HELL NO

fic: "Seven of Nine went along with my plan, Kathryn. She really is a kind friend. I knew that of all the women on board Voyager you would most likely resent seeing me with, it would be her. And she loves you, Kathryn. More than you think."

me: plus she thought it'd be hilarious

fic: "She didn't want to go along at first, but B'Elanna and Tom convinced her she was doing it for the ship. For me. For you."

me: to recap: the entire crew of voyager was in on a plan to convince janeway that chakotay was dating seven in order to induce her jealousy. said jealousy would prove to be so strong that she'd act on her heretofore unacknowledged feelings for chakotay despite believing that any such actions on her part would mean hurting not one but two people she cares for. and of them all seven was the only one who thought maybe it wasn't a great idea? everyone else was super okay with lying and hurting the captain.

me: YEAH THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO SHOW YOU LOVE HER.

me: the characterisation is terrible, the sex is terrible, the writing itself is terrible. but the absolute worst thing about this fic is that the author (and several others so far) seem to think breaking someone's trust is a perfectly fine and even romantic thing to do. and given what chakotay's gone through in terms of betrayal in romantic relationships he'd be the very last person to do such a thing.

me: manipulation is not love. tricking someone is not romantic. if you can do that 'for their own good' then you can also do it to hurt them. the ends do not justify the means! chakotay would never do that! janeway would never do that!

me: *curls into protective ball around them*