#why are we acting like Ted himself wasn’t perpetuating the ‘bury your trauma and ignore being mentally unwell��� mentality

[lunar-years]

I think it’s *ahem* interesting that the same portion of the fandom that understands how Ted’s poor mental health and under-addressed trauma negatively impact his life and worsen his decision making also tend to treat Dottie Lasso like she’s the devil incarnate who’s single-handedly destroyed her son and his wellbeing. There’s this group of fans who both acknowledge Ted’s mental health journey as an imperative part of his arc and journey (which it is!) and excuse a lot of his behavior, particularly when it comes to the ways in which his mental health at its worst inarguably lessens his ability to be a present and effective parent to his son. They actively encourage him NOT to return home to son because “he finally has the chance to prioritize himself and needs to take it” or whatever, then turn around and say Dottie’s an irredeemably horrible evil witch who spends her time manipulating Ted and toying with his feelings. Ignoring completely that she’s also a women with a heck of a lot of under addressed trauma who’s gone without the resources to help herself and presumably also carries the baggage of growing up under a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. Which is not to say I don’t think a lot of Dottie does is net bad/harmful! It totally is! And Ted is 100% in the right for confronting her and calling her out for the ways in which her inability to discuss what happened to their family has longterm fucked with his head. I just also think Dottie is also in the right for calling out Ted and the net negative effect his absence is having on Henry.

The thing about that scene is that they are both simultaneously wrong and right! But what makes it an effective conversation is that hell, at least now they’re talking about it! And airing out their baggage (hopefully) jumpstarts a positive change for both of them to do better for one another and their wider family. Because yes, I do think the conversation with Dottie contributed to Ted’s decision to return home…but unlike others, I think that is a good thing! The end of Ted’s story on the show is that he’s gotten the help Dottie never did (either because she didn’t know those resources were available to her, or the stigma around mental health dissuaded her, or whatever) and he’s all the better for it! By showing up in London, I do think there’s evidence that Dottie is also trying. Like sure, yes, she’s often misguided and faulty in her efforts. But she and Ted are much more similar than they are different. Both do a ton of masking to hid their own problems. Both are two imperfect people who made decisions they *thought* were right for their children only to later realize they’d fallen short as parents. And I think by the end of Mom City it’s safe to say that both are people who want to recognize their failings as parents and rectify what they can.

So yeah Dottie Lasso they could never make me hate you. Or whatever.