#y know kinda like astrology. it completely fake but it's fun and harmless so you might as well ''believe'' in it for vibes

[culmaer]

I described myself as irreligious earlier and that's certainly true : I don't attend church/mosque/shul or participate in any organised religion. but on the topic of 〜belief〜 ... I don't actually know....

like intellectually I know a deity probably doesn't exist. so I'm probably some flavour of atheist/agnostic. but when I think about the universe and life and look at old trees I'm like there must be something. surely. I can feel it. but then... is this deity omnipotent and uncaring because suffering, in which case I don't want to be a believer, or are they not omnipotent albeit capable of creation or just so fundamentally unhuman that any kind of prayer and devotion is utterly pointless.

the best description I can think of for now, is I am either an atheist who wants to believe, or a believer who doesn't