#which was 'when did edward cough back up the wedding cake?'

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hey Quil, I thought you’d be the perfect person to help me out with this! Me and a few others are having a Twilight marathon. For drinks we will be obtaining vampire slayer rebels (from Dutch Bros) and water (to reference the scene where Bella casually pours the whole cup back into the sink <3). However, we have no ideas for food/snacks.

Thoughts?

Alright okay alright, I will do my best! I am just brainstorming and throwing out ideas to see what sticks, take what works (if anything)

First thought: mushroom ravioli and coke. That's what Bella orders at the restaurant with Edward because it was the first thing she saw on the menu. Apples. Can't go wrong with a nice bright red apple they're the star of the cover (or green if you're reading Life and Death, the genderbend). If we're going for a cover theme, then pomegranates from Midnight Sun are also good (but going out of season). Cheerios! Bella has cheerios for breakfast the morning after the meadow, which Edward watches her eat. If you want to honor Charlie Swan, fish is an excellent way to do so. But if you're more of a werewolf person, Emily makes fresh blueberry muffins right after Jacob spills the werewolf beans in New Moon! Oh but if we back it up a book, pizza could be tied to the cafeteria and Edward, as it's the food item he forces down to show he can eat non blood things. OH! Speaking of the cafeteria: an entire block of gouda cheese, a banana half-peeled face down on the table, and a single carrot (for Edward, who's absent). Or a bag of eggs if you want to go Emmett style. Anything Italian! Her name is Bella, after all. You could go fried chicken to reference Bella's pregnancy revelation (for extra authenticity, you could have spoiled fried chicken) (also anything egg related for the whole pregnancy thing she ate so many eggs). if you're into it, black licorice is Bella's favorite candy. This is very Bella focused hmm. Any lion themes snacks? Animal crackers to represent the wide variety of beasts that the Cullens hunt? Baby formula to honor Nessie.

That's quite a chunk of twilight-themed ideas ranging from more filling to more snackable items, taken from several book and movie scenes. I hope this can help you figure out some ideas! Again, I take no offense if none of these work for you :)

[cullen-collective]

For @emmettmccartycullen and @bellatops, who have far too much power for their own good.

*

I was planning on becoming the first human to take on a vampire and win. It would be difficult, this I knew, but I knew I could take her. Especially because I kept changing my mind about how to do it. I was keeping her on her toes, bouncing from vision to vision, unable to settle.

I, Bella Swan, was going to kill Alice Cullen.

Why, one might ask? Because she was driving me absolutely, irreparably insane with stupid, unnecessary wedding chatter.

I told her. I told her when we started that I wanted something simple, something small, my family and Edward's and a few close friends. Angela's father, Pastor Weber, could officiate. We could have a small ceremony and throw a crazy fun party after.

Is this what I got?

No. No it was not.

Every morning, she drags Edward out of my room and plants herself next to me on the bed, asking question after question before I'm even fully awake.

"Bella, should the cake be German Chocolate or Raspberry Lemon?"

"Bella, I need you to choose between gerberas and daffodils."

"Bella, should we invite the entire guard or just Aro, Caius, and Marcus? They aren't going to show anyway."

It was maddening. I could find no peace. I was living in a constant state of fight or flight, a feeling that I'd never felt in the presence of vampires before.

Edward was turning out to be a remarkable help in this. Despite his desire to have a lovely wedding, he mostly wanted me to be happy. Not only did he get Alice to stop asking me questions about flowers, ice sculptures, hired dancers, and whether or not an entire 72 piece orchestra was overkill, he answered them for me. And he managed to calm me down in... other ways. Ways that did not include telling Alice that a five piece band was more than enough and that her constant interrogation was tiring and ultimately useless. Ways that involved our meadow and no one else in the area for miles and miles.

Which is why I was feeling a little betrayed at the moment by my fiance, who was essentially handing me over to the tiny terror.

"Trust me, Bella. This part you'll enjoy." He smiled at me and my heart raced like it always did. I was trying to maintain my anger so I dismissed my thumping heart with an eyeroll. "I promise," he said. He kissed the tip of my nose and soundlessly dropped out of my window, leaving me alone with Alice.

"Wow, you two are so sickening."

"If you weren't here you wouldn't have to watch," I pointed out, as I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. At least Alice was unlikely to follow me in there.

When I returned I could smell eggs cooking from downstairs and my outfit for the day was laid out on my bed. She'd chosen a simple sweater and a pair of jeans. Hmm, comfortable clothing? With Alice? Something wasn't adding up.

I got dressed and made my way downstairs, stopping on the last step where my sneakers sat, pulling them on. "Alice, what are you up to?"

"Nothing," she said, smiling as I entered the kitchen. She plopped a plate full of eggs and toast onto the table and gestured for me to sit. "Now eat up, we have a big day."

Thirty minutes later we were parked in front of a bridal boutique.

"Alice, I don't want to shop for dresses. I mean, can't we just order something online?" I was stubbornly refusing to exit the car. I knew I couldn't hold out for long, because my opponent had super strength, but I could try.

Alice sighed, undid her seatbelt, and turned toward me. "Bella, please come into the store. I promise you will enjoy this."

I bit my lip, debating. On the one hand, my chance of escape was slim. On the other, slim was better than none.

Finally I heaved a sigh, threw my hands in the air and undid my buckle, defeated. Who was I kidding? Alice would catch me in a heartbeat.

"Thank you," Alice said, as we walked into the store. "Now, for your surprise."

We turned a corner, and seated on a small couch, obviously waiting for us, were Esme, Rosalie, Angela, Jessica, and Charlie. And Charlie was... beaming. I hadn't seen him smile like that since his fishing trip with Billy a few months back. He didn't exactly approve of the wedding. But here he sat, grinning at me like the Cheshire Cat, happy to be involved in this.

I couldn't help it, I teared up a little.

"Surprise!" they said, in unison.

"Bella! Girl let's get you in some gowns!" Jess said, dragging Angela off the couch and leading her over for a hug. "I'm so excited!"

"Me too," Angela said, after hugging me thoroughly. "You're going to be such a beautiful bride."

Esme and Rosalie were next. Esme hugged me and Rosalie gave me a nod and a smile, which I treasured. It wasn't often that Rosalie showed me affection, so I was taking it. "Come dear, Alice has made some selections." Esme took my hand.

"Okay," I said, following her toward a hallway. "Hi Dad," I called over my shoulder, waving to Charlie, who waved back. Alice followed us.

"Okay," Alice said, when we were safely in the room. "Esme said I made selections, but I really only pulled the one I see you loving." She gestured to a garment bag hanging from a hook, and then pulled a white strip of silk from her pocket. "No peeking," she said, as she used the silk to blindfold me.

"Alice, this is a little much," I said, as I felt my own clothes shifting and moving and then the heavy weight of a gown falling over my head. "Esme, tell her this is too kinky." I gestured to the blindfold.

"It's only kinky if you wear it for the wedding, dear."

"Esme!"

She just laughed and began working with her advanced speed on what I could only assume were buttons up my back.

Finally, Alice declared me done, and the two women began leading me back toward the showroom.

I knew when we entered, because I heard a few gasps, and Charlie coughed. They helped me up onto a platform.

"Ready, Bella?" Alice said. "On the count of three. One, two, three!" She whipped the blindfold off.

My eyes adjusted, and I saw myself for the first time. It was... perfect. The perfect dress. The lace sleeves, the neckline resting at my collarbone, the gentle slope of the skirt. It was my Anne of Green Gables fantasy come to life. I never wanted to take it off.

"Alice..."

"I know."

I turned toward my little group for approval. Angela was smiling brightly, and Jess was nodding so vehemently I worried for her neck. Rosalie looked like she didn't hate it, and Esme and Alice were both obviously besotted.

But what really sealed the deal on this dress for me? Charlie's awestruck face. He looked proud, and happy, and his eyes were shining. He coughed once, loudly, and then cleared his throat and schooled his face back to his usual expression.

"It's a good dress, Bells."

Charlie paid for the dress. He and Alice had been scheming about it for weeks, talking price points and styles and boutiques. He made a little show at the register, and put his arm around my shoulders.

"If my baby girl's getting married, she's getting married in something from her dad," he said, and planted a quick kiss to the top of my head. Wow, weddings really did make everyone more emotional.

Later that night, when Edward came to my window, I pulled him inside.

"Is everything forgiven, then?" he asked, tucking me into his side on the bed.

"You were right," I said, snuggling close. "I did enjoy that."

And I thought about my father, sleeping only a dozen feet away, finally warming up to my impending marriage, and I enjoyed it a little bit more before falling asleep.

[seventhfracture]

FMA Prompt Drabbles?

So I found this glorious list of prompts which I’ll reblog but they inspired this weird, rambling, sort of crack fest (more under the cut!); 

~

If you asked Roy Mustang he would’ve told you that terrorists were getting stupider every fucking year. Sure attacking Mei’s wedding seemed, on one level, a logical strike against the Amestrian-Xingese alliance. Until you remembered it was also Alphonse’s wedding and hence an Elric Wedding. So Roy and Edward and Alex and Riza and everyone else were in rapt attendance when the armed gunmen broke down the chapel doors. And when the best man and the groomsmen flew into action.

“Mustang up high!” Edward called.

And so everyone ducked.

And so Roy snapped his fingers.

Because who doesn’t bring their transmutation gear to an Elric Wedding?

~

It was a mistake to let Edward give a speech at the wedding. He does a wonderful job, don’t get it wrong, but Roy is hissing with laughter and Alphonse is so red he has to physically wrestle the microphone from his brother lest the eldest blonde finish his train of thought.

“Listen up!” Alphonse roars. “I hate all of you! You especially!” He assures Edward and then, heaving, lets go of some tension to finish; “That’s it. That’s my announcement.”

~

Edward is plainly determined to dance with everyone; Riza, Mei, Winry, both the Armstrongs, Alphonse, Sig, Ling, Havoc…

“And here I was thinking you’d forgotten me!” Roy snorts as Edward rounds the table in a bounce and grabs him by the upper arm.

“Sometimes you just gotta dance, General.” Edward answers. “So come on! Up!”

“Coming, coming…” Roy chuckles. “Easy on the merchandise Fullmetal.”

Edward hauls him onto the dance floor when he doesn’t move fast enough and Roy is having too much of a good time to tell him off for it. He might be a little drunk at this point. Still dancing is easy and dancing with Edward? Well they might as well be sparring! They don’t fight together often, not full pedal, but when they do they move in tangible unison like this.

~

They dance too hard. Roy swings Edward out far and something—“OW! Fuck!” The blonde hisses, wrenching his automail arm away. Because no arm, automail or otherwise, is meant to bend like that.

Roy winces.

“Are you alright?” He asks.

“Yeah- Ow…” He rolls his shoulders, trying to adjust the arm. “Shit, Winry’s going to kill me!”  

“She won’t kill you,” Roy promises, but then he spies Miss Rockbells’ eyes narrowing across the dance floor in interest. In an instant Roy has Edward’s other hand and whispers. “Though if there was ever a time to start running, now would be it.”

Edward bolts.

~

Roy finds Izumi and Edward outside an hour later when he leaves the reception hall for a cigarette. Hands stuffed in his suit pockets he saunters to them and they welcome him into their closed knit conversation readily.

“How’s the arm?” Roy asks, offering the cigarette to Edward who refuses with a cough and a wave of his flesh hand.

“It’s good,” Edward splutters, “Sig popped everything back into place.”

“It is holding together with spit, gum and a dream.” Sig clarifies softly.

“Ah shuddup,” Edward dismisses, “it’ll be fine!” Still Edward turns to Roy with a kind of fear in his eyes. “Walk me back inside?”

“Not a chance,” Roy laughs, “incase you haven’t heard, there is a bounty on your head.”

“Shiiiit…” Edward moans into his hands.

~

Eventually Edward goes back inside. He and Winry claim a table and pulling screwdrivers from somewhere Miss Rockbell dismantles and reassembles his arm right there on the table. Roy can hear them bickering as he dances with Riza for the sixth time.

“I said ‘break a leg’, not you arm!” Winry hisses. “It’s a euphemism Edward.”

“Maybe it’s a pun? Ever thought about that?” The alchemist grunts.

“That’s not how puns work!”

The arm is amazing. Winry must have a sharp mind, Roy decides; another prodigy. He tucks the knowledge away content to take the moment to rest his chin on Riza’s head. Meanwhile Edward and Winry look suddenly sheepish.

“You gearhead!” Edward whispers sharply.

“I-it’s not my fault you bloody arm got oil on the table cloth!”

“You’re the one who pulled it apart!”

“You broke it!”

~

Edward is very drunk very early in the night but patting him on the back Roy shoves a canister of something under his nose as he sags in his seat at the bridal table.

“Ugh no!” Edward dismisses.

“Drink Elric,” Roy orders.

“You’re going to kill me!” Edward whines but drinks anyway—“Hey!” He sounds thoroughly betrayed. “This is water!”

“You’re fading.” Roy chuckles. “You need to hydrate.”

“Going to fucking kill me…” Edward grumbles and sips. “Why’s it in a fucking canister?”

“Because I must maintain my image.”

“For the record; if I did die? I only have one regret, and its not flipping you off more when I had the chance.”

Roy wheezes.

~

Ling and Roy have been batting away dignitaries all night and they have made a game of it. Every time a certain minister or official comes their way they turn and say:

“Have you met my friend Edward?”

And Edward proceeds to ruin everything for everyone.

After a particularly incessant official is shown to this cruel and unnatural form of torture they retreat outside again. Roy and Edward are in the pergola then, talking shit, resting their weight into their joined shoulders as the fireworks boom and hiss and sparkle overhead.

“You’re a good friend,” Roy murmurs, “I hope you know that.”

“I am the best friend,” Edward nods solemnly, resting his head on Roy’s shoulder.

~

Of course a fight breaks out.

Of course Olivier is involved.

“No offense, but didn’t you just say we weren’t gonna be violent?” Ling leans over the body of her downed combatant.

“This is not violence, your Highness.” Olivier grunts. “If I were being violent he would be dead.”

~

The shuffle the man, Olivier and the whole scene away quickly before Alphonse even knows anything has gone on. Roy and Edward haul the man- Alex, actually- into the kitchen where they administer first aid. Sloppily, at best, because they’re both still drunk.

Eventually Knox sees them struggling and Ling raiding the fridge and decides to help.

“I hear you can get pretty ace medications with the right diagnosis,” Edward is talking shit, he’s good at that. “Think you could give me the right diagnosis Knox?”

“Well, let me see here…” Knox hums as he applies the bandage to Alex’s head. “No, sorry, the only thing I could diagnose you with is idiocy.”

~

Havoc’s the next one to break. Roy has him on his arm howling; “I just want to fall in love! Is that so hard?”

“Very hard Havoc,” Roy tuts solemnly.

“Oh without a doubt.” Edward agrees. “Love is fucking hard man. It anally rapes you.”

“What?” Havoc blinks.

“Love is a prison warden and you are it’s bitch,” Ling nods knowingly to Edward from the fridge where he is still rifling.

Edward salutes him with his drink.

Roy tips his own back.

~

Ling eventually emerges with the left over wedding cake. Alex and Havoc frown, Roy drinks, and Edward, always wise, supposes sagely;

“Cake? In this dire time? Yeah, sure, why not? We all die anyway.”

“Edward--!” Alex begins.

“Well said Elric,” Roy nods, eyes glossy with determined admiration. “Well said.”

~

It’s three am when Alphonse and Mei and the bridal car depart the reception for the honeymoon suite at Central Ritz.

“Floor it Al!” Edward hollers after the car.

Alphonse does not, in fact, floor it but there is a little toot in acknowledgement.

Edward is thoroughly disappointed.

~

The party does not end with the reception. A whole gaggle of them head into the streets when the venue kicks them out. They’re a motley crew. Ling and Edward are arm in arm, singing, and Roy still has his canister but he’s seemingly transformed water into wine and some point. He’s trying to find his land legs when Ling suggests;

“Let’s go swimming!”

“Let’s not!” Edward returns passionately.

“Why not?”

“I’m a third metal. I sink.”

“Well aren’t you special?” Ling pats his head dutifully.

It might as well be a short joke. Roy and Havoc start placing bets as Alex attempts to break up the burgeoning brawl.

~

They jump the fence at the amusement park. Ling and Edward anyway because Roy is too old and too rich to jump fences. Edward returns, moments later, throwing the gates open and, leaning wantonly into the post, declares;

“From here on out, you shall call me; Edward Elric Gate Master.”

“I’m aiming for Ling Yao; Pussy Smasher, personally. But yours is nice too.”

~

Ling and Havoc reach an agreement in the amusement park;

“Jean you will operate this equipment, I shall try not to die, and then we’ll swap places. Deal?”

“Deal!”

While they wrestle with the commands of this or that harmless fair ride Roy wonders if they’ll get arrested but then there’s very little in this place that can break that they can’t fix.

Edward is talking to Armstrong, who is looking rapt, and nodding sagely (because a drunken Edward is a sagely one evidently) the blonde adds;

“I never wanted to die, but to be immortal, that sounds awful too. Paying taxes? Forever? Nah man.”

Truly, Edward is the philosopher of their age.

~

They get on the subject of childhoods. It becomes a pissing contest quickly. Ling is convinced his childhood of near servitude and constant fear of assassination is plainly the worst option. Especially compared to the luxury and splendour of Alex’s loving homestead.

Havoc has very little to contribute, is not even going to participate but supposes; “It was just me, mum and the dogs and living with seven dogs really opens your eyes to a lot of things.”

Roy tsks.

“I was raised in a brothel,” he recounts and then, just to stir the pot, brazenly lies; “and there were no such thing as birthdays.”

“I had to sleep in a cardboard box when I arrived in this country.” Ling challenges.

“I lost my virginity under the bleachers at my high school. She gave me a cigarette burn on my--” Roy returns.

“Nah, nah, you’re both losers.” Edward commits to the contest recounting with some fondness the near idyllic conditions of his earlier years— “you know, before I tried to raise the dead n’ stuff.”

That shuts them up.

~

“I spent years keeping you out of trouble,” Roy moans. “Years! I could’ve devoted that time to a hobby, a pursuit, a spouse—”

“I don’t see what the big deal is!” Edward rolls his eyes, sick of this train of thought already as they walk home. Roy’s telling him off but Edward’s also holding him upright so he doesn’t fall flat on his ass so really the blonde’s not all bad. “For the most part, I am, in fact, an idiot. But I fully admit to it, which should count for something.”

You can’t really argue with that.

~

They discover a suspicious alley on the way home, when all other company has vanished, and swearing Edward rolls up his sleeves.

“Oh no!” Roy yanks him back by the scruff. “None of that.”

“Oh come on!” Edward moans. “Clearly there is something untoward happening thatta way!”

“And we are going thatta way!” Roy gestures emphatically to the well lit street corner. He just has to walk Edward Elric home, that’s it. The sun is rising. It should be easy.

“I am investigating.”

“Fu—” He’s not sure what he’s about to say but quickly he’s following because lord forbid Edward endure any milestone without at least one fatality. He curses his life; “how come it’s never, ‘let’s explore the ice cream section’? Or 'let’s try and find the cutest dog’? It’s always something horrible. Why?”