#which is no fault of their own obviously. it's the ark leaders' fault.

[komtrkru]

one day when i’m not tired i’m gonna write a proper meta about how the commander is always doomed to be their own downfall with the absolute power so willingly given to them by people who will never be satisfied, and how lexa especially is fated to fall victim to her own success as heda ;  how striving for democracy and bringing people together who have a history of war and stabbing each other in the back and pushing for so much positive change and progression is bound to create tension and cracks in the coalition considering the grounders are resistant to anything new. i think a lot about how if she survived, there would be such a high risk of the tensions we already saw among her people eventually exploding and causing the alliances to shatter, especially as she continuously damns herself by trying so hard to keep the peace with skaikru and the other clans. i think her people are so set in their ways and insist they’re thriving without skaikru, but don’t realise they are only thriving thanks to lexa and her coalition -- a coalition no other commander could successfully bring together. i can see her people rising up and the ambassadors staging another coup, this time successful, so she’s driven out or almost killed and naturally, the coalition crumbles and the grounder way of life goes to hell yet again as she is replaced by a heda who is unprepared to lead -- a typical case of people driving away their leader and resisting change, only to realise they took for granted the life they had and were too short sighted to realise the future they could’ve had if they kept progressing.

[imruination]

Bellamy and Selfish Love

Let’s talk about Bellamy and just how he has been convinced that individual love is selfish, and therefore has been selfish. (Adding on that this has become really bellarke focused so I’m sorry that’s just where my brain lives.) I think Bellamy has loved a lot of people in the time the audience has known him. I especially think he has loved all the delinquents in his own way, but in this we’re gonna focus on the 3 women he mentions in 7x11. Octavia. E/cho. Clarke. Under the break cause this is a full blown essay!

Obviously Bellamy and Octavia grew up in a really unhealthy environment. This environment leads to an unhealthy idea of love from the time Bellamy is a child. Love doesn’t save his mom’s life. Love doesn’t keep the ark from locking up his sister, a child. But most of all, it’s what makes his sister, the only thing in his life he actually really cares about, hate him. He loved her too much, and too close and she almost immediately resents him for it. Eventually he grows up some, and starts to realize a lot of his childhood was not his fault, but childhood trauma lasts forever. Somewhere in the back of his mind there’s always the reminder that his love is not appreciated. His love helps no one. Using visions of his mother obviously was a very good way to tap into that insecurity.

Onto E. She has a long history of prioritizing loyalty (or her version of love) above morality. That being said, Bellamy doesn’t know about most of the things she has done since being back on the ground. He obviously doesn’t know about her breakdown over his death, so this is irrelevant. Bellamy was also selfish in this relationship. For all intents and purposes, he used her. When trying to get her to understand his point of view, he says “I’m still the man you love.” That’s what he’s losing in this scene. Someone who loves him. Bellamy has always been someone who needs to feel needed.  He’s always latched on to anything that made him feel loved. So the truth of the matter is that he let go and let himself be with E because he needed that feeling. He loved her simply because he knew “loyalty was her weakness” and she would love him. Yes, he was isolated, and had lost the most important people in his life, but it was a selfish move for him to pursue her. Because nobody really wants to be with someone who doesn’t actually love them as a person, instead of the feeling being with them gives them. To make it even worse, it’s not like Bellamy doesn’t know what love feels like and is being mislead. He has let himself actually want and love someone before. Love someone for who they were. He knows full well what that feels like, and he chose to ignore it because it caused him heartbreak. We know that he’s aware he’s in love with Clarke. In present tense. So we can only assume he knows he screwed up here as well.

Which brings us of course, to Clarke... Honestly maybe the only person in his life that he has 1. chosen to love, and 2. loved for reasons having nothing to do with himself. He just loves what she is. But he was never actually meant to love her. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been fighting himself over this from the beginning. First she was his enemy, then his co-leader that he couldn’t afford to lose. They both betray and hurt each other several times over. Gina dies because of that love. He poisons Octavia for that love. He leaves his entire family behind for that love. And yet. He’s reminded over and over again that she doesn’t love him back. Not like that. All of these things he’s done for her, because he literally can’t help it. 7 years, and he can’t help it. Surely the world would be better off without something so weak and reckless. (Little does he know that by retracting that love, he’s breaking her heart too yikes!)

We’ve had one episode with Cult!Bellamy and Clarke’s conversation with Clarke is definitely the one that stood out the most. This isn’t about losing someone that loves him, it’s about losing someone he loves and even now is incapable of losing. As deeply rooted that this fear of love is for him, Clarke is deep in his heart as well. He never recovered from losing Clarke in Praimfaya. We saw him practically have a panic attack when he thought he was reliving it in 5x13. In s6 he broke down quietly alone, like he didn’t want anyone to see just how her death was affecting him. Then he was so ready to believe he could get her back, he caught the subtle tapping on her arm. He does believe in Cadogan. He’s tired and he wants peace, and he’s been manipulated to believe this is the way to achieve it. They preyed on his feelings about love. But he never actually STOPPED loving people. He literally can’t stop loving Clarke and I think deep down he knows that. He’s scared of it. He’s already lied for her, when he swore he never would. What now?

[the-two-headed-deer-survived]

The 12 Clans vs Ark Station: Nuance

I’m honestly not fond of grounders as a whole or their society, and basically this is to explain where a lot of that stems from.

So, basically this “essay” is going to compare the society of the 12 Clans (grounders)* to that of the Ark Station. The worldbuilding around the ark station is complex; everything surrounding the grounder’s culture boils down to violence or revenge.

The Citizens of the Ark:

The society and government of the Ark were deeply flawed: its one child policy, classism, “all crimes are capital crimes”, teenaged criminals are basically kept on death row for months or years until they can be executed, its willingness to sacrifice the few for the sake of the many. But we see aspects of their culture beyond that; I’m not even arguing that they’re redeeming characteristics, just that the worldbuilding is nuanced and the society doesn’t seem completely awful.

Democracy

The Ark has a functioning democracy. Former Chancellor Sidney was voted out of power, so Chancellor is not a position held for life and the Ark’s democracy is functional enough that Chancellors can be voted out by the people

The fact that theoretically the people of the Ark could vote in a Chancellor whose campaign centered on say, repealing the one child policy (or at the very least, pardoning anyone who breaks it); idk it just adds nuance to me that the people have power and that at least many of them support the Ark’s draconian policies- it’s not all the government being tyrannical

They have very limited resources and thus everyone’s use of resources is limited- even the Chancellors

As we see from early season 1 after Jaha is shot, everyone- including the Chancellor, the most powerful person on the Ark- has a “legal limit” on the amount of blood and other medical resources that doctors are allowed to give them. The fact that there’s at least some equality in their harsh system

Religion

We see some of a religious service held by Vera Kane, and we see how their religion centers around the small tree they have, which followers water with drops of their own water

(And we see Nygel dismiss this as “a waste of water”; like in real life, not everyone is religious)

The Traveller’s Blessing, which we see used as funeral rites

I think it’s interesting the insights you can take from it- “until our final journey to the ground” echoes Clarke’s “man can go home, back to the ground. The ground, that's the dream”; I get a sense they as a society long to go “home” to the ground, viewing the Ark as almost a liminal place  

Unity Day

We see one of their holidays- Unity Day, as well how they celebrate it- we see both a Unity Day pageant and a Unity Day masquerade dance 

Unity Day celebrates the founding of the Ark, and their Unity Day story told in the pageant gives some insight into their values (”they realized life would be better together“) and thus their culture

Chess

In a flashback, we see Clarke and Wells playing chess in a rec room surrounded by other people playing chess. So, we get at least a small glimse at what the people of the Ark do for fun

The black market

This one isn’t necessarily a positive, but through Nygel (and Raven trying to buy a pressure regulator from her) we see some of the common people subverting the laws of the Council; the people aren’t powerless. (And it makes it feel more like a real society).

Plus, Abby states that “Kane’s been trying to get [Nygel] for years”, indicating that their justice system requires at least some proof

Education

Obviously, the people of the Ark have an education system/have been educated, but I feel like it’s important to note that they’re passing down information beyond what’s necessary for survival- Bellamy’s numerous references to the greeks/romans, Monty knew Korean, Bellamy and Clarke know about Oppenheimer, Clarke was probably taught by someone how to draw, etc.

Yes, the Ark has a class problem, but everyone gets an education

Well’s quote: “ It's called cutting sign. Fourth-year earth skills”; we get a glimpse into their education system   

There’s probably more, but you can see how the Ark feels like a real society with a flesh-out culture; with both good and bad elements.

The 12 Clans:

Really, my main issue with grounder culture is how everything stems back to violence and revenge, and how highly violence and revenge is held. There are the obvious, of course: Jasper the unarmed teenager is speared for crossing a river, Anya reacts to the flare killing Trikru villagers by attacking barely armed teenagers in the woods and then deciding to wipe out all 100 of the teenagers, “death by a 1000 cuts”, the fact that Finn’s execution was supposed to start with fire, Lexa reacts to Skaikru killing army of Trikru soliders (so from the same people that only months ago tried to wipe out the 100) by declaring that she’ll wipe out Skaikru (despite the fact that she knows that had lost that challenge/duel only days ago, that same army would’ve been used by Ontari to wipe out Skaikru). There’s more (so much more) but I’ll stop there.

And like, this would be one thing if the grounders had a culture outside of violence and revenge. Or valued other things besides how good people at fighting. But we don’t see that at all. Every worldbuilding element stems back to violence.

“Your fight is over”

Even their funeral rites tie back to violence; peoples’ lives are defined by fighting and wars, and the only way to escape is to die

The Commander

The Commander is a tyrant who can murder ambassadors- and thus, presumably anyone- without consequence (see Lexa and that guy she kicked off the tower for questioning her)

Religion

So mid season 3, we start learning about grounder’s beliefs (Becca, the inifity sign as the sacred symbol, praimfaya), but surprise! it’s all about violence after all

Who gets the Flame (which is basically the be all and end all of their religion) is decided by a conclave aka children fighting to the death

That’s the cornerstone of their religion (and also their political system- fun); children fighting each other to the death

Fleimkepas- the priests basically- go around kidnapping nightblood children from their parents and then the head fleimkepa raises them to kill each other when the time comes

(Yes, I’m sure some parents voluntarily gave their nightblood children up, but Madi’s parents felt the need to hide her from fleimkepas, meaning they take nightblood children with or without their parents’ consent) 

“Love is weakness”

This really tells you a lot about their values, doesn’t it

“A warrior does not mourn until the fight is over”

War > love/family/personal connections

Children train from a young age to be warriors, and are sent into battle as young teenagers

Infants with mutations are left out to die as “a stain on the bloodline”

Wanheda

You gain power from your kills

Kill marks

Language

Even the language, trigedasleng, (per word of god) was supposed to have started out as a code language used by the warriors (which makes no sense, as it’s also the universal language of the 12 clans now, but I digress) (sidenote: this might now longer be true now that we know the language was created by Callie)

Only the warriors speak English (which also makes no sense because trigedasleng is the universal grounder language why do the warriors need to know English at all, but that’s canon, Lincoln said it early season 2), which might indicate the warriors get better education (or more likely is just bad worldbuilding)

All the leaders are warriors

The tattoos/facial scarring

They’re used to distinguish the clans, but as we recently learned in season 7, that the meaning behind them (for Azgeda, at least) is that they’re ready to go to war

And like, even if it was just to signify membership in your clan, given how the clans seem to be constantly at war, it almost seems like just a way to identify “us vs. them” (see: Echo, as an Azgeda spy, didn’t have any facial scars or tattoos)

Medicine

Most of what we know about their knowledge of medicine/biology is from how they use ‘medicine’ for war: Lincoln’s poisons and antidotes, trikru’s use of biological warfare in season 1

The clothing

You cannot convince me that the Grounder Look (all the black leather that they wear) is not just for the Badass Warrior Aesthetic TM  

To be fair they do burn their dead, occasionally name people after local pre-apocalpyse landmarks, and have clan symbols. But really isn’t enough worldbuilding-wise.

So, violence surrounds almost every aspect of their culture and thus it does not seem real or anything but irredeemably awful.

And yeah, it’s really the fault writers’ and I applaud fanfic writers who try to create some sort of actual culture for the grounders but like this is what we canonically have and thus, grounder society annoys me. 

  *I’m excluding Luna and her people from this; they were explicitly described as trying to get away from the 12 Clans/the Commander’s Coalition and its wars and culture of violence

[helloalycia]

appreciate // clarke griffin

summary: in which you work your butt off in hopes of making Clarke's life easier, even if it's only in the slightest bit

warning/s: minor swearing (??)

author's note: this is an old request from my Wattpad of Clarke getting the love and appreciation she deserves from the reader, and so this happened and it turned out longer than expected because Clarke ?? But honestly, this cutie has gone through so much at such a young age and yet people still give her shit, so this is my attempt at fixing that. Also, I didn't make the reader kiss Clarke at the end because Clarke literally just lost the love of her life so it wouldn't be realistic, hope that's okay. But enjoy!! (:

masterlist

           "Tasks have been distributed equally, so no complaining," Raven Reyes, the best mechanic we had, said in an attempt to make a joke to lighten the situation. "If anyone needs any help, come find me."

          Quiet, barely audible complaints were heard as everyone dispersed and went about the set jobs they were assigned by the mechanic herself. It was early morning and the sun was still rising, heating the air up and working up a sweat on me already. Unlike everyone else however, I knew the importance of patching up the holes in the Ark, so I was eager to get to work and feel useful.

          My tasks for the morning were to patch up a few rooms in the Ark (in terms of holes in the ceiling and such) with the help of a few others that I was grouped with. Unfortunately, they were all teenagers from the Ark, meaning they were all immature and messing about, not actually helping unless I begged them to.

          "This is so stupid," one of the boys, Jack, complained in a sharp tone. "We're not engineers. We can't fix this shit. It's just a waste of time. And I don't see Clarke doing anything to help, so why do we need to be here?"

          The two other teens I was with hummed in agreement, and all of them continued to sit on and across the floor and couch. I refrained from commenting on the fact that they were doing absolutely nothing to help and I was in fact doing all the work, but I didn't bother because I knew it would make no difference. However, I didn't stop myself from speaking up and defending both the purpose of this job and the blonde leader herself.

          "They need everyone's help to fix the Ark, guys," I said lightheartedly, hoping it would't seem like I was lecturing them like an adult would. I was still doing my job of hammering the sheet of metal onto the ceiling as I continued, "It's to keep us all safe from the radiation. We don't have long before it comes, so we need to be prepared. And Clarke already has to deal with so much. She's keeping us alive. Don't you think this is the least we can do?"

          There was no response straight away. The sound of my hammer hitting the sheet of metal was all that filled the silence, and I wondered if they were actually letting my words sink in and actually believing them. I wasn't going to admit it aloud, but I would really prefer if they pulled their weight. I could only do so much by myself.

          "It's her job to keep us alive," Natalie, one of the others from the Ark said, and despite the soft tone she spoke it in, there was some hostility there. "She's the one who declared war with the grounders when her and the hundred came down to Earth. It was her fault that ALIE became a problem and the radiation is coming in six months. The least she can do is keep us alive."

          I stopped my hammering and raised both of my eyebrows with surprise as I looked at Natalie. The other two boys stayed quiet, avoiding any eye contact with me because they knew I would rant about the complete opposite to Natalie's words. Us four teenagers weren't apart of the hundred – we were from the Ark when it came down to Earth. A handful of the people who came down with the Ark blamed Clarke, Bellamy, and the rest of the hundred for the problems we were all now facing. I, on the other hand, showed only gratitude towards the hundred. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be where we were today.

          I had heard from many people what Clarke, Bellamy and the others had endured for us to be where we are now. So, I learnt to be grateful towards them. They deserved nothing more.

          "You have no right to blame Clarke, or any of the hundred, for what is happening to us right now," I replied, my full attention on the bored-looking girl. I kept my voice neutral and calm, despite the annoyance I felt at the moment. "If it weren't for her, we would probably all be dead right now. She owes us nothing. If anything, we owe her our lives."

          I showed no signs of anger, aside from my knuckles which were turning white from the pressure of clenching the hammer in my hand. People like Natalie annoyed me to no ends. They didn't appreciate what they had when they had it. And even if I had only had a few encounters with the discussed blonde, I knew how kind-hearted and caring she was.

          Natalie rolled her eyes and chuckled dryly. "And who are you? Her personal bodyguard?"

          I forced a smile to appear civilised. "Nope, just somebody who is appreciative of what she did for us. And I suggest leaving if all you're going to do is complain about her."

          Natalie raised an eyebrow challengingly.

          I gave her a knowing look. "What's the problem? You don't want to help me out, right? So, just leave. I don't care."

          She opened her mouth, but a series of splutters was all to be heard as she struggled to string together a decent response. Sighing to express her anger, she grabbed her jacket that was hanging half-off the chair beside her, and stormed out of the room, leaving only Jack, Newt, and I.

          I looked to the two boys next, quirking an eyebrow. "Do you both have anything to share? Or are we all going to get to work?"

          After sharing a glance, they stood up and offered small smiles. I returned the smile and got back to work, hearing them shuffling about behind me. They were good guys, I knew it.

***

          Finishing the tasks given took less time than I thought, but that was more than enough work for the boys to complete, so they ended up going on a "break" and probably weren't planning on returning. Meanwhile, I returned to Raven's side and asked her for some more jobs to do.

          "Wow, seriously? Nobody has come back for more tasks," was her response when I waited for further instructions. She shrugged though and smiled kindly before looking back to her clipboard. Her smile faded here, and the crinkle on her forehead revealed the stress that was obviously building up from all the work that had to be done. It only made me feel more determined to help.

          "Give me the hardest job you've got," I added, smiling widely, hoping it would ease her workload.

This grabbed her attention, as she glanced up to meet my eyes with her surprised ones. Nodding lightly, she looked back to her clipboard and her eyes scanned its contents.

          "Well, if you're up to it, there's some metal that needs shaping before it's put into place in the doorways in the Ark," she suggested, but I knew this was a job that needed doing immediately. One badly-secured door and we were all dead from radiation. "Someone can show you how to do it at first, then you're on your own unfortunately..."

          There was slight hesitance in her tone of voice as she realised how much she was asking from me, so I nodded enthusiastically to show her I was up to it.

          "I'll do it," I agreed immediately. "Just direct me to the place and I'll get started!"

          Her eyes widened with surprise, and a small smile appeared on her lips. Just from the way her shoulders relaxed slightly showed me that I was helping her somehow, and that's all I wanted. I had heard my fair share of stories about the infamous Raven Reyes, so I knew how strong she was. How strong she is. She deserved a break just as much as the next person, but no. Here she was, trying to save us all.

          Raven opened her mouth, about to respond, but she was cut off by someone saying, "Raven, how's the Ark coming along?"

          The two of us turned around and saw the well-known blonde leader walking towards us, a troubled expression on her face. It was an almost permanent look for her.

          When she stood before us, she offered a small smile and nod my way. We were on a name-to-name basis and that was it. Like I said earlier, we'd only shared a few necessary conversations.

          "A bit behind schedule if I'm being honest," Raven admitted, and all of a sudden, that momentary happiness she felt was gone. "Which reminds me. There's a few things I need you to do."

          Clarke sighed quietly, and she ran a hand through her hair before nodding. "Yeah, sure, what's up?" she asked, attempting to hide the exhaustion in her voice.

          Raven forced a small smile, though it was more of a grimace, and looked back to her clipboard. Standing here, right now, and noticing the exhaustion entwined on both of these girls' features, I felt guilty. I wasn't doing enough to help.

          "Uh, Raven," I spoke up, catching both girls' attention, "I don't mind doing the tasks Clarke has to do. She's probably really busy. Right, Clarke?" I looked to the blonde, who seemed taken aback.

          "Uh, yeah, but–"

          "But nothing," I said, waving my hand with dismissal. I returned my attention to Raven. "I don't mind."

          Raven furrowed her eyebrows. "Y/N, you've already got quite a big job. Are you sure?"

          I chuckled. "Yes, and we're wasting time, Reyes, come on."

          Both girls before me shared a glance, somehow communicating with their eyes. I stood there awkwardly, waiting to receive my instructions so I could get to work.

          "Okay then, well, I guess, Clarke, I don't need you then," Raven said, blinking away her confusion and looking to the blonde. "I'll let you know if I do."

          Clarke nodded, and her eyes were on me as she pursed her lips. "Y/N, are you sure?"

          I nodded and gave her a thumbs up. "Very. Now get back to work! You must be insanely busy."

          Clarke chewed on her lower lip as she tried to understand what was happening. Eventually though, she nodded and turned around, beginning to walk away. When I looked back to Raven however, I realised something and quickly called for Clarke's attention.

          "Uh, yeah?" she responded, pausing and looking over her shoulder at me.

          I smiled appreciatively, nodding my head. "Just wanted to say thanks," before looking back to Raven, who was studying me with a curious expression.

          "Okay, um, here's a list of things to do...," she said with uncertainty, handing me a piece of paper, and when I glanced down at the long list, I smiled even wider.

          It felt good to help.

***

          Working on the Ark was taking a lot out of everyone, and there was definitely a lot of complaining. Some, understandable, but some, unnecessary.

          Everybody was busy all the time, whether they liked it or not. I was the minority that liked it. I was helping out Raven whenever I could, and I could genuinely say that she was a good friend of mine now. She appreciated my help, and I was glad to be able to lighten her load. I even distributed the tasks for her once, because she was helping Clarke with something.

          Speaking of the blonde, I had tried to make things easier for her, too. Whenever there were some minor tasks that needed doing, I would take them on for her. She didn't need to worry about that when there was people like me who could do it. She was a giant help, even with everything she was dealing with, and she barely got any credit she deserved.

          For example, there was a group of kids separating some piles of scrap metal with what was usable and what wasn't, and some of them were losing interest as they worked away in the sweltering heat. I remember this time specifically because I had to dodge a spring from hitting me in the side of the head.

          "Shit, sorry, Y/N!" one of the younger kids, Diana, apologised with a sheepish smile.

          I smiled a small smile. "It's okay, but try to sort the metal rather than throw it, yeah?"

          "But this is boring!" another of the little ones, Jeremy, complained. "I want to play football! Not sort this out!"

          I paused from what I was doing, trying to think about a way to convince them that this was going to help us all. The usual 'do your part' speech wasn't going to work with these guys. They didn't care because they were only little.

          However, I didn't need to think for much longer because Clarke Griffin approached us, a tired yet kind smile on her lips. "Us" included myself, Jeremy and Diana, and a few other little ones that were messing around and no longer helping out.

          "Hey, guys," Clarke greeted the kids specifically, but spared a glance my way, a genuine smile on her lips. "How are things coming along?"

          "Boring," Jeremy mumbled, but we all heard him.

          "J, come on, I told you already, we need to do this," I lightly scolded the sulking brunette. "It's–"

          "No, it's fine, Y/N," Clarke stopped me, and I looked to her with confusion. She was looking at Jeremy and prodded further. "What's up, Jeremy?"

          His cheeks flushed pink as he realised the attention was on him, but he still continued to speak. "It's just, it's not fair. We're only kids. Why can't we do fun stuff, like play? This is the adult's job. I bet you all didn't have to do this when you were little."

          I had so many responses to his words, but I knew Clarke wanted to handle this herself. The other children agreed with Jeremy's words, and I looked to the blonde to see what she would say to get them back to work. She was smiling to show she was listening, but if you looked closely, you could see her eyes which were begging to close for even the smallest of naps. I was pretty sure she had woken up extra early this morning, just to make sure all the tasks were accounted for.

          "You're right," Clarke agreed, taking both myself and the children by surprise.

          "He is?"

          "I am?"

          "You are," Clarke confirmed, her tone of voice neutral, so I couldn't understand where she was going with this. "And according to the giant pile of metal on your side, it seems you've done a fair share of work for today. So, go. You guys can go play."

          I raised both of my eyebrows with shock as the children immediately raced off, not having to be told again. All of their drained energy suddenly returned as their screams of joy were heard from behind me. Clarke watched them leave, a cheerful smile on her lips as she waved goodbye to them. However, as soon as they were out of sight, her smile faded and her shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

          "Clarke, what about this? It won't get done in time for tomorrow if they don't help," I informed her, but regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth.

          When she looked at me with a weary expression, I knew she already knew this, and I wasn't helping at all.

          "What can I say to them?" she said, almost helplessly. "They're only kids. I can't force them to do this, and they won't understand how important it is if it doesn't get done. And I certainly can't bribe them with anything because we have nothing."

          There was that familiar tension apparent in her voice again. The one that showed how uncontrollable she felt in a situation like this. The one that reminded me of how much she had to do, and how little time she had.

          "I'll do it," she said with a heavy sigh, before beginning the task of separating the usable metal from the unusable one.

          I shook my head, stepping forward and acting before thinking. I took the metal from her hands, ignoring the tingling sensation that travelled up my arm from when my hand skimmed past hers, and threw it to the ground.

          "I'll sort it out," I assured her, smiling, hoping to see her less stressed out. "I'll do their part, and I know some people who can help. They won't mind."

          "Y/N, you do so much already and–"

          "No, Clarke, don't, please," I cut her off. "I've got it sorted. You get back to whatever you were doing. Or better yet, go take a nap."

          She looked around at the mess of metal that the kids had created, and glanced towards me. I smiled widely to reassure her, and it made this all worth it when she cracked the tiniest of smiles. It was the first time I'd seen anything other than fatigue on her face, and it was perfect. I didn't think I could love someone's smile so much.

          "Is that your way of telling me I look tired?" she joked, and I was definitely surprised that she had a teasing nature about her. I'd only ever seen her when she was serious, so this was definitely refreshing.

          "Maybe," I played along, smiling with amusement. "Now, go get some rest. If anyone deserves it, it's you."

          I meant it as I said it, but it also meant so much more. She'd been on alert since she came down to this planet. Terrible things had laid in her path, and in the space of a few weeks, she'd lost the love of her life and had to deal with keeping everyone alive. She truly deserved rest.

          She nodded slowly, and with a quick pat on my shoulder, turned on her heel.

          "Thank you, by the way," I shouted after her, before getting back to work.

          "Y/N–"

          I turned around, and her mouth was open to speak, but she stopped, then shook her head. Giving me one last look of confusion, she said, "Never mind," then continued to walk away.

          I shrugged mindlessly and got back to work, breathing in a deep breath. Everything I said to Clarke about knowing some people who could help me out with this was a complete lie. Nobody wanted to do their assigned jobs, let alone voluntary ones. Meaning, I would be here practically all night if it were to get done for tomorrow.

          I had a long day ahead of me.

***

          "Y/N..."

          I heard my name droning on and on in the back of my head, and it seemed that the longer I ignored it, the louder it got.

          "Y/N, come on," the voice repeated, with much more clarity.

          I felt my surroundings shake, and before I knew it, my eyes snapped open, taking in my surroundings. I was met with the most vibrant of blues, presumably the sky, but when my vision came into focus, I saw Clarke's face hovering above mine. Behind her, the sky was a dim blue, as if the sun was only just rising, and it shouldn't have been at the top of my mind, but all I could think about was how Clarke's eyes were honestly much prettier than the sky.

          She helped me sit up, and I noticed that I had fallen asleep in the pile of usable metal I had been sorting out only a few hours before.

          "Were you up all night?" she asked, slight disbelief evident in her tone of voice. Her eyebrows were raised with surprise, and I saw the tiniest bit of guilt making its way onto her face.

          "Clarke, honestly, everything is good here," I indirectly answered her question, implying the truth but trying to steer away from it. "The job is done and I'm sure Raven has many things to do with it, so, yeah."

          I attempted to stand up, however I was still a bit dazed from my nap so ended up stumbling around; I'd only fallen asleep for a few hours, but it wasn't enough because I was too tired to even think straight. Luckily, Clarke caught me by my elbows and helped me straighten up, to which I smiled at her gratefully for.

          "I'm so sorry, Y/N," she apologised immediately, making me frown at the guilty expression she wore. "If I knew you were going to do this all by yourself, I would've–"

          "What exactly? Done it all by yourself?" I interrupted, quirking an eyebrow. "Does it really matter who did it? It's done, so everything is good! Now, what else needs to be done this morning?"

          She shook her head instantly. "No way. You're getting some rest and that's that."

          "But–"

          "Don't even think about it," she chastised, giving me a knowing look. "Raven's been telling me all about the late hours and extra jobs you keep taking on. You're working yourself too much, Y/N."

          "That's my concern," I assured her, offering a small smile. "Not yours."

          "It is if it means you're not looking after yourself," she countered, crossing her arms over her chest. "Please, just go take a nap. I can take things from here."

          She had a serious look in her eyes as she stared right through me, piercing me with her gaze. She was unrelenting and I knew that I could never win with her, even if I tried. That, and the reassurance that she looked like she got a little more sleep yesterday than usual made me cave, and I ended up sighing with defeat.

          "Okay, but as soon as I wake up, I'm ready to work," I reasoned, attempting to hide my yawn at the same time. "I promise."

The tiniest of smiles graced her lips, and for once, I saw genuine happiness sparkling in her dulled eyes. "I know. Thank you."

          I rolled my eyes as I began to walk away. "No need to thank me, Clarke, but thank you. For everything."

          She was probably so confused with the amount of thanks I was giving her, but I didn't stay back any longer to hear her question it. Imagining my bed and how comfortable it would be for the next few hours was definitely a warm thought, hence my tired self finding my way to my quarters as the sun peeked in the sky.

***

          I walked around the camp, (mostly milling about aimlessly), as I tried to pass time quickly. Raven had forced me to take a break from the endless amount of jobs I was taking on, and despite my many attempts to convince her I didn't want one, she insisted. So, that's where I found myself now. Walking around camp, lowkey looking around in case anybody needed a hand. Not that that would've changed anything. Raven somehow found a way to spot me whenever I happened to make even the tiniest of efforts to aid someone.

          "If you don't want to stay in your room and nap, then wander around, but no helping!" she practically ordered.

          Mostly because we were beating our schedule with fixing up the Ark, and we didn't need as much help as we once did. That was one less thing for people to worry about.

          "I know, and I didn't know that–"

          "It doesn't matter, Clarke. You wasted time based on a hunch Jaha had and we're already scarce for time as it is. Think next time, please."

          I turned around at the sound of two familiar voices arguing in hushed tones. Abby and Clarke Griffin, mother and daughter, were stood under one of the shelters nearby. I wasn't too far from them, hence me being able to hear their conversation, but even if I couldn't hear them, one could probably tell the conversation wasn't going great by their mannerisms. Abby had her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at her daughter knowingly, and Clarke stood there with a helpless expression on her face. They both looked agitated, and that was something Clarke was looking more lately.

          From what I could tell, this must have been the repercussion to Clarke's choice of listening to Jaha and attempting to find some sort of bunker that could apparently help us all out with. Thanks to Raven's need to share this with, I discovered that the mission was a bust, and they only came to a dead end. Mama Griffin obviously wasn't happy with this, and from what I could see, she was blaming her daughter for it.

          "Yeah, sure, I'll think next time...," Clarke trailed off distractedly, only to swallow visibly before watching her mother stomp away.

          I wanted to approach the blonde and see if I could offer a hand with anything, or just to plain old be there for her, because she didn't deserve what she was getting. Everything she did for us was for that exactly: us. But did anyone ever thank her for it? No. She just received shit in return, and I wanted that to change.

          I stepped forward and made a move to go to her, but she suddenly turned around and speed-walked to the Ark. she hadn't noticed me, but I watched closely and saw the frown curling on her lips. Something tugged at me on the inside when I saw the pain in her expression, and I felt obliged to follow her into the Ark. I could at least make use of this break, right?

          When I headed into the Ark, I lost track of the blonde straight away. I decided to check her study first, seeing as that was the most likeliest place she would be. When I reached her door, I took a deep breath and counted to three, before knocking gently on the door.

          "Uh, Clarke? It's me, erm, Y/N," I said after knocking, just in case she thought it was her mother.

          Not long passed before the door before me opened, revealing a distressed-looking Clarke. Though, she attempted to hide that feeling with a small, tight smile curved on her lips. I offered a small smile back, knowing she was hiding the way she felt to appear "strong", though she should've known she didn't need to act anything in front of me. I knew how strong she was already.

          "Can I help you with anything?" she asked sweetly, but I noticed the exhaustion heavy in her voice.

          My hands were behind my back, fidgeting nervously and awkwardly. I didn't know why I was like this; it was Clarke. She was the easiest person I found myself being able to talk to. What was so different now?

          "No, uh, I just came to see how you were doing," I decided on the truth. "You seemed a bit... anxious, so I just wanted to check up on you. See if you needed help with anything."

          She licked her lips, and I expected her to respond, but she didn't. Instead, she studied me, her cerulean eyes darting up and down my body. She could've been thinking anything, and I couldn't even guess because her face was expressionless.

          I quickly added, "You can tell me you're fine, if you want. If it makes you feel comfortable. But I just want you to know that it's okay to feel a little overwhelmed. Sad, even. With everything that's going on, you out of all people deserves to feel, y'know?"

          I chewed on the inside of my mouth as I watched and waited for some form of response, anything to show I wasn't overstepping my boundaries. Taking advantage of the closeness developing between us. But her big blue eyes remained still on my own, and I knew I had done the wrong thing.

          "Sorry, Clarke," I apologised, looking down and breaking our eye contact. I didn't know if it was because I thought she would see the truth in me, or if it was because her eyes were intimidating. "I didn't mean to go too far. I can leave if you want me to..."

          "Don't," she said instantly, definitely taking me by surprise. I looked up as she said, "You were saying something. I... I don't mind."

          A small smile crept on my lips as I nodded. "Thank you. All I'm saying is that you're going through a lot. I can't imagine understanding, so I won't, but know you're not alone. You've got everyone on your side. You're doing an amazing job keeping us alive. And this is probably overwhelming for you, but you're okay. You're doing good. And it's okay to feel all of that. As long as you don't let it control you, you're good."

          She nodded once I finished speaking, and I held my breath, hoping I hadn't pushed my luck. I just wanted her to know that she was doing everything right. She deserved the gratitude. She deserved the world at this point.

          "Thank you," she finally spoke, and her voice was hoarse and quiet. "I... I really needed that." She smiled, a genuine and real smile. A smile that I never thought I would see until now.

          "Don't thank me," I said, dismissively. "You owe me nothing. I'm only speaking the truth. You, on the other hand, deserve all the thanks in the world. You've done so much for us, but people are only focusing on the negatives and they don't appreciate you for how much you've sacrificed for us. But I do. And I need you to know that I see you, and I believe in you, and I'm here for you."

          I smiled wider this time, a toothless awkward smile, but a smile nonetheless. And I don't know why she thought to do so, but she moved forward and surprised me by pulling me in for a hug. Clarke Griffin was hugging me. And it was probably the best thing to ever happen to me.

          Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, leaving me no choice but to rest mine on her waist. She was warm and comfortable and felt like all the good things in the world. And my smile only widened as I relaxed in her embrace. She didn't need to say anything because I knew she understood.

          I appreciated her.

[cloudybookash-blog]

Just finished the first season of She-Ra and I only have a small amount of complaints that I think fall more into my personal opinion on characterizations and story lines than anything else. 

Love that the princesses that are there from the beginning are cute, gay and happy. Love that for them.

Love the diversity. Glimmer is body divergent but it never addressed as something inherently bad, or as a flaw - homegirl just look like that. Beau (Bo?) being part of the princesses because he is, and all his little background mannerisms where he’s seen cleaning and keeping things neat. 

Scorpia’s entire personality is the greatest, she’s such a realistic character who belongs to a family that gave their allegiance and power source to the horde willingly and she prides herself in her role by taking care of her troops and running a tight ship whilst also being one of the bad guys because well, she was never welcome with any of the other princesses. Her story is so believable and truly underrated. Plus, she’s just very nice. 

The other princesses having such a wide array of personalities (albeit without many complexities, I’ll admit) is refreshing. 

I’m a fan of the art-style, love all the pretty colors (and kind of reminds me of Steven Universe, ngl). Each setting has its own beautiful color palette, which is always helpful in identifying new places and remembering them when there are about 10.

My only problems really came in three (maybe four) people.

1. Adora. If anything I would’ve thought she’d make the perfect villain. First in everything, the favorite, constantly better than her peers with the emotional range of a teaspoon. Yes, yes, she’s fantastic with her new friends but we’ve seen better characters. She’s given multiple occasions to coerce her old crew into joining the rebellion but she never takes them, and when she does it’s done without heart, like I questioned her integrity a couple of times she just didn’t seem all that willing to help her old friends.

Yes, with Bow (apparently that’s how his name is spelled) and Glimmer she’s loyal and caring, thoughtful even. But none of that loyalty and thoughtfulness is present in her previous relationships. Upon finding out that the Horde is evil and that she more than likely was kidnapped as a young child (insinuating that almost EVERY horde soldier was stolen from their families) she doesn’t, not once, speak to her entire old crew and show them what she knows in a way that isn’t overtly condescending.

There’s a moment where I think Catra is going to join Adora, but even then, Adora is only bargaining, and asking Catra to join her because Catra is literally about to kill her. And EVEN THEN she barely tried, rather than apologising for not being aware enough when they were kids to stand up for Catra in a way that would’ve mattered to her, she just goes on about how Catra doesn’t have to do this. This forces Catra to give up her grounds has someone who’s been wronged because the wrong-does refuses to admit fault.

Like I said, my problems are probably all to do with personal preferences of characters. People probably view this as a unique flaw never really had in an MC before. Except, it’s pretty common in male MC’s in high fantasy’s. And I not only read a lot of those, but also hate them specifically because the characters have minimal self awareness and almost 0% integrity anytime they’re genuinely confronted with their flaws.

2. Catra. Listen, she would’ve been a GREAT She-Ra. You can’t deny it. She’s always coming in second best, she can never get ahead, she’s not only hated but has been actively tortured because of her ties to Adora. She’s been told the only reason she’s kept around is because Adora seems to like her. She’s literally alive because some six year old wanted a pet. She would be the first one to have zero (0) reasons to stay with the horde.

Her entire life has been spent in the shadow and to be able to be She-Ra, with enough support could bring her the confidence in her person she so sorely needs. We’ve seen she’s a great leader, although as a villain in a serial she’s obviously going to be beaten time and time again but she does actually have good plans and she has a flare for the dramatic. 

This isn’t Loki-style fanning over a ‘morally-grey’ character this is sadness at the fact people may interpret her character as, ‘people who are ambitious are evil, people who don’t conform to society, or aren’t very charming socially are evil’. Rather than we (the audience) should try being a little more aware of the people around us and how our actions can deeply effect them.

Catra’s personality and in the end her resolve is formed by the actions of Shadow Weaver, Adora, and her team. They bully, ostracize and abuse her (some, unknowingly of course) but that’ s the point. Her ‘evilness’ is brought on by years of people not being self-aware enough to understand the damage they were causing. She’s a great sympathetic villain, I don’t think I’ve ever even felt sympathy for a fictional ‘bad guy’ before so don’t get me wrong she’s fine in her role. I just, personally, would’ve enjoyed seeing her at the forefront of the rebellion rather than Adora.

With a personality that would’ve been open to an underdog scenario, and her persistent attitude (especially if this was fueled by people supporting and relying on her) she could’ve been a great She-Ra.

3. Entrapta. Again this is solely the whole how she’s going to perceived thing, ‘geeks and freaks are weird and societal outcasts are evil.’ It keeps up this narrative of only certain types of people are allowed to be good, there’s a check list of traits you have to have that are unrelated to your ideologies that decide which side you fight for.

Entrapta, like Catra, is treated like an outcast and always (in sinisterly subtle ways that are usually used as comedic relief) made to feel bad for who she is. She’s curious on top of everything else but the lesson we get about her story ark is curiosity killed the rebellion. It’s like saying ‘don’t be too curious’, otherwise you’ll end up with no morals and will be easily manipulated into joining the ‘evil people’.

When, again, the meaning should be that we REALLY need to put more effort into making those in our society who are different know and understand that they’re important. No, this doesn’t mean baby school shooter, incel type people or people who legitimately go out of their way to hurt others for no reason. But, we shouldn’t treat neuro-divergent people with such hostilities (subtle or otherwise) because then WE create the monster. Just as with Catra, Entrapta was created through the actions of her peers towards her person.

I can’t blame either of these villains for choosing the dark side, who wasn't to be good when the people on the good side don’t want you to be, well, YOU.

4. Decidedly, four things that bug me. Bow and Glimmers (already mentioned Adora’s part in this) and extendedly the other Princesses’ treatment of those in the horde they meet. One specific scene got me MAD. Bow is imprisoned and one of Adora’s ex-crew mates begins betraying his own just because Bow is the first person to actual listen and all this kid wants is to have friends, real friends that would do anything for one another and this poor kid is TRYING. Bow’s reaction was abysmal to say the least. At first, he cracks a joke that he doesn’t really have a choice as he’s imprisoned, we get it, funny ha-ha. But, he genuinely appears to believe that the only reason he’s listening is because he’s imprisoned, that he (who gave Adora her chance before even really getting to know her) wouldn’t give the exact same to this kid actively risking his life to relay information about Glimmer. 

Bow’s the puppy-love character whose flaw is (supposed to be) that he loves/trusts too easy. So why is he suddenly not listening to this kid just trying to have a friend who is actively helping Bow and is (possibly) the sole reason they find Glimmer in the end. Without his help there wouldn’t have been enough time to hack into the horde’s tech again to search for her. But, Bow doesn’t say anything when his rescue arrives AND THROWS THIS KID OFF A CLIFF MID-SENTENCE. I don’t know, that felt so wildly out of character.

Glimmer I understand more, she’s hotheaded and originally was VERY against Adora. It took a lot of life threatening situations for her to finally begin trusting Adora. Still, upon getting to know Adora, learning how horribly she was raised, the trauma it’s left her with, Glimmer (not for one seconds) questions whether they should MAYBE check on other horde members, no one should be kidnapped and raised in such an environment only to die for a regime that’s been lying to them. Yet, that’s exactly what happened.

Don’t get me wrong, these are four things that I pretty much understand have more to do with my preferences with characters and story-lines than anything else and like I said, the list (though detailed because I love being negative) is small in comparison to list of things that I like so far about the show. 

Just wanted to get that out there.

Also, does the Voltron fandom follow She-Ra because this ECHOES Voltron vibes and I honestly don’t see a reason why they shouldn’t also vehemently back this show (other than the straights that watch Voltron are too busy getting off on gay men to care or give any ground to a just as diverse, funny, cast that just so happens to have gender flipped the story.)

[dimpledsarcasm]

Little Text I wrote waaaay back when they released the teaser pics (you know the one of them around the campfire?)

Clarke you didn’t kill him. You didn’t kill him. Is all that was going through my head as my eyes flitted to Bellamy beside me. He was next to me, but so so so far.

Although it happened 125 years ago I still couldn’t get over it. Ha you’re hilarious I snorted to myself.

Apparently Bellamy couldn’t get over it too. Yeah that’s why he held you when Jordan played us Monty’s video.

My eyes flitted to him again, but he wasn’t staring at me, he wasn’t even staring at the fire and was instead looking out at the landscape. What I would give to know what was going on in his head… There was a time when I used to know exactly what he was thinking, but that phase was long past.

My eyes raked over his side profile. The beard he grew in the years we were apart, the fire cast shadows on his face, but his freckles were ever more prominent. God I had forgotten how many freckles he has. His unruly brown hair, that was currently being stroked by Echo. My eyes moved to her, only to realize she was already staring at me. The hatred in her eyes was unmistakable. I couldn’t blame her, I had left the guy she loved for dead.

My eyes moved back to the fire. Never in a million years did I think I would let Bellamy die.  I had let a village be bombed for him, I couldn’t even kill him to save the human race. Damn I’m pathetic… and a horrible person. I added as an afterthought.

I wonder what would’ve happened if he had never opened that door 131 years ago, if I had shot him. The Blakes would both be dead. I’d be a pariah and heartbroken— yeah as though you aren’t that now. But, I wouldn’t have been separated from my mom, “Wonkru” would never have happened, nor the cannabilism… But I wouldn’t have met Madi. I wouldn’t be a mom.

My head had gone through all of those scenarios in the 6 year period where it was just me and Madi on the surface of the earth. What if the shot hadn’t killed him, but just disabled him. He never would have forgiven me for Octavia’s death, but… No Madi, remember Madi Clarke.

I sighed. At least he was alive. That’s all I could tell myself. I looked at him again, Echo be damned, at least he was alive.

I still couldn’t get over the beard. He looked like a man now, no longer the reckless man-child, all heart and no brain, he’d been way back when. No, now he was a mature, self-assured individual and I’m sure the woman holding him is what led to that.  

I closed my eyes and looked at the ground. Damn I miss the days where I could suppress my feelings, where they didn’t affect everything I did. Didn’t they though Clarke?  

For once, I could utterly disagree with my internal voice. No, they didn’t. Even when I was with Lexa, she encouraged me to think with my head. My heart twinged. Her face flashed before my eyes, hair to the side, brown eyes wide filled with happiness and… love, lips parted in lust. How self-assured she’d become in bed. I smirked.

Then her face flashed before my eyes again, but this time dark blood pouring out of her mouth, eyes wide in shock and lungs heaving up in down, taking in her last breaths. I closed my eyes tighter, forcing the image out of my head. It’d taken me a long time for that not to be the thing I saw whenever I closed my eyes— well whenever I closed my eyes other images flashed by; the expanding bloodstain on FInn’s shirt when I stabbed him, Well’s makeshift grave, Anya’s mud-spattered face as she died, Jasper cradling Maya’s radiation-destroyed body, my dad’s face filling up the screens of the Ark knowing he’d be sentenced to death, the—

“Clarke?” I snapped out of my reverie.

“What?” I asked breathless

“We’ve been trying to talk to you for the past couple minutes,” Echo said with an edge to her voice,  “If you’re not alert Clarke you’ll put us all in danger.” I looked at her. There were so many things I wanted to say and even though my eyes flashed in anger, I exercised master restraint.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” I said, trying my best to keep any anger out of my voice. She wasn’t worth it. I would not let her get the best of me. Not to mention, she was also right, we were on a foreign planet with who knows what out there and I couldn’t afford to be off my game… Man, what a familiar feeling, I snorted.

“Clarke?!” Echo said.

“Yes, yes, what were you talking about?” Shaw chuckled and I ignored Bellamy’s concerned eyes, I could feel his stare burning into my skin and I felt a blush rising to my cheeks, thank god I could blame it on the fire.

“Well, we were discussing as to where we should be headed tomorrow, downstream or upstream the river.” Miller said. I glanced at him.

“Wouldn’t upstream be best? There’s an advantage to higher ground.” I replied automatically.

“Yes, but as I was saying, downstream obviously will bring us to a larger body of water and that’ll be important for farming, not to mention that if we need to get away or cover our tracks we can just hope in and float or hike down.” She explained.

“While that might be true, we still don’t know if the water is drinkable, not to mention what’s the weather on this planet? If it’s flashfloods, we’ll be grateful for the higher ground.” I retorted.

“Bellamy already said that.” Echo say flatly.

“Oh. Well, then I agree with him.” I replied feeling my cheeks heat up. My eyes flickered to Bellamy to see him staring at me intensely. There was a flash of a smirk on his face and I looked away, the blush creeping up my neck.

“Figures.” Muttered Echo.

“Okay well let’s put it to a vote. Upstream?” Jackson said looking around. I raised my hand, so did Bellamy, Shaw and Miller. He paused, “I guess it’s decided.”

“Whatever.” Echo huffed and went back to stroking Bellamy’s hair.

~~~~~~~

While being alone with Madi and my radio it had seemed simple.

We woke up in the morning and gather berries from the surrounding area, in later years, we’d make jam and spread it on edible bark. Once we’d had our breakfast, I’d teach Madi some theory, we’d go through English, history, science… all of the things I learnt on the Ark, I tried to teach her. Next, Wwed go swimming then we would dry off and have a quick lunch of smoked meat (whatever we caught the night before would have been stewing till we ate it).

In the afternoon, I’d move on to practical training, fighting skills, weapon making, sewing wounds, hunting and later, driving. Madi’s village was a peaceful refuge for vegetarians, from what I could deduce, so Madi knew a few things— mostly what she had learned on her own before I showed up. She was a star pupil, or maybe I was a good teacher? I think it was a bit of both.

In late afternoon, we’d set up camp, initially Madi would collect wood and eventually we’d start taking turns making food, we’d sharpen and clean our weapons and I would sneak off with my radio to chat with Bellamy. It didn’t take long for Madi to deduce what I was doing so this was unofficially declared the moment in the day for alone time.

For supper we’d eat a mix of the meat or fish we caught and some random vegetables that Madi had dubbed yellow strings. And then we’d get ready for bed. I would draw a bit, Madi would practice her writing as well as drawing the star maps I taught her and we’d end the night with my telling her stories about my friends. It was our quiet peaceful routine.

Quiet. Simple. Easy.

It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. On the ark, although I’d had a pretty sheltered childhood, it was always about rationing, best behaviour at all times and a lot of wondering what earth was like. Not to mention the grief. The grief when my friends’ parents were sentenced to treason and got floated, grief for the nonstop bullying Wells and I got, grief for my dad getting floated, grief because I thought I was going to be floated…

When I finally made it to earth, the grief didn’t change. It became tenfold and next came stress, survival stress. Basically it was do or die. I ended up taking charge. I guess I had been bred for it. But, that’s essentially what happened. Of course Bellamy and I butt heads initially due to it. He was the de facto leader and I, princess (god I hate that nickname), swooped in to challenge his every move. Of course, it wasn’t my fault his every move was the opposite of what I thought needed to be done…

But then people started dropping like flies, we were picked off by the grounders one by one and our morals were questioned to the point that even calling them morals is a hoax you used to sleep at night.  Of course I also fell in love and had sex, etc.

Then our ‘reinforcements’ came and that ended up being a mess as well. I ended up killing the boy I loved and would later murder an entire mountain full of people.

I fell in love again and then watched that person die too. Then I had to worry about a stupid crazy homicidal robot starting a cult ridding people of free will.

And the last couple months before the Earth went to hell was spent on figuring out how to save the human race. Saving the human race was the mantra that had been ingrained in me from the very beginning. On the Ark, I learnt that nothing really mattered a part from saving the human race. Nothing else.

So when primfaya happened and I was the only person left on the surface of the earth (everyone else was either underground or in space)… Well, thank god for Madi because otherwise, I definitely wouldn’t of made it. My mentality of saving the human race transferred onto Madi. I became her default mom, and her, my daughter and she was all that mattered. Still talking to a preteen girl for 6 years wasn’t exactly socializing in my opinion.

Which is why it wasn’t only Madi and I. It was Madi, I and Bellamy, or rather a radio, but I just maintained the idea that he could hear me and couldn’t respond. I knew that was total bullshit, you don’t hang out with Raven Rayes for ages and not realize that the radio waves would not be making it past the radiation clouding the earth, let alone through space to the revived Ark.

Yeah no way he even knew I was alive. But, I pretended anyway, because the alternative— the idea that I truly was alone and couldn’t talk to Bellamy, or worse that Bellamy and the others hadn’t actually made it to safety— well there’s only so much a person can take before going insane. So, I spoke to my radio. I told Bellamy all of my fears, all of the little victories, like when Madi wrote her first English sentence or when I found the edible bark, I told him about the new discoveries and my theories on what to do next. I spoke to him about Lexa, and Finn, and Wells. I told him everything. In one of my loneliest (horniest) moments I told him the fact that I missed having sex, masturbation just wasn’t cutting it anymore (that was never mentioned again)…

So, seeing him again, after speaking to him everyday for 6 years? Well, that was a pretty massive shock to my system, not to mention that he had gotten even hotter during that time.

Those 6 years had given me plenty of time to deal with Lexa’s death and realize I was completely and utterly in love with Bellamy. Of course I also acknowledged that it was the Clarke of 6 years ago that was in love with the Bellamy of 6 years ago… Somehow that didn’t translate into my brain when I first saw him. Instead all I wanted to do was discreetly pinch myself, because there was no way he was here with me. The second was, this must be true because even my imagination wouldn’t have been able to fathom how hot he’d be with a beard. And we fell back into this routine of Clarke and Bellamy.

Quiet. Simple. Easy.

Granted we were also dealing with his sister, Octavia, turned overzealous-dictator, a shitton of ex-felons and a war on the last survivable place on earth… But it didn’t matter because it was Bellamy and I and we could do this.

At least I thought we could. That is until I saw Echo run into his arms for a PG13 make out session, that is until he called ‘spacecru’ his family and didn’t include me, that is until he betrayed me by turning my daughter into a weapon… putting her directly in the bloodthirsty vision of Octavia who’s homicidal tendencies seemed to have gone on steroids since having last encountered her above ground.

So I left him to die.

Alright I know, stupid move, clearly turning Madi into the head of Wonkru was the best, most nondestructive choice at the time, but I didn’t see it that way and I reacted brashly. I still needed to apologize for that I guess. It was interesting that he had forgiven me so quickly though, blaming it on my “mama bear instincts” (he finally recognized what Madi meant to me). The speed in which he had been quick to lose that grudge really proved to me that he definitely was no longer my Bellamy. He seemed to be a mature, level-headed, amazing man that I no longer knew. We are strangers. And that probably broke my heart more than seeing him with Echo did.

I removed my eyes from the fire and looked around me. Actually all of these people were strangers now and for the quadrillionth time since primfaya I felt like bawling my eyes out.

That was something I discovered during those 6 years—how utterly emotive I could be. Jeez the emotion oozing out of me disgusted me. But, because I was able to focus it on Madi all this time it was okay. Except Madi was still in cryosleep and I was here with a guy I might possibly still love, his girlfriend (who hated me), a random-ass stranger that was cool, and just an overall blast from the past couple of friends, not too mention I had just found out that two of my closest friends had lived an entire life together filled with happiness and a peaceful ending so that we could live, so that the human race could survive.

Yeah my poor isolated self could not keep up with the varying situations.

I got up, feeling angsty. I definitely needed to loosen some of the tension I felt building up.

[noddytheornithopod]

Well, started Chapter 5 and... this is a LOT to take in.

So we start out with awkwardness between Shuichi and Kaito over the last chapter. Maki can tell there’s awkwardness, but Shuichi lacks the confidence to know what to say.

So one of the new rooms we discover is Kaito’s lab, which is pretty cool. Kaito’s also still dying it seems.

We see a weird new electronic place with a room that houses the Exisals.

We get a tease of Rantaro’s lab... and it’s locked. If someone dies, the lab is locked.

So we only find a file on the Gofer project using Ultimates as its participants and no memory flashlight.

Kaito requests to look in Maki’s lab, and he becomes really insistent on getting out (which we see is because he’s dying). I thought he was maybe planning to kill Kokichi, but as we see later, it’s not the case. Maki’s disappointed we failed to make up though.

Okay holy shit, Shuichi seeing Kaito and Maki together reminds him of him and Kaede. Great job hitting me in the feels, game.

Speaking of Maki, I was able to succeed in two free time events with her (I botched two others lol). So it turns out the group she was hired for was a cult organisation that neither her nor anyone in it, they just were hired to kill people. She also talked about one of her first missions where she had to kill the daughter of some Yakuza guy because she was feared to gain power, and they talk about how she was unfortunately hired to do the job even as she technically did nothing wrong.

So Kaito’s plan wasn’t a killing... but way more befitting of Kaito: he and the others team up to escape and fight Monokuma if necessary. Mysteriously, Kokichi FINALLY appears after being missing for so long, and gives them electric weapons created by Miu to neutralise the obstacles in the escape tunnel. Kaito doesn’t trust him and Maki has a go at him, but eventually they agree they have to take the chance.

So they make it out and... Earth is even more fucked than before. Everyone is dead. :v Kokichi then explains everything: the disaster regarding the meteorites caused a virus that was wiping out humanity. The last survivors of humanity were the 16 students in this game, and the Gofer Project was to send them all into basically an ark to salvage humanity. However... one of the students wanted the project to fail, being part of the cult organisation who believed humankind deserved to die out. And to the surprise of... pretty much nobody, the mastermind behind this killing game is Kokichi Oma.

Honestly Kokichi being the mastermind isn’t that surprising, but the way he reveals himself is pretty dramatic. He just emanates evil. And “the world is mine” is pretty much his admission that since everyone else is dead, he pretty much runs the show now.

I love how he mentions that Kaede had the right idea just to rub their defeat into them. If she was able to get Kokichi instead of Rantaro, they could’ve ended things it seems... though as I’ll say later, I think there’s still more to come.

Kaito tries to fight back, but he’s powerless against the Exisals: Kokichi, being the mastermind, doesn’t need the Monokubs to control them. He’s captured which really upsets Maki, especially as Shuichi is forced to hand over the Exisal shutdown remote to stop Kokichi from killing Kaito.

So a whole lot of nothing for a while, huh? It really does give you a feeling of despair, lol.

Okay so now things get REALLY interesting: as if Kokichi’s bombshell wasn’t enough, a flashback light is left for the remaining students (presumably by Kokichi, which is really suspect). It then finally connects everything to the rest of the series: it recaps the first game and the tragedy, but then it gets deeper.

So basically, Danganronpa 2 and 3 are summarised by explaining the battle between hope and despair raging across the globe (apparently half the world was destroyed). Of course we ended with Danganronpa 3 ending the Remnants of Despair and Hope’s Peak being rebuilt (a story decision I disagree with because Hope’s Peak is fucked up as seen in DR2 but that’s 3′s fault, not V3′s... wow this could get confusing)... but this is where things get interesting. This is how V3 comes into existance.

So basically, we get the threat of the meteorites and the virus they carry that wipes out humanity. Just as we think the Remnants of Despair are over, this apocalyptic event causes a spike in them and they make a massive comeback, overwhelming the Future Foundation. It turns out Makoto Naegi, the remaining Future Foundation members and the revived Hope’s Peak are the ones behind the Gofer Project, and of course the plan to salvage humanity hinged on... literally the only 16 students alive, who just so happened to be immune to the virus. Problem is... these students didn’t want to abandon everything, all their lives and loved ones, so they fled the Gofer Project. They had their memories wiped so they would live normal lives. Problem is... as they were seen as humanity’s salvation, the Remnants of Despair began the Ultimate Hunt to find and eliminate them. This lead to their deaths being faked by the Gofer Protect, and the students then had no choice but to participate.

Then Kokichi brought in Monokuma and fucked it all up, because nobody realised the leader of the Remnants of Despair would be one of the sixteen students (that’s a pretty big oversight, I guess Kokichi was able to outsmart Kirigiri and all the other super geniuses, lol). Monokuma brought the ship to Earth (it sounds like he can work on his own now, tech advancing and all, lol) and this awakened the 16 students from cryosleep... and this is when the killing game in V3 began, apparently centuries after the extinction of humanity. Kokichi really wanted to end humanity in the worst way possible: by having humanity’s survivors kill each other.

So this is a lot to take in... but I still have questions. First of all, we don’t know how Rantaro fits into all of this. Monokuma implies his ultimate talent is a big deal, so it’s definitely going to fit into things somehow. There’s also his really mysterious message, with the words “you wanted this killing game” particularly sticking out. It seems like the “wanting to die with everyone else” refers to the students wanting to stay on Earth, but we still can’t rule out Rantaro’s line.

Okay... so who were the people who kidnapped them at the start? Why did they awaken as their fake identities as normal students? Did cryosleep fuck with their memories? I mean, their memories were obviously wiped relating to the Ultimate Hunt, so maybe some weird mix-up occured, and that’s why the Monokubs had to make them remember their talents.

So Maki stole one of the electric grenades from Kokichi as she threatened him, nice. Also she’s REALLY concerned about Kaito. She totally likes him, Himiko even points out she’s clearly concerned and she gets all flustered. :P They then plan to stage an attack on Kokichi and rescue Kaito, but they have to wait first (even if Maki wants to go in... wow, she’s picking up Kaito’s headstrong recklessness lmao) to recharge the hammers to break into the Exisal room where Kaito is held.

Tsumugi is mentioning Gonta a lot... yeah, I think she has a thing for him :v

Okay, so it’s obvious Kokichi let them see the flashlight connecting everything, so it seems like he’s got a bigger game in mind. He claims to have gotten bored of the killing game, but I feel like he’s not done yet. Also... this supposed big reveal is in Chapter 5 and not 6, so clearly something deeper is going on. Besides Rantaro, we still don’t know why Kokichi has the rule about the game ending when two students are left.

Look even if I’m not a fan of Hope’s Peak being rebuilt I’d love the idea of Kyoko being Shuichi’s mentor. :P And then her and Makoto see Shuichi and Kaede and they’re all “aww they remind me of us when we were younger”. Okay, I bet something will come and ruin this.

I’m not sure who’s gonna die at this point. It will either be Kokichi, Kaito or Maki at how this is going. Guess I’m gonna need to keep playing, heh.

[alwaysaprille]

It’s WHO HE IS. If you love Bellamy, this should be (and is probably) a part of the reason you love him. Because his heart is so damn big. //This exact opposite of what JJason said because Jason said that ONLY Bellamy makes bad decision all the time and Clarke is awesome. And also, being blackmailed by the life of his own living relative into killing the Chancellor is "rash" and "impulsive" now? Okay then.

He literally didn’t say that though, Nonny. 

This is what he said: “Bellamy is still mostly heart. He doesn’t think enough when he reacts, and he needs to begin to do that so he can become a fully realized leader in his own right.” This is a direct quote.

He did say Clarke is awesome but this is the full quote: “But I think it’s unfair to Clarke to say that she doesn’t use her heart, cause I think Clarke is pretty much… well, awesome, in general. She’s obviously smart as hell, but she’s also very compassionate.”

He said this because the question was about Clarke’s status as the “Head” aka, very logical, which some people interpret as cold, a lot of people in this fandom for instance. 

He’s defending Clarke against a lot of the hate she gets in fandom for some of the decisions she’s made. In the exact same quote he mentions that we’ll be seeing a lot of Bellamy’s journey this year. 

And yes, being blackmailed by Shumway with the end result of shooting Jaha was still rash and impulsive. There were other options. He could have told Jaha that Shumway was trying to kill him and then asked for a favor in exchange-being allowed on the Dropship with Octavia. 

In fact-that is exactly what Clarke did at the end of Day Trip. She mentions that Bellamy knows who on the ship was trying to betray him, but she withholds the information until Jaha gives her what she wants, Bellamy’s pardon.

If he’d taken the time to think about his options instead of simply acting, he might have been able to accomplish the same thing she did. (Note-saying that the action was impulsive in no way diminishes the fact that Bellamy’s refusal to go to Jaha or another authority issue about the situation with Shumway, is in large part the fault of the Ark’s authority system, which created a distrust between the lower class  and the upper class that Bellamy is keenly aware of.)

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 2: Thoughts on 4x01 Echoes

Mmmmkay, literally JUST finished watching 4x01. I’m very proud of myself because I completely avoided ALL spoilers and I’m not going to unblock tumblr until I finish this reaction post so I can write down my totally spontaneous and unadulterated thoughts.

My general reaction: I actually kind of liked it. I wouldn’t say I liked it as much as Seasons 1 and 2 and I wouldn’t say I’m optimistic about the season and frankly I still have a lot of complaints, most of which are so general I don’t think they’ll ever be resolved BUT I would undoubtedly say that 4x01 was better than 3x01 and I’m actually looking forward to 4x02; it looks like just the kind of plot I like: tense, self-contained, lots of delinquents.

(loooong reaction under the read more)

So some things I didn’t like first so I can get my negativity out of the way:

I never fully believed that either Jarod Joseph or Chelsey Reist were going to be regulars because I thought that people were reading a lot into kind of vague tweets but I wanted to believe it, especially with Jarod Joseph and honestly even though I don’t like Harper…they both deserve main status by now. I mean they’ve lasted this fucking long. I cannot believe Zack McGowan gets main status and Jarod and Chelsey don’t.

I don’t give a fuck about the Grounders. I don’t! I don’t care!! And I will never care. So all this Polis shit, Grounder politics, Echo yammering on, blah blah blah. I can’t follow it and I don’t even want to follow it. In my incredibly subjective opinion, it really weighs the show down.

Roan constantly sounds like he’s having a * Tina Fey voice * talking like this contest. I have no idea what his real voice sounds like but if this is at all a put on accent he needs to tone it down for realsies I cannot take him seriously.

Monty/Harper. Get it away get it away. (I’m not going to go into why I hate them but rest assured every reaction I write this entire season will have some variation of this point, if the episode in question features them as a couple at all. Having a canon NoTP is such a fannish burden so I’m going to whine about it at top volume all the time.)

NO MILLER. A TRAVESTY.

This isn’t entirely the show’s fault but I roll my eyes every time I hear L*xa’s name, like some kind of Pavlovian dog, so obviously I did a lot of eye rolling and now my eyes kind of hurt. In particular, Clarke’s overwrought sadness about her was just so… I’m done, I’m tired of it, I don’t care. I know I’m not being fair, because in the timeline of the show obviously L’s death is very close. But, first off, I don’t think Clarke loved her at all—I think she thinks she did but she did not, and I don’t think that line would even have been included if it weren’t for RL events. Second, and relatedly, I think that little scene with Abby and the Dramatic Single Tear TM when she hands over the chip were so clearly about appeasing fans and doing penance for daring to kill a lesbian that they took me out of the show. I wasn’t watching Clarke in Polis, I was watching Eliza Taylor acting on a set. I hope that’s the end of that, and we never have to deal with that shit again.

I didn’t like Kane’s line to Bellamy about eventually deserving to survive. I know why it’s in there, both in an in-universe and in a line-to-the-fans way, but frankly my initial thought is: all human beings deserve survival. It’s not like only good people should be allowed to live a radiation free life lol. And second, can we just leave him the fuck alone already? I’m done with the Bellamy dogpile. Let’s hope that shit’s done too.

Speaking of lines I didn’t like, Bellamy calling Clarke Princess is basically the definition of Do Not Want. It’s the sort of thing that, small as it is, makes me think that the writers don’t know their own creation and it makes me lose faith in them again. That name was an insult—it was always a fucking insult, it’s not cute, it’s not a pet name, and it has no place in the Bellarke relationship anymore. Such an unnecessary false note. (I probably seem/am disproportionately mad about it…but I hate it.)

I could have done without that last scene. It just looked so….fake. Again it just took me out of the show completely. Was it supposed to show us how dire everything is? I got that message the last 20 times lol.

The stuff I did like:

BELLAMY. There wasn’t enough of him, but he was A FUCKING STAR in the scenes he did get, especially the negotiation scene. Like I could list every line I liked and every moment I liked and that would probably be more proportional to the degree I liked them but it’s probably faster and more efficient to say that I loved it all. I loved that he and Clarke acted like (mostly) equal co-leaders. I liked that they looked to each other all the time, and had all of these silent eye-communication moments. I liked the scene with him and Kane and Indra before the meeting with Echo, I loved that Echo views him as the only Sky Person she’ll talk to, and I loved…basically all of it but I guess what I’m trying to say is I loved both how he handled the negotiation and that HE was the one doing it.

Indra was killing it in this ep too. I loved the hug with Kane of course. I loved her and Murphy in the pre-negotiation scene (“I never agreed to [guns].” / “That’s because you’re not stupid.”) (She and Murphy need their own show like I would watch it.) I like how she’s basically chilling with the Sky People now—like the little scene in the temple had such a cool collection of characters, I was digging it. (Except for Octavia…who I really don’t know what to make of this season yet so.)

Speaking of Murphy…. Okay, I wasn’t impressed by Murphy/Emori in Season 3 but I did like their scenes in this episode. Unfortunately, I was really looking forward to them joining up with the Sky People in Arkadia; I want to see another Grounder trying to find a place in Arkadia (since Lincoln was brutally murdered and all) and I want to see Murphy re-integrate himself because tbh he really is at his best when he has people to play off of. People who aren’t Emori. So I was a little bummed when they ran off into the night together because I really don’t care to watch the two of them in a vacuum and also…we already saw that? But anyway I did like their scenes in this ep so they’re in the positive column. I also like that we finally got an explanation as to why Emori took the chip.

I’ve had sort of mixed feelings about Jaha because I’m not sure whether or not I can follow his story line/character progression or not but I will say: I am 100% Team Jaha as of right now. I do think that, whatever he was on the Ark or in S1, his late S1/early S2 transformation was genuine, and he really is trying to be a good person who helps people. I hope he finds the salvation and the purpose he’s been looking for. And his role in the little ploy with Octavia and the shroud was great.

That whole sequence was probably the strongest in the episode. I think one of The 100’s greatest weaknesses at this point is the complexity of its various allegiances and all the old bad blood that’s been spilled everywhere. I haven’t seen S3 since it aired and so even as a pretty big fan I still find some stuff hard to follow—it’s hard to remember who betrayed who when and all this shit and even though some Obvious Exposition is peppered in to help us along, it’s not enough for me sometimes. But this spider web of interconnected relationships, both good and bad, is also an asset of the show and I thought that middle sequence, from the “we surrender” line to Roan waking up, really played all of that up in a good way. It brought a lot of characters and a lot of history together in a way that generally worked very well. I liked the shroud ploy (though omg the Azgeda warriors are dumb AF—how could Octavia just get up and walk around and no one noticed her? Like they’re all looking outward and no one’s looking at the big ol’ empty middle of the room? And then she, a child who lived sixteen very unhealthy years under the floor and has been on Earth probably less than a year with only a handful of months of warrior training if that is able to take out a whole room of the most fearsome warriors in the post-apocalypse? It defies belief I’m sorry). I liked the Griffins operating together. I loved the tension. (Lessened somewhat by knowing Roan would live, what with him being a main and all.) Loved the whole goshdarn thing.

Most of the Arkadia stuff was pretty eh but only in that there wasn’t much of it, and what there was, we’d seen before in promotional clips and stuff (though I will say: they did better with the promotional stuff this year; I think last year they gave away some of their surprises in a way that made the scenes ring very false on a first viewing imo). But obviously I loved my boy Jasper. I would have found his almost-suicide very hard to watch if I hadn’t known it was coming but as it was, I could be more detached about it. I wish we’d seen more of his room but what we did see was interesting (I have an obsession with the Ark/Arkadia sets okay): his art—not just Maya’s favorite painting but another one near the door; his goggles with the plastic over the eyes knocked out—like him, just a shell of their former selves; all his random tools on his desk like why does he have those?; his notebooks. And, oh, that he left a suicide note to Monty. And even just their small interaction at the door was great.

Also… while in a way I find it an odd beat for him to go from his last scene with Monty in 3x16 to almost killing himself in 4x01, mere hours later in the canon timeline… I believe it, and I’m glad that my previous fears, that the show would just forget what he’d gone through and do a Jasper re-set in the new season, can be put to rest. I liked and believed in his transition from really-ready-to-die, to well-the-world’s-gonna-kill-me-and-make-it-easy-might-as-well-enjoy-Earth.

But the best Arkadia scene was the one between Jasper and Raven. First of all because I FUCKING CALLED IT that Raven shouldn’t have the sort of coding/computer abilities that she has. I hypothesized that she might have improved her skills at some point during the S2-S3 hiatus because her disability lessened her ability to do legwork, but I also mentioned that it could have been ALIE which still means I WAS RIGHT BOOM. (I just like being right a lot okay.) Also the “upgrade” talk reminded me of Dollhouse. Which was exciting but also made me all bitter and mad because Dollhouse did the idea of artificial upgrades to your brain so much better. Made me feel inspired for my Dollhouse AU though so there’s that.

I don’t ship Jasper/Raven but I do friend-ship them and I hope they bond over having been ALIE-d.

Also speaking of being AlIE-d, I don’t think Harper forgives Jasper for what his chipped self did. And she probably shouldn’t honestly because my theory is still that ALIE pulled from the real feelings and thoughts of chipped people and maybe someday I’ll write a full explanation of why I think that—which isn’t to say that Jasper wants to hurt Harper but just to say that ‘pleading the chip’ isn’t as straightforward as all that. Still, even though it makes sense narratively, because I will pick Jasper over pretty much everyone this is sorta another reason to unfairly dislike Harper. If there is anything even remotely like a Monty having to choose scenario I will be very perturbed though.  (This isn’t something I especially liked or disliked, the thought just occurred to me while I was talking about Arkadia stuff.)

It’s pretty early to say anything about her at all but Unnamed Possible Priestess (Kenza??) is looking so promising. First, we know from the trailer she’s gorgeous and I’m always here for that. Second and to be less shallow for a second, Indra seems to know her, maybe, so that could be cool. And third, while I have yet to be impressed by Grounder religion, I am very curious to see if she’s going to be bringing in a different aspect to their spirituality. I don’t know her but I already want to see her go head to head with Roan.

I had a bit of a discussion/ramble with my mom yesterday when she was telling me a bit about the episode in a vague spoiler-free way and I was trying to explain when I like Clarke (when she’s a co-leader with a reasonably sized head, when she’s cunning and imaginative like in early S2) (early S2 Clarke is my favorite Clarke fyi) and when I don’t like her (when she’s arrogant, when she thinks she can do everything herself, when she doesn’t listen to others—basically season 2B Clarke and Clarke in parts of S3), and she said I thought I would like her in this ep. I was on the fence. I liked her with Bellamy. And she had moments that objectively I probably should have liked but I’ve just been so tired of her shit for so long it’s hard for me not to feel Tired Of Her in general. But… I guess I’ll say I think Clarke looks promising.

I kind of loved how at the end of the episode when Kabby were saying goodbye to their children and story-line heirs Bellarke, Abby says “Okay let’s do this” or some such, and then the first thing she does is hug Clarke. I know she means “okay, let’s accomplish the plan, which means separating, so I gotta say goodbye to my daughter first” but it looked a little like the “this” was hugging. Which is sort of sweet.

…Um wow I’ve written a lot and I can’t think of anything so I guess I’m done FOR NOW.

Looking forward to lots of delinquents, some hopefully cool tense scenes, more Miller and Bryan, and Clarke in a better outfit next time.

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 5: Thoughts on 1x05 Twilight’s Last Gleaming

Watched Twilight’s Last Gleaming last night. It always takes me like 3 hours to watch an ep of The 100 because I have to stop every 5 seconds to write something down. Also last night just when I started watching R started texting me and so I was trying to do three things at once: watch, write up notes, and converse with her. But I did it anyway oh well. My thoughts, in order of appearance though perhaps someday I’ll come back and elaborate on some of this stuff I dunno.

Clarke is serious with Finn during their ‘lying around in bed’ phase and he makes a joke back at her and IDK I’m half-sure it’s supposed to be charming (she seems to like it in the moment) but the only thing I can think is: Bellamy would never. (On the other hand this might literally be the only light-hearted sex this show has ever had so there’s that.) (Yes I know he was cheating I mean light-hearted in the micro sense.)

Okay, Abby, when arrested, is put in a cell, which tells me that the prison is actually also used for adults just for shorter-term purposes: it holds people awaiting trial and/or execution. Also she is granted “work release pending review.” Is the “review” a trial? Or something else? IMO they don’t actually use trials in all circumstances (Kane has the power of both the finder of fact and finder of law in a decidedly un-judicial setting the first time he sentences Abby to die while in the Go-Sci command center room; ...lol it’s hard to keep all of the death sentences straight). But I think sometimes they do. Or a trial like thing. (See Skywalker dialogue.) Also, I wonder if work release is common. Also I wonder how many adults they usually have in the prison section and if they’re kept separate from the kids or not. I would assume yes, given that Abby is in a solitary cell. Jaha says that prison has been on “half air since midnight.” I feel like the obvious question is: why give it any air at all? If the situation is that critical, and assuming there are not that many prisoners left once you get rid of the kids--why not totally evacuate it and shut it down? I realize that’s probably a bandaid on a gigantic gash but like it’s something.

“We followed the rules of order” should be like the Ark’s slogan. (And it says a lot about Jaha imo--as does the phrase” excised from the grid.”)

Lol the ‘let’s make a wish on a shooting star’ thing comes from Finn.

Aw Bellamy didn’t just have a 3some, he was cuddling.

Clarke is so completely unromantic in the broad sense. Thinking about supplies, making plans--”okay, minute’s done” when Finn asks her to consider how nice it is not being dead. I guess Finn was supposed to be the counter to her: the overly romantic.

I’m going to assume the little girl Reese didn’t survive the crash of the Ark but I wish she had because I’d like to know how her partial blindness affects her going forward. Also look at how Jackson touches Abby so sweet.

“That doesn’t mean you can predict what everyone’s going to do.” / “That’s exactly what I have to do.” Okay she definitely sees herself as a leader at this point. A leader with a potential savior complex ready to exploit tbh.

Thoughts from the Bell and O scene: He sees Jaha as the responsible one for all the judicial stuff on the Ark--a common perception. Interesting. Octavia talks big but yet again freaks out at the reality of hard choices: she wants everyone on the Ark to fuck off but finds out one of them, a very culpable one from her pov, is dead and she’s like AAAAH WHAT. Also, Bellamy takes immediate responsibility. Boy really does feel the weight of the world. It is his instinct to be at fault. (In this case, he is of course. But he could have pawned it off and he doesn’t.)

Jaha’s room: is this the same set that is used as Abby’s chancellor quarters in S3 or am I making that up? Is it supposed to be the same? Also he has a punching bag in his room nifty detail.

It’s interesting that Jaha wanted to sacrifice himself. It’s a bad tactical decision imo and I also can’t help but consider it cowardly but anyway it’s really, really fascinating to me and I feel this scene/plot point should be more thoroughly unpacked. By a more awake person.

Raven’s arrival is one of my favorite scenes though. Also my Princess Mechanic heart...

Again with the Finn + Clarke too much emotion vs. all business thing. Also, Clarke helped Raven out of the ship, watched her take off her space suit, and interacted with her for probably several minutes without introducing herself lol. Too busy being smitten.

Does this Jaha and Abby conversation about the culling sound an awful lot like the Clarke and L/xa conversation about TonDC???? Is it supposed to????

“This belongs to Wells Jaha.” Adorable.

Abby has the weirdest collection of shit in her secret compartment. Someone’s hair????

“Hey Princess, you taking a walk in the woods?” Like IDEK how to read that line it’s just...so funny? Is he trying to be smooth?

This Clarke/Bellamy/Finn/Raven scene is also really great and beyond my ability to properly interpret now. Clarke is like the best politician though. I mean yeah she’s manipulative but in a very...incisive way. She knows just what to say to Bellamy (unlike Finn and Raven who literally just throw him around and threaten him)--though generally I think he makes the better speeches they’re both very good at reading others imo. It’s not just that she appeals to his better nature; she specifically mentions the probable culling victims as “[his] people.”

Also is the implication that Bellamy and Raven do or do not know each other? I think they do not but I can see it either way.

“This will start a riot.” / “Good. Maybe we need one.”

Okay I’ve seen it before repeatedly but the Section 17 volunteers still make me cry. It never stops being tragic.

(But it wasn’t at all Bellamy’s fault and neither he nor Kane could have stopped all of those people from dying but that’s yet another ramble for another day.)

Also okay they all have some sort of identification tags, interesting.

Raven and Clarke scene: I would almost joke that Raven was trying to get Clarke blown up by having her take out the fuel but actually I think she sees Clarke as the real leader (interestingly, Raven might be the exception to the delinquents see Bell as main leader thing???) and wants to chat. Also, for her to say she’s never seen love like Abby’s after saying she’d do pretty much anything for Finn says a lot. Not that I think a teen relationship’s love is comparable to a mother’s, but that a teen might not see that, so wrapped up in her own feelings as she probably is. But Raven does.

“One decision does not define a man.”

So the two shooting star conversations are in the same ep, and Clarke takes something from one love interest, and transfers it--that idea, that conversation--to someone else. Her platonic friend obviously. Also I think this is the first, like, /friendly/ conversation they’ve had. Like not antagonistic, not heated, not about what they have to do or about a danger situation just...talking.

Of course then it shades into what is imo a great Princess Mechanic moment so. How Raven just looks over at Clarke... I dunno but I thinks she’s in love.