#which i'm sure was also the plan with tumblr live going where the fucking search bar was

[haxxy]

just submitted a feedback thing to tumblr for the first time in my like... 10 years on this site, which feels crazy

it's wild to think that i've been here through so many changes, the yahoo acquisition, the porn ban, etc, but the shit that they've been doing lately was the final straw to get me to reach out directly

if you want to see my shitty text dump of a feedback submission, it's below the cut. I'm sure it'll probably just get ignored by staff, but I encourage everyone else who's pissed off about the stuff that's been happening to vocalize it in a way that's more direct than just pinging staff. They can't ignore all of us.

I'm generally not the type to send in feedback like this, but I've heard that this is the best way to reach out to staff, so I'm giving it a shot.

The changes being made on tumblr's mobile app are detrimental to the user experience. Altering the way photos and videos are formatted/viewed is unnecessary, and removing the ability to pinch to zoom will negatively impact accessibility.

Changing the mobile layout to have the tumblr mart icon replace the user icon is also a frustrating addition. It is fine to have tumblr mart and to make it accessible on mobile, but putting it in the bottom lineup and moving blog access into the upper corner comes across as an obnoxious advertising attempt. Tumblr mart should be displayed in the upper corner if it's displayed anywhere at all. In its current location, it just feels like an attempt to get people to misclick on it due to muscle memory. I have purchased things from tumblr mart before (blaze, crabs), but the more that it is pushed on users (first the "new" banner, then the sparkles, now the sparkling GIF and the icon being moved on mobile), the less I feel like I want to use it. I'm sure that others feel the same way.

Also, please either get rid of tumblr live or add a way to disable it permanently. I have not seen a single person talk about wanting this feature and it is a huge hassle to snooze it every week.

Tumblr is a website that people enjoy because of its differences. Trying to replicate the features of other social media sites comes across as an unoriginal cash grab at worst and a failure to listen to the userbase at best. Surely there's a way to implement interest checks on these features before rolling them out large scale, especially now that polls exist?

I've been on tumblr since 2012, so I've seen a lot of changes over the years, but the ones taking place recently have stood out as especially questionable. Generally, when major changes have occurred, there has at least been an effort to explain why they are taking place. Even if nothing is reversed from the current setup, could we at least get more announcements stating the reasoning for these decisions being made?

Thank you

[ethanharli]

Requested: On Tumblr; May I ask for a Giyuu x male!Reader smut? Perhaps the reader being a little rough with Giyuu please?

Pairing(s): Giyuu Tomioka x Top Male Reader.

Warning(s): NSFW/SMUT, Bottom Tomioka, Energetic reader, Choking, Slight dirty talk and degradation, Hair pulling, ✨ Aftercare. ✨

DNI; if you use she/her pronouns.

A/n- I'm such a slut for this man smh

___________

I couldn't help but smile brightly when I saw Tomioka a little ways away from me, we were assigned a mission a couple of days ago to a quiet town in the east, where a demon has been taking young drunks and since I got here a day or so before him I made sure to look around and get familiar with the area. So I gently tapped my index and middle fingers together as we approached each other, seeing the slightest of smiles tug at his lips once he saw me, "[Y/n], you burned Wisteria incense?" He asked, now looking up at me with his usual stoic expression and all I could do is let out a small 'Mm-hm!' With a quick nod and a wide grin, not being able to speak much due to my damaged vocal cords. So taking a step closer I leaned down besides his ear not noticing the sudden stillness of his body as I spoke, "Should give us a bit more time to search around" My now deep and raspy voice wasn't something I had gotten used to yet, and it didn't help that I couldn't speak any louder then a whisper. However I did catch the small hitch in his breath, causing me to frown a bit as I pulled away and looked at him, his face was flushed and his lips were slightly parted, his gaze was fixated on the ground and I could finally see just how still he was standing.

It was only when I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead that he finally looked back up at me with slightly widened eyes. "You're warm, maybe you're sick?" My throat slowly started to itch again and I had to resist the urge to scratch at the scar along my throat. It was quiet concerning though, Tomioka has been getting warm like this a lot recently, I've tried to ask others about it to but they would just give me a knowing smile and tell me everything's alright, but that didn't stop me from worrying. I'm pretty sure it started around the time I was at the butterfly estate since Shinobu was helping me with my throat and damaged vocal cords. "Maybe you should sit this one out, I don't want you getting hurt" The worry in my tone was clear, but Tomioka simply took my hand in his and leaned up to place a gentle kiss on my cheek before pulling away, "I'm fine [Y/n], now let's go look around."

Stubborn bastard.

I couldn't help but sigh and follow after him, not wanting him to get lost since he's only just arrived. So while it was still light out I showed him all the important places where the demon might be hiding or might target next, taking an occasional look around at all the Wisteria incense I put out to see how much longer we had left and finally talking with some of the residence here, which luckily didn't end to badly since Tomioka had to do most of the talking. Nevertheless we eventually came up with a plan, "So we're going to tail a drunk?" I asked, looking at Tomioka with a slightly disapproving glare, not really wanting to use a towns-person as bait and I could tell that Tomioka new what I was thinking when he rested his hand on my shoulder, looking up at me with those beautiful dark blue eyes that practically own me at this point. "I won't let them get hurt, I promise" Even though he sounded confident I still held my doubts, but with a heavy sigh I traced the back my fingers along his jawline, pulling him in for a sweet but gentle kiss, "You're lucky I love you cause if it were anyone else I'd probably strangle them for even suggesting this idea."

I could practically feel the way my heart fluttered at his sudden chuckle, the sound of it so foreign since he rarely ever shows emotions, and I couldn't help but pull him back for another quick kiss, before heading off to my station, "Stay safe." It was the only thing I could hope for as I stood at the back of the bar, I was thankful that there was only one due to it being a small town but that didn't make the situation any less dangerous. The incense finally wore off as the stars danced across the midnight sky, while I sat myself down on the roof, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious or even just someone leaving and so far everything seemed alright, until a shadow flickered from the corner of my eye.

In one swift movement I drew my blade and slashed it at the demon who managed to jump out of the way just in time, now standing from my seated position I narrowed my eyes at the ugly bastard, "So you're the one that's been eating all these people?" I asked calmly, trying to raise my voice a little higher so I could be heard, and I couldn't help but raise a brow in confusion from the way she suddenly swayed, a deep blush now coating her grayish complexion. "It's a pity your a Demon slayer, with a voice like that I'd love to have you in my bed" I couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable about her suggestive tone and lustful gaze, but something in the back of my mind nagged at me. So trying to brush it off I rushed at her, dodging any hit she sent my way while she managed to dodge my attacks as well, "Sorry lady but I already got a lover, and I don't plan on letting you live tonight." Her smirk only seemed to grow at my words, as I closed in on her, hoping she wouldn't notice the way I was backing her into a corner, "Then they must be real slut for you hm? Wanting nothing more than to get off to deep voice of yours-"

Blood splattered onto my cheek and clothes as I cut off her head, "Demon or not, no one talks about my lover that way" I sneered slowly feeling my anger subside as I watched her burn away. Though I couldn't deny the fact that her words got me thinking, and eventually led me to connecting the dots about Tomioka's recent actions. So when the male appeared beside me with worried eyes I couldn't help but smile and nod my head before sheathing my blade, I also convinced him to stay the night with me since we've been away from one another for so long, and maybe for the fact that I wanted to figure something out.

-----

I didn't bother to dry my hair as I walked into our shared room, spotting Tomioka sitting on his futon with a book in hand, gently flipping through the pages as I made my way over to him, "[Y/n]?" Ignoring the call of my name I happily moved myself between his legs while pushing him onto his back so that I could rest my head on his abdomen. "It's been so long.. Since we've last seen each other" I mumbled softly, wrapping my arm around his waist so that I could hold him closer against me, while my other hand slipped under his robe and gently traced small circles along his skin, smiling when I heard a sigh of content slip past his lips. However I couldn't help but trail my hand up higher as I lifted myself onto my knees, looking down into Tomioka's slightly widened eyes with a small smirk tugging at my lips.

"And it's been even longer.. Since I heard those pretty moans of yours" I could feel the way his body shivered under my fingertips and it only caused my smirk to grow as I attached my lips to the base of his neck, dragging my teeth and tongue along his pale skin, not wanting to leave a single place untouched while my hands opened up his robe. Gently tracing my fingers along his toned abdomen and pushing my thumbs against his hardened nipples, as I bit into his shoulder, drinking in the way he moaned my name with a choked gasp. "[Y-Y/n].." The way my name rolled off his tongue nearly caused me to growl as I captured his lips with my own, dragging my tongue along his lower lip before I took it between my teeth, giving it a soft tug. While my hands traveled down to his pants, slowly pressing my fingers under the band as I pushed my tongue past his parted lips, slowly losing myself to the taste of him as he pressed his hips against my own.

"Now now baby, there's no need to rush" I whispered against his lips as I slipped off his pants, noticing the fact he wasn't wearing any undergarments and the way his cock slowly started to leak pre-cum. "Already? I barley even touched you" The teasing tone of my voice forced a whimper past his throat as I wrapped my fingers around his cock, pressing my thumb against the slit and smearing his pre-cum around it before licking it off my fingers. "[Y-Y/n] please" I couldn't help but drag my tongue along my upper lip before leaning down to kiss along his jawline, threading my fingers through his soft black hair. Tightening my grip I yanked his head back, "Ah-!" His sudden moan caused my heart to thump and my core to tighten, reminding me of the uncomfortable erection in my pants while starring into those beautiful dark blue eyes of his.

"Now be a good boy and suck" I growled, pressing my fingers to his slightly parted lips as he wrapped his hands around my wrist and wrapped his tongue around my middle finger, skillfully coating my fingers in his saliva and I couldn't help but press the pad of my finger against the back of his tongue, hearing him gag a bit as he stuck out his tongue and looked up at me with a hazy gaze. "Absolutely stunning" I breathed out, instantly moving my hand so I could capture his lips with my own, feeling our noses slightly bump against each others as I took his lower lip between my teeth and trailed my hand down to his entrance, carefully circling my finger around the rim. "Are you ready?" I asked, looking into his eyes for a brief moment, waiting for his consent, "Yes- Please hurry.." He whimpered out as I nodded, slowly pushing my finger in so I wouldn't hurt him.

His soft moans and gasps caused a slow heat to rise to my face as I pushed in another finger, moving them in a scissoring motion to make sure he's stretched out enough to ensure I wouldn't hurt him, "Hah! F-Fuck, [Y/n] pl-please just fuck me!" I couldn't deny his pleading tone and immediately went to pull off my clothes, throwing them off into some other part of the room as Tomioka wrapped his legs around my hips, causing my cock to rub against his entrance. A low whimper slipped past his lips while I hooked one hand behind his knee, pushing his leg towards his chest as I positioned myself at his entrance, looking into his eyes for a brief moment before slowly pushing it. "Ngh- Hah!" The sound of his moans and the way his walls quickly tightened around me caused a low gutteral goan to rip past my throat, and I couldn't help but bring my hand up to wrap around his throat, as I've done many times before, watching as his pale skin turned a deeper shade of red as he wrapped his hands around my wrist.

"Damn, such a slut for me aren't you?" I smirked, fully pushing myself into him as I dug my fingers into the sides of his neck, making sure not to press against his throat as I began to rock my hips, searching for that one spot that always had him trembling beneath me, "Hah- Ah, [Y/n]!" Ah, there it is. Loosening my grip on his neck I pounded into him, aiming for his prostate as his moans and whimpers echoed throughout the room, my name rolling off his tongue like a prayer, causing my core tighten from the sound and the addicting way his walls tightened around me with each thrust. "Fuck.. You feel so good baby" I practically growled out the words through panted breaths, leaning down to press sloppy open mouth kisses along his shoulder as he desperately tightened his grip on my hips, "I'm, I'm going to-" His body began to tremble under me as he looked up at me with hazy eyes and a silent plead. "Go ahead baby, cum for me" Digging his nails into my wrist he came on his lower stomach as I quickly came after him, heavy pants slipping past both our parted lips as I pressed a gentle kiss against the newly formed bruise on his neck before reaching for the towel I was supposed to use to dry my hair an hour ago.

"Giyuu, are you okay?" I asked while cleaning us both off, noticing the way he was practically half-asleep already. "Yeah, just a bit sore.. But it was worth it" Not wanting to embarrass him I merely nodded my head, pretending I didn't hear that last bit as I laid down beside him, pulling the cover over our bare bodies. However I couldn't help but smile as he snuggled against my chest while I gently traced small circles on his hip.

"I love you.."

"I love you too Giyuu."

[atruththatyoudeny]

Happy 1D Fanworks Appreciation Day!

I want to thank all the amazing authors and artists who make this fandom as special as it is.

Here are all the fics I read and loved this month: (this is going to be looong)

I don't want a taste (I want it all) || thedaggerrose (blessedfetish) || "Fuck me yourself you coward" AU - college - crack - humour - 3k

The AU where Harry tells Louis to go fuck himself, Louis tells Harry to fuck him himself, and Harry follows through.

Always || JamieJam93 || amnesia - references of past depression - 85k

Thousands, if not millions, of fans had been right. Harry and Louis had been in love and together for four whole years. They were 'the dream team'; the couple that made others sick while simultaneously envious.

But thousands of fans had been right about something else too. The pressure had been too much. The fame had been too much. The closet had been too much, and, four years after the pair swore to each other that nothing could break them on the night of their first kiss in 2010, they broke up.

Fast forward to 2018, on the night of One Direction's last ever concert, and Harry has yet to move on. It's not as sad as it seems-he still lives his life and, for the most part, he's happy-but he knows that Louis was his one true love and is trying to prepare himself for a life completely without the other when an accident erases Louis's mind of all of his memories. In reliving the moments with him, trying to make him remember, Harry comes to find that maybe he never really forgot them at all and maybe, like him, he hadn't moved on either.

Enjoy The Ride || 2tiedships2 || a/b/o - strangers to lovers - road trips - fluff - 11k

The one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

Whisper The Wind || jacaranda_bloom || strangers to lovers - surfing - fluff - 36k

The one where Louis rides an elevator that may change his life forever, Harry loves the ocean but is a terrible surfer, Liam proves not all heroes wear capes, and Niall might actually have all the answers.

A kiss to build a dream on || noellehenry || Christmas - social media - pining - 17k

Harry has a brief encounter with a handsome stranger at the local Christmas Fair, the romantic kiss they share changes everything.

Harry is determined to find his Prince Charming and sets up a tumblr blog with help from his best friend Niall, owner of the locally famous Steamin' mugs.

Let the challenge begin!

Enter the Rose Garden || angelichl || a/b/o - friends to lovers - 10k

Soft heats make omega Louis clingy. Enter alpha Harry.

I been feeling high when I touch your body || Anonymous || gym - boxing- 17k

Harry is a boxer, Louis is an architect and Liam is the worst cupid that could ever exist.

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park || objectlesson || PWP - humour - sex toys - established relationship - light dom/sub - 7k

The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse.

Leave Your Mark On Me || FullOnLarrie || a/b/o - restaurant - mating bond - friends with benefits - enemies to friends to lovers - 32k

When Chef Harry Styles’ unbonded Omega designation threatens to derail his career, he does the only thing he can, and goes in search of a black market bond.

You Can't Change The Rolling Tide || LiveLaughLoveLarry || sailing - enemies to friends to lovers - childhood friends - friends to lovers - 25k

Louis lives on a tiny island off the coast of England and runs a sailboat touring company. When Niall is sidelined for the summer after his knee surgery, Louis needs a temporary new partner. Who better to fill that role than Harry, recently returned to the island after five years away? Louis is pretty sure there are plenty of better options. They don't get along until they do.

Take Care Down By The Water || shyserious || fantasy - magical realism - celtic mythology - fluff - angst - 37k

Louis has spent his summers at his Granny's in the Isle of Barra for almost as long as he could remember.

This summer wasn't supposed to be any different, but the little Scottish island turned out to be harbouring more than just the gorgeous white beaches, the clear waters, and the town drunk scaremongering the foreign tourists.

Pray Till I Go Blind || el_em_en_oh_pee || religion - religion kink - demon - homophobia - blasphemy - 19k

Louis is (kind of) a preacher. Harry is (probably) a demon. Of course, nothing's as simple as that.

This is not a love story.

Nocturne || rosegoldhl || fairy tale - fantasy - action/adventure - pining - 36k

Harry is a goblin living in the woods, entirely enthralled with a human named Louis.

I'm still learning to love || literato || minor character death - kid fic - pining - fluff - light angst - 74k

An au where Harry has almost everything in the world except for the will to move on.

Tell Me Your Secrets || dimpled_halo || For A Good Time Call AU - enemies to friends to lovers - dirty talk - phone sex - humour - fluff - angst - 17k

A For a Good Time Call au where Harry and Louis get off on the wrong foot when they first meet. When dire circumstances forces them to become roommates, Harry finds out some things about Louis that he doesn't expect will help him discover some things about himself.

We come in line || starsinoureyes || The Switch AU - mpreg - fertility clinic - 19k

Harry decides to have a baby on his own, Louis doesn't agree it's a good idea but lets him do it anyway. It took seven years and Harry getting artificially inseminated for them to find each other. Louis has a secret he didn't tell Harry and it might affect their family. Also featuring: a pre-pregnancy party, fertility clinics and pregnancy scares.

Sugar, butter, flour || EmmyLouWho || Nailed it! (TV) Fusion - reality tv - pining - 5k

Louis watches Harry start to pour icing onto his half-raw, still hot cookie, and tries to hold in his groan. He isn't sure if they’ve ever had a contestant on the show who tried so hard…and yet completely failed at every single step.

You can’t rig the show to help a contestant, he tells himself. Even if they’re adorable.

dopamine || Only_angel_28 || collge/university - meet-cute - social experiments - fluff - strangers to lovers - 7k

Louis honestly doesn’t know how he gets himself into these types of situations.

Well, actually, that’s a lie. He’s doing this because he needs the money, and because he’s curious. And, okay, maybe because he might be a little bit lonely too. He has always had what his mother affectionately calls an “adventurous spirit.” Couple that with being a (tragically single) broke grad student and voila! here he is scrawling his signature on a release form provided by the university’s sociology department. Essentially, he is agreeing to snog a stranger on camera for the sake of science.

Shouldn’t be a problem, right? All he has to do is lock lips with a (hopefully) fit bloke, collect his money, and be on his way. Easy peasy. Little does he know, fate has other plans for him in the form of one adorably quirky art student who goes by the name of Harry Styles.

Best kind of bad something || wildestdreams || established relationship - angst - fluff - ambiguous/ open ending 40- k

A NorCal AU where Louis is the town troublemaker and everyone hates him except for Harry.

What, like it's hard? || starkidpatronus || Legally Blond Fusion - girl direction - enemies to friends to lovers - enemies to lovers - humour - fluff - 25k

In which Harry goes to law school to win back her man, but gets a lot more than she bargained for.

Tell Me This Is Paradise || QuickedWeen || girl direction - smut - 5k

Harry Styles has been lucky in love but unlucky in the bedroom with all of her previous boyfriends. When her best friend Niall finds out that she's never had an orgasm, she knows just what Harry needs: Louis Tomlinson. Niall sets Harry up to get sorted out.

Your rainbow will come smiling through || hazkaban || Cinderella Story AU - minor character death - bullying - fairy tale retelling - 17k

When harry isn't working at his stepfather's cafe, he's trying to make swim captain and trying to finish all his coursework on time. when he's not doing any of those things, he's talking to the boy he met on the oxford hopefuls subreddit. when they decide to meet, he's elated. he finally gets the chance to meet the boy he's been crushing on! when the day comes to meet his prince, he learns that his online crush is none other than louis tomlinson, captain of the football team and friend of his terrible stepbrothers. now harry has to decide whether telling louis the truth is the right choice or if it's better to just let sleeping dogs lie.

From, your secret admirer || flicker_album || secret admirer - Valentine's Day - tumblr - mentions of anxiety - 13k

The one where Louis is Harry's Tumblr crush so he sends him secret admirer messages for Valentine's Day

Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is a Brand New Start || Rearviewdreamer || strangers to lovers - hurt/comfort - domestic violence - angst - dubious consent - implied mpreg - kid fic - 62k

Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.

The Pain Is For Pleasure || lovelarry10 || BDSM - established relationship - 67k

Louis and Harry have been together for a few months. Everything is great, but there’s one question burning in the back of Louis' mind - why won’t Harry have sex with him?

I Just Wanna Get Back to Us || louiesunshine || soulmate-identifying marks - angst - post-divorce - exes to friends to lovers - mutual pining - getting back together - slow burn - 62k

Or, where Harry and Louis are divorced soulmates who are seeing each other for the first time in two years.

Soup Of The Day || jacaranda_bloom || strangers to lovers - minor injury - hurt/comfort - 20k

The Restaurant AU where Louis and Niall are chefs, Chicago is windy, and cracking the big time is harder than they ever imagined. But when a mysterious man starts grading Louis' soups by leaving little piles of rocks, could it be just the thing they need to get them on the road to success?

Bleeding Love || momentofclarity || girl direction - enemies to lovers - famous/non-famous - 27k

Louis is an animal rights activist who throws red paint at fur coat wearing it-girl Harry Styles. Then there's a crack in the surface and something new starts bleeding through.

Oh, Darling My Heart's On Fire (For You) || aiienharry || girl direction - fluff - angst - 33k

Two girls fall in love on a road trip that was supposed to last a week and a half, but it ends up feeling like a lifetime.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This || MrsStylinson || fake/pretend relationship - escort - angst - heartbreak - fluff - friends to lovers - 30k

Loosely based on The Wedding Date. Inspired by 27 Dresses. Basically, Fake Boyfriend AU with a twist. Louis' sister is unknowingly getting married to the ex who broke his heart. When faced with the prospect of turning up alone, Louis panics and hires a corporate escort named Harry. General chaos and epic jealousy ensues.

[queenisobelle]

48-Hour Tinder Journey

Modern dating is a very complicated thing as an in denial adult these days. If you are one of those singles among their group of happily married, engaged, or officially/unofficially committed group of friends, maybe you will wonder where you shall be seeing yourself years from now when you have set upon yourself the time or age of which you want to get married, have kids and start a messy but happy family. Pressures come everywhere ranging from social media memes to that aunt who keeps asking you about your plan on getting married. Why do they even do that? Will they pay for the wedding? Will they change those dirty diapers of your future little humans? The point is that those unnecessary single-shaming and social pressures come from everywhere and for someone who’s happy with his life, those things shouldn’t have mattered. Or if indeed they mattered, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal to stay as a lone wolf among the pack of hyenas which are high on endorphins.

Meeting in person comfortably is not for everyone so most people opt to use online dating. On a normal way of starting a face-to-face conversation with a complete stranger, it would’ve been awkward. I mean, how do you start a conversation from scratches? How do you approach a person without looking like a disoriented potato who forgot how to talk to humans? May it be on dating sites or social networks, the most common is through dating apps. One of the most popular apps is Tinder. Such app had existed for quite a while now that I even heard about it since I was in my junior years in college. Back then, I thought it was just a puzzle game app so I had to uninstall it out of disappointment when I found out that it was a dating app.

Fast forward. It’s 2020 and my bisexual male friend told me about how he met a decent guy from the app and how their first date went absolutely well so they eventually enjoyed the night that he ended up ditching our plans to catch up over a bottle of my favorite Mojitos tequila. He told me to try using the app coz you bet my magnetic bookmarks from Big Bad Wolf that I’m single AF. So I gave the app a chance and installed it and set a 48-hour countdown timer because the least thing that I want over my uncommitted hypothalamus is to be dependent on the app for social encounters. I’m an introvert and it could be a wicked thing to be stuck in a virtual dating app.

*I got mistaken as a trans quite a few times. LOL. Not offended, though.

Over the course of 48 hours, after countless “swipe lefts” and “swipe rights”, my profile had a few matches which means you both swiped right on each other’s profile signifying a mutual interest based on the displayed pictures and other details such as but not limited to age, sexual orientation and preference, hobbies, anthem, and a short bio of what you want the other person to notice about your profile. Out of those matches, not everyone is going to chat first so I did the first chat on some guys that I matched with. Out of those few chats, I have categorized the different types of guys that you can meet in Tinder into three categories: friendly, naughty, and boring. I can’t speak for the other guys that I didn’t match with or those guys that I matched with but didn’t chat either. The three classifications of the guys I chatted in Tinder are merely based on how they responded to my decent and friendly chats.

I figured out that most guys in that platform are not so bad at all. Most of whom I had encountered were friendly guys who share at least one same interest with me – books, TV series, travels, etc., etc. Some of them ended up being my friends or on mutual following in the other social media platforms. Those types of guys are usually easy going in chats and they actually keep the conversation alive and flowing. If given the chance to meet one of them in the future, I’m totally up for it and I'm sure it’s going to expand my friendship circle.

*I unmatched already so I cannot retrieve the convo from Tinder. We followed each other in Instagram so I had it, instead.

While most guys are friendly and decent, there are those assholes who want nothing but to hook up with girls. I know it’s the modern world where love is scarce and lust is rampant so having awesome sex is like the driving force for some people to date even without the mental and emotional connection to someone. Yes, this generation has gone so low to that level. So yeah, there are those who chat and specifically ask if I’m into hook ups or casual sex or FUBU but the thing is I am not. I know it would make me sound like a boring conservative but I still believe in love and the pure intentions of the soul. I dearly hope that those type of guys will realize that, too instead of just having the cliché mindset that “Boys will be boys.” The thing I hate about these fuckboys is that their hobbies of just fucking anyone available has been becoming a social disease which affects every life that they recklessly touch. I call it the “fuckboy chain reaction theory” which as I see is like a domino effect from engaging in casual sexual exploits. See for example, a fuckboy fucks a random girl and leaves her since it’s rare for that type of social engagement to be emotionally mutual. Then, the girl feels abandoned and desperately starts looking for something that she thinks is lacking in her life just because a random asshole made her feel that way. Next is that she eventually finds a guy that will satisfy what she thinks is lacking in her. Again, it’s rare for that type of social engagement to be mutual so either of them will feel abandoned and start looking again and so on. It becomes a recurring cycle of wrecking different lives in search for that emotional fulfillment from sexual feats. I do hope they find the one already so that the chain link will break. It’s not that I am against premarital sex. Just do it as long as you feel connected – not just physically. Again, some of these horny predators are in Tinder. Swiper, beware.

Most guys in Tinder are friendly and some are just horny assholes. Unfortunately, a few of them are just plainly boring. Late and thoughtless replies. Lame topics. Complete utter nonsense. I know, it’s completely normal to not know what to chat about but isn’t it just about the art of asking questions? Then again, we can’t force them to be someone that they are not so we are just going to leave them as they are. At least they are not those sexual predators, right?

I deleted my account as well as the app at the end of the 48-hour involvement, and left a message to all of those whom I chatted with because I wanted to be courteous and polite and also because I wanted to let them know. The message went like this:

“Hello! I’m uninstalling the app because my 48-hour personal trial is gonna end. Thank you for the time here. I’m gonna write a Tumblr post about 48-hour Tinder journey. Good luck!”

Tinder is not a bad place to be when you want to virtually meet people nearby. You just have to have the ability to discern people in swiping without initially meeting them. Also, be careful of catfishers and posers. If you get lucky, maybe you’ll find your one true match in this app. Some people actually got married after finding someone in Tinder. How cool is that? I’d rate the app 3 out of 5 stars since it has its pros and cons in terms of connecting with people. I wouldn’t recommend it as the main tool that you have to use for meeting people but it will certainly help you feel less lonely on your days of solitude. Happy swiping!

[cutlerish]

Advice for dealing with a very hands-off manager? I work best with structure and support, but he only ever seems to check in when things aren't going well (which is often the first I'll hear of it). Having to create my own structure feels exhausting and it never feels like there's time allocated to do so anyway. I feel like a freelancer instead of an employee and that's not really what I signed up for. I'm at a loss for what to say or do but it's massively stressing me out.

This is the first time I’ve been asked for management advice on Tumblr, and I certainly hope I don’t fuck it up.

Remember, anon, that my advice is simply a suggestion from a particular point of view, with its own inherent biases. Your milage may vary, though I sincerely hope I can be of help.

When someone tells me about a hands-off manager, I tend to find that there are two distinct flavours (though, in certain circumstances one can appear very much like the other). I’ll call them the Leader-From-Behind and the Reluctant Manager. Since it is fairly clear to me which yours is, I’ll only describe them briefly.

The Leader-From-Behind, either correctly or incorrectly for the situation they are in, subscribe to the notion that the individual contributions to a teams goals should be made by the individual contributors themselves, like you. They try not to take credit for things and try to encourage their reports to take the lead when they can. Usually, this is great, but sometimes with a more junior team or with team members that struggle, this can lead to a lack of structure in which those who crave that can grow.

The Reluctant Manager was pretty happy being an individual contributor, themselves. However, they found themselves in the position of either becoming a people manager or not advancing their career through promotion. Often, this is the fault of the company or the industry, making it so that talented individual contributors end up losing some or all of the work they were good at in order to take on people management work they aren’t trained for at best, or they dislike and resent at worst. It is possible that the situation can be improved with management training or resources your manager ought to have. Sadly, some companies will dump people in this situation and then only begrudgingly support them if they ask.

Honestly, your manager sounds pretty reluctant. That’s not necessarily a terrible thing (though it can be pretty difficult for you as you are finding). What your manager seems to sorely need is training. Maybe even structure of their own, but for people management skills development.

Manage Up

The only way through this–and there’s no guarantee it will work unless your manager buys in, and frankly, unless his reporting chain also buys in–is to have a frank conversation about what you want from your interactions with your manager. Sorry, anon, but this will involve you doing a non-trivial amount of prep work. I’m afraid I’m asking you, at least temporarily, to build structure for your own manager.

First, think about what this structure actually looks like. I’m not sure what industry you are in, anon, but in mine, that means ticketing with tools like JIRA or kanban-like project tracking with something like Trello. “Tickets” or “Cards” in tools like these don’t need to be documented with whole novels. Work should be broken down well enough that one can write just enough to give a basic description of the work, and what a final product should look like. That way, you and your team can flesh them out with more documentation as you investigate, and create other tickets/cards to track your work in a more fine-grained way that works for you.

For you, it might be something completely different. Find out what the norms are across your company (or failing that, in your industry), and do some cursory research into what options your team has.

Here are some additional points to think about when talking with your manager about the structure you think will make you really productive:

Not only do you need to know when things go wrong, you also need to know when they go especially right. Part of growing means recognizing which of the good things you do are unexpected, a boon to your team and/or might lead to promotion if consistently done.

If work is planned out, structured and scheduled, it is far easier to track success and productivity. This makes you a better report, your team more functional, and honestly makes a manager’s paperwork sooooo much easier come performance review time.

None of this structure precludes your manager’s own involvement in individual contribution. In fact, it can make it easier since now your manager can, at a glance, see what areas of the work aren’t getting the attention they need because of the commitments of the rest of the team and jump on them, moving the whole team’s goals forward.

You are willing (I hope) to do whatever it is you can to provide feedback on management style, so your team can work really well together and find even more ways to respect their leader. Hopefully, you’d be happy to do this in a one-on-one format, but as things evolve, you can do things more formally if that’s wanted.

Structure makes everyone’s lives easier. The best hope you’ve got is that by laying out what the easiest routes are to structure, your manager will be able to recognize that building structure doesn’t have to be completely onerous.

If this doesn’t work over time, and there’s no hint of improvement, it might be a sign that you need to find a place where you can get the support you need to grow. That might be another department in your company, or a new company altogether.

I have had roles with very hands-off managers that I still point to as years of growth-stunting work that I wasted, and managers who helped me along where I needed in roles that I believe to this day have defined me.

I also suggest heading over to http://www.askamanager.org/. There are a lot of questions about how to handles weird and mundane situations at work. It might be a great resource, and you might also be able to find answers there either by searching the archive or asking this question there, yourself.