#would you believe i've actually made an effort to shorten it?

[bubblergoespop]

new porter audio rambles <3 (i don't think any of this makes sense it's 6/7am)

okay so, to begin and get this out of the way, i believe neither side of this argument is the right side. and neither side is entirely wrong. the common obsession with one person needing to be entirely right and the other entirely wrong irks me so much.

porter is clearly not innocent here. he speaks to treasure in such a condescending way despite the fact that their main goal is just to HELP. they care for him and, though they're going about it in the wrong way, they're truly trying to help him work through his problems in a healthy way. and the way porter shuts treasure down isn't just mean, it could be damaging. for all we know, porter could create a repeat of early freelancer in treasure with his "your problems aren't as big as mine" mindset that he holds throughout this argument. i can imagine how torturous it is to be in treasure's shoes when all they want to do is help. every attempt they make to help porter in the long term is shut down and i know how draining that can be. i can't stop thinking back to porter's sleep aid audio where the same topic was covered but on a much calmer level. how many times has treasure tried to help porter and how many times has he refused to let them?

that said, treasure is also not free of the blame in this. porter has been repeatedly setting a clear boundary with treasure on topics to do with his house's drama and yet they continue to cross this line and try to get him to talk about it. they start taking offense when he says no and begin lashing out at him, even going so far as to call porter a coward. now, i know it was a heated moment and they didn't originally say it with their full chest but that's so wrong of treasure to say when porter was just establishing that he wasn't ready to talk about his feelings on an apparently life threatening matter. in my opinion, porter had every right to snap back at that. not to mention the hypocritical nature of treasure's side of the argument. saying porter's running from his problems, as if that isn't exactly what treasure did back during the audio in which the pair met.

porter tells treasure "i don't owe you more of me" and that's so interesting to me. because he's right. if he doesn't want to share more, that's his prerogative. and treasure shouldn't be pushing too hard on that when it's clearly upsetting for porter. however, just two audios ago, both porter and treasure agreed that they wanted to expand on their relationship and get to know each other better. i think that's one of the reasons why treasure continues to press so hard in this audio (plus a hc of them being the therapy friend but who doesn't hc that at this point?). treasure tries so hard to get porter to talk because they're under the impression that that's the direction porter wanted their relationship to go. to treasure, porter made it clear that he'd like for their relationship to go further and yet he seems to be making no effort in actually letting down his walls for them. they try and bridge the gap, and porter snaps. god forbid someone wants to help their partner feel better.

oh and the fact that this was the same night as porter's talk with sam is obviously not coincidental. that talk with sam already had emotions bubbling close to the surface in porter and having this discussion with treasure resurface again during that short time window is just another factor that caused this to turn into such a big thing. porter himself was aware of this and even tried to prevent it by telling treasure he wouldn't be good company for the night. this was one of the few times porter tried NOT to cause a fight and it led to one anyway - "every association i have ever cultivated i have turned into ash" :(((

this argument not being resolved is killing me already i don't know if i'll make it to the next treasure and porter audio, i really don't. erik clearly wants me to WITHER AWAYYYYYY AAAARGHHHH!!! whether this is next followed up with more angst or an immediate resolution, i don't care, i just need more asap.

i do wonder if this will be the end of porter's spiral or if he'll continue clashing with his other associations. he's clashed with sam, now treasure. who's next? vincent again? it's possible, considering he's been trying to contact porter. maybe it'll be even william himself next? porter's been expressing doubt when it comes to his servitude of his king - "the person i've used as my compass in this second life has always held the needle pointed firmly back into his own pocket and i've allowed my own fear and desire for any kind of meaning to blind me to even imagining any other alternative."

repeatedly, porter seems to be dramatizing the current situation. from what we know for a fact so far, only three vampires are leaving the solaire house and despite one of them being the prince, the house should still be strong. they've still got their king, his first-born progeny and his right hand man, surely the house would still survive, albeit weakened? regardless, porter says he needs to "save a few dozen lives, if not multiple houses," as well as "i don't need to talk about it, i need to solve it. before people end up dead," and this could either just be porter being dramatic, as he tends to be, or he could be being genuine and there's more to this situation than we know so far.

anyways, hearing a speaker have a talk with his listener and speak with such vitriol in his voice? oh how i've needed this drama and of course it's from these two silly billies.

[shrimpmandan]

The current state of AI discourse is baffling to me because I swear to god some people are just developing collective amnesia and dismissing AI art as "not actually being that bad" when the problems with it are significantly deeper than whether or not it's "real art". It being "real art" is irrelevant to it causing tangible harm. Like yeah I don't think someone AI generating an image to use as a reference is some massive evil, but in the greater scheme of things:

AI art is being used to spread actual real-world misinformation. Propaganda.

Ai art is being used to spread CSEM and other forms of revenge porn. It is also threatening the livelihoods of sex workers to some degree.

People are putting their favorite artists' works through a blender, without their consent, instead of paying them, because image generation is instant dopamine.

Big corps are trying to use AI instead of paying artists/writers because they're greedy fucks.

Most AI programs (with few exceptions) are scraping from existing works without the consent of the original artists.

AI voices are doing the same.

A common argument I've seen is comparing these things to like... digital art, photo editing*, voice splicing. You have to understand that the merit of these things isn't that "they take more time/effort". Effort is not an inherent facet of art. Plenty of tools exist to make art easier that we take for granted now-- many forget the discourse that kicked up when digital art was first gaining popularity. The issue is and always will be consent. Most artists do not want their works or voices to be put into AI databanks. The fact that most AI programs do not care for this, and that a lot of companies are trying to swindle their way into getting artist consent under the pretense of "well they didn't say no", is the main issue. We completely lost the plot when we started focusing more on "is AI art real art?" and "is it bad to use AI for any purpose?", because those are both irrelevant to the question of "is AI harmful?", wherein the answer is yes. This is also failing to consider that "real art" can also cause harm for similar reasons: sexual harassment/revenge porn, defamation, propaganda, etc.

*As a note, this is also ignoring the fact that a lot of people DON'T want their art to be edited or even heavily referenced. It's been commonplace in art usage terms for ages now. This is important to note in the context of AI discourse and copyright law. I also believe there is a difference between voice splicing and AI voices since splicing is more limited and way less likely to get someone actually defamed or 'replaced' as a voice actor, and is just a manipulation of existing voice clips mostly for silly shitposts.

AI CAN be helpful. AI can be used to create references, or make smoother rendering, or even just for fun. A lot of people used AI programs in their baby stages without thinking about how the images were generated or the actual consent of the artists involved, because it was a fun shiny new toy. I also like to think most people who have the means to pay an artist ultimately would. But the issue is not and never has been AI making art easier, or people using it for silly shit, or even people using it for serious art refs. The issue is AI mass-scraping existing artwork, being used to facilitate misinformation, and screwing artists out of jobs. Don't even get me started on AI fucking generating CSEM, or revenge porn, and additionally how it impacts the careers of sex workers.

AI is an issue in its current state. Yes, the panic about it taking over art as a whole was overblown, even if the fears were valid. The capacities of AI art is almost always slightly below the capacities of human-made art, and it's something that will quickly fall in popularity once it stops being the shiny new thing. People using AI to make art easier aren't the enemy either, especially since this can be beneficial for people who do it as a job-- shortening the labor time and all. That doesn't mean AI isn't an issue and that everyone critiquing it is actually just an elitist ableist cuck or whatever. None of this really would've been a problem if not for the mass scraping, resulting in both violations of artist consent, and also it picking up genuinely illegal/nasty content. That's what we should be focusing on. None of this "real art" bullshit.

All that said: I personally would say that using most AI programs-- no matter the purpose-- is unethical because of how most of them function. The only exceptions would be for programs that specifically use consensually obtained data. On this front, I would highly recommend keeping tabs on Adobe Firefly, since it's one of the very very few models out there that has stated a clear commitment to not violating the copyright and consent of artists or persons (it operates off of stock footage and public domain).

[poguestvff]

LIKE A BIG SISTER SHOULD — WHEEZIE CAMERON

in which wheezie cameron finds that blood doesn’t make you family, love and affection does.

taglist | masterlist | 2.5k words | @pogueslandia ,

warning(s): food, she/her pronouns, ward slander, a little sarah slander but that’d include reading between the lines. why’d this make me want to make a series of reader and Wheezie being best friends.

There's always been a heavy feeling of loneliness that rested upon the youngest cameron's shoulders, weighing her down as it seemed to pile over the years. Her siblings were always older, an age gap between them that even if it was shortened by a few years, their worlds would still be two different things. All three of them were in three different stages of life yet somehow it felt like Wheezie wasn't even there at times.

Throughout the entirety of her schooling career so far, everything had somehow been about Rafe and Sarah. Sarah was the perfect one; the paragon who could do no wrong. Even if Sarah tried to disobey, it'd be turned around to be made out as a minute mistake. She'd probably be able to get away with it a second time if she did it a different way. Maybe the same way.

Rafe was quite the opposite. The bastard child who needed a plentiful amount of attention in hopes he can be more like the paragon. With all this attention, his head only grew. It never gave him the space for growth. It minimized the space to stay exactly where he was for years on end.

This left Wheezie to be the ostracized sibling. She wasn't a social butterfly or a poster child like Sarah and she definitely wasn't a loner or the 'damaged goods' child like Rafe. She was just... average. With average grades and an average personality. Just average old Wheezie. She told herself this consistently, watching her father balance his attention between making sure Rafe stayed between the lines he'd drawn for him in a radius such as a dart board and allowing Sarah step out of them, even erasing some of the lines so she could walk on by them without a second thought.

But Wheezie was stuck in that tiny little circle in the middle, the bullseye as if scared to move out of those lines. The one place that was the hardest to pinpoint specifically by her father. But there was one thing Ward Cameron always said correct about his younger daughter. That he wouldn't be able to pin point his little dart of control into the middle of the board because she was misunderstood and misunderstood she was.

Though one person had been able to pick up on every single one of Wheezie's emotions.

Y/n Y/L/N was a pogue who had done tutoring on the side for a little extra money and when John B had recommended Y/n for help with Wheezie's homework, Ward was quick to say okay. He hardly even asked a thing about Y/n, just telling her to help Wheezie pass eighth grade and that was all. It was made very apparent to Y/n that was Wheezie was not as much of a priority to Ward as other things were.

Their first tutoring session, Wheezie was awfully dismissive. She didn't care for any of Y/n's efforts as they sat within the comfort of Wheezie's bedroom. She just wanted the entire hour to be over with the second she'd entered her room but Y/n was insistent, knowing that by the end of the school year she would have something instilled in Wheezie's brain. She just didn't know what that something was yet.

The second time they met, Y/n was more passive aggressive in hopes of breaking down the brick walls Wheezie had stored between her and everyone else in hopes of not disappointing them like the way she thought she'd disappointed her father. Y/n sat her down in her desk chair, swiveling her chair to her as she rested her hands on the younger girls shoulders. "You are going to have a really awkward couple of weeks if you and i don't become friends so no work today. We're playing 20 questions."

That night, Y/n learned a lot about Wheezie Cameron that she never thought she'd learned. Wheezie hated the color purple, she just painted her room that color because Sarah liked that color. Wheezie loved to paint and to draw, it was her favorite activity, she just rarely showed it bevause she hadn't believed in herself. Though, when she showed Y/n the canvas' that were shoved at the back of the closet, Y/n marveled at them. But Y/n's favorite fact, and the same one that almost made her hug Wheezie on the spot, was that she was never taught to swim and Y/n made her a promise that she would teach her.

As the weeks went by, Wheezie waiting anticipatingly for Y/n's beaten down, green ford bronco to pull up on the driveway and she'd leave the house with a giant smile on her face. It’d be early in the morning, a little less than an hour until school started, just like how Wheezie liked. She'd jump in the driver seat, embracing the smell of vanilla from the scented item hanging from the rear view mirror. She’d toss her bag to the back as Y/n would ruffle her hair, just like she had every morning. "And beloved was set in... late 1856!" Wheezie answered excitedly as Y/n drove down the final street towards her school after the two had gotten breakfast together.

"Perfect! You're gonna do so good on your test, Wheeze, I promise." Y/n told her ecstatically as she pulled into a parking space. Just before Wheezie could get out, Y/n held her upper arm just to gain her attention before she got out. "Tell Rose she doesn't have to get you after school. I'll leave school early and you and I are having a girls day. No studying, just me, you and a shit ton of sweets."

Wheezie smiled, she could feel the muscles in her jaw begin to hurt from how wide she had. She tilted her head to the side out of curiosity, eyeing the look of excitement on Y/n's face. "But why?"

Y/n shrugged, adjusting in her seat and fixing her rear view mirror. "Cause, you deserve it. I'm so proud of you, Little W." She told her, looking back towards the girl and seeing her smile slightly drop. "You okay?"

Wheezie couldn't remember a time where she was genuinely told that. Yeah, sure, Ward said it a few times but it'd be in a lousy tone before he'd wave her off, saying he was busy with whatever office work he had to attend to. Sarah may have said it a few times but it was rushed before she'd run after her friends with a quick goodbye to Wheeze, leaving her alone in the sand. It was never sincere. Not in the way Y/n had said it.

She rubbed her hands against her jean clad thighs with a sharp breath before nodding. “Yeah. I've just never really been told that before. Like—Like genuinely." She said, lowly, in hopes Y/n would understand and wouldn't push it.

Y/n had known Wheezie long enough to know her tells and avoiding eye contact was one of the biggest ones. So she didn't indulge further in the conversation, brushing it under the rug but knowing she'd have to go diving back in for that little tidbit later on. Instead she wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug from over the console. "I'll tell you i'm proud of you everyday if i have to." Y/n muttered before kissing the top of her head. "Now go, if you're late to first period, your dad will kill me." And Wheezie was able to leave the car with a smile on her face, already looking forward to the day planned later on.

Y/n was overall consistent, it was one thing Wheezie enjoyed knowing that when she made promises she tried to keep them as best as she could. Sometimes things slipped her mind but Wheezie could recognize that Y/n didn't forget a thing when it came to Wheezie. Like she made sure to engrave bits and pieces of her into her mind like a data chart. But it showed she cared and that was enough for Wheezie.

Y/n cared enough that when she entered her car after school, the smell of her favorite cinnabon's filled the car that made her look in the backseat, seeing a picnic basket. There wasn't a chance, right? You could only get them on the mainland. She turned her body swiftly towards the elder girl who sat with a smirk on her face. "You didn't?"

"I did. Second I left fourth period, got on a ferry just for you to have those overly sweet treats." Y/n said, tapping her nose with a 'boop'! "And I almost got stuck on the mainland because of it so you better enjoy the hell out of them."

"I will, I promise." Wheezie said dramatically as Y/n smiled, pulling out of the parking space to head down to the beach. Wheezie had said she didn't have a bathing suit, not prepared for the outing, though Y/n already said she had ransacked her room for clothes for after. Y/n was the only person allowed in Wheezie Cameron's room without Wheezie being there and the elder girl took pride in it.

As Y/n set up their small area for the few hours, she noticed Wheezie standing just where the water and the sand met. She kicked around the water with clear disinterest causing Y/n to huff, hands on her hips, before tossing off her hoodie to get in. The splash she'd made by pushing herself into the water made Wheezie jump, a laugh falling from the two's lips. "Come on." Y/n said, standing and holding her hands out to Wheezie.

"Y/n/n, I can't swim."

"Y/n/n I can't swim, well, obvi, i know that, little W. But, you have your amazing best friend to keep you afloat. I won't let you go, i swear." Y/n said, holding up her pinky.

"Swear?"

"On my life." She reassured with a trusting smile before Wheezie walked further in. When the water had gotten to her above her waist, it'd freaked her out a bit though Y/n talked her through it, coaxing her further in slowly. Wheezie was kept above the water as Y/n held her hands as the buoyancy was used to their advantage. "See, not as bad as you thought?"

Wheezie shook her head though still nervous. "Not as bad, not my thing though."

"Why don't we try actually swimming? I won't force you if you don't want to and we can get back to shore right now but maybe just try?" She asked as Wheezie had to think about it for a moment. She almost felt guilty, remembing just a few months ago when Sarah had asked her if she could teach her but she refused. Though maybe, just maybe, it was because of Y/n being a bit more trust worthy that Wheezie said yes this time.

It took a while, Wheezie was frightened by letting go even as Y/n would say she was okay. Wheezie would tighten her grip on her shoulders before trying again and again until she eventually got it. She finally was able to keep herself above the water without flailing, recognizing that she was okay. Y/n cheered as she watched, not caring for the stares of others around them. "See, dude? You just have to start applying yourself! You did it!"

"I did it!" Wheezie said as Y/n hugged her, the two laughing before Wheezie screamed making Y/n's laughter die fast. "Something touched me!"

"Wheeze, it was seaweed." Y/n said softly before turning and letting her place her hands on her shoulders. "Yeah let's get you out of here before a jellyfish gets you."

Wheezie widened her eyes. "Jellyfish?"

As the sun had began to set and people had packed up their things and left, Y/n and Wheezie stayed. Wheezie was on her fourth doughy treat, even though Y/n told her to slow down two treats ago. Towels were wrapped around each of their shoulders as they watched the pretty colors fade in to one another, a mixture of pink, blue and orange array of colors combining to make a cotton candy sky. Wheezie watched as Y/n got up, accepting a phone call from Ward, the only phone call she hadn't silenced since they'd left the car.

In the time she'd left, Wheezie took advantage of it to recognize how appreciative she was of all that Y/n was doing for her. She came in as a tutor and, to Wheezie, was to stay as a friend. As family. Wheezie was more then ecstatic to have someone who would be there to rant and rave about the other Cameron's, someone she could trust with her secrets and the contents of her always running brain. Someone who was just there.

"Hey, your father would like us back in thirty so we should leave in ten." She said coming back and sitting beside Wheezie as she caught sight of her face, the lack of the smile that was there previously concerning her. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, really. Just... I really enjoyed today, Y/n. It really lets me know you're not just here for like... like the money or something."

Y/n let out a scoff. "Are you kidding? I enjoy nothing more than watching you freak out over the existence of jellyfish." She joked as Wheezie pushed her to the side with a laugh. Y/n recovered, letting out a content sigh as she tossed an arm over Wheezie's shoulders. "You're stuck with me now, Wheezes. Can't wait to record you falling at your next soccer game."

Wheezie couldn't help the laugh that slipped past her lips, leaning into Y/n's embrace as her head rested against her clavicle. "And I'll be looking for you in the stands, Y/n/n."

Y/n and Wheezie had both found out something about the other that night. Wheezie found that she didn't want to be like Sarah and she was glad she wasn't like Rafe. She was content with her own little circle on the dart board but maybe she could take a bit after her newest role model. And Y/n found that she was able to instill several things into the youngers mind including To Kill a Mockingbird, Inca Civilizations, and that she now had a true and present big sister to look up to.

[songsoomin]

Confidence (S)

Word count: 4,728

Mingi x female reader; you’re in a bar, Mingi hits on you, you’re unsure at first because your self-confidence is really low but you go back to your hotel and good things happen.

This is the first story I’ve ever written so I don’t know if it’s any good. Let me know.

Warnings: Smut, slight Dom!Mingi, slightly degrading names but not said in a nasty way. You are cheating on your husband but he’s an arsehole who treats you badly and you live separate lives.

Posted: 8th June 2020

You were sitting on a stool at one end of the bar, quietly sipping your drink and thinking about how you ended up here alone. It wasn't too noisy, just the hum of groups enjoying drinks on a Friday night but you enjoyed the lighting that was a lower than the obnoxiously bright spotlights of the loud clubs that all the kids went to, as well as the more laid-back atmosphere.

You were just over thirty now and had always thought that your life would be settled and happy by now...but here you were - holidaying alone, your husband back home probably not even giving you a second thought. He didn't care that you wanted to go away alone but then he hadn't cared much about anything you did for some time now. It wasn't always like this, you'd never had much self-confidence, always doubting if people really liked you - you always felt like the outsider even in your friend group - but when you met him he made you feel beautiful and special and your confidence soared but he'd spent the last 8 years slowly stripping away every last shred of it.

You had met as teenagers, fell in love, got married and for a while it was great...but then things went downhill; there was always something wrong with you and he didn't hesitate to let you know that. You didn't wear make up often enough; you didn't wear nice enough clothes; your weight had gone up slightly - everyday there was something he found to put you down about. Affection was only given by him if he thought you'd made enough effort to look nice and if he didn't like what you wore, he would virtually ignore you. It had been going on for years and by now you'd realised it was a type of emotional abuse and you felt utterly worthless. Friends asked why you didn't leave him but you made excuses for him and told them that you loved him but part of you suspected that you were just scared of being alone after all these years - after all, who would want you now? Maybe being with him was better than being all alone.

You'd ended up here because you had just wanted to get away from your life for just a bit, take some time just for you. You'd always wanted to visit Korea and now you could do whatever you wanted and not have to think about anyone else. Your mind, however, was drifting back to your problems now that you were at the bar watching couples and groups of friends having fun. You'd never been a social butterfly but it did feel a little awkward sitting alone and you wondered what people might think of you. Clearly a couple of men had thought you were looking to be picked up because they'd approached you offering a drink but you politely declined - that wasn't what you were after, although they may have thought otherwise as you'd made the effort to look good.

You had on a black dress which wasn't too short but showed off a nice amount of cleavage, high heels, pretty make up - you'd always loved getting dressed up because even if you never truly thought of yourself as good-looking, you knew you looked nice when dressed-up and it gave you back a little bit of the confidence you'd lost. Unfortunately it was usually just the older, slightly creepy guys that came on to you now and that didn't do anything to make you feel any more special. In your experience men always liked women younger than them which was why you thought nothing of it at first when a younger man approached the bar and sat on the stool next to you.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

You looked to where the deep voice came from and saw, possibly, the most beautiful man you'd ever seen. It seemed more appropriate to call a man 'handsome' but this man was something else entirely. 'Handsome' just didn't do him justice. He must've been about 6ft tall, his skin was smooth with dark eyes and plump lips that looked so soft you wanted to touch them. His hair was a deep red colour and was parted to the side, beautifully framing his perfect features. You realised you'd been staring and that he was waiting for an answer.

"Oh...um, no I'm fine, thank you." You smiled politely, trying not to stare too much.

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"No. I'm here alone, actually." You mentally cursed yourself for telling him this, you didn't want to look like a loser.

"Oh, me too. I'm Mingi, by the way." He flashed such a warm smile at you that you immediately felt more comfortable.

"Y/N." You said, relaxing a little more.

The two of you continued drinking and talking for a while, nothing too deep, just about life and things in general. He asked how you were liking Korea and you let on that you weren't just alone in the bar but alone on holiday, as well. He was surprised, after all, it's not that usual for people to holiday alone and he asked you why it was. You really didn't want to give him your life story and seem as pathetic as you felt but he made you feel so comfortable you settled on a shortened version.

"Aahh, well, it's a long story. My husband and I pretty much live separate lives now."

A sympathetic look crossed his face, "Is it okay if I ask why?" He was quick to add "I understand if you don't want to talk about it." after he saw the uncertain look you had.

"It's okay, I guess. Hmmm, well I suppose it's really because we met too young, we turned into different people over time. I'm just not what he wants now. He hasn't wanted me for years to be honest, I'm not attractive enough anymore." you laughed sadly, looking at your hands out of embarrassment.

"That's ridiculous - you're beautiful!"

You looked up at him surprised and quickly looked away, his intense look making you a little self-conscious. "Thanks.." you mumbled "That's kind of you to say."

"I mean it. You are." Mingi gently touched your hand and you felt your heartbeat quicken at the contact. That didn't mean you believed him, though, people tend to say nice things to try and make others feel better if they're sad. The silence that followed felt a little uncomfortable and you were grateful when he changed the conversation to lighten the mood again.

You were talking about foods you both liked and, as he was laughing and asking how on earth you were managing to eat here when you had such a low tolerance for spicy food, you realised you were staring again. He had such a bright smile, it lit up his whole face and you wondered at the duality he had - he seemed to be able to switch from intense and slightly intimidating to looking like a cute, loveable boy within seconds. He was so charming and you were sure he knew that - or, at least, he must've known you thought that by the way you couldn't stop staring like some kind of silly, lovesick teenager. It must've given him the confidence to move further as he carefully moved his hand to rest on your outer thigh and stroked his thumb over the soft skin there. You felt a thrill go through you but tried to tell yourself it was nothing but the fact you'd had no physical attention for so long and you should get a hold of yourself...after all, he was so friendly he was probably touchy with everyone. Your self-confidence was so low after years of being told you weren't good enough that your brain automatically looked for reasons why this touch meant anything other than he liked you.

Mingi's dark eyes looked deep into yours as he slowly trailed his hand a little further up, watching for your reaction, whether it was okay for him to continue. His intense gaze seemed to hold you in place and honestly you really weren't sure how to react to this; it felt so good but your mind was still having trouble grasping the situation. You didn't stop him so he moved further up and under the hem of your dress.

"What are you doing?" You asked, wide-eyed. His dark eyes held yours and he had a small smile on his face. "Don't you like it?"

"I...I do...but...why are you doing it to me?" He seemed somewhat confused at your question so you elaborated, "You can't be interested in me. There are tons of younger, prettier girls around and you're stunning...you could probably have your pick."

"You really don't see yourself clearly, do you? You're beautiful. Your husband really is a piece of crap to have made you feel anything less." His apparent sincerity was making you blush and also feel a strange warmth in your chest that you hadn't felt in a long time. There were other issues though, he was clearly in his early twenties - about 21 you thought - and maybe he didn't realise how much of an age difference there was.

"I've got to be around 10 years older than you!"

"And?"

"Well....I...we can't...", you really didn't know how to finish that sentence while he was looking at you so intensely. You couldn't remember why it was you thought it was a problem.

Mingi leaned in close to your ear and the proximity made you hold your breath; you could feel his warm breath on your ear as he whispered, "I like older women better. They have more experience."

You blinked in surprise - men usually liked younger women.

"How do you know I do? I've only ever been with my husband and it's been so long I can't even remember when the last time was." For the second time you mentally cursed yourself; you couldn't believe you'd just come out with something so private.

"Well, even if you don't, I'll still count myself lucky to be with someone as beautiful as you." You blushed at the slightly corny line.

"It seems like you're the one who knows what he's doing with pick-up lines like that." Mingi smiled cutely, "Is it working then?"

You were wavering, you really wanted this but weren't sure if it was okay. You'd never found yourself in this kind of situation before. When it occasionally happened you'd politely decline men's advances but you'd never had this kind of attention from a man this hot before and, if you were honest, you really did want to say yes.

Mingi could see you wavering and saw his opportunity, he leant in and softly placed his lips on yours. It was just for a second but you could feel his lips were as soft as you had imagined and just before he pulled away you felt Mingi's tongue lightly swipe over your bottom lip.

He knew he had you then seeing as you'd virtually melted into his arms, "What hotel are you staying at?" He had you a bit flustered and you'd forgotten the name so you simply said, "It's just a couple of streets from here." Mingi smiled and took your hand, "Let's go then."

It didn't take long to get to your hotel but instead of going in straight away you paused, "Mingi...maybe you should come up a few minutes after me. The staff might not like me taking a random guy up to my room", you laughed, although a little awkwardly. "Okay," he said in his deep voice that was giving you butterflies  "...what's your room number?" You gave him the number and quickly made your way to your room. You were grateful you'd have a few minutes to brush your teeth again and make sure you looked alright - you were feeling nervous and thought some ordinary tasks like that might calm you a little. Once you were done you waited on the edge of the king-sized bed; you hadn't really needed one that big as it was just you but you wanted a little luxury.

The minutes felt like ages and you started to worry he had changed his mind - despite the signals he'd been giving you all night, you just couldn't get the self-doubt out of your mind... Why would he want you? A knock on the door took you from those thought and replaced them with another wave of butterflies in your stomach - you'd never slept with anyone just after meeting them and you really didn't know how to act.

"Hi-" Your words were stopped by him pushing you back in to the room and immediately kissing you. It wasn't as soft as at the bar but full of desire as he took your bottom lip between his and sucked it. A small moan escaped you at the sensation and you felt him smile. He swiped his tongue over your bottom lip and you opened your mouth for him to enter but just as your tongues met he suddenly pulled back. In an instant you were wondering what you had done wrong but he didn't look unhappy, "You have your tongue pierced?" he asked and you realised he must not have noticed it as you were talking earlier. "Oh, um, yeah. You don't mind it do you?" He suddenly smiled, looking very excited "Mind it? I can't wait to see how that feels on my dick. I've never been with anyone with a tongue piercing before." You smiled teasingly, having become a little more confident, "Well, if you're lucky I might let you."

Mingi growled lowly and pulled your head back in towards him, connecting your lips in a more urgent manner. Although he was younger he was dominating the kiss and you were happy to let him, you'd always been the submissive type and the feeling of him dominating you had you heating up. One of his hands was on your back and the other on the back of your head, his fingers in your hair and you wished you could feel them holding you down on the bed instead. He moved his lips down to your neck, leaving wet kisses as he went and when he started licking and sucking on the skin there you melted in to him. Mingi started biting then and it turned you on to feel like he was marking you as his for the night.

The hand on your back moved up and started to pull down the zip of your dress but he paused when he felt you tense. "What's wrong? You do want this, right?" He may have been dominating but he still wanted that reassurance.

"Yeah, so so much but...I'm just a little self-conscious."  

Mingi smiled gently, "Y/N, you really are beautiful. Please....let me see you."

He seemed so sincere you felt a bit stupid to let your doubts get in the way of enjoying this moment so you relaxed and nodded to let him know he could go ahead. He pulled your zip down slowly, trying to make you feel more comfortable as he started to expose your body. Once your dress was pooled at your feet Mingi stepped back a little taking in the sight of you with a look of appreciation on his face and you were glad you had worn your lacy black underwear as you always felt it looked the best on you. His warm hands moved up over your soft skin and stopped on your breasts; they'd always been on the generous side and he hummed appreciatively as they were the perfect size for his large hands. Mingi leaned his head down and kissed one of your breast before gently sucking on the skin there. Your nipples were getting hard already and his thumbs stroked them through the thin lace. Another moan escaped you as the sensation went straight down to your core.

Mingi laughed lightly, "I'm going to have fun tonight if you react this well to my touch."

You flushed a little but he was making you feel so good you didn't mind. "I told you, it's been a long time." you giggled and decided to even things up as you moved your hand down and palmed his erection which was now very evident. A thrill of excitement shot through you as you felt his size through his jeans and heard the low, deep groan come from his throat.

Mingi slid one of your bra straps off and kissed your shoulder before moving his hands round the back and unclasping your bra entirely. It seemed he enjoyed taking his time undressing you and the anticipation only added to the excitement for you, although by now you had become so worked up you just wanted him to fuck you already. Once he'd exposed your breasts completely he trailed wet kisses down your chest so agonisingly slowly that you whispered "Please, Mingi". You saw him smile slightly, obviously enjoying how much of a whimpering mess you'd already become for him - he didn't give you what you wanted straight away, though. He pressed his lips to your ear and said in a low voice, "I like hearing you beg for my touch." He licked your earlobe and bit it lightly, making you moan again and start begging more. "Please, Mingi...touch me. I need you."

"Good girl." His voice seemed to get deeper as he was enjoying your begging and just hearing it was making you wetter.

Mingi gently pushed you towards the bed and laid you down. He took off his shirt and you could see the toned muscles of his upper body. He moved to hover over you with his strong arms caging you in and you stroked over the smooth skin of his chest and abs. His body was like a work of art - even his scent was amazing - and you couldn't believe this man was yours tonight. As you kissed his chest your hands found their way to the waistband of his jeans and undid the button. You slid your hand inside and stroked his erection  through the thin fabric of his boxers, Mingi groaned and took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking hard.

"Oh God! Harder.." you pleaded and let out a small yelp as he took your nipple between his teeth and bit. You felt the sensation in your core and jerked involuntarily. Mingi chuckled and pinched the other nipple between his thumb and forefinger just as hard, loving the reactions he was getting out of you.

"You like it rough, do you?" His deep voice, almost whispered in your ear almost made you think you could come with just the sound of it. He almost growled as he moved back up to force his tongue back in to your mouth. You gave in to the kiss and he took that as a green light to be a little more rough with you.

Without warning Mingi's strong hands pushed your thighs apart and palmed your pussy, feeling the wetness that had soaked through your lace underwear. "Mmmmm, so wet for me already, dirty girl." He slipped your panties to the side and slid two fingers into your hole.

"Aaahhhh." You moaned at the feeling of his long fingers thrusting in to you over and over but you wanted more.. you wanted him to wreck you to make up for what you'd been missing for so long. You were like a starved woman, "More. Please, Mingi, I need more." Mingi groaned and entered a third, pumping them and pressing on your g-spot until you were close to coming undone but he stopped before letting you get that release and attacked your clit with his mouth instead.

"Oh my god, please don't stop. It feels so - aaaahh!" You screamed as Mingi took your clit between his teeth and bit down. Alternating between biting and sucking it didn't take long before you were at the edge again but this time he didn't stop, slipping one of his long fingers in to your back entrance he threw you straight over the edge. As you came hard he withdrew his finger giving you more pleasure than you'd ever felt before. Your legs were trembling as you came down from your high and he kissed your clit again, causing you to jerk. "I knew my dirty girl would like that." Mingi smiled and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. "You taste amazing, by the way."

"Maybe I can get a taste of you now," you said, feeling more confident now. Looking up at him through your lashes you started to remove his pants. Once free you could see how impressive he was as his hard cock stood against his lower stomach, "Wow..." you breathed, "...you're so...big." Mingi smirked at you, "Are you gonna take it all like a good girl?" You got down on your knees in response, loving the way he was talking down to you, dominating you.

You felt like teasing him a little so you took his thick cock into your hand and licked at the precum dripping from the tip. It was salty but tasted amazing and you closed your eyes, enjoying it. Mingi groaned as you looked lost in pleasure while licking the precum off his dick. You looked straight into his dark eyes as you put your mouth around his tip and you could see how lust-filled they were, wanting more than just teasing so you pulled back and licked all the way up the underside, flicking your tongue when you reached the sensitive spot just under the rim. "Fuuuck," he growled in his deep voice "that tongue piercing feels so fucking good." You smiled and went back to sucking the tip then slowly going down further until he was filling you, his tip against the back of your throat - you had a pretty good gag reflex but that wasn't the problem - he was just too big so you used your hand to pump what wouldn't fit in. You carried on sucking his dick, letting him hit the back of your throat and his moans just kept coming. His hand was in your hair and as his pleasure intensified he got rougher, pulling your hair tighter. Needing to catch your breath back from having your mouth stuffed so full, you pulled back and alternated between running the ball of your tongue piercing up the shaft and flicking your tongue over the most sensitive spot, making his hand tremble slightly as it pulled your hair.

Without warning Mingi took your head in both hands and pushed you down on to his dick again "Fuck, Y/N, you're so fucking good at sucking cock. I bet my dirty girl loves having my cock rammed down her throat." You moaned at his degrading words and Mingi hips stuttered as he felt the vibration around him. The degradation and cock-sucking had you so wet now you could feel your juices dripping onto your thighs. Mingi started getting rougher with you as he basically fucked your mouth, groaning each time you had to pull back slightly and gasp for air. "I'm so close... I bet you'd take all my cum in that pretty mouth of yours but I wanna save that for your pussy." Mingi pulled out and you were finally able to breathe easily.

With a dark look on his face he pushed you on to the king-sized bed and leant over you, kissing you hungrily. He trailed sloppy kisses down your neck to your chest as he lined his huge cock up with your soaking wet hole. You felt Mingi's tip lightly stroke against your wet entrance and he seemed to want to tease you because instead of entering he moved up and stroked it against your now-oversensitive clit instead. You shuddered at the intense feeling jolt through you, "Mingi, please...I need you in me so bad."

"Mmm, I love you whining desperately for my cock like a little slut." Mingi said in such a deep voice as he smirked down at you - the combination made you think you could just explode, you'd never wanted anything more than to have him ram his dick right into you.

Mingi made you wait a little longer as he stroked himself slowly against your wet hole again, while you got more whiney and desperate. Suddenly he thrust in to you hard, bottoming out straight away and you cried out, in an equal amount of pleasure and pain as he stretched your walls further than they ever had been. "I'm sorry," he said, looking slightly worried, "Fuck, I didn't expect you to be so tight."

You smiled at him, trying to get used to his size, "I told you it's been a long time." You giggled and he kissed you as he started thrusting a little more gently. The feeling was so intense it replaced the discomfort you had felt being stretched so much and soon his slow thrusts just weren't enough. "Mingi, I need more....fuck me harder...please." Mingi groaned at your pleading and it sounded so dirty you clenched around his dick, making him moan even louder, "Oh fuck, you feel amazing."

Unexpectedly he pulled out leaving you feeling empty but he flipped you over and putting his mouth to your ear he ordered you in a low voice, "Get on your hands and knees, dirty girl." The order sent a thrill of arousal straight through you and you did as you were told, lifting your arse up to allow him better access - you were aching to have him back inside you.

"Fuck, Y/N, your tight cunt feels so good around my dick." Mingi said as he pushed his big cock back inside you. He was hitting all the right places inside you as he thrust deep and hard and his hands were gripping your hips so tightly you were sure his fingers would leave bruises. Being fucked by Mingi was better than anything you'd ever felt and your walls were clenching around him, the sensation so intense you couldn't feel anything other than him. You were close to cumming again but you needed more so you moved one of your hands to your clit and started rubbing, wanting your high to come faster. "God, that's so hot...touching yourself while I wreck your pussy. I'm gonna stuff you so full with my cum it's going to be pouring out of you." Those words in his low, deep voice were all you needed for the intensity of your second release to come crashing down on you, causing your legs to tremble. Mingi held you in place while he continued to pound into you, pulling almost all the way out and forcing his dick back in roughly. He didn't need long, though, the feeling of your walls clenching so tight around him was enough to have his hips stuttering and his creamy, white cum filling you up while he let out a loud, deep moan. After a moment of you both trying to catch your breath he pulled out and you laid half-reclined on the bed underneath him; you could feel his thick cum dripping down on to your inner thighs. You looked straight into Mingi's beautiful, dark eyes as you slid your fingers between your folds and scooped up some of his cum then slowly licked it off, making a mess and leaving some glistening on your lips. Mingi's eyes widened and he had a huge smile on his face, "Oh my fucking god... you are so dirty!"

For a few minutes you both laid down getting your breath back; you weren't quite sure what to expect now - it was just a one-night thing, after all (was he just going to clean up and leave?) but he shifted a bit closer to you and held you, rubbing your soft skin with his fingertips.

"How many more days are you here for?" he asked suddenly.

"Umm...I have 4 days left before I have to leave." you answered, not sure why he was asking.

"Same time tomorrow night? You looked so beautiful with my cum on your lips just now...I want it all over your face next time."

[hieromonkcharbel]

--Turning my eyes carefully upon myself and watching the course of my inward state, I have verified by experience that I do not love God, that I have no love for my neighbors, that I have no religious belief, and that I am filled with pride and sensuality. All this I actually find in myself as a result of detailed examination of my feelings and conduct, thus:

1. I do not love God. For if I loved God I should be continually thinking about Him with heartfelt joy. Every thought of God would give me gladness and delight. On the contrary, I much more often and much more eagerly think about earthly things, and thinking about God is labor and dryness. If I loved God, then talking with Him in prayer would be my nourishment and delight and would draw me to unbroken communion with Him. But, on the contrary, I not only find no delight in prayer, but even find it an effort. I struggle with reluctance, I am enfeebled by sloth and am ready to occupy myself eagerly with any unimportant trifle, if only it shortens prayer and keeps me from it. My time slips away unnoticed in futile occupations, but when I am occupied with God, when I put myself into His presence, every hour seems like a year. If one person loves another, he thinks of him throughout the day without ceasing, he pictures him to himself, he cares for him, and in all circumstances his beloved friend is never out of his thoughts. But I, throughout the day, scarcely set aside even a single hour in which to sink deep down into meditation upon God, to inflame my heart with love of Him, while I eagerly give up 23 hours as fervent offerings to the idols of my passions. I am forward in talk about frivolous matters and things which degrade the spirit; that gives me pleasure. But in the consideration of God I am dry, bored, and lazy. Even if I am unwillingly drawn by others into spiritual conversation, I try to shift the subject quickly to one which pleases my desires. I am tirelessly curious about novelties, about civic affairs and political events; I eagerly seek the satisfaction of my love of knowledge in science and art, and ways of getting things I want to possess. But the study of the law of God, the knowledge of God and of religion, make little impression on me, and satisfy no hunger of my soul. I regard these things not only as a non-essential occupation for a Christian, but in a casual way as a sort of side-issue with which I should perhaps occupy my spare time, at odd moments. To put it shortly, if love for God is recognized by the keeping of His commandments ("If ye love Me, keep My commandments," says our Lord Jesus Christ), and I not only do not keep them, but even make little attempt to do so, then in absolute truth the conclusion follows that I do not love God. That is what Basil the Great says: "The proof that a man does not love God and His Christ lies in the fact that he does not keep His commandments."

2. I do not love my neighbor either. For not only am I unable to make up my mind to lay down my life for his sake (according to the gospel), but I do not even sacrifice my happiness, well-being, and peace for the good of my neighbor. If I did love him as myself, as the gospel bids, his misfortunes would distress me also, his happiness would bring delight to me too. But, on the contrary, I listen to curious, unhappy stories about my neighbor, and I am not distressed; I remain quite undisturbed or, what is still worse, I find a sort of pleasure in them. Bad conduct on the part of my brother I do not cover up with love, but proclaim abroad with censure. His well-being, honor, and happiness do not delight me as my own, and, as if they were something quite alien to me, give me no feeling of gladness. What is more, they subtly arouse in me feelings of envy or contempt.

3. I have no religious belief. Neither in immortality nor in the gospel. If I were firmly persuaded and believed without doubt that beyond the grave lies eternal life and recompense for the deeds of this life, I should be continually thinking of this. The very idea of immortality would terrify me and I should lead this life as a foreigner who gets ready to enter his native land. On the contrary, I do not even think about eternity, and I regard the end of this earthly life as the limit of my existence. The secret thought nestles within me: Who knows what happens at death? If I say I believe in immortality, then I am speaking about my mind only, and my heart is far removed from a firm conviction about it. That is openly witnessed to by my conduct and my constant care to satisfy the life of the senses. Were the holy gospel taken into my heart in faith, as the Word of God, I should be continually occupied with it, I should study it, find delight in it, and with deep devotion fix my attention upon it. Wisdom, mercy, and love are hidden in it; it would lead me to happiness, I should find gladness in the study of the law of God day and night. In it I should find nourishment like my daily bread, and my heart would be drawn to the keeping of its laws. Nothing on earth would be strong enough to turn me away from it. On the contrary, if now and again I read or hear the Word of God, yet even so it is only from necessity or from a general love of knowledge, and approaching it without any very close attention I find it dull and uninteresting. I usually come to the end of the reading without any profit, only too ready to change over to secular reading in which I take more pleasure and find new and interesting subjects.

4. I am full of pride and sensual self-love. All my actions confirm this. Seeing something good in myself, I want to bring it into view, or to pride myself upon it before other people or inwardly to admire myself for it. Although I display an outward humility, yet I ascribe it all to my own strength and regard myself as superior to others, or at least no worse than they. If I notice a fault in myself, I try to excuse it; I cover it up by saying, "I am made like that" or "I am not to blame". I get angry with those who do not treat me with respect and consider them unable to appreciate the value of people. I brag about my gifts: my failures in any undertaking I regard as a personal insult. I murmur, and I find pleasure in the unhappiness of my enemies. If I strive after anything good it is for the purpose of winning praise, or spiritual self-indulgence, or earthly consolation. In a word, I continually make an idol of myself and render it uninterrupted service, seeking in all things the pleasures of the senses and nourishment for my sensual passions and lusts.

--Going over all this I see myself as proud, adulterous, unbelieving, without love for God and hating my neighbor. What state could be more sinful? The condition of the spirits of darkness is better than mine. They, although they do not love God, hate men, and live upon pride, yet at least believe and tremble. But I? Can there be a doom more terrible than that which faces me, and what sentence of punishment will be more severe than that upon the careless and foolish life that I recognize in myself?

On reading through this form of confession which the priest gave me I was horrified, and I thought to myself, "Good heavens! What frightful sins there are hidden within me, and up to now I've never noticed them!" The desire to be cleansed from them made me beg this great spiritual father to teach me how to know the causes of all these evils and how to cure them. And he began to instruct me.

"You see, dear brother, the cause of not loving God is want of belief, want of belief is caused by lack of conviction, and the cause of that is failure to seek for holy and true knowledge, indifference to the light of the spirit. In a word, if you don't believe, you can't love; if you are not convinced, you can't believe, and in order to reach conviction you must get a full and exact knowledge of the matter before you. By meditation, by the study of God's Word, and by noting your experience, you must arouse in your soul a thirst and a longing- or, as some call it, 'wonder'- which brings you an insatiable desire to know things more closely and more fully, to go deeper into their nature.

"One spiritual writer speaks of it in this way: 'Love,' he says, 'usually grows with knowledge, and the greater the depth and extent of the knowledge the more love there will be, the more easily the heart will soften and lay itself open to the love of God, as it diligently gazes upon the very fullness and beauty of the divine nature and His unbounded love for men.'

"So now you see that the cause of those sins which you read over is slothfulness in thinking about spiritual things, sloth which stifles the feeling of the need of such thought. If you want to know how to overcome this evil, strive after enlightenment of spirit by every means in your power, attain it by diligent study of the Word of God and of the holy Fathers, by the help of meditation and spiritual counsel, and by the conversation of those who are wise in Christ. Ah, dear brother, how much disaster we meet with just because we are lazy about seeking light for our souls through the word of truth. We do not study God's law day and night, and we do not pray about it diligently and unceasingly. And because of this our inner man is hungry and cold, starved, so that it has no strength to take a bold step forward upon the road of righteousness and salvation! And so, beloved, let us resolve to make use of these methods, and as often as possible fill our minds with thoughts of heavenly things; and love, poured down into our hearts from on high, will burst into flame within us. We will do this together and pray as often as we can, for prayer is the chief and strongest means for our renewal and well-being. We will pray, in the words holy Church teaches us: 'Oh God, make me fit to love Thee now, as I have loved sin in the past'"

The Pilgrim Continues His Way

[taetaespeaches]

Idk if requests are open so I'm sorry if they're not, but could i request bestfriend namjoon, where you go w him to his home town to see his family and his family don't believe you're "just friends" and constantly ship you both? Sorry if your requests are closed - I'll use this as an opportunity to tell you how much I love your writing. You're one of the best writers I've found! You nice, keep going 💓💓

“We believe you. We believe thatyou think you’re just friends”

Namjoon x Reader

Word count: 5.3K

a/n: Thanks for requesting this babe, and thanks for the amazing compliment :) I’m so flattered that you like my work. I loved writing this, obviously, since it’s by far my longest piece so far. I’m just so soft for Namjoon and the whole friends to lovers trope. I hope you and everyone else enjoys this! 

p.s. My requests are always open, I just may not get to it for a while. Thank you for being patient! :) 

You almost didn’t notice the lackof music buzzing in your ear as the busy sounds of the subway car flooded youreardrum. “Where are you right now?” Namjoon whispered into your ear, causingyou to quickly turn to face him in surprise, noticing him holding your earbudbetween his fingers.

“Huh?” You asked him with big eyesas his lips turned upwards a bit at your surprised reaction. “I’m right here.”Namjoon cocked his head at you, appearing to disapprove of your answer.

“No,” he shook his head. “Yourbody is here, but your mind,” he gently tapped his finger on your forehead, “issomewhere else.” You simply shrugged in response, Namjoon lightly chuckling.“Are you nervous?” He asked gently with a small smile.

As a bashful smile formed on yourmouth as you nodded. “Kind of.” Namjoon watched you intently, trying to gageyour emotions. “It’s your family, and they’re important to you, and you’reimportant to me, so therefore, they’re important to me and I just want them tolike me,” you admitted with an embarrassed giggle as your cheeks tinted pink.

Namjoon actually laughed inyour face, shaking his head in disbelief, causing you to pull your eyebrowstogether in a glare. “Y/n, you’re my best friend. I love you and they’ll loveyou too,” he assured you as he slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling youinto his body. “Just relax.” And relax is what you did as a response to histouch. He popped the earbud in his own ear, ignoring the glances from theothers on the subway, who were intrigued by your sudden and unnecessarycuddling. “What are we listening to?”

Playfully rolling your eyes, yousighed as you held your phone up to him to show him the name of the song andartist displayed on the screen. He simply nodded, and the two of you stayedjust like that for the remainder of the 25-minute subway ride to Ilsan.

Walking down the streets of Ilsanas you made your way to a bus stop, Namjoon pointed things out to youexcitedly. He had been talking about bringing you home to Ilsan with him forwhat seemed like forever, and he was ecstatic you were finally there with him,even if just for a day. The original plan was to stay for the weekend, butBTS-related business required him to shorten the trip to just one night.

Loading the bus, you struggled tocarry your overnight bag through the seats, causing Namjoon to laugh at yourstruggle. Shooting him a glare, he tried to cut his laughter off, but to noavail. Holding his hand out, he gestured for you to give him the bag. “Come on,”he told you as he took the bag out of your hands with a smile still on hisface. “Sit down,” he gestured to the two seats. “You get the window seat so youcan see the city.” Taking your seat, you smiled fondly at Namjoon as sat downnext to you.

“Thank you,” you told him quietly,making him nod at you, placing his hand on your knee for a moment, just longenough to squeeze it affectionately before he removed his touch.

As the bus started moving, youstared out the window as Namjoon stared at you, watching your face forreactions to his hometown. Feeling his stare on you, your lips turned upwards.“Stop watching me,” you teased him without even a glance towards him, to whichNamjoon quickly averted his eyes to the opposite side of the bus with a bigsmile spread across his features, dimples on full display for anyone who mayhave been looking at him. As he looked away from you, feigning innocence, hemade eye contact with an elderly couple who were both smiling adoringly at him.Feeling slightly nervous under their gaze, he bowed politely.

“You two make a beautiful couple,”the man said as the woman nodded in agreement. Their words made you turn tolook at them, cheeks already flushed with red at their comment. You smiled atthem and bowed, not wanting to correct them.

“Thank you,” he told them as hisbody heated up in embarrassment. Turning to face you, you both looked at eachother and tried to hold back your laughter. You and Namjoon? Yeah right, youthought. It wasn’t that you weren’t interested. In fact, you had always beeninterested in Namjoon. But when you first met, you went straight intofriendship, and it would difficult for that relationship to change into somethingelse… wouldn’t it? Sometimes the way he flirted with you made you feel like hemay be into you, but you also couldn’t believe that your best friend wouldactually reciprocate the confusing feeling you had for him.

Suddenly, by the grace of god,Namjoon pointed out the window. “This is our stop.“

As you stood up, you both smiledand bowed at the couple once more before exiting the bus. “That was soawkward,” you laughed as the bus drove away, Namjoon bursting into his ownlaughter. However, he didn’t say anything else regarding the topic. Did it meannothing to him, or did it mean too much?

“Here, the house is this way,” hesaid, stepping in front of you as he led you towards the direction of his home.As you tried to take your bag out of his hand, he pulled it away from you. “Igot it, babe,” he told you with a smile. You nodded, smiling graciously at him.

After walking just for a coupleminutes, he stopped and pointed at a cozy looking house. “That’s it,” hesmiled.

Your eyes lit up at therealization that this was where your best friend grew up. “Oh wow,” you smiledbrightly. “It’s beautiful, Joonie.” As you took in the sight of the home, hiseyes were locked on your features, admiring your enthusiasm for a simple house.

“Namjoon!” A woman yelled inexcitement as she stepped out of the house, pulling his gaze from you to thevoice.

“Mom!” He smiled happily, quicklystepping towards his mom. Looking back at you, he gestured for you to followhim, to which you obliged, following closely behind. As he greeted his mom in ahug, you watched the scene, feeling an overwhelming happiness. When his dadstepped outside, Namjoon greeted him with a hug as they both chuckled into theembrace. You stood by, watching the reunion fondly. As Namjoon stood next toyou once again, he grabbed your hand in an effort to calm your nerves.

“Mom, dad, this is—“

“You must be y/n,” His mominterrupted him with a giddy grin.

“Yeah, this is my best friendy/n,” he looked at you. Namjoon’s parents shared a knowing look, though youweren’t sure what they knew, before his mom stepped towards you andpulled you into a hug.

“It’s so nice to meet you, y/n,”his mom told you as she squeezed you tightly.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” youtold her as she pulled away, keeping her hands placed on your shoulders as shestudied your face.

“Aren’t you beautiful,” she saidmore to herself than to you. Looking up at her husband, she asked for hisconfirmation. “Don’t you think, Dear?” Namjoon cocked his head in confusion athis parents’ reaction to meeting you.

Mr. Kim nodded in agreement,flashing Namjoon a proud smile, to which Namjoon scrunched his eyebrows, hisconfusion increasing. His dad held his hand out for you to shake. “Nice to meetyou, y/n.”

“You as well,” you said as youshook his hand.

“I’m happy to be able to put aface to all the stories,” he told you with a happy chuckle.

Eyes widening, you looked from Mr.Kim to Namjoon. “Stories?” Namjoon immediately blushed. “Hopefully goodstories,” you smiled, still a little nervous.

“Oh, of course, sweetheart.Namjoon just likes to talk about you. We feel like we already know you,” Mrs.Kim smiled.

“Oh he does, does he?” You teased,looking at Namjoon as he bashfully hid his grin behind his hand.

“Now, come in, you two,” his momsaid suddenly, leading the way inside. “How was the trip?”

“It was good,” Joon told hisparents. “Quick. It’s amazing how little I make it out here when it’s soclose,” he frowned slightly.

“You’re here now, though,” his dadsaid as he patted his son’s shoulder. “How do you like Ilsan so far, y/n?”

“I like it a lot,” you assuredwith a smile. “I’m excited to tour the city a little bit. It’s very prettyhere. And the people seem nice.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon agreed, his eyeswidening. “We already met a sweet older couple on the bus. They thought we madea beautiful couple,” he laughed, as you shook your head with a smile,both of you still in disbelief of being mistaken as a couple. Namjoon’s dadsmiled widely at that.

“Well, you do,” Mrs. Kim confirmed.“A very beautiful couple.” Joon quickly shook his head as you blushed.

“Mom—“

“You two go get settled and thenI’ll cook us some lunch, ok? You sister will be here shortly,” she toldNamjoon. “You know where your room is, and I’ve prepared the guest room fory/n, but, perhaps you want to share a room?”

Namjoon quite literally choked ashe shook his head. “No, that’s ok,” you smiled. “I’ll take the guest room,thank you.”

“Mom,” Namjoon finally sputteredout.

She looked at him with wide eyes.“What? I’m not naive.” Namjoon stared at her questioningly. “If you want toshare a room, we’re ok with that.”

“Mom, we’re just friends,” hesaid, making his mom look at him in surprise. “We’re friends,” he gesturedbetween the two of you.

“Ha!” Mr. Kim laughed out loud.

“Sure, sweetie,” she smiled at youboth. “Go get settled.”

His parents walked out of theliving room to the kitchen, leaving you and your best friend standing thereawkwardly. “What the fuck?” You whispered, making Joon chuckle.

“I have no idea,” he said as heturned to face you.

“Do they think we’re together?”You asked with shock lacing your tone. Namjoon shrugged, making you look at himwith wide eyes. “Joon,” you whined.

“I’ll set them straight, don’tworry,” he assured you, making you sigh. Namjoon pulled you into him for a hugas you sighed into his chest.

“I was already nervous to meetthem, and now they think we’re a couple,” you complained as you wrapped yourarms around the comforting man’s waist.

“I honestly don’t know where theygot the idea that we’re a couple,” he said as you literally stood in the middleof his home holding each other comfortingly.

Pulling away to look at him, youflashed a teasing grin. “Maybe because you talk about me so much,” you giggled.

“Don’t,” he warned as he pulledyou back into his embrace. You continued to chuckle into his chest.

“I like them,” you smiled as heheld you. Looking up at him, you were met with his excited grin.

“Yeah?” He asked, his dimplespopping out. You nodded as he squeezed your body against him. “I’m glad.”

“Namjoon!” A younger girl’s voicesounded across the room, your best friend and you quickly separating to see hisyounger sister standing there with a grin.

“Hey!” Namjoon greeted cheerfully.“Come here,” he gestured for her to come to you both. “You remember y/n,right?”

“Of course,” she said as you bothsmiled and waved at each other before Namjoon pulled her into a hug. You hadmet his sister over FaceTime once and ended up talking to her for nearly 40minutes before Namjoon made you both cut the call off. “I thought you werebringing a friend, not y/n,” she said suggestively, looking up at her bother.

“Y/n is my friend,” heclarified with a confused look. She raised her eyebrows, nodding, however, notbelieving.

“It’s nice to meet youofficially,” you smiled at his sister, holding your hand out to shake.

Shaking your hand, she agreed witha big smile. “Wow,” she said looking at you. “You got yourself a looker,” shetold her brother, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh my god, we’re just friends,”he groaned.

“Uh huh,” his sister said as shemade her way to the kitchen, sporting a sly smile. He looked at you infrustration.

“We’re just friends,” he yelledout so his whole family could hear, making them all giggle, as your faceflushed with heat.

“I’m so sorry,” he looked at you,his lips remaining in the shape of a small smile, showing his amusement of thesituation.

Smiling, you shook your head.“It’s ok,” you assured. “It’s just kind of weird how everyone here thinks we’rea couple.”

He shook his head in disbelief ofeveryone’s perceptions of your relationship. “How come no one in Seoul evermistakes us for a couple? We’re practically still in Seoul, why would it be sodifferent here?” He complained. 

“There must be something in thewater here,” you joked as you reached for your bag. Namjoon chuckled as hegrabbed his bag and led you to the bedrooms.

“So, here’s the guest room,” hesaid as he opened the door and led you inside. Setting your bag on the bed,your eyes scanned the room. “My room is right across the hall,” he pointed. Yousimply nodded as a wicked smile overtook your face. “What?” He asked nervously.

Shaking your head nonchalantly,you tiptoed to the door, your grin growing. Namjoon suddenly caught on, rushingto stop you from entering his childhood room. He caught you in the hallwaybefore you could open his bedroom door, his arms wrapping around your waist,lifting you off the ground, your back pressed against his chest. You squealedin laughter as he sported an amused grin. “Just let me see your room,” you whinedas you squirmed in his arms.

You both didn’t realize yourlaughter had caught the attention of his family, who were standing down thehallway watching you both fondly.

“I will,” he assured. “On onecondition, though.” You hummed in acknowledgement, waiting for his terms. “Nomaking fun of me for whatever you find in there,” he whispered against yourear, sending tingles across your skin.

“You’re no fun,” you teased,making him sigh through a shy smile. “Joon, I promise,” you assured. At that,he set you down and that’s when he caught his family watching you out of thecorner of his eye. You noticed the surprise in his face and followed his gaze.Upon seeing them all smiling at you both, you suddenly felt shy, instinctivelytucking yourself into your best friend’s side for comfort, Namjooninstinctively pulling you in closer.

“We’re just friends,” he told themsternly before shoving you into his bedroom. As he shut the door behind him, hestarted ranting about his family and apologizing for you. However, you were toobusy looking at his childhood room to care about that.

Looking over the plushies thatadorned the walls and were scattered throughout the room, you smiled to yourself,thankful that this sweet man hadn’t changed from youth to adulthood. Walking overto his nightstand, you picked up a picture frame of him as a young boy, hislittle sister on his back. “Oh my god, Joonie, you were so cute.” You cut himoff mid rant, making him look at you with big adorable eyes and a small ‘huh?’You smiled at him as you held the picture frame up. “You have the same smile,”you cooed.

A bashful grin appeared on hisface as he looked down towards the floor. “You promised you wouldn’t make funof me.”

“I’m not,” you defended. “I’madmiring how freaking adorable you are.”

“Did you just say how adorable youare? As in how adorable I am? Presenttense?” You glared at his widely grinning face. “Is that what you said?” Hecontinued to tease.

“Just take the compliment andknock it off,” you giggled. He smiled bashfully, covering his mouth with hishands.

“Thanks,” he said quietly as helifted his eyes to meet your own fond ones. Setting the frame back down, yousaw the notebook laying on the table. As you reached for the notebook, Namjoonwas suddenly at your side, grabbing your wrist to stop you. “Please don’t,” hebegged. Looking at him, you cocked your head.

“What is it?” You smiledmischievously. He stared at you, silently pleading with you not to look at thenotebook. You gasped. “Old songs?” Your smile grew when he didn’t deny yourguess. “Babe, please let me read it, please,” you begged as he shook his head.“I promised I wouldn’t make fun of you,” you pouted.

“No,” he said as he took thenotebook off the table and held it above his head.

“Really?” You glared. “Holding itover your head? I’m not that short,” you complained, making him laugh.“Joon, I’m not gonna read it if you don’t want me to,” you told him sincerely.Looking into your eyes, he saw your sincerity.

He lowered his arm, holding thenotebook out to you. “No, it’s ok,” you smiled. “You don’t have to show me.”

“No, go ahead,” he assured you itwas ok as he placed the notebook in your palm. Your smile spread further acrossyour face, but you still waited for his go ahead. “I already show you everysingle song I write, no matter how shitty it is—“

“None of them are shitty—”

“Go ahead. I actually don’tremember what any of these lyrics are so we’ll read them together,” he smiledbashfully. Instead of taking the notebook from him, you instead crawled ontohis bed, laying on your stomach, propping yourself up on your elbows.

“Come on,” you patted the spotnext to you, Namjoon immediately plopping down next to you. He opened thenotebook and you both started reading the childish lyrics. They weren’t bad fora kid, but some of them were pretty silly, making you both laugh. Every once ina while, you pulled your eyes from the pages to watch Namjoon’s amusementdisplayed across his stunning features.

Eventually, you both started todoze off, both of you exhausted from staying up late in the studio the nightbefore. Namjoon was working tirelessly on the comeback, and you had brought himdinner and ended up crashing on his sofa.

When Namjoon’s father came in tocollect you both for lunch, he fell upon the scene of you curled into Namjoon’sside as he slept on his stomach, his arms protectively wrapped around yourshoulders. You were both lightly snoring, making his dad almost sad to wake youboth. He shook Namjoon’s arm until Joon stirred awake, his eyes immediatelyfalling on your sleeping form, tucked in tightly to his side. He could feel yourarm draped across his lower back, your legs wrapped around his own like a koalabear. Namjoon smiled contentedly before looking up to see his dad smilingfondly at the two of you. Namjoon’s cheeks flushed as his dad shook his head.“You’re just friends,” his dad said with a knowing smile. “I know, son.” Thetone in which he spoke, mixed with the smile he flashed, made Namjoon shove hisface in the bed in embarrassment. He felt as though his dad just ripped downevery wall Namjoon had ever built up, leaving him and his feelings bare, withnothing to hide behind anymore.

His dad gently patted Namjoon’shead. “Y/n is a good person to have, no matter what you two are to each other. Youboth are very lucky to have each other,” his dad said, smiling at his son.“Lunch is ready, so come and eat.” With that, he left the room, leaving Namjoonto deal with the butterflies that had just exploded in his chest at therealization that followed his dad’s words.

Reluctantly, he rolled away fromyou, tickling your nose to wake you up. Groaning, you pushed his hand away, buthe then just attacked your sides with his fingers. “Babe, stop,” you whined,your eyes fluttering open. Babe. He’d heard you call him that name amillion times before, yet this time it made his heart pound against his chest.

“Let’s go eat,” he said. Withthose words, you popped up, your stomach immediately growling in response.

“Food,” you whispered, Namjoonlaughing at you. He took your hand and led you out of the room to the kitchen.

As your sleepy forms stumbled intothe kitchen, Namjoon’s family all looked at you, his mom giggling a bit at yourand Namjoon’s puffy eyes. “Did you two get a good nap in?” She asked as she setthe final dish on the already full table. Namjoon nodded as he pulled out achair and sat in the one next to it, you sitting down in the chair he pulledout. The subtle action did not go unnoticed by Namjoon’s family as they allsilently swooned.

“Thank you so much for this meal,it looks amazing,” you bowed to Mrs. Kim, making her graciously smile at you,Namjoon affectionately smiling at you both.

“Why are you two so tired, anyway?”Namjoon’s dad asked you both as everyone dug into the food. Slurping down somenoodles, Namjoon spoke up.

“We were up late. I’ve beenworking on the album, and y/n was kind enough to hang out with me in thestudio,” he told them as he ate a bit more. His mom shook her head indisapproval.

“You need to stop working yourselfso hard, Namjoon. Working hard is one thing, but I’m worried you’re overdoingit.” Namjoon’s dad nodded in agreement. You stopped eating as you glanced atNamjoon to gage his reaction. This was a touchy subject for Joon, and you knewthat because you had attempted to tell him the exact same thing on severaloccasions.

“I’m not overdoing it,” hedefended calmly. “I’m just doing my job.”

“But rest is important,” Namjoon’sdad told him.

Namjoon nodded in acknowledgement.“I’m getting rest. My schedule is just different than most people.” Namjoonlooked at you to meet your gentle gaze, helping him to keep his aggravation atbay. “Trust me, I get rest. This one makes sure of that,” he gestured to youwith a laugh.

“Well we’re very thankful to youthen, dear,” his mother told you with a smile. “But who is making sure youget rest if you’re staying up with him all night in the studio?” She asked youbefore looking to Namjoon, making his body flood with guilt.

“Oh, no, I don’t usually stay upwith him. I’ll bring him food or just hang out for a bit, and then I go home beforeit gets too late. Last night was a rarity. He doesn’t usually let me stay toolong,” you looked at Namjoon gently. “He worries about me too much to let mestay up late,” you laughed. “I can sleep pretty much anywhere, and I think thecouch in his studio is just as comfortable as my bed, but he still insists I gohome to get a good night’s rest,” you explained with a smile. His family’s eyesbounced between you and a bashful Namjoon as you spoke. “I actually wish he’dlet me stay late with him more often,” you continued. “It’s inspiring to seehim work on something he’s so passionate about.” Namjoon’s sister pouted at yourwords, overwhelmed by how cute you two were, while his mother and father lookedat each other and smiled.

Namjoon caught on to his family’sreactions, groaning in response. “We really are just friends,” he said quietly,your cheeks heating up instantly, realizing how you just furthered theirsuspicion of your relationship.

“Mhmm,” his mom nodded. “You’rewhatever you say you are.” His dad nodded in agreement with his mother.

“You still don’t believe us, doyou?” Namjoon asked in defeat.

“We believe you,” Namjoon’s dadassured. “We believe that you thinkyou’re just friends.” You couldn’t help but giggle at his dad’s choice ofwords, making his dad point a finger at you with a wide smile. Namjoon chuckledas well, looking down at his plate as he placed a hand on the back of yourchair.

“Would it be so bad to be morethan just friends?” Namjoon’s mom quietly asked you both, just as you shoved abunch of food into your mouth. Joon looked over at you and chuckled fondly atyour full cheeks which might as well have been permanently painted red at thispoint. He found himself smiling like an idiot, utterly amused by you and yourcuteness.

“Ok, ok, let’s just eat,” Namjoontold them with a blush across his cheeks. You hid a smile with your hand as youswallowed the last of the food. Looking over to Namjoon, you were met by hisadoring gaze. Admiring the man you called your best friend, you couldn’t help butlet your mind wander over the possibilities if you ever did allow yourrelationship to venture into romantics. No, it wouldn’t be so bad.  

After finishing the meal, you,Joon, and his sister prepared to head out so they could take you on a shorttour of the city. With the weather still being a bit cold, Joon handed you a beanieto wear. Smiling, you took it, pulling it over your hair. Looking up at him, heflashed you a close-mouthed smile, his dimples popping out, as he looked at thetufts of hair sticking out wildly underneath the beanie. Reaching up slowly, headjusted the beanie, tucking your hair into it nicely. When he finished, henodded at you, leaving his hands on the sides of your face for a moment.

“Oh my god, just date already!”His sister yelled at you both as she walked outside, ready to leave. Both ofyour cheeks flushed red again as he quickly removed his hands from you. Youswiftly walked past him to head outside, pushing aside the butterflies thatwere now fluttering throughout your body.

As Namjoon and his sister escortedyou around, showing you their favorite spots, your interactions with Joon feltdifferent. For example, Namjoon often held your hand. It was never anythingthat concealed more meaning, but rather just a friendly display of affection.You both did love each other, but you weren’t in love… at least you didn’tthink so. Did everyone around you see something you both didn’t?

However, when he reached for yourhand to bring your attention to his favorite cafe, you felt a spark ignite wherehis skin touched your own, heat bursting in your chest, flowing throughout yourentire frame. You pulled your hand out of his grasp, almost scared of how itmade you feel, making him look at you with confusion and a bit of letdown. “Doyou want to go in?” He asked you as if you didn’t just have that awkwardinteraction. Nodding, the three of you walked towards the cafe.

Upon entering, you could seeexactly why Joon loved this cafe so much. It was cozy and modern. The woodenshelves full of books and albums that littered the walls gave it a verycomfortable vibe. You imagined a younger version of your best friend, cominginto this very cafe and feeling at home, surrounded by the experiences ofothers that had been put into words on a page and into the grooves of therecords.

“This place feels like you,” youtold him with a smile, making him blush under your adoring gaze.

After ordering, Joon’s sisterwaited at the counter for your drinks and desserts, while you and Joon found aseat next to the window. “I’m sorry if my family’s comments have been makingyou feel awkward,” he told you sadly, obviously feeling bad about it especiallysince you pulled your hand out of his. Quickly, you shook your head, placingyour hand over his in an attempt to let him know you didn’t feel awkward. Ifanything, you felt too comfortable with what the commentsinsinuated about your relationship “I just don’t know why they keep makingcomments.”

Looking down at your hand that washolding the back of his, you let out a mixture of a scoff and a laugh. “Joon,”you gestured at your hands. “You don’t know why? Really?”

Looking at your hands, pink tintedhis cheeks. Readjusting your hands, so they were palm to palm and your fingerswere intertwined, he smiled shyly. “What? This?”He asked teasingly as he squeezed your hand. “So now we’re a couple because wehold hands sometimes?”

“We call each other babe,” youtold him.

“Yeah, as like, a friend thing,”he justified. “We’re affectionate towards each other. That doesn’t make us acouple.”

Nodding, you agreed. “I know, butcan you at least see why peoplethink we are?” Sighing, he nodded.“As long as we know what we are though, then who cares what other people think,right?”

“But do we know what we are?” Heasked, slightly shocking you.

Suddenly, Joon’s sister appearedat the table, balancing three drinks and three desserts. you quickly removedyour hand from Namjoon’s to help her set the treats down. “Thanks,” she told youas you smiled at her. Noticing the heavy atmosphere between you and herbrother, she excused herself to the restroom. “I’ll, uh, be back in a few,” shesaid as she made her way across the room, looking back at you with a curiousgaze.

Locking your eyes with Namjoon,you chuckled. “She’s observant,” you noted, making him cock his head at you,waiting for an answer to his previous question. Sighing, you shrugged. “We’rebest friends, Joon.” He nodded in agreement.

“We are. But that doesn’t make us justfriends.” He looked back down at your hands which were no longerintertwined, but your fingers were playfully dancing together on the tabletop,making both of your lips turn up just the slightest bit.

“Have we ever been just friends?”You asked him, locking your gaze on his features to try to read what he wasfeeling.

He didn’t say anything, but youknew what he was telling you with his eyes. Both of you knew you were never just friends. There were other factorsat play when you met that kept you both from allowing yourselves to feel morethan friendship with each other. Timing was a big one. You were balancingschool and part time jobs and he was busy being the leader of a massivelypopular boy group. Another one was the fear you both had to let someone in. Itwas scary giving yourself to someone, putting your trust and faith into them.However, throughout your friendship, you let each other in anyway. He was theperson you trusted the most. You believed in him and you had faith in him. Andthe feelings were mutual.

“Ok, I tried to stay away, but mydrink is getting cold and I really want to eat my cookie,” Namjoon’s sisterwhined, sliding into the seat next to you. You laughed and pushed her drinktowards her.

“You’re fine,” you assured her.

“Did I give you enough time?” Sheasked you both, looking from you to her older brother. “Are you still justfriends,” she mocked Namjoon’s voice.

You both laughed in response,looking at each other to see how the other would respond. You shook your head,giving him the answer he needed. Reaching for your hand again, he tangled hisfingers with your own. “No,” he answered his sister, however, he was looking atyou, letting you know his words were for you. “We’re not just friends.”

[zombiiesque]

Nocturne Alchemy Seth's Dinosaur Collection - PART ONE

Originally published on 6/27/2017

Hello, everyone! I've been wanting to write some reviews for a while now, but we moved, and then I promptly came down with a really bad case of bronchitis, that did not seem to want to go away. I ended up with two different antibiotics and almost went to the hospital at one point, but it's mostly dissipated finally. Well, then I had to put my house together and get everything situated here, and I'm sure anyone that has moved understands how much effort that takes. I haven't moved in over four years, and I felt really bad about not getting my house organized! And here I am, going on and on. Anyway, I had intentions of reviewing Seth's Dinosaur Collection for quite a while, but I think it's particularly relevant now. Nocturne Alchemy is reopening in 4 days, on June 30th! *squeeing and flailing* I'm so excited to see the site redesign. Also, they've been working on new label art, and from what I understand, they'll be adding new scents to the various Permanent Collections. So much fun. I'm sure it's going to be beautiful. If you'd like to keep up with them in the meantime, they have been posting fun things on their Facebook Business page, including a sneak peek video of the new logo, which is absolutely elegant.

Well, I started this last night, and ended up having things to do that needed my immediate intention - so I had to put it down and come back to it in the morning! It seems like that's the way things have been going lately, so now this review is even more timely. Before I delve into it, I want to make mention that I had an email conversation with the NA crew, because I wanted to address some of the rumors I'd seen going around since they'd been closed. I saw that folks were concerned that they wouldn't be reopening, because they've been gone so long, and I also saw that many were worried that the catalogue as it was known might not be returning, so I wrote to see if they'd give me something to share with people - and they did! Such lovely, kindhearted people, and that is the reason I am such a huge "fangirl". I mean, don't get me wrong - they make the most exquisite perfume oils, and of course that drew me in, but once I began to see how much heart they pour into their company, and how much they care about their customers, that really made me fall head over heels. Honestly, in the world of indie perfumes, NA is a pretty good sized company. They've been making perfumes for 10 years now - actually, as it's June, they're into their 11th year, and they have a pretty extensive catalogue! So in their own words, I'll use a direct quote here from Nocturne Alchemy.

NA will return June 30th. We asked our customers last year what they thought of the old NA site. Constructive criticism concluded that it was dated. The truth is, we knew this and had been looking for the right host site for the past two years. We knew it would take time to migrate and create a new site but we'd have to be 100% involved and the focus of a new site would mean we'd have to shut down the old site. In the process, we decided to recreate the art for the labels of the Permanent Collection (we call it the PC because we view perfume as you would at an art gallery, where there is a Permanent Collection and a Limited Collection or the temporary exhibit if you will). In the past six months we've taken some much needed time off after a decade of perfume making, perfume soul-searching, travel for more unique perfume, and also back in the Studio for months now working on new PC, new art for new labels and a new look for NA. It took two years prior to opening NA in 2006 creating a small collection of PC and Limited perfumes, designing labels, the site...the fact that we can do this in six months, means we are at the top of our game. We know what we want to create but you can't rush art. NA will return June 30th. Find us on Facebook to stay up with current information. The PC and Studio Limited will return, as well as the beloved VApothecary line that has been rebranded under Nocturne Alchemy to facilitate cohesiveness at the new site.

So, there you have it! In addition to completely redesigning the site from the ground up, including a different type of "shopping cart", they've been working on all kinds of wonderful things. I am not sure I will even know where to start on Friday! I'm certainly looking forward to digging through the new site - bad pun intended? And now, I have to apologize. As I said, I'd meant to get this posted a few weeks ago, but life sort of threw me under the bus, and I just couldn't give it the proper time it deserved, as the Dinosaur collection, and the eNVie review, both deserve a bit more depth than just reviewing a single perfume. I'll be working on the latter today, to get it posted up hopefully by tomorrow.

So, roughly two summers ago, Nocturne Alchemy released the original Dinosaur collection, which was Seth's baby, as his other passion, from his early childhood, was dinosaurs, and he wanted to do a collection with that theme. I must tell you, it's been one of my very favorite collections, and I'm only missing a few of them. Last summer, they released a Resurgence, and added some new perfumes to the collection. It's alternatively been called the Prehistoric collection, but the name "Seth's Dinosaurs" has kind of become the popular name among the fans, and often gets shortened to "the Dinos". A little note about this collection: "These dinosaur perfumes are created with the beauty of resin in mind for each of them. The concept to this perfume, the label and the respect of the dinosaur is built on imagination. If you look at the label, there is an egg to the left. It is the same color as the Dinosaur. Apply the perfume on wrist and inner elbow and allow the scent to bind with your chemistry. Once this has occurred, inhale. This conceptually, is the egg. To allow the dinosaur to hatch, we wanted you to go to your Studio Limited Library and pull as many as you want, especially your favorites. The magic in layering the dino's with your Studio Limited Library will give your library a new NAVAlchemy aspect of layering and creating your own personal Dino scent. The fun in NAVAlchemy and hatching the dino eggs is all up to you!" - note from Seth. So, I've seen a few comments floating around the internet that say these oils seem to be rather linear, or flat - and I hope that people will read this, because if they don't realize that these were created specifically to be layered, then they'll miss the beauty of these. I do like them on their own, but I find that when they are layered with other perfumes, the beauty and versatility really shines through. I was never adventurous about layering until I was introduced to these beauties, and they really taught me to branch out, because the possibilities are quite endless. What's interesting is that a lot of the SL (Studio Line) is also fantastic for layering, so I'll make some suggestions for these together for you to try. I believe, from the hints that they've been dropping on the Facebook page, that we'll once again be graced with new Dinos this summer. I don't know if it will be happening with the grand reopening, or at some later time in the summer, but it seems that we'll be getting new Dinosaurs to play with! I cannot wait.

So, let's get started! I'll go with the first round of Dinosaurs that I have, and then the second round will be in a separate post. All of the Dinosaurs also make this mention: "*tiny bits of resin may occur in the Dino blends, these will only enrich the blend even more with aging!"

Cryolophosaurus: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, Aged Organic Studio created Patchouli, Black Patchouli, SL Crimson and only a drop of fine aged Egyptian White peppercorn eo. So, this was my first love of the Dinosaurs. I was pretty new to NAVA at the time the first collection came out, so I was still trying everything via decants before I sprung for full bottles, because I hadn't learned what worked on me and what didn't yet. I think I ordered decants of everything but Spinosaurus, because I had learned at that point that black honey and I don't get on. Still salty about that! Anyway. The decants arrived, and I tried them all out - and fell madly in love with Cryolophosaurus, and promptly ordered a full bottle. It's....what are words! I feel as though I'm going to be repeating myself here with this collection, but I'll do my best for y'all. The patchoulis in this blend are bright and sort of herbal, almost minty? I don't know if that's a proper patchouli trait, but as a bit of a hippie, I've been a lifelong fan of patchouli (thanks, mom!) and was exposed to the dark and dirty hippie type patchouli early on in life. This was the first time I was exposed to patchouli as a more herbal note, and I was absolutely blown away. I often find NAVA ambers to have a "fresh" sort of quality, and the two ambers used in the Dinosaur collection definitely seem to have that, so it keeps any of these blends from being overly dark. There's definitely a depth and a sort of stoney feel to each one of these, but as I've mentioned, that seems to come out more once you layer them with another perfume, and Cryolophosaurus is no exception. I can wear this happily alone, it's quite different than say Hessonite, which can be a little overwhelming if you're new to patchouli, the ambers lift this up and seem to give the patchoulis a different nuance. You don't get the red musk (Crimson) or pepper aspect very much until you wear this one layered, but those aspects come out and shine once you pair this with another oil. Also, this oil is red! As I've had my bottle for 2 years, there's definitely some resinous bits forming now, but I couldn't seem to capture a picture of it.

I could rave and rave about this one. Goals: If they bring this back as a Resurrection again this year, GET A BACKUP BOTTLE. Hah!

TL;DR A fresh, sort of bright, herbal patchouli. The nuances of the ambers, red musk, and pepper come out to play when you layer this, but you probably won't notice them while wearing it solo.

Layering suggestions: Try this with Kashmir, Crystalline, Amethyst, Santalum, Crystal, White Ambre Ombre. If you have Labyrinth Oudh, this pairs beautifully with that. If you are a patchouli fiend, you might try hatching it with Patchouli Ombre or Hessonite. I like it with Sekhmet Amber and Black Raven, also.

Diplodocus: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, a drop of Cacao, Boswellia carterii Frankincense from United Arab Emirates and a drop of steam distilled Oman Frankincense tears we picked from the actual Frankincense tree.

Believe it or not, although I tried all of my decants the summer that the Dinosaur Collection came out, I did not really pursue full bottles of any except Cryolophosaurus. When I heard that the collection was to be resurrected last summer, I decided I needed to try my decants again, and came to the conclusion that I would have to acquire full sizes of all the originals that I had decants of - oh boy! And then there were new ones joining them. I was in trouble. So, I was trying to decide which of these I absolutely had to have, and at first, I had decided since I had Holiday Egyptian Frankincense, I probably didn't need Diplodocus. Well, I fell pretty hard for HEF last summer and found myself layering it with everything, and before I knew it, I had gone through a half a bottle. Panic set in, and I decided I was probably going to need an alternative frankincense, as it was a note I was falling more and more in love with. Diplodocus became a must have, and I am glad I was able to sneak it in my last order before the collection came down. As a stand alone perfume, this is pretty much a linear frankincense - albeit a lovely one. Beautifully woody, you could wear this alone if you were in the mood to wear a sort of single note frankincense, but this lends a wonderful aspect with so many perfumes, I prefer to layer it. Once I layer it with another perfume, the bright, resinous, stony amber comes out to play with the woodiness of the frankincense, and it's heavenly. The cacao is not a starring note, I can find it with my nose only if I keep sniffing, but it plays a lovely supporting role.

TL;DR A perfect frankincense layering note, it does well with adding a sort of grounding to perfumes that might ordinarily be too bright or feminine for my particular tastes, and is lovely paired with the SLs as well to create a duality.

Layering suggestions: Kobalt Dark, Santal Ombre, Egyptian Musk, Crystal, Diamond, or even to add a tad more frankincense to Ember. I've also paired this and love it with Gabriel, Eternal Egypt, and Ozymandias. I love it with several LC perfumes as well; Black Velvet, Black Crystalline Black Fig, Vamp, Anticipation, Blue Lotus, Snow Amber.

Pteranodon: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, a drop of Cacao, Pure Sandalwood left to age in the perfume, Santalum Gold, Santalum and a drop of Blue Santalum.

GODS. Gods. This was the one that made me sit up and take notice, why had I missed out on ordering a full bottle, and I need to rectify this immediately! All of the Dinosaurs are fantastic, versatile little workhorses when playing with layering, but Pteranodon became a quick favorite of mine, and dare I say? Yes, I dare, it became my favorite sandalwood thus far. Don't get me wrong, you'll be prying my gloriously aged bottle of SL Santalum out of my cold, dead hands, I absolutely adore Santalum White, especially when spring and summer roll around, but really I can see using it all year...but this, this is special. Samantha tells me that's because it has the most precious of precious, Santalum Gold. Since she sent me a little sample of her precious bottle, I can understand the obsession - there's something pretty amazing about Santalum Gold. It's a little more woody and resinous, more fully sandalwood than the new version Santalum. I love mine, don't get me wrong, but I can see why Santalum Gold is so popular that if one pops up in the secondary market, it is gone within minutes. Ah well, one day I will be quick enough! Until then - Pteranodon. Yes, I can and have worn this alone, and I absolutely adore it. I like it in my hair, it's one of my favorite layering components when I pair it with something and add a few drops of unscented hair oil and run my fingers through my hair. Hnnnnggg. It's hauntingly familiar, it reminds me of when I lived briefly in Minneapolis in the early nineties and I hung out in the head shops and the kitschy little knicknack shops of uptown and the fantastic thrift stores....ahhhh the nineties, it brings me a feeling of nostalgia, for that's when I discovered how glorious sandalwood was. Oddly enough, my mother is a darker creature, and I don't remember her wearing sandalwood during her hippie days, mostly patchouli and musk and especially dragon's blood. She was missing out, I tell you. This. This really evokes some strong emotions in me. So, once layered, again the ambers come out to play, and the cacao is there as a supporting note, but the star is the variety of sandalwoods. You really get a sense of the four once this is layered. I don't know what to say other than IF THIS COMES BACK AND YOU DON'T HAVE IT YOU'D BETTER GET ONE. I'll be picking up a backup. I might not be able to get my hands on Santalum Gold, but this will do.

TL;DR HNNNGGGG GORGEOUS INCREDIBLE SANDALWOOD.

Layering suggestions: Gods, it goes with everything. Seriously. One of my favorite things is to hatch this with a combination of Diamond, Crystalline, and Tibetan Crystalline. Alternately, I'll do Bloodstone, Egyptian Musk, and this (maybe some Amethyst too). It's fantastic with Ember Vanilla or from the LC, Phantasm Kiss. I love it with Egyptian Temple Oudh. Umm, Eternal Egypt, Bastet Amber, Raphael, Black Raven. Ambre Ombre, or even Santal Ombre. I love it with the OPs, Baba, Tawaret, Pakhet, Hathor. I've got a smidgen of my sample of Egyptian Peach Blossom left and it's lovely with that. Polichenelle. Cecilia, Adele, Music, Snow Amber, Patchouli Ombre. There hasn't been a layering combination with this one I haven't loved, so be adventurous. If a perfume seems a bit too sweet or floral, this makes a nice "grounding" effect. Just do yourself a favor and nab this if it comes back!

Tyrannosaurus: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, a drop of Cacao, Dracaena Draco of Morocco (Dragon's Blood resin) and Sangre de Grado Dragon's Blood.

One of the things I don't think I've talked about a lot is exactly how much I love NAVA's dragon's blood. I seem to like dark, red, resinous things quite a bit, I mean, Kashmir is practically my signature, followed closely by Bloodstone. So, what is their dragon's blood like? It's that perfect mixture of spicy and fruity. It's so, so well balanced. I don't really like it when a db note veers too much into either territory, leaving the other territory well behind. I want that combination, just a little spicy, just a little fruity, almost delicious. This is another workhorse. Alone, it's a beautifully resinous, juicy dragon's blood with a little kick of spice. It might be too dark alone if you're not into db, but layer this big boy - did Seth name this one well or WHAT? Layer Tyrannosaurus, and it becomes bright and lifted with the amber, and it's possibly even more beautiful than Bloodstone. Wait, what? Blasphemy. Okay, maybe not my bottle of aged, thick, glorious Bloodstone, but it's pretty amazing. Worn alone, T-Rex is a hint of the amber, and the two dragon's bloods. Layered, and he comes into his full glory, the amber comes out to really play, and that lovely supporting cacao becoes just a little bit evident, to give it a little more depth.

TL;DR: T-Rex is a big boy, and this perfume more than lives up to its name. I find it apropos that his scent is dragon's blood. Layered, he is just the right amount of resinous, spicy, juicy dragon's blood and glorious, fresh stony amber. Mmmm. Mm. It makes me hum with happiness.

Layering suggestions: Ember Vanilla, Ambre Ombre, Patchouli Ombre, Santalum, Ember, Black Raven, Mists of Arcacia, OP Anubis, OP Pakhet. From the LC, try it with Phantasm Kiss, Blood Moon, Egyptian Temple Oudh, Copal Oudh, or Pandora.

Utahraptor: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, hungry chomps of Kashmir and Black Musk Absolutes, Egyptian Musk and a drop of Crimson and Sri Lankan Black Peppercorn eo.

Oh, Utahraptor. I've listed this last, but not because I love it least. In fact, I adore it, and it's quite versatile - different layering options bring out different facets of this one. I'm sure I've made mention of the fact that I really, really love NAVA musks. Kashmir is probably one of my favorite perfumes. So naturally, I had to have this. Worn alone, this comes across as mostly Kashmir, with a breath of Black Musk underneath, and the amber lifts it up - it might seem like a heavy blend, but it's saved from that by the beautifully clean Egyptian Musk and ambers. Start playing with layering, and while Kashmir, a bold red musk, remains the star, Black Musk and Egyptian Musk come out to play a bit more vocally, and I love that little kick of spiciness in the background of peppercorn. I'm a big fan of pepper in perfumes - Music is a great example of this, I feel, and it's kind of a surprising note, I think that many people would envision it from a cooking spice standpoint, but it's a bit different when added as a component of perfume. It adds a little kick, and it's quite fun. If you've never had the experience, I highly recommend giving it a chance. Anyway, enough about pepper, it's a supporting note here, and gives this "egg" a bit of pizzazz when you hatch it with another perfume.

TL;DR: Kashmir, a bold red musk, is the star here but plays beautifully with the other two musks, Black and Egyptian, when layered. Don't be afraid of the pepper. Despite the musk heavy blend, it's not nearly as heavy as you might think, the ambers lift and brighten this perfectly, and it's quite fun with a variety of different types.

Layering suggestions: Crystalline, Tibetan Crystalline, Santalum White, Egyptian Musk, Ozymandias, Pharaoh Anniversary, OP Baba, OP Set. For LC options, I absolutely am nuts over hatching this with California Redwood Crystal Musk. Also, Underlord Akhenaten, Pyewacket Cat, Pumpkin #2, Copal Oudh, Enigma, and it's amazing with the Byzantium Amber from their 9th Anniversary perfumes.

Okay, whew! That was pretty extensive, I am sorry for the wall of text, but I do hope you'll find my "hatching" suggestions helpful. This really did provide me with the courage to really branch out and become a layering fiend, and now I will layer various perfumes in with my unscented hair oils too, and I get a lot of compliments about how amazing my hair smells. Tomorrow, I'll get the second half of this posted for you, with last year's additions. From the first year, I do not have Spinosaurus, Stegasaurus, or Styracosaurus. Feel free to offer up your own layering combinations with these amazing perfumes! I want to mention one more thing in closing, these are another collection that do even better with age, they become richer and seem to come into their own even more. Have a wonderful evening!

Editing to add a note, and a link to part two! I forgot to mention previously, is that these are lovely when you pair them together! And I've done this several times with different combinations. Pteranodon with Protoceratops or Deinonychus, Velociraptor with Utahraptor, Diplodocus with Giganotosaurus, Protoceratops with almost anything! Hah.

Another thing to mention, if you have eNVie Saphir, many of these are stunning when hatched with Saphir. Definitely worth experimenting with - I have Saphir, Ambre Saphir, and Encens Saphir, and they all do well with the Dinosaurs.

[hieromonkcharbel]

--Turning my eyes carefully upon myself and watching the course of my inward state, I have verified by experience that I do not love God, that I have no love for my neighbors, that I have no religious belief, and that I am filled with pride and sensuality. All this I actually find in myself as a result of detailed examination of my feelings and conduct, thus:

1. I do not love God. For if I loved God I should be continually thinking about Him with heartfelt joy. Every thought of God would give me gladness and delight. On the contrary, I much more often and much more eagerly think about earthly things, and thinking about God is labor and dryness. If I loved God, then talking with Him in prayer would be my nourishment and delight and would draw me to unbroken communion with Him. But, on the contrary, I not only find no delight in prayer, but even find it an effort. I struggle with reluctance, I am enfeebled by sloth and am ready to occupy myself eagerly with any unimportant trifle, if only it shortens prayer and keeps me from it. My time slips away unnoticed in futile occupations, but when I am occupied with God, when I put myself into His presence, every hour seems like a year. If one person loves another, he thinks of him throughout the day without ceasing, he pictures him to himself, he cares for him, and in all circumstances his beloved friend is never out of his thoughts. But I, throughout the day, scarcely set aside even a single hour in which to sink deep down into meditation upon God, to inflame my heart with love of Him, while I eagerly give up 23 hours as fervent offerings to the idols of my passions. I am forward in talk about frivolous matters and things which degrade the spirit; that gives me pleasure. But in the consideration of God I am dry, bored, and lazy. Even if I am unwillingly drawn by others into spiritual conversation, I try to shift the subject quickly to one which pleases my desires. I am tirelessly curious about novelties, about civic affairs and political events; I eagerly seek the satisfaction of my love of knowledge in science and art, and ways of getting things I want to possess. But the study of the law of God, the knowledge of God and of religion, make little impression on me, and satisfy no hunger of my soul. I regard these things not only as a non-essential occupation for a Christian, but in a casual way as a sort of side-issue with which I should perhaps occupy my spare time, at odd moments. To put it shortly, if love for God is recognized by the keeping of His commandments ("If ye love Me, keep My commandments," says our Lord Jesus Christ), and I not only do not keep them, but even make little attempt to do so, then in absolute truth the conclusion follows that I do not love God. That is what Basil the Great says: "The proof that a man does not love God and His Christ lies in the fact that he does not keep His commandments."

2. I do not love my neighbor either. For not only am I unable to make up my mind to lay down my life for his sake (according to the gospel), but I do not even sacrifice my happiness, well-being, and peace for the good of my neighbor. If I did love him as myself, as the gospel bids, his misfortunes would distress me also, his happiness would bring delight to me too. But, on the contrary, I listen to curious, unhappy stories about my neighbor, and I am not distressed; I remain quite undisturbed or, what is still worse, I find a sort of pleasure in them. Bad conduct on the part of my brother I do not cover up with love, but proclaim abroad with censure. His well-being, honor, and happiness do not delight me as my own, and, as if they were something quite alien to me, give me no feeling of gladness. What is more, they subtly arouse in me feelings of envy or contempt.

3. I have no religious belief. Neither in immortality nor in the gospel. If I were firmly persuaded and believed without doubt that beyond the grave lies eternal life and recompense for the deeds of this life, I should be continually thinking of this. The very idea of immortality would terrify me and I should lead this life as a foreigner who gets ready to enter his native land. On the contrary, I do not even think about eternity, and I regard the end of this earthly life as the limit of my existence. The secret thought nestles within me: Who knows what happens at death? If I say I believe in immortality, then I am speaking about my mind only, and my heart is far removed from a firm conviction about it. That is openly witnessed to by my conduct and my constant care to satisfy the life of the senses. Were the holy gospel taken into my heart in faith, as the Word of God, I should be continually occupied with it, I should study it, find delight in it, and with deep devotion fix my attention upon it. Wisdom, mercy, and love are hidden in it; it would lead me to happiness, I should find gladness in the study of the law of God day and night. In it I should find nourishment like my daily bread, and my heart would be drawn to the keeping of its laws. Nothing on earth would be strong enough to turn me away from it. On the contrary, if now and again I read or hear the Word of God, yet even so it is only from necessity or from a general love of knowledge, and approaching it without any very close attention I find it dull and uninteresting. I usually come to the end of the reading without any profit, only too ready to change over to secular reading in which I take more pleasure and find new and interesting subjects.

4. I am full of pride and sensual self-love. All my actions confirm this. Seeing something good in myself, I want to bring it into view, or to pride myself upon it before other people or inwardly to admire myself for it. Although I display an outward humility, yet I ascribe it all to my own strength and regard myself as superior to others, or at least no worse than they. If I notice a fault in myself, I try to excuse it; I cover it up by saying, "I am made like that" or "I am not to blame". I get angry with those who do not treat me with respect and consider them unable to appreciate the value of people. I brag about my gifts: my failures in any undertaking I regard as a personal insult. I murmur, and I find pleasure in the unhappiness of my enemies. If I strive after anything good it is for the purpose of winning praise, or spiritual self-indulgence, or earthly consolation. In a word, I continually make an idol of myself and render it uninterrupted service, seeking in all things the pleasures of the senses and nourishment for my sensual passions and lusts.

--Going over all this I see myself as proud, adulterous, unbelieving, without love for God and hating my neighbor. What state could be more sinful? The condition of the spirits of darkness is better than mine. They, although they do not love God, hate men, and live upon pride, yet at least believe and tremble. But I? Can there be a doom more terrible than that which faces me, and what sentence of punishment will be more severe than that upon the careless and foolish life that I recognize in myself?

On reading through this form of confession which the priest gave me I was horrified, and I thought to myself, "Good heavens! What frightful sins there are hidden within me, and up to now I've never noticed them!" The desire to be cleansed from them made me beg this great spiritual father to teach me how to know the causes of all these evils and how to cure them. And he began to instruct me.

"You see, dear brother, the cause of not loving God is want of belief, want of belief is caused by lack of conviction, and the cause of that is failure to seek for holy and true knowledge, indifference to the light of the spirit. In a word, if you don't believe, you can't love; if you are not convinced, you can't believe, and in order to reach conviction you must get a full and exact knowledge of the matter before you. By meditation, by the study of God's Word, and by noting your experience, you must arouse in your soul a thirst and a longing- or, as some call it, 'wonder'- which brings you an insatiable desire to know things more closely and more fully, to go deeper into their nature.

"One spiritual writer speaks of it in this way: 'Love,' he says, 'usually grows with knowledge, and the greater the depth and extent of the knowledge the more love there will be, the more easily the heart will soften and lay itself open to the love of God, as it diligently gazes upon the very fullness and beauty of the divine nature and His unbounded love for men.'

"So now you see that the cause of those sins which you read over is slothfulness in thinking about spiritual things, sloth which stifles the feeling of the need of such thought. If you want to know how to overcome this evil, strive after enlightenment of spirit by every means in your power, attain it by diligent study of the Word of God and of the holy Fathers, by the help of meditation and spiritual counsel, and by the conversation of those who are wise in Christ. Ah, dear brother, how much disaster we meet with just because we are lazy about seeking light for our souls through the word of truth. We do not study God's law day and night, and we do not pray about it diligently and unceasingly. And because of this our inner man is hungry and cold, starved, so that it has no strength to take a bold step forward upon the road of righteousness and salvation! And so, beloved, let us resolve to make use of these methods, and as often as possible fill our minds with thoughts of heavenly things; and love, poured down into our hearts from on high, will burst into flame within us. We will do this together and pray as often as we can, for prayer is the chief and strongest means for our renewal and well-being. We will pray, in the words holy Church teaches us: 'Oh God, make me fit to love Thee now, as I have loved sin in the past'"

The Pilgrim Continues His Way