#yayyy im gonna be in horrible pain for years unless i kill myself.....if i remember to kill myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

floortile34 · 4 days ago

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do you feel the longing for more? a hole burning through your heart. something unfulfilled. try to patch up your trauma with getting more chosen family because your original "family" left scars so deep they never fade? understanding your trauma but never getting over it, alienated from the world and slowly dying and brain damage making growth difficult and not having enough time for that anyway and desperately straining yourself to feel some joy in life. to be interesting. before you die

my soul rotting

imperfection unbearable

everyone dies. most live longer than i will

most die a much less horrifying death than i will

most aren't given such an accurate estimate on when they die

most aren't practically dead before being literally dead

#i read this. i dont have any response except that i read this and try →#← to understand your struggles #rant #tw rant #tw death #tw trauma #tw trauma mention #yayyy im gonna be in horrible pain for years unless i kill myself.....if i remember to kill myself #tw suicide #pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain #the way i'll die makes it so much more scary. a slow motion death #the destruction of the self. the forgetting of the self #becoming almost a zombie #vagueposting #ig its vagueposting idk #tw chronic illness #tw brain injury #collecting so many trigger warnings into one rant.....#tw family trauma #tw family issues #this turned out kinda poetic actually #i like this post #effective vent actually #writing these tags because i dont know what else to do #because i have no other ideas and the concept of just not doing anything seems so horrifying #this might be fiction. don't take this as unquestioned fact #i genuinely don't know anymore what's fiction – delusions. and whats true #it doesnt really matter. it all feels real #also siderant in tags. i hate the response “get help” especially in response to vents and such #like yeah cool most people cant get “help”. and “help” usually doesn't even solve the issues

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