#which I kinda get bc he's hasn't been able to log on for a good while now

[vilevampire]

I've never received so much psychic damage from reading something in a fic as I have today reading a paragraph referring to f1t as p4c's "best friend and most trusted companion" with no mention to m1ke at all

[fitgothgirl]

I haven't been writing/journaling here lately despite wanting to; this is supposed to be a personal blog lol. The ADHD not-right-now response has been rough lately. So many things I haven't been doing despite my intent. I didn't even text my mom on Thanksgiving... We're estranged and have our issues and all but that's still a pretty big deal. I'm sure she's crushed but she hasn't said anything bc my general communication problems aren't new (especially when compounded with our issues). I'm going to need to apologize/explain when I text her for Christmas though. I know she understands but still.

Anyway, I'm behind in replies to a good chunk of other people too. Also just things I want to do I keep putting off. I had a good period of time where I was more successful in working through/overcoming this feeling, and even feeling it less often. But it's become a struggle again. I feel like getting on Wellbutrin a little over two years ago was part of what helped a lot, but its benefits seem to have been gradually waning.

At my last appt with my psychiatrist before I lost my health insurance bc I had gotten fired, he took the evidence of me losing my job as a reason to reconsider stimulant medication, as he didn't realize ADHD was having that much effect on my life (i.e. making a lot of mistakes at work/missing details). But I wasn't going be able to see him again for that exact reason so. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Kinda sucks to know that but I still liked him and would go back to him if I could; however I'm officially starting Kaiser next year (ugh) and he was through a PPO (sorry non USAers lol) so it's moot. Anyway, whoever I end up seeing in the near future for at least my current meds can maybe explore that route with me.

I said this is supposed to be a personal blog, but it's also supposed to largely focus on my fitness/wellness, which I haven't been bringing up at all really lately. I reblog stuff like that but most of my posts lately are about totally random things lol. I always intend to post my workouts or thoughts/plans to do with my health, and then I just. don't. 🙃

Good things though: still getting to the gym with decent consistency. Just cracked open my bujo a few days ago after months and prepped it for January. I'm back to cat-sitting and have a good chunk of reservations over the holiday (contributing to my needs for a bujo), and the money from that will be a lifesaver. Finally watched a summary video of the most recent book I read of a series, since it's been like a year and I've been really wanting to finish the trilogy (it's The Mistborn Trilogy by Brandon Sanderson - of his stuff, I've only read Elantris and the first two books of this trilogy. I'm a newbie to the fandom and really wanting to catch up at least a little! But my close friend is a bibliophile and a hardcore BrandoSando fan). Cleaned up around the house a few times and got to a few clutter corners in my room when the inspiration randomly struck. So yeah, not doing nothing at least.

Physical health-wise, besides getting to the gym 2-3 times a week for lifting, I've been trying to get in more cardio. I did a couple home workouts from this youtube channel I really used to like, but I had planned to do it other times too and it kept falling through. But I remembered in the past having liked doing the stair climber after lifting at the gym so I've been trying that again instead; I think this just works better for me so I'm going to try to keep it going. I just like being at the gym, and when I'm trying to do something at home I keep putting it off. Also I like how it's pretty akin to hiking. But yeah, overall cardio's been a bit of a struggle. I've had some times where I tried to prioritize cardio over lifting but kept procrastinating and ended up doing neither and that's definitely not what ya want.

Also it's been a long time but I'm starting to try to log my food in MyFitnessPal again; not even for weight loss necessarily but I just feel like I've been kind of losing sight of what I'm eating/how much and I need a little refocus. I've been busier and running around more lately and that always messes with meals, plus I've been getting meals at work (which aren't necessarily bad/unhealthy/high calorie, but it's just another new variable).

Last few workouts! Still doing my three day split of back & biceps, chest/shoulders/triceps, and legs/glutes & abs.