#why did the editing pop off when it was a joke video you may be asking. in truth i don't know.

[jovenshires]

smosh & guts: angela + garrett & the grudge

ooh, do you think i deserved it all? ooh, your flowers filled with vitriol you built me up to watch me fall you have everything and you still want more

[twstwonderlandstuff]

I posted 3,654 times in 2022

That's 962 more posts than 2021!

666 posts created (18%)

2,988 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kuromosu

@twstwonderlandstuff

@majesties-quarters

@lanshappycorner

I tagged 3,467 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#twisted wonderland - 2,273 posts

#etc. - 418 posts

#twst silver - 397 posts

#sebek zigvolt - 328 posts

#malleus draconia - 269 posts

#ace trappola - 198 posts

#deuce spade - 175 posts

#lilia vanrouge - 164 posts

#obey me - 158 posts

#twst - 152 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#🚨🚨🚨🥵🥵🚨🥵🚨🚨🥵🥵🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🗣️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️🗣️

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Howdy, howdy~! First of all, congrats on the 500! 👍 I would like to request some separate headcannons of Riddle, Ruggie, Azul and Malleus's fem! s/o suddenly giving them a kiss on the lips in front of everyone and telling them she loves them. How will the boys react? Thanks a bunch!

edit: reqs are now closed! tq for participating!

HAHA CHU CHU KISS KISS ITS ALL KISS KISS

'it's all... kissing?'

'always has been. 🔫'

Riddle Rosehearts

🍒 He turned red in a millisecond. If there was a world record competition on the fastest blushes to ever pop up onto someone’s face, Riddle would be one of the main contenders. 

🍒 He’ll tell you how it’s ‘inappropriate’ and how these things should be kept behind close doors, but honestly he’s just embarrassed, especially when he hears Ace cooing ‘Get a room, Housewarden & Housewarden’s girlfriend!’

🍒 “Don’t do that again! Honestly, are you trying to infuriate me?!”

🍒 You silence him with another kiss. 

🍒 “!!! YOU!!! Y-YOU… honestly, you…///"

See the full post

1,858 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

#4

calling the twst boys your husband/wife! [3/7]

Heartslabyul | Savanaclaw

Gender neutral reader!

Established relationship w/ the boys~

azul ashengrotto

“oh, my wife? yes, I’ll call him in a moment. azul, love, the phone!”

physically loses his composure as ink threatens to spit out of his mouth. he’s your what…?

he goes through the phone call ASAP, impatient and burning with questions. once the phone is off, he goes to demand an explanation. why did you do that?! do you want him to lose his cool? what sort of joke is this?!

when you tell him that you do mean what you say and want to marry him, azul lets his feelings overflow and a tear slip from his eyes. honestly, you’re about the only person that can make him feel like this.

jade leech

“this is my husband, jade leech.”

as you gesture towards Jade casually to the guests, his eyes go wide-eyed for a second, before presuming into his normal butler self. once out of the public eye, however…

he’s so delighted. you acknowledged him as your husband! your husband! 

I’m sure he uses this to immediately tease you, but then you tell him that yes, you do want to marry him in the future and be the one proposing and he WILL be surprised.

you better capture this moment of a red faced jade, because it doesn’t come around very often~

(I strongly encourage you to use it in your wedding video)

floyd leech

“oh… oh my god, floyd- THAT’S MY WIFE, OFFICER, YES, THERE RIGHT THERE, PLEASE HELP ME!”

he drops EVERYTHING when he hears you call him that. he’s your WIFE?! WIFE?!?!?

delighted. absolutely delighted. he’ll drop whatever nuisance he’s causing to hug you tight and pepper kisses all over your face. awww, so he’s your wife, isn’t he? what, do you want him to cook you all the best dishes, hmm~?

this is the best way to cheer him up if he’s having a bad day, just call him with that word and he’ll perk right up(also continues after you guys are married)! 

“floyd…”

“piss off, I’m not in the mood azul.”

sighs “tell him, s/o.”

“floyd, my wife-!”

“yeah, what’s up? got a job for me, azul~?”

[azul gives you his thanks for floyd’s easy mood lifter.]

he’ll probably record it in private and smile with a huge blush on his face like ‘hehehe…’

2,726 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

#3

calling the twisted boys your husband/wife! (heartslabyul ver. [1/7])

established relationship, still dating

gn! reader

riddle rosehearts

“oh, yes, and my husband would like some of your confectionary, if that’s okay?”

when riddle hears this, his head whips up from his doctor (?) work so fast you’d think HE needs the hospital. he turns red in a millisecond and impatiently waits for you to finish your call.

“what in the Great Seven was that for?!”

he doesn’t say it, but he’s very pleased and will start making plans for the future. he WILL pout if you don’t call him that again, so please appease your husband's wishes <3

trey clover

“oh… uh huh, right… is there a set of toothbrushes i can get? my wife is interested in them, you see.”

he stops doing whatever he’s doing and blinks, before laughing and letting you continue your work. he’s pleased, but doesn’t make too much of a fuss about it. probably uses it to tease you instead.

cater diamond

“so, girly, listen- my wife’s a fan of roller skates, so do you any recommendations on where you get the good ones…?”

he’s uncharacteristically flustered- his skin burns red, and he hides behind a pillow as he frantically texts you ‘WHY DID YOU DO THAT WHY DID YOU DO THAT’

bloody fucking loves it he WILL sulk and not respond if you don’t call him that anymore.

“cater.. love? beloved? cay-cay? sweetheart?”

“...”

“my wife-”

“YES???”

ace trappola 

“yes sir, that’s my husband right there- ACE STOP THAT RIGHT NOW YOU ASS-”

he, indeed, stops at whatever he’s doing to just stare at you… and attempt to tease you for your ‘slip up’, like he doesn’t fuckin’ love it or whatever (oh you).

“eh… you must REALLY want to marry me, huh?”

“yeah, actually.”

“o-oh, w-w-what…? aha… ahahaha…”

he’s honored- thrilled, really. for someone to want him so much is just so… ‘SLDKFNVASDLKFNVASDLKFN’

he’ll get so clingy on that day i pray for u

deuce spade

“yes, my wife’s name is deuce spade… oh, and put some chickens beside that, okay?”

deuce gapes like a fish when he hears it. he’s.. you… he’s your WHAT?!? 

See the full post

3,699 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#2

“What’s your type?”

Where the curious prefect asks their friends about the type of person they’d date.

Some students are omitted simply because I don’t know how to write them. Thank you.

Students that aren't written: Ruggie Bucchi, Azul Ashengrotto, Jamil Viper, Vil Schoenheit and Ortho Shroud (this one for obvious reasons lolol)

^ hope this clears up any misunderstandings!

Ace Trappola

“Me?” Ace, smug as ever, lets out a small grin. “What, are you interested in me?”

A second of silence passes, then he adds: “What if I said it was you?” Immediately after, he laughs nervously, quickly following up with a “I’m joking, obviously! As if you’d ever be my type, haha!”

Deuce Spade

“Me?” Deuce considers the question seriously, crossing his arms. “Someone strong and caring… kind of like you, I guess, prefect.”

“W-wait, no that’s not what I meant-! I mean, you’re amazing, but I- uhm-!”

(It takes you a while to calm him down.)

Cater Diamond

“What, are you curious?” Cater chuckles, phone in hand. “Here, someone like this!”

His phone illuminates a picture of you smiling serenely, enraptured in the moment and unaware of his presence.

Cater cooes at your flustered expression. “Prefect, you’re so cute, you know that~?”

Trey Clover

“Hmm? My type?” Trey laughs, adjusting his glasses. “Someone who’ll eat my sweets…I guess? I haven’t put that much thought into it.”

“But, well,” A cheeky smile rests on Trey’s face. “I’d pick you over anything.”

Riddle Rosehearts

“Type…? Do you mean a dating preference?” Riddle arches an eyebrow, looking serious. “Someone who has a keen sense for rules, of course. And someone who’s on par with me- I wouldn’t be seen with anyone lesser then that, I assure you.”

“But… having someone take care of me would be nice too.”

You tease him, asking if you’d fit that description.

“Y-you?! Well, with the display you’ve shown in your first days, you certainly don’t fit the former criteria, but for the latter…”

Riddle smiles and leaves it at that, leaving you to scramble at his words.

See the full post

3,995 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

calling the twisted boys your husband/wife! [2/7]

established relationship, still dating, gn! reader

a/n: the savanaclaw boys! the good boys! also LOOK AT THE BANNERS ARE THEY NOT SICK?? yeah they are I made it

i found my true calling and that is being a graphic designer LOL

Heartslabyul

leona kingscholar

“yes, my husband would like to- ARGH-”

his tails hits your face when you call him that, due to how rapid its wagging. he likes it, oh he likes it alright, but you aren’t going to hear him say he likes it.

he’ll proudly reference himself as your husband, be it in private or public. you dug yourself this grave, and you’re going to keep DIGGING until you guys actually get married LMAO

(this is a twst eng reference)

ruggie bucchi

“yeps, yeps, my wife would like 2 dozen donuts, thank you!”

ruggie whips his head around, and his red turns red and FLUSHED, FLUSHED. first instinct is to hit you. 

“why did you do that?!”

he’ll get uncharacteristically quiet when you call him that, and it really cute seeing his ears flatten against his head and his tail wag. 

he’ll eventually get used to it, but still. 

jack howl

“ah yes, my wife would be interested in the snowboarding equipment, thank you.”

both the shopkeeper and jack whip around to look at you. jack is, well, confused. isn’t he supposed to be the husband here? and also, YOU BOTH AREN’T MARRIED?!??

neither of you bring the topic up again because you're scared that Jack doesn't like it but in fact, he does! he just had to internalize it for a second before it hits him and now his tail is wagging at ferocious speeds because shit, that's the only thing he want you to call him now...!

but you don't and he's so sad... eventually, he'll (not so subtly) imply that he loves your nickname for him. probably like this:

"uhm, hey. you know what you called me at the snowboarding store?"

"my wife?"

his tail wags immediately after that and you're like. OH. 😮

then it goes to understanding,😯, them embarrassment that he loves it😳 and finally coyness😏

now jack almost wishes he didn’t because you use it at every opportunity. at a call, in private, in public… you’re out for his blood, aren’t cha?

almost wishes- because with the way he's always crimson when you call him that, he's just as in love with the title as you are.

"awww come on jack, you're my wife aren't cha?"

"don't---! argh, are you trying to kill me...?"

4,595 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken: “Robot Chicken: Star Wars” | June 17, 2007 - 10:00PM | Special

You know what? Sometimes you just start a write-up and hope for the best. It’s a shame I don’t like this show, because I feel like an enthusiastic fan of it would really make a meal out of pointing out the various parodies and references and inside jokes and stuff. The fact of the matter is, I mostly detest this show. I’m sorry. I’m not the man for this particular job. Were I offered to participate in the writing of an episode-by-episode guide to Adult Swim (ahem), the publisher would be wise to get somebody else to write the Robot Chicken episodes. But I’m doing it here anyway, as a way to mark the fact that yes, I did indeed watch this.

I’ve actually sat through this before. I don’t remember why or how I saw this the first time around. BUT: I remember I did make a point to copy the official retail DVD of this special for my archives, back when the notion of having every Adult Swim show, no matter how bad or unmemorable, on DVD, in a case, sometimes with printed-out artwork to go with it, sitting on my shelf next to other Adult Swim shows of varying quality and legality, among my greater home video collection, was important to me.

For some reason I decided to watch this one, even though combining Robot Chicken with Star Wars would be like combining dog shit with human shit. I think I was so perturbed by the idea that a single 22-minute long special getting its own DVD release with it’s own inflated MSRP that it sent shivers down my spine. I thought, huh, maybe the extras make it all worth it? In fact, I remember watching this with VIDEO COMMENTARY. I was just that morbidly curious. I don’t have that DVD(-R copy) at my disposal anymore. I have HBOMax, though, so I decided to watch it on there.

So… these Star Wars specific parody specials all sure seemed to pop up around the same time, huh? What was the deal with that? Shortly after this there were the Family Guy ones. Okay, so I’m regurgitating stuff RedLetterMedia videos have already beaten into the ground, so sue me. But it’s sorta no secret that stuff like the Star Wars trilogy Special Editions being released in the mid-90s were part of a shrewd business move to not only keep the trilogy relevant, but also go generate income for LucasFilm, which is basically a one-trick space pony. It’s also the reason the prequels exist, and it’s the reason, I gather, these exist. But with these specials George Lucas doesn’t have to make a new movie or sit around approving a new sound mix for a home video re-release. He just asks these hip shows that his son likes (probably) to make extended-length Star Wars specials, perhaps take a cut, and then rest easy that that the trilogy is probably going to sell 20% more copies on blu-ray because stoners were reminded they existed over and over again.

I can’t find proof of this, but: It is my personal theory that George Lucas asked the producers of Robot Chicken and Family Guy to make these specials. When you read the wiki about the background of this special, it seems to indicate that Lucas called the Robot Chicken boys in for a meeting, and that they were “granted permission” to so a special. This is usually described with a story where the creators in question are genuinely nervous that the reason they are being called into this meeting is to get yelled at for the show’s previous Star Wars spoofs and goofs. But to their surprise and elation: turns out George really likes them! WOW!

That sequence of events as described seems odd. Seth MacFarlane’s story comes off a tad false, completely ignoring the precedence set by Robot Chicken, also with the same feigning that they were nervous that their previous jokes about Star Wars may have stepped on LucasFIlm’s toes. Also LucasFilm must’ve had a relationship with Cartoon Network, since they produced both Clone Wars series for Cartoon Network. Also: George Lucas is IN this fucking thing! 

Okay, fuck it: I am barely going to talk about the content of this episode. Because I don’t really care. How much can you say about a comedy special that focuses on one topic, and it’s one topic you don’t really like that much, and none of the sketches make you laugh? I’ll give you some basic information: Most of the episode is new material. Most of it is pretty well done, actually, as far as animation and design and stuff goes. I sense a slightly higher production value, but maybe I’m imagining things, or was seduced by the letterbox bars present in some sketches (but not others [!]). But lord, nothing made me laugh. This just isn’t for me. 

Pretend I did an “Ephemera Corner” for this: when the special aired, it actually aired a few times throughout the night sandwiched between regular episodes of Robot Chicken, and included little video segments of the Robot Chicken boys hosting it all. I sorta remember them over-bullying Matthew Senreich with  horseplay. He probably deserves it! He is almost 50 years old! He disgusts me!

[finelinevogue]

Blurb idea!!! (Totally ignore if you don't want to do this) So what if y/n does a video where she rates all of the outfits Harry has worn for the 3rd album (like Coachella, interview outfits, any casuals too, etc etc) and maybe she doesn't really like an outfit as much but then H pops his head in and claims that she actually really liked the fabric or smth and wanted to keep it (and he obviously got it for here) but she's like it didn't look as good on you (clearly joking) and he's like you're mean with a pouty face >:( and we see them being really cute on camera (or it could be released as a bts) So yeah! Idk why but I can totally imagine y/n and Harry from your Harry's House universe doing this!!

Also, the stuff you put out so far is AMAZING! Just like I knew it would be, but you definitely exceeded my expectations and I'm already in love with this universe! <3

-cool reader anon

OMG I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS! I LOVE YOU SO BAD FOR SENDING THIS IN:

(stop it right now you know im so bad at taking compliments💔ur too kind)

May 20th 2022

“Hello my lovelies and welcome back for another video of me basically bashing H.”

The camera was set up on your usual tripod, only this time you weren’t in your bedroom but rather the living room. You thought it might be nice to show people a different view; something interesting and new. Also it was a sneaky way of showing people Harry’s living room, which certain furniture would feature on his new album cover.

Harry was sat next to you, because no matter how hard he persuaded you to you were not going to sit on his lap. Everyone knew you were a couple, in fact ‘Glamour’ had labelled you both as the “It” couple of 2022, but you didn’t want to overdo it on the PDA. Plus this was your channel through your own hard work and success, not Harry’s.

“You know someone’s made a complication of all the moments in your videos where you’re mean to me?” Harry said, getting out his phone to pull up the moment he was talking about.

“No way! Really?”

“Yeah, here.” Harry showed you and you made a mental note to add a screenshot of the account when you edited later.

“That makes me look so bad.”

“Good. Y’so mean to me. I’m glad it’s picked up on.”

“You’re just mean to me off camera though, that’s why there’s no video compilation of you being mean to me.”

Harry just evilly smirked and you knew in your head that would be a good place to cut and roll your channels titles. The jingle for your channel was courtesy of Harry playing the piano, which he did without hesitation when you had asked him years ago.

“So, today we will be rating Harry’s outfits from the HS3 era so far. I thought it would be a fun idea, considering I am uploading this on the albums release day.”

“Oh, and we should probably mention that pictures that we’re looking through are coming from costume fittings.”

“So I’m very deeply sorry if you end up seeing H’s bare chest.”

Harry laughed, pretending to lift the bottom of his jumper up and reveal his chest. You got too jealous of your audience seeing his chest though, so you slapped his hands down and told him to behave himself.

You knew it was all banter and Harry’s relationship with his fans was very close and intimate, but sometimes you liked keeping little moments of him to yourself. You were a huge fan of him before this relationship so you totally understood what it was like to be a fan like that, but now you’ve learnt how to respect him and in turn respect yourself.

Harry knew that you got jealous, so tried as much as possible to keep himself and his body reversed just for you. Sometimes though, when you’re pissing him off he will go shirtless just because he knows it will rile you up.

“I’m actually excited for this, y’know?” Harry said, sitting closer to you. You shifted the camera so there would be a space to the left side of the screen for you to edit in a picture of the outfit you were talking about.

“What and you weren’t excited when we filmed all our other videos?”

“I liked the one we did when we did the fake Wired Autocomplete interview.”

“That was funny. I also liked the one where we were handcuffed to each other for 24 hours.”

“I got so mad at you and I really did not like it one bit. You were so upset. Plus I hurt your wrists that day.”

He pouted and you allowed him to swallow you in a huge bear hug. He always felt the need to apologise for those 24 hours, because of his tense it got. You constantly reminded him you still loved him and you were okay now. He would take any opportunity to hug you though for it.

“I’m okay.”

“I know.”

“Y’want to hold me for the rest of this video?” You asked, knowing he wouldn’t really want to let you go now his mind was whirring with bad thoughts over that video.

Harry moved behind you and allowed his legs to spread so you could slide and sit in between them. His arms caged around your waist and squeezed gently, turning you into his person human-sized teddy bear. You let him nuzzle his face into your neck briefly, knowing your scent calmed him down. Once you were comfortable and Harry could nicely peer over your shoulder at your phone, you began.

“Okay. First of all is your ‘As It Was’ red jumpsuit.”

“It was so comfortable, that.” Harry added.

“I really liked it. I thought it was a perfect outfit to celebrate a new single.”

“You’re just being biased.” He teased, pinching your side in a way that tickled.

“Why? Because m’mum made it for you?” You asked and he nodded.

Your mum was always looking for an in to assist Harry’s life in some way. She loved being creative and was a brilliant seamstress, after owning her own dress repair shop for years. You remember her bursting into tears when you and Harry face-timed her to ask her to make the ‘As It Was’ music video outfits. She was told they had to be red and blue, but other than that she had a free hand.

Harry had told her that they were the best costumes that he’d ever worn for a video. You still don’t know whether he was just being polite or actually meant it, but either way it made your mum infinitely smile.

“Honestly, y’mums a bloody legend.” He added, making you blush. You loved how much he loved your mum and family.

“So the outfit out of 10?”

“10.” He spoke very quickly.

“I’ll give you a 10 also mum. Y’d did such a good job.” You looked to the camera when you said that, holding up your hands to create a little heart with them.

Out of all the outfits you’d be showing today the ‘As It Was’ was definitely not your favourite, but it was still worth the 10 points. Your mum was a great seamstress, but you just liked the colours of some other outfits on him better than the red - which was out of your mums control.

“Off to a good start then.” He shuffled a bit to sit up right on the sofa after slouching down.

“Y’okay? Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable.” You turned your head to see whether there were any signs of discomfort on his face.

“Y’not, shut up you.” He leant in to kiss your lips. He tasted so good and he felt even better.

Unfortunately for the fans you’d have to cut that out because it wasn’t very censored. Harry can get carried away a lot of the time because of how much he likes kissing you and so a sweet kiss can turn into a groping make out session. Like now. You had to pull away as he started kissing down your neck and dangerously close to the place he loved giving you hickeys.

“Oi. Stop it.”

“Y/N!” He whined like a baby, but you weren’t arguing.

“H I can’t be battered and bruised when we’re filming, y’know this.”

“Can’t help myself. You’re too pretty.” You leant in to give him another kiss for his kind compliment and then turned your face around to lessen temptation.

“Okay outfit two. Coachella night one.” You giggled excitedly, because the Coachella outfits were your ultimate favourites.

“I loved how they designed it based off y’mum’s design.” Harry started and it made your heart swoon that he was still finding ways to compliment your mum.

“You looked like a rockstar rainbow dream.”

“I felt like a rockstar actually. I can’t get over that crowd.” He blew out a breathe of air.

“What was it like?” You asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to give your viewers a chance to know too.

“Electrifying. Huge. Exhilarating. I never thought I’d ever be able to achieve something like that. Ever. So to actually to sit here and say that I have done it feels like a dream.”

You smiled at him and leaned in to give him a kiss on his cheek. He deserved so much more, but you were filming right now and you’d give him all the love after.

“So what would you rate your night one outfit?”

“Wait, lets talk about night twos outfit and then compare them.”

“So we get to talk about what we think of night twos outfit now?”

“Yes.”

Before Harry had finished the word, you dramatically moaned and loosened your body to slide off Harry and the sofa and onto the floor. Harry caught your armpits before you could fully slide, worried that you’d bash your head on the coffee table or something.

“That’s how I feel about night two.”

“Oh is it now?” Harry asked, but he already knew.

He knew because as soon as he walked off that stage, on night two, you jumped his bones and wouldn’t let him leave the premises before you fucked him in his pink, leather, Cowboy suit. He looked so good to the point where you were wet the entire of the set, since you hadn’t seen the outfit before he went on stage. You two had nearly been the last ones in the park, because once you’d done one thing to Harry he decided to return to the favour. You fucked, you gave each other head and you came so many times that Harry asked to keep the suit so he could relive that night over and over again.

Harry pulled your back up easily to sit back on his lap, twisting you sideways slightly so he could get a better view of you.

“It’s like my favourite thing you’ve ever worn.”

“Wow. Big claim.” Harry whistled.

“Okay maybe my favourite concert outfit you’ve ever worn.” You adjusted your statement.

“So it was better than night one?”

“Yes.” You said a bit too quickly, feeling slightly bad for the designer of night one. “I still adored night one, but there was something about night two that really… gagged me?”

Harry choked on air when you said that and you couldn’t help but laugh. You patted his back as if that was going to do anything, before he settled.

“How about I wear it tonight?” He leant in to whisper in your ear. All you could do was whimper in return and he used the opportunity to kiss your lips. You let him have you for a few minutes, think that at this rate it will look like you’re filming for OnlyFans rathe than YouTube.

“So rating them both out of 10.” You suggested.

“Night one was an 8 for me. Night two was a 10.”

“I’d say night one was also an 8. Night two was a fucking 11 though.” You claimed and Harry just smirked, knowing he was in for a pretty great evening.

Harry cuddled into you, giving you a big squeeze when all he really wanted to do was take you upstairs and love on you all afternoon.

“Ow you just squashed my boob, y’dickhead.” You shouted as Harry’s hand jabbed into your boob as you two were messing around.

“Shit, m’sorry baby. Harry reached for your boob and cupped his hand over it as his fork of apology.

“I’m fine.”

“Promise?” He asked, kissing your cheek.

“Promise.” You nodded, kissing him on his cheek in return. “Next outfit?”

“Go for it.”

He returned you back to your original positions and you took your phone to look at the next outfits.

You had a look at some street style ones and Harry laughed at how crazy some of the paparazzi were. There were some really odd angles and one that was a really unflattering angle of you. You could’ve cried but Harry reminded you of how beautiful he saw you as and that every one else did too. It didn’t matter that you had double chins or an extra chub roll on your stomach, you were absolutely perfect the way you are.

You even added a few outfits where you and Harry bad spent the day together and he had a good outfit. You loved feeding the fans with unreleased content and they loved you for it. You had such a special bond with the fans, something that no other celebrities partner really had. There was one where he was wearing a kitchen apron and a pair of pink boxers, because you two had been baking a cake together, and you both had a good laugh about how bad a photo it was.

“Baby stop!” Harry laughed some more, hand over his stomach because he couldn’t control himself very well.

“Sorry! It’s just you honestly look like you’re a housewife.” You giggled, stroking his cheek with your hand. “My little bitch.”

“Excuse you!” He gasped, using his free hand to slap your arse. The sound made such a loud noise and you gasped with how hard he hit you.

“Ow y’fucking twat!”

“You have such a bad potty mouth, you.”

You weren’t worried about the swearing, because you always put a disclaimer at the start of your videos that there could be strong language so you should watch at your own risk. You weren’t bothered about profiting off your videos either, so you weren’t worried if the swearing caused YouTube to demonetise your content.

“Yeah. I do when you slap me.”

“Don’t call me y’bitch then.” He argued and you rolled your eyes at him. He knew he was your bitch. He was absolutely whipped for you and there was no denying that, even if he tried.

It took you another few moments of banter before you were back on track.

“So let’s do the Today show outfits?” You suggested.

“Yes let’s.”

“I absolutely love the denim on denim.” You started, “But I don’t like the curly twirly baby grow.”

“Honey!” He exclaimed, sitting up right with shock.

“What? We have to be honest.” You explained.

“Not when it offends me. Can’t believe you’d treat me like this.”

“But I love your denim one. Is that not enough?” You pouted, not wanting him to be actually mad with you.

“Fine. But you owe me a fuck tonne of kisses.”

You leant in to kiss him on his lips, clearing any sadness out of his system. You could feel his lips smiling against yours and it made you pull away to see the beautiful sight.

“Done deal.”

“Can we wrap this up so I can kiss y’now?” He tucked his head into your neck so that he could breathe you in.

“‘Course.”

You both finished up the video, using your normal exit as a way to wrap everything up. You fell into Harry, happy knowing that the video was going to be a success because of how in love you both were with each other.

[erodasfishtacos]

could u please do like a harry x youtuber/influencer!reader and like lots of fluff🥺

Hi bubbie! Here you go :)))

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Language

Harry was panicking. His mum and sister were going to be here in less than two hours and he’s burnt the eggplant parmigiana he had worked tediously on. 

He grabbed what he had left in his fridge - ground beef, shredded cheddar cheese, and a little bit of bacon. 

It was the type of foods he usually strayed away from so sometimes when his shopper would bring this stuff home - he’d avoid it and admittedly sometimes it would go bad sitting in the fridge.

The singer pulls up YouTube onto his phone - hoping something would come up when he typed in the ingredients on the search bar.

He clicks on the first video by cookingwithnofucks. A chuckle at the name as an advertisement plays.

A cute, bubbly girl appears on screen in a beautiful modern kitchen. She has a shirt on that says ‘fuck the patriarchy and eat pizza’. A high ponytail and minimal makeup.

“Okay - today we’re making a cheeseburger casserole,” the girl chirps, “It’s a heart attack in a dish but it’s so fucking good.”

Harry finds himself smiling as he crinkles his nose - it sounds absolutely disgusting but he’s intrigued more by the girl on the screen.

“Shit, I forgot to introduce myself. Hiii, if you’re new - I’m Y/N and I do cooking shit. Subscribe to my channel and all that jazz,” she titters while cutting open her beef package.

Harry follows along step-by-step, shaking his head as she doesn’t describe the instructions nearly well enough and is generally all over the place.

It’s a fucking cooking channel and at one point the meat starts burning. She just laughs and says, “s’just a little crispy!” 

The casserole turns out looking even better than Y/N’s to be honest. It’s done in just the right amount of time for him to shower before his family arrives.

He makes sure to subscribe to her channel - eyebrows raising when he sees that she has 16 million subscribers.

Harry wanted to spend longer, looking at her social media but there was a fixed time so he locked his phone and went to get ready.

**

Anne - always the sweetheart just tells Harry that the casserole is delicious even as a bit of grease runs down her fork from the fatty meats.

Gemma wasn’t as kind, grimacing at the casserole and remarking, “You truly are turning into an American, huh?”

**

Laying in bed that night, Harry swipes back onto YouTube. Going back to the page he just subscribed to - under a pseudonym. He clicks on another video.

“Uh, okay. So I’m cooking...fuck, it’s called unicorn bark. It looks like a magical animal puke but it looks delicious so we’re going to try it.”

Harry realizes he’s been watching this girl cook for nearly an hour. Different videos from desserts to dinners.

She curses like a sailor, fucks up almost every recipe, and makes a mess everywhere. But she’s smiling and talkative which makes him quite memorized by her.

**

“I hate editing,” Y/N groans, letting her head fall dramatically against the desktop. Her best friend and dog looked at her oddly.

“I keep saying you need to hire someone, you stubborn bitch,” Laney retorts, clicking through her Instagram feed.

“Fuck off,” she tells her friend with no real heat. The video was almost fully edited - how to make spicy as fuck jalapeño poppers.

There is a calm silence for a while until Laney gasps, “Holy shit.”

“What is it?” Y/N asks, not really caring as she clicks her mouse to trim a segment.

“Harry fucking Styles just followed you on Instagram and Twitter!” Laney shouts, her dog - Rufus popping his head up in confusion.

Y/N looks at her friend to see if she’s really serious and sees no signs of deception. “Oh my god,” Y/N replies. She loved Harry Styles in One Direction and as a solo artist - a fangirl if you will.

Y/N was a well-known influencer and has run in the circles of many celebrities. She’s even met Liam Payne but she’s never been able to bump into Harry.

Her alerts tell her it to be true, she swallows as she looks back up at Laney, “He dm’ed me.”

“Open it! What did he say?” She squeals, squeezing herself on the chair next to her, peering over her shoulder at the phone.

Y/N is a bit nervous, trying not to have a mini aneurysm as she opens the message thread.

HarryStyles: Hello. Just wanted to let you know that your cheeseburger casserole recipe saved my ass last night. Cheers x

“He’s totally coming onto you,” Her friend states instantly, bouncing excitedly - she also had a bit of a crush on the singer.

It takes the two of them a minute to cool their shit before Y/N manages a reply.

Y/N/LN: Well I guess it’s only fair. Your songs have made a few of my nights much better. I’m a bit of a slut for Fine Line.

Harry laughs behind his screen at the cheeky reply he gets back. He’s usually never this forward - especially on social media where he likes to fly under the radar.

HarryStyles: Well if you fancy my music that much, I totally love for you to come to a show. I’m performing in New York City in two weeks.

“This has to be a joke, right?” Y/N sputters to her friend, eyes wide at the invite to a concert she already had tickets to.

Y/N/LN: I’m not going to lie, I already have tickets to the show. However, I don’t have any backstage passes to meet the man of the hour. Do you know someone who can hook me up?

It does wonders for Harry’s narcissism to know that she already had tickets for his concert. Was he really going to do this? He hasn’t met up with some like this since his One Direction days.

He had to remind himself - she may just be friendly and take this as a totally casual interaction. Which would be normal, Harry really shouldn’t be so infatuated with someone he’s watched cook on social media.

HarryStyles: I think I can arrange that. Shoot me your number? I’ll have them sent digitally to you with instructions on how to get backstage.

Y/N is a bit dumbfounded at how fast they agreed to meet up. A harmless backstage tour - he could just be a fan of hers and totally not interested, right?

**

Over the next few weeks, they never really stop texting. Harry sends her pictures of the recipes he copies off her channel - that usually always look better than the original. He sends her clips of him goofing around during tour rehearsal. FaceTimes her when he’s finally home for the night.  

She sends him videos of her watching Harry Styles Best Moment Part Five. A few photos she snaps throughout the city of him on billboards and buildings, in Times Square. YN facetimes him when she’s frustrated with filming or watched a sad movie.

It didn’t make sense to either of them how seamlessly they’d clicked - especially without meeting. They were a perfect balance for each other. Harry - laidback, organized, level-headed. Y/N - eccentric, all over the place, adventurous. 

Jeff had told him that he’s been gaining media attention from his social media interactions with Y/N. They like each other’s photos, begin following each other’s friends, and comment goofy things on their posts.

“Listen, I have a great idea,” Y/N begins - which Harry learned is never good. “You should film a video with me sometime.”

Y/N knew she was going out on a limb and instantly regretted the questions she’d been building the courage to ask for days when it’s quiet on his end. There’s static for a moment and Y/N needs to fill the silence.

“It was - I was just, uh, I know you’re probably too busy. I was -“ She stutters, embarrassment flooding her.

Harry cuts her off, “I’d love to.”

“Yo-you would?” She asks timidly. Was she really going to have Harry Styles in her apartment? If so, should she take down her poster?

He laughs sweetly, “Why do you sound so surprised? I can’t wait to come to New York, love.”

Y/N giggles, “Not the fact that you’re performing in front of a sold out crowd at MSG? I don’t think seeing me will top that.”

“I’ve been looking forward to meetin’ you in person since I came across your channel. You so lovely,” Harry replies, his voice a little softer but more serious.

“I’m nervous,” Y/N admits, picking at a thread in her jeans.

“Me too,” Harry murmurs, despite not wanting to admit it - he wanted her to know this was new territory for both of them. He didn’t want her to think that this was something that he did often. But a little too prideful to admit it’s the first time he’s ever done something quite like this.

“What if you don’t like me?” Y/N whispers, she...well she didn’t compare to the models he’s been seen with before. She’s regretfully fell into the rabbit hole of looking up his past flings and relationships.

Harry barks out a disbelieving laugh, “You can’t be serious, darling. I’ve been gone for you since I saw you burn that ground beef.”

**

Harry was having a bad day - scratch that. An awful one. He tried to go get coffee at eight in the morning and got bombarded by fans, he left the shop without even ordering. They followed him back to his car and it took him fifteen minutes to pull out.

His favorite Mickey Mouse Gucci suitcase he was bringing along on tour had busted. The zipper unraveling and the trim falling off as a result. It was a one-of-a-kind.

Then he’d been stuck on a Skype meeting about tour merchandise with a group of business partners for the last three hours - all he wanted was a fucking nap.

When Y/N’s contact vibrated across his screen, he’s itching to answer but declines as he needs to give these people his attention.

When she calls again, Harry feels a prickle of annoyance. It’s not even at her - to be quite honest. It’s just the shitty day and everything’s piling up.

He always got like this before he kicked off a tour - stress level maxed out and his ability to handle minor incidents nearly shot.

I’m busy

Okay! Sorry, just have a super exciting surprise for you, bub! 

I really do not feeling like talking. I’d rather be left alone.

Oh, alright. Hope everything’s okay! Do you still want to facetime later?

Harry leaves her on read because he doesn’t want to slip up and take out his frustration on her. He’d been known to do that and he didn’t want her to think he was anything but besotted with her.

**

Y/N feels a little hesitant as she begins the uploading process to her channel. The red loading bar told her it’d be twenty-minutes before it’s going to be posted to her 16 million subscribers - one of them being Harry himself. 

Twenty-minutes for her to back out and cancel the upload. She starts having doubts about it when Harry never replies to her text which is unlike him. 

She takes Rufus out to avoid staring at the loading screen with unnecessary anxiety and uneasiness.

**

Harry is just getting home from a business dinner with the touring company’s management team. The tension and anxiety from today piling up on his shoulders and he just wants to call Y/N and crash in bed. 

He tosses his keys in the little bowl in the entry and kicks off his dingy white vans to the side. His phone dings with an alert from Gemma.

You two are the literal cutest ever. It’s quite gross.

Harry slides onto a stool in his kitchen, confused by the text message before she’s sending the link to him.

Fine Line Inspired Cupcakes!

Harry isn’t quite sure why his heart starts pounding furiously in his chest. A sinking feeling in his stomach when he realizes that this was probably the surprise she was excited about.

He clicks on the thumbnail.

“Hiiii, it’s Y/N. Okay, well today we are going to bake some Fine Line inspired cupcakes. And if you haven’t listened to the album - get your ass out from rock you’re living under and stream it on Spotify!”

She has her hair down in long, waves and a loose cropped shirt that says TPWK in rainbow embroidery.

Harrys mouth is dry and he can’t take his fucking eyes away from the screen. 

“Soo, I was thinking the first batch would be cherry flavored? ‘Cause he has a song titled ‘Cherry’. Let’s start there. First - I need to find my measuring cups.”

In true Y/N fashion, she scours her kitchen - cussing and yanking stuff out of her neatly organized cabinets before huffing and storming off to the side.

She comes back into view, a little frazzled but smiling when she holds up the ring of plastic measuring spoons, visible bite marks notched into the material.

“My asshole of a dog had a little snack,” Y/N shows the camera before shrugging, “Let’s get this shit started. Okay, you’re going to need one cup of sugar - no wait, two? I can’t read my fucking handwriting.”

Harry’s absolutely enamored by this scatter-brained, giggly girl who manages to produce cute blue and pink cupcakes that very vaguely resembled his album cover. His heart felt a million times too big for his chest.

He was enraptured for the entirety of the thirty minute video without taking his eyes away once.

To be honest, he hadn’t felt this way since his last relationship which was over a year ago at this point.

It’s not even a thought as he’s requesting a FaceTime with Y/N. 

She answers after a few rings. She has a green face mask painted on her nose, chin, and forehead with gold eye masks under each eye. She is so fucking ridiculous it’s not even funny. 

What is even more ridiculous is how gone Harry is realizing he is for her. She was quirky, unfiltered, carefree. If he was honest - he hadn’t met a girl like that in a very long time - especially a well-known influencer.

“Hi! How was your day, grumpy?” Y/N asks brightly, making a goofy face as the mask begins to tighten and crack on her skin. Not holding the earlier conversation against him and deciding to just move forward. She understood how stressful it can be.

“M’sorry. I was a bit grumpy,” He admits, “I loved your new video, darling. Did you make those just f’me?”

He can tell she’d be blushing if her face wasn’t covered, a bit bashful as she mutters, “You already know I did it for you.”

“You’re too sweet to me, only six days until we meet,” Harry replies, voice taking on a slow, lazy drawl. 

“Six days,” Y/N repeats, eyes crinkling as she smiles with excitement.

**

“Is this outfit too much?” Y/N panics. Even though there’s literally nothing she can do about it - they’re already walking towards the backstage entrance of the massive arena. It’s still about two hours until the show starts but Harry requested her to come earlier.

Laney sighs, “For the millionth time, you look fucking sexy and Harry’s going to want to rail you right when he sees you.”

Y/N shoves her lightly with a faux annoyance as they meet up with a burly man who’s blocking the entrance to the backstage hallway and rooms.

She gives him their names and pulls up the passes on her phone before he’s nodding with any expression and letting them pass.

They’re not quite sure where to go from here so they begin to wander down the long hallway toward what looks to be the main area that people are milling about.

Y/N is nearly on the ground when someone rounds the corner without looking and walks right into her. Both of them let out huffs of air as they collide and attempt to stabilize themselves.

But there are large hands grasping her arms and holding her steady. In typical Y/N fashion she’s already cursing, “fuckin like a brick wall, look out next time.”

Then she’s looking up to Harry staring back down at her with an amused expression. He doesn’t let go of her and instead tugs her against his bare chest. He’s warm and a bit sweaty - like he’d just worked out. He was only in a pair of thin, running shorts, nike tennis shoes, and a little clip holding his hair off of his face.

Y/N can’t help but wrap her arms around his waist, returning the embrace and amazed by how right it feels to be in his arms. Her face tucks right against his collarbone and it’s like they’d known each other for years.

Pictures and videos don’t do this man justice. He’s gorgeous - sharp edges and dark inked skin. Tall and muscular but dimples that are carved in his cheeks. 

“Nice to meet you, m’Harry,” Harry rumbles, removing one hand from Y/N’s shoulder to reach out his hand to her friend.

Laney shakes his hand before asking, “Laney. I’ll leave you two lovebirds be. Where’s the food?”

Harry chuckles against Y/N’s wavy hair, “Down the hall to the left.”

Laney’s trailing off without another glance, she was very food motivated despite her skinny frame. Also not wanting to intrude of the very personal first moments of their meeting.

The popstar pulls back to look down at the girl he’s fallen for in mere weeks. She’s as beautiful as he thought she'd be - if not more. He can’t help himself, “Would it be too forward to kiss you?”

Y/N smiles widely, running a hand along his jawline, “I’ve wanted you to kiss me since you stayed up on FaceTime with me until two in the morning as I cried after watching The Notebook - despite me seeing it a million times.”

Harry ducks forward to press his lips softly to her, large hands come to cup the side of her face as they connect. He’s so gentle as he moves his mouth against hers. In true Y/N fashion, she’s bold and has no hesitation slipping her tongue into his mouth.

He’s so fucking in love with her. It doesn’t make much sense - it’s definitely not logical but he’s realizing that’s okay.

“Oii, get a room!” Someone shouts from down the hallway teasingly.

Harry flips them the middle finger and pulls back, pink lips swollen and puffy, dimples on full display, “Let me take you out to dinner after the show, darling.”

“You going to wine and dine me, Styles?” Y/N giggles, unable to contain the pleasant warmness he’s spreading through her body. 

“Mmm, have t’make sure you’ll want to keep me,” Harry murmurs happily against her lips once again, pressing kiss after kiss to her to make sure she’s real, “Definitely want to keep you.”

Y/N bites teasingly at his bottom lip, hand planted on the soft but firm skin of his stomach, “You’re never getting rid of me, hope you know that.”

“Was hoping you’d say that, now let me introduce you to my band.”

                                  -- ---- ---- -- 1 year later - -- --- --- --

“Hi bitches! Today is a super special day. We have the one, the only Harry Styles filming with us. I know that’s not really that special since he’s on here all the time with me. But we’re celebrating our one year anniversary!” Y/N smiles, bumping hips with Harry who stands dutifully next to her. 

Anyone viewing can see the absolute heart-eyes and adoration he has for the girl standing next to him. He’s still as lovestruck and gone for her as he was the first time they met. Harry’s fans were thrilled - for the first time in years, he’d opened up again.

They weren’t very public on social media beside’s tagging each other in memes and posting the occasional picture. Y/N was constantly uploading cooking videos from wherever in the world she was with Harry on his tour, she’d also begin making vlogs about different foods she’s been experiencing.

---

“Okay, so here in Peru - they’re known to have this really fucking spicy beef with noddles. So obviously, I’m going to make Harry try it first,” Y/N laughs as she props the camera up on the side of the table on a napkin holder.

Harry - who has a concert in a few hours - frowns at the steaming dish in front of him, “Darling, I don’t want to try it first. It’s going to burn my mouth. Not gonna be able to sing.”

“You’re sucha baby sometimes,” Y/N rolls her eyes, slurping up the noodles with her fork while making a silly face at her boyfriend. She pulls back, straight-faced, “It’s not hot at all. Tastes amazing, though.”

Harry takes that as an initiative to shovel a spoonful into his mouth. It only takes half a moment until his taste buds erupt in fiery flames from the spices, “You bloody little brat, y’tricked me! It’s so fuckin’ hot!”

Y/N smiles widely, laughing much too loudly in the restaurant when Harry chugs the glass of water next to the plate while glaring at his love. “I’m sorry, s’just to easy with you, lovie,” She replies, leaning over the table to press a kiss to his lips. 

He’s a sucker for her and kisses her right back despite his mouth being an inferno. His heart was on fire for her and that burned much more intensely.

---

“No, love. The instructions say baking soda, not baking powder. They’re not the same thing,” Harry sighs, attempting to read her scribbled, sloppy handwriting. She’d already spilled milk on half of the paper.

“S’interchangeable, right?” Y/N hums, cracking an egg into the bowl and Harry automatically knows to look to fish out the eggshells that’d she’d let slip in because she sucks at cracking eggs but always wants to do it.

Harry reaches over her, grabbing the vanilla extract and a teaspoon, “It’s not, baby. Lemme do this real quick.”

“Will you make me a grilled cheese after this?” She asks, nuzzling into his side and wrapping her arms around his waist as he finishes adding the wet ingredients to their bowl. Harry stopped questioning her thought process a long time ago.

Harry swipes his finger into the mixture of icing off to the side and rubs it right onto her nose, cackling at her pout and squeaking when she pinches at the fleshy skin of his hips. She in turn dips her finger into the sugary cream and pops it right into her mouth.

Harry eyes darken, watching her lips purse as she sucks off the icing. It was a dirty move on Y/N’s part and she knows it. It has her boyfriend dragging an icing-covered thumb along her collarbone before leaning down to slowly lick up the sugary trail with his tongue.

When Y/N slides her fingers into his hair and lets out a pretty moan, Harry’s standing back up, trailing over to the tripod and saying into the camera, “We’ll be back after a little commercial break,” and is then turning off the record button.

It takes little to no time for Harry to have Y/N’s bum on the countertop, mouth on her neck, and hand in-between her thighs.

And when they finally posted a very edited final cut of the video - well there may be a couple of fans who notice the how flushed Y/N is halfway through and a lovely purple mark on Harry’s neck that wasn’t there in the beginning of the video.

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

Never Have I Ever (Youtube AU)

never have i ever with tony and peter was the most terrible idea, ever.

pairing: peter parker x youtuber!stark!reader

status: dating

warning: language and suggestiveness

disclaimer: both the reader and peter are over 18 in this fic. enjoy!

"okay, you guys ready?"

"yup" peter smiled at his girlfriend, excited to be in one of her videos again.

"whatever" her father rolled his eyes, not wanting to participate one bit coz he knew it was about to be a disaster.

"wow dad, love the enthusiasm" y/n rolled her eyes, like father like daughter.

"i know this is a trap"

"yet you fell for it" she smirked. tony was about to protest but his daughter cut him off with her usual loud ass intro-

"HELLO EVERYONE, welcome! today im here with two-"

"i swear to the god of thunder that's devouring out poptarts right now,  if you say 'two very special guests' i will disown you." tony interrupted, making a few avengers snicker. they weren't particularly in the video. y/n for some reason thought it would be nice to film in the living room, to make it look more 'natural' plus the fans love when an avenger casually pops up, so its a win win!

"a little aggressive there, tones" rhodey appeared walking behind them to grab something from the lab.

"what? i didn't raise my daughter to be basic-"

"would you guys QUIT IT" y/n snapped.

"sorry, honey."

"moving on" she sighed "today im with my all time favourite guest, which seems to be yours too..my boyfriend, peter!" y/n leaned her head to his shoulder as peter smiled adorably to the camera, giving it a little wave.

"hey guys!"

"and my father, Tony Stark" she gestured to him plainly as a joke which made tony visibly offended.

"for the record here, all the views you'll get after you upload this video? will be because of me"

"oh you wish, dad. you honestly don't understand how much of a fanbase pete has now" y/n laughed, rubbing peter's back proudly. peter looked shocked himself.

"i-i have a fanbase?" his brown eyes widened.

"yeah but we're not gonna talk about that now"

"wait, why not?-"

"because she doesn't wanna tell you that the fans think you're good in bed" Nat blurted out while casually sipping her coffee.

"NATALIA ALIANOVNA ROMANOVA" steve shouted from across the hall. you could practically feel his stern face. "HE'S JUST A GODDAMN KID" his voice echoed through the stair case.

"tell that to the GODDAMN MINORS THAT WROTE THOSE COMMENTS" she shouted back.

...

"what are we doing again, babe?" peter cleared his throat.

"oh, uhm yeah. TODAY we're gonna be playing Never Have I Ever! boyfriend and dad edition!" she announced "i'll have a set of questions and you guys have to flip the sign whenever you answer 'i have' or 'have not' got it?"

they both nodded

"okay, perfect" y/n cleared her throat "OH! i forgot to mention that i posted on my story what question i should ask them and a LOT of you replied! so thanks for that" she laughed, grateful for all the support her fans gave her.

it was like the weird connection where you dont know the person yet you guys are so close. maybe its because her fans were mostly the same age as her? or the fact the she's still young and uses social media regularly so she does reply to the comments and edits they made of her regularly?. sometime it may lead to her reposting it on her story, which were mostly edits of her and peter. it always brought a smile to her face and she loves it.

"okay!" y/n scrolled through the questions trying not to show them to the nosy people beside her. "guys!" she laughed covering her phone with her lap. "so the first one is, never have i ever, rode a motorcycle.."

peter sighed disappointedly and raised the 'have not' while tony proudly raised 'i have'

"of course you did" y/n rolled her eyes, making him laugh.

"what can i say, you have a cool dad" he looked to the camera and smirked

"yeah okay, Never have I ever, sang karaoke?"

"pfff seriously y/n/n?" peter spoke, both him and tony raised the 'i have' remembering all the embarrassing karaoke parties that were hosted in that very room, they were fun....except when it gets too competitive that no one could speak the following day.

"yeah y/n/n, i expected more from you" sam chirped in with his stupid bag of pringles.

"fine" y/n huffed "Never have I ever, gone skinny dipping with someone?" y/n internally cringed, immediately regretting asking the question.

"wow okay"

"shut the fuck up, samantha" she clenched her jaw. Nat and Tony's faces were rightfully shocked, while as peter? well he was as red as a tomato. screw that sign, he shook his head "no" so hard it made him dizzy.

as promised, tony was honest and raised the 'i have sign' and to make it worse, nat scooted closer to tony, making her visible to the frame, took tony's sign and raised it as well with a shameless smile.

"oh my god ew!" y/n covered her face "this was a bad idea"

"you think?" peter whispered.

"oh you guys ain't stopping now, im fully invested in this" somehow bucky ended up watching the whole thing while devouring that poor bag of chips as well.

"when did you get in he- okay never mind. never have i ever...." y/n tutted, each question she's received kept getting more and more graphic "wow, you guys did not hold back" she whispered

"oh, give me!" nat snatched the phone and looked through the questions herself. "oh y/n, nothing we've never talked about before" she waved her hand with a shrug. "Never Have I ever, given/received a lap dance" she snorted, and raised the 'i have'

"NAT" y/n was about to murder that littl-

*peter flipping the sign to 'i have' obliviously *

that fucking idiot.

the poor guy was happy that he finally had a decent question he could answer with an 'i have' that he didn't even think of what it might, or in fact, DID imply.

"wait, i'm sorry wHAT?" Sam screeched, and when i tell you screeched, i mean a full on traumatized, full of emotion screech. bucky and nat burst out in laughter, falling to the floor dramatically.

"10 bucks, bucky!" she teased holding her hand out as bucky gave her the 10 bucks with tears forming in his eyes.

"WHAT?" y/n looked at them in disbelief.

"what??? i knew peter was hiding something and those idiots didn't believe me so we betted on it! im still waiting for your 50,  sam" but sam was too busy to think of losing 50 dollars right now. he was petrified.

"i honestly wanna know what the father thinks about all of this" nat teased, looking at tony who had a stone cold expression. he cleared his throat,

"i would like everyone to answer the question. YES y/n, i'm talking to you" he slowly turned his face to meet his daughters and peter's eyes' which looked like its been haunted by ghosts over the last 200 decades.

"we should seriously go to the next ques-"

"Y/N LENORA STARK, ANSWER THE QUESTION" Tony was fuming, yet he kept his chill for the sake of the video that was about to be out for the public eye.

y/n sighed deeply, gently taking the sign from peter and raised it to an 'i have'.

that was it.

"turn the camera off"

"nO " for the first time in the last 5 minutes, peter spoke- well, squeaked. terrified for his well being in the next few minutes.

"no dad, we're gonna continue this and finish the game. I'm an adult! i can do whatever the fuck i want!" even though her heart was racing a 1000 miles per hour, she was tired of being treated like little kid.

"okay fine...fine. i'll continue, only because i wanna see where this is going" he turned to nat signalling her to continue. nat was about to ask another question when he suddenly interrupted her. "ACTUALLY, i have a question for parker"

shit.

"never have YOU ever touched my daughters ass?" tony asked, as if its a normal question to ask your daughters boyfriend. y/n's eyes skyrocketed to the moon and back as peters soul left his body. Sam couldn't contain his laughter and wheezed the silence away.

"uhm uh uh- what?" peter cleared his throat, subconsciously moving away from y/n by how hard tony was glaring at him.

"dad" y/n laughed nervously. "that's not how the game works-"

"yeah i know,  but i wanna know his answer" he turned to the boy that was about to shit his pants "peter" his tone could cut like a fucking knife "have you ever touch MY daughter's ass?"

see there were two options here, either web y/n and go to Barcelona like they've planned for their future? or confess to a fuming billionaire who could blast his head in a matter of 5 seconds.

"i-i- " peter did neither. he couldn't even form a sentence. the whole room went silent as they've watched what tony was about to do next.

"yes or no, peter" tony got impatient, trying to think of million ways on how to kill a guy but not really killing him, you know?

peter reluctantly took his sign, and looked at his girlfriend to mouth an 'i love you'. as he prayed to not have a painful death. slowly, he raised his sign to an 'i have' not bothering to open his eyes.

"that's it-" with one swift motion, peter heard the sound of metal clinking so he opened his eyes to see that tony was putting on his suit. hands in front of him, ready to fire.

"DAD-"

"shut it, y/n. its not like im actually gonna kil-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" peter ran for his life. only a few seconds later running back to lift y/n by her waist, and rest her on his right shoulder, then speeding to the door. "COME VISIT US IN BARCELONA"

*door closing*

....

"what just happened?" sam blurted out looking at the door as nat sighed in disappointment,

"goddammit tony. if you didn't act like a total maniac, we could've known if they've ever roleplayed

it was a little rushed, but hope you guys liked it!

have a wonderful day :)

taglist-

@sealswat90 ✦ @xfeliciahardyx ✦ @gf4hjp ✦ and @tom-softie

[fruitcoops]

So this is sort of similar to the people writing fanfic about the lions but can you imagine the YouTube edits? Like the videos that are just "Cap having heart eyes for Loops for 10 minutes straight" or "Loops lovingly dragging Caps name through the mud for 3 minutes" like those kinds of things and I can just imagine them doing reaction videos and it just being funny and the world just loving coops

Okay so this wasn't a specific fic request but I got carried away with imagining videos and....here you go. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove, but Grace and Anna are mine! Bonus points to anyone who remembers the easter egg in this one!

Message From: Gracie

ANNA HOLY SHIT

Anna frowned at her phone screen, squinting to read around the spiderweb crack decorating the upper corner. She had tried to convince herself that it was cool, goth, edgy, but in the end she had to admit that it was just irritating. In a tragic turn of events, packing tape couldn’t fix everything.

Message To: Gracie

Wtf did I do

Two weeks of radio silence, then unexplained accusations. Anna shook her head as the grey bubble disappeared for a third time and turned back to her computer. Grace may have been her favorite cousin—and favorite person, if she was being honest—but very few things came between Anna and video editing. Especially editing for a Lions meme video. She had a whole 2,341 followers to attend to, after all.

Message From: Gracie

DID YOU SEE THE FUCKING INTERVIEW???

Message To: Gracie

Wow thank you so helpful

Message From: Gracie

Skip to 2:45 bestie

A link popped up just as Anna cut a segment from the sleep study video, where Loops’ heart eyes were in full effect. It was a rare, precious find for fan editors like herself.

“Come on,” she groaned. Maybe introducing Grace to the deepest parts of her hockey obsession was a mistake. But, really, what else was she supposed to do when she learned her cousin, who didn’t even live in Gryffindor, got to meet her favorite players just by chilling in a café? What kind of cosmic joke was that?

She narrowed her eyes at the embed of the link, then stifled a shriek. Impossible. How had she missed an upload?

As if on cue, her computer pinged with a new notification from the Lion Pride channel. “Oh, fuck me,” she muttered, scrambling to save her half-done video and pressing play.

The interviewer asked basic questions, ones she had heard the answers to a million times while curating her content. It always felt funny to hear people refer to Cap as ‘Sirius’—it was too official, too formal. She had spent countless hours on the compilations of his softer moments, and they were her most popular videos. Cap Having Heart Eyes for Loops for 10 Minutes Gay. Cap Being an Actual Puppy for Six and a Half Minutes. Everyone Wanting Cap Cuddles for Fifteen Minutes. Every Time Cap Smiles When Someone Mentions His Godson. The list was endless. She loved it.

She did a silent fist pump when she saw the interviewer had snagged both Cap and Loops; that would give her a whole new stream of workable content. If she was lucky, she could expand on her series of Loops Lovingly Roasting His Friends, part…fuck it, who was even counting anymore?

Anna was so caught up in her excitement that she nearly forgot about Grace’s suggestion. I’ve never skipped through a video on the first watch before, she thought hesitantly. But maybe just this once…

Her cursor hovered over the 2:45mark. She closed her eyes, and clicked it.

“—have you been adjusting to life as a celebrity?” the interviewer asked. Anna nearly rolled her eyes when Loops laughed. That question had been used far too often to be interesting anymore.

“It’s had its ups and downs,” Loops said with a smile. “Mostly, though, the fans have been incredible and just knocked my socks off with their support.”

“Really? What’s your favorite part of the Lions fanbase?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Their creativity, for sure. There was a video a while back where we reacted to some of the comments people left, and this person on Twitter made an absolutely beautiful collage of photos.”

“I have it saved to my phone,” Sirius added.

One more clip for the simp video. Anna made a note on the small corner space of her European History notes. The degree can wait for ten more minutes.

“Do you have a favorite creator?”

The interviewer was clearly teasing, but Loops’ smile was genuine. “I don’t know about a favorite, but there’s this person on YouTube who makes a shit ton of videos and they’re hysterical. I saw one the other day about—god, what was it again?”

“Every time I smile when people mention Harry,” Sirius answered around a laugh. “Can you blame me?”

Anna didn’t hear the next question. A ringing noise filled her ears as she sat, frozen, on her shitty dorm mattress and listened to her literal heroes talk about her dorky little channel. “Holy fuck,” she blurted after a moment of silence. “Holy fuck.”

“—subscribed?” The man’s voice snapped her back to reality.

“Of course I am!” Loops said. “You think I’m passing up a chance to watch a compilation of my friends making stupid decisions for the entire internet to see?”

A noise that would have been a shriek if Anna had any breath left in her body escaped her lungs; she clamped a hand over her mouth and shakily exited from the video before going to her YouTube account. 800 new notifications. 700 new followers in the last quarter hour. She was pretty sure she blacked out for a second from sheer shock and joy.

Message To: Gracie

What

Message From: Gracie

You’re famous!

Message To: Gracie

What

Message From: Gracie

I bet he knows your stuff better than he remembers me tbh

“They know me,” she whispered, staring at her computer. The unfinished video showed a perfect frame of Loops’ soft smile as he watched Cap get his toothbrush stuck in his pajama shirt. Somehow, the thought was both exhilarating and horrifying. What if they thought she was a creep? She wasn’t, not really, just a bored college student with not enough free time for a job but too much to keep herself busy with schoolwork. Her 2,341—no, 3,052—followers were just other hockey nerds looking for time to kill.

And the subject of those videos was one of her subscribers.

Anna slipped her headphones back on and began to edit like it was her last day on earth. Her fingers flew across the keyboard on muscle memory while her brain fizzed. Perfect, she thought. It has to be perfect.

In four hours, it was done. She sat back, panting, then hunched over again and began tapping out a title card.

Hello. Idk if anyone saw the new Lion Pride video today (linked below if anyone wants to see why I’m dying right now) but apparently Remus Lupin is subscribed to this channel and has been for a while.

Hi Loops. I’m Anna. You met my cousin once and she said she liked your sweater.

Now that that’s out of the way, please enjoy the next five minutes of our new rookie being the sappiest mf in existence (except for his fiancé). Mr. Lupin, please tell Hattie I say hello.

She pressed upload, peeled her headphones off, and collapsed backward on her bed.

Message To: Gracie

If I die here, tell the world I did it doing what I loved

Message From: Gracie

Will do

OH FUCK YOU FOR BRINGING UP THE SWEATER I SOUND LIKE A CREEP

Anna covered her itchy eyes with her forearm and settled in for a long, long nap. Her brain still needed to repair a few circuits.

[youn9racha]

Don’t Test Me

Requested by: @crzy-devil

Pairing: Jinyoungxmasc!reader (with a vag tho)

Words: 3.1 k

Warning: dom!reader, sub!jinyoung, consent being explicitly discussed, implied masturbation, mentions of pornography, implied dacryphilia, weapon play (fake gun), pegging, mentions of butt plugs, jinyoung in a short skirt, dirty talk, overstimulation

Extra Notes: wheewww finally my first got7 request ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ don’t get me wrong, i‘ve been enjoying writing skz chan and changbin smut but i’ve been meaning to write some got7 but i wouldn’t think anyone would read it :( but yay finally i got something. i pray i don’t fuck this up, and i hope this is okay everything you want 😔

photo edit is not mine

——————————————————————————

This is no way representative of the way Got7 act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

—————————————————————————

You and Jinyoung have an interesting relationship to say the least. Jinyoung is always thought to be that dominant guy who’s always protective of the people whom he cares about, especially towards his partner. While that is true that he is protective and caring, however no one knows who the real Jinyoung Park except you, or at least who he is in your bedroom.

It was no secret that you two are very open about your sexual needs to each other, and it may come to the surprise to anyone to know that a man like Jinyoung is more submissive than anyone would think. But you however didn’t think so.

Prior to meeting him, you may follow what everyone says about Jinyoung, but five months into your relationship with your boyfriend, you were shocked, yet pleased, to see him one day in adorning nothing but a skirt, a butt plug, and a leash, innocently yet seductively telling you to touch him. And ever since then, you’ve been the one Jinyoung looked up to and waiting for to ruin him.

Every sexual encounter with him were exciting and fun, but there was one incident that took the title of the most amazing sexual roleplay you both have took in and neither of you had any sense of regret. Even if you guys would have broken up—knocking on wood—, it’ll probably not top anything but that moment.

~~

”(y/n!)” Jinyoung exclaimed in a sing song-y way as he walked into the apartment door with something hidden behind his back. He spotted you laying onto the couch, legs lazily splayed open as you looked up to the ceiling with half eyes open. It was clear that you were tired and wanted to rest, but Jinyoung didn’t care, “I’ve got something to show you..”

You looked up at him with a furrowed eyebrows, “what is it Jiny—ah!”

You felt wide awake when you saw Jinyoung unexpectedly pulled a gun straight into your face and pretended to shoot by making certain movements and sounds.

“Jinyoung, what the fuck?!” You exclaimed with your eyes popping out your socket with fear, leaning far away from him, only for him to get closer to you. Jinyoung saw the fear in your eyes, which made him laugh at my state. “I’m being for real, put the gun down!” Your heart was rightfully pounding, fearing not only for your life but at Jinyoung’s sickening laugh.

”Oh, relax, big baby, its a fake gun,” Jinyoung said with an eye roll.

You looked at the man on top of you with a baffled expression, he flipped the gun around and shoved it to you, “see, carry it.”

You looked at the gun, then at the man, then back at the silver object with a gulp. You took the gun out of his hand, and to your relief it was indeed fake, with it being very lightweight and looking at it up close. Props to whoever made this gun look really realistic, at least at a distance.

Jinyoung laughed at your relieved expression, “did you really think I’d bring an actual gun?”

You shrugged at him, “I wouldn’t be surprised to be honest,” you jokingly replied to which Jinyoung opens his mouth agape. Now it was your turn to laugh, “I’m joking, baby,” you patted his cheeks and he pouted in response, “you’re fucked up, (y/n).” He says that as he laid on top of you.

There was a moment of silence until you began questioning why he had the toy gun. Jinyoung fidgeted with his fingers, sort of hesitating with the words he wants to say. “Baby?” Your calling for him sounded more dragging rather than a questioning call, as your hold on him got tighter. “I kinda wanted you to use it on me,” He blurted, not baring to look at you, while you looked at him with a confused expression.

He didn’t see you but he can sense your confusion, “I want you to use it on your dumb whore..” and thats where your eyes widened. You knew exactly what he wanted.

You would lie if you said you didn’t have the thought of the idea, but that does not mean that you’re feeling one hundred percent sure about all of this. You both are experimental people, and enjoy trying new things at least one, and pain on both ends goes right up your and Jinyoung’s alley. But you wouldn’t go as far as bringing weapon into this, albeit fake, but still.

You thought of how weak he would look over you though, how he tries so hard to fight back but it fails miserably and pathetically. You easily find yourself slowly warming up but then caught yourself as you uncertainty was still in habiting your consciousness.

Your ears met with his gentle voice with him saying, “baby, if you don’t want to do this, I understand,“ Jinyoung held onto your arm in comfort.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just what if I’m gonna hurt you with the gun?” You held Jinyoung, which endearingly smiled at you. He admires how no matter how hard you go on him, he still can see how you’re very loving and caring towards him. The last thing you wanted to do is to harm your baby Jinyoung.

”baby, you won’t hurt me, you’ve held the gun. It’s fake and it won’t do anything,” Jinyoung rubbed your arms, reassuringly, “besides, we have a safe word, and if you did anything uncomfortable, I’ll just say the word.” You looked back at his eyes. His eyes were entrancing to you, its a contrasting blend of assertiveness, plead and child-like. You have no idea how can one have the capability to withhold such power like this, but knowing Jinyoung, you can see how it works.

You smiled back at him with a gentle caress in the cheek, “I’ll think about it.”

~~

You’ve given yourself sometime to think about it. Jinyoung made it absolutely clear that he won’t do anything that would make you uncomfortable. For a typical submissive person, he still values your comfort, but that is regardless whether he is submissive or dominant, verbal and emotional consent holds a great value in your relationship.

You’ve scrolled through the internet and went on certain adult website to see what got Jinyoung that excited about all this. You did see the hype, but you were still unsure about it, so you just wanted to give sometime where the ice of uncertainty is melted.

While browsing, you saw a distinctive video. The thumbnail caught your eye, as it had a pretty boy in a pink skirt laid on the bed with his leg spread and what looks to be someone pegging him. The video was of the type you’ve looked it up but it was different because it seems to be more of a point of view type of video.

Your mouse hovered over the thumbnail, almost clicking it. You turned to check if Jinyoung was still in the house. It’s not that he cared about you watching porn, he knows that no amount of videos will match up with you taking him on the spot. But you didn’t want him to see you researching, as you wanted to surprise him in case you enjoyed it.

You’ve not seen his presence and you decided to text him, to make sure if everything’s clear and that he’s not close to your proximity whatsoever.

(y/n): hey babe !!

(y/n): where are you ??

Jinyoung immediately saw your message. The bubble and dots of his began showing up until his message was sent.

Baby boy <3: heyy !!

Baby boy <3: oh i’m hanging out with Jaebeom rn i’m also gonna spend the night at his place if thats not a problem with you :)

Baby boy <3: y ??? u need anything ??

you sighed with relief to not only see him respond back, but also that he won’t come back later. Never would you have thought to say this, considering that you’re overtly obsessed with the man.

(y/n): no !! i was just checking up on u !!

(y/n): its fine by me :)) have fun and tell jaebeom i said hi

Baby boy <3: will do ^_^ see you tomorrow baby

Baby boy <3: i’ll miss you <3333

(y/n): i miss you too darling xx

Once the coast was clear, you’ve turned off your phone, turned back to your computer screen and turned on the video.

The video startes off with the boy, who eerily reminded you so much of your boyfriend with his mannerisms and body type, calling out to the presumed viewer. He only wore a skirt, a choker, and what looks to be a jeweled butt plug. To say that the scenery wasn’t a turn on would an absolute lie. You almost moaned at the scenery as you‘ve suddenly started to see, instead of the actor‘s face, Jinyoung.

His pleading eyes were captivating you as you felt yourself getting wet at the way the man is looking at you. Suddenly a pink gun was put into the face of the boy and hearing him yelp in fear did something to you. You felt your organ began twitching at the way the boy looked up to the gun. Seeing how the gun was shoved into his mouth as he began making lewd movements and noises while getting his pretty dick stroked, it did all wonders for you.

You felt your hands going down your pants as you carried on watching the video. This may have awakened something in you, and you can’t wait to showcase to Jinyoung when he gets back.

~~

You sat back in your couch waiting for Jinyoung. It was the next day, and you didn't have much to plan, but you decided to keep the fake gun near you for the sake of your role. It was almost nighttime and the clock kept ticking as you anticpated your boyfriend's arrival.

Jinyoung didn't know about the whole ordeal, he probably thought that you were gonna be out running errands, hanging out with your friends, or even just sleep. But what he won't expect is you sitting on the couch, lust blown in your whole system and hiding the gun he brought in. He never would have thought to see you with it, up until this moment.

While you wait for him to show up, you scrolled through your phone, mindlessly liking any posts that comes in your way. You didn't care on whatever is on your screen, all you wanted was Jinyoung bending over, ready for you. You smirked at the dirty thought, until you heard keys clashing against each other then one inserted into the locked door. In comes the prettiest boy you have ever laid your eyes on, he came in with a bag in his shoulder and adorned a baggy pink sweatshirt and skinny jeans. He smiled when he saw you on the couch, waiting for him.

Normally you would feel soft and warm over his appearance, however the sinister thoughts inhabiting you was clouding every other thought. Jinyoung extended his arm up to stretch after putting down his bag, as he came in and sat down next to you, eventually attacking with kisses as a greeting. Typically, you would laugh at his typically private yet adorable affections, but you could only look at him with semi blank stare.

He noticed the stare in your face, his face shifted into a worried frown, “whats wrong? you’ve been acting weird since yesterday.” You looked at Jinyoung with your hands in his face. You couldn’t help but smile at the clueless boy in front of you, “Jinyoung, have I ever mentioned you’re gorgeous?”

Jinyoung’s confusion starts to get even bigger as his eyebrows furrowed. Not knowing what to say, he just went along with, “yeah?” It was clear evident confusion and you weren’t dumb. You knew he‘d be confused, thats the point, you want him to be clueless and confused about the whole ordeal.

“What if I told you that you’re all I think about?” You whispered, as you began caressing his face. His face was still grimacing in confusion, however he would lie if he said that the thought of you thinking about him nonstop makes him feel good and excited. “I love you so much…”

“(y/n), cut the bullshit, whats goin—” Jinyoung has had enough with your suspicious act and decided to confront you, up until he felt something on his jaw, which he ended up cutting his words with a gasp. It felt something cold against his pulse, his eyes were dragged to the source only to see something he wasn’t expected to see, yet is pleased. It was the toy gun he handed to you. His mouth was open agape, and you said, “I thought much through about it, and I decided why not,” you had a loving and evil smirk on your face, and he simply just smiled back at you, “and besides,” you leaned closer to his ear.

”The thought of you begging for mercy does things to me, you do not understand your powers you have on me, Park Jinyoung,” Jinyoung shuddered at you whispering out his full name at him. He could already feel himself getting hard at your words, and the thought of the gun digging into his skin makes the process faster. You knew that he was getting aroused without you looking down at his crouch, so you opted to use your other hand and held his member, to which he let out a closed mouth moan.

“You know what to do..” you said after pulling your face out of his ear and staring straight into his face. He looked like a puppy with his eyes innocently sparkling at you. You slapped his thigh to get up to do what he’s doing, which you took him out of his trance, nodded at you and got up.

“I’ll give you five minutes,” you said loud enough where he can still hear as he walks, more like wobbling, into your shared bedroom, while you smirked at his adorable weak state. You looked at the gun and you knew were gonna have fun with your boy toy.

~~ Five minutes have passed, and you decided to walk into the bedroom where Jinyoung is at at a painfully slow pace. You felt like a lion going after a deer, ready to devour it on the spot, with Jinyoung being the deer in this situation. You dragged the gun against the wall as you got closer to your bedroom. You can already sense Jinyoung getting weaker and weaker without even looking at him. You hear heavy breathing coming from out of your bedroom, and you felt your lust is started to mix fury with it as you knew exactly what he was doing.

However you kept your composure and still have the smirk drawn into your face. You reached the door, and you opened the door to see a sight that both angered and aroused you. Jinyoung was dressed in a pink short skirt and a crop top along side with thigh highs, his whole cock was out as he was stroking himself as he was looking at himself in the mirror. Still in his lust world, he didn’t notice your presence up until you spoke.

“Who told you you can touch yourself?” You questioned with a crossed arm and a lean into the door sill. Jinyoung gasped his eyes wide open, his hand stopped stroking as he was looking at you with pleading eyes, “I-I’m sorry,” he gulped as you got closer to him, looking at him with a scowl. Despite him being slightly taller by a few centimeters, he still looks and feels smaller than you, especially at this moment.

“I couldn’t help it, I j-j—“ You cut his pathetic talk by putting the gun into his cheek. His mouth was wide shut as he fearfully looked at the gun then back at you. You glided the gun across the face as his breath hitches, you stopped the gun at his mouth. “Open your mouth,” you growled at him, which he didn’t respond at first as he was too aroused to function. You shoved the weapon not too harsh that it could hurt him, but not too light, to wake him up to, which he just moaned.

”I didn’t even touch you, and yet you’re already fucked up,” you commented as you tugged his bottom lip with the gun making him whimper. You tapped his face and commanded again, “open.”

This time he complied and he stuck his tongue out, you lightly inserted the weapon into his mouth as he wrapped his mouth around it.

To say that the scenery was pornographic was an understatement. A man in his short skirt down on his knees sucking on a weapon as his superior is tugging on his hair, it was hot to look at, you and Jinyoung would agree. It was typical that Jinyoung is going dumb just for you, he’s willing to drop everything just to satisfy your needs. He loves you too much. And to see you enjoying his idea makes him feel really good.

~~~ ”Thats what you fucking get for being a dumb slut,” You thrusted your strap on onto your pretty boy’s hole as he grips into the sheets underneath him. His legs placed on your shoulder while your hips were moving in and out of him.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry! I’m not gonna do it again!” Jinyoung was a mess under you, he’s practically crying as he feels his hole getting stretched with pleasure. Tears rolling down his face as he feels his orgasm get closer. You can see that based on his face twist that he was getting closer so you stopped thrusting for the nth time, which caused him to whine and sob louder.

“Bad sluts like you don’t deserve to cum,” You leaned over, his leg still on your shoulder and squished his cheeks. His nose was tinted pink due to blissed out cry and the amount of times you’d edge him, and the fact you still resisted giving him what he want made him blush even more. You both love it, especially Jinyoung, who may love this more than you do. He loves getting edged and getting all this punishment. He was a walking masochist, and because he is what he is, you ended up loving it and use it for your advantage.

Despite his “apologies,” he always misbehaves just so he can get punished by his superior. He is a brat in disguise, and you love it. You love giving him the punishment that he ever so deserves, as much as you love degrading him and you absolutely love seeing him being at your mercy.

He simply looked up at you with teary eyes and says softly, “I’m a bad slut, but I’m your bad slut,” to which you smirked back at his claim.

Your Bad Slut. That’s exactly what he is.

[annab-nana]

My Dork - Colby Brock

Sam and Colby invite you and Jake to explore a recently abandoned hospital with them and things don’t go according to plan.

@traphousedaily’s favorite xplr video project with: @lonely-xplr, @sarcasmhadachild, @gothtara, @reddesertcolbs, @reinad-snc, @cartiercolby, @colbylover99, @xplrtrash, @goddess-of-time-and-magic, @xolbyz, @myguiltypleasures21

A/N: I didn’t have a lot of time to edit this one, so sorry for any errors there might be :)

Warnings: some curse words

Word Count: 1.8k+

--------------------------------------------------

“This is the Saint Luke’s Medical Hospital,” Sam announced as he zoomed in on the large building ahead of you four. You were slightly freaked out by the number of signs telling you that there was a guard dog around that you should beware of, but the boys did not seem to care that much.

“Look, there’s a big fat boob on the top,” Jake whispered to the camera as he pointed to the brown dome shape that sat at the top of the building that also had a small cone on top of that, resulting in a breast shape.

“There’s a big fat boob right here,” Colby giggled as he pointed to your chest. Your eyes widened and you stifled a laugh. You two made those kinds of jokes all the time, but he has never done it on camera.

“Colby!” you shouted before chuckling at the joke. The other two boys laughed as well before continuing to walk forward.

“You’re supposed to honk ‘em, right?” Jake asked as he made grabby hands, still going along with the boob joke. He then made a car honking noise with his mouth, causing you three to burst out in laughter.

“Yes, Jake. Go do that. Your goal today is to get to the top and honk that boobie,” Sam influence his friend before Jake ran ahead and he made grabby hands towards the building.

“How do we explain that to security if we get caught? Like what were you doing in here? We’re trying to honk boobies,” Colby joked as you rolled your eyes, realizing you were stuck to explore this hospital with three immature idiots. A noise caught you all off guard and you looked to Colby as he looked off at the building.

“That’s the dog,” Sam mumbled, looking in the same direction as Colby. You walked forward with the group to see the dog that sat behind the glass-paneled door. The dog barked with each step you guys got closer. You, Jake, and Sam backed away, but Colby’s dog-loving heart got closer to talk to it.

“We’re gonna come explore this hospital, okay? And we’re just going to look around for a second, alright? And then, we’re gonna leave, okay?” he told the pup in his talking to animals voice.

“Wait, dude, if there’s a dog right there, that means there’s a person right next to it,” Sam warned.

“There’s just a guy just listening to me say ‘We’re just going to explore this hospital’,” Colby laughed at the thought as he walked away from the dog. You all went around the building to find the door that y’all saw earlier when checking the perimeter of the place. There was a door that was wide open, so you all figured that would be the best way to enter. Once you guys arrived at the door, Colby peeked his head in and began making kissy noises.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked his best friend.

“I’m just making sure the dog knows that we’re coming in,” he spoke with a giggle. “Dude, wait. This is the part where we decide right now, do we wanna get bit by a dog or do we wanna be safe?”

“Did you bring the meat?” Sam asked Jake and Colby before the two pointed at each other.

“Colby’s got a fat ass. Bro, that dog has food for days. Ain’t that right, y/n?” Jake asked you as you nodded your head confidently.

“Why do I always have to go first?” Colby whined before grabbing the camera from Sam and walking forward. When he walked in the door, you all heard a click. You all walked away from the door to discuss the noise before deciding to go back.

“Dude, the click was because this door is automatic,” you told them when Sam went in and waved his hand near the door.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Sam said as he popped back out. “But it smells really bad. We should put on our masks in here.”

Colby handed you and Jake each a mask from Sam’s backpack before you put on the infamous black mask. Now, it was finally time to go in. Sam led the pack as he filmed, you and Colby followed with joined hands, and Jake was the caboose as he looked around at everything.

“You look adorable in your mask,” Colby bent down to whisper.

“You can only see my eyes, you asshole,” you giggled.

“Yeah, but I love your eyes.” You batted your eyelashes at the compliment before maintaining your focus ahead of you once more. Y’all made it to some stairs and made sure to take light and slow steps to lessen the risk of noise so the dog won’t find you. Once up the stairs, you went through a door that was already cracked open.

As you walked down the hallway with the guys, you realized how cool it was that you were doing. You had explored plenty of abandoned places with Colby, but they were all run down and broken and dirty. This place, however, still had running lights and literally felt like you were in a running hospital that had zero people in it.

You guys roamed the halls slowly as you tried to stay quiet. Eventually, you reached what looked like the hall where the patients lived. Everything was dead silent before Jake dropped something and it landed with a loud thud that bounced off the walls for anyone in the building to hear.

“Jake!” you whisper shouted.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, and you all moved to leave the room, not before he ran into something else and caused a ruckus. He muttered another apology and y’all left the room.

“Listen, we’re gonna fucking die. We’re gonna fucking die if y’all don’t stop making fucking noise. Okay?” Colby whispered to Sam who was filming him. You let out a small giggle before Jake spoke.

“It was my fault. I’m sorry.” Moments later, he made yet another noise while shutting a door behind him. Sam and Jake split off one way down the hall while you and Colby went the other.

“Yo, look at this,” Colby whispered when he knelt down to grab a sign that was laying on the floor. He turned around before showing it to you. It was a sign that told you which way the surgery recovery unit was and the stroke specialist unit too. “Should I keep this?”

“I don’t see why not.” He did a small happy dance and kissed you on the cheek before walking back to Sam and Jake.

Next, y’all found the best part of the building. It still had chairs and beds and literally looked like an actual hospital. You found the waiting area where the room was lined with red chairs. The next room over had some beds in it, but that was it. The last room in the hall looked the best. It had beds, counters, cabinets, an overhead light that you could move around, but you guys couldn’t stay long because a whistle was heard. So quickly, you four took a thumbnail picture before trying to leave. Of course, the boys got sidetracked when they saw a microphone that was linked to a speaker system.

“Sir, your penis appointment is scheduled,” Jake whispered into the mic before Colby went next.

“Could we have Larry with the case of gonorrhea come to the front office please. Thank you.”

Then, they realized it was time to go. Y’all speed-walked the way you came, but when you guys reached a door, Colby accidentally pushed the handle and an alarm sounded went off.

“Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit,” Sam mumbled as speed walking turned into running. You four ran down the stairs and out of the building. Y’all walked slowly for a second to catch your breath and then took off again for the car. You threw open the back door and slipped in, leaving the door open so Jake could get in too. Colby placed the surgery sign next to you and got in the front. Right as Colby drove off, a police car passed by and turned into the hospital.

“That was crazy,” you stated as your breathing finally calmed down.

“I kinda wanna explore more of it next time,” Jake told Sam. You looked at him with wide eyes. The one who caused most of the noise wanted to go back. He may not have tripped the alarm this time, but if there was going to be a next time, he definitely would be the one to do it. “I feel like we should do a part two.”

“I feel like we should do a part two to that,” Sam agreed as he looked to Colby. Jake and Sam kept encouraging the idea before Colby spoke up.

“Yo, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“You don’t think that’s a good idea?” Sam questioned.

“No, we just barely got out of there.” Colby continued.

“And Jake can’t stay quiet to save his life,” you added before Jake gasped.

“Hey!”

“It’s true,” you told him with a smile.

“What if we bring dog treats?” Sam suggested.

“For the police? Because the dog wasn’t coming for us. It was the police,” you said to them.

“Okay, let’s think reasonably here,” Colby told Jake and Sam.

“What if we did? Like what if we got dog treats?” Jake imagined.

“No,” Colby protested.

“Do you think they’re trained not to care about anything?” Sam asked.

“Yes!” Colby said with enthusiasm. You rolled your eyes in the backseat. Sam was supposed to be the smart one, but right now, he wasn’t really showing that. “Okay, you really think a dog is gonna see you and start charging at you and you’re like ‘Hey, here’s a treat. Go get it,’ and it’s just gonna go. Like, come on now.”

“That stuff only happens in cartoons, Sam,” you told the blond.

“Alright, eighty-five thousand likes and we’ll do it,” he said to the camera as he completely ignored what you and Colby had said which you two gave up and nodded along.

Later on when you all came back to the trap house, you and Colby laid in bed to think about what had happened.

“That was crazy,” you started as your head hit his chest.

“I can’t believe they thought we just needed some dog treats, and it would all be better.”

“I can believe that Jake would think that, but I thought Sam was smarter than that.” You both laughed before silence fell over you two.

“But that place was really cool and pretty. Thanks for taking me,” you whispered.

“You’re really cool and pretty,” Colby added in.

“You are such a dork,” you giggled before kissing his lips.

“I’m your dork though.”

“Yes, you are my dork.”

[yellowocaballero]

Human Relations Snippet: Tim teaches Jon the internet and odious goats are sacrificed to the cult of Bezos

There’s no reason for this to exist. I was rereading a bit of HR and I saw a throwaway joke about Jon wanting to buy Martin a Portal Gun. I started wondering about how that would even work. The answer is, obviously, a 200 year old man squinting at a computer screen wondering why there’s so many horny singles in his area. I get possessed by demons easily, so I took three hours out of writing my daemon au and wrote this instead. Bon Appetit. 

(Edit, quick clarification: I think that Jon would refuse to use the name for the Beholding that Smirke made up, and although all of this exists in my head and you guys don’t know this, there was a lot of tension between Jon and Jonah’s ‘circle’. So Jon hated Smirke and thought he was a hack. He uses Smirke’s terms to others sometimes for ease of understanding or in deference to Jonah (:/) but I think that mentally he mainly calls the Beholding his own name, The Witness. It rings of that personal and intimate connection Jon and the Beholding has. Anyway, onto the story.)

After one hour in anguished uncertainty, fifty popups that advised Jon of very many ‘hot singles in his area’, six separate sites that Jon’s God had to inform him were covers for thieves that stole money from you, and a very confusing retreat to Jon’s favorite internet page ‘Wikipedia’ as to what an Amazon was, Jon had given up.

Normally this was where he asked one of his personal assistants for help. Normally, he wouldn’t even be trying, and he would have just told one of them to do it. This was how Jon had cunningly mostly avoided using computers for the past twenty years. Some endeavors were unavoidable, and Jon was proud to say that he mastered email in 2010. Or was it 2008? He liked to think it was 2006, but it was possible...never mind. If it was important, the Witness would tell him. 

After one hour in anguished uncertainty, fifty popups that advised Jon of very many ‘hot singles in his area’, six separate sites that Jon’s God had to inform him were covers for thieves that stole money from you, and a very confusing retreat to Jon’s favorite internet page ‘Wikipedia’ as to what an Amazon was, Jon had given up.

Normally this was where he asked one of his personal assistants for help. Normally, he wouldn’t even be trying, and he would have just told one of them to do it. This was how Jon had cunningly mostly avoided using computers for the past twenty years. Some endeavors were unavoidable, and Jon was proud to say that he mastered email in 2010. Or was it 2008? He liked to think it was 2006, but it was possible...never mind. If it was important, the Witness would tell him.

Peter Lukas was right on almost nothing, Jon thought disgruntledly as he slammed his laptop shut - including in his taste of men, company, philosophies, men, patron deities, professions, and men - but he was right in his proclamation that the internet was the degradation of society. Not that he hadn’t sacrificed his morality and sold out, feeding his patron through something called “incel forums” and “Reddit”. Between him, Jonah’s “Excel spreadsheets” and “TurboTax”, and Annabelle Cane’s ridiculous “MMO guilds”, the Society was filling with computer geeks. Jon could always read the wind: he had to keep up, and quickly. 

Besides, Martin had kindly educated him on how it was almost unheard of for a young man like Jon to not understand how to work that Goggle thing. Giggle? Martin was very streetwise and was one of the most insightful people Jon had ever known, he was definitely right. 

Which is why he had to buy him this “Portal Gun” that he wanted. He had even shown Jon the website! And if Jon was in desperate times trying to navigate these confusing webpages entirely with URLs he memorized, then he would take desperate measures!

“I’m going down to the Archives,” Jon said, slithering off the couch and clutching his laptop to chest. Jonah had bought it for him. He appeared surprised that Jon was using it. “I may not be back for a while. I need...a book.”

Jonah didn’t look away from his own infernal machine. It seemed he was on that ‘Excel’ program again. Was it one of those ‘video games’ he kept hearing about? “Do I want to know what you were doing on that laptop.”

“Reading Wikipedia,” Jon said immediately, and somewhat defensively. Jon had discovered Wikipedia in 2001 before promptly funding it and throwing his weight behind its development. He had spent a solid five years convinced a computer was a kind of electronic screen that let you read digital Encyclopedia pages, like in Star Trek. He’d seen Star Trek. Georgie made him. “Did you know that -”

“Yes, yes, have fun. Haven’t you read that entire site already?”

“Not even,” Jon said defensively. “I can’t just sit and read through entire Encyclopedias anymore, Jonah. We know more things now.”

“What a way to describe the last two hundred years,” Jonah said, not even looking away from his computer. “We know more things. Never change, Jon.”

“You’re the one who never changes,” Jon grumbled. But it was a weak comeback, and considering his brand new delightfully short stature somewhat untrue, so Jon breezed out of Jonah’s office with full knowledge that he’d think of a better comeback halfway down the steps to the Archives.

In fact, it wasn’t until he was at the door, and by then he felt stupid for losing a point against Jonah anyway. He easily opened the door, stepping inside and quickly bee-lining for Sasha’s office. Her burgeoning powers were wonderfully flowing in the shape of access to and understanding of technology. He had never seen such gratuitous breeches of privacy as she casually committed. Every day Jon was validated in his decision to save her from the Stranger. A balance, an equal yet opposite Archivist from Jon, would be invaluable. Not that Jonah and Jon weren’t their own yin and yang, but Jonah’s powers were paltry and out-of-date. Mind reading and spying through iconography was so 1960. They needed fresh blood. 

Sasha had been a wonderful choice, and Jon didn’t regret choosing her to act as saviour. Most of the time. Some of the time she -

“She’s not in.”

Jon’s fist halted in front of the door, about to sharply rap on her office door. He turned around to actually look through the bullpen, only to see that Timothy was sitting in his chair chewing a sandwich. Somehow angrily. Definitely suspiciously. 

“Are you sure?” Jon asked dubiously. “Because you’ve lied about this before.”

“Because you should stop coming down here and bothering her.” Timothy balled the saran wrap in his hand and dunked it in the trash can, somehow undoubtedly giving the impression that he wished it was Jon’s head. “Just bugger off.”

Someone was in a snit. Normally Timothy wasn’t this hostile. Jon had thought that learning his name might make him less mean, but it did little to help. But when Jon looked around he didn’t see Martin, and a quick check assured him that both Sasha and Martin were having lunch at their favorite deli and engaging in that plotting hobby they both enjoyed. Timothy had elected to stay behind, stewing in his own angry and paranoid juices. 

He would have to do this with Martin out of the Archives...and he really wanted to take care of this now so Martin would get it before the weekend...and it wasn’t as if Jon was scared of this boy he was one hundred and seventy years older than…

“Uh,” Jon said intelligently, “can you help me with...something…”

Timothy’s face twisted in a novel combination of surprise and disgust. “What,” he sneered, “your evil fear god or whatever can’t figure it out for you?”

“I don’t need others to think for me,” Jon said stiffly. It was something he’d had to say far too many times. “The Witness is less helpful with...troubleshooting...look, do you know how to work a computer?”

Timothy stared at him blankly. “Like, at all?”

“I’m trying to buy Martin this toy he desires,” Jon said desperately. Fuck it all, he walked over and sat down in the chair next to Tim’s desk. He pulled a little bit closer, placing his laptop on Tim’s desk, and ignored the way the other man leaned away. “But whenever I try I keep on seeing alerts about hot singles. I’m not interested in young women, I just need to buy a ‘Portal Gun’. Do you know what a Portal Gun is?”

Timothy continued staring at him, eyebrows raised. Clearly involuntarily, so quick that he may not even have noticed, one corner of his lips was ticking upwards into a smile. 

“How many credit card scams have you fallen for?”

“Absolutely none,” Jon said, very quickly. He pulled out his credit card, placing it on the table. He knew a credit card was involved, although he didn’t know how. “What do I do? Do I swipe it? Is there a port?” He picked up the laptop and squinted at its sides, looking for a port. “I wanted to ask Sasha for help, since she’s the expert in hacking, but surely you know the basics?”

“I mean...I can’t, like, code, but yeah, I can work Amazon.” Timothy carefully opened the laptop, watching the display light up. He effortlessly navigated to an icon on the screen, clicking it open. 

“That’s not right,” Jon said urgently. “You’re supposed to press the E.”

“I do not want to know how many toolbars you have,” Timothy said bluntly. “We’re using Chrome. That’s another way to look at the Internet.” He rubbed his hands together. “Yeah, I got a grandmother, we can do this.”

Jon perked up. “So you’ll help?”

Went unsaid: even though you hate me?

“Whatever,” Timothy grumbled. Jon decided not to press his luck. 

Jon decided that he liked the Chrome better than the Internet Explorer, because it was simpler and Google was on the first page. Tim rapidly typed on ‘Amazon.com’ into the search bar and easily scrolled through the very busy and picture filled page that immediately popped up. Why was everything so fast? Maybe this was why the young people had no attention span: these pages just came up immediately. No flipping for indices for finding anything in phone books. 

“Right. What was it, a Portal Gun? Like from the game?”

“A board game?”

“Video game.”

“Like on a VHS…?”

“Right.” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know, Sasha said that you’re one of the most famous sociologists and anthropologists in British history.”

“I am extremely intelligent, Timothy, and I won’t abide any insinuation otherwise,” Jon said curtly. “I cannot be expected to keep constant track every time there’s another - iPhone or whatever. You have teenagers in your family, correct? Do you always know what they’re talking about? That’s, what, a twenty year age gap? Multiply that by ten.”

That shut him up. Timothy sighed again, much more aggressively, but he clicked the white bar and typed in ‘portal gun’ anyway. “Right. Not fucking apologizing, but right. I still don’t fucking know what ‘Twitch’ is.”

“It’s a brief spasmodic contraction of the muscle fibers,” Jon said helpfully. “Fascinatingly, this phenomenon was first observed in frog’s legs before I was even born in 1780, by Luigi Galvani. Erudite man, by the way, but he couldn’t hold his liquor. It was the birth of the study of bioelectricity, although the exact mechanism of muscle contraction eluded scientists for years.”

“Never mind.” Timothy sighed again, the perfect mix of aggravated and long-suffering. It seemed to be the man’s two favorite emotions. “My grandmother has a PhD and she still can’t figure out her cell, either. We had to get her a Jitterbug.”

Amazon, as Timothy explained, was a kind of shopping mall, except you could pick out what you wanted by its picture and have the shopping mall pack it up and send it to you. Jon didn’t quite understand why people preferred this to just going to a shop yourself, seeing as you could get it immediately instead of with a three or four day turnaround, but Tim explained that Amazon was cheaper, had a wider selection, and didn’t make you get off the couch.

“Oh,” Jon said, finally getting it, “this follows the economic model of large scale businesses underpricing their products to undercut smaller businesses in the area, driving them out of business until they hold monopoly over the market and can raise their prices without worrying about staying competitive.”

Timothy stared at him. 

“I mean,” he said, “I guess?”

“This explains why my Alexa project was successful so quickly,” Jon mused. “With a lack of competition or alternatives, consumers are more likely to accept the dramatic invasions of privacy as normal. Normalizing intrusions into privacy took ages, but my early efforts paid off very well. The Ring doorbell was even better, along with the line of security and home protection systems. We’re now working on live streamed 24/7 surveillance to social media platforms.”

Timothy stared at him further. 

Finally, he said, “Alexa was...you?”

“Of course,” Jon said, baffled. Who else would it be? “I gave Jeff the idea and convinced him it would be profitable. I didn’t understand the whole mechanics of it, but once I gave Jeff a vision from the Witness he was eager to implement the divinely inspired spyware.”

Timothy continued to stare. 

“The evil fear god controls Jeff Bezos.”

“He thinks I’m a prophet, actually,” Jon said helpfully. “I let him become Cardinal of the imaginary cult in exchange for funding some of my more esoteric programs. Had him sacrifice a goat and everything, it was great.” At Timothy’s alarmed look, Jon was quick to elaborate, “It was the most evil goat you’ve met in your life. Morally odious.”

“...for my sanity I’m going to pretend that you said none of that.”

In retrospect, although Timothy had worked at the Institute for a few years, it did take quite a bit of time to acclimate to the fact that the Avatars permanently shaped the shape of human existence in order to better feed their gods. Jon knew better than anyone: when humanity made gods, and gods made man, and man made gods...the feedback loop could self-perpetuate for years. Eternity, if needed. 

But they had no luck on ‘Amazon’. With Jon’s eidetic memory he was able to easily pick out the one that looked most similar to the one that Martin had showed him, but all of the little toy guns were for someone named ‘Rick’. Then Timothy took twenty laborious minutes explaining the entire plot of ‘Rick & Morty’ to him, which Jon patiently sat through. 

“I think young people today deeply enjoy explaining media,” Jon said, once Timothy finished telling him the funny jokes. “I’m very interested in your interests, Timothy.”

“You are so fucking condescending. And please call me Tim, you’re sounding even more like my grandmother.” When Jon brightened, Tim - Tim! - quickly said, “This does not mean we are friends.”

Granted, Jon had never once in his life gave a shit about making friends, but he felt as if he should be making more of an effort with Tim. He was a sort of supernatural brother in law, wasn’t he? Although Sasha perhaps Sasha was more of a favored niece. At least, he would be, if today’s generation found some morality and stopped living in sin. 

Good lord. Now he was sounding like Jonah. Georgie used to joke that he was born in the wrong generation - he should have been born a 17th century Puritan instead. Jon found it a very funny joke. Jonah did not. 

“Are there any other shopping websites?” Jon asked finally, after Amazon failed them. He’d have to call up Jeff later and complain. “Or is this the only one?”

Tim sighed. “Let’s check Google.”

Quickly and efficiently, yet with many lightning fast detours, Tim found another site called ‘eBay’ - pronounced ‘e-Bay’, not ‘ehbay’ - that listed off exactly what they needed. They weren’t under the toy section, instead listed as something called ‘cosplay’, but Tim seemed highly resistant to explaining that one, so he dropped it. 

They picked a likely looking white toy gun that looked the most similar to the one that Martin had liked and Tim talked Jon through punching in the numbers on his card into the website and sorting through the billing and shipping information. Tim helpfully took down the numbers on his card to file later. 

“And...done!” Tim said, pressing a button and leaning back. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“It was ten times as complicated as I thought it would be,” Jon assured him, “but also much more fun. What else can you buy online?”

“Oh, god. What can’t you buy.”

Jon brightened. “Can you buy books?”

“Old Gertrude used to buy Leitners on eBay,” Tim said dully, “so yeah, sure, why not.”

Jon stared at his computer. He carefully navigated the mouse to the big red x and clicked out of the internet browser. “That’s enough of eBay, then, I think.”

Guess he would have to stick to buying Leitners in person. It was no good buying fucked up books from sketchy sources. Always stick to people you trusted, or at least trusted to be themselves. Mikaele was Jon’s favorite supplier since the kid Leitner disappeared, and they had a pleasant working relationship. Mikaele shared his grandfather’s stories about the history and culture of the Maori, and Jon told him which of his haunted artifacts would be the most helpful in the imminent apocalypse. 

“Well,” Tim said finally, gently pushing Jon’s laptop away, “that was...something, great bonding session with my local supervillain, please run back to Elias and bother him instead.”

“You were very helpful, Mr. Stoker,” Jon said, as professionally yet paternally as possible. Tim was six years older than his body, so he’s not sure how it came off, but the touch of grey at his temples helped with the dignified air. “And as soon as you start acting like a man and propose to my Archivist, you’ll make an excellent brother in law -”

“Uh, excuse me?”

Jon spun around in his chair to see Sasha and Martin standing at the door, holding doggy bags and looking somewhat flummoxed. Probably confused at the sight of him and Tim having a civil conversation, which admittedly had never happened before. Possibly also confused at how completely mortified Tim looked. 

“Who said anything about proposing?” Sasha asked incredulously. “Tim, are you -”

“No! No, god no!” Tim stood up quickly, holding his hands out as if he was placating a raging bull. “Nobody’s been saying anything - I would never do that to you -”

“Oh,” Sasha said frostily, crossing her arms and letting the bags swing, “would you.”

That was a domestic Jon should stay out of, even though he definitely caused it. He and Martin sidled away in tandem, huddling near the back of the Archives as Tim frantically pled for his life. 

Sneakily, Jon glanced at Martin out of the corner of his eye. He looked happy. Happy, and just as stressed as he always looked - Jon had never known Martin when he wasn’t constantly stressed out, and he was more than aware that it was his fault. 

He looked good, too. Really nice, broad jawline that gave his face a friendly round shape. Just friendly and round in general, it was really handsome. His hair was as nicely short and ruffles as ever. The big glasses were super stylish, and really framed his face well. Really big, broad hands. Jon, who had always been so poky and tall and thin and gaunt, like some kind of haunted scarecrow that lurked through the corners of time, was envious. He wanted some of that softness and gentleness. Really, he wanted some of Martin’s -

“So what were you and Tim doing?” Martin asked. “I didn’t know you knew he existed.”

“You told me his name,” Jon said anxiously. “I don’t forget the things you tell me, you know.”

Martin smiled shyly and him, and Jon found himself smiling back. “It’s pretty good for my ego to hear that I have something to teach the immortal genius.”

“I don’t know,” Jon said, as Sasha yelled in the background, “I’ve been learning a lot lately.”

“Really?” Martin teased. “Anything interesting?”

“Oh,” Jon said, watching the yellow fluorescent light cast Martin’s dim smile in soft relief, “I can think of a few things.”

[fanficimagery]

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner [Part 1 of 2]

Summary: Imagine being the “baby” of the group.

Words: 2.8K Warnings: Language. I tried my best, anon. I hope you like it either way. Requested by Anonymous who said: hi! i’ve had this idea in my mind of being younger than everyone else in the VS (maybe like 19/20?) and literally everyone calls you Baby like it started as a joke but it’s gotten to the point they’re introducing you to others as “Baby” and they’re all super protective of you and yeah just a cute thought i’ve been having hehe

While you've heard of the Vlog Squad and watched David Dobrik's videos to pass time, you didn't think nothing much of the group who were living their best lives and posting for everyone to see. They seemed like they'd be fun to hang out with, and though you lived quite close to where David apparently lived, you never once rushed to the random pop-ups or ran into any of them when they were out and about.

But that all changed one day when you were playing with your puppy in the park, and you were surprised when David, Natalie, and Jason walked up to you. Natalie had fallen in love at first sight of your Beagle puppy and David chanced walking up to you in hopes of getting his friend some play time with the dog. You were surprised to see them and then quickly explained your surprise, and they were pleased to learn you watched their videos. You had then happily let Natalie play with Milo, the four of you sitting on the ground as you teased Milo with doggie treats. It was then David, Natalie, and Jason learned some about you, the three of them surprised to learn you were not yet twenty-one when David had jokingly invited you out for drinks. Jason grumbled about hanging out with toddlers, and David had giggled as he recorded Natalie and the puppy.

You figured running into them was a once in a lifetime type of deal, so you were surprised to run into David and Natalie again about a week later. While waiting for some food for yourself and your parents, the two of them had walked in to order an outrageous amount of food. They had spotted you first and you were shocked they remembered your name. Then as the three of you had chatted while waiting for your food, David invited you back to his place to eat when he realized you didn't live that far. You had politely declined because you had to get the food back home, but David urged you to join them. He suggested that you could eat with them and their friends, and Natalie suggested she go with you to your house so you could drop off the food, pick up Milo, and then she'd direct you to David's. They were eager to have you join them, and to pick up Milo, that you couldn't say no.

It was a bit surreal to meet Zane, Heath, Mariah, and Todd, but the group welcomed you without even batting an eye. Jason, upon spotting you when he arrived, jokingly referred to you as Baby. Everyone seemed confused, but when they found out why the baby jokes were soon to start. And from that day forward, you were introduced as Baby to everyone else you had yet to meet and the name just stuck.

You're sitting on the floor of David's living room, a bowl of sliced cucumber in hand and a smaller bowl of Ranch dressing balancing on your knee. David's editing not far from you and Natalie is playing with Milo in the backyard.

The front door opens, someone shouts to see if anyone's home, and you shout back to confirm that there is.

Erin, Carly, and Jeff walk around the corner, the three of them laughing at what they were previously talking about. "Hey, Baby." They all greet.

"Hey, guys." You see Carly glancing around the floor and you grin. "Milo's out back with Nat." She chuckles before walking to the door, Erin walks into the kitchen, and Jeff plops down on the sofa right behind you. "Snack?" You ask, holding the bowl out for him over your shoulder.

"What'd you put on it?"

"Just lemon juice and a sprinkle of salt. There's also Ranch."

Jeff huffs a laugh at your bowl of Ranch, but does accept a couple slices of cucumber. Erin soon joins Jeff on the sofa, and the girls come in from outside with an excited Milo in tow. As Jeff and Erin then attempt to grab your dog's attention, your phone rings with the telltale sound of a Facetime call.

Erin takes the two bowls when you answer the call, you quickly thanking her before one of your other friend's excited face fills the screen and her voice spills out of the speaker. "Happy birthday, bitch!" You cringe and smile in thanks, avoiding the gazes of those around you as they suddenly go still. "We're getting fucked up tonight! You're finally legal!" She squeals.

You sigh. "I don't know, Em. I don't drink much and I'm not too fond of having strangers grind on me."

"Come on, girl!" She groans. "We're in the prime of our lives! You need to let loose at least once in your life."

"Yeah, Baby," Jeff lays out behind you, his face just visible behind your shoulder. "You're in the prime of your life. Go out and have fun."

Your friend's eyes widen on screen and you faintly grin. But before she can question you, David's piping up. "It's your birthday? Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I don't care for celebrations," you shrug.

"But it's your twenty first!" Natalie says. "You're supposed to let go once you turn legal."

"Oh my god. Our Baby is no longer a baby," Erin realizes. Carly laughs, she busy playing with Milo again. These people really loved dogs.

When you meet your friend's gaze on the phone, you sigh yet again. "Em, this is Jeff. Don't even think about it. I forbid it."

"But-"

"Nope. Now if you want me to go out tonight, you'll forget all about the hot person behind me and text me where I'm supposed to meet you guys tonight. Okay? Love you. Bye."

As soon as you drop your phone beside you, your friends are on you.

"It's your birthday!? Oh my god," Natalie says. "I can't believe you hid it from us."

You laugh sheepishly. "I didn't exactly hide it. I just- I didn't tell you. I didn't want you guys to feel obligated to get me anything or do something."

"But you're twenty-one," Carly says. "That's huge!"

"Not really. It's rare that I'll have a drink. I'm not too eager to get shit-faced and wake up regretting my life's choices."

"Well tonight you are," Natalie says. "Come on. We'll raid my closet for an outfit and get you ready."

"But-"

"No buts," David muses. "You have this night with your friends and then next week you'll celebrate with us."

"But Milo," you say, picking up your Beagle and holding his face to your cheek. "I can't leave him all alone."

"On it." Jeff takes Milo from you and you pout at him. "What? The sitter's got Nerf for the night. I'm not doing anything."

Chuckling lightly, you let Natalie and Erin pull you up to your feet. Carly follows behind you and you readily start picking through a drawer of your stuff in Natalie's room for underwear you kept there for emergencies. She hands you a towel and a robe, and instructs you to not wash your hair. You oblige her, taking extra care to pamper yourself in the shower before making your way back to her room.

Mariah has now joined them, she surprising you with a cupcake and a singular candle. They quietly sing happy birthday to you as to not attract all the boys, and snap several pictures to post later. Carly then does your hair and Natalie your makeup. Once they're done, you get to choose between four outfits they had put together and laid out on the bed.

One outfit in particular catches your attention- anything that sparkled was a weakness of yours- and you spend a little too long staring at the metallic sequined crop top with a plunging v-neck.

"Why don't you try it on?" Carly asks.

You huff. "And risk flashing my tits? No thanks."

"That's what the tape is for." Mariah laughs.

Natalie and Mariah then help you into the crop top, taping it down so you don't flash anyone when you no doubt let go at the club later that night. The top pairs with high waisted, faux leather shorts that fit almost like a second skin and a pair of chunky heeled boots that stop just above your knee. You have to endure a mini-photoshoot for your friends before they let you out of the room where they then direct you to the kitchen without even addressing the boys.

"A round of shots for the birthday girl," Natalie says, immediately seeking out a bottle of liquor and shot glasses. Carly, Erin, and Mariah cheer. Shots are poured and then passed out, you grabbing it and raising it in front of you so Natalie could finish her toast. "May you let loose, have fun, and call us from a jail cell so one of us can go bail you out."

"Don't jinx me!" The girls all laugh and then you down your shot, grimacing.

There's a sudden commotion as others arrive and you make small talk with Erin and Carly as more people enter the kitchen.

"Oh hey, when did we get a new hot gi- oh my god, it's Baby!" You whirl around at the sound of your name, slowly grinning at Todd's gobsmacked expression. You wink.

"Damn, babygirl," Zane whistles, "who is you trying to impress?"

"Alright, alright!" David shouts, camera recording. "Everyone gather 'round." Zane, Todd, Heath, and Jeff enter the kitchen, everyone gathering the kitchen island. "So today is Baby's twenty-first birthday-"

"WHAT?!"

"Shut up, Zane, and let me finish." Everyone laughs. "As I said before I was rudely interrupted, today is Baby's twenty-first birthday. She didn't tell us because she didn't want presents or a party-"

"BOOOO!"

"-so tonight she's going out with a few friends-"

"Not dressed like that, she's not!" Heath then interrupts.

You and the girls all cackle, even more so when the other boys are seen vaguely nodding along.

"But next week she's all ours. So, Baby," David says, coming in closer so the camera is practically in your face, "any last words before you're too drunk to make good choices?"

"Yeah. If my tits pop out of this shirt, I'm throat punching Natalie for encouraging me to wear it."

"Hey!"

More laughter rings out and you can't help but laugh as Zane, Todd, and David struggle to not look at your chest.

"Jesus, Baby," Heath mumbles. "Will you please change?"

"Nope."

"If you don't change, we're following you to the club," Jeff says.

You grin. "Well then I guess you're following me to the club."

Thirty minutes later, you're sitting on Todd's lap on one of the middle seats in David's Tesla. He and Jason are in the front, you, Todd, Jeff, and Zane in the middle, and Heath and Ilya in the back.

"You know, I didn't think you were actually serious that you'd accompany me to the club," you say. "Or pick up Jason and Ilya."

Ilya laughs from the back seat. "Todd sent me a pic of your.. chest. I was torn between wanting to put a shirt on you and ogling the picture some more."

"Todd!" David laughs. "You didn't?!"

"I'm sorry!" He laughs.

"She's like our baby sister, man," Jeff chuckles. "What is wrong with you?"

Todd laughs, his arms lazily wrapped around your waist. "I was so confused! I mean, I know it's Baby, but.."

"We ain't never really seen Baby's boobs on display like this. It's confusing. And upsetting," Zane says.

"Now you boys know how it feels for us girls when you walk around in nothing but your boxer briefs. I mean, you guys are like family. Sort of. But you're all still so pretty. It's confusing."

The rest of the drive doesn't take very long and soon enough David's pulling up to the club your girl friends are all waiting outside of. And before you can open the door, Todd's holding on tighter as Jason turns around in his seat. David records what comes next.

"Ground rules," Jason says, putting on a mock serious expression. "Very little alcohol, no drugs, no boys, no hook-ups, no-"

"Yes, dad, I get it. Have fun, but not too much fun." You sigh. "Can I go now?"

"Listen here, young lady." You snort and all the boys snicker at Jason's tone. "You are only just barely legal-legal. You're lucky I'm even considering letting you out of this car!"

"I love you guys, but you're all idiots. I'm going now." You tap on Toddy's arm to let go, which he does, and you make your escape soon after.

Then making sure the tape has done its job and kept you covered, you pull down on your shorts from where they'd ridden up. You wave to the boys as soon as the door closes, but you only make it a few feet before Jason's voice is ringing out.

"Call us if you run into any trouble! We mean it, Baby!"

You stumble and glare over your shoulder when people start to stare, you flipping off all the boys now laughing. Your girl friends then walk up to you, staring between you and the car of boys in amusement. "Don't ask," you grumble. "I need a drink asap."

          - X - X - X - X - X -

By the time you're stumbling out of the club, every one of your girls are completely smashed. Makeup is smudged, shoes are in their hands, and one of your girls is a crying mess. Your mind is a little fuzzy and some things look like they're in slow motion when you move a little too fast. Thankfully, however, you had enough of your wits about to order an Uber for the girls and call David to come pick you up just because.

The Uber gets there before David, so you quickly wrangle up the girls and get them in the van. Then left alone, you take a seat on the curb and mess about on your phone to keep yourself occupied. Your Instagram has blown up with notifications from all the sloppy pictures your girls had posted and tagged you in, and all the comments your other group of friends had left on them.

There's whistling behind you, followed by some catcalls that make you slightly uncomfortable, but you do your best to ignore it.

Finally the familiar white Tesla pulls up and you sigh in relief. The front passenger window rolls down and Todd's beaming smile greets you. "Someone doesn't look like they've had fun."

"I was until some idiots ruined it."

"Aw, Baby, whose asses do we have to kick?"

You huff a laugh as you attempt to get up, only to trip and bump into the side of David's car. You can hear him cackling from the inside. The back passenger door opens, and Zane and Jeff are recording you with their phones.

"Seriously, Baby, who pissed you off?"

"Just some-"

"Yeah, sweetheart, flash us those tits!"

The shouting startles you and you grimace, looking towards the source of crude remark. The guy who shouted, plus all his friends, laugh as they shove each other around and continue staring at you. Todd leans his head further out the window and Zane halfway exits the car.

"Flash us your tits! Flash us your tits!"

"Suck my dick!" You suddenly bark back, your anger spiking. The catcalling morons seem startled you spoke back, they still laughing but no longer chanting. "What? You think it's cute to act like jackasses? You wanna see tits so bad, go home and jerk off to PornHub."

"You tell 'em, girl!" A random group of girls cheer you on.

"Fuck, Zane, get her in the car!" Jeff says.

"You wanna go, you little bitch? Lets go, motherfucker!"

"Zane, grab Baby!"

You start to walk off, but arms wrap around your waist and pull you back.

"Yo, man, come get your girl! She's fuckin' crazy."

"What the hell did you just say?" Zane stills and suddenly you're the one nudging Zane back to prevent him from marching up and starting a fight.

Suddenly David's in your face, the light on his camera blinding as he laughs in your and Zane's face. Todd and Jeff do their best to calm the situation, and then you're being herded into the Tesla. And even though there's two perfectly empty seats in the back, you're seated on Zane's lap in the middle seat with Jeff beside you.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Jeff suddenly muses, chuckling the further David gets from the club. "You went from 0 to 100 in a blink."

You frown. "They started it. I ignored it at first, but the chanting really got under my skin."

"You're a mean drunk," Todd giggles. "You went off on those guys. I seriously can't wait until next week."

"I can. Everything feels super slow right now. It's almost making me dizzy." Since you're sitting sideways in Zane's lap, you place your head on his shoulder and snuggle in. "This sucks."

"No, no, no. Don't you dare puke in my car."

You burp. "No promises."

[hollandbaby]

roommates - t.h smut

a/n: um so i haven’t written in a long time pls be kind. this is just a 4.9k one shot based on how i’m feeling, sexually frustrated, but unfortunately I’m not in lockdown with tom so cannot have sex with him. also I’m tipsy. AND feedback is much appreciated

warnings; smut, oral (f receiving), daddy kink, choking, biting, scratching, super long intro

You had lived with your lifetime best friend, Tom, for just over a year now, alongside his best friends Harrison and Tuwaine and his younger brother Harry. There was never a dull moment in the house, even when Tom’s away filming the other boys provide just as much entertainment. You’re used to spending lots of time with the boys, but when it’s announced lockdown was in place, it took a toll on everyone. Tom is unable to work which is a benefit considering he’s allowed to actually rest finally, plus he’s around a lot more which is nice. Harrison is always practicing his juggling which is entertaining until he breaks your favourite lamp. Tuwaine and Harry tends to keep to themselves, mostly playing video games or working from home. But boy was the house becoming messy. 

“Alright, who’s underwear are these and why are they on the living room floor!?” You shout to the house, picking up the pants by the broom you had in your hand.

“Whadda they look like?” Shouts Harry, most likely on his laptop editing something.

“Grey Calvin’s but I know all of you own at least one pair so it’s not very helpful!”

You move to put them in the laundry basket by the washing machine, carrying on with your cleaning by sweeping the kitchen floor. Tom emerges from the bathroom, in just a pair of grey sweats and a towel wrapped around his neck, you try not to let yourself get distracted but it’s hard when you can see a single drop of water make its way down his toned, bronzed torso.

“Sorry, love, I think they may be mine,” he chuckles as he goes to fill the kettle for a cup of tea. He leans against the kitchen island, drying off his hair with his towel.

“What the fuck are they doing in the communal living room?” You ask, laughing as well. Living with boys may be hard sometimes due to the mess and the fact they’re all super dumb, but it’s so endearing and you have good times.

“I dunno, I probably threw them at one of the boys as a joke.” Tom giggles to himself but you roll your eyes.

“Well next time you throw your dirty laundry at someone pick it up after, doofus.” You chuckle, walking past Tom to head to your room for your wash bag before going for a shower. You turn the shower on and start to undress. You found yourself thinking about Tom, and the way he looked after his shower earlier, his wet curly hair all floppy and cute, water droplets falling onto his broad chest and toned abs. You’d never really thought about him sexually before, obviously he’s an attractive man and you’ve been close friends with him since you were kids, he knows you better than anyone, but you’d never realised just how hot he is. Maybe it was because you hadn’t had sex in over a month due to lockdown or maybe it’s because you’ve been able to spend more time with Tom recently, but there’s a familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach that stretches all the way down to your core. You bite your lip, stepping under the hot water, steam filling the bathroom as you try to wash away your sins.

You’re cooking dinner for everyone, Harrison, Harry and Tuwaine playing some game in the living room and Tom is just watching, laughing along with them. Tom looks over the sofa to you, watching your movements for a second before getting up off the sofa and walking to the kitchen.

“Need any help, darlin’?” He asks, as you chop up some vegetables.

“You can chop up some onions with me?” You smile at him, and he gets a feeling in the pit of his stomach. You both continue chopping and cooking the meal, Tom drinking beer and you wine as you both dance around the kitchen and giggle and sing with each other. You call the boys into the dining area, serving up dinner and grabbing drinks for all the boys. As you turn from the fridge to place the beers on the counter, Tom is already stood behind you, making you jump. He grabs your waist to steady you, and you’re grateful you didn’t drop any of the bottles.

“Sorry, love,” he chuckles as your face heats up, a mixture of the fact Tom’s warm hands are still on your waist and you just had a close call to a very messy and classy clean up.

“S’okay, I’m just glad I didn’t drop any of these! The boys would kill me,” you pop open all the bottles, attempting to grab them along with your bottle of wine AND glass.

“Woah there, darling, I’ll grab those for you,” Tom takes three of the bottles from you, letting out a breathy laugh at your disgruntled facial expression, your bottom lip slightly jutted out and hair falling in your face.

“Thank you,” you smile and pick up your wine and glass, following Tom’s lead back to the table.

The boys are all chatting away, dishing up their dinners as you and Tom place their beers down in front of them.

“Thank you so much for cooking, Y/N, we’ll wash up.” Harrison says, smiling at you.

“Will we?” Tuwaine chimes in, looking confused.

“Bro shut up.” Harry says, you roll your eyes but you’re laughing alongside them.

“Well maybe after dinner, and after Haz, Harry and Tuwaine wash up, we can do something together?” You suggest, sipping your wine before munching some more.

“Sounds good. What did you have in mind?” Asks Tom, eager to spend some time with you.

“Well we could all play some card games or a board game?”

And that’s how you end up drunkenly giggling at 1AM over monopoly.

“How the fuck did I get go to jail again?!”

“Unlucky Baz man, looks like you’re in jail again,” you giggle, moving his figurine to the jail space.

“How are you doing so well at this game Y/N? It’s like you’re the monopoly mastermind,” Harrison asks, slurring the M’s slightly.

“I dunno man I used to play a lot with my family, plus it’s a game of chance.”

“Well it’s a fucking stupid game of chance,” Harry chimes in, pouting at the fact he has to miss a go.

“Shut up, dickhead, you love this game,” Tom grabs Harry by his shoulders and puts him in a headlock, ruffling his hair.

“Tom!” Harry exclaims, thrashing around. He kicks the board, knocking all the houses and hotels and cards everywhere.

“Harry!” shouts Harrison, clearly angry at the fact he’s lost his place and cannot for the life of him remember where it was.

“Oh my god you’re all idiots,” you laugh, Tuwaine exclaiming a “hey don’t put me in that category with them!”

You finish the last gulp of your wine before attempting to stand up to grab another bottle. You steady yourself on Tom’s shoulder before heading over to the fridge. You can feel his eyes on you as you pour yourself some more wine, but he quickly looks away when you turn back around. The lads are all laughing together on the floor, sipping beers and being stupid.

“What’re you all laughing at?” You ask, smiling, as you go to join them on the floor, Tom’s hand gently grabbing yours to help you sit.

“Harry’s suggesting we play never have I ever,” Tuwaine laughs.

“It wasn’t just me! Harrison suggested it I just said sure why not!”

“God you’re all a bunch of kids. Alright, are we playing or not?” You ask, getting confident from the booze.

“I know I suggested it but the room is spinning so much right now I think I’m gonna throw up,” Harrison states, hiccuping.

“Wow, good one genius. Alright, let’s get you to bed. Night all,” Tuwaine gets up, picking Haz up in the process and wrapping his arm around his waist, guiding Harrison to his room before making his way to his own.

“Aaaand I’d rather go to bed than stay up for whatever weird shit is gonna happen between you two,” Harry says standing up and chugging the rest of his beer, “peace out.”

“And then there were two,” Tom chuckles, starting to pack away the long forgotten monopoly board. You help him, placing pieces in their respective compartments and giggling with each other.

“So how about that game of never have I ever?” You ask biting your lip. You look at Tom to find he’s already looking at you, cheeks flushed and a curl falling into his face.

“Sure,” he chuckles breathily, “I’ll just grab another beer.” You smile to yourself as you watch Tom walk to the kitchen, biting your lower lip as you realise you shouldn’t be staring at his ass as he walks away. Tom returns to the living room, you’ve moved onto the sofa now, put some music on and your feet up on the coffee table in front of you. He plops down on the sofa next to you and smiles, taking a swig of his beer.

“Alright. Never have I ever pissed my pants from laughing,” Tom chuckles to himself as you slap his chest.

“That was ONE time and it was a TINY amount!” You huff, taking a swig of your drink. You smirk as you pull your legs up onto the sofa, turning to face Tom. “Never have I ever tried to impress a girl by doing a backflip but it ending up awfully badly and I broke my wrist.”

“For fucks sake,” Tom throws his head back and groans, taking a swig of his drink. “She still went on a date with me though, I assume out of pity. Okay, ummm, never have I ever had sex in a park.” He’s smirking this time, knowing full well you definitely had.

“I was 16 and fucking stupid. Guy was a douche anyway. Okay never have I ever, been walked in on.” You laugh at this one. Harrison loved telling the story of the time he walked in on Tom and some girl he’d brought home from a bar.

“For fucks sake, I wish everyone would stop bringing that one up.” He drinks, keeping eye contact with you. “Never have I ever had sex with a roommate,” he licks his lips, watching as you take another sip of your wine. “How’s that even happen?”

“You know the story, Tom, I had to move out because of how awkward it got.” You frown at him, these never have i evers we’re getting too real. “Okay, never have I ever had phone sex.” You watch Tom roll his eyes and take a swig of his beer.

“You mean to tell me you’ve never had phone sex?”

“No, what’s the point when I could just have sex with someone?”

“What if you’re far away from someone you’re dating and can’t go see them? I was working on set you know.”

“I know that! These are to try and get you drunk Mr Holland that’s the aim of the game,” you smile at him, “your turn.”

“Never have I ever,” he trails off, lips pursing as he thinks of one to say, “never have I ever had a threesome.”

You pause for a second, eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinting wondering if he knew you’d had a threesome before or if he was just curious. Either way, you take a sip of your drink.

“Now, this I’ve got to hear,” Tom’s smirking, an eyebrow raised as he waits for the story.

“I thought you knew! Oh, god. So it was my first year of uni, I was fresh out of a bad relationship, exploring my options etc you know. I start having sex with this guy regularly, just causal stuff no feelings involved. One day he comes round, then this girl calls him and he asks if she can come for drinks too. Obviously I say yes because I’m already tipsy and open to anything. She comes round, we end up drinking 3 bottles of wine each and it just, happened.” You look to Tom, after taking a sip of your wine, your cheeks flushed but it’s nothing compared to the look of shock on Tom’s face. He’s aroused at the idea but he won’t let you know that. His mouth is agape, then he licks his lips and smirks.

“Wow who knew you were crazy like that?”

You slap his chest, “shut up! I bet you’ve been up to some crazy stuff. I’m surprised you’ve not had a threesome yet.”

“I’m not the type of man to share, darling.” He raises an eyebrow at you. “Besides, it was a foursome.”

“Ahhh and there it is.” You roll your eyes and smile, finishing off your drink. “Be a darling and grab my bottle from the fridge please, Tommy?” He tuts at your demand, nevertheless standing and going to grab your bottle. He grabs himself another beer too. You smile and thank him as he fills your glass, putting the bottle on the floor in case you need a refill. “I miss sex. That’s the worst part about all this shit.”

“Oh, totally agree. Stupid lockdown.” Tom sighs, sitting back down on the sofa next to you. You place your glass on the coffee table, turning to face Tom fully, resting your arm on the back of the sofa.

“What if we had sex?”

Tom spits his drink out, coughing and spluttering, getting his spat beer all over his white t shirt. “Shit. Um, what?”

“C’mon, we’re both adults with needs, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just a one time thing, a favour, to release all the sexual frustrations we’re both clearly experiencing since we don’t have dick or pussy on tap at the moment.” You pick your wine back up, taking a long swig before continuing. “I could just give you a blowie and we can go our separate ways.”

“Y/N, we live together. You said last time you did something like this it didn’t end well.”

“That was only a bad idea with my past roommate because he became obsessed with me after. Tom, we don’t have to do it it was just a suggestion.” You don’t know if it’s because the alcohol has given you a load of confidence or if it’s because you’ve not had sex in a long time but what you do know is that Tom is very attractive, especially when he runs his hand through his floppy curls, his white shirt tightening around his bicep. You lick your lips as your eyes rake up and down his body. You meet his brown eyes, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

“Conditions?”

“We can do whatever you want. My only condition is, we need a safe word. Actually, that and we probably shouldn’t tell the others what happened.”

“Agreed. Safe word can be pineapple.”

“Pineapple?” You laugh, leaning closer to Tom. You can smell his cologne, and it’s absolutely divine.

“I dunno. It was the first thing that came to mind.” He leans closer into you as well. “What’re you into?” His eyes flick to your lips and back up to your eyes.

“Hair pulling, biting, scratching, choking, spanking, call me babygirl or a good girl and I’m a goner. You?”

“Same, but call me Tommy or baby. Maybe daddy as well, depends how rough we’re going I guess.”

You put your glass back on the coffee table after finishing your wine, moving to straddle Tom’s lap. “Okay, Tommy, looks like we’re doing this.” You move in, testing the waters, eyes flickering between Tom’s and his lips. You can already feel the heat in your core and the wetness in your panties, your thin shorts barely protecting you from the feeling of Tom’s arousal in his grey sweats. He caves first, crashing his lips against yours and moving them oh so deliciously against your own. Your eyes instantly shut, your hands combing through his hair before gripping onto his brunette curls. Tom lets his empty bottle drop onto the sofa, long forgotten as his own hands move to your hips. His tongue experiments by licking your top lip, asking for entrance which you more than gladly grant him. Your tongue dances against his, your hips subconsciously grinding against his already hard cock. You let out a rough, breathy moan into his mouth, Tom’s hands moving to your ass, feeling the skin that your shorts don’t cover. He pulls back, panting and lips glossy and red.

“Your room or mine?”

“Whichever’s closest.” You kiss him again, letting out a slightly startled noise as he stands, picking you up. You wrap your legs around his waist, hands gripping onto his shoulders whilst his are gripping your ass. You peck his lips, kissing down his neck as he walks you to his room. It’s closest to the living room and nearest to the bathroom so it’s a win win for you. You open Tom’s door for him, he almost drops you when you do but luckily you grip back onto him, accidentally scratching his back. Tom lets out a hiss, but it’s not with pain, more so pleasure at the feeling of your nails digging into him. It makes him wonder how amazing your nails will feel scratching down his back while he’s fucking into you. He throws you on his bed, and you briefly note how clean and tidy his room is considering he’s so chaotic. Tom removes his (slightly damp with beer) shirt and is on top of you in an instant, his lips meeting yours again in a messy kiss, teeth and tongue in the mix. You wrap your legs around his waist, his hips grinding down into your own as your hands rake through his hair, tugging on tufts as you sloppily kiss. He pulls away, his lips moving down to your neck and nipping and sucking there. You let out a moan, your eyes rolling back as Tom’s mouth works wonders on you. Your hips buck up into his and his hand moves from the bed to your body, trailing down your neck and chest to the hem of your vest top, tugging on it as a signal for you to take it off. You listen, moving your arms down to the hem to rip your top off, Tom instantly moving down your body, his lips kissing your chest before his hand moves round to your back and unclasps your bra. He pulls it off you, his mouth making its way to your nipple as his eyes look up into yours. You scrunch your eyebrows in pleasure, biting your bottom lip as you moan lowly. You don’t even notice Tom’s hand trailing down your body until it reaches your clothed pussy, your hips instantly jerking up to meet his hand. A mixture of Tom’s tongue on your nipple and his fingers rubbing your clit through your shorts is giving you a feeling you’ve not felt in a while. Yes you’ve been getting yourself off but there’s something so different about someone else’s touch that feels so fucking amazing.

“Do you know how fucking hot you look in these shorts, baby? I’ve wanted to rip them off you all evening.” Tom moans out, he can feel your wetness through the material.

“Do it, then.” You smirk, but your breath is hoarse and raspy. You let out a gasp as Tom practically rips your shorts from your body, along with your underwear. He wastes no time moving down your body, lips leaving a wet trail of kisses on your scorching skin. Hiking your legs up so your feet are flat on the bed, he kisses your hips, then down your left thigh, as your hands make their way to his hair. Tom looks up into your eyes as he licks closer and closer to your wet pussy, his mouth hovering over you, causing you to grind your hips up in an attempt to meet his tongue. He finally ends the torturous teasing, gently licking his tongue through your folds and to your clit, you throw your head back and let out a soft ‘oh, fuck’. Tom’s fingers make their way up your body, gently teasing your nipple as his tongue massages your clit, your hips meeting his movements as you let out small, breathy moans.

“Fuck, Tom, fingers please,” your voice is broken and still raspy, but Tom makes eye contact with you again and the moan you let out is much louder than before. You throw your head back again, writhing against him.

“What do want, baby girl? Hm? Want my fingers inside you?” His breath is cool against your warm skin, his eyes searching for yours.

“Yes!” You attempt to buck your hips up again but Tom’s hands hold them in place.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, please, daddy!” Your voice is broken and your attempt to keep quiet is ineffective. Tom moves his right hand from your hip, his tongue returning back to your clit as he slowly pumps a finger into you, curling it up to reach your g spot. He has you writhing beneath him, adding another fingers stretching you out as his tongue laps at your clit, your hands grip his hair as you grind against his mouth, breathy moans escaping your lips. You bite your lip as your eyes roll to the back of your head, you figured Tom would be good in bed but, god, he was so much better than you expected.

“I’m close, Tommy,” he all but growls into your pussy at the nickname, fingers picking up speed as he sucks on your clit gently. One of your hands flies up to your face, biting down on your arm to stop yourself from letting out an extremely loud moan as you cum. Tom slows his movements, helping you ride out your high. He removes his fingers from you, looking into your eyes as he licks them clean. You bite your lip and let out a soft groan at the sight of him, pulling him up to you so you can kiss his lips, allowing your tongue to massage his. You can taste yourself on him, only making you moan into his mouth as you kiss. You pull on his sweats, pushing them down his thighs along w his boxers. Tom pulls them the rest of the way off and you roll onto him, pinning him to the bed with your thighs. Your lips never leaving his in a sloppy, wet, tipsy kiss. You’re overwhelmed by his senses, his hot skin, his sexy scent, his soft curls and the way his teeth occasionally nibble on your bottom lip. You start grinding your hips against Tom’s hard cock, his hands flying to your hips as you do so.

“You’re so fucking wet for me aren’t you, baby girl?” Tom growls against your lips, feeling your wetness on his skin.

You moan against his lips, nodding your head, “do you have a condom?”

“Yeah, bedside table, 2nd drawer down.” You reach over him to the nightstand, retrieving a condom, opening it with your teeth before rolling it onto Tom’s cock. Tom lets out a hiss at the contact, throwing his head back and panting as your hand moves up and down him, before you lift up and slide down onto his cock. His hands instantly grab onto your ass, nails digging into the skin as you find a pace, adjusting to his size. He was bigger than you were expecting but, fuck, did it feel good. You pick up the pace, hips moving up and down as Tom’s hand moves from your ass cheek to your clit, using his middle finger to circle the bundle of nerves. He’s grunting with each move you make, and your head falls back as you continue riding him. He moves his other hand off your ass and brings it back down in a harsh slap, your skin jiggling and a sharp moan escaping your lips. He smirks up at you, your body dropping forward, hands moving to rest by his head as you keep the movements of your hips. He slaps your ass again, massaging the red skin there as you bite your lip, looking into his eyes. You reach your right hand to around his throat, gently squeezing. Something snaps in Tom at that, planting his feet on the bed to get leverage to thrust up into you, fucking you from underneath, he grabs a handful of your hair and fastens the pace of his fingers on your clit.

“Fuck, Tommy!” You moan, trying to keep quiet but it’s hard when he’s fucking you so good, the arch in your back allowing him to go deeper, creating a delicious feeling. “I want you to fuck me from behind.” You’re panting and your voice is quiet but Tom hears you loud and clear.

“Fuck, love, you’re so hot,” he pulls out, rolling you over onto your front, your arms reaching in front of you, chest on the bed as your knees widen and your ass is in the air, Tom slaps your ass as he moves behind you, sliding his hard cock between your fold and collecting your wetness before he thrusts back into you.

“Shit, you’re such a good girl for me, aren’t you?” Another slap on your ass as he fucks into you, hands grabbing your hips for leverage.

“Yes, baby, keep fucking me like that!” You moan into the sheets. Tom reaches forward and grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your back up against his torso, fucking up into you. His hand slides around to grip your throat as he continues fucking you, his lips leaving sloppy kisses on your neck and cheek. He nibbles on your ear lightly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure. Tom’s other hand snakes it’s way around your waist down your body, his middle fingers circling your clit. Your head is resting on his shoulder, your hand coming round to pull on his hair as he continues fucking you, Tom’s grunts and groans right in your ear as his lips caress the skin there.

“So fuckin tight, baby, jesus,” Tom’s breath is hot on your neck leaving goosebumps all over your body as you moan at his words. “I want you to cum for me baby, can you do that?”

“Yes, Tommy, I’m so close,” you groan, but Tom pulls away completely. You’re shocked and disgruntled before you realise he’s throwing you on your back, spreading your thighs and thrusting back into you. You grab his shoulders, nails digging in as Tom fucks you, harder than before. Your moans are muffled by the skin of his shoulder, you bite down on his skin, sucking, most likely leaving a mark but you don’t care, too consumed with the fire in your stomach as your orgasm approaches.

“Rub my clit, please,” you breathe out, one of Tom’s hands moving from your thigh to between your legs, resuming his movements on your clit from before. He fucks you in a rhythm, your nails scratching down his back as he does so, Tom’s hair is falling in his face and tickling yours but you don’t care, he looks so hot like this, sweaty and panting above you. Your toes curl and your pussy clenches around him, his cock pounding into you, and it’s like nothing you’ve felt before.

“I’m gonna cum, Tommy!” You throw your head back, letting out a moan as Tom’s fingers rub your clit faster and he fucks you harder, his lips crashing against yours as you reach your high. Tom follows shortly after, sloppily thrusting into you as he cums in the condom. Tom collapses on top of you, your breathing steadying as you play with his hair. After a minute, he pulls out and discards of the condom, flopping onto the bed beside you, opening his arm to you so you can roll into his side.

“Well, that was ... wow,” you sigh contentedly. Your breathing is starting to slow down and a wave of exhaustion hits you. You rest your head on Tom’s bare chest, one of his fingers curling a piece of your hair around it.

“Oh, god yeah it was, something else.” He chuckles, pressing a light peck to your forehead.

“I should probably go to the bathroom then back to my room.” You sigh, you don’t want to move though. You’re absorbing Tom’s warmth and it feels so good. You roll off of his chest, pulling his t shirt from off the floor and sliding it on. Tom sits up as you go to collect your things, “you could stay in here tonight? I mean, sex isn’t the only thing I miss.” His face is flush and he smiles sheepishly at you. You smile back and bite your lip, leaning back onto the bed to peck his nose before heading off to the bathroom. Tom thinks you’ve gone to bed, sighing in defeat and flopping back against his sheets. You go to clean up, making your way back to Tom’s room but not before grabbing another 2 bottles of beer first. You return to his room, smiling as you hand him a bottle. He laughs at you as he opens his beer, taking a sip before opening his arms to you, inviting you to sit with him on his bed. He’s got his boxers back on, duvet loosely wrapped around his hips, shifting while he moves. You sit back on the bed with him, taking a sip of your own beer. You both laugh and chat until you finish your drinks, lying down again and falling sleep curled up in Tom’s arms, his hand gently massaging your scalp as he places occasional pecks on your forehead. You realise that maybe this won’t be the last time as you drift off into a peaceful sleep.

[shirlleycoyle]

How 9/11 Became Fan Fiction Canon

Every fictional character you can think of has experienced 9/11 in fanfiction.

A Clone Wars veteran with two lightsabers is on United Airlines Flight 93 and prevents it from crashing. Ron and Hermione get caught up in the chaos as the towers fall. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and her friends watch the attacks unfold on TV from Sunnydale. We have spent 20 years trying to process what happened on 9/11 and its fallout, and that messy process can be tracked through the countless, sad, disturbing, and sometimes very funny fanfiction left across the internet.

Many of the fanfics written in the weeks and months following the 9/11 attacks seemed to directly respond to the news as it happened, processing the tragedy in real-time through the eyes of characters they loved. In the absence of a canon episode where Daria Morgendorffer paid respects to those lost, writing fanfic about these characters also experiencing trauma helped fans cope.

One YuGiOh fanfic published on fanfiction.net in May 2002 could have been ripped exactly from what this writer experienced that Tuesday morning. “It started as a normal day,” user Gijinka Renamon wrote. Yugi and his friends were in school, where their teacher informed them of the attacks and sent everyone home from school.

“After reading people’s 9/11 fics, I decided to write my own, and put a certain character in it. And Yugi and his pals were my first choice,” the author's note reads, explaining the connection they felt to United flight 93 and the World Trade Center attacks. Given that they lived in Pennsylvania, and “it’s close to New York, I felt really sad about it.”

Stitch, a fandom journalist for Teen Vogue, told Motherboard that this reaction to 9/11 is not at all uncommon in fandom.

"Fandom has always been a place that positions nothing as 'off limits,'" she said. "Historical tragedies like the Titanic sinking and atrocities like… all of World War 2 show up regularly across the past 30 years of people creating stories and art about the characters they love. So, on some level, it makes sense that 9/11 and the following 20-year military installation in the Middle East has joined the ranks of things people in different fandoms turn into settings for their fan fiction."

Reactions depicted in a handful of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfics published in the weeks after the attacks ring a little truer to the characters. “Tuesday, 11th September 2001,” written by Anna K, almost echoes the lyrics from “I’ve Got a Theory,” one of the songs in the musical episode that aired in November 2001. “We have seen the apocalypse. We have prevented it. Actually, we’ve prevented quite a few. So we know what they look like,” they write, before taking a darker turn. “They look a lot like…New York today.”

Killing demons and vampires doesn’t phase the Scooby Gang, but when preventable human death is brought into the picture, it’s gut wrenching.

“What am I supposed to do…When I can’t do anything to save the world?” Buffy cries  into Spike’s chest, watching the attacks unfold on TV in a fanfic the author described as being “about feeling numb and helpless.”

In “Blood Drive,” Kirayoshi writes about Buffy and her friends saving a van full of donated blood meant for victims of the attacks from a group of thirsty vampires. One Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic even takes a blindly patriotic turn, where noted lesbian witch Tara McClay helps Xander hang an American flag from the window of the magic shop to make Anya feel better.

Experiencing 9/11 as a young teenager was overwhelming not just because of the loss of life. Almost immediately after the event itself, it was as if the entirety of American culture re-oriented itself towards an overtly jingoistic stance. As we get distance from the attacks, seeing the tone of television and movies from the early 2000s is jarring, and some have gone viral on Twitter. In the world of pop music, mainstream musicians like the Chicks, formerly known as the Dixie Chicks, were blacklisted from the radio while Toby Keith sang about putting a boot up the ass of terrorists. On the Disney Channel, a young Shia Labeouf reading a poem he supposedly wrote about the events. The poem concludes with the line, "it's awesome to be an American citizen."

In a world so completely saturated with this messaging, it is not surprising that fanfic authors started including 9/11 in their work so soon after the event. Even The West Wing had a strange, out of continuity, fanfic-esque episode where the characters reacted to 9/11. In some cases, it made sense that the characters in the stories would be close to or a part of the events themselves.

"For characters like John Watson or Captain America, the idea works to an extent," Stitch told Motherboard. "In the original Sherlock Holmes works and the 2011 BBC series, Watson had just returned from Afghanistan. For Captain America and other Marvel heroes, 9/11 was something that was addressed in-universe in The Amazing Spider-Man volume 2 #36. Technically, 9/11 is 'canon' to the Marvel universe."

In “Early Warning: Terrorism,” a fanfiction for the TV show Early Edition in which a man who mysteriously receives tomorrow's newspaper, predicting the future, avoids jingoism, but tries to precent 9/11 from happening. This fanfic remains unfinished; it’s unclear if the characters successfully prevent 9/11 in this retelling.

Largely in fanfic from the era just after 9/11, when many young authors were trying to emotionally grapple with it, the characters don't re-write or undo the events themselves. It's this emphasis on the reaction to tragedy that colors the fanfiction that features 9/11 going forward.

Although fanfiction authors have been writing about 9/11 consistently since soon after the event, whenever that fanfiction reaches outside of its intended audience, it looks bizarre.

A screenshot of a Naruto 9/11 fanfic on the Tumblr subreddit comes without any context, or even more than two lines and an author's note. It’s impossible to suss out if this falls into the category of sincere fanfic without the rest of the piece or a publication date, but modern-day commenters on the Reddit thread see it as classic Tumblr trash.

Screenshot from r/Tumblr

“Bin Laden/Dick Cheney, enemies to lovers, 10k words, slow burn,” one user joked in the replies, underscoring the weirdness of Naruto being in the Twin Towers by comparing it to a What If story about Cheney and Bin Laden slowly falling deeply in love.

It’s hard to tell how much of the 9/11 fanfic and fanart starting a few years after the attacks is sincere, and how much of it is ironic, and trying to make fun of the very concept of writing fanfiction about 9/11.

A 2007 anime music video (in which various clips, usually from anime, are cut together to music) that combines scenes from The Lion King with Linkin Park’s “Crawling” and clips from George Bush’s speeches immediately after the attacks feels like the perfect example of this. Even the commenters can’t seem to suss out if this person is a troll or not.

There’s no way that My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic 9/11 fanart could be serious, right? Especially if the description pays tribute to “some of the nation's most memorable buildings,” and features five of the main characters as child versions of themselves. The comments again are split between users thanking the artist for a thoughtful remembrance post, and people making their own headcanon for why Twilight Sparkle is surreptitiously absent from the scene.

Screengrab via DeviantArt

There’s Phineas and Ferb fanfic that combines a 9/11 tribute concert with flashbacks to Ferb being rescued from the towers as a baby, written on the 10th anniversary of the attacks. It jumps from introspection to lines like, “‘Quiet Perry the Platypus. I’m trying to listen to these kids singing a 9/11 tribute.’”

The author's notes make it more likely that they meant for this to be a tribute piece, but it doesn’t quite make sense until watching a YouTube dramatic reading of it from 2020, fully embracing the absurdity of it all.

“For me, 9/11 is synonymous with war. It completely changed the course of my life," Dreadnought, the author of a Captain America fanfic Baghdad Waltz that sees Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes fall in love over the course of the war on terror, told Motherboard. "It’s the reason I joined the military, and I developed deep connections with people who would go on to deploy to Afghanistan and Iraq. These very much felt like my generation’s wars, perhaps because people I graduated high school with were the youngest folks eligible to serve at the time.”

Dreadnought told Motherboard that although they didn't deploy, their career has kept 9/11 and the trauma from it in their mind. After seeing that people who fantasize about Steve and Bucky getting together seemed particularly interested in reading fanfiction that related to 9/11, they decided to try their hand at it.

"I had to do something with all of that emotionally, and I’m admittedly a bit emotionally avoidant. So I learned through fic that it’s easier for me to process those feelings and the knowledge of all the awful stuff that can happen in war if I can turn it into something creative," Dreadnought said. "Give the feelings to fake people and then have those fake people give the feelings to readers!"

To Dreadnought, who is a queer man, the experience of researching and writing this was more cathartic than they first expected, especially as a way to navigate feelings about masculinity, military culture, and queer identity. But they said the research they did, which included watching footage of first responders at ground zero, was what helped them finally process the event itself.

"It was like a delayed horror, and it was more powerful than I expected it would be." Dreadnought said. "When I was eighteen, I was pretty emotionally divorced from 9/11; I just knew I wanted to do something about it. So coming back to it in my 30s while writing this fic, it was a very different experience. Even the research for this story ended up being an extraordinarily valuable exercise in cognitively and emotionally processing 9/11 and all of its second and third order effects."

Fanfiction that features 9/11 provides an outlet for people who still grapple with the trauma from that day. But Stitch warns that the dynamics of fandom and how it relates to politics can also create fiction that's less respectful and more grotesque.

"With years of distance between the stories written and the original events of 9/11, there seems to be some sort of cushion for fans who choose to use those events as a catalyst for relationships—and Iraq and Afghanistan for settings," Stitch said. "The cushion allows them room to fictionalize real world events that changed the shape of the world as we know it, but it also insulates them from having to think about what they may be putting into the world."

The tendency of turning these events into settings or backgrounds for mostly white, male characters to fall in love has the unintended effect of displacing the effects that the war on terror has had on the world over. Steve and Bucky might fall in love during the war on terror, but they would also be acting as a part of the American military in a war that has been criticized since it started. Fanfic writers in other fandoms have come under fire for using real world tragedy as settings for fic before. In the aftermath of the 2010 Haiti earthquake Supernatural fanfiction about the actors Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki going to the island to do aid became controversial within the fandom. There have also been fics where characters grapple with the death of George Floyd that is written in a way that displaces the event from the broader cultural context of race in America.

"A Captain America story where Steve Rogers is a 'regular' man who joins the US Army and 'fights for our freedom' post-9/11 is unlikely to deal with the war’s effect on locals who are subject to US military intervention," Stitch said. "It’s unlikely to sit with what Captain America has always meant and what a writer is doing by dropping Steve Rogers into a then-ongoing conflict in any capacity."

After enough time, “never forget” can even morph into “but what if it never happened?” A 19k+ word Star Wars alternate universe fanfic asks this question, wondering what would have unfolded if someone with two lightsabers was on United Flight 93. This fic, part of a larger fanfic series with its own Wikia, considers what would have happened if Earth was a military front in the Clone Wars.

In this version of events, a decorated general who served in the Clone Wars is able to take back control of Flight 93 before it crashes, landing safely and preventing even more tragedy from happening that day. In the end, all of the passengers who made harrowing last calls to their loved ones before perishing in a Pennsylvania field survive thanks to the power of the Force, and are awarded medals of honor by President Bush.

Twenty years after the attacks, it’s painful to think about what would have happened if people got to work 15 minutes later, or missed their trains that morning. There weren’t Jedi masters deployed to save people in real life, but for some of the fanfic writers working today, the world of Star Wars might feel just as removed as the world before September 11, 2001.

Fiction serves as a powerful playground for processing cultural events, especially generational trauma. The act isn't neutral though; a decade's worth of fanfiction that takes place on or around 9/11 shows how our own understanding of a traumatic event can shift with time.

How 9/11 Became Fan Fiction Canon syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[etherealluminescence]

Hi! I've been reading your work and really enjoy it and I was wondering if you could take in my request, I've been watching Rent a Girlfriend recently and the idea got into my head, how would the brothers react to an MC who's in the Rent a Girlfriend business, thank you for taking your time in reading my request!

Hey anon! Thanks for asking. This was a pretty fun request since I’ve seen a lot of videos on people renting moms, so naturally I watched part of the first episode of the anime to just get the general idea of renting girlfriends, so this was pretty fun!

Edit : the tags are being whack so I redid them sorry if it’s spam but it won’t pop up for me under the tags.

Brothers react to a rent-a-girlfriend MC!

You didn’t specify gender even if it’s a rent-a-girlfriend so I just stated the MC takes in both male and female clients. I also think succubusses or incubusses would cover the renting business so this is sort of a new idea in devildom for people to be rented and just talk or go on a date.

Lucifer

Lucifer had already known this, as he was the one to pick you to come to devildom.

He was not particularly fond of the idea, just selling yourself for a few quick bucks. Sounds like something Mammon would do.

Before you tell him about your idea of wanting to start the business here in devildom, he tells you no.

You defiantly tell him it’s your income, and he snaps back with Diavolo will pay for everything you could ever need. You yell back at him that you don’t want to use other people’s money, and you want to use what you’ve earned.

Your responses causes him to pause for a second. Those are good morals to have, but he will not faulter.

“The devildom is filled with demons, what do you mean you want to go on a date with one? Even if it makes you money you could die.”

If somehow you convince him to let you, your dates will be watched by him or one of the brothers, have to make sure the human doesn’t die or the exchange will be ruined.

If you aren’t able to convince him he will keep you under watch still to make sure you don’t try anything rash, and gives you money anytime you need it.

After you get close to him he tells you to hold yourself to higher standards, as you’re better than all these lesser demons. He cares for you and wants you to know you’re worth more than just 6,000 an hour.

Mammon

When you first came to devildom, you were worried about your income. Sure they could provide you money, but would it even be enough??

Since Mammon was your guide, you consulted him about it. He was pleased to hear you both have the same mindset, wanting to make money and spend it.

Talking about jobs, you brought up what you did in the human world, which was letting people rent yourself.

At first he was like how did that work? Was it an easy way to make money? Zero judgement from him, because if you can make money, you’re doing pretty good.

You told him how you set up an online profile and charged people around 6,000 from an hour for being on a date. They can hold your hand and make conversation with you, and curtesy of them pay for your lunch or trip. You take both male and female clients, it brought in a lot of money.

Sign him up. You mean the Great Mammon could make 6,000 grimm, get free food, and it’s just an hour of his time? Even he couldn’t screw up looking pretty and using a few manners.

He told you not to worry about money anymore and told you to change your devilgram profile to one of those online dating ones you told him about. You’re both about to get payday.

When he gets attached to you he’s just somewhat pissed, because you’re his human!! But he supports your choices because it’s your income and something you’ve always done, plus he’s in the same industry now, so you’re closer to him than anyone else.

Leviathan

This man has probably dreamed of renting a girlfriend/boyfriend, lets be honest.

People like Levi were easily some of your most frequent clients. People who don’t know how to socially interact and want experience, whether it be talking to another person who puts up with them for an hour, or to get experience in dating.

Naturally, you approached him. He had a ton of figures, so of course he would have money.

It was a whole process you were NOT expecting. This man had room passwords, curses, and even refused to look you in the eye?? How did you think it was a smart idea to approach him for money. But you were determined.

After the whole process, you finally managed to talk to him about your job. You told him you would even let him rent you if he wanted as subtly as you could.

He understands pretty fast that you want cash, and that his inexperience led you to come find him. He’s very upset, not at your job, but at your way of finding clients.

Of course you would approach yucky otakus who can’t speak to other people or do anything other than use a controller... and are desperate.

But before he can throw a tantrum, he lets his desire get the best of him. He’s always wanted to do something like this, but was he really going to pay a human 6,000 grimm an hour for some company? That’s expensive!

The answer was yes. Yes he was.

He genuinely enjoys it, you two spend time playing games in his room, he calls you a normie and teaches you how to get better, secrets in the games, and talks to you about anime since you’re listening and even providing feedback.

He has returned to heaven.

He asks if you two could do it again, and you happily agree. Overtime, however, you charge less and less for Levi to almost no cost at all. You tell him it’s a regulars discount.

In reality you’ve just grown really attached to him and love how adorable he is, and don’t want him to suddenly go broke and tell you that you two can’t hang out anymore.

After you two are close you can bet that you can enter his room whenever and just play games with him, curtesy of extended service.

Satan

You approached Satan as he was leaving the dorms to go out and buy groceries, and told him you wanted to go with him to find people to rent you.

He was perplexed.

Did he hear that right? You want demons to rent you? Like pay for you? Are you a masochist?

You explained to him that it’s just your job to sell yourself for dates for near 6,000 grimm an hour, and he thought that was peculiar.

He has read plenty of books about humans, but he had never heard of anything like this in human culture. Is it something they developed recently?

You explained to him in more detail all about the business and he’s listening intently. So much so he forgets to buy groceries that night, just listening to you happily explain your job.

He finds it interesting and learns a lot about human emotions, what they think, and even a lot about you. He proposes and idea to you that even you think is funny.

“How about we piss off Lucifer? You can get a date and I’ll watch over you to see that nothing bad happens. When it’s over you hide by the door and I’ll come in alone with groceries and say that you are on a date while I was grocery shopping.”

The thought of angry and concerned Lucifer brought his sadistic side out and he laughed. The pleasure he would get from watching Lucifer frantically search outside for the human while he sneaks you in is amazing.

This is actually what leads you and Satan to become closer, and he respects your job. It makes you money and you get to learn about people, and afterwards you can tell him the little habits people had or what they were thinking, things he was interested in.

Asmodeous

Bold of you to assume Asmo is not already a type of rent-a-boyfriend.

He has a new fling every week, the payment is their body, and he has a lot of people in line for him.

Joking aside when you asked Asmodeous about clubbing with him, he was ecstatic. Of course the little human would want to be with him, and of course they would choose clubbing over staying at the dorms.

What he didn’t expect was you to follow up with “How rich are the demons there? I want to charge them 6,000 per hour they spend with me.”

You sounded like Mammon, and that left him confused for a few seconds before you continued.

“I’m in the rent-a-date business. I charge 6,000 for an hour of my time, male or female, people in clubs are desperate.”

After that, Asmo started to understand and fully supported it. Although you don’t get sex out of it, you’re gaining money by accompanying someone, what a smart idea.

He helps you in the club to find desperate people and get you your cash. “Get it girl!” Asmo claps to you and winks as you approach people who might be interested in your service.

Asmo feels very proud of you after you get a lot of responses of people who are interested. Even though you did all the work.

Even after Asmo gets attached to you, he respects your choices, but likes going out in public or doing double dates with you. Like a fun mixer but you’re being paid to be there.

Beelzebub

You approached Beel because you wanted a bodyguard.

He was big, tall, and a friendly baby from what you could see. And he seems to be easily bought over by food.

You knew you wanted to make money, so why not continue your human world business? The one problem was these were demons and not humans. They could easily kill you.

You asked Beel to accompany you from afar for one-three hours on certain days, for a third of your profits and lunch each time.

You explained your job to him, although he may be gentle and kind from what you’ve seen, what if he doesn’t understand?

He’s generally a very understanding person, and tells you it’s okay with him and he does not mind.

He would of accopanied you without your offer because he’s worried for you, but he takes the food anyways. He’s happy you came to him and thought about your safety above money first, because he wouldn’t want to see you hurt.

Beel is completely nonjudgmental no matter what happens. He’s seen you put on a smile and lie through your teeth about having a good time of being on dates, but he supports your choices.

He overtime loves spending time with you and is really happy to protect you, because you’re like a little sibling to him. You always rely on him and he will protect you.

Please give this man extra dessert for lunch, thanks.

Belphegor

You were coming home late after one of your regular clients booked you for around twelve hours.

Counting... 6k,...24k....60k...

Before you could finish Belphie was in the kitchen for a late night snack, and scared you when he suddenly spoke.

“MC what are you doing? It’s four am right now and I couldn’t find you earlier.”

That’s right, he didn’t know of your job yet because he was in the attic for so long, and this is the longest you’ve been rented since you first came.

You explained to him what you did as a part time job, and he was sort of pissed. How could you just sell your body?

You explained that it’s nothing like that, and that you sell your time. You make conversation and go on dates.

He is still extremely pissed. What date takes twelve hours? And why wouldn’t you spend that time napping with him??

He’s very jealous that other people get to spend time with you, people that don’t matter. Compared to all his brothers he’s spent little time with you and then he has to compete with strangers?

Stupid concept, if someone approached him and told him they’d date him for 6’000 and hour he’d look at them like they’re missing brain cells.

Even stupider concept that they let MC go on dates!! With demons!! Literally his first real encounter with them was him trying to kill them. Demons are no different.

Tells MC they need to stop or else he will join them. This is a threat.

MC laughs it off and tells him they can’t suddenly stop their business, and Belphie can’t come on their dates.

Belphie proposes the idea that he rents MC 24/7 but he pays them in cuddles and naps.

First time MC was ever offered such a long job and a cute way of payment. Accepted.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Collect Call From... TAYLOR SWIFT

Blender Magazine (final, unpublished issue from May 2009) // By Josh Eells

Each month, one lucky rock star phones Blender HQ for seven days straight, just to, you know, share. Now on the line: country-pop princess.

DAY 1: FEBRUARY 24th, 3:51 pm

Swift calls from Nashville, where she lives with her parents and younger brother. “I’m so happy to be home! I’ve been in Europe for two weeks. I got back two nights ago and spent half of yesterday sleeping. This is my only week off for months, but I categorize vacations differently than most people. I don’t care if I’m doing interviews from when I wake up till I go to sleep, as long as l’m in my own bed, that’s a day off.  This morning I went to some of the radio stations in town, said hi to program directors. Then I met with my stylist - we talked about tour outfits. And now I’m getting dressed for my brother Austin’s lacrosse game. He plays goalie - this is his first game as starter. His friends used to tease him about me, but now he's six two and built. I don’t think they make jokes anymore.”

DAY 2: FEBRUARY 25th, 4:14 pm

Swift phones from home, where she’s “lounging on the couch under a quilt” and playing with her dogs, Baby (a Doberman) and Bug (a mini Pinscher). “Austin did great! His team won, and he kept a bunch of balls out of the goal. Afterwards I went with my friend Emily to a Nashville Predators game. I did a commercial for them, so they hook me up with tickets when I’m in town. There’s a couple of cute guys, but I think they’re all married. I totally cheer and do the fang-finger thing. Last night they put me on the JumboTron, and you could literally see the wave of people getting up to come over. I’m still getting used to the fact that being stared at is part of my day - in high school it meant I had something on my face. The fact that my albums has been No. 1 for 10 weeks - it’s unbelievable. But this week looks a little questionable: The Jonas Brothers have an album out, too. Hmm.”

DAY 3: FEBRUARY 26th, 5:30 pm

Swift dials in from the road In Nashville, where she’s stuck In rush-hour traffic. "I just shot a video with my friend Kellie [Pickier] for a song we wrote together. It’s about ex-boyfriends. In the video I am kind of her trouble-making sidekick - I wore this strapless studded dress with a zipper up the front. The whole day I was afraid someone was gonna walk by and unzip me. It would have taken half a second to ruin my day. Oh, my God, last night I fell asleep on the couch watching CSI: NY. I was out at like 7, but at some point I dragged myself to bed, and apparently in my haze I turned the heat up to 95! I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, with my poor cat lying on the floor panting. I made myself an ice bath and called my friend Emma in LA - she was in Superbad - and she kept me company for two hours while I cooled down.”

DAY 4: FEBRUARY 27th, 4:37 pm

Swift rings from the music room at her house, where she’s teaching herself how to play piano. “I’m still not caught up from my jet lag. Today I woke up at 5:30, ate same cereal and fell back asleep on the couch. I didn’t sleep long though, because we had rehearsal this morning. Kenny Chesney was rehearsing next door, so we chatted for a bit. Nashville is a really small town. I still live with my parents because I’m never home long enough to move out. And I don’t go to bars, because I’m 19 and scared of breaking rules. Besides Kellie and my best friend Abigail, who moved to Kansas, most of my friends are in LA. And boys aren’t even an issue right now. I categorize guys as “talking”, “nominees” - people you feel like you could someday date - and “dating”. Right now I don’t even have nominees. I don’t even have potential future nominees! But I’m used to being single. Before my last relationship [with Joe Jonas] I was single for like two years. It’s sort of my thing.”

DAY 5: FEBRUARY 28th, 12:50 pm

Swift checks in from her mom’s car with some medical news. “So, I’m driving to the doctors office. I burned my face with a curling iron! Don’t worry, I’m fine - I’ll call you after we’re done. [She phones a few hours later.] OK. What happened was, I woke up at 6 am and decided to curl my hair. I guess l was still asleep, because I slipped and burned my face under my right eye. It hurt really bad, but I didn’t think much of it. I edited and uploaded a MySpace video - unhindered by the fact that my face was melting off - and went downstairs, and my dad was like, ‘Oh, my God!’ I guess it was worse than I realized. So we went to the dermatologist. She gave me a prescription for some burn cream - I’m not sure what it is, but it has a lot of syllables. The good news is I’m expected to make a full recovery.”

DAY 6: MARCH 1st, 10:03 pm

Swift phones from Plant City, Florida, where she lust performed at the world famous Florida Strawberry Festival. “This place is strawberry city! When we landed, there were official Strawberry Festival minivans waiting to pick us up, driven by people in strawberry shirts. In the dressing room there were bushels of the most beautiful, gigantic chocolate covered strawberries I’ve ever seen. It’s like they welded three together! And this afternoon I met the Strawberry Festival Queen and her court. They were dressed in red and looked very sparkly. It was cold for Florida, like 55 and rainy, but everybody bundled up and had a great time. Afterward we had a police escort, which always makes you feel cool, and we’re taking a private jet, which is even cooler. On the way to the airport all these kids were trying to hurl themselves on our car - it was pretty frantic for a second. But thankfully no one got hurt. That’s why it was cool.”

DAY 7: MARCH 2nd, 12:50 pm

On her last day at home, Swift calls from her favorite couch, where she’s enjoying the view of Old Hickory Lake. “It’s freezing in Tennessee! It’s like 29 degrees, and I’m sitting here packing sundresses and flip-flops for two weeks in Australia. That and downloading movies for the 20,000-hour flight I’m about to embark on. I have three goals for this trip. One, get a tan. Two, go to the beach. And three, debut my new summer wardrobe. Oh, and four, play some good shows and make an impact on Australia! Ha. I don’t go into most situations thinking I’m going to win. I’ve never even won a raffle. These blessings I’ve had lately are more amazing than I could have ever imagined. We got the new projections today, and It’s looking like we’re going to be No.1 again. Does it feel a little sweeter this week? [Laughs] Yeah - just a little.”

[halfgclden]

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that’s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of  Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.