#wow i've never used this tag before a couple of days ago and now look at me :))

[lemonhemlock]

Aemond is a fool for Storms end, but his war has started when he lost an eye, he is consistent at this. Alicent doesn't recognise it in ep 8, praises Rhaenyra and scolds him for something she herself has been doing for years.. It was her who told Aemond, a child, that Rhaenyra's sons are bastards and Aegon has to be king for their family's safety and now she acts like they have other options but to fight for their survival. What does she even want? Does she think they can all live in peace with Daemon as king consort (who hates her father and her entire family)? With Queen Rhaenyra who killed her husband to marry him and once wanted to torture her son? Alicent is the most confusing character honestly.

that's because the writers don't care about making alicent consistent as long as they keep the rhaenicent fire burning within her because it's the only way they understand how to make an unpopular typology like her sympathetic in the public's eyes.

at this point they made her flip-flop between stances and moods so much that it's affecting the suspension of disbelief and she is just starting to look more like an amalgamation of different authors (grrm, scriptwriters, directors, actors, each with their own take on her). so i can't immerse myself in order to ask "what does she even want" because all i see is too many chefs in the kitchen. at most, her family's safety edged out her (unexplainable) love for rhaenyra, because she did take an active part in crowning aegon at rhaenyra's expense, but she is just very reluctant to do further harm

which, i mean.... spirits are high right now and people are just tired of her playing doormat for someone who would only (at most) shrug and look apologetic when daemon murdered her family. but, equally, it's not THEE craziest stance to have. i do agree with what she said in ep 9 - "reluctance to murder is not weakness" - and, if there is the slightest chance at solving this mess diplomatically, then it is their duty to at least try, in order to spare further bloodshed. let's not forget that removing the black faction (whichever way you want to define it) would also involve a lot of innocent people dying, it's not as easy as just meeting them in 1 vs 1 battles

also, i'm not saying that the actual scene will be much better, but, if we are to be super duper fair, we don't KNOW what aemond and alicent are fighting about. maybe aemond just said the most psychotic thing ever and alicent is at her wits' ends. we don't know what she's objecting to. maybe to aemond them "prevailing" means committing massacres, to which she objects, because, well, she should, honestly. brutal force and slaughter are not exactly the recommended way forward, is that not what septon meribald keeps telling us?

likewise, we don't know when exactly she is talking to aegon and aemond, advising caution and diplomacy. is this after they find out aemond murdered luke? is it after b&c? it's a safe bet that it happens at the beginning of the season, because aegon is still walking and aemond is in KL, but it's not out of the realm possibility that she will become hardened towards rhaenyra by the end

which is why i would not advise getting worked up too much over this. trailers are often misleading, lines are superposed over scenes that have nothing to do with the context in which they were spoken, shots of characters are alternated in order to confuse and mislead etc.

[thefallennightmare]

All Eternity-Matt Dierkes x OFC! Faye[JP UNIVERSE]

Pairings: Matt Dierkes x OFC! Faye[JP UNIVERSE]

Warnings: fluff and smut(not my best work but its pretty tame)

Summary: Matt has a promise to prove to Faye.

Authors Note: I hope you all enjoy this little drabble into one of our favorite JP couples! I'm sorry if I missed any tags, I just went off everyone who was previously tagged in the other Matt/Faye fics.

Tags: @blueskylinesx @artificialbreezy @loeytuan98 @thatchickwiththecamera @dsireland86 @iknownothingpeople @bngurngheart @malice-ov-mercy @heyyoplayer @myownthoughts12 @vinyardmaurado @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @marvelousmal @lma1986 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @itsafullmoon @shilohrosechicken @klutzy-kay24 @shadowseve @exitwoundsx @thisbicc @pathion @sammyjoeee @whenthesummerdies @flowery-mess @its-inourblood @madomens @collidewiththesavannah @xserena-13 @cncohshit @rain-down-on-me @sorrowsofsilence @xmads-omensx @dominuslunae @follow-me-down-to-wonderland

Letting out a yawn, I shook out the tiredness from my bones as I dragged my feet through the back halls of the venue, looking for one person. 

My person. 

Both Matt and I decided at the last minute to help out our friends in The Ghost Inside since they had a show in Los Angeles tonight. Matt used to do their front of house work before taking over with Bad Omens so he wanted to get back to his roots for the night while I decided to shoot their entire set. It was good to get back into the routine of work since neither Bad Omens or Hollow Souls were touring at the moment. 

While I was happy to shift into work mode for a few hours, I was now ready to dive into bed with Matt; in more ways than one. Before we left to come to the venue tonight, we were busy watching our sex tape but didn’t have time to finish what we started because Matt realized the time; us being late. So I’d been wound up all day sexually with the images from our sex tape replaying in my mind over and over. 

I waved and smiled at the crew members of The Ghost Inside as I turned a corner but halted momentarily when my eyes landed on the man that held my heart and soul from the second our gazes locked for the first time so long ago. 

Wow, that was cheesy as fuck. 

Matt, who had his back turned to me, was down at the other end of the hallway talking with Vigil. With a wide grin, I broke out in a sprint towards Matt and jumped on his back.

"What the fuck?!" He yelled with a laugh as he stumbled on his feet a bit but managed to keep us both up right. 

I placed a kiss on Matt's cheek. "I've been looking everywhere for you." 

“I’m never too far from you, Faye,” Matt smiled.

Vigil chuckled at our antics. "I'll catch you guys later. Thanks for everything tonight Matt." 

I waved at him before adjusting myself on Matt’s back. "The Ghost Inside killed it tonight. I'll email over the pictures once they're edited.”

"Take your time, Faye. You guys did us a solid." 

Matt wrapped his arms around my legs and began carrying me towards the back door of the venue and his truck parked on the far end of the parking lot. It was late in the evening so the only noise outside were crickets. 

"I'm so tired," I sighed in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. "Can you carry me all the way home?" 

He squeezed my leg when I said the word home. Our home. I moved in Matt’s place last week after we grew tired of jumping back and forth between our respective places and when it was becoming too much for Boo due to his old age, we both agreed it would be better if I moved in with him. I agreed almost instantly because I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be than with Matt. 

"I'll carry you for all eternity if you'd let me, fairy," Matt vowed while tossing a wink over his shoulder.

“OH!” I smacked his chest as we walked. “Noah texted me the plan for Y/N’s birthday tomorrow. Everything is set in motion. I just need to make sure I’m there with my camera.” 

“Time still the same?” He wondered. 

I nodded. “Yep. They have something planned in the afternoon but should be home by four.”

Once we reached his truck, I went to jump off his back which only made him hold on tighter as he walked around to the passenger side and managed to open the door while still carrying me. Turning my back towards the open door he walked backwards a few steps until my ass hit the seat and I giggled while sitting in the truck. 

“My own Prince Charming,” I cooed. 

Matt reached up and buckled the seat belt for me. “Anything for you, fairy.” 

We shared a quick kiss before he shut the door and jogged over to the driver's side. The back seat of his truck was packed up with both of our equipment. Even though it was nearing midnight and we both were exhausted, there was no way Matt would leave the equipment in the truck. He’d spend an hour once we arrived home unloading everything and putting it in their respective places. 

Matt started the truck, letting it idle and warm up a bit since it was a little chilly tonight, and I could help but smile as I watched him type away on his phone. The lights from the dashboard and his phone luminated his face, more so the dimple in his cheeks when he smiled. He tossed his hat on the middle console once he sat behind the wheel and shook out his long golden hair. He wore his typical work fit of joggers with a hoodie and it just urged me on further to snuggle up to him in bed the second we got home. 

“Are you hungry? We can stop at a drive through on the way home?” He asked while tying his hair back. 

“I’m fine,” my voice was quiet. “I really just want to get home so I can change into your sweats and snuggle up in bed with my best boys.” 

Matt leaned over and cupped my cheek, the truck still idling in the parking lot of the venue. “Everything alright?” 

I nodded in his grasp. “More than alright. I love you.” 

“I love you more,” he breathed over my lips before capturing them in a tender kiss. 

It was sensual, slow, yet filled with so much love it made my head spin as his fingers dragged down from my cheek to my neck to hold me in place at the back of it. My hands rested on his chest as my tongue brushed along his bottom lip before exploring his mouth. The kiss deepened as our tongues fought for dominance and soon the air in the truck was no longer chilled but thick with sexual tension. His large hands rested on my hips to bring me over the center console so I was able to sit in his lap. 

Our hands wandered each other's bodies, mine ripping out the band that held his hair together so I could pull on the ends as I continued to kiss him with such fervor. Matt was usually the dominant one but he allowed me to take the lead as I left kisses from his mouth down his jaw and neck line, all the while rutting my hips into his. The hardness of his cock evident in his joggers as it brushed against my pussy through my leggings. 

“Matt,” I moaned while sinking my teeth into the sweet spot of his neck; the one I knew drove him wild. 

“What do you want?” His fingers slipped underneath my shirt to tease my nipples through my bralet. “Come on, fairy. Use your words.” 

His mouth worked on leaving a mark just below my ear and when I pressed my pussy harder against his cock, I could feel the cool wetness between my legs. I’d been so wound up with our kissing that all I needed was another minute of dry humping Matt to tip over the edge. So instead of speaking, I reached for the waistband of his joggers to pull out his cock but when I bent low, wanting a taste, my ass hit the horn on the steering wheel; the noise echoing throughout the empty parking lot. 

My giggles filled the space of the truck as I pulled away from Matt, who still had half of his cock hanging out of his pants; the smallest bead of precum gathering at the slit. 

“We should stop making out like a couple of teenagers and get home,” I sighed while starting to get off of his lap. 

“I’m not going to make it home,” his voice was gone, lost in lust, as he wrapped his arm around my back so he could hold me to his chest. 

Opening the door, he carried me over to the bed of his truck and opened the door with a free hand. He already had a blanket laid out because Zeus loved to ride in the back here when we would drive over to Noah’s and Y/N’s house. 

“Matt,” I warned while looking over the parking lot as he set me on the blanket. “What if someone sees us?” 

He shrugged while pulling off his shirt with such an attractive ease, it made my pussy clench. 

“No one’s here, Faye. Everyone’s left,” he climbed up into the bed of the truck and stalked over towards me. 

My hair cascaded down my shoulders and back causing Matt to twirl a strand between his fingers. 

His blue stained fingers. 

“Do you know how hard it is to get this dye off of you? I had to hide my hands in my pockets tonight when I wasn’t working,” he grumbled under his breath. 

I giggled while linking our hands together and bringing them to my lips to pepper his knuckles with kisses. 

“I told you to wear gloves, dummy. But let me show you my gratitude for dying my hair earlier today,” I muttered while wrapping my legs around his hips to bring him back down towards me. 

Our lips met again in kiss, tongues fighting for dominance once more. Matt made quick work of removing my shirt and helping me shimmy out of my legging. The chilly breeze bounced off my heated skin as Matt pressed his body against mine. He swallowed my moan when his fingers brushed over my soaked panties, teasing my clit. 

“Please,” I murmured against his lips. “I need you, Matthew.”

Matt’s mouth left kissed down my neck, between the valley of my breasts after he took off my bralette, and it hovered over my navel. His warm breath spoke into my skin. 

“I love you.” 

Those dark eyes stared up at me through his long lashes and I brushed away the hairs from his face as I gazed down at him. 

“I love you too.” 

With a kiss to the inside of my palm, Matt dragged down my panties to pocket them right before he quickly worked himself out of his joggers and briefs. Both of us lay there naked in the bed of his truck, the moonlight and stars in our backdrop. He looked absolutely ethereal staring down at me and my heart swelled when the corner of his mouth lifted in a sly smirk. 

“You’re staring,” he teased while shifting himself between my legs. 

“Can you blame me? I have a gorgeous boyfriend and I can't help but stare,” I mused. 

Even in the darkness, only illuminated by the street light a few feet down from us, I could see the faintest crimson hue cover Matt’s cheeks. His fingers wrapped around the head of his cock to gather the precum and rubbed it between two fingers before dragging it up and down my pussy. 

“You’re already so wet for me, Faye,” Matt observed. 

I breathed while arching my back off the blanket. “All I thought about today was you in that ski mask.” 

He hummed while guiding the head of his cock between my legs. “I’m so glad I listened to you and we watched our sex tape this morning.”

Locking eyes with me, Matt slowly pushed himself inside of me and I let out a noise that was a mix between a groan and a moan. His long hair fell to my chest like waves as he rested his forehead there, his hips stilling for a long moment. 

“I’m not going to last long, Faye,” he muttered into my skin, right before his tongue flicked over my nipple. 

“Neither am I,” I breathed while scraping my nails in his hair to pull his face up to me, crashing my lips to his. 

Just like the pace of his cock, our kiss was slow and sensual. We both were taking our time with each other, savoring every part of each other. Matt hooked my legs over his lower back to angel his cock deeper and my head fell away from his lips, down to the bed of his truck. He linked our fingers together, placing them over my head, as his pace began to quicken. Matt was close, his cock pulsating inside of me, and I raided my hips up to meet every one of his thrusts. The base of my spine began to burn with the heat of my blooming orgasm, something I made evident with a whine. 

“Faye,” Matt grunted, burying his face in the crook of my neck. “I’m gonna-.” 

I kissed the freckles that lined his shoulder, urging him to fall to the edge with me. My orgasm was quiet yet powerful, as my jaw fell slack. Matt pressed his forehead against mine so look deep into my eyes. 

“Marry me.” 

With one final thrust, he spilled himself inside of me as I continued to stare up into his eyes, white noise loud in my ears as I tried to make sense of the two words he just muttered. 

“Wh-what did you say?” I choked on air. 

Matt brushed his nose along mine. “Marry me, Faye.”

My heart jumped in my throat and my body shook underneath him. Every single fiber of my soul was set ablaze and I couldn’t stop the smile that broke out on my face. 

“Are you sure?” I asked, blinking through the sudden tears that gathered in the corner of my eyes and held his face. 

He now cupped my face to lay a tender kiss on my lips. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I will carry you for all eternity, fairy. I want you to be my wife.” 

Still buried deep inside of me, Matt reached for his joggers that lay scattered in the bed of the truck and dug in the pocket and pulled out a black velvet box. 

“Wait!” My eyes bulged while I rested up on my elbow, the chilled night air brushed over my peaked nipples. “Was this whole thing planned?” 

Matt now slipped out of me, much to my dismay, and sat on his knees while rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Well, if I’m being honest, the question kind of tumbled out like word vomit.”

I parted my lips to speak, suddenly feeling very hurt but Matt noticed so he quickly waved me off. “I want to marry you, Faye. I had plans on asking you but I don’t have a ring. I do have this though. I bought it for you the other day but haven't found the perfect time to give it to you.” 

My body shook from not only the cold but also the shock of everything the last few minutes so before he gave me his gift, Matt wrapped another blanket around my shoulders and then sat in front of me. When he slowly opened the black velvet box, I gasped before snapping my eyes up at him. 

“The Evenstar?” My bottom lip wobbled as I blew out a shaky breath. 

He fucking proposed with the necklace from The Lord of The Rings? 

If Matt hadn’t just fucked me in the bed of his truck, I would have taken him all the way down my throat in appreciation. 

Matt wore that loveable, dorky, smile as he nodded. “You left it up on your laptop and kept muttering around the house about how much you wanted to buy it but it was too expensive.” 

“Matthew,” I breathed. “You-.” 

“Yes, I did,” he interrupted me by taking out the necklace and leaned forward, placing it around my neck. 

“Now, it’s not a ring. But we can take our time and find one that fits you perfectly.” 

I immediately grasped at it, holding it tightly in my hand while blinking away the tears. “I love it.” 

“So,” Matt raised a brow, twirling a piece of my teal hair around his finger. “Is that a yes?” 

“YES!” I yelled out into the night air as I tackled him down onto the bed of the truck, my lips colliding with his. 

[mrs-cavill-wife]

Forbidden Witch (3/?)

Pairing: Charles Brandon x Female Reader (Cassandra of Boudicca)

Warning: Fantasy. Language. Forbidden Love. Tell me if I miss something.

Author's Note: Yay, our sorceress is back! I'm so so so sorry for taking so long to back to this Fanfic. I've been sick, my mind got "blocked" and stuff but I'm back to it and sorry if this one is short. yes, I decided she'll have purple eyes. Hope you guys enjoy it, if you do, like, reblog and/or comment. I'm all ears to feedback.

Tag List: @lexyvaldez26 @thereisa8ella @natura1phenomenon @mrsavery @number1chonie @themanfromu @littlefreya @legendarywizarddetective @lovingbearherringhairdo @zealoushound @deangal-101 @everydaymultifandom @rmtndew @summersong69 @jgtfvhsg @tellingyouastory @sillyrabbit81 @nuggsmum @pussyverson @oh-for-fic-sake @foodieforthoughts @fanficlover91 @r-t-doll @its--fandom--darling @poledancingdinos @hlkwrites

Cassandra's POV

Soft knocks woke me up from my messy dreams. I blinked my eyes a few times getting used to the light. I sat up in bed and stretched my body looking around a little confused. Sometimes I have dreams so messed up that I forget where I really am, but within seconds, everything was fresh in my memory. Days ago, I saved a child, a boy, who was swimming in a river in the middle of the night. On the way back to his house, I found out that he is a prince, from the kingdom of Aluma, and since then, out of gratitude, I have been here, in a beautiful large and comfortable room, in the castle.

"Come in"

I got out of bed and Lady Juliette entered my room, just like every morning. I should have stayed only one day, two at the most, but the hospitality, the politeness, the ambient, the treatment of the King and Queen, the happiness of that little runaway, I couldn't refuse to stay any longer.

I smiled at Juliette, watching her open the curtains and the huge windows that looked out onto a beautiful balcony. Then she approached the bed and I stood up as she bowed slightly.

"Good morning, Lady Cassandra. did you sleep well?"

I tilted my face playfully looking at her with mock disapproval and she smiled shyly.

"Oh Juliette, I've told you that we don't need cordiality. How long have i been here? A few weeks, probably months, we're confidants, already friends and I have no title."

She's still shy and started to make my bed and I helped her with the pillows.

"I know, my la.. Cassandra.. It's the orders, I'm just a lady-in-waiting, a helper, I must respect whoever is above me."

I got closer to her after we make the bed and held one of her hands.

"I'm not above anyone else, we're equal inside and I consider you my friend and I want you to act as such, do we agree?"

When I arrived, I was a little unsure, but in front of so many good people, I had nothing to fear. And to make things better, Juliette and I got closer over time. I never had great friends, I guess I never really cared. Since from my childhood in Boudicca, to Aretuza and then to whatever path fate takes me, it's always been me and Atlas, but at the moment, I'm very happy to have someone, who really responds when I speak, at least with words, and not neighs. Juliette smiled happily and went to the bathroom to prepare my bath.

I went to the balcony, the view was just incredible, the birds sang, the sun shone and burned against my skin, on the horizon, I could see part of the Kingdom, the village, but in the distance, mountains. I took a deep breath, basking in the morning scent, eyes hooded, just concentrating on the sounds, until Juliette informed me that the bath was ready.

As soon as I walked in, she left so I could take off my nightgown. We're friends but I still don't feel good about exposing myself like that.

After a relaxing bath with warm water, rose petals and sparkling foam. I put on a robe and found a tray on my bed with my breakfast. It had fruit, bread and juice. Normally, the king and queen would like me to join them at the dinner table, but today was different.

"The kitchen is quite busy, the king is having an old friend today. He is very excited, asked them to prepare the best dishes."

A couple of days ago, I heard some buzz in the hallways. A friend of the king was coming to visit him and it seemed he was creating a commotion around the servants. Maybe it's my imagination, but the ladies looked as fervent as a pan of boiling oil. At a dinner, the king said he would love to introduce me to one of his great friends, I just nodded.

That same night, the queen visited me in my room with a woman. A middle-aged seamstress, a few strands of gray, the queen said she was one of her favorite seamstresses and the most sought after in the kingdom and among her royal friends. She asked the woman and me to talk, and agree on nice clothes for me. I had been wearing dresses loaned to the queen for a while and she knew I didn't feel very comfortable so she contacted her seamstress.

Since today is a big day for the king, I had several options above my bed, my hair was already done with a simple braid. Time passed and I couldn't make up my mind. Juliette was nervous about my lateness, soon the king's friend would be there. For some reason, I felt more indecisive than ever, I almost didn't recognize myself.

But after so much choosing, he manages to make a decision. I looked in the mirror, admiring my necklace and my dress.

"Not that bad"

I walked downstairs with Juliette behind me on our way to the throne room. Madeline played with her son's blond strands while King Alexander chatted with some guards. The castle was cheerful, everyone seemed to want to give the guest the best reception.

As soon as she was seen by little Eric, he smiled and ran to me. I bent down a little and we hugged. Eric and I have bonded, he's an amazing kid with a thirst for adventure.

"Oh dear, look at you"

The queen approached me, looking me up and down and smiling as if I were blood of her blood. Her cheerful voice caught the attention of her husband, who approached, he took my hand and twirled me around making me feel a little shy.

"Cassandra, with all due respect, you look beautiful today."

Madeline and Juliette both chuckled softly at my blush, which also made the queen elbow her husband lightly, scolding him playfully.

Noises echoed in the distance, some voices, horses and carriages

The big door opened, one of the servants reported that the duke had arrived. The king released him, taking his queen's hand on his arm and inviting me to meet his friend at the castle entrance. I walked behind the royal couple with the little prince beside me, chattering about something I didn't hear, my hands sweating with every step I took.

When we arrived at the entrance, I could see two carriages. One loaded with suitcases, so I assumed the guest was in the other. The door of the second carriage opened and a man was the first to exit and suddenly, it was like everything had frozen around me.

The birds stopped singing, the wind got warmer, the sun didn't burn my skin, which was now chilled, my feet felt numb and my heart didn't slosh with blood. A brief deja vu flooded my mind, the memory of my imagination, every detail I imagined came alive and was right in front of me.

Tall man, defined body, strong, noble, fair skin, blue eyes.. like the sky in a spring morning, dark short hair like the night, lips that held perfect white tooth.. I am dreaming or..?

"Charles"

The king shouted happy. The handsome man bowed to the king but quickly the two of them ignored the formalities and embraced.

"How long?"

Charles. It's a good name. And his voice.. only two words left his mouth but that sound, it was like i heard a fire, hot, warming my frozen heart... but with some air of danger, like an unexpected fire that leaves you anchored. He complimented the queen and her son then took back his attention to the king that respectfully, put his hand on my back, approaching me to your friend.

"Charles, I want you to meet someone."

Alexander talked and Charles approached, finally he noticing me and our eyes crossed.

"That's Cassandra of Boudicca, the sorceress."

Charles eyes got wided while showed his beautiful smile, he delicately held my hand and softy pecked my knuckles without taking his eyes from my face.

"My lady."

He said directly at me and I could feel the air leaving my lungs.

"I am Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk"

I bent slightly, still looking at the being that came from my dreams.

"Wow daddy, she has purple eyes"

My body woke up to reality with a sweet childish voice. I looked down and beside Charles, there was a little girl, blue and curious eyes just like her father..

Wait a minute? Father? Did she really say.. daddy?

"Yes darlin, but it's not polite to look at people like that and point."

A beautiful young woman exits the carriage and stands beside Charles and the little girl, bowing towards the King and Queen.

"I've never met a sorceress before. It's a pleasure to meet you, Cassandra, and I'm sorry for my little curious daughter behavior"

Daughter..? So she and Charles..?

"I am Phoebe, Duchess of Suffolk, Charles wife and MacKenzie's mother."

Yes, they are..

A few seconds ago, I found myself in some kind of.. dream? and now, it felt like the beginning of a nightmare. It's actually quite real, just like the shiny ring on her finger.

Charles Brandon POV

As soon as I arrived, I was greeted by the king and his wife, and their little son. I greeted them, I missed them, Aluma, the castle, the memories at each place.

After the greetings, Alexander wanted to introduce me to someone I hadn't noticed at first. A beautiful woman, with a gorgeous dress, braid hair, her aura was mysterious, especially with those bright lavender color eyes, her expression looked frozen. I was able to confirm that that wasn't just what was cold, as soon as I touched her delicate hand, I felt her fingers tremble, her palm was sweaty.

I cordially kissed her knuckles with my eyes still locked on her colorful eyes, I never saw something so pretty, so magical. Magic could be the right word to describe her, after all, she is a sorceress.

"This wonderful young lady saved our Eric."

Madeline said and my cheeks burned instantly. Charles laughed and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Still getting in trouble, Eric? You need to stop running away."

The king and I had a brief conversation, until Alexander invited us inside. We both decided to go riding, to remember the old days in battle. So I went up to mine and Phoebe's room to get ready as soon as the servants told us the bags were already there. We went upstairs and left Mackenzie and Eric running together.

Cassandra's POV

As soon as the King and Charles were getting ready to ride, I excused myself from the Queen and went to my room, without running, but walking as fast as I could.

I walked into my room and slammed the door, then leaning my back against it and laying my head back as my breathing was uneven.

How was someone I imagined, now, here? Face to face. There are many people with these features, but everything about it seemed so perfect, like when it turns a short story into a play, bringing people and events to life. He was a dream, but a dream I couldn't dream.

I jumped in fright feeling them knock on the door. I took a few deep breaths, trying not to look crazy, tried to look decent and slowly opened the door to find one of the servants.

"Yes?"

"My lady Cassandra. Your Majesty requests your presence in the stables. He would like you to join him and the duke to ride."

Oh great.. I don't think it would be polite to deny it so I nodded my head smiling a little uncomfortably.

"Tell him I'll be there in a few"

The servant bowed and left. I closed the door again and ran my hands through my face.

I'm not feeling myself anymore, feels like this man has awakened something in me, something difficult to control and I think I'll have to learn because I can't seem to get away from him and these confused sensations.

[jaycewrites-192000]

Growl: Chapter 8

Warnings: None

Tag List: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen

Your P.O.V

For once, I was actually looking forwards to going to school. Thanks to Kyotani, I've become steadily more confident in my academic skills. It's not a huge step forwards, but, a step forwards none the less. My grades have been getting better as well, which was just a added bonus to my already great mood. I would have to really consider how I'm going to thank him for all his hard work. Maybe I'll take him out to eat somewhere he likes? Or maybe take him and Killer to a dog park? Or we could go to that new guitar shop that just opened up a well ago, he does play bass after all, maybe he'd want to check out what they had.

"Maybe he can teach me how to play too." I chuckle. Geez, this all was starting  to sound like I wanna ask him out in a date. It's not totally untrue. I would like to ask him out but, there's no way I could actually go through with it. I don't even think he likes me like that. "Man...this sucks. Why can't I just-" My words were cut short when I suddenly bumped into someone. "Oh! I'm sorry!" I quickly apologized. The person I ran into turned to face me, oh....great. "Uh, hey there...you?" I say awkwardly. "You? Really?" The person of, girl, I ran into was an old "enemy" of mine. "I think I've made myself known to you the last time we met." She spat as she placed her hand on her hip.

This was Chiharu Kumiko, also known as, "Oikawa's number one fangirl". She's hated me since the day I became friends with him, always thought we were dating or I had a crush on him. Which was the furthest thing from the true, and yet, she still had it out for me. "Yeah you did. Now if you don't mind, I need to get to class." I say as I try and walk past her. "Sure, "get to class". So you can hoe around with Oikawa-Senpai?" Ignore her, Y/n, ignore her. She's just trying to start a fight, a fight I will finish if she keeps pissing me off. "Bitch I know you hear me!" Kumiko grabs onto my arm and jerks me back. "Let go!" I snap at her, yanking my arm away. The commotion we were causing seem to attract a small group of people. Great, just what I wanted. Kumiko raised her hand to strike me, but before she got the chance, someone grabbed her hand. We both look back at the person who stopped her. "Kyotani?"

"What do you think you're doing?" I could tell Kyotani was furious. His voice was intimidating and his eyes narrowed. I was surprised he wasn't crushing Kumiko's hand right now, he was defiantly holding back. "The hell!? Let go of me you freak!" Kumiko jerks her hand away from Kyotani. Before she left, she turned to me, glaring daggers. "This isn't over, skank." With that, she storms off. I roll my eyes, my attention now back at the crowd, I hid my face in embarrassment. Thanks a lot Kumiko, you attention seeking bitch. "Problem!?" Kyotani snaps at them. The crowd eventually dispersed and continued on their own ways.

"Are you ok? Did she hurt you?" Kyotani asked. I shake my head, a smile retuning to my face. "Thank you Kyotani." I say gratefully. "What's that girl's problem?" He asks. "She has a thing for Oikawa and she thinks I do too."

"Do you?" That question kinda took me by surprise. I didn't know Kyotani would be interested in stuff like that. "No. He's annoying." That made him chuckle. 'Cute...oh right' I suddenly remembered, I still have to thank him. "Um, Kyotani. I wanted to thank you for helping me study. My grades have been getting better because of your help! So, I was thinking...maybe I could take you somewhere as a thank you. If you want to, that is."

"O-oh...sure you can if you want." Kyotani murmurs. "Really? Cool! Let's meet up after school ok?" Kyotani nods, I wave him goodbye before hurrying to class.

Your P.O.V.

I waited at the school gate for Kyotani, and I just could help but smile like an idiot the entire time. How could I not? I sorta, kinda, maybe just asked my crush out on a date, and he said yes! Now I just have to manage not to mess it up. "Just don't act like a creep. Shouldn't be too hard." I say to no one other than myself. "A creep would talk to themselves though, so I should probably stop." I sigh. I might have been ecstatic about Kyotani and I having a day to ourselves, but I was also super nervous. This would be my first "date" with a boy.

What am I suppose to do? What am I suppose to say? Maybe I should have a waited to go home and change, maybe do something with my hair. I shook my head, reminding myself that this is not a date. I'm just thanking him for helping me study. That's all. I can call it a date for when I actually gain the nerve to ask him out. "Hey." I gasp at the sudden voice. I turned to see Kyotani approaching. "Hi." I wave. "You ready to go?" He nods and walks beside me. "Um, so I was thinking." I began. "Maybe we stop by the new music store and then after we can grab a bite to eat? Anywhere you like."

"Sounds good." Kyotani simply says. The two of us made our way into town, talking the whole way to the music store. It looked like one of the newer ones in town, it has that new shine to everything. As we walked inside, I immediately felt out of place. Everyone inside the store was clearly a professional, and I knew absolutely nothing about instruments. But I had to admit, everything in the store looked amazing. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to pick up a music lesson, maybe I'll try the (favorite instrument). "See anything you like?" I asked Kyotani. I could tell he was already invested in the different basses they had. His eyes were glued onto the different colored, slick shinning stringed instruments. "Hmm...I don't really need a new bass. Maybe replace the strings on mine." I walk over to the basses to join him in browsing, when I came across something. Stickers. I pick a few and look them over, there wasn't really any that stuck out in particular, until I found one that couldn't be ignored.

"Oh! Kyotani, look at this!" I showed him a sticker of a Shiba Inu, it was growling and there was some foam in the corners of it's mouth, and a firey background behind the dog, yet it still had that cute appeal to it. I saw Kyotani's eyes light up. "It looks like Killer." He says as I give it to him. "Right? I figured you'd want to put it on your bass." I tell him. He looked over the sticker a few more seconds before nodding. "Yeah. I will." I smile brightly and reach into my school bag. I pulled out my wallet and counted out the right amount to pay for the sticker. "What are you doing?" Kyotani asks. "Buying it. You like it right?"

"I can't let you pay for it." I shake my head. "I don't mind. Besides, I'm treating you today, remember?" I take the sticker and approach the counter. "Just this for today." I tell the cashier man as I slide the money and sticker on the counter. He nods and rings up the sticker before handing it back to me. I turn back to Kyotani and hand him the sticker. "There you go. Now let's go eat, I'm starving." I subconsciously grab his hand and lead him out of the store.

Third P.O.V

Unknowing to Y/n, Kyotani felt his heart flutter and his cheeks warm. He felt like he had made a really good choice befriending her. Kyotani smiled slightly and wrapped his fingers around her hand. "Yeah, me too."

The two teens made their way to a small restaurant, Kyotani had suggested it, told Y/n that it was his favorite place to go. Curious about the place, Y/n was excited to go as well. The waitress lead them to their table and set menus in front of them .They both ordered and and the waitress held up a pen and notepad. "And would the lady and gentleman like the couple's special? 10% off your order and free desert." The waitress asks. 'Wow, that's one hell of a deal.' Y/n thought to herself. "We're not-" She cut Kyotani. "Gonna refuse that! Thank you so much." She clasps her hands together. Kyotani gives her a surprised look. "Lovely! I'll have that right out!" She took the menus and walked away. "....Y/n?"

"I didn't have that much money and it was a good deal, you have to admit...sorry..." Y/n mutters, looking down at the table. "N-no it's fine just...it was shocking." Kyotani says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah..." Y/n clears her throat awkwardly. "I mean, seriously who would willing admit they're in a relationship with me?" Y/n blinks a few times, did she hear him correctly. She looks up across the table at him. "What do you mean?" She asks.

"Well, I don't get asked out a lot, if you can imagine." Y/n leans her head on her hand. "Really? You'd think girls would love a 'bad boy' like you." She giggles. "But really, you're not that bad Kyotani. People just has to get to know you." Kyotani shrugs. "I just didn't mind it as much before..." He trails off. "Before what?" Y/n asks. "Nothing. Forget it."

Y/n raised an eyebrow then leans back in her seat. 'Ever the secretive type.' She thought with a sigh. "Well, I think you're just fine the way you are. If others can't or won't take the time to actually know you, then that's their loss." She tells him. Once again, Kyotani felt his heart skip a beat. This was getting dangerous. Kyotani hadn't felt something like this, he never had crushes before. But this, it felt like more than just a crush. He hated the thought, but he could possibly love Y/n. Why he hated it was simple. Kyotani wasn't just 'not a ladies man', he wasn't a anyone's man. All his life he had better things to focus on, like volleyball, rather than stupid crushes and relationships that wouldn't last more than a year and a half.

So that's why this was so scary. Kyotani really really liked Y/n, but he couldn't stand the thought of giving up something he loved because of his bad habbits. Wether that something was volleyball, or even Y/n. She wasn't to blame. It was him. Kyotani wasn't the best of people. If he hurt her, in anyway, he would never forgive himself. So, it would be best, if Kyotani ignored these new feelings. For the better, for himself, and for Y/n.

The two were walking home together that night. Kyotani made sure Y/n got to her home saefly before saying goodbye. "Thank's for treating me today, even though you didn't have to." Kyotani tells her. "Aw, it was nothing." Y/n waved it off. "That's what senpai's are for right?" She winks. Kyotani gulped and nods his eyes. "Y-yeah. Anyway, see you later. Thanks again." He turned to leave. "Kyotani, hang on!" Kyotani was about to turn around to ask Y/n what she stopped him for, when suddenly she hugged him tightly. Kyotani's face turned a light shade of red as he felt her arms wrap tightly arounf his waist. Slowly, he raised his arms to hug her bag, but before he could she quickly let go and rushed to her door. "Goodnight!" She squeaks out before hurrying inside her home. Kyotani was left there alone, eyes wide with shock. His agaped mouth closed, and his arms dropped to his sides.

"...Damn it."

Previous | Next

[mayraki]

“True love”

jj x reader

rileysann’s gif!

inspired by the song true love by p!nk

tag: @kookkyra

MASTERLIST

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say

Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face

“I swear to god that’s what happened!” JJ said defending himself.

“You fucking cheated!” You yelled for the second time.

“It was not what it looked like, y/n..”

“Sure! The card magically appeared next to you and instead of just putting it back on the pile you used it and that’s how you won!”

“What the hell is going on out here?” John B asked walking out of his room. He looked down at the cards all over the living room floor and crossed his arms around his chest. “Are you to fighting over a stupid game again?”

“He cheated!” You said like you were snitching on JJ with your dad.

“It’s not my fault that you hate loosing so much that you have to create lies.” He said and you closed your fists in anger.

“Oooh, I want to slap you so hard right now.”

“C’mon, do it. I dare you. I bet you won’t do it. You’re such a chicken, chicken chicken!”

“Shut up! Every single word that comes out of your mouth makes me hate you even more.”

“Chicken! Chicken!”

“You two shut up! It’s like living with two little kids! Y/n, you don’t hate JJ you fucking love him and JJ, stop, you look like a three year old. Now! You two, go and have angry sex or something because I can’t deal with your bullshit.” John B said and you quickly shook your head.

“He likes to win! So, he’s going to win by himself tonight!” You said before walking out the front door.

“Fine, loser!” JJ said and like that, he was out of the living room.

John B let out a big sigh and just rolled his eyes, tired of you and your boyfriend stupid fights.

There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down

I know life would suck without you

You watched at JJ and how he was finishing his beer in one big sip. You told him multiple times to not do that because it would make him feel like shit afterwards. But he never listened. A big sigh came out of your mouth when he let out a loud laugh and toss the cup to the sand.

The music was loud at the party but all you could hear was your boyfriend having the time of his life with a couple of other Pogues on their typical ‘who can drink their beer the fastest’ competition.

Watching him with his huge smile made your heart skipped a beat and your mouth turn into a smile. You loved him so much. Sometimes, he did push your buttons, all of them, but at the end of the day, you didn’t want to have a boring relationship. Even if all the fights, disagreements, argumentes were tiring sometimes, you couldn’t imagine your life without him. It would suck to not have someone like him around. You loved him, flaws and all. He would always be the one to make you smile, to turn your shitty days into good ones. He was there when you needed someone, and he never failed you. Never.

“C’mon baby! Come join me!” He said and you looked at him with a smile, before getting up and walking towards him.

At the same time, I wanna hug you

I wanna wrap my hands around your neck

You're an asshole but I love you

“I swear to God JJ, if you don’t stop..” you said while you and the Pogues were going around with the HSM Pogue.

“Just one more try, I swear I’m not going to get beer in your hair this time.” JJ said before going to the end of the boat and moving his hand towards the top of his head, with the bottle perfectly tilted so the beer would fall into his mouth.

Like you suspected, when Pope started to move the boat faster than before, beer was flying around and you could feel some beer drops going to your body.

“JJ, stop!” He turned around with a huge smile on his face. Pope slowed down and he looked at the beer bottle on JJ’s hand.

“Oh fuck he did it.” He said and JJ nodded showing the beer to everyone with a proud smile. The bottle was empty and you noticed his mouth was all wet by the beer. He started to walk closer to you with his arms open for a hug.

“Aren’t you proud me of me?” He asked and you rolled your eyes but a little smile escaped your mouth. “C’mon, I know you want to hug me, baby.”

You walked closer to him with your arms prepared for the hug, but when you were one step away from him, he lifted you up by grabbing your waist and jumping into the water.

“JJ!” You yelled once your head was over the surface. You immediately heard everyone’s laughter but all you were focus on was your boyfriend and his proud smile. “Come here so I can kill you!”

“You wanted to hug me a second ago!”

“But now I want to put my hands around your neck so I can-”

“Wow, we didn’t know you were into that Y/n!” You heard Kie say on the boat.

“Shut the fuck up and help me up so I can kill the blonde guy I call my boyfriend!”

And you make me so mad, I ask myself

Why I'm still here, or where could I go

You're the only love I've ever known

But I hate you, I really hate you

So much I think it must be

True love, true love

It must be true love

Nothin' else can break my heart like you

You closed your door in anger and you let your back hit the wall of your bedroom. You were used to having stupid fights with JJ, they would usually end up with you two kissing each other really roughly or just forgetting about it. But when they were serious, you felt like it was the end of the world. The pain you felt in your stomach and your heart would start to beat faster, the tears wouldn’t fail you and start to go down your cheeks like there was no tomorrow. It sucked.

This time, the fight started about some stupid touron flirting with JJ and you getting jealous. You were not the type to get angry or jealous when a girl tried to flirt with JJ, he was gorgeous and very attractive, he did not passed unnoticed. You were used to that, girls watching him when he walked next to them, girls trying to offer him drinks, playfully touching him, getting closer everytime a word came out of their mouths, you knew that JJ would never cheat on you, you trusted him, but you didn’t trust the girls around him, and your stupid insecurities wouldn’t leave you alone. They were always in the back of your head saying that he would be better with a girl hotter than you, a girl with the better body, even when JJ would kindly reject them when he saw their true intentions and walk towards you to give you the biggest kiss ever.

You knew dating him would have this consequences, but sometimes it was too much that your mind was able to handle. One day you started to think about leaving, take time for yourself and get better, try to work on this thoughts, because you were not having a good time and you felt them getting worst. But at the same time, the thought of leaving JJ... it made you feel worst. He’s your first love. Your first boyfriend, your first everything, you loved him so much that sometimes, you couldn’t imagine your future with anybody else. You were the one for each other, and you both knew that.

You heard a knock on you window and you knew it was JJ. On that moment, his words came back to your mind and the hate you were feeling for him came back into your body.

“C’mon baby, I know you’re in there. Let me in.” You heard him say and you closed your eyes. “I didn’t mean what I say, I’m so fucking stupid.”

Why do you rub me up the wrong way?

Why do you say the things that you say?

Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be

But without you I'm incomplete

“Oh my god Y/n! How many times do I have to tell you! Why are so fucking jealous? Are you that insecure?!”

“What did you say that JJ? You know how this situation makes me feel.” You said hurt.

“I know, baby, I know. And I’m so sorry, I love you, please let me in so we can talk about it.” You felt the pain in his voice. You opened your eyes and got up to walk to the window and opened the curtain to find the blonde guy you were so in love and angry at. He had his messy hair you loved so much and you noticed that his cheeks were red, his eyes were puffy and he was a little bit sweaty, he probably came here running.

Once he was inside, you closed your window and walked to your bed. He sat down next to you, you wanted to see his beautiful blue eyes, but you couldn’t, you knew that tears were going to come out of your eyes once you did, so you stared at the floor while JJ was trying to come out with the perfect words.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Y/n.” He said and you nodded.

“I know you are.” You said calmly. “Why do you say those things? Can’t you see that they fucking hurt?” You said more loudly this time.

“I don’t know, I was angry, confused and I...” He was saying but he stopped. A big sigh came out of his mouth and he closed his eyes.

“What?” Your voice cracked and you felt your tears wanting to come out.

“I... wanted to yell at you that I love you so much you’re the only girl I ever see. Fuck, I got so angry because I can’t understand why you feel this way, you’re the only one in my eyes, I can’t stop thinking about your cute self.” A little smile escaped your mouth once he said those words. “I get so frustrated because I don’t know how to tell you how much I love you, Y/n.”

“Maybe you don’t say those words, but you do tell me everyday, JJ. And I love you too, I’m so sorry it gets to me, but it does and I can’t help it.” You covered your face with your hands because you felt the tears going down your cheeks once again.

“No, no.” He grabbed your hands and he wrapped them with his. “Don’t ever feel sorry for how something makes you feel, I get jealous too, you’re so fucking beautiful and I hate it when guys stare at you. I wish I could just fight them and scream in their faces that you’re mine, but I know you hate it when I get into fights.” He let out a little laugh and you nodded with a smile.

“Sometimes I wonder how we ended up here, fighting almost everytime, but... all I know is that I can’t live without you JJ.” For the first time in this conversation, you locked eyes with him and your heart skipped a beat, his eyes looked so beautiful on the slight moon light that was coming from your window. A big smiled appeared on his mouth and you looked at his lips.

“I wouldn’t know what to do without you, Y/n... Fuck.. I would be a mess.” You let a little laugh and nodded.

“Yeah, you would. But I would be too. We’d be worst than when we are together.”

“Then let’s be a mess together till the end of our days, baby.”

[elriel-oblivion]

So it's been four days so here's part two 😁 Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who read/liked/commented/reblogged the last part! It was such an amazing response, especially given it was my first time posting my writing here, so thanks for all the love you shared 🥰🥰

Heads up, this part is actually part one from Elain's pov. Initially I wanted to continue from where the last part left off in Elain's pov, but as I was writing the background, I realised I'd written too much to just skip when Az gets to the estate and cut straight into a continuation of part one, so I ended up rewriting the whole thing in her view. So there's no new elriel moments, but you'll get a lot of new stuff anyway 😅 I would've said you don't have to read this part to understand part three, but when I was rereading the later parts a few hours ago, I realised there's some stuff that alludes to things in this part, so I strongly recommend you don't skip this 😅😅

Also, wow, some of my fave paragraphs I've ever written are in this part 😁 Bonus points if you can find them; there are four I'm thinking of in particular 😉

Word count: ~ 3.1K. Lemme know if you'd like to be tagged/removed 😊 Next part up in two or three days 😊

AO3

Ashes from the Deep

Part II

__

It had been a pretty uneventful day as Elain worked through her new plant textbook. Feyre and Rhysand had decided to spend the weekend away at the mountain cabin, Cassian and Nesta were away doing things she wished not to think of, and Mor was at the Winter Court.

Amren had only been round in the mornings, probably to check Elain was still alive. She'd glance round the living room, examine some of those fine crystal glasses in the display cabinet and then leave. There was no difference today, though Elain always felt Amren's scrutiny upon her even when that muted silver gaze was directed elsewhere; perusing Rhys' wine collection had become a tired ruse.

So besides preparing and taking her meals with Nuala and Cerridwen, Elain had spent her afternoon with her book, making notes and copying drawings. The twins had gone off on some errands, so she'd wandered into the garden at some point to tend to her many plants, telling them how lovely they each were. The crocuses looked particularly stunning this autumn day, their pale violet colour breathing life into the shades beneath some of the trees.

With her book, she'd identified new weeds, digging into the soil to rip some pesky ones out. Sometimes she didn't want the help of a tool; sometimes she needed to feel those roots on her bare skin.

Harvesting the carrots and beetroot was also on the agenda today, along with seeding for some spectacular displays next year. She'd been collecting the seeds from some of her summer blooms, like those soft clouds of baby's breath, saving them to replant. These she sowed directly into ground she'd prepared days before, her fingers digging into the crumbly clumps of earth.

Autumn onions she'd plant tomorrow, perhaps. Feyre always remarked on how their strong taste complimented meats well, so Elain wanted to harvest some fresh for her sister for once. It'd take a few months of waiting, but there was little else better than picking out and eating food one had grown with their bare hands and the essential ingredients of love and care.

Setting her book on the patio table, Elain surveyed the garden. It was a good day's work. Plants watered and sown, weeds uprooted, and hands sweaty and soiled, Elain was proud of what she'd achieved today. There were no distractions, nothing to take her from the one thing she always found satisfaction in.

After a long shower, she found herself back in the garden with a cup of tea and a blanket. The sunset washed the sky in a blaze of red and orange glory before it yielded to the cool tones of twilight then night. Elain sat in silence, hands wrapped around her mug. How long would it be until someone's arms were wrapped around her, until she felt the warmth her sisters finally had?

Silly, these thoughts. Immortality stretched far ahead, there would be time to develop that companionship. Months and years were but a heartbeat in the life of a High Fae. She wouldn't even notice the years pass.

Or so everybody else kept saying.

With her tea finished, she perused the book of recipes she'd borrowed from Nuala. Some recipes jumped out, ingredients for which she'd been growing for a few months now. Pumpkin pie sounded especially delightful, the gourd having almost darkened and hardened to ripe quality just a couple days ago. They should be ready for harvest tomorrow.

A chill wind sent Elain inside to prepare and have her dinner in pleasant silence. Even her mind was quiet tonight. After washing her dishes, she stood by a bay window, fingers idly tapping the windowsill.

Faelights bobbed like tiny lamps, dotted through the garden. The full moon was now high in the sky, its ghostly glow illuminating the datura flowers she'd seeded half a year ago. She pulled on her blanket and went out again for a better look at those gorgeous blooms, the petals opening only at night.

Elain couldn't be happier she'd found seeds of a triple-flowered variety. They'd grown to produce large trumpets, three layers of petals ruffled against each other. Somehow she thought of her sisters as she crouched and stared at the flowers, each layer so similar, yet fighting for space and breath as it unfurled before another. It was only when they were all fully open that they could sigh along the night breeze as one, an ethereal song of togetherness, tinged with notes of poignancy, only heard by those with the will to look deeper.

The white petals were stained with velvet violet, a true vision in her garden. While the others had given her passing compliments on the flowers, Azriel had seemed stunned the first time he saw them, citing them his favourite of all the plants Elain had grown so far. Something about their shape and contrasting colours, he'd mentioned.

She smiled fondly at the memory, where his eyes sparkled as he reached for one of the soft petals.

Her hand lashed out to grab his wrist. 'Don't touch them; the leaves and stems are highly poisonous.'

His brows rose. 'You wouldn't think that at first sight. But they're beautiful, Elain. Truly magnificent,' he said, his smooth voice so low, a voice that was night given sound. And how befitting, as even those datura flowers seemed enraptured by his presence, one shy petal finally unfurling towards him.

She beamed at him. 'They like you. Flowers like it when you talk to and compliment them - but these ones haven't given me the same reaction as they have to you. I think they really like you, Azriel.'

His answering smile was heartbreakingly tender.

A few more seconds passed before she realised she still held his wrist. She silently let go.

It was a shame she'd have to dig out the datura shrub and move it inside for the winter; it did look magnificent in the moonlight.

The sky shifted past its midnight velvet, and still Elain crouched, admiring the flowers. She shivered in the night's chill. The stars above twinkled and glistened, cold and distant as ever, yet stunning - infinitely more striking than they'd ever been when she was human. A thousand different colours sparkled in that vast expanse, the moon a phosphorescent queen in the centre of her court.

The Night Court truly lived up to its name in the wee hours of the day. Its opulence never failed to mesmerise her; the enhanced Fae eyesight was at least one thing she was grateful for from this body.

Her eyelids became heavy and she yawned. Why was she still out here? It was late into the night; she should be in bed by now. But the night was so beautiful and it was so quiet and she wanted to appreciate it all just once. Just once without the expectations of others, without having to wear that miserable smile all the time.

Of course, it didn't look miserable, which is probably why almost nobody ever bothered to look deeper into Elain. She should be used to it by now, but it still felt - wrong. That most overlooked her so long as she wore a smile. That most didn't think her capable of feeling the utter bitterness and loneliness she had once seen so plain on her sisters' faces.

And in acknowledgement of her sisters' hardships, Elain didn't fault them for not looking, for not seeing her. To see past the thick blanket of darkness in one's own mind was a trial in itself. But it had been years since the war now. And still they didn't notice.

They didn't notice that Elain was being shredded from the inside out.

It was almost laughable. But not funny enough.

No, it was not funny that people still treated Elain like a child, that people wanted to keep Elain in some weird impasse of a stage between child and adult. She'd thought finally carrying out her duty and giving her hand in marriage would show everyone that she was growing up: Elain Archeron, middle born but first married. Of course it was still on her own terms, to a man whom she'd loved. A man who'd seen her through the rubble of her family's lives. But she'd overall hoped doing what was expected of her would be enough.

Clearly not. She didn't even know who she was any more. Did she ever? Everything she'd once yearned for, gone. That fragile human life would soon be just a speck on the horizon of her past.

She sighed. Rebuilding herself was going to take a long time.

But what would she have to do for people to see her, to listen to her? Throw a rage? Fall into a drunken stupor and break a few dozen bottles?

She definitely could, but those were not her. She was Elain Archeron. And so she would wait. Patience wasn't a bad thing at all; she saw it on the shadowsinger's face all the time, that tranquility and calmness she so wished to feel inside.

Azriel. Her heart softened as he entered her mind again, and she dug her fingers into the soil, if only to occupy her fidgety hands. As sure as the chaos of her visions these days, there was a mess of butterflies related to him she wasn't willing to show. Or understand.

Elain and the spymaster? Now that was laughable. Truly laughable. He was wise and patient, while she - well, everyone already thought her a child, and though he listened like no other around her, surely even he couldn't glimpse the adult she so desperately wanted everyone to see.

No, it was foolish to entertain the idea of a relationship with him. No matter how much he saw.

No matter that he was the first to see her since Graysen.

Elain exhaled. She stifled another yawn, smoothing out the soil, then brushed her hands clean. She wrapped the blanket closer around herself and stood. Twinkling stars and velvety darkness and -

There, a knot of shadows materialising at the far edge of the garden, collecting and swirling into a larger mass before Azriel himself stepped out and sagged against a tree. His shadows whirled and obscured him, a dark fire with him burning at the core.

Elain's voice left her throat before she even thought to call him and she ran over to his figure slumped in the dimness.

She couldn't help but say his name again as she neared. 'Azriel!'

Those beautiful hands fiddled with a Siphon, but he looked even worse up close. Fatigue dragged at his body, a second weight to all the muscle and armour he already had to carry. Sweat and dirt clung to him, his hair. At least the shadows were parting, swallowing each other and misting away as they often did around her. Perhaps she should ask someday why they did that. But not today, not when his breathing was so laboured.

She raised a hand - to do what, she had no idea. She couldn't just touch him right now. 'You don't look okay.'

Something else limned his features as he huffed a light laugh and said, 'I'm fine, don't worry.' His voice was raw, so starkly different to its usual icy smoothness. It was common for him to guard his emotions, but in his state, this kind of thinking was just unhealthy. What would it take for him to be honest with her?

'You don't have to pretend with me, Azriel,' she said, lowering her hand. She studied the ground, embarrassed that she'd come up to him. What could she even offer in her pathetic childlike state when he was so clearly affected by his mission right now?

His hand rose. Her heart faltered, she had to do something, and she blurted, 'Can I wash your hair, please?'

His eyes widened, his entire composure crumbling. It wasn't often that the shadowsinger looked startled, but Elain was far too shy to show that she quite liked the effect her question had on him.

'You want to wash my hair?'

His face was so exquisite, it hurt to look at it. His eyes would be even worse; it wouldn't be the first time she was rendered speechless by their kind gaze. A myriad of colours swirled in their glistening depths - gorgeous greens and brilliant browns, all so natural and rich, if only she could look at them long enough to find their matches in the garden around her. Though, his eyes were an entire spectrum of colour in their own right. How would she ever pick out each and every shade?

And if she somehow did have the courage to meet his eyes now, what would she see of herself in their reflection?

A lovesick puppy? A doe-eyed, fearful fawn?

No, she didn't want to know.

So she swallowed and focused on his hair. Perhaps this Fae eyesight was a curse, for even his hair was shockingly fascinating. Only flat black from a distance, the faelights bobbing about the trees highlighted layer upon layer of silky raven locks up close. His hair was so dark it seemed to absorb the surrounding light. Mud stained one side of his head, and it was an effort to keep her hands from brushing it away, so she said, 'I'm positive that's mud and you shouldn't sleep with that in your hair. It'll only take a few minutes.'

He ran a hand through his hair, clumps of dirt falling out.

'You've managed to get some on your face, too.' There were light specks of mud and blood across his face, a more noticeable patch along his cheekbone, thrown into sharper relief by the faelights and his own weariness. Was that a cut beneath the patch? And another on his temple?

She leashed her arms.

What had happened? He wore the signs of a fight, but why would he come here when he knew Elain was the only one home?

His eyes bored into her face, but she refused to meet them. He seemed to lean forward then, stumbling.

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous that he wouldn't even acknowledge he was in need. Azriel rarely stumbled. Any fatigue Elain had felt just a while ago was now burrowing down a little longer. Her voice was firm when she spoke. 'I'm washing your hair. It'll help relax you into falling asleep.'

His brows rose, but if Elain stood there one more moment she wouldn't have the courage to do anything for him. For herself - she could take care of someone else. She could do for Azriel what she hadn't done for Feyre all those years as a human.

And for Azriel, she could tend to the male who'd provided her with comfort and safety in this world of distress and danger.

So she pulled him along, clenching her jaw and refusing to look back. Her heart hammered in her chest but she continued, hand wrapped round his armoured arm. Her hand slid down to his wrist but just as she was about to replace her grip, he grabbed her other hand and pulled her into him.

The shadows instantly began to ensconce them, dozens of those cool tendrils twining like vines. The estate loomed huge before them, and Elain gripped Azriel's hand tighter. 

'My bathroom,' she said. Beneath the low whisper of those shadows, her blood thrummed, her heart so painfully obvious against her ribs now. It would be a wonder if the spymaster wasn't aware of it. Though she did hear another flutter above, right by her ear. But as expected, the shadows made quick work of their journey and she didn't have the chance to dwell on it further.

Now out of the comfort of Azriel's hold, Elain set down her blanket and made to grab a chair from her bedroom. His dark presence was so overwhelming that she exhaled lightly as she entered the room and took the chair. She dragged it to the sink, avoiding his gaze, and pulled a towel, soap and a large jug from the cupboard by the door.

As she settled the soap and jug on the sink, she dared a glance at him. He was still clad in full armour, those black scales gleaming like obsidian over his skin, his Siphons glistening jewels across his body. 'I think you'll have to collapse your armour for this,' she said.

He inclined his head and tapped a Siphon, those scales lashing back into each other with cruel elegance. They were a mirror of their master: cold, controlled and unyielding, forged from scintillating darkness. He was a night sky riddled with stars; light existed if only one bothered to look for it.

Azriel's great wings righted themselves as he stood straight, now looking smaller in just his black tunic and trousers. Something about him seemed vulnerable without the armour, so Elain breathed, 'It's beautiful, all of it.' The hulking armour, the classic simplicity of the tunic and trousers, and the male who wore them all.

He was just so wonderful, Azriel. An enigma that could see her own. Her heart clenched.

Azriel rustled his wings, colour blossoming on his cheeks.

Elain blinked and pulled the chair out a little. 'Please sit.' As he sunk down, she rested the towel on his shoulders, hovering her fingers above his forehead. Her body tensed and her fingers remained suspended. It was like a spark of tension flickered in the space between their skin, teasing her, tempting her, taunting her.

After all, she'd offered to wash his hair, an act that would certainly require touching. But why was she so hesitant? She'd touched him before - kissed his cheek, even. Although that had been in the heat of adrenaline, a mark of her gratitude where a simple thank you wouldn't suffice, not for risking his own life for hers.

This was - what was this?

She finally lowered her fingers through that tense spark, pushing his head back against the sink. It was exhilarating, this contact, but he lowered his wings, shifting on the seat. Elain moved into the space he gave, turning on the tap as he went still. Just as her body was taut, taut as the skin of a drum.

She checked the water. Warm. It was time to start.

Azriel was looking up at her. Something like yearning swirled in his eyes.

He looked so tired. It made her heart ache.

'You can close your eyes,' Elain whispered. And he did.

___

Feedback's welcomed; thanks for reading 😊

If anyone wants to know what the datura flowers look like, CTTO:

@illyrian-lover-flower @julesherondalex @nooriee @mis-lil-red @verifiefangirl @tswaney17

[tyunniverse]

FRIENDS FOR A DAY (2)

pair: yeonjun x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 2654

parts: 1 | 2

· · ───────────── ·.☆.· ───────────── · ·

It had been a long time since Yeonjun felt like this. Sometimes life in general had become too much to bear and the things that used to make him happy weren't working for him anymore. Times spent alone slowly became more frequent for him than times he'd spent with his friends.

He'd skipped the first day, not wanting to go back to that routine life just yet. And towards the start of the day, he would never have imagined meeting you and getting to spend the day doing things that strayed far from any of the schedules he'd previously planned. A breath of fresh air was what he liked to call it, and he had you to thank for that.

Unlike him, everything was new to you; a new city, a new school, new people, and a whole new life ahead. Yeonjun felt a little envious after realizing it when you'd talked more about yourselves during lunch, but after seeing how you seemed to enjoy every single second of your little sight seeing endeavor, he thought that maybe he could also be a part of something new in your life.

Best friends.

You had agreed to be his best friend from today onwards; the pendant around your neck serving as proof. Yeonjun finds his hand wandering over to his pocket, holding on to his old necklace.

Half of a star. He'd bought it a few years back. The necklace had a similar purpose with the one he was wearing now— meant to be worn separately by two different people. In his case, he had bought it as a whole and had decided to keep one half of it still in its case, stashed inside his closet. His reasons for purchasing it never really felt clear even to him but he also wouldn't call it an impulsive decision. Yeonjun liked to think that he'd be able to find a use for it in the future.

"Yeonjun." You call for his attention, pointing at the posters plastered on a random shop's wall. "It says that the annual carnival will be opening tonight. Wanna go?"

Yeonjun grins. Opportunities somehow kept showing up right in front of his doorstep. "Yeah, only if you want to though. Afterall, I'm only the tour guide for today."

"Shut up." You hold back a smile. "Have you been there before?"

Yeonjun repeats the question in his mind. As someone one would consider pretty popular, you'd expect him to be no stranger in hanging out at fun places like an annual carnival, but that's just it. Yeonjun had never visited that Carnival once ever since it opened. His friends had asked him to tag along but something about it just never seemed to make him want to.

"No." Yeonjun answers, scratching the back of his head. "If we end up going then this would be my first time too." The first time he'd actually wanted to go.

"I guess we're going then." You grin and Yeonjun finds himself smiling back. "It says here that the Carnival's just around the corner so it'd probably be okay if we just walked there."

"Yeah."

The two of you make your way to the Carnival. You still had a good amount of time left before it opened so a few quick stops at some stalls along the way didn't do any harm.

· · ───────────── ·.☆.· ───────────── · ·

In all honesty, Yeonjun didn't even know when and how he'd ended up holding your hand, laughing his heart off by the time you arrived at the entrance but it all just happened somehow. Was it the when your ice cream cone almost landed straight on his shoe earlier? Or when his hand nearly hit you square in the face when he noticed a bug flying towards you? It could've even been when a group of old ladies started hitting on him at the handbag boutique and all you did was stand there shaking, wanting to laugh your ass off.

No matter what the reason was, he liked this. Somehow, it just felt right.

The two of you pay for the tickets before heading inside. The place was larger than any of you had ever expected, cleaner too. People of all ages were enjoying their carnival experience to the fullest. Children were running around with their guardians following closely behind, couples and groups of friends chatting along and taking pictures— Yeonjun could swear he saw two old men arguing over who gets to take a picture with the mascot first.

"So, which ride do you wanna go on first?" You ask, turning to him.

"Well, how about that one." Yeonjun points at the viking and you feel yourself getting more and more excited.

"NICE—" Before Yeonjun knew it, you were dragging him around to every single ride at the carnival.

You liked to keep count of everytime Yeonjun freaked out while you went on the rides, and Yeonjun liked to do the same. Despite the thrill of being at a carnival keeping you hyped up, there were a few times when you had overestimated your tolerance with being thrown around. Yeonjun nearly puked twice: once at the twister, and a second time on the rollercoaster. Even you were almost a victim by the rollercoaster's loops.

Yeonjun had claimed he was an expert at navigating haunted house attractions, stating, "I've been watching horror movies all my life. Nothing scares me at this point, tbh." True enough, nothing scared Yeonjun except every single ominous decoration and jump scares the haunted house threw at him. You weren't too fond of horror yourself, but you ended up trying to be the brave one after Yeonjun basically clung to you half of the time. It didn't help whenever you freaked out since you ended up losing Yeonjun after he not so subtly abandons you at the slightest suspicious sound. It was a miracle you made it out in one piece.

"Yeah, so, uh, sorry about that." Yeonjun laughs it off the moment you two got out.

"Sure but you should know that I'm never gonna let you live it down." You tell him, smiling widely as you hold up the photos you received from one of the staff. "I got evidence."

Yeonjun snatches the photos from your hands. "Bold of you to assume these'll affect me— oh." It definitely did.

You watch as he slips the photos inside his jacket as if it wasn't obvious enough that he was trying to hide it from you. "Nice try but," You take out another batch of photos and wave it around. "Boom. Two copies."

"Wow, okay."

The two of you ended up laughing at each other before you suggest in trying out the stalls. They say time flies by fast when you're having fun and they couldn't be more right. There had been an unspoken competition between you and Yeonjun of who can win the most prizes and let's just say you weren't about to let yourself lose. By the time you got tired, you had a total of three plushies and a bunch of candy bars stuffed in your pockets and well, Yeonjun had the exact amount of prizes you had.

"Fine. It's a draw for now but only because I'm tired." Yeonjun holds the plushies tighter. "We should really get a bag for this. I wonder if we can get a huge plastic bag somewhere."

"Nah, we can just put em in here." You take off your back pack, opening it wide. "I'm sure it can fit all six of them. They're small enough." You were lucky that they did, finally leaving your hands free.

"Wait." Yeonjun pauses after putting the last of his plushies inside. "How can I be sure you won't just take my plushies for yourself after we leave? I'm pretty easy to distract so—"

"If you forget to get them back then I'll just hand them to you tomorrow at school. You go to HSU too, right?" You tell him.

"Yeah, but how will you contact me?"

"Obviously, we exchange numbers."

Yeonjun blinks. Of course that'd be the simplest solution but still. He'd been talking about staying as friends even after all this but the thought of exchanging numbers hadn't really crossed his mind. He takes out his phone and the two of you quickly added each other as contacts, somehow feeling a bit closer after the exchange.

"While we're at it—" Yeonjun pulls you in closer as he bends down. Only now that you've felt Yeonjun's warmth close to you have you noticed how cold it actually was outside . It takes you a few seconds to register that he wants to take a few selfies.

You bust out a smile and tried to go along with whatever weird faces and poses he did. "Send them to me later." You say after examining the photos. There's one where Yeonjun mimicked a kissing motion near your cheek, making you smile. Who would've expected you two were total strangers up until a few hours ago.

"Got room for one last ride?" Yeonjun asks as you return his phone.

"Yeah, sure. Which one?"

"Don't ask as if you don't know. I'm pretty sure you left this one out on purpose."

Perhaps unconsciously, you did. In every single movie that involved the two characters going to a carnival, for some reason, they always left the Ferris Wheel for last. It's not like you wanted something grand to happen when you ride it, but more like you just wanted to get a good view of the entire carnival before leaving. It seemed like the perfect final attraction.

Yeonjun notices how you've gone quiet and decided to hold your hand, pulling you along. "Let's go before the place closes."

"Okay." You look up at him, nodding.

· · ───────────── ·.☆.· ───────────── · ·

The Ferris Wheel ride wasn't all you had expected it to be. It looked pretty slow in the movies but right now? You were about to puke.

"Yeonjun, wait." You hold on to Yeonjun who was sitting opposite to you.

The Ferris Wheel was going too fast to your liking and you started feeling dizzy. Getting a good view of the carnival seemed impossible at this point and looking at your partner made you even more miserable.

Yeonjun was having the time of his life. He loved the feeling in his stomach whenever the ride went down, and the fact that you were lowkey suffering right in front of him made him laugh even harder.

The speed went on for a few more rounds until it finally slows down. Your heart and probably everything else stilled once the ride came to a complete stop just as your car reached the top. "Thank God. I felt like I was going to die."

"Well, you're safe for now." Yeonjun grins, leaning back in his heat. "You wanted to enjoy the view, right? We'll be stuck here for probably about a minute or two so enjoy it while it lasts."

"Yeah." You smile back, looking outside the window.

The winds were colder up there, reminding you of how warm it felt when you stood close to Yeonjun earlier. Yeonjun catches you warming yourself up with your hands and chuckles. He takes off his jacket and hands it over to you. "Here, put this on."

"Thanks." You quickly put his jacket on. Usually you'd go for the polite route and turn him down but if you were going to continue this friendship business then you weren't about to suffer in the cold when the dude's practically handing you a solution.

Yeonjun gives you a little smile before you continue to admire the view. Down there, the lights almost looked like a sea of stars. The music around the place didn't really help set the mood but somehow, the mixture of it along with the laughter and delightful screams of the other visitors made it feel right. After everything that happened today, you felt like it was the right decision to end the day with this breathtaking sight.

And Yeonjun couldn't agree more. The lights below reflected in your eyes in a way that made the atmosphere lighter. He could tell you were happy and right now, that seemed to be enough for him.

The Ferris Wheel began moving. Yeonjun snickers as he felt you grab for his hand, worried that the ride might throw you off once more, but it didn't. The way down was slow, allowing you to enjoy the ride in peace. Your pendant started to shine, reflecting the lights. It reminded him of everything that happened, from the moment you two met and agreed on a friendship that would last for only a day, up until now where he held your hand on the Ferris Wheel after deciding to be friends for real this time. The pendant became the sole proof of that friendship and Yeonjun couldn't help but wonder if the ones he bought a few years back would truly be of any use in the future. But what would it symbolize for? Who knows, he might just give you the other half.

Your car comes to a stop and the doors open. The realization that the day has officially come to an end left you feeling disappointed. Yeonjun squeezes your hand, bringing your attention to him. He gestures for the two of you to get up and you do, finally stepping back on the ground.

Both you and Yeonjun felt that the way back to the entrance was too fast. It really did seem like the two of you wouldn't see each other again despite the fact you went to the same university. The thought felt silly but that's just how the carnival experience gets to you.

"I guess this is it." Yeonjun speaks up first. "You live pretty far from here, right? I can take you home if you want."

"It's okay. My cousin lives nearby and I texted her earlier that I'd be staying over." You tell him, not wanting him to worry. "How about you? Will you be alright on your own?"

"Yeah, definitely." Yeonjun reassures, holding up his hands. "Oh, and by the way. Is it okay if I leave the plushies on your bag for now? I can't exactly carry them on the way back. If it's ok with you."

"Don't worry. You can just take them back tomorrow." You grin and Yeonjun smiles back. "Also, I'm keeping your jacket for now. I'll return it after I clean it up."

"I can work with that." He shouldn't feel this happy but he did. In a way, he was able to find an excuse to meet up with you tomorrow without things getting awkward. Maybe this friendship could work out afterall.

"Thanks for today. Honestly, this was the most fun I've had ever since I got here." You say, taking one last look at him.

I should be the one to thank you. "You know, I have a lot of things I wanna say to you right now but I think I'm gonna wait until I feel like it."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I'll text you later." Yeonjun gives you a quick pat on the shoulder before running off to the opposite direction. "See you at school! And don't forget to bring the kids!"

You raise a brow. Did he just refer to the plushies as his kids?

He felt dumb, running away from you. The longer he stayed, the more he had trouble leaving, which was new for him. It's been a while since he actually found someone he'd like to hang out with and he was having trouble controlling his excitement. Soon, you'd be able to visit each other's houses, hang out more freely, talk about your days as if it were nothing, and get to know each other more. Honestly speaking, Yeonjun couldn't wait for that day to come but I guess he'll just have to start with tomorrow.

[abluescarfonwaston]

   Fair warning, this is a lot lol

Miles finished putting on mascara and walked over to his closet.

   The only person that ever stayed over was Franzy, and he wasn't too worried about her looking through his wardrobe. The silver-haired man moved to the back of his closet and found a skirt. The light red was the same shade as the suit he wore in court. Miles zipped up the back of the skirt and adjusted it at the waist. He moved over and put on a white blouse and threw his jacket over it. Next came the hair extensions, which were, of course, the same as his hair so that it seemed more natural.

   Surprisingly, the prosecutor was almost an expert at walking in heels, but he dressed up a lot, so it became easier after a while. The media was on his back all the time; Newspapers, journalists, even Ms. Hart. "Am I that much of an anomaly?" He thought when she had approached him.

   Miles didn't like all the attention of being "The Demon Prosecutor." He cringed at the thought of it and swore he'd find a way to have it revoked.

 

  The man walked out of his room, down the hall. He walked into the foyer and rubbed Pess behind the ears. The dog wagged her tail and barked. Edgeworth walked out the door, locking it behind him.

   "The car might attract too much attention." He said to himself. Miles walked. He walked for a while, turning down roads and sidewalks. Finally he made it to the park.

   Maya was on the prowl. She was scouting some very pretty ladies to go out for a burger with.

   "That Franziska lady didn't respond!" She wailed when Nick asked what she was doing.

   "Welcome to my world, Maya." He sighed.

   Maya laughed and said "Yeah, but at least Edgeworth makes up excuses." The young spirit medium grabbed Phoenix by the wrist and pulled him over to a food truck. "Nick I'm hungry. Can you get me a burger and I pay you back later?" She said, smiling coyly.

   "I'm 90% sure that you don't even make money." Phoenix grumbled.

   "Rude." Maya said, sticking out her tongue.

   Maya turned around, fully prepared to chain herself to the food truck to get the lawyer's attention. It wasn't her fault that she was hungry. She sat down on a bench, pouting.

   The spiked lawyer rolled his eyes and turned to order a two burgers. As Phoenix had his back to the park, Maya was still a woman on a mission. She scanned the park, up and down, when a familiar almost pink caught her eye. Maya stood up, squinting at the figure a couple yards away.

  "Nick! Nick I'm going. I saw someone pretty, don't wait for me!" She called over her shoulder before breaking into a sprint to the lady. "Hi! I'm Maya, I- hold on let me catch my breath." The figure in front of her stopped abruptly. The woman turned, her bangs falling into her eyes. The lady, despite wearing heels made chasing her quite difficult.

   "Almost lost her!" Miles thought as he ran. He stopped for a moment, hobbling out of the shoes and ran even faster. People were staring. The mascera was starting to run and his lipstick got smudged when Miles wiped his face. He rounded a corner and hid behind a wall. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the bricks.

   "You know, that's not a very good hiding place. Are we playing tag? Don't worry, I won't tell Nick." The girl said, suddenly appearing in front of him. "Oh boy. I have some wipes if you need them."

   "That won't be necessary, thank you though. I- um, I don't know who this Nick person is, or why you approached me, what's happening?"

   "How do you change your voice like that, Mr. Edgewo-" Maya was cut off by Miles, putting his hand over her mouth.

   He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Come with me, I'll buy you lunch and we can discuss this." Edgeworth's voice had returned to it's normal rich baritone.

   "Well, I can't turn down a free meal." Maya said, after removing the hand from her face.

   Miles walked off down the road, only stopping to put the heels back on and make sure Maya was following.  She was. Miles walked into a small diner. The waiter showed them to a booth in the back. "If you would wait right here, Ms. Fey, I'll be right back." Miles walked to the restroom. "Dear God, how did this happen?" He grumbled. After having fixed his makeup, The prosecutor came back out and sat down.

   "Order anything you'd like, Ms. Fey." Edgeworth said. "Now, I know you'd probably like an explanation."

   The waiter interrupted, setting two menus on the table. "Ah thank you." He walked off, smiling.

   "Now, back to the matter at hand." Miles said, turning to the girl across the table. "I want to say immediately that this," he looked down at the skirt "isn't a hobby or something of the likes."

   "Well, I'll say this, your makeup is wonderful and the skirt fits you very well. I won't judge. But why did you dress up?" She said, tilting her head.

   "The- I'll be straightforward with you, everyone is constantly chasing after me. Everyone wants to know if I forged evidence, if rumors about me are true, it's tiring. So, I dress like a woman to throw them off my trail. Only you and Ms. Von Karma know about this. Skirts are quite comfortable though."

   "Oh my god, I know right? I've been trying get Nick to wear one for forever. You know how he is, though. He's so bullheaded."

   Miles opened his mouth to speak, but was once again interrupted by the waiter. "Are you ready to order?"

   "I'll have the burger, extra ketchup, with a side of wings and some tea." Maya said eagerly.

   "I'll just have a water." Edgeworth said. "Ms. Fey, if you wouldn't mention this to Wright, I'd greatly appreciate it."

   "Nick? Oh I'd never. You can count on my lips being sealed." Maya laughed.

   The prosecutor in disguise sighed in relief. "So, what were you and Wright doing in the park?"

   "Well, Ms. Von Karma turned me down to go eat, so I was looking for another girl to ask out. Nick was just along for the ride." Maya giggled before adding "I was going to see if you were free, you look very pretty, but it was mostly the color that caught my eye. It looked familiar, so I went to catch up with you and.... Well here we are!"

   "Well that's certainly and interesting tale. I'll have to scold Franziska for not spending the day with you." He chuckled.

   Once Maya had finished eating, she stood up. "Thank you for the food, I should probably get back. Nick must be worried sick, I left in such a hurry. I guess I'll see you in court some time."

   "At least let me accompany you back to the park." He insisted.

   "Alright, come on!" Maya said, already walking out the door.

   Edgeworth caught up with the spirit medium and walked with her until they were almost a block away from the park.

   "MAYA! MAYA WHERE ARE YOU?" Phoenix's voice rang out.  Miles flinched at the voice, but Maya's head whipped around.

   "I'm over here, Nick. I'm fine." Maya called back. Phoenix ran over and hugged the girl tightly. He was almost sobbing into her shoulder.

   "Nick, what's wrong?" She asked, concerned.

   "I thought I'd lost you again. Don't run off like that, you had me scared. It- It reminded me of that case. I don't like thinking about that." He said, his voice barely a whisper. Maya rubbed his back in smal circles, attempting to calm Nick down.

   "I'm fine Phoenix, I'm okay." She said. Phoenix straightened up at the use of his name. He was so used to her nicknames, it caught him off guard.

   The lawyer wiped his eyes and pinched his nose. "Where did you even go?" He asked, bewildered.

   "I told you, I saw a lady that I thought was pretty and went to catch up with her." Maya said, pointing at Miles, who'd been silent the whole time.

   "Ah, I'm sorry you had to put up with her, she's a-" His voice trailed off as he looked at Edgeworth. "You... Hmm. You look familiar, but I can't-"

   "What's the matter, Nick?" Maya asked.

   "Where have I seen... No. I know who you look like now, gah I'm sorry, you looked like an old friend." Phoenix chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "It's almost scary how much she looks like him. That's, wow, that's like the exact same color, and your bangs-"

   Phoenix froze when he made eye contact with the steel gaze. "Miles?"

   "Surprising, isn't it?" Edgeworth said, gripping the crook of his elbow. He averted his gaze, looking over at a woman walking her dog.

   "Maya, can you pinch me?" Phoenix asked, his eyes glazing over.

   "Okay, it didn't have to be that hard. Can- Can you explain what's happening?" Nick asked, very obviously still confused.

   "Calm down, Nick. Don't be so narrow-minded. It's to throw off reporters." Maya said, exasperated.

   Phoenix's face was beggining to turn red. "Mi- Miles I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I'm going to stop talking."

   "It's fine, Wright." Edgeworth finally released the grip on his arm and looked at the blushing attorney. "I can imagine this is quite shocking. Anyways, I'll be off." He turned to go, but Phoenix grabbed his hand.

   "Wait! Um, well, I- You look nice, Miles. You can pull it off." Phoenix let go of the other man's hand and turned, grabbed Maya and left. He hadn't moved that quickly away from anyone in a while, and he was a mess.

Miles: Everyone is constantly chasing after me. Reporters. Franziska. Wright. You literally ten minutes ago.

Maya: *Chewing her burger* Huh wonder what that’s like.

Love it Aramanna!!!!!!!!

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 9

Steve leaves you and your son to go back to Peggy unaware your pregnant.

Your heartbroken and struggling without Steve until Bucky Barnes steps up to help you out. With you and Bucky growing closer everyday will he be your saving Grace?

I was sat on the sofa nursing Grace when the front door swung open and a laughing Harrison came running in.

"You better run pal I'm gonna win!" I heard Bucky chuckle.

"No way!! I faster!!"

I turned just in time to see Harrison throw himself in the armchair declaring himself the winner while Bucky was carrying various bags of groceries in.

"Hey doll" Bucky smiled over at me with a wink before heading into the kitchen.

"Uncle Buck i win!" Harrison yelled happily.

"Yeah you did Buddy, good job" Bucky called back sounding amused.

"Wow your so good bud" i smiled at my biggest baby, he just laughed and run into the kitchen.

"Okayyyy" i mumbled as i straightened up my shirt and moved Grace so i could wind her. Harrison came running back seconds later with a pink t-rex stuffed teddy in his arms.

"This is for Gracie" he said holding it out.

"It is? Oh my god! She loves it baby"

"I picked it out"

"He really did, i couldn't say no" Bucky chuckled walking over and giving me a kiss.

"Its very sweet babe, but where's my gift?"

"Im your gift" Bucky wiggled his eyebrows at me making me laugh.

"Your such a dork"

"I know but you love this dork" he shrugged with the cockiest grin spread on his face.

"Oh i regret it...." i shook my head teasing him "here take your daughter i need to pee so bad" i said getting up and passing Grace to him before quickly darting to the bathroom.

Coming back into the living room a few minutes later i smiled seeing Bucky cuddled up with both kids who were fast asleep.

"Wow that didnt take long" i chuckled sitting in the armchair "your like the baby whisperer"

"I took Harrison to the playground on the way home, think he wore himself out and lil miss is in a milk coma!" He laughed looking down at Grace who was sleeping with a smile on her face.

"Hey, so i was thinking of asking Wanda to come watch the kids the weekend" i said suddenly feeling really nervous as i played with a loose thread on one of the scatter cushions.

"You mean...."

"Yeah if you want...."

"Of course i want!" Bucky nodded quickly making me chuckle.

"Good! Thats good, i thought maybe we could go up to my dads cabin and get Wanda to stay here with the kids. I dont really want them at the compound incase Steve shows up"

"Sounds good to me doll, but just so you know Sam said Steve hasn't been around for weeks. He seems to have realised how bad he messed up"

"Even so, it will make me feel better about being away from them if i know their here"

"Okay I'm sure Wanda wont mind being here, she practically lives here lately anyway" he rolled his eyes.

"Shes just trying to help" i said sticking up for my friend "and its a godsend to have her around while your working"

"I know I'm just teasing" he grinned "its fine doll".

After 20 minutes or so of sitting watching TV with Bucky i felt restless and got up to head to the kitchen to make some tea.

"You okay?" Bucky asked instantly.

"Yeah just making some tea"

"Okay, its just you've been a bit quiet"

"Didn't want to wake the kids" i shrugged and carried on to the kitchen. While waiting for the kettle to boil i suddenly found myself standing there silently crying. Since having Grace id occasionally burst into tears for no reason, now would apparently be one of those times!! damn hormones!!

After grabbing a tissue and wiping away any evidence that id been crying, i splashed some cold water on my face and continued making the tea (a coffee for Bucky) and headed back to the living room.

He was sitting alone on the sofa when i walked in and looked at me with a smile.

"Where are the kids?"

"I put them to bed, baby monitor is on the table" he pointed to the split screen monitor in front of him "i need some time with my girl now, come here mama" he smiled holding out a hand towards me. I couldn't help but smile as i put the mugs down on the table and took his hand. Bucky tugged me towards him and pulled me down onto the sofa to lay with him, his front pressed to my back.

"Feel better?" He mumbled against my ear as his hand caressed my hip slightly.

"Im fine Buck..."

"I heard you crying doll"

"Its just hormones, i didn't even realise i was crying at first"

"If something was wrong you'd tell me right?"

"Of course i would" i told him truthfully reaching back to kiss him "i may fall asleep in a minute I'm exhausted"

"No problem, you should get some sleep while the kids are sleeping...."

"Okay, just stay with me"

"Always".

The next day i headed to the compound to talk to Wanda about having the kids while Bucky and i went up to the cabin. I had checked Steve wasn't around before going over, i wasn't in the mood to deal with that today. I had Grace with me but Bucky had taken Harrison to the zoo for the afternoon, since Grace arrived we had made an effort to spend time with Harrison on his own so he didn't feel neglected and end up hating his baby sister!

"So what brings you by here? Its been a while since you stopped by" Wanda asked rocking Grace in her arms.

"I came by to ask if you were free to watch the kids this weekend...."

"Oooh you finally got the all clear for physical activities huh?" She teased wiggling her eyebrows at me.

"I did! And stop that!" I laughed "i think we've been very patient!"

"Oh you have i know!! Of course i'll look after them" Wanda agreed straight away smiling like an idiot "its what aunties are for anyway"

"Thanks Wan, could you come to us though? I dont want them here incase he shows up"

"Yeah thats fine, makes sense anyway. Everything i'll need is at your place"

"Thats great, i'll get the guest room set up for you".

I had been at the compound for a couple hours now and thought it best to head home and start on dinner. Bucky and Harrison would be back from their day trip soon. I was just about to get up and get Grace settled in her pushchair when i heard Wanda speak up.

"What are you doing here?!"

I snapped my head round and there stood Steve Rogers in jeans and grey henley, his beard had grown back in and his hair looked a little longer..... just how he had looked when we first started dating!

"I...i was looking for Sam, we're meant to be going for a run" he replied holding up his duffle bag.

"Well can you go wait somewhere else?"

"Its fine Wanda I'm leaving now anyway" i gave her a tight lipped smile and finished getting Grace in her pushchair.

"Y/N..... could we talk for a minute? Please?" I heard him ask.

"I've got to get home Steve, Harrison and Bucky will be back soon?"

"please? just a few minutes?"

"Steve, she said no!" Wanda snapped at him, they had always been close and it was horrible to see the distance between them now.

"Okay...." he said sadly turning to leave.

"5 minutes" i suddenly said shaking my head at how stupid i was agreeing to this.

"5 minutes is good, thank you".

"I'll stay close by, yell if you need me" Wanda said quietly to me as she left, we both knew Steve heard every word though!

Steve walked over and sat in the chair next to me, he leaned closer to the pushchair to look in at Grace and smiled.

"She's beautiful Y/N"

"Thanks. So what did you want to talk about? Like i said i need to get home"

"Right" he nodded "Bucky and Harrison been anywhere nice?"

"Bucky took him to the Zoo for the afternoon"

"Man i miss trips to the zoo, Harry always loved seeing the lions" he smiled at the memory.

"His favourites are the wolves now"

"The wolves huh?"

"Yep ever since Shuri and T'Challa visited and called Buck 'white wolf' his been obsessed with them" i shrugged.

"Thats cute" Steve nodded sadly before looking up at me "im sorry. Im sorry for everything..... i should never had left"

"No you shouldn't have, but you did. You can't change that Steve"

"I know. I dont know what i was i thinking sweetheart"

"Lets not not do this again. It wont change anything.... you chose another woman over your fiancé and your son! All those years i gave you and you chose a woman you spent 5 minutes with a 100 years ago!!" I took a deep breath trying my best to stay calm and not shout at him, i didn't want to wake Grace "i loved you so much and you threw it in my face. You didn't even have the balls to say goodbye"

"I know" he admitted avoiding eye contact and we sat silently.

"If you could go back to that day, the day you left us..... would you still do it?" I asked breaking the silence.

"I dont know.... i had a beautiful life with Peggy, but i missed you and Harrison so much. There was no way to get back to you, the machine hadn't been invented yet so i had no choice but to embrace my life with Peggy"

"You know what? Im glad you went" i suddenly told him shrugging my shoulders "if you had of stayed here Bucky and I wouldn't be together" i saw Steve grit his teeth hearing me mention his best friend "and i can't imagine my life without him, i love him more than any man I've loved before. I thought what you and i had was the real deal, my big love..... but i was so wrong. Bucky is it for me Steve, so i guess i should be thanking you for leaving"

"Theres no second chance for us is there?"

"No. Maybe down the line somewhere we can try to be friends but it'll never be what it was" I got up getting ready to leave when he cleared his throat and wiped away a few tears that had escaped.

"What about Harrison?.... can i spend some time with him? I know i dont deserve it but I've missed him so much"

"Thats up to Harrison. I cant make him spend time with you Steve, but if he wants to.... its something we can discuss. Look i really need to get home, bye Steve".

Saving grace tags:

@jennmurawski13 @kenzieam @captainchrisstan

@s-t-r-i-k-e-us @lets--be-honest

@ms-betsy-fangirl @damnaged-princess

@farfromtommy @disneylovingal @lbuck121

@billweasleey @rynabarnesrogers

@heathens-takeitsl0w @lacontroller1991

@supervengerslock @barnesandrogersworld

@mariswritingforfun @perpetually-tuned-out

@thummbelina @marvelousstyles

@broco8 @ineffableg-irl

[rogue-barnes-16]

THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF NATASHA ROMANOFF (part III/?)

Summary: after the too convenient disappearance of Natasha Romanoff, the Avengers —a local biker gang— search for help in the most unexpected place in order to get their friend back. Will it help, or will the situation just get more twisted and dangerous?

Pairing: biker!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: angst-ish (biker gang au)

Tags:

The mysterious disappearance of Natasha Romanoff:

@shirukitsune @retrxbarnes

Permanent taglist:

@notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, kinda angsty but not too much

A/N: third part of these because I think I'll go crazy if I stay in this kind of semi-hiatus any longer. Hope you enjoy my darlings <3.

The mysterious disappearance of Natasha Romanoff masterlist

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

BUCKY’S P. O. V.

Her hands were on the sides of my ribcage to provide her some balance while I was riding to the nearest diner.

It was an odd, though familiar feeling. The way her grip on my leather jacket briefly tightened when I took a turn, or the contact her the front of her legs made with the back of mines.

And I really really didn't want to stop driving, because I had missed that feeling, even if I wouldn't admit it out loud, even if I wanted to think I had moved on.

But I started to slow down the moment we reached the nearest diner's parking lot, and her hands left my jacket to hold herself steady using to the back of the bike.

As soon as the bike was parked, my feet reached the ground, still straddling the vehicle for us to be safe while taking off the helmet.

Once I had accomplished that task, I looked over my, slightly turning my torso to see if Y/n had done the same.

"Wow! okay" I chuckled while that magnetic girl I had just met in the bar —thanks to Carol— combed her recently messed hair with her fingers. "that was... Wild." her eyes were still widely open, but a half smile was now tugging the corner of her lip. "such a ride."

"first time riding a bike?"

"first time in bike with you" she replied, climbing off in a very surprisingly smooth way . "you really gotta slow down, I didn't even have helmet, boy."

I mimicked her movements and grabbed my things before approaching her. "well, I can fix that." we walked side by side to the bar. "I'll get you one."

"you seem pretty confident about me riding with you ever again."

"got a feeling you'll end up liking it" I replied with a smug smirk, opening the door of the establishment for her.

She shook her head no, peeking at me with a half smile tugging the corner of her lips. "Keep dreaming, Bucky."

"with you?" I questioned, following right behind her back into the bar, where both the gang and Carol waited for us. "Always."

"Cheesy."

READER'S P. O. V.

I let the helmet rest on my seat between my things while I combed my hair with my fingers. No matter how short or covered it was, with or without helmet, it always ended up tangled.

I had forgotten that minor inconvenience of riding a bike, specifically with the man I rode with.

"Ready?" he asked, holding the handlebars firmly. I gave him a lazy nod in response and proceeded to hop off the bike. "Let's go then." he walked side by side with me to the diner and when we reached the door, he opened it for me.

As soon as we sat down on the booth that was the furthest from the patrons of the place, the waiter came to take our order, which were just two black coffees, one of them iced.

Bucky waited until we had our coffees to speak, in order to avoid nosy ears, I figured. "It was two days ago." he started, swallowing the first sip of his coffee. "Nat had been keeping an eye on a guy for a while." I motioned for him to continue.

"Why would she do that?" I questioned with a frown. "Thought you were that type of gang, now were you?" I added with sarcasm.

"Wait a fucking second, will ya?" I motioned him to keep going with my hand. "the dude was following this girl." I tilted my head with confusion. "Stalking her."

"I got it the first time, James, I'm not that dumb." he muttered something under his breath, taking another sip of coffee. In reply, I just scoffed. "Why help that girl in particular?"

"We owed his brother a favor. Big one" he added, not quite focused on what he was saying. "Tasha's gonna scare him y'know? But turns out this guy wasn't a creep." he nursed his cup. "He's a rival gang member."

I opened my eyes widely, letting myself fall against the backrest of the booth. "Holy fuck." I always had assumed the Avengers were the only gang. Never in my time with them had I heard about a rival gang, I only knew that was dangerous shit.

Bucky’s blue eyes flickered to me, realizing too late that this was completely new information to me. "Yeah... I told Natasha to quit, we could protect this girl in other ways." he shook his head no. "she said she'll stay, just in case what was happening involved us."

"And then she dissappears." I sighed, massaging my temples, wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I decided I would help. "Bucky, I really don't see why I'm the only option."

"I-- listen." he lifted his gaze subtly to check no one was observing us. "I'm not supposed to be tellin' ya this."

"But you're gonna do it anyway."

He straight up ignored my comment as he mirrored my posture. "we have an inside problem."

"a something or a someone?" I was now definitely regretting the decision of going to my ex's house to lend a hand to his gang. "fuck, James, you better tell me it's a something and not a someone."

His sorry eyes and pursed lips killed my lame hope. "you want me to lie?"

"Yeah, for once I actually want you to lie." he clenched his jaw and diverted his eyes from me. "I went to your place and you have a fucking mole." Bucky’s gaze returned to me intently, shushing me. "don't fucking shush me" I retorted, internally freaking out. "I just put myself in danger 'cause I was stupid enough to decide to help."

"You're not in danger." he replied in low voice.

"okay now, you don't fucking know that."

"Whoever the problem is, they ain't there."

"Yeah sure." thousands of different scenarios that ended up with my corpse in a ditch went through my panicking mind as I stood up to walk away. "this was the worst fucking idea I've ever had." I mumbled under my breath, stepping out of the diner.

The fact that I didn't hear Bucky’s heavy combat boots after me in order to try and change my mind was surprising enough.

What was also surprising was finding another bike approaching the parking lot of the diner, and Clint almost jumping off it.

He took off his helmet way too fast for it to be safe before close to shouting my name. "Y/n!" For some reason, I stopped walking to wait for him to get to me. "Listen--"

"I'm out, Clint. I'm sorry." my apologies were genuine, because I knew how much Natasha meant to the dirty blonde man.

"No! Fuck- hold on for a second please." he begged, raising his hands in front of me to stop me. "I don't know what Barnes told you but--"

"Said that you got a mole inside."

"Fuckin'... Okay, I know you feel like your life is in danger if you help us but listen," his eyes spoke how desperate he was to get to his bestfriend on time. "Nat... You know I can't lose her and I swear if you help us, I'll protect you with my life okay? But please, Y/n... I'm sorry you got mixed into this but we- I really need you to help us."

I clenched my jaw, trying to meditate coolly about my reply to his beg.

I had put my feelings aside in order to think clearer, and that was one hell of a headache, given the people who were involved.

"Y/n please. Please, I swear on my fucking life I won't let anything bad happen to you." Clint assured me in a whisper. "please."

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

I stayed sat in the booth for a brief moment after Y/n had left.

I really didn't know what else I could do to convince her to help us. I didn't know how to make her believe me, to assure her that she wouldn't get hurt on my watch.

I didn't know how to get her to trust me if I promised to keep her safe at all costs, because once you break someone's trust —specially someone's like Y/n's— there was no going back 99% of the times.

"Fuck."

I rushed to the door, attempting to reach Y/n, because I had to convince her. I owed it to Natasha, to Clint, to Sam, to Steve; I owed it to myself, because I kept losing my grasp on Y/n, and in this situation, letting her leave wasn't an option anymore.

When I got out, both helmets in my hands, I saw Clint in front of Y/n, practically begging for her aid.

"Clint... I'm sorry. I really am..." she spoke. "I can't."

"Yeah, you can." she spun around at the same time as Clint's eyes laid on my form over the girl's shoulder. "you can, and you have to."

She was suddenly fuming. "what the hell did you just say?"

"Bucky shut the fuck up and stop making it worse." Clint warned me while Y/n took a couple of steps towards me.

"You have to." I repeated as confident as I could whilst my heart pounded in my chest. "You have to, that's why you came all the way from your fancy ass apartment in Manhattan." it was the fourth sort of conversation I had with the girl I hadn't talked in a year, and I had decided to push her buttons. "'cause no matter how you fucking hate me, y'know you won't be able to sleep at night—"

"Shut the fuck up, Bucky." Clint repeated, almost hysterical as I went on, my eyes locked with Y/n's in an attempt to make her know I meant every word.

"—if something happened to Natasha when, knowing you could've, you refused to help." Y/n pursed her lips, refusing to retort anything. "whether you like it or not, I know you Y/n, and I know you're not gonna leave."

It was the riskiest stunt I had pulled in a while, but after a dreadful instant of silence, I realized it had worked.

"You're so goddamn confident about it, aren't you?"

"I also know you're probably considering leaving, just to fucking prove me wrong."

Silence again, her eyes dug into mines as she closed the distance between the two of us to grab her helmet. "You're so full of yourself."

"I'm right, though." I couldn't help but retort with the lightest tinge of amusement in my tone.

"I'm riding with Clint."

[canon-notcanon-warriorcats]

Im gonna come to you for this because you're honestly like an idol to me (Im sure you hate to hear that lmao) and I feel like you would understand. You're non-binary right? I can't remember if you spoke about it but you use "they/them" pronouns and Im gonna assume that for the sake of the question. Either way! I've been questioning identifying as something other than cis-gendered. How did you know? And have you told people? What's the difference between relating to and empathizing with a problem

oh my god klsnalksm;lakdns;am i’m so honored thank you, but really i’m no one to idolize i’m an unemployed adult who is stuck in life who makes jokes and shit posts about fictional cats but thank you sidjk;lsz;

sorry this took so long to answer i was too tired and i wanted to think on it for a while so i can answer everything well and be at least hopefully a little organized and my answers/explanations to be legible

also this is getting long so i’m putting the rest of this under the cut wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

Yes! I am (at least partially) non-binary, I’m genderfluid and for me in particular I’m a girl sometimes, both a boy and a girl mixed together, and something in between all at once and at different times depending on who knows what, i’m like when you put soda in a cup and then put all of the different fountain drinks in at varying amounts and you do that each time you go to the restaurant but with different amounts of each soda, but like it’s USUALLY a pepsi base

anyway, it took me a long time to know, or i guess realize that i wasn’t cis because i guess i didn’t know i could? but in hindsight there were a LOT of signs and starting when i was 17 i think i started dipping my toes in different gender identities after i found out about the term “demigirl” and that’s what i kind of stuck with for a while

and then i questioned myself like am i really trans? i��m afab and identify as a demigirl does that really count (yes it does) but anyway after i went to college i was like no i think it’s just because several of my friends were questioning their gender, i’m a girl, and it wasn’t until a couple years ago that i finally FULLY realized “no, my gender is fluid, and i am a girl PLUS somethings between boy and girl and sometimes they all mixed together, sometimes all at once, sometimes individually (though very rarely FULL boy)

some things that i recognize in hindsight were signs (or were just weird foreshadows/coincidences of me being a mix of genders and it’s amusing now) include:

-when i was like 7 or 8 or 9 or something i made an image of what i’d look like as an adult in my head (or just older since in my fantasy i was 13 years old because that was obviously old enough to be a billionaire and own a castle and adopt children and a million animals and be a pokemon master, but i thought of an adult body) and my face was pretty feminine but my body shape was very masculine, flat chest, rectangular body shape, wore men-styled-ish jeans, and thickish arms

-in 7th grade for “some reason” i spent several moments thinking about what would happen if one day i came in as a boy named michael (since that’s kInD oF the “male” or “masculine” version of my name) and if like they’d recognize me or if they’d change my name on the registration or if anyone’d get confused or anything, this was also the year i found out that sex changes were a thing, i think, either 7th grade or 6th grade

-and the big one(s) for like my ENTIRE LIFE, even to this day, i would feel so confused if a girl talked to me like i was another one of the girls, specifically if they would like ask if their shirt tag was poking out and asking me to fix it, or ask if their bra strap could be seen through their shirt, asking me if their hair or clothes looked okay, asking to walk to the bathroom with them, GOING to the girls’ bathroom in general, chaning in the girls’ sometimes even being called a girl entirely, etc. made me feel

weird

like an “i’m not one of you” or “i’m not entirely like you” feeling and i thought that it was just because i’m awkward and shy and anxious that i went into the wrong room and then later oh i’m just gay and then to my realization: “oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh that’s why” and “oh, i was anxious i went into the wrong bathroom/changing room, but i also felt like i shouldn’t be in that room anyway because i’m not just a girl or not entirely a girl”

i also have and had a lot of dreams where like i was either a guy, felt almost genderless entirely, or where i would for some reason go into male bathrooms/changing rooms even though i’m not a guy (entirely or mostly)

also i i realized my favorite shirts were the ones that made my boobs look smaller or less existent, my voice would confuse me, either it being too high or low and make me confused uncomfortable because it “didn’t fit” my gender, and sometimes being called a girl or someone saying i looked like a woman made and makes me uncomfortable, and i guess the most nsfw/graphic part of this is that sometimes i fantasize and/or wish i had like

a mix of genitalia and i wish i could change my breast size and upper body shape to be flatter/more rectangular, but it’s mostly the genitalia thing, the body shape changing parts don’t happen ALL the time and not as much, but still sometimes especially if i see someone’s more masculine body and i’m just like “wow i wish that were me”, though being overweight kind of helps in that because my body shape looks more neutral, if i was thin i might have more problems with that

also, especially lately for some reason i get very irritated or uncomfortable if certain people call me a girl or she/her, very certain people i’m okay with calling me a girl and she/her but to people i don’t know well or aren’t super close to i don’t want to be referred to as she/her i don’t want to be perceived as she/her i want to be referred to as they/them

a lot of people have much more intense feelings and it’s more obvious, but they can often times be a lot more subtle and it’s okay if you don’t have INTENSE feelings of dysphoria, there’s also gender euphoria, which i think i, personally, experience more than dysphoria

i like it when people act or refer to me gender neutrally, i like it when my chest looks flatter, i like it when people use they/them for me, i like it when i feel content about knowing that i’m not cis and that i’m a mix of genders, i like thinking of myself as a gender mutt/mix or whatever, it feels GOOD, euphoric

i guess it’s hard to tell if you’re empathizing or relating, and i can’t tell you which one it is since i don’t know the particulars and i don’t know you, but what i DO know, is like 99% of time, if someone has to ask themselves “am i cis?” or “am i straight?” the answer is “no” because cis or straight people almost never even think about it or question their identity and even if the answer DOES end up being “yes, i am cis” then that’s absolutely perfectly completely valid and fine, you figured out who you are and you were in a mindset and in a safe enough space that you could figure it out for yourself and find out more about yourself

and finally, as for the telling people thing, it depends on the situation, i don’t really talk about it in real life, none of my biological family knows because my parents have shown pretty transphobic and nbphobic tendencies and if i told my brother or his fiancee then they’d start treating it like it’s some special thing and basically do that straight people thing where they like overcompensate being happy for you or supporting you or where they start talking about their other friends who aren’t straight or aren’t cis and famous people or characters that aren’t cis or straight and like i can’t deal with that

all of my friends know though, and i’m open about online and i don’t have any significant other(s) to tell but if/when i get in a relationship and on dating apps i’m explicit that i’m non-binary and genderfluid and basically not cis and before i get in a relationship i plan on talking to them about it and being like “hey if you see me as a cis girl this will not work out” they’ll also have to respect my sexuality of course and see me AS bisexual and demiacearo, not straight if i’m dating a guy and not a lesbian if i’m dating a girl, never date someone who doesn’t respect your gender or identity or doesn’t see you as who you are, or won’t let you have some wiggle room to let you figure out who you are, so that’s an extra piece of advice there for ya

i hope that made enough sense! sorry this was long and i might have blabbered on, but i hope at least some of this helps!