#which is like 'rbf but the kindest person you will ever meet'

[thatlesbiancrow]

A little doodle of my other OC! I'm still trying to feel out how I want her to look, but I think her personality is coming together... You can't see it too well in this, but she has an undercut and I feel like that is important to note 0_0

What's her name? Idk I'm thinking on one, but I know her last name will be shorted to "Ben" and she mainly goes by that!

[multifandumbmeg]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but with all the-

"i am so kind and gentle despite being treated horribly all my life" I want you all to remember that is not a moral victory it's a different coping mechanism.

Where is this appreciation or even understanding for those of us who get angry? Who have lashed out and been cruel and bitten hands that fed us?

Unyielding kindness and forgiveness is yet another response to abuse- the fawn response- and it can trap people in abusive situations.

Anger may be seen as more overtly bad, but in truth it has also protected me. Wariness and distrust have kept me from people that would do me even more harm. It has given me the sense to warn friends of unsavory people and, because they were too kind and forgiving and did not heed those warnings, I know that I was right about them.

The truth, both are symptoms. Both protect us and both hurt us. I have a best friend who is fawn, one of the kindest and most empathetic people I've ever met, which is why she was able to get close to me, when others thought I was "scary" or "mean". She taught me through listening and forgiveness not to lash out at others, and I taught her how to be angry, how to stand up for herself, and how to release that anger in safe ways.

My point is, I frighteningly often see real people and fictional characters demonized, written off as unlikeable or unforgiveable, simply because at their worst, they were unkind, angry, suspicious. But we are real people too. We are good people too. I am most likely the most loyal person you will ever meet, I have gone toe-to-toe with friends' abusive parents, and I would goddamn kill for my best friends. Or for anyone I see in distress.

And who's going to kill, to stand up and fight or scream against the abusers if not the angry? Who's going to protect and teach softer souls not to blame themselves, but those actually responsible?

I am tired of being demonized. I am not a villain. I am a victim. And because I have been overly cautious and full of rage to the point of being mean, cold, or explosive, I know that people like me can and will change- with help. When given an option.

So those of you who see any callousness or cruelty, especially when you know that person is going through it, I beg you to think twice. I'm not asking you to put yourself in a bad situation, getting close and letting someone do you harm. I just ask that you don't write them off as born evil, unpleasant, unsaveable. See if you have anything in common with those people. Try sparking up a simple conversation with someone who seems cold or has a rancid case of RBF. If they're mean from the start, then fuck off. You tried. But you'd be surprised how many don't know how they're perceived or were just waiting for someone to put some effort, any amount of kindness or decency into them. Instead of lamenting online about fictional characters who were bitchy or mean at the start, try celebrating their progress and character develoment, especially when it's actually written well. The real people reading who see themselves in that character and have worked their asses off to become better people will be grateful to see their efforts aren't being completely ignored in favor of a first impression, there's hope for them too.