#wow i don't think i've actually written anything in nearly two weeks

[blindmagdalena]

I just started getting into the boys and have devoured all of your writing i- listen. I'm obsessed with how you write HL. I want to bite him. I want to wrap him up in a blanket. I want to wipe someone else's blood off his face. Keep up the great work, I'm so excited to see what you come up with!

ohhh, how exciting! welcome, welcome, enjoy your stay. trust me, you're in good company. all of us are deeply invested in both maiming and caring for him in some form or another. LOL

thank you so much! i can't wait to share what i've been working on. 🖤

[missellaneousworks]

Pinky Promise [Part 1]

A SDJ OC Drabble

Ella recounts her thoughts on her new roommate.

[Part 1] - HERE! - [Part 2] - Coming soon

A/N: It's been too long since I completed one of my many drafts. This is a drabble this time to practice first person and get into Ella's head about the early days of her new best friend. What could go wrooooong?

Something is Wrong With Sunny Day Jack is a +18 ONLY series. MINORS DNI.

~

November 7, 20XX

Let the record show that it's been almost two weeks since my last entry and I am alive and well!

There haven't been any weird noises in the apartment at odd hours, no demonic possessions to speak of, no flying silverware or furniture, flickering lights, or messages written in blood. All of my electronics work okay --the only thing that doesn't work is the '84 Incident' tape I found at the thrift store.

So to recap from my last entry:

I decided to let Sunny Day Jack stay with me. I know, I know, not exactly the smartest sounding idea. BUT. I genuinely believe he is an actual ghost-clown-man...thing-person? God I hope I'm not crazy He seemed just as confused as I was when he landed in my living room. I might've been a bit startled when I first met him, but I think he needs help. Or at least a place to stay while figuring out how he got inside that tape. He hasn't done anything scary. Not that he could, he's like a big teddy bear!

A six-foot tall, blue mullet, primary-colored teddy bear from the 80's.

Yeah, wow, that's silly written down.

Getting back on track--

Once I determined he didn't appear to be an evil ghost-clown-man, I decided to help him uncover why he was in the tape to begin with. He assured me it wasn't necessary, but my gut tells me it's important. Maybe Jack has family somewhere who wants to know where he is? Or other people who'd like to know what happened to him?

But, unfortunately, any family Jack mentions circles back to a place called Coudy Town, which sounds like a fantasy land of some sort. I've tried researching the names and town locations he gave me, hoping to find SOMETHING but I got nada. Zip. Zero! Whatever child-educational-program-fantasy-world Jack hailed from, is either a fabrication or it's from so long ago that no digital copy exists. Which makes no sense-- Dr. What came out long before the internet and digital media, but I could plug an episode name into the search bar and find 5 different videos and dozens of links, as well as detailed synopses of the show. Maybe it's because Dr. What is so popular and was part of a large TV network, so it was better preserved (despite the fact it nearly flopped when it first aired).

When looking up the name of the town didn't work, I tried looking up some of the names of Jack's friends he mentioned. Cloudy Belle Sue, Rory Rainberry, and Knackadan Drizzle. I think he mentioned having a sister...? Something-Jane? Chitty-chitty-Jane? I can't remember. I have tried asking Jack about his home, but all of his answers are... vague. Not that I think he's lying or withholding information from me, but it hasn't been helpful. He can't give me an exact location of where he came from, and he says some of his memories are on the fuzzy side.

Back at square one, absolutely stumped.

This is a real head-scratcher... I wonder if I'm looking in the wrong place? Or maybe I'm asking the wrong questions? Shaun might have better ideas on where to look. I should give him a call sometime. It's been a while since he's checked in with me, but I know he's busy with wrapping up production. Just a couple more months and I get to have my big ol' cat man back! I missed watching movies with him. He's asked if I'd like to get our streaming channel up and running when he moves back, but if I'm honest I don't know if I have the heart to tell him that I don't I have it in me

I don't know if I'll have the time, with Jack in the picture now.

Jack as a person is... not what I'm used to. He's okay, very nice in fact! I still feel bad that I threw that coffee mug at him when he first appeared in my living room, though I'm happy to say despite bad first impressions we get along pretty well.

Most of the time.

He means well, been nothing but kind and caring since I first met him. I don't know how to explain what's bugging me, he has a knack for popping up in my peripheral when I least expect it, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. The other day I was reviewing my budget and realized I'd probably have to make some insta-noodle meals, which isn't great health-wise. I didn't even say anything and Jack was like, "You know, I worry you don't get enough veggies in your diet. Maybe you could buy some baby broccolis, chop them up, and place them in the noodle packs you like to get! Oh, and I bet it would taste great if you put an egg in it! What do you think? Soft boiled or sunny side up?"

And the day after that I lost my freakin' house key right before I went into work, and Jack said I should check my back pocket. Guess what? It was in my back pocket! How'd he know that?

Some way, somehow, Jack is just always... there.

I don't know how to feel about that.

Maybe it's because I've lived alone for a long time. Also, it might be the fact that sometimes I feel as though I'm being treated as a kid. I don't think he's doing it intentionally, it's not like he talks down to me. He's just really gentle, yet energetic at the same time. He sort of has that -- hot teacher vibes??? -- summer camp counselor I had a crush on thing going on -- nurturing and benevolent nature about him.

Suffice to say, it's been a learning curve to get used to living with someone again. I just hope he doesn't get into anything he's not supposed to. He tried to help me fold my laundry today -- which was super nice of him, of course, but, well, he backed off when he realized I was folding up my intimates.

He probably wants to be helpful since he can't exactly contribute in more conventional ways, like buying groceries or paying his portion of rent. Or maybe he's bored? He knows how to work the TV, but he's pretty clueless trying to activate the streaming apps.

It makes me wonder, what did Jack do in all of that time in the tape? Was it like sleeping? Did he just wake up here? He couldn't possibly have been awake that whole time. Right?

...I almost want to ask him, but something in the back of my mind is stopping me.

Well, until next time diary. I've got to get dinner ready.

P.S. - Try to remember to call Shaun and ask about any archives of lost media.

[ratralsis]

Brief update

I haven't written anything long in a while because I haven't had a ton of time.

My latest writing class ended a few weeks ago. The course report I filled out wound up hurting my tutor's feelings so much that, even after I wrote multiple emails apologizing, she didn't want to continue tutoring me in the next class. I didn't think anything I wrote in the report would surprise her, but I was wrong.

It's what I get for trying to be honest. I wound up saying at the end of my apology email that they should either ask me for my feedback more often than one time at the end of the course, to avoid being surprised like that again, or not ask for it at all. I'll do the work either way.

Writing classes are hard work. I don't view them as supposed to be fun. I can write for fun on my own time. And I do. You have no idea how much I cracked myself up writing last month that showing a non-gamer a photo of Squall from FF8 would literally kill them, and that the UN is actually an organization devoted to wiping FF8 from the Earth. That's fucking hilarious to me, man. Love that shit. Didn't get a single note. Most of what I write doesn't. Doesn't bother me. It did bother me when that Doctor Worm story didn't get any notes. I've said that before, but it does still bug me a little. That was a good fucking story, and I don't care who says it isn't.

My cat, Tina, nearly died of some kind of nasal blockage or respiratory infection. For $65, she got a quick exam from a vet and some amoxicillin, and now, nine days after starting that (and with a couple of days left of the stuff to go), she seems much better. But she hasn't jumped or run to play with the cat toy in over a month. I think that her new normal will never be as good as it was even three months ago. That's life. The vet she's "doing great for her age." Her age is 89 in cat years. "Alive" is great. "Typical for her age" would be dead. It's like if you went to the gym and saw an 89-year-old woman walking on a treadmill going 3 miles per hour. "Wow," you'd say. "A twenty-minute mile? That's great for her age." But that's because most people who were born 89 years ago can't walk at all, because they're fucking dead. So are most cats who were born 18 years and three months ago, so, yes, Tina is doing great for her age.

I discovered a small leak in the roof of my garage this afternoon. I called my home insurance company and will hopefully have someone able to give me an estimate on what it will take to fix it soon so that I can determine if I need to make a claim or not. There have been multiple bad storms where I live recently, just like there have been literally everywhere on the continental US recently. Where I live has been pretty mild, comparatively.

I'm hoping it won't cost more than a couple thousand dollars to fix. I can afford that much, though it will hurt, a lot. I've been saving like crazy all year, and that will undo much of that saving, but it won't even put me as low as I was last year when I was literally begging for money on the internet.

It's been over two months since I said on my Animal Crossing blog that I would post my photos from Leap Day and the few days before it. I haven't done that yet, and that really does upset me. I try hard to be a man of my word.

I'm not talented. I'm not charismatic. I have very few innate abilities. There's only one thing I know how to do, and that's put in the work. I updated that Animal Crossing blog every day for nearly a decade, so believe when I say that 1) I know a fucking thing or two about a work ethic, and 2) I'm sorry I haven't posted those photos yet. It's been difficult to do much writing lately that isn't for my novel.

I had to throw away everything I'd been working on on the latest draft about three months into my last class. I'm still working on catching up. I have sixty days before the next class starts. I have ten chapters left to write before I can call this draft done. Can I do it? Of course I can. Who the fuck do you think I am?

But it means I don't have a ton of time to write for fun, or watch TV for fun, or play video games for fun, or anything for fun. Every night, after dinner, it's an hour of writing, at least.

It's not supposed to be fun. Even chess grandmasters, the ones who love the game so much that they become the best in the world, don't get that good by playing casually. They work at it. The only way to get to that kind of level is to work at it.

There's no such thing as good enough. There's better than the last thing, which is always possible, and there's perfection, which never is. That's all there is.

I'll be better later. Probably. I don't like to complain, so I try very hard to do it very rarely, but sometimes I go so long without saying anything at all that I think even complaining might be better than nothing.

Let me know if I'm wrong.

Let me know if I'm right.

Let me know anything at all. I don't like screaming into the void like this, but I sure have been doing it for over twenty years, haven't I.

[soot-and-salt]

2,13,21,24,37

Oh wow, someone actually asked me things, okay this is EXCITING!

2. What's your shortest fic? What's your longest?

I tend to write about 1,500 to 3,000 words per fic, which isn't a bad spot for a one shot. I'd love to write longer things but my attention wavers. I usually will write everything in one sitting, usually in about two to three hours, and then post it. Sometimes I put down ideas or lines and dialogue into a Google doc or my notes app but I'm mostly, uh, doing it live, as it were. And usually right into the AO3 text box, much to the chagrin of my friends who think that is INSANE. And I can't say I blame them. I never said I was good at this, okay.

Anyway, shorter fics work better for stuff like comedy. My shortest fic is just under 1,000 words and was written as kind of a joke, based on someone's tweet. I love doing stuff like that, writing based off of weird prompts, in jokes, or artwork. My brain is a magpie and when it sees something shiny, about 2,000 words (give or take) falls out.

13. How many works have you published?

So I'm on my fourth or fifth AO3 user name by now. I usually get a new one when I write for a new fandom, my soot_and_salt name is the first time I've made a multi-fandom one. I simply couldn't wait the few days to get a new name email from AO3 to post a Hazbin fic, which truly is the entire vibe of my admittedly frenzied writing there. Over all my usernames, though, it's somewhere in the realm of 50-ish works.

21. What year did you join your chosen fanfic posting platform?

My first AO3 name was made back in 2018, which feels a little late, honestly. It's been my only place to post fic since then (unless private discord servers count too). Before that, I didn't write fic for a solid, god, ten years or so? I was big into fandom spaces when I was in school, mostly over on Livejournal. That is, regrettably, how old I am.

24. What are some of your favorite tropes?

Holy shit do I love a good, well done AU. I love examining characters through the lens of an entirely new experience for them. Like, yes I know you're USUALLY a war criminal drow wizard but what if, for about, oh, 30,000 words, you were now a violinist? Or a figure skater? Bookstore clerk? It's a fascinating way to really dig into a character. I also go nuts for a good evil turn for someone, just some nice indulgence in their worst habits. That can be a very good, usually bloody and violent, good time. Speaking of, enemies to lovers is also delicious when they're the right characters (cough-AlastorandVox-cough). One bed, getting together, and fake dating are all fun too, if done right. Oh, and I go nuts for vampires.

I'll usually read almost anything, honestly, as long as it sounds interesting. I have like nearly 100 AO3 tabs in like four fandoms open right now, it's a problem.

37. Do you have any older fics you would consider rewriting?

There are fics with really solid bones I wish I'd written when I was better at writing but I don't think I'd rewrite them. They exist as they are, a testament to where I was at the time, and there's something good and important in that too. So I take what I think worked or what idea I had and save them for another day or another fandom, but the fic itself remains.

I usually post a fic, re-read and edit it obsessively for a day or two, and then move on. Sometimes I'll spot a typo or a missing word weeks or months later and fix them up, but usually after a few days that fic is set in stone.

Okay this was really fun, send me more! :D

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. This is chapter 13. You return to Yavin 4 where Poe has a surprise planned for you.

As your pregnancy advances you couldn't be more uncomfortable.

Warnings, angst, XXX smut, female ejaculation, pregnancy, pregnant sex, not for anyone under 18.

Yavin 4

Poe's big surprise was an elopement to your lush, jungle covered homeland.

Neither one of you wanted a large ceremony or reception, it felt inappropriate to you.

You did, however, want to wear your mother's wedding dress.

The morning of the ceremony feels bittersweet. With tears in your eyes you twirl around in front of a mirror, wearing the stunning white gown that your beautiful mother had worn decades earlier.

It fit you like a glove, no alterations were needed. It looked like it was brand new too.

Deep down, you always knew that this day would come, and that your husband would be Poe Dameron.

It was written in the stars, it was your destiny. He was your soulmate, after all.

You were going to have a few kids and live a comfortable, happy life as husband and wife.

It seemed like a fairytale, "seemed".

The only thing missing were your parents. You had always assumed that they would be there.

You felt like you had taken their existence for granted. You still felt like you could've done more to be there for your terminally ill mother in her final years.

You struggle to push aside these negative thoughts as you admire yourself in the mirror with a hint of a smile on your face, Poe was right, you were starting to show just a teeny bit.

"Baby, I hope you're doing well". You tell your unborn child as you lovingly pat your belly. "Mommy and daddy just want to hold you, we love you so much".

The ceremony was held at the ancient temple that you had both spent your formidable years exploring. It was a familiar place with many memories for you. There were only 3 other people there besides you and Poe.

Your best friend, his father Kes and the justice of the peace that was officiating the ceremony.

Poe looked devastatingly handsome in his dress uniform. His face was shaved smooth (but in less than a week you knew he would have a full beard) and his thick, curly hair was styled neatly.

He looked better than a fairytale prince. You couldn't believe that this stunning man was going to be your husband for the rest of your life.

He took one look at you, in your mother's gown, and tears immediately began to well in his velvety brown eyes.

"You're so beautiful, oh my gods". He whispers into your ear.

After exchanging your vows the two of you run off to your honeymoon.

Your honeymoon is scaled down but still very romantic. A beautiful tent had been set up at the edge of the rainforest.

Maybe it's the euphoria of your wedding day but you actually didn't feel like death that evening.

You've been intimate with Poe many times but that night it feels different. You're preparing to make love to your husband and the father of your child.

The two of you slowly, teasingly remove each other's clothing. As Poe kissed and nibbled on your neck he whispered into your ear,

"Lay on your back".

With a smile on your face you follow his command and relax on your back.

He knew that your breasts were still extremely tender so he wanted to do something to make you feel better.

Poe's rough hands on the silky skin of your tender, engorged breasts felt divine. He began to gently massage them in a circular motion, leaning down to suck on your sensitive, darkened nipples lovingly.

With a content sigh you spread your legs wide, revealing your silken folds glistening from arousal.

It didn't take long for his head to find it's way to your sweet spot. Before Poe started to eat you out he stopped and planted a series of soft, fluttering kisses on your lower belly, right where your baby is growing.

The sensation of his full, sensual lips tickled, the gesture itself was so soft and beautiful.

The skin on his face felt unbelievably soft and smooth.

Poe was giving your baby their very first kisses from daddy.

You, on the other hand, receive very different kisses.

He absolutely devours your pussy, licking, sucking, tongue fucking you until you writhe and scream in absolute orgasmic bliss.

You experience a gushing, squirting orgasm all over his handsome face.

Poe closes his eyes and licks his lips, enjoying the taste of your warm, salty fluids.

"That is literally the hottest fucking thing ever". He tells you with a slight laugh as he positions himself on top of you and penetrates your soaking wet hole with one swift movement of his hips.

Poe's cock feels especially large and hard that night as he's making love to you.

Your erect clit brushes against the thick, dark hair surrounding his the top of his shaft, making you curse under your breath.

His balls were soaked in your juices too. You already had no problem getting wet but being pregnant intensified everything.

Your pussy is gripped onto his perfect cock as you experience an out of this world, g-spot orgasm.

Poe cums deep inside of you, you can feel his cock tense up and release.

The rest of your wedding night is spent relaxing and talking about the future.

Mainly the arrival of your baby, both of you are convinced that your little one will be a boy.

"I'm terrified". You tell him with a slight laugh. "Not about giving birth or anything but what life will be like once he's here".

"I'm just thinking about the day when I can start giving him flying lessons". Poe tells you with a slight smile as he leans over and kisses your belly.

"Ugh, only you would say something like that". You tease, laughing and rolling your eyes a little.

"I can't believe you got pregnant the first time we had sex in 20 years". He continues, smiling. "I've never gotten anyone pregnant before, well, to my knowledge I haven't".

"It's been a roller-coaster ride so far and I'm just slightly over the 8 week mark". You explain, smiling softly. "I hope things smooth out a little".

Six months later

You are now nearly 8 months pregnant with your first child.

Just as you had both suspected you were having a little boy. He was strong, healthy and extremely active in the womb.

Poe loved to talk to your belly and kiss it. He also loved to feel every kick and movement.

You just knew that he was going to be gorgeous like his father.

You've experienced the gamut of pregnancy symptoms and couldn't wait for it to all be over with.

Weight gain (50 lbs) a sore back, swollen feet, mood swings, sore, leaking breasts, you've experienced it all.

Poe was on paid paternal leave but he was on standby in case him and the black squadron were needed in combat.

He's been caring for you, cooking, giving you massages and even helping you bathe.

All while he dealt with the burns on his body, which had, at long last, healed.

Your sex drive has been through the roof too. Despite the discomfort you're experiencing in late term pregnancy you've never wanted Poe sexually more in your entire life.

He's more than happy to indulge you too. Mainly he's been pleasuring you orally because intercourse was just too awkward.

Poe was indeed the perfect husband and was going to be an even better father. He was caring, considerate and totally devoted to you and his child.

It's late, and you are two days past your due date. Both of you have been discussing ways to jump start labor, sex being your last option.

Side by side with shallow penetration was your only option, his penis was too long to penetrate you fully because of your sensitive cervix.

Poe had to insert himself carefully, inch by inch, it felt like absolute torture.

You're able to take 6 inches, but you can tell as he's thrusting that he's frustrated that he can't be fully inside of you.

"Fuck it, go deep". You beg him, as his thick cock stretches your sensitive, wet walls.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt the baby". Poe replied as he kissed you on the neck.

"If anything it might send the kid a message to get out". You tell him with a laugh.

Poe indulges your whim and carefully slides fully inside of you, immediately his large cock hits your cervix but instead of pain you feel intense pleasure.

"Oh gods that feels incredible!" You moan, closing your eyes and biting your lip. "Don't stop, go harder".

He thrusts hard into you, as you cum hard your wet pussy grips his cock and you squirt all over him.

"Wow". Poe gasps as he's drenched in your fluids. "That will never not be the hottest thing ever".

Your own climax triggers his, he's filled you with a huge load, so much so that you can feel it run out of you.

Afterwards, as Poe cuddles you nude, you laugh a little and say,

"This kid needs to get the message and get out already, I'm not kidding anymore".

"He'll be out when he's ready". Poe replies back quickly as he kisses you.

Poe was joking but you really weren't. You couldn't wait for the pregnancy to go ahead and be over with..

End of chapter 13

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 2.7k

Warnings: swearing, angst, drunk, motion of death

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 2 Part 4

Part 3

In less than ten minutes, we had pulled up to Liam's house. Liam paid for the taxi too. I kind of argued this time, but he pointed out he asked me to his house. I didn't get too stubborn about it.

Liam was living in a four-story terrace house, recently renovated by the looks of it. It was painted white with black wrought iron lacework, and it was beautiful. The front door and windows were painted black. It appeared to be the twin of the house that shared its wall.

We entered through the dining room, and I realised it was actually the two houses renovated together. The inside was modern with original heritage touches. The floors were light timber, and the walls were white. The ceilings had plaster and cornice so beautifully ornate that restoration must have taken ages. The room had an imposing black marble fireplace and a deep brown, almost black wooden dining table set on a grey shag rug in the room's centre. A huge abstract painting of bright pinks, greens and grey hung on the wall.

"Wow, this must have cost a mint!" I quickly covered my mouth. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me."

"It's ok. I was pleasantly surprised by the house too. The studio got the house for me I...." Liam was interrupted by a massive dog bounding into the room.

Liam got down and roughhoused with the dog for a bit. Wow, he was a monster! I'd seen a picture of Cole before that "Will" had sent me, but I wasn't quite prepared for how big he was. He was almost completely black with some brown above his eyes and ears. His paws were brown too, and his belly was grey. He wasn't any particular breed, apparently a rescue dog. I thought of my bull terrier cross cattle dog at home. This dog would eat him for breakfast, and Perrin wasn't small.

Cole's pink tongue lolled, and he panted as Liam moved from side to side. Cole imitated Liam's actions jumping about. He barked a couple of times as he got excited by the play. The noise reverberated through the quiet house.

"Shhh, Cole, people are sleeping." Liam softly admonished. Then his voice became stern. "Sit," he ordered before patting him. Liam looked at me and said, "Lana, this is Cole. Cole, Lana."

"Hi, Cole. You're much bigger in person." I could hear the slight tremor in my voice. Liam must have sensed I was nervous and came over to stand near me. Cole padded over and sniffed at me. Gingerly, I put my hand by my side and let him approach me. Cole nuzzled my hand, and I gave him a pat on the side of his neck. I let out a sigh of relief.

"I was worried he wouldn't like me. I love dogs but always get nervous around new ones." Liam put his head to the side, asking a silent question. "I had a dingo go me one time, and I've never really gotten over it." I squatted down and gave Cole more pats. "I think this guy is ok, though."

"Yeah, he's a good boy. How is Perrin, by the way?"

"He's ok." I sighed, "he's just old. The poor little guy can't get onto my bed anymore and sleeps in my lounge room now. I kinda miss it, but I have slept a bit better."

Liam gave Cole some more pats and told him to go sit. "Come on. I'll make you a tea or coffee if you'd like." I agreed a coffee would be perfect right now. I needed something to sober me up.

I sat at the kitchen bench while Liam made coffees. Cole sat by my stool, and I patted his head while watching Liam. Liam had kicked off his shoes and was walking around in his bare feet. It was amazing to see him so much more relaxed here than while we were out. He really did appear to enjoy being at home.

As Liam made our coffee, he moved with a grace that surprised me. His movements seemed economical and rigid but hinted at the power beneath them. He seemed coiled and ready to explode at any moment. It was like he was dancing the pasodoble, his body moving to an invisible beat. Images of Strictly Ballroom came into my mind, and I found myself humming Love is in the Air. I was drunker than I thought.

When Liam was done, he led me over to his large L shaped lounge, and I sat. Liam flopped down next to me, casually laying back and popped his feet up on the coffee table. Cole sat on a mat that was clearly his.

I sipped my coffee, not knowing what else to do. Suddenly the quiet between Liam and I felt awkward.

Liam and I spoke at the same time, "What.." "So..."

We both laughed. Liam indicated I should proceed. "Well, I was going to ask what brought you out to Sydney, for real, not the Will answer."

"A new project. I'm going to be filming a television show." Liam proceeded to tell me about his project, working with some people from Netflix on a fantasy/sci-fi series adaptation. He was so animated when telling me that it was obvious that he loved his job.

It would be his first television series and was to be more romance heavy than anything he had done in years. Liam explained that he is filming here because the story was written and developed in Australia. "If it works out, I'll probably be based out of Australia for the next few years. I'll go home to England for a few months during breaks, maybe do some small film roles. It's hard with Cole, though, because every trip into Australia means 10 days quarantine for him."

"Oh yeah, and you don't want a Pistol and Boo situation." Liam looked confused, and I explained about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp smuggling their dogs into Australia.

"I thought you said you don't follow celebrity gossip."

"I don't, but that was big news, hilarious really. It was on every bit of media in Australia, and then they had to make this cringe video apology. I almost felt bad for them." Then I yawned, suddenly all the alcohol had lost its buzz, and I was just tired. "The coffee doesn't seem to be doing its job. What time is it?"

Liam looked at his watch, "11.30."

"Yeah, it's late. I should get home. I don't want to turn into a pumpkin." I cringed. Fuck.

"You don't have to go. You could stay here." I raised my eyebrows. "I do have more than one bed if that's what you want." Liam leaned over to me and placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against my skin.

I looked at my nearly empty coffee mug. I swirled the dregs around the bottom as if it were tea leaves, and they would tell me what to do. "I don't want to go home yet, but I don't want to go too fast, either."

"That's ok."

I didn't move. I wanted to stay. Ten years ago, I would have stayed, but Andy's face flashed into my thoughts. I knew it was ridiculous. Andy had been gone for over three years now. But every time I even contemplated being with someone, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Liam was waiting for an answer, but I didn't know what to tell him. 'It's not you, it's me' is such a tired cliche, but sometimes it's true.

"Lana, it's ok. If you want to go home, that's absolutely fine. I'll even call you an Uber."

I felt my eyes sting, and I looked away from Liam. My bloody traitorous tear ducts giving me away. I shouldn't have drunk so much. Alcohol always makes me emotional.

"Fuck." I swore under my breath. I angrily wiped at my eyes, thankful I had used waterproof mascara. My eyeliner was a different story, though, and black streaked my fingers. I asked Liam where his bathroom was, and I got up, only half listening to his directions. I found it quickly. It was only through the doorway into a little enclave with a powder room, stairs and a lift. What kind of bloody house has a lift?

I closed the door and sat on the toilet seat. I knew enough not to try to stop the tears, so I just let them go. Bloody hell, Andy. Why did he fucking have to leave me? Why the fuck did you have to fucking die. Goddammit. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to Andy? I wanted to scream, to punch something, to throw something. I needed another cigarette. Fuck you, Andy. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck Liam.

As I always did when I thought of Andy, I remembered the last time I saw him. His sweet face looked down at me as he kissed me goodbye. His deep brown hair fell like a curtain around us, hiding our kiss from the world. Cheekily I had slipped my tongue into his mouth, and he had groaned as he pulled away. He told me to save it for when he got back and would be as quick as he could be. I had thanked him for filling in for me. He winked and said to thank him later. Then he left.

When I was able to, I started to take deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I could feel the tightness in my chest slowly ease. Breathing became more comfortable, and the tears stopped. I looked at my hands, and I was able to release the fists I was making. My nails hadn't broken the skin this time, but small red crescents remained etched into my palms.

I waited a few minutes longer to make sure the moment had passed. It wasn't Andy's fault he died, and I knew that. It's also not my fault that I wanted someone to love again. Sleeping with someone other than Andy felt like crossing the Rubicon, no going back.

The fact was there is no going back, no Andy to go back to, even if I wanted. In my head, it still felt like a betrayal. But it wasn't. And Liam wasn't just anybody. He was a guy I had spent weeks talking to, getting to know, and although he looks different, he is still acting as I had expected. I saw a potential future here. Did I really want to let my past ruin it?

I cleared my throat and stood up, preparing myself to see the horror that looked back at me. Ugh, it wasn't great. My eyeliner had given me panda eyes, and the tears had created streaks down my cheeks.

Getting a tissue and blew my nose, and decided there was nothing else for it, I washed my makeup off my face. I avoided washing my eye makeup off though, that was a mess I just didn't have the products for, so I just wiped under my eyes and cleaned it up. I binned my tissues, washed my hands, took a few more deep breaths and prepared myself to face Liam.

I opened the door and walked straight into something solid that made me bounce back into the bathroom like a tennis ball. Hands caught me before I hit the floor, and I found myself in Liam's arms.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No," I was flustered again. I spent all that time calming down to just be in a state two seconds later. "I just didn't expect you to be outside the door. Jesus, you're like a brick shit house."

Liam didn't laugh. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," I lied.

Liam didn't look convinced. He let me go and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now."

Liam nodded. "I'll get you that Uber." He pulled his phone out.

That's it then. All in all, it wasn't the worst date I'd been on since Andy died. Actually, it was probably the best. Liam, at least, was a guy I was attracted to and didn't appear to be a man child. He seemed to like me, even when I cried over another man. Although I doubt Liam knew that's why I was crying. I had told him I was married before and he had died, but that was only once and a long time ago, and we hadn't discussed it again.

The tears had done their job, and a calmness came over me now. I had said goodbye to Andy, and I was ready to take that last step to move on. That was why I started to date again; to open my heart, I was ready.

I put my hand on Liam's wrist, "if you still want me to, I'd like to stay."

"Are you sure? I probably shouldn't have asked in the first place. I let my other head think for me." Though I laughed at his candid admission, Liam's face was serious. "I'm not joking. I want you, and I didn't think about how you must be feeling. The whole fake profile thing must still be weighing on your mind. And all of the other problems that go along with being with me. You should have more time to think about it."

And my dead husband, let's not forget that. I didn't say that out loud, thank God. "I will have time to think about it. But right now, I want..." Shit. I've gone shy again. Just fucking tell him you want him too! "I mean, can't we just have a bit of a cuddle and a snog?"

Liam's lips twitched as he tried to suppress a smile, "a cuddle and a snog?"

I nodded.

Smiling, Liam put his phone back in his pocket. "I think I can arrange that."

Without further warning, Liam grabbed my wrists in one hand and pinned them to the wall above my head. His other hand snaked around my waist, holding me to him, his hips rolling into mine. His eyes were fierce and focused on mine. I  closed my eyes, the sensations too much, and my breath quickened.

I heard Liam say through gritted teeth, "It's taken everything I had not to do this to you since I saw you at the bar. I wanted to take you then and there." His voice seemed to ease, the words coming easier for him. "You don't know how much I've wanted to touch you. To know you are real." Then he whispered, "and you are. Real. You're as beautiful tonight as you were in your pictures."

I opened my eyes and found Liam staring at me, and his intensity was nearly frightening. He pulled me tighter against himself, his fingertips digging into me while he crushed me against his body. I felt his hardness against my hip, and I couldn't stop myself from rubbing against it. This time Liam closed his eyes, and I felt the rush of blood to my centre.

Liam opened his eyes, desire naked on his face, "Kiss me," he said.

I met his soft and warm lips. I felt Liam's groan rumble in his vast chest, and kissing him again, my lips scraped against his whiskers. Liam kissed me back now. His tongue pushed past my lips, and found mine. His tongue playfully danced in my mouth. Liam's hand left my arse and started to feel my hips, my waist and then my breasts. He cupped them and gently squeezed. My breath caught as his hand skimmed past my nipple. His palm created friction against the lace of my bra, and tingles radiated through my body.

His lips left mine and went to my neck. He kissed and sucked at me, moving down to the top of my breasts. I heard him take a deep breath into my chest as his cheeks rubbed against my skin. His kisses became harder against my chest and moved back up to my neck, his teeth nipping at me as he went. Even though he had me captured, I wriggled against him, my hips moved uncontrollably, my breath uneven and weak.

Liam pulled away, still firmly gripping one of my hands. "Come with me." Liam led me to the lift.

"Where are we going?"

"To my bedroom." I pulled against him, forcing him to stop. "Sweetheart, I promise I won't fuck you until you ask."

My legs turned to jelly. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg despite my reservations. I nodded and followed Liam into the lift.

Part 4