#wow guys we're really in the darkest timeline

[stephsageek]

Hey, is Clarence Thomas old enough to die yet? Asking for a friend

[proficientatfreakness]

Watched Pacific Rim: Uprising

I'm smad. Rant starts under the cut:

Not under the cut because I can't figure out how to add cuts in the app.

The only saving grace is badasses extraordinaire Liwen Shao and Hermann Gottlieb.

It's a fucking Darkest Timeline AU, but poorly written.

MAKO? I'm so sorry baby I'm sorry they'd treat you like that you didn't deserve this

I liked the dark segue in this, but boy it was badly executed.

NEWT??? MY BOY??? Ok I get it I get what happened they ripped you apart from your boyfriend so you flipped and that's understandable and in-character but the end is SUPER ANTICLIMATIC? WHERE'S THE CLOSURE??? WHY ISN'T HERMANN VISITING HIM IN THE POSTCREDITS? HELLO? SCRIPT-WRITING 101? END WHAT YOU START?

Also while I'm on the topic of postcredits, a follow-up on the previous film's post-credits would've been nice? As in, it was done for a reason?

I'm sorry but it's super poorly written to have the ending of the film showing two people who don't know eachother, whose only conversation was "wow your dad was cool", have them pit against eachother as if they were sworn enemies? No one's invested in their interaction? Much less when it would've been much more heartwrenching for it to be Hermann saying that to Newton?!?

Much more Hannibal-ey (as in the silence of the lambs) to have them face eachother with all the unresolved tension, enemies to friends to lovers to enemies again? At least it would've made sense? Because they have history? Because we know they care for eachother? Not in a "it's in the fans heads" but in a "we've shown they care for eachother throughout the first 3/4s of the film"!? We've seen the mind-controlled character breaking from the mind-control and reach out for the other??? And then nothing???

And, dude

The fridging of Mako Mori.

Everything from then on just lost any scrap of respect

The rivalry between Mako and Liwen and their joining forces could've been SO. MUCH. BETTER.

But instead they kill her off. With her brother failing to save her. Wow this is really going to give him some depth of character, amirite viewers? It's not as if, say, he'd already lost his dad to this war?!? Like Mako lost two families to it?!? LET MY GIRL CATCH A BREATH?

But it's even worse. Instead we get John Boyega fighting over Adria Arjona with GenericWhiteGuyWithUSTandBrokenRelationshipWithTheProtag Nate whatever. Just fuck already, no one cares.

And the killing of teenagers because it's a war and people die but don't give them any character, they're just dummies to be burnt- like the Weis and the Kaidonovskys in the first. That sucks.

I am going to selectively forget and heavily edit the rest.

Also what the fuck in the year of the lord 2kfucking18 were they talking about rare earths for fuck's sake that's the oldest con in the book, by then bitcoin already existed, they literally could've said anything else, we're not short on cons?? It's allegedly 2035???

And the thing about "all Kaijus headed to Japan" dude if there is only one entry point: the Breach, and it's in the middle of the Pacific, Manila and San Francisco ARE NOT IN THE WAY TO JAPAN I'M BAD AT GEOGRAPHY BUT NO ONE CAN BE THAT BAD WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE NOT FOLLOWING A MAP THEY'RE ALLEGEDLY FOLLOWING THEIR SENSES THE FASTEST PATH FROM POINT A TO POINT B IS NOT GOING THROUGH POINTS C NOR D NEITHER FUCKING ALASKA IT'S A GODDAMN STRAIGHT LINE PACIFIC RIM DIDN'T HAVE THE MOST COMPLICATED LORE IT WASN'T EASY TO FUCK IT UP ACCIDENTALLY YOU HAD TO DO IT ON PURPOSE

Bad enough the PPDC was kinda enabling a police state and the Jaegers used as their weapons (no big surprise there though, Boston Dynamics anyone)

And I haven't said anything because I don't want to be *that guy* but, come on, first five minutes, the black character is a thief? The only black guy? Wow. Very innovation. Such surprise. Is that why they killed Mako off? Too many (2) asian women?

AND WHILE I'M AT IT? Recycling stuff from previous films is good but the intro was very poorly cut? It was chopped with a dull knife and bleeding on the floor asking for mercy? I haven't even finished my degree and I could whip up a better montage than that?

And using character A to explain to character B the things they did together in the first movie for the viewers is shoddy work at best, and having a third person explain stuff that you're TOO LAZY TO SHOW IS FUCKING BORING??? AND EVEN WORSE, BOTH EXPLANATIONS FEEL LIKE A GROCERY LIST OF TOPICS TO MENTION BEFORE THE TIME RUNS OUT???

In conclusion, I am VERY PISSED OFF

I'm gonna cherry-pick the good stuff (the characters) and drop the dead weights (the backstories, the script)

Don't pay to watch this film, borrow it from a friend and never give the dvd back, you'll be doing them a favor.

Friends don't let friends watch Pacific Rim: Uprising without preparing them for the disappointment, I've had years to prepare and boy it was not enough.

Tl;dr: Just check the gifs on the Pacific Rim: Uprising or the Newmann tag and then go watch Hot Fuzz instead.