#who’s like a clingy little sister to pen

[plumeriacosmos]

colin really thought that without eloise, he can finally monopolize pen for himself, but hon hon hon,,,, little does he know, hyacinth is there to mess up his plans lmao.

show! pen may not have felicity, but she has a hyacinth who’ll adore her for the both of them uwu

[weemsicallygay]

booktalk

pairing/s: larissa weems x original female character, wednesday addams x enid sinclair

warning/s: ofc teasing larissa in a fun way <3 wednesday being slight ooc, the fact that this is diabetically sweet and fluffy and short

prompt/s: "not funny." "not even a little bit?"

as usual, i don't proofread what i write. i think it's quite obvious that i'm a sucker for soft, sweet, clingy larissa weems :DD

“how much longer, cara mia?” enid whined as her girlfriend and roommate scoured through the bookshelves with a flashlight in her hand. 

the brunette persisted to not roll her eyes, giving thing a nod before letting the severed hand roam deeper into the library. wednesday’s hands moved from book to book as her other half moved sluggishly behind her. 

“a little bit more, mon cherie. i need to find that book or else i won’t be able to–”

suddenly they heard laughter, enid’s ears perked and wednesday froze. it came from the direction where thing headed earlier, the brunette felt chills down her spine as enid stalked closer to the source. 

“shh.. don’t move.” wednesday hissed, enid froze like she said and hid by one of the taller bookshelves just by the meeting circle. 

their eyes fell onto the sources of laughter, enid sighing in relief and wednesday staring in curiosity. there, by the table near one of the lamps that lit their faces, sat their principal and another instructor. they seemed to be having a bit of fun, laughing and smiling about as a few books were open in the shorter woman’s direction. 

enid smiled,“it’s been a while since she laughed so hard like that.” 

wednesday did nothing but gruff, her eyes watching the pair with intent. 

edith sinclair, the woman who laughed with their principal so jolly like she had no other care in the world. she knew her first as the archery instructor, second as enid’s older sister, third as the only witching teacher in school, and finally as principal weems’ only true love. 

the tall principal huffed, her eyes narrowed at edith as the woman laughed. “not funny.” 

the shorter brunette grinned, “not even a little bit?”

“i’m just saying,” edith wiped a tear from underneath her narrow glasses. “i wouldn’t know who’d stay by my grave but it’d be fun to find out.” 

larissa huffed, her head defeatedly resting on edith’s shoulder with a pout. “you’re not making this very easy for me.” 

“when have i ever?” the tease said with laughter in her voice, “if it makes you feel better, i’d haunt you and enid if you don’t spend a second by my grave.” 

she took a pen and scribbled on the notebook she had opened, larissa took it from her hands and placed both her palms on edith’s cheeks. it was quite obvious that the pair weren’t aware of the prying eyes as larissa showed off all of her charms and handled her lover’s face with all the softness she could muster. 

she stared into those big blue eyes of hers with a smaller pout, “promise me you’ll do everything not to end up on a grave?” 

edith smiled, placing a kiss on the woman’s nose, “i can’t promise shit, but for you? i’ll try my best, ma belle.” 

larissa rolled her eyes playfully before pulling the brunette closer and captured her lips sweetly, the latter giggled into the kiss while wrapping her arms around the taller one’s neck and leaning in her direction. 

both younglings stared at the sweet, slightly macabre exchange from the two women, sharing a huff and a shudder before a slight shuffle led their attention elsewhere. 

wednesday tilted her head at thing before grabbing enid’s hand and leading her away. though the latter silently protested, she knew better than to disobey her lover’s orders and to eavesdrop her sister’s sweet moment. 

[thekatebridgerton]

Reincarnation AU:

Ok but, Lil Eloise befriended Lil Penelope, who has no recollection of her past life, all over again and Colin instantly remembers his Pen. He spends as often he can as a young boy with her and his sister, often stealing her away though whenever their families visit. He wound making a game where he would tickle surprise lil Pen by leaping around the corner, making her squeal in laughter. Pen always visits the Bridgertons as much as she could growing up, seeing Colin and Eloise as her best friends. The little game Colin played with her never fade off as that’s how usually their greetings.

Like I said before, I wouldn't do this reincarnation prompt like that, for reasons that make me question how well I write some characters. Believe it or not, I find it hard to get inside Colin's mind in aus like this. Mostly because I don't know how to write the Bridgertons in their before Edmund died Eras. (but that's something for me to unpack another day)

Penelope however, I find it easy to get into in aus like this. This is why I gave this prompt a spin. Where it's Penelope who remembers her past life, and is under the impression that Colin's life would have been so much better if he never married her. Because he had to suffer so much backlash after the whole LW thing was revealed and since she still doesn't want to give up her career and live a mediocre life. She figures the least she could do is make sure her husband doesn't fall inlove with her and lives a happy Penelope-free life.

Baby reincarnated Penelope does this, by doing the baby thing of at first staying away from Colin. But when that doesn't work out, she acts like an excessively clingy and needy little bug, hoping he gets tired of her and starts thinking she's annoying. Except that what reincarnated Penelope thinks is clingy behavior, teenage Colin thinks is cute and entertaining games. And that's how the whole thing started.

So yeah, even after she grows up the greeting eachother in very..close ways continues. And it takes a while for Pen to realize she's caught herself in her own self fullfilling prophecy. Falling inlove twice with the same guy after trying to drive him away.

and that's the tea.

[toonatic92]

[Image description: A watercolour picture of three of my characters, Roger and Jess, who are sleeping and their imaginary sister Screwball watching over them. Roger (left) is a brown anthro rabbit with long, orange-tipped brown hair in a ponytail. He is wearing a colourful hoodie decorated with a jackalope shoulder patch and a desert with cacti landscape, a brown t-shirt with a rabbit skeleton on it, a Playboy bunny earring, and ripped blue jeans with a charm of Mirko from MHA hanging from the pocket. Jess (right) is a human girl with long, wavy red hair. She is wearing a Miffy hair clip, a yellow varsity sweater with her name on it, a red pleated skirt and yellow knee-high socks. Screwball (top) is a white toon rabbit with short, red hair, a swirl in one eye and a lop ear. She is wearing a blue and yellow polka dot bow, yellow gloves and a puffy red dress with different patterned patches sewn on it. They are in a colourful cloud world, asleep on a cloud table which has their real homework and textbooks scattered on it. Screwball's friends, various anthro foodstuffs and trees with pie-eyes, are partying behind them.]

In the world of my detective story Truth Seekers, there are many supernatural creatures with individual approaches to integrating with humans. Some hide amongst humans and some isolate themselves in their communities, but this can cause problems for human/supernatural hybrids like the two in the picture.

Roger (left) and Jess (right) are twins with a half-jackalope father and a human mother. Their father is determined to be fully human, to the point of forcing his kids to hide their non-human features and moving them to the UK to get away from other jackalopes. The pressure of keeping this secret and having to adjust to a new school and curriculum is pushing the twins to their breaking point.

Roger hides it very well behind his easy-going slacker persona and he has made friends very quickly, but having to constantly hold human form is taxing on his body and mind. Even at home, his jackalope features mean that he’s the scapegoat child, having to put up with his father’s blatant disdain for him. To spite his father, he’s taken to wearing rabbit-themed clothing and pestering him with questions about jackalope culture.

In contrast, Jess is hiding it a lot less well. Leaning on her alpha-bitch cheerleader persona was bad enough in America, but in Britain it just looks ridiculous and it guarantees that she won’t make any friends in her new school. In fact, she’s already made at least one enemy, a truant student named Ariel who has to put up with Jess harassing her any time she actually shows up for school. At home, Jess is a very different person. As the golden child, she has to be perfect and meek around her father, so that she doesn’t lose his favour.

All that Roger and Jess have is each other. Together, they have retreated into a private fantasy land. It started out as a story they wrote together based on the cartoons they loved as kids, but then they started dreaming of their cartoon land every single night. They knew that was strange, but they didn’t want give up their safe place, so they continued to dream. They soon decided that they should liven up the place by making a wacky toon rabbit to be their friend. They named her Screwball and made her their little sister. Her endearingly wacky antics made their lives a lot brighter, but there are signs that she’s a little too clingy to her big bro and sis. If it were up to her, they’d stay with her forever…

(Yes, this is all one big Roger Rabbit reference. These characters started out as fan-kids for Roger and Jessica that I made as a teenager and I'm repurposing them.)

Medium: Watercolour pens on paper.

Links to other versions: DeviantART Instagram

[carnivorousyandeere]

since we have vamp!Thorn and Elena was like a vamp from the beggining (lol) how would the other college town girls be like as vampires? would any of them want to turn their darling?

All of them would want to keep their Darling human for as long as possible. It’s easier to subdue a human than a fellow vampire, and they’d miss the taste of your human blood… these vampires can drink each other’s but it just doesn’t taste the same as fresh human blood. But of course, they have to come to terms with your mortality eventually and decide to turn you so they can spend forever with you.

The last two are the sisters, Wis and Pen :)

Wisteria: fully embraces faer new nocturnal nature. Becomes increasingly obsessed with their Darling’s smell and taste, even to the point of stealing their clothes and cups they’ve drank from. Her clinginess only grows, and her possessive nature becomes more obvious. What need does fae have to hide it anymore? She can easily destroy anyone who comes between you now, and she can follow your scent anywhere if you try to get away.

Penny: hates that she has to live off blood. Nearly throws up any she drinks because the sight and smell of it makes her feel sick. The only blood she can easily keep down is her Darling’s— a little fact she uses to guilt them into letting her drink their blood. She makes it up to them by making them delicious food and drinks… although even that is a little selfish. The more hydrated and nutritious your blood is, the better it tastes.

[amidst-wonderland]

lilac

pairing: general gray family warnings: mentions of predatory behaviour that are implied, underage smoking is mentioned, strong language. 'queer' used casually, not homophobically - also, jack is gay and i'm queer. summary: rosie's not keen on her dad's new star hot-shot actor.

"she fancies him,” rosie knowingly hums but bitterness lingers in its delivery. hovering by the window and peering down at her baby sister who’d now draped herself over the yellow cab’s door like a mewling lovesick pup. she can’t see violet’s face but rosie’d put money on the expression not being too far removed from that adoring smile she’s perpetually wore across the dinner table. “can hardly blame her, but–”

    nora lightly scoffs at her elder daughter, flicking over the worn script. “she’s jist taken a likin’ tae ‘im. he’s a sweet-talker in a nice suit here tae impress yir da. can hardly try it on wae you.” she waves a hand motioning it in the general direction of rosie’s prominent bump, ash dripping from the lit straight. “got one of those hollywood types already, don’t you? speaking of, yer da’s got some work on offer if he’s lookin’ ‘something-hoaliday’ ‘hink it’s called – continent shite.’”

   the brunette ignores the offer, jibing again at her sister’s crush on the upcoming actor. “you know what she said to me, the minute i walked in the door? no, ‘hello’, no ‘how’s the baby’ just, ‘he says i could be the next doris day, ro!’ clearly never heard the wean bloody sing.”

    “or seen ‘er dance.”

     he has.

     rosalin hadn’t been home to her siblings much since falling pregnant but tonight's dinner guest had become quite the regular visitor in their home. she’d heard from her younger brother. jack explained this new mystery man, a friend of george’s who he met at a co-worker’s engagement dinner. he was from the stage now wanting to branch into film, “mum’s taken to him, well, said to aunt linda she sees a bit of dad in him, which is rather queer if you ask me considering vi’s stropping around the apartment like he’s the gentleman caller. georgie’s stopped picking up the telephone because of the pestering, had to tell her off.”

     jack continued ramble with general observations: the brief and playful pokes, rosy cheeks, the giggles and hair-twirls also how he’d caught them sharing a cigarette in the kitchen during george’s thirtieth birthday then a dance to one of sinatra’s. not to mention - although jack made sure to - the teen had gained a rather affectionate pet name, "flower".

     rosie frowns as her nostrils flare when catching a glimpse of violet’s pink skirt disappearing into the back of the cab before michael shuts the door behind her. she hastily decides to play devil’s advocate before his return, continuing to watch him instead of turning to her mother. “do you think dad would entertain it? he’s only a little older than me.”

     twenty-five.

     nora pauses, her pen’s scribbles halting in its tracks, scrapping against the paper. michael had a way about getting what he wanted, after all the shelby inside him was grimly decaying like some sticky, clingy tar as opposed to dissipating, but he consistently left his children out of the equation. much to his own detriment whilst they were little but there was no gain in this specific hollywood game. he’d won. gotten his lead actor, there was hardly a need for the hook, line and sinker foreplay act played subliminally through his freshly seventeen-year-old daughter. “wouldn’t feel the need to.”

     rosalin grimaces at her mother’s admission.

     she didn’t really know.

     “she’s just a kid–”

     “swallow it hen. filmin’ starts in the next few weeks and him’n’ that leigh-lassie will be all over the papers.”

     feeling a light burning sensation in her chest and bile rise in her throat causing a strain, “i hope he’s nice.”

     “well, if ‘es no, he’ll have tae deal with her glesga-bred brother, that an yir faither's kilt three blokes.”

so, i saw priscilla and wanted to write this, i did explicitly write this as open-ended, take it how ever you will with rosie's last line. i've never really written for violet and i thought it would be fun - don't worry this very year this is set (50-'51) she does meet someone her own age, however it was james dean - vi really knows how to pick a bi doesn't she?

anyways it's pretty obvious who this is about but i didn't want a name drop, similarly with rosie's husband who i have named elsewhere (it's weird because i wouldn't consider it rpf, but it technically is).

[fatewild]

there’s quite a few characters on my page, so here’s a comprehensive list of my original characters with bad short summaries:

unaffiliated

shiri madrala,  wood elf druid. can be mean because she only knows how to talk to plants and snails. her first time out of her woodland ended up with getting a strange parasite, so she gets a bit defensive. wants to be able to turn into a stone golem.

tomcat,  faerie changeling sorcerer. pink disaster. used to be a slave to a witch who was stealing his magic and gave him permanent scars. despite that, he’s a sweetheart and a clingy optimist. can’t read, but can draw really well. has sunlight powers.

charis fray,  tiefling wizard. pink disaster 2.0. used to be a princess locked in a tower, and raised by a wailing wraith, hence why she can can be a little deranged at times. learned illusion magic from books inside the tower and is on a quest to learn more.

vesper ‘vale’ vallen’as,  3/4 elf cleric. professional curse breaker, secretly an author of erotic novels under a pen name. comes from a long line that originated from celestial bloodline, but basically left to live alone in his woodland home for years and years. has social skills of a wooden stick.

ginny montague,  human wizard. your friendly neighbourhood necromancer. comes from a happy family that lived by a graveyard, hence why her expertise is what it is. used to be bullied as a kid, but grew not to care. wants to become a dead people’s lawyer.

jinho,  half-elf monk. with a dash of sorcerer. the grumpiest doctor you’ll ever meet. it’s very easy to read him, so he’s not very mysterious. he died and got resurrected by his brother, who gave up his life, so he’s been accused of killing the only person he actually liked.

roberta silkwater,  halfling warlock. local housewife makes pact with a sea hag to save her son, has a year to live before her soul is consumed and body overtaken by said fiend. may or may not have the hag’s voice inside her head at all times.

dustin the just,  human fighter. formerly a noble, got disowned after he protected people they didn’t want to protect. currently sword for hire, a bit oblivious, easygoing. lights torches for other adventures and often tends to befriend monsters instead of killing them.

crime clan

morwen shask,  elven blooded half-orc rogue. equivalent to fantasy millennial. works as a waiter and bartender during the day, professional thief during the night. a really chill, but firm guy, who has big, warm hands and fairly attractive looks. is currently looking for his sister.

jade / mya oriseis,  elven blooded half orc sea cleric. runaway from home, formerly a pirate captain before a mutiny occurred and she was killed at sea along with her husband. resurrected by an enemy to the god she used to serve, currently amnesiac.

wren oriseis / wu haoran,  half-elf bard. adoptive favourite child, certified eldest sister. businesswoman first, performer second. runs an inn and a spy network, taking care of her baby siblings. very passionate about cooking, gordon ramsay style.

immortals

svalin / strife / dalen (originally),  demon / fake deity. formerly a half-elven bard. local bard gets randomly selected for a curse, sets a chain of events where he’s eventually thrown into the abyss, gets turned into a demon because he can’t die and becomes a substitute for a lazy deity at a wishing well.

salazar rust,  ghost in a locket, formerly half-drow warlock. former courtesan gets killed and put in a locket, slowly fading into oblivion and forgetting himself. is stuck in an antique shop of an aged gnome with zero trading skills. bored to death (literally).

affiliated

nayan searlas,  human rogue. former prince whose (almost) all family got killed before he ran away. has chronic main character syndrome, but tries to avoid it like a plague. for a while worked for a theatre group as a scenographer, costume designer and stage assistant.

[6okuto]

— suna relationship hcs

gn!reader

suna rintarou suna rintarou suna rintarou. that was me doing a bloody mary btw i'm expecting him at my door later

he likes playing with your hands, writing out words with his fingers and making you guess what they are.

if you give him a pen he Will draw on your hand (you had to make him swear to stop drawing dicks or at least cover them up after)

he gets angry at a game and you jokingly go "rin, baby, stop, look at me. this isn't you." and he deflates and laughs almost immediately. now it's just a regular thing the both of you do whenever you get frustrated and somehow it works

menace suna who steals characters from your mudae wishlist on discord. softie suna who gives them to you for free and was collecting them so no one else would

loves watching bad (horror) movies with you just so you can point out plot holes and laugh

if you'd like him to post you, he always manages to balance great photos with photos that are just a little embarrassing/humiliating

so many mirror pics. so many photos of you sleeping or candid shots of you smiling

his favourites (which have all been lockscreens) are 1. a photo of you resting your chin in his palm while smiling 2. the two of you smushing your faces next to each other laughing 3. a screenshot from a video where you kissed

has a collaborative playlist just for the two of you so you can add songs that you like/remind you of each other

he made another playlist at the beginning of your relationship just for you based on his taste, guessing, and snooping

holds your bags when you go shopping (as long as you can figure out how to hold his hand at the same time)

does uquizzes with you and makes fun of your results if they're bad. give him one that reads him to filth and now he's wondering how they figured out his biggest fear from lyrics and colours

makes a collection on tiktok solely with videos to send you

if you ever want to do your nails he's giving his opinion. he'll pay if you do his idea (perhaps contrary to some belief,, actually makes sure they look good)

the both of you switch off music duty (privilege) during road trips

there's been multiple times where you're playing monopoly or some other competitive game and he just leaves everything he has to you. "babe you can win trust me" no i can't i won't

uses those apps where you can make a widget for the other person's phone. it'll be a cute photo until it's randomly something stupid for 10 minutes then he switches it back or vice versa

uses rock paper scissors to choose who gets up for snacks when you're both on the couch and don't want to move

very clingy when he's tired. doesn't even care who sees him at that point his priority is wrapping himself around you and not letting go

rin loves it if You're clingy. you try to sneak under his arms while he's laying down on his phone? he teases you but wraps you up with him under the blanket. you're holding onto his hand or arm while you're walking around? never has he had a greater life purpose than making sure you don't bump into somebody or trip (unless he's the one tripping you)

tries harder when you come to watch him play even if he denies it when his teammates try to tease him

when you're watching their volleyball practice he says "watch this" as if he's going to do something cool but all he does is hit atsumu in the back with the ball. "what'd you think" "very skilled throw, rin" "What the hell?!"

he tries. so hard to be "more romantic" sometimes. he's (secretly) a little worried that he isn't doing enough so he asks his friends or even his sister for things he can do. he just wants to make sure you're happy being with him o(-(

^ you're the reason he'll go out of his way to do things he usually won't. if you want to sway together to a song he'll do it. if you want to sing karaoke with him he'll do it. if you told him to be nice to atsumu for 5 minutes and gave him a Look, he'd do it (atsumu better Watch out later though)

rin has a section in his closet with your clothes you've left behind at his house / the pieces you always seem to steal from him whether it's a hoodie or a hat

if you start to fall asleep next to him he gently takes your head to rest on his shoulder so you don't hurt your neck

teasingly asked for a kiss before a big game saying you were his good luck charm. now you do it every time before a game or exam without question (he does the same for you in case you were wondering)

always takes a deep breath when you start to play with his hair before leaning further into you (and closing his eyes)

will fake propose or pretend it's your birthday just so you can get congratulations and food at a restaurant

^ he got a fake cheap ring but seeing you wearing it while eating and laughing with him got rin Thinking a little bit.

[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime – Nine // Wanda Maximoff

chapter eight | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter ten

author’s note: a bit late with the update today, my bad. I’m just very exhausted lol. Hope you like it though! bit beefy, just how i like it 😂

I should have realised Wanda would be a handful after literally grabbing my arse less than a metre away from her fiancé.

The final straw came when we were sat together at a table, talking to a guest who wanted to know more about the wedding plans. Y/B/N had left Wanda alone for the remainder of the evening for God knows what reason, so I was left to babysit her and make sure she didn't do anything stupid. Of course, drunk Wanda was also disobedient as well as truthful and clingy.

As the woman we were sat opposite was talking about her own wedding – the first of three, apparently – Wanda's hand kept playing with mine under the table. I shot her a serious look before slapping it away gently. That wasn't enough though, as several times after, she continued to play with my fingers and intertwine hers in mine.

Not wanting to draw attention, I pushed Wanda's hand under her thigh with hopes she'd keep it there and stop fussing. I didn't think she was even listening to the woman and the story of her wedding dress debacle, as she was leaning on the palm of her hand and watching with boredom.

At one point, just when I thought Wanda was finally behaving, I felt her hand rest on my thigh, creeping up dangerously higher. Clenching my jaw to contain both the arousal and frustration I was feeling, I flicked my foot against hers before stuffing her hand under her thigh again. Glancing at her, she was smiling innocently in my direction.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" the woman stopped mid-talk, looking to Wanda.

Wanda straightened up in her seat, flashing the woman a bright smile. "Yes. But if I may ask–"

"Oh, no..." I mumbled, already internally facepalming.

"–don't you think my almost sister-in-law is very pretty?"

My head snapped to hers as I attempted to disguise my panic with a nervous smile. The woman looked between us, waiting patiently for Wanda to continue.

"Good looks runs in the family it seems," Wanda said, stretching her hand out to caress my cheek, but I immediately caught it before she could, chuckling awkwardly.

The woman found Wanda's behaviour funny as she nodded in agreement. "The Y/L/Ns are a very good looking family indeed. Especially your fiancé, dear. What a handsome man he is."

Wanda hummed in agreement, but her eyes were only focused on me. Under any other circumstances, I would have appreciated how cute she was and been touched at her words, but now wasn't that time.

"My lovely almost sister-in-law is particularly drunk tonight I'm afraid," I spoke truthfully to the woman, offering an apologetic smile. "I should make sure she's okay."

"Of course," the woman said, nodding. "It was nice speaking to you both."

I smiled in response for both of us before leading Wanda away from the table and to an emptier-looking part of the room. Spinning around, I gave her a disapproving look.

"You can't say that," I said quietly, shaking my head. "Not here. Not now."

She licked her lips, wearing an enchanting smile, unbothered by our surroundings. "I can't help it. I'm so in love with you and you look irresistible tonight, milaya (darling)."

I sighed, my neck growing warm as she watched me with adoration. "Okay, I think it's time to call it a night."

"No, I want to stay," she whined, but I ignored her and turned around to think about how we could leave.

Once again, I felt her hand squeeze my butt and when I turned around to scold her, I saw my brother over her shoulder, approaching us. I forced a smile on my lips and glanced at her with a glare. She grinned in response before joining my side and facing my brother with me.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked when he stopped by us.

"Good," I answered for us both, afraid Wanda would say something suspicious.

He nodded, smiling a little. "Thanks for keeping Wanda company tonight."

Using that as my opportunity, I said, "Yeah, about that. She's kind of drunk, so I think I'm going to take her home."

"Oh," he said with realisation. "I don't mind taking it from here."

I pursed my lips, desperately trying to think of a reason to stay with her. Thankfully, I didn't have to.

"How scandalous of you to want to me somewhere after hours with nobody else around," Wanda poked fun, attempting to make him feel uncomfortable. It worked.

"Oh, no– I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly, flushing at her insinuation. "Never mind." Looking to me, he added, "You should take her home and make sure she's okay. Maybe stay with her until her family gets home so you don't have to head home yourself."

I nodded, ignoring the proud smile on Wanda's lips. "Okay, see you later."

As I led Wanda outside the house and towards the carriages parked outside, I gave her a grateful look.

"Good thinking back there."

She chuckled. "He's so easy to manipulate."

"Not nice," I said, but couldn't stop the amused smile from playing on my lips.

The two of us got in the back of the carriage after I gave the driver her address and settled in. Wanda was quick to tilt my head towards her and connect our lips, but I pulled back quickly, making her frown.

"You've been very frustrating this evening," I said with a warning tone. "We get home and you get to bed. That's it."

"Well, that hardly seems fair," she said with a shake of her head. "I believe I behaved."

I tried not to laugh. "In what world, love?"

She smiled widely, eyes darting to my lips. "Some alternate universe."

"Smooth," I played along, before facing forward. "Sober up, dear. The ride isn't long."

When we reached her house, it was a struggle getting her to her bedroom, but it was an even bigger struggle getting her dressed. I managed to get her dress off, but she kept trying to kiss me as I tried to put her nightgown on. Between fits of laughter, she pushed my hands away and made me step back.

Hands on my hips, I stared down at her with a ghost of a smile on my lips. "Are you done? You can't just sleep in your bra and knickers."

She laughed, sat on the edge of her bed and looking up at me with tired eyes. "One kiss and I'll let you dress me."

"Definitely no." I shook my head. "We both know what happens after one kiss."

"When will there ever be an opportunity where we're alone together in my home?" she tried to make a point, but her accent was especially heavy, entwined with her drunkenness and making it harder to believe her logic.

I rested my hands on her shoulders and leaned my forehead on hers, staring into her eyes with amusement. "My beautiful love, you are drunk. We will not have sex when you're drunk."

Her hands tugged me closer by the waist as she smiled up at me. "But I know what I want. And I'm certain it's you."

"Not now," I repeated, removing her hands from my waist.

She pouted and I chuckled before kissing it away. Her tantrum seemed to tire her out as I was able to get her dressed after that, managing to tuck her under the covers.

"Stay with me," she mumbled, fingers clawing the air as a gesture for me to join her.

Nobody would be back for a while, I realised, and nobody was home.

"Fine," I gave in quickly, before kicking off my shoes and jumping into the bed beside her.

She grinned, snuggling into my side and breathing out contently. "Ya tak sil'no tebya lyublyu (I love you so much)."

I kissed the top of her head, holding her close and hoping she couldn't hear the rate of my heartbeat pick up. "I love you, too, Wanda."

We stayed like that, in each other's arms, until I sadly had to get up and leave her. She was asleep by the time her family returned, her face relaxed and without the constraints of reality. I smiled to myself, feeling overwhelmed with how much I was in love with her. I was lucky to have met her, I knew that much, but I was also unlucky to have met her under our circumstances.

As usual, I couldn't help but wonder what could have happened if we weren't in the wrong lifetime...

I kissed her once more, whispering an 'I love you' to her, before leaving the room and wondering if one day I might be able to stay under the covers with her, cuddling until I fell asleep, too.

—

"It won't take long, I just need to give him this," Wanda said nonchalantly, referring to the notebooks in her hand. "Then we can grab lunch."

I nodded and the two of us walked down the street until we located the Maximoff Publishing House. I'd been here a few times when visiting my brother and it always gave me a fuzzy warm feeling, my brain formulating daydreams where I could be published, too. But that's all they were – daydreams.

Wanda held the door open for me as I walked in and I gave her an appreciative smile before she followed after. She led the way to her brother's office at the back of the building and we passed several desks – editors, authors and other employees alike – before reaching it. Through the window, Wanda and I could see Pietro sat behind his desk, pen working away at some papers.

"Piet," Wanda called, knocking on the door.

He looked up and grinned, instantly motioning for us to come inside. I followed after Wanda and closed the door behind us before stopping in front of his desk.

"Y/N, I'm so glad you came!" he exclaimed, standing up and stretching out his hands ecstatically. "I didn't think you would if I'm being honest."

I tilted my head, bemused. "Er... pardon?"

"Piet, she doesn't–" Wanda started, making me look to her. She cut herself off with a sigh, massaging the bridge of her nose and shaking her head. "Oh, God."

"I'm not sure what's happening here," I said with an awkward chuckle, before taking the notebooks from Wanda's hand and dropping them on Pietro's desk, "but these are for you. Wanda said you left them at home."

He chuckled, pushing the notebooks to the side, before reaching into his top drawer and throwing some pages before me. "These are genius, Y/N."

My brows creased together with confusion as I lifted the pages, looking through them to see what had got him all happy. As my eyes skimmed the writing, my heart dropped. This was my writing.

"H-how did you get this?" I stammered, looking up at him.

His eyes flickered to Wanda and I immediately put the pieces together, my gaze falling to her. She smiled bashfully before avoiding my eyes. She'd given him my work without telling me? And she'd tricked me into coming here for this?

"I want to sign you," he stated, clasping his hands together. "Your work is amazing, arguably better than you brother's. You really undersold! And the fact that these are just excerpts means your actual completed work is even better. And I want it here at Maximoff Publishing."

My palms were sweaty as I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn't know what. He wanted to sign me? Like, properly sign me?

"Y/N?" Wanda prompted, making me look her way. She watched with encouraging eyes, nodding to her brother.

I swallowed hard and looked to Pietro. "I'll have to think about it."

My family's reaction would not be kind, I knew that now. All my life I'd been hearing about how it was unladylike and unattractive for a woman to be a writer, how I should just leave the writing to Y/B/N. He was the writer and I needed to get over it because nobody would want to publish me. Yet, here we were.

"Y/N, what are you saying?" Wanda asked, resting a hand on my forearm to get my attention. "You've talked about being published for ages."

I was beginning to regret mentioning that silly fantasy to Wanda. If I'd known she was going to give my work to her brother, I never would have said anything.

"It's fine, Wan, she just needs time to mull it over," Pietro said dismissively, before smiling at me. "I do hope you'll decide soon though."

I forced a small smile his way before turning to leave. When I reached the empty hallway, Wanda was quick to run after me, tugging me backwards so I would face her.

"Why did you do that?" I asked instantly, frowning, feeling betrayed. "What made you think I wanted this?"

Her fingers touched mine gently as she looked between my eyes. "You've told me you wanted this. I know you want this."

I shook my head, letting go of her hand and stepping back. "I can't believe you took my work and gave it to him without asking. You shouldn't have done this, Wanda. You're making waves and–"

"You deserve this," she proclaimed sternly, silencing me. Her eyes were fiery as she stared hard. "You deserve to get the credit, too. Not just your brother. It's about damn time, Y/N."

My lips pressed together firmly as I held her stare, though she was winning as she told me everything I'd wanted to hear. Just once, somebody believed in me, but I was so used to hearing otherwise that it felt foreign.

"Pietro wants to help," she said, expression softening. "He recognises talent and you have it. Maybe I should have asked before giving him your work, maybe I shouldn't have. But I know that it was the only way to push you. You're so content accepting what other people want that you don't chase what you deserve."

Her passion and belief for my work warmed my heart to the core and I was certain that I'd never been more in love with her than I was now. She didn't have to care, but she did. For once, somebody did.

"Nobody will like this," I muttered, half-convinced but still worried about the drawbacks. "It could destroy your brother's career. It could backfire."

Wanda shook her head, stepping forward and resting a hand on my neck, thumb stroking the skin comfortingly. "He wouldn't take the risk if he didn't believe in you."

I placed my hand over hers, taking it between mine as I squeezed it gently, gratefully. I didn't know what else to say, since she'd countered all of my arguments. Everything apart from my family's reaction, which she couldn't control.

"I did this for you," she murmured, before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me in for a hug. "For you to finally get what you deserve. So that you can make your own money and nobody can take it from you."

She paused as I returned her hug, though I was pondering her words, not knowing she felt that way. It sounded like she'd given this some thought. More than she was letting on.

"Especially if you get married," she added after consideration, and I pulled away, ready to say otherwise, but she closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, I know you don't like talking about it, but it needs to be said." She opened her eyes and I realised they were glassy with unshed tears. "I need you to be okay when it happens. I don't–" She sucked up a breath, smiling to relieve the tension, though it was full of pain. "I don't want some man owning you."

"Any money I make will belong to him anyway," I said, knowing she knew the world we lived in.

A downhearted chuckle escaped her lips. "You wouldn't allow that, Y/N, we both know that."

She wasn't wrong. But the thought of even being married to somebody that wasn't her made my heart crumble in my chest.

"Just think about it, okay?" she asked pleadingly. "Promise me you'll think about it? Properly?"

I nodded, reassuring her with a sad smile. "I will. I promise." She sighed with relief, tense shoulders relaxing. I continued quietly, "Thank you, Wanda. For all of this. For everything."

She nodded, before laughing to distract from the tear that slipped from her eye. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do. She was so concerned about my future without her and it pained me to see. We never talked about it – an unspoken agreement – because it was too difficult to accept.

"Come on," she said, changing the subject. "Let's go get that lunch we came here for."

—

I hadn't made up my mind about the publishing deal, but I was starting to veer towards a 'yes'.

A few days passed since Pietro made the offer and I hadn't told anybody of it. Only Wanda knew and she hadn't brought it up since, clearly not wanting to pressure me into a decision which I appreciated. It made me realise that I really wanted this for myself. I deserved this for myself, even if I'd been taught otherwise.

It was those few days later when the Maximoffs came over for dinner and it was the first time I'd seen Pietro since he made me the offer. When he greeted me at the door, he smiled brightly.

"I assume you haven't made a decision," he noted.

"You assumed correctly," I said with amusement, though I could tell he really wanted to know.

"Very well," he said with a shrug. "I guess I'll just have to change your mind."

I quirked a brow, wondering what he meant by that, but he simply walked past me and into the living room. Wanda smiled at me next, squeezing my hand and greeting me with a hug.

"You okay?" she asked lowly, a hint of concern in her eyes.

"I'm good," I promised. "Are you?"

"Yes," she said with a small smile. Just like her brother, I could tell she wanted to know what I was thinking.

After our two families conversed in the living room for a while, dinner was served by our servants and we all took to the table to continue our chatter.

"So, Pietro," my father started, looking across the table to him. "How is business going at the publishing house?"

I should have known what he would do when he glanced at me with mischievous eyes.

"It's going great," he answered my father respectfully. "We've actually sought out a new author to add to the list of names we represent."

My eyes widened when I realised what he was doing.

"Oh, really?" my dad asked with surprise. "Who is he?"

Pietro looked in my direction and I forgot how to breathe. "It's actually your daughter, sir."

All eyes fell to me as I locked my gaze on the cutlery beside my plate.

"Y/N? You want to sign Y/N?" asked my dad for clarification.

"I do," he said with a grin, and my face was heating up the longer this conversation went on. "Wanda saw her work and thought I'd be interested. I am. I think she'd make a great fit at our publishing house. And if she has a manuscript to show us, then I'd love to publish it."

"You did this?" Y/B/N asked Wanda with raised brows, jealousy intertwined in his voice.

"Yes, I did," she answered, unaffected by his irritation. "She's really talented."

I risked glancing up, smiling at Wanda appreciatively. She nodded in response, the corner of her mouth lifting adorably, making my heart flutter.

"She really is," Pietro agreed, before looking to my dad who still seemed taken aback. "She probably got that from you. Writing seems to run in the family."

My dad looked at me across the table, his eyes softening. All of our conversations flashed to mind where he claimed he was discouraging me for my own benefit. But now, everything he'd thought wouldn't happen was. Would he still be against the idea?

"D'you really think she'd sell?" he finally spoke, looking to Pietro, and I couldn't contain the smile from my lips.

"Yeah, don't women struggle with their first book?" my brother asked, and when I examined his expression, I saw the distaste.

"I actually think she'd do really well...," Pietro began to explain, before going into a long rant about numbers and sales and past examples.

As he spoke, my brother got progressively more frustrated and I frowned, wondering why he couldn't be supportive like our parents were being. Did he want to be the only author in our family that bad? Or was he just afraid that I wouldn't help him with his own books anymore?

"Thank you for explaining all of that," my dad said once he was done. He smiled, impressed, looking to me. "I actually love the idea."

I felt lightweight when he said that. Things were actually starting to look up for me. My dad was actually supporting my passion and it was all I'd wanted to hear since I was a kid. Trying to hide my elation behind a smile, I took a sip of water. 

"Maybe Pietro is just trying to sweeten Y/N up so he can propose," Y/B/N suddenly said, making me choke on my water.

Looking to him with disbelief, he had a friendly smile on his lips, but I saw right through it.

"Y/B/N," Wanda scolded beside him. "Don't joke about that."

"Yeah, I can assure you that's not the case," Pietro added with a chuckle, unfazed by my brother's bitterness.

"I know that," I said reassuringly, before glaring at my brother. "You don't need to dignify him with a response, Pietro."

Changing the subject, my mother spoke up with a laugh. "Well, I think this is delightful. Y/N has always loved to write and I used to think it wasn't an appropriate future for a young woman, but if you are saying it could be, then I'm fully supportive of the idea."

I smiled at her, unable to believe she'd actually said that. She was the last person I thought would approve.

"Pietro has a good eye with these things," Oleg pointed out. "If he thinks it'll be successful, it will be."

My parents began to talk about how writing was something I'd loved for a long time, but I wasn't really listening because I felt overwhelmed with happiness. Pietro caught my eye, winking playfully, and I hoped he knew how grateful I was at what he'd done. Under the table, Wanda's fingers laced through mine and I didn't let go. Giving her a sideways glance, I thanked her with my eyes. She smiled widely and I tried very hard not to kiss her.

"...it's not the conventional route, but Y/N deserves it," my dad said, and I perked up with realisation.

"Maybe Wanda could break the conventional, too," I said, wanting to repay the brunette beside me.

"What do you mean?" she asked with furrowed brows.

I gave her a smile of disbelief. "Wanda, your art. It's stunning. Everything you create could easily sell for hundreds of pounds."

Her lips parted with surprise as she struggled to find words.

"That's not a bad idea, you know," Iryna said with thought. "Especially if Y/N's signing goes to plan."

Oleg groaned playfully, looking to my father. "This is happening so quickly... our girls are growing up, Y/D/N."

My dad chuckled alongside him as I stroked the top of Wanda's hand with my thumb. She squeezed it gently and I smiled to myself.

"You'll make tons of money," I said with certainty. "Your work is incredible, Wanda."

"I'll make enough money to support the both of us," Y/B/N said, doing a terrible job at hiding his frustration.

I looked over Wanda and to him with a hard stare and fake smile. "It's not even about the money to be honest. Maybe it's just about Wanda doing something she loves."

He nodded in agreement, though his eyes glared daggers at me. "I agree. And I won't stop her. But there's no need to sell her work. She can still practice her craft as usual. Heck, I'll even get her a studio."

I quirked a brow challengingly. "And what if she wants to sell it?"

Y/B/N clenched his jaw behind a forced smile. I ignored the warning look Wanda gave me in my peripheral and didn't dare look away from my brother's gaze. This was a side to him that I definitely didn't like.

My mum suddenly laughed to clear the air, but it was nervous and concerned. "Ah, sibling rivalry. Such playful nonsense."

"I believe the dessert is coming out now," my dad added, stealing the Maximoffs' attention away from my brother and I. "We're having soufflé."

With a final glare to my brother, I returned to eating. Any chatter of Wanda and I's potential careers ceased and my parents attempted to make the rest of the meal worthwhile.

As much as I wanted to be excited at the possibility of accepting Pietro's deal, especially since I had my parents' support, I couldn't help but think about what just happened with my brother. What was his problem?

When the meal ended, we all had some tea in the living room before bringing the evening to a close. At the door, we said our goodbyes to the Maximoffs and I was sure to thank Pietro.

"You didn't have to do that back there," I said as we shook hands, "but thank you. I think I know my answer now."

"Anything for my sister's best friend," he said with his signature charming smile. "And I hope it's what I think it is. Though, I suppose you won't tell me now."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Not now."

"Soon, I hope." He nodded conclusively. "Have a good evening, Y/N."

Wanda shoved him out the way before I could respond before pulling me in for a hug. Pietro didn't seem offended as he gave me a knowing look over her shoulder. I stared back inquisitively, but got distracted when Wanda broke the hug, finding my eyes.

"You okay after what happened?" she asked gently, eyes subtly gesturing to my brother who was bidding her parents a goodbye.

"I'm okay," I reassured her with a smile. "Thanks for tonight."

She returned my smile. "Thank you. I think my parents actually took me seriously for a change."

"It's the least I could do," I told her, fully aware of everything she'd done for me.

Her smile widened, eyes flickering to my lips conspicuously. I shoved her gently, knowing what she was thinking and reminding her that we were in front of both of our families right now. She rolled her eyes playfully before stepping back.

"Such a handful," I mumbled jokingly.

When they left, the first thing Y/B/N did was storm off to his study. My parents exchanged glances before looking to me.

"Be nice," my mum warned.

"We'll see," I muttered under my breath, looking in the direction he'd gone.

Oh, was he about to get a piece of my mind.

[tsubaki3192]

A/N: I told myself I would post this once I reached 10 chapters. Apparently, I have no self control. No Haikyuu Characters yet, but this is just a prologue... 

TW: Mentions of the word sex/Angry sex, but nothing explicit. Also the MC is sad/lonely.

(Please do let me know if you want to be tagged in this series!)

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Series Masterlist

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Prelude: Lights Out

It’s always the darkest nights that plague the thoughts of the unwilling. Fleeting impurities, flickering against unsuspecting souls and incinerating those who come too close. There are those who flee, out of fear; out of danger, but there are those who linger and remain, out of fear, out of curiosity and out of hope.

You are one of the few who remain. Not in the literal sense, but emotionally; it’s still the same. The decision’s admittedly painful, but as for regrets? You would have none.

You’re moving from Osaka to Miyagi—alone—at the age of 15.

Your parents don’t approve of your decision. Neither does your older sister, the family’s resident bijin, or your clingy younger brother. 

But because volleyball is your life, you don’t spiritually leave. Your soul is tied—tangled—in red around the patterned ball and the sport’s all that you know. 

And for you, that second tangle of ball and string resides in Osaka. 

(Don’t worry about the first—You moved from Hyogo to Osaka at the age of eight. Your initial tangle resides there.)

Granted, the only person you regret leaving behind is your younger brother. Little Yuki-e doesn’t deserve his parent’s mistreatment. You feel very little for your elder sister, whose bijin-ness often led to her picking on you to make her appear more likeable.

(Pathetic, really.)

It took months of pleading. Months of pleading and pledges and near-perfect behaviour to convince your parents to allow you to move to Miyagi with your Aunt Rin, who regrettably lived alone following the death of her husband two years prior. Of all members of your admittedly small family, she was the kindest.

(You vaguely remember the times of your childhood when you got along with your sister. A time before your four-year-old brother was born. A time when your parents smiled and frequently visited Miyagi for weekend getaways, and you smile wistfully at the last framed photograph on the small, decorated table by the door.)

You leave all your countless awards and trophies in your room, now padlocked four times over to prevent your money-hungry sister from laying her grubby hands on them in exchange for more cosmetics and make your way down the hallway of your childhood home, memorising the creamy colour of white on the walls, the countless paintings and wall decorations that screamed wealth; and the dusty, elaborate Bohemian crystal chandeliers that hung over you. Your fingertips trace over the small coloured markings on the kitchen door frame, blinking quietly at the lowest, dated ‘5 years old’ in your messy handwriting. 

(110 CM.)

Your gaze slowly rises and lands on the highest mark on the doorframe—’10 years old’, it states, ’136.1 centimetres’. Your lips curl up quietly again. 

(You remember arguing with your father that the one millimetre was still a part of your height, and not to make you shorter than you already were. You remember your father laughing at you with his eyes crinkling, and his warm hand ruffling your head; your then-15-year-old sister huffing in defiance.)

And you reach into your coat pocket, feeling for the four-coloured pen you had stuffed in there and measure yourself once more. Turning, you write two final lines just beneath the one you draw.

15. Moving to Miyagi.

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Your parents don’t bid you goodbye as you leave. 

Your sister is once again out of the house, likely at the nail saloon or on a date with one of the numerous boys she’s picked up from who knows where. Your father’s in his study, and the scent of his expensive cigarettes wafts from the small gap of the open door as you pass by. You don’t recognise the brand, but you know it’s expensive all the same. And all you do is peer through the gap and stare, memorising his facial features with ease. Your father sits upon the kingly study chair, wine glass in one hand, and a nib-point in the other. His pile of paperwork sits on the mahogany desk before him, and you turn away.

(The reason why your family’s falling apart.)

Your mother is in the bathroom—you can hear the shower water running—and you sigh quietly. This was the third night in a row she was heading out. And she probably wouldn’t be back until at least 3AM. Like she did the previous three days. Like she did whenever she went out. You never bothered finding out where exactly she was headed on most nights, but you knew your sister knew.

Machiru. The pride of the family. Your mother’s confidant. 

Not that it mattered to you anyway.

The room you do enter is Yuki-e’s. Your younger brother. The product of your parent’s angry sex. The child they never wanted. It wasn’t as if you were appreciated either, but Yuki-e was far too young to need that experience. That sense of uselessness. That sense of being unwanted. 

Knocking quietly, you mutter out to Yuki’s nanny.  

“May I come in?”

The responding voice is sweet and gentle. Not quite like your own.

“Young master Yuki-e is sleeping, Lady (Y/N). If it doesn’t bother you that he is, you can come in.”

You open the door as quietly as you can. The nanny, Lana or Rana, is a half-Japanese, half-American woman of roughly eight years Machiru’s senior. And she smiles at you.

“You’re leaving tonight aren’t you, Lady (Y/N)?”

It’s a terrifyingly quiet statement and all you can do is nod mutely. Your eyes don’t leave Yuki’s bed however, and she places a gentle hand against your back to usher you closer. Your head turns and you meet her eyes in a silent thanks, reaching into your backpack for the Bulbasaur plush you know he’s always loved. It’s a gift for him. And the letter too, which you pass over to Lana with a murmur of, “No need to address me with the term ‘Lady’. I am, after all, as far as possible from being one.”

Lana says nothing as you lean over Yuki-e and press a soft kiss to his smooth cheek. And as predicted, the boy doesn’t awaken. Sitting up, you smooth the hair from his forehead.

“He’ll be sad when he discovers you’re gone, (Y/N)-san.”

You don’t say anything about the suffix added to your name. You know. You know better than anyone in the household that Yuki-e would be upset. You just hope that the sadness doesn’t become anger. But you can’t say that aloud. Instead, you say—

—“Look after him. I’m sorry I can’t take him with me.”

You don’t look back as you leave the room, volleyball spinning in your hands. 

(What you don’t hear are her last whispered words, “I hope your time there is better than your time here.”)

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The chauffeur at the gate greets you and you nod back, loading the few bags and the suitcase in the rear of the black Bentley.

Seiji is a man in his 60’s, a chauffeur, a grandfather and a soon-to-be retiree. This is the final time he’ll be serving the (L/N) household. Like you, he’s headed back to Miyagi to live out his retirement with his son, who's name you’re not acquainted with. The Bentley is to be a gift for your aunt. Seiji’s gift is something far grander—His own property on the edge of the countryside town, close to one of his high school friends.

It still amazes you that he’s managed to keep in contact for that long. 

Your father’s a good person at heart and he cares for his employees. And Seiji’s a good man; kind and gentle and loving. Like Lana. So it’s only natural that he’s rewarded. But it leaves you slightly bitter, wishing that your father was just as kind to you and your younger brother as much as he cared for his employees and your elder sister.

(Silently, you wonder where your mother sits in this broken hierarchy. Regrettably, she seems much like a trophy wife now.)

You take the passenger seat at the front.

It’s a long drive to Miyagi from Osaka. More specifically, just beyond 10 hours of continuous driving. The trip with Seiji is silent, aside from the quiet, no-nonsense music in the background and the frequent beep-booping of the game you’re playing. But it has always been like this between you and Seiji, and the ��silence’ never bothered you. And for that you were thankful, because the noise from your family was enough.

(Arguments between your elder sister and your father. Between your mother and your father. Your father really was the centre of all things, wasn’t he?)

Seiji was—is—your personal driver. One you would no longer need once you arrived in Miyagi. But he understood that you were not simply tossing him aside. You needed a change of pace. A change of location where ‘no one’ would recognise you. But Seiji would forever be your grandfather figure. Because of all the thousands of people in the world, Seiji was the one person you trusted. Countless times he had driven you to places with no destination in silence while you cried. You trusted him with all your quiet places; you trusted him with your darkest secrets, and you trusted him with your silence.

You fall asleep as the car drives past the dusking sky, forehead leaning against the window.

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The Bentley pulls into Tokyo six hours later and Seiji wakes you, informing you that you would be spending the night in a hotel while he slept in the car. 

(It was something he insisted on. And there was no arguing against Seiji when he was like that.)

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The black, fabric face mask you wear is your new signature style. 

You refuse to allow your identity to be revealed, and you check into the hotel this way. The receptionist hardly spares you a glance as she directs you to your hotel room and passes you your key. Not that it mattered much to you—you would be out of there by 9AM anyway.

(It’s a mid-range hotel. There was never a need for anything higher quality when you were only to stay for the night. Was high quality even a factor for anything? You were grateful enough if there was running clean water, a clean bed, and a roof over your head. You didn’t need the grand splendour of the riches and wealth your family had.)

And at 9AM did you check out with nothing more than the shoulder bag you brought with you the previous night.

It takes another five hours to arrive in Miyagi (or rather, to reach the sign that calls you home—“Welcome to Miyagi!”), and another 10 minutes to reach your aunt’s home, close to the epicentre and shopping district of the country precinct. But the minute your aunt’s house comes into view is when you’re finally feeling the nervous fear that comes with moving alone to another place—even if that place is just a measly 10-and-a-half hours away from where you had come from.

(You try to ignore the fact that you had practically moved halfway across the country; to a place you hadn’t been to for over five years, but details.)

Your aunt greets you at the driveway, excited at the prospect of someone living with her.

“Welcome home, (Y/N)-chan!”, is her over-the-top greeting, warm smiles and a bouquet of flowers in her hand. You smile wobbly. Nervously. 

‘Welcome home', she says, as if you’d been living with her your entire life. She hands you the bouquet of flowers, and your wobbly smile becomes less wobbly.

Aunt Rin ushers both you and Seiji inside, suggesting that the older man take a break while she directs you to your room. Your aunt owns a modest two-storey home, with a balcony hanging off the side of the two upper bedrooms—one of which now belongs to you. It's cleaned up nicely, obviously a job of a few days’ worth and you feel the appreciation slowly creeping in.

Between you and Aunt Rin, your five bags are brought upstairs with ease and she leaves you to unpack and rearrange, calling—asking—Seiji if he wished for a cup of tea.

(He agrees, of course. Anyone can get Seiji with a cup of tea. The man himself once called himself a ‘tea connoisseur’, much to your amusement.)

❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅

Aunt Rin knows of the reason for your move to Miyagi. She understands the pain of being in the spotlight. Like you, she shows no appreciation for the media and the hype up of an individual. And she knows better than anyone of the pain of being in the spotlight. 

After all, she’s a retired model for several famous companies. 

You’ve seen her work—Aunt Rin has always had this kind of ethereal beauty, one that doesn’t particularly stand out but somehow manages to steal the spotlight anyhow. And she had once described your fashion of beauty in the same way. 

Once, when you saw her two years ago following your uncle’s death.

(To quote her indirectly, she had mentioned to one of her model friends that your beauty was very similar to her own, quiet and calm, whilst Machiru had the beauty of your mother—loud and exuberant. You’re not offended—you’d rather be like Aunt Rin than your mother anyway.)

And so when she returns to your new room moments later and hands you a new sim card for your phone, you accept immediately. And she gathers you into a hug and you melt into her arms. 

“Thank you,” you mutter quietly, tearing up at the warmth.

“You’re welcome,” she responds before pulling away several moments later, and holds you by your shoulders, “I’m gonna look after you from here on out, so look after me too, okay?”

Sniffing, you nod and wipe the tears from your eyes. And she smiles gently. 

You’re far too young to have all this pressure placed on you.

Despite barely knowing you, Aunt Rin knows you better than your closest family members do. Perhaps it’s because she sees herself in you. Perhaps it’s because she knows that the older members of your closest family don’t treat you the way you deserve. And yet she knows you’re wildly different from her. You’re emotionally stronger than her, after all. And she admires that part of you—even if you don’t notice it.

“I’m going to take Seiji to his new home now, okay? Feel free to set up your room and wander around the town when you’re done. Don’t worry about getting lost—I know my way around this area, so don’t hesitate to call me if you get lost, alright?”

You nod, and she leaves once again, passing you a key to the house when she does so. 

❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅

Aunt Rin’s house is eerily silent without her prescence. 

You honestly don’t have many items aside from the handful of clothes you had brought to Miyagi. After all, a new start was a new start, right? Because aside from your volleyball and the colour of your bedsheets—a patterned cat quilt cover, red in colour—your room was rather bare.

Nevertheless, you exit your room to wander the house several times over, memorising the layout in a couple of rounds. 

And then you stare at the house door. Nervously.

Leaving the house meant communicating with others, and you quietly sigh, slipping your sneakers on and your mask to your face. Returning to your room, you spy the house key upon your table and sigh. 

You’d have to buy a keychain if you wanted to ensure that it’d always be with you.

❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅❅

And the light you had once shone so brightly in Osaka flickers and fades to darkness. 

[velvetcoves]

some V3 relationship HCs :) (boys)

(f/n)= first name <3

-mod velv

K1-B0 (KIIBO)

★ I LOVE HIM-

★ anyway

★ Kiibo has a basic understanding of human nature, but there are things that he just.. doesn’t get

★ like.. why do you have so many cups?? don’t you need only a couple?

★ and yes, he supposes that rock shines, but why do you need it?

★ you’ll have to explain to him some of your nature, and most humans as well. he’s very interested in learning as much as he can :)

★ after he gets some of it, (which took a while), he’ll start collecting little things that remind him of you. like a crow

★ your reactions mean everything to him

★ if you have any games that require timing, i have one word for you.

★ Kiibo.

★ he can literally pass any levels you’re stuck on

★ did i mention he heats up?

★ even though he’s.. made of metal, he’s surprisingly very comfortable! however, there are times where some parts of him dig into you uncomfortably, but there are solutions :)

★ like sweaters!! and blankets

★ speaking of, i feel like Kiibo would have a love-hate relationship with winter

★ on one hand, he gets to see you in the snow, help you make a snowman, and keep you warm during the cold nights

★ but.. his body gets stuck more often.

★ and the metal gets cold quickly, and he doesn’t want you cold :(

★ but you just remind him of the sweaters and you’ve got a happy robot :)

KOREKIYO SHINGUJI

★ whenever you two go out, he always has to be touching you in someway

★ it’s never something big, and most times you don’t even notice him until later

★ more often than not, his hand finds its way to your back

★ it’s now a habit of his, to kind of lead you with that

★ if his hand isn’t at your back, i feel like it would be somewhere on your arm. like a linked arm, or he’s holding your hand so he doesn’t lose you in a crowd.

★ ok but his h a i r?

★ can i be a simp for hair

★ he definitely would let you, and only you play with his hair. like braiding it, brushing, etc.

★ i feel like he would rarely call you by your actual name, because he uses so. many. pet names.

★ “angel, could you grab that for me?”

★ “dearest, come here for a second.”

★ stuff like that smh oh to be called dearest by Kiyo

★ he’d tease you sometimes as well

★ if you’re shorter than him, he’d definitely hold things above his head so you couldn’t grab them. and if you’re taller than him, then oh boy. he’d hide stuff from you. not important things, but stuff you’d need only in that specific moment.

★ he also really likes to play with your fingers lol it helps him concentrate

★ ok but just imagine.. Kiyo in the middle of a conversation, you’re not really paying attention as you’re screwing around on your phone. suddenly, Kiyo’s soft fingers interlace between yours, giving your hand a squeeze before he begins to play with your index finger as he continues to talk. tracing the shape of it into his mind. almost like he wanted to make a copy of you.

★ he could never try to replicate you, though. you’re so perfect to him.

RANTARO AMAMI

★ TEASE KING. STEP ASIDE KOKICHI

★ Rantaro is definitely that dude that if you’re wearing a hat, he’ll pull it down over your eyes or he’ll just straight up steal it.

★ play with his hair plEASE-

★ his hair is soft, threads through your fingers rather easily, and smells like lime

★ y’all are that couple that has one’s head in their lap as they read or somethin, playing with the other’s hair.

★ he is also that dude that comes up behind you, covering your eyes with his hands as he whispers, “guess who?~”

★ Rantaro actually has pretty small hands, and they’re actually cold most of the time.

★ beware of him and his goddamn hands smh

★ he will definitely stick his hands under your shirt for “warmth” as he so says. you know that he just wants to see your reactions

★ he’s actually god at eyeliner, so if you need to wear some, he’s your guy. hey, the dude has sisters.

★ speaking of, his sisters absolutely ADORE you. usually when you go over to his house they just.. immediately snatch you for 99% of the time and Rantaro is just “😀”

★ he leaves you little doodles everywhere. like he’ll bring you a book you asked for, and like on the 120th page there’s a crow with heels and it's the funniest thing you’ve seen all day

★ he starts laughing when you bring it up, and eventually you both are just laughing so hard at it you can't breathe

★ he has so much fun when he’s with you. he can never repay you

SHUICHI SAIHARA

★ steal his hat steal his hat steal his-

★ Shuichi is flustered rather easily when it comes to you, so use that information to your advantage hehe

★ expect lots of cuddles from him, especially those back hugs. like the ones where he’ll come up behind you and wrap his arms around you, leaning his head on top of yours if you're shorter, or against your back if you’re taller.

★ he’ll let out a small sigh of content as he nuzzles into your form, trying to keep his face hidden.

★ he finds your voice so soothing, especially when you read to him? like watch this:

★ you two are working on one of his cases together. your job is reading out his notes from the scene, your voice a low murmur as he works away. you haven’t noticed that he’s just.. stopped writing, staring at his pen as he begins to play with it. scratchy handwriting is what his eyes rake over, an adoring smile plastered to his face as he just listens. eventually you notice he’s stopped. “..Shuichi?” your soft voice asks, and he jolts a bit, grasped from his daydream. “a-ah.. sorry (f/n).. continue?”

★ more often than not it's your murmurs that causes the sleep deprivation to slap him in the face and just be knocked tf out.

★ helping him with cases is one of your favorite things?? like Shuichi you’re so smart give yourself some credit?????

★ every morning he greets you with a small smile. even though he’s still really tired, he makes an effort for you :)

★ i love funky detective man smh

GONTA GOKUHARA

★ b,, baby man,,

★ if you’re terrified of bugs, he’ll try to keep his little friends away from you, he doesn’t want to scare you at all :(

★ if you don’t mind bugs/you like them, he’ll be overjoyed!!

★ he probably has a bug named after you

★ more often than not, you’ll find them in your room or on your things. usually they’re really gorgeous, he says they remind you of him that day :)

★ he tries to switch up the bugs you find each day, so it’s always a little surprise when you enter your own room

★ ask him to carry you

★ he wants to carry you.

★ pl e a se

★ Gonta is also really warm, and his hands are HUGE

★ expect so many head pats from him. he loves how small you are compared to him

★ boops from Gonta? boops from Gonta.

★ this man straight up craves your cuddles.

★ because of his body temperature and scent of pine, it’s not hard at all to fall asleep in his embrace

★ i feel like he wakes up rather early, so he gets the pleasure of watching you sleep

★ not in a creepy way! he thinks you look so.. peaceful. angelic, is more of the word.

★ he absolutely LOVES seeing you in his clothes. just the way the cloth envelopes your tiny frame, you with your adorable smile and sweater paws?

★ god he loves you sm

RYOMA HOSHI

★ when you two first got into a relationship, he rarely touched you.

★ he literally had no idea what to do

★ he lived all of his life on eggshells, scared of every coming day

★ and then you, his ray of sunshine, just came to him?

★ he’s just so lost

★ however, you knew what to do.

★ you basically taught him that no, you’re not going to disappear from his life at any given moment. you promise.

★ it took some convincing, but you got there.

★ anyway, he doesn’t show too much PDA, but he’s taken up the habit of grasping your sleeve when you two walk together

★ given the fact that you’re likely taller than him, this boy l o v e s your hugs.

★ the way you just envelope him in your loving embrace.. he feels like he doesn’t deserve it.

★ he might tell you so, but you quickly shut him up with a kiss or something :)

★ spooning spooning spooning-

★ he’s usually little spoon, but he’ll be big spoon if you want :)

★ Ryoma really likes being held by you. he feels like time stops, like all that matters is you in that moment.

★ he just feels so safe when he’s around you. he’s gotta get used to it

★ one time when you both went on a date, you accidentally found the main base of the stray cats in your town

★ they LOVED him and now you go there frequently to visit the cats

★ ya’ll definitely have a cat from there too smh you’re so cute

KOKICHI OUMA

★ at the earliest stages of your relationship, i have two words for you.

★ good luck.

★ you are not safe from Kokichi.

★ you are targeted by him.

★ anyway, i definitely feel like he would be so clingy with you.

★ he doesn’t care that you’re in public, he will latch onto you and be a nuisance.

★ holding onto your sleeve, holding your hand, latching onto your leg so you have to drag him around, full on trying to tackle you, etc.

★ p i g g y b a c k r i d e s

★ if you don’t want him to completely annoy you, just hoist him up onto your back for a ride

★ he LOVES it

★ i also feel like he wouldn’t really know what he’s doing at first.. you make him feel so many things, emotions that he thought were buried a long time ago. it’s a bit too much for him

★ patience is key with Kokichi. please just wait for him. he’ll catch up when he’s ready.

★ but when he does? and when you’ve convinced him you’re not leaving anytime soon?

★ you have the most caring and lovable man right at your side.

★ he’s.. so soft with you.

★ Kokichi absolutely adores being held by you. probably the most out of the V3 crew. he feels so secure, so sure of your relationship in those moments. he sleeps best when you’re around, which he desperately needs due the insomnia that plagues him most nights.

★ quiet cuddles are such a treasure to you. he’s usually silent during your cuddle sessions, his head either in the crook of your neck or buried in your chest, inhaling your scent so he can imprint it to his mind. it makes you more in love with him.

★ also DICE adores you-

KAITO MOMOTA

★ he is,, the biggest simp for you,,,

★ literally every single day, Kaito looks at you with the biggest grin on his face because every time he looks at you, he notices a new thing that makes him love you even more.

★ stargazing da te s✨

★ ^ these dates often end up with him going on a rant about the constellations and their movements, star types, etc. and you love him for it

★ his coat is so warm?? you wonder how he wears it 24/7

★ he absolutely LOVES it when you tackle hug him. he doesn’t even care if he was in the middle of a conversation, just feeling the sudden embrace of his s/o makes him melt.

★ those tackle hugs usually end up in him turning around and scooping you up, spinning you around before planting you back down and giving you a sweet kiss

★ PDA? he loves it

★ he NEVER would do anything that makes you uncomfortable though.

★ your PDA mostly consists of hand holding, hugs, all that soft stuff :)

★ he would definitely have to do a double take if you ever wore his jacket.

★ “hey (f/n)? where-“ and he’d just s t a r e at you, his face going ablaze in red

★ he’s like that Tamaki gif

★ yeah that one ^

★ more often than not, you get piggyback rides from him

★ the gentle rock of his body as he walks, his overall warmth, his scent of lavender.. it’s perfect to lull you asleep.

★ he wouldn’t have it any other way :)

[lunaticpuppetmaster]

  My contribute for Konoha Simps server collab! 

Trying to do both drabble and an art was a poor decidion as i am a lil bit late. 

Special Thanks to @pfreadsandwrites who beta-readed this drabble!

Title: Lost and Found.

Pairing: Kiba Inuzuka x OC (Tsubasa Yuki)

Summary: Everyone knows that everything you lose will end up in your soulmates possesions. Some people go crazy trying to find their destined one with practically no information. Tsubasa was never interested in finding hers and there is a chance she would never be able to.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, hurt/comfort

Word count: 6907

   When the first symptoms of the family curse appeared, Tsubasa already knew she was doomed. The sickness was rare and there wasn’t much information about it in the Yuki clan library even before the genocide, while after it…  well, no information survived. To be honest she did not have much hope at the beginning when her ice-natured chakra just only started to act like a parasite, eating her body and breaking thin bones.

But her sensei had. Mei had always been protective of her pupils, acting like a big sister even after the trio passed the chunin exam. So, when the worst happened, she used all her resources in order to save one of them. Unfortunately, even Kirigakure medics famous for their body knowledge were unsuccessful. The only hope was the best medic alive, Tsunade-hime herself.

Tsubasa did not know how she convinced Tsunade to help or what she promised to her (probably rare Kiri herbs), but the sannin agreed to work on her case. She didn’t promise a cure. To the girl’s pleasure, unlike her sensei, the 5th hokage was rational and she stated right from the start that the chances of recovery were very low and more likely she would just extend the Yuki girl’s agony. It was hurtful, but honest. Tsubasa always respected honesty… and her sensei. She had no other choice, but to promise Mei that she will fight till the end even though she did not want to.

“Maybe you will find your soulmate there,”- said Mei before her departure.

Mei was one of those people who always wanted to find their soulmate, however that was not the reason why she said it. She appreciated different manifestations of love: between friends, parental, sisterly and etc. She also knew that Tsubasa was a pessimist and even the love of people who were close to her was not enough to restore her will to live. At least if she were deeply in love with her soulmate, Mei hoped that Tsubasa could finally find the strength to fight.

Soulmates were always a bone of contention between different social groups: commoners, nobility and shinobi. Especially the last one. Missions and loyalty towards the village must be a number one priority for a ninja. But with soulmates everything became much harder.

Still even the biggest soulmate deniers tried their best to ‘lose things’. Even though little was known about soulmates nature, over the years people were able to learn a couple of useful things:

1 - Every item you lose will end up in your soulmate’s possessions.

2 - You cannot send a letter or any kind of writing this way.

3 - You cannot just throw away a random thing in the air or leave it intentionally on a park bench. So, you must really lose the thing to make it reach your soulmate.

The world was never peaceful. Neither for commoners nor shinobi, so desire to help for so called “true one” was understandable. People tried to tie various useful items with slim strings to their clothes like meds and water. When it came to shinobi they usually tied small scrolls to their bags or jackets hoping that during fights the thread would be cut or ripped and the item lost. Such scrolls were usually filled with food, kunais or ninja pills. Supplies that suddenly appeared managed to save some shinobi on the verge of death more than once. So even soulmate deniers had an opinion that it was practical to help the soulmate and very rude to ignore it. Help for help, life for life, nothing more. Tsubasa was one such person.

Of course, every skilled shinobi could tell from which village the lost item appeared.

Yuki’s soulmate for example was from Konoha. Her teammate Hiroto recognized a specific plant in a found ninja pill. So, she had some chances to run into him during her stay.

But Tsubasa did not want a soulmate. She did not need some stranger. She wanted to stay in Kiri and spend her last days with people she loved with all her heart and soul. Hadn’t she suffered enough? It didn’t look like it.

This was how she ended up in Konoha; or rather in a spare room of Yamanaka-hime’s house. Although Tsunade made efforts, in Yuki’s opinion, she clearly did not have an intention to heal her, but to collect information about how the disease proceeds under various factors, in order to save other unfortunate ones… Tsubasa could tell it from her students. Tsunade put her under the care of somewhat inexperienced newbies, ones who could crawl into her head and feel the patient’s condition themselves. Tsubasa did not blame her for that. She would be happy if her death could help someone. The girl rather felt sorry for distracting Ino from her more important patients. The hime herself was cheerful and sunny person, but in moments that required professionalism she could turn cold and focused with the flick of a finger. “She would be a perfect clan leader one day,” Tsubasa thought.

To be honest Yamanaka’s jutsu was useful for more than just therapy. When they first met, Yuki just simply let Ino read her mind and see her past. It was much faster and easier, plus all the secret information she knew as an ANBU was sealed. In order to get it, they would have had to use much stronger and more traumatic jutsu (and of course torture). Moreover, she was going to die soon, so did it really matter how many people knew her story?

Though when Tsubasa saw the girl’s blank face after reading her mind, she felt guilty. The blonde stayed silent for a few seconds before giving her a hug. She did not need words to say that she will do her best.

    Ino was easy to befriend. She also was good at distracting from negative thoughts. Between her regular Tsunade checkups and preparations for missions (It was important to monitor the development of the disease in the field, and all missions would be related to information gathering about the Yuki clan) they were chatting, watching movies and sometimes working in the flower shop. Thanks to Tsubasa’s honey-coloured hair most people mistook her as a distant relative of Yamanaka, so no one asked questions.

Once they ended up talking about soulmates. It started when Ino found some spilled ink on her carpet one day. Hime did not know much about her soulmate except he was really… an artistic type. Through the years she collected various brushes, pencils, erasers and doodles. Once she even found a whole sketchbook (unfortunately half torn)! But there was one thing that made her upset. He never “lost” anything to help her like the majority did.

“Maybe he is from a strict ninja family or a specific ANBU team”, she said with a sad smile.

If Ino’s soulmate was artistic, Tsubasa’s was… quite “special”. Because only a “special” person would end up losing a 6-kilo bag of dog food. Even now, after seven years Tsubasa sometimes wondered ‘how?’.. It was not a pen or a trinket which could be easily left on an academy desk, but a giant bag of dog food! No, he was a good soulmate who was “losing” supplies for her (that once saved her teammate’s life) unlike Ino’s, but still… Even when the blonde heard about it, she could not believe it and then started to laugh hysterically. After such silly small talks Tsubasa felt like she wasn’t fully alone in this foreign village. It almost felt like she had found a friend.

Unlike the other forced teammate.

Every village had a system of having at least 3 people in a team. Moreover, Tsubasa was suffering from her disease and Ino concentrated on helping her. They needed another member.

Tsubasa did not like him from the start. He was loud, narcissistic, clingy and insolent. The kunoichi was easily fed up with his behaviour. She spat out what exactly she thought of him to his face before going back to the Yamanaka estate. Only when she was alone in her room, she understood all her stupidity. She shouldn’t have acted so idiotic and lose her cool. It was essential for a ninja. She also understood why he was chosen among all of the shinobi. As a member of the Inuzuka clan he had a ninken who was already big enough to carry a man. It would be useful in case she became unconscious due to the illness. But she could not help it. A lot of bad things were going on in her life. She felt useless and helpless since she was banned from using her ice chakra. Mei also banned her from using anything that would hide her emotions. She thought that Tsubasa finally needed to learn how to speak and deal with new people. Babysitting was not helpful, so she wanted to try something more radical. Tsubasa understood, but understanding wasn’t enough to cope with the stress. Now she was sitting in the corner of her room shivering. Usually, she would take her father’s mask – the only thing left after his death- and put the cold material close to her forehead thinking what he would say or do. She couldn’t do it any longer. Some of her belongings and a mask were lost during a powerful chakra release at the beginning of the disease.

A few minutes passed before she started to feel better. A sudden knock on the door took her out of thoughts. Tsubasa went to open it thinking it would be Ino. Unfortunately, it was him. The cause for today’s bad mood and their third teammate – Kiba Inuzuka himself. She sighed and looked at him through the door, hiding most of her body behind it. The young man in front of her hesitated and looked a little bit strange or uncertain.

”Listen, I came here to apologise.“

Tsubasa raised her brow. Surely she should have been the one to apologise?. Plus, the boy looked like someone who would rather make a bunch of excuses and snap back than accept he was wrong.

“Well, I shouldn’t have invaded your personal space in the first place.” He scratched the back of his head and looked away. Judging by his behavior, the girl started to understand what actually made his behavior change.“And …uhm, Ino told me about your case so…”

“Showed you,” said Yuki her guess as a statement.

”She d-did not show me much!”

”That’s okay. I don’t mind and Ino knows that.”

“Anyway, I want to start on a clean slate. Here, take it. It’s a half mask and a bottle of blue paint so you can customize it with your clan symbol.”

”Actually…”

“I know that you are not allowed to use anything to hide your emotions, but it is a half mask and I made the holes for eyes bigger so your emotions will be perfectly visible. This is not technically breaking the rule and you will definitely feel better due to your um… well, habit. Just enjoy it, okay? I have to go now, bye!

“W-wait! I cannot…”

But the boy already left, forcing the girl to accept.

After that, though the relationship between the trio smoothed out, it was far from perfect. Tsubasa preferred to act more as a solo player despite her health condition, Kiba was still too loud and tried to act like the leader he never was and Ino … Ino tried not to go crazy in this whole mess called a team. However, overall, their missions were rather calm. Perhaps the three of them needed time to get used to each other before they could accept the others’ faults and learn to compromise. The tension completely disappeared at rest time, when tired teenagers passed time by talking to each other. Often they talked about soulmates. Someone was consulting with others about what would be more useful to seal in a tie-down scroll, the other one was looking through a travel bag for new supplies (or accidentally dropped useless things), another was thinking about loud who their soulmate might be. On one of such days, all of a sudden Tsubasa discovered earrings in a sealed scroll. They were simple and consisted of three deep blue feathers each. The girl looked at them in surprise, not knowing how to react. But, on the contrary, Ino reacted too happily.

“These are so cute! And they match your eye color! Quite a nice present for a soulmate that has never seen you.”

“This must have been a mistake.”

“It was in a scroll. How could this be a mistake? Looks like your soulmate really wishes to meet you and…”

“I don’t need a soulmate, Ino! Like, I don’t believe in perfect matches made by spiritual forces or some sort. I never wanted to have him in the first place! I have a dream to achieve, a family in Kiri. No way if I survive, I will leave it all behind because of some questionable romance! That’s ridiculous!”

Ino sighed and Kiba remained silent. The conversation came to an end. But not the attention from Tsubasa’s soulmate or their mission.

One of those days, when all sorts of cute things and sweets instead of standard ammunition began to show up in Tsubasa’s scrolls more and more, their group stumbled upon really strong opponents. The longer the battle continued the more obvious it became that they were not going to win. Unless Tsubasa broke the rule and used her clan’s abilities. Mei’s order, both as sensei and as Mizukage, always stood above many moral principles for Yuki, but now it was a completely different case. Neither Ino nor Kiba with the sweetest and bravest Akamaru should have been involved in this from the very beginning. They were not supposed to die or risk their lives because of some terminally ill girl from another village and a questionable contract between their Kages. They must live, survive and Tsubasa made up her mind. At first, she managed to eliminate a couple of ninjas and slightly injure the rest using the element of surprise. She was incredibly lucky, because the disoriented opponents were much easier to finish off for Kiba and Ino. Tsubasa by this moment had already lost her eyesight from the tension and saw the battlefield only as a set of white and light gray colors. She lost her breath and her strength to stand upright. But it was nothing compared to the pain that washed over her seconds later.

     The kunoichi screamed in pain as she felt blood filling her mouth and an ice crust covering her internal organs. She fell on the cold dusty ground, heart-rendering screams leaving her lips with the blood pulsing her temples, ice needles tearing the muscles of her arms and legs. It seemed like nothing existed except for the all-consuming pain. Through the wall of never-ending white noise, she heard the sounds of Ino’s commands and Akamaru’s frightened barking. This was the last thing she felt before passing out.

Tsubasa woke up with a heavy head and pain all over her body. She listened to her senses before opening her eyes… and it would have been better not to listen to them. Someone brazenly pressed her close to their body and sniffed into the ear. When she opened her eyes the girl immediately screamed. In general, it was a completely normal reaction when you find yourself half-dressed in the arms of an equally half-dressed man. Of course, given that she was half-asleep, her only response was a stream of unpleasant curses and swearing. At first Kiba, who was still sleepy, was happy that the girl woke up, but soon joined the exchange of curses until a joyful, but terribly tired Ino ran up to them, immediately trying to interrupt the catfight and change the topic. Kiba waved his hand resentfully and went off in an unknown direction. Ino stayed with Tsubasa alone.

“Sit down and drink this.”

“Okay, but can I ask you a question first? What the hell happened here?”

”Your disease went out of control. I could barely suppress it. This time it was… too strong. Not like before. When I was finally able to improve your condition, you were still unconscious, your temperature dropped to terribly low levels, and some ice crystals did not disappear. We didn’t risk taking you back to the village in such poor condition. At first, we tried to wrap you up warm, but that didn’t help. Your clothes were quickly soaked by the cold coming from you and it only aggravated your condition. Then we decided that we would warm you one by one with the heat of our bodies. Well, Akamaru too.

Tsubasa howled in embarrassment and Ino sighed.

“Don’t worry. I think Kiba understands what the situation looked like for you. Or he will understand. He is a hot-head, you know, and he needs some time to calm down. But he will.”

”Still, that doesn’t change the fact that I snapped at him twice for literally nothing, especially the last time when I should have said ‘thank you for trying to save my dumb ass’. I feel terrible.”

The blonde girl patted her dejected friend on the shoulder and then said, “ Drink the medicine or, I swear to God, you will regret that you woke up.

The group’s return journey took place in silence. Despite the fact that Tsubasa apologized to Kiba and he accepted the apology, the kunoichi was still tormented by her conscience. She needed to apologize to him properly. Stealing a glance at the still visible ice crystals on her hand, a thought flashed through her: “While I can still do it.”

Night is definitely a wonderful and mysterious time of the day. Too bad that not everyone can enjoy its beauty, but there are also some who would be glad to miss it. For example, some unfortunate souls from the Inuzuka clan. It just so happened that a heightened sense of smell was not the only animal trait some clan members shared. Heightened hearing, too. In battle it was somewhat useful while in everyday life - irritating. During the day, in a mixture of noises, it did not cause much discomfort, but at night, when all the sounds disappeared, a can kicked by a drunk felt like a hit in the head. It is not surprising that such “lucky” clan members often suffered from insomnia and generally lived in the rhythm of night owls, which was very difficult for the shinobi world, where everyone was entirely early birds.

So was Kiba. However, tonight it felt different. His day was active and the sounds on the street did not disturb him, still he could not sleep. It seemed that the whole atmosphere of the house became more and more oppressive with every second spent inside, and the inner desire to walk through the village at night became stronger with every minute. He just wanted to go outside and run. He did not know where, but somewhere, where it was important for him to be now. In the end, when he accepted the fact that he obviously would not sleep today, the young man called his faithful dog and quietly left the house. The night was calm and fresh from the recent rain. Perhaps even too much, but it did not bother Kiba. He gladly wandered through old village streets, breathing in deeply the cold night air until he found himself near the playground. Or better to say, found someone.

Tsubasa sat on the swing all hunched up, almost motionless like a statue, and although this time her face wasn’t hidden by a mask, but her honey hair, Kiba knew that the girl was clearly not radiating joy.

“May I sit?,” he asked. Tsubasa didn’t even flinch.

“Yes.”

Kiba looked at the girl. When they first met, she was strong, cold and impenetrable. A true warrior. But now things were different. As a shinobi, he was not afraid to die on the battlefield, surrounded by dead and, possibly, even rotting bodies. But seeing a person fade like this, when they were unable to do anything about their state, when they burned out like a candle, turning with every second into a pale copy of their former self is what really scared him. At first, he didn’t care much what would happen to Yuki, but now, when her life glimmered on a candle stub, saving her was important. Either she will survive, and he will get rid of animal all-consuming fear, or her pale face, disfigured by illness, in the tongues of the funeral flame will haunt him till the end of his days.

Akamaru rested his head on Tsubasa’s lap. Still lost in her heavy thoughts, Yuki let her hands go of the swing chain and started to mechanically stroke and scratch the ninken behind the ears.

”Hey Tsu, I know that you are that type of shinobi who tries to follow the code perfectly. But we are not made of steel. You are not made of steel. You are feeling bad and tired. It’s unlikely that I will hear something that Ino did not show me or did not hear from you. Sharing pain as a shinobi is hard, but it’s even harder to keep your cool when you are on the verge of being broken by your own emotions. Even though I talk too much, anything you tell me tonight will stay here, I promise. So, tell me what’s eating you.

”You’re right. I am tired. I am weak, although I’ve tried to prove myself otherwise for my whole goddamn life. Even when I felt bad and thought that everything was lost, I clung to a few good things that I had. What does not kill makes us stronger, and the world, even drowning in war and blood, is still too beautiful to give up, especially the little things that everyone forgets. That’s what my father taught me. My path has never been covered with rose petals. Well.., for most people, actually. Still, I didn’t stop fighting for the people I love. Only when the clan curse showed itself… I was really scared. I felt completely helpless. And after the recent events… Fuck all my experience, knowledge and even more ranks. I am useless. I… I must accept the truth. I will die soon Kiba and I do not want to die here.”

Her previously smooth and still voice started to crack. Her shoulders shivered slightly.

“You, Ino and your friends are wonderful people and in general I like Konoha, but it will never be my home, and you will never replace my family. I hate to break promises, but I really don’t want to keep the one I gave to sensei and friends. I just want to give up and go back to Kiri. I miss them so much and want to see them one last time. Besides there is also one thing that bothers me…”

Mei was not that wrong when she said that Tsubasa might fall in love in Konoha. She actually did, but not with the soulmate destined by the stars. She fell in love with an eccentric, slightly arrogant and silly boy who may have not really known her, but still tried to help. Simply because he did not lose faith in her or their team, because he acted friendly with her and could cheer her up even in her darkest moments. For the fact that he could knock on the window at one in the morning and invite her into the forest to look at the fireflies. Just like that. It wasn’t like love at first sight, or a long courtship. With each passing day her feelings grew stronger washing over her like waves. Unfortunately, there were few “BUTs” that Tsubasa could not ignore:

She was from another village and even though there were many bad things in the hidden Mist, she was not going to betray it or move anywhere. She promised herself to help Sensei make the village a better place, and she was not going to give up on her dream either. Kiba was also too loyal to his family and friends. He would never leave them for some Kirigakure girl.

Moreover, Tsubasa felt guilty about her soulmate. Yes, she never saw him, but that did not stop him from taking care of her and obviously dreaming about their meeting. It would be wrong just not to care about his feelings.

Most importantly, that applied to both Kiba and the unknown “true one” - she was dying. She was a weak sick girl who had a month left to live at best. Of course, she could confess her feelings to the boy next to her right now, feel loved and die with a drop of happiness… But was it fair for Kiba who would have to live with this burden until the end of his days? Definitely not. She couldn’t do that to him. That’s why she would rather stay silent, burn out from her feelings, because at least she would not let him suffer.

“I just don’t know what to do… I feel lost.”

She lifted her head, blue feathers of her earnings blowing in the wind. Her face was emotionless and her body calm, yet uncontrollable tears were streaming down her face.

The boy took her freezing hand and pulled her into a hug. Tsubasa bit her lip, burying her face in his shoulder and soaking his jacket with tears.

”You lost only because you gave up right away as soon as you found out about your diagnosis! Stop thinking about the fucking disease! Focus on something else! Not on the loved ones, since it causes you so much pain. Focus on your dreams! On your soulmate!”

“Why are you so obsessed with the idea of soulmates?”

“Why are you so disgusted with the idea itself?”

She let his hand go and exhaled. There was no trace of her emotional outburst except for her bloodshot eyes. Tsubasa grabbed the swing chains, thinking for a second.

“I do not believe in fairy tales about gods, who loved each other and were separated, that blessed all mortal couples with a secret connection, in revenge to the rest of the pantheon. Why did everyone suddenly start to think that it was a love connection? What if that bond means a strong friendship? And how can finding lost things help my soulmate find me or specifically, my body? The only variant I see is where you tattoo the coordinates on your hand and lose it in battle. An ‘excellent’ plan! Moreover, where are the guarantees that soulmate couples will be happy? Give me one example.”

”Ino’s parents are soulmates.”

Both of them suddenly turned silent.

”As far as I know, Mrs. Yamanaka did not even know our language when she arrived here. She was from another country, with completely different customs, still she risked going into the unknown. And I don’t know any stronger couple.”

“The way you talk about it… Your parents aren’t soulmates either, are they?”

He nodded.

”Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. In fact, my father left when I was one year old, so she and my sister raised me. But… My mother is a very difficult person. As far as I can remember, it was always important for her to be the first and she never cared about the feelings of others. This is good for a warrior, but not for a family member. She could easily say things that will hurt you, including the ones she said on purpose, as a joke in order to please her ego. When you tried to talk to her about this and ask her to tone it down a little, she pretended to listen at first, but soon forgot about it. As for my father, he was not from our clan, not even from our village. He was a stranger and ended up being at the very bottom of the clan’s hierarchy. My sister said that he could stand a lot of things, but not the betrayal and disregard towards him from his once loved one. Of course, this was not the only reason he left. After that, looking at how Ino’s parents perfectly understand each other and always try to find a compromise, on how strong their union is… I want the same kind of family. Yes, I can act like my mother, be short tempered and impulsive. I think you noticed it when we first met. I admit I behaved horribly, but with people close to me, whom I don’t want to lose, I try to control myself and work on it.”

“That’s… amazing Kiba. And despite the fact that you mostly act like a jerk -” he snorted and a small smile formed on her lips- “I have to admit that after knowing you better, I have respect for you. You don’t try to please everyone. You give all of yourself and your warmth only to the ones that are close to you. Only to those who, in your opinion, deserve it, disregarding the rest. This is right. I share the same point of view. But since you really want to find your soulmate, have you ever thought that you might end up being the one to leave your home? Are you ready for such a sacrifice yourself?”

Kiba fell silent. At first it seemed that he was deep in thought, but in reality, everything was different. He was frightened and listened to the silence of the night trying to find out if someone was eavesdropping on them. For a moment, the girl even thought that he used ninjutsu to sniff out strangers and make sure that there were no one near them.

As white as a sheet, he took her hand and ‘wrote’ his answer on the inside of her palm with a finger:

“Yes”

She glanced at him. His actions spoke louder than words.

“Your father is dead, isn’t he?”

”Were you born in a clan or joined it later, you cannot leave it.”

”I understand. After all, in Kiri, a lot is happening inside our clans too.”

They both sat in uncomfortable silence.

“When you said that my parents are not soulmates, you also said “either”. So..?”

“You heard right. You know that before Terumi-sama, Kirigakure was overflowing with nepotism and bribery? Well, people were willing to do anything to move up the career ladder. My mother really wanted a higher position in ANBU, so she made my father fall in love with her and convinced him that she was his soulmate. As you understand, it was also important for my father to find ‘the true one’ but when he realized that he was fooled it was already too late. He comforted himself with the fact that he seemed to love my mother even without that spiritual bond, plus he loved me with all his heart and soul. But in fact, the love between my parents was one-sided… and because of the special treatment to the Yuki clan, my father was never at home. So… when you start looking for your destined one, please be careful, okay? I do not want the same fate for you or for anyone else.”

Okay, let’s change the topic” - he waved his hands in a playful defensive gesture “You mentioned that you have a dream. So, what kind of dream?”

“Well, you chose a bad one to distract me, because my dream is deeply connected with my family. You know about the genocide of the Yuki clan?”

“Mmm, sorry, to be honest, not really. Only that when the Uchiha clan was massacred, the elders whispered with each other that it could be the same case as it was with your clan, where it was the Kage’s order or some sort.”

“The Yuki clan was once considered to be one of the most powerful clans in the village of the Hidden Mist. And of course, quite dangerous, especially for the past Mizukage, or rather, for the one who controlled him. So, one night, the entire main branch was killed and the clan’s library burned down. The Yuki clan was officially made part of a lower caste. Some clan members managed to escape, while others were often sent on dangerous and suicidal missions. Now from the once large clan, only 30-40 people remain in Kiri, and most of them are elders and children. For comparison, grandfather Naoki had four children, the same age as my father, and only one daughter remained alive. As you know, my frightened and repressed clan avoided communicating with each other. In fact, in my childhood, it was as if the clan did not exist at all. Childhood in Kiri was not easy, but the other children at least had a clan, a large family that stood up for them. I wanted it too. I wanted to be a part of a clan and before my illness I dreamed of reviving the Yuki clan, regaining lost knowledge and finding all the relatives lost around the world, whom, as far as I heard, were not liked by both ninjas and civilians. But now after that illness… I must find every single Yuki alive to make sure that no one will be alone while fighting the family curse and that no one will go through the same pain as me, giving them a chance to be cured. And I will do it, no matter what… If I survive, of course…”

“It’s … A great dream to achieve-,” he scratched his head not knowing what to say- “And I am sure you will! Just don’t be so pessimistic! “

”I am realistic.”

“Pessimistic.”

“Realistic!”

“OK, OK!” he chuckled.“Looks like only realists like you, who talk about how bad and terrible everything will be, turn out to be chuunins.”

“What? Kiba, I don’t… urgh forget it! Arguing with you on any topic is simply useless when you are stubborn as a mule.”

“Said another mule!”

She laughed. Warmly and sincerely, for the first time this evening, and perhaps since they returned from that ill-fated mission.

”By the way, if your life in the hidden mist was so bad why do you hate the idea of moving to another place? Like here, to Konoha?”

“First of all, my life in Kiri is perfect now. Secondly, when people will learn that I am from the hidden mist they will hate me. The only thing that saves me now is that commoners think I am a distant relative of Ino.”

“Why do you think that?”

“You never heard why Kiri women are hated so much?”

“No.”

“Well let me tell you,” she grinned sinisterly. “One year, in our village, due to hunger, disease and war, there were practically no men left. Then the women decided to fill this gap by stealing men from other villages. But then they questioned themselves, how to transport healthy and adult shinobi without harming them? This is how the world-famous art of Kirigakure ANBU was born, thanks to which we can immobilize even the most powerful warrior,” she chuckled as a senbon she used in some missions appeared from nowhere, - “With the combination of many factors, but still. Well, those poor souls who ended up in Kiri … they essentially had no choice, but to marry ladies there if they wanted to live.”

“Are you joking?!”

“I’m not! In fact, my great-grandfather was kidnapped from the village hidden in the Stone. So, be careful Inuzuka Kiba! Who knows, maybe my illness is just a part of a secret mission and I’m actually here to pick up suitable candidates… And you might end up being one of them! You may turn out to be a good third husband for me, you know?”

He laughed.

“Oh really? Well, I would die to see how you would try to steal me with such an amazing guard as Akamaru!”

“Oh darling,” she grinned and hugged the huge white dog,” I would find a way to make that adorable boy my partner in crime! “

Akamaru happily barked in agreement and both teenagers burst into laughter, almost falling off the swing.

“By the way,” she said after a small pause, “I have to admit that fireflies are much more beautiful in Konoha. Thank you for letting me enjoy such beauty…”

He bit his lip and took her hand in his. The Ice crystals were still showing from her bandage returned them both to the dreadful reality.

“You will survive Tsu, I promise you, and you will see many more fireflies. Not only these.”

She looked at him with a faded, crooked smile. A smile that only gravely ill and very tired people have. Kiba returned her a look and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest, skipping a beat.

“Don’t make a promise that you can’t keep.”

”I’ll keep it! You will see. We are close to finding the ancient temple of the Yuki clan, and there definitely should be information on how to cure you. And after the next mission is completed, we will go to a grill bar! In the land of water there are only sea creatures and practically no normal beef. I cannot let you go back to Kiri without letting you know all the delights of good meat.”

She chuckled.

“If you say so.”

But there would be no grill bar or any next time. They found information about the temple location, but at the cost of everything else. The disease turned out to be unstoppable at this point. Luckily, they managed to reach it in time and save Tsubasa’s life.

Three months had passed since her miraculous recovery. Representatives of the Mist village appeared in Konoha the next day and took the girl with them, not allowing her even to say goodbye to her new friends. Still, their paths will cross in the future.

Upon returning to Kiri, Tsubasa began to communicate a lot with Ino through letters, which made the Mizukage almost ecstatic. She hoped that friendship with the clan princess would turn into a possible strong political tie in the future. One way or another, Mei was going to make her children, if not a future Mizukage, then those on whom the village could rely. Sometimes Mei was so happy about the benefits that Tsubasa had a feeling that her illness and departure to Konoha were part of Sensei’s plan to improve relationships with the village from the very beginning. However, she thought it was too weird and silly to be true.

She also sent letters to Kiba. Feelings for him that suddenly flared up in her heart were not planning to disappear, but she still had no intention of getting into his personal life. He wanted to find his soulmate, and she respected that wish. This was the least she could do for him. “Besides,” she thought while drinking peach tea in the evenings and remembering how he was trying to warm her drastically freezing body on their trip to the temple, “it is unlikely that we would have succeeded even if there would be no soulmate. We are too loyal and attached to our villages and clans. None of us would move to another village for the sake of other. Only a soulmate had such privilege.“

Therefore, she was happy to be his friend at least, send the boxes of tangerines and dried seafood snacks on special occasions, help with advice on everyday problems that all teenagers went through, regardless of which shinobi village they were born in, and just talk about all sorts of nonsense.

At six am, there was a loud knock on the door. Tsubasa was just getting ready for the training and she had no idea who would need to see her at such an early hour (her teammates were waiting for her at the training field, so it could not be them).

A familiar figure was standing outside of the door. Tired from the road, a little nervous, but smiling. Holding a medium-sized flat box under his arm.

“Kiba? What are you doing here, especially this early?!”

“There were reasons,” he said giving her a box, “may i come in?”

“Of course, you can, I’ll make you some tea and something to eat for you two.”

The girl moved away to the side, letting the boy and his dog into the apartment. Akamaru immediately stretched and laid himself on the carpet of the living room, while Kiba took a seat in the kitchen.

“So, what’s the reason you came here?”

“Open the box,” he said with a smile.

Tsubasa raised her eyebrows skeptically. She put the box on the table, thin fingers gripping the blue lid and pulling it up. Her father’s mask with its cold material was staring right into the girl from the inside. Frozen in complete shock, looking at the once-lost thing dear to her heart, she did not notice how Kiba approached her from behind.

“I just felt lost,” he said in a soft voice, while tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Their faces were only a few inches apart, “And desperately wanted to be found.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you have any good suicidal Sherlock? Or ones where he self harms???

@vg-remy said to inevitably-johnlocked: can we get John left sherlock for Mary after he returns and sherlock grew suicidal

Hey Lovelies! *HUGS*

Remy, I don’t really read many fics within which Sherlock and John don’t end up together, so I can’t recall much in that way. BUT because this fic is looking for Suicidal Sherlock, I’ve decided to attach it to this list.

So, yes, Nonny I absolutely do. I’ve done lists in the past for Self Harm so I’ll link you to those below. I’m going to put both John and Sherlock fics on here, and 95% of these have happy endings, because I can’t do sad stuff too much anymore lately, so I hope that’s okay

SUICIDAL IDEATION

See also:

Self Harm, Danger Nights, and Drugs

Drugs and Drugging Pt 2

Alexx’s Lists:

Suicidal Sherlock

Suicidal John

Suicide Mission Post TAB

Voices by fizzingweaselbee (T, 607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Mental Turmoil, Suicidal Ideations) – “We would never do that to John Watson.”

Stay by sussexbound (M, 2,067 w., 1 Ch. || Post TAB, Suicidal Ideation Mention, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Love Confessions, Frottage, Coming in Pants) –  “Why? Why did you do it? Hmm…?” He takes a deep breath, waits, lets it out again. “Look at me.” There’s no denying him when he takes this tone. “Why did you kill him? Hmm…? For her? After…” A muscle twitches in the corner of John’s eye, and he clamps his jaw down tightly, swallows and sniffs a little before continuing. “For her? After everything she’s done?” “For you.” Before he can even stop himself. Just like that.

Pen Pals by WerewolfDoctor (K, 2,797 w., 1 Ch. || Epistolary, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF) – Most people don’t become pen pals by one of them writing a not-suicide note. Then again, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson have never exactly been normal, have they?

Too Late by SJBHasADayPass (T, 3,390 w., 2 Ch. || Angst, Suicide, Tragedy, Major Character Death, First Person POV, Unhappy Ending) – Six months after the Fall, John is finding it difficult without Sherlock, and Sherlock is finding it just as painful.

Watching You Die by laureleaf (T, 10,340 w., 11 Ch. || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Suicide, Switching POVs, Sort-of Rev. Reich., Whump) – John watched Sherlock die three years ago, and Sherlock just watched John die. But neither of them are actually dead. Now an AU, with nods to “The Adventure of the Empty House”. Lots of angst and post-Reichenbach feels. No slash.

There’s So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Software Malfunction by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (E, 16,679 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Android Sherlock, Love Story, Unhappy Ending, Angst, Suicide, Jealousy) – “You think I can’t love you? Just because you’re made with metal, and detailed programming?” The doctor propped himself on his elbow, and looked down at it. “I am nothing but blood and bone, and tissue. Things just managed get mashed together in a manner that made me like this. Just like you were put together to make you how you are. When I kiss you-” he did so, briefly, to prove his point. Then more deeply, and lingering, because he could. “When I touch you, or smile at you, does it make you feel different from when others have done it in the past?”

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w., 4 Ch. || S3 Fix It, Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance, Humour, Masturbation, Love Declarations, Bottomlock, Brief Suicidal Ideations) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Turn Left at the Park by Glenmore (NR (E), 37,409 w., 28 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting / ASiP Divergence, Case Fic, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Loneliness, No Mary, Possessive Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Nightmares/PTSD, Sherlock Saves John, Sherlock Whump-ish, Doctor John) – So what would have happened if John hadn’t walked through the park and met Stamford?What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?

Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of SpaceBois go to Space

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn’t have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Darkling, I Listen by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 73,254 w., 8 Ch. || Fairy Tale AU || Loosely Based on Beauty and the Beast, Magical Realism, Suicidal Themes, Romance, Creepiness, Adventure) – No one who enters old London ever comes out. They say that the beast devours them. When his sister disappears, John ventures into the dead zone beyond the wall, and finds a brilliant madman under a terrible curse… Part 1 of Darkling I Listen + Extras, Deleted Scenes

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn’t truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes.“ Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

MARKED FOR LATER

Interview by bluebellofbakerstreet (G, 2,791 w., 2 Ch. || Punk AU || Past Drug Use, Past Suicidal Ideation, Implied Mystrade, Punklock / Bandlock, Fanart Included) – What’s better than John Watson and Sherlock Holmes in a punk band? John Watson and Sherlock Holmes on the cover of the Rolling Stone, and giving an interview.

For The Sake Of Being Interesting by SaintClaire (M, 2,797 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Suicide / Suicidal Ideation, MCD, Angst, Unhappy Ending) – How John Watson coped after the Reichenbach Falls. Hint - it wasn’t positive.

All we do is hide away by AnneCumberbatch (E, 3,895 w., 38 Ch. || Post-TRF, Depressed John, John’s Blog/Epistolary, Paternal Mrs Hudson, Meddling Mycroft, Hospitalization, Mental Breakdown, Reunion, Fainting, Delusions, Pre-Slash, POV First Person John, Suicidal Ideation / Implied Suicide Attempt) – It’s been 35 days since Sherlock threw himself off of Bart’s hospital in front of John’s eyes. 35 days since John threw himself onto the pavement at Sherlock’s side, his knees soaking up the blood from his best friend. 35 days since John’s world shuttered closed and dried up. 35 days.

Because I Love Him by CumberCurlyGirl (M, 3,991 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Angst, Mutual Pining, Alcohol Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, POV Alternating First Person, Love Confessions, Violin, Happy Ending) – John is lost after Sherlock’s apparent suicide and takes a few items from 221B to comfort himself.

Premeditated by Mazarin221b (E, 4,033 w., 1 Ch. || Suicidal Ideation, Dark Thoughts, Torture, Depression, Captivity, First Kiss) – John and Sherlock are captured, tortured, and imprisoned - and eventually, they realize, there’s only one way out.

So True a Fool by ladyxdarcy (M, 4,963 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmates AU || Post-ASiB/Pre-THoB, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Bisexual John, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Sick Sherlock, Fluff and Angst, Angst with Happy Ending, Mild Telepathy, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love) – Every pair of soulmates has one listener and one speaker. It is the listener’s job to find the speaker and embrace their bond. John knew the instant he heard the strange man’s voice that he was his soulmate, but never reveals the truth, resulting in severe consequences. (Based on this prompt)

The Violin of Ruin and Favour Series by PizzaMan (T, 5,923 w. across 4 fics || Post-TRF, Sherlock’s Violin, Angst With Happy Ending, John Plays the Violin, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Depression / Suicidal Mentions) – 3 years after the Fall and Sherlock comes back. During that time, John had learned to play the violin.

The Gun Drawer (Ch10) by CarmillaCarmine (M, 5,985 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Five Stages of Grief, Suicidal John, Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Introspection) –  A dive into John’s chaotic mind as he reminisces on the first 18 months after Sherlock’s fall. Part 10 of the The Memoirs of Dr. John H. Watson series

Waiting To Be Known by soera (R, 7,414 w., 1 Ch., LJ Fic || S2 Fic, Implied Bullying, Implied Suicide/Suicidal Ideation, Minor Character Death, Drug Use, Sexual Violence on a Child) – John Watson has been saving Sherlock’s life for a very long time, even if he doesn’t know it.

A Study in Asexuality by ladyxdarcy (M, 8,082 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Acephobia, Mentions of Rape/Corrective Rape Therapy, Past Suicidal Ideation, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Overdose, Past Mary/John, Emotional Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Vulnerable Sherlock, Est. Rel., Angst with Happy Ending, Fluff) – When Sherlock, asexual to his core, fears that John may grow bored of a sexless life, he decides to do whatever it takes to make John happy so he stays. Good thing John is already happy.

bread and honey by weneedtotalkaboutsherlock (M, 8,814 w., 8 Ch. || Farming AU || Second Person POV Sherlock, Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Therapy, Alcohol Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Abuse, Early Retirement, Seizures, Service Dogs, First Kiss/Time, Happy Ending) – The next thing you are sure and aware of is the mix of mud and water seeping through your shoes as the cabbie drops you in front of the old farmhouse. You do not know this, but today marks the first day of spring.

September 20th by HappyJuicyfruit (T, 10,111 w., 1 Ch. || Time Loop, Angst, Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, PTSD John, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending) – Sherlock keeps reliving the same day. He isn’t very happy about it.

You Don’t Need Wings to Fly by Laiquilasse (T, 11,326 w., 11 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Bullying, Angels, Suicidal Ideation, Christmas) – John, an angel, is sent from Heaven to help a desperate Sherlock Holmes by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed.

Mental by Boeshane42 (E, 18,128 w., 1 Ch. || Mental Illness, Discussion of Suicide, Drugs) – Sherlock Holmes is a patient in a closed psychiatric ward. John Watson is his new psychiatrist.

Other Side of The Moon by love_in_mind_palace (T, 23,446 w., 7 Ch. || Post-TRF, BAMF John, BAMF Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the fall Sherlock goes away to dismantle Moriarty’s network while living through different identities and hiding. But then something unexpected starts to happen. After a while of everything going according to plan, he’s suddenly just too late everywhere. Because someone was there before him, and took care of everything. It takes him a while. But then he realises. It’s John. Avenging his death.

The House on Rue des Boulangers by Berty (M, 24,299 w., 8 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Developing Relationship, Hiding in Plain Sight, PTSD, Depression, France, Frottage, First Kiss, Bees and Honey, Suicidal Thoughts, Gardens & Gardening, POV John, Angsty Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcoholism, Falling in Love, Happy Ending) – After being invalided out of the army and without any other prospects, John Watson has relocated to a small town in northern France. Now he has to decide what to do for the rest of his life. One morning there’s a mad stranger in his garden chasing a swarm of bees, and it seems John’s decision is made.

(Life is) A Series of Risks by SkipandDi (ladyflowdi) (E, 36,499 w., 4 Ch. || Alternate Universe || Post-TRF, Kid Fic, Parentlock, Temporary Character Death, Established Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Grief, Violence, Psychological Trauma, PTSD) – The work comes first.

White Tulip by withoutawish (E, 40,624 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3, Copper Beeches / Solitary Cyclist Rewrite, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction (Sherlock), Angst, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, PTSD, Pining, Metaphors, String Theory, Graphic Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock is in love with John Watson. John Watson is in love with Mary Morstan. Sherlock likes Mary Morstan just fine. Sherlock likes drugs more. And most importantly, Sherlock doesn’t like Sherlock. String theory dictates the laws of the universe. But their story isn’t one that can be boxed up neatly, tied in a heartstring bow. "After all, the axioms of homeostasis dictate that an infinity sign of negative feedback can only loop back in on itself.”

Sunday Matinee by hogwartswitch (E, 44,597 w., 12 Ch. || College / Uni 1980′s AU || Fluff and Angst, Movies, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice, Mutual Pining, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Homelessness, Anal/Oral, Fingering, Rimming, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, HIV/AIDS, Mentions of Cancer, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Depression, Epistolary, Love Letters, Suicide Attempt, Blow Jobs, Time Skips) – The year is 1984 and it’s a great time for movies and movie fans. John Watson is a struggling film school student with dreams of being a screenwriter. It’s a dream come true when his friend, Mike, gets him a job reviewing movies for the university paper. Sherlock Holmes is also a film school student with dreams of directing, but he’s also struggling to get his life back on track. The job at Baker Cinema is supposed to help him do just that, but it’s SO BORING. Until, that is, a young movie reviewer buys a ticket to Footloose and Sherlock’s life suddenly becomes very, very complicated.

Focal Point by PuffleLock (E, 60,913 w., 13 Ch. || Post-TRF Divergence / Different Reunion, POV John, Slow Burn, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad Wank, Sherlock in Makeup, Dancing, Mentions of Torture / Depression / PTSD, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Scars, Rimming, Anal, Toplock, First Kiss / Time, Gay Sherlock / Bi John) – John comes home early from a medical conference to find that every once in awhile, Sherlock can surprise the hell out of him. Can John surprise him back?

A Change of Heart by SosoHolmesWatson (E, 65,436 w., 20 Ch. || Post-S4 / Canon Compliant, Jealous Sherlock, Past Abuse, Parentlock, Dev. Rel., Idiots in Love, Suicidal Sherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Mollstrade, Coming Out, Love Confessions, Big Brother Mycroft, John’s Childhood, POV Alternating, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Hand Jobs) – After all they have been through, after all the heartbreak and desolation, John and Sherlock want to make their way back to each other, still convinced that friendship is all that can exist between them. Will there be a change of heart? Part 1 of the The Pains of Growing series

The Improbable Match by elle_m and sherlockianworld (E, 67,626 w., 31 Ch. || Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Violence, Texting, Mutual Pining, Drug Use/Abuse, Angst With Happy Ending, Major Character Injury, Alcoholism, Withdrawal, Teenlock, Self-Harm, Bullying, Suicidal Ideations, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia) – When Gregory Lestrade decided to play matchmaker, he did not realise that his harmless plan would change the lives of two damaged people forever.

Patterns of Silver Birds by SincerelyChaos (E, 68,872 w., 20 Ch. || Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Synesthesia, Falling in Love, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Psychotropic Drugs, PTSD, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, First Time, Autism Spectrum, Internalized Ableism, Tics, Canon-Typical Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Psychology, Recovery) – In which love could really be considered a chemical defect and aeroplanes are nothing but silver birds.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

Be Here Now by Todesfuge (M, 94,370 w., 25 Ch. || Post-TRF, Hurt/Comfort, Violence, Angst, Action/Adventure, Whump, Suicidal Thoughts, First Time, Depression, Drug Use/Non-Con Drug Use, PTSD, Suicide Attempt, Medical Trauma, Implied Torture) – John Watson was already fighting demons when he and Sherlock met. With Sherlock’s suicide, it all comes flooding back, forcing Sherlock to intervene before he’s solved the persistent riddles of Jim Moriarty and his game. Together they find that something darker lurks behind Moriarty, forcing Sherlock, John, and Irene Adler into an even deadlier game with a much more dangerous foe. Begins six months after the events of The Reichenbach Fall. Part 1 of the Be Here Now Universe

The Paradox Series by wordstrings (M to E, 98,863 w. across 8 Stories || First Kiss / Time, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity / Dubious Ethics, Angst, Psychopathy, Depression / Suicidal Ideation, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Possessive Behaviour, Homophobia, Sexuality) – In which what’s in Sherlock’s head is never going to get any better, and John is nearly thrown out of his flat.

Will You Take Me Home? by Jobooksandcoffee (E, 114,689 w., 22 Ch. || Post S4, Post Break Up, Angst With Happy Ending, Angst and Feels, Parent-Child Relationship, Therapy, Friends With Benefits, Ex Sex, Messy Idiots, Fights, Mutual Pining, Mutual Jealousy, Slow Burn, Mentions of Drugs/Overdose, Suicidal Ideation) – Inspired by the wondrous "Know You All Over Again” by the brilliant Poppy Alexander, it is story of a painful break up. Two men are looking for ways to cope, to raise their 10 year old girl, to find reasons for going on. They need help of family and friends to make it through. Will each be able to do what the other needs? Will they be able to trust again? Sherlock and John must find themselves and unearth what went wrong, so they can build a new relationship.

Scheherezade by sgam76 (G, 197,576 w., 45 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF/Pre-TSo3, PTSD Sherlock, Implied/Referenced Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Humour, Protective John, Papa Lestrade, Big Brother Mycroft, BAMF John, BAMF Sherlock, Aftermath of Serbia, Past Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Drunk Sherlock, Canon Compliant, Suicidal Thoughts / Attempt) – Sherlock is home, he and John are returning to cases, and all’s right with the world–right? But a series of minor mishaps and injuries makes two things very clear to his friends and family: first, Sherlock’s time away wasn’t the grand adventure everyone has assumed it was; and second, that time has left Sherlock with a legacy that’s bleeding into his life today. Sherlock is Not Okay, and it’s not going away. Part 1 of the Scheherezade

Conductivity Series by liriodendron (E, 207,367 w. across 7 works || TRF / Post TRF, ReunionCanon Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Romance, Sexual Tension, First Kiss/Time, Synesthesia, Power Dynamics, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Case Fic, Est. Rel., References to Drug Use, Homophobic Language, Religious Content, Intercrural Sex, Unrequited Love, Angst, References to Suicide, Injury, Anal, Dub. Con, BDSM, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Sex, Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Break Up) – In which Sherlock Holmes locates his heart, John Watson learns what it’s like to burn, and there is no darkness that cannot be made bright.

Define Vulnerabilty by TheGracefulBlueCat (T, 240,606 w. 97 Ch. || Canon Compliant, Aftermath of Torture, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Sherlock’s Violin, Doctor John, John is a Good Friend, Flashbacks, Case Fic, Sedation, Sherlock is a Mess / Not Okay, Nightmares, Big Brother Mycroft, Asperger’s Sherlock, Fainting, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Triggers, Panic Attacks, Hurt Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Blood and Gore, Drugs / Drug Use, Helpless / Vulnerable Sherlock, Protective John, Painful Repressed Memories, PTSD Sherlock, Medical Procedures, Drugged Lestrade, Lestrade Whump, Drugged Sherlock, Recovery, Crying Sherlock, Dissociation, Forehead Touching) – Shortly after Sherlock’s return John realises something is very wrong with his friend. He, Greg and Mycroft try to help Sherlock as he falls deeper and deeper into the abyss called PTSD. But Sherlock is not ready to allow anyone in, but then the events of the current case cause him to hit bottom hard. Part 8 of the Lessons in Friendship series, Part 1 of the Hiatus series

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w., 73 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice/Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. “It is what it is.” John Watson is what happens when what “it is” becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

The Men Who Talked Between the Words by Odamaki (E, 463,024 w., 30 Ch. || Parentlock, UST/URT, Pining Sherlock, Grieving John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Slow Burn/Build, Case Fic, First Kiss / Time, Implied/Referenced Suicide & Drug Use, Slow Burn, Sherlock Whump, Panic Attacks) – John expected to be a father some day; he expected to have the house, and the wife and the nice suburban job. Sherlock never expected to have children, in part because he never expected to make it past 30. As it turns out, you don’t get a choice. Crammed into Baker Street with a baby, John struggles with single-parenthood and his own fears, while Sherlock treads the fine line between doing too little and saying too much.

[pixieminutes]

Uncertain | KHJ

genre: angst, fluff, mafia!au

members: kim hongjoong x reader, brother!jung wooyoung, choi jongho, park seonghwa, jeong yunho

warnings: swearing, walking out

5th July, 2018

“i’m y/n,” you smiled.

“and she is my sister! which means that if any of you lay a hand on her–” wooyoung pulled his gun out of his pocket and smiled sweetly, “there we go.”

you laughed slightly, only hitting him when you saw he’d put the gun fully back into his pocket.

“and why is she here?” a man asked.

he had a mullet, dyed light brown and his ears were full of earrings.

“that’s hongjoong,” wooyoung whispered, “our leader.”

hongjoong raised his eyebrows at wooyoung expectantly and your brother coughed, spluttering his words out.

“well– she– i– you know,” wooyoung took a deep breath, “she’s here because i don’t want her to stay with our parents. if any of you had little siblings, you’d do the same, right?”

“wrong,” jongho said, “it’s actually my little siblings who are the evil ones. if i could get my parents away, i would. but, they won’t leave.”

wooyoung rolled his eyes, “except you.”

hongjoong sighed, “she can stay. she can eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with us. we have a room on the top floor and remind her she doesn’t need to clean any rooms.”

you furrowed your eyebrows, scoffing at hongjoong, “you know i’m right here, don’t you?”

wooyoung widened his eyes, beginning to drag you away by your shoulders, “ah, she’s joking hong—”

“no, it’s okay,” hongjoong chuckled, walking over so he was only centimetres away from your face, “she’s brave. i like it.”

“i’m not brave, i’m just calling you out,” you scoffed, “and sorry but, where’s my room? i kinda need a nap right now.”

hongjoong scoffed, nodding his head, grabbing your arm gently, “come with me.”

“i meant it hongjoong!” wooyoung called after the two of you.

hongjoong pulled the gun out of his pocket, not taking his attention off of your conversation.

wooyoung just rolled his eyes.

9th February, 2020

“where are you going?” you called.

hongjoong turned back to you, smiling sweetly with no meaning, “i’m going to get ice cream and frolick in the park.”

you rolled your eyes, sighing, “i was just asking.”

“i’m going out.”

“yes, but where?” you pushed.

“does it matter to you?!” hongjoong exclaimed, “jesus christ, can i not even leave without you bugging me?!”

you looked back to the clock in the kitchen, 19:14.

“fine,” you laughed dryly, “go. i won’t stay up.”

“no one asked you to.”

“be safe!” you called, “wherever the fuck you’re going.”

only three months after you’d moved in with ateez, you and hongjoong had made moves to take you far beyond just friends, despite wooyoung’s words. who was wooyoung to fight, though? his gang’s leader dating his sister was only to end in good things for him, especially with how much joy you brought to hongjoong.

brought. past tense.

since then, just under two years had passed and it had somewhat changed.

the hard, mafia leader hongjoong, who you managed to melt away until he was simply your boyfriend, had somehow bounced back.

now? you laid in bed alone, cold, and, underlining everything; lonely.

12th February, 2020

“where’s wooyoung?” hongjoong asked.

the six other members looked at each other, slight shrugs and shakes of their heads going between them before hongjoong shouted out, groaning loudly.

“where the fuck is that boy?!” he yelled, “i’ve had it with the jung family!”

“i’m here! hongjoong! i’m here! sorry!” wooyoung exclaimed, running in the room and sitting in his spot beside jongho.

“explanation?” hongjoong said simply, raising one eyebrow as he looked to the panting boy.

“there was a girl in my bed this morning,” wooyoung said, still trying to get his breath back, “it was not easy to explain why i had to go.”

hongjoong laughed cruely, “there was a girl in my bed this morning too. your sister. and just because your sister is in my bed, does not mean you get to fucking slack! do you understand?”

hongjoong’s voice was quiet, but exasperated, and it sent shivers down all the boys’ spines.

wooyoung nodded, gravely, “yes, hongjoong.”

“good,” he spat, “then we’ll continue.”

~

“what did you mean you’ve had it with the jung family?” seonghwa asked, “everything okay?”

“being particularly nosey, are we seonghwa?” hongjoong sighed.

seonghwa rolled his eyes, “no! i’m fucking worried about you, man! i don’t want your girl at home to be unsatisfying. that’s the worst thing a mafia leader could deal with.”

hongjoong scoffed, “it is, isn’t it?”

seonghwa laughed and nudged hongjoong’s shoulder, “so? care to tell me?”

“she’s just so fucking annoying,” hongjoong cried, “she’s so clingy and she always wants to cuddle?! like literally a couple weeks ago she came and climbed on my lap while i was working so we could cuddle. while i was working!”

seonghwa grimaced, “god. have you told her?”

“no. i’m trying to be a dick so i can let her down slowly. make her not want me until we’re at a mutual place.”

seonghwa nodded, the plan was cruel, but probably the best one a mafia leader could have come up with.

“what about wooyoung?” seonghwa asked.

“what about him?”

“well doesn’t it become a bit fucking awkward after you’ve hit it and quit it with his sister?”

hongjoong rolled his eyes, scoffing, “if he has a problem with it, he can leave. i’ll give her enough money to buy her own place, so she’ll be fine.”

seonghwa gasped, “wow! really? god, hongjoong, you’re so kind! i should be more like you.”

hongjoong smiled, “i try.”

27th February, 2020

“hongjoong,” you whined, leaving the warmth and comfort of your bed, seeing your boyfriend still sat at his desk, “why aren’t you in bed?”

“unlike some of us, i have to work, y/n,” hongjoong spat.

you pouted, “you stressed? you sound it. hold on, i’ll make you a warm drink.”

hongjoong went to protest, but you had already left the room. he sighed, he didn’t want a fucking hot drink, he wanted to be left alone.

you hummed as you made the chai tea, a special recipe you’d concocted yourself. using milk and spices and tea, it filled the house with a comforting smell and warmed you up to no end.

you put a couple of the egg tarts you’d made the previous day on a plate and poured the tea into a mug, walking back into hongjoong’s office and setting them beside him.

“it’s late you know,” you sighed.

hongjoong gritted his teeth, looking up at you with a piercing look.

you seemed oblivious, looking curiously round his office, you’d never stayed in here for long.

“i know you know that, though,” you chuckled, “i’m going back to bed, okay? don’t be too long.”

you approached your boyfriend, the man almost ready to burst at any second until you placed the tiniest kiss on his temple, leaving the room again, hongjoong hearing your bare feet pad up the stairs.

he looked at the plate and cup in front of him, taking a sip from the tea, a slight smile raised his lips. it reminded him of you, though he wasn’t sure why.

he sighed, leaning forward and taking a bite of the egg tart, “thank you.”

6th March, 2020

you sighed, watching your boyfriend leave again, for the fourth time that week.

picking up your phone, you pressed your brother’s contect, holding it to your ear as you walked upstairs to find the little belongings that belonged solely to you.

“what’s up!” wooyoung laughed, “i miss you, y/n.”

you sighed, “yeah, well you might be seeing me sooner than you think.”

“huh?” wooyoung asked, panic laced in his voiced, “w-what do you mean?”

a tear fell from your eye as you packed only the clothes you owned previous to knowing hongjoong, looking around your shared bedroom.

“i can’t do it,” you said, your voice shaky as you shook your head, “god, woo, i can’t— it’s like he doesn’t even know i’m here. i’m more like his maid. just for cooking and cleaning and fucking whenever he pleases.”

wooyoung sighed, unable to think of any words to say.

“every time i try and help him, i just have no reply,” you said, “i can’t do it anymore. i can’t help him. i actually think he might be heartless.”

“are you going to come here?” wooyoung asked.

he sounded fed-up, and just that thought alone made your heart sink. you felt bad. you felt so bad. but being with woo, it was just going to be better than ever being with hongjoong. you weren’t stupid.

“if that’s okay,” you said with a sigh, “i’ll find somewhere else as soon as possible.”

“it’s fine, y/n,” wooyoung said, “you coming now?”

“yeah,” you nodded, “yeah, i just need to write a note. i’m sorry if this gets you in any kind of—”

“don’t,” wooyoung said, “it’s fine. it’ll be awkward but, as long as i don’t do anything, he won’t.”

you nodded, “well. i’ll see you in a bit.”

wooyoung hummed, quickly hanging up.

you sighed, heading down to the kitchen, pulling the bag with you. you poured out a cup of homemade chai tea and the last remaining egg tart from the most recent batch. you quickly scribbled a note and left it underneath.

“ah!” you exclaimed, turning back only seconds after you began to leave, picking up the pen, “p.s. microwave the tea for 1 minute 40 seconds. that’s how you like it. y/n.”

you sighed, finally stepping out the front door once and for all. this was it. no regrets.

~

“i’m home,” hongjoong sighed, knowing that with the time on the clock you’d already have gone to bed.

he walked into the kitchen, scoffing as he saw the tea and the tart.

“what’s this?” he muttered, ripping the note out from underneath the plate, grabbing the tart as well so he could eat as he read.

hi hongjoong. welcome home i guess.

when you go upstairs, don’t expect to find me. i love you joong, i really do, but i can’t do this anymore. i try to love and care for you but all you do is push me further away.

maybe that was your plan. you’re just cruel like that, aren’t you? i should have expected it really, dating a mafia leader. still. i thought you’d changed. i guess not.

thanks for a happy two years hongjoong. i love you.

- y/n

p.s. microwave the tea for 1 minute 40 seconds. that’s how you like it - y/n

hongjoong dropped the note, looking to the tea and the tart in front of him. this was what he wanted. this is what he was trying to do, but now he wasn’t sure.

he rushed upstairs, going into the bedroom where, sure enough, you weren’t.

on every normal day he’d come home, he’d walk into the bedroom, switch the light on, switch it off when he realised you were asleep, shake your snow globe and kiss you once before going downstairs to continue work.

now, however, he could turn the light on, artificially brightening the room, and not have to turn it back off. you weren’t there.

he turned to look at the snow globe, one you’d bought when hongjoong took you to disneyland for your 100 day anniversary. it wasn’t there.

hongjoong walked downstairs limply, no thoughts running through his head as he came back in the kitchen, placing the tea in the microwave for 1 minute and 40 seconds, slowly eating the egg tart as he waited and thought.

this is what he wanted. he’d planned it all out in his head. but now it had happened, now his plan had worked and you had gone. was this really it?

...maybe that was your plan. you’re just cruel like that, aren’t you?

hongjoong swore as he crouched down, holding his face in his hands. yes, he was cruel. he was so, so cruel and now he was left to suffer in the aftermath by himself. alone.

15th March, 2020

“morning,” wooyoung said, a slight smile as he handed you a cup of coffee, “how you feeling?”

you sighed, your eyes filling with tears as you looked back on the situations of the past week. although you were the one who walked out, and he was the one who did wrong, a small part of you couldn’t help but want him to come and find you.

“not well, huh?” your brother said, patting your head slightly, “it’s okay. heartbreak sucks.”

“like you’d know!” you exclaimed.

“what’s that supposed to mean!” wooyoung shouted.

“ya! don’t shout at me!” you shouted.

“you’re doing it to me too!”

“um, guys?” yunho said, knocking at the door slightly, “y/n, there’s someone here for you.”

“for me?” you asked, getting out of bed, a confused look on your face, “well i guess i did tell nari about the situation.”

yunho shook his head, “it’s not nari. just go. i think you’ll be glad.”

you furrowed your eyebrows, watching as he walked away, before making your own way to the front door.

“hello?” you asked, seeing no one there.

you poked your head round, and saw a figure sat on the swinging chair outside. a figure you know all too well.

“y/n,” he said, “ca– can we talk? for a bit?”

you sighed, pushing the door closed behind you and walking to sit next to him.

“i guess you got my note,” you said.

hongjoong sighed, nodding, “yeah.”

it fell silent, as you saw hongjoong fiddle with his fingers and take several deep breaths, as though he was trying to psych himself up.

“i– i—” hongjoong stuttered, before sighing and trying again, “i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry, y/n, you have no idea.”

your eyes filled with tears again as you looked forward, trying not to let him see.

“truthfully, i did think it would be better for you to leave but then you did leave and now i don’t know why!” he said, sniffling slightly and as you turned, you could see he was wiping away a couple tears secretly, “i’m an idiot. i know i am.”

you chuckled humourlessly, staring down at both of your feet. hongjoong was wearing his doc martens, you: your inside slippers.

“and i understand what i’ve done, so i understand if you wouldn’t take me back,” hongjoong said, nodding solemly as your eyes went to his face, watching for his expression, “but it’s been over a week now. it’s been eight days. and i have done zero work because every day i get home and i cry so hard because you’re not there. and every little thing that i didn’t want you to do before– i– i miss it so much.”

a tear fell down his face and you wiped it away, giving up on trying to control your own.

“i want you to come and make me tea and pastries and i want you to come and sit on my lap while i work and i want you to cuddle me when we’re asleep and i want you to clean me up after i’ve got wounds from a mission. i want it all! i want you.”

you sighed, “you didn’t like it before.”

hongjoong sniffled, tucking some hair behind your ear, “i did. god, i did. but after that defeat from stray kids, i felt inferior and so– so i brought the mafia leader image home as well. i wasn’t being kim hongjoong with you. but i am now, i am kim hongjoong and i want you back in my life. please.”

you wiped away his tears, placing a hand on his cheek and leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“truthfully? i’ve been waiting for you every day since i left,” you sighed, “i didn’t even take all my stuff.”

hongjoong chuckled, “i thought you did that to be cruel.”

you laughed, climbing onto his lap, the way you used to when he was working, “i missed you, hongjoong. and i don’t just mean in the past week.”

hongjoong nodded, “i missed you, in the past week, more than i’ve ever missed someone before. but... i know, and i missed me too. i’m so, so glad to be back.”

you chuckled, kissing him again, “it’s good to see you again, hongjoong-ah. don’t go away again. promise?”

hongjoong smiled, linking his pinky finger with yours.

“i promise.”

[chappedandfadedvds]

Jan 6th, Wednesday 19:03

„No, no. Uh, let’s just write a mail or something. I know. I know. I just got back, so I’ll text you later or okay?“

The voice grew louder, after rustling of clothes announced the arrival of a person into the house. Jens wasn’t able to make out much of it, but there was a mumbled goodbye and then he saw Lucas step into the livingroom.

„Luc!“ Lotte squeaked delighted as she rushed to run into the laughing body of the boy, already awaiting her greeting with open arms. His phone still in hand, but call apparently ended. 

„I missed you too. Let me actually come in first okay?“

„No, you must deal with our clingy love now. We both were dreadful missing you.“ Jens declared, butting the pen down, next to the unfinished homework he was working on, as he got up to hopefully hug his boyfriend as soon as his little sister would let go. Which could take a while, he feared.

„Right.“ Lucas only replied in disbelief, ruffling Lotte’s head. Perhaps hoping it would make her step back. But she only voiced a bit of annoyance tightening her grip. Jens just shrugged unhelpful from where he stood, his little sister in between the two boys, sharing a smile and gaze. „Like Lotte I get, but you? We saw each other literally the whole day in school.“

„It’s different“

„It’s different.“ Lucas mocked as he repeated the words with an amused grin and roll of his eyes. Jens thought he was correct. Because he still didn’t feel too comfortable to just show his affection in such a public space as school. He didn’t even know why. It just felt odd. It shouldn’t though. But Lucas didn’t seemed to mind that much. Or he did and simply decided against bringing it up. 

They remained a little longer like that. Each somehow just hanging in their own heads.

„We saw mom yesterday.“ Lotte broke the silence that had wedged itself into the pause between them.

And with that, she let go of the younger boy, before she began to tell Lucas about everything that had happened yesterday. It also reminded Jens of the still wrapped flower that stood in a glass of water on the table. Before the silly nervousness could settle in his stomach though, he decided to first wrap his own arms around Lucas’s middle and place a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead.

„That happy to have me back, huh.“

„Shut up.“

„Make me.“

Lucas only whispered these last two words. The bright smile clear on his face, even when he bit his lip, as Jens noticed, his gaze dropping to catch it. It was close to nothing and yet made his heart beat faster. So he leaned in, Lucas’s head tilted, eyes close in warm familiarity, before Jens felt the soft lips against his. A hand brushing his jaw, as it went to settle in his neck, pulling him closer.

A bit too breathless, they parted only reluctantly. Jens’s fingers still dugged into the fabric of the sweater on the younger boy’s back, earning a quiet laugh from Lucas, who didn’t complain being hold hostage for another minute or two.

But Lotte was in the same room and Jens had to finish at least this stupid stupid map for geography before he could start on dinner. And there was still the flower. Lucas also would stay til sunday. 

„Well, I, uhm.“

„Yes?“ 

Jens decided that it would be easier to just get the damn thing on the table. It was frustrating not to know whey he got that flustered over such a small thing. Maybe he should have asked Robbe or Sander. Jens always dated girls. It was easier to know what was appropiate and what wasn’t All girls like flowers.

„This is for you.“ He blurted out, quite clumsy, as he hold out his arm to present the paper wrapped flower to Lucas. It was awkward and plainly ridiculous. They dated for two fucking month. It shouldn’t mean that much. But to Jens it did. Now that he thought about it, they hadn’t really gifted each other something yet. Neither for christmas nor for Jens’s birthday in november. Which he didn’t minded at all. He didn’t need presents. 

Lucas was certainly a litte stunned by the gesture, his eyes wide and his hand accepting the gift, while his other freed it of the paper, only to show the white bloom settled between the dark green leaves. It wasn’t even a big flower. Or a rose or something equally romantic.

Why had he done this? 

Ridiculous, Jens thought, it proabably was too late to take it back huh?

But before regret could actually emerge, it was quickly replaced by pride, when Lucas’s whole eypression lit up into amazement as his eyes darted from the flower in his hand to Jens and back.

„This is so sweet. I love it. But why?“ The younger boy said, as he went to kiss Jens once more, who only stood and watched, not yet sure what to say in return.

So he only shrugged, trying to look non-chalant about the whole affair.

„Thank you.“

That was enough to have made it all worth, Jens decided right then after Lucas had told him this. Both staring at each other for a little while longer, before Lotte loudly declared for the younger boy to put the flower back into water, before it would die.

Definitely not the worst of ideas.

__ __ __ tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

[vesuvian-disaster]

Marcus Aquila/Miloš - 2., 4., 12., 18. and 20. >:^3c

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

I feel like these two switch it up. If Miloš is drunk when they go to sleep he ends up being big spoon a lot more, because he gets clingy. 🥰

4. Favorite non-sexual activity? 

I feel like, even post plague, that they still enjoy playing cards over drinks together. It's just that the setting becomes far more comfortable than playing cards in the Coliseum dungeons.

12. Who initiates kisses? 

I have no doubt that they both do. I think Marcus Aquila likes to reaffirm eir affections in private though, since PDA isn't a huge thing for em.

18. Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

Marcus Aquila would do this, most commonly when Miloš seems to be feeling down or appears to be stressed out about his new work. Maybe in, tied to, or wrapped around, something he uses often. Like a pen, or in his notebook between his last thing he wrote and the next clean page. 

Just little things like:

I'm proud of you, Love. You're doing good work.💖

20. What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Marcus Aquila's mother, Hortensia, is dubious about Miloš in the beginning. This doctor her child met in The Coliseum's dungeon is a questionable character. She does see that Marcus Aquila loves him and that Miloš does appear to return the feelings, though. She was denied a proper romance in her life, she won't begrudge her child the opportunity.

Marcus Aquila's older brother, Valens, is indifferent. Mostly he acknowledges that the relationship is a thing, and once he notes what Miloš can do he'll keep in mind that there is now a doctor at hand.

Eir older sisters, Priscilla and Tullia, are probably the last to find out about the relationship, but are happy for Marcus Aquila. They no ey work hard and are glad there is someone who seems to make the workload feel like less to em.

Varinia and Sextus, Marcus Aquila's younger siblings adore Miloš and like that Marcus Aquila seems happier since he came around. They like dragging him along on their little adventures into the grounds around The Summanus Estate.