#why and how? i don't know. is the acting the same calibre as some of these other shows? no.

[leguin]

anyway. what a frustrating show. as always i'm left with the uncomfortable impression that somehow mythic quest is doing almost everything every other show in the comedy-drama 30 minute category is trying to do, but actually succeeds at it.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

CW: Discussion of animal abuse, childhood abuse and trauma, and triggers/PTSD

Honestly you all need to stop using words like triggered and every other word that has had it's meaning warped and diluted over the last several years.

99% of you are using the word triggered incorrectly and it's disturbing. Pop-psych social media insta-therapy BS has led to such horrific misinformation, misunderstanding, and hostility towards people who experience actual PTSD and other mental illness. Many wildlife centers and animal shelters actually have protocol to NOT share graphic photos of injured animals online for so many reasons. My local organizations only rarely showed certain cases and always with a warning. These are professionals and highly experienced volunteers who see animals in very upsetting conditions. Taking photos is typically for documenting the animal's progress and is always done with respect to the animal first and foremost, because it is a living being who has experienced a physical trauma.

I can't speak to everyone who uses the word triggered. I use it in the clinical sense. A trigger cannot be controlled. It is a response to a stimuli that leads to intense flooding of memories, bodily sensations, emotions, dissociation, can lead to panic attacks and more. One of my triggers is injured animals because I grew up with a parent who abused our pets. It's that simple. And since just being on social media I cannot control the next image I see each time I open a story, it's not my fault if a potential trigger is coming up. It's not your fault either. It's no one's fault. This is the nature of PTSD. It is hard to live with.

Honestly what is people's fault is the disgusting lack of compassion I saw. The accusations. Having PTSD doesn't make people care any less. It means I have a nervous system that's calibrated differently from yours and perceives life-threatening danger in situations I don't want it to because I was raised in an extremely abusive environment I didn't think I would survive. I've personally done a lot of work and it's better than it was but it's a developmental trauma. I'll never be the same as someone who wasn't abused but I'm not some fragile whiny internet snowflake which is how the language has all seemed to evolve around PTSD language. The language that was once used to describe very specific experiences is now "lol you're triggered? too bad get over it I'm not responsible for you, what you can't look at a little blood? what's wrong with you? don't you want to save the kittens life?"

You guys just acted like bullies who were morally superior. And. All of this in a space that's supposed to be about fucking dolls. Let's be honest for a minute, it's at least partially compassion abuse: you know many hobbyists have higher incomes and will be moved to donate. It's a strategy, I get it. You don't know how valuable a space to just play and see the beautiful things in life is unless that was taken from you as a child.

Why did you have to be hurtful? Why does everything have to be "I'm right and good, you're wrong and evil" - fucking stop. People asked for a warning and you didn't want to do it, it didn't have to turn into a whole thing. Why are we doing this to each other? Why is this hobby becoming like this? Why are people being mean to each other over human things?

~Anonymous

[randomthefox]

I can respect Chris Avellone for a lot of the stuff he did with Fallout, even if I don't agree with a good chunk of his takes and how he expresses them. Dude could have acted like a total man baby over the idea of putting a load of references into New Vegas, but the guy was respectful enough to how people would interpret the games to make what was essentially a toggle function in New Vegas if people just wanted a darker experience, or if they just wanted the feel of 1 and 2 more in their playthrough. It really showcases (to me, at the very least) how much more mature older game devs are to their fanbases over the stuff that is happening currently with other franchises and other big heads.

Though I wouldn't want to be in the same room with him for some of his opinions on Fallout (especially since he was the guy that didn't want to keep the talking Deathclaws. Seriously, the Deathclaws would be much scarier if they could think like us), I'm glad there's some aspects of him about a franchise he used to work on that I can appreciate.

I honestly don't know shit about his other works, though I am keen on playing Outer Worlds since it feels like something I would enjoy.

Chris Avellone saying in an interview "the talking Deathclaws are noncanon because I said so" is a defining moment for why I disregard Word of God when it comes to media analysis lol. Seriously the talking Deathclaws were a defining moment for portraying the Enclave as a faction of evil monsters who need to be stopped, and Goris is best boy. Fuck you Chris. (Love you though).

But yeah I think it shows the difference in the calibre of writing talent. A lot of shitty writers do that Superman Returns thing of going "this is a sequel to Superman 2 and all the other sequels after that are all non-canon now" thing which is just lazy and uncreative. It's much more interesting to take material that may not have been very appreciated but to try and find the potential in it that went unfulfilled and follow up on it in a way that furthers the story that people were invested in instead.

Outer Worlds was okay but it reminded me of Fallout 1 a lot. I think that its biggest downfall was people expected it to be the spiritual successor to New Vegas, but it felt much more like the original Fallout which was VERY basic and straightforward in comparison. It did have surprising nuance that people don't give it credit for, you CAN do a Board playthrough where you're nevertheless still being ultimately benevolent and rational. But it still felt like more of a first draft type of game. I'm very much looking forward to the sequel though.

[booksandwords]

Show Dance by Renée Dahlia

Series: Seraph's Burlesque Club #4 Read time: <1 Day Rating: 4/5 Stars

The Quote: Oh. This kiss was the outcome of years of teasing. He’d brought this drama on himself by forever taunting Jack with his desire, always holding himself back. The anticipation and never the act. Just like a Burlesque dance. — Ace

Warnings: references to homophobia

Show Dance is a predictable and short but nonetheless lovely story. Honestly, I can't say much about this it's just enjoyable and a great way to spend a few minutes. Show Dance has a fairly simple friends-to-lovers plot, You get an idea of the only angst in the book in the blurb, ie they have a communication issue. It's that whole can't lose the best friend thing, which I get and I quite like as a trope. I like Ace and Jack. Ace is flamboyant and coming to terms with his own form of creativity apart from his famous acting parents. A highly religious single mother raised Jack which lead to him having to suppress his true self for years and her struggling to accept him now. There is a brilliant contrast between Jack's admittedly trying family and Ace's. Ace has famous parents and was raised by his grandmother. Everyone whole heartedly accepts his sexuality and has welcomed Jack too. “Teasing by night, serious in the day job.” “Isn’t that both of us?” (Jack and Ace) I really like the character choices both Ace and Jack are using their respective aspect of burlesque as creative outlets for serious day jobs. Dancer Jack is a sports teacher while costume designer Ace is a lawyer, a prosecutor reading between the lines.

Some quotes I liked

“Take off your shirt. I want to test these wings.” “Wings?” Jack hadn’t agreed to wings. “Yes. I want to see you fly.” — Honestly this is on the first or second page. The outfit Ace has created for Jack is freaking stunning. I want to see what Renée was envisioning when she wrote this. (Ace and Jack)

“What truth is that?” Grace Wu made a grand entrance, as only an actress of her calibre could. Her silk dark blue dress floated around her tall slender frame. “Don’t tell me you two have finally admitted you are love with each other.” She brushed her hand over her forehead. “Fuck, if I could manufacture a tenth of the chemistry you two have with my current co-star, this movie would be going a lot better.” — This quote had to make it into the review. But it felt wrong in something so short to make it one of the main quotes. I love Grace. She made me laugh, basically, she is the reader and damn does she know how to make an enterance. (Grace)

It caught in his throat, almost like he needed to laugh and cry at the same time; melodramatic like one of Ma’s movies. And all the while Jack kissed him, keeping him grounded on this earth while his brain spiralled out of control. This was why he loved the law¬–it was solid, detailed, and he could hunt through the words to find the answer he wanted. He could control the outcome. — There is something deeply appealing about this sentiment. Ace bringing his serious side the table with the man who is usually where his teasing size is. (Ace)

“Anyone who can envisage how a fabric will move against a body and how it makes a dance better isn’t uncoordinated. You might not move your body like a dancer, but you move your brain and your vision in a way that makes the dance better. Your ideas and your skill create the atmosphere. I’m only the conduit.” — I love this line. The vision of a designer is so underrated. (Jack)

One thing that might be offputting to some readers is given by Renée Dahlia in an author's note: "This book is written in Australian English and some spelling and phrases may be unfamiliar to American readers." Personally, I find this to be a bit of an add choice given the London setting of the book and the nationalities of the characters. But Australian and British English are fairly close in spelling, we just have some Americanisations the Brits don't. I didn't see anything in here that shouldn't be broadly understandable by context if nothing else. Show Dance is I think perpetually free so if you want to try it out, I think it's worth it. The characters are cute and there are no nasty surprises.

[just6f]

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[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

[mysunfreckle]

i don't know if you're taking requests right now, but if you are, would you please write some more ace!enjolras? (i love your writing by the way!)

I don’tthink I’ve ever written and Enj that wasn’t ace-spec, but I’m guessing youmeant my Modern Means Less Miserable Enjolras, so here you go! ^^

The cocktail party

ExR Pining, Friendship Fluff, 1.7k, cw alcohol.

Enjolras isnot really in the habit of questioning why parties happen. Partly because hegrew up with Courfeyrac, but also because it doesn’t really matter. Not as longas it means that his friends are happy and he gets to be around them.

For thisparty, however, Enjolras is very aware of the reason. The reason is that Jehanand Bahorel are of the opinion that adult life did not include as many cocktailparties a they had been led to believe and this is an attempt to remedy this.

Which iswhy Enjolras is currently drinking third (?) strawberry daiquiri and happilywatching Feuilly teach Bahorel how to juggle with limes.

They’re atBahorel’s house, of course. The only place with enough  actual party space for all of them. There’s noone to bother them here either, since the last of his roommates also seems tohave taken off last month. Weird, that.

Enjolrastakes another sip from the pretty glass.

“Enj! Enj!”

Enjolrassmiles at the sudden presence of Courfeyrac’s arms around his middle.

“Hey Courf,having a good time?”

“The best,”Courfeyrac beams, letting go after one more tight squeeze. “I’m gonna fetchBaz’ guitar.”

He dartsoff again before Enjolras can stop him and that’s really rather disappointingbecause Courfeyrac gives good hugs and hugs are nice and if Courfeyrac couldstay still for more than a minute at the time Enjolras could hug him back. Thatnever happens until much later at the parties though, when Courfeyrac has gonea bit sleepy and feels like leaning on people.

Actually,that sounds like a wonderful idea. Because he’s not sleepy, but he is tired, and he wants another hug.

Enjolrasputs his empty glass down on the nearest flat surface, deciding that he’sdefinitely had enough to drink for tonight. Those were a bit stronger than what he’s used to. He should go get a glass ofwater. And find someone to hug, or lean on, or both. Except Courf is so muchsmaller than him. Too small to comfortably lean against. Or maybe that isn’tright. Because Grantaire is also smaller than him – not that much smaller, but still – and he looks like the perfect sizeto lean against. He certainly does now anyway, sitting hunched over in a cornerwith Musichetta.

Enjolrascan’t quite see what they’re doing, but he cansee Grantaire is wearing one of his soft sweaters. He’s leaning his head closeto Chetta’s and Enjolras can just see the edge of a grin as he talks.

The smileon Enjolras face is as undeliberate as the decision to move towards them.

…

“Honestlythough, Chetta,” Grantaire tuts. “I’m disappointed in you. What is even the point of doing my nails if they don’tglitter.”

“Listen,”Chetta sniffs. “When you boys stop using my purse as a cargo bay, I may haveroom to bring more than three colours.” She traces the edges of Grantaire’sthumb nail with expert precision. “Anyway, you’re getting the bi flag, so don’tcomplain. And stop twitching your fingers!”

Grantairemakes an effort to keep one hand still while snapping the fingers of the otherand Chetta gives him an exasperated look. It’s one of her best, and Grantairemeets it with a grin. There are very few things more comfortable than beingfussed over by Musichetta. Grantaire is low-key convinced that’s the reviewthat all her clients would give her, if they felt like they could get away withit: “A+ wedding planner. 10/10 would be fussed over and shepherded again.”

Before hecan put this into words in an appropriately witty and teasing manner, however,something happens that he isn’t prepared for in any way.

Enjolrascomes out of nowhere, sinks down next to him like the sun setting after atiring day and…drapes himself against Grantaire from behind to look over hisshoulder.

He smellslike strawberries.

That is asfar as Grantaire can get his brain to supply anything even slightly informativebefore he freezes completely.

“What areyou guys doing?” Enjolras asks and Grantaire may not be able to move or thinkright now, but he’s still very awareof the fact that Enjolras’ breath is ghosting past his neck.

The nextthing he’s aware of is that Enj sounds…

“I’mpainting R’s nails,” Musichetta says pleasantly. “You okay there, Enj? Yousound a bit wobbly.”

“I’m fine,”Enjolras mumbles. “I wanted to sit down, and I wanted to sit down here,because…”

There is ashort pause for a deep sigh and Grantaire’s eyes meet Chetta’s for a moment.There is a smile pulling on her mouth that is a few steps ahead of Grantaire’s,he’s still stuck on the simultaneously hilarious and frankly distressing notionthat Enjolras is drunk.

“…because Ilike you both so much,” Enj finisheswith a sigh.

He restshis chin on Grantaire’s shoulder and it is literal torture to Grantaire that hecan’t move right now. Not to push Enj off, of course, that would be heinous.Probably a crime of the same calibre as moving when a cat has curled up on yourlap. But Musichetta is still stubbornly painting his nails and Grantaire needsto have photographic evidence of what is going on right now, because he’spretty sure that his brain is going to do it’s best to convince him it neverhappened in the morning. Enjolras is mutteringto himself for fuck’s sake.

On the onehand, part of his brain is definitely still malfunctioning at the fact thatEnjolras is literally pressed up against him all of a sudden, but on the other,Enjolras is drunk and mumbly and trying to cuddle him. For lack of a betterword. And that is the strongest proof he’s had so far that at some point,somehow, he has actually managed to convey to Enjolras that he can be trusted.That he can be his friend and nothing else.

“Enj, you’rea treasure,” Musichetta says warmly. “And you’re keeping R still for me, thankyou for that.”

Grantaireis halfway through narrowing his eyes at her, when Enjolras shifts and says:“Oh, should I move? I didn’t–”

“No,”Grantaire stops him hastily, and he adds, quickly switching to his jokingvoice: “By all means, use me as a recliner.”

“I’m not,”Enjolras protests, but he stops pulling away and that’s all Grantaire wantsright now.

“You havenice hands, Chetta,” Enjolras yawns. His hair is tickling Grantaire’s face withthe way it’s nearly leaning against him.

“Thankyou,” Musichetta smiles, and Grantaire makes a mental note to ask her what kindof superpowers she taps into to keep from making the gleeful noises ofamusement he can see in her eyes.

“They’re sosmall compared to R’s.”

This timeMusichetta doesn’t reply, she just bites her lip, and Grantaire takes a fullthirty seconds to curse his former self for not actually taking out his phoneand not just taking a picture, but filming the whole damn thing. Especiallysince Enjolras seems to be trying to hide his face in his hoodie at the moment.

“Enj,” hesays, trying to cover up the fondness in his voice with as mockingly serious atone he can muster. “If you fall asleep on me, I will ruin this nail polish just to take a picture of you and getBossuet to caption it with a pun. This is nothing personal, it is just aninevitability.”

Enjolraschooses not to turn his head before he replies and Grantaire wishes he couldunderstand the indignant answer muttered into his hoodie, he really, reallydoes.

…

The thingwith having a fairly low alcohol tolerance that makes him go very lazy and verycuddly early on, is that Enjolras rarely actually has hangovers. And hecertainly never wakes up the next day with fuzzy gaps in his memory.

So when hedoes wake up the following morning, he gets to remember absolutely everything.Only now, with his sober self present and in a position to re-evaluate everysingle thing he did last night in terribledetail.

Enjolrasgroans and hides his face into his pillow.

He shouldnot have done that to Grantaire. Not after all the effort it took them to getwhere they are today. It’s selfish, and completely inconsiderate of Grantaire’sfeelings. Because Enjolras is awareof Grantaire’s feelings. There’s just a sort of unspoken agreement that theywill both act as if he doesn’t. Because. Well. His feelings are…different.

Outside hisbedroom door Enjolras can hear the sounds of Combeferre having a sternconversation with the coffee maker. They both have work to do today. So thatprobably means Ferre will come wake him up soon.

He rollsover, making a genuine effort to actually wake up. And push those regretfulthoughts from his mind. What’s done is done. He could text Grantaire toapologize, but it wouldn’t do any good. Probably wouldn’t do anything but callattention to it all and what use is that. Maybe Grantaire doesn’t mind as muchas he should. He rarely does…

He canapologize by watching himself more closely next time. And, possibly, watch Jehan a little bit more closely whilethey’re mixing the drinks. So he doesn’t end up doing something like thisagain.

Except, itreally had seemed like Grantaire didn’t mind. He had made jokes like he alwaysdid. He hadn’t laughed that tense, slightly too-harsh laugh he so often used to awhile ago. He had just been the way Enjolras had come to know him lately. JustGrantaire. Not nervous around him or provoking him or upset with him. Just,good. And it’s been like that. Good.

Maybethat’s why he did it. Because Enjolras can’t quite recapture what exactly wasgoing through his head just before he made the decision to slump againstGrantaire and stubbornly refuse to move in favour of warmth and softness, buthe does remember what it felt like. Allof it. And he’s not going to do it again, of course, he shouldn’t. He won’t. But,he kind of wishes he could.

[tmitransitioning]

I'm on an SNRI that reacts badly, in my body at least, with just about everything (everything else acts like a sponge). Is there a chance of T doing this or are there any type or way of administering T that would be less likely to react badly/don't have weakens SNRIs as a possible side effect?

I don’t think that any commonly used form of testosterone-based HRT would affect SNRI absorption. I’m basing this statement on a couple things that I’m going to write out not because I want to convince you, but because you know your meds better than I do and you can find potential holes in my justifications. (I’m also undercaffeinated, please bear with me.)

First point: Usually, things that reduce the efficacy of an antidepressant do so because they either impact your ability to absorb the medication in the first place or because they stop you from effectively metabolizing it. The former pathway is why, for example, you’re sometimes told not to eat fatty foods at the same time as a medication—your stomach is essentially so busy absorbing that food that it slows down the medication’s entrance into your bloodstream, and you may not get as much of the medication. Conversely, sometimes you’re told to only take your meds with a meal, because slowing it down like that helps you avoid side effects like nausea. Zoloft, for example, is kind of infamous for needing to be taken with food, and you’re supposed to avoid fruit juices with ADHD medication because acidifying your stomach even just that little bit makes it harder to absorb stimulants.

The latter pathway, metabolizing problems, is… really complicated. After you absorb a medication from your stomach, various enzymes in different organs break it down into metabolites; the most common pathway is through your liver. Some psych medications can inhibit different enzymes, either competitively or non-competitively (here’s a good explanation of that). This can prevent you from effectively breaking down the medication, which increases your circulating levels—if it isn’t getting broken down, it just stays there, and can build up quicker. A really good example of this is Luvox, which inhibits a TON of enzymes (link goes to Wikipedia) and thus has a lot of really weird interactions with other medications. It makes coffee last forever.

In the SNRI area, Effexor is also a good example of this because it’s unusual—its metabolites also function as SNRIs, so it works roughly the same between patients who have certain enzyme mutations (CYP2D6, specifically) that make it hard for them to absorb a lot of psych medications. Different people produce different amounts of CYP2D6, but Effexor kind of skips over that variation. Think of it like a slime cube. CYP2D6 is your sword. If you cut the slime cube in half down the middle, it just makes two smaller slime cubes. Luvox, by contrast, is like a rock giant. It’s super hard for your sword to cut that in half, so when more rock giants show up, you can’t fend them off. Most medications are rock giants, or ogres, that are hard to cut in half.

So, second point: Testosterone that we take via HRT isn’t metabolized in the same ways that most psychiatric medication is. It uses different enzymes, and it’s metabolized into other androgens, like DHT, and into estradiol. A small amount of it does go through enzymes that psychiatric meds use, but we don’t actually have any evidence to suggest that the interaction is significant—that doesn’t mean one can’t exist, but just that it hasn’t historically been a significant enough interaction if it does to warrant in-depth study.

What we do know about this is that antidepressants aren’t considered to be significantly different in action between “women” and “men”, meaning cis perisex people with normative endogenous hormone profiles.* There’s also no particular advisory given to people starting T that says you should avoid or adjust dosages of antidepressants, apart from the standard “tell your doctors about all the meds you’re on” warning.

Third point: I also don’t think that absorption through your stomach would be significantly impacted by T for a couple reasons. First, most people on T aren’t on an oral form—pill testosterone has been largely phased out for a lot of complicated reasons, and it’s outright inaccessible in many countries. The dominant forms of administration (injection, patches, gel, pellets) all release T directly into your bloodstream. Injections create sterile pockets of oil in your muscles or subcutaneous fat, which gets sucked into your blood over time. Gel and patches are both transdermal, and absorb into your capillaries. The pellets release their payload into subcutaneous fat over long periods—it’s slower because it’s solid, IIRC. The end result of all of these is the same, which is why we say there’s no difference in how fast you go through ~T Puberty~ based on administration method; once it’s in your blood, it circulates to your liver and throughout your body tissues, where it’s metabolized.

I do also think that you should ask your prescribing psychiatrist about this, if you’re in a position where it’s safe to be out as trans to them. This may be outside of their wheelhouse but they can track and moderate your SNRI dose most appropriately when they know all the other meds you’re on. You could also ask a pharmacist when you pick up your meds; they will likely say to ask your psych, but pharmacists are great and often know medication interactions offhand that psych professionals don’t. I’m couching my wording a bit in this answer because I’m not a medical professional, just a psych student who’s been on a bunch of different meds, and I’m guessing a lot about what could be going on for you that may not be accurate at all. But hopefully some of it is helpful, regardless?

TL;DR: If the reason that your SNRI reacts badly with other meds is because of something funky in the enzyme area, testosterone should bypass most of the pathways actively occupied by your SNRI. If it’s because of a problem in your gut, every form of testosterone that is not the pill avoids this completely. Either way, I don’t anticipate that your SNRI will interact significantly with testosterone, regardless of administration method, and you should be all good.

- Mod Wolf

* There IS a legitimate point to be made about how psych meds tend to be tested on and “calibrated” for cis perisex men. That’s a little outside the scope of this post, though, and likely isn’t relevant anyways because we’re talking about adding testosterone to bring you to the hormonal profile of one of those test subjects.