#where unless you have keen eyes you'd missed the details

[zaruba-needslove]

Three generations of GARO Knights~

[emmybeearts]

Day 8: Void

Every night we set up camp in the lowlands, and every morning, we awoke to find something went missing. Normally, I probably wouldn’t even notice, but Lily is good at keeping inventory. It was always inconsequential things. Something like a pen or a screw cap; things that you'd never notice were gone unless you were a hyper-intelligent learning machine with an obsessively keen eye for details. 

We both knew things weren’t just disappearing, they were being taken. Soon I became more and more curious as to why. Could this be another intelligent animal on this planet, or could it be an animal taking items for a nest, like a bowerbird? Is it a behavior that occurs for the whole species or is it the behavior of one curious individual? The what, where, why, and how were relentless. Since this would be our last day in the lowland savanna before starting our trek into the desert, I decided I was going to get answers. 

While Lily powered down for the night, I stayed up and waited. I took the backplate off of my xenosuit and set it out like a tray full of shiny Geo-positioning beacons; small acorn sized GPS markers in case we come across an important location, or really anything that needs to be explored further at a later date. I figured that even if I dozed off, the metal on metal sound would wake me for sure. 

Despite my best attempts to stay up all night, I don't think I lasted ten minutes awake after setting the bait. Surprisingly, hiking for miles through thick grassland in an almost sixty pound space-suit while carrying a fully loaded survival pack is a little exhausting. Some days, I find it hard to make it to sunset before wanting to collapse. The twenty six and a half hour long days here don't help that much either. Regardless, I set the trap for this very reason and in the deep of night, Lily and I were jolted awake. 

And there, clutching every last beacon in its paws, was our thief caught red handed. It was nearly invisible against the dark of night. Its body was a dark purple and covered in small bioluminescent flecks of light looking like stars in the void of space. It was low enough to the ground to slip between the polyp-grass unnoticed but could easily rear up on its hind legs to get a good look at its surroundings. If it hadn’t started flashing its distinct blue warning signal, there's a good chance I wouldn't have spotted it at all. 

Now that my ‘who’ question had been answered, my head began swarming with far more questions than before. Lily, nor the datapad, had a name for this animal and so I sent a message to Ara Lynn in the middle of the night to ask the ambassador. She quickly got back to me and said Walnut, the Kyurall ambassador, knew of these animals. They were called Thief or Robber in their tongue as these animals have a solid reputation of taking anything shiny. 

As to ‘why’ is when things started to get odd. Walnut had told of an ore deposit, or a lump of metal, deep underground. She said there were people before her that forged the deposit and wished to make it bigger and, I think the word she used here was ‘smarter’. So they sent out the robbers to collect their metal. A long while later, despite their masters being gone, they cannot stop what they were made to do. Many Kyurall now have traditions built around them, from what I was told. Many Kyurall actually leave out small baubles and other shiny trinkets for the robbers to collect in fear that if they don't, the robbers will take everything they own. It's like a backwards version of Christmas. 

As much as i enjoyed hearing from Ara Lynn and learning more Kyurall history and oral tradition. It didn’t really answer any of my questions. I don't doubt that these stories are rooted in truth; I have learned that lesson before, but I do wish there was solid, concrete information as to why these animals steal bits of metal. My theory, so far, is that they feast on some of the metallic colored crab-bugs that live here and bring these morsels back to their nests. Sometimes, they may get confused by anything else that looks shiny thinking it might be food. 

Either way, shortly after waking us up, Lily managed to quickly grab a sample from the robber's haunch. The small pinch of pain shook it from its warning pose and, realizing its situation, the void robber pulled all of the beacons close to its body and took off into the night. These animals are, apparently, exceedingly rare. I'm sure getting a sample in exchange for my beacons is more than a fair trade. It’s not like I really plan to use them anyway. I'm a biologist not a geologist, locations aren't really my specialty here. The only situation in which they really have any use is if I'm trapped in a place in need of rescue, but that’s also what Lily is here for. Unless something happens to them, and my data pad, and we are somehow not visible from the vast open sky of the desert, then the beacons are pointless for me. I’m sure you’ll get more use out of them than me little void robber. 

[End Transcription]

[whenihaveyouromione]

When I Have You - Chapter 71

Read on Fanfiction.net or ao3 if you'd prefer.

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WARNING: This chapter and the following 5ish chapters deal with and touch on the topic of miscarriage. The extent of which this is dealt with will vary from chapter to chapter, but the theme will still be present. Aspects of these coming chapters may be triggering for some people and if you feel that this is you, please do not read. I have done my best to approach this in a gentle way, but also try to catch the raw emotions that people might feel. I will provide a warning at the start of every chapter so individual decisions can be made to read or not. 

Please note that this is not something that I have dealt with myself, so if you feel I have not approached this in a realistic way, please reach out to me. 

Chapter 71

Robards stared back at the three of them, looking very pleased. They’d just recounted their findings to the Head Auror over the last forty-eight hours and given a detail by detail retelling of their movements in that time.

They were confident no one had seen them in any of the times they’d been watching the invisible cottage, and they were even more confident in the fact that the field was where the Black Robes were hiding. 

After Ron had spotted that lone woman leave, Ryan and Harry had both spotted people coming from there, too. Always on their own, always at the same time in two hour intervals. And no one ever returned to the property — at least not that they saw. 

But they had a pattern to share with Robards and knew the times of day and night that someone would leave.

On the Sunday, after they’d established the pattern, they had attempted to trace where the Black Robes actually Disapparated to from the street, but their efforts had been futile. Disapparition was near impossible to track unless they were touching the person who was doing it. And if they did that, they either risked Splinching (something none of them were keen to have happen) or they’d been seen. 

“You’ve all done your jobs,” Robards said, leaning back in his chair and clasping his hands together. His eyes drifted down to the notebook before him, the words and reports all there for him to see. He looked thoughtful, as if he was trying to process something, but eventually shook his head. “It still makes no sense to me, though.”

“We were unable to establish a purpose,” Ron told him. “We tried, but…” He shrugged.

Robards nodded. “We’ll get to the bottom of it. Knowing where their base is located is a good start.” He flipped through the pages. “I just hope they are who we are after and we aren’t following some unrelated lead.”

No one had seen someone leave in uniform. 

“Don’t tell us there might be more than one organisation we have to deal with,” Harry said. He’d said it as half a joke, but Robards shook his head. 

“It is inevitable, I think, that small groups will pop up over the years. Someone out there would get ideas from the past and want to recreate it. The only benefit we have this time is that they don’t seem as organised or as skilled as Voldemort was. These are kids, perhaps looking for a joke and not understanding their actions will land them a lifetime sentence in Azkaban.”

The others were silent after that, also thoughtful. 

Eventually, Robards shook his head again and said, “Well, you’re all free to head home. And, consider your weekend extended. Your shifts are covered until Wednesday.”

They all stood and left, Ron walking down the corridor with Harry beside him. 

“Well, that was nice of Robards to give us a few days off,” Ron said, grinning. 

“Huh, yeah,” Harry said. “Ginny won’t be pleased, though.”

“Why not?” Ron asked, frowning. He stopped, Harry doing the same. “Wait, is Ginny at home? They have a game on Tuesday!”

“She’s not playing this week,” Harry replied.

Ron’s frown deepened when it didn’t look like Harry was going to elaborate. “She’s missing a game?” That didn’t sound like Ginny at all. 

Harry merely shrugged. “She felt like it.”

Ron suspected that wasn’t the truth and wondered if Harry and Ginny were having issues of some kind. He was well aware of how much they struggled being apart for so many times throughout the year. Despite Harry doing his best to be supportive of it, maybe he’d reached a point where he couldn’t anymore. He liked Ginny’s company and Ron knew he got lonely at home during the times she was away. 

But he decided not to question it. The last thing he wanted was for his best friend and his sister's relationship to be strained, but if it was, he didn’t feel like it was his business to involve himself in. He started walking again.

“Do you think Hermione enjoyed her few days to herself?” Harry then asked as if the conversation hadn’t happened at all. 

“Are you kidding?” Ron said. “She probably doesn’t want me back.” He laughed. “She couldn’t have gotten me out of there fast enough on Friday morning and she was in such a cheerful mood. We have dinner plans tonight, though.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah. She was a bit upset it couldn’t be Friday, which she’d apparently originally planned for, but she seemed okay with it being tonight, though.” He yawned. “However, it may have to be an early night.”

“Was an alright trip, wasn’t it?” Harry said.

Ron nodded. “You could say that. Made me feel like an actual Auror for once.”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, it’s nice.”

They’d reached the Floo Network in the Atrium. 

“See you on Wednesday,” Harry said with a wave.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to hangout on Tuesday,” Ron said, “but seeing as Ginny is with you, I guess I’ll be the lonely one for once.”

Harry grinned. “See you Wednesday,” he said again and stepped into the fireplace. Ron watched him go, feeling pleased for his best mate. He’d decided that he and Ginny weren’t having issues. Harry would be more miserable if they were, and Harry didn’t seem miserable. He looked normal, really. 

Ron threw some Floo Powder into the fireplace and waited for the flames to ignite in green. He’d really loved being away, but he couldn’t wait to get home again and see Hermione. Despite everything, their home was still his favourite place. As much as he’d enjoyed the mission, he’d still be willing to give it all up if she asked him to (though, he knew she wouldn’t. She had been adamant that he stay). 

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he arrived home, but a dark, silent house was not it. It was three o’clock in the afternoon. Maybe Hermione was out somewhere. He had been unable to give her a time he would return home, so perhaps she’d decided to visit her parents or spend the day in Diagon Alley. 

He realised then that maybe he should have checked her office to make sure she wasn’t locked up in there, working away, but he’d been too preoccupied with his own work to think that that scenario was a real possibility. 

He was almost going to Floo back to the Ministry just to check, but decided against it. He’d check the house first, and if she wasn’t there, he’d give her an hour to get home. Then he’d go looking for her. 

The kitchen and conservatory were also closed, so she wasn’t outside. She was definitely out somewhere else, he decided, and he just hoped that that somewhere else wasn’t at the Ministry. If he was being honest with himself, he felt mildly put out by her not being home. Not because he’d expected her to wait around all day for him to get home, but because he was desperate to see her again. He remembered the way he’d left, how she’d almost given into his request for sex on Friday morning, and how happy she’d seemed. Besides, he wanted to tell her about his mission and what he’d found out. 

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and peered up. “Hermione?” he called. “You up there?”

No response. 

He shrugged and made his way up. He hoped she was having fun wherever she was. 

He needed to put himself in his own clothes, still being dressed in the stuff the Ministry had sent him and the stuff they’d managed to buy. It was hideous, uncomfortable, and he needed out. He also needed a shower to wash the grime of the pub off him. 

When he reached the top of the landing, he paused and stared. There was something unusual up there and it took him a moment to realise that it was the fact that all the bedroom doors were closed — including their own. They were never shut — they were just spare rooms and only he and Hermione ever used theirs. 

“Hermione?” he called again, and this time he heard a response in the form of a shaky sob. “Hermione?” He made the length of the short hall in a few steps and pushed open the door. “Hermione, are you —” but the words caught in his throat at the sight of her. In all the years he’d known her, of all the times he’d seen her cry, he’d never seen her look like that.

His hold of the door handle loosened and he came over to her, sliding onto the bed and he wrapped her in his arms, her head falling against his chest. She hardly acknowledged him, didn’t speak. She just… cried. 

The t-shirt he wore was wet already, her tears soaking into his skin. Words escaped him, and even if he could find the words to ask, he doubted she had the ability to speak right now. How long had she been here? A few hours? Minutes? 

He looked down at her and something uneasy settled in him. Her clothes… she’d been wearing those clothes when he’d left on Friday. 

A million thoughts went through his mind after that. Something horrible had obviously happened and he couldn’t help but think immediately of Robert and Jane. Were they injured? Had something happened to them? Were they… He swallowed. 

Then his thoughts drifted to what Harry had told him, about Ginny being home. Was she okay? Was the reason she was home because she was sick? Or what about his own parents? Would something bad happening to them cause such a reaction in Hermione? She liked his parents, he knew that, but did she care about them enough to be this upset? He… he honestly wasn’t sure.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but it felt like a while, and when it seemed evident that her tears weren’t going to stop, he knew that he had to ask. Continuing to stroke her hair and drawing her more closely into him, he whispered, “What happened?”

For a long moment, he thought she wasn’t going to answer. Her tears fell freely, drenching his shirt even more. She seemed incapable of speaking. But somehow, she managed to steel herself. He felt her stiffen against him and pull away from him, looking at him with red-raw eyes. Her lip trembled, but at least for the moment, her tears had stopped. 

“Ron,” she said in a shaking voice, barely managing to say it without crying again, “I need to tell you something.” Her voice cracked and there was a long pause between that sentence and the next. She swallowed. “You need to let me finish.”

Ron’s heart raced inside his chest. He’d already suspected that this wasn’t going to be good news, but there was no denying it now. Whatever she had to tell him, it was going to hurt.

“Alright,” he said, swallowing a lump in his throat and giving her a small nod. 

She nodded in return, the tears starting again. Her hands were trembling along with her lip. He rubbed her arm encouragingly. 

“Every… every month, you always ask me if I feel different this time, and my answer is always no.”

Ron frowned. This was not what he’d expected. “Yeah…”

“Except this month I did feel different. I couldn’t explain it, but I just felt that�� that maybe I was pregnant.”

Ron’s eyes widened. Was this what it was about? Was she finally worried that something might have been wrong? A sinking feeling grew in his chest. No, that wouldn’t cause this response from her. Maybe she knew something was wrong. Maybe she’d seen a Healer and they’d told her…

He had so many questions, but he’d promised he wouldn’t interrupt. 

“It was last week…. the day with all the Black Robes stuff. Right before you brought them all in, I was on lunch, and I just… something compelled me and I decided to test. I know we normally do it together, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. I just had this feeling and I had to know, because I just felt… different.” She choked out the last word. Ron squeezed her arm, letting her know she could go on.

The months all blended into each other these days, but now that she’d mentioned it, he realised that it was way past their testing time — almost time to start trying again. And she’d not said anything. He’d been preoccupied and not thought about it (for once). 

“And it came up positive.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Ron dropped his arm. “What?” he said. “You’re pregnant?”

“Ron… please.”

“But —” How had he not realised? How had he not known? She’d wanted to tell him something that evening; this was it. She’d had plans for Friday and moved it to Sunday… to today. This was not the way he’d expected her to reveal it to him. 

“Ron… please let me finish.”

Ron fell silent, though it was a struggle. Was she really pregnant? If she was, why was she crying?

“I was really excited — I almost told you down in the courtrooms and then at home that evening. But I decided I wanted to surprise you, and I thought it would be a nice surprise to come home to today.” A smile appeared on her lips, but it wasn’t a cheerful one. “I had it all planned — a dinner, a… picture from a scan.”

“A what?”

She wiped more tears from her eyes. “Remember how Audrey and Percy mentioned it? To see the baby? I worked out I was going to be about six weeks on Friday, if I’d calculated it right, so I organised for it. That’s why I had the day off. To… to get it done. I was going to get a picture, and I was going to give it to you tonight as a way of telling you.”

Tears rolled freely again and Ron knew now that he wasn’t going to like the way this story ended. The brief moment of elation he’d felt had diminished just as quickly. 

She was going to tell him tonight, but she was telling him now, which meant things hadn’t gone to plan. And he was fairly confident as to why. 

He closed his eyes. “Hermione —”

“I was so excited,” she continued, “and so nervous, but mostly excited.”

“What happened?” he asked her.

She shook her head, burying her face in her hands. 

“Hermione…” He sucked in a breath, not sure he wanted to say it out loud. But she seemed incapable of doing it. “Hermione, you’re not pregnant anymore, are you?” 

She shook her head again, a loud, anguished sob escaping her. He pulled her against him again, holding her close. 

“There was no heartbeat,” she sobbed. “There was supposed to be, but there wasn’t. There’s a spell that can do it, and I checked right before I came to bed last night, and it was there. Then twelve hours later… it wasn’t.”

Ron held her, the news a devastating blow to a brief moment of happiness. He had no words, nothing comforting to say, so they just sat there; Hermione crying and him feeling numb. 

It was a strange feeling for him. In the space of a few minutes, he’d learnt that they’d finally been successful in getting pregnant, and then he’d had it taken away moments later. He hadn’t known anything about it, he’d not had time to be excited, to grow attached, to… he held Hermione tighter than he ever had before, knowing how hard this news must have been for her, and how long she’d been here dealing with this on her own. 

Oh, Merlin. She’d been here all weekend with this news — alone and in bed. And he’d been away in Swansea, laughing about how she wouldn’t even miss him, how she wouldn’t need him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known, I would have come straight home. If you’d sent a message —”

“I thought this was it,” she sobbed. “I wanted it to be special, because it had taken us so long. I just… I wanted to surprise you and see your face, and… oh, God… I don’t know.” Her body shook against him as silent sobs took control of her. 

“It’s alright,” Ron soothed, running fingers through her hair. “It’s alright.” A thought then occurred to him, but he wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to say it, but he did anyway. “Did you… get a picture?” 

Hermione pulled away again, looking at him. She shook her head. “No, they only allow it if… if everything is good.”

“Oh,” Ron said. He’d always been hesitant about these Muggle devices — ever since Percy and Audrey had mentioned it — but he realised now that it was now the only connection he had to his… baby. Now he didn’t even have that.

Baby.

The word hit him. His baby, his child. Regardless of everything, despite the fact that he hadn’t even known, they’d had a baby — one he’d never get to know. 

He felt sad. That was the only word that came to him in that moment. 

Sad.

Hermione reached for her wand, which was sitting on the table beside her. She waved it, and a moment later, a small box landed in her lap. Ron looked at it curiously. “This was supposed to be part of the surprise,” she said. “It’s up to you whether you open it or not. I just… it’s for you.”

Ron took the box from her. It was light, whatever it was. Part of him was tempted, but he didn’t think now was the right time. He set it aside. “Maybe another day,” he said. 

Hermione nodded, wiping away yet more tears. “I feel so defeated, Ron. So… heartbroken. I felt so close to… it… just the two of us, keeping a secret all week, and to just have it taken away so quickly…”

“We’ll get through it,” Ron said quietly. “You and me. We’ll do it together. I’m here now. I’ll… I’ll be here.”

She nodded, sniffling. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Ron said. “It’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault. Hermione, please don’t think that —”

Hermione was silent for a moment, contemplative. “Ron… I’m not sure if you realise this, but when this happens — when the heartbeat just stops — the doctors don’t intervene unless it’s… necessary.”

“What do you mean?” Ron asked. 

She looked at him. “I’ve just got to wait… let it… end… naturally. And if it doesn’t, then I’ll need to see a doctor.”

Ron stared at her. 

“Do you want to know if it’s a boy or a girl?” she asked. “While we still can? I can do the spell.”

Ron continued to say nothing. He didn’t know what to say. After a moment, he asked, “Do you want to find out?”

“I don’t know,” Hermione confessed. “I just thought —”

“I don’t really want to, Hermione,” Ron said. “Finding out would make it…. harder.” If he found out, then he’d start picturing the baby and what it might have looked like. He’d maybe even give it a name, and that… that wouldn’t be easy to deal with.

He was still trying to process everything that had happened. He didn’t need any additional information on top of that. 

“I understand,” Hermione whispered. “I get it. You’re right.”

“I love you,” Ron said. “I love you so much. I want to be here for you, to help you. Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”

For the first time since that morning, Hermione smiled a genuine smile. “Just stay with me,” she said. 

“Of course,” Ron replied. He wrapped an arm around her, daring to ask another question. “If you don’t have a picture, tell me, what did it look like? How big was it?”

“Like a little jellybean,” Hermione said. “Tiny, little jellybean.”

“Our jellybean,” Ron whispered, picturing it in his mind. Surprisingly, it brought him comfort. 

Hermione sighed, momentarily content. “I didn’t know I could feel so strongly for something so small.”

Ron didn’t respond straight away, allowing her words to resonate. Then, “I didn’t know I could feel so strongly for something I didn’t even know about until five minutes ago.”

He kissed the top of her head and brought her towards him, where they laid for the rest of the night.