#while she is spoiled i don't think she viewed herself as better than anyone let alone shauna

[sukibenders]

Not people calling Jackie a villain, what version of Yellowjackets were they watching? Like in the beginning episode, they show some of the girls excluding her from a plan because they know she won't like it because it involves hurting someone, she steals pills for Shauna because she knows her friend gets nervous on plane rides, gives Shauna her last piece of food, and does Misty's, whose been excluded a lot by the other girls mind you, makeup and calls her pretty. The same Jackie who had to realize that her friend was sleeping with and got pregnant by her boyfriend and no one cared, died thinking her best friend hated her and then had her corpse eaten and people joked about after. I think people should stop trying to make a villain out of these characters and realize that they're all flawed, but out of everyone, Jackie is the big bad? Come on, wrap it up.

[gontagokuhara]

Just went on Instagram to look at more DR art (because tumblr won't let me see a lot of DR art for some reason) and saw hinanami discourse out in the wild which made me say, out loud, "oh, are we still doing this 💀"

Like idk if I've just aged out of the fandom (on Instagram) but just seeing that hinanami rant made me realize I've been spoiled by the DR community on Tumblr bc I'll scroll on here for 2 minutes and see a text post that will literally SHIFT my entire view of a character/ship and CHANGE my LIFE in just a small analysis that was probably written by op while they were on the toilet💀

Anyway it made me think of the post about Maki and Chappel Roan that I actually recited by memory out loud to my friend last night [gooning over wlw content together after watching Muriel's Wedding], And also that one post abt Monomi and Monokuma being Junko's satire of her own rivalry with Mukuro, and Junko not liking that her friends don't appreciate her fursona doing stand-up 💀💀 and like compare that to Instagram discourse and it's like "Komahina is stupid bc hinata isn't straight" like 💀

Anyway maybe it was the same on tumblr before [it probably definitely was] but now that I'm older I'm really appreciating mature convos/takes about danganronpa because good fanfiction/fanart/fan interpretations are truly adapting the story+characters in much better ways than the creators could ever imagine circa 2010 [pointy objects] [peaches and cream] [anything w/autistic nagito] [anything w/transmasc hajime]

number one rule of modern fandom experience (at the very least with media that has a propensity to draw Certain Crowds [looking especially hard at danganronpa and p5]) is CURATE YOUR OWN SPACE AND STRAY NO FARTHER ‼️‼️‼️ i personally escaped the early era dr fandom (pre v3 localization/the 2019 Danganronpa Renaissance) but time capsule posts tell me i dodged something of a bullet there ❤️ in that vein 2019/2020/covid era discourse was still crazy insane (<- was a part of it for sure LMFAO) but it had a much different Flavor than it did way back when. and the same is true of present-day: still a little kooky if you search hard enough (insta/tiktok/twitter/tumblr all have their own demons). but at least This go around i have largely avoided that by picking my people that i trust not to be Weird and just living in my own bubble wrt the dr fandom at large. and thats served me very well the past year+ since i got back into dr <3 and i have also seen MANY of those perspective-altering posts in that little curation circle that has deepened and made better my experience THE GOOD IS OUT THERE ‼️‼️‼️

THE JUNKO FURSONA POST ALSO LIVES IN MY BRAIN its so real and just one of many takes i’ve seen fly by in a post and been like This is so real and it’s mine now. many such cases <3 i follow people like that and simply block people expending energy on discourse i DOOOOOONT care about. like simply enjoy kmha (I SURE DO ‼️‼️‼️) if you like it and ignore hnmi/kmnmi if you dont (cant relate I LOVE YOU TOO HINANAMI + KOMANAMI ‼️‼️‼️) and live your life happy not angry ❤️

like re: maki lesbianism (which was written on the toilet no lie) she is The most lesbian of all time i could write 10,000 scholarly articles on her comphet + traumatic past of being made to hurt people keeping her from fully coming to terms with herself as a lesbian and as someone who wants to Protect the people she loves (an integral pillar of butchness!!!!!!!!) and it is so important to me. and MANY people disagree! and i simply just dont worry about it <3 but i DO think about the people that agree (and the people who i Influence to agree…..that makes me so happy to hear you talking about it with people :D) and that makes fandom FUN!!!!! not arguing over word of god or whatever that isn’t going to change anyone’s opinions anyway 😭

there is a LOOOOOT of good discussion and character/scene analysis and genuinely fun unique takes on tumblr (+ im sure other places but i rly only interact with dr on her & Occasionally by liking a twt post on my main) and that’s where i’ve made my niche <3 people having fun with the media they enjoy and trying to salvage its shortcomings and missteps because they love it!!

and putting little old Me up amongst the dr goats (transmasc hajime) (autistic nagito)………..framing this ask tbh the HIGHEST honor 4 me……..thank you my beloved cider as always KISS MWAH MWAH

[nelllover]

i have a very weird question that i would love to hear your take on. in a au where lorelai & chris got married and died in a car crash, what made emily & richard to raise rory as their own daughter, what her relationship with jess would be like? and mostly with her grandparents?

Ooh, that's interesting.

So in this au, you would have to take into count that Rory would have been raised by Lorelai and Chris (not sure if we're talking about them dying when she's a baby or when she's like 10 or something) and I think that in itself would change Rory a lot. Not having Chris in her life was a big thing for Rory growing up, and unknowingly shaped her and her views on relationships a lot.

I'm not sure in what way being raised by Emily and Richard would affect Rory (obv it would I just don't think it would mean that she'd become all mean and spoiled but then what?) I feel like in this au she wouldn't feel the pressure to make up for "ruining Lorelai's future" but obviously with her parents dead (I'm going off the assumption that Rory knows that she's their grandaughter for now) she would feel a kind of pressure to live up to their memory (and she'd probably blame herself to some degree for their death bc this is Rory we're talking about)

Now there are two options 1: Rory tries so badly to live up to Lorelai that she starts to become her (as we know in canon Richard and Emily both saw Rory as the daughter they never had who they wished Lorelai was and Rory being the people pleaser that she is would 100% let them) but becoming Lorelai means realizing that the life that her parents planned for her isn't what she wants and then comes rebelling against them (honestly rebelling doesn't sound like teenage Rory that much but teens with dead parents are known for doing just that so I think it works) and what rhymes with rebelling better than getting a bf your parents hates and that's where Jess could come in now in this au I have no idea how they could meet seeing as obviously Rory would be living in Hartford but idk maybe she wants to visit the cute town close to home or something or they meet at a concert? I'm not sure that's up to you!

Now I have two ideas for what way they could get together either it's love at first sight and all that cute shit (boring but cute) bc without her bond with Lorelai her and Jess's relationship probably would've happened quicker OR (and that's the one I like more) they meet become friends and fake date Rory itches a plan that she knows will make Emily and Richard mad aka date the cute guy that is everything that they hate. (honestly, this is just bc they're aren't enough fake dating lit au's)

Now option 2: Rory stays in the perfect daughter role (and is slowly having a nervous breakdown but hey what's new?) she's probably dating someone handpicked by Emily a Chris2.0 if you will (so basically Logan) and is wildly unhappy but again she's a people pleaser so she'd never say. in this version, I think Rory would be a little less aware of her privilege and when she meets Jess she would probably come off as some spoiled little rich girl and after spending so much with Emily she would probably be judgemental of him too (and the meet ugly ensues) and slowly but surely they would realize that they're not so different become friends fall in love and all that!

Now seeing as this Rory would be at her peek people pleaser attitude it would be even harder to break up with her bf and to go against her mother's opinion (and as we know if there is anyone that dislikes Jess more than Lorelai it's Emily) but in this case, surprisingly I think Richard would be of great help while also having ridiculously high expectations of Rory he always had a soft spot for her and I think after losing his daughter that soft spot would only grow and seeing her miserable he would try his best to help her in changing Emily's mind! (plus I always thought that Richard would have loved Jess now granted when I think that I'm talking s6 Jess and not before but still!)

ok now on to just her relationship with Richard and Emily so far I've been going off the assumption that she knew who her real parents were but if she doesn't that obv had on a new layer to it does she even know about Lorelai's existence (does she see her as some big sister that she never got to know and nobody dares to talk about) or does she not even know that? I think her relationship with both would still be pretty similar to the one in the first situation just maybe without her giving herself the same crazy amount of pressure to be just like Lorelai. Emily would probably try her best to be more relaxed (without much success but still) I definitely think that if Lorelai died that young both Emily and Richard would feel guilty for it somehow and this would result in them sheltering Rory as best as they could (which is obviously not the way to raise a kid) which would result in her being very non-self-aware and well sheltered.

I'm gonna stop the post here but I honestly still have so many thoughts about this so just tell me if you want more bc I gladly will<3

[lovemecharlie]

Five Months In.

Charlie's Gender Reveal x Kristina the FreakyThief finds a new love 💕

Charlie felt like she was on her period almost, but without the blood and once her belly had grown to a noticeable size, suddenly everyone in her life was an expert on pregnancy and babies, feeling the need to tell her everything they'd ever half-read or heard. Her parents had stories about her childhood for days, odd stories that only Erik wanted to hear so that he could look at her and laugh. He wanted to get slapped, Charlie had the suspicion that he got off on it especially since she'd been a bit more temperamental than usual. Her moods changed quicker than Bastion's outfits. Her clients had helpful tidbits at times, but mostly empty aww's, nosey digging questions, and general knowledge. Nothing for the swelling, constipation, or bloating. She was grateful for the consideration and well wishes, but she wished people would mind their own business in the most polite way possible while keeping their hands to themselves. They weren't at the Apollo and her stomach was not a block of wood people could rub for good luck. Anyway, that was neither here nor there, the day of her gender reveal had arrived and she was determined to have a great day. She felt energized and there was a party to prep for.

"Need help," Erik asked waltzing into the room. He never knocked, he'd always just barge in.. often not even saying anything, just staring out of the window. Sometimes she'd stand next to him and he'd hug her. Those were the times she wondered if he was really okay, though she never asked, she just stood with him. "Nope, I'm feeling pretty decent so I've got this," Charlie smiled casually lifting from the bed to take her shower. Erik walked to her west facing floor to ceiling window. Nearly all of her walls were replaced with windows tinted from the outside. Thick glass stretched horizontally across the room, giving a magnificent sky view, property view, and beyond. He could see everything from her windows, the perfect high perch.

"You know this used to be my office before we met? I used to come in here to think when life, Wakanda, the center, Hennessy, Angéle, Kimora, and that damn Davita," he smirked, "..would get to be too much." He paused looking out and Charlie made her way to his side to stare out as well. "Sometimes they would really raise a nigga blood pressure to the point where I could either snap and do something terrible that I'd regret or I could walk away. It's like the same decision has been presented to me over and over again my whole life and because of the love implanted in me by my father, I've been forced to face these situations head on. Because I loved my wives, I couldn't hurt them like I'd hurt someone else. I'd lock myself in this room and look out these windows reminding myself of why I chose this road. Why I ain't give up in Wakanda? Why do I still push for these folk who act like they don't give a damn when I do it for them? Why I let myself fall in love?"

Charlie simply listened as Erik was transported back in time through his thoughts.

"I want you to know that no matter what happens in this house, you're special to me like this room is special to me. I'm safe with you. Don't think I don't appreciate it and all the times you spent right here with me while I was going through it."

Wordless, Charlie wrapped her arms around his waist, her head against his bare chest. He smelled good.. clean and fresh like rain. His fingers absentmindedly played in her curls as they stood there in silence.

"Can I be your safe place," he asked suddenly, catching Charlie off guard and causing her to realize that other than prayer.. she didn't really have one. She didn't trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable. Did she even trust Erik? She had to think about it. No, she didn't, but if she was going to stay with him, she needed to start. There was a long silence, since she refused to give him a yes that she did not mean and he was patient as he said he'd be.

"..Yes," she finally whispered into his raised skin answering the spoken and unspoken questions between the two of them. On her return to the household, she'd promised she'd try to make the marriage work and this was taking a giant step in the right direction. She hoped she wouldn't regret it.

The shower was exactly what her body needed and when she emerged towel-wrapped and hair wet, Erik was still there at her window. She approached and he did a double take, taking in the wet curls draping over her shoulders and her glistening skin. As if forgetting the thoughts he'd been tangled in, he tilted her head back kissing her on the forehead and lips before halting her with his hands in the air. "Wait here, I'll be right back," he stressed before jogging off. When he returned a minute or so later, she was sitting on the bed, waiting. He held out a garment bag and what he unveiled was a jumpsuit. An iridescent champagne colored jumpsuit with a long bejeweled train glowing from the waist. It was beautiful.

"This is for me?" Charlie leaped inspecting the garment. It was precisely her style.

"Try it on," Erik grinned full of pride, helping her into it. It was a perfect tapered and comfortable fit with space for her growing belly. She looked in the mirror, her smile wide as he stood behind her adding a chunky diamond choker set in more diamonds in rose gold. "Don't worry," he rushed watching her expression, "I'll return it if you don't wanna keep it, but for today let me ice you out. Then you can trade it for a mountain of haircare products or whatever it is you splurge on."

She laughed. She splurged on gifts. The Kompound was bougie and fancy as hell. Diamond this and that, cars on cars.. She couldn't buy them Calvin Klein. Calvin Klein??? She'd be shot! No, she saved her coins and splurged on holidays so that she could afford the big brands.

"I'm a spoil my lil monster when she comes. She finna be the iciest baby all because her mama wanna be plain."

"You can spoil our SON however you wanna spoil our SON, HE's our SON," Charlie grinned.

"Like I said, my PRINCESS will get the south pole around her neck."

"Poor polar bears," Charlie chuckled admiring her sparkling reflection. She needed to beat her face and throw on some heels, although her feet were swollen. She wondered if she could jam them into some heels.

"Just wear flats," he chuckled dropping some sparkly flat shoes near her feet.

"I want heels. This look needs heels!" Her hands posed on her hips, she was feeling herself, standing on her toes.

"As clumsy as you are without them? I don't need a reason to worry. Angel's pregnancy stressing me enough."

"How are you holding up?"

He looked at her like he had just run a marathon and was out of breath, shaking his head.

"Damn," she grimaced. "It'll be worth it. Once the twins get here and she's given birth, she will heal and you will too. You'll be able to show her all the love you've been afraid to and the twins will help you."

"I'm scared, Charlie. I need her around. I don't know what I'll do if... I can't.. I can't do this shit without her-"

"I know. She'll be okay," Charlie smiled holding his chin in her hand, "She will!!! You'll be okay. You'll look back on all of this and it'll be another segment of your crazy life that you've fought through. You're Killmonger! If anyone can make it through this rough stage, it's you. Positive thoughts. In fact, let's go see Angel right now."

---

The time had come and Charlie's face was finally beat, her hair twisted with added hair in a long ponytail. She felt like a badass intergalactic fairy. Erik wore white, his vest accented with the same champagne iridescent material. The wives, Kristina, and Davita wore variations from the same color family from champagne to white to silver to lavender.. as did the extended family for the most part. Diamonds dangled all over and everyone was beautiful. The event was in the massive backyard near the lush garden where the large gazebo stood overgrown and taken over by flowers. The DJ mixed oldies like Frankie Beverly and Earth Wind & Fire with new music from the likes of Sango, H.E.R, Khalid, MNEK, etc. There was even a sprinkling of some lit gospel, something for everybody. People drank, laughed, danced, and feasted on a spread produced by the mansion's kitchen staff. Of course, Josphine and Kristina had to contribute a few gems like cobblers and pies because they had a specific way of making them that couldn't be duplicated.

When the games came, the guests got even louder and Charlie was grateful that Erik owned so much land, the neighbors were far away. "It's a boy, her stomach is low!" "She a little fatter in the middle, it's a girl." "It's gotta be a boy!" "No, the baby's too high, she's a girl!" Charlie earhustled as the loud debates went on and Erik being the hustler that he was took bets causing Charlie to roll her eyes. Nakia insisted that the baby was a girl siding with Erik while T'Challa refused to comment. Nakia's sideeye kept him from disagreeing. The wives refrained from comment too, already aware of the baby's gender since they'd set up the reveal.

"Travante!" Charlie yelled, waving excitedly when she noticed the chocolate man appear in white and silver, his smile the whitest of all.

Erik's brow raised as he watched the exchange from a short distance away, his ears listening hard as he watched her lips trying to read them. He decided to trust that Charlie knew what she was doing while he socialized, but he still stayed close.

"I'm glad you could make it," Charlie grinned giving Tre a loving side hug and dragging him to meet the other wives. "Y'all this is THE Trevante. Trevante, this is Hennessy, Kimora, her sister Davita, Bastion.."

"I've seen you before," he pointed to her and she grinned, swishing her dress, flattered.

"This is Aly'Sha, Ryley, Angel.."

"Wow! I've heard about you. I'm glad you're doing better.. and you look stunning. You strong as hell," he gaped and Angel's warm smile made him smile.

"Aight nigga," Erik spoke in warning stepping back to Angel's side in her tricked out Chanel inspired black and gold wheelchair. He was being extremely patient and Charlie was proud, giving his hand a squeeze as she smiled at Tre. Tre nodded, calm and understanding.

"And this is Josephine, Homie, and where is... oh there she is!" Charlie grinned. Over by the dessert table was Kristina making sure everything remained presentable and attractive. She wore a champagne sequined one- shoulder dress that fit her like a second skin, her cleavage sparkling and her full and flowing. "Kristina," Charlie yelled waving her over. The second she spotted Trevante, her eyes focused in on his face and she swallowed.

"This is our little bee, Kristina. Little bee, meet Trevante," Charlie gestured. Kristina's face flushed and Trevante grinned. It was an instant connection that Charlie felt. She could see the chemistry creating bonds on their eyes. It made her feel like playing Cupid.

"Aow SHIT," Charlie yelled dropping her glass of sparkling cider. It shattered and Erik pulled her away quickly from the glass. As he was about to bend to pick it up, she gripped him hard pausing him. "Tre, would you mind going to find a staff member to clean this up? Check in the house. Kristina, could you escort him so that he knows where to go? I'm so clumsy, wow. I can't believe I did that.. Sheesh!"

Watching the two walk away toward the house, Charlie saw the visual herself and Erik in the early stages and it made her smile.

"Okay, Cupid," Erik grinned, "I see you."

"See what happens when you trust me," she mused.

As the festivities continued, the moment everyone had been waiting for finally came. Charlie was so anxious with excited energy that Erik had to rub her arms and he was just as antsy. "Are you excited, are you excited, are you excited?" Charlie bounced.

"AHH," good his eyes widened before he shook his head laughing out the excess energy.

"Look at you, you shook boy," Hennessy teased. "We already know the gender, it's fun watching you sweat," Ryley laughed enjoying the flustered Erik. He put up a playful middle finger, pacing and Charlie could see him taking deep breaths. "As long as it's healthy," she mouthed and he nodded picking up the bedazzled handgun and aiming it at the target set up free and clear in the distance, a large white balloon with 'Charlie & Erik' written on it in black script. She picked up the identical gun laid out for her and aimed it at the large black balloon with the same writing in white.

"You ready, C?"

Charlie made sure her aim was on point. "Let's go get'em!"

The guns fired simultaneously and both balloons popped flaring into two pink explosions. Erik dropped the gun, not knowing what to do with himself as his arms swung across his body.

"TOLD YO ASS," he grinned with an aggressive index pointing, eyes wet. Charlie wiped his eyes nodding. She was speechless, her own eyes wide in shock. She really thought it was a boy, but she was happy regardless. Nakia could be heard in the crowd telling M'Baku to pay up and all of the wives congratulated the happy couple one at a time followed by the party-goers, some of them very drunk. It was a perfect moment.

"Daka," Charlie whispered in Erik's ear with a humored expression once they caught a break, "Where did the little bee and Trevante go? Did they ever come back?" Erik grinned rubbing his beard and shaking his head before looking to the house. They'd been MIA for a while.

@poosypoosy @bastioncarterstevens-udaku @hennessystevens-udaku @itsangeludaku @alyshastevens-udaku @itskimorafireudaku @allhailnjadaka @bidibidibombaclaat @blackpinup22 @destinio1 @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @leahnicole1219 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark @trevantesbrat

[ardalionandnatalia]

Past Truths, Present Pains- Katya and Natalia Argue, I

In a sequestered spot near one of the wells, is a scrubby yet thriving garden of various herbs, shrubs and heather-like flowers. Katya and Natalia, having recovered from their previous ordeal with Ardalion, are weeding the herb section, though Natalia strays from their chore to examine a patch of blooming heather blossoms.

Katya notices Natalia is fixated on the heather blossoms, as Natalia carefully trims and props the stems and leaves for better growth.

Katya: You seem to really like those blossoms.

Natalia: *absent-minded for a moment, doesn't appears to hear Katya*

Natalia: What? *confused, rousing from her thoughts*

Katya: You seem to be staring at those blossoms quite a bit. Are they your favorite type of flower?

Natalia: *leans closer and picks a dead leaf from one stem tucked in* Yes...these particular flowers evokes some memories... memories of the little garden my mother and I had on our rooftop. Yes, it seems so strange to see these here.

Katya: *stops for a while* Your mother...? I've never really heard you mention her before. Were you close with her?

Natalia *pauses, sits up straight and looks aside, as though recollecting thought. She grips her hands on the skirt of her knees, as though tinged by the memory of her mother. A dim look of guilt lines her features.* I... I regret we were not. We might have been, but everything seems too clear now, so clear that it confuses me now.

Natalia: I think she did love me, and I wanted to be a good daughter, but I was very selfish to accept her regret and reconcile with her.

Katya: *confused* What do you mean...? How was she like as a person? Did something prevent her from loving you?

Natalia: Seeing these blossoms reminded me how, despite our rift in her last days, she still tended the little patch of heather we planted when I was a little child. I still remember the day we planted the tender sprouts...

Natalia: I blame my mother for my condition in my past, but in reality, it was my fault, actually.

Natalia: She was relentless about beauty and social standing, and she was ruthless I could become like her, maybe better.

Katya: *notices that Natalia looks tired as she talks about her mother* Was she a very forceful person? Just how did she become so ruthless?

Natalia: She constantly scathed me about me looks, my body- everything.

Natalia: She told me a woman's beauty is her only real worth in life- nobody wants a plain woman. She told me success for a woman laid in her beauty and deportment.

Natalia: Her force wasn't fiery. She was cold, sharp. It made her seem too powerful and frightening.

Katya is quiet for a while, noticing how thinking back about this, Natalia has become more depressed,

Katya: *quietly* I see. Did you ever find out why your mother believed all of these things? Was it because she relied so much on her own body to survive...? *she wonders what this means--she has a feeling but is too scared to say it, lest it offend Natalia*

Natalia: She seemed at times, like some distant goddess I had to appease. She was cold so often. And hard too. Sometimes, her face seemed like a cold, hard, pale mask. She never raised her voice, but she had this quietness that could unnerve anyone. When she ordered something, it was like a decree.

Natalia: I-I- never did find out what shaped her like this. Maybe I was too sheltered to see the world as she did.

Natalia: She never told me about herself.

Natalia: She always kept quiet, like a silent observer.

Natalia: I only desire now she had confided in me. I was her only child, after all. She could have trusted me. *tears prick the corners of her eyes*

Katya: Did your father ever suggested why she acted this way? What did your father think of her behaviour towards you?

Katya notices the tears in Natalia's eyes and wonders whether to comfort her, or whether she should keep quiet since comforting her may mean she is taking pity on her, and she knows Natalia does not want to be pitied.

Natalia: *tucks a sharp breath to hide a sniffle and shakes her head* He never told me anything about her, except she was a tired soul and that I should not expect her to match my energy. As I emerged from childhood, my mother became relentless in molding me into her ideal of beauty. I was a homely child, beset with a fat figure. It's possible she was right and I would have looked like a pig. But my father resented her rigors she set upon me. They argued. They grew distant. Then... when the accident happened at the kiln, it seemed she wanted to repair their rift, but he grew angrier and sullen towards her.

Natalia: It might be my fault- why he died. They were arguing about me when he fell. I always blamed her for his death. But maybe it was my fault. Or no one's.

Katya: *is silent as she listens, afraid to say too much and just lets her vent*

Katya: *takes a deep breath* If you did see her again, what would you say to her...?

Katya: Would you just ignore her? Or try to reconcile with her? Or something else?

Natalia: When she died, I arrived in time for her wake. Her face did not seem a cold mask, anymore, just a tired face weighed down with grief. The servants told me she died crying for me to come back. In her room, I noticed she had all my childhood possessions- my christening blanket, my little veil when I took First Communion...

Natalia: If I saw her again?

Natalia: I don't know... how would we reconcile? What can be said?

Natalia: What could we do? Could we ever live together peacefully?

Natalia: Yes. I would like to reconcile with her.

Natalia: *tears prick and trail down, she begins crying more openly, hunching over slightly with her elbows pressed against her bosom- she trembles slightly*

Katya: Natalia...I'm sorry to hear about all of this. Would you like me to leave you alone for now? I'm sorry I caused you to recall all of this.

Natalia: *looks up, eyes still closed- shakes her head* No. It's not your fault. The only one who caused this was myself. Please, stay. I am grateful you listened to me. I wish we had met in the past, perhaps I could have learned to be more listening and understanding had we met.

Natalia: You must think I put too much on you. Maybe I am. Still, you've taught me a good deal on the value of being still and not allowing anger to govern my ways solely.

Katya is still for a while and wonders what Natalia will say next.

Katya: Your mother probably had a lot of secrets of her own. In a way, her tragedy became your tragedy, because her tragedy influenced her to act in a certain way that caused you to react in a certain way against her and caused all these negative feelings about yourself...

Natalia: *raises and brushes off the specks of soil from her knees* You are right, Katya. She seemed weighed down by some sort of fear and grief, like she had fear of something being discovered- she never revealed anything about herself, not even when and where she was born. I never knew anything except how she met my father.

Katya: how did she meet your father...?

Natalia: I hope... if we do meet, she will confide in me

Natalia: Ah! They met during Carnival

Natalia: She was lost at a Fete, and my father encountered her- he was steering a gondola because his gondolier broke his arm in a fight over a woman.

Natalia: My mother claimed to be a noble woman fallen on hard times, so this is why she married my father, a merchant. Most merchants are richer than nobles, so it is in our city- or what was our city.

Natalia: But she never spoke of anything else. When I asked, she would say it mattered not.

Katya: I see. *not sure what to say--the idea that a man would break his arm over a woman sounds ridiculous to her, as well as the idea that merchants are richer than nobles*

Katya: Was your mother really a noble woman? Since you said she claimed to be one. But was she one in reality?

Katya: and on your father's side, why did he choose to marry her if he was richer than she was?

Natalia: It caused her, in her own, delicate way, to snarl like a wounded animal being touched, whenever I asked her. I wanted to know if she had family, as I wanted grandparents.

Katya: Was it because he wanted her so-called nobility title?

Natalia: There was no to disprove her claim. He said he married her because he appreciated her mind and stability. She differed from most women in the city. She was hardly a spendthrift, and enjoyed weighty subjects. My father never discussed her title, only that she was one a lady as much in her soul than anything else. I do suspect maybe she was not a noble...once a noble, though, marries a non-noble in Venice, they became the same status as their spouse, so she became a merchant's wife.

Katya: *sighs* Do you think your father is not telling you the truth?

Katya: That he is making things seem better than they actually are because he was the type to spoil you, as you said?

Katya: In my view, saying all these superfluous things about how he viewed her doesn't really help to solve the mystery. It just deepens the mystery.

Katya: I'm not so naive to believe that people back in your day (or even in my time) married because they thought the other person was unique. There has to be something more to it.

Katya: especially since you came from a very unforgiving time, people woudn't marry for love--! *her voice gets a bit sharp, frustrated that Natalia's father seems to be painting his view of Natalia's mother with a overly romanticized brush*

Katya is a bit embarrassed by her own frustration, but she cannot help it. She feels that Natalia is hiding something and that she was brought up in a household that denied reality, which made everything worse for them.

Natalia: *a scowl pulls on her face, as though piqued by Katya's truth* My father always acted on his own terms. He was the master of his own house, his own guild, and his own decisions. Besides, what does it matter what is the truth? In Venice, nothing is real! Everything is assumed, everything is a pageant, like an opera.... *her voice grows a bit hard and bitter over the reality she was left in the dark about the truth of her family*

Katya: Decisions? Or do you mean delusions?

Katya growls back at Natalia, incensed at Natalia's frustration.

Natalia: What does that mean? *snarls slightly* Are you insulting my father?

Katya: Anyways, I don't care. *tone changes to calm again* I'll take leave for now, Natalia.

Katya sighs, a bit angry at the whole exchange that had just transpired. What made her snap like that?

Natalia: That is just like you, Katya- always running away when you confront.

Was it the fact that Natalia's discussion of her father reminded her of how Ardalion had snickered at overly idealistic men?

Natalia: Tell me what you truly think!

As well as her own beliefs that overly idealistic men were a cause for a lot of trouble, as they failed to embrace reality?

Even her own father wasn't that ridiculous!

Natalia: Yes, you think we were deluded, do you not? That my father lived in a fairy tale! And that my mother and I were part of it? Maybe we were!

Natalia: But what of it? We had our happiness now and then.

Katya: It doesn't matter what I think. As you said, it's Venice! Nothing is real.

Katya: Good for you!

Katya: I guess we just live in separate worlds then. I suppose we shouldn't have brought up this issue.

Natalia: Sometimes living in a lie is all you can do.

Katya: And that could cause even more harm, could it not?

Katya: Look at how many complexes you have!

Natalia: People can decide to love...

Natalia: that's my own fault.

Katya: Even if being truthful was more painful, perhaps it could have saved all of the complexes that all three of you developed!

Natalia: It wasn't my mother or my father's fault. It was my fault.

Katya: Love someone who doesn't tell you their past?

Katya: Love someone who potentially lied about her station in life?

Katya: I know what you were suggesting. That your mother wasn't actually a noble but she lied about it, and THAT's why your father wanted to marry her!

Katya: And I guess the lies eventually drove your mother into the emotional mess she became, with her coldness and constant criticism.

Natalia: *eyes widen in anger* I never suggested that!

Natalia: You never knew my parents!

Katya: Is that it, Natalia? Isn't this what you wanted? For me to fucking speak my mind!?

Katya: *heaving* There you have it!

Natalia: You- you!!!

Natalia: *speechless for a moment with anger*

Katya: As problematic as my parents could've been, they didn't lie like yours did!

Katya: And I don't put my parents on a pedestal and claim that they LOVED each other so much like a damned fairy tale!

Katya: They just respected each other!

Natalia: My parents had a good friendship! Mine respected each other! What is this! Pedestal! Hah!

Katya: None of this gushy nonsense, and particularly not since there was lying! How can there be gushy love if the foundation of that relationship was based on lies and materialism?

Katya: Your father said that he considered her a lady inside and out! What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Natalia: You have no idea about my family!

Katya: Sounds like a condescending insult if I ever heard one! Like she isn't even an individual.

Natalia: You wouldn't understand!

Katya: Even Ardalion wasn't that bad!

Katya: He didn't lie, at least!

Natalia: You!

Natalia: My father never lied about what he thought of my mother and I!

Natalia: He loved us, damn you!

Katya: I think your father loved you, but I'm not sure he loved your mother the way you think he did!

Katya: Your mother seems very unloveable, to be honest!

Natalia: How do you know!

Katya: If he loved you, he wouldn't have loved your mother!

Katya: By the way, I'm not saying he was a bad man for marrying her for the title!

Katya: That's perfectly normal!

Natalia: It wasn't her fault- how

Natalia: How can you say all this?!

Katya: I guess it was just stupid, since she became a merchant's wife, rather than him being a noble woman's husband!

Natalia: Shut up!

Katya's face is red now--she has no clue how she got so angry. But perhaps it had to do with the way Natalia is snapping back at her and how she loathes the idea of living in a family built on lies.

Natalia:You have no idea about my parents! Maybe you're that way! Scheming to get something!

Katya: What's wrong about scheming?!

Natalia: But maybe I am the problem!

Katya: I'm not doing that, but why judge someone who does want to climb the ladder?

Natalia: Maybe it was not their fault, but mine.

Katya: My main problem is with the idea of denying reality and saying something is SO great and SO fairy-tale like when it clearly is the opposite!

Katya: There you go again. Why do you always blame yourself?

Katya: I thought you hated your mother.

Katya: Why don't you blame her?

Natalia: You make it sound like my mother was some scheming charlatan and my father was some desperate old goat!

Natalia: Yes, that is what you make it sound like!

Katya: And so what if that was the truth?

Natalia: Yes, I want to blame her!

Katya: Does it really change anything?

Katya: All of this has already happened! Moral judgments never make any sense in reality

Natalia: But if I governed myself better, I could have prevented so much!