#while i'm in my room 99% of the time instead of actually making an effort

[multishipper001]

⚠️Under the oak tree spoiler from chapter 99⚠️

I catched up on the manhwa as I haven't been reading the updates for a while and BITCH THE SCREAM I LET OUT AT THIS SCENE

Ok, so, one thing you have to know is that I don't like Riftan. That man is nothing but a grown baby on steroids, and he has none of my respect. He's basically a self-centered asshole, and he seems no issue with bossing my girl Maxi around as long as he has his way.

So, as usual, Mr.Ego couldn't handle that his wife did something he didn't approve of, and like the manchild he is, he decided to use his pent up frustration to make his poor wife fucking MISERABLE.

Like DUDE. Even if the characters don't know about Maxi's backstory, it's clear as day that our girlie has issues. She finally tries opening up and standing up for herself, and this bitch, instead of helping the wife he "loves" so much, he just becomes one of her problems.

And no, I don't give a fuck how hot he looks like, a dick is a dick. Man, that guy gets a fucking meltdown whenever Maxi dares do do anything that he doesn't agree with.

Poor girl, how many times had she told Riftan that she doesn't want all the "princess treatment" and spoiling, and this fucker just DOESN'T LISTEN TO HER AT ALL. Then, obviously (:D) he gets mad that Maxi doesn't like something she stated she has no need for.

I get it, Maxi is quite fragile, especially compared to a knight, but that doesn't mean she's some helpless kid😭 every fucking character that spent time with Maxi starts noticing her development and that she's not the whiny spoiled rich kid they imagined her to be... EXCEPT FOR RIFTAN

He's supposed to be Maxi's biggest support, you know, being her HUSBAND and all, but noo, he'd have to make an effort to pull his head out of his ass, which seems to be a sacrifice he's not capable of making.

And Maxi, poor girl, she's trying SO hard to adjust to this man's whims and tantrum, but what's enough is enough. Any other woman who's been raised in a good environment would've left this man by now, but she thinks Riftan is hot stuff bc her dad was, somehow, even worse than this rat.

And THIS PART, THIS PART IN THE MANHWA

When she got mad I almost threw my phone across the room because GODDAMN FUCKING FINALLY GIRLLL

It was about damn time this ridiculous behaviour pissed you off. When I tell you I was READY for a good female-rage part to come... Which didn't, but whatever...

Being angry at people who treat you badly/abuse you is a part of recovery and I'm glad she's going forward 💕 I honestly love every character about this story...

EXPECT FOR RIFTAN. THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME LOVE YOU, ASSHOLE

I'm a bit shocked about him, actually. Cause he's supposed to be the love interest & as a reader I'm supposed to root for him and Maxi to get together and fall in love.... If only he wasn't such a rat, it'd be easy.

Too bad his development peaked when he was five (and have been declining ever since)

[televinita]

How many library items do I even have out? Let's find out together!

Books ready to return: 2

Books I need to review before returning: 3 (Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands; Carrie Soto Is Back; The Lily of Ludgate Hill)

CDs: 1 (1989 Taylor's Version. I'm not ready to hear it yet. but I would like the option to do so without Spotify ads. or streams tbh)

Aaand that makes 13 items left, very good. In absolutely no order because I'm just trying to make sure I know where they all are...

1. Cheap Old Houses - Elizabeth Finkelstein: a beautiful coffee table book, apparently based off an Instagram that I (per usual) have never heard of; I am almost done but have been simply luxuriating in the photos. Currently gazing at it on BookOutlet like "$15 is reasonable for a brand new copy of such a large and 5-star book I definitely have space for actually."

2. Another Good Dog: One Family & 50 Foster Dogs - Cara Sue Achterberg: I got about 60 pages in and am loving it, but it was SO GREAT! that I had to pause and put more middling books in front of it to process; been trying to get back for 2+ weeks. That said, when I finish it...

3. One Hundred Dogs & Counting - Cara Sue Achterberg: ...when I finish the above it'll be on to the next one! (maybe? or maybe I'll want to save this 2nd shot of joy for the future)

4. The Break-Up Tour - Emily Wibberley and Austin S.B.: this has taken WAY too much time and effort to get my damn hands on. And then I didn't even read it fast! I started and then got distracted, and only yesterday managed to get up to the halfway mark. At least the request list has cooled off so I will be able to renew it.

5. The Haunting - Natasha Preston: just stocking up some reliably good YA horror for when I really crave those in the summer. This is literally an I-love-cheap-thrills situation.

6. The Joy of Falling - Lindsay Harrel: a random impulse checkout because the cover was pretty and it's about 2 widowed sisters-in-law training for an ultra-marathon in New Zealand that their late husbands had been planning to do. Thought it might serve as exercise motivation.

7. Malibu Rising - Taylor Jenkins Reid: will this suck me in as fast as Carrie Soto did? I dunno, but this is the one I was originally more interested in, so let's see if this is the year we find out.

8. Heirloom Rooms: Soulful Stories of Home - Erin Napier: Speaking of coffee table books I was looking at on BookOutlet, this popped in the "you may also like wheel" and I saw the library had it instead. "a collection of essays walking us through every room in her home, telling the story of a family’s life, of the days that made their home the place she longs for when she’s away. We learn about when they became the new owners of Erin’s dream house from childhood in downtown Laurel, Mississippi, and explore the beautiful homes of family, friends, and projects past in photographs." YEAH!

9. The Wishing Game - Meg Shaffer: I forgot to re-freeze this hold so it came in at the WORST possible time. I've been waiting on this since January and refuse to be rushed or read it if the timing isn't Perfect, so instead I'm gonna be the jerk who keeps it 3 full weeks just in case I get to it; the waitlist remains at 50+ for 7 copies. My ace in the hole is that certain books are WAY less popular in the county next door, where we can dual-register, and they also have 7 copies but only 14 people waiting.

10. Homeward Bound: Why Women Are Embracing the New Domesticity: nonfiction from 2013 that I've been vaguely meaning to read someday. There's only 1 copy left in the system so I checked it out while I was at that branch, but 99% sure I will NOT be getting to it this round. 20 days til my renewals max out.

12. DVD: Northanger Abbey: the JJ Feild spiral I have been trying to find time for since March is clearly not happening right now because WOW Ryan Gosling spiral time instead. But I can't stop believing until my renewals run out, in 3 weeks.

13. DVD: Third Star: see above. somehow holding out more hope for this one, if only because Survivor has hella reactivated my Male Friendship radar, despite these being extremely different types of men. ...just noticed my renewals on this max out in 4 days, oops.

14. DVD: Ghosts (UK), season 3: I was on a hot watching streak and then I abruptly shifted gears to watch the U.S. version's third season instead (because I was too lazy to fight with our Blu-Ray player that throws a fit every time we tell it to play a DVD instead of its favorite format), and now I don't know how to get back in the groove. But I won't give up until they make me! (9 days from now when my renewals max out)

[captorcorp]

hmmm. been kinda thinking about my brother lately

[chaoticbi-cheesecake]

Paper Airplanes and Face Masks (Hournite)

Summary: Beth has Rick over for the night and is determined to get him in a face mask.

Warnings: Mild allusions to abusive gardian.

Category: Fluff

Note: this is my first attempt at fanfiction, please leave your thought about it below:)

Training lasted longer than usual that day. By the time it was over, the sun was already saying goodbye and slowly receded to the west. Pat had tried his best to make the obstacles more difficult in an effort to mirror what he believed was to come in the battles ahead.

The new JSA tried their best to work with and without their abilities, all while trying to work together as a team. It was challenging to say the least, not many of them had much experience working with others.

Curly blonde locks stuck to Courtney's face as she asked Yolanda if she needed to be driven home. The other girl thankfully accepted the offer before running off to grab her things.

Pat, hearing he was now driving Yolanda, went to the next girl who had no mode of transportation.

"Do you need a ride?" He asked Beth who faced away from him, her eyes instead on the boy leaning on the entrance of the building.

"Oh, no thank you." she replied sweetly.

"Okay, just make sure to get home safe." the man instructed, making his voice loud enough for the boy to hear him as well.

Rick turned his head to Pat, giving him a single nod before pushing himself off the wall and walking out toward the road.

"Will do Mr. Dugan." Beth replied brightly before briskly walking in the direction of the boy, goggles slung around her neck, the straps of her backpack gripped in broth her hands.

She found him standing still outside of the building, staring at his path home with a scowl.

He wasn't all that fond of going back to his house, knowing who would be there when he arrived, though with the hourglass he would be able to defend himself if need be. He quickly found himself sinking into his own mind, the multitude of reasons why that was a very bad idea taking over his thoughts.

His dark thought process was interrupted by a hand delicately brushing against his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Beth asked in her sweet, yet concerned voice.

Rick nodded curtly and turned his gaze to the ray of sunshine beside him. Beth wore her wide smile and big doe eyes, wearing him down and making him want to tell her everything.

But he didn't, thinking better of it.

"I'm just getting ready to walk home."

"Me too!" she shook her head eagerly.

He nodded once more, awkwardly, in a gesture of understanding.

The two stood in a thick silence, Beth's hands were now shoved deep in her jean pockets as she contemplated opening her mouth again.

Rick began to walk in the direction of his house when Beth let out a quick, "Do you want to come over to my house?"

The boy stilled wondering if Beth had actually offered.

"I mean, you can if you want to. My parents are working tonight, and tomorrow night, and most nights. They've been doing that a lot recently." she laughed in an attempt to hide her sadness.

"It's getting dark, my uncle won't like me out for so long."

He heard the girl shuffle closer.

"You know, if he tries anything, Pat can always take his robot and exchange some...words," she tried. "Or any of us could suit up and do it. Not just for this, just any time you need."

Rick almost laughed, the image of Beth in her costume coming to his door to threaten his uncle, huge goggles and all, entering his head.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm still not sure that's the best ide-" he stopped himself at the sight of Beth, shoulders slumped, but eyes still bright as ever.

He realized in that moment that she was just like him, lonely and in need of some company.

"Umm...maybe just for tonight." he gave in.

"Yes!" Beth squealed excitedly, hooking her arm through his and turning them in the direction of her house.

As they walked, Beth rattled on about everything from homework to superheroes. Rick had to hold back the smile that threatened to make it's way onto his face at the sound of her enthusiasm.

They made it to Beth's house quite quickly. The girl unlinked their arms and began to rummage through her bag in searched of her keys. Rick wouldn't admit his disappointment at the lack of contact, but he would make note of how he suddenly felt the warmth leave his body when Beth pulled away.

They entered into darkness, no one was home and all the lights were off, Beth haphazardly used her hand to search the wall beside her for the light switch. As she flicked it on, brightness washed over the two. Rick squinted his eyes at the sudden intrusion of light.

"Okay, you can put your stuff here, or you can take it to my room, or just keep it with you. Whatever you want to do." Beth supplied as she began speeding to her kitchen. "Alright, what kind of snacks do you like? We have a bit of everything, sweet, sour, savory. Unless you wanted some dinner, I should have some leftovers from the other day that I could heat up for you." she offered.

"No thanks."

"Are you sure, I have cookies." she called, walking out of the kitchen and holding a clear container filled with some cookies she had caught Rick eyeing the day prior.

This time he couldn't stop his lips from turning upward in a small grin, he nodded his head.

Beth pumped her fist in the air before grabbing Rick's arm and dragging him to her room. She plopped down on her bed opening the container and taking a bite out of the sweet.

"So what do you want to do first?" she questioned, extending the box for Rick to take from. "We can do homework, watch a movie, Chuck has this great karaoke setting-" she gasped. " Ooh, we can do face masks. I was going to do them with Court and Yolanda next weekend but there's no time like the present."

"No."

"What why?"

"Cause I don't want you putting anything on my face."

"But it'll be fun." she tried.

"Nope. Let's just finish the homework and then you can pick a movie." Rick countered.

" How about we finish the homework and then we do face masks."

"Not happening."

"I can help you," she sang "and Chuck knows all the answers."

"Still no." Rick shook his head calmly.

Beth's shoulders slumped but she soon fixed her posture and shrugged. She grabbed her backpack from the side of her bed. She shuffled through it and pulled out her folder full of assignments. She grasped her geometry packet and began working on it. Rick sat down at the foot of the bed, he too got out the homework and began start on the page.

They worked in mostly silence for half an hour, Beth occasionally looking to Chuck for guidance, earning a long and extremely detailed account of every question and answer she asked about. Rick tried his best to focus on the paper in front of him, but he was just plain disinterested in the numbers, letters, and shapes on the page. He instead opted to scribble down the first answers that came to his mind, accuracy be damned, just wanting to finish as soon as possible.

He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to restore the little energy he had before taking out the assignment to no avail. When he looked back to the work, he was surprised to see a paper airplane made out of a sticky note set on top of his work.

He stared at the small plane in front of him before turning his gaze to Beth who was laying on her bed, appearing to be concentrated on the packet on her bed, tapping her pencil on the comforter as she looked over the page.

Rick moved his eyes back to the paper airplane, gingerly unfolding the wings to see in neat handwriting the words,

Face mask plz:)

He snapped his head to the girl who's face was now hidden behind her folder. She peeked her head out shyly only to see Rick rolling his eyes playfully and once again shaking his head no.

Turning his attention back to his homework, Rick wrote down the solutions to three more problems before an airplane landed on his lap.

He haphazardly opened the paper up to read the words,

Please. It'll be really fun. Please.

Before Rick had the chance to reply with a no, yet another airplane cascaded across his field of vision landing just beside his shoe. He leaned to pick it up and undid the neatly folded paper.

Pretty please with cookies on top?

Rick furrowed his brows and turned his body to face to girl, who was now at the foot of the bed, her chin was resting atop the box of cookies from before. Her big eyes and hopeful smile pleaded with him to reconsider.

He caved.

He let his head fall to his chest and pinched the bridge of his nose. He raised one hand and lifted his index finger.

"Once, we do this once."

Beth's entire face lit up as she squealed "Yay!" dashing off her bed she leaned down to give Rick a quick hug before running to get the supplies from her bathroom.

Rick begrudgingly made his way over to the side of her bed and sat down uncomfortably. But if he was being honest, he would do this a thousand times just to see the overjoyed expression that overtook her features at his compliance.

She returned holding a tube in one hand and a brush in another. Rick guessed to brush would be used to apply the mask.

"Okay, you ready?" she asked, popping open the cap and squeezing out a dollop of the mixture onto the brush.

"Why is it green?" Rick interrogated.

"Because it's matcha." Beth said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. At Rick's confused face she explained sweetly, "it's a type of green tea that's really popular to use in face masks."

He nodded cautiously as Beth stepped closer to him. She was directly in front of him as she softly touched the brush to his face. He hissed and pulled back quickly.

"Why is it cold?"

"It's not necessarily that it's cold. It's just that you're hot." Rick's eyebrows shot up. Beth didn't even realize what she had said until he made the gesture. "I didn't mean it like that! Not that you're not, it's just that- ugh, I meant body temperature. The average human body is between 97 and 99 degrees Fahrenheit and this," she held up the face mask tube, "is very much below that temperature." she rambled. "Besides, would you rather this be warm?"

Rick just stayed silent.

Beth gently brushed all around his face, sometimes imploring him to stop scrunching up his face. Rick hated to say it, but it was actually kind of relaxing. There weren't many times where someone tried to take care of him for a change.

"Alrighty, all done." the girl announced, removing the brush from his face and stepping back.

"How long do I have to keep this on for?"

"Until it's completely dry."

"And when is that?"

"Ummm..." Beth searched for an answer. " once it's hard to smile, you should be good to wash it off."

"I don't smile."

"I'm well aware, you can just wait till I take mine off."

She moved over to her mirror and began applying the mask to herself.

"I feel like an idiot." Rick complained.

"You are not, you look super cute!" Beth chided.

"I'm not sure if that's worse."

The boy watched her apply the mask all over her face, he couldn't control the expression of love and adoration that graced his face as he observed her.

He stayed like that for God knows how long until Beth turned to fully face him. He could say with the utmost confidence it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen in his life. Her face was green like his and a wide smile lit up her face.

There was no denying the smitten appearance he held as he gazed at Beth.

He was ripped from his trance when he heard the snap of Beth's phone camera. She smiled cheekily and clasped her hands behind her back.

"Beth." Rick began dangerously. "Don't do it Beth." already knowing she would share the photo.

"Just let me send it to Court and Yolanda." she pleaded.

"No, Beth."

Beth gripped her phone tightly behind her back as her eyes wandered to her open room door. Rick saw the plan forming in her mind and raced to beat her to the door. She ducked under his arm and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Rick knocked on the door frantically, "Come on, Beth. What's the point?"

"The point is you look adorable and that is not something that should be hidden from the world. And by world I mean the team." she called from behind the door.

"Beth Chapel I will turn this hourglass over right now and take this door off it's hinges." he said in an attempt to sound threatening.

"We both know you won't," Beth stated matter of factly.

"Dammit." Rick grit his teeth knowing she was right.

He heard the door unlock behind him, Beth wore a wide grin. He groaned, knowing he was completely incapable of actually being mad at her.

"Was it at least a good picture?" he asked, defeated.

"You tell me," Beth instructed, handing over her phone to the boy before slipping past him and back to her room.

The screen showed a picture of Rick, covered in a green face mask. But that's not what really got him. Plastered on his face clear as day was a lovestruck expression that could rival that of Beth's favorite rom-coms.

He sighed, accepting his fate. There would for sure be hell to pay the next day. He was certain Courtney and Yolanda would never let him live it down. But at the moment he wasn't to bothered.

"Is it okay if I put on 'The Breakfast Club'?" He heard from the other room. He lowered the phone and walked back to the room, prepared to spend the rest of the night with the adorable being that was Beth Chapel.

The End ♡

Again I will reiterate, this is my first time posting a fanfic so I would really appreciate some positive feedback, or if there was something you saw that you didn't really like please leave it in the comments, politely please. I am but an emotionally fragile egg trying my best. If you want to see more hournite oneshots or headcanons let me know. Thanks

Sincerely, Tessa.

[tidethreads]

No pressure but I'm very interested in your more elaborate opinion of the song 😊 Have a great weekend! 💕

thank you my weekend was actually pretty nice!!

my brain isn’t fully working yet but i really just wanna write what i think now. in general i think i’ve already mentioned that i don’t think the song is as much of a break-up song as people think also bc he’s still dating the person this has to be about, i’m just gonna go through the lyrics bit by bit and write what i think and then do an interpretation and conclusion at the end

warning: this is very long and detailed

[Chorus]I can’t writeone song that’s not about youCan’t drink without thinking about youIs it too late to tell you thatEverything means nothing if I can’t have you?

ok starting off, i like that the chorus is at the very beginning, i think most people agree here. the interesting thing is that the “you” is always at 1 of the subsequent bar, which is the same thing he did in FAIY and there was a lot of speculation about that and different interpretations - the fandom interpretation is that it should be seen as belonging to both the former and the latter line (fallin’ all in - you - fell for men who weren’t how they appeared) while people “outside” saw it as being the close of the first line only.

the reason i’m recalling this is bc i read someone say that the first you can be seen as the start of the second line too and that the second line would be “you can’t drink without thinking about it” (the it would be instead of the second “you” but ..yea. i don’t agree with that)

i also don’t think “everything” is just an empty word that describes everything in his life ever but i’m gonna elaborate on that at the end

[Verse 1]I’m in Torontoand I got this viewBut I might as well be in a hotel room, yeah

i think i’m gonna keep most of my “unpopular opinions” for my other ask that asked about them, let me just say the first two lines are (for me) about the fact that his feelings for this person are what’s on his mind and they’re the “constant” basically, and that’s why it doesn’t matter where he is - bc they’re always there and yeah home is home but you can’t just turn off your thoughts about someone you care about this much

Itdoesn’t matter ‘cause I’m so consumedSpending all my nights reading texts from you

celebrities…they’re just like us lol. what a mood

basically yes this “confirms” my paragraph above, it doesn’t matter where he is bc his personal life is so overpowering

[Pre-Chorus]Oh, I’m good at keeping my distanceI know that you’re the feeling I’m missing

this is the part where i tell you that in order for my interpretation to work, i need to disregard the more obvious interpretation of certain lines and “keeping my distance” is one of them. i don’t know what i think about it yet (wow also sorry i’m writing in this much detail about every single line lel)

“the feeling i’m missing” - i see that as that his life is missing (as in it’s not there) the fulfillment of being in a romantic relationship, this is NOT about how he misses the person this is about, idk why everyone is saying that

also “i know that you’re filling the need for this certain thing in my life” does not mean he doesn’t currently “have” the person? the entire song is not saying much at all about whether or not he “has” that person. for me it’s an acknowledgment of this person’s place and importance in his life, not an “i miss you” line

You know that I hate to admit itBut everything means nothing if I can’t have you

“YOU KNOW THAT I HATE TO ADMIT IT”. this is the line that stands out the most for me in the entire song. yes, this can be a commonplace and they could have just added it bc it fit, but shawn admitting the struggle between his career and his relationship and that he “hates” (ok strong word but even acknowledging that he has difficulties) admitting that his relationship is taking up more and more space and that yes of course he loves his career but at what cost?

also the “you know” is what is telling me they’ve had several conversations about this

[Verse 2]I’m so sorry that my timing’s offBut I can’t move on if we’re still gonna talkIs it wrong forme to not want half?I want all ofyou, all the strings attached

(ok idk why the format is messing up now). anyway i needed to insert this verse as a whole bc this is the most wtf part of the song for me. i mean just read the verse and then structure it topically. it makes very little sense.

I’m so sorry that my timing’s offBut I can’t move on if we’re still gonna talk

(first of all, saying i’m so sorry instead of just i’m sorry makes this seem so genuine, my heart) 

ok the timing of the song is off, or the timing of his feelings, idk and idc. basically this is about how he’s holding on even though they’re done - much like the bridge. BUT THEN

Is it wrong for me to not want half?I want all of you, all the strings attached

THIS IS A RUPTURE. this has nothing to do with the first two lines. and in all honesty i think this is the “truer” part and the first two lines were added in when the tone of the song was decided or sth. idk. but since my entire point is that this is not rly a break-up song then i’m obviously gonna lean on lines like this a little more

“wrong for me to not want half” ok for me this part is interesting bc in his entire second album, “half” of this person (bc we’re not ignoring the 99% chance this is about the same person) meant moving on from this friendship-relationship limbo with shawn pushing towards the commitment and there being a sort of back and forth (see: Mutual, LIJ, Why, WYR).

BUT here i see this as a conversation in an already-established relationship and since this song is IMO about the conflict of his private life w his public one and fame in general, i think “half” here means that they’re keeping it so much on the downlow that his relationship is not part of other parts of his life and this is him saying he wants to move away from this a bit, that he wants his relationship to take a larger role in his life (not feelings-wise but in general) and he’s willing to make some effort to make this work (”strings attached”) bc he knows it doesn’t necessarily happen “just like that”

[Bridge]I’m trying to move on, forget you, but I hold onEverything means nothing, everything meansnothing, babeI’m trying to move on, forget you, but I hold onEverything means nothing if I can’t have you, no

ok i don’t have much to say about this. i’m acknowledging that this is in opposition to what i think but since you also can’t really dispute my interpretation of the rest of the lyrics with actual things to back you up i’m mostly disregarding the bridge

INTERPRETATION

this song immediately reminded me of If I Could Fly by One Direction - written by Harry about how he’s devoting himself to someone he can’t be publicly dating and how he’s suffering from the segmentation and how he’s willing to give up his career to be with that person: a conscious prioritisation of his relationship over his career.

and i think this type of struggle is what CHY is about. it’s shawn realising and acknowledging that he is immensely famous and his career is in full swing but at some point in a relationship, you start being so attached and in love and devoted that in the end, what matters (or could matter) more is that one person

i think this entire point is driven home by “everything means nothing if i can’t have you” - i think “everything” is his fame and his career but in the end, it means nothing if being famous means his relationship is taking a bigger hit than he’s okay with (this is for me the logical continuation of FAIY where he’s talking about his relationship being an “away place” from his career for the very first time)

and this is where you can start speculating about why he can’t have that person. dating someone as famous as shawn obviously always requires more effort and commitment and it’s scary to start that kind of relationship - but why is this one this hard? and this delicate? why does it need to be away from his career? why can’t he have both the relationship and this type of career?

i mean yes you can think that “can’t have you” means that the person he’s talking about just doesn’t want to date him but ….i don’t think that

i also love how this song is just so LOUD and UNAPOLOGETIC about his feelings? SM3 was all about the uncertainty (the good and bad parts) and then falling more in love with that person, but now they’ve sort of established themselves as a couple and this is utter devotion? “i can’t stop thinking about you and you’re the most important part of my life”? CUTE AF.

basically what i’m trying to say with all of this is that “can’t have you” is either hypothetical (”this would mean nothing if i couldn’t have you”) or about his public persona (”i don’t like being famous when i can’t be with you and i’m trying to reassure you”)

i tend to think that the “too late” and the love declaration and the reassurance aspect of the song means that this is a conversation after a fight. idk this is just what it reads as to me, i think talking about your relationship’s place in your career is hard in that position and there’s bound to be some conflict and i think that that’s a conversation that shawn has had several times.

he said somewhere that they had the chorus first and then wrote the rest of the song around that, and if you just take the chorus in itself i think it fits this interpretation perfectly and they wrote the vague break-up references around it when they decided that’s the direction they wanted to take the song in. i think it’s also necessary to note that shawn didn’t write this song alone, even if it’s based off his life and his experiences so specific details don’t even rly have to match

ok. this was very long but it’s basically my view of the song, you can tell me if you agree or disagree and what your own opinion is!

[hagiographically]

Hey libby, I just wrapped up my first quarter @ stan and i got kinda wrekt -- 3 b+ with a pretty light courseload. I'm not sure if it's bc I just really didn't get the material or bc I didn't work hard enough (more likely) but I'm kinda concerned how this will impact me + my premed goals goin forward. Plus I'm taking an objectively HEAVY load next quarter which is nerve-wracking. Any words of wisdom?

ya i can try to help! im not premed, so grades are different for me in terms of importance, but i def have the advantage of experience so heres whats worked for me or what ive heard:

i took a heavy load this quarter and i was super scared about how it would affect me too, but the biggest thing is staying organized. i am a really messy and disorganized person, but every time i got an assignment i would catalogue it (i kept all my to-do’s in an iphone note) and at least start it. it’s much easier to work on an assignment that you’ve already looked at and begun. i also opened and bookmarked a google doc for each class and kept notes there. this was good to keep all my knowledge and notes separate and also make sure i’d documented everything i needed. so i never fell behind on assignments, and would usually finish them one or two days before. this was huge for my stress levels! i rarely got overwhelmed. also, if there’s an easy/quick assignment, do it as soon as possible to just get it over with.

self-care is important, but productive self-care. like, if i wanted to go shopping instead of work on my thesis, that’s the opposite of self-care and would probably make me feel worse in the end. it’s important to take “you time” when you need it, but for me, self-care is just about making my tasks more enjoyable. like, sometimes i would drink wine while doing symsys psets, and that was great because i was still getting work done while also enjoying myself. (i would obviously go over the pset when i’d sobered up, but the nice thing about starting assignments super early is there’s no pressure to make them good – you can always go back and refine it.) or, i got really into taking mood supplements this summer, and that’s made a HUGE difference in my motivation. i actually like working on a lot of things now! or i would listen to some good music and drink coffee while working at starbucks in a lit outfit, things like that. if i put myself in a happy work zone, i feel way better and more into creating good output.

it’s important to have a work-life balance, but i would say that blending work and life is actually a better idea. like, most of when i saw friends this quarter was just working together at coho. and that was great, because i was able to be productive and social at the same time, freeing other time to do whatever i wanted/needed. this also helped me feel less overwhelmed because social obligations can feel draining/stressful when you have a lot of academic pressures, and also having other people around is really motivating for me. i definitely had to go out less & be less social as the quarter wore on, but not thinking about that as a chore was helpful. like, taking an early night can actually be pretty fun? i wouldn’t work on those nights, i’d just chill and listen to music and do stuff i liked, and then i’d go to bed at 10 and be up the next morning and be ready to work– whereas if i’d gone out, i would’ve been hungover and irritated till like 2pm lol. so sometimes you’ll have to say no to things that are ~less fun~ but i certainly don’t regret it at all and it was honestly probably better for my health. it’s all about how you budget your time. 

but mainly find out what works for you and do it. i realized that i do very poor work in my room unless i’m really stressed and have an assignment due that day. so if it’s your room, your lounge, tresidder, the library, alone, with people, whatever it is….find it and do it! it was super helpful for me knowing that i can only work with friends if we commit to not distracting each other, so i would often have to say no if i was really concerned about work. and that def helped me just knowing my own capabilities and how i perform best. my mood supplements and caffeine also help with this, because when i’m depressed i perform worse and i have no motivation. so that was some trial and error, figuring out how to be Less Depressed and taking effort to do those things. this and being organized are the best pieces of advice i can give, probably.

oh also! get help. i would have done Very Poorly in perception and symsys if i didn’t treat office hours as a religion (don’t know my final grade for symsys, but i have a 97 right now, and i got a 99 in perception). i wrote it into my schedule and went to multiple sets of office hours every week just because those subjects don’t come naturally to me, so i forced myself to learn the concepts over and over again until i actually knew them. i HIGHLY recommend going to office hours whenever you can – i definitely plan on it for stats next quarter. it’s actually so helpful and so good for your grades, like the TAs basically told us all we needed to know for homework and tests. and then, if office hours isn’t an option, talking to people who took the class/know the subjects, going online, or just like, getting a tutor is always really good. it’s always good to have extra help and support. like i said, if i had just gone through this quarter alone, i definitely would’ve gotten B’s (at best) in those courses.

i hope this helps & good luck!!