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imagining-supernatural · 5 years ago

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The Fifth Check-In

Part 23 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary: You have a panic attack on the day you get another round of test results back

Word Count: 1,744

Warnings: The Magicians season 5 spoilers right off the bat. Skip the first few paragraphs if you don’t wanna be spoiled!!

“Look, all I’m saying is that Quentin should have lived and that was a shitty ending.” After stating your opinion, you sat back in the chair and waited for Brenda to respond.

She finished writing something in a chart and nodded over at you. “But the whole season was kind of culminating to that ending, wasn’t it? Quentin had Eliot right there the whole time, but it wasn’t Eliot. They were so close, but couldn’t be together. Then, when the Monster is finally gone, they still can’t be together.”

“Okay, but sacrificing himself like that? God, Q’s been suicidal his whole life and having him basically commit suicide, but wrapping it up with a nice bow of martyrdom is probably the worst way they could have handled it. This is fucking fantasy. You think the writers could have found a better way to keep the angst and tension of keeping Eliot and Quentin apart rather than, you know, killing the character so many people who struggle with depression can identify with like that. Make one of them stuck in another world. Have one be sent back in time or something.”

Brenda regarded you with narrow eyes, taking in your words.

Conversations like this were the reason she was your favorite nurse in the hospital. Both of you shared interest in so many TV shows that it was an instant connection and she would constantly come fill out charts in your room for the company.

“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

“Mm, well, I have all the time in the world lately to mindlessly scroll through posts online. I never thought I’d miss being able to go out to, like, bars and shit.”

“Well, once you recover from your surgery in January, you’ll be able to do that again.”

You nodded and absently picked at the hem of your shirt. Mid-January was one month away. Yesterday and this morning you’d been run through the gambit of tests and you’d be meeting with Dr. Chowdhury later today for the results. In the three weeks since Thanksgiving, you’d gotten so weak you could barely walk up a flight of stairs without having to pause in the middle to catch your breath. You hoped to God that meant the treatment was working.

If this treatment wasn’t working, there likely wouldn’t be any reason for you to stay in the clinical trial.

Would there be any reason to stay in New York if that happened? When you’d made the deal with Sebastian to stay married and get treatment, you’d agreed that once the treatment was over, you’d get a divorce. But things had changed, hadn’t they?

Brenda got a page and left the room in a hurry, giving your thoughts more space to multiply.

Had things changed enough?

And if you were kicked out of the clinical trial, was it fair to Sebastian for you to stay? You’d known each other almost exactly three months. That wasn’t enough time to expect someone to endure watching your cancer kill you in the last few weeks of your life.

Of course, you hadn’t even known him a full twenty-four hours before he was offering to fly you to New York, offering his home to you, and offering his medical insurance.

The cry of a child down the hallway drew you from your thoughts enough for you to recognize the beginning of a dark spiral. Without thinking too much of it, you pulled your phone out to call Sebastian. On the first ring, you realized he was probably shooting a scene and wouldn’t be able to answer. On the second ring, you decided to just leave a short voicemail. Nothing too worrying.

And on the third ring, he answered. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Oh, hi. I wasn’t expecting you to answer.”

“You called at a good time. Just finished shooting for the day.”

His voice alone was enough to help lessen the tension that had gathered in your shoulders and you found yourself relaxing further back into the recliner. “Wow, short day. What’re you going to do with all of this free time?”

“Thought I’d grab some food and relax until you called. Did you already meet with Dr. Chowdhury?”

“Not yet.” You shook your head, even though he wouldn’t be able to see you. “I’ve still got another hour and a half ‘til the appointment.”

“You nervous?”

You let out a snort of laughter. “A bit, yeah. And by a bit, I mean I’m overthinking everything way too much right now.”

“Talk to me, baby. What’s on your mind?”

“Besides the ever-present worry that the tests come back bad? I don’t know…”

“Y/N…” he prompted.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. As if that would make your thoughts easier to bear. “If this treatment isn’t working, what happens then? I-I-I… God, I know I sound like a broken record, but if the results aren’t good, I’m out of options and I can’t help but worry. I mean, what? I go back to Utah and try to make myself accept that I’m going to die? It took me a while to wrap my head around that earlier this year. I don’t know if I can do it as… as peacefully as before. Peacefully isn’t the right word, but I can’t think of it right now. I just… Seb I need the results to be good today. I need good news. I fuckin’ need it.”

“Hey, sweetheart, there’s no—”

“At the very least I need to stick around long enough to see the new season of The Magicians. I’ve put in far too much time looking up fan theories online to die before it airs.” You were rambling. You knew it. But you couldn’t stop. In fact, you just kept talking faster and faster, tripping over your words. “And have I ever told you about when I watched the finale of the last season? I was crying so much that when I left my room to get ice cream, Jasmin told me she could hear me crying all the way from her room. Like, fuck, that can’t be the last scene I see of The Magicians. That would be far too cruel of a joke for the Universe to play on me.”

“Y/N, breathe.” You did as he said. He waited for you to take a few more breaths before speaking again. “Baby, where’s all this coming from? You were fine this weekend before I left, weren’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I was. But now it’s here and this is the last round of these tests like this. The next time I have tests run, it’ll be to see if I’m ready for surgery. Not to see if the treatment is working. These are the last progress tests. And, historically, I haven’t had much luck with those. The first round of tests with Helen showed that my cancer was more aggressive than my doctor back in Salt Lake thought. Then there were the tests before you left for that week of interviews when we found out it was even more aggressive than we thought because it hadn’t shrunk any. Then—”

“Hey, baby, baby.” Sebastian cut off your recap of bad luck. “I know. I know there’s only really been one round of tests that didn’t give you bad results. Trust me, I know how scary this is. I’m fuckin’ terrified too.”

In a soft, meek voice you asked, “You are?”

“I am. I don’t want to lose you, and there’s nothing I can do at all to change the outcome of any of this. God, I wish I was with you right now.”

I don’t want to lose you.

That was the first time he’d said anything about seeing a future with you, besides a few offhanded comments about next year. Sure, it was a loose interpretation, and it was something people said at times like these, but it still made your heart calm down a bit.

“I wish you were here too,” you admitted quietly. Something about hearing him admit that he was scared calmed your nerves. “Can… can I call you and put you on speaker when I meet with Dr. Chowdhury? I know it won’t be the same as you holding my hand but…”

“Yes, please. I was about to ask that, actually.”

Relief flowed through your body. “Thank you, honey. I didn’t want to go through alone. I’m glad you had a short day today.”

“Mmhmm.” He agreed.

“Anyway, I should probably let you go for now. Go grab some food and head back to your room.”

“You sure? I can stay on with you. I can multitask.”

A smile forced itself onto your face at his offer. “I know. And I appreciate the offer, but I’m coming down from that little panic attack and I think I’m going to fall asleep. So you get your food and I’m going to take a nap while this machine keeps pumping toxic chemicals into my body. I’ll talk to you in an hour and a half.”

Your leg was bouncing faster than your heart was beating. Or was it the other way around?

Either way, you were nervous as hell.

“So, to be on track the tumor has to have shrunk at least twenty percent, right?” You asked Dr. Chowdhury as he looked through your file. “That’s what you said when we changed the treatment. Twenty percent by now, and another fifteen percent before surgery?”

He nodded. “That is correct. Dr. Abara agreed that if your tumor shrinks at least thirty-five percent since your previous scans, your chances at having a successful surgery are much higher than if it does not shrink that much. Considering how you have reacted to the treatment thus far, twenty percent is a fair amount.”

You blew out a long breath and heard Sebastian shifting on the other end of the phone.

“So?” you asked Dr. Chowdhury, gripping your phone so tightly you were scared it might break. “Where am I at?”

“Your scans show that the tumor is twenty-five percent smaller than it was at Thanksgiving.”

He was smiling at you and Sebastian was saying something, but your brain couldn’t process the news that quickly.

Twenty-five percent? More than anticipated? Good news?

“That’s… that’s good news, right?”

A short bark of relieved laughter came through the phone speaker from Sebastian as Dr. Chowdhury nodded. “Very good news.”

“Holy shit.”

You could hardly believe it.

Good News!!! And I would apologize for ranting about The Magicians, but I had EMOTIONS that needed a VOICE and this was the time and place, apparently. Anyway, I was rereading this and saw the line about being able to go to bars and shit in January and just laughed a bit. Ah, the world before COVID. I miss those times. So, do you guys think the treatment is going to continue to work? You think the surgery will happen? And if it does... what happens after Are they gonna stay married?

CHAPTER 24: THE AIRPORT

#sebastian x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian x reader fluff #sebastian stan x reader fluff #sebastian x you #sebastian stan x you #marvel fanfic

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like-a-bag-of-potatoes · 5 years ago

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12 Dates of Christmas - Ball

A/N: I know Christmas is over, but still...

Prompt: Christmas ball

Characters: Sebastian x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Wordcount: 3153

Sebastian’s plan for today was to bring you to this Christmas themed charity event, and you were nervous as hell. You had never in your life been to a fancy event like this and just looking at your dress made you feel out of place. The one thing that you always could count on calming your nerves was Sebastian’s presence, but even that filled you with anxiety tonight. It was a mixture of the drunken mistletoe kiss, the trip down memory lane on the roof, and the little cuddle session you had while watching a movie that had set your nerves on fire. To say that you were confused as to how you felt towards him would be an understatement.

It wasn't like you to run late, but you had been so careful and meticulous while doing your hair and makeup that the time had just flown by. When you heard Sebastian come through your door and call out your name, you still hadn't put your dress on.

“I'll be right out,” you yelled from the bathroom as you took off the robe you wore and carefully slipped into your beautiful dress before easing into your black stilettos. There would come a time this evening where you would regret your choice of footwear, but that was future (YN)’s problem. You took another quick look at yourself in the mirror, smiling a little as you hardly recognized yourself, shaking your head as you thought about how far out of your comfort zone you were.

With a deep breath you gathered all your strength and walked out of the bathroom and down the hall to the living room. The sight that met you nearly took your breath away. Sebastian was dressed to the nines in an all black tuxedo, topped off with a bowtie. He was always gorgeous, but tonight… tonight was something else.

He was fiddling with the cuffs on his shirt when you entered so you cleared your throat to get his attention, your heart literally skipping a beat as his eyes met yours.

Sebastian’s jaw went slack as he saw you and it felt like all the air had been knocked out of him. “Wow,” he breathed, his eyes wide as they traveled your body. “You look beautiful, (YN),” he complimented as his blue eyes met yours again and a small smile formed on his lips.

“Should I feel offended that you seem so shocked by that?” you teased, mostly to lighten up the tension that had formed.

“What? No,” he said quickly, an apologetic look on his face. “I just don't think I've seen you this dressed up since- ever.”

“I know. I feel a little silly,” you admitted as you walked over to grab your coat from the couch. You had dug deep into your closet to find something to wear tonight, and it was just pure luck that you had found this outfit.

“You shouldn't,” he said honestly, his eyes following you as you moved. This night is going to be torture, he thought to himself as you slipped on your coat and grabbed the clutch purse from the table.

“Thank you,” you returned with a shy smile. “You look very handsome too, by the way,” you noted. Sebastian did this thing when he received a compliment where he would smile, scrunch up his nose, and dip his head down while a blush rose to his cheeks. He had done this for as long as you had known him, but you had never realized how truly adorable that was.

“There's a car waiting for us down stairs,” he said, trying to change the subject before he said something he would regret and make this tension between you even thicker.

The night turned out much better than you feared. The venue was beautifully decorated and the food was amazing. Even the people you were seated with were nice. The smile on your face didn't even falter for a second as the hours passed by. Sebastian’s smile was pretty permanent too, but it had more to do with you than the event you were attending.

“Can I get you another drink?” he asked before getting to his feet, needing to refill his own glass.

“Another white wine?” you requested and he gave you a confirming nod. “Thank you,” you offered with a warm smile before he walked away.

“You two make such a beautiful couple,” Mrs. Greene, the elderly lady who sat next to you, gushed as Sebastian scurried off to get your drinks.

“Oh no, we’re not- we’re just friends,” you stuttered, caught off guard by her statement.

“Sweetheart, that boy looks at you as if you were the only light in the world, and that's a rare thing to find,” she said sweetly. “And you have that glimmer in your eye when you look at him too,” she added matter of factly.

“I don't know, Mrs. Greene,” you said, not really knowing how to respond to her, but you couldn't deny that her words had stirred up something in you.

“But I do. Listen to me, hun. I've been married three times, and I've never had a man look at me like you two look at each other. I suggest you do something about it before you turn into an old lady giving out advice to strangers at parties,” she told you with a knowing smile.

A glass was placed in front of you on the table right before Sebastian came into view. “I'm sorry to break up this little girl talk, ladies, but I'm gonna have to steal (YN) away for a little,” he interrupted with a charming smile, reaching his hand out for you to take.

“Steal away, gorgeous,” Mrs. Greene said, sending you a knowing smile.

“Where are we going?” you asked in amusement as you took his hand and he helped you up.

“To the dance floor,” he explained. “I know this is your favorite Christmas song and it would be a shame to waste it.”

The melody to White Christmas sounded through the venue and you couldn't help but smile. It must have been years since you told him that this was your favorite holiday song, but somehow he remembered. He led you out to the middle of the dance floor before he placed a strong arm around your waist while he held your hand in his and the two of you started swaying to the music. It was hard not to take notice of how his muscular shoulder moved under your hand, but you tried to keep your focus elsewhere.

“I don't think we have danced since senior prom,” you noted, looking into his eyes.

“Your cousin’s wedding,” he corrected.

“That's right. I forgot about that,” you said. “But if memory serves me correct we only danced to save you from my very drunk aunt Elaine.”

That particular memory made Seb chuckle. “Not only was she drunk, but handsy as well.”

“Very true,” you agreed. “Did I ever apologize for exposing you to her?”

“Profusely.”

“Good,” you giggled.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” he said suddenly, his tone growing a little more serious. “Would have been pretty embarrassing to show up on my own,” he added with a joking smile.

“What are you talking about? Rumor around the table has it that Mrs. Greene is looking for her fourth husband, and I'm pretty sure you have a chance there,” you teased, earning yourself a pinch to the side as Seb looked at you with amusement. “I'm having a great time with you tonight, so the pleasure is all mine,” you said in a serious tone to let him know how grateful you were.

“So Mrs, Greene is looking for a husband, huh?” he wondered, arching his neck to get a look at her. “Wonder if she is a smart mouth too?” A cheeky grin flashed across his face as he saw the look you gave him.

The two of you had always had a light and easy tone between you, just like now, but for some reason it felt different tonight. It felt flirty in a way, and for a second you let yourself believe that Mrs. Greene was right. “I am having a great time,” you repeated, pulling your bottom lip in between your teeth before you continued. “And I'm not just talking about tonight. These past ten days have been so much fun, and I don't think I realized just how much I’ve missed hanging out with you until now.”

“I'm glad,” he said with a warm smile. “You deserve to be happy, (YN).”

“Thank you,” you replied, a little bashful. “Can I tell you something silly?”

“Always.”

“I feel really pretty tonight. I know it's dumb, but between the dress and the shoes and the hair that I spent an unmentionable amount of time on, I just- I don't know…” you let your words die out as you realised how stupid you sounded.

“I don't think that's silly at all,” he said. “You look really beautiful tonight, (YN), but you don't need a fancy dress, or a face full of makeup, or the high heels to make you beautiful.”

Your heart sped up in your chest at his words. “Do you really think I'm beautiful?” you asked shyly, mentally scolding yourself for the insecurity in your voice.

“Of course I do,” he said, furrowing his brows at you. The two of you were so wrapped up in each other and the conversation that neither of you realized you had almost come to a complete stop, and White Christmas had bled into another slow song that you couldn't really place yet. “Have I never told you that before?” he wondered.

“Not like this. You’ve said it a few times, but only at special events like my cousin's wedding and other times we’ve been all dressed up. Like the other night at Chace’s party.”

“Well. It's true every day,” he said, not really knowing where he drew his courage from.

“Thank you,” you stupidly answered, not really knowing how to respond to this.

SIlence fell between you as you continued to slowly sway to the music, everyone and everything around you long forgotten as you just enjoyed being close to each other. This was turning into such a magical night and you never wanted it to end.

“You want to go sit down again?” Seb asked after the song was over, remembering the comment you had made about your shoes killing you earlier, but you just shook your head.

“One more?” you requested, looking up at his through your lashes.

“Of course,” he said with a smile. Like he would ever be able to deny you anything.

You took your hand out of his and wrapped both your arms around his neck as you stepped in closer to him. “Is this okay?” You didn't know why you felt the need to ask, but for some reason you did.

He gently wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you impossibly closer to him, enjoying the feel of your body pressed against his. There was definitely a spell that had been cast on this night, and for some reason you couldn't get Cinderella and her prince out of your head. Not that this was anything like that story, but the night felt just as magical, and you had a feeling that as soon as you left the dance floor, the spell would get broken.

“You’re a lot more graceful on the dance floor than on the ice rink,” you said suddenly, feeling like you were being suffocated by the silence between you.

Sebastian laughed at your comment, remembering back to that day when he spent more time on his ass than on his feet. “I'm gonna take that as a compliment,” he declared, smiling down at you.

“You do that,” you teased. “Do you think we’ll get snow for Christmas this year?” you asked randomly.

“I highly doubt it,” he said truthfully. “I know that the first snow is your favorite part of the year, but it looks like you have to wait a while longer.”

“How do you know that?” you wondered, not remembering when you could have possibly told him that.

“I don't know, I guess you told me once,” he replied, shrugging a little. “I've known you for most of my life, (YN), there's not much I don't know about you,” he added with a cheeky grin. Truth was that he remember the exact moment when you had told him about the snow, but he wanted to keep that particular memory to himself, at least for now. The reason he remembered was because it was in that moment that he realized that he was in love with you, he probably had been for a while, but in that moment he knew. In the years that followed, he had managed to bury those feelings for periods of time, but they always resurfaced at some point. This time it was different though, he knew now that he would never be able to bury those feelings again, he knew that he had to tell you soon how he felt, and he knew that there was a possibility that it would be the end of your friendship. But he couldn't keep this up either, it would get too painful at some point and he would end up with his heart broken.

“I think my feet need a break,” you said as the song faded out and another one started, it was hard to let go of him, but the magic had to end at some point, right?

“Then we go sit down,” he agreed, placing a hand on your lower back as he guided you through the room. “So, were you serious about Mrs. Greene? You really think I have a chance there?” he jokingly asked into your ear as you approached your table.

“Absolutely. No competition,” you said, giggling a little as you took a seat.

“I remember when I was your age,” Mrs, Greene started as soon as your butt hit the chair, “I would dance all night long with my husband. You kids enjoy your youth, it’ll be gone before you know it.” She had a dreamy look on her face, like she was pulling out a distant memory that she hadn't found in a while.

“I'm sure you still have some moves left in you, Mrs. Greene,” you assured, sending her a smile.

“Oh I do,” she exclaimed, excitement growing on her face. “I'm sure husband number four is out there somewhere, just waiting for me to find him so that he can ask me up for a dance,” she said dreamily.

“Well, while you wait for husband number four, may I ask for a dance?” Sebastian asked, bowing a little and reaching his hand out to her.

“Such a gentleman,” she said with a giggle, looking at you as she took his hand. “Show me what you got, gorgeous,” she lightly commanded, making you laugh.

You watched the two of them make their way through the tables and onto the dance floor, both smiling from ear to ear. This was just one of the many things that made Sebastian so amazing. He was sweet and kind to everyone, regardless of who they were, and you loved that about him. You couldn't help but smile as you watched them dance, your mind spinning with thoughts of you and Sebastian and a future together, a future you might never have. At some point you had to tell him how you felt, but it would have to wait until after Christmas, deciding to enjoy this time that you had together to the fullest.

“A true gentleman this one,” Mrs. Greene said as they came back and sat down at the table again after their dance.

“That he is,” you agreed, tilting your head and sending Seb a smile.

“And such strong shoulders,” she added in a suggestive tone, and out of the corner of your eyes you could see Seb dipping his head down to hide his blush. “And a good dancer,” she concluded. “Absolutely husband material, but I think he’s a little young for me.”

“I don't know if I'd be able to keep up with you on the dance floor, Mrs. Greene,” Seb chimed in.

As the car pulled up to your apartment building, Seb jumped out and rounded it before opening your door and helping you out.

“Thank you,” you said as you took his hand and got to your feet. “I can't wait to get out of these shoes,” you noted before you let your eyes meet his and the tension fell between you again. He must feel it too, you thought to yourself as you just stood there and searched for anything to say to him.

“I really had a great night tonight,” he told you as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I would assume so,” you said as a smile crept up on your lips. “I mean, you almost walked out of there a married man.”

“I did,” he confirmed with an exaggerated nod. “It's a shame it didn't work out, but at least Mrs. Greene and I will always have that dance floor,” he said with a smile.

“It wasn't meant to be,” you comforted, and then another silence fell between you. “I had a great night too, I really did.”

“Yeah?” he questioned, suddenly a little shy. God, he just wanted to grab you and kiss you until tomorrow, but for some reason his body wouldn't obey his wishes. “We still on for dinner with my mom tomorrow?” he asked instead.

“Are you sure it's alright? I mean… it's Christmas Eve, I don't want to impose.”

“You’re not imposing. What do you think she would say if she knew you were home alone on Christmas Eve?”

You laughed a little at that. “I guess you’re right,” you said, casting your eyes to the ground. “So do I meet you there, or?”

“I'll come pick you up. Around five?”

“Sounds perfect.” You took a step closer to him and leaned in for a hug. “Thank you again, Sebastian,” you whispered softly into his ear as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him.

He mentally scolded himself for not finding the courage to kiss you, but the risk was too great right now and he didn't want to mess this up. “Good night, (YN),” he said as the two of you pulled apart.

He followed you with his eyes until you were safely inside the building before he climbed back in the car and told the driver to take him home, a million different scenarios playing out in his mind as he watched the city pass by the car window.

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian fluff #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian x reader #Sebastian stan #12dates

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pianobarfeels · 5 years ago

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Victor

“The thing I find most amazing about amazing grace

Is the chance to give it out,

Maybe that’s what love is all about.”

- “I’m Not Who I Was” by Brandon Heath

I need to talk to y’all about my new homie, Victor.

Victor is a black man who looks to be in his 50′s and he absolutely rocked my world tonight. For those of y’all with your minds in the gutter: don’t get too excited. Victor came into my bar tonight with a recently broken guitar and asked me what kind of bourbon he could get for five dollars. He was as pleasant as he could be and I had a bit of a funky feeling going on in my heart so I told him not to worry and covered it. He sat at the bar and played his very out-of-tune guitar to almost every song that was played on the jukebox. Although his guitar sounded pretty rough, I was impressed by how many songs he seemed to know so well and how spot on he was with following the music. Had his guitar not been out of tune, I swear I would have paused the juke and put a tip jar in front of this man and he would have done very well.

Making a living isn’t easy these days so we all do what we can. Victor has been making a living by playing his guitar outside of establishments like Walmart, local bars and wherever else he can play without getting ran off. Before he told me he was homeless, he explained to me how someone at the bar I work at had accidentally damaged his guitar. The guy gave Victor his business card with his name and phone number (which I saw personally) so that Victor could call contact him for the money to fix it. Judging from my encounter with my new friend along with his appearance and heavy humbleness, I highly doubt that the man who broke his guitar had any idea that he is a homeless man who’s simply trying to make it. This man who is struggling to find food and shelter literally told me that “he [the man who broke his guitar] didn’t mean to do it, it was an accident and I’ll figure it out”.

...WOW.

God seems to break my heart daily, but it always seems to be in a different way than most of us are used to and definitely different from anything I'm ever prepared for. My experience with Victor was very unusual. The only way I can think to fully explain it is that it was like he was a black man from the movie 21 Years A Slave speaking to a plantation owner. Kinda brutal, huh? I can’t even begin to explain how uncomfortable it made me feel and I know that wasn’t his intention, but his actions showed me that he has obviously been put down and criticized and blatantly treated like he doesn’t matter. When he spoke to me he called me “ma’am” and looked down while crossing his arms over his lower torso. Approaching him for any reason seemed to make him even more uncomfortable than he already was. When I spoke to him I’d barely be able to get through my first sentence without him immediately apologizing: “Yes ma’am, I’m so sorry - I’ll leave.” So I’d cut him off and tell him to stop apologizing because he hasn’t done anything wrong and he’s more than welcome to stay.

Y’all... this sweet man was like a dog who’s been conditioned to be scared of people because it’s been beaten so many times. This kind man - our brother through Christ - has been treated so shitty so many times that he has absolutely zero self-confidence. Referring to this situation as horrible is an understatement because this is worse; this is absolutely pathetic. What the HELL are we doing?? I’m upset.

Multiple sites I found through Google told me that roughly 80% of the Georgian population registers as Christian... so can someone PLEASE explain to me what’s going on. Why are people being treated like they don’t matter and why the HELL am I running into someone who has very obviously been conditioned to believe that they are an annoyance and not as important as anyone else when EIGHTY PERCENT of us in this state alone consider ourselves followers of Christ?!?! I’m PISSED.

Casting Crowns said it best in their song “If We Are the Body”:

“If we are the body

Why aren’t His arms reaching?

Why aren’t His hands healing?

Why aren’t His words teaching?

And if we are the body

Why aren’t His feet going?

Why is His love not showing them there is a way?

There is a way, there is a way...”

youtube

If anyone knows a damn good reason why, I’d love to hear it. Direct messages are open but I’d be more than willing to bet that no one can give me a good enough excuse for any of us to stop showing love to others. Let me tell ya, I could go forever throwing verses at you because this is one of my most passionate topics. I’ll spare you... so here’s just a few:

♡ 1 John 3:16: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”

♡ John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

♡ Romans 8:35: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?”

♡ John 13:34-35: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

❁ ❁ ❁

I understand that there are many people who choose not to work; people who manipulate, lie, steal, choose substances before anything else, and who don’t really deserve any kind of handout until they first decide to make and show change. I get it because I deal with these people almost every day at work. Homeless people have a pretty heavy reputation for the things I listed above but let's keep in mind that not every one of them is the same. These people are still human beings with families and stories of their own and, no matter what, still deserve love. Guarding our hearts and our minds will always be number one but let’s not forget that we’re all on the same level. Romans 2:11 says “For God shows no favoritism.” This means that there isn’t even one of us who is better or more important than another. We are all His. And guess what? He loves us all the same.

Thankfully, Victor gave me his number early in our conversation. I ended up offering him some money to help me sweep and mop but he went above and beyond by helping me bring in beer bottles and taking out the trash. I gave Victor’s money and some food to a friend to give to him, then when it came time for him to leave, I waved for him to come outside with me so that I could give him a hug. I guess he didn’t hear me correctly so he said: “Yes ma’am I’m sorry, I’m leaving.” One of my regulars was there and corrected him very kindly. The three of us went outside and I thanked and hugged him and very blatantly told him to keep his head up and have some confidence in himself because he’s incredible.

When I got home, I shot him a text telling him that if he’s willing, I’d love to take him to lunch or dinner at a place of his choosing later this week and speak with him. Honestly, other than getting to know him and his story, I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to say to him or how I’m going to help because I’m not in the best place myself but I guess I’ll worry about that if/when I get there.

God has always been known to rock the boat in the most unexpected ways which I think is awesome and astonishingly kind of fun because you never really know what your gonna get. Like, how many people on this planet can say that their god always keeps it interesting? Victor was the last thing I expected tonight but I’m so thankful to have met him. I really hope that I’ll get the opportunity to speak with him again. I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed and even more importantly: I’m praying about it.

Wish me luck, y’all... here’s to Victor.

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corneliussteinbeck · 8 years ago

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GGS Spotlight: Melissa DiLeonardo

Name: Melissa DiLeonardo Age: 39 Location: Chicago, IL

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? So much. On the surface, it means I am a woman who loves to lift. Weightlifting has been a game changer in my life. I’ve worked in health and fitness for over ten years, but did not start actually lifting (powerlifting, Olympic lifting) until 2009. It was hard at first and required a lot of patience (it still does), but cultivating and realizing my own physical strength provided me with new levels of physical and emotional confidence. Within that emotional confidence lies the deeper meaning of being a “Girl Gone Strong.”

I am capable; I am independent; I am not perfect, but I am enough. I may fall down, but I get back up.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I became a group fitness instructor in early 2007 and taught cardio kickboxing classes at several area gyms. Soon I was teaching weight training classes at these facilities to broaden my scope. My students kept asking if I was a personal trainer and telling me how much they wanted to work with me one-on-one. I figured it made sense to become a personal trainer and was certified by the end of the year. A few years later, my husband became interested in CrossFit and asked me to accompany him to a trial class. I expected not to enjoy the trial, but immediately fell in love with the vibe and community. Through CrossFit I started powerlifting and Olympic lifting. I eventually certified as a CF Level 1 Coach and coached for the next two years.

What does your typical workout look like? These days, I work full-time in the corporate well-being field. My office fitness center is not accommodating to barbells, so I keep a 1 pood (~16kg) kettlebell in my office. I rely on swings for quick workouts during busy workdays. I create 15 to 20-minute circuits or AMRAP workouts (as many reps as possible) when I am short on time and use a mixture of loaded and bodyweight exercises. When I’m at the CF gym, I powerlift and then often perform 15 to 20 minutes of conditioning incorporating volume and speed. (I love squats: back squats, front squats, overhead squats. I. Love. Squats.)

Favorite Lift: Overhead Squat

Most memorable PR: It happened in mid-January. I am working on a new back squat PR – aiming for 205 pounds by my 40th birthday in June. Lo and behold, I did a 3-rep max at 185 pounds! Made me happy…and I feel pretty confident I can hit that one rep once I am mentally ready.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist:

Wow, Beck

Roses, The Chainsmokers

F**kin’ Problems, A$AP Rocky

No Problem, Chance the Rapper

Pretty much any hip-hop circa the 1990’s

3 things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag:

Graphic print leggings and a racer-back tank top – preferably with a great graphic;

Lifting shoes

Rehband knee wraps

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? Lately, I have to train alone, and it’s OK. It’s kind of Zen. However, I love the energy I get when I work out in a group. I definitely push myself harder when I’m side-by-side with another athlete.

Most embarrassing gym moment: I don’t know. I usually laugh at myself a lot. I often wish I had a highlight reel of my random acts of clumsiness at the gym. When I was pregnant, my boobs got bigger. I had always been relative small in that department, so having new upper body curves took some getting used to. Pretty sure the barbell and my new boobs collided at least a dozen times, when doing cleans. Embarrassing? Maybe. Funny? Definitely. Painful? A little.

Best compliment you’ve received lately: A student thanked me for some coaching advice. She said I was a great teacher.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: I recently reminded my husband that he is an amazing father to our 14-month-old son.

Favorite meal: Tacos al Pastor and the cheese and mushroom quesadilla from one of our fav Mexican spots…or bhindi masala from one of our fav Indian spots, or spicy tuna rolls from my fav sushi place…ugh, can I just say my favorite meal = food?

Favorite way to treat yourself: Dark beer. A long shower. Peanut butter M & M’s. (Not necessarily in this order.)

Favorite quote: I wish to learn what life has to teach, and not, when I come to die, discover that I have not truly lived. — Henry David Thoreau

Favorite book: The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers

What inspires and motivates you? My husband, Dana, and my son, August (Gus)

What do you do? For seven years, I was self-employed as a full-time personal trainer, coach and yoga teacher. Now, I am a wellbeing program manager for a recreational products manufacturing company. I just finished implementing a new company wellbeing program for over ten thousand users throughout the US. Now that the program is live, it’s time to get to work and drive user engagement. I believe in this program and think it can help people make positive changes in their lives. When I am not at the office, I teach a few fitness and yoga classes at some area gyms because I don’t want to give up teaching and coaching completely—it’s too much fun!

What else do you do? A new baby has changed the “what I do for fun” answer, but when I can find the time, I enjoy dancing, reading, hiking, relaxing at the lake or the beach, riding my bike, cooking and savoring a dark beer or specialty cocktail on a relaxed Saturday afternoon. I love to travel with my family and am looking forward to some new destinations this year. Hopefully places that involve either the mountains or the ocean…or both.

Describe a typical day in your life, from waking up to bedtime: I rise at 5:15 a.m. I am still breastfeeding, so I pump before my son wakes up. If it’s a workday, I get ready for work, eat oatmeal, drink coffee and pack my lunch. I am out the door by 7:30 and commute to my office via regional rail. I catch up on email and social media on the train. I am at the office from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Over the noon hour, I either teach a fitness or yoga class or do my own workout. I have a sit-to-stand desk, and I try to move throughout the workday. Back on the train by 4:30 p.m. and work while I commute back to the city. When I get home, I walk the dog and pick up my son from daycare. We eat dinner (thank goodness for the crock pot!), we play, and then it’s baby bath time, followed by baby bedtime. If my husband is not working (he trains clients at night), we hang out. If he is working, I catch up on chores around the house. I aim to be in bed no later than 11 p.m., but try for 10:30 most nights. Baby sleeps through the night 75 percent of the time, which is pretty great. Fortunately, I am only in the office four days a week, so Fridays are a bit more relaxed. I also get to lift heavy at the gym. Weekends are a mix of work, exercise, and rest…and with luck an extra hour of sleep in the morning both days.

Your next training goal: As I mentioned, I am working on a new PR for back squat: 205 pounds by June 28, 2017 – my 40th birthday! I have never set a training goal before, and usually focus on professional and or personal goals in other areas of my life. This year, I wanted a goal that was all about me—not my career, not my family, just me! So far, so good. It’s tricky because I only have access to barbells once or twice a week right now. I am focusing on a Wendler cycle protocol and tempo squats when I have a barbell. On days when I can’t lift heavy with a barbell, I practice high volume kettlebell swings and heavy goblet squats.

What are you most grateful for? My husband, my son, and for living in the diverse and wonderful Chicago neighborhood that is Rogers Park. (The RP community is amazing!)

What life accomplishment are you most proud of? I have many professional accomplishments. However, the birth of my son, August (Gus), is what makes me most proud. I didn’t think I could do it. It was the strongest day of my life.

Which three words that best describe you? Loyal, Grateful, Curious

Tell us about a time when you overcame fear or self-doubt. Throughout my career, I have repeatedly accepted tasks that I was not quite sure how to accomplish. I seem to thrive in these situations as they force me to deal with my fears, learn new skills and figure things out. After my son was born, and much to my surprise, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. When my maternity leave ended and I went back to work, I was a mess. I knew that I needed to keep it together for my family and trusted the coping tools I had been learning in therapy. Within three months after returning to work, I was offered a promotion – my current job. It included greater visibility and responsibility.

I was scared and unsure I could handle it, but, like always, I took the plunge and trusted that I would figure it out. Initially, I kept thinking that I was not smart enough for my new role. When I would get overwhelmed, I relied on the mantra, “Just do the work.” Gradually, after a few small successes, I realized that I was being too hard on myself. That I had every right to own my new position. I am grateful I did not back away from this opportunity. I find my work challenging and rewarding. It gives me purpose and helps me continue to heal. The Lesson: Trust your gut. Tell the negative voices in your head to f— off. Just do the work.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve noticed from strength training? Mental confidence. I know I can take on any challenge presented to me in both my personal and professional life. I feel capable. I also feel “swimsuit ready” 365 days a year, despite having cellulite, a postpartum midsection, and other things society has tried to convince me are “problem areas.”

I am not perfect…no one is. I’m over it. I love my body, what it can do, and all that it has done for me. (If only I had figured this out ten years ago.)

How has lifting weights changed your life? In addition to making me stronger mentally and physically, it has also afforded me many exciting opportunities: working out at trade shows, a brand ambassadorship, an opportunity to travel domestically and internationally as well as presenting at a global fitness conference. Lifting has connected me to some amazing friends and mentors (male and female) as well as the Girls Gone Strong Community. GGS is a constant source of motivation, inspiration, support and camaraderie. Finally, lifting has allowed me to help other women discover their strength. Strength that empowers them in all areas of their lives. THAT. IS. LIFE CHANGING.

When did you start the Moms Gone Strong? Why did you decide to start and what helped you make the decision to start? I started the program when I was approximately 17 weeks pregnant. I had met Molly at a ReebokONE event years ago, and followed GGS from early on. I assume Molly saw that I was expecting via social media and reached out to me about the pilot program. Around the time she contacted me, I was really struggling. I felt miserable during my first trimester and was feeling lost about how to move safely while still feeling challenged at the gym. Being “fit” and pregnant was a lot harder than I expected. I jumped at the chance to work with Girls Gone Strong and be a part of a program designed for pregnant women.

What has been your biggest challenge in the Moms Gone Strong program? The biggest challenge for me was acceptance. It was hard to transition into my pregnant body and its limitations. A year later, I look back and am so proud of myself for sticking to the program and for trusting that it made sense. That said, there were days where I missed my pre-pregnant body and its abilities — days when I feared I would never feel “strong” again. I know now how strong a pregnant woman is, and I am grateful for the commitment I made to the program, because it motivated me to keep going on days when I could barely look at myself in the mirror, much less muster up the energy to work out.

What is your “BIG” goal you’d like to achieve by the end of Moms Gone Strong? The BIG goal was the healthy arrival of my son, Gus — and he was almost nine pounds…so he was a big goal, indeed!

What has been your biggest success in the Moms Gone Strong program? I worked out throughout my entire pregnancy. I was fortunate and did not have any physical setbacks or conditions that prevented this. I worked out the morning of my scheduled induction. (I was 10 days past my due date.) I believe the endurance and stamina that the program helped me maintain throughout my pregnancy allowed me to navigate a scheduled induction, a failed epidural, Pitocin contractions without pain management, back labor, and ultimately look back on the day my son was born as the best (and strongest) day of my life.

What do you like best about the Moms Gone Strong community?

I gained a new friend via the MGS community. A very good friend who I lean on for advice and support regularly. She became a close confidant while I was treated for postpartum depression and anxiety. She is a person a really admire. So…I guess the thing I like “best” about this community is the shared bond that moms have with one another and the tremendous support provided by that bond.

What is the habit you’re currently working on most? Making time for self-care…I am not good at this. I take small steps…even if it’s taking just a few minutes to close my eyes and breathe or listen to my favorite songs.

How has Moms Gone Strong changed your life? I know how to help other women navigate a healthy and fit pregnancy. I now also have an additional support system for the many ups and downs of motherhood.

What would you tell a woman who’s nervous about starting Moms Gone Strong? That there are no gimmicks and no judgements; that the MGS program is designed to make you feel confident physically and mentally and that you will be surrounded by women who are ready to lift you up when you are down.

What do you want to say to women, in general, who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? There is nothing to lose and so much to gain. Whether your goals are aesthetic or functional, whether you use dumbbells or a barbell, strength training is one of the best things you can do to feel better over time. Find a good community or coach—a place or person who make you feel supported—and be patient with yourself. Strength has no uniform appearance or weight requirements, and knows no age or background. Strength is for all of us, Ladies. You already have more than you realize so get started and don’t give up.

Exercises To Do And Avoid During And After Pregnancy

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The post GGS Spotlight: Melissa DiLeonardo appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

from Blogger http://corneliussteinbeck.blogspot.com/2017/03/ggs-spotlight-melissa-dileonardo.html

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razorblade-eyes · 8 years ago