#wishing my disabled kin a restful night

[mydyspraxiablog]

Having dyspraxia can make you feel invisible you lose friends because can't going party or night but got four promble really need blue disabilities badge because buses are rubbish in Stafford can't going Stoke on trent college, Cannock college because there crouse start 9am can't use bus pass till 930am and I want going Engish crouse in the day and can't in Evening with Stafford college and Newcastle under Lyme crouse but no buses running in evening all buses stop running 7pm here.

Now second promble do crouse with Lower Drayton Farm care really enjoying the crouse but promble is got no mobile phone mum won't give me mobile phone but she don't want me take Sunflower hidding disabilities to the farm" " What do need that for you don't need that" " I need for Emergency number and have wear on public bus when on Airport asking for assistance push through que to front que you lovely Sunflower hidding disabilities card but when going public transport and emergency numbers next kin you don't like that mum just want everything's free not going happon.

These sunflowers landyard at mum always moading about till going in one Airport asking for assistance.

" If don't like wearing in on public places give me adult mobile phone?" " No not having adult mobile phone use that Tesco monkey mobile phone " " The rip off mobile phone cost £30 if someone phone you and text you won't be use that child mobile phone anymore "

The rowing we have ever Christmas over it but mum will not make down " Thank to mum and stupid now three week behide Lower Drayton Farm care art in community and behide with homework on paddlet and YouTube only one in the group without mobile phone if Taxi later no way to community to them rest of group got mobile phone part me and can going around Farm taking pictures people saying have got any photo of Turkey I say no didn't draw there this time trying prove point to mum but still won't listen Franices right mum don't listen. " OK mum say two word The Scam won!

Really need mobile phone downloads some apps Coelicuk,Compassionuk because send birthday card and Christmas card to my sponsor child in Ethiopia 🇪🇹 is take to long in the post 📫.

Wordpad app ask me paid for more money 💰 so won't be able use wordpad soon.

I upset saying no more pets want adopt that dog look like Eddie and want adopt cat look like Annabel but won't have me anymore cat and dog.

So told her " OK no pets want more to Esschell byself live there to have pets."

So wishing never put my cats down missing them badly.

Get the voice in my head keep say " It mum falt she making you put down the cats because she want going holiday.

I didn't want put down Sydnee down but think going out to Turkey again June no won't want going somewhere else this time.

I want going chalie cafe visit cats there and feed them and sponder one new kitten 😸 look after mum cat but only promble Esschell bus 🚌 is hour not very good with bus time can't tell time that promble with dyspraxia so if moving up Esschell can going to cafe order Gluten free fruit cake and pot tea and brush cats I be in cat heaven.

Just want somewhere can feed all cats and dogs 🐕"" but won't happon in Stafford.

I don't know what God what from me and don't know about my story because haven't start and haven't finshed yet just write block creep in again. So what is my story?

[postapocalypticcottagecore]

I wake up pretty late the next day, still feeling crap, so I do what I usually do when that happens and go hang out with my neighbour for a while. She's a good friend, and we have an awesome story about how we met that I should probably write up here sometime, and she is also the one who introduced me to the friend who's in hospital. I make some tea for both of us (she swears I do it better than she can), we chat for a bit and then I head off to the hospital to go visit our friend... Alone, unfortunately, because my neighbour hasn't had her new disabled bus pass show up in the mail yet.

It's a fairly long bus ride, and I can't quite stop the anxiety creeping back. I was told pretty much nothing while I was there yesterday, because it's not as if I'm next-of-kin, but the medical staff didn't even say when they thought she was going to wake up. But they probably would have given me the courtesy of a warning if there was a non-negligible possibility she wouldn't wake up at all, wouldn't they?

It takes me two tries to get sent to the correct ward, apparently they moved her around a couple of times in the night for I know not what reason, but eventually get to the right place and... She's awake. She's more or less back to normal: Not really able to talk at first, she's not sure if that's a seizure side-effect or a stress reaction to being stuck in hospital again, but within an hour or two of my arrival she's got her voice back. I cajole a couple of nurses to try and find a doctor who can decide whether she's fit to go home or at least tell her when that will be, to little avail because the consultant neurologist isn't back on duty until Monday. (I think the rest of the neuro team are on strike along with most other junior doctors.) I call her carer for her, the one who said she'd bring the wheelchair: She's not on duty this weekend, try the manager. His number goes to voicemail. I offer to bring the chair to the hospital myself. She says she'll consider it if she hasn't got a firm release date by Monday.

We chat to one of the nurses, talking about her new supported housing placement and the rather underwhelming service the care agency's been providing so far. I mention that I'm nearly always available to help her out if the carers are running late, even if it's just to make her a brew. "Wish my parents would do that for me," the nurse says, causing us both to burst out laughing. "I think you have drastically misunderstood our relationship," I reply.

"Oh, right. Partners, then?" More laughter.

(I don't bring up the fact that she's exclusively into women, has a bunch of past trauma from trying to convince herself that she wasn't and that our mutual friend entirely forgot to mention this until I was extremely close to asking her out on a date. My social anxiety and lack of self-confidence save the day once more...)

The evening meal is served, and I get a not-undeserved scolding for belatedly realising I'd been running around all day on a pint of iced coffee milkshake. I have to head home soon after so I don't miss the last bus.

After I get home, I turn to Reddit for advice on transporting the wheelchair. Two separate unrelated pweople say I should just take the wheels off and put it in the luggage rack if someone else needs the wheelchair space. I reject that idea out of hand on the grounds that a) it strikes me as an extremely rude thing to do to someone else's mobility aid and b) I have no confidence whatsoever in my ability to get them back on afterwards. Also several of them claim that most wheelchairs fold up, which sounds deeply sus.

I hope she couldn't tell how worried I'd been.

It's been a bit of an eventful weekend

Started off quite good. Accompanied a friend of mine to a local autistic people's social group at the library, where we had a pleasant afternoon. But she started feeling a bit ill as the meeting was winding down, and asked to lie down for a bit. I helped her to a sofa, where she remained for a while before asking to move to the floor because she thought she was having a seizure headache.

She was right. We'd managed to get her carer to come out by the time she stopped talking, and the carer decided to call 999. We were told it might take up to two hours for an ambulance to arrive, because fourteen years of Tory enshittification, but they actually turned up in about ten minutes. Observations were taken, a medical history was obtained (with some difficulty) and then we were off to hospital... Leaving the carer to take my friend's wheelchair home for her, because the EMTs refused to carry it in the back of the ambulance as they didn't have any way to strap it down. This was... not ideal, but given that we were doing a full blue-light run over roads that haven't been resurfaced since before the county council went bust I have to agree that the wheel brakes might not have been enough.

I spend about an hour and a half sitting around in the Accident and Emergency Department waiting room, anxious and unhappy because nobody's telling me anything and they won't let me into the room where my friend is being assessed. I come embarrassingly close to losing my temper with a Healthcare Assistant (equivalent to a nurse's aide in the US, I think) who assumed that "tea, white, no sugar" meant I wanted sweetener in it instead.

Eventually they let me into the room and my friend... Seems to be feeling better. She's not talking and is clearly still post-ictal but she knows I'm there and smiles when I make a joke. In the background there's a mighty kerfuffle because someone's vitals just crashed while they were on their way to have a CT scan. (I don't know what happened to them, but I hope they made it.) "Well, at least one person's having a worse day than you," I remark to my friend.

She doesn't hear me. Her eyes are closed, and she's not moving. I remember her mentioning in passing that one of her health issues (you might've gathered by now that she has several) could cause her to fall into a coma if her blood-glucose dips too low. I wish I didn't remember that.

She hasn't woken up by the time a doctor tells me she's being moved to another part of A&E. She still hasn't woken up by the time I realise I have to be at the bus stop in the next twenty minutes if I'm to make it home tonight. I hope she can hear me tell her how sorry I am that I can't be there when she wakes up again.

It's a long journey home, involving three buses with an hour's layover between the last two in a part of town that makes me nervous after dark. By the time I finally get home I'm exhausted. Sleep is still a long time coming.

Think I'm about to hit the character limit, so Part 2 will be below...

[rosesnink]

A Glance on MOTY: Is it close to reality? + my experience as a girl with separated parents

Mother of the Year is about to end during its chapter release I've seen many of your opinions and glances on the case of MC and Guy and even MC's little daughter.

As always,this is just my opinion and reality of the custody battles and parenting,and you're welcome of sharing yours.

TW: Bullying,domestic abuse,mentions of abusive households.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

MOTY has been a crude,real and transparent book since the beggining. A new single mom coming to a new town,now fully recovered of being abandoned by her own ex husband and her daughter's father. She's now on her own with a new school and a kid to take care of.

Since the divorce was a thing here in Madrid (I don't know when it was approved in the USA 😅) this wasn't old news for marriages. Women coming and leaving with their kids or at least the ones who wants to remain to their mother's side. MC's daughter didn't have much option: her mother was the only one who still wanted to take care of her. Guy just... Left.

MC's economy is questionable having a child,not gonna lie. She haves- as we say here- her belt tightened.

Most of the single parents can miraculously manage to give their kid what they need,but most of the time means that,for parents,their life is all work and child care until they're proven to be independant and capable to take care of themselves.

And,this is is an study made on Spanish universities,most mothers are still taking care of their children at the age of,no less than 30!

They have to give up on many luxuries to maintain their kid's happiness.

We didn't truly saw MC's daughter ask her mom why isn't daddy around,or asking about their story to understand how it would've ended. Maybe they had that talk long ago?

Okay,now,settling on a new school with higher standards. While it is unusual to poor kids being accepted unless their IQ is good,they check it's a good kid and blah blah blah,being accepted can be hard and most kids can be awful.

I was literally a stranger when I came to my school and left as a stranger to most of them. But when a new kid comes to an enviroment where everyone grew up in the neighborhood,it's true that even if there's two nice people who adopt you in their group the other 80% will be hostile and cruel just because you're a stranger. The diamond acene with August clarified that.

In a school there's always a pattern of behaviour,etiquette,etc and new kids would need months or even years to adapt,and here in Spain the PTA is thankfully voluntary. We call it the AMPA.

Now,finding a partner suitable for you AND that your kid approves... Oof,that's an odyssey. I still NOT approve my mother's boyfriend but that's more personal.

Here,the MC is lucky that the LIs are amazing. But finding someone who is willing to settle down on a domestic life in today's society is hard. Even if they're parents,they like their bubble.

I cannot give my opinion about the PTA because my mother never attended one– because of her deafness,she hates those Fathers and Mothers reunions because she's the only deaf parent and normally and sadly,everyone will listen with someone who can hear literally everything that's going on.

Now,with the return of Guy to MC's life is... Groundbreaking. While since the first moment I had my father by my side... It was all an illusion my brain created. He was like Guy,he was there but I was only an accesory for him. He's got even his perfectly gaslighted Faye! Younger,sweeter,... Everything my dad couldn't have of my mom

We didn't even saw the grandparents! And most of them here in Spain are actually spending more time with the kids! At least my grandparents had been an important aspect of my raising and I was kinda dissapointed that we didn't get to saw the rest of MC's family and their thoughts about her and Guy,because their opinion could've had a great impact on the story.

As I was saying,now children making besties quick as they do enemies– it's an amusing truth. In my kindergarten I had 5 different best friends and 4 boyfriends that I shared with my twin! That made my father roll his eyes. I'd have dates with them on the snack time and all that stuff. My mom just laughed at this.

And now I'm an useless lesbian haha

It is normally difficult to get along with the parent of your kid's best friend. But Thomas and MC's dynamic is surprisingly great... And unusual irl. Sorry ladies.

The thing is,it's difficult to let in a stranger to your territory. And it's understable. Excusable? Not at all.

And now,Tinsley's rule on the high school? It's awfully true. The teachers and principals will always win on these cases such as bullying,harrasment,etc because they're the ones in charge. During years they denied my case of bullying because I was disabled and the excuse was that I was being delusional. Y'know what they said to those kids? An apology,hug and move on.

Of course, I refused and said that I preferred to be expelled and get rid of these muglets for a short time that pretend that they bullied me with no reason. I was the one who got punished and they ran free. I was only 8.

Same happened when my sister bullied to a girl because she disliked her. Both in high school and in thE Internet no less. The girl reported the high school and ended up being hated. My sister forbid me to support her,but I told her silently that I was on her side. Her reaction to that was also questionable,yes,but the bullies? It was unforgivable for me!

Moving on a crude matter: Guy Ledford's parenting is NOT a myth. It's a reality.

My father and Guy are alike,and playing MOTY seeing his fuckface has been... Hard to swallow. Guys like him (no pun intended) are very real and destructive. Abuse can have many forms and Guy's constant gaslight,whataboutism,misogyny,and much more aspects can destroy a life without laying a hand on the victim and it's difficult to prove at court. My mom,even if she proved my father's behaviour,they judged her more than him and that's a reality that PB kind of forgot to show. They always question more the woman and if you defend yourself and let the others back you up,you'll lose your chances. I can't count the times my mom had to be silent and don't scream what a monster he was because she had to ‘behave’. It's truly disgusting.

And now,when I realised my father didn't care about me at all... It was like 1,000 knives came to my heart and stabbed every inch of me and then twirled it so it wouldn't heal. I was 10 and I was so innocent. I can still hear my grandma yell to my father that one day,because of his behaviour he'll lose at least one of his daughters. And it still feels like a big kick on my gut.

Knowing it can be hard,but admitting it? It can destroy you. Your progenitor,your own flesh,your kin and someone who is supposed to love you above all things... He just doesn't give a damn about you. Or if he does,is for one motive that is not your safety.

When I discovered that my father used me to presume of clever,obedient, silent and straight daughter and beautiful,I was heartbroken. I asked myself ‘am I all that? Just a Barbie doll who must please her dad?’ my mother told me I was already flawless like I was and I started to behave like myself... And he didn't like it. He'd always ignore me and not knowledge my merits by saying ‘they're not worth nor enough. you must do better’ and I'd always tell him I did like my results. We were always arguing and he'd always be like a commander. And I was his rebel link.

Until one day,everything went to hell. I was watching a show at 3AM (questionable,I know,but it was Saturday and it was festive) when he came to me and I said ‘can you give me 5 minutes until it ends? It'll be quick’ instead of waiting,he yanked me off the chair and slammed me against the wall,screaming that he'd beat me up if I didn't obey him. I nodded, scared and went to bed sobbing,my sister heard everything and decided to back him up. She blamed me. I wondered all night if this was the price to pay so I could satisfy him. A man. I decided to call my mom and tell her I didn't want to see him ever again. Back at her house,I told her everything. I cried.

During 4 straight weekends I had to go with him because the law forced me to. Until the 5th weekend,I was free of that burden. Of him.

I was 14 when that happened. I was in junior year and going through a massive bullying case. But at least I had one less thing to lose my mind with. After years of victim blame to my mom,gaslight,ignorance and bad parenting,I was a young,free girl with her future in her hands and a loyal,fierce ally by my side. My mom. The only one who believed me. The one who encouraged me to make ammends with my big brother and have a heart-to-heart. Now he always defends me when people excuse my father.

What I try to say with this story of mine is

That MC's daughter is lucky to have both their parents willing to be in her life and love her,to cooperate even if they wish to be away from the other. MC's daughter can tell off her father. I couldn't because he wouldn't listen to me.

She haves a father willing to have her in his life. Mine never wanted. He never cared. I was nothing to him if I didn't play by his rules. Now I'm a stranger to him. I am nothing to him. I never was. I never had a father.

- - - - - - - -

With this essay finished,I clarify that this is my story. I shared it because I saw it necessary, I don't want anyone's pity. Say anything but ‘I'm sorry’ because i'm honestly tired of this. But your opinion and experience is more than welcome. Again,this is just how I lived it and see it. Don't take it by heart. Anons are off,you need to consult something but don't want anyone else to know what,please DM me. My DMs are open to you. I promise to listen.

Tagging: @mrsbriarmarlcaster @hellospunkiebrewster @ineedshreyamistry @thefirstcourtesan @pippii-punkstockings @tephy24 @vienroose @ladylucina28 @choices-owns-my-ass @drakewalkerwhipped @50shadesofraleigh @parmishon @brightpinkpeppercorn @lilyofchoices

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

I really like hearing people's stories so (if you want to and it's totally okay if you don't) how did you and actuallylukedanes meet/get together/get married?

I’ve had this buried in my inbox for so long, Anon, I’m sorry! Since today is my wedding anniversary with @actuallylukedanes, it seems like the perfect day to tell this story. My memory isn’t the greatest, so my spouse might be able to challenge me on some of the details, but here’s my side of the story. :)

In 2004, I was home from my freshman year of college. It had been a total disaster, as I was a tiny (undiagnosed) bipolar/Autistic/anxious/ADHD hot mess of a human, and I ended up remaining at home after that instead of going back right away. So I was 19, recently addicted to the internet thanks to college web access, and a high school friend of mine told me about a site called Livejournal. Being a big fan of personal oversharing, I joined immediately. 

Being also a fan of writing, especially (at that time) songs and poetry, I searched for LJ communities about creative writing, and found one I liked. It was a group for queer writers, but I swear that at the time I missed the whole ‘queer’ side, as I was still firmly in the ‘me? liking girls? but i think literally every boy is someone i should have a crush on and have never heard of compulsory heteronormativity yet!’ camp. So I joined that group, despite identifying as straight and clueless, and went about writing and talking to other members.

One of those members and I hit it off right away. In what was literally our first conversation/comment thread, they suggested that we run away together to New York City (where I longed to go). They were that sure they liked me right away. Plot twist: we never made it to NYC, but I did kinda run off with them. :)

Anyhow, we became friends via Livejournal, and then eventually met in person. When I showed them around the area where I grew up, we crossed a giant bridge at one point and a rainbow bloomed overhead. Clearly it was fate. I’ve always been a giant romantic and believer in fate. But I was also (did I mention clueless) an Autistic kid who’d never dated anyone before, so while my now-spouse was falling in love with me and making their intentions known, I didn’t even understand how a person knows when they’re in love. (I was Rory Gilmore, basically. But with better taste in first romance.)

I was also completely lacking in self-esteem and firmly, legitimately believed I was unattractive and unlovable. People act like those who say/feel that way are being overdramatic, but I had never sincerely believed anything more in my life. After all, I made it to adulthood without being asked out on a date or even having anyone express interest in me romantically–my own mom wrote a teasing inscription in my16th birthday card asking if I’d been kissed yet. That could give anybody with mental disorders and an unusual body type a complex!

So though I knew immediately that they made me nervous and twitchy and distracted, it wasn’t until our first in-person meeting ended that I believed they were interested in me, and sorted through my feelings and realized I loved them back. My declaration of my feelings still exists out there in the Livejournal universe, for the world to see, because I have more than a dozen LJ blogs still up even though I stopped using them years ago. Yes, I told them via a blog post. You’d have to ask them whether that was super-romantic or just bizarre. I was both, so I do not know.

Once I caught up to them, feelings-wise, we proceeded to have a long-distance relationship for a couple of years, during which time I got my first job and they moved back home. I visited California for the first time for their birthday and met their family and decided I clearly belonged in California, land of fruit smoothies everywhere, rather than my homeland of rain and seasonal depression. I was too weird for their family, to be honest, though their twin liked me from the start, but I survived the visit and eventually my future spouse came to visit me again in Washington and stay for a week.

During that week, they found a job in my tiny town, changing the course of our future forever. Without really talking to my mom, who I was still sharing an apartment with (and who wasn’t the sort to put her foot down, ever), they went from ‘visiting’ to living in my room and helping get me to and from work and contributing to bills. In 2006, we moved into our own little ‘apartment’ (part of an old house) and having our own lives to pay for, I stopped handing my mom all my money for the first time. 

Despite being mostly supportive of my relationship even though I grew up in a religiously conservative family (still emotionally scarred, thank you for asking), it was the money that led to my mom disowning me and my estrangement from most of the rest of my blood kin. Because we were ‘a team’ when I was growing up and that was all I understood as a developmentally disabled kid, as an adult I never thought twice about giving her all the money I earned even when she spent it on wasteful things and we were left without groceries or electricity. So, in addition to saving me from the life of miserable straight marriage that was expected of me, my spouse rescued me from being taken advantage of, and is an actual hero.

Anyhow, our life together really started, therefore, in August 2006, when we got settled into our first home together, and so that’s the first anniversary we celebrate. The following year we moved from Washington to Utah, where we weren’t legally able to get married until the Supreme Court forced the state to let us, so our marriage in 2015 is the second date we celebrate. We wanted to get married on Halloween because it’s the best day ever, but Halloween was over a weekend that year so we had to settle for a day early. Aka today. :D

My best friend/sister-in-law @actuallyrorygilmore stood for me, and my spouse’s best friend came from California to join us and stand for them. The four of us attended the ceremony at a Salt Lake courthouse, then had bubbly beverages and bits of dessert back at home. I was dressed a little like a fancied-up pirate, as befits my personal style, and my spouse looked amazing. We exchanged simple white-gold wedding bands, and I wear mine with my engagement ring, which I got to pick out at an antique shop and still adore more than anything I’ve ever worn in my life. (The pictures of me with it on it after I was proposed to are the happiest, glowiest, I’ve ever looked in my life.)

As of today we’ve been married for two years, in addition to all the years of friendship and romance that came before, and I couldn’t be happier and more grateful to be with my Leander, who loves harder than anyone I know and is the best partner I could have wished for.

Over the course of the last 13 years, we have adopted/been forced to give up cats we loved like our own kids, lived in a car multiple times, struggled through poly relationship dynamics, donated plasma and shoplifted in order to survive, almost became parents and then had our chance taken away, and gone hungry, a lot. We’ve also spent amazing nights in fancy hotels, driven across the country blaring showtunes and singing along, made our own holiday decorations and splurged to buy each other the presents we always wanted as kids but never got, raised cats we have to this day who are still like our own kids…and I have never wished for any other life. 

It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I’m truly not, when I say that my life didn’t begin until we met. I can’t imagine where I would be without them. And I would never want to. 

♥♥   I love you, Leander. Happy two years married. ♥♥