#wish i could piece a thought together better but anyway there's wonderwall

[ohtendril]

let me just talk about light real quick

light is hope

they kiss in the night, in the shadows, but you canstill see the warm light coming from behind pen

at first pen is doused in light, and colin gets a taste of light (hope), only to become reckless (with jealousy, dreams, yearning). but then after the kiss, colin becomes the one who's doused in light,

first it's the fire light in the dream, then the bright morning light, so metaphorical to his realization. but as time goes by and pen get familiar with debling, by ep.4 the light is flickering as he sits in his study. the candle light goes out. and again, light is hope.

we see the flashbacks. we see him react to them. he can't let the fire go out. he can't give up hope. and he doesn't even after pen says she will accept debling's proposal, he still goes after her, he's still covered in warm light

and he reflects that light onto pen. and they become reckless together in the light and shadows

[2dsluv]

Obsidian Eyes - Chapter 6

(Y/N)s POV

My dreams were sweet. I saw a pink sea. There was a warm presence, familiar. I was happy. The memory of them started to slip away the more I became conscious. I groaned and instinctually reached over to grab for my phone, feeling the touch of another person instead. I opened my eyes abruptly, only to find Noodle snoring softly beside me. So peaceful.

Whatever hopes I had for all of this just being some strange nightmare had quickly vanished. This is my life now, I thought. I glanced back over at Noodle and smiled - can't be all that bad with this little angel keeping me company. I slipped out of bed slowly, trying my best not to disturb the sleeping girl. I made my way back out into the hallway and tried to piece together how to get back to my room again. I turned the corner and saw a door cracked open slightly, and my curiosity got the best of me. I approached the door slowly, but before I could open it I heard a low melodic voice. I panicked and threw my back against the wall, leaning in slightly with my ear against the door to get a better listen. The slow strum of a guitar, a bit clumsy. An insecure, but steady voice was singing along. 2D, I thought, must be his room. I really wish I could see him.

"When you were here before. Couldn't look you in the eye - You're just like an angel.." He sang softly. Radiohead, eh? May as well be singing Wonderwall. I started to giggle but threw my hand over my mouth. "Your skin makes me cry.." I closed my eyes and focused on his voice. So soft, so bittersweet. I could listen to this forever, I thought. I wanted to tell him. I intuitively brought my hand to the door, about to knock but then stopped myself dead in my tracks. The memory of Murdoc's stupid rule came back to me, and I wanted to scream. What is his deal with 2D anyway? I decided in that moment that I wanted to find out.

I sighed and pushed myself off the wall, carrying on my way back to my room. I should write a memoir, I thought. 'Kidnapped at Kong', quite a catchy title.

I threw my bedroom door open and stumbled inside, the familiarity of all my belongings really did help to calm my nerves. A false sense of security. I grabbed my favourite towel from my drawer and headed into the shower, needing a moment alone to clear my head. The hot water streamed down on me, and I closed my eyes. Peace. My mind began to wander, thinking of all the people that I am now forced to be roommates with.

Russel. I want to get to know him better. He comes off as this total sweetheart, but I can sense this hurt in him. Do people give him the same love that he puts out there?

Noodle. Nothing but love for that one. I feel an immense sense of responsibility for her, now. I need to be a good female role model for her.

2D. The thought of him gave me goosebumps. I needed to know more. Something about his presence feels so - right. I want to be his friend.

Murdoc, I shuddered. Who is Murdoc, really? Cause I'm not buying it. Something tells me he hides behind this massive ego, but inside he is a deeply sad man. Anyone with a front that big is hiding something. I hated him for what he did to me, but I was utterly intrigued. I couldn't believe it. I have a gift of getting people to open up to me, and that was exactly what I was planning to do - but boy, did I have my work cut out for me.

I hopped out of the shower and dried myself off, heading over to my closet to find an outfit for the day. I rifled through for what felt like ages, until I settled on an adorable 60s tennis dress. The dress was super mini, and highlighted my legs perfectly. I sat by my vanity and applied some more light makeup and my signature scent. I brushed out my wet hair and decided I would let it air dry. I look way too good for this place.

Part of me wanted to lock myself in my room and stay in all day so I wouldn't have to deal with any creepy requests from Murdoc, but I decided against it, eager to learn more about everyone here. Plus, I don't have a phone, so what else am I going to do?

I made my way into the kitchen, impressed with myself for knowing the way there. I barely had time to finish that thought before I was met with a sly grin.

"Morning, legs. So nice of you to finally join us." Murdoc said sarcastically

"So what, I'm on your schedule now?" I scoffed

Before he could say anything else I felt a warm hand on my back. "Morning, (Y/N). You look lovely." Russel smiled at me.

"Yes you do!" Noodle exclaimed, shifting in her chair.

I smiled sweetly in reply, grateful I wasn't alone with Murdoc. It's too early for his shit, and I am not a morning person.

"Thank you guys. You're too sweet."

"What is this, an episode of Sesame Street or somethin'? - Enough with the compliments."

I couldn't help but laugh at this. What a grouch.

"(Y/N), you're making breakfast" Murdoc spoke, visibly annoyed.

"Fine. But only because you asked so politely" I said sarcastically, earning a laugh from Russ and Noodle. "Where's 2D?"

I could see a flash of something on Murdoc's face. Anger? Jealousy? I wasn't too sure, but it made me regret asking.

"Wouldn't you like to know." He mumbled and sat down at the table.

I rolled my eyes and began to search the fridge for ingredients. I grabbed a carton of eggs, some bacon and a handful of oranges.

"Need some help, love? I like to cook" Russ put his hand on my back again.

"No, thanks. You deserve a treat"

His face lit up at this. "Damn, (Y/N). You're a keeper."

"That's exactly what I said." Murdoc smirked at me, making me shiver at the reference. We were the only ones who knew. I turned around and cracked the eggs in the pan, throwing in the bacon as well.

As if he could read my thoughts, Russel spoke "So (Y/N), tell me more about how you begged Murdoc to work for us. And Mudz shut your mouth, I wanna hear it from her."

Murdoc glanced at me nervously, and I cleared my throat "Well, he um. It's a funny story, really-" I was interrupted by a half asleep blue headed boy stumbling into the kitchen.

"Oi, Faceache!" Murdoc practically yelled, throwing his arm around the now puzzled looking boy.

"Um - 'ello Murdoc? - and hi (Y/N) - and others of course." He smiled sweetly at me.

I felt Murdoc's gaze burning on the back of my head. I returned a half hearted smile and waved at him, quickly turning around to focus on the now spattering eggs.

"D, (Y/N) was just about to tell us the story of how she got here" Russel interrupted.

I quickly moved all the food onto a big serving plate and set it down at the table. "C-can we talk about something else?" I asked sheepishly, earning a concerned look from Russ. "Just a bit embarrassed is all" I lied.

"Right, like how rubbish your recordings have been lately 2D" Murdoc grinned, proud of himself for the segue. "Really, (Y/N), you should hear 'im he sounds like a dying bird"

2Ds face got red in embarrassment and he began to fiddle with his fingers. "T-t-hats not true!"

"He has a lovely voice.." I said under my breath, only angering Murdoc.

"What was that? Speak up, love" He spat

"Nothing, forget about it" I sighed and shot 2D a sorry glance as quickly as I could. He didn't hear me.

"Really, though, on our last track I had to smack him up the head so many times because he couldn't hold a bloody note -"

"That's enough" Russel said sternly. "Can we all just enjoy our breakfast that this lovely one made for us?" He motioned to me and I smiled. I noticed that no one was standing up for 2D. I know that they are all friends, but I guess Murdoc's abuse happens so regularly that it would be impossible for them to keep up. The poor thing.

"To (Y/N)!" Noodle yelled, holding up her glass of orange juice.

"To (Y/N)!" Everyone yelled back, making me blush.

Everyone dug into their meals, and the conversation turned into playful nonsense. I was smack in the middle of Murdoc and 2D, and throughout the whole meal all I could feel was their conflicting gaze. 2D studying me somehow, a naive curiosity, and Murdoc's cold glare, making sure I stayed in line. All eyes on me.

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update SPECIAL TRENCH EDITION (10/6/18)

Ya’ll have had time to listen to the album. Some of you have it memorized already. So let’s pick apart Twenty One Pilots’ latest project track-by-track, explore the new themes and sounds that the band is exploring in this era, and also catch up on all of the latest news to come out in just the last two days.

This Week’s TØPics: 

A Complete Look at Trench

My Blood Music Video

Twenty One Pilots to Return to the American Music Awards

New Interviews About the Album

Picking Fights with Gaga? (Not Really, No)

And MORE!

Track Analysis:

Before we get started, we should acknowledge Trench’s wonderful liner notes, which besides boasting some stellar artistic design reveal a great deal of important information about this album. First, the overall cohesion of the album, like with all of the band’s albums save for Blurryface, can be attributed to the shared vision of the same production team on every track. The impact of Paul Meany on this entire album should not be understated: Paul co-produced every track save for “Levitate”, which he is instead given main credit for with Tyler listed as co-producer. He is also given writing credit on half of the album for his arrangements, again including “Levitate”. We musn’t forget the other heroes: the album was mixed by Adam Hawkins and mastered by Chris Gehringer. Also, the “thank you”s are both touching and occasionally very funny (“And to our haters, we know you liked stressed out.”)

I’ve already expressed my thoughts and reactions to the four previous singles in prior updates, so feel free to look back at them to fill in the gaps. 

“Morph” starts us off real strong with an absolutely stellar groove (thanks, Paul). Lyrically, the track features Tyler ruminating on death, considering its inevitability, worrying over its proximity, and questioning what comes after. It’s the most he discusses faith on Trench; Tyler considers looking “above” for answers a “blind belief”, but he still chooses it anyway, with some reservations. Ultimately, Tyler resolves to “morph to someone” else, to stay on the defensive against the insecurities leveled at him by Nico and keep moving forward. The song also features a “Judge”-esque shout-out to our boy Josh Dun within the stellar ending run- fitting, considering just how good his drums sound on this track in particular.

“Chlorine” is a definite highlight off the album, as it constantly mixes up flow and structure while never losing it’s laid-back psychedelic groove and its consistently excellent metaphorical examination of Tyler’s strained relationship with fame. I’ll be singing that hook forever. And the bridge. And that ending break-down that definitely sounds like a No Phun Intended sample. This thing’s a bop, potentially the best track on the whole project- and that’s really saying something.

“Smithereens” is an odd duck that feels like it doesn’t quite fit in on Trench but is nonetheless a very sweet and enjoyable tune. I mean, it’s love song that snuck onto this album that’s literally about writing a love song and sneaking it onto an album; I have to commend Tyler for being ballsy, clever, and artistic with his grand romantic gesture. I also have to commend Mr. Meany for sneaking that beautiful woodwind section in.

Before I even heard the album, I knew “Neon Gravestones” was going to be the stand-out track for a lot of folks. Rock Sound had promised that this would be the song that saves people’s lives, and hopefully it will. Tyler’s spoken word musings regarding celebrity suicide were always going to be controversial, and publications like The Atlantic and Alt Press have already questioned exactly what he means to say with the song. As someone who just recently lost a loved one to suicide, even I’ve struggled with this song’s message somewhat. Does Tyler disrespect the memory of those that have passed by telling us not to glorify them in death? It skirts close to the line a bit, and he certainly could have gotten a bit more specific in how he suggests we should react. But he reigns it back from the edge, as Tyler so often does when discussing mental illness, by placing the focus on his own lived experience. “If I lose to myself” is the most gut-wrenching lyric Tyler’s written in ages, and it really sells that this idea is something that Tyler truly wrestles with in dark moments. We really do have to de-romanticize suicide if we want to have a chance against it, and I’m proud of Tyler for taking those steps in a public way that can also help others. And the production? Simply bone-chilling.

“The Hype”, aka “Wonderwall” meets “Bittersweet Symphony”, is another highlight. Simple lyrics, sure, but comforting ones. Particular praise goes to the ending, when the echo effects layer onto the vocals and the ukulele comes into mix. One of many great “night-time driving down the highway” songs on this half of the album.

“Cut My Lip” is pretty easily my least favorite song on the album, which is not meant a harsh criticism at all. The overall vibe is very enjoyable, and I especially love how Tyler says “contusions”, but the song is just twice as long as the lyrical content actually warrants. It really is largely saved by Josh’s intricate drumming and Paul’s intervention with the reverbing psychedelic synths: it sounds just as sick as the rest of the album in those respects.

The last two minutes of “Bandito” may just be the best part of the entire album; Paul (I assume it’s Paul) really outdid himself with that composition. The rest of the song is great, too, with “I’m still not sure if fear’s a rival or close relative to truth” in particular standing out as an all-time Tyler Joseph lyric. I can’t wait to hear this live... God, I hope this is played live...

“Pet Cheetah” is... weird. But with a name like that, we expected as much, and it only makes all the more sense when considering the subject matter: writer’s block. Tackling that subject head on really seems to have given an extra boost to Tyler’s creative energies: his rap verse is straight-up fire in terms of both wordplay and passion. All in all, a fun curiosity to come back to when we want to remember that time Tyler wrapped about naming a cheetah after acclaimed British action star Jason Statham.

“Legend” is one of those songs that really is beyond criticism by virtue of its subject matter: Tyler mourning the loss of his grandfather. I do wish the song was given a bit more polish around the edges, but it still boasts a gorgeous horn section, and the rough sound helps demonstrate that this was a deeply personal project that we’re privileged to be able to hear at all.

“Leave the City” is the perfect ending note for this project. As Zane Lowe said, it never fully reaches the crescendo it seems to be building to, and all the better for it. The inclusion of a call to “stay alive”, now directed inward toward Tyler himself, remains a powerful rallying cry of hope, even while it expresses a sense of resignation to knowing our personal battles may never end. There’s no clear answer, only the promise that we are not left alone to face what the future holds. And that’s enough.

Taken all together, Trench was not the album I was expecting, and not at all in a bad way. There was relatively little in the way of “Jumpsuit”’s harder edge, nor was it as obtuse and concept-dedicated as the initial marketing had indicated. But it was still incredibly daring and ambitious, tackling song-structures and concepts that few pop artists (if we can still call them that) would dare approach. While I would have loved an album much more strictly dedicated to telling the story of Dema, I don’t know if most people would have, and that kind of railroading would have prevented Tyler from getting as personal and deep as he does here. There are ideas and individual lyrics on this project that have left their mark on me like few pieces of music have since... well, Vessel. It might not match that album in my own heart, but it might also objectively be the best thing they’ve ever done. 

Major News, Releases, and Announcements:

Shockingly, we’re not even close to done. As reported in the last update, the album’s release was accompanied by the release of an all new music video for “My Blood”. Unlike the prior three videos, this narrative takes place completely outside the world of Dema and Trench, featuring two rebel brothers dealing with all that suburban teen white boy angst (been there) and attending a real funky Halloween party in skeleton onesies, all leading up to a satisfying Fight Club revelation.

The video is also the first one since “Tear In My Heart” to not be directed by Mark Eshleman or Andrew Donoho. The Clique’s new friend Tim Mattia has been directing some major music videos since 2012, including Troye Sivan’s Blue Neighborhood project, Fetty Wap’s “Trap Queen”, and major singles from The 1975, Zedd, Chris Stapleton, and many more. You can definitely tell the difference from the aesthetic (particularly Tyler and Josh being relegated to a glorified cameo). Still, it was a refreshing change of pace, and I look forward to seeing if it helps the song pick up any momentum at radio. 

Upcoming Performances:

American Music Awards, Microsoft Theater, Los Angeles, CA

Capacity: 7,100

On Thursday, we reported that Tyler and Josh would be signing copies of Trench in Hollywood this coming Monday. Turns out they weren’t just looking for some California sunshine- they’ll be performing at the American Music Awards. This marks their first professionally filmed performance this era and their first award show performance since... well, the last AMAs, where they put on a stellar show. Current reports state that the band will be playing “Jumpsuit”, but I would not be at all surprised if they mashed it up or tried to do something clever and attention-grabbing. Whatever they play, seeing the boys back playing live will certainly do wonders for promoting Trench- and it will definitely make me happy.   

Other Shenanigans:

Oh, we’re still not done. Irish radio station Today FM aired an interview they held with Tyler back on the Complete Diversion media day. The interviewer is brilliant and asked a bunch of thoughtful questions that show that he’s done his homework and cares for the band and its fans. Highlights include:

Tyler says that he doesn’t want to talk too much about the “easter eggs” of the marketing campaign (probably referring to dmaorg.info) because he feels it might take away some of the punch.

Tyler shares some very wise words about being aware of the cyclical nature of mental health and self-improvement. He didn’t end the album with a definitive answer because he has recognized that, in our individual journeys, we regularly get sent back to Square 1 and then are left all the more discouraged because we feel the effort is futile. Tyler suggests that awareness that will happen in advance- and that we are all doing it together- will help us to get back to the place we fell from more quickly each time. 

Tyler says that it’s incredibly “heavy” to hear fans say they saved their lives, and that he’s tempted to brush it off rather than deal with that weight. However, they recognize that their platform has given them a responsibility to serve their audience.

When confronted by the possibility that folks wouldn’t like the new imagery, the band had to fall back and just do what they thought was cool. They were so relieved by how well the Complete Diversion show went and how receptive everyone was to them.

The band will absolutely be moving forward with this Trench story- it’s not done yet, not by a long shot.

Australian music site Music Feeds also published a text interview with the band that’s another must-read:

Tyler discusses how Trench is largely meant to represent the “space between spaces”. He was particularly feeling strange about leaving Blurryface to approach this new album, so he channeled that struggle with finding yourself in a liminal space into the music.

He’s hinted at it in the past, but I believe this is the first time Tyler bluntly says that Blurryface is Nicolas Bourbaki.

Tyler jokes that they filmed in Ukraine because the workers don’t take lunch breaks and it saved them money.

Tyler says that all of the songs on the album “completely destroyed him”, but says that “Legend” was the hardest of all because of the subject matter and how he was still developing it as his grandfather passed.

Josh is looking forward to playing “Morph” live because of how different the drum pattern is from their previous work.

Tyler’s still listening to a lot of Death Cab for Cutie, while Josh is mostly just listening to podcasts like Lore.

“You can’t touch a hole.”

Also, in case you missed the title image, the band made a cute joke about A Star Is Born, whose soundtrack is increasingly looking like it will knock Trench away from a #1 debut. Some Lady Gaga stans are mad about it, I guess, but come on, that picture is hilarious.

-

Listen. We’ve been here for a long time. You’ve done a lot of reading of my inane ramblings. I was going to sum up some of the early reviews for the album, but I think I’m going to save that for the next time. Hopefully I’ll be able to include the opinions of a certain Melon... Catch you Friday.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[artificialqueens]

My Plus Ones- Chapter 4 (i think) trixya

AN: so split came out and reminded me that I was in fact the author of this fanfic. Oops. Anyway I started this so I’ll see it through because all the brilliant unfinished trixya makes me sad. One chapter left I think. Also I didn’t realise tw for cursing was a thing so sorry for forgetting in earlier chapters x

“Your mother’s right you know.”

Brian groaned, momentarily removing his pencil from the paper he was sketching on. What did she want?

“Right about what?” he sighed.

“Bri’s never going to be interested in a relationship with you. With us. I can’t believe that, even for a second, you actually entertained the idea. He doesn’t even like you. You know he just seems friendly and happy because you’re his little science project. His monkey that can dance. His guaranteed acceptance into the medical profession when he writes on his application that he has experience working with someone who has multiple personality disorder. You’re a gimmick. A case study is all.”

“You know what Brenda? Shut the fuck up.”

“You know I’m right. We’re completely unlovable and you know we are. He probably goes home and laughs at you and you’re pathetic attempts to be funny and flirt”

“YOU JUST CAN’T LET ME HAPPY CAN YOU?!” Brian shouted losing his temper.

“Brian?” his mother shouted up to him, rushing upstairs. She had experiences with Brian’s unpredictable shouting that she’d rather not relive. She appeared in the door frame of Brian’s room to find him quietly crying to himself. She rushed over and put an arm around him, subtly checking for any wounds or self-inflicted injury and-thankfully-finding none. She cradled his head with her other hand as he burrowed into her neck. She didn’t need to ask.

Brian successfully ignored Brenda and her sly comments for the rest of the week, like his mother had advised him. He didn’t need that negativity right now when he was actually doing ok. He’d got past a self-destructive phase in his life and might possibly be building a friendship with someone. Brenda was just being a bitch. As always.

Finally it was the day he got to see his only friend again! Yay! Not like Brian had been waiting all week (again) though. Of course not.

Turns out Bri had actually been serious last week when he talked about bringing his guitar, as when Brian walked into their little room, there he stood with it slung over his shoulders.

“Oh you have a fucking guitar?!”

“I told you!”

“Play me a song?” Brian said smiling sweetly and batting his eyelashes in a semi-joking fashion

“Well since you asked so nicely.”

And Bri proceeded to play. Waterloo by Abba. Turns out not only was Bri an excellent guitarist he could also really sing. Brian was mesmerized by his talent. He loudly joined in with the chorus knowing full well he was completely tuneless, yet it caused Bri to laugh so was that really a negative? After a few more requests (“DO WONDERWALL!”) and more poor attempts to join in from Brian, the session was nearly over.

“You are really talented Bri! God some people have all the luck.” Brian sighed thinking about how he had been hit by the unlucky stick quite a bit.

“Hey I’m sure there’s something you must be good at, right?”

“Well I do like to sketch.” Brian mused thinking of how art had always been his escape and way of documenting thought processes.

“Oh my god, you have to show me your drawings! This is when you bring in a sketchbook next week just filled entirely of portraits of me!” Bri laughed

Brian too started to laugh, that laugh where he flailed his arms around and wheezed. Because Brian was actually spot on. *sweats nervously*

“I think he’s on to us!” he managed to say in his old man voice, thinking he’d covered it up pretty well.

“I’m serious though I would love to see your art work.” Bri said this with sincerity and he stared at Brian intensely. Brian was almost made uncomfortable by how he genuinely seemed interested, how he genuinely cared.

“I’ll show you.” He said, without hesitation. Staring just as intently back.

The next week Brian had gathered up all his favourite pieces he’d ever done, and had even put work into new ones, just because Brian asked to see his work. His mother was pleased the man had such a positive influence over her son but it almost made her nervous knowing how much Brian cared for him. She didn’t want him to get hurt.

Bri was more than impressed. He gushed, he gagged and gasped at the pictures presented and it made Brian feel all fluffy inside

“Will you put them on the fridge mom?” he said grinning. Bri laughed

“Seriously, these are so good! You could go to art school!” he said suddenly. Brian pulled a face, was a pressurised environment really a good place for him? Or for Katya, Trish or Brenda? Not that he gave a fuck about how Brenda felt. Bitch.

“I don’t know…” was what he said in response. Bri shrugged and insisted he knew some great courses, with excellent teachers that he thought would really help Brian to excel should he change his mind. This was another thing that made Brian feel all fluffy, the fact that Bri wanted him to do well, wanted him to succeed and was willing to help him.

He wondered about Bri, was he always this nice and helpfulwith everyone? Or was this just maybe- just possibly- because he actually liked Brian? He knew Brenda would say he just wanted to see Brian succeed because it would make him look good, but Brenda never had positive things to say and Brian should really stop even considering her thoughts and opinions. He knew Katya and Trish were both rather fond of Brian, they both thought he was really cute, and were constantly flirting with the poor man. Not that Brian was any better himself. Bri seemed to flirt back? Did he? Brian didn’t know, was he just being friendly? He knew that Bri was gay. He had bluntly asked during their truths and lies game last week and Brian had responded with a simple “yes.” But his expression had said “of fucking course, obviously. Are you stupid?” He really just wanted to spend more time with the man. So daringly he suggested it.

“We should do something this week.” He said. Bri stared at him. “I mean meet up outside these little sessions, go somewhere together.”

“Oh…” Bri said hesitantly “listen I’m not sure that’s really…” Brian didn’t really hear the rest of the rejection. He wished he could eat his words and was already mentally kicking himself, and abusing himself verbally, for suggesting it. God Brenda was going to have a field day with this. Of course Bri didn’t want to hang out with the mentally insane man. Who the fuck would.

Brian walked out whilst Bri was mid-sentence.

He went straight to the car.

His mother tried to talk to him. She drove him home.