#with the exception of dialogue bc that's separate from the third-person narration

[ichorblossoms]

writing honeybee is like alright. which one of you gets the they pronouns this chapter

[mariusroyale]

i physically cannot read a fic with first person pov. the way i retch n gag at it.. like. no.

yknow what while we’re at it ill talk abt my list of fanfic icks (fanficks) i get. i used to tolerate this stuff freely in like 2015-16 (when i had no taste smh) now i have zero patience lmao

- shit grammar: i cannot. like i can’t read fics with poor grammar and punctuation, it immediately renders the story unreadable (some exceptions are if im desperate and it’s like the only fic in this v obscure tag n fandom).

- no spacing in paragraphs: SEPARATE UR PARAGRAPHS PEOPLEEEE. tiptop!!! if you create an entire block of text it’s now INCOMPREHENSIBLE and you’ve wasted ur time writing it bc who’s going to read that????

- this also goes for not spacing dialogue properly like this,

“What do you mean?” He tilts his head while asking. She answers absentmindedly, “Like this. Marius can’t read if it’s formatted like this cos it’s supposed to be a new line when it’s a new person speaking.” He pauses in thought, recognising how unappealing it looked. “Oh.”

i can’t bruh it’ll make me stop reading- I MEAN LOOK AT IT. sometimes it’s fucking impossible to tell who’s speaking when! PLS. if a new character is speaking!!! ADD A NEW PARAGRAPH

- if it’s just. Out of character- like shit characterisation: people pls, most characters have dimensions to them! give them better dialogue and actions for the love my ass, you know DAMN well this character would never do that shit in canon

- first person pov (had to talk abt this one again i can’t describe how much it makes me BLEH) like!!! it’s so!! very rarely can i ever enjoy a story written in first person anyway! i don’t care what you think?? lmao?? no human would ever write their daily routine

“I noticed my [insert hair colour] hair possessed a sheen today, which meant I hadn’t washed it in a while.” like? no!

even then if u wrote it like a normal human

“My hair was way too greasy this morning. It’d been awhile since I washed it.”

i still hate it- like if i want details, i want it from an omnipotent, otherworldly being that doesn’t exist outside of narrating

frankly idk why i chose that as an example but you know what i mean: having details is great in third person but so meh in first

- shitty pacing within a brief interaction

i no longer have the patience anymore dude. had i read this in 2015, when i didn’t read well written fics, you’d have me hooked but

i don’t want to read a fic that takes forever to get through and by this i mean: the way you write paragraphs and insert dialogue in between

if there’s an important scene happening, i want to see it. wanna feel it.

if i see a wall of text in between the dialogue which shows Character A’s thoughts im leaving

like you can tell the author kinda just forgot what their original point was and started waffling? like u know??

i once read a fic in 2015-16 (im so sorry it was phan) where the fucking chunks of texts between dialogues were literal PARAGRAPHS. by that point i had forgotten what they were saying cos it was just

“Hey… are you alright?”

A looked at B worriedly. B didn’t know what to say. A had a lot on their plate already. Maybe it was best to not say anything for now. (Like here? This is a good place to stop and continue what B would say. But author just kept going.) B knew how A would react, he wasn’t good with emotions. After all, A had never been truly open with his emotions with people, how could B expect him to do it with him, of all people? He faintly recalled the time he saw A quietly sniffle during a movie and asked if he was alright, only to be met with a brief dismissal. A wouldn’t understand. (AND IT WOULD BE A BIGGER PARAGRAPH THAN THIS!! AND THERE WOULD BE TWO MORE AFTER IT!)

“I-I’m okay.”

Neither of them missed the way B stuttered, but-

AND IT JUST KEPT FUCKING GOING. THIS INTERACTION IN REAL LIFE WOULD HAPPEN IN TEN SECONDS. CANT THIS INTROSPECTION HAPPEN AFTER??? DO I ACTUALLY NEED TO KNOW EVERY DETAILED THOUGHT THAT HAPPENS IN THEIR HEAD IN THE TWO SECONDS THEY PAUSE TO THINK OF A RESPONSE???????

(to clarify, do this introspection in between dialogue, sure. but if you’re gonna make it huge and waffled and unnecessary stOPPP. MAKE IT SHORT. OR JUST PUT IT AFTER THEIR INTERACTION IDFK)

- when the summary has me at the edge of my seat and the first few words of the fic has me vomiting

like DAMMIT. you HAD ME

i was SO EXCITED for this premise it’s intriguing and i was gonna read and!!!

your grammar is shit!! DAMMIT