#which if there's any race that i need lando to win so badly it has to be singapore....and now he did it

[gxtzeizm]

"cool weekend to witness a win at the place where it all began for me" what if i cried 🥹🥹🥹

[eternally-racing]

slip | lando norris

genre: angst + fluff

wc: 1k

warnings: none, there's maybe like 1 swear I think

summary: on a tough race weekend in qatar, you want to be there for Lando

-----

“What went wrong today in the car Lando?” 

You watch your boyfriend on your TV screen as your heart sinks when he says “Nothing, just a lack of talent”.  You know it had been a tough string of races for your blue-eyed boy, and this definitely wasn’t the first and would not be the last time that this happened, but you could tell something about this was really getting into Lando’s head.

I’m sorry about today, Lan. Give me a call whenever and we can chat <3 

You sigh as the message only tacks onto the last 3 unanswered messages you’ve sent to him. It’s not intentionally malicious, it never is with him. For so long Lando felt alone in the karting world that he got in the habit of getting in his head over a race weekend, and even with all the work you two have put into your relationship, sometimes he slips right back into those bad habits on those hard days. This wasn’t something you were going to let your boyfriend go through alone though, and that meant calling in some reinforcements. 

"Congrats on the first win Osc!"

“Thanks Y/N :) I know that’s not why you’re reaching out though…” 

Classic Oscar, you chuckle to yourself. He really is wise beyond his years. If anyone would be able to help you help Lando, you would hope that it would be his teammate. 

“It’s bad with him right now, isn’t it?” 

It’s a rhetorical question, but it still offers a glimmer of hope that maybe you’re being the overdramatic girlfriend and Lando’s actually fine. Unfortunately, that couldn’t be further from the truth when Oscar messages you back. 

“It’s really bad, Y/N. None of us know what to do. We need your help” 

That’s all the information you need before you’re setting your master plan into motion. You’re stuffing clothes into a duffle bag, calling in sick to work, and booking a plane ticket to head to Qatar yourself. There was only one moment of hesitation in the airport of “what the hell am I doing” before you look down at your lock screen of a smiley Lando out in the water in Bali. You wanted to bring that smile back so badly, and you hoped that this would be able to do that. Oscar is gracious enough to help you out with all the details of the team’s schedule for the weekend and the details of their hotel, but once you’re standing in front of Lando’s door the reality of the situation really hits you. You’ve come off nearly 12 hours of travel in one of Lando’s old sweatshirts and a pair of leggings, you haven’t looked in a mirror in equally as long which cannot be a good sign, and most of all you have no idea what you’re going to say to him once you see him. It had been a dream of yours to surprise Lando on a race weekend before - you had always imagined hiding in the driver’s room before FP1 and maybe pulling a cheeky prank or two when Lando showed up, but you had never prepared yourself for something like this. 

The key card to Lando’s room lays heavy in your hand, but you want to see if Lando will just open the door for you instead. The sound of your three quiet knocks on his door seem to fill the empty hallway, but you don’t hear any shuffling inside. 

“Hey Lan, it’s me.” are the only words you muster before you hear a clatter from inside. Your heart races as you can hear the click of the lock on the door. It’s truly like a scene in a movie, like time has slowed down for just the two of you. Lando rubs at his eyes like he’s seen a ghost, and it’s only when you reach out to touch his cheek does Lando realize that holy shit, you’re really here. He pulls you into his arms so tight that you feel like you can barely breathe and that’s when you hear it. Lando’s not just crying, he’s sobbing into your arms. The dam had finally broken and Lando had someone he could share his burdens with. You’re not sure how long you two stay there like that, Lando’s tears wetting the shoulder of your sweatshirt, you rubbing his back while whispering sweet nothings to him. Your boyfriend clings to you like he’s afraid that you’ll disappear if he lets go, and there’s now a comfortable air between you both. Once you finally pull away and can get a good glimpse at each other, it really sinks in for you that Lando is finally in front of you. While the point of this trip was of course to support your boyfriend, you couldn’t deny that having a long distance relationship for so long had taken a toll on you as well and you were thrilled to finally see him again, regardless of the circumstances. 

“Wow Y/N, you look…” 

You chuckle and finish Lando’s sentence off for him. “Like garbage I think are the words you’re looking for, Lan” you say as you pick off a piece of cat hair from your sweatshirt that only serves to further prove your point. 

“Beautiful, I was gonna say beautiful” Lando says softly, “but honestly I look like a hot mess right now so maybe we’d make a more perfect pair if we go with your description”. He gives you that cheeky smile that you’ve missed so much as he finishes his sentences, and before you know it you’re both giggling like teenagers together. For a moment it feels like you’re just regular Lando and Y/N on the couch back in Lando’s apartment fighting over what movie to watch on Netflix, not like you’re both in the middle of one of the most stressful race weekends of Lando’s career so far. 

The rest of the evening is filled with comfort and joy, and when Lando drives to P3 all the way from starting in P10 tomorrow, you’re the first person that Lando searches for in the crowd. A “thank you” is all that he musters out while you’re in his arms, but you can see from his eyes that he means so much more than that.

[delicatesoundofthunderr]

Lock up ~ Chapter 6

{Charles Leclerc x Reader}

French GP - race 8

Y/N POV

I didn't really know how to feel towards Leclerc's words. It shouldn't affect me since I'm not even dating Max, but the fact he seemed so mad made me feel a thousand things. Mostly satisfied, since there was nothing more fun than to annoy Leclerc deeply. I don't know where his anger comes from though. Maybe the thought of me happy? The same could be said for me when I saw him and that girl laugh.

With all these confusing sentiments, I decided to open my phone.

Not this account again...

@F1.drama

MAX HAS BEEN CAUGHT CHEATING...

Yall... We don't even know who this girl is, but that is not Y/N. They've also been caught kissing :((. I feel so bad for Y/N, she's never gonna win a grand prix ever again without Max's help...

@chloe.gal: nah that's wrong... also wdym by Y/N never winning again?

-> @F1.drama: Max let her win obvi.

-> ->@faia.gg: girl shut up...

@hrts414: omg Charles predicted it in the interview... it did end badly :((

Fuck. I was gonna kill Max. First, he makes it look like he gave me the win, and now, he's cheating? He's doing the contrary of what the deal's purpose was supposed to be. He's making me look so bad right now.

I furiously get up from my chair and almost knock it over, and make my way to the other side of the RedBull garage.

I spot him near his car, and when his eyes meet mine he already knows why I'm here. He motions me to follow him. We're now in his quarters, and I explode.

" Are you fucking kidding me Max? You're ruining everything for me!" I start, with emotion.

" Listen,"

" No, I won't listen, I'm not done! Did you hear what they say about my win? About me? Fake dating or not, you should say something,"

I fume.

" It's not my place to say anything..." Max stammers.

" It is! It fucking is, because you know what? You're a man. You're a fucking man and the media likes to make your voice louder than mine." I say, pointing my finger accusingly.

" That's not even true, you're overreacting. Everyone loves you, they have to, you're the only girl on the grid." He says almost rolling his eyes.

Who the fuck was he rolling his eyes to?

" Excuse me? Oh, be honest Max, did you, or did you not let me win." I say heavily.

" I... I did." he says, looking at the very interest wall.

The silence following suffocates me and my heart feels like it dropped a thousand feet. I guess that wasn't really the answer I was expecting.

" I hate you. I will always and forever fucking hate you for this, Max." I say with a shaky and cold voice.

Max's face is already contorted with guilt. I turn away without looking back.

•••

French GP - race #9

The free practices went great, and so did qualifying. P3. I could very much make something out of this position. I was going to prove to Max and everybody else that I didn't need any help to win.

With my head clearest as possible and a shaky breath, I start the engine. The first corner in France comes rather quickly, and I see Carlos in my mirrors getting closer and closer. I brake the latest possible, and make it out.

After a few push laps, I keep Carlos behind and slowly close the gap between me and Lando in front. I lose no time and overtake him from the outside, which lifts my mood up.

Next is Max.

He is more angled towards offence, which should give me an advantage.

Apparently Max had worked on his defense.

All througout the race, he braked a split second after me, tugged the steering wheel to close a path that was forming, and overall delivered a spotless, perfect race.

My thoughts were racing faster than me. He was doing this so... effortlessly. I can't believe I thought it was my efforts paying off when i overtook him back in Italy. Turns out it was just part of his game and I hadn't actually accomplished anything.

My thoughts seemed to cross the finish line faster than me as I parked the car and got up.

Acting for the camera, I jump in Max's arms and tap his helmet. I could very well manage a P2, it's a podium and good points. Something I was managing less at the moment was the growing pit in my stomach and a distant headache forming.

•••

On my way back to the garage, I see my dad appear around the corner. The pit in my stomach seems to deepen endlessly as he spots me and walks faster.

" I heard the news. You realize that win is completely worthless, stolen?" his stare is cold, and any trace of pride he had at the last Grand Prix was completely wiped off his hard face.

I want to say something. Scream, maybe? Nothing would come out. My throat has tighten to a point where I doubt I'm breathing anymore.

" I... I'm sorry." I manage to croak out, my eyes are burning with stubborn tears and I can't find one ounce of courage to look up at my dad.

He walks away without adding anything.

My nails dug in my palm and left a stinging sensation. My dad, who I had managed to impress for the first time in my life, was now turning his back on me again. He had every right, I was yet again making a fool of myself in a world I knew I didn't belong in.

I almost missed the pair of eyes watching my every move from a safe distance. How long had he been there? This was a secluded area of the paddock, and few people were around.

Leclerc's eyes burn holes through mine, and he seems to be looking at the parts of my mind I myself can't reach. With a final blink, he shakes his head and turns around.

My legs carry me stubbornly over to him, and my hand flies to his shoulder.

Taken aback, he turns around with a perplexed look.

" I don't know why you keep staring at me like I'm some fucking gum underneath your shoe, but can you please stop?" I furiously said, emotion painting my voice. Charles’ face morphs from confusion to anger.

" I can't believe you still let your dad walk all over you like that. And Max cheating! Do you not have an ounce of self respect left in you? I don't know what happened, but something changed ever since you joined that team"

" Changed!? You're the one talking to me about changing? I cannot believe you Leclerc." I spit. "Some of us actually have to make sacrifices to survive in this sport, you know?"

" Oh, I would know alright." his tone made me stepback. No, not his tone. His gaze.

His gaze was not angry anymore, it was full of regret and something more. Years ago this expression would've made me soften my voice, but like he said, things had changed.

" You're everyone's favourite. Ferrari's golden boy. You've got a supportive team ready to do everything to see you on top of the podium, and you don't have to get shit from the media when you make the slightest mistake." I accuse, but I'm not done.

" And you know what Charles? I think all of this would bother me way less if you actually treated me like a human being. Yes, maybe the media and pressure changed me, but you have nothing to excuse your shitty behaviour towards me." I fume.

He stayed quiet. He seemed to search for something to say that would make him innocent, but nothing could save him now.

“ You wouldn’t get it.” he mumbled, which I almost didn’t catch.

He takes my hand off his shoulder, which I didn’t notice was still clutching his shirt.

A thousand things seem to spill out of his head, but none of them make it to his mouth. He simply turns around and heads back to his garage.

I do the same, and opened my phone when I get to my own room.

@chloe.gal

stop because the pic of max cheating with the flowers literally makes me think of Charles when he gave Y/N some flowers after her first podium… what the hell happened between these two??

The flowers… I remember like it was yesterday. Charles had ran after me at the airport because I had to catch a quick flight, flowers and gifts in his hands. The bouquet combined my favourite colours and flowers, which was such a thoughtful gesture.

I re read the caption.

what the hell happened between these two?

Tears start to blur my vision and a wave of sorrow suffocates me, because what the hell happened between me and him? I miss our friendship so much but he seems to be doing just fine without me.

I get a text from Carlos asking me if I wanted to do something tonight and gladly accept. I had to get my mind off things for a bit.

•••

[racewinnerlandonorris]

Your fandom needs to stop hyping up this ugly midget. He's been having the season of his life and yet the media and fans still prefer and hype up George, rightfully cause he's far superior. Now that Dan is back in form he'll wipe the floor with this immature boy. Charles will finish in P3 because he's much better than lando and Pierre is also much better. That's why they've got wins and not just P3's. Lando will fail so badly the rest of the season. His mugging was also karma for the way he's treated Danny. It's what he deserved.

i have a fandom? omg guys i own the lando fandom now, thanks for joining me. lol saying the media doesn't hype lando is just untrue, he’s on my bloody tv being interviewed before and after every race way more than any other driver (i think the only person who gets interviewed as much as lando is christian horner) lol imagine saying dan is back on form when his highest result is a p5 like pls he can do so much better he’s still far away from top form, it’s slightly comical your saying he’s back on form when he’s still finishing behind lando but go off i guess? if you honestly believe charles or lando will end p3 you need to get your head checked, i will be extremely shocked if perez or bottas don’t overtake lando if not both, which realistically they should since they’re in a mercedes and red bull, lando will most likely still end the season ahead of charles though which is a good result, no one expected him to be in p3 currently which is why everyone’s hyped for him. 

also anon the first part of your message i didnt really have an issue with (even though i don’t agree with anything you said) as everyone’s entitled to their opinions (no matter how delusional) however it’s fucking disgusting that you’re saying lando deserved to be mugged no one ever deserves to go through traumatic experiences, what do you believe he’s done that deserved him that karma? how has he treated danny so badly that you consider that fair punishment? i cant wait for lando to prove you wrong and you can go on with your miserable life focusing your energy on hating things that really ultimately have no impact on your life. i’d suggest maybe getting a hobby? cooking’s fun or maybe running, learn an instrument, the possibilities are endless.

[formulatrash]

Lewis just got his 7th title. I'm happy for him.

Me too. What Lewis has done is so almost incomprehensibly titanic, in any sport, that it feels like something that needs contextualising again and again.

It’s easy, if you remember Lewis in the hybrid era, in Mercedes, since Rosberg left - whatever the recency is that creates the illusion it’s almost straightforward for him to perform at this extraordinary level - to minimise his achievements, even if you don’t intend to. Lewis now is a force of nature so impossible to rival that it wouldn’t really matter if you gave everyone GP3 cars and told them to go, the rest of the field would just be closer together behind him. 

I am, as Tumblr constantly likes to remind me, very old - nearly as old as Lewis himself - so I remember him arriving in the junior formulas and hoping that he’d get to F1. He was goofy and nerdy and awkward and a bit of a gamer - actually way more like Lando than you’d believe, in retrospect but he had this burning, furious defiance that he was going to get there and win. Because that was what he needed, to overcome the barriers and my god, there were a lot of people openly saying what they try to at least code these days, back then.

Lewis when he was young was a Verstappen-esque firecracker of teammate beef. I don’t know that anyone other than maybe Max could have taken on Alonso, at that point, in his junior year - he’d destroy Nelson Piquet Jr, despite all his weight of racing heritage, the next - and it took a level of pretended self-assurance that I don’t think Lewis had, then, at all.

He’d proven himself all the way up, was still proving it. Licking his and McLaren’s wounds, meekly apologising after the end of the spygate scandal he’d had nothing to do with while Fernando pranced off from the smouldering remnants, there were plenty of people who were so pleased to see Lewis humbled. 

He took the championship, instead. Which made a lot of people very angry, despite really it only being Felipe Massa who had a right to be. It was very underrated, in the British press; made more striking because Jenson Button’s win, the following season, really wasn’t and the ludicrous bar that Lewis would have to jump to prove himself was moved again.

Not just good enough for F1. Not just good enough to take on a two-time champion. Not just good enough to become a champion himself in his second season. Lewis was regarded as a sort of curious celebrity most people barely considered an athlete or British, in the press.

He’s never gone a single season without winning a race. Even in dog cars, biding his time for an opportunity. Olden times McLaren was a different, dysfunctional beast to the one Andreas Seidl has somehow steered back to success and especially the Dennis era was run with a pretty iron fist* so it wasn’t necessarily somewhere the drivers had much ability to steer developing the car and you can see how badly that affected them in the KERS and ERS era. 

Comparatively, joining Mercedes, Lewis walked into an opportunity where instead of having to furiously fight for that, he could work on it as a project for the whole team. People really underestimate how hard he works, in terms of factory hours and how it wasn’t always the fastest car. 

The team pitted him and Nico against each other to force the project forwards and that turned into a destructive mess, backfiring on them quite badly. It’s probably the worst call Mercedes have made, in their modern F1 existence, although a cynic would say: it worked.

Yes, they trod a line of near-implosion for years that was only steadied by Nico’s retirement but they became, unquestionably, the best, in the inter-garage arms race. Lewis didn’t necessarily become a better driver in the sense of having more brilliant race craft for it but things like qualifying laps, at which he is now without doubt the GOAT, became so crucial that he learned to take on more and more feedback from engineers without ever forgetting it. 

When they tell them, on the radio, that their teammate is finding more speed through corner X and braking later - and they’ll show them more detailed telemetry - then Lewis can, like any driver, take that on and do it. But he can also make hundreds of micro-adjustments per lap without ever forgetting them or dropping one - again, they all can do it, sometimes, perfectly but he just doesn’t ever not. 

Since 2016 he’s been able to grow as a driver without being in the pressure-cooker of mind games with his teammate and that shows, too. A more outward-looking, globally-focussed Lewis, a Lewis who’s more comfortable sharing elements of himself, treating himself less like an industrial espionage project.

(some irony, for a man who started his career amidst spy gate)

If Lewis was a white boy from a millionaire or billionaire family, his achievements in sporting terms would still be staggering. He’s neither of those things, so they’re placed on a different scale.

It is now, even for the most racist, the most close-minded alleged fan of the sport, impossible to deny that he has the records on paper. They can’t take away the seven titles and 94 wins, no matter how they try to minimise them. The bar that was constantly set higher has been met and exceeded and a driver who, for a lot of years, looked set to be a one-off champion whose brilliance could be more easily swept away as a footnote to diversity, has become the benchmark against whom other achievements can be measured. 

That Lewis did that despite the odds against him? The racists won’t see that and sadly can and do try to deny it but that is a world-changing, sport-transforming moment that’s been a decade-and-a-half in the making, since F1 started looking achievable for him. 

Lewis has nothing left to prove, so all that furious energy he’s used for years to get this will take other outlets - he still, after all, as everyone, has a lot to change. I am so excited to get to work in the sport during this era, to see what kind of transformative effects he’ll have, has already had. The work shouldn’t be on Lewis and mustn’t be on him alone but you do absolutely fucking love to see it getting done.

Anyway, I’m so proud of him. I’m so astounded by the skill and focus - the relentless pursuit that’s driven him all this time and that isn’t diminished at all by having got here. I truly believe Lewis is gonna carry on awhile yet and it’s fucking exciting just to think about what we’re going to witness this short-ass nerd kid who looked kind of sulky and defensive in press conferences for years do.

(and, of course, the first driver accused of being a social media poseur who didn’t pay enough attention to the sport. Plus ca change...)

*This is a really petty example but you had to wear a tie if you went to MTC, as a visiting journalist, in the beforetime. 

[maxemilianverstappen]

Bruh, I understand fans shipping drivers, but for the official Twitter accounts for the two teams to reduce 2 of the sports most successful drivers, with a collective of 153 wins and nearly 300 podiums, to a ship is the worst thing I have seen this year. As for the fans, you accept it only because seb is in a midfield car now. The most embarrassing thing to come out of the 'title rivalry' in 17-18 was sewis. Fucking Ferrari, couldn't even make a car to last a full year in a title fight, let alone give their drivers a dominating machinery. 20&21 have just made it much much worse.

I want to see them getting rattled by seb again This sport needs a reminder badly, Sewis can rot in the mud for all I care They somehow made respect between two elite drivers into whatever tf this is. Fans doing it on their personal accounts and blogs is one thing, the official accounts doing it, behind the drivers' backs is just deplorable.

They are athletes and competitors first, we know them solely because of the job they have, I actually cannot comprehend how anything other than their driving takes precedence for the PR department of any team on the grid(exclude egghead from this, he is just shouldn't be on the grid)

And especially Sebastian's fans, if you don't see a problem with this then you just don't understand how the media works. They have been trying to coerce him into retirement with the constant questions about his future since as early as the end of 2018, and reduced him to the comedian and dad of the grid... Lando literally stopped using the word milk, because the media made it his entire personality. There's a limit to everything, and if you cannot call it out just don't go around defending whatever shithousery the admins are putting up

The way Seb is perceived by the fans and reflected by the media underwent a drastic change in 2020 and 2021.

We are talking about one of the GOATs who deserved at least one more WDC, if not two. People are idiots if they think Seb wouldn't be as successful as L*ewis in Merc. But here we are with a Seb who was turned into a grid dad, an environmentalist (which is good), a funny guy who makes dad jokes, a bi icon (which is also nice), almost a sidekick/armcandy for some other guys and an object of desire (can't help being handsome). Basically, everything other than a hard competitor... While some of these titles are good and all, but I can't help but think that media is trying to use them to reduce Seb's existence into those things to make everyone forget that in a competitive car, this guy could be winning races/WDCs still... Let me be clear. I don't want F1 to use Seb's efforts for environment and lgtbqa to appear "innocent and supportive" while they are anything but. And also, the moment he stopped being a competitor and be a threat, he quickly got elevated to the status of an angel both by the media and by the fans.

If only we can see him in a car like this year's top 3, we'll see how his environmental speeches will all of a sudden sound empty/hypocritical in some ppl's ears and how his lgtbqa support will get him hate and side eye. This guy used to be a kind person in the past, too. Where was this admiration and support then? Oh but he was winning, then, I forgot 😱. The moment he'll race ppl for wins, all this shipping crap will evolve back to its original form: hate.

I am a fan of a guy who has been reduced to a meme lord by the media and the fans... So, I really hope I won't be watching this trend to go on with Seb, too.

[zacharymartinglassblog]

Room №202 (pt.6)

NOW 

Now i’m in the 11th form, the last one. For good brainy girl who i pretended to be, uni is the next step. I wanna learn physics. As a science (like more in QM) or more into some practical implementations (idiots like me don’t get into F1, i know, but shut up) - i dunno yet. But i still wanna be cool. Some time ago i was struggling to answer the question why not to give up everyhing and just to do painting only as i love it. I mean, ok, go to the art institute, be probably a teacher in an art school (the idea i hate with all my heart), earn somehow, i don’t care it’s not prestigious. But i’m too thrilled with my other things. With my fucking bird flight project. I don’t wanna get other people respect, i don’t care if my parents wouldn’t be able to tell their colleagues how cool my uni is, i mean all this stuff is about to hurt a little bit but i don’t deserve being human if i can’t deal with it. So i want both, i’ll do both, my art and my let’s say physics. And it gives me goosebumps.

But being on top is what matters. Being in the forefront is what matters. In Russia we have several very good universities. To enter a uni u need to pass a few exams, we’ve got some bullshit called union government exams. We’ve got them in all subjects and in the end of the 11th form u choose some of them to take. There’re 100 points(?) maximum. Good unis want like 330+ in 4 exams. It’s really possible to get them but a) some good unis have its inner exams b) there’re a lot of people who’ve gone mad about exams since they were 12. I mean there’s almost nothing wrong with those exams - like of coarse we need some test system - but it’s a true bullshit cos people train the format like crazy. I’m not kidding, they know what each problem (each one has its fixed number) is about, how many true answers out of a list there are and what the guys who check the works consider as simple enough for school programme and what isn’t - that’s how sometimes u should really tick the wrong answer according the simlified version of the world we’re taught. The most of my classmates do so. Fuck them! They’re indifferent about the subject itself, they just want to pass exams, enter a prestigeous uni, have 2 children and fucking die having 4-rooms flats. Sorry, i am about to shut up here, cos even if it’s something wrong with this approach, they’ve got the right to do so.

So, i need physics, prob chem, in depth math and russian, which is obligatory.

Ok, but what am i talking about?! If i’m so clever and don’t approve training format why not to win a competition in say physics and go where i want with no stupid exams? Yeah, i didn’t win anything. I failed (without any pre-preparation) when i was younger and then burst into what i found interesting. My mum is the first person to remind it to me. I’m not to complain here, i would do exactly same things if i’m given choice. I can say i was sort of alive all over the past years even if i couldn’t feel it. But yeah, now i need these exams and the main problem is that the material behind them is terribly boring. I know the Big Picture, but all those details are to be picked up. It’s a lot of boring work but ok.

I forgot to mention education is free if u score a lot of points. Otherwise it’s not free.

But there is a little bit more. Yeah, i want to make my project, i want my family to be happy, i want Lando to win the race but i fucking want to go abroad and study there more. Why? I said that my classmates have the right to want what they want. I want to have my right also. And it’s not fking given to u by default. My parents invested a lot in me, both time and money. And they, considering the fact that i’ve done nothing valuable, have the absolute right to say that my life belongs to them. I love my parents. But i badly want to posses my life. To make my wrong decisions, my wrong choices, go where i want to go and when i want to go without any need to ask or to tell them about it.

I love how the city looks at night. Much more then at daytime. And my mum is sort of mad about this my desire to walk at  night (it’s not really night, it’s from 7 to 9pm), she finds it dangerous, (everything is dangeous in her opinion. she doesn’t feel the moment - it’s the prolem) and even if it is dangerous i may wanna take the risk. And i can’t cos my ‘happy’ life is their responsibility. I don’t have any rights to insist on what i want (and we don’t want similar things, we’re too different), or if i try to do so (and it always ends in a bad way) i very soon start feeling gilty for driving my parents mad after a tough workday. So i don’t really have right to do so.

But i badly want to have this right, to make my life my daily responsibility.

That’s why i need to go abroad.