#would'vw propbably made a lot more sense if there was a little bit of story before that but what can you do I guess

[vibeguardian]

Tears and Sea Water

[it’s been a while and it’s not in the more “official” storyline but I wrote a lil something for @gridoc ‘s pirate au again!

huge thanks to @tunaships for beta reading this for me

set a little after Grian and NPG join the crew after an encounter with an old friend that rocked a lot of relationships in the crew]

Splish splash

The surface of the water is broken by tears violently hitting it. They fall, one after the other, surprisingly in sync with the tune the werewolf is mumbling to himself. 

Splish splash

The moonlight shines against the medallion in his hands. Gifted to him from his lovers; a promise to never leave each other. The tears spilled on it glisten in the low lighting. 

Splish splash

A wolf's howl echoes through the night. The sad undertone of it is one that could even make a rock weep. Despite the tiredness that darkened his under eyes, the man could not find rest in sleep. Sadly, a siren's lullaby has no effect on themselves. 

More tears drop on the surface of the sea, mixing in with the already salted water. They keep rolling down Ren's cheeks. Leaking from the corners of his eyes as he’s given up all effort to try and stop them. They pass the dark circles under them, some gathering up in puddles before they keep moving towards his chin. Streaming down his neck and soaking his shirt. He tries to cheer himself up, bringing old, nice memories to his mind. He quickly gives up on that as they have no benefit. All include either his brother... or them. All three of those people probably can’t bear to face him. Doc is not very harsh with him. The others are though. They refuse to talk to him, sometimes even refusing to acknowledge his existence. Doc occasionally spares an empathetic glance his way, as he too, is not in a good place. The captain of the ship gets most of the blame, yet Ren feels it all resting on his shoulders. ‘Traitor’ to all sea creatures. ‘Monster’ is the judgement he can clearly read in their eyes when they look at him. No doubt. No second chance. He often finds himself agreeing and he doesn’t know if that makes the situation more or less tragic. Sometimes he wishes this whole thing would've ended so much sooner. He tries to push the thought away, but it keeps creeping at the back of his mind. Maybe he could’ve rested if TFC hadn't found him that night. Now he can't. All because a siren can only charm others with their song. 

Stress says he's not behaving like he used to. She insists he needs to explain and apologize to them, but he doesn't think they'll ever wanna see him again. Listening to what he has to say is a whole other thing. Everything on the ship feels like too much. The tension in the air is ready to snap, as fragile as the finest porcelain. Even Grian - the person who managed to ignore him being a ‘filthy pirate’ while in the navy - now looks down on him. He usually escaped when they found land. He found comfort in their embrace. Now there's nothing he can do. He found some sympathy in False and Etho. They let him pour his heart out sometimes late at night when it was only the three of them and the sea listening. The atmosphere wasn’t any lighter, anyway, and they preferred that to doing chores in the suffocating silence. These were a few of the rare times he felt his chest lighten. Sometimes they even joked to lighten the situation, then, a smile would tug at the corner of his lips. It never became complete. By the next morning, more bad thoughts swarmed his head and lay more weight on his chest. There was nothing he could do, and no one he could turn to. All that just because a siren cannot put a spell on themselves.

Half-heartedly, Ren wipes away his tears. Is there really a point in doing so? They’ll be back in mere seconds anyway. The werewolf turns to lay on his back, letting the waves splash against his feet, dangling from the rock he’s sitting on. He turns his gaze to the sky, wanting to observe the stars. He knits his brows together in confusion. Tonight the sky is supposed to be clear - yet, the stars are all hidden away under a blanket of clouds. They are dark and seemed just as angry at him as he is at himself. Ren contemplates getting up and running back to the ship. His first thought is to visit them, in the house they share while at the island. That’s what he’d normally do, especially now that it was getting late, not wanting to worry them. Today he couldn’t really do such a thing... could he? They’d just kick him out with no second thought. 

The clouds seem to be getting darker and darker with each second that passes, matching his thoughts. The lycan settles on not getting up at all. He’d spent nights in the rain or outside before. He’ll be just fine. Right? Wrong. As more clouds gather, rain starts falling. It starts out as a light drizzle, but soon enough it is pouring, thunder tearing the sky in two. Ren, startled by the loud sound, as he had almost fallen asleep, jolts upright. The thing that saddens the werewolf the most is that his first thought isn’t to find shelter - it is anger at being awoken. He had just managed to rest, and now he‘s unable to do so again. He desperately wants to pretend the nightmares that haunt his dreams do not exist but at the end of the day; a siren cannot lull themselves to sleep. 

Ren brings Doc’s voice to his mind, scolding him after he’d spent a night in the rain when they were little. He imagines that his brother will have a quite similar face when Ren returns to the ship drenched today, too. Ren hangs his head as he speeds up his steps as he walks to the docks. As the rain starts becoming a full on storm and more thunder booms he curses himself for not having grabbed a cloak on the way out. On one hand, how could he have predicted that? But on the other hand… such storms were quite frequent, oftentimes violently hitting the area. Sometimes Ren truly did wonder why they chose this one. A loud voice calling out his name snaps him out of his thoughts. It is difficult, yet he could make it out as Iskall’s, despite the loud noises of the thunder and the rain. He curses under his breath, really not wanting to see them but he hears them call out again and feels a hand grab his shoulder. 

“REN! Where the hell are you going?” they scream, trying to be heard over the crackling of the thunder. 

“Where could I be going? Back to the ship, obviously!” the lycan yells back, getting kind of annoyed. 

“You can’t be walking out here like this! It’s dangerous! Come in.”

Ren is glad the rain is camouflaging his tears as he looks at his… they aren’t really his partner  anymore, are they? “No, I’ll just go back. I don’t want to be any more of an annoyance than I’ve already been so far.” He turns around to leave but Iskall grabs his shoulder again. 

“Ren. Don’t lie to me. I know you don’t like thunder; just come on in. Mumbo’s made soup.” They hand him a spare cloak they were holding, and they give him a reassuring smile as the pair makes their way back home. 

Ren isn’t sure if he’s allowed to call it home again, not yet. Nevertheless, he finally feels a little better, and oh, god, it’s been such a long time. The fire is lit and the three of them enjoy the meal Mumbo had prepared earlier. At first, they stay silent... but as they slowly start talking again, cracking jokes and teasing Mumbo for his cooking skills, Ren feels like this can be fixed. Maybe not any time soon, maybe not immediately, and maybe only after more time has passed. One day, though, it will happen - because even though not all wounds heal, most do. For the first time in quite a while, Ren doesn’t feel too scared to fall asleep. He had often tried to forget about all of this, and let his soul rest. Whatever he tried it was usually just a dead end, because a siren's song has no effect on themselves. 

This night - despite the thunder booming outside - as he drifts to sleep, curled up, even if he wasn’t in their shared bed, wrapped up in blankets and laying next to the fire... he smiles as he does not wish for a lullaby. This siren does not need to be put to sleep tonight.