#won't even be able to talk to my allo friends about it... they have literally no idea what this means to me

[lemonycranberries]

you know... I was still being able to hold myself together. kind of. but not after this scene. oh no. that guy made this speech and the leaves started appearing as Isaac smiled and oh my god. and then crush culture started playing on the soundtrack. and then I started singing along. and when I realized I was crying. and laughing. and I had to go back a few minutes and rewatch this beautiful scene. the second time around I didn't even try. I actually just cried, laughed hysterically, put my hands on my face and cried some more as I screamed along to Crush Culture. I realized I was literally shaking. the feeling of being seen this much on a screen... it's something I had actually never experienced before. this means much more than just a scene on a TV show. this feels like the beginning of something. this feels like actual representation. the things I just felt right now are simply indiscribable.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Help I'm crisising

I'm aroace and i have this friend who I've known for a couple years but only gotten close two in the last few months, and I really like her. I've had a weird alterous attraction crush on her for literal years and recently now that we've gotten closer I'm wondering if we could someday be in some sort of qpr thing. I know she's some sort of queer, and she knows that I am, though not specifically aroace, and I know she's not in any relationships.

The problem is:

I'm really confused about what I feel, cause I've never felt anything close to this for anyone, ever, and I'm also really aware that she's one of the first friends and definitely the closest that I've had since a major depressive episode I had that lasted 1-2 years and so I'm worried that maybe I'm kinda latching on to her to feel normal and not lonely anymore. Basically I'm just constantly second-guessing my feelings, but I also have pretty solid evidence that I shouldn't trust myself with them.

I don't know what she knows about being aroace, and I don't know if she'd be interested in a QPR

I don't know if she's interested in me. She definitely likes as a friend, but I'm horrible at telling what feelings people have towards me beyond than friendly, angry, or indifferent

And if ever she made a move on me, I'd be into it, but I don't know how to explain "actually I'm aroace and so like half of the things you'd expect out of an allo dating relationship are off the table, and also I will never be able to love you in the way most would people expect from me" Also, at what point do you even bring that up? Before or after doing anything? The inciting incident of all this was today when she was driving me home from her place and while we were leaving her brother was bugging me to tell him about her love life and asking questions like "Does she have a bf/gf? Is she dating (other friend of hers)?" and "Are you two dating? Are you going to kiss in the car?" and she told him to stop and not make me uncomfortable, but in my head I was just thinking "not as uncomfortable as you think." And then I was thinking about maybe kissing her the whole car ride, and I was kinda hoping maybe she would. Sorry for the massive wall of text I'm overthinking everything and driving myself mad. I don't have anyone who knows I'm queer besides her so I have nobody to talk to about this.

First of all Anon, remember that it's OK to be confused, and it's OK to not be quite sure what you want. You're navigating these feelings for the first time, and they're generally big feelings which can also make them harder to decipher, especially in the moment.

Sometimes imagining different scenarios can help and sometimes certain scenarios will appeal to you a lot more (remember QPRs are heavily tailored, and can include and not include whatever the people in them want). Sometimes journaling can help with sorting out what you're feeling too, and if you're not sure where to start, there's a lot of good tips for effective journaling online.

It is OK to not have everything figured out right away. Sometimes things also play out over time, you can talk and try things out and see where things go. Honestly my advice would probably be to just start by telling her you're aroace and, if this is something you want to pursue, talking about QPRs, or how aroaces sometimes do relationships a bit differently where the relationship can be tailored to each other/pick and choose what that relationship involves or not. And maybe that would be something that appeals to her, maybe it won't, and you can take note of how you're feeling too. (Of course if you decide you prefer the relatioship you have with her now and don't want to change anything, that's an option too.)

Go easy on yourself, you're figuring all this out as you go. Remember there's two ways this can go, either things work out how you want them to, which would be great, or they won't and you'll still learn a lot in the process and be a lot more ready and prepared the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

All the best, and good luck!

[like-sands-of-time]

first of all thank you for replying.. sometimes I feel like I talk to myself on here and Ive been feeling so overwhelmed lately that I just need someone in the community to talk to. so sorry in advance but this is a bit of a long reply because I tend to ramble on and say lots of things (sorry 🙈)

so that's kinda similar for me... I've read smut and romances for years and I'm an absolute romantic at heart but sometimes smut is just boring to me or I'll fall asleep reading it.. that was the first worry I had for whether or not I'd ever even be interested in sex because how do I read it with no physical reaction other than to fall asleep(literally quicker than I would if I just went to bed) when everyone in the comments talks about how hot it was or their reaction to it.

ive thought to myself that if I'm with someone I'm truly comfortable with I'd be more willing to do different physical things not just as a "sacrifice" for them but because I might somewhat enjoy it but I've never even been able to kiss someone or hold hands.... I've never found someone I felt comfortable enough with after knowing they liked me that I could be completely open with and slowly explore.

i guess my next question really becomes is there a difference in your mind between a friendship and a companion? to me there is.. there's this *something* that you feel that pulls you towards a person that's different than just being friends but I tried explaining it to someone who's allo and they seemed to not understand....

I already have such self esteem issues and I worry that even if I take things slowly I won't be enough for someone because it's just one more thing about me that makes me different, weird, etc. so I've got those thoughts running through my head but I also quite like this person and do want it to slowly blossom like I can kinda see it play out in my head. how do I slowly build a friendship with them over the next bit of time to see whether we might work together? I don't think I can just do the dating thing like allo people do and then move to the next person.. there's so much trust and honesty I have to build with someone. am I taking things too seriously? I worry but I also feel like it protects me idk

so i may or may not have caught the feels for someone at work and their stupid cute smile and their stupid intoxicating cologne that's always so strong and I swear gets into my jacket and basically how do i do this??? I wanna be friends and maybe hang out and stuff

but seriously my asexual ass is asking for advice from others in the community because every time I've ever had a crush and kinda pursued it the other person ruins it by moving too quickly (especially physically) and it's like any feelings I have just turn to discomfort and anxiety but the person I like knows I'm ace and it's still like nice to me lol why?