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thedarklightwithinus · 5 years ago

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Trying to be Better.

A/N; I don’t even know where i was going with this i just started writing and remembering and boom. This is here. This could be read as a part two for Final Exit, I’ll let you decide.

Summary; When everyone else seems to move on but that one friend is left behind?

Pairing; Steve Rogers x Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Reader (Platonic)

Words; 1.6k

Final Exit

No matter how many times she had walked the halls of the new Avengers Facility, each time filled her with joy at the prospect of seeing family. Of course, half the family were no longer around. As Steve always told her when she was feeling particularly down, try to look on the bright side. At first, she had screamed and shouted at the blonde. How could he say that when every single person who had survived had lost as well?

There was no time to feel thankful for the fact that you had survived Thanos because the heartbreak and hurt set it pretty quickly once you realised that the people you loved had just vanished. However, she had come to think on his words every time he told her them. Was there a bright side? Sure. She was still alive. It was one step closer to figuring out how to do something useful.

Despite the fact that she had not given up her search for answers, Y/N had lost bits of hope along the way. Five years had passed since she was stuck in space with Tony and Nebula. Five long years and still not a step closer to solving a puzzle that seemed to be missing pieces. Or rather, pieces had been stolen.

"She'll be glad to see you, I'm sure." Y/N spoke up, squeezing Steve's had as the pair walked through the many halls in the facility. "Don't tell her I said anything, but I think she get's a little lonely here on her own." She muttered after a seconds thought. "Probably should insist she comes for dinner one day. It's not healthy for her to be here alone. I mean, sure she talks to the others but when was the last time she spoke to someone who was actually right in front of her? Oh that's right, me!"

After the events of her near death, Y/N and Steve had taken a leave out of Tony's book and decided to settle down. The pair had bought a house in Steve's home borough of Brooklyn. The house was far from extravagant. However, it was everything the two of them could have hoped for. It was home.

"I should've came sooner." Steve found himself replying. "I shouldn't have left it all on you. I'm sorry, babe. Nat's my friend too."

"You're here now." Y/N smiled, moving in front of him to push the glass door open and enter the room in which she knew Natasha spent most of her time. "Hey." She spoke softly, frowning as she watched the woman rush to wipe at her eyes. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." Nat smiled, her voice sounding as though she was far from fine.

"You know..." Steve spoke up, coming to stand beside Y/N as he smiled sadly at his friend. "I'd offer to cook us all dinner but you seem pretty miserable already." Y/N smiled slightly when she watched Nat roll her eyes, a smile of her own filtering her face.

"Did she finally manage to drag you along?" Nat asked, humour swimming in her orbs.

"I came to see a friend."

"Clearly, your friend is fine."

Y/N rolled her eyes, releasing Steve's had as she moved forward, pulling the chair out opposite Natasha's desk and lowering herself into it. The two woman eyed each other for a tense minute. Nat's eyes blank while Y/N narrowed her own.

"You're as bad as each other." Nat finally huffed out, leaning forward to offer Y/N the other half of her sandwich. Y/N shook her head as Steve moved forward to pull his own chair out.

It was silent for a moment, the shallowness of their conversation was laid bare. What used to be an intellectual banter of politics and comedic moments amongst a larger group of friends was utterly vapid. In that room, to those three people, for a split second... Everything seemed so pointless. Like sitting back and letting life win was the best course of action.

"You know I keep telling everybody they should move on..." Steve broke the silence, releasing a sigh as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Grow. Some do... But not us."

"If I move on, who does this?" Natasha asked, the vulnerability evident in her words. Y/N frowned, wanting to kick herself for not realising that Natasha was trying to hold onto everything they had worked hard to accomplish... All alone.

"Maybe it doesn't need to be done." Steve told her.

It was difficult for Y/N to be 100% on one side of the non-exsistant debate. On one hand, she understood where Steve was coming from. On the other, she understood why Nat stayed so long. To her, it wasn't about giving up. It was about doing what she was best at and though she tried to think otherwise, Y/N knew Nat better than most.

"I used to have nothing..." Nat spoke softly, looking from Steve to Y/N, tears swimming in her pretty green eyes. "And then I got this. This job... This family." She smiled through the pain that shined in her eyes. "And I was... I was better because of it. Even though they're gone... I'm still trying to be better."

"You're already better, Nat." Y/N was quick to say, leaning forward to insure the woman was looking into her eyes, understanding that she was speaking the truth. "You've always been better. Every step forwards you take, every step sideways, hell... Even every step backwards, you're a better you. The past is the past. Everyone has one. Those first few years after... After they went... I was so hell bent on finding a way to get them back that I forgot that I was still here. I forgot to live. They wouldn't want that."

"I can't just get up and forget about then, Y/N." Nat whispered.

"No one's asking you to." Steve spoke up, leaning forward in his own chair. "Just because we've moved on with our lives doesn't mean we've forgotten or that we've given up. We're living our lives while trying to bring them back. You could do the same, you know you could. I did it. She did it... Now it's your turn."

"Suppose there's no one stopping me from getting a life." Nat chuckled, wiping under her eye. "You seem happy... I'm gla-" A noise tore Nat from her words as the three eyed the icon that had popped up on the digital pad. Nat swiped it, opening the message as she leaned back in her chair.

Y/N jumped when a fourth voice filled the air, her head snapping towards the left as she eyed the digital video that filled the room. The blue orb of it burned her eyes for a moment before she finally took in it's recording. "Uh, hi, hey, hello?" A familiar voice spoke. Y/N leaned a little closer to the footage, her eyes widening slightly. "Is anyone home?"

"Scott?" Y/N whispered, tilting her head as she eyed the man she had befriended in Germany.

As Y/N scanned the footage for a reaction to a question she knew the man couldn't have possibly heard, silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shattered on the ground. Each of the three had different look that filtered their faces. Y/N's was hopeful. Hopeful that the man was in fact who she thought it to be. Steve's was disbelief. As though he couldn't picture a man, who he knew for a fact had turned to dust five years ago, at the gates of the compound. Nat's was thankful. As though all her prayers that she had spoken under her breath had been answered. A sign had been shown.

"It's Scott Lang!" He called out once more, waving at the camera Y/N knew was attached to the front gate. "We met a few years ago... At the airport? In Germany. I was... I was the guy that got really big. The spider-boy used some of that weird web stuff to bring me down, remember? I got really small too... Like, well... Like an ant? I had a mask on and a suit. You probably don't recognis-"

"Is this an old message?" Steve spoke up, the chair he was sitting in creaking as he stood in order to move closer to the footage.

"Ant-man? I know you know that name. I know y-"

"It's the front gate."

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Steve Rogers Taglist; @kaytizzle

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#Steve Rogers #steve rogers imagine #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #scott lang #endgame #reader insurt #requests are open #requests #requests are welcome #natasha romanoff x you

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jawritter · 5 years ago

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You and Me...

Chapter 18

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non con, male!rape, injury, violence, discription of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self harm, panick attackes, implied female non con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chatper Warnings*** Panic Attack, Angst, Mentions of rape, Mentions of self harm, breif mention of injury, SMUT, unprotected sex, oral (male and female receiving) Grinding, All the lovely things that come with smut lol. Fluff.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 2726

A/N: As always all mistakes are mine!, Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is gold! I hope you enjoy this one! Posting this one a little earlier than what I said I was going to lol.

Summery: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter you course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getthing through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

Jensen's POV:

The morning sun broke over the Texas skyline to find Jensen laying on his back, Y/n's head o. His chest, and trying his best to stop the freight train of emotions that threatened to over take him.

Of all the stupid thing's he's done in his life...

Of all the mistakes he's ever made….

He almost made the biggest one two days ago…

Every time he would close his eyes all he saw was y/n falling to the floor. Her face looked like her heart had shattered into a million pieces. He couldn't shake the image. Even though she was back, even though she was lying next to him sleeping peacefully with her head nuzzled safely into his shoulders.

Even though he could feel her every breath as her chest rose and fell against him. Even though his arm was draped firmly around her. That gripping heartbreak the night she got in the car with her bags still was haunting him. That soul gripping ache still echoing through his very soul.

That hurt worse than the rape, than the reoccurring nightmares, even the divorce.

Taking a shaky breath he tried desperately to get a hold of his emotions. He'd apologized so much that she told him if he apologized to her again she was going to strangle him. He still felt like she didn't really get a grasp at how sorry he really was.

He hated himself for what he did. Reaching over, needing desperately to feel more of her, with his free arm to grab the hand that was draped over his stomach. The burning pain, and the tugging of the tight stitches on his forearm reminded him of the cuts that he'd placed there every time he moved.

He didn't remember doing that to himself. The only thing that he remembered was Jared shaking him on the bathroom floor.

Yelling at him.

Holding towels over his wrist, asking him what he'd done.

He never told anyone that he didn't remember doing that. He guessed it was something he just blocked out of his mind. Something he did in blind pain and grief.

He was afraid if he told anyone that he didn't remember cutting himself, that they would.lock him in a mental hospital somewhere. So he just kept that little tidbit to himself.

He felt like such a hypocrite.

He'd always talked down about people that self harmed. He owed everyone an apology as far as that goes. Seeing as he did it to himself.

A loud hiccupping sob left his throat before he could catch it, and y/n sat straight up looking at him.

"Jensen? What's wrong?" All he could do was shake his head and pull her closer to him. Ignoring the pain in his arms.

"Nothing, I'll be okay eventually." He whispered against her hair. Taking a deep breath, and letting the calming scent of her shampoo that he loved so much surround him.

It's over now.

He'd never do it again.

She was in his arms.

She'd promised him over and over again that she'd never go anywhere ever again. That she does love him.

He didn't understand that last part, how could anyone love someone as fucked up as he was. That messed everything up the way he did.

Here she was though, some miracle that he didn't deserve.

Your POV:

You laid there wrapped tightly in Jensen's arms. Letting him take his time until the panic attack had passed.

He'd been having more and more of them sense you returned, and some times.like this morning you weren't even sure he really was aware he was having them unless they were really bad, like the one he was having this morning had become a regular event.

You felt guilty...

You should have never left that night...

You just felt so bitrade when he shoved you...

No matter what though you loved him, and you always will...

Nothing he could say or.do would ever change that, you knew that now.

He was your everything...

Even now, your heart ached that he was hurting. That there was really nothing you could do about it.

Jensen did put on a good front in front of people, acting was his job, and he did it well.

Still when he was alone with you, and the walls came down, you got to see the real person.

That person had insecurities...

That person had faults…

That person still needed reassurance from time to time...

That person wasn't always strong...

That person had bad days...

It was your job to help him..

To stand beside him...

To wrap your arms around him, and let him know that whatever happened you would work through it together, just like you told him in the hospital...

'You and Me.'

The night he shoved you, you let stress and exhaustion get in the way of good sense. You let your emotions get in the way of what your brain was telling you he didn't do on purpose, twisted it, made it look intentional and hurtful.

You hurt him worse that night more than he'd ever hurt you.

You failed him, but you were determined never to do that again.

Even if you spent the rest of your life making it up to him.

When his grip finally loosened around you, and you could move again you sat up on your shoulder. Making little patterns on his chest with your finger. Tracing little lines between each little freckle. A slight shiver rippled through him under your hand.

Looking up at him you couldn't help the way your heart just melted every time he touched you. He was gazing at you like you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever see. You couldn't help but feel that he was slightly crazy, Hell his ex wife was a damn modal. What the hell could he possibly want with you?

"What do you want to do today, handsome?" You asked him, watching as he propped himself up on the pillows, sitting ups slightly. "I want to lay here all day enjoying my beautiful girl." He said, Running his fingers through your hair. Then pulling you into him so he could kiss you softly.

He was being overly gentle since you'd come back.

You ran your hand from the back of his neck slowly down to his chest. He groaned against your lips softly, pulling you closer to him. You couldn't help but melted him into his kiss.

You craved every little touch, wanting nothing more than to be close to him.

Still you didn't want to push him.

You'd only been intimate with him about three times, and every time usually ended with a pretty violent flashback.

This time though his kiss was different...

Even though it was gentle it was almost…

….Confident?

More sure of himself.

Full of passion and need.

He honestly took your breath away. His tongue gliding over yours effortlessly as his left hand traveled down your exposed thigh.

You had borrowed one of his oversized shirts to sleep in since the majority of your clothes were dirty.

Leaving you in just his T-shirt and a pair of boy shorts underwear.

Breaking the kiss when he finally had to come up for air, he ran his hand over the side of your check gently.

Looking deep into your y/e/c eyes.

Running his thumb softly over your bottom lip.

Rolling himself on top of you, and pulling you underneath him in one swift moment he started leaving little opened mouth kisses from the corner of your mouth to the sensitive skin behind your ear. Grabbing your ear lob between his teeth gently. Bringing a hard shiver and moan from you.

He then worked his way down your neck. Stopping to kiss your pulse points. Leaving little love bites as he went. Something has changed in Jensen. He was confident. He was moving like he was sure of what he was doing, and not like he was afraid to touch you like he'd been doing before.

"Jensen.. Are you sure you can do this?" You asked him. He looked up at you a fire burning deep in his candy apple green eyes that you'd never seen before. He never broke eye contact as he pulled his shirt over your head.

"I've never been more sure of anything." He said, his voice deep and rough. He slowly took in the site of your exposed chest underneath him. Running his thumb over the peaks of your nipples,making them stand up for him.

"You so fucking beautiful." He said, lowering his head, and putting his lips around one of them.

Sucking and running his tongue over you. His hand needed your other breast softly. You moaned and arched your back into him. He'd never been this confident with your body. He ground his hips into yours, and moaned against your bare chest. You could already feel his election pushing against the tight fabric of his boxers.

He was finally enjoying you for the first time since you had been together. His body reacting to yours in ways you hadn't seen so far.

You run your hand down his arms and watch the goose bumps form on his skin. His breathing increased as he ground against you again. Working his way down your stomach. Leaving more little love bites, and open mouth kisses as he went until he was finally hovering over your aching center.

Looking up at you he put your legs over his shoulders. His eyes were almost backed and hooded with lust as he lowered himself, and licked a strip through folds.

Your hand involuntarily went to his hair and tugged slightly. He moaned loudly against your clit sending vibrations through your whole body as he licked and sucked at you like a starving man that had finally been given what he craved the most.

You could feel the coil tightening in your lower stomach as he drove you high and high until you were falling apart, moaning his name loudly.

"Jensen I'm gonna cum." You half moan half whimper at him.

Right before he pushed you over the edge he set up, and crawled his way back up your body to hover over you.

You whine and pout at him as he ran his hand through your hair, bringing his lips to your. You could still taste yourself on his tongue as he slid it through your parted lips. He ran his thick finger between your wet folds, causing you to moan against his lips.

"I want to be inside you when you cum for me." He says in a low whisper.

Sliding his boxers off, and throwing them to the side of the bed he then did something that he'd never done before.

Grabbing your hand he brought it to his throbbing length, and started letting you stroke him as he shivered above you.

Normally he never let you touch him this way, never let his guard go, and let you have any control over him at all, which you understood with all that he's gone through.

You took your time with him at first running your finger up the thick, swollen vein of his shaft, and circling around the sensitive skin at his tip.

His hips bucked into your hand, and he moaned loudly. Getting a little more confidence as his body reacted to your touch he rolled onto his back so that you could have better access to him. You slide down his body, leaving little kisses as you go until you where at the tip of his throbbing member.

You looked up at him for permission, but his head was thrown back, and his eyes closed. So slowly you wrapped your lips around the head of his erection. running your teeth lightly over the tip. His hips bucked up to meet you, and he fisted sheets, moaning your name loudly.

Taking that as he was okay with what you were doing, you put his whole swollen length into your mouth, gagging slightly around his tip as it tickled the back of your throat.

The taste of him was intoxicating as you sucked lightly, bobbing your head up and down his cock, pulling sounds and noises from him that made you wetter than you already were. If that's possible.

He wrapped his fingers in your hair. Sending you where he wanted you most as he started to gain more confidence, and started thrusting into your waiting mouth, you hollow your cheeks out so you could take in more of him.

It wasn't long before his pace started to falter.

"Stop babe or I'm not gonna last." He finally says, pulling you back up to him, and flipping the two of you over so he was back on top of you.

Kissing you deeply he lined himself up with your dripping center, sliding himself in easily, both of you moaning loudly as your warmth enveloped him, and he stretched and filled you like only he could.

He set an agonizingly slow pace and you moaned his name impatiently, your body demanding more from him as your walls quivered around him.

He put his hand to the side of your face, never faltering from the pace that he'd sat. "No babe, I wanna enjoy this. I want to drag this out. I wanna feel you come undone around me."

Your body responded to him immediately. That same familiar tightening sensation in your lower stomach letting you know you were close. You ran your fingers nails down his back and he threw his head back, moaning loudly. His eyes met yours again, and he pulled you into a searing kiss. Then whispered to you. "I can feel you baby girl. Let go."

That was all it took. The hardest orgasm you'd ever had consumed you. He kept the same pace deepening his thrust. Dragging out your high as your velvet walls milked at him. He panted and groaned against you, deigning himself his own release.

"I love you y/n. I love you so much." He told you as he looked deep into your eyes. Sweat pouring for him as he fought against his own end, shudders running through him with each deep thrust.

"I love you too Jensen." Was all you could say. He eyes boring into you.

He finally let himself come undone inside you. Moaning loudly against your neck. You felt his release as white hot ropes of his seed spread inside of you as he pounded into you faster. Bringing you back over the edge with him.

Once you had both come down from your high he rolled you both over on your sides. Never breaking the connection of your bodies. Your heart was hammering hard against your chest. He'd never made love to you like that. Normally it was just the equivalent of a quickie.

This time though was different.

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as he laid there playing with your hair, and. placing soft kisses on your lips. You don't know how long you both laid there like that before he finally lost the connection between you. You whimpered a little at the empty feeling that was left behind when he finally pulled his now softened length from you.

He pulled you tightly into his chest,and settled the covers around the two of you. Normally by now the flashbacks would start. This time though he just laid there with you in his arms.

Something had changed in him.

Putting his finger under your chin so that you'd look up at him he kissed you softly again. Almost like he’d been laying there listening to your thoughts he finally spoke.

"Almost losing you definitely put a lot of things into perspective for me." He said, pushing the hair out of your face. "You're the most important thing in this world to me y/n. I love you. I can’t let what happened to me become my handicap, and lose you because I can’t let go of what happened to me, and I definitely can’t take it out on you, you deserve all of me, not part of me."

He kissed you deeply before you could answer him, the both of you lay there like that until sleep finally overtook you again.

You were finally home.

After all those years of being along you finally felt at home in his arms.

This was exactly where you belonged.

Tags under the break.

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