#wouldn't play it even if i had the right console but i don't regret its existence

[dsireland86]

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 “Show me you're better off without me/ Choking on every word  you said, we'll see, we'll see /Don't breathe another word about/me I'll leave and you can finally rest in peace, we'll see”

Noah, By the time you read this, I'll be gone. You have to understand that it's better for both of us this way, if I just vanish from your life and wipe your slate, your consciousness completely clean. Once you're finished with this letter I guarantee you will hate me and just the thought of me or the sound of my name will make you cringe with disgust. It will become a bitter poison on your tongue. Those who are loyal to you will no longer be my family. None of you will ever want to breathe my name again let alone utter any words about me to anyone. I'm warning you now, Noah, what I'm about to tell you is going to ruin you. It's going to break your heart so badly you're probably going to wish you were dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you, but it's the only way. You have to know the truth about what happened during those three days in Montana on that last tour we were on together; you deserve to know, because it was the moment that everything changed for us. You're better off without me, Noah, and in time you'll see. In time you'll be able to rest in peace.  

Noah:

“I didn't want to finish the letter. Knowing she was already gone was enough, and reading it, having it spelled out in front of me would’ve only made the gash in my heart worse. But I decided to finish anyway but regretted it instantly.  I swear I could feel myself slowly slipping away as her words began to bring out the worst in her."

I rested my forehead against the back of her shoulder. 

“I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you must have been feeling. Being dumped, abandoned without any explanation is a horrible feeling. It can take someone’s mind to such a lonely place and destroy you.”

“You would know, wouldn't you,” I said while playing with her fingers. 

She leaned back against my chest while sitting between my legs. Turning her head at just the right angle she was able to glide the tip of her nose softly along my jawline and it filled me with a yearning of wanting to be inside her again. 

“Not like you do.” 

I shivered when her lips left a trail of soft kisses on my skin. 

“Read me more, please. I want to know everything,” she urged. 

I sighed, and even though I really didn't want to, I knew sharing this part of my life was important for us. So, I continued.

“Lying in between the memories choking me, and I don't know which way to go, but I'm okay to never know”

The night you told me the truth about cheating on me, it broke me, but not in the way you might think. I was angry, full of guilt, relief, sorrow, and regret that created a huge mess of emotions I didn’t know how to deal with. Running was my only option. I had to escape the pain of knowing how horribly I'd hurt you and you didn't even know it.  Noah, you were brave enough to be honest with me about what you did. You admitted your guilt and how ashamed it made you feel.  You truly believed you'd hurt me and watching the way it tore your mind and heart apart left me in agony. I wanted to tell you the truth then, but I just couldn't bring myself to, so I took the coward's way out and ran away.  I called Jolly and cried to him. He said he couldn’t understand anything I was saying let alone an idea of what I was talking about but he did his best to console me anyway.  The guilt I felt, knowing what I’d done to his best friend just made everything blur together and with the way I was driving I didn’t see the headlights of the other vehicle in my lane. Jolly was still on the phone when I screamed right before the collision happened. That was the last thing I remembered before I woke up in the hospital. So, what is the truth that was too hard for me to tell you even though I was given the chance to say many times? Noah, I hope you're sitting down, because what I'm about to say is going to be the death of whatever peace your mind had about me.

Noah:

“Noah?” Her soft voice calling to me made me lower my head and when her hand collided with my cheek, her touch brought me back to reality. 

The past wasn't real, but she was, and so was the feeling of her naked body against mine. Turning herself around so that her legs were on either side of me and her arms were resting on my shoulders, she leaned in and kissed me, slipping her tongue inside my mouth little by little.  She was making me so hard and I knew she could feel me between her legs, pressed tightly against that sweet soft spot of hers I loved so much.  I couldn’t control the constant twitching that was happening each time she purposely pushed herself into me either. 

“She knew exactly what she was doing to you and that’s what hurt the most. I'm sorry she hurt you,” her voice whispered in my ear before she took a little bit of it in her mouth. 

“Ughh, fuck baby,” I moaned, squeezing her hips tighter and tugging her closer to me. 

“That’s what happens,” she said, brushing her breast up against me, her perky nipples grazing across my skin, making it scream.  “You let people in and they destroy you. But I won’t.” 

She sat back and looked at me, the look in her eyes nearly making me cum. She had me wound up so tight that I swallowed hard when she pushed herself into me again and her warm, shaky breath washed over my face. 

“You deserve so much more than you believe you do, Noah.” 

Slipping her hands beneath the waistband of my box-briefs, I lifted my bottom up and she slid them down my legs, tossing them aside, retaking her spot over me. 

“I’ll give you the world, if you want it,” she admitted, laying her mouth on mine and taking my lips to hers as if she owned them; she did. 

“The moon, the fucking stars. Anything you ask, it’s yours. I’m yours. You can have all of me,” she confessed through a shaky, tear filled voice. 

I pulled her way to look at her and my heart felt like it had busted through my chest. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, but the prettiest smile on her lips. I sat up and kissed her tears away tasting their saltiness. 

“I want all of it,” I admitted, brushing some hair out of her face. 

“I want all of you, but not just what you let the world see. I want all the broken, busted up parts too; the parts that make you, you. I meant it when I said I would fight the battle for you. I would, I still will. If I have you, then you have all of me too.” 

She started to cry and I pulled her into me as she laid her head on my shoulder.  I fucking loved this girl in my arms more than I ever thought possible.  More than the girl in the letter, and that scared me because there was a time when I loved her more than anything. We were both quiet for a moment, resting in the quietness of our beating hearts. I was about to finish reading the letter, when her hand slipped down and around my cock, instantly making it hard.  Slowly she ran her hand down my shaft, then back up, the grip she had applying the perfect pressure needed to stimulate what I was dying for.  I laid my head back against the couch, focusing on nothing but the feeling of what her hand was doing. The faster she went the harder her grip became and reminded me of what being inside her felt like; heaven.  I found her entrance between her wet folds and easily slipped a finger inside her tight little pussy, taking the greatest pride in hearing her moan and melt into my touch. I felt her wetness coat my fingers, as I pumped them in and out of her as she clung to me. 

“Oh, holy fuck, I need to be inside you, now.” I ordered, but it sounded more like a plea. 

She didn't hesitate to obey but instead shifted enough so that her pussy was aligned perfectly with my hard length. 

“Noah, look at me,” she commanded and I listened to her.

Her eyes were vibrant and full of something indescribable, something that I could never put into words; but I felt it and I knew she did too. 

“I fucking love you.” 

It slipped out before I could stop myself and I was scared I crossed a line.  But her smile took that feeling away immediately. It was genuinely kind and made me feel the same way I felt when I first saw her. 

“I love you too; all of you.” 

She pushed into me and took all of me and I watched her expression change as soon as I filled her. Her tight, wet walls closed in on my throbbing cock now buried deep inside her, searching for that special spot that was going to pull all the pretty cries and moans from her that I loved to hear.  I gripped her hips, sighing once she began to move slowly, with her hands placed firmly on my chest. But I wanted more and I knew she did too. 

“I want you to grind on me, baby, ride me till you're satisfied. Ride me till you cum.” 

That seemed to be all she needed. Soon I had her crying and moaning so loudly that she dug her nails deep into my skin, squeezed me tighter with her thighs, and let my name fall from her lips like a sacred prayer.  It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She pulled my hands to her small breasts, indicating to me she wanted stimulation and I all too willing obliged her.  I took each nipple between my finger and thumb, squeezing them until she cried. Once hard and perky, I dragged my tongue lazily over the soft, delicate skin, circling and lapping every part until taking it in my mouth.  Her moans pulled my orgasm closer and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. Luckily, I didn't have too. Her hands found the back of my head, holding me in place while she fucked me slow and gently and I got her off by sucking my favorite parts of her. 

“Noah, baby,” she didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have to. 

I looked up, grinning at the face I saw. With eyes closed, she was in perfect ecstasy. 

“Are you gonna cum for me, Princess.” 

She didn't say anything, just moaned and nodded. 

“Cum for me then baby, let it go and give us both what we want.” 

Her lips crashed into mine and our tongues danced as she came undone all over me and I quickly followed. 

It wasn't loud, it wasn't messy; it was just us, falling apart for one another together quietly. It was love making in its purest form and in that moment with her I realized the difference between straight fucking with foreplay and making love and how they were very different.  We weren’t each other's first. She had a fucked up ex and I had many experiences that left me feeling used. But what she and I had just shared had so many emotions involved, ones that I didn't even know I could feel anymore.  She pulled them out of me somehow and allowed me to willingly feel what I had buried away. They were tangled together, knotted and rooted in the dirt of my past. But, thanks to the beautiful human in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt the difference and wasn't afraid to feel them. 

She made me feel so fucking alive and I loved it. 

“Speaking in languages we can’t read, no need for you to spell it out for me/ Swallowed up and I’ spit you out, like a drug that just wouldn’t stay down”

Montana was beautiful, Noah, and the idea of visiting it with you was a dream come true. I'll never forget when you came home and told me that it was on the list of states the band was playing. Your excitement was contagious and the way your eyes sparkled and lit up your entire face will forever haunt me.  It was one of the last times we were truly happy together. Those three days haunt me, Noah. They hold the worst, but also the best memories. 

So here it goes… the whole truth.

The first show day went smoothly; you remember I'm sure. We all went out and had a small celebration in that little country bar where Folio rode the mechanical bull until he bled… like seriously bled. I thought I was going to pass out from seeing all the blood from his arm.  The day of the second show, however, was utter chaos and hell. Everyone woke up late, the venue wasn't unlocked when we got there, and some of the equipment malfunctioned. You were miserable and because you were miserable, so was everyone else. 

I tried to help, but I felt like I was only making things worse. From the moment you yelled at me in front of everyone and the things you said out of frustration, I knew things were going to be different between us. It wasn't that you yelled at me, Noah, it was what you said that was the slap to my face.  You accused me of being selfish and too self conceited and centered to understand what you were going through, and you know what? You were right. I was, I am those things. And to prove I was, I decided to get back at you in my own way; the way I regret now more than anything. 

After storming out of the venue and turning my phone off, I found a bar away from the venue, away from every memory of you. I wanted you out of my head, but mostly out of my heart because I was hurting.  So, the first guy who sat next to me and bought me a few rounds was it. He was the one I chose to make my biggest mistake with. He took me back to his hotel room, which ironically was in the same hotel as ours, you were just one floor above me. 

I was too drunk to worry about anything, not even caring if the receptionist recognized me.  Noah, I will save you the details of what I did with that man in the hotel room that night. It wasn't at all what I thought it would be, and in the end he left me hurting way more than when I started out. Not just emotionally, but physically too.  Thankfully there were no marks on my body, yet, but the bruises would show the following day. I lied and said you did them to me and the look on your face was devastating. I felt like a piece of shit. Maybe I was. No, I know I was. I should burn in hell for what I did to you Noah. You didn't deserve it.  But the worst was yet to come when the events of the night you fucked some girl who wasn't me happened and you found out I was pregnant. Nicholas said at first you were too shocked, but when it was time for me to leave the hospital, Matt said it was all you could talk about; how you were going to be a dad and how you had so much faith that the baby would be the thing to tie us back together after your actions ruined us. 

It wasn't you who ruined us, Noah, it was me, but I couldn't tell you that. Not now. Not with a baby on the way. So, I kept my silence and avoided you as much as I could, using your cheating as the excuse. And I lied to you every day up until… well you know when.  Losing the baby was never, ever the intention, Noah, that, I promise, you can believe.  I never wanted any harm to come to my baby. But when I woke up last month at seventeen weeks pregnant in a pool of blood, I knew it was over. 

The lies could stop, the truth could come out and everything would be okay. Except it wasn't, was it? Losing the baby was too hard for you. It made you do things you regret doing and I regret watching, knowing I had the power to stop it all.  I know the feeling of loss is still very raw in your heart. You're wounded and reading this letter, knowing I'm long gone, soon to be nothing but a distant memory you'd do anything to forget, is going to throw salt on that wound, but I think it's time for me to help you put your demons to rest. 

Noah, the baby…. the baby was never yours to begin with. 

I mean, honestly, think back to the first time we had sex after that fight. Think…. and you'll remember. If you don't let me help. You wore a condom, Noah and you filled it, but I lied to you and told you it broke because I was scared.  The night I spitefully killed us in every way possible was the night I conceived another man's child.  So, you see, none of it was your fault after all, Noah. It was all mine all along.  Did I feel guilt? Yes. Remorse, no. Not until now. Now that I’m walking away from you, I feel every bit of remorse possible, but it’s too late now, isn’t it.  The you I knew and loved is gone and so is the girl you knew. And that’s the difference between us, Noah. You felt remorse and it made you so vulnerable.  I hope the next girl you fall in love with is good to you. 

I hope she is never afraid of your darkness or the demons who dance in your eyes sometimes. I remember the time when you thought no one could ever love you if you revealed what lurks inside you. You’ve always been different, Noah, you know that and how could anyone understand that?  But I hope she understands and is never afraid to follow you into your darkness so that she can learn to love the beast that’s inside. I tried to, but in the end I realized that sometimes, true love comes in the form of a loving demon, or a protective monster, or even a dark angel who sits and waits patiently for you to arrive.  You are all those things Noah; and I hated you for it. 

I’m sorry I hated you, because now I know that you were the only one to ever, truly love me. 

                                    With all my love, Always, Sarah

Noah:

I woke up, flat on my back, head off the pillow, but the blanket over top of me. As my vision cleared, Sophie was nowhere to be seen. My heart started pounding, thinking maybe she regretted last night; the things we did, the things I said. Was it all too much and she felt pressured or overwhelmed? My head was starting to panic. I ran my hands over my face, trying to convince myself everything was okay, but it didn't help. I sat up, looking around for my shirt only to remember that I'd used it on Sophie, making me remember the corner I threw it in; it was still there. I needed to find Sophie and make sure everything was good between us, especially now that she knew the truth about me and Sarah. I needed to know if she was still willing to commit herself to me, to us, with this kind of baggage attached, but first I needed a shower. My stomach suddenly hurt, the anxiety nipping away on the inside and it felt like there was a giant hole in me. I needed to fill that hole. I need my girl.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Solas wakes up in the strange new world of his own making and it terrifies him. Ridden with guilt, he joins the Inquisition and begins his lonely research in order to correct his mistake.

He doesn’t expect to find consolation in the presence of a human who wields ancient elven magic without knowing it. Who is way too gentle for an elgar’thanelan, but doesn’t know that either.

Solas, for his part, doesn’t know how to stay away.

Dorian wonders if the mysterious elf just enjoys playing with a Tevinter. He wouldn’t expect anything else.

_____________________

Part 1 | Chapter 1- 13 | Right after uthenera, Solas is found by a Dalish clan. This goes well until it doesn’t. (Basically my excuse for world building and hilarious misunderstandings.)

Part 2 | Chapter 14 - ? | Solas joins the Inquisition.

Chapter 17

On the way to the mages' tents, Solas crossed the camp of Commander Cullen's troops who trained, fighting each other or practising on mannequins. He had to force himself not to stare. Magicless combat was still fascinating to him, despite its clumsiness. He indeed came across the Commander on this way through and used the opportunity to approach him.

“Knight Commander Cullen, I presume?”, he said politely. “My name is Solas. I believe we haven't been introduced yet.” “You're...the apostate that helped with the Breach?” The Commander eyed him, but had a friendly tone, competing his lyrium aura. “Yes, we haven't met, but I already heard a lot about you. It seems like you don't shy away from a good fight.” “I am here to help in any way I can.” “Huh, I like that spirit. You seem to know a great deal about rifts.” “Well, I am glad my knowledge is useful in this dire times.” “It is.” After a short pause, the Commander suggested: “Do you think about joining my forces? I can use everybody who's ready to do what must be done.” Solas made an effort to hide his surprise. “I was not aware that you allow mages, especially apostates, to fight alongside your soldiers.” “Well, there was a time where I wouldn't have...”, Cullen began, but hesitated. His face fell a little, then he hardened his features again. “But these days are over. If the Templar Order and the Circles would still be intact, I could summon Circle Mages as allies. Now, I work with whoever is willing to serve the cause.”

“Does that mean you attend to the remaining mages and treat them as equals?” The Commander tensed, then let out a breath. “There's...still a certain tension on both sides. It's hard to trust a rebellion that sacrifices innocent lives, doesn't even spare farmers and beggars.” “You could say the same about the rebelling templars. And it is equally difficult to trust your former prison guards who treated you as less than people.” Cullen sighed again. For a moment, Solas could watch his handsome features crumble. Pain, doubt and regret had left their marks his face. If Varric's book could be trusted, Commander Cullen had seen both outcomes: endured torture as a young templar in a corrupted Circle and then watched his Knight Commander Meredith get consumed by her own hate.

“It didn't have to be like this”, Cullen said quietly. “The templars have lost their way, but their cause is righteous.” It wasn't clear if he spoke to Solas or himself. “Seeker Pentaghast seems to think so as well”, Solas offered. “It might be the right moment to remember their cause and reform the order.” “If there is an order left after the war!”, Cullen blurted out. “Maker knows what this is - a new beginning or our doom! And now the Breach!” He buried his face in his hands for a second, frantically wiping his brow. “Excuse me. Sometimes it's a bit much.” “Perhaps we have Andraste on our side”, Solas said calmly. Cullen gave him a surprised look. “You're not Andrastian, are you?” “Why, because I am an elf? I am not Dalish, either. I am open to different ideas unless I can prove them wrong.” “Well, this is...unexpected from an elf.” “I am glad to broaden your perspective.” “I didn't mean to offend you.” “..which is unexpected from a templar, so I suppose we are even.” Cullen smiled, albeit confused.

“Actually, I meant to meet with the mages”, Solas went on. “To offer them my advice. They will have to face more rifts eventually.” The Commander nodded. “I suppose I can't argue with that. Just in case you'd try anything...funny, the place is guarded by templars.” “So, I assume the air is filled with lyrium?” “...naturally?” Now Solas sighed. “Quite a way to motivate your allies, Knight Commander.” He let him chew on that as he moved on to the mages' tents. The templars watched the place warily. Their numbers still sufficed to keep them at bay. No wonder they were afraid and unfocused. The call of the Breach didn't make it better. Solas himself felt dizzy here, he could only imagine how the mages felt. He sought out the largest tent, assuming that it served as their common room. When he politely nodded to the templars at the entrance, they barely flinched.

Entering the tent, Solas found the mages huddling in the corners, cramped and silent. All eyes followed him. “Good morning, fellow mages”, he greeted. “I hope I do not intrude. My name is Solas and I am here to offer you my assistance.” “You are the elf”, a woman declared, her voice floating as if she was in trance. Her state clearly wasn't well, but everyone seemed to know what she meant. “I suppose you have heard of me then?” From another corner someone snapped: “Did they lock you in here with us or are you here to make sure we behave?” Solas turned his head. The man glared at him. “Neither. I want to help you. With the rifts, the demons and with your overall situation.” That stirred the group.

“Do you speak to the Lady Seeker then? Tell her we're like animals in a cage?” “Why would she care about us?”, someone else hissed. “This is exactly what she wants.” “Your chances are better than you think”, Solas replied. “The Seeker has a different opinion than most clerics. She is aware of the corruption in the Templar Order and her own. In addition, she will need the help of the rebel mages to close the Breach. This threat is greater than the war.” “So she'll use us to save the world and then lock us back into the towers”, came another voice. “This is not decided yet. She'll be more willing to grant you freedom if you are remembered as heroes rather than rebels.” “Heroes?” Someone laughed. “We're no heroes, just monsters by the Chantry's law.”

“I am sorry I cannot make promises, I can only help you to stand against the threat and to resist the call of the Breach, keep your sanity. Only then, you have a chance to make a difference in this war. And I am not a watchdog. You may speak your mind. As an apostate, I do not favour the Chantry. I am accepted here because of the Lady Seeker's open mind.” Their looks softened a little and their muscles released some of the tension. Still, they didn't dare to move. “You also have allies among the soldiers”, Solas went on. “There was a man named Asher who asked me to help you.” To his surprise, their reaction wasn't positive. “There are two kinds of solders”, a mage explained, holding up two fingers. “One that sees us as monsters and wants us dead, and the other that keeps asking where their lost relatives are. But there's no kind that cares about us. We are the sorry bastards without family.” “I have a brother!”, the woman in trance suddenly shouted. “...Or with family that doesn't give a shit,” the mage concluded. “My brother cares about me! He just doesn't know where I am!” “Yeah, yeah, same old story. Does your brother even look for you? No, he doesn't. Because you're a mage.” The woman sobbed. “Why are you like this?” “Shut up, both of you”, another woman hissed. ”The templars...” “Let them come! I don't care!”

“Wait!” Solas raised his hands and cast a spell, a soothing aura that spread in the tent, pushing some of the lyrium out. Hopefully, it was soft enough to not be recognized by templars or to be felt uncomfortable. The mages fell silent, but they appeared to welcome the new atmosphere. “You care about yourselves, don't you?”, Solas asked. “That alone is worth fighting for.” The spell helped his words to bloom in the minds of the mages. “Let me help you.” Then he had their attention.

About midday, the bells of the Chantry suddenly rung. It was a sign for everyone in Haven to flock the building. Commander Cullen coordinated the march into the village. When the soldiers arrived before the building, the closest they could get in between the masses, Solas recognized Seeker Pentaghast, Sister Leliana, the Dalish woman and another woman, probably a noble, standing at the entrance. A group of clerics stood behind them. Cullen joined them when he had made his way through the masses. Then Cassandra stepped forward. She didn't have to quieten her audience, they were already standing in silence and awaiting orders.

“Honoured sisters and brothers of the Chantry, templars, mages, soldiers and villagers of Haven”, her voice resounded in the wide place, as if it came from the mountain behind her, “it was Divine Justinia's will to overcome the chaos, to restore order and to bring peace to Thedas. Now it is our duty to act out her will. We will reinforce the principles of which the Chantry was founded, close the Breach, find the attacker and bing them to justice. Therefore, I declare the Inquisition reborn.” Murmuring ensued, probably by the villagers, for the soldiers were too disciplined to open their mouths. A Chantry sister walked before the Seeker. holding out something. A book? Cassandra placed one hand on it and lifted the other as she vowed: “I, Seeker Pentaghast, Right Hand of Divine Justinia, pledge my will and my forces to the Inquisition.” Then it was the Left Hand's turn. “I, Sister Leliana, Left Hand of Divine Justinia, pledge my knowledge and my allies to the Inquisition.” She was followed by Commander Cullen.

Solas understood that an Inquisition with authority would receive assistance from all over Thedas. A smart decision. And it meant that the Divine's Hands would work together for now. Cullen was another curious one. So far, he appeared willing to serve. Lastly, the Dalish woman spoke. Her speech was almost drowned by shouts from the crowd, but not the sort one would expect. They called her “Herald of Andraste”, blessed her, prayed to her. When she lifted her glowing hand to vow, the shouts became cheers. In her red and golden Circle robe, one could even take her for a member of the Chantry. She simply said: “I, Ellana Lavellan, Keeper's First of Clan Lavellan, pledge myself to the Inquisition.”

Solas decided to make his agents look for clan Lavellan and find out her motivation for coming here. It may not be a coincidence that she had the mark and her confusion could be fake. Now, she so certainly gave herself to a Chantry organisation, no shyness in her voice. She was a Keeper, after all. The mark overshadowed her aura, but Solas was aware she possessed it. Whoever obtained control over Mythal's vallaslin couldn't be trusted. At the end of the ceremony, new banners were hoisted on the Chantry's facade – the Watchful Eye and the Blade of Mercy, intertwined to form the Inquisition's sigil. The people cheered, soldiers lifted their swords in the air. It was a mix of ceremonial choreography and real emotions. In contrast, the mages around Solas remained quiet.

On the march back to the camp, they began whisper to each other. “The Inquisition of old was formed to kill mages likes us.” “They think we created the Breach. They will kill us all.” “I'll never go back to a tower. I'll rather join the rebellion.” Nervous looks were cast at Solas. They, together with the stirred veil and the spirits calling from the Breach, almost gave him a headache. He pinched his nose in frustration.

Enduring the Dalish superstitions against mages had been difficult enough, but at least the elves had an overall positive view on the usefulness of them. Here, in Haven, between fearful humans, Solas truly felt what it meant to be a mage in this world. To be a normal person, simply with a stronger connection to the sky. In the old world, they would've been leaders, generals, scholars, artists, the most talented examples of the People. Here, they were prisoners. Slaves, even. Considered monsters for doing what was naturally given to everyone. To hear what permeated every element of the world – the song of creation. A terrible fire burned in his guts. In a way, he had made the world silent. All he could do now was to help these mages survive.

Back in the tent, they kept glancing at him with wary looks. The ice he had broken hours ago had regrown. Finally, Alaric, a mage who had been brought to a Circle at the age of ten, blurted out: “What does this mean for us, elf? Inquisition? What is the Seeker's plan? You didn't mention it at all!” “I was not aware she would rebuild the Inquisition”, Solas replied full of sympathy. “But the threat remains – the Breach must be closed.” “But it's more likely they sacrifice us to save their world”, a woman, Sibyl, concluded sadly. She was a young apprentice, still years apart from becoming an Enchanter, and she already prepared for her death. “Such a sacrifice is not necessary”, Solas pointed out. “It doesn't meant they won't do it.” “Listen, I did not lie to you when I said the Right and Left Hand of the Divine showed no hostility towards mages.” “As long as they think we'll go back to the Circle!”, Alaric snapped.. “There is no such thought. Both have plans to reform the Chantry. Seeker Pentaghast mentioned the Chantry has lost its true meaning when the Circles became prisons. Sister Leliana has noted the same. Commander Cullen submits to their plans, or does he trouble you?” “Well, not less than any other templar. But we're still alive, if you mean that”, Alaric said sarcastically. He earned a few cramped laughs.

“In addition, the Herald of Andraste is a mage herself. As a Dalish elf, she can even be considered an apostate.” That shook them. “And they truly don't blame it on her? She was in chains when they transported her out of the temple”, Mabel, one of the few experienced Enchanters asked. “She is found innocent. Also, she is our only hope to close the Breach. You see, we need all forces in Thedas against this threat and the Inquisition is a way to achieve the authority for such an endeavour. It does not change your position. It can only better for you if you help the Inquisition. And you should meet with the Herald.” That found their approval.

He finished the lesson he had begun before the ceremony, then went back to the village, intending to pay the tavern a visit and then make himself a home in one of the cottages. Commander Cullen caught his attention, standing at the Chantry's entrance and nailing something to the door. Solas went closer, eyeing it curiously. Cullen noticed him. “The Proclamation of the Inquisition”, he explained. Solas regarded the parchment with many, tiny written letters. “Is there a short version?”, he quipped even though he was curious to read it all. Cullen tapped a line on the text and Solas read it. Into darkness, unafraid. That made him smile. “I see.” They exchanged quiet chuckles and Cullen went back to another task.

Solas began to read, hands clasped against his back, when someone opened the door and came to a halt in front of him. It was Ellana Lavellan. She seemed to be uncertain how to look at him. Her eyes got stuck on the pendant, then his cloak. “The Chosen of Andraste”, he greeted her with a little bow. “A blessed hero sent to save us all.” She let out an irritated breath. “Do you also believe the Maker sent me?” “Why should I not be open to such a thought?”, Solas said with the most innocent look. “Lacking the knowledge needed to prove it wrong?” “I am a Dalish elf.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “What would a shemlen god want from me?” “If the Maker has made this world and everything in it, it would also include you.” “Now you sound like a cleric.” She sighed again and shook her head. “Who are you? Are you an Andrastian? A...city elf?” Her eyes searched him.

Solas straightened himself. “I believe you ask if I am a flat-ear. Well, apparently, I am.” “I didn't say that. I'm just honestly curious.” “What else is there to know about me, I wonder? I am deluded, I forgot my tradition and am no better than a shemlen.” He now had a greater insight into the Dalish perspective and didn't hesitate to show it. “I wasn't...why...?” Ellana stuttered. He found it amusing that being confronted with her own superstition confused her. Then she caught herself. “Well, for once I'd like to know why you're wearing a costume. A Dalish costume, even. Although in a disrespectful, reckless and childish manner.” “Ah, a keen observation. You have answered your question yourself then.” “So...that is you? Just a gimmick at parties? To scare the naughty da'lens into going to bed?” “I remember I scared you not long ago.” “That's highly unfair. I went through the fade right before that and I woke up from a nightmare. Although I'm not sure I'm still in one.” Solas would've pitied her if it wasn't her fault.

“Perhaps I taught you a lesson there, to not blame your problems on traditional bogeymen so quickly.” “You taught me nothing!”, she replied sharply. “You don't know what you're dealing with!” “A pity. Next time you think you meet your worst nightmare, remember it's just me.” She huffed angrily. “You're the one who's giving in to superstition too quickly! Who told you to disrespect the Dread Wolf? The shemlen? Or do City Elves already mock their own culture?” “I prefer to think for myself, albeit it is frowned upon my many cultures.” “So you know nothing. You believe in your own fantasies.” “Answers aren't hard to find if you know where to look. Our ancestors left their marks in the fade, just waiting for an open mind to discover them.” “In the fade? You believe in your own dreams? In what demons tell you?” “I was wondering if you'd make the assumption. Fade means demons to you, all but lies and threats. The fade's true nature is not deceitful, if you look at it with open eyes.” She pressed her hands against her hips. “You should speak to a Keeper about it. That would be amusing.”

“But you recall that my delusions saved your life?” “I don't know what you really did”, she pointed out. “So far, you came out of nowhere and knew how the mark works.” “Suspicious, do you think? Then may I ask why a Dalish elf went to the Conclave?” “Now you suddenly think I'm a terrorist! Could you make up your mind?” “I am asking, not judging.” Ellana thought his tone was very judging. She wanted to strangle him with his coat, Dread Wolf forgive her. “The war affected us Dalish, too. Templars are on the hunt, killing everyone in their way and mage rebels raid all camps they can find for supplies. Nobody spares us. The Keeper sent me to the Conclave. We hoped the war would end. Now, I must stay to save the world.” “What difference would your presence at the Conclave have made?” “Well, you know, the shemlen don't deliver their news to us!” “That is true. The disadvantage of hiding in the woods.” Now she was about to slap him.

“You can leave if you like”, she snapped. “Nothing's holding you here.” “I am afraid I have to watch over the mark on your hand. It is our only hope, but it could also end your life before you can put it to use.” “Does that mean you will watch me sleep again?” A shiver ran down her spine. “No, that will not be necessary. I trust you to alarm the guards if something happens to you.” She relaxed. “What a relief.” Then she pointed a finger at him. “If I ever wake up to your lurking face again, I will feed you your own staff and that ridiculous coat! You understand?” He smiled. “It will not happen again, Herald.” Now his voice was soft. She could almost think it was real compassion. Now, she looked him in the eyes. “You disrespect your own culture. You tempt your fate, provoking the worst enemy of your people”, she summarized, loud and slowly, hoping he would get the message. “I thought you do not consider flat-ears to be a part of your people”, he said dryly. “You are elves, no matter where you live or what you believe in! We share the same fate!”, she said into his ignorant, blank face. “May you never have to learn your lesson!” With that, she stormed away, down the stone steps. Solas looked after her, pondering all the things he could've said instead.

[tomyo]

Pokemon Snap

For years now this had been one of those games I decided I'd buy for virtual console. I don't really see myself as a collector of games but the problem is is you fall into game collecting by virtue of wanting to enjoy an experience. Snap was one of those games I knew I'd be annoyed with if I didn't own and overall I've tried to avoid more consoles in my life. Outside of handheld consoles, I already live my life with a Dreamcast, Gamecube, PS2, Wii, Xbox 360, Wii U, and now Switch. I know for a lot of people that isn't a lot of anything but I do have a ridiculous amount of other collections, lots of odd electronics and old school toys and and figures and pokemon merch and an ungodly amount of books. Which in itself isn't actually that much when you see how people collect those things but fuck it, I am an independent artist who lives majorly in a 10x10 ft space. As much as I'd love to own a special edition 64, I try to keep my ownership to a minimum which is ironically why I bought my Wii U last year. It just takes up less space and gives me more right now. To be honest I still regret not buying snap on the wii when I had the chance for the sake of the wii board feature but oh well.

The actual game itself I'd say gives for what its worth. As suggested, I didn't actually grow up playing this game and by now it finally got the sequel everyone was screaming for it to be on with the Wii U. Honestly I think there was a lot missed that it in fact hadn't ended up on the Wii U. I don't think it'd be surprising to say based on the list of games in this backlog adventure that I'm much more involved with handheld than home consoles. Even most of my Wii U usage is through its screen. In some ways systems like the Switch have been a great means to catch up on a lot of those games I've missed growing up because it's often the grounding to a TV that stops me from playing many of them.

At the same time I've come to realize a flaw when it comes to the size of graphics now. Would I have played Snap if it wasn't basically handheld on my wii u? No, probably not. Is it an enjoyable experience from the handheld? Kinda also not. I think I could've made it a more engaging experience if I had been playing it on a large tv. Imagining what it would have been like if I had done so all this time or what it would've been like playing as a kid with a tube tv just sounds so much much more appealing.

Currently I'm not really invested in playing beyond the cave level. The biggest thing is knowing some photos aren't good enough to unlock more in it but I can't save the photos I've taken outside of the game. I adore the photo of Jigglypuff I've taken but I'm aware there are higher scoring photos I could take to progress. Again if I could've saved these photos outside of the game I wouldn't be as heartbroken as I kind of feel. In hindsight, the wii u one is the worst port for being the only one that can't allow it.

Outside of that, the experience is fun and easy to pick up. There's just things in my head now telling me how much more I likely would have loved it if I had played it when I was younger. Not as much to say it isn't an enjoyable adult experience as much as how used I am now to smaller screens. Might keep this in mind when playing earthbound and go for playing it on my docked switch more than through the 3ds copy I bought.

[kainissoable]

Homecoming but Okayer

I started thinking about how to make Silent Hill: Homecoming more coherent and emotionally satisfying without having to discard too many of the major story beats. What I ended up with was about 2000 words of a half-baked idea, which in fairness is still slightly more baked than the idea the team who were paid to make the game came up with.

We start with a shorter version of the opening nightmare with more of an emphasis on the nurses. It’s hard to tell, but the two or three patients they’ve mutilated all bear a resemblance to Alex without actually using the same model. The dream ends when a nurse stabs him in the chest. Just behind her, he sees Josh, and wakes up shouting for him.

Alex wakes up and winces, putting a hand to his chest. As he takes some nondescript medication and looks around the shabby motel room, we get a voiceover of his mother, reading out the letter she sent to him inviting him back home before his next deployment. She never mentions his name.

When he reaches Shepherd’s Glen, the fog is so thick he can barely see. There are dozens of abandoned vehicles on the road in, and eventually he has to get out of his car and walk.

The town is pretty much deserted, but there are signs of violence on almost every street. Then he recognises someone in the fog – Detective Wheeler. He runs over, but Wheeler doesn’t recognise him, or know of any Alex Shepherd. Wheeler coldly tells him that whoever he is it’s best if he leaves town. There’s nothing good here now.

He leaves, confused and unsettled, but carries on down the empty streets. On his way, he finds one other living person – Judge Holloway. He calls out again. Surely his Aunt Maggie will remember him. There were no ties of blood between them, but he’d been friends with her daughter Elle since they were small, and she’d almost been a second mother to him.

Judge Holloway looks at him blankly until he says his name, and then she’s all smiles. Oh, hasn’t he changed, no wonder she didn’t recognise him in all this fog. Go see your mother, dear, she’s waiting for you. Such a pity Elle isn’t here to greet you but she’s busy.

Alex continues, feeling more optimistic, until he sees the third figure in the fog. From a distance, it looks like someone crawling along the street, but as he gets closer, he sees it’s no human. Armed with only a utility knife, Alex either fights it or flees, and eventually reaches his childhood home.

When he gets there, he can look around a little and pick up a couple of things. There are several pictures of his parents and brother, Josh, and in his mother’s sewing room is a picture of Josh and an older girl. Alex says he remembers that being taken, must be eight or nine years ago by now.

When he finds his mother, she looks like she’s been crying. She looks at him for a long time before hugging him and starts crying again. “I missed you too, Mom.” Alex tears up a bit too. It’s been a long time since he was last home. She glances out the window and hands him his dad’s old pistol. “See if you can find Elle. It’s not safe out there.”

Alex takes the pistol and goes out in search of her. He finds Elle hanging up a missing person poster. Her little sister Nora vanished a few days ago. Alex says he’ll help her look.

There’s no sign of Nora, but once or twice Alex sees Jake in the fog. If he runs towards him, the vision fades and all he finds is a dead end. He finds a hairband at the playground near the cemetery, but then sees Mayor Bartlett in the graveyard. Concerned for him, Alex follows him to a run down hotel.

He doesn’t find the mayor inside, but he does find several more monsters and a room he can’t get into with a woman inside. He sounds like such a nice young man, she says. Would he help her remember? Alex agrees and finds some letters and postcards of hers. As her memories start returning, she becomes distressed and guilty for her infidelity to her dying husband. Alex can choose to comfort her, help her come to terms with her actions, or speak to her harshly. Her ghost may then move on, leaving him a key to find the mayor.

Mayor Bartlett is in a garden that actually looks like a garden. He’s talking to himself, or possibly to the tree in the centre. Either way, he laughs when Alex asks about Nora, then panics. “He” has woken up.

The world changes and the tree twists into something closer to a corpse. It picks up Bartlett in one hand and crushes him. Then it turns its attention on Alex.

Alex fights and kills it, then faints as the world tuns back to normal.

He wakes up in a jail cell with Deputy Wheeler staring at him through the bars. He’s clearly suspicious, and things might have gone very badly for Alex if Elle hadn’t vouched for him. Wheeler releases him because law isn’t starting to mean much in this town now, and Alex and Elle find themselves fighting through dozens of monsters on the streets.

Jake appears again in the distance, but Alex holds Elle back when she tries to help him. He says he’ll explain later, because the monsters are closing in.

They take refuge in Dr Fitch’s surgery after being surrounded and find his daughter Scarlett’s playroom. Elle picks up one of her dolls which has fallen on the floor and asks if now is a good time for Alex’s explanation. He tells her that it can’t be Josh. He died last year in a boating accident. Alex says it was his fault, he should have been watching him more closely, but he was so distracted doing his reading for the army aptitude test, Josh wasn’t a priority. He wanted so badly to make his dad proud, but all he did was fail his family again. Elle starts to say something, but she doesn’t get beyond Alex before the world changes and she vanishes.

Alex explores the Otherworld surgery looking for her. He doesn’t find Elle, but at the bottom of a perilous descent littered with monster nurses, he finds Dr Fitch crying and cutting himself over and over with a scalpel. Alex tries to talk him out of it, but Fitch keeps babbling about his sins and how sorry he is to his little girl. The “little girl” is a disproportionate porcelain doll over twice his height, which kills the doctor and makes a spirited attempt to do the same to Alex.

Once Scarlett is killed for the second time, Alex wakes up in the playroom where he was. Elle wakes up beside him, but instead of a doll, she’s holding a key. She recognises the seal as matching the one in the town hall where her mother works. Elle gives the key to Alex and returns home to check on her mother and let her know what’s happened.

Alex goes to the town hall alone and discovers a ceremonial dagger hidden there. He recognises the pattern on its hilt as matching his mother’s jewellery box. He goes back home in search of answers and walks in on an argument between his parents and Judge Holloway. He doesn’t catch much more than his dad shouting that he failed.

They all turn as Alex bursts in and his mother’s face goes pale. Judge Holloway asks him to come with her. Elle’s tracked down Nora in Silent Hill, she says, what reason does he have to stay here?

Alex wavers, but before he can make a decision, a group of monsters burst through the window. His parents and Judge Holloway are dragged away, the former by more inventive redesigns of Pyramid Head, the latter by a monster taking some design inspiration from the Missionaries in SH3. Another of the same type attacks Alex.

The Otherworld returns once it’s defeated and Alex has to navigate a twisted version of his childhood home. While there, he finds his mother’s jewellery box and inside finds some photos of him and Josh growing up. This is where anyone who hasn’t already twigged finds out that Alex is a trans man, and always felt that he was letting his family down because of his identity. Looking at these photographs with his mother’s neat hand crossing out an illegible name and replacing it with Alex is the first time he feels accepted by her.

Alex escapes the hell house and finds Wheeler, who he convinces to help him rescue his family and loved ones from Silent Hill. Once there, they split up to cover more area. In the undercroft of a church, Alex discovers the shared history of Shepherd’s Glen and Silent Hill, of how his town’s four founding families kept the Otherworld’s influence at bay with a blood sacrifice every 50 years – a child for every family.

He heads deeper into the crypt and finds his parents at the centre of a shrinking ring of fire, two of the pyramid headed monsters looking on impassively. It transpires that his mother had invited Alex back to be sacrificed, but they couldn’t go through with it, not after losing Josh the same way. They hoped that the town would accept the accidental drowning, but realised too late that it hadn’t. Alex has the option to try to save them, but either way he fails. The monsters don’t stop him from leaving the church.

Outside, he finds Judge Holloway. Apart form a couple of bruises, she looks unharmed, and she comforts him as he weeps. Eventually, Alex asks after her daughters. He says he knows what the powers that be want her to do, but they can’t save the town now, but they can still save the people. She agrees, says she knows where Nora was being held and if they hurry, they might be able to rescue her. She leads him to a large open room and runs though a door which locks behind her. Nora was already dead, and this human centipede of hands reaching out to choke him is all that’s left of her.

Alex defeats the monster that was once as close to him as a sister, and when the noise ends, Judge Holloway returns, expecting to see him unconscious on the floor. She flies into a rage, telling him to abandon this selfishness or everything will be for naught. As she speaks, her voice becomes more and more difficult to understand as her body changes and she abandons the last of her humanity.

The monster that she changes into tries to drown Alex and fulfil the final sacrifice. She loved him as  much of either of her daughters and she’s willing to sacrifice him just the same. Alex fights for his life and takes hers with a heavy heart. It wouldn’t have worked, he knows. It has to be someone of the Shepherd’s blood to consign him willingly to the water, and now there’s no one else left. He looks into the deep, dark pool he was so recently fighting to get away from, and jumps.

Depending on his actions, there are three fates for Alex. If he lets his self hatred and guilt rule him, his death saves the town in a bittersweet ending. If he chose wrath and vengeance, his body is dragged out of the water by the two pyramid headed monsters to become another judge of the guilty. If he chose to accept himself and come to terms with his actions, Elle and Wheeler pull him out of the water and he survives as well as the town of Shepherd’s Glen.

[writingintheshadowsforever]

Imagine Saving Beatrix From The Scarpers

"Man I hate these stuffy rich events" You muttered under your breath. A few fairies dressed up in silky fancy dresses walked past you to head into the quarter where the dinner was being held. One of them gave you a quick glance before turning her head to the side to whisper something to her friend. Who looked at in your direction as well, but unlike her friend she kept her eyes locked onto you. Longer making it pretty clear she was checking you out, and when you finally made eye contact. The fairy girl gave you a quick wink before disappearing into the crowd, but not without sending you one last lingering look.

It was invitation to join her now or maybe later. You really didn't know but girls all over campus had been showing a bit more attention. Ever since word got out that Beatrix had been seen crying outside of your room door, and you didn't come out to comfort her or anything. Everyone took that as a clear sign that not only were you done with her, but now you were truly over as well. Because in all truth even though the two of you broke up last year. Well she dumped you to do whatever it is her, Riven, and Dane had going on. But you still refused to move on afterwards, and no matter who asked you out. You would always turn her down, so the rumor that you were finally back on the dating market attracted a lot of attention.

"So y/n when are going to share your secrets because I wouldn't mind having as many as options as you do." Kat said walking over to stand beside you smiling at another passing fairy girl who tried to hide your sneaky glances.

"Its not really a secret Kat people want what they think they can't have. This whole school has spent the past couple of months believing I was unattainable, and now some of them think they have a better shot than they did before." You told her with a shrug.

"Well do they because you haven't spared either of these girls a second look. Did you not see anyone you like?" She asked with a tone of disbelief. No one was more baffled by your behavior than her considering. She was the one who consoled you when your broken heart was fresh, and crippling to your Specialist duties.

"No I didn't and I never said I was back in the dating game. I'm fine single and I plan on keeping it that way for the now."

Kat shook her head then shoot you a knowing look with disappointment in her eyes.

"What?" You asked playing dumb.

"You're still in love with Beatrix" she answered with no hesitation.

You let out a groan throwing your hands in the air. You turned your back to walk away from Kat, but she caught you by the wrist. "You know I'm right y/n but what I don't understand. What I need you to explain to me is why did you reject her. When you want nothing more than to be with her."

"Are you forgetting that she had at your room door crying because she tossed me aside without second thought." You hissed yanking your wrist out of her grip.

"Yes but that was then and this is now don't you think she's learned her lesson. I mean she is pretty miserable these days with no friends or anyone to turn to." Kat told you.

"This is coming from a girl who will taken her toxic ex back at a moment's notice" You shot back.

A flash of hurt passed over her face for a brief second but was gone just as quickly. As Kat masked the pain with an aloof look waving your comment off. But you still knew it was a low blow, and it had hurt her feelings. You regretted it instantly, but was in no mood to apologize. You hated how right Kat was about your feelings for Beatrix, and deep down you did think she had suffered enough. It had been a week since you kicked out your room that night. And while you did wish to reconcile with the fairy. You didn't know how your mind kept replaying your words to her that night.

"Empty and lonely maybe its time you knew what that felt like"

How could you be so cruel? Of course Beatrix knew what it was like to be alone. She was an orphan who did have a surrogate father in Sky's dad. But still he had went missing for years, and with everything going on Andreas hadn't been able to be there for her like before. You were the only person in the entire school who truly knew the electric fairy inside and out. Riven only managed to scratch the surface of her life, and Dane hadn't touch it at all.

"I'm going on a break can you handle this?" You asked Kat after the silence started to become nerve-racking.

Kat barely nodded at you but you heard the distant whisper. "Go."

Without another word you left your post and began the journey to the west wing of the school. It was still abandoned but with Rosalind's secrets brought to the light. The building or the woods around it was no longer off-limits to students. Even if the teachers and headmaster preferred that all of you stay away for safety purposes. The scrapers were still out there waiting for the perfect moment to attack. But you weren't a fairy, and was always equipped with a sword, and throwing knives. You would be fine.

A few minutes later you were sitting on the steps leading to the main west wing building. Drinking liquor out of small flask the bitter taste out it burning your throat as it went down. The liquor didn't take any thoughts of self-doubt. It only made them worse as the night drew on. You figured it was best to get back to your guarding duty, and as you stood up throwing the empty flask over the steps. A distant screeching noise filled the night sky drawing your attention making you come to a halt. Your head whirled in every direction trying to pinpoint exactly where it came from.

While it wasn't a sound you had heard before it sounded strikingly familiar to. The one you had heard Bloom and Aisha describing to her friends from when they found Rosalind's secret lab. The screeching grew a bit louder, and you could tell it was coming from the entrance gate to Alfea. You took the steps two at a time breaking out in run once your feet hit the pavement. Not caring about the danger that would be awaiting you once you got there.

The screeching got louder and worse the closer you got until eventually. You could hear it clear as day but now the screeches were mixed with something else. A person whimpering in pain, and your heart clenched in your chest. When you realized you recognized the voice those painful cries belonged to.

"No" you whispered to yourself picking up the pace as the front gate came into sight. Your eyes scanned the area frantically searching for the fairy, and in between the cracks of the stone wall. You were able to make out Beatrix's struggling form. A number of small blue slug-like creatures were attached to her body.

You threw yourself over the small wall, and rolled to the ground. Coming up on your feet you yanked your sword free from the scabbard on your back. More of the creatures were approaching from the forest so you cut them down first. Then turned your attention to Beatrix who was kicking and squirming trying to detach the scrapers from her body. You drove your sword through the body of one at her legs, and the scraper finally released her leg to screech in pain. It reeled its head back expanding his tentacle mouth. It died fairly quickly, and you released your sword in order to just rip them off of her by hand.

You didn't know if it hurt her more to have them pulled away in such a violent way, but the alternative would've took to long for your liking. But at this point it didn't seem to matter Beatrix tilted her head to the side as you caressed her cheek calling out her name. Her eyelids were half-closed, but the faint smile on her lips let you know she was aware that it was you who had saved her. And if that didn't the whisper of relief "you came" did. After that her head slumped to the side as she fell unconscious.

"I got you" You reassured her gathering her body up into your arms bridal style. You stood up and started to make your way back to the school not even bothering to retrieve your sword.

Two Days Later

Everyone was still at the banquet when you arrived back to campus carrying a limp Beatrix in your arms. The first person you sought out was Terra knowing she specialized in medicine, and even though she didn't really care for Beatrix. The Earth fairy would never turn away from a patient in her condition. Terra and Flora didn't know how to react when you kicked the door to the greenhouse open.

At first Flora was ready to yell at you for being so reckless with the door instead of knocking. Like everyone else but she took one look at Beatrix and waved you in.

You wasted no time rushing into the infirmary space of the greenhouse, and gently placing her in the first available bed. Flora was scrambling around grabbing various plants, and liquids. Terra was still in shock even more now but eventually she was able to stutter out her question. "Wh-what ha-ha-happened to h-her?"

"The scrapers" you told her bent down resting your forehead on hers. "You're going to be okay I promise B."

The sign of affection did throw Terra off a little bit, because like everyone else she thought you were done with Beatrix. Flora wasn't fazed one bit coming over with supplies in hand.

"You can stay but you gotta take a step back y/n, and let us work. Terra come on she needs medical attention." Flora ordered with an authority neither of you knew she possessed.

You pulled yourself away from Beatrix and settled into a chair a few feet away to watch Terra and Flora work.

They were up for a few hours patching up the bloody bites the scrapers left behind on her neck, legs, and arms. At some point you dozed off in the chair as they worked giving her some antibiotics as well. Terra decided it was best to notify Rosalind just in case considering neither her or Flora truly knew. What the scrapers were capable of, and rather or not the injuries would leave behind some poison. It would be up in the air rather she would still have her magic. No one would truly know until she was awake again.

Beatrix was unconscious for a total of two days, and you didn't leave her side not once. Andreas came to visit a few times and at the sight of you resting your head on her sleeping chest. With an arm wrapped around her waist as yo stared up into her sleeping face. He decided you were relieved of all training and guarding duties for the next few days. He thanked you personally for saving his daughter's life, and stayed for as long as he could.

Beatrix came to in the middle of the night when the infirmary was deserted other than you and Terra. She shot up in a panic eyes looking around the room frantically. Terra heard her panicked gasps, and rushed over to reassure she was okay. That was when Beatrix noticed your sleeping form curled up in the chair.

"She hasn't left your side since she brought you in" Terra informed with a small smile.

"Really?" Beatrix questioned still in shock. She tried to remember what exactly had happened, but her memory was fuzzy. Her brain could recall the scrapers attacking her. But what happened after that was where her mind drew a blank. The only thing she could peace together was a sword going through one of the scrapers. After that was nothing but pain and darkness.

"She was the one who saved you yes" Terra continued. "Y/N has been worrying herself sick over you the past two days."

You were never a heavy sleeper so it didn't matter that they were speaking in hushed whispers. It still stirred you awake, and your eyes opened to a pair of hazel-green eyes boring into your own. You slowly sat up placing your feet back on the ground. Beatrix regarded you with a look of uncertainty trying to decipher what your actions meant. Was it just a heroic act, you fulfilling your duty as a Specialist, or did it mean something more. Her emotions were a raging storm on the inside.

The fairy missed you terribly and was willing to take you back in a heartbeat. Even if you offered her no apology for your harsh actions the last time she came to you. In all honesty she had deserved the way you treated her, because it always should've been you. Beatrix realized that night that leaving you was the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life.

Neither of you said anything to the other for the longest time. The two of you just stared at each other. Your eyes were filled with relief and when the tears slid down your cheek. Beatrix opened her mouth to say something. Her words didn't get the chance to leave the tip of her tongue. As they were caught in the back of her throat when your lips crashed into hers. It was feeling that she hadn't felt in months, but still remembered and dreamed about every night.

The kiss was unexpected but she still managed to respond leaning in a bit more. As her lips moved in sync with yours in a desperate but loving kiss. At this point Terra could see her presence was no longer needed and scurried away with a blush.

You pulled away for just a second letting her catch a breath but your lips stayed hovering over hers. A few more quick kisses here and there and now you were in the bed with her. "I'm sorry B for everything I never should've said those things."

"No no you're okay I'm a horrible person who just uses people for my own personal gain" Beatrix argued. Leaning back into the bed as you hovered over her.

"Its not your fault and I know that I mean you got a long way to go, but I want this." You replied rolling over to lay on your side. "I want you Beatrix I freaking love you."

A red tint coated her cheeks at your confession, and she tried to look away. Your hand caught her by the chin to turn her head back to you. "Don't hide from me B not anymore. You don't have to say it back right now, but tell me you still want this."

"I want you y/n I've always wanted you" she confessed.

You sealed your lips back onto hers in response. This kiss was a promise of forever.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: okay I need Ali: like fucking Ali: total seriousness from you right now Ali: can you handle that Tommy: whoa Tommy: alright yeah Tommy: unless you're preggo I ain't keeping that to myself for the next 9 like Ali: god no Ali: i know you're gay as hell so the birds and the bees don't worry you none but if anything you should KNOW that means I'm good right now Ali: but this is going to sound like as much of a joke Ali: but it ain't, yeah? Tommy: what you and your girlfriend do or who ain't none of my business but obviously we ain't here for that, are we? Tommy: I'm sitting down, go for it Ali: sure, sure, I'll make you go red later Ali: preferably when I can see/laugh but no, it ain't so Ali: fuck Ali: so this is weird like Ali: beyond Ali: you know Joe finally made an apperance here yeah Tommy: you're scaring me, Kat Tommy: unless he came out I don't reckon I'm ready to hear this Ali: I can't say if that's unwarranted or not, like Ali: soz Ali: basically, he came to me for a drugs hookup Ali: like, that's what the fuck weird enough but you know Ali: do you Ali: so I sent him to Drew, you know, Meena's brother? Ali: he deals now Ali: and then he hit me back up and shit Ali: you gotta tell me if this is some kinda sick joke but the boy sounded deadly serious, like HE was scared Ali: he said Joe asked for heroin, Tommo Tommy: nah nah he's gotta have it twisted Tommy: like he's pretty so he don't have to be the smartest, yeah Tommy: it'll be like a bad brain day so he needed to go harder than his prescription maybe but Tommy: not that fucking hard Ali: I wanna think that but Ali: he looked sick, Joe Ali: and idk how they could've had that miscommunication like smack is smack it's not like, nah I want this type of pill not that Tommy: probably got his slang fucked up Tommy: he's like an old man you know Tommy: sometimes Ali: he ain't that green Ali: fucking hell, even Ro could list a few names for it Ali: I literally do not know what to do Ali: because as soon as he came back, basically Ali: he's gone Ali: said his uni friend was in a car crash or some bullshit Ali: maybe it ain't but the timing reeks of it Tommy: fuck Tommy: this is so bad Tommy: did they see him, ma or da? Ali: nope, mum was taking rocky to the park or some shit whilst dad did the shop so they're all due back any time and I've gotta pass on the message Ali: minus the drugs, presumably Ali: what the fuck Tommy: don't say shit to them Tommy: she'll fucking Tommy: alright, where are Bea & Fraze like right now? Ali: idk Ali: not here, he waited long as he could to sneak out like he was never here Ali: should I tell them Ali: I swear to God I ain't got no wires crossed Ali: I've got all the messages from Drew, it's black and white so unless he's a real mentalist and just taking the piss Tommy: you deffo ain't that green & jesus all signs really are pointing to proper smackhead Tommy: Meena's brother's loads of things but I don't reckon he'd go this hard just to get your attention Tommy: no shade honey Ali: my thoughts exactly Ali: unless he's one of those people who's ultimate fantasy is to be murdered and I'm the master criminal for the job Ali: it just isn't something you lie about, unless you're totally cracked in the head yourself Tommy: we can kink shame him later like Tommy: but you gotta hit up the IT couple with this Tommy: I can try & talk to Joe but a screen's easy to ignore if you ain't shooting up heroin so I dunno reckon my luck's out Ali: I don't even know what the hell he's gonna say Ali: but I can't just Ali: sweep that one under the rug, can I Ali: Joe was like, gone, and not in a this is a bad brain day way like a Ali: I don't know Ali: let's say there was no putting the kettle on and convincing him to stay 'til the 'rents were back, like Tommy: we can't just Tommy: I'm here for this Tommy: and you can say like a skaghead Tommy: might have to Ali: fuck Ali: how Ali: why Tommy: I dunno Tommy: who's he with Tommy: what's he do Tommy: who the fuck is he Tommy: what's he playing at Ali: all valid questions but who knows Ali: none of us Ali: it was so easy to say like, 'don't blame him' when he didn't come home ever but Ali: it's weird, we're taking like any possible excuse not to be here Tommy *~ Yeah Tommy: do you want me to come back? Ali: no Ali: you should stay there Ali: if there's an intervention I'll buy you a ticket Ali: god knows you can't be missing out on that drama Ali: but realistically Ali: you know this family, what's getting done Tommy: cheers Tommy: but you ain't told Fraze yet, you know he's done crazier than get on a plane to start shit Ali: true Ali: Jesus Tommy: if throw us & the lovebirds in a group chat that's the best it can go Tommy: she'll calm him down Ali: I truly hate this family Tommy: you & me both, Kit Tommy: Drew isn't gonna say shit is he? Ali: I don't think he would Ali: like what's he got to gain from that Tommy: like don't tell your girlfriend I said so but use your feminine wiles if you have to, yeah? Tommy: if ma finds out about this it's gonna properly wreck her Ali: that's why I'm kinda glad he left 'cos it was fucking obvious Ali: but still, what are we gonna do Ali: lock him in a cupboard legit, let him out when he's ready to behave Tommy: she lost it enough over you all summer no way she can handle this Ali: are you saying I should've done smack Ali: got my moneys worth like Tommy: I'm not not saying it Tommy: fucking hell Ali: ah a summer of regrets Ali: seriously Ali: I wanna puke Tommy: you had the best time Tommy: but summer's well and truly over now Tommy: should we pray to sexy Jesus or what Ali: yeah, put down the needle, Joe Ali: it can't hurt, we're in theory catholics so Ali: say sorry and he'll do anything for us Tommy: so out of my depth with this Tommy: this school is well straight edge and there's no religious imagery anywhere Ali: 'cos real rockstars don't go stage school, babe 💔 Ali: maybe he was just gonna smoke it? ehhh Ali: literally the best consolation I've got for any of 'em right now Tommy: I don't wanna be a rockstar honey, that's you Tommy: maybe it was for a 'friend' lol Ali: don't Ali: if he asked drew for a condom too we'd have to dash to the airport like it's love actually Tommy: I wouldn't make that boy use protection but enough about me Ali: THOMAS Ali: behave Ali: this is so serious Tommy: I'm sorry but I'm not used to the kind of gay panic where I'm a gay just panicking like Ali: if you could send me a video of you flapping your limp wrists about, so I know it's real, tah Tommy: least I can do Tommy: I'm really fucking scared, you know Tommy: like, it's Joe Ali: me too Ali: I'm not trying to be a hypocrite but it's fucking heroin Ali: like how are we at defcon1 Tommy: he's not gonna die, yeah? That's only a just say no tactic, right? Tommy: like its not cut with rat poison anymore or Tommy: whatever the fuck Ali: I mean Ali: it's a risk with all drugs but like Ali: you kill off too many punters you get a rep so let's hope his shit is clean-ish Ali: and he knows how to dose Ali: though how the fuck this is even a conversation we're having about JOE Ali: just Tommy: that's a point what did Goldilocks give him 'cause I know he ain't stocking that Tommy: ma would've kneecapped him if he was dealing that hard Tommy: shit Tommy: I dunno Tommy: how is this our real life Ali: he said, Drew, this is, that he just gave him benzos Ali: but it sounded like he got like 50 which he surely did not go through before he left Ali: so he's either got on a fucking plane with 'em or he's left an emergency stash here Ali: do I check his room like that paranoid mother or Tommy: 50 like 5 0 Tommy: Christ almighty Tommy: yeah you should before you tell Fraze Ali: like that's a months worth Ali: idk why he'd get that many just to see him through, even if Drew was being a dick and seeing how much money he could get Ali: probably wiped out his supply of, like Ali: I will Ali: watch me get the blame for them, hope he's written his name on like it's houmous in the fridge or something Tommy: this is so fucked Tommy: how big is his bastard habit Tommy: like I can't Ali: you don't think Ali: oh God oh God Ali: is he online rn hold on Tommy: you think he's Tommy: shit Ali: I'll phone him fuck this Ali: and I'm telling Fraze like, right fucking now Tommy: you have to Tommy: if it's Tommy: we're out of time Ali: okay shit, I'll stay on here to you so you ain't left in the dark but I am also on it Tommy: yeah alright Ali: [a while but not forever] Ali: made him facetime me and he was at the airport, like he said Ali: basically, there's a 'fuck school is nearly here' party so he got that many for it and he reckons 'cos he's got a prescription for 'em, he just filled up his empty box and no one's gonna know, he'd gone through so like Ali: he had got away with that Ali: he seemed more with it, genuine Ali: I dunno Ali: I wasn't getting 'phone the ambulance now' vibes from him, it was reassuring, I wouldn't bullshit you on that Ali: not when it could be so bad Tommy: fucking prick Tommy: I thought like Tommy: thank god Ali: I know Ali: he was having a fucking coffee like Ali: I don't reckon you'd go spend your last in a fucking airport, even if you were done with life Tommy: bleak wouldn't be the word Tommy: next time I see him he's dead though Ali: seriously Ali: there's still the heroin issue but Ali: at least he's not actively killing himself like right this second Tommy: are we 100% that Drew's not just a really really shitty dealer Tommy: like did he say heroin Tommy: I'm grasping at straws and I fully hear myself but Ali: sadly I don't think he's hearing the H bomb just to say he ain't got any Ali: if he had a load to shift, I'd buy it Ali: but Ali: not buy it buy it Ali: this isn't a convoluted cry for help Tommy: don't make me laugh right now Ali: soz Ali: I can't help being such a natural comedic talent Tommy: yeah yeah genius we know babe Ali: gotta milk it whilst I'm still a kid Ali: the shine really gonna dull when I hit 16 Tommy: I'm sure your girlfriend is living for your prodigy status Tommy: I'm beating the boys off (yeah also a euphemism bye) & its only hard work Ali: good for your art, I'm sure Tommy: good for me Tommy: sod my art Ali: sorry Ali: I'll be happy for you when I'm coming down from my heart attack Ali: I am Tommy: me too Tommy: no worries Tommy: we can celebrate me being a hoe any other time Ali: we will 💚 Ali: thanks for not letting me/Joe die alone though Tommy: come down one weekend with your love interest Tommy: I promise to make it super but not intimidatingly gay Tommy: kinda my thing Ali: 'sounds good man Ali: maybe Halloween, bet you do some mad gay shit Tommy: 'course Tommy: Ali, you know I love you, yeah? Tommy: like being dramatic is also my thing but I mean Ali: 'course I do Ali: I can put you down as having me as favourite too, yeah? Ali: say it back if so Tommy: obviously Tommy: Rock's cool but he can't hang like you so Ali: get in Ali: 'til his bed time is past 8pm he can suck it Ali: love you too Tom-tom Tommy: I'd love to go to bed at 8 sometimes Tommy: this school is fucking knackering Ali: I bet Ali: worth it though Ali: yeah Tommy: maybe Tommy: probably Ali: more worth it than here would be Ali: definitely Tommy: full of more fit lads definitely Tommy: at least that are out Ali: god bless Ali: can't all be turning straights Tommy: so last century Tommy: trust you to find one in the first place Tommy: everyone's got more labels than the wardrobe dept usually Ali: 😏 Ali: your bubble is gonna burst so hard man Ali: enjoy it whilst it lasts Ali: seriously Tommy: I'll blow another one it's alright Tommy: that and my own horn of course Tommy: soon as I'm out of here Ali: it's a party 🎊🎈🎆 Tommy: any and everywhere we tread honey Tommy: and you know the drill, whoever's asking I'm dancing like Ali: 👍 Ali: let you get on with all your beating now Ali: keep you in the loop vis a vis whatever the fuck is happening with this Joe thing but Ali: twiddling my thumbs 'til then so Tommy: cheers 🐱 Tommy: laters yous 💛 Ali: 💚