#would be easier and spring to mind! I just want to say happy birthday to my daughter tomorrow!

[dandelioncore]

Why is my dad such a bastard

[cloveroctobers]

KILLING ME — DANTE TORRES: [Spring Prompts]

A/N: idk just looking at how pretty Dante’s eyes are always reminds me of spring. I’m still annoyed with the direction they took him in a few episodes ago and that comes into play here for reader :) this is a contrast to my previous spring piece on Dante but it’s nice to switch things up no? Also happy first day of spring ⭐️🌾!!!

WARNINGS: Language + angst ofc!

PROMPT IS FROM HERE + I’m using: 10.  “Somewhere over the rainbow, I give a fuck.”

˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀˚˙⊹⁺.

The house is too quiet for your liking, which is why you usually have your attention on something else to fill up the white noise. You’re just getting off FaceTime since your parents, who started busting out into some soul train moves (you actually expected them to be in bed)—you were just relieved neither of them pulled a hamstring—when there’s pounding at your door.

Sighing, you place your night time skincare routine down on the counter and exit the bathroom upstairs and down the steps across the hall, which lead downstairs to the main floor. As you made your way through the home towards the front door, you’re not entirely sure who could be outside at this time of the night. You just got home from your good friend’s charcuterie board birthday party (which was actually in January but they decided to go live in Ireland with their situationship turned fiancé) and was not up for company.

Peeking out the window around the corner that shows the side view of the front stoop, you exhale at the side profile of the familiar face. Yanking the curtains back into place, you make your way over and unlock the door.

“Dante,” you state as he welcomes himself inside, “I didn’t get a text you were coming over.”

He blinks, which he does a lot when he’s tired or his mind is racing, “yeah, sorry about that. I just assumed you’d be up.”

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms, “I was just getting unready…you alright?”

Dante lifts his shoulders, “why wouldn’t I be?”

You stare at him and reply, “I don’t know…you hardly ever show up here without a text or call and I think I know you pretty well so…how was work? Something go down?”

Dante needs to keep his hands busy, so he’s pulling off his puffer coat and tossing it on the two-seat sofa against that side window you just peeked out of. He hates that you sense that something is up but he doesn’t want the focus to be on him, although he appreciates the sentiment deep down.

“Sorry,” he apologizes again while you sigh and wave your hands upwards, silently announcing that you were heading back upstairs, “…you just get in?”

You’re leading the way back up the first set of stairs and make your way over to the master bathroom. Dante leans in the doorway as you go about your business, headband keeping your hair out of your face, wristbands on to catch the water that always tends to race down your forearms, and just watches you as you take your time.

You were a little tipsy from your good friend’s sangria’s, you preferred white over red since the red tended to have you swaying a bit more but you pulled it together with lots of water despite your tongue still feeling tingly.

“Yes,” you say after awhile of washing your face that Dante wondered if you would ever say anything, “I went to that party Seán was throwing. Remember? I asked you weeks ago if you wanted to go but work came up.”

Dante dipped his head at the mention of your old college friend. Seán was a character and always spoke his mind, picking up on the vibe between you two before anything ever transpired. You and Dante were the typical high school friends that were always around each other while also getting into some mess and had your share of hard upbringings.

You were there through Juvi and after, (although he desperately tried to push you away once he joined that gang and he thought once you went off to college in Indiana, that it would be easier to no longer be friends. Ha!) which seemed like nothing could break your bond. At times it felt like that’s exactly what people wanted but these challenges held no weight against the storm of you two.

“Right, so how was it? Get into trouble?” He inquires, resting his head against the door frame.

You snorted as you glanced over at Dante, “I could ask you the same thing.”

Dante smirked, “fine then, spare me the details.”

“You’re welcome.” You smile as you return to your work, “…did you eat?”

Dante raises his brows with amusement in his voice, “do you honestly think I’m going to turn down any food if I did?”

“Fat ass,” you muttered, dodging the jab Dante sent at your hip, “I’m just saying if you plan on staying the night, I don’t want you reporting back to mom in the morning that I lack hospitality.”

Dante rolls his eyes as you start brushing your teeth, “Ma knows you won’t ever do me wrong…so I’m gonna raid that fridge while you finish up.”

Giving the thumbs up, Dante leaves you be as he heads back down stairs letting his thoughts hit him again. He’s not sure how long he’s had the fridge open, just staring in it until you’re sneaking underneath his arm to pull out the aluminum pan for him and hand it over.

Taking a seat at the opposite side of the island, you watch as Dante moves almost in autopilot, going through your cabinets for a plate, drawers for utensils, and into the microwave for a late night dinner. He slides the plate onto the island and leans his body against it, fork pushing around the little leftovers you made for the party, which was a hit so you knew something was up.

Tapping your fingertips against your cheek you press, “Tay…you’re killing me here. What’s up?”

His green eyes flick to yours briefly before they’re back down on the plate, “Nothing—

“I feel like you’re lying though, just to be honest.” Your eyes are in slits as you let the irony slip through your lips.

Dante snickers at this, “that’s funny.”

“Yeah well sure,” you answer, “but don’t try and deflect! We’re each other’s person and we’re supposed to be able to tell each other things and I don’t feel like you’re holding up your end.”

Dante frowns, “since when?”

“Since now,” your words are instant as you chase his eyes, “at exactly 11:18pm.”

Dante decides to finally put some food into his mouth and takes his time chewing. “…what if I say it’s work stuff?”

“Then okay.” You exhale, “Just tell me what you can if it’s bothering you so much.”

Dante is quiet, which isn’t unusual but it’s the way he’s quiet this time; to the point it’s so loud like your home often is. “I can’t tell you about the case but I can say it reminds me of past times…and it’s bringing out a side of me that I thought I buried.”

That statement alone makes it feel like the temperature inside of your home went cold just like the spring weather dropping outside. When Dante made the decision to get involved in the CPD, you weren’t exactly thrilled just like Mama Catalina but you supported the purpose Dante had. You were aware this career path resulted from his upbringing, you were right there to witness most of it (even being in the crossfire a few times) but you always knew there would be cases that could trigger old habits.

Perhaps they weren’t old habits after all.

“Most things can’t stay buried…they eventually come back to the surface based on situations you’re in, no?” You speak, which is exactly why you didn’t want Dante to work in that field, however he always saw it from a different perspective.

It was a power trip in a sense and you weren’t sure if this was the right way to go although you understood, which you voiced but the thing about Dante is he’ll always be persistent.

Dante stares at you, “guess I didn’t bury it enough but I can’t be ashamed of anything if it’ll get me somewhere.”

“Well where exactly are you trying to get?” You quiz, brows furrowed.

Dante is back to playing with his food, “I’m just trying to solve the case.”

“You expect me to believe that’s all this is?” It’s your turn to lean your elbows on the counter, “when I know it isn’t so, be real with me here.”

Dante runs a hand over his buzzed head overwhelmed, “I don’t know how or if I should even say this to you.”

“Why?” You’re confused and it’s when Dante blinks his stare back at you, you read him quite well, “oh…it’s a woman.”

“I—

You’re filling in the gaps, “And she reminds you of everything back home.”

Dante’s analyzing your face now but you don’t give anything away. He doesn’t have to say anything yet because you’re putting the pieces together pretty quickly. It was extraordinary work, really.

“You connect with her.” You breathe, “…What’s her story?”

He says your name in warning but you fan your hand about.

“I know it’s confidential but quick notes wouldn’t hurt.” You pry.

Dante knows there’s only two people in his life that he can trust and that’s his Ma and you. So in short, he gives you the quick run down of him meeting a woman while undercover who’s also involved in the drug dealing business with her abusive husband.

“And I crossed a line that I don’t think I can come back from.” He whispers to you as you nod.

You swallow as you casually say, “like what? Sleeping with her?”

When Dante doesn’t respond you cough out some laughter, “oh wow…I might actually be drunk because did you just confirm in that Dante way that you had sex with Mrs. Cartel?”

He wasn’t sure how you figured that out.

“…it just happened.”

“Well I don’t know about you but I didn’t just let myself fall on your dick a couple of times.” You rant, “and you and I? Don’t just let things happen.”

Dante widens his eyes at your bluntness and starts to figure that maybe he should have continued keeping this to himself. “I don’t know what you want me to say here. You wanted me to spill and I did.”

Gold star for Dante everyone!

“You’re right because I figured it was eating away at you the moment you walked through my door at ten o’clock at night but it was all because you were eating away at someone else.” The passive aggression was coming in a bit, you acknowledge that with a wince.

You wouldn’t admit it out loud but you were feeling a way about it—as if that wasn’t obvious. Of course you and Dante had your intimate moments but it was him who didn’t want to continue because he felt like he couldn’t give you the love you deserve then. Which you strongly disagreed with but why fight for something that felt one-sided? Dante’s always had a rebellious streak but the intention was never to use or break your heart which is why he had to put an end to that aspect of your friendship.

These are just things you bury right? Most friends can’t come back from taking that step but if you don’t have a genuine friendship as the foundation of a relationship, how do you expect to get through anything?

“Why are you giving me shit right now?” Dante tightened his jaw, “why can’t you just be my friend and listen?!”

Scoffing you say, “you didn’t come here for me to listen and give advice because Dante Torres is always going to do whatever the hell he wants! you came here for comfort because you made that choice to slip back into the dark and I’m realizing hearing the bits you just told me, that I can’t give that to you. Not tonight.”

And it wasn’t in terms of anything sexual. When Dante stood on something, he wouldn’t change his mind. He knew he loved you but he also knew he wasn’t capable of giving more to you and the moment you wouldn’t accept that, he vowed that he wouldn’t take advantage of your heart any longer when you felt so strong about what you could be romantically.

You’re kicking yourself because you knew you should have been prepared for this. It was certainly a possibility that Dante could have met someone on the job but not like this! Seán pushed for you to go on dates and although you knew you had a lot to offer, it still stung sometimes. Most of those dates didn’t measure up, except for that older guy on the SWAT team (what was it with you falling for the law enforcement?!) who was divorced and also unsure about the dating scene that you didn’t mind laughing and texting with from time to time.

Dante didn’t approve and you noticed how his eyes tightened at the corners whenever you brought up the older man but you brushed that off as Dante simply being protective. How silly of you to think otherwise!

It also wasn’t your job to figure out Dante’s demons for him but you still loved him anyway.

“…Are you mad at me?”

“I’m D. For all the above!” You throw your hands up in the air, “I can’t believe—actually I can but you chose me to tell instead of Atwater or Ruzek?”

Dante shrugs his shoulders, “they’re not you…and I expected—I don’t know what I expected with you.”

“I’m not your mother, Tay. I’m not gonna hold you to my chest and tell you it’s all going to be okay when it probably won’t. Everything is unpredictable with that kind of danger! It sounds like you’re going down the wrong road with that one and I know you see that now so I can’t.” You step down from the barstool.

Dante is frowning now, hating how you were taking this screw up so personal. You shouldn’t be involved. He was good at holding everything in but not when it came to you. And Dante couldn’t even lie and say it was an ego thing either, he wasn’t like that, he respected you too much but Gloria had his head spinning.

He let her in and that can be his own downfall.

“What do you mean?” He moves with you.

You sigh, “it means that I’m not ready to listen to you get taken advantage of by someone that feels normal. Your Version of normal. I’m no therapist, just some nerdy chemist but it sounds like you’re trying to find an escape in her because it’ll help you to keep burying everything you won’t resolve.”

He’s shaking his head at you not wanting to believe any of that, “It’s just my job that I’m handling? and i get that I had a weak moment…I shouldn’t have told you and wouldn’t have told you if it has you acting like this. The last thing I want is you taking this to heart.” Dante grips your wrist, scanning your face which is not hiding anything now.

Your face burns and you use your other hand to massage the space in between your brows, “well sorry, Somewhere over the rainbow, I give a fuck. I can play poker face for awhile but the truth is I’m not over you and to hear that it took a case for you to move on—

“Wait, hold on.” Dante’s eyes are a dark mossy green now , “You’re acting like I’m telling you that I’m running away with her to elope or something and that’s not it.”

“She’s married so,” the response is sarcastic as you’re ready to walk off but Dante pulls you back to grip both sides of your face so you meet his gaze, “it still meant something.”

He wasn’t so sure but he didn’t want to pick your brain further on that in fear that he’ll upset you more. Dante just knew it wasn’t love like you may have thought…it was just a case that he needed to solve and never planned to take it that far.

Dante sighs and wraps his arms over your shoulders, pulling you against his body, pressing the sides of your heads together, “I fucked up and didn’t think, once with her and twice with telling you, knowing our past which is most important to me. You don’t have to worry about any of it, I’m not going anywhere and won’t ever leave you behind.”

It is possible that both you and Dante maybe in too deep and killing each other slowly over time with these unresolved feelings. The push and pull that’s always lingering and the avoidance definitely holds some weight but both of you didn’t ever imagine giving this up.

That’s just not what this relationship required.

You muffled, “…are you staying?”

Now knowing or having a feeling of what Dante was dealing with, you didn’t feel comfortable letting him leave to ride the streets alone—although there was no doubt he can handle himself—you felt better if he stayed.

“I don’t know if I should.”

“Well,” you sniffed as you pulled back, “you know where your room is if you decide to.”

Tonight Dante hates to watch you walk away from him so he softly calls out to you again as you halt on the back stairs, “Goodnight.”

He wants to tell you that he loves you at the end, which you’re already aware of but it hangs on his tongue unsaid. Dante knows it wouldn’t make you feel any better and wouldn’t erase your frustrations so, he’s content staying in the room not far from yours, keeping you company—even if it had to be at a distance for the night.

˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀☁︎˚˙⊹⁺. ˙⊹܀˚˙⊹⁺.

-> Part two!

Continue with my spring anthology prompts here.

[modelbus]

Okay so this is VERY OLD. As in, excuse the poor writing and savor the fact I posted please :). I was in Florida for the week (not my home state) and couldn't write so I dredged up soulmate au where soulmates share scars.

This has a POV switch in it, be mindful of that while reading!

Pairing: Gn!Reader x Cc!Tommyinnit - Soulmate AU

Shining Souls

You used to love the idea of soulmates. Someone you knew was perfect for you? Sign you the fuck up.

And then you never found them. Whoever they were, you just hadn't met them yet. You know they exist, but not who they are. The sparkle of soulmates was lost throughout the wait for yours.

On your tenth birthday, the soulmate bond was cemented like it was for everyone. From that day forward, you'd share scars with your soulmate.

So when your soulmate gained a scar on his leg, perhaps a cut from a branch, you gained the same one. When your soulmate had a surgery, their scar was mirrored on your own stomach.

Likewise, the small scar on your palm from being stabbed with a pencil would've transferred. Or that time you thought It'd be a great idea to try and capture a feral raccoon and gained three scars split between your arm and your collarbone.

Even through everything that you felt like you've gone through with your soulmate, it's been seven long years of being alone.

But at some point, you had stopped caring. Stopped looking at every stranger to find their scars. And then? You started enjoying life.

You became an influencer, started streaming. Found your best friends and true source of happiness. And that was that. A soulmate could come later.

And then later became now.

You weren't disappointed at all, not upset. If anything, you were thrilled. Your best friend, your source of laughter and sunlight, was your soulmate.

Tommy was your soulmate. Tommyinnit.

And then you realized why you couldn't tell him.

Would you rather a soulmate you're dissatisfied with or to never know them? You were forced to answer the question for Tommy, and in the end you protected your own selfish feelings.

Tommy didn't know. He couldn't know! If he did, he'd reject you. That would be worse than any unreturned soulmate bond.

Because Tommy didn't see you in that way. From day one, it was pure friendship. And how did you know? How did you know your soulmate bond was wrong?

Easy.

You asked Wilbur.

In your most vulnerable moment, you messaged Wilbur. You're pretty sure he thought you had a crush on him, so that was the worst (although not wrong).

But the answer was no. Tommy only saw you as a friend.

So that was why you hadn't told you soulmate you were, well, his soulmate. Friendship was better than nothing.

The thing about soulmates was that it wasn't a guarantee. You could still choose not to date them, go off on your own. You could choose to be platonic soulmates. It was a scary gamble.

Hiding your soulmate bond was a lot easier than you thought it would be though. As long as neither of you got a huge scar on their hands or faces, you were set.

And then he had to ruin everything.

-

"A hot spring." You repeat, holding the door to your apartment open.

"Yeah." Tommy nods. "Come on!"

"I- I have to get permission, and pack-"

"Already got it." Wilbur says, waving his phone in the air. "And pack now. Two nights. Three days. Go."

"Wha-" you sputter.

Wilbur went above your head to get you to go, but why? He didn't know about the soulmate thing. Something weird was going on there, but you had bigger problems.

If you went, they'd know.

"Your parents said, quote, you need to get out of the house." Wilbur adds on.

Great. So you were being forced into this.

"Fine. Come in if you want, I guess. It'll be a minute."

"Bring YouTube friendly stuff." Tommy laughs, barging his way into your house.

Perfect. An out.

"I have Coke's in my fridge if you want one." You call out, running up your stairs to pack.

"Sweet!"

You pack as fast as you can while still being mindful of what you grab. There wasn't enough room for extras in your little duffel bag, so you just had to hope it'd be fine.

Just like you had to hope the entire vlog would be fine. Nothing would go wrong.

Right?

-

"Alright children, we're here." Phil's words pierce the fog of your sleep, drawing you out of its gentle grasp.

The car had pulled you into sleep at some point, and that was entire Tommy's fault. If he hadn't decided to tell you last minute at seven in the fucking morning then you would've been more awake!

Speaking of Tommy, your head was resting on his shoulder. You had actually googled why you two always seemed to gravitate towards each other. At tables you always managed to sit together, when walking you walked together. It was something with how soulmates subconsciously wanted to be near each other.

But he didn't seem to mind, so you took what you could.

"Sorry." You murmur, a yawn following. "Your fault for getting me up at the ass crack of dawn."

"Seven." He scoffs.

"Same thing."

"If you two don't shut up right now I will dismember you both." Tubbo complains, lightly hitting his head against the window.

"Calm down." Wilbur scolds. "We're here so you have to get up anyways."

"Fuck. Tommy, why did this have to be so early?!"

"Sorry man."

"What the fuck?!" You exclaim. "Tubbo gets an apology but I dont?!"

"You called it the ass crack of dawn." He teases. "He didn't."

"Fuck off."

"Get out of the car." Phil sighs, unlocking the doors.

They all stumble out into the dewy morning, stretching as they do. The hot spring resort actually looks pretty cute. You can't deny that you're excited.

"They don't allow kids to room by themselves so Tubbo and Tommy are together, and Phil is with Kristen who is coming later." Wilbur reports, reading off his phone before looking down at you. "So you're with me. Everyone cool?"

That's fine, you don't mind that. Wilbur's pretty cool to room with, if you have to pick an opinion. At least he has a concept of when to go to sleep.

"We aren't fucking kids." Tommy grumps, already vlogging.

"Yeah yeah." Wilbur waves a hand in the air.

"Let's check in, settle into our rooms, then explore the place." Phil suggests.

"Last one there is a loser." Tommy cries, running off.

"Hey!" You yell back, racing after him.

Tubbo's quick to follow.

-

The hot spring resort is cozy in a cool way. Cabin-like, yet modern. You hate to admit it but Tommy was definitely right about this being a cool vlog.

And the hot spring was even cooler. It was definitely hot, that's for sure. Someone had put LED lights in it, making it glow different colors. You took care to twist your leg away from the view of others, hiding the thin scar on your ankle.

A long sleeve swim shirt covered your others scars, much to your pleasure.

Tommy and Tubbo were currently trying to drown Wilbur while you warded off Phil.

"Look, a bird!"

"Mate, I know there's no bird."

"No, but there is. It's a crow. You're the crow father. Look."

"...I'm not looking."

Shit. Okay, you needed something else.

"Is that scar from Kristen?" You blurt, regretting it immediately.

This was the one thing you were meant to stay away from and here you were bringing it up. Phil's eyes immediately soften at the mention of his soulmate, their collective mother.

He brings a hand up to graze at the barely noticeable white line along the top of his forehead.

"Yeah, it was. She fell and hit her head pretty bad. I was freaking out for days."

There was a familiar fondness in his voice, one that you wished you could have.

His expression suddenly changes.

"I've never heard you talk about your soulmate scars."

Oh, shit. Okay, think of a lie.

"I don't have any." You push your hands out, creating ripples.

"Hm. I don't know if I'd rather that or not. At least your soulmate is being safe."

"Yeah." You laugh, albeit nervously.

"Help!" Tommy screams.

You turn around to find Wilbur holding him upside down, repeatedly dunking him in the water. Tubbo is too busy laughing to help so you start on splashing.

"Argh!" Wilbur yells, dropping Tommy completely into the water.

"Yeah bitch!" Tommy cheers once he stands up again.

Your eyes automatically find their way to the scar you share on your arms before darting away again. While your long sleeves covered yours, his short sleeves exposed it.

"Piss off, children."

"Guys, let's see who can hold their breaths underwater the longest! Phil, count us."

In the end, Tubbo wins. Turns out Tommy has the lung capacity of a fucking toddler, making you the second place winner.

By the time they call it quits, you're ready to collapse. Hopefully you do something less tiring tomorrow.

"I love Tommy, but he runs us ragged." Wilbur tells you, collapsing in bed.

"Oh yeah. And we'll do it all again tomorrow."

Unlike him, you climb into your bed with at least a little bit of dignity.

"Weird question, but don't you find it strange that Tommy hasn't found his soulmate yet?" Wilbur asks, hugging a pillow and tilting his head to see you.

Fear clogs your throat up. He can't know. He can't.

"He's always had them on the internet, so his soulmate should've been able to just contact him."

Oh. Thank fucking God.

"Maybe they're not online."

"Maybe. I feel bad for him though. He wants to meet them so bad. We don't exactly give him hope though."

Wilbur, with his scarred hands from guitar, and his undeniable pessimism about his soulmate. How would he react if he knew?

Riddled with guilt, you turn away from him and close your eyes.

-

"Let's get there first and-" Wilbur's eyes widen as he crashes into you, his bright red juice splashing over your very distinctly pale blue swim shirt.

It stains quick, and you hold it away from your body.

"Shit!" He exclaims. "I am so sorry. Do you have anything else you can use?"

"I didn't pack anything extra." You groan. Stupid of you.

"Fuck, me either. I'll go grab a shirt from Tommy or something, he always packs extra."

While he vanishes, you sigh and peel it off. Hopefully it wouldn't stain your skin or anything. Luckily, it didn't seem like it did. Little things.

Of course Wil had to get fruit punch. The worst possible thing to spill on you. Your swim shirt was definitely ruined.

"Got one." Wilbur announces, opening and closing the door. "I'm pretty sure it's merch for a band I recommended but I'm trying not to be hurt by that."

He holds the shirt out, and you reach to take it.

You can pinpoint the exact moment he sees. The exact moment things click together in his head, because the shirt falls to the ground. His eyes, wide and filled with betrayal, give him away.

Shit.

You had to do one thing. One simple thing. And you fucked it up. In the fun excitement of the day you had forgotten all about the soulmate scars.

"Wilbur-" you start, but he doesn't let you finish.

"You told Phil you didn't have any scars."

And yeah, you did. You directly lied.

"Wil-"

"And you're not just anyone's soulmate. I know these scars. You're Tommy's."

"Please." You beg, but you aren't sure for what.

"I thought— you always wore long sleeves. I thought maybe you were hurting yourself, but no. You were lying. You're Tommy's soulmate and you haven't told him."

"You can't tell him." Ah. That's what you're begging for. His silence.

"You're his soulmate!" You duck your head away from gaze. "Do you not like him or something?" He pauses. "Do you not want him to be your soulmate?"

He's got it all backwards, but you don't bother to correct him.

"Wil, I'm begging you not to tell him. Please."

"Why?" He asks, plainly. "Why shouldn't I?"

You open and close your mouth. There're too many reasons, too much to say.

"You can't." You just whisper, voice breaking.

He stares at you for a moment, clearly thinking.

"...the shirt has short sleeves." Wilbur finally responds.

"I'll figure it out. You won't say anything?"

"I won't say anything. You tell him after this vlog is over, though."

Time. Time is all you can buy, and not much at that. But you'll take it.

It'll give you time to move halfway across the world at least! (You're joking. Mostly.)

"Thank you." Your shoulders slump in relief.

"If he figures it out, I'm not going to lie to him." He warns you.

"He won't. He hasn't yet, right?"

This gets Wilbur to laugh quietly. "How'd you do it? How'd you keep it a secret? The soulmate bond must be itching for more."

Lifting your shoulders in a helpless movement, you shrug. "It is."

His eyes soften. "Looking back, it feels stupid not to have known. You two always did find yourselves together more often than not."

"I know." You laugh. "He's a clingy motherfucker."

"That he is. Put the shirt on and I'll meet you outside."

When the door shuts behind him, you hide your hands in your hair and tug. Hard.

It'd be fine. Everything would be absolutely fine.

Hey! What more could you fuck up?

-

Everything was fucked up and you hadn't even told Tommy. Wilbur's gaze was constantly on you, the weight of judgement heavy. Tommy wouldn't even look at you, like he knew you had done something just by your face.

At least Tubbo, Kristen, and Phil were all blissfully ignorant.

Tommy had set down his camera, claiming that he had enough footage, and they were now just having fun for themselves. You had to be careful though. Arms always pointed inwards, hiding yourself.

The vlog was over and the time was out.

Wilbur could say something any minute. He could ruin everything you had worked so hard to build up.

Soulmate bonds weren't just a signal of who was your soulmate, they were a connection. It could only be severed when both parties accepted they didn't want to be together, which Tommy and you hadn't.

Which meant that the bond, for every second you denied it, tugged harder. Wanted you closer. Phil and Kristen were an extremely close soulmate bond, meaning they could feel each other's emotions when they got strong, so at least there were upsides that existed.

"Tubbo! Race me!"

"Did you and Tommy get into a fight?" Kristen asks, wadding closer. Because of course Kristen noticed how you were left out.

"No." You deny.

You and Wilbur did though.

"I'll be right back, I need to plug my phone in." You smile, climbing out of the warm hot spring and heading away.

The second you round the corner, it all comes crashing down.

- Wilbur

He was so conflicted.

You were someone he trusted with his life, a pretty honest person, so this just didn't make sense for you. Besides, you and Tommy were so close! If you didn't have romantic feelings for him you at least had platonic.

So caught up in his thoughts, he doesn't realize Tommy is back from his race until he's getting splashed. Before he can splash him back, Tommy pauses and grabs his arm.

"Ow!" He exclaims.

"What happened?" Wilbur asks, reaching out with no hesitation.

Tommy pulls his hand away from his arm, holding it out. Five little crescent moon marks are bleeding. Not a lot, but it must be enough to leave small scars.

"Aw, mate." Phil sighs. "Did you do that?"

"No, I think it's my soulmate."

You.

You were alone right now and, by the looks of it, digging your fingernails into your arm.

"Glad they keep first aid kits around for times like this." Kristen laughs, holding it out to Phil.

"I'll be right back." Wilbur blurts out, hopping out of the hot springs and running off in the direction you went.

If Tommy was getting hurt, so were you.

- You

This was a mess.

You didn't know what to do; letting Wilbur say something was like a cop-out, but telling Tommy yourself was too hard. And then your previous choice of not saying anything wasn't available anymore.

God.

"You're hurting yourself." Wilbur says gently.

Your head snaps up in surprise. When did he get here?

You were a pathetic sight right now. Knees drawn up to your chest, red eyes from crying. So shaken by the idea of losing the friendship of your soulmate.

Finally, the pain in your arm registers. Your crossed arms had allowed you to pierce the skin with your nails without even realizing.

"Shit." You hiss, holding it out. "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Don't apologize."

It's already stopped bleeding, so you wipe the drops away.

"...is this about the soulmate thing?"

You nod miserably. "I know I should tell him, but I'm scared. I don't want to lose his friendship."

"You can be platonic soulmates."

That was true. Rare as it was, platonic soulmates existed.

"But that won't work." You whisper, staring away.

"Why- oh. You like him more than a friend."

"Yeah. And if I tell him about the soulmate bond then he'll ask and if he asks and I tell him it'll fuck everything up."

"How do you know?"

Trying to fit yourself smaller, you sniffle.

"You told me."

"...I did?"

"Yeah. It was about a year ago."

"Oh." He says softly. "I remember that.I wasn't- I didn't ask him. He always said he wanted to wait for his soulmate, and I thought you weren't his so... shit. Fuck, I'm sorry."

Wait, what?

That wasn't possible.

You had not been denying your soulmate bond because of something that wasn't even true.

"If it helps, I think if it were anyone, I'd want it to be you. He does like you, at least as a friend. I wouldn't be surprised if it was something more."

"What?"

Wilbur shrugs. "It's you two. When I grabbed you the extra shirt, he told me no at first. When I told him it was for you and not me, he changed his mind. I don't know for sure, but I'd say there's a pretty good chance."

That's...

That's all you wanted. A chance. If there was just a chance, you'd take it in a heartbeat. But what if Wilbur was reading it wrong?

"So, Tommy, huh?" Wilbur laughs.

"Yeah." You sigh. "Tommy."

"Good. You two need each other, I think."

"Kind of weird, but okay."

The pressure on your chest had been relieved, and you both smile at your words. The mood was effectively lightened.

"I kind of ran away so we should really get back." He sheepishly admits.

"Ran away?"

"Tommy started bleeding." He nods towards your arm.

"Fuck."

"Hey, it's okay. No worries. Just... tell him when you can. Better sooner than later."

"I will." And this time you mean it.

"Let's go then."

-

Tommy, ever the pianist, is playing. It's only been two days since the trip and whatever weird feelings he had that last night disappeared.

"Fuck yeah." He says, nodding. "I am the master."

"Sure." You roll your eyes.

His playing now done, he takes a seat on his bed next to you. Maybe even a little too close, because you can't unsee it now.

This was it. It was a rare moment where you didn't have a topic, and it was perfect.

"There's something you need to know."

Tommy can be serious sometimes, contrary to popular belief. Right now, he perks up, a serious look on his face as he waits for you to continue.

"Okay. What's up? Is everything okay?"

You'll kill Wilbur if he was wrong. For a second you fidget with the ends of your sleeves, contemplating.

"Um."

And that was it. That was all that came out of your mouth despite everything that you needed to say.

"Sorry." You laugh anxiously.

Tommy, noticing your moving fingers, grabs your hand and gives a reassuring squeeze. This. You didn't want to lose this.

But at the same time, you wanted to gain so much more.

"I'm your soulmate."

Tommy drops your hand. "Funny." He says in a way that promises he didn't find it funny at all.

"I'm serious."

"You don't have any soulmate scars."

This was the hard part to explain. Your lying. So you don't. You just turn your body towards his and tugs your shirt collar lower to reveal the scar along your collarbone.

"Wha- how long have you known?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Your hands drop to your lap, this time enclosed in each other. You close them tighter.

"A year."

"What?" His voice has lost it's edge where he's nearly shouting, now just hurt. Shock.

It's worse. It's so much worse.

All or nothing, you've come this far. Right?

Right.

"I was scared?" It comes out like a question but you keep going. "Soulmates can choose not to reciprocate and I asked Wilbur-"

"Wilbur knows?!"

"Only for three days. I made him promise not to say anything. But I asked a vague question a year ago and..."

And yeah. That's it.

"You didn't tell me." He finishes. "You didn't tell me that we're soulmates. But we- we can be platonic soulmates! Those exist!"

Oh. Wilbur was wrong. But this was better than nothing.

"Yeah. Yeah, we could-"

Before you can finish, his lips are on yours.

It's just for a second, barely anything, but you freeze. That wasn't platonic. Not platonic at all.

"Sorry." He immediately apologizes, eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I just- I had to. One time. Then we're platonic. I get it, you only feel platonically towards me, I'll-"

"I only feel platonically for you?" You repeat. "What? You feel platonically for me!"

"...I think there's been a miscommunication."

"No shit. So... what?"

You're so confused. Did he have platonic feelings or romantic? Because you knew yours.

"So I like you. Like, really really like you. But if you don't... we can be friends."

Fuck, Wilbur was actually right for once. How long had he felt like this? How long were you missing out?

"No. I- I really like you too. I just thought you didn't like me!"

"Right." He nods. "So I can kiss you again?"

You laugh, and he takes that as his answer.

[familyvideostevie]

HAPPY ONE YEAR!!! For your celebration, what about a 🐚 Seashell Blurb for Steve Harrington with the line: "It's been a long year and all of our book's pages are dog-eared," from "Everywhere, Everything" by Noah Kahan!

hi!!! you've been here for so long, so thank you so much!!!! i love this song <3 great pick! here's you and steve reflecting on a year of knowing each other :) friends to lovers hehe <3

--

You're not sure he even realizes what day it is. Steve always has a lot on his mind and while he's kind and a good friend and takes care of people he isn't always great with details. Sure, he remembers birthdays and that Dustin hates tomatoes and Robin's favorite color, but why would he remember the day that you two met?

You're just friends. Still, after a year.

But you, for reasons you only dwell on late at night alone in your bedroom, know the date of when you first met -- when you spilled beer all over him at someone's summer party. You went home that night with butterflies that never went away.

"You're going to go cross-eyed if you think any harder," Steve says. You snap out of your thoughts to find him staring at you across the table. He'd called you tonight and asked if you were free to go to the diner. It's practically empty and you share a big order of fries and sip on shakes.

"Sorry," you say. He gently kicks you under the table and looks a little shy.

That's something you've learned in the last year: Steve Harrington can get shy. He gets nervous when he wants to say something serious and cracks his knuckles but doesn't find speaking to crowds scary. He gets annoyed easily but forgives even easier. He snores in the spring when he has allergies and sleeps hot in the winter even when it's freezing outside.

You've learned a lot about him, but he still manages to surprise you. Like right now -- you can tell he's nervous but you cannot imagine why.

"I hope I didn't drag you away from important plans tonight," he says. He looks at his hands, brow furrowed, which is unusual. When Steve talks to you he always looks at you head on.

"No," you say. "I didn't have anything to do, I told you so." You'd actually debated all day whether or not to call him and just hang out, even if he didn't know today was special.

"Shit," he mumbles. He runs a hand through this hair and the other down his face. He's really nervous.

"Are you okay?" you ask, concerned now. Did he bring you here to tell you...bad news?

Your concern seems to bring him out of his own worry. He takes a deep breath and looks at you, finally, steely determination in his eyes. "I'm going to do something and I'm scared it's going to fuck everything up," he starts. "So I need you to promise me that you'll hear me out and then...be nice after. Okay?"

No words come. You nod. What?

Steve grips his shake with both hands like he's trying not to reach for something. "We met a year ago today, did you know that?"

Your heart rises to your throat.

"I wasn't sure you'd remember, which is fine. I mean, it was a stupid party and you spilled beer all over me, but it was just another night, yeah? But since then you've just...you've taken over." You curl your hands into fists on your thighs. "You're my best friend. You know me so well and every time something happens and you're not there I want to tell you about it. I hear your voice in my head and when I see you it feels like...like a relief, if that makes sense?"

He looks frustrated that he can't articulate it the way he wants to but you're having a hard time not leaping over the table to hug him. "And sometimes over the last year I feel like...there are times that it's like..." He sighs. "It just feels like maybe you're feeling something more and I don't know if I'm reading it wrong because I'm feeling something more but..."

You close your eyes because the eye contact is getting too much, but you can't help the smile that creeps onto your lips. Steve must take it for a good sign because he keeps going, sounding more hopeful.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you. I might have been since the day we met."

"A year ago," you say, opening your eyes. "I remember." You're not sure who reaches first but then you're holding hands on the table, fries pushed to the side. "I can't believe I thought you didn't know it was today but actually you're in love with me." Your voice sounds giddy to your own ears.

Steve smiles shyly, the tips of his ears turning red. "Well, yeah. 'Course I remember. Changed my life."

"I'm in love with you, too, Steve," you tell him. The shy smile turns wide, smug. It makes you brave. "You gonna kiss me, or make me wait another year?"

He almost knocks over your shakes in his rush to get to your side of the table.

join the celebration!

[rhondafromhr]

Last little snippet from the Grace in the church of the starry children au!!

Prompt by @aroace-elgyem. This is the final snippet I plan to post, next update will be a link the the final oneshot on ao3 whenever I finish it!!

Summary: In one timeline, Grace and her family are still highly devoted to their religion, but they worship entirely different Gods (or, rather, Lords) and have to be a little more hush-hush about it. Her old family friend, Uncle Wiley, brings her two special gifts for her eighteenth birthday: a cool, authentic vintage denim jacket from the eighties and her very own copy of the black book. She promises to use it sparingly until she’s older and she’s had more practice, but when Brenda, the pretty cheerleader at school with an obvious crush on her, confides in her that she’d do anything to get back her sister who disappeared, Grace decides to make an exception for her.

Part 1

Part 2

The next morning, Grace completes her outfit with the denim jacket and something about the feeling of its weight on her is just so right, as if it was always meant to be there. She ties up half of her hair with the scrunchy again, too. It’s not because Brenda got it for her or because she wants Brenda to see her wearing it and be happy that she likes it so much, she just prefers to have her hair out of her face. Yeah, that’s it.

She carefully tucks the book into her backpack. Bringing it to school might not be the best idea, but she’s even more reluctant to let it out of her sight. If she keeps it on her person at all times, she won’t lose it and she doesn’t have to worry about anyone messing with it or taking it, either. Even if Max Jägerman thinks snatching all the nerdy kids’ backpacks and dumping the contents into the nearest trash can is the funniest thing in the world, he would never in a million years do that to her. Nobody would. The upside of people leaving her alone is that they leave her alone. She sits down to breakfast with her parents again, fuels up with another piping hot cup of black coffee and heads out the door.

Throughout the day, she finds herself staring at her peers as they move through the hallways, some strolling nonchalantly to their next class and chatting with friends, worried only about making it on time and hoping Miss Mulberry won’t spring a pop quiz on them, others practically sprinting to get the hell out of there before Max can catch them. She watches as all of this is happening, only vaguely aware of it, feeling almost as if she isn’t quite there. Her mind is filled only with thoughts of all the different spells she could try out on them.

If she could catch one of them alone, she could devour their soul and hand it over to Nibblenephym on a silver platter. So long as she was careful to cover her tracks, she’d be fine. This is Hatchetfield, after all. People go missing every day and the police probably wouldn’t look too far into one more disappearance. Uncle Wiley would be so proud if she could pull off something so advanced right away. She knows her parents said to use the book sparingly, but she has to start somewhere. She has to do something or she’ll never learn how to harness its power. Still, she thinks it might not be a bad idea to tread lightly and start with something a little easier. She scowls. It’s so annoying when her parents are right, but they do have a point. They’re pretty well-versed in this type of thing and she knows they have her best interests at heart.

As she’s leaving English, her last class of the day, she gets her chance. She hears yelling, along with the familiar crashing sound of somebody being slammed into a locker. She peeks around the corner, careful not to reveal herself, and sees Max looming over the tall, lanky kid that always wears the bow tie and suspenders (she’s pretty sure his name is Peter. He sits with her at lunch as often as he can to avoid, well, this, but they’ve never really spoken before), holding him by the collar of his shirt. Max says something or other about staying out of his hallway and slams Peter to the ground before walking away and leaving him in a crumpled heap. He struggles to pick himself up and from the way his wrist bends, Grace is pretty sure it’s sprained or broken. This might be a good opportunity to try that healing spell. She steps out of the shadows and slowly approaches him.

“Hey, are you alright?” she asks him, doing her best not to look intimidating. She’s well aware of her reputation and while she normally doesn’t mind it, she does need him to not run away and actually let her get close enough to try out the spell.

“Fantastic,” he says with a bit of a bite “never better. You should see the other guy.”

“Let me see your wrist,” she says, kneeling down beside him “I, um, I know first aid, so I can tell if it’s broken or not.”

He eyes her uneasily, but still extends his arm, too dazed to object. She takes his wrist in one hand and uses the other to reach into her backpack and open the black book, keeping it inside so that he can’t see it. She flips to the page she needs and begins chanting the words slowly and carefully to get the pronunciation just right, saying them as quietly as possible under her breath so that Peter won’t hear. She wills herself to focus, putting every ounce of mental and physical energy in her body towards the task. She feels his wrist move beneath her fingers and when she removes them and opens her eyes, it’s once again straight. Peter looks at his wrist, then back at her, then back at his wrist again and tentatively moves it around, a mixture of surprise and suspicion on his face.

“Not broken,” Grace tells him. It’s not a lie - it isn’t broken, at least not anymore. “I guess Max isn’t as tough as he thinks it is.”

“Right,” says Peter, not sounding very convinced “uh, thanks, I guess. I’ll see you around.” He scurries off, leaving Grace to sit down on the floor. She feels a little weird, almost sort of dizzy and drained and not quite herself, but also more herself than she’s ever been. That really took it out of her. She’s glad she didn’t go straight to soul eating. She’s so focused on trying to breathe normally again that she doesn’t even notice Brenda standing over her until she says,

“Hi, Grace! This seat taken?”

Grace shakes her head, unable to really do anything else and Brenda takes a seat next to her.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Uh-huh,” Grace says “all good. Just a little tired, I guess.”

“Oh, totally, me too,” Brenda says “cheer practice was brutal today. It was all conditioning and they made us run a hundred laps. Like, literally! So many pushups, too. I can’t feel my arms!”

“Wow,” says Grace, genuinely impressed “who knew so much went into cheer. It sounds harder than football, even.”

“Thank you!” says Brenda “that’s what I’m saying! Nobody gets it.” Grace isn’t sure how to respond and they sit in not entirely comfortable, but not entirely awkward silence for a moment before Brenda says, “Hey, I saw you, like, holding hands with the bow tie kid earlier. No judgment. He’s rich, I get it. Just didn’t think he was your type.”

Grace studies her face and she could swear that Brenda almost looks a little hurt, her expression tinged with just a hint of disdain that implies there might in fact be a little bit of judgment for being involved with the bow tie kid.

“Oh, it wasn’t like that,” Grace says quickly. She’s not sure why she’s so eager for Brenda to know that. “Max pushed him and he landed on his wrist kind of funny. I was just checking it out to make sure it wasn’t broken or anything.”

Brenda visibly relaxes, her eyes softening and her lips curling into a fond smile. “That’s actually really sweet,” she says “I don’t know why people are so afraid of you.”

“People are afraid of me?” Grace says, doing her best to sound shocked and appalled. When Brenda’s eyes go wide and she starts to sputter, Grace turns to her with an impish grin and says, “I’m just messing with you. I know.”

Brenda snorts and descends into a fit of laughter. Grace thinks it’s just about the prettiest sound she’s ever heard. She’s pleased that Brenda liked her joke so much. “Okay, I take it back, you’re awful,” she says playfully, lightly swatting Grace’s arm. Grace’s face heats up. She decides not to read into it. Probably just a lingering side effect of doing that spell earlier.

Grace hears footsteps drawing near and looks up to see Kyle. Immediately, she’s a little bit annoyed. She doesn’t have anything against the guy, but does he really have to interrupt her moment with Brenda right now? They’re in the same group of friends and he gets to see her all the time.

“Hey, Brenda,” he says. “Grace,” he adds a bit more flatly.

“Oh, uh, hi, Kyle,” Brenda replies.

“You busy right now?” he says “‘cause I’m struggling, like, hard in AP Calc and we’ve got that test coming up. I know you’re pretty decent at it, so I was wondering if you could help me study?” He rubs his neck nervously. “Maybe at Pasqualli’s? My treat.”

“Pasqualli’s?” Brenda says with a slight scowl “that’s kinda forward, don’t you think?”

“Woah, hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” Kyle sputters, “they just have good breadsticks, that’s all. Besides, it’s the only good study spot in town. All the singing at that coffee shop is so distracting.”

“Yeah, I know they’re good breadsticks,” Brenda replies “everyone likes the breadsticks, that’s not the issue! The point is, I’m not going to share them with just anybody and I’m sorry, but you know I don’t like you like that. I already have a date tonight, anyway.”

Kyle’s face falls, as does Grace’s.

“Oh, uh, you do?” he says.

“Yeah,” Brenda replies “Grace and I are going to Beanie’s.” Grace’s eyes go wide.

“We are?” she says, then it dawns on her that Brenda’s probably just saying that to get out of hanging out with Kyle (although she certainly wouldn’t say no if Brenda invited her for real). She’s not totally oblivious to these things, it just takes her a minute to catch on sometimes. “Oh, cool,” she says, figuring the least she can do is help Brenda out and make it convincing “I know you were a little undecided between that and the new vegetarian restaurant on sixth street, but Beanie’s is good. I’m more in the mood for coffee right now.”

“When aren’t you?” Brenda teases and Grace kind of loves the way it makes it sound like they’ve been dating for a while, maybe even years. As if that weren’t enough, Brenda grabs her hand. Her heart is racing now. Grace laces their fingers together and squeezes, only to really help sell it.

“Wanna get going?” Grace asks.

“Sure,” Brenda says. She temporarily lets go of Grace’s hand to stand and Grace is almost disappointed until Brenda extends her arm again to help Grace up. Grace collects her backpack off of the floor, checking to make sure the book is still safely inside before zipping it up and throwing it over her shoulders again.

“Oh, uh, good for you guys. Happy for you,” Kyle says with an earnest, but sad smile. Grace and Brenda leave, still hand in hand until Brenda notices and pulls away.

“Oh, God, sorry, I didn’t even realize,” she says.

“Don’t worry about it,” says Grace with another one of those awkward, but charming smiles “I didn’t mind.”

“Good,” Brenda says “hey, uh, I think I might go to Beanie’s for real if you want to join me.” There are a few things in this world that Grace will never turn down. A cup of coffee is pretty high up on that list and as of late, so is any opportunity to hang out with Brenda. She agrees and as she sees the way Brenda’s eyes light up, she gets a weird (but not unpleasant) feeling in her chest. Probably just another side effect of that spell. They decide to walk there. It’s only a few blocks away from the school and the parking is absolutely horrendous, anyway.

They arrive and order their drinks. Emma’s working today and the owner’s back is turned, which means they’re on the house. Over her many visits here, Grace has secured a spot as Emma’s second favorite regular next to that dorky office worker who always flirts with her, because she always orders a simple black coffee and never asks Emma to sing when she tips or wastes her time with too much chit-chat. Emma even makes Brenda’s comparatively fancy beverage, an iced americano with two and a half pumps of the house-made pumpkin spice flavored syrup and a splash of oat milk, without much complaint. Grace leads her to her favorite spot at the counter facing the window and they take their seats on the slightly wobbly, mismatched stools at the end. It’s a strategic choice. Grace figures she’ll be a little less nervous if they’re not face to face the entire time.

“So,” says Brenda “if the bow tie kid isn’t your type, then who is?” Grace’s face goes bright red. She nearly chokes on her coffee.

[aidanchaser]

merry christmas @ccboomer

It’s so wonderful to have a friend to bounce writing ideas off of and just be nerdy together. I know you and I have a long standing habit of exchanging art for birthdays and christmas instead of buying gifts, so I thought i’d write something up just for you

Thanks for being a wonderful friend all these years

Title: Open Rating: T Word Count: 1500

It was rare to see Adrien so still. More often than not, he was a spring of coiled tension, jumping from one calendered event to the next or squeezing himself between the cracks of his schedule in a search for sanity and freedom. But today, his shoulders were loose. His grin was relaxed as they played, and when they were finished with practice, he didn’t rush off to the next thing. He stayed.

He stayed even after the others had left, even after Juleka had slipped away. He stayed until it was just him and Luka, and he stretched out across Luka’s couch like a cat after a warm saucer of milk.

“You seem happy,” Luka said as he zipped up his guitar case. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you so comfortable before.”

Adrien paused, waited until Luka had slumped into the couch beside him before saying, “I feel great. I was—I don’t know—nervous, I guess, about telling my father I’m definitely done modeling now that I’ve finished school. I just really want to find what I want.”

Luka smiled. He liked seeing his friends find their own hidden truths. They deserved happiness. “I’m glad to hear it. It can’t have been easy.”

“It wasn’t,” Adrien laughed and tipped his head back, stretching out his neck, “but I think it made me a bit more brave. I even managed to talk to the girl I like.”

This made Luka pause. He considered the number of girls Adrien liked: Kagami, Marinette-who-was-also-Ladybug, and possibly Lila, though Luka did not quite understand what that had been about. He wasn’t sure if Chloé fit into it at all.

“How did that go?” Luka asked.

“Really well. It’s sort of… different. But I think it’s good.”

“Different?” Luka asked, and tilted his head. He turned to watch Adrien and was sorry to see some of that tension return to his shoulders. He no longer lounged, but had shifted and sat up straight. His dreamy green eyes turned a bit sharper, focused on something on the other side of the room.

“Er—well, we settled on a sort of… open relationship. It was too complicated otherwise.”

Luka was no stranger to open relationships, but it was a naive mind who thought that an open relationship made things less complicated. Commitments were still commitments.

“Would you mind it?” Adrien asked, and it was almost imperceptible the way he turned towards Luka. 

“Would I mind what?”

“Being in an open relationship?”

“Not as long as my partners were honest with me. And themselves.”

The smile that flitted across Adrien’s face reminded Luka of exhaling. It was relaxed but a bit wistful.

“I thought you’d say something like that,” and he laughed, a bit breathy. He leaned in a little closer.

Luka suppressed a smile. He was not in the habit of suppressing anything, but he had a secret he had to keep. It was not a joke he could let Adrien in on, but he could not help but be amused by the notion that he would know the one and only secret Adrien could never tell him. Luka couldn’t help but wonder if knowing that secret would make a relationship harder or easier.

He’d thought about it a hundred times over. He’d thought about trying again with Marinette, knowing what he knows about her identity, even if she doesn’t know he knows. But that would be silly of him, really. Marinette was in love with Adrien.

“Does Marinette know?” Luka asked.

“Yeah,” Adrien said. “Marinette knows.”

And Adrien’s hand bumped against Luka’s knee and this time, Luka was the one who leaned closer. 

It was hardly a kiss. Their lips brushed, delicate, breathless, and Adrien’s hand shifted along Luka’s thigh. Luka slid a hand up through Adrien’s hair, unsurprised to find it soft like silk. It slipped between his fingers like water and then, finally, he pulled Adrien into a proper kiss. Maybe it would mean nothing when it was over, but it meant everything now and that mattered to Luka. He wanted Adrien to know how much it mattered.

Adrien’s hand reached Luka’s waist and his thumb slipped beneath his t-shirt. The touch of Adrien’s thumb on his skin was like lightning in Luka’s veins. He pulled away from Adrien, just enough to catch his breath. He let their foreheads linger and their breath mix.

“Is this what you want?” Luka asked.

“Is this okay?” Adrien asked.

Luka wondered if this was really what Adrien wanted or if he was simply overreaching with his newfound freedom. Then he wondered if he really cared, or if it was okay to go on this journey with Adrien for however long it lasted.

He gripped the hair at the base of Adrien’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss, this one far more decisive and determined than the last. It was still gentle the way that Luka always was, but there was no more hesitation, no more wariness in his touch. He shifted as Adrien swung one knee over his lap and pressed his hands into Luka’s hips. This time, Luka let the lightning course through him and he pushed up into Adrien sharply while pulling Adrien down into himself.

It was pleasant, warm, and passionate. It was something Luka had only dreamed about but never dared dwell on. He was glad, now, that he hadn’t bothered. There were no expectations to shatter, only raw satisfaction as Adrien dragged his hands up Luka’s sides and Luka was forced to bring both his hands to Adrien’s hips to stay steady. He was suddenly afraid he might sink into the couch and never come up for air again.

Adrien leaned against him, hips and chests flush. He draped his arms over Luka’s shoulder and pressed his mouth against the corner of Luka’s lips, against the underside of his jaw, against his neck, against his ear. Adrien’s breath was hot and warm and his body seemed to melt like liquid as he shaped himself around Luka.

“Sorry,” Luka murmured, “but I have to ask, I have to know—Marinette really wasn’t upset?”

Adrien kept his lips buried against the crook of Luka’s neck. “She’s okay with it. It was her idea, really.”

Luka did not think that sounded much like Marinette. Marinette, who yes, had a habit of overcommitting, but certainly would recognize exactly how much commitment an open relationship would be. Marinette, who was jealous a hundred times over when it came to Adrien, content to share him with whomever he pleased?

“It’s just surprising, I guess,” Luka finally managed.

“I like Marinette, I really do,” Adrien murmured. He shifted his weight, like despite all his openness even he wasn’t sure how to discuss partners with other partners. “But, well, she really likes Chat Noir, and we sort of agreed that she could see him, too, and Chat does sort of see Ladybug anyway, so it’s all alright, really.”

Luka closed his eyes and stifled a groan. Knowing what he knew would make this harder after all. He was in love with two idiots who were pretending they were four idiots and the whole thing made him want to cut the strings on his guitar just to hear the discordant snap of the wire and remind himself that messy and chaotic was the true state of the world.

“I’m sorry,” Adrien said, and pulled away from Luka.

Luka held his hips fast. “No, it’s fine, I promise. I was just… surprised is all. I thought Marinette liked you. I didn’t realize Chat Noir was involved.”

Adrien bit down on his lip in a rare moment of insecurity. “It’s okay for me to date her, isn’t it? Even if she also sees Chat Noir?”

Luka decided he wouldn’t dignify the question with a response. He understood why it bothered Adrien, but he couldn’t answer it and be honest at the same time, so he chose not to answer at all. “Are you really comfortable seeing multiple partners?” he asked. “You don’t mind kissing Marinette then coming to band practice to kiss me?”

He trailed one hand up Adrien’s back, which was perhaps unfair, but he wanted to run his fingers through Adrien’s silky hair at least one more time.

“I think I like kissing you a good deal,” Adrien said.

And Luka knew that wasn’t an answer to his question, but he was willing to let it slide for now and drew Adrien into another kiss. If it turned out that all Adrien wanted was to explore his new found freedom, Luka was okay with that. If it turned out that Adrien and Marinette realized their open relationship was a lot more closed than they had initially thought and they wanted to keep it closed, he would be okay with that, too. The journey was part of the process, and it might be messy and chaotic, but that was alright with him.

He liked kissing Adrien a good deal, too. And he wouldn’t mind kissing Marinette again, either. And maybe if he was very lucky, he could manage a few kisses with Chat Noir and Ladybug, too.

[marshmallowprotection]

Angelica

Happy Birthday, my love! Pairing: Ray/Lila [Original CMC] Description: Lila's not sure that she'll ever be able to capture her painting the way she needs it to be. However, it seems like there's something just around the corner that wants to show her there's another way. Based on a Pokemon AU. Word Count: 5,233 [AO3]

“Hey… wait… wait for…!” 

The sounds of another Pokemon trainer trailed faintly from the other side of the meadow but Lila did her best to pay it no mind. She was too caught up in her painting to think about what someone else was doing.

It was bound to happen after all, spring came earlier than expected and most trainers wouldn’t want to waste a second if their Pokemon could benefit from soaking in the sun's rays. Her Pokemon did, and they were enjoying themselves as she did her best to focus on the lake and the wild Poliwags that had made the riverbed their home. 

Deerling, Budew, and Lilligant were playing a game of hide-and-seek amongst the flowers just out of sight. She knew they were close by but not too far away. They would never travel far without letting her know where they wanted to go. Now and again, she could hear the trio shout out in surprise, delighted by their little game as they bounced between the flowers and tall grass to amuse themselves until she finished with her painting. 

Lila blew a sigh from her lips as she squinted at the scenery in front of her and listened to the cries of her Pokemon. Deary, Dapple, and Peony sound like they’re having a lot of fun over there. I wish I could play! But, I promised the commissioner I would finish his gaggle of Poliwags today. I feel like I’m missing something and I don’t know what! 

“Smear! Smeargle!” 

Lila glanced to her left and noticed the messy canvas dripping in berries and paint that her Smeargle seemed to be focused on. Her Smeargle was always excited when she told him she needed to paint something in the field because it meant that she would let him out of Pokeball and paint on as many smaller canvases as he liked while she finished her work. His paintings were abstract, zig-zags, slants, and curvy lines that seemed like nothing would stop them except the borders of his canvas. 

“It looks like you’re doing a wonderful job on that painting, Marble. I like how you decided to incorporate the berries we found on our walk earlier. Who knew that oran berries could make such a vibrant blue if you added a dash of water?” She praised with a laugh. “Keep it up, I’m sure it’ll look amazing when you’re done!” 

Marble beamed ear to ear in pride. He wasn’t always confident about his paintings given how quick people were to dismiss something a Pokemon created if it didn’t speak to them. It was one of the reasons why she left home to begin with because as much as she could lie to herself and say it didn’t bother her when her Mother destroyed her drawings, she couldn’t stand the thought that it would happen to her innocent Smeargle. 

There was nothing she wouldn’t do to look out for him. It was easier to take care of her Pokemon than it was to take care of herself. It was easy to put their needs first. They needed her to be brave, and if being brave was enough to protect them, she could do it. If they needed anything to be happy and healthy, she would make it happen as soon as possible. That wasn’t easy when it came to herself. Sure, she left home and that made a lot of things easier on her, but it didn’t change the fact that she knew it wasn’t something she would’ve been able to do on her own. 

Seeing Marble beam made the trouble worth it, though. Seeing all of her Pokemon laugh, play, and have fun made it worth it. Even if she was still learning how to put herself first, her Pokemon were the ones who made her want to try harder. If they could be that happy, she wanted to be that happy, too. Marble flicked his tail against the canvas again, visibly excited to get back to the creative process now that he’d received some praise for doing his best. 

He always knew what he wanted to paint, though. He wasn’t short on ideas by any means. He didn’t have the same problem she did, she was afraid she couldn’t make her paintings inviting enough to match what the viewer wanted to see thanks to her paintbrush, and he didn’t think about what people wanted to see as he dragged his tail over the canvas. 

He didn’t have to be afraid of criticism when she was with him. She just wished she felt the same way. His confidence was only getting better by the day and it felt like hers was trailing leagues behind where it needed to be for someone as far in her career as she was. She told herself that not a soul would take her dream from her, but the fear of not living up to her dream was staring right in front of her as the canvas seemed to mock her every move. 

The most despicable fear was that out of anyone, she never imagined she might be the one to crush her dream, but it seemed more and more likely as the hole in her chest grew larger. She'd been working on this painting for at least a month, but no matter how many times she went back to the drawing board, it never turned out right. 

How could she depict what was in her heart if she couldn't manage to convey what other people asked her to convey for them? An artist had no choice but to work to live and to create without the means of money and shelter rattling at her heels, she might’ve had more time to think of a way to temper her wandering mind, but between her own pieces and the art she promised those who visited her little house, she felt like she was at a standstill. 

What was missing? 

Why couldn't she find the missing piece to make this painting complete no matter how many times she flipped between the canvas and what lay just beyond it?

The painting was a simple one. The commissioner told her that he had adored the frolicking Poliwags in the local park for years with his wife as they enjoyed their walks together every afternoon. He wanted to give her the sweetest gift imaginable, a centerpiece for their dining room that was dedicated from top to bottom in homage to Water Pokemon. It was the perfect gift, and maybe, just maybe, the pressure of trying to make what she imagined to be perfect was what was holding her back. She’d made a dozen paintings like this one before, however, so it didn’t make sense to her why this painting felt so different! 

Lila had no idea what happened between the minute she sketched her idea down on paper and the second it came to life thanks to her brush. There were four Poliwags in the painting, two of them playing with a beach ball that someone had forgotten to take home after a day out at the park, while the others floated on from one side of the water to the other. It wasn’t that difficult of a scene to capture. Rich blues danced into gentle greens with the wave of her hand, and yet, it didn’t have a piece of life to it. 

It was missing a much-needed breath of fresh air and Lila desperately wanted the canvas to have that missing puzzle piece. 

However, if she was honest with herself, it might have been easier to get the painting done if Lotad wasn't adamantly trying to take a nap on her head. Jubilee wasn't the life of the party. Despite his name, all he ever wanted to do was take a nap. At least he made for a nice hat, she tried to reassure herself with a small laugh but it still wasn't enough to make her feel better. 

“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she lamented. She fell silent once more as she glared at the painting. The longer she stared, the less it felt real, but it was the only way she could figure out where she’d messed up in the first place. Why didn’t the Poliwag look the same? Why didn’t the river flow no matter how many streaks she added? Why didn’t those thickets of grass invoke the desire to beckon the viewer to see if they’d be lucky enough to find more Pokemon if they came closer? 

Thump… thump…! 

That was when she heard the sound of grass rustling. It wasn’t any of her Pokemon because the little footsteps sounded heavier than her team. She paid it no mind, though, assuming it was the trainer she’d heard not too long ago. She had to focus! She couldn’t get distracted because someone had decided to enjoy the park at the same time as her! If they wanted to run and play, that was fine by her, but she needed to figure out how the best way to fix her painting before the deadline forced her to hand over a painting she wasn’t proud of. 

Thump… Thump... Thump... Thump…! 

Her Buneary was half-asleep on her lap, snoozing the hours away as Lila carefully angled her brush against the canvas to capture the stray droplets of water that splashed with every wiggle of the Poliwags. She scratched at the soft bundle of fur behind her right ear. The last thing she needed was someone to wake her up, because the minute Bonnie was shaken out of a restful sleep, she would make it somebody’s problem. 

Well, as long as that trainer doesn’t make a commotion or decide he wants to train his team here, it’ll be fine. I should’ve given her a name that came with a warning label, like Ms. Wake-me-up-and-face-my-wrath-buneary. 

It didn't seem as though luck would be on her side that day, because out of the tall grass came a silver coat of fur that dove into the water, sending the group of Poliwag away, scattering underwater to escape the Pokemon who disturbed their playtime without any warning! The picture-perfect moment was gone in an instant as the Eevee splashed around excitedly, a loud cry signifying her intent to play with the Poliwags and kick her feet against the river rocks. 

It was adorable, or rather, it would've been adorable if it didn't ruin the reference she'd been using to paint. Out of frustration, she sprang to her feet, Bonnie waking up just in time to bounce against the grass rather than land against it in an unceremonious thud. It wasn't as if she had control over the Poliwags, she knew they wouldn't stay in place for her painting as long as she needed them to, but as long as they went fully undisturbed, the less likely she would have been to lose the reference. That was the logic she used. She didn't think about taking pictures of them, why would she? She was fast with a sketch and even faster with a brush. 

The sound of a camera shutter would get in the way of what she believed to be her authenticity. She wanted to live in the moment, and even if the process made things harder for her, she enjoyed the challenge! All of her work depended on being able to focus, and this Eevee had unknowingly spoiled her chance to get things right! 

She wanted to be angry, but she wasn't the type to be angry at innocent Pokemon who didn't know any better, so, all she could do was fall to her knees and lament—"No, no, no! I needed them to stay like that for just a little bit longer!" 

The dancing Eevee seemed none the wiser to her distress at first, deciding to instead dance across the lily pads as best she could without a trainer to hold her back, but the sound of hours of exhausted devastation catching up to her caught its attention at the last second. The Eeevee stared at her for a long moment before she began to dart in Lila's direction. She had a perplexed look on her face that gave way to what appeared to be surprise as Lila's team appeared in front of her defensively. 

Her team wasn't built for fighting by any means but their reflexes were much sharper than Lila realized because never before had she seen her friends move that fast! 

Eevee bristled, seemingly unaware of the danger she put herself in by running towards a trainer she was unfamiliar with, barking something with a cute little voice that would've made anybody forgive her for not realizing she did something wrong. Bonnie and Marble chirped back at the Eevee, and given the sound of their voices, they seemed to be the most upset on her behalf. Lila didn't want her Pokemon to get into a fight by any means, but the sounds of her sadness made them want to look out for her. If she wasn't overwhelmed, she might have broken out into tears because it proved that her Pokemon were willing to look out for her just as much as she was for them. 

It just wasn't great that they were growing at an innocent Pokemon who didn't deserve it. She wasn't sure if this Eevee belonged to anybody, but a right of ownership didn't matter when she couldn't see anyone. Wild or not, the last thing anybody needed was a fight and a trip to the Pokemon Center. 

"Guys, it was an accident. I'm not angry. I'm a little bit upset but I'm not angry! Stand down. Eevee didn't realize what I was doing, I think she just wanted to make friends with the Poliwag—" 

A voice cut her off before she could finish her thought, and when she turned her head, she saw a man not much older than herself, with red hair and flushed cheeks to rival it as if he'd been running around for a while. "Lily! Lily! Lily, what did you get yourself into now? Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know what trouble she got up to but I'm sure I can make things right! I beg you, anything but a battle! We're not even licensed for Pokemon battles!" 

She was relieved to hear those words. The last thing she wanted was to be thrust into a battle her team would never be capable of. Lily’s expression transformed from confusion into excitement as she hopped past them to stand at her trainer’s side. She nuzzled her head against his leg and cooed affectionately. How could Lila be mad at something so cute? She clearly had no awareness of her surroundings, only knowing that she wanted to play around with as many Pokemon as she could. 

Out of breath but still determined to speak, he bowed his head. “I don’t know what she did, but I apologize. I sincerely apologize. Lily has a hard time paying attention to anything I say when we come to the park. She’s determined to explore everything she can get her paws on… even if that means she eats somebody’s picnic snacks or she wakes up a sleeping trio of Hoothoot before dark.” 

Most people would scold him for not paying attention to his Pokemon, or perhaps tell him he didn't need to let her out of her Pokeball until he had a handle on her excitement. But, she didn’t have the heart. The big, wild world had a lot to offer to someone small who didn’t know what’d be waiting for them around the corner. That kind of curiosity brought a smile to her face. To be able to throw caution to the window without the fear of what might go wrong? She missed that feeling, it wasn’t one she’d felt since she was a little girl who wanted to play with Torchics. 

“I—It’s okay,” she tried to reassure him. She didn’t want this guy to feel bad about it since she hadn’t lost her painting or anything. She just lost a scene to watch as she painted. She would’ve been more upset if his Eevee tried to paint her canvas. Her voice betrayed her, though, as she tried her best to reassure the man, only for her voice to crack, “She didn’t cause a lick of trouble for me, she just got excited—” 

Lily chirped and sprang into her trainer’s arms without warning. He let out a squeak as her damp fur coated his shirt, but sighed in defeat just as she nuzzled her face against his cheek. It probably wasn't the first time he had to deal with that, and it wouldn't be the last time he was treated that way. 

“You don’t have to cover for her if she did something bad,” he said. His golden eyes sparkled with sincerity as she studied his face. “I appreciate it if you’re worried about her being scolded for disobeying me but if I’m being honest with you, I spoil her even when she makes a mistake. I’d rather know what she did so I can… um, you know, tell her to work on not running up to strangers who’re busy doing something and don’t have time to play with her.” 

Lila waved her hand, “No, really, it’s okay, she just got too excited and rushed into the river bed. It’s not like I got wet or anything. I’m not so sure she even realized I was working near the water. She seemed to be on a mission to get wet and nothing would stop her from enjoying the cool water.” 

“Oh, I see. So, did she start to run toward you once she realized you were working by the water? I can see why your team might try to protect your work since she’s soaking wet. If she got your canvas wet, it would ruin all the hard work you’re putting into your piece. Still, I’m sorry she got the team worked up thinking she might not have the best intentions. She’s… just a silly girl who doesn’t think before she leaps, as you can see.” 

It was enough to make Lila laugh! But as to be expected, like trainer, like Pokemon, he offered his soaking wet hand to shake hers, but just as soon as she began to lift her hand to meet him halfway, she felt Jubilee begin to stir and he let out a little yip that told her what was about to happen before it happened. She opened her mouth to stop him but by the time she began to say, “Wait, Jubilee, don’t!” 

Jubilee didn’t hesitate. He took one look at the Eevee’s trainer and sent a Water Gun hurling in his direction without warning. It splashed against his face and soaked through the top half of his shirt, leaving his sweater damp around the collar as he sputtered, incredulous that a tiny Lotad of all things had such firepower behind it! She was just as surprised as him, as this was the first time her most recent Pokemon had done something other than ask for treats! 

Jubilee wasn’t ashamed of himself. The Lotad confidently took his place at Lila’s side after his attack, happy he was able to do something to stop a “dangerous” threat from reaching his trainer. She never expected him to do something like that, but today was a rather strange day and she just couldn’t expect the expected anymore! 

Lila shot him a disappointed look before she turned to her bag, tearing through different layers of her things before she landed on a small towel she always carried around just in case one of her Pokemon made a little mess she needed to clean up before they went home. She knew it would come in handy one of these days, she just never thought it would help a different person! 

She bowed her head, offering the towel to him with the best apology she could muster, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into him! He’s never done anything like that before! I promise we can pay for the dry cleaning bill if you send us the receipt. Please, borrow this towel so you’re able to dry off your hair before you catch a cold!” 

He blinked through the sudden onslaught of extra water and laughed, a sweet sound that made her heart flutter. “It’s okay. The little guy didn’t realize I wasn’t a threat, either… and I guess I didn’t realize it was your Pokemon. He makes an awfully convincing hat.” 

After he managed to dry himself off, he took a seat on the grass next to her as she glanced back at her painting and internally lamented her loss. She didn't know what to do with herself now. She couldn't go back into town empty-handed after she spent all day trying to make things right. She made a promise to make sure this man had an excellent anniversary and it was one she was determined to keep. It would be easy to blame a stranger for getting in the way, but she knew better than that. 

The only problem she had was with herself, not with the scenery or the Eevee that came dancing into the scene. 

What could she do? It wasn't as if she could continue to paint the same scene over and over again from memory. Technically, she could, but it wouldn't feel the same way it would if she did it the way she intended. It wouldn't feel the same. It just wouldn't feel right, she told herself as she decided to pack things up instead. She didn't want to admit defeat. That was far from what she wanted, but what else could she do but accept this was the way the painting had to be? Even if she wasn't satisfied, deadlines came before anything else in life. 

He leaned back to get a glimpse of her canvas but couldn’t seem to see as much as he wanted to from his vantage point, "What were you painting, anyway?" 

"Poliwags. They were frolicking in the river before your Eevee decided she wanted to be friends with them. They're here every day, having fun without worrying about being captured out of the blue since you don't see many trainers in this area, but… today was my very last day to paint the Poliwags right,” she murmured. 

He raised a brow, "Paint them right?"

"Yeah. I know this might sound a little over the top but I've painted at least a dozen different portraits of Poliwag over the past month for this lovely old man who commissioned me to paint his and his wife's favorite Pokemon. Today was my deadline. I've been trying to draw them since I got the request, but it doesn't seem to matter how many times I try, I just can't seem to get them." 

There was a strange look on his face as he prodded, "Wow. I don't know if I believe that. If you've painted them that many times, you must be an expert now. They say if you do anything enough, it should get easier the next time you do it." 

"I wish that was the case, sir," she said. A smile appeared as she gestured towards the canvas, it wasn’t as bright as she wanted it to be. "Take a look for yourself. I'm sure you may not feel the same way after you see it." 

Curious, the stranger pulled himself off the ground and decided to take her up on her offer. He stood next to her and admired the canvas as each detail stood out plain as day. She can see everything she did wrong in full view, and it was one of the reasons why she had a hard time divulging her passion to others. 

She figured he could see everything she did wrong as well as she could. It wasn't unheard of for her to be on the receiving end of criticism without any positivity, after all. Far too many times had people told her what she did wrong without fail, and she accepted that without a second thought because that was all she ever received. She braced herself for the worst of the worst, but instead of criticism, he did the exact opposite. 

"I stand by what I said. You managed to capture how much fun the Poliwags had before Lily interrupted them. If this is what they looked like, it's no wonder she wanted to be their friend. They have big smiles, you can see it in their eyes!" He affirmed. He glanced at her with a pursed lip which made her raise a brow. "But, I do see one thing wrong with the painting if you don't mind my saying so." 

Lila nodded, unsure of what to expect, but ready to see what he had to say and if it would hurt as much as the rest of the criticism she received. 

"You don't look like you're having fun." 

Lila stared at him, incredulous. "Huh?" 

"I guess that sounds weird, right? What I mean to say is, the painting itself is perfect, but the look on your face isn't. If anything, I think… The reason why you think the painting looks bad is because… you don't feel good. If you've been working as hard for over a month, that means you haven't been able to take any time to enjoy yourself. The painting might look happy, but if you're not feeling happy, wouldn't it be fair to say that your personal feelings are clouding you to what's right in front of you?" 

Lila didn't know how to respond. She never thought about it that way. Those words felt heavier than she expected them to, and it brought tears to her eyes. His words felt so profound as if it was something she needed to tell herself but could never find the courage to do so. 

He wasn't entirely off base, there was a part of her that wanted to have fun with her Pokémon, but she kept telling herself over and over again that she couldn't have any fun until she completed the work that had to be done. She had to take care of them, and that meant responsibility had to come first. She didn't have time to think about having fun with them even if she wanted to. That was a part of the deal she made when she left home. 

Did she look that sad? 

Was it so obvious that a stranger could see it and she couldn't even see it herself? Or, rather, that she wouldn’t admit it even though it was as plain as day? 

Was it possible that she was making herself miserable trying to take care of everyone? Was it possible that she was focused only on trying to take care of everything to the point where she didn't think she was allowed to have fun anymore? Was it possible that she decided to kick herself while she was down and never allowed herself a chance to have some fun when it wasn't something she could justify? 

Sure, she managed to get herself the lovely house on the corner thanks to her hard work, but it didn't mean that she could let her guard down. Or, could it? 

She hurriedly rubbed her sleeve against her eyes. It wasn't enough to hide the sniffles that came with it, but it was a devastating blow to realize that she wasn't happy.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you! It’s just that I was taught by my Dad to always be honest with others and I felt like it’d be wrong to not tell you the truth! Your eyes look so sad and that doesn’t seem right.” 

The kind stranger immediately began to apologize for saying something but she shook her head before he could say something else. His apology was sincere but he didn’t need to apologize… He hadn't done anything wrong, not a single thing, and she didn't want him to blame himself for that. It wouldn't be right for someone to take the blame for something she'd been struggling with. 

I needed to hear that, she thought. 

"It's okay. I think… I think I needed to hear that. I've been pushing myself way too hard lately and when the opportunity arises to do something fun, I don't let myself go through with it. I keep telling myself that I'll get around to it later when I have the time, but that chance never comes,” she said. 

“That seems like it could make you miserable in the long run,” he offered his hand to her again. “A princess like you doesn’t deserve to be sad when she’s pursuing her passion. You deserve to have fun, too. Where’s the fun in life if you’re always working yourself to the bone?”  

She took his hand that time, smiling at how warm he felt despite how cold she expected it to feel. “It's hard work trying to make a dream come true, but… if I don't let myself enjoy the little things, what good will my dream be? I'm always happy when I'm able to paint, but if I'm miserable when I'm not painting, there might not be enough time to play with my Pokemon."

She thought of how desperately she wanted to play hide and seek with her friends, and she waved them off instead of making a happy memory with them. She didn't want to treat them that way. They didn't want her to treat herself that way, either. All those times she ignored them in favor of her painting weighed on her like an anchor. 

“My Dad went through something similar, you know? He tried to force his way into making himself happy and it just ended up making him sad. That look on your face reminded me of him, and I know he would want me to tell you to enjoy the little things,” he smiled. It was a bashful smile as he added, “Sorry, I should’ve led with this, but my name is Ray. It’s… It’s nice to meet you, miss.” 

“I’m Lila,” she said. 

“When’s your deadline, Lila?”

She glanced up at the sky to see how far the sun had moved from where it’d been when she checked last. “I’m supposed to meet him in town by sunset. I know there’s still a few hours before then but I’ve been out here since sunrise trying to get it right. I don’t think the Poliwags will be back today but that’s okay… I’ve got what I need and I need to stop doubting myself. I’m sure my client will love this.” 

“Well,” a rosy hue spread across his cheeks as he glanced away. “If you’re not busy with your painting anymore… would you like to have some fun with Lily and me?” 

Lila took a look at her friends who were staring at her expectantly. She could tell that they wanted to have fun, too. How could she turn them down when they looked at her like that? So, she relented and decided it wouldn’t hurt anything to indulge in some fun instead of overworking her painting. 

“...I’d like that.” 

[hoe-doroki]

steel and lace

minors do not interact

warnings: 18+, anal play, sex toys, voyeuristic fantasy, scratching, creampie

pairing: bakugou x fem!reader

wc: 3.8k

summary: The only one who manages to get Bakugou’s birthday right is you.

a/n: This is my addition to the Bakugou Birthday Bash collab (masterlist). Many thanks to @lady-bakuhoe​ for helping me flesh out the ideas with this story!! You were integral to this idea, love! And additional thanks to @whats-her-quirk​ and @therealvalkyrie​ for beta reading <333

edit: I no longer write x reader but here’s my old masterlist - mobile | desktop

Bakugou never took work off on his birthday.

Never. Why would he? Villains didn’t give a shit that this was the day the old hag had unceremoniously had him evacuated into a hospital room however many years ago. They didn’t give a shit that his friends—who were also heroes who should be fucking working, by the way—wanna come over to his house and surprise him. As though his reconnaissance-trained ears weren’t as fucking fine tuned at hearing idiots on the other side of the door as theirs.

What villains should care about was that he was a year older, wiser, and fucking stronger, and he was going to kick all their asses. That was what he told all his idiot friends every year when they asked him if he was going to take off work.

Every year he regretted it.

The idiots he works with really must not care about hero work, because every year they want to send him out on a field post sugar crash from some store-bought cake with his name on it. Or buy him gifts that he’ll probably toss in the trash on the way home. He’s not being rude; he just doesn’t need junk that he never would have bought himself in the first place.

Everyone is always grinning at him, wishing him a happy birthday—as though he’s any goddamn happier to see their ugly mugs flapping their lips at him—and trying to start stupid-ass conversations. If he doesn’t like small talk normally, why would he want it on his birthday?

And the singing.

If people really wanted to wish him a happy birthday, they’d find a way to do it silently while doing some respectable fucking hero work. Make his day easier.

But no, none of that was what happened. So he should have just stayed home. Let the villains have a fucking field day on April 20th, and he could have his real gift killing them all tomorrow on the 21st.

But, unfortunately, he was a dumbass and had gone to work anyway, like he’d learned nothing from the last many years of antics. And the continued antics had got him a little pissy. And when he was pissed off, his heart rate increased, his breathing grew heavier, and, of course, he sweat.

Well. Guess what happened?

“Bakugou, I am currently paying to treat burns and fractures on three villains. Care to explain?”

Best Jeanist was sitting in his office chair, blinding sunlight streaming in behind him. Late afternoon sun—darker in color but way more resentful towards human eyes, apparently. It was reflecting off of all of the neighboring glass corporate buildings, making Bakugou squint behind his mask.

Bakugou shrugged, petulant as he stood behind his chair instead of sitting in it. “Overkill.”

Best Jeanist nodded. “Did you…lose control?”

“Tch,” Bakugou scoffed. As if he ever lost control. “Villains were weaker than I thought.”

Bakugou felt the stare of that one fucking eye and stood firm. He knew he was looking at a suspension, hopefully just for a day or two. It wasn’t like he’d done anything terrible. Villains got hurt sometimes, just like pros did, and they got their care and then they got their justice. It’s not like Bakugou was violent on purpose. Anymore. And Jeanist sure as hell knew that, so it wouldn’t take Bakugou off the field for more than a slap on the wrist. He probably wouldn’t even be technically suspended. Just chained by the fucking dick to his desk with some paperwork.

“Just…” Bakugou braced for it, narrowing his eyes but keeping his snarl to a minimum. “Just be more careful next time. Shower and go home—see you tomorrow.”

Bakugou’s jaw dropped. He closed it quickly, trying not to look like Dunce Face in front of his boss, but in all that was real and true what? He was just about to say something—he didn’t know what, probably something insubordinate—when Best Jeanist took out his own paperwork and waved him away.

“Happy birthday, Bakugou.”

Oh. So that was it.

Bakugou grit his teeth. Happy fucking birthday indeed.

It was nothing. His brain told him over and over again that it was fucking nothing. He hadn’t been punished, he hadn’t even really done anything wrong; he just hadn’t been squeaky clean up to fucking code. He could still show up for work tomorrow, business as usual. He should be tickled fucking pink.

But he wasn’t. Special treatment for being the birthday boy? What was he? Five years old and given a pass after stealing the chicken nuggets off Deku’s plate? Jesus Christ.

And if he was honest, he was mostly pissed at himself. Sure, he could blame how the weather always seemed to sprint from spring to summer around his birthday every year, strengthening his quirk. He could blame the villains for being weak enough that they had no business even stepping foot in his neighborhood. But losing control of his quirk even a little—and it had been a little—was fucking amateur and he’d have to pencil in some extra time at the gym. Maybe snatch Shitty Hair for some sparring, and, unfortunately, probably nab an extra therapy session and talk about this anger thing again.

At least walking instead of sitting on that stifling, crowded train car was doing him some good. Let him cool off a bit before he got home and you saw that something was wrong. He was nearly entirely relaxed by the time he got to his building’s lobby, even having the grace to nod at the concierge—who didn’t know it was his birthday, thank God—before heading up the elevator.

When he got off on his floor, it suddenly occurred to him that you might have done something truly repulsive, like inviting his friends over. He could imagine Shitty Hair’s shitty fucking hair sticking up from behind your sofa as he tried to hide before leaping up and yelling surprise.

Well, if that was the case, then the surprise was going to be him kicking all his dumb friends out of the apartment with one foot. Ain’t no way he was going to host a party on his birthday.

It turned out his worry was for nothing, though, because when he turned the knob—fully braced to punch out some teeth with his other hand—he was greeted with a totally bare apartment.

Like barren.

For starters, it was perfectly clean. Bakugou kept a tidy house normally, but this was certainly cleaner than he’d left it this morning. But more than that, there was nothing extra lying around. No stupid friends. No presents. No cake or even the smell of one. It was almost disconcerting.

No, it was a relief. A relief because he didn’t want any of that stuff. He’d had the slice of cake at work—and was slightly hangry now to show for it—and wasn’t interested in having another. And even though you’d choose better gifts than the extras at work would, it was nothing he couldn’t buy himself. So no, this was perfect. He was absolutely not disappointed. Maybe a bit confused. But not disappointed.

He took his shoes off and set his things on the small table by the door. Then he wandered into the kitchen, downed some water, and thought about what he might make for dinner. He might have expected that you and he would make dinner together or maybe even that you would have surprised him with something, but he didn’t mind doing it alone. It wasn’t like he’d learned to cook just to find a housewife someday to con into doing it all for him.

He decided to go to the bedroom first to plug in his phone. He was just sliding it out of his pocket when he opened the door, saw you, and stopped short.

You were on the bed—not in bed, but on it—wearing a black zip up with his signature orange x over the chest. You were on your knees with your legs spread wide, looking him dead in the eye with a deadly smirk on your face, painted in bright lipstick.

“New prototype. You like?”

The two of you had met when you were scouted from his parents’ business to design the clothing for his first merchandise line. He’d sworn off dating you from the beginning, because the last thing he wanted was to give the old hag anything to say about, firstly, her being at all responsible for finding  him a girlfriend or secondly, the fact that dating a fashion designer would mean he was dating his parents. He’d said fuck that to anyone who would listen.

But you’d gotten his brain from the beginning. Your designs were all sick from the sketch to mock up to the prototypes you always wore for him. Maybe he was a simple man for falling for a girl dressed in his colors, aiming to please him, but fuck it. You were talented, too smart for your own good, and pretty as hell.

So what? Now he had a dream girlfriend and one more reason to fight with his mom. Net positive for sure.

Still, that jacket wasn’t a prototype. That was from his first official line, no doubt, and he’d seen you wear it hundreds of times. He knew from here how much it would smell like detergent and how much like you.

You caught his eyes, raised your brows once, and then pulled the zip on the sweatshirt.

Underneath was nothing but lace and ribbon, contrasting the black and orange of the sweatshirt with moss green outlining your silhouette. The moss green from his gauntlets and his belt was caged around you in the thinnest strips of fabric, scraps of floral barely covering your breasts and pussy. The lingerie was an all-in-one, with the tiny bra connected to the panties by a few ribbons crossing over your belly. Not hiding a damn thing, but showing it off for all its worth.

“Fuck,” Bakugou groaned when the sweatshirt hit the bed, your arms still in the sleeves, but the look underneath now fully revealed to him. He could feel the blood going to his dick, just seeing you on display like that getting him up to half mast in seconds.

“Not a lot of coverage on this version,” you mused, sticking your thumb under a bra strap. “Maybe an edit for the second try?”

Bakugou growled, taking a step forward, but you weren’t done just yet.

“I was also thinking maybe full panties next time,” you said, turning around, sitting on your heels. The sweatshirt hung just below your ass, framing round cheeks that were caged by thin elastic crosses, and that was it. Not so much as a triangle of fabric to speak of. “Maybe write: Property of Dynamight on them? Or is that too much text?”

That was all it took for Bakugou to pounce. One arc of his fist had his shirt thrown with a smack to the floor and then his hands were on your shoulders, spinning you face up as he pushed you flat on the bed.

“You know I don’t like unnecessary words,” he growled.

And then he was kissing you, a hand running up the falke stockings pinned on your thighs as you pulled your arms out of the sweatshirt. One leg came up automatically to wrap around his hip, and Bakugou began rutting against your center, fully hard already. On his second grinding thrust, his pants snagged on the scrap of lace you were wearing. Wetness was already glistening on his trousers and he moved his thumb down to your core, groaning at what he felt.

“Crotchless panties?” he mumbled against your mouth. “You’re making this too easy, sweetheart.”

“Shouldn’t have to work so hard on your birthday,” you mewled.

There was a rumble in Bakugou’s throat, half scoff, half chuckle. “Yeah, remind me of that next year, will you?”

You were soaked already—the swipe of his thumb told you that much. Either you’d gotten really excited when he’d texted you that he was coming home early, or you’d…gotten yourself excited at some point after. Either way, it meant that foreplay could wait for round two.

He pulled his thumb away from your core and pressed it against your lip, smudging what lipstick had survived the kisses down your chin. You were half ruined already. You stuck your tongue out and licked at essence on his thumb before sucking it into your mouth, eyes wide as you looked up at him. Fuck, he could feel himself straining against his pants, grinding circles against your half-bare cunt for a spot of relief.

After you licked him clean, he took his hand back, leaving your mouth open and wanting as he began to fuss with the front of his pants. He caught your smudged lips again, holding your jaw with one hand as he pushed his pants down with the other. He pulled his lower half away from you, kicking off the pants—hadn’t bothered with boxers for the commute home—and let them slide off the edge of the bed.

“Ready?” he asked.

Your smile was big and you bit the tip of your tongue, nodding your head twice. That was all he needed. He grabbed his cock in his fist and slid it through your wetness just once, and then he pushed himself in.

Immediately, he felt the drag of something hard and angled against your lower wall right along his cock, pressing from tip to base as he slid home inside of you.

“Woah,” he groaned. “What the fuck?”

You giggled, the action making your walls flutter against him.

“Got myself a new toy,” you said coyly, wrapping your legs around his hips. “Promise you can get yourself something pretty on my birthday too.”

Bakugou reach a hand around your thigh, feeling the elastic garter pulled taut against the stockings that were rubbing so deliciously against his back and his hips. He grabbed a handful of your ass, and the tips of his fingers felt a rounded edge of warm metal slid just between your ass cheeks.

“You fucking naughty minx.” Bakugou grinned, showing all his teeth, rearing back out of you before thrusting back in, feeling the novel pressure of the toy on the way out and back.

No wonder you had been so wet to begin with. You must have lubed yourself up before putting in that butt plug—which wasn’t small, from what he could feel of it. He could imagine you, one leg up on the sink, ass sticking out as you fingered yourself, mouth dropping open when you inserted the toy. How cold it would have been when it first touched your pert little hole and how you’d gotten it all warm for him as you waited with your little secret for him to get home.

“It’s curved to hit prostates,” you gasped as Bakugou rocked hard, steady thrusts into you. “In case you’re interested.”

The thought, much to Bakugou’s surprise, sent a thrill right through his belly down to his dick. He couldn’t help but slam rapidly into you, making your eyes roll back. Fuck, was that something he wanted? It wasn’t something he’d ever thought about, and he didn’t have the mind right now to ponder it.

“God you feel so big.”

“You feel so tight, sweetheart,” Bakugou grunted, refusing to acknowledge the fresh heat that was on his cheeks after your previous comment. “Squeezing me from all sides.”

The butt plug left it so there was barely enough room in your pussy for his cock to pump in and out. The pressure was hard on one side, making him fucking twitch every time the head of his cock caught against it, leading him to opt for long, deep thrusts in and out of you. It was so good that he didn’t even care if the only present he got for his birthday was a little hunk of stainless steel halfway up your ass. He’d gotten home five minutes ago and already he could feel his balls tightening, threatening to bust a nut.

“Just think of it, Katsuki,” you said, your voice dreamy as he fucked you raw. “All the women wearing this set, thinking of you when they show it off for their partners. All wishing that you were the one fucking them. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, baby? But they’ll never have anything but their husband’s sad cock that they pretend is yours.”

“Fuck,” Bakugou growled, putting a hand on the headboard and nearly splintering it in his grip. You were riling him up and it made him want to press his palm flat against the burnished oak and let off his quirk, send shards flying. His hand was already drenched with more sweat than it should have been, just like with those villains earlier. Goddamn this time of year. He couldn’t help it; his quirk begged for it. He was in dire need of release of some kind, and it wasn’t like he could cum yet. He had to know how your pussy felt when it convulsed around him, ass cheeks tensing and squeezing that toy hard against his cock until he was spurting into you.

Bakugou let off a few crackling pops from his palm, moaning as relief filled him, the tension lessened for a moment. A faint smell of wood smoke spread through the room, slightly embittered by the resin blackening around his hand. One more scorch mark on the bed frame. You groaned underneath him, taken by the sight of Bakugou’s ever-tight control slipping for you. You knew he’d fuck you through the bed until the rest of the frame gave way if he wanted. You’d both be flat on a busted mattress and he’d keep going until he felt you clench around him.

“How’s that sound, Katsu?” you continued, your voice growing higher as Bakugou took his hand off the headboard and pressed four fingers, still sweaty and heated from his quirk, against the lace covering your clit. It was soaked through. “A-Ah, you’d like the idea of a woman home alone, dressed up just for you, fucking herself on the dildo she hides in the back of your closet, screaming out your name and hoping to God that her neighbors don’t hear?”

Bakugou couldn’t do the long, slow thrusts anymore. Your legs had grown tighter around his waist, your calves soft and silken against his ass as he kept his thrusts deep. The butt plug was rubbing against the base of his cock as he pounded into you, his fingers swiping over your clit with little finesse, but speed and steady pressure making up for it.

“But no matter…” you continued, the words coming out in little huffs as you panted with your head thrown back. Bakugou couldn’t resist leaning down and licking a line up the length of your neck, biting your earlobe when he got to the top, “no dildo, no matter how expensive, no matter how long and fat, will be good enough. The whole time…they’ll know they’re missing out. Oh, fuck.”

All of a sudden, your thighs were squeezing tight against his hip bones, arms thrown over his back and finger scratching hot lines that would mark him even more as yours tomorrow. Then you were gasping, walls squeezing and Bakugou fought against your grip to pull out just enough so that the metal toy was rubbing just over the cleft of his head with every convulsion.

He didn’t stand a chance. There was hardly any warning before he was cumming into you, streaks of his seed dribbling out of you. He couldn’t even pump himself through it; you were gripping him so tightly and, more than that, he didn’t want to move. Everything was white hot, so he just waited it out, barely moving save for where his hand was still rubbing over your clit.

Eventually you stopped him, grabbing his wrist just as the grip of your cunt loosened around him. Then you brought his hand, glistening with moisture, up to your mouth, and broadly laved your tongue from the base of his fingers to the tips, looking him dead in the eye. You then brought his hand down to your neck, and allowed him to streak the combined fluids across and down your décolletage.

Fuck—there was no way he was going to work on his birthday next year. He’d let villains overtake the city first.

“They’ll know they’re missing out,” you breathed, and it took Bakugou a second to figure out that you were continuing your voyeuristic fantasy from before, playing it out to the end, “They might even think they understand. But the only one who will truly know, is me.”

You smiled, your eyes and grin both heavy, sleepy, sated.

“Got that fucking right,” Bakugou said, pulling out of you, his cum already dripping down your ass. He eyed it, only catching a glimpse of the glinting metal plug before your legs fell to the bed, spread and limp. He smacked your hip lightly with one hand. “Roll over.”

In no mood to argue, you flipped willingly, ass up, plug still hidden from view. The lingerie was damp in some spots from where your wetness had spilled from your pussy. He leaned his mouth towards one of the strips of elastic stretching against the swell of your ass and bit. You gasped, back arching, and Katsuki smirked as he pulled away.

“A fucking lingerie line?”

A chuckle escaped your throat. “It was supposed to be a joke, but now…”

Katsuki pinched the elastic with his fingers and snapped it, watching the slight jiggle of your cheeks as you jolted. “No.”

“But Katsuki,” you whined.

“Mm,” he amended, as close to ‘maybe’ as you were going to get. You both could always talk about the idea—truly ridiculous idea—later. Katsuki put a hand on one cheek under the strips of lingerie and spread it.

There was the plug, a stainless steel handle. It was thin and shaped like an oblong donut, not like one of those cheap bejeweled things. This one, even just what he could see of it, screamed quality, and, for a moment, Bakugou wondered again what it would be like to wear. If you’d gotten it in, he sure as fuck could. And he did hold a certain anatomical advantage in using it.

He put his thumb and forefinger to the phalange and gave the toy a twist, pressing it just slightly deeper into your hole. You groaned, your voice low and deep in the pillow like when he gave you a back massage. He smirked and kept at it. Seemed this was a birthday gift for him after all.

“Katsu, don’t tease,” you moaned. “Sensitive.”

Bakugou, however, had no mercy. He flipped you over again, pulling a little yelp from you, and then picked you up bridal style, carrying you off the bed.

“Where are we going?” you asked, your voice suddenly much more awake.

“Shower,” he answered simply. He squeezed the meat of your upper thigh. Not quite your ass but close enough for the point to be made. “I’m not done with my present yet.”

[writing-in-april]

Soured Nostalgia

Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Summary: When Reader moves their stuff in to Spencer’s apartment they find photos that he kept over the years. One photo of the past springs up memories of Spencer’s precious relationship with Elle.

A/N: hey heeeyyy everybody- here’s a fic I’ve been really excited to share with everyone. It’s my eleventh fic for my 30 fics in 30 days!!! This was the original request (I made it a little different lol I hope you like it)I had a fun time with it mostly cause I totally think Spencer and Elle had something going on at some point 😉 Plus I got to incorporate older angsty post prison Spencer and mention how he used to be a little baby ☺️ I’m curious to hear y’all’s thoughts about the Reidaway ship, or really anything so feel free to drop an ask to my inbox here. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Joking about being jealous???, Reidaway in the past, Spencer being sad about the people who’ve left him, Sub Spencer, Only a bit of dry sex, Masturbation, Unprotected sex, Use of a belt to restrain, A few taps on the cheek, Reader’s hand is around Spencer’s throat for a second

Main Masterlist Word Count: 3.2k

Reminiscing on the past was difficult depending on how the story had ended. Memories that may have been happy could turn too painful because of the ending result. Age turned the memories into unreliable accounts as well, unable to truly remember how things had been back then and how you had truly felt.

Memories were still something to hold onto and cherish even though they got twisted with age and opinion. Nostalgia, a sentimental or wishful affection for the past, was an addictive feeling even if it made you cry. It remained addictive even if most of your past memories had hurt you with no sentiment attached. Everyone always chased the euphoric feelings they had when looking at the ghosts of their past. Sometimes even when looking back you can find something that had once soured had turned sweet again.

Spencer had many memories that he was no longer able to look back upon for a host of reasons. Most often it was because he could no longer bear to look back on a memory of someone who had left him. Whether it was his Dad, Gideon, Hotch, Blake, Elle, and many others, looking back at them just made him often feel like everyone in his entire life had left him.

That wasn’t true of course, he still had his Mom- and you. Even with his Mom there were still many of his memories with her were still stained with guilt, though that had gotten better with time and with your help.

You had begun helping him find the benefit in looking back, trying to make the soured nostalgia a bit sweeter again. It was getting easier as time ticked by for him to open up to you about everything in his past, the good and the bad. At first you had been staring at a wall that he had been building higher and higher throughout the years, it was daunting how tall it was. When you helped take a sledgehammer to it, making it crumble beneath your effort, he pulled away for a while. He felt comfortable by himself behind his own Great Wall until you showed him the benefits of sharing the secrets he held behind it. But, you still stayed, helping him as much as you could until he was willing to open up.

It had been many months since you started your effort to help him break it down. At some point in the last months you had both fallen into a relationship, a romantic one. What had once been a platonic relationship forged from shared interests evolved into a romance emerging from the rubble of his wall.

He had even given you a key to his apartment at one point, which he had never done with anyone except the bureau. Emily was the one that really had it, but that was strictly for work reasons. This was a show of trust which was much more helpful than his wall that had reached the heights of a skyscraper.

A simple key soon turned into you staying at his place more often than at your own. You had casually mentioned one day while watching one of Spencer’s favorite documentaries that you basically lived here now. It was a true statement, most of the clothes you wore on a daily basis had been given a spot in his dresser and the toothbrush you kept there was not the one you used for travel- that one was at your place. You had begun to put your mark on Spencer’s life in a more permanent way than before.

When he had spontaneously suggested the next day that you should move in with him, you knew that your small comment had stuck in his brain. It was easy to agree to, you had said you basically already lived here, plus living with the love of your life sounded like a dream. You only had a few things that you wanted to bring over and it was mostly decorative stuff that you could’ve let go if Spencer hadn’t insisted that he wanted you to make the space your own.

While turning the space that was once solely Spencer’s into something for you both, you had found a small clear box with a blue lid, filled with pictures. Spencer didn’t have a lot of personal pictures framed, there was one with you and him by the bed, one with the team by his desk, one with him and Morgan on the living room wall, and one with you two and his Mom also hung up in the living room.

When you had shown him the box he could tell you were curious, letting you look through it without a moment of hesitation. In the past Spencer would have been wary sharing his memories with you, but now he’d let you look. If only you could get him to look at the box with you.

You weren’t surprised he didn't want to look with you once you saw the people littered throughout the snapshots. Varying people that had left were in most of them, even some you never met.

Ones with Hotch and Gideon- even one from a long time ago with his father buried at the bottom. As you browsed through them you were glad he was able to hang up that photo of him and Morgan, at least they had parted with some closure. It also helped that he still saw him regularly, he had never fully left like some of the people from his past.

One picture in particular stood out to you, it was another team photo, they seemed more carefree in this one compared to now. There was baby Spencer, before you had known him, in a birthday boy hat smiling with the rest of the team. You guessed it was around his 23rd or 24th birthday, going by the slick back gelled hair he had sported in his earlier years. He seemed so much more different back then, perhaps more carefree compared to now. But, he also seemed much more unsure of himself, maybe a bit self conscious. In the photo you could tell he was nervous, just by the look in his eyes. He still had that same look in his eyes whenever he felt nervous.

Then you looked closer at where his eyes were focused on, there was a clear line of sight from him to Elle. Elle was way less nervous in this captured moment compared to Spencer, though from what you had heard she had always been like that.

Your gaze on the photo was broken when Spencer then came into the living room where you were sitting on the couch.

You decided to test the waters to see if he might want to take a look at the photo with you, “Why do you look so nervous in this photo?”

He stopped the path he had been taking, then stood still for a second before deciding to sit next to you on the couch. Straining his neck he gazed over at the photo you were holding in your hands. It was silent for a while as he looked over it, stopping to look at his old team. Some of the team still remained intact, namely JJ, but she wasn’t the same as she had been all those years ago. You let him take it from your hands, so he could look at it closer. He cleared his throat a little, though his voice still came out slightly raspy when he spoke, though he didn’t answer the question you had asked him,“It’s the only picture I ever had taken with Elle…”

“I know you guys were- close.” You didn’t ask your previous question again, sensing that it was still too much to talk about in specifics. What he was telling you right now was even more than what he told you, only telling you that she was his first, everything. Any supplemental information was from talking discreetly to JJ about it one night because you were somewhat curious.

Tiptoeing around the relationship you knew that they had previously was like walking through a minefield. You tried the best that you could to avoid making him too upset. When you got him to open up, it wasn’t by forcing him to talk all at once. Busting the wall down was done brick by brick, not all at once.

“I’m glad you aren’t jealous of her.” His comment was said with less sadness than before. It was nice to see a glimpse of the weight coming off of his shoulders, even if it was just for a moment.

“What? Do you want me to be jealous of her?” You teased, lightheartedly so he wouldn’t dwell on the sad aspect of their past relationship. He smiled softly which deepened when you playfully stuck your tongue out and crossed your arms.

“No- you’ve got nothing to be jealous about…” Any playfulness in his voice was erased as his sentence trailed off. You didn’t say anything for a moment in case he wanted to continue his thought. And, after a moment of silence he did, “I haven’t spoken to her since she left…”

“I know- I was just joking about being jealous. I know how much she meant to you…” His eyes moved away from you, at first you thought it might be because he was still feeling the pain of losing her all those years ago. But, there was something else in his eyes, it naturally made you curious, “What are you thinking about?”

“If you were jealous- what would you have done?” His mind must have shifted away from thinking about the ending of his memories with Elle, which was a step in the right direction. At least he wasn’t avoiding the topic all together, he was still talking about her in a sense.

You bit your lip, thinking about what direction you could take this in. You weren’t going to lie, your mind had gone straight into the gutter at his suggestion and by the look on Spencer’s face so had his.

“Hmmm…” You pretended to ponder while you moved from where you were sitting on the couch to sit on something better, Spencer’s lap. Straddling him then with ease you looked down at his face tracing his cheeks with your fingers. His pupils were blown wide now, almost completely devouring his iris that had become a small ring. He didn’t say anything yet, waiting for you to continue your thought obediently, “I think I would do things to you that I suspect she never did.”

He gulped hard, hard enough that you could hear it. You continued to trace your fingers along his face, sometimes picking a lock of his hair to twirl, waiting for him to say something else like you knew he wanted to. It only took a few more seconds of your touches and your eyes staring into his own before he asked, “C-Can you show me?”

You stopped your movements, pausing for dramatic effect before crushing his lips onto your own. He squared into your mouth at first, clearly taken off guard by your sudden kiss. Before he had processed what was going on enough to let you, you forced your tongue into his mouth, earning you a delicious moan from him.

When you moved again suddenly, separating your mouth with his for just a moment, he tried to chase your lips. Pushing a finger to his lips you then used that to push him back into the couch, then answering his question, “Gladly.”

You kept your finger on his mouth to seal them shut. He could have opened it easily to respond to you, but he wanted to see what you might do next.

Instead of going back to kissing him you started to pull his belt off of him. It was difficult with one hand, taking much longer than it would be with two. But, you still kept your finger rested in the position most people use to shush someone.

Once the belt had finally been pulled from the belt loops of his slacks you finally removed your finger from his mouth. He still remained quiet, his eyes following your every move intently. You then went to work, pinning his hands above his head, then beginning to restrain them with his belt.

“Did she do this to you?” Goading him while you looped the belt around his hands. You made sure to go as slow as possible while you restrained him just to make it last longer until you gave him what he wanted. You even began to grind down on his cock a little bit, it obviously ached to be free from its confines in his trousers by how strained the slacks were getting.

“No!” His voice was broken and breathy, exactly how you wanted it as you tightened the belt around his hand a little more.

Once you were satisfied that the belt was tight enough you got off of him to remove the shorts you had been wearing, along with the rest of your clothes. Normally when you were naked and Spencer was clothed it would be when you were underneath him as a sort of power play. In this position, where he couldn’t move without fear of consequences while you restraddled him completely naked was almost even more empowering.

To play with the dynamic even more you had him remain confined in his slacks for a while longer, while you touched yourself. You were already quite wet from seeing Spencer in this position and exerting that power by pumping your fingers in you while he could do nothing had you dripping onto his slacks.

Spencer’s jaw had gone slack while watching you moan above him, completely speechless from your actions. It was almost comical and entirely too easy to tease him about, “Close your mouth you might catch flies.” His mouth clenched shut at that. It soon fell slack again at your next words while you brought yourself closer to the edge with your fingers, “What? Did she never do this for you?”

All Spencer could do was sit there and take it, shaking his head side to side, only a little so he could keep his eyes on you. You decided to be merciful, pulling your fingers out of you just before you orgasmed. You wanted to finish at the same time as him anyway.

Finally, you pulled his aching cock out of his slacks. It was throbbing in your hand as you spread your wetness with the fingers that had been inside you. Because you had edged yourself earlier, you couldn’t take teasing him any longer. You lined the head of his cock that was red and weeping up to your entrance, sinking down as fast as you could take him. While you sunk down you rubbed your clit in slow circles, not enough to make you orgasm, but enough to make it easier to take him.

Once you had fully taken him you wasted no time, immediately beginning to build up a fast pace. And, of course you couldn’t help but goad him again,

“Did she make you feel this good?” Your pace you had chosen was rough, bouncing and rolling your hips with reckless abandon while he had to take it without being able to move. He could have thrusted up into you even without the use of his hands, but he had one too many of your punishments in the past to be willing to break the rules so explicitly. Now if he ever broke the rules now it was him subtly bending them. Though, you could tell by the way his eyes rolled back into his head that he had no intention of doing that tonight. It felt too good to be used like this by you.

He still had not answered you though, not on purpose, but you still needed an answer. Tapping his cheek a few times, just hard enough to get his attention. It caused him to whine, but he still didn’t give you an answer. Since that didn’t work you decided to ask again, “I asked you a question. Did she make you feel this good? Did she use you like this?”

To add an extra edge to your words filled with a deadly tone you reached one of your hands forward to grasp around his neck. To make him look at you directly you forcefully tilted his neck, eyes once again trained on yours. He finally found it in himself to answer, “It felt good with her, but it feels best with you! I love you!”

“Good.” You simply stated and dropped your hold on his neck so you could return it to its place on his chest, using it as leverage to help you continue your fast pace. Your orgasm was fast approaching, his cock hitting you in the perfect spot, all you needed was a bit more stimulation. When you brought your hand down to run fast circles onto your clit, you soon fell apart above him. Spencer couldn’t help but look up at you in awe, speechless at how beautiful you look while you writhed on top of him.

Your own release pushed Spencer close to the edge and he started to beg, “I’m gonna cum! Please, can I?”

His hands had tightened into fists above him, knuckles going white over the effort of keeping them right where you had placed them originally. You were pleased with the way he had begged, glad that he had asked permission before even thinking about cumming. You still left him in suspense for a bit longer as you continued to work yourself on his painfully hard cock. Pressing a few kisses to his exposed skin under his collar was admittedly just to torture him a bit longer before you finally gave the command.

“Cum for me then.” Spencer followed your command eagerly, taking only two more of you bouncing on top of him to release inside you with a groan. While he rode out his release his lips captured around one of your pebbled peaks, sucking hard to get one last moan out of you.

Slumping forward after you had both finished and you had taken the belt off his wrists with the promise you’d lotion them up after you cuddled. You rested your head on his shoulder, wanting to stay as close as possible for a little while longer. He started tracing his fingers up and down your spine, relaxing you even further, almost to the point of falling asleep.

Before your eyes closed shut in post coital sleepiness your mind wandered a bit back to Elle. Elle had been an important figure in his life, his first real connection with someone special. Sure you teased about being jealous, but you thought it was important to tell him that you were ok with him thinking back on her. You knew he loved you. It most likely would take time till he was able to think or talk about her without a sharp pain in his chest, reminding him of how it all ended.

He hadn’t told you exactly what had happened, but it wasn’t hard to fill in all of the gaps. You turned your head, eyelashes fluttering when you nuzzled into his hair. Then you spoke quietly just enough so the sound could travel the short distance to his ear, “You should frame the picture, you look cute in it. And, I meant to say it earlier, I love you too.”

Ask Me Anything

—-

Tag lists (message me if you want to be added):

All works: @shotarosleftpinky @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar @s1utformgg @takeyourleap-of-faith

All MGG characters: @muffin-cup @willowrose99 @princesssmooshie

Spencer Reid/CM: @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes @onlyhereforthefanfics @jareauswifey @princesssmooshie

Sub Spencer: @thatsonezesty13 @pastathighs @virtualpeanutartisanjudge @calm-and-doctor @princesssmooshie

[aminiatureworld]

Deserving

Characters: Childe, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,651

Warnings: None

Premise: Even those who don’t regret their choices can doubt their worth.

In which Childe feels undeserving.

Author’s Note: Since I’m no longer dying you get a proper length fic. I realized halfway through I didn’t write anything for Diluc’s birthday, but blatant Childe favoritism comes first!

He’d never expected to be in a relationship, expected to spend his entire life serving the Tsaritsa and her purposes, dying for the salvation of Snezhnaya. He had no need for romance, no need for any of those connections that humans did. He’d given that all up the day he’d stepped into the Abyss, and for a long time he’d managed to make it seem like it didn’t matter to him, even to himself. And then he’d met you.

You were the greatest source of Childe’s happiness, offering him a sort of sanctuary, without any attempt to do so. You didn’t treat him as a lesser being, as the automaton he’d turned into; nor would you accept his superiority, determined to be his equal in every way. It was refreshing, to have a relationship unfettered by bureaucracy or by prejudice. But it was also frightening, and the small voice inside Childe that whispered he was no more than a monster was quick to remind him how undeserving he was of your love.

Not that Childe didn’t think that already, that he didn’t feel that emptiness inside of him where had once stood his hope, his innocence, the piece of his humanity that could still believe in a good ending. Sometimes it seemed even his empathy had been sacrificed, and now he had little left of himself. All these feelings had only grown, given encouragement the more time he spent with you, the more time he realized how much was truly missing from himself. And though he tried to ignore these feelings, knowing they weren’t your burden to bear, knowing that he could never change what had happened, he still knew they were there.

 “Are you okay?”

You tugged at the end of Childe’s sleeve, eyes filled with concern. It was a lovely day, right between the beginning of spring and the end of winter. It was colder than it had been the past few days, and you’d taken the lowered temperature as an opportunity to steal Childe’s scarf. The tails flapped about around you, and for a moment Childe’s eyes followed the movement as he attempted to come up with something to say.

“I’m perfectly fine my dear. Simply a little tired.”

“A long day at work?”

“A long week. The servants of the Tsaritsa never sleep, as you know firsthand.” Childe smirked, ruffling your hair. The movement seemed to distract you, and as you batted at his hands, grumbling as usual about his work, the Harbinger wondered if it wasn’t dishonest of him to lie about such a thing.

 “I’m sorry I have to go again.” Childe smiled apologetically, checking his belt to make sure his wax and extra bow strings were there.

“It’s alright.” You smiled, leaning over to give Childe a quick peck on the cheek.

Childe smiled back, before leaning down to kiss you properly. He wondered if you could feel all the love he held towards you, if his lips could convey his regret not just in words. He wondered if one day these fleeting kisses would be enough to sate the distance between the two of you each time he left.

“I’ll write to you as soon as I find a mailbox.” He said, withdrawing slightly, hand still grazing your hip.

“I’ll try to reply.”

“Try?”

“No promises.” You teased.

“The audacity! Honestly, how do I ever put up with you?”

“Because you love me?”

“Yes.” Childe pressed one last kiss to your forehead. “Because I love you.”

If only my love were enough to keep us united, he added in his mind, too apprehensive to let those words be released into the air.

 My dear,

How very boring things are without you. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I’m not working in a glorified daycare, my subordinates more uncontrollable with every passing day. One must wonder if it’s even worth it to whip them into shape, for they make poor sparring partners. If you were here you’d knock every single one of them on the ground, before they could even wonder what an adventurer was doing in a Fatui camp. Maybe I’ll invite you next time, we’ll make it happen.

Childe couldn’t express truly the solace he found in writing to you. It was easier to write sometimes than talk, and it was easier to send his words out to you than rely on the memories of what had already happened. More than that it was the one thing that reminded him of his outside existence, of his world beyond the camp grounds and the men and women who dragged their feet around him, no wish to fight in them, only the wish to get a few hours more sleep. It was a depressing existence, if Childe were honest with himself. It’d become even more depressing, now that he missed you.

He set down his pen for a moment, sighing at the ink which was now frozen in its jar. Where were you now? Were you happy? Did you miss him? Did you resent the fact that he was gone? Three weeks was nothing to a member of the Fatui, how long had Childe been in Liyue before he met you, and yet now those weeks seemed interminable. And if it seemed so to him, he who was used to the isolation, then what would it be like for you?

The Harbinger sighed. Placing a blank sheet on top of his letter he stood up. He never got that much time to write letters. Maybe that was why they weren’t really any good. But you didn’t mind. Didn’t you?

 It was dark when he stepped off the ship and onto the docks of Liyue. Night had fallen, and the lanterns were lit, casting a familiar glow on the city which Childe had come to appreciate so much. Taking a pocket watch out of his pack he checked the time, cursing when he realized how truly late it was. Hurrying up the ramp he didn’t bother to look behind at the subordinates who were also plodding towards the city. If they got lost it was their fault.

The door opened silently, something that made the Harbinger breathe out a sigh of relief. Hopefully he wouldn’t wake you up. Setting down his things he smiled slightly to himself. It’d certainly be a surprise, you waking up to him next to you. Hopefully you’d forgive him for not waking you at 4 in the morning. Walking slowly down the hall, hoping that the occasional creaks weren’t audible, Childe slid open the door to the bedroom you shared.

The first thing he noticed was the chill of the room, something that surprised him. The next thing he noticed was the door to the balcony open. The third thing was you, leaning against the railing, gaze pointed towards the inky sky, expression somewhat distant. He didn’t move for a moment, taking in this small moment of intimacy. You looked beautiful, face glowing slightly from the distant lanternlight, expression serene, a soft smile playing at the edges of your mouth. And yet there was something opaque in your eyes, something that Childe couldn’t quite touch upon. It shook him out of his thoughts, and caused him to call out softly to you.

“I’m home.”

You started for a moment, spinning around to meet the Harbinger’s gaze. For a moment you were still, but then a sort of cry left your lips, as you barreled into Childe’s chest. He just as soon wrapped his arms around you, sighing softly, for the moment feeling nothing but pure bliss, pure love.

“You’re home.”

“I am.”

“I’ve missed you so much.” You drew back, expression ecstatic.

“I’ve missed you too.”

For a moment Childe hesitated, not wanting to break this moment, not wanting to go down that path of doubt, of fear and uncertainty. Yet he was tired, and slightly emotional. If he regretted it later so be it, he had to ask the question that burned in the back of his mind, the question that had once more reappeared upon seeing your expression.

“Am I worth waiting for?”

“Oh Ajax.” your reaction was immediate as you wrapped your arms once more around him, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Always, you’re always worth waiting for.”

“But I’m away for so long. And when I’m here I’m still bound to my duties as a Harbinger. Nor can I shed that part of me when I’m not doing my job. I cannot get back those pieces of me that would make me a better lover, a better person. What if I’m just not worth it?”

“Don’t talk like that!” You let out a small sigh, that opaque expression once more visible in your eyes. “I wish you wouldn’t talk like that. You aren’t missing anything, you aren’t worth any less than me or any other person. You’re loyalties might be… unconventional –”

“You mean wrong to most?”

“I mean unconventional. And yes even wrong. There may be parts of your work I hate, things I wish you wouldn’t do or have to do. But I don’t wish for you to change. You. Childe. Ajax. You are who you are, and that is the person I’ve fallen in love with. It’s a choice I made, and I don’t question it, don’t regret it. So neither should you.”

“Are you sure?” Childe knew he was probably being annoying, but he didn’t care. Neither did you, it seemed, for you simply shook you head, an exasperated expression on your face.

“Yes. I will always be sure.”

Childe nodded, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from off his back. Suddenly he was aware of how very tired he was. Stifling a yawn he smiled once more.

“It’s late. We should go to sleep.”

“Yes,” you smiled, closing the balcony door and sliding the curtains closed, “we should.”

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

Meant To Be - Happy Birthday Joe

A little surprise for all of you. To remember and appreciate what is meant to be and what never has been. Happy 30th birthday to Joe.

With one last moan and the sweetest sigh he’s ever witnessed escape her mouth, Joe feels her body weight drop right onto his chest. Two strains of hair right by his nose and two hands that have already wandered onto the warm and soft skin of her bare back. Joe breathes her in deeply one time, realizes for the first time today that the sun is out. Not just a little bit. For the first day this year, London feels like spring has already come. Even if just from their bedroom window. He then feels Taylor sigh in exhaustion once more while remaining motionless on his chest. He turns his head, immediately clings his lips onto her head. He can feel her stir a bit, then upright herself on him and sit up once more. Joe can’t help but laugh at her. Still fully naked and her most private part still occupied by him, she just sits here and looks down at him. The brightest sleepy smile on her lips. 

“Was that a good one?” She mumbles, her hands already stroking his stubbly cheeks. Joe grins, his hands securely on her waist. 

“Not too bad.” He says provokingly, making her laugh again. This time, Taylor moves off his lap, lets herself fall onto the spot next to him where she slept last night and places her tiny hand on his bare chest. She looks at him with a soft smile, her forehead immediately dropping against his shoulder. She then rises her head up again and presses a soft kiss onto the spot on his skin. 

“Happy birthday.” She whispers and Joe smiles again. He doesn’t move, just lays there in full bliss, smiles at the naked woman next to him who’s cuddling herself against his side. 

“Welcome to 30.” She adds and Joe sighs. Once more, she lifts her head up to catch a glimpse of his face and it makes her laugh. He seems to not be too amused by the fact that she had to point that one out too. 

“Welcome to the 30 club. I hope you enjoy it here. Drinks are free.” Taylor says, as she lifts herself up, comfortably rests her head in her hand with her elbow comfortably resting on the pillow. She just looks at him while lounging there nakedly. And she doesn’t mind the fact that her bare breasts are still exposed. She does’t mind being naked with him at all.

“Thanks, do I get a pass too? Or just a stamp on the hand?” 

Taylor smirks again, her hand now stroking his cheek again. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks then, not even interested anymore in the joke she made just seconds earlier. But Joe is used to her speed. To the rollercoaster of a mind that the woman he loves always have had. It’s hard to keep up with her sometimes, but he enjoys every second of the ride. 

“Old.” 

Taylor laughs, kisses his cheek one time. 

“I feel the same I felt last night when we went to bed. Only that now I feel exhausted too.” He says with a smirk, moves to the side now to get a better look at his naked girlfriend. His hand lands on her hip as she pulls him closer. He feels her smile in the kiss. Nothing better than making her laugh. 

Just when Taylor pulls away, Joe’s hand wanders up, right over her naked arm and onto her neck and face. Her arm is cold, a sensation he immediately feels. 

“Are you freezing” he mumbles, as Taylor already reaches for the duvet and covers herself and Joe. He thought about getting up a few moments ago, but it seems she’s not quite there yet, casually makes herself comfortable in bed, in the sheets and in his arms. Joe enjoys her proximity, takes a deep breath and looks at the massive window again. Through the white curtains he can already see the blue sky. How lucky he feels in that moment. 

“What are your wishes for thirty?” He hears her murmur then, his arm underneath her neck. His hand already caressed by hers. 

“Mhm good question. I assume you got me a chocolate cake. And..”

“Not that.” She laughs again. Her cold feet buried between his now.

“I mean.. what do you want out of your thirties. What do you hope for. What do you want to change.”

“Well.. it would be great if the pandemic could be over before my forties start.” 

“Okay I”m on it.” She answers and he grins. 

“Also.. world peace.”

“I”ll get right to it.” 

“And maybe… that you won’t leave me.”

Taylor chuckles again, turns her head to face him. 

“That one might be tough, I have to say.” She jokes, squeezes his hand a bit tighter this time. 

“Maybe some kids along the way.” He says boldly, thought about this one for quite a few seconds now and decided to just go with it. Taylor doesn’t really move. He knows this topic has become a big one in the past year. 

“That would be nice.” She answers then, not looking at him and makes him smile a bit more. 

“You know what I sometimes wonder..” She begins and he just patiently waits. “Imagine if that one night in LA had never happened.”

“What do you mean?” He asks then, still feels her small fingers drawing circles on his thumb. 

“What if we never had met that night. I mean.. we just accept the things that life throw at us, but what if we had made a single decision differently. What if that evening, I would’ve decided to stay home with the cats. Or.. what if you decided to not go to drama school and pursue acting. Imagine how.. different our lives might have been. And we never would’ve met.”

Joe doesn’t really answer her, and Taylor sits up. She moves under the blanket, so much that she can look at his beautiful face again. He seems to be thinking about what she just said. 

“A scary thought.” He says then and she laughs again. 

“Do you think so?” She asks him curiously, and it confuses him. 

“Do you not think so?” 

Taylor laughs. 

“I just.. I sometimes wonder where we would be if we hadn’t met. Or what your thirtieth birthday would look like today.” 

Joe giggles quietly, presses a big kiss against her head once more. This is one of the reasons he loves her so. Her ability to fantasize about life. Her grand imagination. One of the greatest similarities they both have. Together, Taylor and him could write book on ends about the different worlds they have created together in their minds. From watching strangers on the tube for hours, to telling their stories together through songwriting. It’s these moments in which he feels the most connected to her. Something that will hopefully never change. 

“I think I would probably still be in LA, dating someone else who I actually hate. Maybe be engaged to some douche bag just because I felt pressured to say yes.” she says with a sarcastic undertone. He knows that voice. It’s her worst-case-scenario voice. 

“I think you’d be a person as fantastic as you are now. No matter who would be on your side.” he says and she slowly looks up at him, a bit more serious than before. 

“Thank you for saying that.” She whispers, her hand playing with the little hairs in his neck. 

“What do you think you would’ve done if acting hadn’t worked out for you? Do you really think you’d work as journalist?” She asks then and he laughs again. He slowly places his hand over her shoulder and stares onto the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I think so. I always loved theatre and film. I think I would be writing critical pieces for a magazine maybe. Probably living in a shit flat down south. Still trying to make it in acting.” 

Taylor laughs again, her eyes widening suddenly. 

“Remember that girl you were talking to back then?”

Joe just looks at her in disbelief and rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah I do.” He mumbles. 

“What was her name again?” Taylor persists and he can’t believe her.

“Liza.” 

“Yeah right Liza. What does she do now? Do you think you’d be with her?” 

Joe turns his head and looks at her. He can’t believe she is that interested in some girl he spoke through texts with, years ago. 

“I.. I don”t know. Why would I think about that”

Taylor cuddles herself closer to him and takes a deep breath. 

“Maybe then your life wouldn’t include paparazzis and people speaking about you on the internet. Or not being able to go to public without being worried that..”

“Hey, where does that come from now? None of that on my birthday.” He suddenly interrupts her a bit more serious than before. Taylor doesn’t move, just draws little circles on his naked chest. She seems uncomfortable suddenly, knows how stupid her thought just had been. 

“It would be easier, we both know that.” 

“It wouldn’t be because then I didn’t have you in my life.”

Taylor just emotionally looks up to him and smiles softly. She then nods. She believes what he says. 

“Do you think you and Liza would take a trip California together then? On your annual leave? Or maybe you would travel to California by yourself one day, on a business trip. Passing by my house.” She says in her melancholic and dreamy voice.

Joe just laughs, cannot believe this situation. The woman he love most, lays in bed with him all naked and plays this mind game of imagining him with his ex- girlfriend. 

“Why are you so obsessed with that idea.” He jokes. 

“I just think I’m crushing on alternate universe Joe.” 

This time, she really makes him laugh too. 

“You sick little thing.” He jokes and kisses her again laughing.

“Do you think we would’ve met?” 

Joe keeps staring at her, not quite sure where she’s going with this.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think if we hadn’t met that evening and you hadn’t successfully become an actor would we.. would we ever have met?”

Joe looks at her for another second. He didn’t understand for the longest time, but he does now. A sense of sadness overcomes him, followed by huge relief and gratefulness. She was right when she said that we humans just simply accept what is without becoming more grateful for the single choices we’ve made that led us here.

“I don’t know if we would have.” he says, his hand still on her arm. A weird silence coming over them.

Taylor just remains like this for a second, then smiles again quietly and presses a kiss onto his lips before sitting up. 

“Alright, birthday boy.” She says, ends the random sad silence then and looks at him as excited as possible for his birthday. “You will stay in bed for a bit longer and give me some time to prepare your surprise birthday breakfast.”

Joe watches her get up, quickly change into her pajama shorts again and throws his big grey t- shirt right over her torso. 

He smiles. 

“I can help you make breakfast.” He says, still lazily laying in bed watching her get dressed. 

“No way!” She just says, gets closer to him and presses one last kiss onto his lips. Her bangs softly fall against his forehead, and his hand lands on her waist again. This time, she pulls away way too fast for his taste, grants him a last smile as he watches her disappear downstairs. 

Joe just turns around once more, smiles at this beautiful beginning of the day. He can’t quite belief the weather forecasts have been right this time, predicted a spring day this February. Joe takes a breath, hears the clatter of bowls and plates from the kitchen. 

Taylor was right. The more he thinks about him being 30 now, the more he wonders what he did right to get to this state of satisfaction and happiness in his life. Where did he go right? Where did he took the right turn? Said yes, when necessary and no when needed? Joe closes his eyes for a second again, wonders what would be if he hadn’t gone out that one evening in Los Angeles. More than five years ago. 

Joe opens his eyes, realizes he must have fallen asleep again and moves his body to sit up slowly. After a few minutes he gets up, walks himself down the stairs, immediately feels the cold coming from downstairs. The heating seems to have gone out again. He can’t believe the property owners didn’t take care of the heating system before, as promised. 

“Babe?” He yells downstairs, but no answer. Just when he enters the small living room, he sees her sitting there. A coffee mug in her hand, the telly on. She just turns to him and smiles. Her brown hair behind her ear. 

“Hey! Happy birthday!” She mumbles, as he already leans towards her and presses a kiss onto her lips. He still is upset about their argument last night. The same one they’ve had for a while now. About her claiming he works too much. And still not makes enough money. How he’s still trying to become an actor when he could’ve accepted that job at the publishing company that would’ve actually paid the bills. How he’s a dreamer and not a provider. How he needs to grow up. Needs to become someone she wants to be with.

Joe knows that arguments and criticism is necessary for growth. And as hurtful as it can be, he appreciates her view on things. He appreciates that she’s honest with him. Speaking her mind when it comes to his career and their relationship. Even if it hurts, at times. 

“Thanks. Heating is off again?” He asks and Liza just nods. She seems off again, just turns her head to the telly. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” She mumbles, takes a sip off her coffee cup again. She’s still mad. He feels it in the room. “We both know that if the bills had been paid on time this month as stated in our agreement, then maybe they would’ve fixed it.”

Joe just sighs once more, wanders to the coffee machine and fills up a cup for himself. 

“It’s my birthday today. Can we just..”

“It’s fine, Joe. I won’t bring it up again.” She answers and he knows it’s not over yet. He has no clue why but at times it feels like she doesn’t even like who he’s become. Doesn’t even accept his weak side anymore. “So what do you want to do for your birthday?” She asks then, turns her head to look at him. Joe leans against the kitchen counter, looks at her. 

“I want a hug.” he then says, and Liza smirks. She sighs, places her mug on the table next to her and gets up. Joe smiles as she gets closer to him and presses a kiss onto her lips. He hugs her tightly, as she slowly lets go again. 

“You’re such a baby.” She laughs, then opens the fridge to get some inspiration for breakfast. 

“Do you want to go to the museum today?”

Joe looks at her and smiles. What a great idea.

“I’d love that actually.” 

She nods and then stares back at the fridge and sighs. “We don’t have anything anymore except for milk. Do you want to go out and get something to eat?” Joe nods, grabs the warm mug next to him and walks upstairs again. He quickly puts on his grey sweats, the old dirty sneakers, and a big hoodie. He doesn’t mind going to the shops this morning. He likes doing things for her. Especially because he knows that she’s going through enough trying to support him getting more paid roles as an actor while struggling to pay rent every month. 

Joe joggs down the stairs and leaves the house immediately. As he walks down the empty street, he checks his phone, finds messages of his mum asking him to call her back as soon as he can. Joe smiles, presses the green button and waits. The cold wind almost bruises his face. He can’t believe it’s still freezing in London at that time. 

“Happy birthday, my love.” He hears Elizabeth yell into his ears. Joe laughs while walking down the suburban neighborhood, feels so much warmth all of the sudden. He knows that Liza loves him. He knows that she would’ve celebrated his thirtieth birthday just as much if he hadn’t started a fight last night again instead of just accepting her opinion on his job. He knows all that but it still feels good to feel his mother’s excitement. After all, it’s a new decade. A new beginning. His birthday.

“Thanks mum.” He just chuckles, looking at his old sneakers with a shy smirk. 

“My darling, I hope you’ve had a beautiful morning. I can’t wait to come over and squeeze you.” She says and Joe laughs out loud. 

“Yeah mum. Already scared of that.” He jokes and makes the woman laugh too. 

“Where are you?”

“On the way to Sainsbury’s. Just getting some breakfast.” 

“Where’s Liza?” He hears his mother’s voice more concerned than before. 

“Oh, she’s at home. Heating is off again.” 

“Why didn’t she come with you? It’s your…”

“We had a little argument last night. So I fully get that she’s not in the mood to…”

“Oh she’s never in the mood for anything joyful.” He hears his mother ramble. Joe sighs, rolls his eyes slightly. He is well aware that his relationship with Liza hasn’t been easy, but that doesn’t mean that his mother can’t at least try to put her differences with Liza aside. After all, she’s the woman on his side. And he needs his mothers support for this relationship. He needs that a lot. 

“Mum, don’t be like that.” Joe says as he slowly enters the local Sainsbury’s here in Colliers Wood. He quickly grabs a cart, starts to walk down the empty market. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just happy to see you this afternoon?” The woman doublechecks and Joe, who stops right by the jam, immediately agrees. He slowly ends the phone call, compares prices and chooses the cheaper one. He then wanders down the isle and stops by the in- house bakery, grabs a bag and decides to go for the pain au chocolat. Liza’s favorite. As he almost made it to the cashier, he sees a line forming and patiently waits. Something he’s gotten so good at in the past years. Waiting. His eyes wander to the little screen in the corner of the ceiling right on the left side of the shop. A music video is on. God, this Sainsbury’s has always been a bit sleazy. 

Say you remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset babe, red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams, uh uh. 

Joe keeps on staring at the woman in the music video. He was convinced that the singer had blonde hair before. Weird. While still waiting for the lady in front of him to unload her cart, Joe keeps on watching the video. It’s quite funny. The woman who’s a true Hollywood star seems to hate being in the spotlight, sings about her desire for her unreachable lover. What he would give to be in her shoes. What he would do to feel the Californian sun on his face like that. 

Joe looks down again, starts taking his items out of the card. Just a few minutes later he’s back in the cold again, wishing the heating would work again so that he could at least look forward to the warmth of coming home. Not even that is working at the moment. Just as Joe then unlocks the old door he smiles. He can’t wait to have a nice breakfast in bed together with Liza. 

“I’m home and I got you a French and bougie pain au chocolate.” He exaggerates, puts on his best French accent and has to laugh at himself because the unhealthy and cheap Sainsbury version of the pastry certainly is none of these things. Just as he closes the door, he gets confused. The telly is off. The flat is empty. Joe slowly walks closer to the kitchen counter and places the plastic bag next to him. He immediately finds a note on the counter and feels the sting in his chest. 

“Meeting mum for coffee. Back in 1 hour xx”

Joe holds the note in his hand for a few seconds, just stands there, looking at the old backyard right behind the living room door. He stands there, then crumbles the note in his fist and walks upstairs. Still in his big sweatshirt from outside, he opens his old laptop and starts to google. 

Drama School Los Angeles

Joe opens his eyes, realizes he must have fallen asleep again and moves his body to sit up slowly. He needs a few moments to find his orientation again, then feels the warm ray of sunshine on his naked back once more. After a few seconds he gets up, walks himself down the stairs, immediately feels the warmth coming from downstairs. He can hear Taylor roaming around the kitchen, immediately hears her freak out as she sees him standing there. 

“Oh no. No no no.” she says, runs towards him half naked and immediately covers his eyes. Joe, who’s still more than sleepy can’t help but laugh. He’s confused. Even though he secretly loves the effort she’s put into this morning.

“Babe, what…”

“I told you to only come downstairs once I allow you to.” She says, actually sounds a bit mad and it makes him laugh even more.

“I’m sorry but…”

“Keep your eyes closed. Just one more second.” She demands stressed and Joe does as he is told. With eyes closed, he stands in the doorway of the spacious kitchen, can already smell that she’s been baking. He laughs again, as he suddenly feels her arms around his torso and her head that’s being pressed onto his chest. 

“Open your eyes.” She whispers excitedly. Joe opens his eyes and looks at the kitchen with a big smile. Taylor has decorated the entire area with balloons and a big 30 hanging from the ceiling. There’s flowers and presents on the table as well as the dark chocolate cake that she knows he loves the most. 

“Happy birthday, baby!” She hugs him from the side. Joe can’t help but start laughing. He feels how emotional he’s getting, just hugs her a bit tighter from where he’s standing. 

“That… that’s… so beautiful.” He mumbles and Taylor laughs. She’s still in her pajamas but she’s giggling excitedly. 

“I know we’re in a pandemic and you would love to have your family here or go to a museum today, but…”

It’s this moment, when it hits Joe the most.

“No, no it’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect.” Joe says and won’t let go off her. He presses his nose into her shoulder and breathes her in a bit more. Taylor feels immediately that something is up. He seems more emotional than before. And she doesn’t overinterpet anything to it, just holds him closely and strokes his back over his t- shirt a bit longer than before. 

“Are you okay?” She whispers then, feels Joe kiss her cheek before pulling back. He then looks at her with a serious look and nods. 

“I thought about what you asked before and I just want you to know, we... we would’ve met. We definitely would’ve met.” 

Taylor looks at him a bit confused, enjoys her chest still being pressed against his. 

“You think so?” She asks quietly and Joe kisses her bangs again. 

“It was meant to be this way.” 

Taylor smiles at him, likes that thought a lot. She feels Joe reach for her face and lets him kiss her softly. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too. Happy birthday.”

[atlafan]

The Tutor - Part Three

a/n: alright, I think I have these two out of my system now. hope you enjoy! feedback is always appreciated, as well as reblogs! 

Part One Part Two

Warnings: fluff, SMUT, slight angst, slight spitting, partying, alcohol consumption.

Words: 18.6K

After spending like what felt a week in bed together, the spring semester officially began. Y/N was in a stage of just feeling giddy from how good Harry made her feel. Now that they had been together for a few months, she felt totally comfortable with him. She would often sleep naked, or lounge around in just her underwear she knew they would be alone for a while. Harry didn’t mind one bit. He liked how cute and sweet Y/N was, and he loved being loved on by her.

When she walks into their Art of Film class she scoffs when she sees him sitting in the second row. She walks right up to him and rolls her eyes.

“We are not sitting this close up.” She shakes her head.

“I like sitting closer, Y/N.”

“But if we’re going to be watching movies, then we should sit in the back.”

“This isn’t even a stadium style classroom, so that doesn’t make any sense. If you wanna sit in the back then be my guest, but this is where I like to sit.”

Y/N sighs heavily and sits down next to him. She didn’t like sitting up front in class, it just meant she would be called on more and she didn’t much feel like participating to the extreme in just a gen ed. She liked to save her energy for her major courses.

“You’re a little too studious sometimes, you know that?”

“Y/N.” He hums warningly and side eyes her. “Are you going to be able to handle sitting next to me? Or is this going to be an issue?”

“Golly gee, professor, I don’t know, maybe I should come to your office hours later to discuss it.” She smirks at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Don’t be mean.” He pouts. “I have a tough time concentrating in the back sometimes, so sitting up front is better for me. We’re in the second row at least.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She sighs.

Other students fill in. Billy from senate is in the class as well, and sits behind Harry. Y/N gives him a smile as well. The professor walks in, and sets his bag down on the desk. He gets his computer hooked up to the tech station so he can use the projector.

“God, please don’t tell me we’re going to watch Fight Club and Pulp Fiction.” Y/N groans.

“I didn’t see those on the syllabus.” Harry says, taking a few papers out. “Actually, a lot of the films we’re going to watch were directed by women, or have strong female casts.”

“You…already printed the syllabus?”

“Yeah, it’s what I did after I sent you home last night. I did it for all of my classes.”

“Good morning everyone, I’m Professor Robinson, feel free to call me Eric.” He smiles. “I’m really excited about this course, it’s one of my favorites to teach. We’re going to watch some great films, and learn about what goes into making them. I hope you all will get the book needed for class. It’s a little dense, but I promise I’ll be able to explain it in ways for you to understand.” He starts to go over the syllabus a bit. “One of the first films we’re going to be watching is Baby Face, it came out in 1933, and is considered a drama and a noir. This came out right at the beginning of when the Hays Code was being introduced, so we’ll be comparing this to Double Indemnity, which came out in 1944, another Barbara Stanwyck film. You’ll be able to see how differently the films were made, and even the difference in how female characters were treated. We’ll go over the Hays Code as well, but these two films will be great starting points. Now, you may have noticed that Wednesday evenings were put on your schedules from 7-9PM. These are optional meeting times. I will be showing the films here during this time, or you can watch them on your own. Whatever’s easier.” He smiles and continues on.

Y/N was captivated. She wasn’t sure what to expect from the course, and even though they would be watching a few black and white films in the beginning, the subject matter actually interested her.

“Alright, now, I hate doing the normal ice breakers where we all state our names, our majors, and a fun fact, and I know you all have made claim to your seats, so, turn to the person next to you, introduce yourself and talk about what you look for in a film when you go to the theater.”

Harry and Y/N look at each other and smile. Harry extends his hand out to her and she giggles as he shakes it.

“You’re so silly! Okay, when I go to the movies, like, if I’m going to pay to see a movie, I want to know that I’m going to laugh and not be bored. Like, I know it’s a good movie if I don’t check my phone the entire time. I like when the beginning is easy to follow along so I’m not confused.”

“Same here. I sort of like being sucked into another world, like, escape for a little bit. I feel like when I go to the movies, it’s one of the few times I don’t need to think too much about anything. It’s when I feel my least anxious.”

“Okay!” Eric says. “Glad you all could get to know each other a bit. I think we can end class a little early. Please make sure to check out the moodle page, there is a forum post do before Wednesday, and make sure you have Baby Face watched by next Monday. Thanks everyone!”

“This is going to be a fun class.” Y/N says to Harry as they walk out together.

“I think so too.” He kisses her cheek. “Where are you headed next? I have stats.”

“I’m heading to my Macroeconomics class, and then I have Organizational Communication, then I’m done for the day.”

“Alright, and then I’ll assume you have lifting?”

“Mhm.” She grins at him and pulls him aside.

“What?”

“Your birthday is this Friday.”

“Is it?” He pretends. “Had no idea.”

“Well, I hope you know I have a lot planned.”

“Is that so?”

“Yup, you’re going to be spoiled rotten, babe.” She gets on her tip toes to kiss him. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” He chuckles as he heads upstairs to his stats class.

//

Y/N and Harry decide to be good sports Wednesday night and go to the formal viewing of Baby Face for their class. Most of the class actually showed up, so it made it more fun to watch. There was a scene where a man put his hand on Barbara’s knee, and she poured hot coffee on him without skipping a beat. Y/N loved her. She climbed her way up to the top by manipulating men, just as the men her life when she was younger had tried to manipulate her.

“I loved that movie!” Y/N exclaims as they leave the academic building. “She was so badass, taking no one’s shit.”

“Yeah, I really liked it too.” He yawns. “Christ, I’m tired.” He leads her in the direction of her apartment.

“Did I tell you me, Gina, Amanda, and Becca all signed a lease for an off campus place next year? We’re really excited.”

“That’s great! We’re all staying in the same apartment, which I’m happy about. It’s the perfect spot.” Harry walks Y/N up to her door and she looks confused when he stays outside. “M’gonna go back to my place, it’s late and I have an 8AM tomorrow…”

“Oh…alright.” She wraps her arms around his neck, and his go around her waist. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“Anytime, baby.”

They stand outside kissing for a while before he detaches himself from her. They both giggle and say goodnight before she goes inside. Louis and Niall were in the living room when Harry gets back, and he flops down onto the couch with them.

“Hey, mate, how was the movie?” Louis asks.

“Not too bad, actually. We both enjoyed it. I don’t think I’ll have the energy to go every Wednesday night, though. I’m pooped.”

“Did you go to the gym this morning?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, went for my usual run. Forgot how tiring going to classes all day were. Sort of miss just working in the law office.”

“I’m surprised Y/N isn’t with you.” Louis says.

“Nah, I walked her home and told her I wanted to come back here. I can’t get into the habit of having a lot of sleepovers during the week.” He hoists himself to his feet. “Well, I’m off to bed, goodnight.”

“Night, mate.” Niall and Louis say.

Harry gets cozy in bed, and then groans to himself when his boxers become uncomfortably tight. He rolls his eyes at himself. Did he have to press up against Y/N while they were making out earlier? Of course he was fucking did, and now he was too riled up to fall asleep. He wondered if the same thing ever happened to her.

Harry: can’t sleep

Y/N: thought you were exhausted

Harry: I was, but now I can’t stop thinking about you

Y/N: me or my parts, lmao

Harry: YOU

Y/N: not much I can do to help you from all the way over here…

Harry: picture???

Y/N: Harry!

Harry: you sent a ton over break!

Y/N: that was different

Harry: please??

Y/N: fine, I’ll send you a snap, gimme a minute

Y/N rips her blankets off her body, unsure of what sort of picture he was hoping for. She gets up and strips herself of her bed-shirt, and takes a mirror selfie, careful to hide most of her face, just in case, and sends it to him on snapchat. Harry was already stroking himself in anticipation. He grins ear to ear when he sees the notification pop up on his phone, and opens it immediately.

“Oh, fuck me.” He groans when he sees her naked body on display for him. She had squeezed one of her breasts, and he could just make out her biting her bottom lip. He knew she didn’t really like receiving nudes, even if it was from him, so he sends her back a pouty selfie telling her how fucking beautiful she was.

Y/N: you did this to yourself, you could have come up

Harry: I was trying to be good

Y/N: look at you now, giving yourself a hand job

Harry: don’t be mean…would you send another?

Y/N: yeah, hold on

She sends him a snap of her breasts pushed together, and that does it for him. He bites down on his knuckle while come gets on his other fist and lower belly. He gives himself a minute before cleaning himself up and laying back in bed.

Harry: thank you baby

Y/N: you realize you owe me

Harry: I’ll give you anything you want, you know that

Y/N: love you, goodnight

Harry: love you too, sweet dreams

He sighs happily as his eyes flutter closed. Y/N rolls her eyes and smirks to herself. Sometimes these moments were gentle reminders that even though Harry was a little more “woke” than most guys, he was still your average college guy. He wanted nudes from his girlfriend, and he wanted to sext even though he easily could have just come inside. She wasn’t annoyed her anything, and she didn’t want to be with his birthday so close. However, now she was left there, aroused at the idea of him simply getting off to a couple of pictures of her. She figures if he could do that, then she could do the same. She told him about most of her winter break, but what she hadn’t told him was about her new little friend. The girls had all gone to a sex shop, and she bought a little bullet vibrator. Y/N gets up and goes into her closet to use it. If he didn’t want to come in to satisfy her, she had other ways of getting around it.

//

Thursdays were days Y/N could meet up with Harry for lunch, so she happily goes to see him at the dining hall. She smiles and sits down with her food. He had his laptop out, typing away at something.

“How could you possibly already have something so important to do?” She sighs.

“Student senate stuff.” He says and then closes his laptop. “Thanks for your help last night.” He smirks and then kisses her cheek.

“You’re welcome.” She sips on his drink.

“Are you excited for your game tonight?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you upset with me?”

“No, why would I be?”

“You seem a little annoyed with me…”

“Not at all, Har.” She shrugs. “I just think that if you wanted to fuck me, you could have come inside.”

“I didn’t feel like spending the night.”

“I’ve told you before that you don’t need to.”

“You say that, but then you give me this look, and then I feel guilty…so I just don’t come in at all. It’s easier.”

“Mm, and then you get to conveniently rub one out.”

“Are you upset that I asked you to send me pictures?”

“No, I suppose it’s flattering. I just think I make things a little too easy for you sometimes. It’s not exactly easy for me to get off on my own, you know?”

“Aw, did I leave you hanging?” He genuinely felt bad.

“Nope, took care of it myself. Don’t exactly need you, do I?” She grins. “Made my back arch off the bed all by myself, no help from you whatsoever.” She bites into her sandwich, and looks innocently as his grimacing face. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re being mean. What are you saying, I don’t make you feel good anymore?”

“No, you make me feel plenty good. But I know a thing or two now, so don’t you worry about not wanting to come up and fuck me because I can handle it all on my own. In fact, let’s be like an old married couple who have sex nights and just do it once a week. That could be fun.”

“You are annoyed with me.”

“I’m not.” She leans closer to him so no one around can hear. “I just don’t want to be your personal porn star when you can’t fall asleep at night.”

“That’s not what I…” He sucks his teeth. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right. It was a little selfish, I’m sorry.” He pouts at her and hides his face in her neck. “Love you so much.” He kisses on her neck slowly, and she sighs.

“It’s okay.” She rubs his back. She really couldn’t stay upset with him when he was like this. He was just too cute. “I love you too.”

He sits up straight and pecks her lips before eating more of his food.

“I can hang out tonight if you want, no Friday classes this semester.”

“Me neither! Although, I’ll still have practice tomorrow morning. I’ll think about it. Maybe you could come to dinner after the game?”

“I’d love to.”

The girls ended up losing, so there was no community dinner down town, and Y/N was in too sour of a mood to have alone time with Harry, which he understood. Tomorrow was his birthday, so she’d rather start fresh with him when she was in a better mood.

//

“Shh.”

Harry’s eyes flutter open around nine. He usually never sleeps this “late”, but his alarm didn’t go off for some reason. His eyes snap open when he sees, Y/N, Niall, and Louis all creeping into his room. They were holding balloons and streamers and confetti.

“Happy birthday!” They all scream and dog pile on Harry. He laughs hysterically.

“Okay, okay!” He yelps. “Can’t breathe!”

The boys both get off the bed, but Y/N stays straddling him.

“Right, well, we’ll be whipping up some brekkie downstairs.” Louis says with a wink as he and Niall leave the room.

Y/N gets up quickly to lock the door and then she gets right back on top of Harry. His hands grip her hips tightly.

“What a nice surprise.” He smiles up at her. “Do you mind if I go brush my teeth and all that? Just woke up, you know.”

“You know what’s funny? With all of the excitement this morning, I forgot to take a shower.” Harry’s eyes grow wide at her. “What do you say, Har?” She says lowly.

“They’re home…”

“They’ll be busy making what I asked them to, and they’ve been told not to come upstairs. They just want you to have a good birthday, and so do I.”

“Do you even have anything with you?”

“Yeah, my bag’s right over there.” She points to it. “So…”

“Alright, yeah, let’s go take a shower.” He says excitedly.

Harry brushes his teeth while Y/N gets her hair up in a bun so it won’t get wet.

“Did you shower after practice?”

“I rinsed very quickly, not the same thing.” She takes her clothes off and presses her body against Harry’s. “This is much better.”

“I agree.”

He pulls the curtain back and helps her in. They both giggle as the water hits his back, and she wraps her arms around his neck. His hands slide down to her ass and he squeezes her. He licks into her mouth, and she happily glides her tongue along his. She bites his bottom lip and steps back, grabbing at his body wash.

“Which scrubbie is yours?”

“Oh, I just use these.” He holds up two gloves that are made from exfoliating rags. “They work much better and they’re more sanitary.”

“Learn something new about you every day, Har.” She grabs the gloves and puts them on, and squeezes the body wash onto them. “Turn around, gonna getcha all clean.”

“Wow, I’m really being spoiled today.”

He turns around and nearly purrs at the feeling of her scrubbing his back. She turns him around so she can do the same to his front and arms. She peels the gloves off and rinses them out.

“Thanks, baby.” He smiles as the soap rinses off him.

“Want me to wash your hair too?” She asks shyly. “Grew my nails out for you.” She holds them up to show him and he his mouth forms in an “O”.

“Yes, please.”

She giggles and get his shampoo lathered into her hands, and he bends down a bit so she can properly scrub at his head. He moans softly as her nails scratch at his head. She massages his scalp a bit as well before helping him rinse it out. Once he’s all clean, she gets on her knees in front of him, and starts stroking him up and down.

“Is this what you wanted the other night?”

“Yes.” He grunts. “Are you sure you feel like doing this right now?”

“Mhm.” She hums before swirling her tongue around his tip.

Harry mindlessly grips at the tile on the wall while she bobs her head up and down on him. She swallows around him and plays with his balls, doing everything she knows he really likes.

“Baby, please, let me touch you.”

She looks up at him and he nearly loses it. He helps her stand up and he pushes her up against the wall, and she gasps with surprise at his abrupt forcefulness. His lips sponge at her neck and across her chest. One of his hands slides between her legs and her head rolls back against the tile.

“We’re wasting water.” She groans. “Let’s get out, and then we can play a little more.”

“You’re not just teasing?”

“No, babe.”

“Okay.”

They both get out, and get wrapped in towels. Harry smells the food from downstairs, and his stomach growls, but he soon forgets he’s hungry when he sees Y/N drop her towel and shake out her hair.

“Come and get me, birthday boy.”

He drops his towel and nearly tackles her onto his bed. He nips at her lips and works his way down her body, biting and sucking where he pleases. He just wanted his head between her legs. He spreads her apart, and licks a flat stripe up her center.

“Jesus.” She shivers from that alone, and slots her fingers through his hair.

He sucks harshly on her clit, and swirls his tongue around it, nibbling a little before sucking on it again. She moans out a little too loudly and she covers her mouth with her hand. She didn’t exactly want to put on a show for the boys downstairs. That all goes to hell when he licks into her. She props herself up on her elbows to watch him. He looks up at her while he fucks her with his tongue, and the eye contact is too much for the both of them, but they continue through any embarrassment they may feel.

“Oh my god.” She pants as her head rolls back. His mouth moves back to her clit, and two of his fingers slide inside her, twisting around as he pumps them in and out. “Harry, fuck, oh my god.”

He curls his fingers up as he gets in knuckle deep, and rubs them against her g-spot, as he continues to suck on her clit. He groans against her when he feels her tighten around him.

“Gonna come?”

“Yes, oh my fucking god, shit!” She cries out as she pulses and vibrates around him. He takes his fingers out and laps away at her as she comes down from her high.

“Ready for my cock?”

“Please.” She breathes and nods.

He gets up and grabs a condom to roll on. He gets back on the bed, but she pins him down, pinning his hands on either side of his head.

“Let me take care of it, baby, just want you to feel good and relax.”

She lines herself up and sinks down on him. He moans out at the tight feeling. She brings her hands back down to his and intertwines their fingers as she keeps them pinned on his pillow. She rocks back and forth on him slowly, just getting adjusted, and then she starts to get a good pace going, moving up and down on him.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He grits his teeth and squeezes her hands. “You feel so good.” He was panting, watching her above him like this was really doing something to him, and he sort of speaks before he thinks. “Would you spit in my mouth?”

Y/N kept moving on him, but she looked down at him deeply concerned.

“You want me to what?!”

“Never mind!”

“No, I’ll do it!”

“Forget I said anything! I don’t even know why I-“

“Harry, you want me to spit? I’ll spit!”

“It’s weird, it’s too weird, I went too far!”

“Open your mouth!”

Harry’s mouth falls open, his tongue peeking out. Y/N wells up some spit in her mouth and leans down so her mouth was close to Harry’s. She didn’t want to spit harshly. She sort of just wanted her saliva to drip from her tongue to his. Maybe that could be sensual? So she does just that. She opens her mouth and lets the spit in her mouth roll from her tongue to his. She was moving on him in slow circles as she did this. He swallows it and looks up at her. He uses the power from his legs to thrust up into her since his hands were busy squeezing hers.

“Do it again.” He breathes.

She happily obliges and does it again for him. It was his birthday, she’d do anything he wanted…within reason of course. She supposed it wasn’t the weirdest thing he could have asked for. His tongue had been so far up her cunt, swapping spit was probably the least odd bodily fluid they could have shared.

She stays close to him, sucking on his tongue while they move in sync with each other. She starts squeezing and tightening around him. She was rubbing up against him in the perfect way, and he was about ready to lose it himself.

“M’gonna come, Y/N.” He groans.

“Me too, fuck, me too.”

She sits up straight and her back arches as she comes, and his release wasn’t too far behind. He feels like he explodes inside of the condom. She lets go of his hands slowly and he helps her off of him. He runs a hand through his hair as he watches her wobble around to get some pants and a t-shirt on.

“Just gonna go pee.” She kisses his cheek and slips out of his room.

He disposes of the condom, and puts his boxers and sweatpants on, not much feeling like a shirt at the moment. He was sitting on his bed, twiddling his thumbs, when she came back into the room. She sits down next to him and smiles.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah…I just, um, was that weird?”

“What?”

“When I asked you to spit in my mouth?”

“Um…” She blushes. “It took me a little off guard, but it’s really not that weird.”

“I don’t even know why I wanted you to do that, it just sort of slipped out.”

“It’s really not that different from kissing, I mean, we technically spit on each other all the time.”

“Guess that’s true.” He smirks and grabs his glasses. “It’s been quite the morning.”

“It’s not over yet.” She stands up and reached for his hand. “Come on.”

They both come downstairs, and Harry gasps.

“Yorkshire pudding?!”

“Got the recipe of Delia Smith’s website.” Louis laughs. “Hope it tasted good. We made eggs, beans, and bacon too.”

“Thanks guys.”

It was a nice breakfast for the four of them. Y/N hangs out with Harry all day. They paint each other’s nails, watch a movie, cuddle, and just enjoy each other’s company. He had gotten a little sleepy, so he was peacefully napping with his head resting in her chest. Y/N noticed that Harry was a stomach sleeper, but he liked having something to hold on to. It was really cute. She was playing with his hair while reading on her phone. It was a really nice lazy day, and a perfect way to make sure everything was getting set up for his surprise party at Ashley’s. She hears his phone start to buzz and sees it a FaceTime request from Gemma.

“Babe, it’s your sister.”

“Okay.” He mumbles and sits up. “Hello!”

“Happy birthday!” Gemma and Anne say together.

“Harry, are you still in bed?” Anne asks.

“Was taking a nap, Mum. It’s my birthday, I’m allowed to catch up on some sleep.”

“Are you doing anything fun?”

“Y/N and the guys made me breakfast, and then we watched a movie, and I think we’re going out tonight.”

“Is she with you now?” Gemma asks.

“Yeah.” He flips the camera.

“Hi, Y/N!” Gemma says.

“Hello.” She says shyly and waves. Harry flips the camera back to himself.

“I love you both, but m’all groggy.”

“Alright, honey, I sent you a nice package so hopefully you’ll get it soon. We love you!”

“Thanks!” He tosses his phone elsewhere, and pushes Y/N back down so he can put his head back on her chest. “So comfy.”

“We should probably get up soon…”

“Why? What else you got planned?”

“Just dinner with friends. We should be there around seven.”

“S’only four now, plenty of time to keep chilling out. I never get to do this, it’s nice.”

“Okay, babe.” She goes back to playing with his hair and reading on her phone.

//

When it was time to get ready, Y/N put on some black tights that had a pattern on them, her black mini pencil skirt, and a long sleeve red crop top. Harry had a long sleeve blue button up on paired with his black jeans. He was putting his boots one when he watched Y/N zip up her own boots.

“You look so fucking sexy.” He says as he gets up and wraps his arms around her. “Are you sure we have somewhere to be, and I can’t just take this all off you?”

“Sorry.” Y/N giggles. “But dinner’s waiting.”

“But I’m only hungry for one thing.” He pecks at her lips.

“Didn’t you have enough of that earlier?”

“Never enough, babe.”

“Oh, Harry.” She swats a hand at his chest. “Come on.”

They both get their coats on and head out. She loops her arm around his, and leads the way. He realizes they’re headed towards Ashley’s apartment, but he doesn’t question it. She opens the door and everyone yells surprise. Harry laughs and walks in. They put their coats away and he’s amazed at the spread of appetizers there was.

“Thank you all so much, this is great.” He smiles.

All of his friends from senate were there, Louis, Niall, some other people from the soccer team, and other friends. And of course the entire women’s hockey team, but that was a given. A cake is brought out and everyone sings happy birthday to him. After settling down from the food, all of the drinks come out. Everyone takes shots of tequila, and then Y/N makes Harry a vodka cranberry, his favorite. That’s what he stuck with all night. He didn’t want to throw up from mixing drinks.

Y/N was off talking to her friends, but when the music starts to get good, Harry finds her, and yanks her towards him. She wraps her arms around his neck as they start to slow grind.

“Can’t believe you put all of this together for me.”

“Well, it wasn’t all me, the guys helped.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He presses his forehead to hers. “Love you so much.”

“Love you too.”

Harry was really drunk, like, more drunk than Y/N had ever seen him, so she was taking it easy on her own drinks. He stayed attached to her while they danced for the rest of the night. She indulged in making out with him, but there was no way they were having sex again when they got back to his place. Louis and Niall had to help walk him back because there was no way she could carry him. They help him up the stairs in and into his room.

“I’ve got it from here, boys, thanks.”

“Night, Y/N.” Niall says as he and Louis leave.

“Okay, let’s…Harry…” She giggles as he sloppily kisses her neck. “Come on, I wanna get you into bed.”

“Mm, me too. Let’s get you into bed.”

“No, baby, for sleep. Gotta get you out of these clothes for sleep.” He bites down on her neck and squeezes her ass and she groans for a moment before pushing him off. She puts her hands on her hips and looks at him. “We can do that in the morning, you’re really drunk.”

She steps forward and unbuttons his shirt, and gets his pants off. She sits him down on the bed while she gets her own clothes off. She throws on one of his t-shirts and flips the lights off. She climbs into bed with him, and he spoons her, pressing his bulge against her ass.

“M’so hard.” He whines.

“I know, but there’s nothing I can do about that right now.”

“You gave me such a nice birthday.” He holds her closer and nestles into her hair.

“I’m glad you had a nice day, babe.” She chuckles.

“It was the best.” He yawns, and not too long after…he’s out.

Y/N was grateful he didn’t get sick. She didn’t do well with throw up. She drifts off slowly after him. She wakes up a couple of hours later to the sound of his door opening and closing. She sits up immediately, hoping he wasn’t getting up because he was sick. He comes back moment later chugging water from his water bottle.

“Oh, thank god.” She breathes.

“Need some?”

“Yeah.” She smiles and takes the bottle from him.

“Sorry I woke you. I was fucking parched.” He crawls back into bed and takes the bottle from her. “Think I’m still a little drunk.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised, I let you drink too much.” She runs a hand through his hair.

“Oh, but I had so much fun. I’ll just sleep it off.” He gives her a few pecks before settling back down. She rests her head on his chest and he holds her close. This was the life.

//

The team made it to the first round of playoffs, but nothing further, so their season ended at the end of February. It was sad for the seniors on the team, but mostly everyone was happy for their break. No more early morning practices. They just needed to keep up with lifts in the late afternoons. This also meant that Y/N could stay out later most nights. Ashley and Megan had people over almost every night to drink. They weren’t raging, but Y/N was loving not having to worry about getting up at the crack of dawn. Harry didn’t always go with her, which was fine. He had 8AM’s on Tuesdays and Thursdays, after all.

There was one Tuesday night Harry was already asleep in bed when his phone started ringing. He saw Y/N’s name, and swiped to take the call.

“Baby?” He says groggily.

“Hey sunshine!”

“Amanda?” He sits up. “Why do you have Y/N’s phone?”

“Well, her head’s in the toilet at the moment. She really wants to go home, but it would look bad if one of us carried her. UPD would question us for sure.”

“She’s sick?” He sighs, already pulling some sweats on.

“Yeah, so is Gina. It’s no Bueno.”

“What the hell happened? Where are you?”

“At Ashley’s…we did shots, and then played slap the bag. Not a great mix.”

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

He rubs his eyes, grabs his glasses and heads out. He walks right into Ashley’s. Her apartment was filled with smoke and people. Harry partied like anyone else, but not so much on a Tuesday night. He walks to where he knows the bathroom is and doesn’t see anyone.

“Harry!” Amanda says. “She’s over here.” She tugs him over to the living room where Y/N was basically passed out on the couch.

“Christ, where’s Gina?”

“She’s crashing in Megan’s room. Come on, Y/N, Harry’s here.” She nudges her.

“Hm?” Her eyes open slightly and then they grow wide. “No! I don’t want him to see me like this!” She hides her face in her hands.

“It’s okay, babe, let’s get you home.” Harry says, lifting her up bridal styles. “I can’t carry her likes across campus, we’ll get stopped. Help me get her on my back, that’s less weird looking.”

Amanda nods and helps Y/N get situated so Harry could give her a piggy back ride. She was complete dead weight.

“She’s gonna kill me for calling you, but she didn’t want to stay…I’m sorry, I know you were sleeping.”

“It’s alright, Amanda. I’d rather her be safe. You guys have been going a little nuts lately, yeah?”

“We can’t help it. We’re not allowed to get crazy during the week during the season. Things will settle down soon. Spring break is coming up, you know? Last year we all went home and detoxed essentially.”

Amanda gets the apartment door open, and lets Harry take Y/N upstairs.

“Are you gonna spew again?”

“No.” She mumbles.

“Alright, well, I’m gonna put this bucket here.” He brings her barrel over. “Let’s get you out of these clothes, yeah?”

“Go home, you need to sleep.”

“I’m gonna take care of you.”

“No, you’re gonna be mad at me in the morning.”

“I won’t be.”

“Yes you will.” She pouts and her eyes start to tear up.

“Nope, none of that, come on.”

“I can take my own clothes off.”

“Okay, I’ll get your pj’s then.” He goes into her dresses and she lunges towards him, tackling him down. “Y/N! What the fuck?!”

“Don’t go in there! I have things in there you can’t see!”

“You could have just said that! You’re not on the fucking ice!” He gets them both up. “What’s in there that I can’t see?”

“Personal things.”

“Babe.” He pinches the bridge of her nose. “Get your clothes off, now, and I will get your pj’s.”

He goes back into where he knows she keeps her larger t-shirts.

“Harry!” His eyes grow wide after grabbing a shirt off the top. There were two different vibrators and a dildo. “I’ve only ever used the little one…”

“Put this on.” He hands her the t-shirt and closes the drawer.

She strips out of her clothes and he looks the other way to give her some privacy. She gets stuck when she tries to get her shirt on and he helps her.

“Fuck, I have to pee so bad.” She says, sprinting out of the room. He sits down on her bed and waits for her. She brushes her teeth while she’s in the bathroom too. “You’re still here?” She asks, shocked.

“Where the fuck am I going? I’m not leaving you like this.”

“But…you saw the things.”

“We can talk about it tomorrow, or never, I don’t really care.” She sits on his thighs, straddling his lap. “Y/N.” He sighs.

“I just…I don’t want you to think…I mean…I got them over winter break, and-“

“I don’t care, you don’t need to tell me, okay? Can we go to sleep?”

“You’re gonna stay?”

“I just said I was going to! Come on.”

“You’re angry.”

“I’m a little cranky, yeah. Your friend called me drunk to tell me your head was in a toilet while I was sleeping. At least tomorrow we don’t have class until 10:30, so I’ll have to get back and grab my shit beforehand. Now, lay down on the edge so you’re closer to the bucket.” He rids himself of his sweats, leaving himself in his boxers, and gets in with her. She turns to face him while he’s facing her. “You need to turn over.”

“But you’re so pretty.” She whispers and it makes him crack a smile as she pokes his dimple. “I’m sorry she called you.”

“I’m not, I’d come get you any time. I’ll carry you home whenever you need.” He strokes the side of her face. “You’ve done the same for me, it’s fine. Just lay on your stomach for me, okay? I’ll rub your back how you like.”

“Okay.” She smiles and does as he says. She falls asleep with him softly petting on her and it feels amazing.

His alarm goes off at 8AM and she groans.

“Up, let’s go.” He says, rummaging through her closet for her spare towels. “We’re showering quickly and then going to my place, and then we’re getting greasy breakfast sandwiches so you’re not hungover for class.”

“Eric won’t care, he likes me.” Y/N mumbles.

“A little too much if you ask me.”

“Oh stop. I could say the same about that freshman you’re tutoring.”

“How about neither of us play the jealous game?”

“Deal.” She stands and nearly vomits. “Ugh, I feel like shit.”

“You’ll feel better soon.”

“You came to my rescue last night?”

“Yup, that’s me, prince charming.” He rolls his eyes and tugs her out of her room.

She puts her hair up and they both get into the shower. Harry gets them both clean, and dressed. He makes sure she has everything for class, and then they head to his place. Once he has all of his things, and has new sweats on, they head to the coffee shop on campus for breakfast sandwiches.

“Harry…you’re wearing sweatpants to class.”

“I’m aware.”

“But you never wear sweatpants to class.”

“I’m a little fucking tired, Y/N, is that alright?”

“Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not…” He sighs and looks at her. “I just…I’m feeling anxious from things happening so abruptly. My entire routine got messed up and-“ He could feel his breathing quickening so he takes a deep breath. “It’s fine, I’m fine, we’re fine, let’s just go eat.”

They both get coffees and breakfast sandwiches and grab a table to sit. They had about thirty minutes before class, so they could take their time eating.

“Fuck, this was a good idea.” She moans as she eats.

“Yeah.” He agrees as he bites into his own. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Maybe go a little less hard at the parties during the week?”

“You got it. I hate throwing up, I’m not dealing with that again, nor am I going to do that to you again.”

“I wouldn’t care…it’s just…it was a school night is all.”

Y/N nods her head and continues eating her breakfast sandwich. Once they’re done, they head to class and sit down. Eric was there a little earlier than usual.

“Ah, Y/N, I’m glad you’re here. I wanna talk to you about your paper on your Bond comparative essay.”

“Oh…okay.” Y/N walks up to him and he takes her paper out. Harry can’t help but watch the conversation as other students come into class. “I know I’m not a very good writer…”

“No! You’re brilliant, actually. This is one of the better papers I’ve seen. You made a lot of incredible points. You got an A, see?” He shows her and her eyes grow wide. “I was wondering if I could if I could hang onto this and scan it to save as a copy. Students are always asking me for example papers, and I think this is a great paper to use.”

“Are you serious? Yeah, that’s fine with me.”

“Great, thanks.” He smiles. “Well done.”

“Thank you…” She blinks and sits back down. She looks at Harry in shock. “He wants to keep my paper to use as an example.”

“That’s great! You worked really hard on that one, Y/N, you deserve a little praise.”

Eric passes out the rest of the papers, and gives Y/N hers so she could look at any notes he may have made. Harry also got an A, not that Y/N was surprised, but she was happy for him nonetheless.

“H, what did you get?” Billy whispers from behind him. Harry turns to look at him.

“An A, what about you?”

“B+, not too bad.”

“Alright everyone, today, as a treat, we’re going to watch Austin Powers since we’ve just finished our Bond unit. Since we’ve watched a few films, you’ll see that this movie takes a lot from Gold Finger and Golden Eye.” He says as he starts the movie and turns the lights.

“Ugh, thank god. If there was ever a day to just chill in class, it’s today.” Y/N whispers to Harry.

“Agreed.” He whispers.

Eric clears his throat to get their attention, and they both sit back in their seats. There were plenty of laughs throughout class as the movie continued. Y/N stretches as she stands once class ends, revealing a little bit of her stomach. Harry catches Eric looking briefly, and puts his arm around her shoulders.

“Have a good stats class.” She puckers lips and kisses him.

“Thanks, have a good rest of your day. I won’t be able to meet up tonight, I’m doing a group tutoring session, and then I have an 8AM tomorrow…”

“Okay, well…thanks again for last night. I really owe you.”

“No you don’t.” He smiles and gives her a lingering kiss before they part ways.

//

Spring break was definitely the detox Y/N needed from all of the drinking she had been doing with the hockey team, although, she really didn’t want to go home. Harry would be staying on campus with any other students who couldn’t go home. He had projects he needed to work on, but he also thought it would be a nice time break to spend with Y/N. She couldn’t stay on campus, though, because she needed to work at the bar. She also needed to bring up going to Italy this summer to her mom.

“Great work tonight, honey.” Angie says to her as they wipe down the tables.

“Thanks…um…can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course!” She stops what she’s doing to look at her daughter. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, I just…well, I’ve been invited somewhere this summer, and I’d really like to go.”

“Alright, where have you been invited to?”

“Italy.” She mumbles.

“Come again?”

“Italy.” She says a little louder. “See, Harry-“

“Oh, here we go.” Angie rolls her eyes.

“Mum, please, let me just explain.”

“Okay.” She crosses her arms and sits down.

“He and his friends spend three weeks in Italy every summer, one of their dad’s has a house by the water or something. They go end of July through early August, so it’s not like I’d be missing the holiday rush…I’d like to go the whole time, but I’d be willing to compromise, and I’ll pay my own way.”

“You expect me to let you take an international flight alone? What if you get abducted?”

“Mum.”

“Three weeks alone with your boyfriend is a long time…”

“Well, we won’t be alone, his friends will be there.”

“You know what I mean.” She sighs. “I really hate this whole you being an adult thing. I can’t really say no, you’re almost twenty years old, and it will be summer so you should take advantage and travel…” She takes a moment and looks at Y/N. “Could you go for two weeks instead of three? I think that’s plenty of time to spend together.”

“Yeah! I can definitely do that.” She smiles.

“And I’ll pay for half the ticket, that’ll be your birthday present. Your passport should still be good from high school.”

“Mum!” She squeals and hugs Angie. “Thank you so much, Harry’s going to be so excited!” She kisses her cheek. “I’m excited too, of course.”

“Well, I should hope so.” She chuckles, and they continue to close down the bar.

//

Y/N convinced Angie to drive her back to campus on Friday instead of Sunday. She dropped off all her things, and walked to Harry’s. She knocks on the door, and he opens it confused, but happy to see her.

“Hey!” He wraps his arms around her. “You’re back early.”

“Wanted to surprise you, can I come in?”

“Of course! Yeah, come on in.”

“Are you busy?”

“I was just working on a paper, but I can definitely take a break.” Hey both go up to his room, and he moves his things away from the bed so they can both sit. “Got a lot done this week, I’m feeling good.”

“That’s great! Okay, so, I have really good news that I’ve been keeping to myself because I wanted to tell you in person.”

“Oh? Please, do tell.” He grins.

“My mom said I could come to Italy this summer! Only for two weeks instead of three, but still.”

“That’s great!” He cups her jaw and pulls her in for a kiss. “We’re gonna have so much fun. I can show you what website to go on for the plane ticket, there’s this site that sells them for really cheap. I use it when I go home and stuff.”

“Sounds good, thanks. I think two weeks will be plenty, don’t you?”

“I mean, sure.” He shrugs.

“I wouldn’t want us getting on each other’s nerves being together 24/7.”

“We’ll be too busy to get on each other’s nerves, trust me. I can’t wait to tell my friends you’re coming, they’re dying to meet you.”

“Aw, that’s sweet. What are their names?”

“Well, Lou and Niall will be there, they came last year and are coming again. They go right from there to here for soccer. Then there’s my friend Adam, his dad is the one who owns the house, and Mike, Ben, and Clark.”

“Are any of them seeing someone?”

“Um, Adam brought a guy with him last summer, but they’re not dating anymore, so he may be going stag.” He shrugs. “When we were in high school we used to bring a lot of girls with us because we thought we were cool.” He laughs. “But Ben might bring someone, I’m not sure exactly. Sometimes we would just meet people in Italy to hang out with.”

“Hang out with.” She rolls her eyes. “Any Italian chicks I need to worry about.”

“Not that I can think of.” He taps his chin playfully. “You know me, I’m a real sexual deviant.” He says sarcastically and she nudges him. “Come here.”

He pulls her down to lay with him, and they both sigh. He rubs her back and she lays her leg over both of his, pressing into the bulge that’s growing in his pants. He tilts her chin up to look at him and she removes his glasses. He presses his lips to hers and she moves the rest of the way on top of him. He licks at her bottom lip, and she opens up for him. He has one arm wrapped around her back, and the other one around her ass, keeping her nice and close. Her fingers slot through his soft hair and she moans softly when she rolls hips her hips slowly on his.

“Missed you.” He says against her lips, taking her bottom lip between his teeth.

“Missed you too.” She whimpers as he presses his hips harder up towards hers.

Things started to get a little more heated from there, Y/N could feel her lips getting swollen from how hard her and Harry were kissing each other, and she was about ready to lose it in her pants from the way they were grinding on each other.

“Harry.” She groans. “Please.”

“Please what?” He moves her hair away from her neck and starts sucking on her soft skin.

“Can we please fuck?”

“Yes.”

He flips them over so she’s on her back, and he yanks her leggings and panties off in one swoop. She gets her shirt and bra off while he gets naked himself. He climbs back onto the bed and he wraps her legs around his waist. She slides her hands up and down his torso and chest.

“Have I ever told you how much I love your tattoos? Because I do, they’re so cool.” Her hands trace over the ferns on his hips.

“Thanks baby.” His hands knead her breasts.

Harry slides his hard dick over her folds and against her clit, causing her hips to buck up. He dips his head down to kiss on her neck and her hand wrap around his back, nails digging in.

“Do you wanna…put it in?”

She feels him nod his head yes, and before she knows it he’s pushing inside her. Her gasp turns into a moan. She bites down on his shoulder as he rocks in and out of her. He sucks on one of her nipples as he thrusts in and out.

“Feels so fucking good.” Her head rolls back into the pillows.

He pulls out and grins at her. She raises an eyebrow at him, and then he flips her over, pulls her up to her knees. She looks back at him as he slides in again. He gets an even pace going, and then he tugs her back to him, his chest flush with her back. He’s got one arm snaked around her, and the other rubbing slow circles on her clit.

“Fuck, oh my god.” Her head rolls back to his shoulder and she looks up at him. He slots his mouth over hers, and the both moan into each other.

“This why you wanted to come back early? Just really needed my cock?” He says into her ear and it has her pushing her ass against him.

“Thought about you every night.” She groans.

“Yeah? Did you bring home your little toys to help you out?”

“H-Harry, don’t-“

“Maybe I should use one on you sometime, would you like that?”

She was dripping all around his cock, she loved when he would just say whatever he wanted into her ear.

“Only wanna feel you.” She admits. It was true, she didn’t like having to use her vibrator, as good as it felt. She really just preferred Harry’s hands on her.

She feels him smile into her neck, knowing that was exactly what he wanted to hear. He picks up the pace on the way he’s rubbing her clit and he feels her squeeze around him. She hooks an arm up around his head to tug at his hair.

“Shit, Harry!” She cries out as she comes to her release.

He gently lets go of her so she can press her front to the mattress. He keeps his hands on her hips as he drives into her hard and fast. He had her panting, and he was panting too. He pulls out and comes on her ass and back before collapsing next to her.

“Fuck.” He breathes and then looks at her. “You have the most perfect ass I’ve ever fucking seen.”

“Shut up.” She giggles.

“Let me clean you up.” He kisses her forehead and then gets up to grab a rag to wipe her clean.

“Thank you.”

He gets back onto the bed and pulls her close to him. They lay there naked for a bit, just enjoying the time skin to skin.

“Do you feel like having a little date night tonight since you’re here? We could go downtown for dinner and then come back to watch a movie in the living room.”

“I’d like that. I’d just wanna go home and change first.”

“Oh cute, then I can come pick you up.”

“Always the romantic.” She kisses his cheek and gets up to grab her clothes. “Give me, like, an hour to get ready, yeah?”

“Sounds good to me, see you soon.” He smiles and kisses her as she leaves his room.

Harry was really happy that Y/N came back a couple of days early. He was trying to play it a little more cool, but she was such a source of comfort for him. He had incorporated her into his routine, so when she wasn’t around he would get a little anxious, which he knew wasn’t healthy, but there wasn’t much he could do about it right now.

He puts on a green sweater with the black jeans he knows she likes, and puts his contacts in. He runs his hand through his hair a few times, getting his curls to sit just right. He knew he needed a haircut, but he also liked when Y/N would really tug on his hair. His logic was the longer his hair the better the grip she could get on him. He left the bit of scruff he had grown out and put on some cologne. He heads down the stairs to put his boots on and goes into the living room.

“Going on a date with my girl, mind if we have the living room when we get back? We’re gonna watch a movie. You can join if you want-“

“And watch the two of you make out?” Louis scoffs. “I’ll pass, mate.”

“Same here.” Niall chuckles. “But we can definitely clear out of here.”

“Thanks, I just get sick of watching stuff on my little laptop screen. Are you guys doing anything tonight?”

“Might go see some of the girls from the other international house. I don’t see myself staying out too late, I went a little too hard last night.” Louis says.

“Yeah, I spewed in the bushes, so I won’t be drinking tonight.” Niall says.

“Alright.” Harry chuckles. “Well, see you later.”

Harry makes the walk to Y/N’s apartment, and he knocks on the door when he gets there. His cheeks immediately blush when he sees her. She had a dark blue thing sweater dress on, showing off all her curves. She paired with some black boots and black tights, looking cuter than ever.

“You look so pretty.” He pouts at her and takes her hand.

“Thanks, thought I’d dress up a little It’s rare that we get to go on a real date.”

“I know! I’m really glad you came back a couple days early. Meant it when I said I missed you.”

“I meant it too.” She loops her arm through his so she can cling to him a little tighter.

The end up at the local bistro, even though Y/N told Harry it would be too expensive, but he assured her it was fine. She talks about her week working at the bar, and he talks about what he might do for work this summer.

“I could always go back to the bakery, but I really want to take the rest of the semester to figure out what I actually want to do. I might go see my advisor next week. I literally have zero idea what I want to do with my life.” He sighs and pops a fry into his mouth.

“Does anyone?” She laughs.

“Well, you sort of do. You’ve got a job lined up right away after graduation.”

“Yeah, working for my mom until she decides to retire really sounds great.” She rolls her eyes. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wanna take over the bar, but I wanna do it more in a way where like I could open up multiple locations, you know? I could oversee multiple businesses across the country.”

“Wow…that would be really cool.”

“It’s just an idea, I don’t know if it’ll ever happen. People like small town bars with good food, and that’s what my mom has, I think opening up multiple locations could work, it would just take a lot of marketing and PR. I may pick up a PR minor, the classes double count in my major and I think that may be what I’m a little more interested in these days.”

Harry loved listening to Y/N talk about her aspirations. She really was smart, and he didn’t think she gave herself enough credit.

“Are you not interested in the law stuff anymore?”

“I don’t know…” He sighs. “It’s just such a big commitment, you know? It’s more school, and then you basically have to study and pass the bar where you want to live, and I have no idea where I want to live. I don’t know if I wanna stay in the U.K. forever. I’ve barely been able to explore America while I’ve been here, and there are parts of Europe I’d like to go to. I don’t know, maybe I’ll become a travel blogger or something.” He jokes.

“You laugh, but you’d hit it big.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well…” She blushes. “You’re insanely hot, Harry, so you have that going for you. People would follow you on a superficial level, and then there’s the fact that you’re smart and nice. You could talk about the country or town you’re in and say what you really liked and what you discovered.”

“Not a very sustainable job though.”

“Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher? You’re really good at explaining things. You never once made me feel stupid last semester.”

“I think I’m better one on one. I feel like whenever I have to give a presentation I just word vomit. I’m also not on an education track, so again, more school. I ‘d need my master’s, and you need to take whatever tests there are in the state you want to work in, and that’s if I wanna stay in America. I don’t even know what I’d want to teach…”

“You could find a job like in a tutoring office like we have here. It takes someone really important to run those types of offices and-“

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Um…do you mind if we change the subject a little?” His leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. “I know this stuff is important to talk through and figure out, but it’s making me anxious.”

“Oh!” She reaches across the table and puts her hand over his. “I’m so sorry, of course we can talk about something else, anything else.” She smiles. “What movie do you feel like watching later?”

They settled on The Devil Wears Prada. It was something they had both seen, so it didn’t matter if they paid attention or not.  His arm was around her and they were lounging comfortably.

“I really like this dress you’re wearing.”

“Yeah? Thought you preferred me in sweats.” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“You could wear a paper sack and I’d like it on you.” This makes her burst out laughing and he smiles down at her.

They both adjust so they can lay down, and he pulls her body on top of his. She sucks on his bottom lip, and his hands slide down to her ass. His tongue drags of hers and she moans into his mouth.

“You’ll stay tonight?” He whispers. “Missed having you to hold onto at night.”

“Of course I’ll stay.” She stays. “No one else I’d rather have cuddles with.” She kisses on his jaw and moves to his neck.

“Leave a good one on me babe, mark me up.”

Y/N bites down decently hard on Harry’s neck and it makes him grit his teeth and squeeze at her harder, but god did it feel good. Truth be told one of his regular tutees flirted with him a lot, and even though he had mentioned Y/N over and over, she would still flirt with him. A nice new hickey may help her get the picture. Also, Harry just really liked getting them. He liked giving them too, but they just felt so fucking good.

//

“Did you have a nice break, Harry?”

“Yeah, Bri, thanks, did you?”

“Mhm, I got caught up on some things, but I’m definitely still struggling with Intro to Gen Psych…”

“Alright, well, let’s look at your notes from class.”

She reaches into her bag, and when she gets everything out, she notices Harry taking his jacket and scarf off. Her eyes bug out when she sees the giant welt on Harry’s neck. Now, normally he would want to be more professional, but at the end of the day, he was twenty and didn’t give a fuck.

“Everything alright?”

“Um…y-yeah, everything’s fine? Did you, um, go out over the weekend?”

“I did, yeah. Went to a party with some friends Saturday night. My girlfriend came back a couple days early too, that was nice.” He smiles and grabs her notes. “See, I think if you highlighted within your notes, like we’ve talked about, you would have an easier time finding things.”

“Right, um, sorry, Harry.”

“Don’t apologize to me.” He furrows his brows at her. “I already passed this class, it’s you who still needs to finish it. Tutoring can help a lot, but if you don’t take what we do here and apply it elsewhere, you’re not going to see any improvements.”

He was close to her, showing her what she should highlight, and it made her nervous, but in the best possible way. All of a sudden they hear some giggling, and it was a giggle Harry knew all too well. They both look up and see a good chunk of the hockey team. Many of the girls still got together to study like they would during the season.

“Oh, shit, is that Harry?!” Megan says. “Ow ow! Look at him on the clock.” She teases.

“Leave him alone.” Y/N swats a hand at her, and looks over to Harry, mouthing I’m sorry. He waves at them and gives them a half smile.

“Damn, Y//N, I would have tried to fuck my tutor too if it were him.” Another girl teases her and they all start laughing.

“Hey, uh,” Harry turns around in his chair and smirks, “we’re in a library, ladies.”

“Is that so?” Y/N struts over to him and looks at Bri. “Careful with him, he’s a little too good at his job.” She kisses Harry’s cheek and then goes off with the girls to the back of the library.

“Sorry about that, Bri.” Harry chuckles.

“So…that was your girlfriend?”

“Mhm.” He smiles proudly. “Now then,” he clears his throat, “let’s talk more about your note taking, shall we?”

//

It was hard enough saying goodbye to Ashley, Megan, and some of the other seniors on the team, but it was just about move out day, and Y/N cried every time she thought about not being able to just walk down a couple of streets to see Harry.

“We’ll see each other before you know it, and when we do we’ll have two weeks of perfect weather in Italy together.” He says as he holds her close to him in bed.

“I know, I’m just really sad.” She cries into his chest and he tries his best to soothe her.

“Please don’t cry, Y/N, you’re killing me.”

“I’m sorry.” She sniffles. “I don’t mean to be like this. The time difference just sucks, Harry.”

“I know.” He sighs.

“And you won’t even get to see me for my birthday.” It was in a couple of weeks.

“But we already sort of celebrated, remember the big party we had here last weekend?”

“How could I forget? You made me margaritas all night, and then fucked my brains out.” She chuckles and so does he. “Couldn’t walk right for two days.”

“Cause I know you like it like that.” He kisses the top of her head. “Look, I’m gonna miss you too. It’s not easy being away from your favorite person, but we’ll make it work. It’ll just make things better when we see each other again. I do have one favor, though?”

“What?” She looks up at him.

“You’ll have to leave lots of marks on me, really good ones, so that they’ll just barely have faded by the time I see you. The only thing is, my mum will be pissed if she sees my neck like that, you’ll have to be creative about where you put them.”

“Challenge accepted.” She gives him a devious smile and sinks down under his covers. Thank god Harry had an a/c in his room.

“What are you…oh!” He starts laughing when he feels her suck on his inner thigh, like he would normally do to her. “Why did you tell me this tickled so much?!” He rips the blanket away to look down at her.

“It doesn’t tickle when you do it to me.” She pouts up at him. She moves to kiss on his hip and then things feel less funny.

“Yeah, I like it when you do it there.”

She kisses up his chest and sucks a nice, dark mark on one of his pecs and then smiles up at him. Her eyes start to water again and she hides her face in his neck.

“What happened?”

“We’re not going to be able to do this whenever we want soon, and it just…” She cries into him again.

“Baby.” He coos. “Let’s just enjoy right now, yeah?” He rubs her back. “Want me to make love to you? Be all sweet and slow?”

“Mhm.” She says, muffled from the way she’s pressing further into him.

“Alright.” He rolls them both over and runs his fingers over her folds. Yes, they were both already naked.

He slides his middle finger inside her slowly, working his way in and out, sucking on her nipple as he does so. This helps her to calm down just like he was hoping. He sucks his finger into his mouth when he’s done and then rubs his hard dick against her clit. She groans and then he slips inside. He hides his face in her neck so he can kiss on her while he rocks in and out. They both just wanted to be as close as possible right now.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He moves to look at her and she puts her hands on his shoulders.

“When you get close, will you please come inside me?” She looks so innocent right now.

“If I say yes will you promise to tell me when you get your period?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, baby, I’ll come inside you when the time comes.”

She pulls his face down to hers to kiss him. Things are slow and sloppy and just perfect. He rubs her clit to help her along and she cries out as she comes. She nearly comes again when she feels him fill her up. It was the first time he had ever come inside her without a condom, and it felt so fucking good.

“I love you so much.” He says to her as he pulls out.

“I love you too.” She clamps her legs together to try not to make a mess on his bed, and she stands up. She throws on one of his shirts before heading to the bathroom.

They snuggle all night, and most of the morning. Harry helps her pack up her apartment, and he waits with her for Angie to come pick her up. It was a really difficult goodbye, but Harry tried to stay strong for the both of them. Of course the second the car pulled away he started crying. He calmed himself down, though. They would call, text, and FaceTime. Thank god she was coming to Italy.

//

“Shit.” Y/N says to herself.

“What?” Julie asks coming into her room.

“According to my pills, I’m going to have my period when I’m in Italy.” She groans.

“So?”

“So?! I’m gonna be swimming and stuff.”

“Just use a tampon.”

“I’m going to be with mostly boys, and I have zero idea if it’s a fancy boat with a bathroom on it. I’ll only have it a few days, but still. Fuck, and I’ll probably have it right when I first see Harry.”

“Do you guys not…do it when you have your period?”

“Don’t be gross.”

“It’s a valid question!”

“We did, like, once in the shower, but it sort of hurts, so it I didn’t like it and we didn’t do it again.” She sighs. “I miss him so much, I don’t think I’ll care when I finally see him.”

“Show me the new bathing suits you got.”

“Hey.” Cooper comes into the room as well and just stands there, munching on some chips.

“What?” Y/N asks.

“M’bored.”

“Wanna look at my new bathing suits?”

“Alright, yeah.”

//

“You have WhatsApp?”

“Already downloaded.”

“And you’ll text me updates, and you will take a picture of you and Harry together so I know you’re really with him?”

“Yes, mum! Please, I need to go get through security. I love you, and I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

“I love you too, have a great time.”

Y/N gets through security, and texts Harry and her mom updates. She had the window seat so she was able to get comfortable for her long flight. She wanted to look cute and refreshed, so she gets up to change in the bathroom of the plane. She puts on a pair of high-waist jean shorts, and a black crop top. Her hair is down, but she ties a bandana he had given to her in it, and touched up her makeup. She was feeling really good, despite being in the middle of her period. At least it would end in a day or so.

The flight lands on time, and Y/N texts Harry and her mom that she’s landed. She gets her backpack on, and manages to follow the signs to baggage. Luckily there were a lot of signs in English. Harry had “tutored” her a bit in Italian this summer, so she wasn’t totally lost. As she approaches baggage she squints when she sees three guys who look very familiar.

“Oi! There she is!” Louis says and Harry turns around, beaming at Y/N.

She runs towards him and jumps into his arms, wrapping all of her limbs around him. He looked so fucking good in his little shorts and t-shirt and tanned skin. Their lips collide and they almost forget their in the airport.

“I hate to break this up, but which bags are yours, pet?” Niall asks.

“Oh! The floral ones!” She points to them as they come off the belt. Harry sets her down and he grabs her bags. She gives Niall and Louis a hug as well. “Now, if we let you two sit in the back of the car together, do you promise to hold off on the groping?” He teases them as they walk out to the parked cars.

“Think I can behave myself for a bit, yeah, Y/N?”

“I’ll do my best.” She giggles. “How far away are we form the house?”

“Bout an hour, not too far.” Harry says. “We’re having dinner on the boat tonight, you’ll love it. Fresh steamers, you like those, right?”

“Love ‘em.” She smiles.

He puts his arm around her and keeps her close as Louis drives back to the house. She switches her gaze from Harry to out the window, unsure of what she preferred to soak up in the moment. Harry had a lovely tan, his hair was a tad shorter, but not by much, and he had definitely been trying to grow out his scruff. He was handsome as ever.

“You look really cute.” He whispers in her ear and it sends a shiver up her spine. “Is that the bandana I gave you?”

“Mhm.” She smiles up at him. “I wear it all the time at work.”

“Good, it suits you.”

They pull up to the house in what feels like no time at all, and Y/N’s jaw drops as she gets out of the car. It was beautiful, and private. There was a path to a private dock where the boat was, and there were a couple of other guys outside.

“I’m just gonna show Y/N to our room, and then we’ll come down for dinner.” Harry tells Niall and Louis as they make their way to the boat.

“Our room, huh?” Y/N smirks up at Harry as he carries her bags in. He stops short and looks at her.

“Shit, uh, did…fuck, did you not want to stay with me? I think we can-“

“Harry!” She laughs. “Jesus, I was kidding, why would I come all this way and not sleep in a bed with you?”

“I…don’t do that.” He side eyes her as they both go inside. She shakes her head at.

“Wow…even more beautiful on the inside.” She looks around.

He hums his response and gestures to follow him upstairs. There were a lot of bedrooms, both on the main level and second level of the home. Harry was the only one to bring a date this summer, so his friends granted him the privilege of the bedroom with the en suite bath.

“Here we are, love.” He puts her bags down and closes the door behind them. He lets her look around for a moment. She peeps her head into the bathroom and then she smiles at him.

“This is amazing. I can’t believe I’m really here.

“Me neither.” He cups her jaw and kisses her. She wraps her arms around his waist as he licks into her mouth. “Missed you, baby.”

“Missed you too.” He bites down on her bottom lip, and his hands start to slide farther south, but she stops him. “We can’t.”

“Dinner can wait.”

“No, I mean…I need two more days.”

“What?”

“I have my period, but it should be done soon. I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright.” He sighs. “Better to have it now than later when we’re camping, right?”

“Mhm.” She smiles and kisses him again.

“Besides, we’ve got that nice big shower.” He winks at her, and then leads her out of the bedroom.

He keeps his hand on the small of her back as they walk down the dock to the boat. She could already smell the seafood.

“Shit!” She stops short. “We have to take a selfie to send to my mom, she wanted proof I wasn’t kidnapped.”

“Alright.” He chuckles. She takes her phone out to snap the quick photo, and then they continue onto the boat. “Oi! Can I get everyone’s attention, thank you.” All of the boys look at Harry and Y/N. “Clark, Adam, Ben, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.”

“Hi.” She says shyly.

“Don’t look like a hockey player to me.” Ben says, jokingly. “Nice to meet you, finally.” He extends his hand and she shakes it.

“Don’t be fooled, she can really pack a punch.” Harry says, sitting down.

“It’s great to meet you, Y/N.” Adam says, giving her a hug. “Hope you don’t mind being with a bunch of guys for the next couple of weeks.”

“It’s not a problem.” She smiles.

“Harry’s told us a lot about you.” Clark says, shaking her hand. “Nice to actually see you in person. Harry’s always sending us pictures of you.”

Y/N turns to look at Harry, giving him a face.

“All tasteful, I promise. Come here.” He pulls her to sit on his lap. “How’s dinner coming along?”

“The steamers have just about popped.” Adam says. “We’ve also got crab legs. Do you like all that, Y/N?”

“Yeah, I love seafood, thank you.”

“Alright, now that we don’t need to drive anywhere else,” Niall starts. “can we get to drinking?”

“Read my mind.” Ben says, getting up to pull the cooler of beer over. “Do you like beer, Y/N? We have other drinks if you don’t.”

“Beer’s great, thanks.” She smiles and leans forward to grab one for her and Harry. “I guess this is my first legal drink, that’s sorta cool.”

“That’s right! You don’t have to second guess a thing here.” Harry says, cracking his beer open. They all clink their cans together and take a sip.

Adam brings the pig pot of steamers up from below deck, and Clark brings out the crab legs and butter. Louis helps with the cocktail sauce and plates. Everyone takes what they want and dig in.

“Mm, these are delicious.” Y/N says. “Thanks so much for making all this.”

“We thought your arrival would be the perfect night to do this, so thank you.” Adam says.

“So, you three have known Harry since high school?”

“Well, we call it secondary school.” Ben says. “But yeah, think you and Adam have known each other the longest though.” Harry nods his head. “We became pretty good mates after a school camping trip.”

“I think we started coming here when we were sixteen?” Clark looks at Adam.

“I’d say so, yeah. My dad’s had this house a while. I think sixteen is when he trusted us enough to come here a lone. Lotta good summers here.”

“How did you two meet again? You had a class together?” Ben asks.

“Nope, she needed a tutor.” Harry says.

“Mhm, and lucky me, I got paired up with the most studious one of them all.”

“H really is a bit serious, isn’t he?” Clark teases.

“Gotta be serious to get good grades.”

“So, how did Harry get all these tattoos, I’m not seeing many on you.” She says to three of them.

“That would be me, love.” Louis says. “You didn’t get them all with me, but I feel like freshman year we were constantly driving out to the tattoo shop.”

“Once I got one I couldn’t stop.” Harry says. “I went with these guys to get a few more, the ones on my arms. My mum was pissed.”

“Didn’t you say she nearly fainted when she saw the butterfly?” Clark asks with a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s why I got so many on my stomach in the first place so she wouldn’t see, but it was inevitable.” He shrugs. “Think I’m due for a new one while we’re here, I’d say.” He looks at his right arm. “Not sure where though.” He laughs.

“You should get a mate for your mermaid.” Niall jokes.

“She’s an independent woman, she’s all set.”

Everyone laughs and continues to enjoy their food. They all help clean up and enjoy more drinks by the fire pit after the sun goes down fully. Y/N was having difficulty staying awake. She was up early, had that long flight, and she really just wanted to shower and go to bed.

“Would you care if I went in?” She says to him. “Think I’m ready to for a shower, and I wanna unpack a bit.”

“Sure! Yeah, I’ll head in with you in a minute.”

“Okay.” She stands up. “Night everyone, thanks for a great first say.” She smiles and then heads inside.

“She’s really nice, H.” Adam says. “I like her a lot already.”

“Thanks.” Harry smiles. “I like her a lot too.” He stands up and heads up to their shared bedroom.

“You could have stayed outside if you wanted, I’m just getting my things settled.”

“I know…I thought you might need help with the shower.” He rubs the back of his neck.

“I probably could have figure it out.” She smirks at him.

“Well, maybe I need a shower too. Been outside all day, after all.” He steps closer to her and she can feel her cheeks heating up.

“Harry…I…I want to, but…” She bites her bottom lip. “Last time we tried to do it on my period it really hurt, and I didn’t like it as much as I may have led on.”

“You didn’t fake it did you?”

“No! I came, but…it just wasn’t super comfortable. I really wanna be close with you, I just need a couple more days, and then you can pound me into the mattress for all I care.” Harry chuckles at her statement and he nods.

“Well, can we still shower together without the funny business? I just really missed you.”

“Yeah, just give me a minute in there alone, you know the drill.”

He nods and watches her walk into the en suite with her toiletry bag. She gets the water going, and steps in, opting to get her hair wet to give it a good wash. She calls for him once she feels secure enough, and he comes in right away. They look at each other for a moment, and then he crashes his mouth to hers, pushing her against the wall. Her hands fly to his hair and she moans into his mouth at the feeling of his hard dick pressed against her hip. His tongue glides against her as he gropes her breast with one hand and her ass with the other. He detaches his lips from hers to get some air, and immediately starts sucking on her neck.

“Th-thought you said no funny business.” She manages to get out.

“I don’t find any of this funny, do you?” He says lowly into her ear.

“No.” She breathes and he continues his attack on her neck.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything you don’t wanna do.” He pulls away from her slightly. “I just couldn’t help myself when I walked in here, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She pulls him back, pressing their fronts together. “I really missed you too.”

After some more passionate kisses, they clean themselves up and get out of the shower. Harry leaves her so she has some privacy putting her underwear on. She runs the blow dryer through her quickly so it’s not sopping wet before coming to bed. She throws on a large t-shirt, and Harry can’t help but smile as he watches his cute girlfriend crawl into the large bed with him.

“So, are you not able to swim? We were hoping to take the boat out tomorrow.”

“Does the boat have a bathroom?”

“It does! It’s small, but functional.”

“Then I can definitely go swimming.” She smiles and cozies up to him. She sighs happily. “I really missed this.”

“Me too.” He looks down at her. “I think I sleep better when you’re next to me.”

She pouts up at him and slots her mouth over his. It felt so good to just be able to kiss and touch how they pleased. FaceTiming was great and all, but always left them with a sense of wanting and yearning. The physical touch was something they both craved from the other.

//

The morning sun creeps into the bedroom, causing Y/N’s eyes to flutter open. She feels like she’s in a dream, but things become real when she feels Harry’s arms around her and his pelvis pressing into her ass. She thinks to maybe take care of him, offer up a hand job or something, but before she can he’s peppering kisses to the back of her neck and then getting out of bed.

“Ready to start the day?” He yawns. “We gotta pack up everything we wanna eat for the day. There’s a mini kitchen below deck, which is nice. I stalked up on some things I know you like from the store.”

“Thank you.” She smiles as he walks into the bathroom. Y/N gets up and stretches a bit. She scowls when she feels a cramp roll through her lower body. She grabs her pills and swallows. She was on the first week of her new pack. “One more day and you’re gone.” She says to herself.

“Are you talking to your period?” Harry chuckles as he comes out of the bathroom.

“Maybe.” She raises an eyebrow at him. “Just started my new pack of pills, should definitely be over by tomorrow.”

“No worries.” He kisses her cheek and goes into the drawer for his swim trunks and a white t-shirt.

“Should I pack other clothes to change into?”

“Nah, we’ll come back here and get cleaned up. I think we’re gonnna go to a bar tonight, should be fun.”

Y/N nods and searches for one of her new bathing suits. She snatches and goes into the bathroom. She hated using tampons, especially this late in her period because things just felt uncomfortably dry, but it wasn’t like she could wear a pad with her bottoms, so this is what she needs to do. Once that’s all situated, she puts her hair up into a messy bun, and slides her bottoms on. They were navy blue, not super high waist, but not super low cut either, mid-rise. She grabs her top, and struggles with getting the back tied. It was a really cute floral string top that matched perfectly with the bottoms.

“Har?” She calls from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” He peeps his head in carefully.

“Could you tie the back of this for me please?”

“Um…sure.” He swallows as he steps closer to her and ties the back of the top. “Is that good?”

She looks in the mirror and adjusts her breasts.

“Yeah, should be alright, thank you.”

“That’s a really nice bathing suit.”

“Thanks.” She smiles. “I just got it, I wanted to have some cute ones for the trip.” Her breasts giggle as she lets them go, and he can’t help but watch.

“Thought you might wear a one piece or something.” He says as he follows her out of the bathroom.

“I can’t really wear those, my torso is long, and they make them way too high cut, it’s not cute on me.” She puts on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top over her bathing suit and smiles at him. “You’ve got sunscreen and all that?”

“Yeah.”

Harry knew he didn’t need to worry about Louis, Niall, or Adam really looking at Y/N. It was Ben and Clark. As good of friends as they were, and they were just as respectful as Harry was, he knew they would still look and gawk at her. He had zero control over it, and that’s the part he hated.

The kitchen smells like fresh coffee, and Harry can hear Y/N giggling as Ben pours her a cup and gives her some creamer. Here we go, Harry thinks to himself.

“Here, Harry.” Louis says, handing him a cup of black coffee.

“Thanks.” He smiles and takes it from him.

“Sleep well, Y/N?” Clark asks.

“Better than I have in weeks, yeah.” She looks at Harry and he looks at her.

“Alrighty then.” Adam says. “Well, I’ve got most of the coolers packed, got all the sunscreen we could need. I figure we could grill on the boat for lunch later. Sound good with everyone?” Everyone hums in agreement. “Perfect, let’s head out.”

Y/N puts her sunglasses on and goes outside with everyone. She sits down on the boat and watches all the boys while they work to get going. It was quite a sight to see Harry maneuvering the different ropes. Adam drives the boat out, and Harry plops down next to Y/N.

“He’s gonna take us out to this sand bar where other boats anchor. It’s a lot of fun, just swimming around, doing nothing. You can lay out on the other end too, work on your tan.”

“Is that what you’ve been doing?”

“Mhm.” He smiles. “I love sitting out in the sun.”

“Me too. It’s been great working at the bar because I can go to the beach during the day with my friends and stuff, and then just go in at night.”

“How’s the gang doing?”

“Oh, they’re great. Max has a girlfriend, and she’s really nice. She came to visit for a weekend to meet all of us.”

Harry felt slightly relieved knowing that Max was seeing someone. He never brought his uneasiness about him to Y/N, and right now he was especially glad he didn’t.

“That’s nice.” He kisses her cheek.

Once the boat is anchored at the sandbar, Y/N takes her cover up off along with the boys. Having basically grown up in a locker room, Y/N wasn’t really nervous to be so exposed around friends. If they hadn’t seen a boob or a butt cheek by now then that was on them. She takes a few photos on her phone. The view was incredible, and she felt so lucky to be there. Harry comes up from behind her and gives her a squeeze.

“Would you help me with the sunscreen?” He asks.

“Of course!” She sprays it all over him and rubs it in on his back and shoulders. “Do me?”

He nods and does the same for her, making sure to get under her straps so she wouldn’t be splotchy. They hear a few splashes. Louis, Niall, and Clark all jumping in.

“The water’s so warm!” Niall shouts to everyone still aboard.

“I’m not quite ready to go in yet.” Y/N whispers to Harry.

“You don’t have to…here.” He grabs a towel from a bag. “Lay out on this, I’m just gonna go in for a quick dip and then I’ll join you.” He smiles and kisses the tip of her nose.

“M’surprised she’s not right in here with you.” Louis says as Harry swims over to them.

“She…uh…well, she’s got her period.” He whispers. “So I think she’s trying to hold off on going in for a bit.”

“Ah, say no more.” Louis says.

“That’s gotta be so annoying.” Niall says. “Did it just start?”

“No, she said it should end tomorrow, so she just needs to tough it out today.”

“We should have gone to the shops then…” Louis says.

“It’s alright, she can still swim, she just doesn’t want to have to deal with, uh, changing yet I think.”

“Changing what?” Clark asks.

“Her…you know.” Harry says, blushing. “Ugh, can we not talk about this actually?”

“Talk about what?” Ben asks as he swims towards them.

“Nothing.” Harry, Niall, and Louis all say at the same time.

They all hear Y/N laughing from the boat. Adam is sitting next to her on the deck.

“Look, Adam has someone to have girl talk with, this’ll be perfect.” Ben says.

“Oi.” Harry splashes him. “Don’t say shit like that. Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s girly. We all paint our nails and wear jewelry for Christ’s sake, we’re not all exactly following gender norms here.”

“Okay, okay, fuck.” Ben laughs and splashes Harry back.

After his quick dip, Harry joins Y/N on the deck to lay out. She looked perfect to him. Laying on her stomach, he could see the cute curve of her bum. He lays down on a towel next to her, and boops her nose as she turns to look at him.

“How was the water?”

“Nice and warm, ready whenever you are.”

“Sun feels good.” She yawns.

“Good.” He smiles at her. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me too.”

Y/N ends up falling asleep for a bit, which Harry thinks is the cutest thing in the world. He nudges her awake, though, and hands her a bottle of water. She shits up and happily takes it.

“Think I’m ready to go in now, I’m hot.”

“Okay.”

He leads her down to where the latter is, and helps her in by giving her a piggy back ride. She warned him that she wasn’t the strongest swimmer before the trip. Luckily, she could easily stand about belly button deep.

“Y/N, catch!” Niall tosses her a tennis ball, and she catches it.

Adam was hanging out on a float nearby with Ben, and Clark was talking with Louis about some soccer player. Y/N, Harry, and Niall get into a game of catch with the tennis ball. Once noon hits, someone has the brilliant idea to start drinking. Y/N goes up on deck with Harry and she pulls him aside.

“Would you come to the bathroom with me?” She whispers as she grabs her beach bag.

“Yeah.”

He leads her below deck and shows her the bathroom. She asks him to just wait outside and guard the door while she’s in there. He hears her grunt painfully before hearing the sink. She comes out with sigh.

“Alright?”

“Yeah…it just…ugh, it’s just annoying. It’s fine.” She takes a moment to look around. “It’s like a little apartment down here, it’s nice.”

“Yeah, the couch turns into a pull out, it’s pretty cool. We’ve all slept out on the boat before. One summer when there was a lot of us someone just used it as a spare room.”

“Who wants vodka?” Adam asks.

“Me!” Y/N says as her and Harry come back up. “Any soda or anything to go with it?”

“Cranberry juice.” Harry says with a grin and Y/N smiles wider.

Ben fires up the grill while everyone starts to drink. It was a delicious lunch that Y/N was grateful for. Everyone was getting a little tipsy, which resulted in Harry (and others) doing a backflip off the deck and into the water. Y/N had no idea Harry would even do that. He must really be letting loose.

Once everyone sobered up a bit, Adam drives the boat back to the house. It was the perfect day in the sun, but Y/N couldn’t wait to shower off all the sunscreen.

“Do you guys wanna, like, chill for a little while? I could use a nap, honestly.” Clark says. “We won’t be heading to the club until midnight so I’d rather sleep and then have a late dinner.”

“Agreed.” Niall says. “I’m exhausted.”

“Midnight?” Y/N says to Harry as they go up to their room.

“Yeah, things are open later here so we go out later. We’ll pregame and stuff like normal, but it’s sort of lame to be the first ones at a club.”

“Right.” She chuckles. “Well, I am in desperate need of a shower.”

“Alright, I suppose I’ll be a gentleman and let you go first.” He rolls his eyes playfully.

“You can come in with me.”

“If I do that I’m gonna need to fuck you, Y/N.”

“Oh.”

“You’ve looked so sexy all day.” He plays with the strap on the top of her bathing suit. “Don’t have much self-control left.”

“I’ll just, um, go in alone then.” She swallows.

She really wanted to have sex with Harry, but it just wasn’t time yet. She takes a quick shower, and he follows in shortly after her. She didn’t seem to be bleeding anymore, but she put a pad on anyways and a large t-shirt. She sinks into the pillows on the bed and waits for Harry.

“Think I need a nap too.” He yawns. “Swimming and day drinking really tires you out.”

“Yeah.” She laughs and opens her arms for him. He rests his head on her chest and gets comfy.

“This is the best.”

“Absolutely.” She plays with his damp hair and he feels like he’s going to melt into her.

“Oh!” He sits up abruptly and looks at her. “I had an epiphany the other night with the guys.”

“About what?”

“What I might like to do after graduation. We were sitting smoking and it just came to me.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say you were smoking?” She sits up with a surprised look on her face.

“I don’t do it during the school year because sometimes I wig out, but I was fine the other night. Anyways, do you wanna hear what I wanna do?”

“Of course, lay it on me.”

“Human Resources.”

“What about it?”

“That’s what I want to do, Y/N! I all of these ethics classes would really prepare me for that field, and I could literally work anywhere. I’d probably have to start out doing some customer service work and then slowly work my way up, but I think I could be good at it.”

“You wanna deal with sexual harassment stuff?”

“That’s not the only thing that HR reps do, there’s payroll, workplace compliance with dress code and safety. I’d be like Toby from The Office, only cool.”

Y/N smiles and giggle for a moment.

“Well, you’re clearly excited about it, so I think it’s great. Course, I think you’d be good at anything you set your mind to.”

“Thanks, babe. I know it sounds like a boring job, but I don’t think it has to be. Plus, you can make a fuck ton of money.”

“Is that the most important thing to you?”

“No, I suppose being happy is, but a decent salary would be nice too.”

“You’d probably have to wear a suit every day.” She bites her bottom lip.

“Mhm, probably.”

“Sexiest HR rep in the history of HR reps.”

He smiles as he leans in to kiss her. She pulls him on top of her, but keeps her legs closed. After a quick make out session, they decide just to cuddle and snooze for a bit. Harry wakes up to a lack of warmth. He sits up when he doesn’t feel Y/N next to him. She comes out of the bathroom and looks at him.

“What time is it?” He knuckles at his eyes.

“A little after six. What do you think we’re doing for dinner?”

“Ben said he’d make fresh pasta.” Harry yawns and stretches. “It’s his turn to cook.” He gives her a kiss on the cheek before looking for some clothes.

“What should I wear tonight? I have this cute red dress…” She pulls it out of the closet and his eyes grow wide. He puts his glasses on so he can see better.

“That’s…wow, yeah, that’ll look great on you.”

“I really like the cut out on the front. I’ll just put some shorts and a t-shirt on for now. No use in getting ready yet.”

“Right.”

Harry just throws on a pair of shorts and looks at her.

“Must be nice to just walk around shirtless all the time. Wish I could do the same.”

“Well, you could, but I wouldn’t feel terribly comfortable with all of the guys ogling you.” He smirks and she nudges him out of the room.

“Something smells good!” She says as she sees Ben over the stove. “You really made fresh pasta?”

“Yup, and meatballs. Mum’s recipe.”

Y/N was amazed at seeing so many guys just being domestic. Her freshman year of college she had made friends with a few guys on the men’s hockey team and their apartment was always gross. They never did their laundry and always ordered takeout. This was one of the things Y/N really liked about Harry. He was clean and respectful, and it was nice to see he surrounded himself with similar people.

“Oh my fucking god.” She moans as she takes a bit of the food. “That’s delicious.”

“Thanks.” Ben beams. “Hear that, mate, she likes my cooking.”

“Don’t get too cocky, she likes mine plenty, right?” Harry says to her.

“Of course, babe.”

“Babe.” Adam and Clark say together lovingly.

“Enough teasing.” Harry points his knife at them. “Get enough of it from these two at school.”

“Please, we hardly tease you.” Louis scoffs.

“You did when we first started going out, it was so annoying.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“You teased him?” Y/N looks at Louis and Niall. “Not very nice boys.” She shakes her head as she takes another bite.

“It was all in good fun.” Niall says.

After cleaning up dinner, the drinks come back out and everyone does shots of tequila. This was what Y/N had been missing. Just hanging out with people her own age without any parents around.

“Wait, so I need to ask.” Clark starts. “Why hockey?”

“I was too aggressive for soccer and lacrosse. No padding.” She takes another shot and sucks on a lime.

“Jesus.” Adam says. “Why were you so aggressive?”

“I had a lot of, um, pent up anger from my parent’s split…we had to see, um, well it was suggested to me that I try hockey. I already knew how to skate, so it wasn’t difficult for me to pick up.”

“She’s brilliant on the ice.” Harry says, putting an arm around her. “I bet you’ll be captain senior year.”

“Do you have siblings, do they play sports?” Ben asks.

“My younger sister does theater, she’s going to this school…um…AMDA in New York this fall, I’m really excited for her, she’s very talented. My little brother plays hockey too…for the same reasons. At least the boys get to hit each other.” She scoffs. “If there had been a female football league I think I would have done that, but it didn’t exist so hockey it was. Besides, I really do just love it. My mom was able to send me to hockey camp a couple times, and I got to meet some nice people that I still stay in touch with. It’s just a great sport.”

Pregaming was good, but it was getting to be time to change. Y/N takes her hair out of its bun and shakes it out. She had some nice beach waves from earlier. She touches up her makeup, and slips into her dress. It was tight, red, and had a cutout just below her breasts. It wasn’t something she wore often, but she thought a club in Italy would be a perfect occasion. She slips her white tennis shoes on, ever the practical person. Harry feels the wind get knocked out of him when she steps out of the bathroom.

He didn’t look too shabby himself. A white, silk short-sleeve shirt with the first few buttons undone, and a pair of black shorts. He looks her up and down after putting his contacts in.

“Jesus.”

“Isn’t it cute?” She spins around for him.

“Very.” He puts his hands on her hips. “Do we need to leave?”

“Harry.” She giggles. “We can get frisky when we get back.”

“Does that mean-“

“Mhm.” She winks at him.

The boys were all dressed and ready, and a few paid some compliments to Y/N. Harry keeps his arm around her as they walk to the downtown area. They’re able to get into the club with ease, and they all go up to the bar. The bartender gives Y/N’s hers on the house and she smiles.

The music was good, they all dance as a group, but Harry dances behind Y/N with his hands on her hips, which she didn’t mind one bit. His friends had seen him dance with plenty of girls, it wasn’t awkward or anything. They all drank a fuck ton as the night went on. Y/N was loving having her dance partner back. Her head was rolled back onto Harry’s chest while they grind together. He turns her around and pulls her close so he can kiss her, tongue immediately going into her mouth. She wraps her arms around his neck and tugs him as close as they could possibly be. This kiss is hot and forceful. Her fingers lace through his hair.

“Fuck.” He breathes. “Need to get you out of here.” He nearly growls. Y/N nods her head, too frazzled to speak.

Harry finds Adam and lets him know they’re leaving. They both walk quickly, hand in hand, out of the club. The walk back to the house felt like any other time they left a party to go get busy. They giggle and stop to steal kisses until they get to where they need to be. He gets her inside and lifts her over his shoulder.

“Harry!” She squeals.

“Shh, some of the boys could have brought people back.” He gives her bum a little smack as he carries her up the stairs. She laughs, but does as he says to try to stay quiet.

He gets them both on the bed, and she straddles him immediately, her hair falling into her face as she sucks on his bottom lip. He helps move it out of the way, and this his hand slide down her body to grope and squeeze at her ass. She rocks her lips against his, and at this point it just feels torturous for them both. He grabs her hips and gets her on her back.

“You’re really all good?”

“Mhm.”

He lifts the hem of her dress and bunches it up by her hips. His mouth falls open when he sees the red thong she had paired with the dress.

“You’re the devil.” He says, kissing her lips as he pets over her. “You’re good, you’re okay with this?”

“Yes, so okay with it, please.” She nearly whines.

He moves the thin material to the side, and slides two of his fingers inside her. They swallow each other’s moans. He uses his other hand to yank her breasts out of the top of her dress, something she wasn’t expecting, and then he sucks on one of her nipples while he fingers her. Her back arches when his fingers curl up against her g-spot.

“There we are.” He smirks. “Like that, baby girl?”

“Yeah, just like that, Harry.” Her head rolls back into the pillow. “Oh my god, oh my fucking god.” She moans.

“That’s it, let it all out for me.”

He was knuckle deep, and she couldn’t control any of the noises leaving her mouth. She cries out when she comes to her release. He gives her moment before pulling his fingers out. She looks up at him.

“Get your clothes off, now.” She demands.

“Yes ma’am.” He says, saluting her and getting up.

She helps him get his shirt off, attaching her lips to his stomach and sucking on his special spots. His hips buck forward. He tugs her dress off, and his pants drop to the ground at the same time. She wiggles out of her thong, and Harry rids himself of his boxers.

“Really wanna feel you, can we do that?” She pouts at him.

“Yeah.”

She pins him down and straddles him, lining herself up with him and sinking down. They both let out throaty moans at the contact.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He groans as he rocks her back and forth on him.

“Been too long without you.” She starts bouncing up and down on him slowly, and he rubs her clit. “Fuck, Harry.” She squeezes around him.

“Come as many times as you want, don’t hold back.” He says, rubbing her faster.

Her body falls on his and she cries out into his neck. He helps her move back and forth on him as she comes to. She knew she was overly sensitive from having not been touched by him in two months. He looks at her and opens his mouth. Her eyebrows raise, but then she remembers what he wants her to do. She wells up some spit and lets it drip slowly from her tongue to his. He swallows it and smiles up at her. A hand goes to the back of her head, and he yanks her face down to his so he can kiss her. Their tongue move around each other as he thrusts up into her.

“Need it from behind.” He says against her mouth.

She gets off him and gets in position for him. He gives her a gentle smack before sliding back in. His hands grip at her hips as he thrusts in and out.

“Gonna fuck you every day for the next two weeks, as many times as you want. You just say the word, and it’ll be just like this.”

“Fuck, Harry.” His words alone were going to make her lose it again.

“Don’t care where we are, if you want my cock, my mouth, my fingers, you’ve got it.”

She moans out as she comes again, and he loves the way she tightens around him, but he’s trying to hold on a little longer. He hadn’t fucked her in so long, and even though he knew they could do it again, he just wanted to enjoy the initial moment a little longer. He pulls out of her and gets her on her back, and in he goes once against. He takes her hands and pins them on either side of her head. He kisses her as he rocks in and out.

“H-Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Oh, baby, I love you too.” He kisses her.

Things had turned from rushed and frantic to loving and sweet. She rocks her hips along with his, and it feels amazing. He slows down the pace to really just take her all in.

“Love you so much.” He whispers in her ear. He picks up the pace a little, and he can feel himself getting closer.

“Please, come inside me, Harry.” She whimpers. “Wanna feel all of you.”

He bites down on her neck while he comes and she moans out at the feeling of him filling her up. He kisses her cheeks and nips at her lips before slowly pulling out. She gasps at the loss of him at first. She gets up to use the bathroom quickly, and then gets into bed with him. He tugs her to lay fully on top of him. She nuzzles into his chest, leaving kisses every few moments. He rubs her back and moves some hair away from her face so she’ll look up at him. He opens his mouth to say something, but he feels good about the comfortable silence. He opts to just kiss her forehead instead. They both sigh with happiness.

As they fell asleep in each other’s arms, neither had a care in the world. They both knew this was the only time in their lives that they could be so carefree, and they weren’t going to waste it or worry. They wanted to be with each other right now, and that was good enough for the both of them.

[thedistantdusk]

Arcadia, Chapter 4

Well! What could happen next to our star-crossed investigative pair? Yeah idk, man... somehow, this fic got a lot darker than I intended. Anyway! Thanks again to the same folks, without whom this story wouldn’t be possible. None of this story is safe for work, and this chapter is no exception ;) 

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

D A Y + F O U R

She’s not sure when she wakes up. Her eyes blink open in the bleary morning… that foggy gap between night and day. Blue-green light streams through the windows, coloring the bedroom like it’s underwater.

He’s the first thing she notices, all warm and curled beside her. Harry… her Harry. A sad smile graces her lips as it all comes flooding back. Mike. The tulpa. The shower. Harry…

But together, all of those things are uncomfortable. Bits of it were nice, but the whole thing makes her stomach churn. It’s much easier to—

She presses her bum against him, hoping that wakes him up. Hoping he takes the hint. Harry heaves a deep breath, but doesn’t acknowledge her. Ginny bites her lip and wiggles back. Again.

Finally, he responds. But not how she’d hoped.

“Let’s… not jump to starting that up again,” Harry murmurs into her ear, his voice graveled with sleep. “Ok?”

She whips around, brow furrowed. “So you’ve suddenly become unattracted to—?”

He barks out a humorless laugh and reaches for his glasses. “We both know that’ll never happen.” He takes her in, reclining on the tufted headboard; she can’t help but feel flattered by the red patches that bloom on his cheeks. “Erm…” He clears his throat. “Could you get a dressing gown, actually? I really want to have a serious conversation and…”

He’s never been able to concentrate while she’s naked, has he?

“Sure.” For some reason, her skin prickles as she rises to her feet to pad across the carpet. Exposed. She feels exposed, even though Harry’s probably seen her naked more times than she has. Because this time, it’s not so much that he’s seeing her body naked— it’s that he’s about to discuss things she’s tried very, very hard to deny.

Ginny emerges from the closet in a white dressing gown and gives Harry a little twirl. “Happy?”

His lips curl in a tired smile. “Not… exactly. But I’m hoping to change that.”

“Oh?” Ginny settles in the desk chair. She’s not keen on this conversation, but some part of her recognizes it’s long overdue.

Harry begins by clearing his throat again. “So. Erm.” He places his fingers in a steeple and studies them. “As I… admitted last night, I’ve never stopped loving you. It’s been an awful, awful five years, but frankly it would’ve been worse if we’d stayed together, under those circumstances.”

She opens her mouth to object, but he raises a hand to forestall an interruption.

“Let… let me finish. Because after Percy died...” He shoots her a significant look. “You changed. Ok?”

“That’s not exactly fair,” she snaps, peering at her painted toenails. “Of fucking course I changed. If I didn’t change, I’d be a bloody sociopath. Is that who you wanted to shag?”

Harry heaves a deep sigh. “No. And I’m not going to let you get away with twisting things… again. Ok? Please, just let me finish.”

She presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth. For fuck’s sake, why does she already want to cry?

“You changed,” Harry continues, “and I really don’t blame you for it, but you refused to talk about Percy, or that night, or- or honestly, even anything remotely sad! Ever!” He pauses to collect his thoughts; guilt stabs at Ginny’s stomach. She wasn’t aware this frustrated him quite so much…

“You threw yourself into schoolwork,” he adds, blinking at the far wall. “You lost interest in things you loved. We still had sex, but it was…” He winces. “Unattached. It was… it was like it didn’t even need to be me there, in particular.” His eyes flit back to hers. “I tried to talk to you about it loads of times, but then when you joined the Unspeakables, you just used that as an excuse.”

Traitorous tears drip down her cheeks. She brushes them away to defend herself. “I was already interested in joining up before that,” Ginny insists, her voice warbling. “You weren’t there that year, Harry. You didn’t see what it was like at Hogwarts. The Unspeakables were putting out all this… this rubbish misinformation about you and about muggleborns, and—”

“—All of that is well and good,” Harry interrupts, “but the fact is that you became a different person after Percy died, and after nearly a year of living with that, I’d had enough.” He shrugs. “And even five years later, you’ve never sought help, as far as I know. Professional help, from someone who knows what they’re talking about. Not the type of help you find at the bottom of a pint.”

He’s right, of course. It’s like a stinging slap in the face, but he’s bloody right.

“So!” Harry clears his throat again. “As much as I… enjoyed last night, that can’t happen again if we don’t fix what split us up before. You’re still convinced you killed Percy. Until you’re not? This”— he gestures between them— “can’t work. Full stop.”

Ginny swallows and stares into her lap. “I’m not responsible for my brother’s death,” she whispers, emotionless. It’s a mantra, an oath, one she’s so accustomed to repeating that it’s turned foreign and unfamiliar on her tongue.

“Oh, I’m aware,” Harry says, spreading his palms. “The whole bloody world is aware, Jenny.” He sucks his teeth. “But you aren’t.”

There’s a pause. Ginny bites her lip, tempted to launch the spring-loaded denial she’s learned through years of counseling. But this time, it doesn’t come.

Because Harry knows better.

Shit.

That fact settles in the pit of her stomach; what are the chances, really, that she found herself trapped and playing house with the only person on earth who knows better.

“I was the last to see him,” she mutters, eyes downcast. “I told him he’d never replace Fred. I was drunk. Stupid. Stupidly drunk.” She grips her head in her hands, but the words don’t stop. They’re shooting from her, spurred by years of grief and regret and bursting forth like a steam engine.

“My stupid fucking temper,” she continues, every syllable dripping with self-loathing. “Ruining everything. And then he goes and—” She makes a flailing gesture. “Offs himself. Right on my mother’s fucking birthday! The day before your parents—”

“I know,” Harry whispers, his voice pleading. “Ginny, I know. But please, love, it’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault.”

She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe. It’s too much to say it aloud, to admit it, to let the waves of regret wash over her. There’s a scuttling of movement as she blinks ahead, gaping like a fish out of water. She’s not even surprised to feel Harry wrapping his arms around her and bringing her back to the bed. To feel his lips pressing to her temple as her body wracks with sobs. And she can’t do anything but lean into him. She can’t do anything but surrender, completely. To indulge in feeling raw and vulnerable and alive.

She doesn’t know how long it takes to come to. It’s not until she’s clinging to his chest that she draws a deep breath.

“You never told me any of this,” Harry says softly, mournfully, his hand playing with her hair. He loves her hair. He’s always loved her hair. With a final sob, she admits— if only to herself— that she misses letting him love it. She misses how he’d bury his face in the crook of her neck. How he’d inhale deeply, right at the crown of her head, and blink down at her with a dreamy smile.

She misses him.

Fuck. She misses him. And not just shagging him… but the whole bit. The late-night snacks and discussions on quidditch plays and heated debates about the best brand of toilet roll.

“What… what if I agree to work on it?” she finally whispers, eyelashes thick with half-dried tears.

Harry sighs; his hands still haven’t left her hair. “If we both agree to work on it… because trust me, I’m not doing fantastic either.” He lets out a chuckle. “Do you know how weird that was, being the stable one for once? Anyway.” He waves this off and continues. “If we both work on it, with proper mind-healers…” He swallows. “I don’t see why we couldn't be physical. Eventually.”

She pulls back to give him a watery grin. “I love you,” she murmurs. For the first time in years, her chest feels full. Her heart warm. Like there’s a chance at something in the future that doesn’t involve work and sadness and takeaways.

But speaking of work.

“I’d erm. Like to keep things with us private,” she says, playing with a piece of lint on the duvet. “Especially from work. And my family. Because…”

The thought of Attica’s face, pinched in disappointment, is nearly enough to replace the progress they’ve made over the past day.

“No,” Harry agrees quickly. “That’s. Yeah. Especially from Ron.” He shudders. “Can you imagine how well that would go over?”

“Huh! That’s ridiculous, Harry.” She bats her eyes at him, her expression the picture of innocence. “You mean you don’t want my brother to know that you went down on me and promptly spunked your—”

He cuts her off with a laugh, tossing a pillow on her face. She pulls it off with a giggle before settling beside him.

“Didn’t think you noticed that,” he admits, trailing a finger down the side of her face. “I really hoped you were asleep.”

She stifles a yawn. “Mmm. Don’t have to be Hermione to put that one together. Clue one: you were down there, which you’ve always… enjoyed.” She sleepily raises her eyebrows. “Clue two, I’ve seen you do that before — more than once— and you always have this weird… sort of duck-walk to take your trousers off.”

Harry groans, his entire face the color of her hair. “Please, please, don’t stop on account of me.” He somehow manages a sarcastic drawl as he removes his glasses and places them on the bedside table. “Let’s continue to detail all the times I’ve finished too quickly.”

“Not just too quickly,” she corrects, kissing him on the nose. “I’m only talking about coming in your trousers, which you’ve also managed to do several ti—”

Harry snorts. “And how many times have you done it, then?” His green eyes dance with mischief. “Also more than once. As memory serves, our time at Hogwarts got a lot more interesting once you discovered the combination of my thigh and snogging. You just don’t have the equipment to make things particularly messy when—”

“Clue three!” she loudly calls over him. He has the grace to laugh as she turns so they're spooning, her bum pressed against his crotch.

“I… said I loved you,” she finishes, interlacing their fingers. “And that’s always… you know.”

Harry shudders; there’s a sudden rise of fabric against her bum. “Ok, speaking of embarrassing,” he admits, adjusting himself. “You’re actually going to have to erm. Stop saying that? For now? Because…”

“Trust me, Auror Potter,” she murmurs, dropping her voice to her best impression of Kingsley. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“Unfair,” he complains, toying with a piece of her hair. “As you can see, I’m a bit of a mess. It still turns me on when you say you love me.”

“Yeah, well, it still turns me on when you breathe,” she mutters, her eyes growing heavy. “Reckon we can just be messes together.”

Harry chuckles before burying his face into her hair. “I’ll always be your mess. Jenny.”

[airashisakura]

Pregnancy Diaries

Chapter 6 - Sakura's Birthday

Written for

SakuraHarunoBPBirthday2021 @sasusakublankperiodweek

Prompts - Sakura gets sick on her birthday and Sasuke forgets her birthday

and

@harunosakuraweek Day 8 - Sakura's Birthday

Rating: General audience

Characters : Haruno Sakura, Sasuke Uchiha and Aoda

Summary : When Sakura gets sick and Sasuke forgets her birthday because the expectant parents were too busy panicking

FFN AO3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Sasuke's eyes were sad as he fixed the blanket on Sakura's body. Though spring had arrived, it was still cold... Or, Sasuke thought, maybe it was because of where they were staying. Sasuke muttered a curse under his breath, because staying at one of Orochimaru's hideouts was equal parts hilarious and dangerous.

Had he been seriously out of his mind when he suggested the idea? He rubbed his temples, berating himself for his decision. The dark dungeons were the last place on the earth where he wanted to bring his ailing wife.

He slumped on the chair beside the bed where Sakura was resting. He covered his eyes with his lone arm, sighing with frustration. Every inch of his body felt tired after all they had been through. He needed sleep, but he couldn’t.

They had stopped abruptly when Sakura told him that she couldn’t continue the mission in her current state. While they had been heading for Konoha, they were delayed by frequent stops because of Sakura's sore feet and nausea. Sasuke made sure to take the safest path, which turned out to be the longest one.

Although his brain wanted to hurry as fast as he could in situations like that, he kept control over his pace. Every wince on Sakura’s face made him anxious, and even when he used Susanoo, he was extra careful.

It was when they were crossing Otogakure that Sasuke found that Sakura was too tired to walk even an inch, and his own chakra reserves were getting dangerously low. The best he could arrange was to find one of Orochimaru’s hideouts nearby and to rest before they could continue again.

Sasuke lifted off his arm and looked at Sakura with concern. He watched as she breathed slowly, but painfully. Her skin was paler than before — a tone he had never seen before on her. He couldn't blame her; Sakura had been vomiting after almost everything she ate.

His eyes fell onto the cause of her suffering — her heavily pregnant belly where the future of his clan rested. The side of his eyes crinkled as he rested his palm there, feeling his child's vibrant chakra. He couldn’t explain how he’d felt when Karin had mentioned that Sakura would be delivering the baby soon. He could relate to Sakura’s excitement to meet their newborn, how she had stuffed half of his satchel with the clothes for their unborn child.

However, his happiness was short-lived when he remembered he had something in his satchel that Sakura was unaware of. When he saw a messenger hawk from Konoha approaching him a few days ago, he had expected it to be some official letter. However, as he read through it, he realised the letters were for Sakura — birthday wishes for her. He had shoved them inside his satchel with a big lump of guilt because he had almost forgotten Sakura's birthday.

How could he? He had been asking the same question from the day he had received their friend’s letters. How could he be so inconsiderate to forget a simple thing for the woman who loved him without any hesitation? Uchiha Sasuke didn't know what infuriated more — his naive decision to let Sakura travel through her pregnancy, or his failure to remember such a small thing.

"Anata, is something bothering you?" Sakura opened her eyes weakly.

Sasuke didn't answer and looked at Sakura with an expression that told Sakura he was bothered about her.

Sakura shifted uncomfortably under the sheets before she propped herself up on her wobbly arms. Sasuke got off his seat hurriedly and placed his palm on her back, providing her leverage to sit up. She smiled meekly before flinching at the building ache in her body. The medic knew it was her body’s way of preparing to let the baby out, but she wondered how she could make her terrified husband understand that.

"You know, Anata, I'm fine. These…" Sakura flinched again as she fisted at the side of her belly, clutching her garment. "These symptoms are totally normal."

Sakura inhaled sharply, straightening her back in an attempt to dissipate the pain. She didn't want to admit that she was freaking out too, so she held herself calm. Sakura tried to stretch her legs to relieve her aching muscles and spoke again, "This is a little painful…"

While Sasuke was helping her, Sakura fell a mild contraction and she yelped.

"Ouch! That hurts. It feels like someone is stabbing kunais at my back." Sakura finally gave up her attempt to keep a brave face. "It feels like my bladder is leaking, and I smell like puke."

Although Sasuke knew he could have been punched considering her bizarre mood swings, he scoffed. Sakura didn't quite succeed in assuring him, but she lifted off his grim mood.

However Sasuke being amused didn’t help the expectant mother and she snarled, "Shannaroo! I'm freaking! Helping to deliver babies and actually delivering one myself are so different."

Throughout their travels, Sakura had never been the one to complain about anything. Sasuke rubbed her back sympathetically and he realised she had been holding back more than he imagined.

"It's just…" Sakura paused, letting the pain subside before she admitted, "It's just that I don't want to give birth here."

Sasuke frowned, his hand abruptly stopping. He knew what Sakura was talking about. He also didn’t want his child to be born in the same place where he had once sought power for revenge. Going back to Konoha would have been the best option, but he was helpless to change that now. All he could do was to trust his previous teammate from Team Taka.

"Karin," Sasuke stated, trying to make a point, but he wasn't sure how he was supposed to assure Sakura now.

As if reading Sasuke's thought, Sakura said before shaking her head sideways, “I trust Karin-san.”

It would have been easier for Sakura if she had been in Konoha, being helped by Shizune and others to bring her baby into the world. She’d been tense initially when she realized that it wouldn’t be possible for them to make it back to the village in time. She thought about the interaction she had with Karin earlier — the formation of a mutual bond — that had marked the beginning of their friendship.

“Actually she has been taking care of me more than I could ask from her,” Sakura said, smiling.

Sasuke's eyes softened. However he remained silent, because he could sense now that the reason for her hesitation was the same as his own.

Sakura’s eyes wandered through the dimly-lighted room as her eyes reflected worry, “This place gives me the creeps.”

Although Sasuke tried not to visibly flinch, she could tell by Sasuke’s expression that it bothered him too.

After a few moments of silence, Sakura spoke, "Sorry, I didn't want to trouble you."

She cupped Sasuke’s cheek, and Sasuke accepted the warmth of her loving touch. He wanted to see that smile on her face more and decided to deliver the birthday letters to Sakura in order to change the mood. He got off the bed, before saying, “I’ve something for you.”

As Sasuke dug inside his satchel to find the letters, he heard Sakura chirp, “What is it, Sasuke-kun?”

He felt a tinge of sadness as he held the papers in his hand, because he didn't even have a token to offer. Like always, he was incapable of giving her anything. It was Sakura who had given him her love, a home, and now a family.

“Sasuke-kun? Hurry up and come here,” Sakura pouted.

Sasuke smirked at his wife’s impatience. He handed the letters to her, as he sat opposite, facing her.

“Letters? For me?” She gasped as she hastily unfolded a letter. She squinted, recognising Naruto’s messy writing which read, Happy Birthday.

Sakura’s eyes widened in surprise when she realised she had forgotten her own birthday. She was about to say something, but she stopped. A wave of emotions hit her when she realized their baby would be born a few days after her birthday.

Sakura whispered, wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes, “You remembered, Sasuke-kun?”

Sasuke didn’t want to disappoint her, but he didn’t want to lie to Sakura either. He averted his gaze from her before saying, “No, I don’t even have something to give you.” He shut his eyes and with a heavy heart, he apologised, “I’m really sorry, Sakura.”

“You have already given me a gift,” Sakura said sincerely, her voice full of love.

Sasuke’s puzzled mismatched eyes met with Sakura’s green.

She blushed before interlacing his fingers with hers and placing them on her belly.“And that too, a precious one,” she cooed.

Sasuke was at loss of word, but he still smiled. The guilt that had been plaguing him since the letters had arrived was dissolved by his wife’s simple words.

“Now, if you could, please read these for me,” Sakura ordered Sasuke, keeping her voice authoritative. She waved the letters in front of his eyes and added, yawning, “because I am too tired.”

Sasuke smirked. Though he would ordinarily be annoyed with Naruto’s writing, he said, “O-tanjoubi omedetou, Sakura.”

[cherrywoes]

prologue. (acanthus.)

SAKURA HARUNO LOST THE ability to use medical ninjutsu when she turned twenty.

There had been no warning, no sputtering of her chakra, no imminent sign that she was about to lose the very foundation that her newfound strength had been built upon. She woke up one morning to her squad members with their throats slit, one just barely clinging on to life—a Hyuuga, her pretty lavender eyes wide with shock and desperation—and when Sakura sealed her hands over her pale throat, intent to close the wound as best she could and haul ass back to Konoha, there was nothing. No pale green chakra to flood her systems, no pinpoint accuracy of healing down to the very cells, nothing—just razor sharp chakra, cutting so deeply into her teammate’s throat that it went far enough to decapitate her completely.

Sakura watched the light fade from her eyes with pale pink strands of hair blowing into her face on a warm, humid breeze.

She continued this for some time—accidentally murdering her teammates when they were on the brink of death. Fear kept her from telling Tsunade. Ego kept her from revealing she was not, in fact, the prized healer of Konohagakure anymore. Arrogance forbade her from admitting any harm she had done. Sakura made herself forge the stories of her teammates’ deaths when she couldn’t sleep, their eyes haunting her dreams and her not so kind hands wrapped around their throats. It kept her up at night, so every afternoon, when she returned from narrowly avoiding every single healing session that was tossed her way at the clinic, after pushing them off on overworked nurses and doctors on overtime, she took enough sleeping pills to kill a horse three times over just to rest.

The people in her dreams were faceless, then, and easier to deal with when she woke up.

“Forehead, you look like you’re about to pass out.” Ino’s long blonde hair was a bit too bright in the sunlight. It was shinier than it had ever been, flourishing under the happiness of a successful pregnancy. She glowed, and it was even in her personality. She was chipper, far more perky, and while her appetite was something to be feared, it didn’t stop her observative eye from catching on to the dark circles underneath her friend’s eyes or the sallow look of her face. “Are you alright? Is Tsunade making you run night shifts again?”

Sakura sighed and rested her forehead on the cool marble tabletop. It felt nice against her heated skin; heated as if it was under the sun of the Suna desert. Suna, where she had managed to disembowel her adorable teammate instead of stitching her leaking intestines back together. Suna, where she had been forced to kill her second teammate who had witnessed it to hide her secret and spread his limbs amongst their enemies before returning home. Suna, where that ninja probably still remained, rotting in the hot sun and being picked apart by vultures.

Ino, a concerned hum exiting her mouth, pressed a hand to her forehead. “You’re burning up! Sakura, how long have you been like this?”

She didn’t answer and pressed her cheek further against the table. Her hair, long, longer than she had ever had it before, the ends brushing past her waist, stuck to the side of her face and neck, clinging with sweat. Her thoughts were muddied and sluggish. An image of a face flashed through her mind—cute, chubby with baby fat, and eyes of the lightest Yamanaka blue—in livid color, doused in vermillion red seconds later, Sakura’s rough hands held over her injured eyes.

“I’m so tired of this, Ino,” Sakura sighed. It was mumbled and nearly incoherent, but the blonde caught it anyways, pressing an ice cold cloth to her forehead. “I’m so tired of killing my teammates.”

“What?” Ino’s voice was tight. The lights around her warped in and out of focus. “Sakura, what did you just say?”

Sakura couldn’t answer. She slipped into darkness, the faces of her victims—her teammates—floating seamlessly through her dreams, as if they had never died at all.

Sakura spent the next four months in a cell. She was given subpar food—a multigrain bar, some vitamins, IV fluids to flush her system of the high doses of sleeping pills, water that tasted far too much like chlorine—and equally appalling care. When her chakra cuffs dug into her wrists, no one came to heal them, so they scarred over and opened back up in an endless repetition until they were permanent accessories to her skin, shiny and puckered and irritated. When her period did eventually come, spotty and unusually light at best, they gave her tiny packets of pads for her to stretch through months, and if she suffered several bacterial infections afterwards, they didn’t much care. Her hair had grown long and matted, unbrushed, and combing it with her fingers did nothing to help the endless matts and knots that had grown near her nape. Her clothes were the same ones she had gone in with, so they were dirty, threadbare, and practically dry rotting off of her body.

She felt she deserved it—this torture. She was only afforded the barest of luxuries—her food and IV—because she was, despite what she had done, the Hokage’s apprentice. Former apprentice now, she figured, since they had most likely discovered what she had done. Four months was enough to follow Sakura’s bloody trail all the way back to her twentieth birthday when she had been sent out on a mission. It was also enough to compare the discrepancies in her reports; enough to exhume the bodies of the dead and charge her with a dozen counts of murder, and recover the other bodies she had neglected to bring back.

When anyone did deign to visit her, it was to cross reference what she had said with the actual truth. She had no reason to lie, anymore, not when her little slip of the tongue in a delirious fever had gotten her caught in the first place.

“Haruka Hyuuga.” Sakura could recognize Kakashi even when he wore the ANBU mask and attempted to disguise his voice. His hair was impossible to hide—she had tried on several occasions to dye it, only for it’s unusual hue to spring back within a few days and nearly blow their cover. He was, at the moment, playing the role of Hound, but she knew once the mask was off he would be her former partner, former teacher, and broken hearted friend; because he, of all people, would believe it was his fault she had ended up in a cell just because she was too proud to say she was an awful human being. “Do you remember her?”

“Yes.” Sakura leaned back against the small wooden shelf that made up her bed. It was covered with a thin white sheet that wasn’t much in the way of comfort, but as a kunoichi it didn’t bother her like it would a normal civilian. She dragged her shoes across the concrete floor to break the lack of noise within her section of the underground jail cells. They had been ground down to the latex-polyester sole when she paced in boredom or dropped her heels and skidded them as she walked. “She was the last one… Someone had gouged out her eyes. Or tried to, I think; it was all a blur. It didn’t matter in the end, though. I couldn’t heal her.”

Kakashi—Hound—was quiet as he wrote something down in his tiny square notepad. “When did you first lose your medical ninjutsu?”

Her pale pink eyebrows furrowed. No one had bothered with this line of inquiry before, past merely wanting the knowledge of when she had lost it in the first place. Kakashi was usually there to interrogate her about her teammates, nothing more. “When I turned twenty; so, maybe six or seven months ago.”

“And you had no precursory signs beforehand to indicate you would lose it?”

“No.” She shook her head slowly and reached for the small metal tin cup he had placed in her cell. She was surprised to find it was filled with her favorite drink—apple juice, of all things—and cherished the tiny little sips of flavor she was granted. “It just… happened. I was healing—or I thought I was?—and then it wasn’t… healing. It was cutting, sharp as a razor’s edge. I couldn’t have stopped it if I had wanted to by then.”

“But you continued going on missions after that, knowing you would hurt others in your attempts to use medical ninjutsu again.”

“I didn’t think that. That I would hurt them.” Sakura paused and admitted, so quietly it was barely a whisper,”I thought it would come back if I tried hard enough.”

More scribbling, this time a little slower than the previous. “I think you tried hard enough after the second person you killed.”

Hound stuffed the notepad into his white flak jacket. With a cursory nod to the guard standing just out of her field of view, he was gone, vanishing in a puff of smoke that had Sakura’s eyes watering.

“You know what they’re calling you, right?” The guard goaded when he was certain there was no one to hear him. Sakura closed her eyes; she didn’t want to know what they were saying about her out there. “They’re calling you ‘Ninja Killer Sakura’. Like teacher like student, huh?”

A few days later, her Strength of a Hundred seal was gone, as if it never existed in the first place. The vast amount of chakra she had stored within it was gone, spirited away from her body. No one had removed it from her; no one had sealed it while she had been asleep. It had just disappeared in the same way her medical ninjutsu had, in nearly the same fashion. The only clue she had that it had vanished was the faint tingling in her forehead, right between her brows—but something else was clearly there, because the next guard in her rotation was calling for a Nara guard before she could wonder what it was.

She found out, later, after being immobilized by a shadow technique and examined by a medic, that the symbol upon her forehead had changed into a crimson red spider lily. It was no larger than the diamond had been, but was more ornate and complex, with interlocking rings centered at the bottom and sun phases etched into said rings. When the rest of her chakra, the chakra she used to maintain her health, was sealed off because of it, she didn’t complain.

She deserved it, after all.

“I don’t know if I should kill you or slap you and kill you and revive you so I can kill you again.”

Her next visitor was Tsunade. She hadn’t expected her to visit her at all, much less come traipsing in her cell with clean clothes, a basin of water, shampoo, soap, new shoes, and a pair of scissors. While the Hokage was angry, Sakura wasn’t sure if it was her fondness for her keeping her alive or the fact that it would be fairly inconvenient for the Senju woman to kill her and dispose of her without the council’s input.

“What were you thinking, Sakura?” Tsunade whirled on her, scissors in hand. She watched them cautiously, fiddling with the scars on her wrists when they itched. “Really, I mean, what was going on inside your head? I had thought you of all people would be level headed and rational—”

“Rational went out the window when I lost the only power keeping me equal with Sasuke and Naruto, Shishou.” Sakura met her gaze head on, unflinching. Her eyes were dull mimicries of the once vibrant jade they used to be; she was tired, sick, and most of all, guilt was eating her alive. “I lost everything keeping me from drowning in the ranks of endless genin. And now I’ve even lost the Strength of One Hundred seal—I don’t think I’ve been level headed or rational for a while.”

“I see.” Tsunade sighed. “That’s good, then. We can plea insanity—”

“You’re helping me?” Sakura blurted incredulously, her first real show of emotion in months.

“Of course. It isn’t out of the goodness of my heart, though. If I had my way you’d rot down here for the rest of your life.” The Hokage crossed her arms and shrugged her shoulders. “But I owe a certain teacher of yours a favor, so after this we’ll be more than even. Now clean up and get dressed so I can cut your hair. Your trial starts today.”

When the cell door slammed behind her, Sakura picked up a clean rag—the cleanest thing she’d seen in months—and dipped it into the water. It was pleasantly cool as she ran it along her neck experimentally, bringing with it the grime and dirt of four months without a shower. When it came back visibly stained, she soaked it clean and lathered it with soap and got to work.

When she finished with her body and hair, the basin was almost pitch black. She wasn’t very surprised. She had seen worse when she returned home covered in dried blood, mud, dirt, and various other secretions she would rather not recall due to the pungent odor. She smelled like mint and watermelon, a scent she purchased personally before she had been put in prison, and she was momentarily comforted by the smell until the stench of mildew crept past it.

Tsunade had provided her with a simple long sleeved turtleneck she had seen many ANBU wear underneath their flak jackets and a pair of slightly too large pants that she quickly realized were men’s pants. She tucked the shirt as best she could with the sagging waistline and pulled on the standard issue civilian shoes (flats, uncomfortable on her high arches), and felt like an entirely new person. Clean, renewed, with clothes that didn’t smell like death and underwear that wasn’t blood stained for once, she felt a little bit of the old Sakura creep back in like a breath of fresh air.

When her former teacher returned and began hacking away at the giant knots in the back of her head, she allowed the faintest, most miniscule thread of hope to worm its way into her heart.

masterlist ❚ 一 (ichi)

a/n: this is my first attempt at writing something out of my comfort zone (at least moderately; it's very tame compared to what i normally write.) feedback is appreciated! i just let the words flow and didn't take it too seriously. <3

[ibijau]

a prompt (a/b/o, bc i like how you write it): the sunshot campaign has just ended, and nie huaisang is looking forward to a future in which he can devote himself to wooing lan xichen. the match would be a little scandalous—it’s rare for an alpha to marry in, as nie huaisang intends to—but alpha-beta pairs are perfectly normal, and lan qiren is certainly more accepting of his first nephew’s crush than of lan wangji’s. less than three weeks into peacetime, however, nie huaisang’s plans hit a massive snag: jin zixuan has presented as an omega, removing him from the jin line of succession (and nie huaisang cannot help but be a little offended by that, on da-ge’s behalf—omegas can lead just as well as anyone else! the jin succession tradition is just stupid). but that’s the way things are in the jin sect, and so madame jin is scrambling to put together a marriage to get her son out of lanling before the worst happens... and the top two candidates on her list just so happen to be lan xichen and nie huaisang himself.

hello and welcome to: I like that prompt a little too much and got carried away, so now it’s 8K long. Also on AO3

warning for some mentions of rape toward the end of the story

Nie Huaisang’s plan starts when, at the tender age of eleven, he is introduced to the boy who doesn’t yet go by the name of Lan Xichen and is about to become his brother’s closest friend. Nie Huaisang, young as he is, decides that this is his true love, and of course he must ensure Lan Huan and him have the most perfect future possible together. He learns about Gusu Lan, reads as many books as he can, educates himself in the four arts, and even makes a vague effort to somewhat improve his cultivation, all so he can be the perfect spouse for a future sect leader.

A little after turning fourteen, Lan Xichen presents as a beta. It is a small deviation from Nie Huaisang’s plan, who was firmly expecting his beloved to be an alpha, but that is no big problem. Lan Xichen is Lan Xichen, he is the most perfect person in the world. Details don’t matter too much.

Another deviation from Nie Huaisang’s plan occurs when, a few days short of his own fourteenth birthday, he presents as an alpha. That, of course, is an absolute disaster. Nie Huaisang doesn’t want to be an alpha. Qinghe Nie is full of those, and he isn’t too impressed with them. He is on the brink of a complete meltdown when he figures that if his brother can be an omega who has all the qualities of an alpha, then surely he can be an alpha living the easy going life of an omega, including marrying into another sect. 

Of course Nie Mingjue isn’t very happy that Nie Huaisang refuses to behave like a proper alpha, like a proper Nie, but he can hardly make an arguments against that choice without undermining his own position, so it doesn’t matter. Nie Huaisang cheerfully goes back to planning his happy future, researching cases of an alpha marrying into another sect. There are more of those than he would have expected to find, and though it is mostly alpha marrying other alphas, Nie Huaisang now knows he can rest on a precedent to argue his case.

With all this settled, the hardest part of his plan begins: seducing Lan Xichen.

It is easy enough to be sent to the Cloud Recesses to study there. A little too easy, really. Nie Huaisang suspects that his brother wanted him to go there anyway just to have some peace, and in hopes Lan Qiren might straighten him out a bit. Nie Huaisang doesn’t mind though, since it gives him a chance to be close to the love of his life. He also doesn’t mind his dreadful grades which give him a good excuse to spend time with Lan Xichen, begging him to help. Lan Xichen, generous and kind and patient and perfect in nearly every aspect, as well as eager to be a good friend to Nie Mingjue, even by proxy, of course agrees and allows Nie Huaisang to spend far more time in his room than is probably reasonable.

It would be a little scandalous really, but when Lan Qiren once tries to raise the issue in front of his nephew, Lan Xichen just laughs gently.

“Huaisang is nothing more than a little brother to me,” he says. “How could anyone think any different?”

It is a hard blow to Nie Huaisang’s fragile teenage ego, and a new setback to his perfect plan. At the same time, he has been in the Cloud Recesses for almost half a year by now, and has already guessed that this is how Lan Xichen sees him. Two years of difference won’t mean much once they are adults and married, but right now it is a pretty big gap.

Having accepted this, Nie Huaisang changes his plan again, but not his goal. If all Lan Xichen needs from him at the moment is a less stuck up little brother than the real one, Nie Huaisang will be happy to provide. He likes making Lan Xichen laugh anyway, and it’s obvious that Lan Xichen enjoys having someone to guide and teach in a way Lan Wangji won’t allow.

He can be patient, when he needs to be.

He can also be exactly as stupid as the situation calls for. It’s easy as anything to completely fail his exams. Lan Qiren almost has a qi deviation on the spot after reading Nie Huaisang’s final test, and Nie Mingjue is furious, but he can deal with that just fine, as long as he gets to come back another year in the Cloud Recesses and make sure nobody else can seduce the love of his life before puberty fully hits and gives him his fair chance.

-

That second year in the Cloud Recesses proves to be a test of Nie Huaisang’s determination in ways he hadn’t expected.

In his defence, the world has many more pretty boys than he ever realised.

Lan Wangji, heinous little bitch that he is, got hit hard by puberty in the short time that Nie Huaisang went home. He’s suddenly a head taller than Nie Huaisang, and looking every bit the alpha that he is even though he’s a year younger. Nie Huaisang is devoured with envy because just two months ago, Lan Wangji was just a baby, but suddenly he is very, very handsome.

Then, there’s the other guest disciples as well. Most are pretty decent looking, but some stand out from the crowd. Jiang Cheng has a bone structure to kill for, sharp eyes, and his rare smile is as radiant as sunshine on the lingering snows of spring. And everywhere he goes, Wei Wuxian follows, tall and more graceful than any boy of fifteen has any right to be. They make a stunning pair of alphas, really, to the point that it worries Nie Huaisang when the three of them strike a friendship of sorts. First, because there’s a few times when he finds himself wondering what it’d be like to kiss one of them, which is an awful betrayal of his one true love Lan Xichen. Second, because his looks are already inadequate to begin with, so hanging out with those two only makes him look even plainer by contrast.

What Nie Huaisang needs, he decides after a few weeks, is someone less pretty than him to spend time with, so he’ll look somewhat handsome next to them. And so, after some brief consideration, his great plan changes again to adapt to this new situation.

Nie Huaisang becomes friends with Jin Zixuan.

Well, saying they’re friends might be pushing it. Instead, Nie Huaisang forcibly spends time with Jin Zixuan, when Wei Wuxian is being punished by Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng is studying, and Lan Xichen is too busy as well. It’s rather clear that Jin Zixuan isn’t very enthusiastic to have company. Quite frankly, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have picked him as a companion either, if he’d had a choice. Jin Zixuan is haughty, has no conversation, no humour, a bad personality, and is just all around boring. He is also tragically baby faced, hasn’t even presented yet, and has nothing to recommend him except for the fact that his father is sect leader. It is practically a charity case. Indeed, when Lan Xichen hears that Nie Huaisang has been trying to become friends with Jin Zixuan, he congratulates him on it.

“I think he is a rather lonely person, isn’t he?” Lan Xichen remarks. “I’m glad you’re trying to help him. Hopefully you’ll help him relax a little.”

“Like I do with you, Xichen-gege?” Nie Huaisang boldly asks.

Lan Xichen laughs a little awkwardly, and Nie Huaisang could swear there’s a spot of colour on the older boy’s cheeks.

“I suppose I do relax when I’m with you. Are you thinking of replacing me, now that you’ve found a friend more your age?”

“Of course not,” Nie Huaisang earnestly promises. “Xichen-gege will always be the most important person for me!”

Lan Xichen smiles gently at him. “You are a good boy, and I’m sure your brother will be proud of you. I know I am.”

Hearing this, Nie Huaisang nearly faints from happiness. Just for this, it’s worth it to put up with Jin Zixuan.

But in fairness, as weeks pass, Nie Huaisang finds it a little easier to be around Jin Zixuan. The other boy mellows a bit, like a wild beast being slowly tamed. And once Wei Wuxian leaves, Jin Zixuan suddenly isn’t so prickly anymore, now that nobody is constantly taunting him and picking fights with him. He even has a sense of humour, when you know how to spot it. The first time Nie Huaisang bursts out laughing over a muttered remark Jin Zixuan made, it’s hard to say who is most surprised.

Besides, Jin Zixuan is one of the few people Nie Huaisang has met who doesn’t judge him for not striving to be a perfect alpha. Just like Lan Xichen, Jin Zixuan is surprisingly accepting of Nie Huaisang’s peculiarities.

“I prefer someone like you over some alphas who act right in public, then do everything wrong in private,” Jin Zixuan says with open disdain one day, as they walk in a garden of the Cloud Recesses.

It is a beautiful summer day, and the school year is almost over, which makes Nie Huaisang rather sad. He had planned to stay another year, still to make sure that nobody else makes a move on Lan Xichen, but he’s starting to think it will be lonely without the other friends he’s made.

“Well, I’m hardly much of an alpha in private too,” Nie Huaisang argues.

Jin Zixuan shrugs. “Not in the typical way. But you’re very protective of the people you care about, right? And you like to make people feel included. Like me and Lan gongzi… even Lan er-gongzi, when he lets you. You really don’t like when people seem lonely, do you?”

A little embarrassed to have such kind motives assigned to his actions, Nie Huaisang doesn’t reply right away. He pretends to inspect some gentians near Jin Zixuan’s feet, admiring how the deep blue of the petals contrasts rather beautifully against the gold of Jin robes.

He can’t explain that he’s always around Lan Xichen because he’s madly in love with this perfect boy, or that if he’s nice to Lan Wangji, it’s mostly just because they’re going to be in-laws someday. Above all else, he absolutely can’t tell Jin Zixuan why he decided to start spending time with him, mostly because he’s changed his mind so much since then. Jin Zixuan really isn’t boring after all, and he’s not quite so plain after all. Even if his face is still a little too round and soft for his age, there are signs here and there of what a handsome alpha he will be one day. Out of everyone he's met this year, Jin Zixuan is Nie Huaisang's favourite new friend.

“Jin-gongzi is giving me too much credit,” Nie Huaisang says at last. “I just wanted a friend less annoying than Wei-xiong, and you happened to be there.”

“Is that why you only call me gongzi, when you’re never this formal with others?” Jin Zixuan asks, sounding… not quite hurt, he has too much self control for that, but still…

Well, still a little bit hurt, actually.

“I know how your sect likes formality,” Nie Huaisang explains. “I just don’t want to disrespect you.”

“The Lan too are very formal, but you call Lan Xichen ‘gege’ all the time.”

“Oh that’s different, that’s just because he’s my da-ge’s friend!” Nie Huaisang lies. “We’re close enough the two of us, so it’s fine to call him like that.” An idea hits him, and he leans toward Jin Zixuan with a wicked grin. “If you’re so jealous though, I can call you Jin-didi. Would that work for you?”

In an instant, Jin Zixuan’s face turns a bright red and he splutters in anger. Nie Huaisang can’t help laughing at that cute reaction.

“Who says I’m jealous?” Jin Zixuan explodes. “What’s there to be jealous about?”

Nie Huaisang pokes him in the ribs, still laughing. “Jin-didi, it’s fine to have a crush on an older boy, it’s normal! I understand, I really do! Thank you, Jin-didi, for entrusting your heart to me!”

“Stop calling me that!” Jin Zixuan shouts, so mortified that he’s nearly crying.

“Jin-didi! Don’t worry, this Nie-gege doesn’t mind at all. It happens, it’s because you’re probably going to present as an alpha soon, and so you’re looking for role models around you. I am so flattered, Jin-didi. It will pass though, everyone grows out of it, don’t worry.”

Jin Zixuan’s face is so red that he looks sunburned, and the dot of cinnabar on his forehead looks almost pale compared to his face.

“You’re so stupid,” Jin Zixuan hisses, shoving Nie Huaisang to the side and stomping away. “I don’t know why I even put up with you, you’re even more annoying than Wei Wuxian!”

Nie Huaisang is too breathless from laughter to stop him from leaving. It’s for the best anyway, Jin Zixuan looked like he might pick up a fight with him for offending his dignity like this, and Nie Huaisang doesn’t feel like being punched in the face.

Still, from that day on, he makes sure to call Jin Zixuan ‘didi’ every chance he gets, just because he makes such funny faces.

-

Nie Huaisang passes his exams at the end of the year, because Lan Xichen told him that Nie Mingjue really doesn’t want him to be away from home this long again, not when the Wens have been acting up lately. For a second, Lan Xichen seems a little sad when Nie Huaisang promises to do his best, but it must just have been a trick of the light. When Nie Huaisang blinks, Lan Xichen’s expression is warm and polite and slightly impersonal, as always.

It’s fine anyway, Nie Huaisang figures. They’re sure to meet again soon. And when they’re married, Nie Huaisang will be able to stay in the Cloud Recesses for good, and they’ll be happy, and Nie Mingjue’s paranoia won’t ruin all his plans anymore.

-

It turns out that Nie Mingjue’s paranoia was, in fact, justified all along.

That’s not such a big surprise, Nie Huaisang must admit. Others tend to think his brother is stupid, but he knows better. Nie Mingjue might be a big brute, but he’s a clever one who understands politics better than anyone would suspect. He doesn’t care to play the game, but he knows the rules and he watches the moves made by others. For years and years he’s tried to warn others of the troubles he’s guessed were coming, but no one listened.

Well, they’re going to listen now, Nie Huaisang figures as he makes his way to Nightless City to serve as hostage with other disciples of Qinghe Nie. It’s kind of hard to ignore when every young master or mistress from every sect in the country is being held and re-educated by Wen Ruohan’s minions.

The whole time they’re there, Nie Huaisang tries to play it cool, like none of this affects him. He’s somewhat lucky because the Wen don’t seem to realise that he’s an alpha, and so they barely pay attention to him, while they endlessly bother Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and even poor Jin Zixuan who hasn’t even presented yet. These four get harassed daily about this and that. Their attitude is too rebellious, or too tame for proper alphas. They try too hard, or not hard enough. They’re too skilled and clever, or else they’re playing stupid and clearly trying to mock Qishan Wen.

In fairness, all of these accusations are absolutely true when it comes to Wei Wuxian. But even if he were to behave properly, Nie Huaisang suspects the Wen would find some fault with him.

Nie Huaisang watches all that and tries to stay out of it. The most he can do, anyway, is to offer the medicine he secretly brought with him (his brother insisted, and he was right as always) and to share his portion of food with his friends whenever they’re denied a meal. At least, when they accept. Jiang Cheng does sometimes, unless his pride gets in his way. Wei Wuxian usually refuses and boasts that he’s been wanting to practice inedia for a while anyway. Lan Wangji isn’t so loud about it, but does the same. Poor Jin Zixuan, though… even when he’s given his own portion of food he always seems hungry, so the days when he must do without are particularly hard on him. He still tries to refuse when Nie Huaisang wants to share, but in his case, Nie Huaisang doesn’t hesitate to insist.

“You’re going to present soon, aren’t you?” he whispers, pushing his bowl of bland, watery congee toward Jin Zixuan who nods miserably. Nie Huaisang remembers the horrible hunger he felt for a few weeks before presenting, when his body was hard at work preparing for the big changes that were coming. Even with all the food he could ask for he’d been starving, so he can’t imagine how much Jin Zixuan must be suffering. “You have to eat, Jin-didi,” he orders. “Please, eat something, or else your Nie-gege will be sad.”

It says a lot about Jin Zixuan’s state that he doesn’t even object to being called this way. Nie Huaisang lets Jin Zixuan have both of his meals that day, explaining that he actually has snacks hidden along with his medicine.

It’s not his best lie, but it does the trick that time, and the following ones as well.

After a week of this, Nie Huaisang is starting to feel a little unwell. His golden core just isn’t very strong, and cannot sustain him through inedia the way it would for others. He’s always known this, there’s just something not quite right with his meridian which means cultivation doesn’t come easy for him. Usually it doesn’t bother him, but after eating so little for several days, of course there’s side effects… but someone has to take care of Jin Zixuan, right?

It’s almost a relief when they’re told one morning that everyone is going on a Night Hunt. It’s not the first one Wen Chao took them on, and while it’s unpleasant to fight creatures without weapons, at least they’ve always been given better rations.

In the end, good rations feel like a poor trade for what happens on that Night Hunt. Nie Huaisang has never been so terrified in his life, except when he was eleven and his father lost his mind… although this is worse, so much worse. His father wounded some people, but he didn’t kill anyone the way that false Xuanwu does, slaughtering anyone it can grab before they manage a daring escape, thanks to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang, who is a fairly decent swimmer, ends up helping Jin Zixuan through the underwater passage, since the other boy is starting to look really unwell. He hasn’t been hurt, thankfully, but it’s clear he’s close to presenting. He must have only a few days left at best, or more likely a few hours.

Maybe that’s why even after they’re safely out of the cave, Jin Zixuan won’t let go of Nie Huaisang’s hand, why he leans so heavily against his side. Nie Huaisang allows it all. He probably should hand Jin Zixuan over to the Jin disciples present, but if they were trustworthy, Jin Zixuan would already have gone to them for comfort, wouldn’t he?

“It’s okay, Jin-didi,” Nie Huaisang tells the other boy while putting his free hand on Jin Zixuan’s forehead. He’s burning, and this is really the worst time and the worst place to be presenting, but it’s going to happen anyway. “I’m here with you. We’re going to get you home, and then you’ll be safe, right?”

Jin Zixuan nods weakly. “Thank you, Nie-gege,” he whispers, and Nie Huaisang’s heart does somersaults in his chest at being called that. It makes him want to keep Jin Zixuan close, to really protect him from anyone that might hurt him.

It’s a stupid idea, of course. Jin Zixuan is about to present, and when that’s over, when he’s an alpha, he’s never going to need anyone’s protection again. What’s happening here won’t last very long.

Nie Huaisang figures it’s fine to enjoy this while it’s there. He’s sure Lan Xichen, if he’s still alive, will understand that even an alpha as weak and pathetic as him needs to feel protective here and there.

-

It takes a long, long while to go home on foot. By the time Nie Huaisang and the other Nie disciples reach Qinghe, a war has been declared against the Wen because they’ve attacked the Lotus Piers and annihilated the entirety of Yunmeng Jiang. Nie Huaisang cries upon hearing this, because Jiang Cheng was fine when he last saw him, because it’s unfair that Wei Wuxian was rescued from that cave only to die like this anyway.

He cries also because Nie Mingjue is going to risk his life, because there’s still no news from Lan Xichen.

He cries because he won’t even be able to help his brother, and is to be sent to the Cloud Recesses where he’s less likely to be captured and used as a hostage again.

He cries because that’s all he’s good for, apparently.

-

Lan Xichen is alive.

Nie Huaisang cries when Lan Qiren tells him, and then doesn’t shed a single tear again and sets to work to be of some use in this war they’re fighting. The husband of a sect leader must be a useful person after all. Lan Xichen will have to deal with so many responsibilities, much earlier than he ever should have to, so Nie Huaisang needs to step up his game and become someone worthy of his future husband. He might be lazy, and spoiled, and a little useless, but Nie Huaisang is also very stubborn when he wants something, and what he wants is Lan Xichen, the most perfect person in the world.

Lan Xichen who smiles with the warmth of a tender spring afternoon, who is always calm and collected, who smells of gentian and pine trees. Lan Xichen who never has a hair out of place. Lan Xichen who always knows what to do, what to say, no matter the situation.

Lan Xichen who looks utterly broken when he comes to visit the Cloud Recesses, three months into the war.

Perhaps to others he doesn’t look so bad. The Lan disciples who are with Nie Huaisang when Lan Xichen arrives don’t comment on it. But Nie Huaisang has been observing Lan Xichen for years at this point, and he can instantly tell that something is wrong. It shows in the way the beta carries himself, how his eyes glance over things as if he cannot see what’s around him, the slight twitch at the corner of his lips when he smiles. Nie Huaisang’s heart aches to see his beloved in such a state. He hates the Wen more than ever, if such a thing is possible, for having hurt Lan Xichen this way.

Because there is so much to do, because Lan Xichen has so many responsibilities now, it seems at first that Nie Huaisang won’t have a moment alone with him. He tries to be fine with that. A sect leader’s husband must know that sometimes he comes second to the sect in question. But the hollowness in Lan Xichen’s eyes haunts him too much. That night, close to the hour for curfew, Nie Huaisang decides that he must offer some distraction to the love of his life, perhaps even some comfort, should Lan Xichen be inclined to allow it.

It’s risky to be out and about at that hour. Even at such a time, the Lan are strict with their rules, and Nie Huaisang knows he will be scolded, or even punished, if he is caught. To avoid that he doesn’t knock on the front door of Lan Qiren’s house, where he knows Lan Xichen is also living for the time being, and instead comes in through the back. He will be in so much trouble if he’s spotted, but love comes before rules. Soon enough he’s inside a private garden, knocking on the door of the only room where a candle still burns.

To Nie Huaisang’s relief, it is indeed Lan Xichen who opens that door for him.

To his horror, Lan Xichen looks even worse than before, his eyes red from crying.

“Huaisang, what are you doing here?” Lan Xichen asks, trying to quickly regain his composure.

“I thought I’d come see you, Xichen-gege. You looked like you might need a friend.”

Lan Xichen takes in a sharp breath, like he’s trying not to sob. He manages to keep his face impassive, but two tears still drop on his cheeks, leaving a shiny trail behind. If Nie Huaisang didn’t have such excellent manners, he would lunge forward to kiss away those tears.

“I’m not sure I’m fit for company,” Lan Xichen says in a voice that trembles a little. “I find myself in a rather emotional state at the moment.”

“Then you definitely need a friend,” Nie Huaisang replied. “I offer myself, if you’ll have me.”

A few more tears escape Lan Xichen’s reddened eyes, which he tries to wipe away quickly, like a child just starting to learn he’s not supposed to cry in public. Nie Huaisang braces himself for rejection, but Lan Xichen instead pinches the hem of his sleeve and pulls him inside.

“You’ll be in trouble if someone sees you,” he explains. “How unreasonable, Huaisang… didn’t you realise that people might talk, seeing an alpha roaming around at night?”

Of all the things Nie Huaisang has thought about before coming here, that particular detail hasn’t occurred to him. People often forget he’s an alpha, and so does he, most of the time. Outside of his ruts, he might as well be a beta, and he’s convinced people who meet him must think that’s the case. But of course the Lans know better.

“Xichen-gege, I don’t want to cause you trouble or start gossip against you,” Nie Huaisang says. “I wanted to see if I could make you smile, that’s all. If you think I should leave, just say so and I’ll stop bothering you.”

“That might be…” Lan Xichen starts, before choking on his words. “Maybe you should… This is… it is…”

More tears drop on Lan Xichen's cheeks and he gasps in an alarming fashion, trying to stop himself from breaking down into sobs. Nie Huaisang’s heart clenches painfully at the sight. He takes one of Lan Xichen’s hands in his, trying to offer him comfort. Immediately Lan Xichen starts crying in earnest, falling to his knees. Nie Huaisang follows him, sitting on the floor near him, patting his hand, his shoulder even when the sobs get too heavy.

They stay like this a long while, sitting on the floor of that bare room which doesn’t really belong to Lan Xichen and only serves as a reminder of everything that he has lost. Nie Huaisang can’t find any words of comfort to offer, because he knows how empty those would feel. All he has to give is his presence, and his patience.

It is well past curfew when Lan Xichen finally calms down enough to sit a little straighter.

“How disappointed you must be, seeing me so weak,” Lan Xichen says, quickly drying his tears with the fabric of his inner robes. “I’m not the person you think I am, in the end.”

“You are that person and more,” Nie Huaisang sincerely replies. He squeezes Lan Xichen’s hand in his, barely refraining the impulse to kiss it. Seeing Lan Xichen like this, imperfect, angry and hurt, only makes Nie Huaisang love him more. How could he not, when Lan Xichen is giving him this trust? “Xichen-gege, I like everything about you, the good and the bad. I like you when you are calm in front of everything, and I like you when you can’t be strong anymore.”

Lan Xichen sighs and tilts his head, trying to smile but not quite managing it. “Huaisang…”

“I do, I really do!” Nie Huaisang insists. “I just wish I could help you more. I wish I could give you strength when yours runs out. I wish I had the power to protect you against those who would harm you. You make me wish I could be more than I am, so I could stand at your side and be of use to you.”

Lan Xichen smiles, and brings his trembling free hand to touch the alpha’s cheek.

“And I’m glad you are exactly the way you are,” Lan Xichen says with unbearable tenderness. “You are as I want you to be, as I want to see you at my side.”

Nie Huaisang’s heart is racing at those words, and he feels his face flush.

“Xichen-gege, I don’t think you and I mean quite the same thing here.”

“I think we do. I wasn’t sure what to think of this,” Lan Xichen admits, gently cupping the side of Nie Huaisang’s head, who must resist the impulse to close his eyes and lean into that touch. “I thought you only liked the image I try to give, and that you would be disappointed when you’d learn who I really am. But you’re seeing me now, and… you still like me?”

“More than ever,” Nie Huaisang whispers.

Lan Xichen smiles at him, beautiful like dawn after a cold and dark winter night.

“Then when this is over, let’s see how we can deal with this,” Lan Xichen says. “I know there’s precedent for such situations, though it will be unconventional. I fear you’ll have to marry into Gusu Lan, if this is to happen. Could you bear with that?”

Nie Huaisang nods, laughing and crying at once, delighted beyond words to realise that Lan Xichen too has made plans. He knew they were well suited for each other, he knew it all along, and finally he’s proven right.

Finally, he’s going to be happy.

-

The Sunshot Campaign ends, and sooner than everyone expected. Wei Wuxian’s new techniques are to thank for that… or to blame, depending who’s talking. Not everybody is fond of what Wei Wuxian has done during the war. Still, he’s a hero, one of many. Of the young masters of great sects in their generation, only Nie Huaisang and Jin Zixuan haven’t gained a title for their glorious deeds.

In fact, when Nie Huaisang asks around, it appears that Jin Zixuan didn’t contribute at all to the war, in any way. He wasn’t among those who fought, which isn’t such a surprise when Jin Guangshan barely wanted his sect involved at all. But Jin Zixuan wasn’t on the back front either, and that’s strange. Nie Huaisang knows his friend isn't a coward like him, and must have wanted to contribute in some fashion. Jin Guanshan will have tried to stop him, but Jin Zixuan is exactly the sort of person who would run away and join another sect's troupes to do his part in fighting the Wen. 

Nie Huaisang becomes truly concerned when he learns that while Jin Zixuan has been absent from the war, one of Jin Guangshan's bastards has seen his status elevated and been given a title. Jin Ziyao, Lianfang-zun, is the first out of many bastards that Jin Guangshan has ever seen fit to legitimise. 

Suddenly, Nie Huaisang becomes terrified for his friend. Jin Zixuan looked so unwell that day after they escaped the cave. If his group stumbled upon the Wen, if he was wounded or worse… 

Jin Zixuan is absent from the banquet held in Jinlin Tai to celebrate the end of the war. It is noticed and gossiped about, especially since Jin Guangshan brought not only Jin Ziyao, but also another of his bastards, a mere child who rumour says he might legitimise as well. Worse still, Madam Jin is somewhat polite to both of her husband's bastards, when she's been known to never even allow anyone to mention his infidelities before her. 

Sick with worry, Nie Huaisang cannot eat or drink anything and quickly excuses himself from the celebration. He takes refuge on a platform that overhangs above elegant gardens, leaning over a railing to admire the sight. He hoped that being alone would give him a chance to calm down, but it only makes things worse. Jin Zixuan used to say he'd make Nie Huaisang visit the gardens of Jinlin Tai someday and show the peacocks from up close, but that might never happen now, because he might be… 

Nie Huaisang bursts into tears. 

He shouldn't have let Jin Zixuan go with the Jin that day, he should have kept him close and protected him, so nothing could happen to him. There is no safer place in the world than with a group of Nie, and Nie Huaisang knows even a pitiful alpha like him would have sprung into action if the situation called for it. 

He knows that for Jin Zixuan's sake, he would have easily torn Wen Chao's throat with his bare teeth, if it had come to that. 

Nie Huaisang is still crying when Lan Xichen finds him and silently wraps his arms around him. It helps a bit, if only because it reminds Nie Huaisang that things aren't entirely awful, that even if something happened to Jin Zixuan, he won’t have to face his grief alone. They’ve talked to Nie Mingjue who grumbled mightily against his brother leaving Qinghe Nie, but that was never an argument he could have won, not when Nie Huaisang has prepared for it half his life. Once Lan Xichen’s mourning period is over, they will be married, exactly as Nie Huaisang planned.

“What has you so upset?” Lan Xichen asks, pulling his fiancé closer, enveloping him into the long layers of his robes until Nie Huaisang feels like a chick under its brooding mother.

“I’m worried about Zixuan. Nobody has seen him since the start of the war, nobody knows anything, and he isn’t here tonight…”

Lan Xichen stiffens somewhat, and for a brief moment he loses control of himself enough that Nie Huaisang can smell him, the scent of gentians and pine lingering even after Lan Xichen returns to his usual restraint.

“You’ve become very close to him, haven’t you?” Lan Xichen asks. “I don’t think you’ve asked about anyone else as much as him during the whole campaign.”

“I got news from the others all the time,” Nie Huaisang says. “But Zixuan… and he was in a concerning state last I saw him. I just feel like I should have done more for him. What if he’s…”

“He’s not dead. Ziyao would know, and he would have told me. I’ve asked on your behalf.”

Nie Huaisang smiles, and snuggles closer to the beta.

“Thank you. But what’s the matter with him then?”

Lan Xichen shrugs slightly. “Ziyao doesn’t know,” he admits. “Nobody in Jinlin Tai seems to know, except for Jin zongzhu and Jin furen. She’s the only one who gets to see him, along with a handful of servants loyal to her. Ziyao has heard that his brother might have been cursed, or fell sick somehow, but in the end he’s not really sure.”

“Poor Zixuan, he must be so bored,” Nie Huaisang sighs. He knows his friend is used to a certain isolation, but that’s different from being truly alone. He knows also that Jin Zixuan, when given the chance, isn’t someone who enjoys being on his own anyway, and that he’s an active person who likes to practice martial arts, go on Night Hunts, or even just walk around town and check shops. This situation must be a torture for him. “Do you think they’d let me see him if I asked? Or at least write to him maybe? I’m just so worried...”

Lan Xichen tenses, his scent flaring once again. Before Nie Huaisang can ask about that, he hears approaching footsteps. Since it is highly inappropriate for them to be in such an intimate position in public, and when they’re not even formally engaged, they quickly pull apart to look at the newcomer. Nie Huaisang expected his brother, or Lan Wangji perhaps.

Instead, they find themselves in front of Madam Jin. They promptly bow to her, and exchange a worried glance. She isn’t exactly known for looking kindly at couples who misbehave in her home, and her expression can best be described as cold and angry.

“Do you really wish to see my son, Nie gongzi?” she asks, startling Nie Huaisang who can only nod in answer. “Then follow me. He’ll be glad to have a visit. Lan gongzi may come as well. This might concern him as well.”

Again, the two young men trade glances, surprised by that sudden invitation. Neither of them protests, least of all Nie Huaisang who is only too happy to follow her. Lan Xichen, after some hesitation, does the same. All three of them walk in silence in the labyrinth that is Jinlin Tai until they reach a rather isolated house guarded by two fierce looking betas who have their hands on their swords as soon as they see someone approaching, and don’t let go until they recognise Madam Jin.

“Keep an eye out,” she orders the guards as the three of them go inside. “He’s been drinking, and his rut is coming close.”

The guards nod, and firmly close the door behind Madam Jin and her guests. Nie Huaisang, initially delighted to see his friend again, starts getting worried.

“Is there something wrong with Zi… with Jin gongzi?” he asks. “Why are you locking him up this way? Is he dangerous?”

“There is danger in Jinling Tai,” Madam Jin replies, leading them ahead. She knocks on a door, using an odd rhythm. “Until a better solution can be found, this is the only way I can protect my son.”

The door opens, revealing Jin Zixuan, sword in hand. Only, there’s something off about him, something that Nie Huaisang can’t quite put his finger on. Maybe it’s his clothes, which hang a little oddly and aren’t quite the cut and fabric one would expect on an alpha. Or it is the slight fear in his eyes when he opens the door, quickly replaced by defiance when he sees who is there with his mother, as if he expects Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen to say something unpleasant. And then there’s a smell in the air, fear mixed with notes of flowers.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen says, before pinching his lips so he keeps his realisation for himself.

Jin Zixuan glares at him, then at his mother.

“I told you not to do it!” he says.

“What choice do I have?” Madam Jin replies, pushing her way into her son’s room. “This is the only way.”

After some hesitation, Nie Huaisang follows her inside. Lan Xichen does the same with a certain reluctance, and when they all sit, he does so a little closer to Nie Huaisang than is probably proper, but Nie Huaisang is too stunned by the situation to think much of it.

“I have brought you here to make a request,” Madam Jin announces, while her mortified son hides his face in his hands. “I need help in protecting my son, and after long consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the two of you are the best possible choice.”

“Mother, please, don’t!” Jin Zixuan begs, only for his mother to silence him with a gesture.

“At the start of the war, my son presented,” Madam Jin continues, ignoring the interruption. “Sadly for everyone involved, he presented as an omega.”

Nie Huaisang gasps, and stares at Jin Zixuan who looks like he might start crying. It puzzles Nie Huaisang at first, because there’s nothing bad about being an omega… or at least, not when in Qinghe Nie. Other sects have their own opinions on that, of course. He’s heard people here and there say that it is shameful and unnatural that Qinghe Nie’s leader is an omega, even one that looks and acts like an alpha, but that’s just because people are jealous of Nie Mingjue. All those petty, self-satisfied alpha just can’t stand that someone of a gender they think inferior can be so much better than they will ever be.

Of course, there’s also the fact that in most sects, only an alpha can become sect leader. Even Lan Xichen isn’t nearly as respected as he deserves to be after his brave actions during the war, and that’s not just a matter of age. Still, at least he’s a beta, and from a somewhat reasonable sect. Lanling Jin isn’t so open minded. In fact, everyone says that part of the problem between Jin Guangshan and his wife is that she’s also an alpha, when he is of the opinion that same gender couples shouldn’t be allowed to exist. He was forced into that union by his own father, everyone knows it, and only because Madam Jin's parents paid a high dowry to have her married into such a glorious sect.

"As an omega, my son cannot inherit his father's title," Madam Jin confirms. "He also wasn't allowed to take part in the war, since it would have been improper for him to be in mixed company. Alphas cannot be trusted on a battlefield… Or outside of it, as the case might be." She glances at Jin Zixuan, who looks ready to faint from sheer humiliation, then continues. "To be quite blunt, I have come to feel that Jinlin Tai is not a safe place for my son, and now that the war is over, I am seeking a way to protect him from harm."

"You want to marry him off," Lan Xichen says, his voice oddly cold in spite of his polite smile. "And I suppose you already have something in mind?" 

"If I could, I would have sent him to Yunmeng Jiang," Madam Jin says. "But he has never gotten along with Jiang Wanyin, and my husband won't allow him to marry another omega as that would be improper, so Jiang Yanli is out of the question. So is Nie Mingjue, for the same reason. My husband doesn't want Zixuan to be sent to a sect too small, as he would find it humiliating. I do not want to send my son to a spouse too much older than him, as I fear for his safety. That leaves me very little choice."

Nie Huaisang frowns. He knows Jin Zixuan is more than capable of gutting even an older cultivator if they try to force him into something he doesn't want. He isn't ranked third on that list of bachelors just for his looks. Being an omega doesn't change how competent Jin Zixuan is, and Nie Huaisang has half a mind to say so. 

He doesn't, but only because it suddenly hits him why Lan Xichen and him have been brought here. 

"You want one of us to marry him?" he asks, while next to him Lan Xichen stiffens. 

"You are the best choices," Madam Jin confirms. "My husband would probably prefer Lan zongzhu, but I personally hope you will consider this, Nie gongzi. After all, my son and you are already friends, so it would make things easier." 

"Mother, stop this!" Jin Zixuan hisses between clenched teeth. "This is too… This is unnecessary."

Unsure what to think, Nie Huaisang looks up to Lan Xichen, hoping he will be the one to explain the situation. But Lan Xichen, his face pale and tight, won't look at him, or at the Jin for that matter. It falls to Nie Huaisang to handle this. 

"Jin Furen, I am honoured you would think of me, and I am sure Lan zongzhu feels the same," he says. "But the fact is… Well, the truth is…" 

"They're in love," Jin Zixuan hisses. "I told you it wouldn't work, mother."

Nie Huaisang looks at his friend in surprise, but Jin Zixuan refuses to look at him. More than ever, he seems ready to cry. Madam Jin, for her part, isn't impressed by this new information. 

"Love is nice and well," she says, "but there are other things to consider. Your family would certainly prefer this strong political alliance." 

"My brother and his uncle have already given their blessing," Nie Huaisang admits. "It's not a bad match either, politically speaking." 

"But you won't have children," Madam Jin points out.

"There is a precedent for this," Lan Xichen coldly says. "Although Gusu Lan favours fidelity to one's spouse, it can be allowed to take a concubine in specific cases, such as the impossibility of having children."

"Then why not take my son as your second spouse? Or as the first one even, and have each other's company on the side? Zixuan will allow it."

Both Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen stare at Madam Jin, shocked that she would say such a thing. Her stance on her husband's affairs is well known, and she is merciless toward adulterous couples. Nie Huaisang wants to ask her why she doesn't ask for her husband's help if she's so desperate to protect her son against threats to his virtue.

He keeps that question to himself, because the answer occurs to him, and he doesn't like it. 

It is well known that Jin Guangshan is an alpha of great sexual appetite even in a normal state. It is rumoured, also, that he becomes terrifying when in rut, willing to take any omega or woman who crosses his path, willing or not. People say he might have fathered Jin Zixun with his own cousin, though since the poor omega was recently married, Jin Guangshan never had to recognise the child. 

Jinlin Tai is not a good place to raise an omega these days, as Jin Zixuan knows. He told Nie Huaisang as much, back when they were studying in Gusu. 

And perhaps there’s more alpha in Nie Huaisang than he realised, because the idea of Jin Zixuan being in such danger, in the place where he should be safest, fills him with a rage like nothing he’s rarely felt before. The only thing that can compare is the burning wrath that overcame him when he first heard that the Cloud Recesses had been burned, that Lan Xichen was missing. If he could, Nie Huaisang would grab Jin Zixuan this instant and fly with him to QInghe, were nobody will care that he’s an omega, where he’ll live free of fear because the rules of Qinghe Nie are very clear on how to deal with a rapist, regardless of sex, gender, and rank. It is tempting to accept Madam Jin’s demand, just to protect her son, except…

Except Lan Xichen is sitting right next to Nie Huaisang, and while his face is showing nothing, the smell of his anger is getting stronger with each passing moment. If the Lan rarely have a second spouse, let alone concubines of any sorts, Lan Xichen once explained, it is because their cultivation method tends to make them more possessive toward their cultivation partner. That’s the reason they are so careful in choosing such a partner, Lan Xichen confided when they started talking about getting married.

At that time, Nie Huaisang had easily promised that he would remain faithful no matter what, happy to finally have the affection of his favourite person in the world, happy to know that his love and patience would be rewarded, confident that there is nobody else in the world he could ever want.

Now though, he isn’t so sure what to do anymore. Marrying Lan Xichen is all he’s wanted for years and years, the culmination of a carefully crafted plan to ensure both of their happiness. But to abandon Jin Zixuan to his fate would be a crime, something against which his very soul rebels.

Between his dearest friend and the love of his life, Nie Huaisang has to choose, and risk losing someone either way.