#would Barty put this exact way? Maybe he will maybe get won't

[nadiajustbe]

Post-PG AU where everyone survives (including Faquarl), but Nat still gets hospitalised because he got the whole Glass Palace falling on him and Kitty still suffers from the trip to the Other Place, so her and Bart take usual visits to the hospital merely everyday (Bart says it's because Kitty still needs assistance with her walking but he also just wants to watch If Nat wouldn't die from the runny nose or something, human are quite fragille, your know). Except one day Kitty and Nathaniel unitedly agree Bartimaeus has been on Earth for a bit too long (and Nat cannot elaborate, he was the one too keep him here for the 2+ years and he KNOWS it was the worst thing he's ever done in this situation) so they have to let him go for a while.

Bartimaeus does not want to leave his baldy injured humans unattended (he doesn't put it this way but no one cares), so he ask...Faquarl. And oh, this is the biggest nightmare ever, but, hey. Why not¹. He goes like "Listen, you have just kinda made a spirit revolution, almost destroyed London (I agree this is a rathole, but you were supposed to give it a dignity, as every great jinnie including myself), almost killed my friend a really good acquaintance of mine, almost murdered my master and me in my most glorious self (this one hurt, by the way). So, If maybe I can ask you by a little flavour, after which I won't give you anything at all and absolutely nothing would change, except maybe I will hate you one point one percent less. Deal?

And, before Faquarl can disagree, he starts unpacking the whole list of stuff he'll supposed to do for the next two weeks.

"Look after John sleeping normally, because he's a pain in the ass and he will not, be free to tell Kitty puch him with a stick If nedeed, maybe cook them something normal (maybe eggs) (mankind has been going progressively worse when it comes to food and I know you know that, the hospital food is particularly made of plastic.) Also John wouldn't drink coffee unless there's absolutely zero sugar in it, what a sensitive child, do not allow him to drink coffee under any circumstances. He knows damn well the doctors forbade him from doing so. Kitty should not walk more than two hours a day (and a walk from a hospital to her apartment is already about half an hour), she's also supposed to have some kind of support for standing as well, she will say she's able to manage everything alone and as much as I tend to believe her, no. No she's not, unless it would lead her to the position of the unfortunate idiot for the rest of her life. Johh, on the other side is not supposed to walk at all no matter what he thinks of himself and...no I don't love humans at all, what made you think so????"

(¹There was a lot of reasons "why not", actually, but I'm afraid If I start listing them all humans will ban me from existence for beating every possible word count).