#who was cheating on him and pregnant with someone else's baby. or maybe just lying about it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ughdontbeboring · 3 years ago

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Bad times calling

Rio x y/n

Rio never thought he’d come home to what he walked into and what walked out.

warnings: cheating, gun, mention of fertility issues, angst

sidenote: no smut but blog is for 18+ so minors DNI! No permission for my works for me used anywhere else.

if you guys likey please belong and comment ☺️😘

I trusted you.

Rio sighed when he reached the door of his condo, leaning forward he laid his head against the metal door. Condo number 306. To shake away the guilt he tried to focus on the woman behind it and how much he loved her. He could honestly say there wasn’t a woman he had ever came close to loving as much as he loved her. The mother of his child he loved but they always seemed more of friends who had sex and had gotten pregnant.

Trying to steady his shaky breathing he pushed himself back as he went to put his key in the lock. He didn’t want to bring this shit home to her. She didn’t deserve his shitty attitude or him for that fact, for the bullshit he did. He wasn’t sure if he could fix this. He reminded himself there was nothing to fix, he just needed to keep making better decisions from here on out.

The only thing saving him was the fact that only two people knew and luckily he was one of them.

His eyebrows knitted together when he realized the door to his condo was unlocked. That never happened. He pushed the door slowly while his right hand went to his gun in the back of his pants. Stepping into the condo his eyes searched the open layout.

“Baby?” He called.

The condo looked fine nothing out of place. There wasn’t any food cooking, which he usually came home to or left overs packed away when he came home too late.

“Mamas where you at?”

She was supposed to pick up Marcus today but he didn’t see any sign of him, maybe they were trying to scare him. He put his gun behind him just incase that was the case. He didn’t want Marcus to see that.

“Marcus?” He called out again.

He could hear moving around in the bedroom, he walked toward their bedroom still on alert. Pushing their bedroom door open he could hear footsteps thudding around. He knew those foot steps.

“Mamas you didn’t hear me?” He said “I thought something happened” he finished as he put his gun on the night stand.

The next thing he knew she came barreling out of their shared walk in closet. Tears running down her beautiful face, nose red. He walked up to her without a second thought.

“Mama what’s wrong? you ok?” He asked genuinely concerned before anger started to bubble inside his chest. He didn’t like to see her upset and crying. He looked her over trying to find anything that would explain the tears. Did someone do something to her? Did she hurt herself by accident? He reached out his hands to grab her face and she mushed his hands away. He was confused as he looked up down to her face.

“Baby-“

“Is it true?”

His eyes searched hers, still trying to figure out what was going on.

“Mama I don’t know-“

“Don’t call me that!” She yelled making him flinch. The sudden changing in her tone catching him off guard. Maybe he was being naive but there was no way she knew.

He sighed hard.

“Fucking answer me Christopher!!”

“Is what true?” He asked starting to get annoyed that he didn’t know what was going on.

She laughed as she shook her head.

“Y/N” he said as he went to grab her hand, she jerked away, this time the pain stung his chest. He’d never been in this situation with her before. Never had her pull away from him in a serious matter.

“Did you or did you not fuck that bimbo white bitch Beth Boland?” She seethed at him, eyes full of anger.

Rio froze.

How? Was all he could think.

He was going to kill who ever told her. Think Rio think, he thought to himself.

“Who told you that?”

“I won’t ask again” she said as she stood in front of him, challenging him, her eyes searching his, no doubt waiting to see if she would find lies in them.

There was no point in lying to her. He had always been truthful about everything from what he did to his past, everything expect fucking Beth. she knew he worked a lot with the house wives and closely but she trusted him.

The last year of his life with her had been the most happiest. Between her and Marcus he felt like their was hope for his life. More then guns and drugs.

He sighed. Guilt flooding his body.

“Yes but-“

“How many times?”

“Please don’t ask me that” he said running his hand down his face, he couldn’t lie to her again but he also didn’t want her to know the whole truth.

She stared at him with eyes that angrier by the second. Moments passed as they stood there staring at one another. Rio worriedly waited her next move, waiting to see if there was a way he could fix this. When she did nothing but stare with those eyes, chest heaving, he knew there wasn’t away around her question. He sighed as he looked down before looking up and holding her eyes again.

“3 times”. His voice full of guilt.

“3 FUCKING TIMES! You fucked her 3 ti-“ She cur her self off her hand coming up to her mouth trying to control the breaking of her voice.

“I-“

“So everything she said could be true then” she asked trying to hold back the sobs.

“What else did she say?” He didn’t even want to ask, didn’t want to know the answer. If she said what he was praying she wouldn’t then he may very well throw up. The thought of being without her making him sick.

“Are you going to make me say it?” She asked looking like she might be the one to vomit instead. His eyes just watched her not knowing what to do. Not being man enough to even say it to her face the words she was looking for, not this he couldn’t. He couldn’t say it.

When he didn’t say anything but stare at her with those beautiful dark sad eyes she shallowed the pressure she felt raising in her chest.

“That....that that baby is yours” she said in the most quiet voice that if he wasn’t looking at her he probably wouldn’t had realize she was talking.

“I don’t believe her, I don’t believe she’s actually pregnant I think she’s trying to buy herself time because it was coming to a end for her” He trying to convince her that there was no baby, at least he didn’t believe so.

“That isn’t a no” she said before pushing past him, he actually stumbled back a step being caught off guard by the impact. It was then that he noticed all the LV hard case luggage in their bedroom. She went to grab two rolling hard case trolleys that each had a duffle on it.

“What’s with the luggage y/n?” He asked walking over to her and trying to push her stuff back out of her reach as panic set in. She sucked her teeth as she shot him a cold glare.

“Move”

“Nah I can’t let you leave here mama” he said trying to grab some of her stuff from her. She swatted his hand.

“I said fucking move!”

“I am not letting you leave!! We have to talk about this!! You have to let me fix this!” He said yelling, his voice starting to crack with emotions.

“Fuck it I don’t need that shit then” she pulled the one trolley and duffle she had in her far side hand and marched out of the room. Rio pushed the luggage out his way as he jogged after her.

“Marcus is still with his mother, I told her we had to handle something and couldn’t pick him up, that you’d pick him up later or tomorrow” she said walking into the living room to get her purse from the kitchen island.

“His dinner for tonight is already made and his sports schedule is up, he has his soccer game tomorrow”. Even now she was looking out for him, looking out for his son. Making sure he was taken care of. Marcus would be devastated to find the home empty without her. She was a big part of both of their lives. She made Rio’s condo a home for them.

“Ma you gotta hear me out” He said following there toward the door. He had to get her to stay if she left he didn’t know what would happen.

She stopped with her hand on the door knob and Rio felt a spark of hope, but it would be short lived.

“Was it because I would have difficulty having one? A child” she said as clear as she could as she turned her face toward him, eyes blood shot red. Her face wet again with tears. Her beautiful face completely broken.

The tears fell harder as she stared at him, her world slowly crushing. He was the cause and here she stood thinking it had something to do with her, he hated himself in this moment more then he ever had.

His own eyes swelled with unshed tears as he stared at her broken face. His world crushed.

“No,no,no mama I swear” He said rushing her and grabbed her face despite her protests. His hands forcing her to look at him.

“I swear it was all on me, I was being a fucking low life, I swear on everything I’d live my life with you without more children. I told you that before I could never leave you” He said his eyes begging her to see the honesty in them.

He had told her that before when she got the news that she would have difficulty having children because of PCOS that he didn’t need more children, he just needed her and Marcus. But he would try when she wanted to. Try all the treatments, whatever it took whenever she was ready to try for a baby.

“It was that time you left to your sisters when we had that fight and I fucked up baby, I did. She was just there it meant nothing. I know how it looks but it’s not that” He tired to reason as he wiped her tears. She shook her head not able to deal with this. This is why she freaked when he called her mama earlier. Fuck he hated himself.

“Wait please don’t leave, you stay and I’ll go to a hotel”

She pushed him back and pulled the door open.

“At least tell me where you going?”

“That’s none of you business anymore Rio”

“Please, I need you” He begged.

“I trusted you” she said before walked out the condo and out of Rio’s life.

As the door shut Rio roughly wiped the few tears he let fall. He pulled out his phone to text Mick. He needed someone to have a eye on Y/N from this moment forward and he needed someone to bring him Beth immediately. As much as he wanted her dead he knew in his gut Beth would be prefect to take the fall down the road. He couldn’t kill her yet BUT he would spend the time up til that moment making her life a living fucking hell.

He also texted Rhea letting her know he couldn’t get Marcus til tomorrow. He couldn’t face his son tonight and his million questions about her and where she was. He couldn’t face his sons disappointment. He didn’t even know what to tell him.

He would stay at a hotel tonight, he couldn’t be here without her.

As he walked out his condo he promised himself he would make it a home again for the 3 of them.

Ahhhh I broke my own heart, if y’all read my other fics im showing a pattern of angst here 🥲

also if you’ve read my August Walker story just know the last chapter is coming this week!

#RIO #RIO X YN #RIO X READER #GOODGIRLS #MANNY MONTANA #RIO GOODGIRLS #UGHWRITES #UGHRIO

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issaphina · 2 years ago

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Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but [ NYX HERRERA ], a [ TWENTY-SIX ] year-old [ CISFEMALE ] has lived in [ GREAT KILLS, STATEN ISLAND ] for [ SIX MONTHS ]. This is the city of dreams and [ SHE/HER ] knows it, because they came to NYC to be a/n [ PROFESSIONAL SUGAR BABY / SCAMMER ]. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like [ CIERRA RAMIREZ ]. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it!

&; TW: domestic abuse, cheating

Quick Fire Facts ( will add more ):

Born and raised in Staten Island.

Libra (10.18.), believes in zodiacs and is v spiritual.

into witchy shit

femme fatale

chews people up and spits them out when bored but is tired of it.

wants to get into a different field of earning money

loves all genres of music, to read, and fashion, kind of wants to get into it

smokes weed, loves drinking, never ciggies.

uptight but laid back stoner, control freak, but doesnt care about anything, just alll around bad ass chick who doesnt realize how depressed she is and how muh she needs to change her life from the SB life bc its draining her completely

headcanons:

Nyx ( Staten Island born and raised ) always had an estranged relationship with her parents, being the middle child she sort of got forgot about. She moved out of her family home when she was just 17, she had been taking care of herself for a year anyway. She never went to college, opted for the workforce instead. She has always been a go-getter, and even if she was making 7.50 an hour, she always had the latest in fashion, and a big bag in her purse.

When Nyx turned 20 she discovered seeking arrangements and the life of a sugar baby(SB/SD), she instantly fell in love with it. Get whatever she wanted for minimal work? Because she’s hot? It was her dream come true. That was until she was 23, and she fell in love with one of her SD’s, she moved in with him, stopped seeing everyone else, thought she was in love and found the one she was going to be with forever. That was until she got pregnant, he accused her of cheating and still doing her SB work, and got physical with her. She apologized for upsetting him, and waited until he went to bed to look through his phone; only to find out that he had been seeing other women the entire time they were together and isolating her away from the few people she did have by lying about them and she believed him. She now has to live with herself knowing that she could have a four year old child out there but she chose to stay with a man who left her three weeks later for someone younger and dumber.

She does credit card scams on the side as a way to support her lavish lifestyle she has came to love in the last decade. Coming up on the poor side of Staten Island didnt matter, she always surrounded herself with the snooty kids who wouldn’t notice if they were missing a few hundred bucks or a plastic card when they have twenty of mommy and daddys. As she got older, her hustle got more advanced, she only stays at a call center long enough to bleed a few people dry before moving on.

She still does SB work, she’s trying to branch into life insurance work and maybe property management or cooking professionally. She’s honestly just trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life and feels like she needs to surround herself with new people away from California and go back to her routes.

#enyc.intro #&; about.#i will maybe fix this???? spent two hours on thi fsaddaf

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binniedeactivated · 4 years ago

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txt reactions. || ��👾👾

Reaction to them cheating on you...

a/n; was just in the mood to write this, purely self indulgent because this is what sam smith at 5am does to me <3

soobin;

it’s been a while since you and soobin had done anything romantic. so, while he was at work you decided to fix the house up pretty and make him a big dinner. the both of your work schedules prevented you both from even touching each other, you were much too tired. most nights you guys would come home and go straight to bed. you thought a nice dinner, some lingerie and soft sex would get you both back on your game again. you got off work a little earlier tonight and put your plan into action, making all of his favorite foods and lighting some candles in your bedroom to make everything look as romantic as possible. you even went as far as to making the bathtub water floral and inserting scented candles in there also.

you were excited. you were finally going to do something with your boyfriend other than sleep inside the same bed as him night after night. you thought he would be really happy about it as well considering he was often moody when you two weren’t clingy like usual. you lit the last candle while you heard a bit of bustling on the side of the door and you assumed soobin could be coming in at any moment. you turned off the light and stood further away from the door, waiting to surprise him.

as soon as the keys unlocked the door you heard a body slam into the wall beside it while soobin closes the door with his foot. you heard soft moans and you could see soobin rushing to take his jacket off just to throw it on the floor beside him and lift the girl on the wall by her thighs. your blood began to boil.

“fuck soobin-- you really gonna fuck me right here? while you’re girlfriend isn’t home?”.

“we have another hour baby”. soobin groans and moves his lips to her neck. she grips his hair strands and continues letting the meek noises flow from her throat.

“you have another hour?”. you spoke up loud enough to startle them. soobin jumps and immediately puts her down to glare back at you in fear. “baby i was just--”.

“i got off work early and bought all this shit just so we can have a romantic night to ourselves. I cooked, I set up the bathroom and the bedroom. I made it all nice and pretty thinking maybe we can eat and have some fun. but now I see why you haven’t been touching me. It isn’t because we’re tired it’s because you’re too busy fucking someone else”.

the girl breathes, releasing her grip from soobin’s forearm. “maybe I should leave--”.

“yeah maybe you should. now”.

she scoots past soobin and slips out of the door with ease. soobin could only stare at you in guilt. “It’s not even like that baby I swear”.

you blow the candles out one by one. “sure it wasn’t soobin. you were about to fuck her had I not spoke up sooner. how long has it been?”.

“what are you talking about?”.

you take a spoon from his plate and throw it at his chest. “you know what the hell I’m talking about. how long have you been fucking her?”.

he rubs himself in pain. “only a few weeks”.

“good. i hope you continue to enjoy her for the rest of your life. you’re going to need someone to keep you company because I’m not staying with you”.

“baby I just felt like we haven’t really been doing anything so I thought--”.

“so you thought--hey let me just go cheat? you’re an idiot and that’s a stupid ass excuse”

“cmon--you know I’m a man we have needs”.

“I’m a woman with needs too soobin! you think we all don’t crave sex sometimes? what did you think I was making this whole night about?! I wanted to spend time with you and have sex. but you’re getting your needs met with someone else so I’ll do the same thing. like I said enjoy her. this will be the last time you ever see me again”.

“I’m sorry--look I’m sorry I’ll cut ties with her and I won’t do again”.

“save every last apology you have. I’m not taking it. I’m find someone else”.

yeonjun;

it was all over everywhere. especially stan twitter. and quite frankly you were tired of seeing it. it was yeonjun doing his solo song at their recent concert, singing jealous by labrinth. he sung it as painfully and brutal as if someone stuck a stake through his heart with no care in the world. but he wasn’t the hurt one here. it was you. he was cheating on you repeatedly with numerous women, not giving a damn about his actions until you caught him. and now here he was, singing his heart out on stage and crying, making everyone believe you were the one that broke his heart.

his voice croaked and cracked when he sung it. and you’ll admit it he sung it beautifully. so beautiful it made you cry every time you heard it. it was sad that you both had to end a three year relationship because he didn’t know how to be with you and you only. you were sick of his games, his lies, you were sick of it all. you wanted to be completely free of him. you moved to a different city and took an acting job elsewhere. one you were proud of in fact. well, you were proud of it before you realized who was casted to play as your ex in the next episode.

you avoided yeonjun during rehearsal as much as you possibly could. but that didn’t stop him from singing about you on stage and pouring his heart out as if he missed you. you didn’t believe he missed you. you thought he just missed the fact that you gullible enough to fall for every lie he told. today was another taping day. like the script instructed you open the door and yeonjun was required to be there with a sullen expression on his face.

“what are you doing here?”.

“just give me another chance. please. I swear this time I’ll do right by you”.

you attempt to shut the door in his face but he holds it open with arm. which wasn’t in the script at all. neither was his next line.

“please. please I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I know i wasn’t the best boyfriend. I was so stupid for thinking those girls could ever make up for the endless love that you showered me with. I’m so dumb for taking you for granted in the moment I thought that having multiple partners would make me feel better about myself and boost my ego but it only hurt me in the end. It made me feel so empty. you were the only person that could ever make me feel whole”.

you cross your arms, seeing that this became real.

“yeah, you’re stupid for losing me but i’m not responsible for your wholeness yeonjun. you are. don’t ever depend on someone else to make you happy that’s selfish. the emotional trauma and stress you put me through is something I will never go through again. you broke me beyond repair. I constantly poured out for you and all you did was take. you didn’t appreciate me and I don’t deserve that. you sung about how you were jealous of anyone else I ever come across because you’re afraid of someone loving me the way you should’ve. I’m not running back to you anymore”.

tears raced down his cheeks.

“I’ll be good to you. just please let me be good to you”.

“no. I’m done with you”.

beomgyu;

the front door open and closed softly but he didn’t think you were awake. little did he know you were. in fact you were wide awake. your pregnancy hormones kept you up later than usual. you were grateful though because you were wide awake enough to see beomgyu. to see him try to discreetly throw his condom wrapper in the nearby garbage before taking his jacket off and placing it on the coat rack.

you quickly turned the kitchen light on behind him which startled him completely. he frighteningly turns around to face you, he could already tell you weren’t too pleased with how late he was coming in. his heart started to pound rapidly hoping you wouldn’t suspect anything. but you saw everything. even down to the purple hickeys on his neck that he failed to cover.

“I’m so sick and tired of this gyu. I’m so sick”.

“I had to work late tonight. me and the boys-“.

“you and the boys weren’t doing anything because I already texted yeonjun and soobin and they said you got off work two hours ago. so where the hell where you?”. you fold your arms, hating how he was getting you worked up while you were carrying his child. he swallows,

“I had some extra things to take care of”.

“like what? who were you fucking gyu? because I’m not stupid”.

“why would I cheat on you while you’re pregnant? that’s bad for baby. I think you’re just stressing yourself out at this point”.

“I’m stressing myself out?!”. you lean over as best as you could just to pluck the wrapper out the garbage can and angrily flick it at his face. “what the fuck is this then? and why are you lying about it?!”.

“babe that’s from the last time we--”.

“that’s bullshit beomgyu! when have we ever used a condom?! please tell me and then after that please tell me what the hell are those marks are your neck?!”.

he reaches his hand up to try and cover them. “mosquitos--I’ve been getting bitten by a lot of bugs lately”. you shove him backwards.

“get out! please get out until you can learn how to stop cheating and lying. go get yourself some fucking help. I’m not doing this with you! when the baby is born we can figure out some custodial situations but I don’t want to be with you if you don’t want to be with me. I’m done with this. I’m done with us”.

“don’t do this. you know what I want most is to be a dad. how are you just going to kick me out?”.

you shook your head in disbelief. “pack your shit and go beomgyu”. you hated yourself for crying. “I don’t want you here anymore”.

“I’ll admit it then i was cheating. alright? is that what you wanted to hear?”.

“it’s sad that it took me threatening to kick you out for you to come clean. you’re not even man enough to tell me straight up?”.

“I won’t do it anymore. just please let me father my son in the same household I can’t do any of that custody crap. don’t be like this”.

“you did it to yourself. had you made it clear that you wanted to love me, the mother of your son, you wouldn’t be out here cheating and lying like you are right now. I’m not stressing myself over this anymore beomgyu. get out. take all of your stuff with you”.

taehyun;

friday nights always ended like this. you and taehyun cuddled together on his living room sofa eating too many snacks to name. surrounded by complete darkness except for the movie blaring on the television screen. most would think that couples your age would love to spend their friday nights partying or drinking. however you and taehyun were a different pair.

“sweetheart can you get your elbow off my bladder that’s why I have to go pee every five seconds”.

“no you have to pee every five seconds because you’re lowkey pregnant”.

as taehyun gets up he laughs at your comment. “whatever. I’ll be back can you pause it?”.

you shove another piece of popcorn in your mouth before pressing the middle on the remote, rushing him. in the midst of waiting though you realized taehyun’s phone was getting numerous notifications, most of which you brushed off thinking it was the group chat he’s in with the boys. but an unfamiliar number popped up on his phone screen, one you haven’t saw before. in pure wonder you grab ahold of his phone, taking another peak at the bathroom door before unlocking it to see the message.

333-333-333: are you still with her? when she goes to sleep you should come over...

with a jaw clenched you angrily squeeze his phone, wanting to lock it again so you can gather your thoughts. but you couldn’t help yourself from scrolling through his message thread with whoever the number was, which you assumed was some girl because she’d been sending him nudes since a couple of weeks ago. and to make matters worse he was responding with heart eyes. once the sink in the bathroom went off taehyun closes the door behind himself and you immediately lock his phone, glaring at him with the coldest expression you could muster.

“sweetheart? what’s the matter? why do you have my phone?”.

with your heart racing you launch his phone at his chest. “fuck you taehyun!”. you remove the blankets off yourself to fetch your shoes. he winces at the sudden hit just before unlocking his phone to see that you had opened his message thread. shit. “why are you going through my phone?”.

“that’s all you have to fucking say?! why was i going through your phone? why were you getting nudes from some other girl?! that’s the real question!”. you grab your bag and approach the door. of course taehyun was trying his best to pull you back over to him. you snatch his arms of your torso in a fit of rage. “she’s just a friend--”.

“we’ve been dating for 5 years and you do this shit?! fuck you. if you didn’t want me anymore you could’ve just said that. don’t call me, don’t text me or talk to me anymore. we’re done”.

“sweetheart please. I can’t be alone. I didn’t even mean to text her i don’t know what came over me”.

“don’t talk to me anymore. you’re a cheater. that’s what came over you”.

“so you’re just going to leave so quick like that?”.

“you think you deserve for me to stay? you’re so fucking self centered. don’t make me seem like the weak one for leaving someone who obviously doesn’t love me anymore. now move your damn hands. I’m leaving”.

and with that there was a slamming door. taehyun could feel his heart sink with every step you took down the hallway.

kai;

you were working when you got the notification. it was from your bank account, specifically the joint account you and kai shared. they were notifying you about a recent purchase from last night. one that you hadn’t remembered at all so you figured it had to be kai. he didn’t know that you opted to be notified about the spending on the account just to make sure the both of you were keeping your savings in order. but one thing that wasn’t in order was what the last purchase was on.

dinner for two and perfume shopping.

no. no way. you checked once again to make sure you weren’t seeing things. but the notification was loud and clear. you figured maybe someone had stolen your credit card and began using it. but even that wouldn’t make sense because it has a pin and only you and kai knew it. you felt your cheeks grow hot at the thought of kai with someone else. you knew he was acting a little distant these past couple of days but you couldn’t figure out why. the tears welled in your eyes but you refused to let them fall, in front of your colleagues at least. you took a step out into the bathroom to take a breath. but you couldn’t keep yourself from crying. you couldn’t understand why he’d be doing this. you loved him too much and too hard for him to even think of being with someone else.

you opened your phone deciding to call him. the phone ringed so many times you thought he wasn’t going to pick up until he finally picked up on the last ring. you didn’t even give him a chance to speak once he did.

“kai i’m only going to ask you this one time and please don’t lie to me”.

“what’s wrong baby?”.

“don’t call me that. who were you taking out on a date the other night? buying perfume for?”. you ask more calmly than you rehearsed in your head. kai’s heart dropped. he panicked. how did you know?

“no one. what are you talking about? you sound so upset. I don’t like when you’re like this baby”.

you exhale heavily. fury pooled in your chest. “you don’t like it? so why the hell were you cheating? you know what? you’re so pathetic. i can’t. I’m fucking leaving you”.

“baby for what? why are you leaving? don’t leave me I promise I wasn’t with anyone else”.

“you sound so innocent when you say that. is that what you like? huh? you like sounding innocent so you can further manipulate me?”.

“baby please”.

“don’t worry. I’ll be out the house by tonight”.

#choi soobin #choi yeonjun #choi beomgyu #kang taeyun #heuning kai #soobin angst #yeonjun angst #beomgyu angst #taehyun angst #heuning kai angst #txt reactions #yeonjun #soobin #beomgyu #taehyun #reactions

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goldensstateofgrace · 3 years ago

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Love Along The Way - Chapter II

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Asks/ Lmk what you thought |

Series Summary: Reader joins the band in writing songs for their third album (Youngblood) and love finds her along the way.

Chapter summary: reader can’t sleep, remembering and using her emotions to write a song where she plays it for the band and gets really emotional so Calum comforts her.

Word count: 7K

Warnings: Emotional, fluff, crying, angst?? more fluff (LMK IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!!)

Sorry it took so long besties, my mental health hasn’t been the best lately!! but hopefully after posting this (after it’s sat in my drafts for months) i’ll find the inspiration to write again!!!

I hope you enjoy!! Happy reading!! - G <3

It was still a hard thing to wrap your head around.

He left you.

He left you and your three year old son like you were nothing, and he didn’t even look back to see what kind of damage he caused. You had both been going through a rough patch - to say the least - ever since you found out you were pregnant.

Easton was a grade A douche, you can admit that to yourself now. He was the jock in highschool that secretly loved music and you bonded over that. You wrote so many songs - not the best, but songs nonetheless - about him when you were just starting out.

You spent so much time with him during senior year, falling more and more in love each day, or what you thought was love at least. He was controlling, and a bit of a bully, but you brushed it off like everything else because you didn’t want to see past your rose colored lenses and see the truth.

It was only when you decided to move out to LA after highschool to finally kickstart your dream that he got overly possessive. Whenever a guy so much as looked your way it would cause a fight. You weren’t a big fan of PDA but he made it known ‘you were his’ by being touchy and kissing all over you. You didn’t like it; it made you extremely uncomfortable.

But him leaving you for another girl, who you found out later, he was with for almost half of your relationship hurt worse than you ever imagined it could. You couldn’t figure out what you had done to cause him to not love you anymore.

But that’s the thing, you didn’t do anything wrong.

He’s the one that cheated, and he’s the one that ruined everything you had created. You were the most loyal girlfriend, always reassuring him that he’s the only one you’d ever love. Now you were finally seeing your whole relationship with Easton through clear eyes.

If you hadn’t brushed off all of the red flags and signs pointing out that he was clearly doing something he wasn’t supposed to do when having a girlfriend of almost three years and a baby at home, then maybe you would have left him and not have so much heartbreak. Or you would have seen that him accusing you of everything was really because he was the guilty one.

You. didn’t. Do. Anything. Wrong.

Now, it was 3am and you were in your bathroom, crying quietly so you didn’t wake Elijah - who was sleeping peacefully in your bed just beyond the door- with your loud sniffling and the sobs racking through your chest.

Your hands fist your roots tightly as you lay on the ground staring up at the white ceiling of your bathroom. Angry at yourself for still - not missing him, but missing what you had in the beginning. That love and feeling of comfort, knowing you were so in love with someone that you didn’t need to worry about the rest of the world.

Letting out an angry sigh, you quickly sit up from your lying position, wiping away your tears and standing. Your palms meet the cool surface of your bathroom counter, as you look in the mirror, your eyes bloodshot and your face swollen and patchy from crying for nearly two hours.

It made you even more angry, looking at yourself so beat up over something that wasn’t your fault but still felt like it was.

You didn’t deserve any of this, you didn’t deserve to feel like nothing and disposable whenever Easton found ‘someone better’.

You splashed your face with cold water a few times before drying it off and leaving the bathroom quietly. You check on Elijah, his face peaceful as he sleeps soundly before you make your way out of your room and down the hall to your living room.

You flick on the lamp in the corner, a warm glow encasing the room as you grab your journal off the coffee table and wrap in the fluffy blanket off the back of the couch. Curling up in your favorite corner of the couch, you open your journal, staring at the blank pages waiting to be filled with lyrics.

Words run through your head as you think about how Easton didn’t even care how much he hurt you, his lack of concern for how you were holding up being a single mom.

“Maybe I'm too emotional,” you sigh out a heavy breath as you wipe a tear from your cheek. But you weren’t too emotional about all of this, you were heartbroken and still reeling from it all.

“Maybe I'm too emotional,” you write down, liking the way it sounded. All of your anger and hurt playing in your mind as you mutter the words to yourself.

“But your apathy’s like a wound in salt,” you sing out, “or maybe you never cared at all.”

You write the words down, the memories of Easton slamming the door behind him without so much as a glance back running through your mind, you flinch still hearing the loud bang of the door.

“Well good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me,” you sang out angrily as you jotted down the words, the memory of opening instagram one day to see Easton and Erica - the girl he left you for- on your timeline. They were posing happily, smiles spread wide across both of their faces.

Your anger at the situation is at the forefront of your mind, but so are the last two hours you spent on your bathroom floor.

“I’ve lost my mind” you write, humming to the words as you sniffle. “I’ve spent the night cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom. But you’re so unaffected I really don’t get it, but I guess good for you.” you just write down the words coming to mind, not caring if it doesn’t make sense, you could put them in order later.

“It’s like we never even happened, baby what the fuck is up with that?” you mumble angrily.

Standing up from your sitting position, you pace around in front of your tv, running your hands through your hair roughly, wanting to scream at the top of your lungs “screw you!” but you don’t, reeling it in and writing the words down.

“Well screw that and screw you.”

Angry tears cloud your vision before falling down your heated red cheeks, only for you to sniffle and wipe them away.

You remember, you let out a dry laugh. You remember when Easton used to swear up and down that you were the only person who ever really understood him and what he wanted out of life. He used to tell you all this bullshit about how you were meant to be, and how you were soulmates that finally found each other after lifetimes of searching.

And now?

Now it’s like you never even met.

“and good for you, it’s like you never even met me. Remember when you swore to god I was the only person who ever got you?

You were so over being sad, you just wanted to start over and forget about Easton and all the bullshit he put you through.

“Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.”

You fall back onto the couch, a deep sigh escaping from your lungs as you close your eyes, feeling a bit of weight lifted off your shoulders now that you’ve gotten some of your anger out.

“Mommy?” a small voice calls. Your eyes pop open and move towards the small voice. Elijah was standing at the end of the hall, hugging the wall as he watched you, concern clear on his tired face.

“C’mere, baby,” you urge him, sniffling and wiping your tear stained cheeks. He pads over to you before crawling up into your lap.

“Why sad mommy?” he asks you sweetly. His small and gentle hands cup your tear stained cheeks as you look down at him in your lap. Tears springing to your eyes, as you notice his eyes well up as well. Whenever he saw you upset, he was too. When he was a baby, most of the time you couldn’t calm him down because you were so tired, worn out and upset.

You need to tell him, he needs to know but you don’t want to break his heart.

“I need you to be strong for me okay, baby?” you ask him, your heart breaking as you watch a tear fall from his eye and down his cheek. He nods up at you, his small hands still cupping your cheeks.

“Daddy, he left us. He found someone else and he’s gonna be living with her. You probably won’t be seeing him for a while.” you tell him softly, watching his face as he takes in what you’re telling him.

“D-daddy doesn’t wa-want me?” he asks in a small, broken voice. His chin wobbles as heavy tears fill his eyes and fall down his red, patchy cheeks.

“No, baby. He doesn’t. But I do, you’ll a-always have me no matter what, do you hear me? I’m never leaving you,” you cry, pulling him into your chest as the dam breaks for the both of you.

You hate seeing him hurt, whether it was a scrape or crying, it tore you apart.

“I love you, Elijah. So, so much baby.” you sob, tightening your arms around him as he wraps his around your neck letting out a sob of his own.

----

The next morning you woke up on the couch, facing the back with Elijah curled into your side. You lied there gazing down at his gentle, but swollen face. You don’t remember what time you both had finally fallen asleep, but it was early in the morning.

The lamp was still on, the warm glow still encasing the room but now accompanied by the glow of the sun peaking through the curtains. You could faintly hear your alarm clock ring down the hall from its perch on your bedside table.

“Wake up, E” you whisper down to your sleeping son. Your hands rubbing over his back to coax him awake. His tired eyes flutter before opening as he stretches his small body.

“Gotta get up, baby. I gotta get you to school,” you tell him, picking him up before making your way down the hall to his bedroom. You change his diaper before changing him into a pair of beige khaki shorts and a navy blue shirt with a dinosaur on the front of it.

You pick him up again, making your way into your room and into your ensuite bathroom. Sitting him on the counter, you turn the sink on, holding your hand under the water before bringing it up to his head to wet his hair. You comb his unruly hair, before using a bit of hairspray on a particular piece that didn’t want to stay down.

“You're so handsome!” you tell him, attacking his squishy cheeks in kisses causing him to squeal and laugh.

“Mommy!” he laughs out.

“Ok, ok!” you laugh, picking him up again and taking him into your room. You turn on the tv after sitting him in the middle of your bed.

You let him watch tv for about thirty minute while you get ready for the day. You wash your face, putting on a bit more makeup than you usually would due to your dark circles and your swollen eyes. You dressed in a pair of light wash mom jeans and a white flowy shirt before encasing your feet in a pair of sandals.

You quickly put on Elijah's black and white converse before grabbing your purse and keys and walking out the door. You had to go to lunch with your friend Alec, who you went to school with and who is also producing with 5sos after you drop Elijah off at preschool.

---

Lunch with Alec went - well it wasn’t as great as it could have been. He knew the second you sat down that there was something wrong.

And obviously there was, but there was also guilt weighing on your heart that this was the first time you had really hung out since the breakup with Easton.

Easton kept you from a lot of your friends, even when they clearly didn’t feel that way about you. In this case it was with your 9th grade bestfriend. You hadn’t talked to Alec in almost two years until he called you one day wondering what happened when he saw Easton on instagram with a girl that definitely wasn't you.

That night you talked on the phone for almost five hours, telling him everything that had happened and how you were. He wanted to see you and be there for you, but you wouldn’t let him. He was in London, producing for a few big names across the pond and you wouldn’t let him give that up.

“What’s wrong, love?” he had asked you. Concern lit up his eyes as he looked over your still swollen face.

You sighed, pushing your hair back from your face and finally meeting his gray eyes. “I told Elijah last night.”

Recognition crosses his eyes before he takes your hands in his and squeezes them comfortingly. “I know that must have been really hard,” he speaks softly.

“Yeah,” you whisper with a nod, tears welling up in your eyes. “It was.”

For the rest of the lunch you just talk. Catching up with each other and how he was. You talked about his time in London and how he met a guy there, Nick. They were both producing on a record and went out for drinks, and apparently Alec was hitting on him the whole time. But Nick, being the great guy you’ve come to hear about, didn't do anything about it because Alec was drunk and Nick wanted to do things right. Wait that’s so cute :(

So they went on a date the next night and hit it off, and they've been together for almost a year. You can tell by how glowy and all-around happy Alec is that they’re great for each other.

You ended up telling him more about last night. He asked if you had your journal with you, and if he could see what you wrote. You watched him as he read the words, how his eyebrows shot up and how he chuckled at some lines because it was like ‘FINALLY’ in his eyes.

During high school, he told you time and time again that Easton was a bad idea, but you didn’t listen, much like how you brushed everything off.

Now as you walk into the studio, laughing about Alec telling you how one time- and in his exact words- “Nick and I were having sexy time and the burrito DID NOT sit well for the both of us, so we had to stop and it was a VERY hard time,” you stop abruptly when seeing Easton standing at the panel talking to Calum and Ashton.

“Wha-” Alec starts before following your gaze and landing on Easton.

“Oh you piece o-” He starts loudly, causing everyone's attention to fall on you both. Before he can finish his sentence you catch his arm, pulling on it and eventually pulling him from the room.

“What the fuck is he doing in there?” he asks you loudly, but not in an aggressive way.

You shrugged, “I have no idea,” you tell him just as confused. He really does look happy and healthy. Your heart hurts seeing him, but beats rapidly seeing him talking to Calum- who coincidentally just walked out into the hall. “Y/n?” he asks, confusion clear on his face by his furrowed eyebrows.

“Hi, Alec,” Alec introduces himself, cutting you off as you start to speak. “That guy in there is her douchebag ex, and from what I've heard about you, you’re not. So since she’s not going to ask, because let's be real, she's just too sweet and polite, so, will you kindly throw that asshole out?” Alec holds out his hand, smiling brightly after his little speech.

“That’s Easton?” Calum asks you after shaking Alec's hand, his thumb hitched over his shoulder as he points to the door.

You nod faintly, smiling awkwardly up at him. “Yeah.”

Calum nods curtly before turning around and pushing open the door. “Boys,” you see him jerk his head in a way as if to say ‘come here’.

As Ash, Luke and Mikey are all filing out of the room, Easton speaks up. “What is that bitch saying about me?” He tries to walk out behind the guys.

“You better shut the fu-” Alec starts but you grab his arm.

“A, please,” you shake your head, speaking softly, even though you really want to walk in that room and scream and curse up a storm.

Mikey closes the door in Easton’s face, but there’s no doubt in your mind that he has his ear pressed against the door.

“Look,” you sigh. “That’s Easton, and honestly he’s a really talented guy, so I understand if you want to work with him. But I can’t. I’m not ready, especially after I just had to tell my son that his ‘daddy’ doesn't want him and that he doesn’t love us anymore. So I'll go home for the day, and you guys can work with him. Just tell me when a good day is to come back.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Ashton speaks up, an uncharacteristically furious look on his face.

“No, we don’t want to work with him. Not after everything you’ve told us.” Calum tells you, wrapping you in a hug. You relax in his warmth, your arms wrapping around his waist as you bury your face in his neck.

You don’t understand why, but you’re so comfortable around him, like you’ve known him all your life- despite only knowing him a mere few weeks.

“Go into the studio next to ours, and I'll come get you when he’s gone so you don’t have to see him again.” Calum whispers into your ear before pulling back to look at you.

You stare up at him before you nod, smiling softly and gratefully up at him.

“A, come on, I don’t feel like bailing you out of jail today,” you joke, taking his hand and walking down the hall to the other studio that was empty.

“He really is a hottie!” Alec tells you. You just hope to god Calum didn’t hear that, it was bad enough that Alec basically told him you talk about him.

“Alec!” you whisper, but don’t follow up with anything because it was true.

----

It didn’t take long for them to get Easton to leave. There was a lot of yelling on his part, but the guys handled it all calmly.

You thanked them all once you were in their studio, but didn’t say anything else about it once you had. You just wanted to forget; you wanted to move on.

Now you were all sitting on the couches as they showed you a song called ‘Talk fast’ they had written earlier. You really liked it; it was so upbeat the way they played it for you.

You added a few of your lyrical genius touches and it was done and ready to be recorded.

Then they asked if you had written anything new, and before you could even get words out Alec spoke up.

“She’s gonna say no, because I know her. But she wrote a kick ass song last night.”

You glared at him, and if you hadn’t known him for so long, him speaking for you and cutting you off would have probably pissed you, off just like it had when Easton used to do it. But it was Alec, and you knew he only meant the best.

A chorus of ‘show us’ and ‘let’s hear it’ sounded around the room, all of them looking at you expectedly.

“Fine, stop badgering me, just a warning though this isn’t for you guys,” you told them, causing them to laugh as you got up and went to pick up the bass guitar. “Can I use this?” you asked calum, knowing it was his because it was different from the one that was normally in its place.

He looked hesitant for a moment before nodding his head, so you picked it up and went back to your seat on the end of the couch.

You started playing the bass notes, your fingers moving against the strings of the guitar before the first lyrics left your lips, “Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily, you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.”

You don’t look up at them as you continue to play and sing, “remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world (ah - ah -ah )” you harmonize.

Your fingers move at a fast pace, the lyrics falling off your tongue as you start to feel the anger you felt last night as you were writing it. Closing your eyes you let go, your fingers moving mindlessly as you sing the words with all the emotion you could muster.

“Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl,” you drag out, strumming wildly on the bass. “Well good for you, you look happy and healthy, if you ever cared to ask, good for you, you’re doin’ great out there without me, baby, god, I wish I could do that. I’ve lost my mind, i’ve spent the night cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom, but you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it, but I guess good for you.”

The room is silent except for the bass and your voice, no one daring to speak a word as you play and sing out the lyrics, so much anger and emotion in your voice as you do.

“And good for you, it's like you never even met me, remember when you swore to god I was your only person who ever got you? Well screw that, and screw you, you’ll never have to hurt the way you know that I do!”

Tears have welled up in your eyes but you keep them closed or casted down at your fingers moving over the strings of the black bass.

“But you’re so unaffected, I really don’t get it, but I guess good for you!” you sing out before going into the small guitar solo, your voice harmonizing as you do.

“Maybe i’m too emotional, but your apathy’s like a wound in salt, maybe i’m too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all.” you quiet your voice as you sing the verses over again, your strumming picking up just as your voice does.

“Like a damn sociopath!”

“I’ve lost my mind, i’ve spent the night cryin’ on the floor of my bathroom, but you’re so unaffected I really don’t get it, but I guess good for you.”

The bass picks up, your fingers holding the pick between your thumb and pointer fingers tightly as you continue to strum heavily, “well good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.” you finish.

You pass the bass to Calum before getting up and walking out the door. Your cheeks are wet with angry tears before you wipe them away roughly, sniffling as you go down the hall and around the corner to lean against the wall.

Your chest rises and falls rapidly in time with your heavy breathing and your heartbeat. Trying to calm down, you squat, your back pressed to the wall as you try and catch your breath. Hands running through your hair before coming down and wiping at your wet cheeks.

“Hey, breathe with me, yeah?” Calum appears in front of you, his hands cupping your cheeks as his eyes lock on yours.

“In,” he instructs, taking a deep breath as you suck one in choppily, holding it for five seconds, “and out” he lets it out before instructing you again.

He helps you calm down, breathing with you until you can catch your breath easily. Pulling you into his chest, his arm wraps around your shoulder as the other cups the back of your head lovingly.

“Thank you,” you whisper, your arms wrapping under his arms and over his shoulders.

-----

When you fully calmed down and went back into the studio, everyone gave you a hug, which honestly made you even more emotional.

But everyone agreed that that was enough for the day and decided to go home. You still had almost four hours left until you needed to pick Elijah up from preschool. When you were just about to get in your car Calum stopped you.

“Hey, do you want to come over? Or we could go to yours if you want to be in your own space,” he asks you.

He looked so soft but yet so concerned. His eyebrows furrowed in a deep crease with his curls hidden behind a black beanie. He had on a black button up under a black 5sos bomber style jacket and his muscular legs clad in a pair of tight black jeans and his normal vans.

Calum always looks good, you've come to realize, whether he’s dressed up or in a pair of swim trunks.

“I was just gonna go home and watch some movies before I need to go pick Elijah up,” you tell him as you lean against the driver's door. “But you can come over, I could use the company.”

You smile softly as his face loses the almost hesitant look he had been sporting up until you invited him over.

He nods, his bright smile spreading across his face causing his eyes to crinkle at the side and his cheeks to squish up. “Ok, I’ll meet you there,” he tells you.

Calum goes to walk away before he turns around and pulls you into him, his arms wrapped around your shoulder as his face presses into your hair. “Drive safe, okay?” he whispers into your ear gently before pulling back and kissing your forehead.

Then he just walks away like he didn’t just stun you into place with his gesture. Sure he kissed the top of your head when walked you home the night you and all the guys were over at his house, but turning himself around to tell you to ‘drive safe, okay?’ and kissing your forehead? That had your heart beating wildly as you stood in place watching as he opened his car door before taking off.

-----

Fifteen minutes.

That’s how long it took for your normal five minute drive home to turn into, there was a car crash that happened about three miles from the road you took to get to your street so you had to take the long way.

When you pulled into your driveway, Cal was sitting on the porch steps. You felt bad that he might have been sitting there for over fifteen minutes until you noticed his change in attire.

Now he had on a black hoodie and a pair of grey sweatpants, keeping the black beanie that was hiding his curls earlier and donning a pair of socks and slides.

You chuckled to yourself as your eyes landed on his feet. “Socks and sandals?” you call to him as you round the hood of your car.

A laugh racks through his chest. “Yeah, what can I say, it’s comfortable,” he shrugs his shoulders.

You meet him on the steps before he stands and follows you as you unlock your front door. The warmth of his tall form encases your left side and causes you to fumble with your keys.

“Sorry it took so long for me to get here, there was a crash on my way home and I had to take the long way. Were you sitting there long?” you ramble, as you fumble to finally unlock the door. It was a nervous habit you had since you were a child and never broke.

“Hey,” he calls softly, “calm down, it’s just me. And no, I wasn't. I had to go home and check on Duke.” You nod, taking a deep breath before finally unlocking the door and walking inside.

It was when you walked in that it hit you, Calum had never been to your house and it looked like a mess. “Sorry for the mess, it’s not the easiest living with a three year old sometimes.”

He brushes your comment off, sliding off his slides as he walks through the door and places them next to the doorway. You smile softly at the gesture before you pick up the toys across your living room floor and place them in their respectful bins.

“Do you want anything to drink?” you ask him, picking up a few clothes that were strewn about the back of the couch.

“A water?” he questions before you nod and walk into the kitchen.

You pop a bag of popcorn in the microwave before you grab two waters out of the fridge and walk back into the living room calling out, “you can pick the movie, the remote is on th-” but stop when ‘10 things I hate about you’ was on the screen waiting to be played.

“I heard they put this on Netflix and I’ve never seen it before, is it ok?” he asks you, watching as you set the waters on the coffee table in front of the couch.

“Perfect,” you tell him. “It’s easily one of my favorite movies.”

By the time you're back from getting the popcorn after pouring it into a bowl and sitting on the couch next to Calum, the opening scene is starting. You curl up after putting the blanket off the back of the couch over your legs, the bowl between the both of you as you get sucked up in the love of Kat and Patrick.

You hadn’t realized until halfway through the movie that you were leaning your head on Calums shoulder, he doesn’t seem to mind because his cheek is resting on the crown of your head as his left arm wraps around your shoulders.

A blush coats your cheeks, your eyes staying locked on the tv as Heath Ledger starts to sing your favorite song.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you,” he sings, the words filtered out of the stadium speakers and down to Kat.

“You’d be like heaven to touch, I want to hold you so much,” you whisper the words as your eyes follow Heath Ledger slide down the flagpole.

“Our long last love has arrived, and I thank god I'm alive,” you sing, Calum joining in with you.

You turn your head to look up at Calum, his eyes locked on the tv as he sings the words quietly. A smile spreads across your face, your heart beating rapidly as you watch him.

He’s such a beautiful and kind man. He’s not like you would have thought he would be, not that you ever thought he could be washed up or a narcissistic asshole, but since Easton you didn’t really ever trust men.

Calum’s eyes flicker down to yours before flickering back to the tv, then moving back down to your and locking in a deep stare.

His plump, pink lips move with the words, “you’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.” Calum’s eyes don’t leave yours as he sings the words down to you.

There’s a silence that washes over the both of you, the marching band starts up on the tv as you watch Calum's eyes trail down from your eyes, and over the light freckles that dot across your nose, and down to your pink lips. He lingers there as he licks his bottom lip, before his eyes move back up to yours.

His eyes flick between yours, his face moving down slowly, trying to figure out if you’ll run or stay. Your head doesn’t move away, only forward, tilting up to meet his lips. You can feel his warm breath across your lips, his are a hair's width away, your eyes still locked on his.

Just as he goes to finally kiss you, your phone rings.

You let out a sigh, your eyes closing as you rest your forehead against his.

“Hello?” you answer the phone, having paused the tv and pulled away from Calum.

“Mrs. Y/l/N?” a lady asks on the other end of the line.

“This is her.”

“Yes, I’m calling from Elijah’s school, he’s in the nurse's office with a stomach ache and asking for you. If you could come pick him up, the day is almost over and he only has recess left,” the nice lady tells you.

“Yes Ma’am, I’m on my way,” you tell her, saying goodbye before hanging up.

“Elijah is in the nurse’s office with a stomach ache, I need to go pick him up,” you tell Calum, turning back to him.

“Ok, do you want me to go with you? We can maybe grab some dinner and come back here?” he asks you, a hopeful look in his brown eyes.

You nod, a smile spread across your face. “Yeah, we can do that.”

----

“What’s wrong, baby?” you ask Elijah as you squat in front of his small, sitting form in the nurse’s office.

“My tummy hurts,” he whimpers, shocking you by wrapping your arms tightly around your neck and not letting go.

“Okay, baby. You’re gonna be ok, we’ll get you some medicine and some dinner, and I have a surprise for you in the car,” you whisper to him, picking him up and making your way outside to your car.

Calum must have seen you coming because he was out of the car and waiting to open the back door so you could put Elijah in his car seat. You stop when you’re next to him. “Baby, look,” you whisper to Elijah.

After the other day at Calum’s, Elijah couldn’t stop talking about him and how much fun he had and when he could see Calum again. It warmed your heart that Elijah took a liking to Calum and that they got along.

Elijah lifts his head off of your shoulder, his face lighting up as his eyes land on calum.

“Calum!,” your son squeals, holding his arms out for Calum to grab him from you.

Calum grabs Elijah from you and your son's arms immediately wrap tightly around his neck. “Hey, buddy,” Calum chuckles, hugging Elijah back. “I heard you weren’t feeling good.”

“Yeah,” Elijah says, his mood changing quickly.

You find that weird, normally Elijah is a happy kid even when he’s sick. He still wants to laugh and be tickled, and he wants to cuddle and watch cartoons. But something is off with him, and you can’t figure it out.

“I’m sorry, buddy. We're gonna get some dinner, are you hungry?” Calum asks him. Elijah nods his head before laying it down on Calums shoulder.

Your heart warms and breaks at the same time. It warms at how much Elijah trusts Calum and how he feels comfortable around him. But it breaks over how you can’t figure out what’s going on with Elijah, it might be just his stomach ache, but deep down you know there's something else.

You let Calum place Elijah in his car seat before you take over and buckle him in, making sure he’s strapped in tight before you climb back in the driver's seat.

“E, baby, do you want some Mac n’ Cheese from Alberto’s?” you ask your son. You look back at him when he didn’t answer, “Elijah,” you call, he turns his head from the window, nodding his head.

You watch him for a minute, your eyebrows furrowed. There’s something going on with him.

“Do you know Alberto’s?” you ask Calum, turning back in your seat and pulling out your phone to call the restaurant.

You see him nod his head before he speaks up. “Yeah, it’s a great place.”

You order the food, before pulling out of the parking lot and heading towards the restaurant close by. The car ride wasn’t silent or filled with awkwardness, but it was a comfortable silence, like you didn’t need to talk or make any sounds. You just sat in silence and enjoyed each other's presence.

Not five minutes later you pull into the almost deserted parking lot of Alberto’s restaurant, parking in a parking space and getting ready to get out when a hand rests on your arm, stopping you. “I’ll get it.”

Calum smiles gently, squeezing your arm before he exits the car. Butterflies flutter around in your stomach, watching him get out and head into the restaurant.

Distracted by texts from your brother, you hadn’t seen or even realized the black SUV pulling into the parking lot full of paps. They parked close to you in the back part of the parking lot seeing as there weren’t any up front.

Slowly and out of your peripheral vision, they get out of the car and walk up to the sidewalk. If you had been paying attention you would have seen their cameras instantly and realized who they were and who they were here for.

It wasn’t until all the shouting started that you looked up from texting your brother to see Calum being swarmed by paps.

“Calum over here.”

“Calum! Who’s the girl?”

“Is that your kid? Are you a father?”

“Is that your girlfriend?”

“Are you and Ana over?”

They didn’t let up, questions fling from left and right, your mind couldn’t keep up with them all.

All you knew at that moment was that you needed to get your son out of there. Calum, flustered and panicked quickly gets in the car just as you put it in drive and quickly swerves out of the paps way.

The camera’s continue to flash in the rearview as you finally pull out onto the highway, taking a right at the stoplight.

When Calum seemed to finally get his bearings back his hand landed on your shoulder softly, his body turned to face yours in the driver's seat. “Are you ok? I’m sorry, they normally aren’t like this.”

Your eyes flick up to his concerned face before focusing back on the road, “it’s ok, Cal. It wasn’t your fault, it’s just gonna be really bad. They brought Elijah into this, and I've done everything in my power since he was born to keep him out of the public eye.” you tell him, your mind running a thousand miles and hour with thoughts, what they’ll write in the tabloids tomorrow.

“I mean it wasn’t really hard, but whenever a song I wrote got big they would always try and get pictures of me. I don’t like being in the public eye, and I don’t like paps and how they never tell the truth about anything.” you rant, turning left down your street before pulling into your garage. You normally just pull into the driveway, but you didn’t want to risk anything if the paps followed you.

“What is this gonna mean for you?” you ask him, turning the engine off and sighing as you fall back into your seat. “Your management is going to hate me.”

“Y/n, don’t worry about them. I’ll handle it, none of this is your fault,” he tells you gently, his hand grabbing yours and squeezing it reassuringly. You squeeze back, letting out a sigh before nodding and getting out.

Your anxiety is through the roof but you don’t let it show, your mind still racing with questions. Ana? Is that his ex? How long ago did they break up? Are they broken up?

Shaking off your thoughts, you grab Elijah’s sleeping form out of his carseat before heading inside, Calum following behind you.

---

You all ate and laughed, Elijah perking up when Calum pulled a teddy bear out of the take out bag to your surprise. You were shocked, but so grateful at the smile it brought to Elijah’s face.

Elijah hugged the bear to him the whole time he ate, a smile gracing his face as he did. It warmed your heart to see that something Calum did caused this great of an impact on Elijah, your son wore a smile the whole dinner telling Calum about his class and what he did that day before his smile seemed to drop and he turned quiet.

“What’s wrong, bud? Is that when you start to feel sick?” Calum asked Elijah, referring to when Elijah told him he was playing cars with two other little boys.

Elijah’s chin started to tremble, his face started to turn pink and splotchy as a tear streamed down his cheek.

“Elijah, baby,” you said, your brows furrowed in shock and confusion on what was happening.

“Th- they said I don’t ha- have a da- daddy anymore,” he sobbed, wrapping his arms around your neck when you knelt beside his chair.

Your heart instantly feels like it’s being ripped apart, tears spring to your eyes as you hold Elijah to your chest. Your eyes meet Calum’s over Elijah’s head, his brown irises soft and full of concern.

“It’s gonna be ok, baby. You know why?” you ask him, squeezing him tight and trying not to let your emotions sweep into your voice. “Because you have me, and I'll always be here for you. No matter what, I’m not leaving you,” you whisper to him when he shakes his head. Tears falling down your cheeks as you try and keep it together for Elijah’s and your sake.

By the time you got Elijah settled down it was time for him to go to bed. You got him changed and in his bed even though you know at some point he’ll crawl into bed with you, before you walk back into the kitchen/dining room area ready to clear the table only to see it’s already been done.

“Hey,” Calum’s voice startles you.

Turning to find him leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile spread across his face.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you gesture to the clear table.

He nods, pushing off the wall and coming to stand in front of you. “Yeah I did. You needed to take care of Elijah and I wasn’t going to leave a big mess for you to clean up after you just dealt with him. He needed you.”

Tears threaten to fall again before you chuckle. “You gotta stop being so damn nice all the time.” You wipe under your eyes in case any mascara was smeared.

He lets out a chuckle, his fingers pushing hair back and behind your ear as he stares down into your eyes, a soft look taking over his face. “I’ve never felt this before.”

Your brows furrow at his words, his hand cupping your cheek, “felt what?” you whisper, like if you talk too loud it’ll burst whatever bubble you have created in this moment.

“Like I've known you my whole life. You’re so easy to talk to, and you’re kind, sweet and a kickass songwriter,” he tells you, letting out a small chuckle. “It doesn’t feel real almost, like you’re just a part of my imagination, but god, I want it to be real.”

His forehead falls into yours, your eyes closing as you just stand there. Your hand comes up to cup his that’s holding your cheek. “I want it to be real, too.”

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#latw -ssacalumsg0lden #LATW series #calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #calum thomas hood #cal pal #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum x reader #calum x you #calum hood x you #calum hood x reader #calum hood x y/n #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic

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fan4196 · 3 years ago

Text

Happiness

Evermore

"- Ok, bye." Alex hangs up his phone after the probably weirdest call he ever had to take. This call makes him feel every kind of emotion mixed together into one big snowball of emotions - joy, happiness, excitement, but also regret, sadness, even anger and shame. Out of all of them shame is probably the strongest - shame that he again is the reason that another person has to suffer. He hates himself for always dragging other people down with him. That he's the reason they go crazy, get cancer, leave him or end up hurt. The last person he dragged down with him was the one person he never ever wanted to entangle into all of his problems, but she turned out to be the only person that was always more than willing to help him through all of his crap and loved him unconditionally with all his flaws.

He keeps looking down on his phone for a few more seconds, before he puts it down on the coffee table and buries his face in his hands.

"Who was that?" Izzie asks as she walks into the living room, a plate in her hand from the snack the twins just had in the kitchen.

"Jo." He answeres quietly, as he looks up again but avoiding Izzies look.

"As in your Ex-wife, Jo?" Izzie askes surprised, fiddling with the plate in her hand.

He nodds before he watches Izzie standing in the door between the kitchen and the living room.

"You should sit down." He suggests quietly, stroking his hand through his hair.

"Ok?!" She walks into the living room and sits down opposite of Alex, waiting for him to start.

"She- she's pregnant." Alex begins, not knowing how to continue, while a million thoughts run through his head.

"Ahm. Ok? Well good for her. That means she moved on rather quickly. That's good, right?" Izzie answeres, pretending to be happy for Alex's ex-wife, even though she has no idea why his ex felt the need to call him and rub this under his nose.

"No, Izzie. It's mine. I'm the father." He explains to the woman on the other side of the coffee table, "She said she had all the symptoms, so she took a test this morning and it was positiv. She also did a blood test at the hospital during her lunch break and it came back positive too. She also saw Doctor DeLuca, the OB/Gyn at Grey-Sloan, when she was done with her shift and had her first ultrasound - she's already thirteen weeks. She said she wasn't sure if she should call me but she wanted me to know - she wanted me to know that she's having my baby. And that it was up me if I want to be in their life or not. She has a whole damn village taking care of her, but she would never keep me away from my kid. She's due at the end of June and if I want to be there she would be ok with it. Her voice was so happy, you should have heard her. I always knew that she would be a great mom. She never believed me considering her past but I knew that her past only made her stronger and prepared her to be the best mom possible for our kids. And her laugh, I missed her laugh-" He stops after the last sentence he said.

He really tries to be as happy as he could for his kids - which he is, he's happy to be in their lives but nevertheless there's something missing. He knows that but he doesn't want to admit it. His kids should be enough to make him completely happy, right? But he's not, not entirely and he hates it. He hates that a piece of his heart is still in Seattle. He feels so selfish for wishing that she was here. That she was here with him. That she could meet his kids and that he could see his kid growing inside of her.

Just the thought of Jo with a cute little bump, that she hides under his shirts lets his heart flutter. Since the day he knew he wanted to spent the rest of his life with her he often found himself day dreaming about their future - about her lying next to him in bed, snuggled into his side while he paints circles on her big baby belly, calming the little one inside of her down so she could sleep after a long day of work. Something he was also almost one hundred percent sure of - that she would work until the day of her due date. He could see himself getting pulled out of a surgery because she went into labor while she was in an OR herself. He had already painted everything out but now everything is different - completely different.

It's silent in the living room. Izzie's not saying a word. Noticeably shocked, not knowing what to say right now.

"Are you sure?" She asks the first thing that comes to her mind.

"What?"

"Are you really sure it's yours?" She clarifies her question, a little annoyed because he wasn't listening.

"Are you serious?" He can't believe that she really asks this right now. "Of course I'm sure. She's thirteen weeks along, I'm here since ten weeks. Even if it wouldn't add up, I believe Jo if she says that I'm the father-"

"What if she's lying? Maybe she's further or fewer along than she says. Maybe she cheated on you and now tries to tell you that it's yours just to get you back into her life. Or she's not pregnant at all. What if this is just a trick to get you back?" Izzie asks, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Ok stop right there. What the hell, Izzie?" He replies angrily, ruffly pushing himself up from the couch. "I will not listen to all of this crap. What the hell? I will also not accept you talking bad about Jo. Hell no!" He's about to walk out of the living room, not wanting to hear any more of the crap Izzie has to say.

"But-"

"NO, IZZIE THERE IS NO BUT. FOR ONCE THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. THIS IS ABOUT ME. MY LIFE. MY JO. MY KID. THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SO YOU HAVE NO SAYING IN THIS." He screams angrily, letting everything out that he had bottled up inside of himself for so long.

"Of course it has something to do with me. It means I'm losing you to her."

"Oh my God. It's exactly like that one time I thought Rebecca was pregnant with my child. Back then you also tried to talk everything bad. And even though Rebecca's pregnancy was fake, Jo's isn't. Jo's pregnancy is real and if you like it or not I will support her. I will be there for my kid, no matter what you say. Because she's pregnant with my child and I will be the father that kid deserves, because Jo made me that kind of guy. Also Jo would never lie to me about something like that. She's not like that; she knows how much I would give for every single one of my children." He pauses for a moment, when he realizes something.

"Alex- It's just- I'm afraid that I'm losing you now that I just have you back." She answers with tears in her eyes.

"Izzie you are not losing me, because you never had me. I came here for one reason and one reason only - my kids. If it would have only been you I would have never left my wife because you told me so many times that I'm not good enough for you. I tried so hard to be good enough for you - I changed so much and pretend to be someone I'm not, but it was never enough for you. And now that you had my kids you want me back? Now all of my flaws don't bother you? No. You only want me because you have no one else and that's no one's fault but your own. Jo on the other side always wanted me exactly how I was. She never changed me, she never tried to, she never told me that I'm not good enough for her. No, she always told me that I'm too good for her. She accepted me like I am. She respects me so much that she puts my needs before hers. God, she told me to stay here to be with my kids, other than begging me to come back home to her. She's freaking pregnant with my child, she would have every right to tell me to get my ass back home, but she doesn't. She wants me to do what's best for me. She loved me enough to let me go and live with my kids instead or her and my baby."

It's silent again. No one's saying a word for a minute.

"So you are staying?" Izzie asks, breaking through the awkward silence.

Alex is not answering, everything he would say now wouldn’t be nice. So he storms out of the house into the frontyard, where his kids are playing. He sits down on the porch step and watches his kids, when he hears the notification noise of his phone, he pulls it out of his back pocket and looks down on it. It's a message from Jo, which he immediately opens and his heart skips a beat as soon as he sees the picture in front of him - an ultrasound picture with Jos neatly handwriting underneath: Someone wants to say 'hi'.

He can't but smile.

"Daddy, what are you smiling about?" His daughter asks as she sits down beside Alex on the steps, a little out of breath from running around in the frontyard.

"Nothing, Alexis." He answers with a smile, locking his phone while he puts a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"But I want to know, daddy. I wanna smile too." She begs, looking at him with her big puppy dog eyes.

"Well- I told you about Jo once, right?" He asks, getting a nod from his daughter.

"Yes, she looks just like Bell from Beauty and the Beast." She answeres.

"She called me today and told me that she is having a baby. And that makes me really happy." He explains, unlocking his phone and turning it towards Alexis. "Look she send me this picture of the baby. It's still very little, you almost can't see it. It's still in her tummy, that's why the picture looks like this, it's an ultrasound picture." He tells his daughter child appropriate so she understands everything.

"We should visit her, daddy." Alexis tells him simply still looking at the picture on his phone.

"But the baby isn't born yet. It will be in Jo's tummy for another six months." He replies.

"I don't mean the baby, daddy. I mean Jo. She makes you happy and I like that." His five year old says, smiling at her dad.

"If it would be that easy, Alexis." He sighs, putting one arm around his daughter, holding her tight while she tips on his handy.

"It is easy, daddy. We go to the airport, get into the right plane and fly to her. And then you are as happy as you were here." She points towards Alex phone, the picture of their ferry boat wedding showing.

@thejolexgroupchat

#jolex #fan4196 #fanfic #fanfiction #jo x alex #alex #alex karev #grey's #grey's anatomy #grey's fanfic #tsjolexweek21

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pink-imagines · 4 years ago

Text

interruption

request: Izuku proposing to reader but then his ex shows up saying she’s pregnant with his child but really she’s just a lying bitch

a/n: anon this sounded very personal, are you okay?

but like you know my pillow talk series?? i kind of imagine it being in the same timeline as this?? because it makes sense in my head but idk-

warnings: angst, but with a fluffy ending

masterlist

requesting rules

It had been a while since you had gotten to spend alone time with your long-time boyfriend Izuku. Finally you could just relax and not worry about the fact that your boyfriend could get hurt in a hero accident. You were walking along the beach together, with the sun setting in the background. It was a cheesy scene, but it was beautiful. Izuku’s hand was gently intertwined with yours and you were slowly swinging back and forth as you were walking. When you felt Izuku squeeze your hand lightly you looked over at him, he usually only did that when he got nervous. “Are you okay?”, you asked softly as you stopped walking. You were in the middle of the beach, where there weren’t a lot of people around. The pink sky reflected in the glistening water. “Um... yeah...”, he nodded and rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet, “I just think that this is a good time to tell you something but I’m really nervous.” “You know you can tell me anything, right?”, you smiled and took both of his hands in your own. “Yeah I know, but this is... it’s pretty serious.”, he chuckled slightly. “Oh no, are you breaking up with me?”, you joked to try to lighten the mood. “No, no, no...”, he shook his head and let out a tiny nervous laugh, “I just want to say that I really love you.” “Okay..?”, you gave him a confused look, “Was that it? Because you’ve definitely told me that before.” He let go of your hands and fiddled with something in the pocket of his jacket. “I really love you... and I hope that I’m not alone in thinking that I want to keep living with you...” “You’re not.”, you shook your head, completely oblivious to what was happening. “... I want to stay with you, and love you, for the rest of my life.”, he proclaimed and got down on one knee, “So, would you marry me?” He pulled out a blue velvet box and opened it to show a ring, the one that you had looked at for a bit as you passed it while walking by a few stores. Of course he’d be the one to remember something small like that. “Y-”, you were cut off before you could even answer. “Izuku Midoriya!”, someone shouted.

The both of you looked over to where the sound was coming from. It was a woman, dressed in blue, storming towards you. You didn’t recognize her at all but by the look on Izuku’s face you realized that he did. “Hina-”, he started but she shushed him almost immediately. “Ssch! I don’t want to hear it!”, she flailed her arms around as she was talking, making the sleeves of her dress flop, “Are you seriously promising yourself to another person when I’m carrying your child?” The question hit you like a brick in the gut. Child? Was she pregnant with Izuku’s child? How and when? You two had been dating for two years! “Hina that doesn’t-” “And you!”, she pointed at you with a perfectly manicured nail, “You’re stealing him away from me, that’s why he left! It’s your fault that I’m raising this child alone!” “Miss, I think there’s a misunderstanding-” “How dare you-” “Miss!”, you raised your voice at her, “I’m really sorry that you have to go through that alone, but this is not the place to have this kind of discussion. It would be impossible for you to be pregnant right now, since I’ve been dating Izuku for two years. If you can’t show me evidence that you-” “I have evidence!”, she interrupted you once again. “Then could you please show me that, because I refuse to believe that my boyfriend is a cheater.”, your tone got more stern over time. “Y/N...”, Izuku grabbed your hand, “... you don’t have to deal with this.” “She’s accusing you of cheating on me, I’m involved with this now.”, you told him. “Here!”, Hina showed you a picture of a pregnancy test on her phone. “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I can see the search bar. You should’ve cropped the picture if you wanted it to look more realisitc.”, you sighed, “Why are you trying to ruin this moment for us? Are you doing this for publicity?” You noticed the amount of people that had gathered around you. “Hina, I broke it off because we couldn’t manage our time schedules together.”, Izuku stepped in, “I don’t think ill of you but if you do this-” “How dare you say this is fake!? I’m with his child!”, at this point you felt like slapping her in the face but you restrained yourself. “We’re gonna leave now.”, Izuku sighed and pulled you away from the situation by your hand. In the background you heard people shouting at each other, mostly Izuku’s ex shouting at people who accused her of ruining your proposal, and you felt a tear roll down your cheek. You had kept it together so well during this entire interaction but... the day that was supposed to be the most wonderful day of your life turned into the most embarrassing day of your life. “I called my driver, he’ll be here in a few minutes-”, Izuku looked over at you to see you crying, “Baby, don’t cry... you didn’t believe her, did you?”, his tone of voice changed from harsch to soft in a matter of seconds. “No...”, you shook your head and looked away from him, “... I... I just want to go home...”

When you got home you walked immediately in to the bathroom to take a long hot shower. You didn’t want Izuku to feel like it was his fault for you feeling like this but you just needed to be alone. Once your shower was finished you leaned yourself against the door, slowly sliding down and sitting with your knees pulled up to your chest... what were you going to do? There was a light knock on the door just then, startling you a little bit. “Hey, baby...”, Izuku said on the other side of the door, “... we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to... but I ordered your favorite food and maybe we could spend the night watching that show you wanted to start watching with me?” You really didn’t deserve him. “... that sounds nice...”, you muttered. “Good. I’m taking another day off tomorrow, okay?”, he didn’t wait for your reply, “And I’ll bring you some clothes that you can change into.” “... can you get me the hoodie?”, you asked softly. The hoodie was a very oversized hoodie, even for Izuku, that he had bought you for when he was away for longer trips. “Of course.”, he said. When you heard him walk away you got up to the mirror over the sink and washed your face. You looked around for a face mask and eventually found one. The door opened as you took up the packaging. You looked at Izuku who was standing with the hoodie and a pair of sweatpants in his arms. You showed him the face mask packaging, asking if he wanted to do one with you with your eyes. He nodded and put the clothes down on the toilet. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”, he kissed your forehead, “Don’t start without me, I just gotta bring the food in.” Sometimes you really thought he had a sixth sense because right then the doorbell rang.

The apartment smelled of your favorite food and you absolutely loved it. You were sitting with Izuku on the couch with face masks on, eating. The hoodie still smelled a lot like him, despite having been in the wardrobe for so long. You suspected that Izuku had sprayed his cologne on it at some point. Neither of you had talked for a really long time, you were simply watching the show together. Usually you’d be all over each other but now you were sitting next to one another, with your knees barely touching. Izuku reached for the remote and paused the show, making you look over at him. “I feel like we should talk about it...”, he said, “... I really hope you know that what she was saying wasn’t true and-” “Izuku.”, you put your hand on his knee, “I would never think of you in that way, ever. I know she was lying, okay? I was just... it was supposed to be a perfect moment and you had picked the perfect place, then it was ruined.” You felt tears burning in your eyes and you quickly blinked to get rid of them. “We can have another moment, okay? I know the surprise of it is kind of ruined, but we can do something else... we’re not the most usual couple, so we should have an unusual proposal too.”, he gave you a soft smile. “I guess you’re right.”, you chuckled, “... we should go take these face masks off.”

The next morning you woke up to an empty bed and the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen. Despite wanting to stay in bed for an extra “five minutes”, you got up and started walking towards the kitchen. The hoodie was still on, protecting you from the cold air outside of your covers. When you walked up to the kitchen table you saw your favorite dishes prepared for breakfast. There was everything from miso soup to kobachi and nori. On either side of the table, where the two chairs were placed, stood a bowl of steamed rice- one for you and one for Izuku. You looked over to the kitchen to see Izuku cleaning up the dishes. With sleep still in your eyes you smiled and walked up to him. Soft music was playing from a speaker, low enough so that it wouldn’t wake you up before, and he probably didn’t hear you walk up behind him. Izuku was always very alert unless he was deep in thought, and so you guessed that was why he didn’t immediately turn around to you. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your forehead against his back. He jumped a bit at the sudden contact. “Good morning.”, you muttered and kissed his back lightly. “Oh, you scared me...”, Izuku took a deep breath, “I was just about to come wake you up.” “Thank you for making breakfast.”, you let go of him so that he could turn around. “I woke up early and couldn’t fall back asleep.”, he said softly, “I thought I could make myself useful.” He looked down at you with a smile that made your heart grow wings and fly to the heavens. All you wanted to do was hug the fuck out of him, you didn’t know how else you could react. “You don’t need to be useful for me to love you.”, you said and leaned yourself against his chest, “But I’m very thankful for the breakfast, it looks delicious.” “Let’s go eat then, hm?”

You ate mostly in silence, enjoying each others precense. There wasn’t much to talk about unless it was about yesterday’s drama, but that wasn’t a breakfast topic. When you had finished most of the food Izuku took a familiar blue velvet box out of his pocket and slid it across the table to you. His hand stayed on it while looking you in the eyes. “I was thinking about doing it again when I take you out for dinner tonight... but a public setting isn’t the best place to do it appereantly.”, he said softly, “I know it’s not that nice of a proposal. If I could I would’ve done it with a hundered roses at the beach-” “It’s perfect...”, you put your hand on top of his, “... it’s perfect because you’re the one who’s saying it and there’s nothing more I could ask for.” Izuku sat up and walked up next to you, where he knealt down on one knee and took both of your hands in his. “I love you.”, he kissed your knuckles softly, “And I’ll love you forever, no matter what... do you want to marry me?” “Yes, I do.”, you gave him a warm smile. Izuku picked up the box and opened it before taking out the ring. You offered your left hand to him and let him slide the ring on your ringfinger. “I love you too.”, you said through a smile and leaned in to kiss him.

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krreader · 5 years ago

Text

tears of gold.

pairing: min yoongi x reader fandom: bts warnings: language ; no happy ending genre: angst word count: 1.9k+

summary: one moment. one decision. that’s all it took to ruin his future. yoongi always thought that if that ever happened it would have something to do with his career.. but no.. his career was fine. the rest of his life was what was broken now.

a/n: idk man, every time it’s a vague angst request like this I go off. not sure if that’s good or bad lol. anyways, I really hope you like it bb. (+ title inspired by this beauty)

Despite him sitting right next to you on the bed, you've never felt more alone in your life than right now.

Despite him having told you that he loved you just last night, you've never felt more unloved than right now.

Despite him wanting you to trust him completely, you've never felt more backstabbed by him than right now.

“You have to understand me, (Y/N),” is what he said, like that's what would make any of this any better, “How am I supposed to do this right now? Or.. anytime soon? I'm going on tour in less than a month and won't be back for a while and then when I'm finally back, I'll maybe have a break for a week or two before going back to work. How do you.. expect me to..-” Yoongi let out a frustrated sigh and put his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees.

You haven't said a word during all this, just looked at him in disbelief, disappointment, frustration.. sadness.

This wasn't how you had imagined your life to go either, this wasn't on your agenda anytime soon either, but it had happened and now you had to deal with the consequences.

Both of you.

The positive pregnancy test in your shaking hands was the proof of that.

“I'm sorry,” he finally said again and straightened his back as he shook his head, “I can't do it.”

The chances of becoming pregnant when taking the pill perfectly were so slim.. so why did it have to happen to him and you? Why did it have to happen to someone who really couldn't handle a child right now, who couldn't be a father and.. quite frankly.. didn't want to be a father right now.

But Yoongi was selfish in this moment and he didn't even realize it.

All he thought about was the child and himself.

He not once thought about you. About what this meant for you.

Because he wasn't the only one with a career.

You had worked your ass off these last years to achieve your goals and dreams and were finally at a point in life that you were happy with.. well.. everything. A stable job, a stable – or at least you thought – relationship and amazing chances of your life getting even better with the years to come.

But none of that seemed to matter to him, in that moment, he only cared about himself.

Suddenly, he got up and wanted to make his way out of your bedroom like it was easy for him to walk away from this.

However, he stopped when you finally spoke, for the first time since you told him you were expecting his baby.

“You walk out of this door, Yoongi, I'm never going to give you a second chance. You leave me alone with this child and I promise you, you will never be a father for this baby,” your hands trembled, but your voice was firm because you meant it. You were scared shitless, but you’d rather be raising this child on your own than with someone who didn’t want it in the first place.

You had hoped this little speech might change his mind.. after all, you've been with each other for almost four years now and he had more often than not told you that he wanted this to last forever.

But the idea of a child right then and there scared him so much that he just ignored your words, maybe even thought you weren’t serious, but god, you were.

“I'm sorry,” he repeated once again, looking at you from over his shoulder, “I really am,” his voice broke.

And then he left.

And all you could do was stare after the closed door before you completely broke down, allowing yourself to be vulnerable once he was gone and lying back down on your bed, clutching the pregnancy test against your chest while tears streamed down your cheek.

You were alone in this.

Completely and utterly alone.

And that scared the living shit out of you, even if you wanted and tried to be strong.

Single mother before the baby was even born.. wonderful.

Yoongi watched the rain drops run down the window of the car as they were driving to the venue, his fingertips tracing them like he was mesmerized by them, lost in his own little world in that moment

“So, hyung,” Jimin said with a huge smile, leaning forward a little to talk to the driver, “I heard your wife had her baby?”

Yoongi instantly looked up, ripped from his daydream when he heard that sentence.

“Yeah,” the driver grinned happily from ear to ear, like he was the proudest man on this planet. It hurt Yoongi. Badly, “It's a girl! Can you believe it? I have a baby girl now!”

Everyone in the car congratulated him, told him how happy they were for him..

..all but Yoongi.

He could just stare at the driver through the rear-view mirror, before looking down at his phone and opening his KakaoTalk, scrolling down until he could find your chat.

He gulped down hard as he scrolled up and up and up.. only to read his own messages again like so many days before.

“Please talk to me, (Y/N). I know I made a mistake..”

“Can you please call me? Just call me, whenever you can.”

“Can you at least tell me if you and the baby are okay? Please..”

“I regret it.. so much, (Y/N). If I could turn back time, I would. I shouldn't have left you alone, I shouldn't have abandoned you. I'm sorry..”

“You moved.. I went to your place, but your landlord said you moved. Can you please tell me your new address? I want to send you some stuff.. that's the least I can do. Money, clothes, whatever you need..”

“It’s been nine months now.. please say something, (Y/N). Tell me you’re both okay..”

None of these were ever answered or read and they were only a few of the thousand that he had sent over the course of the last year.

At this point, he knew that he was a father too.. but nobody else knew that.

He hadn't told any of his members, anyone from his company or anyone from his family.

Why?

Because he was ashamed of himself.

Ashamed of how he just left you in a moment such as this one, how he completely spit on the relationship and trust that you had built in all these years and how he just didn’t take responsibility for something that he had a part in as well.

If he told anyone, especially his parents, they’d never call him their son again.

“I hope I'll be a dad too eventually,” Namjoon said with a happy smile as he looked at Yoongi, “What about you, hyung? You never really talk about having kids..”

Yoongi quickly turned his phone around, then looked at Namjoon, only to open and close his mouth again.

What answer should he even give him?

No, he had never really thought about having kids, not before you told him that you were pregnant. Then, right after, he had thought he had done the right choice. He truly thought that he didn't want to have children. But the more time passed, the more he yearned for that life. The more he wished he had done things differently.. if so, he would now have a wife and child at home waiting for him.

Instead, he'd come home from this world tour to an empty house full of regrets.

A grim future..

“We're here.. come on boys, let's go,” the manager said once the car stopped, Yoongi being eternally grateful for the arrival, so that he didn't have to answer Namjoon's question.

Hoseok had watched the conversation quietly from the back of the car, his eyes never leaving Yoongi's back as he walked into the venue with slumped shoulders.

Everyone else was running inside because of the rain but him.

He got completely soaked, yet it seemed like he didn't even care, like he didn't even process it. Like his mind was somewhere else completely.

Hoseok didn't know why now, why today, but maybe it was the conversation with the driver that made him think about the whole thing again.

The thing that Yoongi thought nobody knew about.

“Hyung.. can we talk?” Yoongi looked up at Hoseok with furrowed brows, but then got out of the make-up chair and followed the younger member.

He led him into an empty room, a meeting room from the looks of it and then closed the door behind him once Yoongi was inside.

“Sit.”

“What is this?” Yoongi snorted, “Whatever it is you want to say, we could have just talked in front of the others.”

Nothing had happened between Hoseok and Yoongi, so he must have assumed that whatever it was that Hoseok wanted to say to him wouldn’t be serious.

When Yoongi didn't want to sit, Hoseok just leaned against the table and crossed his arms in front of his chest, lowering his head a little, “I didn't know whether or not I should tell you about this in the first place, since I figured that it was none of my business, but I see you with this look on this face more and more so.. I need to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

Hoseok looked out the window for a moment, then he looked into Yoongi's eyes, “I ran into (Y/N) right before we left for tour.”

Yoongi instantly froze.

Thousands of thoughts and questions shot into his mind. Why did he see you? Did he talk to you? Did you two meet up? Did he see the baby?

“Imagine how surprised I was when she stood there with a baby stroller. You never told us why you two broke up, so I just imagined that maybe you didn't want to tell us about it because you were ashamed. When I saw her with the baby I thought she cheated and ended up pregnant,” Hoseok cocked his head to the side, “But you’ve been acting weird and it all started when you two broke up. You see a child and you get all sad, you hear someone mention their child, you get lost in thought. So, hyung.. be honest,” Hoseok took a step forward, then another, getting so close that Yoongi had to lower his head because of how ashamed he became, “Fuck.. it’s your baby, isn’t it?”

Yoongi's jaw began to clench, suddenly feeling like Hoseok was putting him on the spot, like he was blaming him just like Yoongi was blaming himself.

“Yeah.. I figured. Makes sense now.. why you were so depressed again after you’ve worked so hard on overcoming it. Why you felt so bad about yourself. Why you become sad every time you see a child. Jesus, hyung..”

Hoseok didn't know what else to say to him, he was so disappointed in him that he would do this to you that he just wanted to leave right then and there. It was almost as if looking at him repulsed him.

But Yoongi had one question before he could do so.

“Is it.. a boy or a girl?” his eyes were wide when he turned around to look at Hoseok.

“A girl. It's a girl,” he said without looking at him.

But before his hand could even reach the handle, the door got opened.

“There you are,” their manager was suddenly standing in the door way, looking completely out of breath, “What the hell are you doing in here? We need to get you ready, come on!”

Yoongi didn't have a lot of time to think about it after that, make-up and hair took a while and before he knew it, he was already on stage again, performing in front of thousands like he usually did.

He was keeping it together and was actually rather doing a good job at it because his mind couldn’t focus on what it wanted to focus on.

He was caught up in the screams and cheers and for a moment it seemed like everything was fine again.

But once the concert was over and once they started waving their goodbye's to ARMY's and his eyes fell onto Hoseok, it all came flooding back.

“A girl. It's a girl,” it echoed in his ears.

Yoongi had a daughter. A beautiful baby girl that he didn’t know anything about. Was she healthy? What eye color did she have? Did she have a lot of hair? Was she eating enough? Sleeping enough?

And what about you? Were you okay? Did you manage with her on your own? Were you happy nowadays? Stressed or anxious?

Yoongi had no answer to these questions, because he abandoned both of you when he had the chance to still be with you.

And once again, he blamed himself for everything.

And then in front of hundreds of thousands, he broke down. Fully. He was on his knees, sobbing his eyes out and wishing he could turn back time.

He wished he could change how he had reacted. That he had just pulled you close when you were so scared about the baby and told you that everything would be okay and that you'd be in this together. That he’d be by your side throughout everything and that whatever obstacles you would face, you would face together.

He wished he had been there when you had gone into labor and that he could have held his newborn daughter. He wished he had been able to smile at you and tell you that he loved you and was proud of you.

But this wasn’t a Disney movie and wishes didn’t suddenly become true just because you really wanted them to.

This was reality.

And the reality was that he’d never get a second chance.

He fucked up.. and there was no going back.

#bts imagine #bts x reader #min yoongi x reader #suga x reader #min yoongi imagine #yoongi x reader #yoongi imagine #suga imagine #bangtan boys #bts #bangtan sonyeondan #min yoongi #suga #yoongi #reader #requests

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hotchley · 4 years ago

Text

mayhem

I low-key hate the ending and everything from the hospital scene onwards but we move. It's now past midnight, I haven't proofread it, so please forgive any and all errors because I actually cannot look at this any longer. Err, I hope it lives up to what everyone wanted!

Also, this got ridiculously long. It’s 8608 words

Trigger Warnings: bombings, canon-typical violence, lots of blood, hospitals, spinal injuries that result in the use of a cane and wheelchair, canonical minor character deaths, serious injury of a main character, what i would describe as unhealthy thoughts about death

read on ao3!

The first thing Aaron noticed when he opened his eyes was that it was dark. It was so incredibly dark, which doesn't make any sense because all the streetlights were on when they had been leaving the building.

They. Because he had been with Kate. He'd been telling her everything was going to be fine. That they would catch their unsubs, and she didn't need to worry about being reassigned or losing anyone's respect. But that if they did want to reassign her, there would always be a place for her at Quantico.

She had smiled, and the panging in his stomach that seemed to get worse every time a member of his team so much as looked at him receded slightly. She had bumped his shoulder as they walked back to the car, and it had felt just like the old days, when they'd spent a month liaising together.

He remembers that month perfectly. She was amazing, captivating an entire room with nothing more than a look. Confidence radiated from her, drawing everyone in and commanding their attention. But she'd been so kind. So gentle. Never once teasing him for his own awkward nature. Kate had encouraged him to phone Haley at every opportunity, saying love was a beautiful thing to witness.

Kate met Haley and the two got on like best friends. After she first transferred over, the three of them had gone for dinner a few times, just to help her get settled and remind her that she did in fact, have some friends in the area.

When the two of them joked about their similarities, it had made him blush, but laugh nonetheless. When Emily Prentiss said it, it made him feel nauseous. He knew she didn't respect him, and still resented him for the way he'd acted- even though he had been right- but to assume that he'd cheated had cut him deeper than any of her previous insults.

He was getting distracted. He needed to work out where Kate was. Because they were on a case. It had made him and Derek argue. No, it wasn't the time to be thinking about that. He would try and remember it later. For now, he needed to raise his head, and find Kate.

Hotch didn't know why he was on the ground. It didn't make any sense, and when he lifted his head, the world started spinning so fast, he let out a low whine of pain and let it drop onto the tarmac of the road once more. He thought the fact that nothing changed should have concerned him more than it did.

There was still no sign of Kate.

"Kate," he whispered. He cleared his throat. "Kate," he shouted again, flinching when it sounded too loud. It echoed around him, like a schoolground taunt because Kate wasn't there. Had she left him? No, that wasn't who she was.

He was starting to panic. He tried to stand, but his legs weren't cooperating, and he didn't know where he was or what had happened. There was nobody to ground him. In moments like these, he would usually seek out JJ. She would take his hand for a few moments, convince him he was doing enough.

But JJ didn't trust him either. Not enough to tell him she was pregnant. Seeing Will had been a comfort, because it meant that there was someone for her to turn to, but he had seen her face just before she announced her pregnancy.

She hadn't wanted to say anything. And when he looked in her eyes, he saw the same nervous excitement he'd seen in Haley's when she came out of the doctor's office. Adrian Bale had killed six agents only days later. He'd been lucky to walk away. He still visited Jacqueline's grave every year, wishing he could tell her in person that his son was named Jack.

"Kate," he whispered again, this time to himself. It would be his mantra. She would find him. She would. She had to. It had to be her. Nobody else. Only her.

Almost like his wishing summoned her, she came running over. There was blood in her hair, and it seemed to be pooling around her ear. He didn't want to know whether or not it was hers, but it couldn't have been anyone else's. There was more splattered across her clothes.

The sight of her made his heart calm. But the blood made him panic. He twisted around as much as he could, and saw the fire, now reduced down to a few embers and ashes as the night gave little fuel, caused by the car. The same car they were supposed to be driving to the place that the rest of his team would be.

"Kate," he tried again.

She shook her head. "Don't speak. Don't try and speak. You need to save your energy. Okay?"

"What- what happened?"

She pushed his hair off his forehead, the gesture so familiar and foreign at the same time. Haley had always done that to him, when they were laying on the sofa, in the early hours of the morning, when they were eating. He winced at the thought of her.

"I don't know. I think there was a bomb. No, I don't think, there was. But we're okay. We're going to be okay."

"Do you promise?" he choked out. His ears were ringing, and he didn't know where the blood was coming from, but it didn't seem to be stopping.

Kate's eyes drifted down to his trousers. The blood had stained them beyond repair. She didn't respond, and that set of alarm bells. Long ago, Kate had vowed that if she thought she was going to lie to him, she just wouldn't answer.

"Kate?"

"Do you know where the blood is coming from?" she asked, voice shaking.

He shook his head. He wanted to ask what had happened to her, but his mouth couldn't form the words. It was like they were frozen on his tongue. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

The smile she gave him was fond. "That's okay Aaron. But please stop talking. You need to save your energy for your team. Because as soon as the bleeding stops enough, we're going to find a way to them. That I can promise."

"Surprised you like them," he said, before he could stop himself.

She shrugged. "I mean, it was nothing I haven't heard before. I need you to work with me here. Lift yourself slightly, then I can turn you around, and we can work out exactly how to get you better," she said, hands ready to move him.

He did it, surprised when it didn't hurt him. In fact, it didn't do anything. He was momentarily stunned by the fact that he had indeed turned himself over, because his legs just felt numb.

Almost like he hadn't moved them at all.

A chill ran down his spine and he tried to turn around again. He couldn't do it. He couldn't move his legs. He refused to believe it though, and he looked down, trying to shake one of his legs out. It didn't move. No matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't move.

"No," he cried.

Kate hadn't said a word. She was just staring at him. "Oh Aaron. I'm so sorry. I'm- I am so, so sorry. None of this was meant to happen. Not to you."

She needed him to be strong. So he tried his best to crack a grin. "It was going to be one of us. I'm glad it was me. Too many people need you for you to be the one lying here."

That made her laugh. "Sure. Me, the single woman from England that sounds like the bloody queen and is hated by most of the field office for all of those reasons, and you, the leader of the BAU, who has a wife and a son."

He didn't have the heart to tell her that his team hated him. Or that his wife had left, and his son would likely only have fuzzy memories of him.

She cleared her throat. "Look, I didn't actually manage to move you properly. And you're not moving your legs, probably because you're exhausted. So let me look properly. We're probably overreacting," she said, but her voice sounded shaky.

He nodded. It was so difficult to keep his eyes open. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew Kate would hate that. So he kept his them as wide open as he could, taking comfort in the warmth of her hands on his body.

There was silence as she turned him, and when he looked up at her, there were tears falling down her cheeks.

He knew almost immediately what she meant. The blood was coming from his legs. The bomb had damaged them. Badly. So badly that there was a chance he would never walk again. He would never be a field agent. Never lift Jack, never dance with Penelope. Never reach for the gun on his left leg. But she still hadn't said anything. Maybe there was hope that they were just overreacting.

"Tell me," he said.

She opened and closed her mouth. "I don't have enough medical knowledge to say anything Aar. I don't. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but I'm putting pressure on the wound. Can you feel it? The pressure I'm putting on it?"

He shook his head, and it was that small thing that broke the dam. The tears that he had been fighting escaped, streaming down his cheeks and he tasted salt on his mouth as they dripped onto his shirt, doing nothing to wash away the blood.

"I don't feel anything. I haven't since I came round. Kate, do you think I'm going to die?"

"No. No, you're not going to die because I'm going to save you. I promise."

That made him feel safe. Kate Joyner never broke a promise. He nodded, trying to ignore the pain in his head and the ringing in his ears. But then he paused. The pain meant he was alive and not completely broken.

"Okay, all I need to do is, I need to, maybe if I," Kate murmured to herself.

Hotch tried to look at her. "Your voice is really soothing. Did you know? I think you should read books to people. You could make a lot of money doing it. And then you could be one of these people that everyone says has a lovely voice."

She let out a slight laugh. "Thank you Aaron."

"Spencer- you know the baby one- he could probably tell me why exactly I find your voice as soothing as I do. He's a genius. Well, he doesn't think intelligence can be quantified, but he has an IQ of 187, a reading speed of 20,000 words a minute and three Phds."

"I know, you told me, remember?" she said, moving his hair off his face again. All his movement had messed it up again, and it was getting in his eyes.

"He thinks I'm a narcissist," Aaron blurted out.

"I'm sure he doesn't," Kate said, slightly absent-mindedly as she tried to work out why Aaron's voice sounded so far away. When she pressed a hand to her ear, it came away red. And wet. The blood hadn't stopped. She swallowed and wiped her hand on her skirt. She would be fine, but if she didn't sort out Aaron soon, he wouldn't be.

"He said so. When he was kidnapped. He said that he chose me to die, because I was a narcissist. At the time, I didn't think he meant it, but now I think he did. I mean, he was right, wasn't he? I was so excited about seeing you again that I put myself above them."

"No Aaron, you didn't," she said.

"JJ thinks I'm a bully. Emily said I don't trust women as much as men. Dave wasn't on the team at that point, but he probably thinks I'm a dick as well. But I just- Kate, I know they don't like me, but why would they assume we slept together? Do I really seem like someone who would cheat on their wife?"

He was losing a dangerous amount of blood. It coated her hands, mixed with her own and for the first time, she wasn't completely sure she knew how to save him.

"No. You don't. You never have. Aaron, the blood isn't stopping. What am I supposed to do?"

The desperation in her voice stopped him from thinking about how, even after all this time, the team's perception of him had never changed. Not after he saved them all from getting fired. Not after he looked Emily in the eye and told him he wanted her on that plane with him.

She had just told him that he wasn't human.

"Aaron," Kate pleaded. "Please."

She wasn't a field agent. She had always been a desk agent. Always. The only reason she'd been out with them was because he had asked her. The only reason she'd gone down to the building with him was because he had wanted to talk to her, away from everyone else and their judgemental stares.

He had told her everything was going to be fine. And she had told him that she already knew that, because he was there.

"I don't know Kate. I don't. Maybe I can help you with your injuries? My hands aren't useless."

They were shaking though. He was beginning to feel very cold.

She knew her ear was not okay. And she was almost certain that there were wounds that he couldn't see all over her body. But he couldn't feel his legs, his eyes were flicking to various spots around the area and his body was losing too much blood. So for the first time, she lied to him.

"My injures will be fine. What we need to focus on is you."

Ambulance sirens pierced the air. She knew they wouldn't come. In fact, they had specifically instructed that no emergency services were to go anywhere near the injured parties until the area was secured. It had been her idea.

But that had been before it was Aaron laying on the ground.

"Help me!" she screamed, hating the way her voice wavered. She was a woman. She had spent most of her life fighting to keep emotion from clouding her tone, and here she was, sobbing over a man that knew how to read people like a child's book.

Nobody came. She wouldn't stop trying though.

"Please! Help me! He's a federal agent. He works for the BAU. Help me!"

Hotch grabbed her hand and she looked down at him. "They aren't coming. Remember?"

"They have to," she whispered. "They just have to. I'm not strong enough to save you myself. I need help. I need you to tell me what to do."

"Oh Kate. You're so strong. So much stronger than you know."

"Aar, tell me what I'm supposed to do."

He opened his mouth. Then he closed it. "I don't know. I don't- we learnt what you're meant to do, and I remember trying to save one of the agents but I couldn't. I couldn't do it."

"It's okay," she whispered, looking up at the people in the distance. "Please help us! He's losing too much blood and I can't make it stop."

"Kate. They won't do it. It's one life versus several."

"But it's your life," she said, hating how childish she sounded.

He shrugged, then winced.

"Hey. I was nearby, and I heard all the screaming. I'm not a medical professional, but I couldn't just walk away. Is there anything- literally, anything- that would help either of you?" a man said.

Kate's jaw dropped. If she was a better person, she would tell him to walk away, just in case. But she wasn't. And he was just one person. Probably a college student, trying to be a hero. Not worth hurting.

Then again, she never thought her and Aaron would be worth hurting either.

"Help me move him onto his side. The blood isn't stopping, and we need to work out why, okay?" she said, making a decision she hoped she would live to regret.

The man nodded. Something about him seemed off, but she shrugged the thought away. She wasn't a profiler and Aaron was suffering. If someone was willing to help, she was going to take it. Aaron always said she was a good woman. He was wrong.

"Okay. I'm Sam," he said.

"Kate."

"Does my team know?" Hotch whispered.

That was strange. She thought he would ask for Haley first. And then his team.

"I'm sure they'll find out soon enough."

Morgan came running over a few minutes later. Her and Sam hadn't been able to do anything. And then it turned out he was the one that had bombed them. She had wanted to vomit, but there was nothing in her stomach. And then she had wanted to run after him, if only so she didn't have to watch as Aaron faded in and out of consciousness, barely able to open his mouth. Morgan had stopped her. She was too injured.

"I feel cold," Aaron whispered.

"What?"

"I feel really cold."

That wasn't like him. He was, inside and out, one of the warmest people she knew. But the shivers of his body were undeniable. For a moment, she panicked, and then she shrugged her blazer off, ignoring the blood on it and draped it over his legs, cursing herself for not thinking of it earlier.

Trying to get help was pointless. But she was a desk agent. She'd never seen anyone die before. Yes, she had seen dead bodies, but she'd never had to hold someone as their body went limp and cold. Aaron was bleeding out, all over the two of them, and she was desperate.

"Help me!" she screamed.

And help finally came. A paramedic, too good for the world, broke through the barricade and saved them both. She tried to tell him thank you, but he just shrugged her off and focused on Aaron. It didn't offend her. All her focus was on Aaron too.

It reminded her of Agent Morgan's words. How all of Hotch's focus had been on her. She cringed at the memory. All she wanted, aside from Aaron to be safe, was for people to believe that she got where she did because of her own abilities and merits.

"You're going to need to drive the ambulance," the paramedic said to her.

Kate nodded. She was glad that her friends had convinced her to learn how to drive in America, even if all the roads were the opposite to the British ones. Aaron was going to make it. He'd be damaged and broken, but he'd be alive.

"Kate?" he rasped.

She turned back slightly. "I'm right here. I'm right here, and we're almost at the hospital. We're going to save you."

"Agent Joyner?" the man at the front said.

She swallowed. "Sir. Agent Hotchner is going to die if we don't give him medical attention. It's an emergency. I know who you've got in that building. I used to work for the same people he's with now. I understand the importance of protection. But if Agent Hotchner and his team had not come to New York, so many more people would be dead. Let me in."

Despite everything, the other man smiled. "You've not changed a single bit Joyner."

"I know," was all she said, before driving in. The moment they got through the doors, Aaron was being carried away. Against the bright lights of the corridors and the glaring white of the door, the blood all over his legs seemed even more horrific.

Her own ear was ringing to a painful degree, and her entire body ached from driving. There was a sharp pain in her leg and everything seemed slightly out of focus. All she wanted to do was close her eyes for a few minutes, but she couldn't.

Aaron's team got there fifteen minutes later. They were trying to work out what their team of unsubs endgame was. The video of the SUV exploding was playing on a loop. Kate had to turn away after she watched it a second time. He'd offered to drive, knowing that even after all that time, she hated it. Maybe if she had just sucked it up, it would be her in surgery not him.

It was amazing, watching them all work together, but she just felt out of place. They were able to bounce ideas off each other, finish their sentences. They knew exactly what the other was going to say and were able to all offer their own pieces of the profile.

She was just there because Aaron cared about her. And suddenly, telling them everything was the most important thing.

"We never slept together," she blurted out.

Agents Prentiss and Jareau had the decency to look ashamed. Morgan just frowned at her. Reid- the one that called Aaron a narcissist- seemed confused. Rossi just raised an eyebrow and she looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry. I just- he was talking, when he was bleeding out and all that. He said that he knew that you hated him, but he would never do that to Haley. I needed you to know. We were only ever friends. And I got here through my own hard work and dedication."

"It was a ridiculous comment to make, and we apologise," Dave said, voice soothing.

"And he's not a narcissist. He told me to stop trying to get the paramedic's attention because he was just one person. He was willing to bleed out, cold and without his family to keep everyone else safe. That's not the actions of a narcissist."

Rossi seemed confused by her words. There was a sudden spark of something in Reid's eyes, but now that she had started speaking, she couldn't stop.

"And he's not a bully. When we liaised together, he stuck up for me. For everyone. Never spoke over us, always respected people. He trusted me, and treated me exactly the same as everyone else, Agent Prentiss. He was so human, it hurt. I understand that he is your leader and things are different, but I needed you to know that."

"Kate, where is the paramedic you came in with?" Reid asked the moment she stopped speaking.

"I don't- I've got no idea. Why?"

Reid looked at his team. JJ's jaw dropped. Emily closed her eyes. Morgan visibly winced and Dave seemed like he was praying. Kate couldn't help the irrational surge of anger.

"We've worked out their endgame," he said. "The bomb is the ambulance that you drove here."

She was going to be sick. Either that, or she was going to pass out. The pain in her ear had only worsened, and she didn't feel steady on her feet. But none of that mattered. Innocent people were going to die because of her selfishness.

"What do we do?" she whispered.

Dave handed her an FBI vest. One that they had probably grabbed for Aaron to wear. He was the one that charged head-first into danger and hunted criminals. She wasn't even required to carry a gun.

"We find him, and we get that bomb as far away from here as we can," he said.

Kate nodded. When they reached the entrance, she realised what had been bugging her. "Where's Agent Morgan?"

They heard sirens. He was driving the bomb away himself. In some way, she was glad, because at least somebody had the sense to do it, but on the other hand, it terrified her. Because there was no way the Bureau would let her lead after this mess. Morgan was going to be her replacement, but although his actions were admirable and showed great care for his team, they would never see it like that.

"In his own way, he's giving us a chance to save everyone. Let's not waste it," Dave said.

The rest of the team nodded, and headed out. Kate followed, trying her best to ignore the pain in her leg. The only thing keeping her upright was her anger. At the paramedic for being an awful person. At Aaron for being too good. At herself for not putting the pieces together.

They found their unsub. He was holding a knife to his throat. As everyone else pointed their guns at him, telling him to give up because it was all over, the difference between her and them was even more obvious. She had nothing to aim at him, so she drew herself to her full height, ignoring the pain that came with it.

She felt sick, and hoped she wasn't as pale as she looked. Then his eyes met hers. Her blood ran cold.

"I did tell Agent Hotchner to thank his partner. That you had done everything," he said.

"You're not going to achieve anything. Nobody else is dying. Just give up," she said, voice wavering. She wished one of the others would do the speaking. She had no idea what would make this man press the button.

"No," he said. And he slashed his throat.

Kate felt bile rise in her throat, but if being a woman in the FBI had taught her anything, it was that you didn't show emotion. Ever. You did not fall apart in public, you kept your tears to yourself until you went back to your apartment and could muffle your sobs by running the shower too hot and turning the pressure to the maximum.

"We need to get to the hospital," Dave said then.

Kate took a step forward on unsteady legs. She needed to see the body.

Prentiss grabbed her arm. Kate flinched at the touch. She had been the one to suggest that her and Aaron had slept together.

"Don't do it to yourself," she said, forcefully steering her away from the body.

Kate was too weak to do much more than obey. She kept her head up during the silent ride back to the hospital. The most important thing was knowing that Aaron was safe. When, and only when they knew he was going to pull through would she succumb to her own injuries. Until then, she would pretend that the blood staining her clothes was all his and that her ears were completely fine.

"How is Agent Hotchner?" Rossi asked, the moment they saw a nurse.

They shrugged. "It's still too early to tell. He's still in surgery, from what we can see, both his ears and his hearing have been badly damaged by the blast. We're optimistic that avoiding loud noises will lead to a full recovery and return of his hearing but…" they trailed off.

"But what?" Garcia asked, voice full of nerves.

After she received confirmation that Derek was alive, she'd dashed to the hospital as quickly as she could so she could see everyone else and convince herself that her job was worth doing. They were still waiting for Derek to turn up. Penelope knew exactly what she was going to do the moment she saw him.

"Agents, there's a chance he may never walk unassisted. I'm not saying he'll need to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life, but the damage to his spinal cord and legs is extensive. If it's not a wheelchair, it will be a cane. He will have a life, and he will learn to do everything he wants to, but-"

"He'll never go into the field again," Kate said.

Everyone turned to face her.

And her world went black.

She could hear shouting, and there was the sound of footsteps. Then she was being moved, but she had no idea what was going on. All she knew was that Aaron's team needed to know the truth. Opening her eyes was impossible, but he was in surgery so he couldn't tell them.

"Agent Prentiss?" she choked out.

Someone was telling her to stop talking, to save her energy, and she almost smiled. Only a few hours ago, she was telling Aaron to do exactly the same thing but he hadn't. The two of them had never been good at listening when what they wanted to do felt more important.

"I'm here," Emily said, trying to stay calm.

"We didn't-" she stopped talking as a coughing fit overwhelmed her. Her vision was out of focus, but she saw the horror on everyone's faces. There was blood on her chin. She didn't care. They needed to know.

"We never slept together. We didn't." She was sure she had told them earlier, but her head hurt so much and she couldn't remember.

"We know Kate. We know," JJ said, having rushed over when Emily looked terrified.

"And I- I got here, because I was good. I was good. It wasn't him. It was me. He- Aaron- he loves Haley. Oh god. Haley. He needs her. Where is she? Where is Haley?"

It was becoming harder and harder to breathe. She was vaguely aware of the doctors placing an oxygen mask over his face, and of lots of sound, but the ringing in her ears overpowered it all. Her thoughts were consumed by her need to know that Aaron was going to wake up and see his wife. And son.

She always thought he would be an excellent father.

"She's here," Emily said, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

Kate relaxed slightly. "That's good. He'll be okay then."

JJ nodded. "And so will you."

Kate gave her a smile. Perhaps the team did love him as much as he loved them. Still, there was no harm in reminding them. "You should tell him you love him. He seems to think you hate him. Haley's here though. So I guess that's something."

"Hey, Kate?" a doctor said. She turned her head to follow their face. They had a kind face. It made her feel safe. "That's it, focus on my voice. Your Aaron is going to be perfectly fine. I just need you to relax for me okay?"

"Not my Aaron. We didn't sleep together," she said, again.

"Of course you didn't. He's going to be fine, nonetheless. So relax for me. Do you understand? Aaron will be okay."

Kate felt her eyes starting to close. She was so tired. A few minutes of rest wouldn't hurt anyone. And Haley was going to be there when Aaron woke up, so it was fine. She'd join them soon enough. "Good."

Kate Joyner didn't open her eyes again.

Aaron Hotchner did.

And when he did, the first thing he saw was the brightness of blonde hair.

"Kate?" he rasped. He wasn't sure where he was, but it wasn't a road. The thing beneath him was comfortable, there was the steady beep of a heart machine, and the walls were a blinding shade of white that hurt his eyes.

Hospital.

Kate had gotten him to the hospital.

He sat upright, but the word started spinning and he had to relax against a pillow again.

"Not quite darling. It's Haley," Haley said, pushing his hair off his forehead.

Emily and JJ exchanged uncomfortable glances. Only a few days ago, they had been making jokes about the similarities. Now, Haley was alive and warm, whilst Kate was dead and cold. They still hadn't decided who was going to tell him.

"Why are you- this isn't your job anymore," he said, not meeting her eyes.

Dave slowly shepherded them out of the room. The team would come and make their apologies later. For now, Aaron needed comfort from the only woman he had ever loved. He would get the doctor in a moment. A few minutes delay couldn't hurt him any more than he already was.

"It is. Because you're still the father of our child. And they didn't know whether or not you were going to make it. I may not be a good person, but I do know that if I wasn't here and you died, I would never forgive myself," she said.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Where is- where's Kate?"

Haley wouldn't meet his eyes. "Aaron…"

He'd heard that tone before. More times than he could care to count. And he knew what it meant.

"What happened?"

"I don't know the full story. But the doctors said it was something to do with shrapnel and internal bleeding. They did everything they could."

"I know they did. It was me that didn't do enough. I need to go. See her. Before they take her back to England," he said, attempting to swing his legs over the edge of the bed.

Haley winced. She couldn't be the one to tell him. She loved him with all her heart, but she couldn't be the one to tell him. Not this time. It was selfish, but verbalising it would make it too real, and she wanted to believe for a few more moments that everything was the same.

"Let me get the doctor," she said.

"Haley, what happened to me?"

"I'll get the doctor," she repeated.

"I don't want to hear it from the doctor. Not when you already know. What happened? Please, just tell me. I need to know and I can't wait until they run tests or do whatever it is they're going to do. Haley. Why can't I move my legs?"

With tears in her eyes, she lifted her head. "There was extensive damage to your spinal cord. And the blast meant there were severe amounts of shrapnel in you as well. It- you may be paralysed from the waist down."

If the heart monitor did not carry on beeping, he would've believed he was dead.

"Darling, I am so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, and if there is anything I can do-"

"There's not. At least I'm alive, right? Kate's injuries weren't as severe as mine, but because she was so busy saving me, she's dead. She saved me, and for what? I'm never going to be a field agent again. I'm never going to pick Jack up or be independent ever again."

"Aaron, that's not true. There's a chance that if everything goes well, you will walk with a cane."

"Yeah? And how big is that chance?" he was being unfair, he knew that, but he couldn't help it. If Kate had just left him, or stopped fighting for him to be saved, then she would be alive. Unemployed and with hearing damage, but alive. But she wasn't. She was dead, and he was stuck in a hospital bed, shouting at the only person that had ever truly loved him.

"I know you're angry. You have every right to be. But I'm not going to stand by and let you insult Kate's actions like that. The team have asked to see you. Should I let them in when the doctor's done?"

He turned away from her. She sighed, and left him alone. Only a few seconds later, the doctor entered. Aaron moved his hand from his leg too late.

"Agent Hotchner. I'm Doctor Nightling. I'm assuming Haley told you what happened?" he said.

Aaron nodded. "I know that I'll never be a field agent again. I know that. But I need to know, is there any chance, any chance at all, that I'll walk unassisted?"

The doctor sighed. "I'm going to be honest. It's slim. Not impossible, but slim. If everything goes well in your physical therapy, I believe you will walk with a cane. But Agent Hotchner, a small reminder. You are lucky to be alive. And so many people with the same injuries that you suffered go on to have amazing and brilliant lives. The wheelchair and the cane that you use won't stop you from being whatever you want to be."

"What I want to be is with Kate. But she's dead. And it's my fault."

Doctor Nighting sighed, but wrote a few more things down. "It's not your fault Aaron. Now, there's not much more we can do tonight because you must be exhausted. Are you up for seeing your team? I don't think they'll leave without at least saying goodnight."

Hotch did not want to see his team, but it wasn't because he was exhausted. It was because he didn't want to see the fake sympathy etched onto their faces, or listen as they told him that everything was going to work out eventually. However, that would be selfish. He wasn't allowed to be selfish.

"Sure," he said.

Doctor Nightling left, and Aaron let a few tears slide down his cheeks. He knew everyone else was right. He was lucky to be alive. There was so much that he could still do with his life. He could learn to walk with a cane. He just couldn't find it in him to be grateful when Kate's blood stained his hands, alongside every other person he had failed to save. When the team came in, he shifted so he could look at them properly. They all had identical looks of sorrow and shame on their faces. He hated it.

"Sir, I just want to say that I have never been so glad to see you. And you look very good for someone that was just in an explosion. I'm not trying to act like it wasn't a tragedy, because it was, but I just- I love you. And I need to focus on the good," Penelope said, always the first to provide comfort. She ran over and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Aaron closed his eyes, relaxing into her touch slightly. When she pulled away with a tearful smile, he managed to match it with his own slightly shaky one. It faded when he turned to the rest of the team, who all looked uncomfortable.

"We're so sorry about Kate," JJ said.

Hotch couldn't help but laugh. "Sure. Of course you are. It's not like you spent the entire time we were here mocking her, accusing me of being a cheater and treating her like shit." That was an exaggeration. He couldn't help it.

"She told us that. It was one of the last things she said. That you two had never slept together and that she got here because of her own merit. She was right. It was wrong of us to say something like that. And I'm sorry," Emily chimed in.

Emily, who had always managed to pinpoint his worst fears and biggest flaws and shoot her arrows directly at them. Emily who was probably only saying what she was saying because Dave had instructed her to do so. Who probably still didn't believe he was human, or that he did indeed trust her.

He turned away, blinking back tears. "You don't need to lie to me Emily. I'm a grown man, I can handle the truth."

"I- what?" she sounded confused.

"You don't think I'm human. You don't think I trust women as much as men, which is rather ironic given that everyone in life that has ever screwed me over was a man. Your immediate thought after seeing a woman that looked like Haley was that I slept with her." He wanted to hurt her the same way she had hurt him, and yet his words missed the mark completely. Instead of cruel and cold, they came out broken and desperate.

"Hotch-"

"Aaron, what are you talking about?" Dave cut in. For the past few hours, all he heard from anyone was that Hotch had genuinely believed them. When he had tried to ask why, they had all clammed up and claimed it wasn't important. That he didn't need to know.

Aaron frowned at him. "You don't know? I thought they would have told you. On one of your many outings together because I wouldn't be there so you wouldn't have to walk on eggshells or anything like that."

"Nobody's said anything," Dave said.

Spencer was fidgeting, which was completely normal, but he was uncomfortable. Dave just wanted everything to be cleared up so they could get some sleep. Think about their next move. And so that Aaron could be left alone to process the news. Even now, it was clear that he was hanging on by a thread because he was still technically Unit Chief. Hotch raised an eyebrow. He was being vindictive. He knew that. And he wished he could stop it, and he knew he should be a better person by now, but before he could calm himself down, the words were spilling out.

"Reid said I was a narcissist. Morgan called me a drill sergeant. JJ said I was a bully. Emily seemed prepared when she said that I don't trust women as much as men. Then she said that she needed to know she could be human. Like I wasn't."

Dave turned to face the team, jaw dropping.

"Come on man, that was so long ago. So much has happened since then, surely you can't still believe that," Derek said. It came out harsher than he intended, but he couldn't help it. There was no way he was still mad about that. It had been something said in the spur of the moment because they were angry and he was there.

"On this case alone, JJ hid her pregnancy from me. Reid barely spoke to me. You accused me of focusing on all the wrong things. Prentiss assumed I had cheated on Haley," he snapped.

Dave finally went over. Hotch closed his eyes. He didn't want anyone to see him crying. Not now.

"Look at me," he commanded.

Hotch shook his head. Now the adrenaline had worn off, he just felt tired. He didn't want to see how he had hurt the team, or pushed them even further away. He just wanted to be left alone with his pain and his hurt. It was what he deserved.

"Aaron," Dave said again.

He lifted his head the slightest amount.

"You're hurting right now. And you're angry. So we won't say anything because it will just make the situation worse. But I want you to know that I think you are undeniably human, a good leader and a brilliant man. We'll come back in the morning. Now sleep."

Hotch nodded, not really believing him. As soon as they left, switching the light off as they did so, his eyes closed and didn't open until morning. Maybe if he had kept them open for a few minutes longer, he would've heard the sounds of Dave shouting at the team for never apologising to him. Maybe it was better that he didn't hear that, or else he would've convinced himself that when they all turned up in the morning, it was out of duty, not love.

He spent a further week in the hospital. Somebody from the team was always there. JJ would tell him stories about the shenanigans that occured at the hotel. Derek would help him move his body as much as he could. Garcia would show him how to knit. Dave would sit and watch him, not really speaking. Spencer would read to him, coming a little closer each day. Emily would bite her nails and look everywhere but his face.

On his final day, Morgan and Haley entered together. He had requested that Haley didn't come and see him. She had understood why and respected his wishes, but when she saw him, still unable to take even a few steps, she almost wished she hadn't.

The man on the hospital bed was not her ex-husband. And he didn't know that he was going to be staying with her until he could walk again. Which may never happen, but she needed to be optimistic. According to Doctor Nightling, the scans they had done looked promising and so long as there were no further complications, he would be able to walk short distances with a cane in the near future.

"Hi darling. Are you ready to go?" she asked.

With Derek's assistance, Aaron was able to get into the wheelchair. Haley had wanted to do it all herself, but she knew her limitations. There was no way she would be able to lift Aaron into the chair or into the car. And also, the longer it took for him to work out that he was staying with her and not Dave, the better.

He nodded, feeling exhausted from all the final last-minute checks that had been done to him.

She smiled slightly. "Good. Well, I'm just here to keep you company till you get to Dave's."

He fell asleep on the journey home. It made him look younger. When they arrived at the house, he looked betrayed. It made her heart ache, but she told herself the lying had been necessary. There was no way he would have cooperated if he'd known that Haley was going to be the one looking after him. It had been hard enough convincing him that Dave was fine, let alone her.

"You told me that it was going to be Dave," he said.

"I'm sorry for lying darling, but you wouldn't have gone otherwise. Dave did offer, but it was me that you lived with whenever you got injured. I was there after Boston. I know what I'm doing."

It was only when they were inside the house and Derek had wheeled Hotch into the side room that had become his guest room did he finally speak. After thanking Derek for his help, he turned himself around so he was facing Haley. He'd never had to look up to see her before.

Derek took it as his cue to leave.

"You were my wife then," Aaron said. It wasn't an adequate explanation, but it was the only one he could give. There was no way he was going to look at Haley and say that when he looked at her smile, he saw Kate's final grin. Or that her hair was so much softer than Kate's had been when he brushed it off her cold face.

"I loved you before that and I love you now. That's more important. If you really want to go to Dave's then we'll take you. But you know this house and this room. It may be better for you," she said.

"I'll stay as long as you let me," he said.

Haley gave him that genuine, wide smile that had left him breathless when he first met her and still did so to this day.

"I'd never ask you to leave, you know that," she said.

And she meant it as a joke, but his own smile faded. She wouldn't. When she had decided that she couldn't take anymore and needed to walk away, she had been the one to leave. The only reason that she had come back was because she had custody of Jack.

"I know," he responded.

She had known him long enough to hear everything he didn't say. "I'll let you get some rest. Your physical therapy starts tomorrow."

He groaned. He hated physical therapy.

But eight months of it meant he was able to walk with a cane. Not always. There were some days when the pain was so bad that he had to use the wheelchair again. Those days always felt like a failure to him. Deep down, he knew that they weren't. That it was good he was able to recognise his limits and not push them to the point of another injury, but it still hurt.

Jack thought it made his Daddy look even cooler. He didn't really understand what was going on, but he did understand that Daddy wasn't able to be the same superhero he had been before, which was fine because that meant he could be a different one, and also that Mommy and Daddy would both be there in the afternoon. Most of the time. There were some days where Haley would come in, and Aaron would be unable to walk comfortably. Once, he had been on the ground, his determination to walk unassisted getting the better of him.

Haley and Aaron didn't know what they were doing either. They weren't dating, but there were certain patterns one fell into when they lived with someone. But neither of them was going to ruin their friendship, so they just carried on as before. It was pleasant.

"I'll miss this place," Hotch said as Morgan hovered in the doorway. As he was no longer able to be a field agent, Hotch had retired from the FBI permanently. Morgan had taken over as Unit Chief, which was all Aaron had ever wanted for the other man.

Hotch had plans to lecture. There was no way he would be allowed to go quietly into the night. Not with all his experience as a prosecutor, a member of SWAT and a profiler. Strauss had been kind enough to say he wouldn't be able to train new cadets just yet. When he had thanked her, she had just shrugged and said it was the least she could do.

"We'll miss you too. And we will only ever be a phone call away," Derek said. He'd grown older over the months Hotch had been recovering. Aaron would never move past that guilt, but Derek held no grudge. He was just happy Hotch had been able to walk away.

"The same goes for you. All of you," he said.

"Go! Spend time with your son," Derek said, with a laugh.

They would all be at the Hotchner-Brooks home soon enough, eating dinner and reminiscing over the old days. Each member of the team had slowly convinced Aaron that he was not only deserving of their love, but that he had it.

Aaron grinned, and removed one hand from the cane to pull Derek in for a hug. Derek went willingly, only pulling away when he started to feel his shirt dampen.

"Phone call," Derek said.

"Phone call," Hotch repeated.

A month later, Derek would turn up on his doorstep, soaked to the skin. Haley would answer the door. He would enter, barely acknowledging her. Aaron would be playing with Jack, who would be incredibly happy to see his Uncle Derek again.

Hotch would smile, but when he saw the look on the other man's face, he would take his cane and follow him out of the room.

"Shaunessy's dead. The Boston Reaper is back and he wants vengeance. You're the only one with the knowledge we need."

Hotch, who had always needed to save people, would nod. He would go to Boston, and he would realise that George Foyet, the one surviving victim, was not in fact a victim, but a terrible killer. They would arrest him, only for him to get away because he had been planning his endgame since Shaunessy signed the deal.

Aaron would come home from lectures to an empty house because Haley and Jack were at Jessica's.

The world would go black once more, and when he was met with the bright white of a hospital room, he would not be going home with Haley because she would be leaving. And when he saw her again, it would be after Derek Morgan shot George Foyet dead. He would see her with her eyes closed and her hair dark.

And even despite that stark difference, the resemblance she had to Kate Joyner would terrify him.

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speedylightpeach · 3 years ago

Text

A Decade and a bit

*Trigger warnings*

*18+ content*

It’s been about 12 years since I met a guy and ended up pregnant. I wanna say it was a choice, but it most certainly was not on purpose. I remember finding out, and being so afraid he would leave; telling my mom the same, just to have her blow up at him. Funny because now, I look back, wishing he’d have left right then and there. For the next 11 years it was bound to be hell; and all I can think is, how did I do this to myself? How did I allow this all to happen to me? How was I too blind to know I deserved better? I don’t know but still to this day, it haunts me, and unfortunately 60% of the time, I still don't believe I deserve better. February 2010 my daughter was conceived, honestly I was so happy, excited even. I remember hearing her first heartbeat, he wasn't there. I remember walking home with the biggest smile on my face, and feeling so stupid at the same time, walking around with this big weird smile on my face. She was a blessing. In the very beginning I decided I would raise her right, and try my best to build her up and make her strong. My mom always put me down, told me I couldn’t do anything. Well, she, that’s another whole different fricking story. Being pregnant was amazing, feeling baby move and just patiently waiting. I got lucky and didn’t even have bad morning sickness or pains or anything. Months roll around and these little red flags popped up but for some reason I was blind to them till later. I guess I just can handle a lot of shit. 6 maybe 7 months pregnant and we were walking somewhere, and i remember him like pulling me along and rushing me, and I was just so pregnant that I was getting stitches and it hurt, but he didn’t care cuz we had somewhere to be. I don’t even remember where, but the red flags came more and more, and I ignored them all. Not wanting to feel like I was an ass for thinking he was being an ass. He was an ass, and it only got worse and maybe I was an ass too, I don't think I'm innocent here, maybe we are both victims. I remember the day my daughter was born. I remember staying in Edmonton at his dad’s, doing the waiting game. November 23 2011, at 4:30 am, I remember waking him up and telling him that I was counting my contractions and I thought it was time. Now, after previously wishing he’d have left at the very beginning, this here is the next moment I wish we’d have separated and never turned back. Okay and first I have to say, this wasn’t one of those pregnancies where u end up going into the hospital ten times and just unsure. I went in once, around my due date to get induced, a week later, here we are. he looks at me, half asleep, and says “okay, well you go, and call me from the hospital if it’s time.” I wish i had walked out the door and let him miss it, sure seems like he didn’t even wanna be there. I have heard a lot of pregnancy stories, and I for one, had it easy. I went in at 4:30 am and had her by noon, with no complications. And while in the state I was in I sure would have liked to sleep, but here I’m looking over and he’s sleeping on the cot. Not enduring this with me, sleeping up to the very last moment. Just feels like the majority of these moments I look back and he wasn’t there. I thought the first couple years were good with the three of us, but I keep remembering things. Within the first year and a half of having her, I remember getting into an fight, and I remember him throwing a chair and being so afraid every time he would come near me. I’m pretty passive, until someone comes at me all aggressive. Honestly, this isn’t even the worst. Well, I’m not going to lie, in the first year or two with my daughter I spent a lot of nights going out to the bar, and he was pretty good about staying home with her, I mean even if he was just gunna sit and play video games all night anyways. I loved the bar. I loved the music, the way I felt so free and so good. Unfortunately, it got out of control. Maybe it had been so long since I felt the sparks of someone just simply touching a shoulder. A touch that didn't make me cringe, and I will tell you, if it makes you

cringe, I swear to god, go with your gut. Anyways, so I ended up way to drunk, and I ended up making out with the wrong guy. I remember feeling so good but so bad. I have a pretty good conscience, so I came clean. And boy did I eat shit. Well deserved I know, I crossed a line, maybe broke him, I'm not sure. I have never been more sorry in my life. And from that day on I basically quit drinking, we split up, kind of. I wanted that attachment so at this point I was basically willing to do whatever it took to get him back. To get him to see that I could change and i could be better. After a few months of doing these things I absolutely hated doing, he left and called me name after name after name. Letting me in just enough to get the good feels, then shoving my down in the ditch to drown, because for all i knew, that's what i deserved after what i did. 6 months apart, he’s living in Edmonton with his brother, unfortunately his brother was quite a mess at times too. Couldn't hold up his end, the bills were too much and my ex, well he needed help. So, he finally decided to let me back in. I remember the day we drove to Edmonton, it was February 2014, it was still winter and the winds were so bad, my mom didn't even wanna drive. It was like sign after sign after sign. The winds were like 100km winds, semi’s were blowing off the roads, and yet, I went. It was fine for a while, the three of us all living in one room, until one night my ex is at work, and his brother gets wasted and just starts getting so mad, clearly I just don't deal with aggression well. My ex came home and we ended up having to leave cuz his brother was on house arrest. He lost his job too for leaving to deal with our family crisis. We ended up grabbing everything we could from this place, losing a lot because all we could take was what we could take on the train with us. We managed to find another place, again all three of us living in one room sharing a house with a few Filipino people, they were pretty cool. The fighting never dulled or stopped. It was always something. I remember once being shown a Facebook account, with a Latino name and being assured that i had a fake Facebook account. The only thing was, it wasn't me. I will tell you another thing, a really shitty feeling, is when you're defending yourself persistently for something you didn't even do. Being told over and over again that your wrong when you know you're right. Being told I cheated with someone I never had. The landlord ended up selling the place so we found some roommates to move in with, another couple who had kids. These people were, intense to say lightly. Some what the same though, She couldn't leave without being harassed to come back home and deal with the kids. At this point I couldn't even see my best friend, because she had guys with her. I remember her coming to town and asking me to go to Red’s or something, and it was just such a fight to let me go. Are there guys? He didn't want me to go, and i remember swearing up and down that it wasn't his fault that I wouldn't go. He eventually did let me go, but when i came home it was assumptions and accusations. Seems like after this point every time i left the house, to go to work, to anything, I always walked back in to assumptions and accusations. I remember getting phone calls at work, with him screaming at me, and my coworkers just looking at me like I'm fucked. I wish I knew why I put up with it all. At this point I've probably been solely providing for my family for at least 4 years, since he lost that job. It was so hard to make ends meet with 13 dollars an hour and i just wore myself out. Sadly those were the days, i would ask my boss if i could stay longer, just so I didn't have to go home. This is where things really took a turn, because it wasn't just things I was doing anymore. Now its things someone else is doing, some stranger logging into his games and apps with convenient names to harass and make him feel bad. Which, I don’t know, I still to this day see as coincidences. Maybe I was wrong for not supporting him, I

honestly didn't know how. After all the times, I honestly felt like I would be lying if I said I believed it, and I had no one to talk to. I had already lost touch with reality. One day, the fight got so bad, I will never forget this day, it severely haunts me, and I pray I never get treated this way again. I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but it was bad, there were things thrown everywhere, glass smashed all over the place, my favorite things all broken. I remember standing in the kitchen while he picked up the weeks worth of garbage in the can and dumped it on me, and called me trash. And people wonder why I have no self worth, because I dealt with shit like this for too long. I broke. After the trash it was bong water, all over my Chili Peppers shirt stained with resin for life. I remember this was close to my daughters birthday. I was making her a cake and he threw that everywhere. I still have the video of the way the house looked. Whore, cunt, bitch, stupid. I pray that no one ever gets put down in this way. And fuck me, I still went back to him. Still allowed him another chance for what I don't know. With my mom and my best friend telling to leave, I justified it. Relationships are hard they take work, but hun not this much. Her birthday comes and he sits in his room the whole day. I don't remember the fight after that, the only thing I do remember was my daughter and niece in the living room probably only 4 and5 and he picked up my PlayStation and just threw it flat down right in front of them, and they looked so scared. At this point I’m yelling at him to get the fuck out. Do something to me that's one thing, I can take it a lot better than those poor little kids, whom had done nothing. As he was walking up the stairs I said his name and he turned around. I punched him in the face, and that was the first time I had ever hit anyone in the face ever. Its weird, I get to a point where I've had enough but then I'm okay and decide I guess I can handle a little more I don't know maybe it will be better, they say things get better… they didn't. I think it was 2017 when he finally moved back to our old town. Not long after I followed, I guess I just couldn't give myself the time to find something better, someone better. Ended up moving back in with him. This time, was the last time. This argument was horrid. Not as bad as having bong water and garbage dumped on you, but words have a way of sticking in the brain. Another fight i don't remember at all what I did, but I remember sitting on the deck begging my friend to come get me, when he throws a bag of roast beef sandwich meat at me and says my cunt smells. This guy has torn me down in every way possible. I honestly don't even have a clue as to how to rebuild myself. I wanted to leave the meat behind on the bed, with a note “ For when you start to miss me” I wish I had, but I guess I just didn't want to sink that low. I didn't realize how low I was already sinking. When he wanted sex that was it, he was either gunna belittle me until I just laid there and took it or he’d go watch porn and grope me while I tried to ignore it all. Honestly this is my biggest pain. I never want to feel what that feels like ever again. Lets be clear, he never once actually hit me, before he had pushed the back of the rocking chair and basically thrown me out of it, and this last time, he put his hand on my face and he shoved me. And I don't know why, but that's when I really broke. I walked out that door and never came back. We tried to be friends later, but it was too hard. He would try to kiss me and honestly cringe, to having to turn away to block a kiss u don't want. I so nicely explained how hard we tried and that we just had to let go. Spent a few months doing a lot of molly together. Before I realized I was sinking again, this time to molly. She felt so good. Gave me that feeling I wanted. Peace in my heart. No worries. No anger. Nothing. Peace. Just over two years separated and I honestly hope he leaves our lives and doesn't come back. I am sorry, that he misses

out on his kid, but I cannot fathom the idea of her going through the same tragedies I have. Today, I have anxiety, severe depression, mostly likely BPD, 60% of the time I feel like I'm drowning, or wish I was. I cant work, I hate going out for fear of people thinking and seeing me the way he did. All of those things he said have shaped the way I see myself and its so sad. One day, I hope I find my worth. And you, remember to love yourself more than anything else. I didn’t and it destroyed me. I had all the chances in the world to turn my life around, don’t miss yours.

#depression #anxiety #bad relationship #mistakes #drowning #pain #triggers

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thatsbucknasty · 4 years ago

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she used to be mine (ix) waitress au

summary: Inspired by the broadway musical. Y/N Beck is a pie baking force to be reckoned with. She’s pregnant with her lazy ass husband, Quentin Beck’s baby. As everything around her turns upside down, Doctor James Buchanan Barnes charms his way into her life.

pairing: Y/N x Bucky

tags are still open :3

chapter 9: you matter to me

I can’t believe I’m done for today. I almost thought I’d never finish these pies and my feet are killing me. What I would give to be one of those rich soccer moms who drive nice SUV’s and go to brunch and get massages.

I’m done baking but I need to clean the mess and I don’t think I’ll be able to. I need to sit down for a bit and rest my back against something soft, like my mattress. I miss my mattress. I wish I could leave the dishes and get home already.

The bell rings and it startles me from my reverie. Did Nat forget something? She always forgets her wallet or keys.

“Nat is that you?” I yell from the kitchen.

The door opens and I see the last person I was expecting.

“Bucky. What- what are you doing here? Is there a problem?”

“Hi, no, I just wanted to see you, I- needed to see you”. He closes the space between us and I feel my heart in my throat.

“Is that alright?” He asks politely.

“What?” I’m too distracted by him and I’m not sure I even heard what he said.

“Is it alright for me to be here? I brought you a gift” He smiles a tight lipped smile and my senses are on edge, I can smell the sweetness of his cologne and it’s just the right amount of lavender and sandalwood for me to want to run into his arms but I stay put, my arms stiff on my sides.

“Did you? Why? It’s not my birthday”.

“It’s an apology present. I’m sorry for being an ass and making you feel uncomfortable. Here, open it”.

I grab the box and rip the light purple paper apart.

“It’s a Bundt pan!” I say to him while tears start to form in my eyes.

“And it’s non-stick!” He points out with the most adorable excited grin on his face.

“Oh my god, this is the sweetest thing someone’s ever done for me, thank you, Bucky!” I can’t resist it now and throw my arms around his neck.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart”. He wraps his arms around my waist and even though my growing belly stands between us, it still feels amazing to be held by him again.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I shouldn’t have crossed any boundaries between us, I know, but you need to know how much you matter to me. I’m here to tell you I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready. I don’t care if it’s today, tomorrow, or a year from now, I just need one thing from you”.

“And what is that?” I take a step back from his embrace to see his steel blue eyes looking serious but vulnerable at me.

“I need you to not push me away, and everyone else who wants to help you, for that matter! Do you think you could do that?”

He takes a strand of hair away from my face and I know I could never deny him anything when he’s looking at me like I’m the only thing in the universe. I hold his hand in both of mine and bring it to my lips ever so gently, his forehead rests on mine and I whisper yes to him.

“I promise to not push you away, or my friends. You and this diner have become the most important people around me and I know me and my baby are gonna need you guys... But you and I, we need to take things slow okay?”

“I could go slow, yeah!” He throws his arms around me again and this time he squeezes the life out of me, beaming in excitement.

“Okay, doctor, you’re crushing the little peanut now”. I try to say between giggles and jagged breaths.

“Sorry, sorry!”

“It’s okay, I need to sit down though, too many emotions for a day”.

He helps me down a stool and sits next to me.

“Hey, so what do you say I invite you to dinner tonight?”

“Tonight like right now?”

“Why not? I bet you’re hungry”.

“Oh-kay… where will we go though? I don’t mean to be picky but my stomach can’t really take just whatever at the moment”.

“You still struggling with morning sickness?”

“I get morning sickness, afternoon sickness, middle of the night sickness, you name it”.

“Y/N you should tell me these things, I’m your doctor! I can prescribe you something!”

“Right, I just didn’t know how to talk to you after that day”.

“Oh. Right, I understand. Well, let’s get you something at the pharmacy before we get dinner, what are you in the mood for?”

He helps me clean up the kitchen and lock up the diner and we talk about the girls and Sam, nurse Maria’s latest antics at the hospital and how much he’s missed my pies. After an hour or so, we get into his car, I turn on the radio and we enjoy the music while he drives away.

Always on my mind

Always alone

You could be miles and miles away

But somehow you're close

If I can't have the cake

And I can't eat it too

I guess the sound of your voice and the ache

It'll just have to do

Cause the trouble with wanting is I want you

The trouble with wanting is I want you

And I want you all the time

We stop by the pharmacy and I wait in the car while Bucky goes inside to get some pills that are supposed to help me keep down my meals instead of puking them out, he also brings me an ice lolly to help my dizziness and nausea. We park at an Italian restaurant and I notice a man and a woman get into the car next to us. He’s here and he brought Alice. Bucky’s about to get out to open my door when I grab his hand.

“Stop”.

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick again?”

“Yes, but it’s not-” I sight and signal Bucky to look over my shoulder.

He sees them too and his eyes grow angry at the man who used to love me.

“Do you want us to leave?” He says without taking his eyes off of Quentin.

“No, I think they’re leaving, let’s just wait here”.

“You sure? Do you want me to go out there and confront him?”

“What?! No! Why would I- no, it’s fine, Bucky. That’s just gonna make things worse, he was already jealous of you at the hospital, I could tell. I don’t need any other obstacle in the way of divorcing his lying, cheating ass”.

Bucky finally looks at me when they drive away and holds my hand in his. He brings his lips to my knuckles and steps out of the car to open my door. We enter the dimly lit restaurant and a young waiter takes our order. Bucky gets the pesto spaghetti and I order the chicken marinara.

“You don’t deserve this. I know you know you’re better off without him but still, he was your husband and you loved him once, so… I’m sorry you had to see them together”.

“Thank you. I’m alright though. I guess seeing him with Alice made it even more tangible, permanent, but maybe that’s exactly what I needed to get motivated and work my ass off until I can pay that lawyer and be done with this quickly”.

“Hey, speaking of that, did you pay the hospital bills already?”

“I will, on Monday, after that I can start saving up for the divorce and when the birth happens I might have to ask for a loan. I don’t know how, but I’m determined to get through this, for my baby”.

“I respect you for that, but Y/N, you really don’t have to work your ass off, matter of fact, for your own health and your baby’s, you shouldn’t. Here’s what’s gonna happen: you’re gonna let me pay for the past hospital bill- and before you say anything, being a doctor there, I’m sure they will give me a discount, so you don’t have to worry about it, you can keep your savings and call that lawyer as soon as possible, okay?”

I look straight ahead and think about it for a minute. We had this conversation before and I think it’s time for me to stop being so proud and stubborn. The sooner I get rid of Quentin, the better it’ll be for my own peace of mind.

“Okay. But-”

“No, no buts! You’re gonna take it and I’m also going to pick you up from work from now on, you shouldn’t be walking after long hours of standing. When I’m done for the day at the hospital I’ll give you a ride home, when I’m late and have to stay extra hours Sam will drive you home, alright?”

“Wait, how d’you know Sam?”

“Um. it’s a long story, but we talked about this and he agreed”.

“Alright then”.

“Alright then”. He echoes my words and I scoff at him.

“I didn’t know you were so bossy, Doctor”.

“I’m not”. He smiles down at me from across the table. “I care about you and I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure you get through this in one piece. This baby is only going to be a healthy, happy little girl if her mamma is also healthy and happy”.

“Right now I’m pretty happy”. I admit and take a bite from my plate.

“Yeah? Italian food makes you happy. Duly noted”. He winks and I feel so complete in this moment. There’s nothing that could pop this little bubble we’re in.

chapter 10: I didn’t plan it

#waitress au #she used to be mine #waitress musical #bucky x reader #waitress!reader #doctor!Bucky #marvel au #bucky barnes #sam wilson #avengers au #nina writes #chapter 9

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serensama · 5 years ago

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To Release #1

Yoosung needs to let MC go.

Years ago, i had asked the amazing @promiscuous-jalapeno to write a HC for me when I was too scared to write my own and she did an amazing job- tore me right up it did. I asked her shortly thereafter if she minded if I tried to do it and she was kind enough to encourage me. Nearly 4 years and I’ve finally done it.

Trigger warnings: Character death, mentions of cancer.

This is for my friend, my sister- Susana. I don’t know how to let you go. But one day I will. And one day I will see you again. Rest well until then dear one.

This is for my baby, my puppy Meiko- run free my little one. I know you’ll be waiting for me too. Keep Susana company and keep her safe until we catch up, okay? Good Boy.

- Yoosung wasn’t an idiot, he knew she thought he was blind to what was happening- but you had to be completely void of brain activity to not notice it.

- At first there were small differences.

- The way she wore different clothes, or the way she wore her hair or even her makeup had changed.

- She was ‘tired’ all the time and stayed late at work.

- She even had mystery calls she would take away from him in another room, her voice fading in hushed tones as she made sure he would never hear a word she spoke.

- But it was too late, he already knew.

- All the signals were there and they were screaming at him even when she had never uttered a word to him.

- In the extra care she put in her appearance, in the way she would avoid his touch and affection and in the guilt she bore in her eyes as she would look his way whenever she thought he didn’t notice.

- He did notice. He always did.

- Yoosung was hurt that after all they had been through, that she would treat him that way- omission was a type of lie, a type of betrayal and he thought they had promised never to lie to each other… even over something like this.

- And yet… yet he was happy.

- Though he had to be secretive about it; he wasn’t an idiot after all. This was something he had wanted to happen for the longest time. He had never admitted it to MC, but he had wanted this since she walked down the aisle all those years ago.

- He wanted nothing more than for MC to pregnant.

- Yoosung chuckled to himself as he pretended not to hear his wife struggling in the bathroom with another bout of morning sickness. She had been trying so hard to make sure he never heard her, even going to the lengths of turning on the shower to mask any noise.

- Readjusting himself on the couch with his morning newspaper, he waited patiently for MC to eventually patter out. He couldn’t believe himself, right at the start of all things where he was half convinced that she was cheating on him. Who could blame him for thinking about it, even for a second? MC had this power of drawing people to her and making everyone feel special- how could he even blame this possible other person for falling in love with her? Hadn’t he? Hell, he was sure almost everyone in the RFA was at some point in love with her.

He had even spoken to Saeyoung about it and was rewarded with nothing but snorts and an index finger pointed at him in derision.

“As if she would e-hahahaa, s-sorry sorry, ever cheat on you man. For someone so clever you really are dumb,” he said to him through peals of laughter. “MC would rather die than do something like that you. Why would you even think that? Why would you be talking to me rather than her? Dude, use your head it’s something else.”

“What do you know that I don’t?”

“I don’t know anything like that. All I do know is that MC is my best friend- don’t look at me like that, you’re my best friend too- and she is not a cheater. She’s probably just trying something different. Shaking things up y’know? I dunno maybe she’s feeling like she wants to change her style, maybe someone was mean to her at work and she wants to put them in her place with her makeup or hair? Maybe she’s working late because there are new deadlines she has to do and she comes home exhausted because she is in fact, exhausted. Or who knows, maybe she’s pregnant!”

- He knew his friend had thrown that in for laughs or absurdity but it was anything but that for Yoosung. Maybe… maybe she was. All the signs were there. Wearing new clothes that were just that little bit bigger to hide her stomach, she looked amazing with her shorter hair and immaculate makeup, she didn’t want him to touch her that much and definitely not her stomach…of course.

- Of course she was pregnant.

- Cheating indeed. Maybe he was an idiot. MC would never do that to him.

- Yoosung heard the sound of a flush and MC washing her hands as she attempted to clear her throat as inconspicuously as she could. She came out looking a bit pale but nonetheless as beautiful as she had ever been, her eyes lighting up when they found him on sofa.

- “Morning honey,” she started, her voice raspy with the strain her throat was recently put under. He smiled up to her, silently praying today would be the day she would end this months’ long charade. “Did you already have breakfast? I can make something up for you if you’d like?”

“Won’t you be joining me?” he replied, folding his paper up and setting it aside, large blue eyes observing her every minute movement and expression. He watched as MC paused for a moment, her mind visibly racing for a quick reason to give him for her loss of appetite. “I mean- isn’t breakfast the most important meal of the day?”

“O-of course! I’m not really hungry though so maybe I’ll make myself some toast or maybe have a cup of coffee-”

“Is that really going to be enough?”

“What do you mean? I just told you I wasn’t very hungry-”

“Is that enough for the both of you?”

- MC’s already pale face drained of all colour.

- “What… Yoosung you’re not making sense.”

- He stood up and walked towards his frozen wife and massaged his hands up and down her arms in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “It’s okay MC, you don’t need to keep this up. I know. I know what you’ve been keeping from me.”

- MC took a step back and took in a shuddering breath, her hand reaching of a nearby dining chair to steady her. Yoosung held onto her as her eyes widened and her whole body trembled, before completely slumping down onto the ground. He panicked as he quickly fell to his knees and quickly looked over his wife to see if she had injured herself, asking her if she was alright, if she was in any pain, what was happening-

“How did you find out?” she asked, her eyes looking forward, still and steadfast. Her hands clasped around the chair’s leg, knuckles white and flesh still shaking.

- Yoosung let his palm glide over her silken hair and smiled kindly at her, waiting patiently for her to shift her attention to him. Slowly her eyes turned to him, round and glassy, irises almost pinpricks. “I’m not blind love.”

- And then she cried.

- Tears welled up along the rims of her eyes, sweeping down her cheeks and dripping off her chin. Soon her silence turned to a quiet weeping, Yoosung’s concern rising with her cries. Her haggard breathing turned to wails and in a blink of an eye her fingers were in the front of her t-shirt, twisted and pulling away from her chest- a wild look of desperation etched across her face. She began to rock back and forth ever so slightly as she too took rough and heaving breaths, MC could not hear a thing he was saying to her. Screaming at her. Pleading with her.

- “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so.. I’m so so so sorry,” she chanted in between sobs, her hands finding purchase upon his forearms, nails biting crescent shaped lines into his skin. He let her leave the marks upon him as he did his best to calm her down from her frantic state. “It’s okay, MC it’s okay. Don’t work yourself up over this. Really it’s fine, I’m just glad that I know now- we can do this together right?” he asked in the most reassuring manner that he could. He hadn’t meant to guilt her into telling him or make her feel bad at all- he just wanted to be a part of it. MC shook her head and fisted her hands in his hair almost painfully as she peered up at him, his heart constricting tighter than he expected at her expression. This was meant to be a happy time, he wanted to be laughing and hugging not… not this… “I’m so sorry I didn’t… I didn’t tell you. I had wanted to do this on my own, until I was 100% sure-”

“We can go to the doctor and do the test-” “I’ve already done all the tests, I’m know already-” “Then you just wanted to pass the three month mark?”

“The what?” she asked, confusion crossing over her features for a second as she digested what he had just said. “The what? The three month what?”

“The first trimester. I know a lot of women don’t want to say anything until it passes in fear of the worst but… why are you looking at me like that?” he paused, staring back at his wife.

- She had stopped crying. Stopped panicking. Stopped breathing. The strength in her digits all lost as her hands fell away to a dull thud on their carpeted floor beside them. “Yoosung. I’m not pregnant.” He sat back on his haunches and took a breath, just a moment to collect himself and his wayward thoughts. So if she wasn’t pregnant… “Then what, you’re cheating on me?” “W-what?” “If you’re not pregnant and you’re waiting for test results, what for? An STD test? Answer me. What the hell is happening here that you’re not telling me? I deserve to know!”

“I-”

“Tell me MC!” he begged, lunging forward and holding her against him, arms wrapped tightly around her smaller frame to comfort her and release whatever she was withholding from him. He wasn’t lying, he wanted to be in it together with her, whatever it was.

- “I’m sick, Yoosung.”

- He felt the air seep from his lungs as those three words echoed throughout the room and within the chambers of his heart.

- “What do you mean? Like the flu?” he offered after what felt like an eternity of silence between them. Nothing. “MC Please tell me.” “… Cancer.”

- He was sure the way his arms constricted around her was enough to break her bones but not a sound came from her and he just wanted to hold onto her as tightly as he could, maybe if he held her long enough and hard enough- none of what she said would be true. “But.. but the secrecy… the clothes and hair and… staying late a work… the secret calls? I just… I’m sorry I just don’t understand and-”

- A small hand cupped the side of his face, her thumb tracing the softness of his cheek. MC lightly pressed on his jaw to tilt his face down to her and she offered the meekest of smiles, not an ounce of mirth to be found in the quirk of her mouth. “I wasn’t feeling well for a while so I went to the doctor a few months ago. After a few tests they found it…” she replied, her fingertips playing at the hair about his ears. “They told me that it was a good prognosis. That with some meds I would be fine, we caught it early enough. The meds left me tired and made me put on weight around my middle- I didn’t want you to touch me and ask me about it because I didn’t want you to worry. I’ve been wearing looser clothes to hide it, wearing more makeup because I’ve looked like shit… my hair started to thin so I cut it so it looked fuller so you couldn’t notice… all those times I stayed late at work I was seeing my oncologist and those phone calls was him… and I… I’m so so sorry Yoosung.”

- Oncologist. It was real. Everything she was saying was real and she wasn’t pregnant. She wasn’t cheating. She was fighting for her life and she was doing it all alone and she was apologising to him. Of all the ludicrous things to do.

- “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, voice tinged with pain as he tried his best not to cry, he wouldn’t cry, not yet. MC shifted in his arms and sat back forcing herself to look him in the eye now that everything was out in the open. “Because I didn’t want to scare you, I thought I was strong enough to get through this without worrying you. They told me it was okay,” she responded pathetically with a shrug of her shoulders. “I thought it was okay. I thought I was going to be okay,” she whispered into her chest, her eyes fluttering closed as she took in another shaky breath.

- This was too much. Everything she had said up to that point was teetering on the edge of ‘okay’… not that though.

“What do you mean… was?” “MC.” “What do you… answer me, don’t hold back now, why is it was?”

He looked on as she squeezed her eyes shut, pinching the bridge of her nose to will the tears to not come back. Her hand was still shaking. “He called again last night. I… it’s not good. It’s spread. It’s… I’m… there’s nothing they can-”

“No.”

“Yoosung-” “No.” “Please-” “No! NO! You do not get to finish that sentence. You will not finish that sentence. There is always something, we will find something. Saeyoung might be able to help research… maybe Jumin has a client with some experimental drugs or… don’t look at me like that!”

“Like what?” “Like you’re okay with this!” he yelled as he stood up and started pacing the room. Suddenly he had too much energy, too many thoughts and he could scarcely keep up.

“I’m not okay with this Yoosung,” she said, eyes sad, body shrinking into herself, blocking him again. “That’s why I was fighting this so hard.”

“Stop saying that.”

“What?”

“Was. Stop saying was. We’re not done yet. You’re not gone. Stop saying it.”

- MC opened her mouth to response but thought better of it. It wasn’t fair of her to ask him to accept it all at once not when he had to find out that way, so late… near the end of all things. “Okay. I’ll stop saying it.”

- Yoosung nodded and sat back down, scooping her back into his arms and rested his cheek against the top of her head and just breathed in her scent. They sat there for hours as she recounted everything, letting her finally cry as she let him back in, together once more and trying to make a plan of what was to come; even when Yoosung could tell she was just agreeing to whatever he said to keep him from breaking down… he just held her tighter.

- She had fallen asleep sitting on his lap, face buried in the side of his neck with his fingers running through her hair. Yoosung bit on his lip to silence his grunts of discomfort as he moved them both off the floor and onto the bed. She murmured in her sleep, dreaming soundly as she always did but he found no rest, no comfort. He counted each breath she took in and tried to find solace in every rise of her chest.

- “Keep your pants on, I’m coming,” Saeyoung said with a long yawn. He dawdled towards his camera monitors to see if it was Saeran pounding at the front door because he had forgotten his keys for the third time that week, but after seeing a familiar brush of blonde hair instead bracing himself against his front door frame, he picked up his pace. Yoosung was always one to call before popping in and for him to come there with no prior warning and so late in the night, he knew something wasn’t right. He opened the door and was about to crack some smart ass comment when the sounds of a pained groan made him pause. Arms were thrown around him as the younger male threw himself at him, his smaller form convulsing, racked with deep gut wrenching gasps. He didn’t even need to ask. It was about MC, it always was. “She’s- she’s… I can’t lose her Hyung, not yet. I can’t.”

- When MC woke her husband had a tray of food in his hands and what looked like a freshly picked vase of flowers to accompany her meal. He wasn’t ready for what was thrown his way yesterday but some greater power allowed him to have another day with her and he was going to make sure each second meant something; to either give her the strength to fight for more moments or gift her with memories she could have to depart with a smile on her face. He would give her this. He would give them this.

- Yoosung rapidly understood why she had not told him in the past, why she had shouldered this all on her own. Sitting in the doctor’s office was jarring; it was cold and sterile no matter how many personal touches he had added to the room, it was still felt like a chamber of death. Dramatic? Maybe, but with the words that fell from his thin, pale lips he may as well have been carrying a scythe and hourglass. “I’m so sorry, I wish there was more we could do but at this stage the prognosis is the same. You may only have the next 6-8 months to live.”

- The drive home was a blur, how he managed to get them back was a miracle as he didn’t even remember starting the car. All thought left him the second her fingers intertwined with his and she gave him a smile.

- He lay in the bed that night, MC quietly snoring, her limbs thrown haphazardly onto him- her lips moving as if she spoke to someone in her dream. She gave a quick snort and another smile spread across her face.

- How many more of these smiles will I have. How many more until it’s her last?

- She grew weaker, quickly, frighteningly so. Her symptoms so severe he would find her clinging to the toilet for support, tears flowing from her eyes and hair plastered to her sweat slicked forehead. Eating was a struggle. She even muttered that blinking hurt in her sleep.

- Still, she smiled, she smiled for him.

- Her resilience, her heart, her ability to still shield him from the worst- he couldn’t believe her fortitude and mental strength, her absolute undying love for him.

- So he did what he could for her, he would always smile back.

- Even if it broke him.

- Seven months and 8 days since they sat in the doctor’s office together, he came back from the market with all her favourite foods. It was so hard to get her to eat lately, only the most enticing of food would get her to open up her mouth for a bite or two. He would never complain though, he loved to make her food even if almost all of it couldn’t be eaten. He was happy just to be able to take care of her. How many more meals were left to share?

- He had moved towards their bedroom when he heard MC’s voice, still sweet as ever but softer and coloured with such fragility that sometimes even her saying good morning to him was enough for him to have to turn away from her for a second to recollect himself for her.

- Yoosung stopped, his hand on the door handle, not wanting to intrude if MC was on a call. She had been on quite a few recently- she hadn’t wanted to see her friends anymore, she hadn’t the energy to even try. He strained his ears to listen in to see who she was speaking to; she spoke a lot of Saeyoung of course but Jaehee had called more often and even Jumin would call her late at night when he knew she was up because she was in so much pain she couldn’t sleep. However there was no voice replying to her, only hers. Perhaps she was dreaming?

- Yoosung slowly eased the door open and peered through the slight crack to find his wife sitting up on the bed with her phone on a tripod in front of her. She was recording herself- “- and I can never thank you enough for everything Yoosung.”

Recording herself for him. Recording her goodbye.

“I am still trying to forgive myself for not telling you sooner and I hope one day you will understand why I did what I did, as misguided as it was. I wanted to spare you the pain if I could. The worry. Maybe I was just scared and if I told you it would make it real. Pills and feeling sick didn’t make it real. Your fear and your tears… that… that made it real. I’m sorry. I know you’ll be looked after, everyone in the RFA has promised me they would. Jaehee said she’d come and look after the plants. Zen said he’d make sure that you’d stay healthy. Saeyoung and Saeran promised that you’d have some fun once in a while and Jumin and V would help you with the clinic and anything else you need. You are not alone my love, even if I’m… when I’m gone… you are not alone.”

She paused as she had lost her breath and her body shook with fatigue as she tried her best to regain herself. “I will always be with you and I want you to be happy you got that? I always want you to be happy. Let me leave this life knowing that I left you happy.”

- He opened the door fully and MC whipped her head towards her husband, shock fading away as she flashed him a soft smile that reached her eyes, twinkling with unshed tears.

- One more meal. Twenty three more smiles. And one more from him.

- And she left.

- With one last smile he could not return.

- In time he knew he would be able to watch that video. In time he knew that he could smile again, but for now, he held her tighter and let himself finally, truly, cry.

#mystic messenger #mysme fanfic #yoosung kim #yoosung x mc #angst #mysme headcanon

81 notes · View notes

jungshook69 · 4 years ago

Text

Cold heart

DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t represent the members’ actions or the army’s actions in any manner it’s pure fiction. This is an original work, do not copy.

WORD COUNT: 3.9K

PAIRING/S: Yoongi X female reader ; Hoseok X female reader

GENRE: Divorce au

WARNINGS: Mentions of cheating and divorce and angst.

SUMMARY: “He doesn’t love me anymore. I gave him my heart as a whole, only for him to break it in return. I never knew my life would turn out this way. I never knew he wouldn’t hesitate to do such a thing. But I was wrong. I knew I chose the wrong person, but it was too late.”

A/N: I was really happy seeing the love my first fanfic received. Honestly I didn’t expect more than one note on it, but was pleasantly surprised considering it’s my first time on here. Well hope you guys like it and it does well:) Also I’m sorry in advance if there’s any spelling errors:(

Y/N’s POV:

Another day, another dinner left cold. I gripped the plate on which the now cold steak lay and placed it in the fridge. I don’t know why I worked so hard to make it when I knew, he wouldn’t be home in time to enjoy it. I wrapped up my cold dinner, which I was planning to eat with him too, and placed it in the fridge. I walked over to the couch in the living room of the big empty house and sat by the fireplace waiting for my husband to return home. Before I knew it I was out like a light.

I woke up when I felt a cold shiver run down my spine as I felt goosebumps line the skin of my bare arms. The fire had died out and the lights were also out. I checked my phone to see the time, 2.00 AM. Was he not home yet? I walked up the stairs and saw Yoongi sleeping on the bed, still dawning his work attire. He must’ve been really tired.

I shuffled over and removed his socks and tie and watch. I’ve been his wife for 5 years now, stinky socks is something I’ve learned to deal with over time. I also sensed the reeking smell of alcohol from his breath. Must’ve gone to the bar with the guys from his office. At least he could’ve told me, then I wouldn’t have put so much effort into making him dinner. I unbuttoned his shirt, as I knew he liked to sleep comfortably. When I was folding his shirt and keeping his belongings away I noticed a bruise on his neck. I leaned over to take a closer look and realized what it was.

It was a hickey.

My eyes brimmed with tears as I held my breath to not make any noise. I entered the bathroom and sank to the floor, leaning against the door, burying my head in my knees. I knew this time would come at some point, I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

Me and Yoongi met in university. He was my first love, and I really thought he would be my last. The last 5 years of marriage had been rough. I gave him all my love, but he was still cold and distant. Talking had reduced from chatting about literally everything to a simple “I’m going be late home from work” between us. I loved him unconditionally but I didn’t feel the same being returned.

Over the last year or so it had gotten worse. I once even found an earring in the back of his car, and he claimed that he had bought it as a present for me. He often came home smelling like women’s cologne but I didn’t question it. It wasn’t because I was naïve. It was because I loved him so much that I didn’t wanna let him go. But now my suspicions were confirmed.

I tried to desperately steady my breathing and stood up and looked in the mirror. I then reached over to the drawer and picked up the pregnancy test I has stashed away. I stared at the two lines etched onto it. I was going to break it to him tonight. He always used protection with me because he told me he didn’t want kids. But I guess that one night we had when he had launched himself at me after he came back drunk caused this. I didn’t care if it was an accident. Because I wanted a baby. I never really complained since he didn’t want one.

I was thinking about how to address the situation at hand. I needed to let him know. I decided that I would reveal everything to him at our anniversary dinner. And maybe question him about his hickey the same night too. I ended up sleeping in the guest room that night, because I didn’t wanna be anywhere near that lying man.

TIME SKIP: NEXT DAY

Yoongi had just left for work after eating only half of the eggs and sausages I had made him. I picked up my phone and called the one person in this world who cared about me, Yoongi’s friend, but who had grown closer to me now, Hoseok.

“Hey Y/N, good morning” his sweet voice greeted me.

“Hi Hobi” I replied.

“Wassup?”

“Ummm nothing… are you busy?”

“Actually no, I was just gonna head out and get some coffee”

“Oh perfect can you meet me at café xxx in 10 minutes, I wanna talk to you.”

“Sure… you okay?”

“yeah… I’ll see you there”

“Okay byee”

I grabbed my phone and straightened out my attire and headed out. I saw him waiting at a table and joined him there.

“Hi Y/N, what happened?” he asked immedietly.

“I’m pregnant.” I whispered.

“W-what?!” He said choking on his coffee.

“It’s true…”

“It’s Yoongi’s… right?”

“Yeah of course, who else’s would it be?”

“No it’s just, I thought you guys weren’t that close anymore…”

“Yeah but it happened…”

“You need to tell him Y/N I know he may seem cold, but maybe if you tell him— ”

“I think Yoongi’s cheating on me”

“WHAT?!” He accidently yelled.

“Hobi shush people are staring” I whisper-yelled at him.

“Sorry, but seriously what?!”

“I think its been happening for a year, they were always subtle things but after seeing a hickey on his neck last night…”

“I’m so sorry Y/N” he said, his eyes softening.

“It’s not your fault is it? But I am gonna confront him tonight.”

“If you ever need anything Y/N I’m just a phone call away…”

“Thank you so much Hobi I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Anything for you Y/N” He mumbled into his coffee cup.

I sipped on my coffee dreading to talk to him tonight.

TIME SKIP: SAME NIGHT

I waited. And waited. Like I always do. My pregnancy test was in my pocket. Dinner was served out on plates and the candle had almost completely melted away as I waited for him to arrive.

1 hour, nothing.

2 hours, nothing.

But luckily, I heard the familiar jingling of keys and the door opened to reveal a disheveled Yoongi. He made his way to the table and sat down in front of his plate without saying a word. He stared down at his plate. He didn’t reek of alcohol, so that was a good sign.

I didn’t spring the whole “Why are you late?” thing on him. Instead I asked, “Tired?”

“…” No words escaped Yoongi’s mouth.

“Well do you remember what today is? It’s our 6th anniversary!”

He didn’t say a word instead he got up from the table leaving the food untouched and opened his bag. He fished out a folder and placed it in front of me.

I grew curious and opened it to find a document inside. My heart stopped. My breath became short but in fear of harming the second heart beating in my stomach I steadied my breath.

There laid out in front of me were… divorce papers.

“Listen Y/N…” Yoongi spoke up “I’ve fallen in love with someone else…”

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I couldn’t fathom the words this man was uttering.

“I’ve been seeing someone else… behind your back for a year now… An- And she’s pregnant, and I cant just leave her alone, it’s my baby, so I’ve decided to raise it with her…”

I couldn’t find my voice. My words were stuck at the back of my throat and I began choking on the tears I was holding back.

“Listen if you want I can give you some things like my car in the divorce to help you out till you find a job… but she needs to stay in this house with me so…”

I picked up the pen in a blind rage and signed the papers. I slammed the papers in his face and took my crying mess of a face upstairs. I dragged out the biggest bag I could find and stuffed everything I could fit in there. My hands wavered on the pendant he had given me. Without a second thought I stuffed it under all my clothes.

I then dragged my suitcase down the stairs to see his eyes widen as they followed my struggling form down the stairs. I met his eyes for a second, mine overflowing with water, pouring down my face, while his remained stone cold with a slight hint of guilt ridden in them.

“Y/N…” He started.

“Yoongi… I loved you with all my heart. All I did was g-give and all you did was take from me. You n-never returned those feelings. I trusted you and you b-broke me. If you would’ve told me a year earlier I would’ve saved you a whole year of pain of living with me, and p-pretending to love me. This is the last time you’ll be seeing us again Yoongi.”

Without another word I walked out of that house. The house I thought would be filled with our children running all over the place. He didn’t try to stop me and neither did I expect him to.

I didn’t have parents. I didn’t have siblings. I had only Yoongi. I picked up my phone to call the only name I could think of, Hoseok.

TIME SKIP: 1 HOUR LATER

Luckily Hobi had picked me up and brought me over to his place. I was now sitting on his bed leaned into his chest as he snuggled me up in a blanket. A warm mug of hot chocolate provided heat to my shivering fingers.

“So you never got to tell him...” he said softly.

“I couldn’t Hobi, knowing that he’d fallen out of love with me, I couldn’t possibly lay this burden on him”

“Well he should’ve thought about it before sticking his— ”

“Hobi!”

“Sorry… it’s just… it’s his kid! And you’re gonna raise it alone?”

“Yes… I don’t have a choice”

“Listen, Y/N you’re one of my closest friends, and I know I’ve confessed to you before and you said no because you were loyal to Yoongi…” he said scratching the back of his neck nervously “but if it’s not too early to ask… I’d like to help you raise the baby…”

“W-what?” I said, utterly taken back.

“Yeah…”

“But why would you want to? I’m no better! I’m a burden! Why would you wanna help someone who rejected your kind heart just to stay loyal to her cheater of a husband, raise a baby that’s not even yours!”

“Because love is patient Y/N… I told you no matter what happened, even if you did reject my proposal, I would always wait for you… and no I’m not forcing you to love me back immediately… but I truly do want to help you raise this baby…”

“What did I do to deserve you?” I cried out as I engulfed him in a strong hug. He rested his chin on my head as he held me close to the warmth of his chest.

TIME SKIP: 6 YEARS LATER

I looked at the beautiful gold ring laying on my finger as I felt a smile creep onto my face. I heard a familiar giggle sweep through the air as I shifted my gaze up to see Hobi push Yoonji on the swings, a wide grin framing her beautiful face.

Every time I looked at her gummy smile, it reminded me of a certain someone, a certain someone who I had not seen for the last 6 years. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Yoonji’s loud squeal, “Mommy! Mommy!”

I held my arms out as she ran into my embrace and I sat her down on my lap. Hobi joined us and took a seat next to me on the park bench and laid his hand around my shoulders. I smiled at Hobi. I was so grateful he came into my life.

We then headed over to our apartment after Yoonji was done playing for the day. I held one of her hands while her other hand was held by Hobi. We lifted her off the ground as she soared high up before jumping back down. Her giggles filled the air around us. Everything was perfect. Too perfect.

As soon as we reached home I put Yoonji down to bed because she was tired from running around in the playground all day. I was in the kitchen when I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist. I felt a soft kiss on my neck. I turned around and gave Hobi a peck on the lips.

“Babe…” he started.

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure you want to rent this place?”

“Yeah I’m sure…”

We were currently living in a cramped small apartment. But over the last 2 years me and Hobi have been working really hard and we had finally saved up enough money to buy a bigger house.

“Well I wanted to remind you that the new family is going to come over tomorrow morning to see the place”

“Oh right! Thanks for reminding me honey”

“We’re going to buy our first house together…” he said leaning against the kitchen counter, a smile spreading across his face.

“Baby…” I said turning towards him.

“Yeah?”

“I want to… I want to start a family… with you…”

“We already are a family…”

“No I mean… I want to start… trying…” I said a blood rushing to my cheeks.

Hobi had talked to me about kids. He wanted to have a baby of his own. Not that he didn’t love Yoonji. He loved her with all his heart. But he loved me and wanted to expand our family and bring a child of his own into our little family. But I wasn’t ready just yet. Although he remained patient and didn’t bring up the topic ever since.

“W-with me? You want to?” He said his eyes wide.

“Yes” I said looking down at my feet.

“I love you so much Y/N!” He said picking me up off my feet as he twirled me around and planted a kiss on my lips.

“I love you too Hobi”

“Let’s get ready for dinner! Then it’s baby-making time!”

“Yaaahhh!” I said flustered as he left to wake up Yuna for dinner. After dinner we went to sleep early as we were all exhausted and I awaited the next day.

TIME SKIP: NEXT MORNING

Yoonji was still asleep as it was pretty early. I got dressed in some jeans and a sweater and me and Hobi waited for the family to arrive.

“I really hope they accept the offer” I said anxiously rubbing my palms against my thighs.

DING DONG

We walked to the door and I was greeted by a pretty woman with hazel brown hair. She was dressed in a coat and a knee length dress and pointy heels and pearls adorned her pale neck. She held onto a smaller individual’s hand who hid behind the woman’s legs.

I felt a bit under dressed but didn’t think much of it. I bent down to the kids level and said, “Heyy I’m Y/N what’s your name?”

I watched as the little boy uncovered his face and looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes. The woman, who I presumed was his mother spoke up, “His name is Minho”.

“Well hi Minho” I said holding out my hand. I felt his tiny hand cup two of my fingers as he shook my hand.

“Hi” he spoke up in a tiny voice.

“Cute” I said standing back up.

I soon led Minho to Yoonji’s room as she had awoken, and had laid out a few toys for them to entertain themselves with.

I slightly closed the door to Yoonji’s room leaving it partially ajar so as to not disturb them. After we had provided the lady with some coffee I asked, “So… just the two of you?”

“Actually my husband is going to be 10 minutes late… he’s running late from work… I think he’ll be here any minute now…”

“Oh okay…”

As Hobi began talking to her about the square footage of the house I heard the doorbell ring.

“That must be him” the woman said.

“I’ll get it” I said making my way to the door simultaneously drinking my coffee.

I opened the door to meet an all-too-familiar face. I froze as I lost the grip on my coffee cup. It shattered to the ground. Hobi became alarmed and ran to help me but froze too when he saw the woman’s husband standing in the doorway mouth agape.

Yoongi.

After we had all comeback to our senses Hobi had seated everyone in the living room. I had excused myself to the bathroom. I couldn’t hold in the few tears that traced my cheeks now. But I gathered myself together and wiped my puffy eyes as I made my way outside. Hobi was only talking to the woman who I think was oblivious of who we really were about the price of the apartment. After an uncomfortable amount of silence the woman brought Minho out and was ready to leave. The whole time I could feel Yoongi’s gaze burn a literal hole in me.

“Baby, should we leave?” she said addressing Yoongi.

“Umm… gimme a second I want to talk to Mr. Jung here about something for a second. Take Minho and the car home, I’ll come over later by a cab.”

“But—”

“It’s okay go” he said nodding.

Without another word she left with her son. Then Yoongi finally spoke up “Hi Y/N, long time no see”

“Hello Yoongi”

“Hey Hoseok”

“Hey” he said, a slight bitter undertone to his voice.

“So Y/N… how are you?” he nervously began.

“Why’re you here?” I said finally snapping, my voice breaking as I tried to hold in my tears.

“I just wanted to ask how you’re doing…”

“You didn’t seem to care when you left her alone without anything 6 years ago…” Hobi mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Yoongi said side-eyeing him.

“You heard me”

“For your information I was talking to Y/N”

“Well she’s not comfortable, so get out” Hobi defended.

“Who do you think you are to tell me that?”

“Get out!”

“Make me” he said grabbing Hobi’s collar without hesitation.

“Stop it! Leave him alone Yoongi!” I said screaming, tears pouring down my cheeks “Don’t talk to my husband that way!”

“Your husband?” he said loosening his grip on Hobi’s collar.

“Mommy?” a soft voice broke the tension in the room.

“Yoonji please go back inside, mommy and daddy are just talking to a friend okay?”

“Okay…” she said walking back inside her room.

“A kid too?! Wow you couldn’t keep in your pants could you Hoseok!” Yoongi snarled.

That’s when I lost it. I slapped him.

“For your information Yoongi, Hoseok has been nothing but a literal angel to me! Get that through your little pea-sized brain! He helped me when I was broken, he took care of me when you left my broken self alone!” I said heaving “And guess what?!”

“No Y/N don’t…” Hobi softly whispered.

“SHE’S YOUR BABY!” I yelled out to his face.

“W-what?” he said his eyes wide “Y-your lying!”

“Why would I lie about something like this? Yes Yoongi I was pregnant. Remember the day of our anniversary dinner? When you threw the divorce papers in my face? I was going to tell you that night!”

“Well why didn’t you?”

“What would you have done if I did tell you huh? I knew you wouldn’t love me like you loved your now wife. I’d rather raise my child alone, than with someone who doesn’t love her.”

“Y/N…” he tried to speak up.

“D-don’t… just don’t Yoongi, I have a happy family now… please leave…”

A heavy guilt settled in his heart as he spoke up “Can I at least see her?”

I looked at Hobi and he gave me a small nod.

“Yoonji, come out sweetheart…”

She walked out and Yoongi dropped to his knees. For the first time, his eyes looked broken from the inside.

“Meet mommy’s friend…”

Yoonji walked over and said “Hi, I’m Yoonji” and held out her hand. Yoongi took her hand is his and squeezed tightly. I could see his eyes moisten up “Hi Yoonji, you’re very beautiful… just like you’re mother…”

“Yoonji please go back inside dear…” I said.

“You should leave now” I said addressing Yoongi.

“Can we talk?… please…” he said with pleading eyes.

I looked at Hobi and he led Yoonji by the shoulders to her bedroom after giving me a slight nod.

“I’ll walk you downstairs.”

With that we left the apartment. We seated ourselves down on the steps leading to the apartment building.

“I really hurt you didn’t I?” he spoke up breaking the silence.

“Stating the obvious… but yes you did.”

“I promise if I’d known, I would never have left you… like I did”

“I understand, it’s not your fault… you fell out of love with me, I wasn’t enough…”

“No Y/N you were always enough, it was my fault, and… I’m sorry…” he said sighing.

After a minute of silence he spoke again, “So Yoonji huh? Is it because…?”

“Yes Yoonji – Yoongi your right. That’s why I named her that. Every time I look at her, I see a reflection of you smiling back at me…”

“I’m sorry, I truly am” he said breathlessly. “I forgive you” I said a small smile forming on my lips. What’s the point in holding an endless grudge? I was in a good place in my life so why not forgive the sins of the past?

I felt his hand land on my thigh as he turned to look at me. I turned my gaze and looked him in the eyes. For once I saw warmth and compassion behind them. He leaned in, our faces dangerously close. I felt his warm breath fan my lips as I felt him slowly closing the space between us.

I placed a finger on his soft lips, stopping him inches away from meeting mine. “I love Hoseok, and I know you love your wife… this is wrong…”

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking” he said rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh well my cab’s here… I’ll see you around Y/N”

“Yoongi wait” I called out and I reached down to my neck and unhooked the necklace hanging off of it. It was the charm Yoongi had given to me back in university, when he had first asked me out.

I placed the necklace in his palm and closed his fist with my fingers curling over his.

“Bye Yoongi" I said.

“Bye Y/N" Before I could react he planted a small peck on my forehead and ran over and hopped into his taxi. Without another word, I watched the taxi drive away.

I stood there alone on the street thinking about my life as the cool breeze flew by. I could’ve given up pretty easily 6 years ago when Yoongi left me. I could’ve given up on life. But thankfully I had my special someone who brought me out of my dark thoughts and had helped me believe that I could still live a better life ahead of me. Just because Yoongi was my first love, my heart had forced itself to ignore all the flaws in the relationship. And look at me now, I had a beautiful family with Yoonji and Hobi awaiting me upstairs in my apartment.

Always remember, your first love isn’t always your last. Life isn’t a fairytale. Destiny can be cruel. But it’s your job to pull through and make it count. To never give up. Anything is possible, if you’re with the right people.

*A/N: I hope you guys liked it:) Smile for me:)*

Don’t forget to follow @jungshook69 for more content:) You can check out more works of mine here. Have a great day:)

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years ago

Text

Not Alone (We Were Us iii.)

A/n: this is d r a m a t i c.

Summary: Shawn finds out.

Warnings: angst, told in two POVs

Word Count: 3.5k

part 1 / part 2

***

Shawn’s POV

“Shawn, hey. It’s great to see you, man.”

“Brashier, I’m so glad you decided to do this tour with us again. I think this is going to be our best one yet. That last one was great, but I want to pull out all the stops with this one.” I clasp and unclasp my hands in front of me on the table.

“Yeah, of course! You just tell me what you’re looking for and I will make sure we get it in the film.”

“Great, yeah.” I fidget in my seat, “But um, before we get into it, I just have to ask… How – how is she?”

“Shawn, I don’t-”

“Please? I won’t ask about her again. I just want to know if she’s doing okay.”

He nods, “She’s doing good. She’s been staying with me since the breakup.”

I take in a deep breath, “Oh. Well that’s good.”

“Yeah.” Connor clears his throat and looks down, rubbing his hands over his jeans.

“So, the project.” He says, finally breaking the unbearable silence.

“Right, the project. Yes. So, I really liked the behind the scenes stuff you’d got. Like not just the before show rituals, but I liked how you included the band more. I really want to do that again. I want to make sure they’re a huge focus in this thing too. Because you know, they’re giving up more than me to do this. They have wives and kids. You know, a family to look after. I just want to see more of them.”

He nods and bites the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, completely understand. I’ll make sure to get more of them. What else?”

I run my hand through my hair. “Well I also want to focus on the fans. We got so many shots of me and them. Like the In My Blood run through, but I want to see them. They’re reactions. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them and I want to showcase that. Really, truly showcase it.”

He opens his mouth to say something but stops when his phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket with a puzzled look. “Sorry, I have to take this.”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

I step out of the room and hold the phone to ear. “Honey? Everything okay?”

Honey? Is he dating somebody?

“Tell me what?”

“It’s a girl?” He chokes out. “Oh my god. That’s – god – Mae is gonna be so loved, love.” He sniffles. “Fuck.”

“Is she healthy? Then that’s all I care about.”

I scratch the back of my neck. Is Connor having a baby? Who with? He never mentioned a girlfriend. I straighten up when he walks back into the room, wiping at his eyes.

“Sorry about that. Where were we?”

“You okay, Brash?”

He chuckles, “I’m so good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, y/n’s having a girl.”

I nod, the words only taking a second to register. “Wait, y/n’s what?” I stand from my seat I must have heard him wrong.

“Oh fuck.” He covers his mouth. “Fuck. I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

“Y/n’s pregnant?”

He doesn’t answer and my fists clench in my lap. I want to hit him.

“Are you the father?”

“Shawn-” I don’t let him finish before I’m rushing out of the room and out of the building to my car. “Shawn, stop!”

“Is she pregnant?” I ask again, furious as I yank my car door open.

“Yes,” he says lowly.

I scoff and duck into my car, turning it on and backing out in just seconds. Pregnant. My ex-girlfriend is pregnant. And it’s my videographer’s baby. I want to kill him. I turn on my blinker and merge onto the highway. I know I shouldn’t do this. I know it’s not my place. Not anymore. But I can’t stop myself from doing this. I pull into his driveway before I know it and part of me is completely devastated to see her car here.

I rush out of the car and knock on the front door, a little more forcefully than I would have liked, but it’s too late now. When she doesn’t answer after ten seconds, I knock again, and that’s when Connor pulls into the driveway. I roll my eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Shawn, stop it. I can explain everything okay?”

“I don’t want to hear it from you, Brashier. I want to hear it from her.” I groan, “God dammit. Why isn’t she opening the door?”

“Fuck, okay. I will let you in, but you have calm down, alright? I can’t let you near her like this.”

“Or what? I’m not going to hurt her… You on the other hand. I’m having a hard time not punching you in the face.”

He sighs, “That’s fair, I guess. Just –” He’s cut off by the door unlocking and opening.

“Shawn? What are – what are you doing here?”

She’s wearing a baggy sweater, making it hard for me to see if she’s even showing. I push past her and into the house, Connor right on my heels.

“Shawn,” Connor pleads.

“I – are you?” I let out a deep breath, “Are you pregnant?”

“What?”

“Are. You. Pregnant.”

“Connor, did you-?”

“I’m sorry. It slipped out. You just told me it was a girl, I wasn’t thinking. I was so happy and I just-”

“I told you I was gonna tell him myself.”

“Can somebody fucking tell me something? Are you pregnant?”

She sighs, and scrubs her hands over her perfect, makeup free face. “Yes.” She says finally.

I thread my fingers through my hair with a bitter laugh. “I’m gonna kill you,” I point to Connor, taking long strides to him “You lying, cheating, piece of shit.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Shawn, stop it!” Y/n steps between us, her hand on my chest. I look down at her, “What are you talking about?”

“It’s his, isn’t it?”

“What? Mendes is that-”

“You stop talking!” I say to him. “I want to hear it from her.”

“He’s not the father, dickhead. You are.”

“I am?” My harsh demeanor quickly changes as I look down at her. “We’re – we’re having a baby?”

“I’m having a baby.”

“But it’s mine.”

“Yeah, but we’re not together.”

“So what? You were just going to keep this from me? Have my fucking child and not tell me?”

“I was going to tell you!”

“When? Ten years from now?” When she doesn’t answer, I know that’s what she had planned on doing. “That’s my kid, y/n!”

“I know it is! God, I know she is! But what was I supposed to do, Shawn? We’re broken up. It’s not exactly a casual form of conversation. I didn’t really feel like responding to your album release news with a congratulations and ‘hey you’re gonna be a father.’ Okay?”

“No, not okay. I deserved to know about this whether we’re together or not.”

“I didn’t tell you because you have so much going on. The album, the tour. You can’t exactly handle a pregnant ex-girlfriend too.”

“That doesn’t matter!” I seethe. “You can’t keep it away from me. I’ll fight for custody if I have to.”

“Whoa, hey, Shawn. It’s not gonna come down to that.” Connor says, but we both ignore him.

She crosses her arms over her chest. “You want to fight? Fine. But think about what that would do to your career. Not only would it be everywhere that I’m having a baby, but now it’s a custody battle? Do you really want your child to be forced into the spotlight before they’re even born?! The media is going to tear you apart. Tear me apart. I didn’t sign up for that. And I absolutely do not want that for my baby.”

Our baby. “We can keep it quiet! The media doesn’t have to know.”

She scoffs, “Yeah because it’s that easy. You’re Shawn fucking Mendes. You don’t have privacy anymore. You can’t keep a whole ass baby a secret. A whole fight for custody? Your family has to know, my family has to know, your team has to know. And no offense to your team, but someone is bound to slip and then all hell will break loose. There is no way to do this quietly with you.”

“What do you want me to do then? Quit? Because I will!” I reach for her waist but she retreats, making her way closer to Connor. I don’t know if she does it consciously, but something in me believes that there’s more going on than just friendship between them.

“And do what? Resent me for ruining your career?”

“Look, I’ll take time away from the spotlight and we’ll figure everything out.”

“You can’t! You go on tour next year!”

“I’ll cancel it! We can fix this. Fix us.” I point from me to her and she looks down with sad eyes.

“There’s no us, bubba. Me being pregnant doesn’t change that. A baby doesn’t mean we’re supposed to get back together. It doesn’t mean that. It can’t mean that.”

“Why not? Maybe this is what we needed? This is what was supposed to happen. What’s supposed to bring us back to what we used to be.”

She shakes her head, “No. I can’t be with you like that. Not anymore.”

“But-”

“I wish things were different, but this is what it is, Shawn.”

I feel like the air is being sucked from lungs just like it was months ago when she first said it. “Come on. Please… just come home with me.” I’m on my knees in front of her, pleading. “We can talk about this. We can figure this out. We can be together or not. I just – I have to be part of this baby’s life. It’s a girl? Let me be in her life.”

She sighs and when she looks at Connor, I know that she’s not doing this alone. But it kills me that she’s not doing this with me. “I don’t want to keep you from her. I’ve never wanted that. But I can’t do this right now. Okay? I can’t fight with you about this anymore.” She squats in front of me and takes my face in her hands. “Just give me time. Give me that.”

“How long is that gonna take?” I ask, locking my fingers in hers.

“I don’t know. But it’ll be soon. I’ll call you.”

I sigh, my eyes closed. “Can I – I know this’ll sound stupid,” I remove my hands from hers and look down at her stomach which is now showing just a little bit in her bunched-up sweater. “Can I feel her?”

She chuckles and it’s a sound I didn’t think I was ever going to hear again. “She’s not moving yet, but yeah.” She stands up and lifts her shirt enough for me to see the small bump. My hands reach for her and I rest my head against her stomach, kissing it once.

“We made that?” I ask in disbelief and I knew it was the wrong thing to say because she pulls her shirt down quickly after the words leave my mouth.

“I think it’d be best if you went home now.”

---

Y/n’s POV

I let out a sigh of relief when he’s finally out the door. But the relief is short lived when Connor opens his mouth.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head, “I don’t want to talk about it. I need to go process all of this. And try to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do about him seeing her once she’s born.”

“Let me help you.”

“No, I need to do this alone.” I walk past him but he grabs my hand, keeping me from going any farther. Neither of us move closer.

“Honey, please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean for it to come out.”

I stare down at his feet and take in a deep breath. “I know. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep this secret in the first place.”

“Y/n/n, please look at me.” The hand not holding mine slips under my chin and he lifts my head. “Please tell me you’re not mad.”

“I’m not mad at you.”

He frowns, “You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not. I’m not mad at you. I promise.” I rest my forehead against his. “I’m mad at myself,” I admit. “I put you in a compromising position and I hate that it came to this. And I’m mad at him for coming at you. I’m mad at him for thinking that I would jump in bed with you the second I leave him. He knows we’re not that way. He knows that. And I’m mad that he would think so little of not just me, but you. You’re his friend, you wouldn’t do that.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, Connor. But in any case, why should it be his business if I was with you? How does that affect him?”

He shrugs, “Well, I mean. Right now, I get it. He thinks I’m trying to swoop in and take his place as Mae’s father.”

“But you’re not! You’re just – you’re my best friend. You weren’t about to let me do this by myself.”

“And he’ll understand that. In time. But just like you need that time to process, I think he does too. You’ve known for months, but he just found out he’s gonna be a dad. I think you both need time to figure out what’s best for you and the baby.”

“And what if he thinks the best is us getting back together?”

“You still have a say in that. Look, I know you’re not in love with him anymore. But who’s to say that those feelings won’t come back after this?”

“They won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

I sniffle, “Okay. So what do I do if they come back? Do I just up and leave you? Like you haven’t been here for me through this whole thing?”

“Hey, I’ll still be here. And no matter what you choose. I’m gonna support you one million percent. I’m in your corner for the rest of our lives. Get back with him or don’t. Let him fight for custody or don’t. Develop feelings for me or don’t, because let’s face it, now that you’re living with me, it’ll be kinda hard not to fall in love with me.”

I laugh and hit his arm. “Stop it.”

“I’m just saying,” he chuckles, “I know I have that irresistible charm.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot that just wants what’s best for his best friend.”

I nod, pulling away from him. “How many times can I say thank you before it becomes redundant?”

“I think we reached that point many years ago.”

I nod, “I’m gonna go to my room. I have a lot to think about.”

“You want me to call in dinner?”

I check the time on my phone. “It’s still early.”

“I know, just thinking ahead.”

“Yeah. Just not Chinese? I can’t handle the smell.”

“Right, the egg rolls got you last time. I’ve got it.”

“I love you, Connor,” I say and kiss his cheek.

He smiles softly, “I love you too.”

---

“This view is probably my favorite thing in the world,” I tell Shawn, staring out the large window of his living room.

“You’re my favorite view,” he mumbles into my neck, his hands slipping under my shirt.

I roll my eyes, “So cheesy, Mendes.”

“I can’t help it. You make me soft.”

“That is definitely not what you were saying last night,” I tease.

“Hey,” he warns, pinching my side. “You weren’t complaining then.”

“Well, how could I?”

He presses a soft kiss to my temple and then rests his chin on my shoulder. He stares out the window with me, watching the rain hit the ground and rooftops and awnings. “Love?” he says after a short while of silence.

“Hmm?”

“Would it be too scary to talk about the future right now?”

“What about it?”

“Like our future?” he says, his voice timid.

I turn in his arms, “What about our future, rockstar?”

“Do you see us having one?”

I run my fingers over his high cheekbones. “That’s a silly question. Of course, I do.”

“Like getting married? And having kids?”

I nod, “Yeah, those would be some of things I think about.”

“How many?”

“Kids?”

He nods, running his thumb lazily over my hip.

I think it over for a second. “Two. And if those are really good, maybe three. What about you?”

“I don’t care how many we have. As long as I have them with you.” He kisses the tip of my nose and I can’t help but laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“That’s a pretty good answer there.”

“What about getting married?”

“That is something I would like to do,” I answer nonchalantly.

“Me too. But I mean, I guess the real question is: would you take my last name?”

“Absolutely. I mean, just listen to how cute y/n Mendes sounds. I would be a fool not to take it. And you said it yourself, don’t be a fool.”

He laughs, one of those big, hearty laughs that I never get tired of hearing. “Are you always gonna use my lyrics against me?”

“Forever, baby.”

“Hey, so I know that having kids is a very distant thing right now. But we can practice, right?”

I bite my bottom lip, nodding. “I think practicing is a good idea.”

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Connor comes into view, kneeling by my bedside.

I take in a shuddery breath, and place my hand over his, hoping for the contact to offer me some type of relief, but it doesn’t. I just let out a choked sob and he springs from his spot, wrapping his arms around me the best he can without crushing me and Mae.

“Breathe for me, honey. Come on, in and out. In. One, two, three. And out. One, two, three, four, five.” I do as he instructs and he rubs soothing circles over my back. “Good, again.”

“Connor,” I say softly after I’ve finally centered myself.

“I’m here.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Be a parent. Co-parent with Shawn.”

“Why?” he asks, but it isn’t accusatory like I’m expecting it to be.

“We talked about kids. Wanting them, raising them. Our kids were gonna have two parents. Two loving parents. We were supposed to do this together. We were supposed to be together, raising her, and now? Now what?”

“You’re still gonna do this. And he’s gonna be part of Mae’s life. You’re gonna love her. He’s gonna love her. I’m gonna love her. This child will not be short on love, okay? You should not feel guilty because you’re not with him.”

“I can’t do this alone. I’m not enough for her.”

“You are not doing this alone, y/n. I’m right here. Shawn’s right there. You aren’t alone in this. I would never let that happen.”

I whimper, falling into his chest. “I’m scared I’ve messed everything up before it’s even happened.”

“You didn’t mess anything up.”

“I should have told him.”

“He knows now.”

“If Shawn fights for custody-”

“If he fights, then let him.”

“But his career. This’ll be everywhere. Every single news outlet will be down his throat. It’s not fair, or right. He can’t do this quietly because of who he is and it’s not fair to him.”

Connor chuckles and I pull back. “Why are you laughing? I’m serious.”

“I know you are. That’s why I can’t help it. You’re not worried about him bringing this to court, you’re worried about what people will think of him. That’s… the most you thing you’ve ever said. He’s not worried about any of that. Why are you?”

“Because he worked hard for what he has. I don’t want anyone thinking less of him because his ex-girlfriend is pregnant. They could spin it around, saying he walked out on us. And if they find out about it and he doesn’t fight, I don’t want them to think he doesn’t care. That he’s doing nothing. I don’t want this to be a bigger deal than it needs to be. He’s had to put up with so much of his life being in the media. He doesn’t need this out there too.”

He sighs and takes the sides of my face before pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “You’re precious, y/n y/l/n.”

“Connor, stop.”

“No, I’m serious. You could be so selfish in a time like this and you’re not. You’re worried about your ex-boyfriend because you don’t want anyone to think less of him.”

I scoff and bring my hand to my lips, biting subconsciously at my nails (A habit that I thought I had kicked years ago), “Why does it suddenly feel like I’m falling headfirst from a thirty-story building.”

He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I’ve got you now, honey. I won’t let you fall.” He stays with me until I fall asleep, murmuring soft nothings into my hair. “You’re gonna be a great mother, y/n. I know you are,” he says quietly.

“Con?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you help me with something.”

“Anything. What is it?”

“Help me figure out this custody thing. I want something fair without the court.”

He places a soft kiss to my forehead, “Okay. Whatever you want.”

***

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