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singguks · 1 year

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city of hearts, ep. 1 ❤️‍🩹 taehyung

synopsis. having experienced a fateful romance by the beach, taehyung sets out on a quest through seoul's bustling streets to locate the woman who has stolen his heart.

pairing. taehyung x oc

genre. social media auㆍgamedesigner!tae ( angst. fluff. smut. )

word count. 5623

warnings. adulthood romance things cof cof implicit

a/n. i couldn't possibly start another au, but she said the word and so i did. happy birthday to my bestie, whom i'd love to see more often even though we talk every day ☆ thank you for being my person through and through ! this is my love letter to you, miss bubbles ♡

episodes. 01 ▸ 02 ▸ 03

▸ E1: True or False?

One day we got curious as to how men and women date in this city. To satisfy our curiosity, we discussed the beginning of a new project, that required us to follow the lives of several men and women in Seoul.

For it to be real, we won’t intervene in their lives. Only when we think it’s necessary, we will share their answers with others, or maybe edit them to make this entertaining—all the while keeping their original words.

It’s worth telling that fifty individuals around Seoul were chosen for this project. Still, they will all be participating with nicknames to protect their privacy—as we usually do when it comes to the internet. They all had to promise to treat their phones as their friends, as well as the app we developed where we will be posting questions, and telling only the truth.

But some answers and behaviors made us wonder if they indeed were telling us like it really is.

[ note that some of their answers will be through text, others, like this one, will be taken as voice notes. all voices undergo a modification due to privacy issues. ]

ılı.lıl taehyung: I’m the cool type… and uhm, gentle. Definitely not clingy. I’m cool.

ılı.lıl deo: I keep true to myself when I date… and when I break up too.

ılı.lıl kie: I’d say I fall in and out of love pretty fast. What can I say? I’m passionate. *chuckles* And if I have to break up, I just do it. I won’t dwell much.

ılı.lıl yoongi: What’s even the point of getting laid? *tsk* It’s a hassle…

ılı.lıl jin: I’m not one to play games. I don’t like that. I think overall I’m a pretty good guy.

ılı.lıl harin: Before my current boyfriend, well, I think I dated around uhm… Four men? No, three…? Wait. Let me retake this just once! *laughs*

So, whether the participants are telling the truth… well, we will let you be the judge of that.

⫰

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boreo 🤔

bluengrey For me, it’s women I can have fun with.

boreo men that I can talk to?

⤷ callmerinie huh? talking isn’t everything

tangerimin A physical connection, people.

supertuna Are you asking what I think you’re asking?

notmekeys why are you all acting so innocent? kkk

boreo oh-

tangerimin Why can’t you all say it? It’s just whatever. Just say it. You know, like bang!

⤷ boreo i got it now.

callmerinie 🤭

callmerinie and cut~!

boreo so if it’s about intimacy..

⤷ notmekeys i think i know just by the smell. you know, it’s all about pheromones

supertuna Doesn’t it depend on the man? At least I think so.

⤷ callmerinie wow! really? you’re giving yourself too much credit. 😒

bluengrey Uhm.. Usually I take the lead if it’s about that.

⤷ boreo uh-huh. do you really?

⤷ bluengrey Ok. Fine. There was this one time that I followed the girl’s lead.

⤷ bluengrey One time, okay?

⤷ boreo doubt it

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bluengrey Dating? I don’t think so

⤷ supertuna No. I think it is.

boreo dating really changed my point of view about that

tangerimin If you guys are putting it that way, I’ve dated many women. I loved it every time.

⤷ callmerinie aww… and what the girls had to say about this?

⤷ notmekeys about men? well, you know. they are all the same: trash.

⤷ boreo not all… i mean. there’s someone i know that wasn’t

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boreo yes. there is someone i can’t forget.

bluengrey I do.

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[ note that this request was sent privately to users bluengrey and boreo and we edited the sequence of their answers according to our own motives and the following questioning. ]

ılı.lıl deo: It happened one year ago…

ılı.lıl taehyung: She was the only one I could see. Like I was just gravitating in her orbit… Like we were in a world of our own. I felt complete.

ılı.lıl deo: I felt this spark every time I would catch him staring at me and then I simply couldn’t look away.

ılı.lıl taehyung: Back then I thought “Wah, this is what love feels like” *chuckles sadly*

ılı.lıl deo: I’ll always remember him.

ılı.lıl taehyung: If that is really the case… I don’t think someone ends a relationship if they feel that way.

ılı.lıl deo: It was my fault.

ılı.lıl taehyung: You know, it was my fault…

ılı.lıl taehyung: No… It’s true, she messed it up.

ılı.lıl deo: I won’t make excuses.

ılı.lıl taehyung: I mean… Of all the people… Why me? Why did it have to be me?

ılı.lıl deo: Simply put, we met at a time when I needed someone like him. Thanks to him, I became who I am now...

ılı.lıl taehyung: I wish I had never met her. *sighs* I was such a fool now that I think back.

ılı.lıl deo: *smiles* Being around him.. his love was kind of magical...

⫰

august 10th, 2022

Summer is at its peak and Taehyung has just arrived at Jeju airport. It has been a while since he last had some time to himself due to work, so to say he couldn’t wait for this much-deserving vacation is an understatement.

He organized everything at the company before he took off for this get-away, from the ongoing projects ideas he had recently pitched in, to the files the design team would need the next fifteen days he was away. And if you know Taehyung, you also know being organized was never his forte.

The game designer waits absentmindedly with his luggage by his foot, as he takes his beloved camera out of its case to finally point at the structure behind him. This airport isn’t the biggest one he had ever set foot on, he observes, but it is cozy enough and bustling with people everywhere to the point his fingers itch for the metal click of the equipment for a piece of nostalgia he held dear to his heart.

Just around the corner, Deo hit the brakes of the jeep as she waits for a group of tourists to cross to the other sidewalk while talking to her boss on the phone.

“It would’ve been much easier if you had just asked him for a selfie or something, Yumi–”

She hears her boss laugh through the speakers as she looks out of the window. The place is packed to the point she can barely see the pick-up line where the Ubers and Taxis usually park, and a wave of worriedness falls upon her. “Let’s go through with his description once again.”

“Ok, remember… He’s tall, and the last time he came he had blonde hair but that might not be the case anymore… Mmm, he has a nice shoulder line– Just trust me, his face will be hard to miss. He’s really handsome!”

The confession has Deo opening a smile. She met Yumi just a couple of weeks back when she arrived in Jeju herself, but the connection was instant.

For the first three days, she stayed at Yumi’s shack—the colorful hostel by the beach owned by Yumi herself and her long-time fiancé, Namjoon. But then going home became some distant reality she wasn’t ready to face, so kindly she was offered a position at the beach stay. And now, here she is, doing her first task out of the premises and the vigilante eyes of her playful bosses.

Although she loved the couple who hired her, even if it had been just a mere seventeen days, and she considered them as family, nothing made Deo as uncomfortable as not knowing what she was dealing with. Driving to the airport clueless as to whom she should be picking up wasn’t her cup of tea and the uneasiness she felt was visible as she sighed longly while turning off the call.

The stop sign goes green again, and with a bold strike of encouragement, she straightens her back, holds the steering wheel with conviction, and begins a cheerful pep talk to herself.

“You can do this.” She mumbles, hawkeyes scanning the people as her car slowly passes by. “How hard can it be… He’s tall and–”

The words quickly lose their sound in her mouth. Standing ten feet ahead, a man attracts glances from everyone passing by as he checks the visor in his camera absentmindedly.

Mentally, Deo starts crossing every characteristic being given by Yumi as she keeps looking at him through the safety of the Jeep’s tainted window. The only thing that doesn’t match is that this handsome man isn’t blonde but a brunette. His chocolate locks look ridiculously soft blowing in the light breeze.

Inhaling resolved, she parks right next to him, rolling her window down.

“Hi there! Would you perhaps be the Kim Taehyung from Seoul I’m looking for?”

Upon hearing his name, Taehyung looks up at her. The girl doesn’t wait for his answer, she jumps out of the vehicle that he can notice is much bigger than herself. “You must be here to pick me up… Right?”

Deo smiles at him confirming with a nod before opening the big trunk of the Jeep. Instead of introducing herself right away as expected, Taehyung watches as she reaches for his luggage, her knitted eyebrows denouncing how heavy it must be.

“I– I can do that–” He tries, but she swiftly evades his reach.

“It’s no problem! Really.”

He watches a bit flustered as she tries to dismiss her effort with a laid-back energy as if it was something she did all the time—to arrange heavy stuff in trunks and whatever not.

Picking both his duffel bags to help while she is still pushing his suitcase inside the trunk, he is able to take two steps before she takes notice and grabs them from his hands. “Leave that to me! You can wait inside, really. Go ahead!” Deo waves her hand and he starts to walk toward the passenger seat uncertain of how to behave, but decides to take her lead for the time being.

“Seatbealt!” She says as soon as she occupies the driver's seat and he is quick to follow the instruction.

“So… Where is Namjoon?”

Deo reaches for the rearview mirror, casually checking something in her eye before adjusting it back to its position. “Oh, he had to give today’s surf lessons and Yumi was kind of busy with tonight’s gathering so… But you’ll see him soon enough!”

“Ah, I see”

“He’ll be waiting for us by the beach, don’t worry.” And the bubbly smile she gives him before starting the car and driving them away is enough to shut down his inquiry and haze him in his thoughts.

ılı.lıl taehyung: What kind of women I’m compatible with? *smiles* Looking back… I’m drawn to the ones that are strange to me at first *chuckles* I think they’re a good pair for me.

Driving down the lush tapestry of Jeju island, Deo takes the wheel as the jeep’s interior is illuminated by the soft glow of the sun. Melodic notes intertwine with the afternoon’s warm atmosphere as music envelops them. Deo’s fingers tap the steering wheel, and her voice, a gentle hum, dances in harmony with the rhythm. Taehyung, sitting beside her, steals occasional glances, captivated by her carefree demeanor. The playful sway of her copper strands in the wind and the joy evident on her face, as the waves crash on the coast, make the moment feel like a private dance between them.

ılı.lıl taehyung: Have you ever met someone and felt like they were this huge… Question mark?

ılı.lıl taehyung: Like– “What is she like? She looks fun” *chuckles reminiscent* And you can’t stop having these questions and curiosities… You just want to know more and more.

As if sensing the perfect moment, a familiar melody begins to play through the car’s speakers. Deo’s eyes lit up with recognition, a grin forming on her lips. Officially Missing You by Tamia had been remade by Basstracks as a summer tune, and it had quickly become one of her favorites at the moment; a song that resonated with the essence of Jeju and its travelers.

With an impulsive burst of excitement, Deo cranks up the volume, allowing the music to envelop the jeep. The infectious beat cascades around them, harmonizing with the engine's rhythm roaring wildly in the wind. Her hands tap the steering wheel more enthusiastically than before, her foot keeping time with the pedals as the melody ignites her senses.

And then, as if the music had started a fire within her, she begins to sing. Her voice, rich and passionate, hits Taehyung’s ears in a wonderful and alluring way. Every note she sings seems to carry the energy of the sun-drenched afternoon, a celebration of life and the freedom of the open road.

Taehyung was initially taken aback by the sudden fervor. He watches in silent amazement as she transforms from a steady driver into a vivacious performer. Her eyes sparkle with delight, and her voice carries an unadulterated joy that is impossible to ignore.

For a moment, he is rendered speechless, caught in the captivating spell of her uninhibited enthusiasm even though he knows the lyrics by heart himself. But as the chorus approaches, Deo’s voice soars higher, and turning to him with an unmistakable twinkle in her eye, she opens the windows further, allowing the world outside to merge with the music.

“You know this song–?” As she asks and the chorus reaches its crescendo, she extends her arm toward him, pretending her hand is a microphone. The invitation hangs between them, and he hesitates for a moment. “C’mon! Sing with me–” Shyness lingered, but her spirited performance is too magnetic to resist.

Taking a deep breath, he leans closer to the imaginary tool and timidly joins in, his voice intertwining with hers. Taehyung sings softly, still caught in the spell of her contagious energy. His eyes remain fixed on her while she loses herself to the music.

At that moment, as Deo sings with all her heart, his own swells with a profound fondness for the stranger sitting by his side. He realizes that this is a glimpse into her unfiltered soul—one that seems to revel in the simple joys of life, that seems to embrace every moment with unbridled passion.

ılı.lıl taehyung: That’s how I fell for her… You see, I’m attracted to intense women.

⤷ tangerimin It is fun to follow their lead kekeke so… Same here.

ılı.lıl taehyung: There is a lot more to it– Like being bubbly… Oh, and she was also pretty feisty! Yeah, *smiles* that’s what she was like. She had just the right amount of feistiness.

When the music fades out and is replaced by the radio host’s voice instead, Deo turns down the volume still in a cheerful spirit. She takes a peak at the passenger seat only to notice Taehyung’s eyes are already on her. Visibly disconcerted, he gives her a small smile before looking over at his window instead, and she takes the opportunity to know more about him.

“You will like it there,” she starts bubbly and he returns his gaze to her side profile. It is endearing how close to the steering wheel her seat is to compensate for her small stature.

“I think so too… The last time I came it was such a healing experience– And well, I’ve been wanting to rent a trailer ever since I was younger.”

“Oh, you’ll love it then!” He watches how her eyes part from the road ahead and instead fall on his side of the car, momentarily pointing with her index finger still on the wheel to the beach extension that passes by them. “It must be lovely to drive along the coasts… Picking these beautiful spots to just– Chill. I have a list of them if you want!”

Taehyung leans his head on the window, a nostalgic wave hits his lips as the lines of it curve upward and he watches the sea crashing at the shore. It’s like a vivid picture of his childhood right in front of him.

“That would be great if I had the license to drive the camper around… Maybe next time?”

“You’re staying over a month and you won’t even change spots?! Now that we can’t do, hon.”

He looks back at her startled by the casualty she treats everything. And not in a bad way; she didn’t peg him as this overbearing nosy person who didn’t have boundaries, but as someone that seemed carefree and loose. A different version of himself that he had to let go of many moons ago to fit the immense gray box that was societal norms and ordinary conviviality.

Feeling a bit tempted to just enjoy the moment he decides then to let go of the filters. “That’s the only thing to do, hon, I don’t have the license.” He jokes, chuckling at her reaction when hearing the nickname. “What? You started it.”

“My bad! Yumi was so invested in this whole casual speech thing ever since I started my part-time job there that now I just can’t come out of it. Something about making the guests feel at home and all that…”

“Sounds like Yumi!”

“But back to you. I was thinking… If there was a way to get you a license, would you want it? To live the full experience of a camper, that is…?”

Taehyung frowns thinking as he looks to the calm waves again, but there isn’t much thinking to do. He would love the freedom of parking the vehicle throughout the whole extension of Jeju. “Sure…” He ponders. Being the type to imagine and discuss things, he was more than ready to give her all the reasons why that would be great for his next stay. “To park it whe–”

“Great! So let’s do it!”

It is the last thing he hears before she makes an abrupt U-turn in the middle of the calm road, and he has to flatten one hand on the window and the other on the panel of the Jeep to hold for his life.

His heart only stops beating at an alarming speed once she hits the brakes and he is able to open the door to exit the vehicle. Still confused as to what is happening, the picture gets clear as she opens her arms excitedly in front of what he realizes to be a driving school.

“Ta-da! Your problems will be solved in exactly two days!” Deo exclaims, and Taehyung is pretty certain that his face is contorting in the most clueless way. He notices how a sudden strike of worriedness flashes on her toffee irises, however. “If you manage to pass the test of course…”

ılı.lıl taehyung: I should have known she was crazy by then… But in all honesty… That’s what made her fun in the first place.

ılı.lıl taehyung: And that makes me crazy too *laughs* You know, it’s those kinds of things you only realize later… Much later. Like realizing you’ve been conned only after being conned by someone *sighs*

⤷ supertuna Wow … I have just now realized how some people can be so blind

ılı.lıl taehyung: And now whenever I see a camper trailer… I think of her.

They only get out of the driving school when he goes through with all the paperwork necessary to go and take the test the next day as Deo had insisted. She not only pushed him into a 3x4 photo machine situated on the long corridor of the building, but also cut the picture she thought to be the best, and helped him fill the application.

Taehyung keeps replaying the whole shenanigan in his head as he takes his surfboard out of the roof of the jeep parked by his temporary home—a camper trailer by the beach. Last year, Namjoon had called him excitedly sharing the news that his girlfriend and he had bought a cozy place in Jeju and had renovated it to be a chill hostel for surfers and passersby. Of course, Taehyung stopped by to visit as soon as he was able to take some days off, but at the time, since all trailers were already rented, he stayed on the main structure.

Not that it was bad, far from it. He enjoyed every second; from the late-night gatherings to the lounge festivities, and the amazing lunchtime Yumi was keen on making into a later-on karaoke session or game quest. There was no dull time within the colorful facilities, and it was always kept so casual that it made Taehyung feel very much at home.

But he had the trailer experience written down on his bucket list ever since he could remember. And so this time around, he was sure to seize the opportunity and make that old promise come true.

His thoughts wander away as he finishes sticking his board in the warm sand. Playing by the emerald shore, Deo runs laughing as she is chased by two dogs. His right hand comes to his eye line to shield it from the sun as he is incapable of moving on with his life, seeing her throw a stick only to have the bigger dog chasing it and the little one look at her unamused. It’s like he could be here all day to witness this particular scene, unconscious and unbothered by what surrounds them.

And that is indeed what happens.

“Hey, you, Mr. cloud9–” Namjoon calls for his attention for the second time. “You didn’t listen to a thing I said, did you?”

“Hm?”

“I was telling you to close the canvas of it at night because of the wind– Are you even hearing a thing?” But as he follows his friend's line of sight he knows he isn’t. Letting go of his own obligations for the time being, he stands beside Taehyung, crossing his arms and admiring his dogs running as the waves serve as background music to his ears. It’s peaceful. It’s his piece of peace on earth.

“She shines, doesn’t she?”

Namjoon peaks at his friend before looking ahead once more, with a fond smile finding his features. “She does… She has been our recent source of joy. Yumi and I laugh so much because of her lately.”

“Yeah, she seems fun,” Taehyung muses with a chuckle of his own still enamored by the scene displayed in front of him. Deo falls to the soft sand in laughter and both dogs come flying toward her.

“Poor girl… She was dumped here by some surfer. Could you believe that?”

There is a sorrowful pause and Taehyung is suddenly snapped out of his trance, indignity brimming in his eyes as his friend shakes his head clearly saddened by the situation.

Returning his view to the girl ahead, he adds, “What kind of jerk would do that? She seems so bubbly and… Caring–”

“You want to take her to Seoul?” Namjoon interrupts and he almost gasps.

“Take her?!”

“Yeah, take her. I mean, I think she would be happy with you there…”

“You think she would like to come with me?” Taehyung’s fingers tingle with the possibility, even if he himself doubts it a little.

“Sure! We just have to give her one last shot and she’s good to go! The vet–”

“Wait. What? What are you talking about?”

Namjoon stares at him suddenly confused, and then back at the beach again. As Deo hops by, calling for both Monnie and Tan, his eyebrows soften in understanding.

“Oh… It’s not Monnie, is it?” He muses playfully. “You’re talking about Yewon… I see,”

“Yewon…” Taehyung mumbles her name to himself. “So her name is Yewon, huh…”

But the impish nudges he receives on his side snap him out of his thoughts and let him know that Namjoon won’t be letting go of this confession so soon.

In the cozy beachside hostel, the evening breeze whispers through open windows, carrying with it the laughter of tenants. With a lighthearted step, Deo finds herself in the pantry where Namjoon is absorbed in a way to easy recipe for lounge snacks. Fishing his phone out of her jeans, a small smile plays on her lips as she extends the device toward him.

“Here you go, boss,” she remarks, her voice playful as she not only returns his phone but also substitutes the sugar jar in his hand with the salt and pepper.

Namjoon glances up, chuckling at his clumsiness. “We were almost in trouble there. You’re a lifesaver.”

As he takes the phone from the table filled with condiments, he can’t help but tease, “You should probably get one of your own, don’t you think?”

“Eh. It’s just a hassle really… I only use it to talk to our guests.”

Leaving him to his impromptu cooking, she strolls out to the porch, where the new visitors are gathering. The atmosphere is lively, with conversations and newfound curiosity filling the air. Deo effortlessly mingles, chatting with familiar faces and welcoming newcomers that pass by the beach.

Among the crowd, she notices Taehyung engrossed in a ping pong game, as she takes some beers to a group playing Jenga. His infectious laughter captivates everyone around him and she can’t help but smile at the view. Her gaze lingers, catching his eye for a fleeting second.

She points with her head to the group around him, wearing a playful smile on her lips, and lifting her thumb up to measure how he is doing tonight she waits for his response. Immediately he raises his own finger positively, his smile opening wider at her caring gesture to check on him.

Suddenly, the lights flicker and go out, causing momentary confusion and their brief interaction to cease. Murmurs and laughter rise as the guests fumble in the dark. Deo is the only one chuckling expectant as she knows what is to come.

Then, not ten seconds later, Yumi’s voice pierce the darkness through a megaphone. “Ladies and gents, it’s game time!”

The announcement is met with cheers and applause, and the porch transforms into a playground of excitement. Deo herself feels the rush of anticipation buzz down to the tip of her fingers as the group prepares for a surprise game under the stars, even though she replays the script made by her and Yumi earlier on in her mind.

The last time Taehyung stayed here, he arrived so tired from a late-night flight that he wasn’t able to participate in the welcoming game he knew Yumi organized every month, and he regretted it for the whole week he rented a room. This night was all every guest he met by the beach was able to talk about, and now he was ready to find why.

As some fairy lights and a big screen illuminate the space, Deo watches the handsome newcomer’s silhouette amid the glow. His grin was unmistakable as he raised a red cup, ready to dive open-heartedly into whatever it was that the hosts had prepared.

Supposedly, every time Yumi and Namjoon did this for the new guests to ambient themselves and feel more comfortable around everyone else, they prepared a scavenge hunt inside and outside of the hostel's bounds. But this week everything had gone to space and changes had to be made at the last minute.

Between losing a long-time employee and having to train Deo on the spot, as well as managing the surf lessons and running the business, the couple had little to no time to arrange the things needed for the anticipated scavenge hunt. So this month, Deo pitched in with a rather easy game to orchestrate and that would still promote the mingling of the visitors—Simon Says.

“And… Start!” Yumi exclaimed as she pressed the button to start the presentation on the projection screen.

Big crimson red letters appear giving instructions and the crowd thrillingly follows. “Simon says: make a group with four girls and three guys” it reads at first and everyone fumbles their way to find open spots. Deo herself is forced to join as two guests she had come to know, pull her to their side. The thrill of the game intertwined with the salt-kissed wind made her feel some sense of belonging that she had never really expected.

“Three guys, three girls!”

In the throes of the chaos of the match, it was inevitable however how Taehyung’s gaze followed the sound of Deo’s laughter. Even if their eyes meet in brief moments, and even if it was in the middle of an ongoing competition, a silent connection seemed to pull them to each other like gravity.

As the game reaches its apex, the tension in the air is palpable. The players’ laughter overlaps with the sound of Yumi’s megaphone, creating a symphony of fun. They aren’t completely strangers now. There is a spontaneous connection formed between them all, just like the hosts had intended it to.

“One guy, one girl! Quick!”, Yumi reads the screen through the megaphone overexcited, and the remaining participants eye each other in confusion while the rest of the crowd laughs entertained. “Oh–”

Taehyung steals a glance at his two partners, both male, and they all chuckle amused, not really knowing how to proceed.

“I think I messed up when writing this– Wait.” Yumi confesses to the crowd sheepishly, starting to move toward the laptop to try and fix the mistake.

But then Taehyung feels like someone is watching him through his peripheral, and when he turns his head, it’s her. Deo stands two feet away from him, close to Yumi, watching joyfully, and he suddenly knows what to do. Or better, his heart does.

With two quick steps, he reaches for her hand, pulling her gently to his side and attracting everyone else’s attention to their figures, Yumi’s included. In the midst of the applause and collective cheer, Deo’s mute inquiry reaches his eyes.

The porch begins to transform into a realm of unity and exhilaration, being lit by the moonlight and the shared spirit of the guests, but not that any of the two notice, as the girl is too enchanted by her last-minute partner’s orbs. Taehyung's big brown eyes pierce hers with certainty and a flash of curiosity that is almost childlike.

A shared smile floats between them as her sight falls to his lips, a silent acknowledgment of the joy of the evening and perhaps the butterflies that flutter rapidly in their stomachs.

The lights had gone out, but the bonds forming under the starry August sky seemed to shine even brighter.

ılı.lıl taehyung: When you look into a girl’s eyes you can tell if she’s compatible with you or not. I can see who she is through it… And in that moment I felt it. I knew that she and I would be compatible.

“We have our winner for tonight!” Yumi exclaims through the megaphone as they keep staring into each other’s eyes, “Congrats!”

Amidst the fading echoes of the beachside game’s conclusion, jubilant cheers resound from the open porch of the hostel. The sun had retreated long before the gathering had started, ceding its reign to a canvas of twilight hues, but now fireworks burst into existence, painting the sky with a kaleidoscope of colors.

The couple, different from the majority of the crowd who excitedly run towards the shores, stands hand in hand still. A silent connection stronger than the clamor. With each explosion, Taehyung’s gaze shifts from the spectacle to Deo, seeing in her eyes a breezeful wonder that makes him rendered. Yet, it’s not just the pyrotechnics that leave him breathless. As he watches her, a quiet realization dawns—his heart races to a rhythm he hadn’t known before. It’s more than just curiosity. At that moment, amid the splendor of the fireworks and the tranquil beauty of the night, Taehyung recognizes the gentle tug of love.

ılı.lıl taehyung: I liked everything about her… The way she looked at things and the way she smelled. How she had two funky single braids done in her loose strands and the clothes she threw together without much effort making an all-together beachy look.

ılı.lıl taehyung: Everything about her seemed perfect to me. I just… I really liked her.

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supertuna Maybe it’s because I’ve been dating for so long… But I find dating stories uhm… Kind of funny now keke

callmerinie “And it was at that moment that the fireworks went off…” 🤭🤭

tangerimin You bet they heard bells, too. I heard it was explosions of fireworks 😏

⤷ notmekeys i’m too drnk to answee this

supertuna I think everyone feels like their own love life is special like in a movie or something

notmekeys it’s a beautiful story tho

⤷ notmekeys there waas a guy who found a butiful woman on a trip and and the night they met fireworkss went off peww pew!

⤷ notmekeys their eyes met bang !! theirr hearts too

bluengrey But those things can happen all at once… At least I think so.

boreo well… if the woman is insanely pretty that’s possible. don’t you think?

⤷ tangerimin That’s exactly when you have to realize it’s just too good to be true, don’t you think?

supertuna Let’s say you wake up from that dream, then what happens if you don’t get together?

⤷ callmerinie then you die alone

⤷ notmekeys no. no no. i’m not alone.

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bluengrey Hmm

bluengrey I would still fall for her..

boreo if i met him again… i’d fall in love again

bluengrey Yes, I think I would.

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1863-project · 9 months

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I feel pretty today.

I don't look any different than I normally do, and I'm still wearing a pair of overalls the way I usually am when I'm working, but something feels different.

I spent my childhood being told I was ugly by my male peers, so I felt unattractive for most of that time, even as I grew up and saw I was more or less a societally average person. I wasn't a model turning heads, but I wasn't what people would call "ugly," either, and really, beauty is such a subjective thing that we can't really define it on a linear spectrum like that.

I realized the other day that it wasn't my looks they were shaming. They were calling the person I was ugly, because I couldn't be like the neurotypical kids and clearly didn't want to be. I couldn't conform to what they thought a girl should be. My hobbies and interests were weird to them. They didn't know how else to phrase their derisiveness, and so they used the words 'ugly' (to describe me) and 'stupid' (to describe anything I was enjoying at the time).

Events in my life have more or less left me feeling like 'pretty' isn't a word I can call myself. 'Cute,' maybe, since I'm only 5'2", but 'pretty' has always felt out of reach because due to the 'ugly' bullying I got really good at making myself invisible. I've never really drawn attention the way friends of mine I'd describe as prettier have, although they've told me that it's attention they don't want, which is understandable. Nobody wants harassment because of what they look like of any sort, whether it's bullies calling you ugly or creepy people trying to hit on you at work or when you're just trying to exist because they think you're hot. Additionally, I have an autoimmune thyroid disorder that has drastically changed my body starting around age 22 or so back in 2011, and that's dropped a hefty dose of body dysmorphia on my head.

Turns out none of that makes me not pretty. I see people who look like me on the internet and the comments sections are full of people who find them attractive. Today I saw a comment on a clip of Yukina from Kotetsujou no Kabaneri where someone outright said they thought women operating steam locomotives was hot and it rewrote something in my brain because I never really thought about myself that way, but I can operate steam locomotives. (Well, I did it once and I'm looking to volunteer on a heritage railway to get properly qualified to do it more, but it's something that I'd be able to do if it was required of me on short notice because I've studied.)

And knowing that people can be attracted to me doing something that I have such a deep passion and visible enjoyment for? That changes everything.

#my life is so exciting #I guess I'm starting to heal or something

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pupintransit · 3 months

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Hey folks! My little corner of the internet has been getting a lot of attention lately, so I'll start by saying I appreciate everyone who is leaving comments across here and Bluesky, and to the folks who have been asking me about my experiences. It's rewarding to be able to chat with folks about a trans experience they aren't familiar with, and even to help others on their own journeys. So, thanks <3

I do get a handful of questions more than others though, and I know that not everybody is going to feel comfortable reaching out privately to ask stuff, or will have the time to go through my archive of blog posts to find an answer to what they may be curious about it. To that end, I've decided to write a FAQ about my experience with my gender identity and with my gender affirming surgery. This is a living document and will be updated as we go.

1: WHAT SURGERY DID YOU GET?

I opted for penile-inversion full-depth vaginoplasty, and saw Dr. Brassard at GRS Montreal for the procedure. My care at their site was suberb, and I have absolutely no regrets!

2: ARE YOU ON ANY HORMONES?

Yup! I take testosterone injections once a week. I have no plans to begin estrogen or any other feminizing hormones. The testosterone is to maintain my masculine gender presentation and keep my bones healthy.

3: WHAT IS YOUR BMI?

At the time of surgery my BMI was 37. GRS Montreal had a cap of 40, although most other places hover around 35. Check with your surgical team if they have any BMI or weight restrictions!

4: ARE YOU A TRANS MAN?

Nope! I was assigned male at birth. I used to call myself an AMAB trans masc, and while I think it's still a useful label to describe my experiences, it is (ahem) a touch controversial. I try to avoid introducing myself that way now and opt for simply nonbinary instead.

5: WHY DID YOU GET BOTTOM SURGERY?

For as long as I can remember I hated my penis and testes. They were in the way, they looked so strange being affixed to me, and having/seeing the buldge they created in my pants made me feel like such a creep. Growing up girls made me jealous because they had vulvas, and when I learned what trans men were in my late teens that envy intensified because they essentially had my dream body; a man with a pussy. I was well on my way to thirty before I realized what I was experiencing was dysphoria, and learning that I could do something about it without being femme was an incredible relief. It's easily been the best decision I've ever made.

6: WHAT DOES SEX AND MASTURBATION FEEL LIKE?

I dunno about sex just yet, but I can tell you with confidence that being penetrated with a dildo feels amazing! And don't even get me started on clitoral stimulation, holy shit. It's like everything that isn't your body just vanishes. You become a vessel for sexual pleasure. My penis never made me feel like that, and I don't miss it.

7: CAN YOU ORGASM?

Yup! I feel the same muscles contract that I did when I had a penis, only now it's focused on a smaller area due to how those muscles were rearranged during the surgery. I don't always cum, but when I do it's much thinner than it was with my penis, and doesn't rocket out of me like it used it. Instead it kind of flows out like a river.

8: WHAT WERE THE STEPS TO GET BOOKED FOR SURGERY?

I had to obtain a single surgical readiness assessment (basic informed consent stuff) in addition to getting everything okayed health-wise by my general practitioner and my surgery team. Once the assessment was sent in, my surgical team got in touch and a few back and forth phone calls later I was booked!

Some countries and clinics have different requirements, so this might be universal to your experience. Double check what you need to acquire before making any appointments!

9: WERE YOU ON HORMONES BEFORE SURGERY?

Nope! The new WPATH standards indicate that it's no longer a strict requirement, but having said that some countries and clinics are still picky about it. Double check what those requirements may be for your region before booking anything!

10: WHAT WAS RECOVERY LIKE?

Sucked! A lot! People heal in different ways and I am not remotely qualified to tell people how to avoid or mitigate pain. If you've ever had an invasive surgery before I'd wager it'd be comparable, but that's a question better geared toward your regular doctor.

11: DO YOU STILL DILATE?

Not only do I still dilate, I will have to dilate for the rest of my life. It's not comfortable per se, but the more you heal the easier it gets and the less often you have to do it. It genuinely isn't as big a downside as people think.

12: WHAT KIND OF BOTTOM SURGERY SHOULD I GET?

If you have to ask that means you're not sure if you want this, so the answer is none of them. At least for now. Take the time to unpack why you're considering lower surgery, and see a gender-affirming therapist who can help guide you. While the regret rate for gender affirming care is miniscule at best, it can still happen and you need to be prepared for what you're getting into. This is not an easy decision to make even when it's the correct one, and it's certainly not an easy recovery. "I don't know" isn't good enough.

#trans #transgender #masculine nonbinary #faq #trans faq #transition journey #introspection #enby

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deandoesthingstome · 2 years

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Night Moves

Chapter 5

Pairing: Walter Marshall x OFC (Alexandra Pierce)

Series Summary: When Walter Marshall is called to investigate a homicide by the railroad tracks, he quickly uncovers an unsettling pattern. Alexandra Pierce just wants someone to find out what happened to her friend. She has some secrets, too. And Walter’s going to uncover them.

Word Count: 2529

Series Warnings: In general, this series will depict assault, murder, stripping, hooking, rough sex, make up sex, fingering, oral (m and F receiving), p in v sex in various positions, self-loathing, failed relationships, smoking, drug use, drug addiction, general violence, and maybe some comfort. +18, Minors DNI

Chapter Warnings: Rough consensual sex, more misogyny.

Disclaimers: I do not own Walter Marshall, Night Hunter (Nomis), or any other characters from that movie, but I do own this OFC (Alexandra Pierce) and these words. Do not repost as your own. Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are more than welcome. It’s how I get my nourishment.

Header made by me, with pics found from Pexel.com and the internet. Dividers are not mine, but check out the masterlist for credit.

Playlist: Night Moves Songs 17 -19 (heads up: if you have been following along, it’s usually one song per section of the chapter, but 17 and 18 are the same section - I couldn’t make up my mind for Alex and Walter’s first time; sue me)

Masterlist

This kiss is everything. It isn’t soft. It’s just as hungry as it was at the tracks. If Alex thinks Walter’s request for permission is an indication that he’d start slow this time, she is mistaken. And she can’t categorize it as sorely, either.

Alex is coming undone while Walter puts his hands all over her body, grasping, pulling, stroking, squeezing. Every inch he can reach while he stoops to catch her lips and slip his tongue deep down her throat. If the ease with which she lets him manhandle her doesn’t tell him exactly what he needs to know, the moan that breaks from her belly sure does.

She neither needs nor wants him to take his time. She doesn’t require he caress her gently, or ghost his lips over her neck while he pulls her shirt off her shoulders. Well, that he can do. Does. Maybe it isn’t down, though, maybe he grabs the hem and yanks up quick and hard, breaking away from her lips at the exact right moment to pull the top over her head before crashing right back into her as he rips the shirt off her arms. But he definitely takes off her shirt. And her bra.

Walter is hard. Has been pretty much since the train tracks. He’s tried. God knows he’s been praying to make this need go away, but the only answer he’s getting is the half-naked woman in front of him who has been haunting him for just a night and a day. It is positively insane the way Alex is making him feel, but here it is.

She wants him. Wants all of him. He hasn’t said one word to her about what he needs but somehow she knows. Knows he’s not gonna go easy on her. Knows that as soon as he is done kissing her mouth and getting as hard as he’s ever been listening to her moan for him, he is going to put her on her knees on the floor.

So it’s all Alex can do to force herself to break the kiss and ask the question.

“Do you know if you’re clean?”

And it takes Walter a few seconds to get some blood back to his brain and understand she isn’t talking about a shower. And then he has to think of Rachel.

“Yeah. Couple months after I ended my last relationship. Clean. Nothing since.”

Alex nods and licks her lips and says, “Same” and Walter doesn’t ask permission again because he knows he has it, and always will from her. This is what he’s been craving.

He wraps a hand around her neck and pulls her close, kisses her hard once more, then uses that hand to push her down while he tells her he wants her on her knees. And she isn’t resisting, not in the least. She expected this and the fresh bloom of heat just makes her want it more. Walter is unbuckling his belt and popping the button and unzipping his pants now, pushing them down and she is just staring up at him with eyes that beg him to tell her what to do and so he does.

“Take me out.”

She reaches into the band of his underwear and takes hold of the firm, warm, smooth cock and pulls the fabric down with her other hand so he is free, technically, though his underwear is caught on his thighs and Alex isn’t doing anything about that. Instead, she is still watching him, waiting for Walter to tell what he wants her to do next.

“Put me in your mouth,” he commands and she does. Stretches her mouth wide after licking her lips again and she leans in to put that tongue right at the tip of his achingly hard cock and if he hadn’t been thinking about Rachel a few moments ago, her mouth on him might have made him come right then and there. As it is, she is sliding down his length and dragging her tongue down the bottom of his shaft as far she can.

She is giving it a good, solid go but Walter knows she’ll never make it. That’ll take practice which he’s going to be more than glad to give her at some other time. But now, here, right now, all he wants is to feel her sucking on whatever part of him she can get in her mouth.

When the way she moves her head back and forth, twisting her neck as she goes to deposit stripe after stripe of warm, wet saliva along his length, becomes too much for him he growls and pulls her off, sinking to his knees as well so he can put his mouth back on hers. He doesn’t want to come this way. And not quite yet.

Walter can’t stop thinking about last night. Thinking about the way she made him feel before he even knew who she was. He’s torn between dragging her to the bedroom so he can relive that soapy fantasy and taking her on the floor right now. His urgent need wins out.

He pushes her not gently so that her ass hits her heels and then he scoops her ankles to the side so he can straighten her legs out before her. He slides a hand up her thighs to find the hem of her underwear beneath her skirt while his other hand presses her collarbone so she has no choice but to lean back, resting on her forearms. He yanks at her panties and she does her best to lift her hips so he can get them all the way down her legs and off her body. Her skirt is left bunched around her waist.

He works his pants the rest of the way off, too, before shifting his knees between her legs, widening them as he leans down to kiss her hard again.

“Condom?” Alex asks with a huff, breaking free from the kiss in a moment of order before the coming chaos.

Walter reaches down to sift through the puddle of fabric beside them, finding the back pocket of his jeans and pulling out his wallet. He flings it to the side once he’s plucked the foil packet out, then tears it open and rolls it down his length, sitting back on his heels to scan her body laying open before him.

He reaches down between her legs to find her damp heat and pushes a thumb in just barely before stroking and pressing along her clit. Walter wants to be sure Alex is ready for him, wants her to be sure, too. So he takes a few more beats to slide two fingers in deep, twisting and stretching so he can slip a third in. He pumps slowly at first, then deeper, more urgently. It’ll be a tight fit but the way her eyes flutter shut when she releases the clench around his digits tells him she absolutely won’t mind.

He pulls some slick out as he draws his arm back and rubs it around his sheathed cock as he quirks an eyebrow in a silent question to which he already knows the answer, but she practically begs him anyway.

Walter chooses to enter slowly. He wants to savor the way she clings to him all the way down, feel the pressure around each inch of his cock. When he’s fully seated, he holds a beat while he watches the way her eyes adjust to his proximity. Alex shifts a hand to the nape of his neck and pulls him closer, kisses him with an open mouth so she can taste his tongue while she drifts her fingers through his hair.

“Please, fuck, just, please…” Alex is having a little trouble with words, her mind already short-circuited as she watched him prepare for her. He’s big. Bigger than she’s ever had. Everything she imagined in the club and more. She bites her lip to prevent the hiss as he enters her, consumed by the delicious searing stretch with all its glorious promise.

Oh, this he could also do for hours. Just lay inside her and enjoy the way her lips slide over his. So it’s a shock when she ends it abruptly.

“Please.” One more practically silent plea, small, like she isn’t sure all the sudden. Or maybe she thinks he’s changed his mind about the way he wants to take her. It was just a moment, a glimpse of what could also be, but Walter’s back in his head now and he’s ready to fuck her like he means it.

“Yeah,” he growls. “Okay, yeah.” Each word punctuated with a sharp thrust that isn’t near as deep as he’d like to be, but he likes this woman and he doesn’t want to scare her off.

“I’m not…I won’t break, okay?” Alex is still holding his neck close and she gives him a kiss before she lets go and moans with relief when he takes her at her word.

Walter doesn’t hold back anymore. Alex hooks her legs over his thighs spread wide and tosses her arms above her head while he braces himself on his forearms and finally gives her what she asked for. He fucks her with abandon and he’s positive there’ll be rug burns on his knees but it won’t compare to what she’ll deal with on her back.

After several minutes, he lifts himself up and drags his hands down her chest to grip her hips and tug her up closer to him, if it’s even possible. The look on her face. It’s different than he’s seen before when he gets this way. When he’s fucking like there’s no tomorrow, it’s usually too much and he’s asked to slow down, ease up. He’s about to stop because he thinks it’s pain, but there is something else behind it, bubbling to the surface. Wonder? Confusion? Awe?

“Don’t stop,” she begs when she realizes what he’s thinking. “Don’t you dare fucking stop.”

As if a switch is flipped, he’s no longer in control of himself but he is in control of her. He ignores her plea for the few seconds it takes to slide out, flip her over, and pull her hips back up to meet him before he’s slamming back into her with no restraint.

“This is what you want?” he snarls. “Want me fucking you like this?”

“Mmmhmm,” she whimpers, her face against the ground and he almost stops again but she continues. “Fuck yes, just like that.”

He can feel her open up for him, feel the warm heat exploding inside her and sucking him in, deeper and deeper. He feels the clench and release of each little tremor and when he can’t hold on any longer he lets go. He thinks it was just his imagination that she came once more just before he did so when he pulls out, he leans over and wraps an arm around her waist, snakes his hand down to her mound, searches out her hard little clit and rubs to give her one last orgasm.

Alex is wrecked. She really can’t take anymore but if he wants this for her, she’ll let him. She’s so sensitive it doesn’t take long before she’s crying out in pleasure one last time. He cups her mound to soothe the ache while he stretches her legs long so she can lay completely flat. He pulls off the condom and ties it while searching for a place to put it.

Alex can sense his struggle and reaches for him, strokes his thigh.

“Just drop it and come here,” she says, wriggling the rest of the way out of her skirt.

He does as he’s told, laying himself down beside her as she turns to face him.

“Hi,” she smiles at him, breathless.

“Hey. You okay?”

“More than.” She closes her eyes for a few moments, content to lay here recovering with him on the floor. When she feels him shift, she opens her eyes to ask, “Want a bed?”

He knows she just said she’s fine and he can hear her offer a more comfortable spot to be with her, and yet he can’t shut off the voice in his head that’s telling him he went too far. Again. He thinks she’s just being kind somehow, biding her time until she thinks it’ll be safe to send him away and probably never see him again. This isn’t what women want. He isn’t what they want.

“Hey, Walter?” She's lifting up now, pushing herself to her knees and stretching her hand out to grab his. “Come on.”

He lets her help him up and lead him down the hall but he stops just as she crosses the bedroom threshold.

“I should go,” he drops her hand.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t sleep…this was… tonight…out of line,” he can’t form a coherent thought about it.

“You think I didn’t want that?” she asks carefully, reaching her hand for him again. “I absolutely wanted that. You have no idea.”

Walter lets himself be led into the room. In the soft glow of the bedside lamp she turns on, he can see the same level of comfort he found previously in the rest of the apartment. Cushy overstuffed chair in the corner by the window, side table stacked with books and more on the shelf nearby, lights strung around the window, plants along the sill, candles on the dresser.

He watches her toss a few throw pillows to the floor and pull the soft looking bedspread back before she climbs in and reaches out for him to join her. He crawls in and lets her settle against his chest, his arm wrapping around her shoulder, fingers caressing her skin.

“You know,” Alex starts. “I spend all my time in charge. Of students, volunteers, my own life. I make decisions all fucking day. Sometimes... I just...I don't know if you know how it feels to need...direction. I just want to be told what to do every once in a while. By someone who knows what they want.”

Walter takes a moment to process what she just confessed to him, then makes his own confession.

“I spend all my time chasing nightmares. I have this badge, this position, where I'm supposed to be in charge but shit falls apart all the time. If I had my way, no one would need to do this job, but here I am trying to make sense of the senseless. I guess I need something, someone, to conform to my will every now and then.”

She heaves a sigh and Walter knows it’s relief which allows him to finally relax. He reaches over to turn off the light, knowing he’ll wake with her in the morning.

That fucking bitch. I can’t believe she let him do that to her and then left with him. I was so close. I coulda had her. Was just waiting for those other skanks to take off. And then he showed up.

I cannot get away from him, no matter what I do.

But it's fine. More than fine. Because I know where she lives now.

Chapter 6

Taglist: (If you asked for a tag and it’s not here, Tumblr likely isn’t letting me tag you. Ask if you want me to try again.)

Anything: @kittenofdoomage @fvckinghenrycavill @mayloma @sillyrabbit81 @kebabgirl67 @beck07990 (Also throwing in a few from the old days for old times sake ;) @littlegreenplasticsoldier @anotherwinchesterfangirl @sebbytrash @feelmyroarrrr)

NM: @enchantedbytomandhenry @kingliam2019 @henryownsme @littlefreya @identity2212 @marantha @angelcavill66 @sweetdreamsofgelato @jeremyrennermakesmesmile @liveoncoffeeandflowersss @greensleeves888 @dinoswierdmom @geralts-yenn

#walter marshall #walter marshall x ofc #walter marshall fanfic #walter marshall fanfiction #walter marshall smut #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill smut #night hunter fanfic #night hunter fanfiction #night moves #mine

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notesfromtheidiotbox · 9 months

Text

I'm showing a picture of this post instead of reblogging because I don't want to distract from OP's point, but the various comments and reblogs all seem to have a common thread of "how did this happen? Why don't people seem to care?"

My personal theory is widespread compassion fatigue. It's finally ingrained itself fully into our collective psyche. And I'm not just talking about recent events either.

I'm 47 years old. I've lived through the end of the Cold War, two Gulf Wars, one major terrorist attack on US soil that upended literally EVERYTHING about everyday life in the US, the rising threat of climate change, a once in a century pandemic, multiple boom-and-bust economic cycles, the rise of the internet and with it the rise of accessibility of both information and MISinformation, multiple smaller conflicts around the world, the change in corporate attitudes from "we serve our customers our products faithfully and loyally" to "fuck you! That's our money in your wallet and we're not even going to pretend we thought of you as anything else anymore," the creeping resurgence of fascism as a political ideology in the US not seen since the 30s and early 40s,* rapidly rising inflation and wage stagnation without any sort of action to mitigate it for most of the population. and literally hundreds to thousands of people online yelling at each other for not "doing more," "doing better," or for not supporting/believing/doing the right things in the right way.

I honestly think the compassion/empathy tank is not just empty in the US, it's burned through the fumes and is now bone dry.

Being as generous as possible with the timeline, ever since 2001**, what we laughingly call the news in this country has served us a 24/7 diet of crisis after crisis, with no respite. It's ebbed and flowed, of course, but the general message has been "everything is getting worse, nobody is going to save us, we can't solve the existential threats of war, disease, famine, climate change, racism, and lethal prejudice that exists everywhere." And while collective action has garnered several significant victories, the attitude is still "this won't work because everybody has their own ideas of what needs to be done and how to do it and spend more time arguing over the details rather than doing anything***"

I think we don't care because we just CAN'T anymore. Even the things we would normally use to recharge ourselves aren't working. The food doesn't taste good, the entertainment is turning into forgettable sludge by the rapid rise of streaming, and it seems like you aren't allowed to be anywhere in public without spending money, and if you aren't required to spend money to be somewhere, odds are if you stay there for too long you'll have somebody giving you the side eye and demanding an explanation.

And online? Anger, dehumanization, and the constant cry of any sincere expression of joy or excitement is "cringe."

22 years of being constantly told the world is shit, humans are awful, you only have as much value as your bank account has digits, your employers don't respect you or the customers who get affected by their boneheaded decisions, leaving you to take the bullet, and constant reminders if problems which are too big to be solved in our lifetime.****

We're all tired, and we're beaten down, and we just don't have any more fucks to give about the latest crisis created by those in positions of power for what we are realizing are the most petty and stupid reasons.

There isn't a one size fits all solution here. But that's pretty much what I think has happened: the people of the United States in general have reached a point where we don't have the emotional capacity to deal with any more of this seemingly unsolvable shit. And I honestly think it's going to continue to get worse before it starts to get better.

Try to take care of each other out there, okay?

*For younger readers: oh yeah, during Hitler's rise to power until Pearl Harbor, there were PLENTY of people who thought Hitler was just swell.

** I'd actually argue the trauma cycle started with Vietnam, but it really accelerated with the 24 hour news cycle, the increase in internet speeds, and the events of 9/11.

***On a related note, be EXTREMELY leery of those online who won't accept anything but full-scale revolution as a remedy. Most of the time, these people have no plan for what comes after or seem to think that when society collapses, they'll be on top of the pile, ready to be the boot.

****The kinds of changes that would be needed to wipe out war, prejudice, and many other systemic problems are probably going to take decades, if not centuries. And because of the always on demand nature of society right now, a lot of people seem to have a real problem wrapping their heads around that. Change for the worse happens immediately. Change for the better takes a LOT longer.

#compassion fatigue #state of the world #united states #cannot wait for the shitshow this post is going to start

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nerdieforpedro · 4 months

Note

A love letter from me to you:

I hope this finds you in good spirits! I've been around our Fandom for a while now, and I see your name pop up on my dash. It's like you're one of the go-to people for all things awesome and positive here.

Your posts and comments always bring a smile to my face. You have this incredible ability to make everyone feel welcome and valued, and that's something really special. You just make the community a better place to be.

I wanted to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for being such a bright light in our little corner of the internet. Your enthusiasm is contagious, and it's clear that you pour your heart into everything you do here.

So here's a virtual hug from me to you! Keep doing what you're doing, because it matters. You're not just a member—you're the kind of person who makes our Fandom feel like home.

Cheers to you and all the awesome sauce you bring to the table!

Love, a secret admirer

This is just so sweet 🥹 and kind and all the things.

I don’t think of myself as a someone special or doing anything amazing though sadly just being a respectful person appears to be more rare on Tumblr and everywhere.

I just treat people how I’d like to be treated as far as spreading fun, silliness and randomness in the fandom.

That’s what fandom is to me. It’s supposed to be fun and not stressful or overwhelming. An escape from the darkness and anxiety we have in our normal lives. Which what is a normal life nowadays anyway?

I got off on a tangent, (a staple of Nerdie’s corner of the internet), but my point is that I hope that as long as you’re calling yourself a member of any fandom, no matter if it’s Pedro Pascal, Oscar Issac, Bucky, COD, Marvel or whatever your interests lie, you treat people with respect and care.

It doesn’t require much at all and leaves a profound effect on people. Much more than being mean or cruel.

So stay hydrated, be kind and get some sleep. Don’t have dark circles like I do. 😆 I am sleeping better now so don’t worry too much. Pokémon Sleep is very helpful. Trying to catch a legendary Pokémon forces me to go to sleep to increase my sleep score. 🥸

Love Nerdie!

P.S. Thank you so much for the love Anon. A big hug back to you. ❤️❤️❤️

#Nerdie’s inbox #fanfiction #fandom #fandom rant #hugs #a sweet anon

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waybeforeyourtime · 7 months

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i agree with much of what u said that people need to have boundaries etc but comparing a legitimate stalker who is a very extreme case that required police involvement to fans saying that a celebrity gives them a reason to stay alive is honestly pretty messed up. I get ur point that it may be a lot of pressure to SOME celebrities But other celebrities have shared that it makes everything they do worth it to know that it gives someone hope and something to look forward to in a really dark world. Especially for queer youth many of which really struggle with their mental health the portrayal in young royals and also omar and edvin being vocal in their support really does mean a lot to them as it does to many of us who are not even teens anymore. So your judgement and telling people to seek mental help is honestly quite insensitive. I do agree with you about people harassing celebrities and not respecting celebrities but you also made a lot of assumptions and a lot of judgements toward people who are really struggling linking them to someone committing multiple crimes that is a bit unfair. I wasnt going to say anything but it has really been bothering me as someone who works with queer youth.

I didn't compare what happened to Bradley. I used that as a jumping-off point to explain why you shouldn't judge anyone for stepping away from socmed.

Read it again.

And you contradicted yourself. You say these fans who have unhealthy parasocial relationships with these actors have mental health issues and then say I'm insensitive for saying they need to seek mental health help.

"I wasnt going to say anything but it has really been bothering me as someone who works with queer youth."

Listen, credentials on the internet mean zero. You could be lying. So.... and I was a queer youth. I also worked with queer youths. And, imo, they need to start hearing these things from adults. They're isolating themselves in echo chambers of online fandom culture, and they are being raised to believe they can dump all of their problems on another unwilling person.

They can 100% love their fav, bestie, mother, father, or whatever they want to call people. But they have to learn to understand that the relationship is one-sided. That their fav owes them nothing. That their fav exists as a human being outside of being their fav.

"I get ur point that it may be a lot of pressure to SOME celebrities But other celebrities have shared that it makes everything they do worth it to know that it gives someone hope and something to look forward to in a really dark world."

Yes I'm sure being asked 'what size is your penis' really gives someone hope in a dark world. Or being harrassed to come out publically. Or having your bf receive threats online. Or having fans invade a restaurant that you're at with friends. Or having a fan from another country happen to just show up at your local market.

That's just some of what has happened in YR. If a fan isn't part of harassing people online or making them feel uncomfortable*, then my post wasn't about them. And, if they are, then I stand by my statement that they need to look at their behaviors online.

* Edvin asked people not to comment about his physical appearance, and it never stopped. If you think the people talking about that toxic behavior are the problem, then you are part of the problem.

Also, those SOME celebrities who say they really enjoy socmed will usually always add something like, "the majority of fans are cool BUT..." And I could give you several examples of those who have said that and then eventually went off socmed, driven off by fans.

#young royals #young royals fandom

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tower-of-hana · 10 months

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Brianna Ghey Trial Day 2 CliffNotes

legal disclaimer: Because British people are the most fragile people in the world, they have made a law that says if you ever analyze an ongoing legal case then that's grounds for a mistrial. As a result I am required to state that none of the following text is editorializing. Now obviously this is a breach of my rights and normally as an American I would respond to it with tar and feathers that would be logistically hard for me to do so I guess I'll follow the rules.

I don't remember if this happened day 1 but X expressed an interest in eating people

X wrote a note detailing her plan to kill Brianna

X was previously charged for vandalism

X said she was excited to stab Brianna

Brianna told X "Girl, Ima wait where I am until we have drugs lol. I’m too anxious" on snapchat

she sent a message to her friend saying that X was weird and that she suspected that X did not really have a dealer

X had made a fake Snapchat account (rowan.innit1) for a fake dealer named Nathan as a pretense to lure Brianna to the park (this was their plan to kill E)

She sent herself messages back and forth pretending to be Nathan until Brianna asked her where she was

This is when the killing occurred

X an Y dumped Brianna's phone in a drain

Y was seen in CCTV footage after the murder wiping something red from his hands

The wounds Brianna sustained were unsurvivable

Y said he was worried about getting caught and X reassured him that the police there were "shite"

Y searched "how to combat anxiety" on the internet

When the news reported on the murder X looked it up and shared info with her friends

X found out from O(♂︎) that the murder made national news and was worried

X deleted all her previous Snapchat messages to Brianna and sent her one that said: “Girl, is everything okay? And some teenage girl got killed in linear park its on news everywhere. And why did you ditch us for some random man from Manchester. Like wtf. That is so f****d up.” trying to construct an alibi

X posted a tribute to Brianna on Snapchat with the picture of Brianna at the bench eating chocolate

X told her mother that Brianna was a friend who ditched her and Y to talk to a boy and never came back she had expressed concern about this to Y and he started an argument with her because he didn't like Brianna

acting on this info her mother called the police and X told this story to the police

The police arrested X and Y and searched their homes and phones

they found a knife in X's house but the only blood on it was hers

They found muddy shoes and a jacket in Y's room with Brianna's blood on them

Scientists think that this means Y was close to Brianna while she was being stabbed

The murder weapon had Y's DNA on it along with Brianna's blood

X was interrogated and told the police her earlier story adding that she was really upset about Brianna's death

She said she had blocked Y on Whatsapp until he told the truth about the murder

Y was interrogated and told police that they met with Brianna and walked into a forest and X stabbed Brianna three times in a forest while he was using the bathroom

He said he turned around and went to see if Brianna was alive, getting blood on his hands in the process

X ran away and he panicked and ran after her

He said he washed his hands prior to touching the knife and made no comment when police asked him why there was blood on the blade

He said she did this because she felt that Brianna was interfering in her personal life

He said he went along with her attempts to come up with an alibi because he was scared of her

he said he cut contact with her

he said he didn't believe her about the killing people thing and went along with it because he wanted to be liked

he said X hadn't frightened him before she murdered Brianna

he said everything he did leading up to the murder were just jokes

police could not access Brianna's phone

#brianna ghey #trangender #transphobia #trans girl #trial

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mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea · 5 months

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17 and 29 for the fanfic writer ask 💖

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

Well, quite a few things actually. I research a lot of expensive booze because I have some wealthy fuckers I write quite a bit, but also in the process, I've learned how cognac is brewed and the difference between cognac and brandy (similar reason to champagne and sparkling wine), the differences between whiskey, scotch, and bourbon, and pairings of vodka with caviar (and the differences between types of caviar).

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

From the aforementioned "All American Barbecue" (where AvX meets the Wicker Man), and a little warning, it's a bit long:

Tony reached over into the stack of mail that Clint had brought in about an hour earlier and rummaged around until he found one in particular. “Speaking of the X-Men, this came addressed to you. Don’t know who sent it...just that it’s from Utopia.” He shook it as if he could hear something rattling, which he couldn’t, then he handed it up into Steve’s waiting hand.

“Doesn’t look official,” Steve commented, glad that he could focus on something other than his goofy singing that was still playing on the laptop and the big screen. He tore open the envelope and tugged out a letter that had been typed, and inside it was a picture of a redhead in her mid-to-late teens.

“It’s not even in e-mail. Who the hell sends letters like that anymore?” Tony groused, his nose wrinkled over his goatee, which he scratched three fingers through before flopping back against the couch. “Even Erik’s gotten with the technological age...and he’s in your geriatric group.”

Steve arched a perfect blond eyebrow at his teammate and responded to the jab with only a sneer. Then he dropped his eyes to the letter.

Captain Rogers,

Things are so different here on Utopia than they were in Westchester, and I’m not entirely sure where to begin in telling you about my concerns. The worst of which involves the young woman in the photo I’ve sent with this letter. You see, this girl, Hope, has gone missing. No one has seen her in weeks, and she’s not quite old enough to leave the island by herself, even though everyone knows she’s been receiving piloting lessons since she became of age. None of the island’s jets have left, however. All are accounted for. Everything is accounted for, actually, except the girl herself.

This is most distressing, Captain Rogers. Hope is a sweet girl and very responsible. She wouldn’t have just up and disappeared on her own, so I suspect that something has gone terribly wrong. I hope you can and are willing to come here to get to the bottom of this yourself. I hesitate to say that this is so extreme that it requires the whole of the Avengers, but you are a respected figure here, and at the very least, if you were to show up yourself, I have no doubt that this matter would be straightened out right away.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen of Utopia

“So what do the good citizens of mutant-world want, Steve? Don’t tell me. Logan’s hosting a bake-sale and wants you to put in an appearance so he can jack up the prices of his beer-cakes,” Tony quipped. Already, he’d moved on from watching Steve humiliate himself in the elevator to searching the internet for a donut shop that would deliver.

Steve snorted. “No. Nothing so amusing this time. It seems as if the mutants are having trouble policing their...well, trouble. I didn’t think they could make things work on that island without problems. Then again, look at them. They’re hedonistic...so many of them always were, but since they’ve stopped pretending to live in normal society, they’ve just gotten worse.”

Tony looked up at Steve with a ‘what the fuck’ look stamped on his features. He squirmed on the couch until his ass was firmly in a ‘ready to listen to Steve go on a tirade’ position. He typed something on his laptop and just waited. And waited. And when he glanced up at Steve again, he could see the Boy Scout’s nostrils flaring as if he already pictured some grave injustice being done on that island across country. Other than the mutants who still made their home in the city or wherever they did, most of them were well-out of the way and not worth worrying about. Even Erik wasn’t causing problems anymore. Why was Steve so bothered?

Because he was Steve.

“So, I take it you’re going out there to check it out? Need back-up?” Tony asked. His tone said he didn’t want to go. “I mean, after all, you’re not exactly used to such rampant hedonism.” Tony rolled his eyes. He was more hedonistic than most of the mutants on Utopia combined – save one or two, but Steve had become so accustomed to his antics that he’d reduced his comments about Tony’s lifestyle down to dirty looks or grunts of annoyance.

“The person who wrote didn’t think it was a big enough deal yet to involve all of the Avengers, so I’ll probably go by myself,” Steve replied and scanned over the letter again before folding it up and returning it to the envelope.

Tony scoffed. “You? Alone on Utopia? Where all that...mutant debauchery goes on? I just can’t picture it.”

Steve rolled his eyes. Again. It made him more determined to prove to his teammate that taking a trip out to Utopia by himself wouldn’t be a problem. “Are you volunteering to go, Tony?”

“No. Not really. As much as I would love to see my old girlfriend...”

“Which one?” Steve snarked.

Tony just kept talking. “...I don’t think that would yield the results I’d want, especially since she’s ‘happily’ involved with Summers.” It was his turn to roll his eyes.

Steve walked around the back of the couch to go to his bedroom to change. “Alright then. I’m heading out in an hour, and I’ll see you when I get back.”

Watching Steve’s back become more distant in the hall, Tony called out, “What? Don’t I even get a kiss goodbye?”

Thanks for the asks!

Fanfic Ask Meme.

#Fanfic Writer Asks #sunnysideprincess #Thanks for the asks!

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dykeishheart · 5 months

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Actually tbh I think I can explain why the "tumblr user base is aging" comments being consistently left so frequently on posts about mundane household chores usually made by 20somethings, and why that cognitive dissonance is happening now. Think about what one really big thing might be driving a huge wedge into the two current major generational demographics of tumblr users' worldviews on housework's relationship with aging. It's down to a combination of factors really.

Firstly, our cultural milestones around the proper age to be living independently, taking care of one's own need for food and clean stuff, and buying things have undergone massive cultural changes that our collective ideoformic culture hasn't fully wrapped its head around. People used to move out at different ages than they do now, which is primarily down to rent being exirbitantly higher now and homeownership becoming a unicorn. Self-sufficiency is largely a skill reserved for second class citizens because white America has historically offered the privilege of building servants into their models of familial units; wealthy families have servants, middle class families have mothers, poor families have children. If you're someone whose white family used to be well off enough to not rely on the work of their kids to do household chores because one parent stayed home to do that, but you now exist in a time when both parents need to work to stay even, you might be shocked to learn a teenager has a favorite burner on the stove. If you're black, this is not shocking at all because there's never been a time when that wouldn't be the case for you, because second class citizens don't typically get to benefit from good economies.

The second big contributer here is technology. Kitchens and laundry rooms have only gotten fancier and more technically capable in the last 30 years. Smart technology in appliances, sensors in microwaves and dryers, autopilot vacuum cleaners, remote starting and stopping of tech, this all represents a huge dropoff in how much skill and input various household tasks require. If you're rich. This shit is expensive and a huge majority of people will never get to use this stuff while it's new, while the people already in a position to have it have an easier and far less personal relationship with their household tasks in a way that would absolutely impact how they respond to hearing about someone having a favorite set of measuring cups. Fact is, a person who air fries all their meals, has a pre-measured laundry pod that works for all clothes regardless of color or material, can rely on their microwave to perfectly defrost everything with no experimenting, has a robot clean their floor, and has a fridge which makes a digital shopping list with a button to automatically place Walmart and Amazon orders when things get low, is living a VERY different life than a person their own age who has to do literally all of that manually with direct input that relies on knowledge of how all their appliances work and how to balance all those tasks.

When you have a website that has no monetary requirement for use beyond the pre-imposed limit of living privileged enough of a life for internet access in an english speaking country (okay that's not a requirement but we all know how white this website is, and how American it is besides), you can just end up having a lot of really popular posts about doing chores made and shared by people poor enough to have to have done chores as children, and a hell of a lot of comments from people rich enough to not have had to do chores as a child and still rich enough to have their chores done by their Amazon Smart Home, but who remember their parents talking about chores all the time and assume the post was made by a middle-aged person. It's a quirk of generational shifts in culture, lack of any significant communication between demographics within the same generation, and good ol' classism and racism.

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ns-imagines · 1 year

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I did not want to bring drama onto this page but, i need to be able to defend myself and my blog.

To the @ users i had to read ur posts and comments so you should probably read mine :D

Edited: @everyone who comments and then deletes their comment. if ur gonna talk shit unblock me. I am all for it.

It is not fair in any form that everyone involved has only read that post. Let alone the person posting things to provoke the downfall of my week old blog and for me to receive death threats and to be called horrible things. Before you key board smash in the comments read the whole thing below.

There is absolutely no r*pe in the fic i posted. The non consensual aspect of it is Nikto entering the readers personal space, touching of the hand/shoulder/thigh. Everything sexual is consensual. Could i have explained it better in the tags yes. But it does not prompt what is basically cyber bullying to occur. It is my first NSFW post in the entire history of my account 2017-present.

Also people complaining its NSFW its a NSFW post???

Now addressing @cssndra-cain

This had all started two days into the reactivation of my blog. They had posted this.

** CRAZYYYY i go back to take a screenshot of the post and its fucking GONEE. It was a screenshot of my Character Introduction for Nikto. It was basically just talking shit.

At the time MY @ for this blog was in the # portion of the post. My like four followers reached out to me bringing this to my attention. I was almost finished with my fic so I decided to be petty back and send this meme

In no way shape or form does it say what the post is about, the nsfw, the contents, NOTHING. You are absolutely mad if you think i went to read your blog and ur entire life story after you calling me out under hashtags. I am honest to god regretting not taking screenshots of the chat because it was deleted either when they changed their name or blocked me. I dont know or care how tumblr DMS work.

If ur gonna post screenshots post the entire conversation because me stating “dont be sensitive” was referring to the mass amount of nsfw content under tumblr and under the COD fandom. I stated to them in DM there was no r*pe content involved and that it was just touching or him entering the readers personal space. I made sure to directly update it after having this conversation with the other user.

They then proceeded to reblog a post mentioned pedo****a and put MY blog in the hashtags. How the fuck am i a pedo*****e making a NSFW scenario about a man that is well over 20 maybe even 30? Please tell me.

This user then proceeded to remove the hashtags that mentioned me and made the post below

I will personally provide you the link if you want it.

In this post they completely bash my account and LIE about our interaction. Saying that, and i quote

“The author who DMed me even invalidated how much I found rape disturbing by saying “well there’s worse rape fics on here” and saying that I’m too sensitive to be on tumblr.”

Post the entire conversation because this is utter bullshit. All i sent was the meme.

“Imagine telling someone with any kind of past of sexual violence, that they’re too sensitive for the internet “

Because yes, (and this is sarcasm if you are dense) i totallly reviewed this persons account and knew their entire back story of trauma.

Then we have the user’s commenting who dont even BOTHER to check the other side of the story. You would think at the age of 16 or over (tumblr’s age requirement) you would understand that people say shit they way they want you to hear it. There is two sides to each story. If you are that easily influenced and dont do your research after seeing a post on the internet i am genuinely worried.

Then what gets me the most is this person continues to mention me in post. At what point does this become bullying?? You probably wont even read this because you want to feel in the right. Almost your entire blog is complaining about NSFW and how it triggers you like the author is supposed to know. You should probably turn on the NSFW filter. Please message me and i can show you how step by step.

I do not condone or support r*pe sexual assault or pedo****a. You read a NSFW post and got mad it was NSFW.

Im tagging everyone i dont care. If ur gonna call me horrible things, send death threats fucking read this.

Since ur post mentioned things I should learn. Hopefully you learn from this. Dont call people out if you don’t expect the truth to come out. Because i aint the one to take shit talking.

@ghostsaop @fury-under-night @collinnmckinley

@snikimobius @bjahfler @obligatoryghoststare @freshlemontea @romancedeldiablo

^insane most of you guys are late 20s early 30s

I will not be replying to comments or other post im done and i simply do not care anymore i am going to continue writing.

For my followers who are just enjoying my writing. Thank you and i love writing for yall. This will be the only drama post on my account and after 12 hours i will be adding a “read more” so it isnt blocking my content.

*me when i read a marked NSFW post and theres NSFW*

#cod Nikto #call of duty x reader #creatormari #cssndra-cain #keegan-s #cod

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michaeldemiurgossociety · 10 months

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Reminder about Secret Sword 2: Even Pointier sign ups!

Also, last year we had 20 sign-ups. So far, we have 10, and we are taking applicants/sign-ups until next Friday the 24th, So please, think about signing up and please boost the signal/share!

So, here are the dates first:

Sign ups - From November 12th - November 24th

Assignments sent out on November 26th

Assignments Due on January 6th

Works posted for all to enjoy in the collection on January 13th

Master reveal list on January 20, 2024

Second, this is the sign up link:

Please answer EVERY question. Do NOT skip questions in the form. Thank you!

Third, rules:

*This is a Michael-centric gift exchange, as a result this is going to have Michael as the primary character or focus in fic, art, videos...etc.

This is an all ship zone. The only exceptions are for ships that might be seen as promoting inappropriate adult/underage relationships or bestiality. Everything else goes. If you don't like it, don't request it or add comments to it when works are revealed.

*The sign up list will ask everyone what their squicks/triggers are. If you have them, please list them. This helps us to appropriately make sure you're paired doing work for someone who matches you and also so you don't have to make something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

*The exchange has two hosts, myself (Legendarytobes) and Dtaina. You need to save our email when we reach out to you with assignments and be open with if stuff comes up. We don't mind, we just want to have enough time to let possible pinch hitters know.

*This is a very golden rule place. If you can't say something nice about a work, then just don't say anything and respect all types of Michael appreciation.

*Yes, if your giftee requests something with AU or crossovers you can do that. If they don't specifically request a crossover or AU michael idea, then you need to try and honor their prompt/request as closely as possible.

*Also, honor ratings requests of your giftee. If they want something to stay PG, then please do that. We will try as hosts to pair people who have similar heat level requests together as well.

*You will provide three prompts. The gifter who makes your gift only has to fulfill one of the three. They can do more but one out of the three prompts fulfilled is all that is required.

Please feel free to spread this all over the internet and social media. We love to have new people participate too. Even if you've never made a fanwork, you can feel free to start now!

*FINALLY, in case you feel overwhelmed by being a new participant---and we love new people---but a story only has to be 500 words minimum and a vid only has to be 60 seconds and art only has to be one drawing/image. And, yes, we'll also take poems if that's your kind of fanwork. So, if you're on the fence about trying it, this is a great way to try creating in fandom too.

#lucifer #lucifer netflix #dc comics #michael #michael demiurgos #mdas #secret sword 2 even pointier #secret sword #holiday gift exchange #fanfic #fan art #fan vids

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k-s-morgan · 2 years

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Another monthly update! So, this month was extra stressful since the shelling of Kyiv resumed. Unfortunately, most explosions happened not far from me, and each of them terrified me as usual. From better news, none of them damaged my home or the homes of my loved ones, and Germany seems to have given a modern air defense system to my city in particular. All missiles were destroyed lately, including today, and I hope that our luck sticks.

Of course, everything is scary even when the air defense system is at work. You’re reading the news, seeing information about 20, 50, or 100 missiles entering Ukrainian territory, and then you just wait quietly, wondering if one of these missiles is going to reach your city, your district, your house. I often feel sick with worry during these moments. I can’t distract myself with anything, I’m glued to my phone and trying to fight the uncontrollable tremors. When explosions start, it’s chilling, and even though I now recognize the sounds of air defense system, I’m never sure if I’m right. Like today: I heard 4+ explosions, I saw the smoke coming up, and I couldn’t tell if the missile hit or was destroyed because what I hear and think is not reliable in these situations.

The worst thing is when electricity and Internet disappear. I have no way to find out if the air raid continues, if it stopped or if it started anew. I can’t connect with other people, so I’m just cuddling my cats in the dark apartment under the blanket and keep praying for the best.

I reconnected with one of my friends recently. She lived on territories occupied by Ruzzia for a while, and I barely recognized her when I saw her. She looks decades older than she actually is. She witnessed some of her friends tortured and killed for nothing but amusement. Her son was shot at from the tank by Ruzzians when he tried to get some water, and the fact that he survived is a miracle. Speaking with her horrified me and broke my heart. I just can’t wrap my mind around any of this.

Your words and support mean everything to me. They help me stay strong and encourage me to keep writing. I’m starting my new Tomarry story in November, and since war will be a big part of it, I look forward to expressing some of my feelings and experiences there. I always read and re-read all of your words when I’m feeling down or scared, and I can’t tell how much motivation this gives me.

Also, huge, huge thanks to those who keep supporting me via Patreon. My financial situation has been consistently difficult for the last several months: everything is getting more expensive, my parents’ salaries got reduced, and while I still have mine, health issues gained volume. My cats, my pigeons, my family, myself — we all got sick and some of us are still recovering. Both of my cats had their surgeries this month, and this alone cost me 90% of my salary. Without your contributions, I don’t even know what I’d do. They helped me cover everything and make it through this month.

Here’s my lovely cat Tom after his surgery: he was sleeping for 3 hours right on top of me after I brought him back home.

And this is Simura. Unfortunately, this baby might require another procedure in November. She has a runny nose and she’s sneezing blood occasionally. No treatment worked so far, so we might have to sign up for rhinoscopy.

I’m excited to share the update of my Black Butler story and hopefully the first chapter of another Tomarry. Thank you for your asks, comments, notes and messages. This is a life-changing time, and all of you will forever remain a part of this journey in my memory. I’m so grateful to all of you.

My electricity has just disappeared again, but I charged my laptop enough to last me for several hours, so I’m going back to writing. Have a good, peaceful night/day!

#personal #my fics #ukraine #kiev #kyiv

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artfightdramaconfessions · 11 months

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So, this year I did my first Art Fight; I had joined in 2021 but kept myself as a spectator to observe it and see what the rules would be like, how things are done, the general etiquette of it - and I think, being involved in the fight is very different from watching it.. Wholesome, sweet and kind on the outside; very distant, lazy and disorganized on the inside.

Personally, however, I had a wonderful time! I think I pumped out loads of art and I am proud of what I did for others; high-quality, fully-rendered, respect being given to character features and everything being on-model. I drew exactly 80 pieces, majority of them being waist or fullbody, and only about 5 simple-shaped characters and 3 mass attacks. It was heartwarming to see much of it later being posted on Toyhouses, in the character's reference pages, and elsewhere. All around, I was satisfied in what I was able to provide and enjoyed drawing characters I wouldn't personally design, like drawing really cute girls and ferals when I usually lean to monsters and men! I found unique designs, novices and beginners, all sorts.

And while I got a quarter of defenses in return which I absolutely cherish and some sweet comments on a majority of my pieces, I saw how others have complained about not being given responses for work that they've poured hours into... That made me wonder if that's just.. Generally the mentality of artists now; either too introverted to show appreciation to fellow artists in spite of us collectively knowing how challenging it can be to make art, or just joining to farm and then acting too tired or busy to actually participate. - And then the other half almost kill themselves and psychologically drain themselves in the parasocial cycle that Art Fight has to offer in its "trading environment". Sure I could be classified in the latter group too, but I still practiced self-care and got shit done compared to the burnout horror stories I see. It's quite a wild contrast to observe, and leads to psychological turmoil on both sides when one only gives and the other only takes.

There's also the case of people joining the fight and not contributing at all; just picking a side, dropping some characters, (sometimes a broken promise) and then disappearing. I do not want to hear the "they have real lives off the internet, they were busy" excuse, either - I too have a life: I am a teacher during the week /and/ I have a weekend job. When it is summer holidays for the Northerners, I am down in the Southern hemisphere, dealing with the winter, working and freezing my hands up to the point I don't want to create art sometimes when I get home - but I was still perfectly diligent and on top of things.. But hey, maybe I'm built different, and some people are simply just lazy and want rewards without the effort, or quickly assume they deserve more than what they should.

On the bright side, I'm glad I didn't deal with anyone hostile or disrespectful, and I only encountered two genuine art farmers who pretended they didn't know how to draw or "weren't skilled". Always the same excuses, at some point we have to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt so often; As gatekeepy as it is, I'd imagine a game for artists should be reserved for artists, it's not like an unfit marine biologist would want to participate in the Olympics, let alone be allowed to, so why should people who otherwise hate drawing or don't want to learn the skill and deliberately say such things want to join? In a sense it feels like a mockery towards art and the exchange of creativity in general, and I've been on porn sites that check the quality of your art before they post it better than this! There should be at least an entry requirement for signing up for Art Fight where you send in an artwork before the mods verify your account; there would be a fuckload less farmers, for certain.

I'm hoping that maybe, just because it was my first Art Fight, that /maybe/ this high-attack low-defense ratio of mine is to be expected, and if I just manage to spread my art to even further crowds and find new people to attack, I'll find others who will like my designs and be eager to draw them with the same level of eagerness I had to draw theirs. All that matters to me is if I find people who /want/ to draw my characters, not feel obliged to, in the same way I was never obliged to draw that pink, ridiculously-well-endowed Succubus or stocky, angry little Pokemon - but I did it anyway! I simply enjoyed the spontaneity and diversity of character design and unfamiliar fandoms. In the end, after all I've said, it doesn't matter how much art you get in return, it's about how proud you feel about what you contributed to the fight, and what you learned and discovered in the fun little world of character design.

I don't feel discouraged to draw less next year, I'm going to simply relent, but I can see why other artists hang their heads after their first time when they encounter hostility, are ignored, or don't get what they want out of it.

I think these are some things that I would want to improve if I could:

The ratio should calculate points, that will really incentivize people into prioritizing quality over quantity with their attacks. If you want to see how many attacks VS defenses someone has, just go and check on their front page (if you want it to specifically see how many attacks and defenses they had in one year specifically, they should add a sorting filter for that). The only "downside" I can imagine is an increase in mass-attacks, a joy for some but not for others.

After July, I think that we should still be able to submit Revenge-Only attacks during August - and to not have revenge chains be exploited, only be able to post a revenge once on a Level 1.. Level. I see a lot of people seeming guilty for not being able to attack back within the month or being a minute too late to submit a revenge, and then also just being too shy to submit the attack off-site / not being able to do it offsite / not thinking it's worth it without getting points / etc. - and easy resolve would be to allow revenges to still be posted during August, and Moderators can calculate the event scores and winners in September; trying to cram all of the admin into 12 days is insanity and I am speaking from a perspective that deals with a painful amount of admin. Also, get a fucking search bar that's accessible for everyone, holy Hell.

I'm.. Not sure if my tangent was in good spirits or not, it's rather just thoughts that have been rolling around in my head while I've been reflecting on my experience. Hope everyone else had a good Art Fight and reached their goals, or met and made some friends through it. :)

#art fight #artfight #artfight2023 #submission

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