#where's that crime and punishment quote about how the worst thing is that you've betrayed yourself for nothing...
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The “We are the 99%” Tumblr blog became the slogan for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Text
Rewatching succession it really is wild to see Kendall and Shiv convince themselves over and over again that they can "fix ATN/Waystar from the inside" only to completely abandon their morals the minute it gives them a strategic advantage.
When they're on the outside it's an endless diatribe about how evil and rotten the company is to its core, but the second they get the slightest whiff of power they suddenly decide the problems are actually really manageable and that with the right leadership it could be a force for good, and like...the saddest part is that they genuinely seem to believe that.
#where's that crime and punishment quote about how the worst thing is that you've betrayed yourself for nothing...#and they really seem to think its true! they genuinely believe that they can turn it around and make it good! it's not an act!#kendall really thinks he's a feminist and 'one of the good ones' and shiv really does think she stands with/for women and liberal#ideals and the truth is that no matter how much they might care about those things they will always love power more and they#are infinitely more invested in the power structures that keep injustice alive than they are in actually trying to stop injustice#roman is the only one who's actually aware and honest about how fucked it all is but he thinks that means everything's bullshit and#therefore nothing matters. which can be just as dangerous as convincing yourself you're the good guy (see: america decides)#that's one of the things i like so much about the ending for shiv and kendall bc they're finally forced to confront the lies they've been#telling themselves. and like. maybe that'll go nowhere. maybe they won't change. but they might. and the only hope they have#of actually growing as people and maybe doing something good is if that illusion gets shattered#idk man i just have so many thoughts about succession#succession#shiv roy#kendall roy
82 notes
·
View notes
Text
i haven't yapped in here for so long, and i wanted to indirectly speak to you today. i know you like it when i talk a lot, so i'm dumping some unfiltered thoughts here. like truly. unfiltered. unbeta-ed. i'm not thinking about the delivery of any of this, and you're definitely not obligated to acknowledge it all. or to make sense of it.
my energy levels have plummeted in the past 48 hour and i unfortunately have an eventful weekend ahead of me (as well as today), so i feel like i'm grasping at straws to keep myself going until the beginning of next week. like omfg. i had a headache today and suffered some dizzy spells in intervals. i fear that's an addition for you to add to the growing list of health troubles i have... my vertigo seems to be triggered by stress. i really thought i was dealing with this taxing holiday season well because i technically couldn't feel the stress, but i guess my body and subconscious did. it definitely makes the anxiety riddled sleep i've barely gotten lately make sense.
it's a little bit frustrating, though. because i'm really trying to stress less! and i've put a lot of effort into no longer chasing perfection. in fact, someone told me something last year that stuck with me. i don't know if it translates well, but it went like this: do less of what you must, and more of what you love. and being told that, face to face, by someone that had gotten to know me well enough to recognise how my desire to be perfect led to my own misery, rewired my brain. it was like the first time i read the dostoevsky quote from crime and punishment, where raskolnikov tells sonia that "your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing"... like hold on. wait a minute... let me catch my breath, damn.
i'm stuck between laughing at myself for finding something so simple to be so profound, and getting annoyed at myself. it's funny because i take self preservation so seriously in regards to my relationship with others, i rarely let others cloud my judgement or affect me negatively, and i know how to set boundaries when things become too much. but when it comes to my relationship with myself, it really does feel like i betray myself regularly. often. always. it's like i'm okay being uncomfortable and sacrificing my wellbeing right now because things are inevitably going to get better at some point. but it feels like i was 17 only two years ago, and before i knew it i turned 25 whole years last week, all with the same attitude towards myself. i've lived in a constant loop of self betrayal.
i think while i've stopped wanting to be perfect, i continue to undermine the value of my own happiness and how important it is to always invest in it. i'm not actively making myself miserable, but i'm not trying to be happier.
(giggled a little bit while writing this cause my nr #1 song on my spotify wrapped was my love, mine all mine by mitski like DAMN! did you even try to be happy bro.)
unlearning certain habits is gonna take a while, i know. and i'm going to be patient with myself, of course. while i know you might worry reading this, especially the beginning, i don't want you to think i'm unhappy. i'm okay right now. i think i'm a little proud of myself too, for being able to self reflect well enough to recognise these aspects about myself. it's not been unknown to anyone that i'm bad at taking care of myself, but i always took it at face value when it was pointed out to me. it's always been about things like diet and working too much, and i have a tendency to roll my eyes at that... you're kind of part of the reason why i've actually finally internalised it, i think. i appreciate you a lot. not only as my lover and my moon, but as a person. you've left such a mark on me.
i feel like i often wail dramatically about how i was destined to be a heartbroken artist that lived during the renaissance. and i stand by it. i still yearn for it. i think i'll invest in it.
you sent me a gn message while i was writing this, hehe. i hope you're sleeping well, my love. i love you lots. dream of me! <3
0 notes