#y'all feel free to rant about them in the notes I will reply enthusiastically

[maya-tl]

Buckle the FUCK UP

1. They are actually married.

Spy proposed first (which Medic still jokingly grumbles about to this day because he was having a ring custom-made, it's not his fault Spy has more connections than him). Medic organised the reception (Spy had the audacity to suggest he leave everything to him and took that back real quick). Sniper officiated. Heavy cried. Soldier also cried. Pyro was the flower girl. Engineer was in charge of the food, Demo in charge of the music. Scout was the ring bearer. Miss Pauling wrangled the Administrator into allowing them an extra week off for the honeymoon.

2. Sharing is caring.

Spy has a spare key to Medic's room. Medic has a spare key to Spy's room. They share clothes (it's hilarious to witness because Medic's coat is too large on Spy and Spy's suit is one button away from ripping on Medic), they share beds (for many reasons, some of which might get me banned from Tumblr), they share space (they couldn't intrude on each other's personal space even if they tried, they're just that comfortable), they share themselves (in many ways, some of which might once again get me banned from Tumblr), etc.

3. High Tolerance.

Spy is the only one Medic tolerates in the infirmary while he's experimenting/doing surgery/researching. If anyone else distracts him from his very important work they'll wake up with their lungs inverted and their large intestines inside their bladder. Medic is the only one Spy tolerates in his smoking room while he's relaxing/drinking/smoking. If anyone else somehow manages to pick the lock and break in they'll find themselves a quick and bloody ticket to Respawn, no questions asked.

4. High Bullshit Tolerance.

Neither Medic nor Spy take any shit from anyone except each other. Spy's a tease. Medic's a tease. They both know exactly how to push the other's buttons, how far they can go before it gets personal, which things to prod at and which things to leave alone. They bicker like the old married couple they are and rile each other up until they end up in certain positions that I can't elaborate on lest I get banned from Tumblr. If anyone else tried to do to them what they do to each other they wouldn't live to tell the tale.

5. They're so fucking proud of the fact that they're married.

They wear the rings under their gloves (silver for Spy, gold for Medic). When they're in a safe place to talk about it they just won't shut up. Any time someone asks them who proposed first Spy puffs right up and Medic rolls his eyes. Any time someone asks who wears the pants in their relationship Medic smiles with too many teeth and Spy snorts. 'Have you met my darling husband' this and 'My beloved husband is actually proficient in that field' that. If they whip out the wedding photos, good luck.

6. Sappiest old men you'll ever meet.

Spy is such a romantic that Medic nearly swoons every time he looks at him. Candlelit dinners. Bouquets of red roses. Declarations of love whispered in his ear. French poetry about star-crossed lovers. Medic is somehow just as romantic and Spy utterly thrilled by having someone match him every step of the way. Violin serenades. Languid kisses and prolonged touches. Love letters written in calligraphy. German pet names and terms of endearment. They're in love, your honour.

7. I say so.

They're charming. They're funny. They're hot. They're insane. I love them and they love each other and if anyone disagrees with me we're throwing hands in the back of a Wendy's parking lot at 6 PM this afternoon.

Anyone wanna hear my HCs on why Spy and Medic are Married (with a capital M)?