#where it would feel almost unfair to call myself anything but straight

[madchild-dennis]

ANYONE WANTS TO QUESTION ME

TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I've been doing this shit from I was 5/6 FUCKING YEARS OLD

NO, My parents, best friend and so much more had NO FUCKING CLUE. I DIDN'T KNOW either.

Plus IF you ever thought of my parents as knowing ANYTHING DO NOT. MY PARENTS DIDN'T SIT AND TRY TO GET TO KNOW ME THAT WAS MY FUCKING BROTHER AND SISTER OR AS A GROUP THING NOT A ONE & ONE shit. In fact, let me correct myself my mother did something sometimes. BUT THAT'S IT. I was the PINING ONE. When I really think about it. I didn't do the birthday pedicures just because I had no money for a present, I think I thought I'd garner favour or it was something I could say I did with my mother. but it wasn't with my mother, it was for her. If I am honest to myself I may have taken it from my sister who ACTUALLY was trained in that stuff (I think I have photographic memory from a VERY young age and didn't realize; will talk on it another time or in the book). Then took what I saw her did and did it for my mother as she would asked and complain. I offered as I always did when everyone else said no. I guess from a young age trying to garner favour/work to get love; something my siblings didn't have to do good/kind or bad/mean/selfish they were. Something I wasn't GRANTED FREELY, as it should. Something I seem to had to work for until it didn't. Till I DIDN'T FUCKING CARE cause "life was unfair" and as my sister said and I learned to adapt; "such is life". I'll leave all that talk for the book I already started.

I was 6 when I discovered the SPIRITUAL WORLD but I thought it was a signal you send to people. I thought it was like wifi. Then I dumbed it down to pheromones, when I found something that felt like it explained what I was experiencing at 5 years old. Now that I'm 26 turning 27. I am learning, being aware and understanding what it was. It was learning that you can be in the spirit. Hear and feel people calling tlaking and dwelling in the spirit. I've been around so many demons, been attacked by demons, and more. I'm almost so versed in the spiritual world that I can choose to be in it or not.

LIKE I NOW CHOOSE TO STOP having conversations with the ASSHOLE in the SPIRIT. Something he choose ONLY to do, then act like he doesn't or doesn't care at all. If he has something to say to me, he takes it to the physical world. I HAVE HAD IT WITH HIS FUCKING LIES.

As I was saying;

I have been the QUEEN-in-training.

From my mother ALWAYS told me (unknowing letting the spirit lead) to sit straight, don't slouch, or more. Then after I watching Halle Berry's Catwoman as child, choosing to practice walking in a straight line or on a curb without falling. Which took the walk I inherited from my father into the masterful walk I am known for.

Plus I was ALREADY a prophet, but without the right guidance/understanding.

I was unknowingly spoken to by God. Granted visions; I had a vision of being Miss World, walking across a stage from I was between the age of 8-10 years old. I didn't realize and thought it was my imagination. I just can't forget, I saw myself on a stage walking with a crown. Then I was around 10-12 when I saw a picture of my mother who was a young adult about my age now. I literally said out loud "that picture looked like me as an adult". How does a child knows what she looks like as an adult, unless she saw a vision of such or a picture of themself as an adult. I never understood what people say I look like my mother as a child. But that one picture looked like me as an adult at the age I saw it. I don't remember where the picture is. As I was saying I was unknowingly spoken to by God, Granted vision, I was learning about being spiritual and being in the spirit, LONG before I was LOUD and vocal about it. MAYBE I AM a fucking Angel as I was told by someone. Or simply crafted by God. Making sure every Ancester was specially crafted and met, formed or produced a combination to make sure I was born. FOR THIS VERY MOMENT

SO I AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE

🙄 🙄 🙄

ACCORDING TO GOD.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Hope you’re well, all things considered. <3 Would you have any advice for someone who’s trying to get back into writing after a long period of not doing it? I used to write obsessively when I was younger, but it’s now been six or seven years that I just… haven’t. There are plots I’ve played with and half-planned in the last few years, but I don’t remember the last time I just sat down and wrote, and it’s so frustrating because I remember it coming to me so easily before. Is there any method to this you would recommend, or does it boil down to… just doing it?

Hi hi anon!

So I think there's some psychological things to address first.

If you stopped running marathons for 6-7 years you'd have to start almost from scratch again when you started training once more. You'd probably remember how to train, and your muscles might pick it all up faster, but the fact is any skill if you stop for that length of time atrophies kind of like a muscle.

So while you feel frustrated, what you're going through is normal, and a consequence of just...stopping. If you want to do it again, you have to come at this with the idea of sort of training yourself up again. Expecting yourself to write as you did when you used to write obsessively, without any build up to it, is really really unfair on yourself!! It's also just not realistic. So maybe just gently and compassionately reality check yourself there, because the reason a skill comes easily to you a lot of the time is because you're doing it a lot at the time - and if you're writing obsessively, you're kind of fast-tracking all that training.

So some patience is called for, because frustration that you're not immediately a trained person in writing after 6/7 years of giving no time to it is like... I mean firstly frustration alone won't be motivational and it's not discipline, and secondly unfortunately you just gotta give yourself time to like...build up skills. And that's unfun when you remember how easy it was back in the day. But it can be that easy again! Just - you have to train to get there.

I have gone through long periods of time without writing, notably after university (where I did a side Major in Creative Writing) until I started writing fanfiction again. Like you, particularly in high-school, I used to write obsessively. When I started again, it felt like I had lost everything, and realistically, I had lost some skills through lack of maintenance. Which is normal.

So I started small. I started with smaller stories and shorter chapters. I did some writing prompts just to get back in the habit of writing dialogue and settings again. I realised aspects of my style had changed a lot in the many years between when I stopped and started again, due to reading and picking up other things along the way, so I also had to surrender to the fact that I wasn't going to write exactly like I used to, because I'd changed as a person.

I also didn't pressure myself to like, finish anything straight away. If I wrote 200 words in a week - what a great week! If I wrote 500 words in a day, oh my god! It didn't matter that I could remember writing thousands and thousands of words without barely thinking about it, I was starting new, and retraining my body and my mind, while also relearning the craft of writing and my shape within it (because that had changed, and that needs patience).

I don't think I'll ever write quite as I did as a teenager, which is great, because I love how I write now. But like, the person I am now, who can write large wordcounts and put up nearly everything I do write, is someone who came back and had to relearn how to do that. I didn't just come out of the gate finding those things easy the second time around.

You know how to be the writer you were back then, but you don't know how to be the writer you've become. It's a new series of skills, and it's important to cut yourself some slack. Frustration and impatience are the enemies of any new skill, at least if it's constantly in the form of comparison: 'Why can't I be as good as I was back then' and is followed by inertia. A little frustration can motivate you to speed along, but it needs to be paired with compassion and honestly - just being realistic. You had a skill, you dropped the skill and didn't maintain it, the skill atrophied. That's normal. That is how skills work.

The good news is dropping anything for a period of time still leaves you with something more than someone who has never done it before. Whether that's a language, or art, or writing, or any hobby. You may find that if you do just start again (via prompts or exercises or smaller chapters or different stories), things will come to you faster over time. :D

Tl;dr: So yeah, while there are exercises you can absolutely do! I'd say you also just need to gently reality check yourself. Skills of any kind - physical or mental - don't stay magically maintained with nothing put into them, loss of ability is normal, it's completely okay, but having done it a lot in the past means you'll learn it faster now, and it's definitely worth trying. :)

[hxwks-gf]

— pretty boy 

summary: you’re best friends with the new up-and-coming hero, toshinori yagi. pet names are a force of habit for you, and toshinori happens to be “pretty boy”.  despite the nickname, he shows you how serious he is about becoming a hero

pairing: young all-might/toshinori yagi x reader

w/c: 1.9k

warnings: creepy dude grabs the reader against their will, but that’s about it 

requested by: @lady-latte​ (ty for sending this in love!! i need some more toshinori in my life) 

“Hey there, Pretty Boy!” 

The nickname came as smoothly as silk does, falling from your lips and out into the warm summer air like honey dripping from its comb. It was a nickname that had always felt natural, despite its embarrassing nature. If it ever bothered Toshinori Yagi, he never showed it. 

He grinned as you strolled up to him. His blonde hair was sticking out in its usual unruly manner, with the two pieces of bangs that never seemed to lay flat arched over his sweaty forehead. Magnificent blue eyes pierced through your own in the twilight of dusk, cutting straight through the dim glow from the street lamp nearby. 

“What are you doing out here this time of night?” he asked, stretching his bare arms above his head, the muscles bulging in his biceps. 

“Wanted to see what you were up to,” you replied with a matching grin, and you leaned against the fence. “Working out again?” 

“Yeah,” he said, leaning down and picking up a barbell that lay at his feet. He lifted it with ease and began rhythmically curling it into his chest. “School starts again in a few weeks, and I want to make sure I’m absolutely ready for it. Since my Quirk finally activated, I’ve got a lot of training to make up for.” 

You pursed your lips and looked down at the concrete. A dandelion weed was pushing through a crack in the sidewalk, stretching itself and its little yellow petals up towards the darkening sky. You glanced back up to Toshinori and smiled again. “I know you’ll be amazing,” you encouraged, your eyes following the barbell in his hands: up and down and up and down. “I heard you got a new mentor.” 

“I did,” he said, straining against the weight. A drop of sweat slid down his face as he set the barbell down. “She told me to keep it on the low for a bit, so--sworn to secrecy.” He made a show of locking his lips with an invisible key before tossing it out of sight. 

You laughed. “I wasn’t going to ask anyways, dummy. I’m sure you’ll tell me who this amazing new teacher is when the time is right.” After a few seconds, you bit your lip with uncertainty and studied him before asking, “Right?” 

Toshinori wiped his brow again and looked at you. “Of course I’d tell you. You’re my best friend.” 

“Don’t you forget it,” you chuckled, playfully punching his shoulder. Man, he really put on some muscle over the summer, you noticed, rubbing your knuckles as you pulled your arm back. As he stretched his arms up over his head again, you tilted your head to the side. And a good couple inches. “How...how tall are you, now?” you tentatively asked. 

Toshinori relaxed and glanced down at himself. “Dunno,” he said with a shrug. “Haven’t measured myself lately.” 

“You really grew over the summer,” you half-heartedly joked, crossing your arms. “Are you...okay?” 

His disposition shifted at the question, and for a moment you saw how tired he really was--but the moment passed, and he was back to being Mr. Walking Sunshine. Toshinori flashed you a toothy grin and gave a thumbs-up, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? All of my dreams are coming true!” 

“Alright, alright,” you conceded. “Just checkin’, Pretty Boy. We wouldn’t want anything happening to the world’s next #1 hero, would we?” 

“You really think I can do it?” he quietly asked, bending down to pack up his weights. His face was hidden from you, but you could hear the doubt in his voice. 

You reached out and placed a hand on his warm shoulder, feeling the muscles flexing beneath your fingertips. “I know you can do it, Toshi.” 

He stood up tall and grinned down at you. “Heh. Thanks, y/n. I know I can always count on you to believe in me.” 

“Race you to the end of the block?” 

“You know you’ll never be able to beat me.” 

“Hey, you’ve got a literal weight to hold you back,” you laughed, already jogging towards the street. “C’mon, that new movie is playing at the theater--loser has to buy the popcorn.” 

“I don’t know why you insist on doing this to yourself, y/n!” Toshinori called out from behind you as you started running. He seemed pretty far back, and you used this as motivation to run faster and harder down the city street towards the movie theater. The summer air sung with cicadas as the early stars came out to twinkle in the sky above you. But just as you were getting into a good rhythm, you heard his thundering footsteps on the sidewalk behind you. 

“I’ll take my popcorn with extra butter!” he shouted at you as he sprinted by, his blonde hair flying in the wind. 

“One day I’ll figure out how you’re cheating!” you shouted back, your lungs already gasping for precious air. 

Toshinori’s face was adorned with a triumphant smile as he flew down the length of the street, his duffle bag full of weights strapped to his back. “--and some yakitori to go with it!” he called over his shoulder at you before disappearing around the corner. 

You slowed down to a jog, and then to a walk, and you breathed heavily to regain your composure. No matter how many times you challenged him, or how many times he insisted on giving you a headstart--he always beat you. Always. 

“You’re going to be the greatest,” you murmured under your breath, deciding to walk the rest of the way to the theater. He usually came back to make sure you were okay, even after beating you. It was almost unfair. 

But before you could make it to the next block, an uneasy feeling crept over your skin, and all of the hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. Suddenly, the quiet street seemed dark and menacing--nothing like it had been only a few minutes ago. The shadowy corners of the alleys shifted and moved out of the corners of your eyes. It felt like you were being watched. 

Your feet began to move quicker down the sidewalk, and you tried to keep yourself within the glow of the street lamps as much as you could. Just a few more feet and you would turn the corner and see Toshinori standing there with that smile on his face, and you’d be safe--

“Where ya goin’ this time of night?” a gravelly voice chuckled from behind you, and you felt calloused hands roughly grip your arm. “Pretty thing like you should know better than to be walking around this part of town all alone.” 

You froze in fear, your wide, unblinking eyes staring at the end of the block--waiting for Toshi to appear. Any moment now, and he would come charging to your rescue. 

“Hey,” the villain growled, his grip on your arm tightening. “I asked you a question.” 

“Let go of me,” you managed to whisper, still staring at the street corner. “Please.” 

“Yeah? Heh, or what? What are you going to do?” 

You winced in pain as his nails dug into the skin of your arm. “Please,” you said again through gritted teeth. “Let go of me.” 

“I don’t think I will,” the villain chuckled, and began pulling you towards a dark alley. “I want all of your money, and maybe I’ll reconsider.” 

You knew if you used your Quirk in a public setting, you’d get reprimanded by the school and have to face consequences--but you were never taught what the punishment was, if there was any punishment at all, for using your Quirk in self-defense. You didn’t want to lose your shot at a hero’s license--but then again, you also didn’t want to lose your life. 

Just as you were about to activate your Quirk while he dragged you into the alley, you saw Toshinori appear from around the corner. He looked confused, like he wasn’t sure what was taking you so long, or where you even were. But when his eyes landed on you in the grasp of a villain, that confusion was replaced by pure rage, and he charged towards you with a wild snarl on his face. 

“Let go of her!” he bellowed, and for a moment you were taken aback by the sheer anger that exploded out of him. You had never seen him this way before. 

“Hey, hey, take it easy!” the villain stuttered, immediately releasing you and taking a few stumbling steps backward. Toshinori surged past you and grabbed him by the collar, and shoved him up against the building wall. 

“You think you can just weasel your way around here and get away with grabbing people?” Toshinori snarled in the villain’s face. He looked at you over his shoulder. “Did he hurt you? Did he do anything to you?” 

You quickly shook your head. “No, no--he just grabbed my arm. I’m f-fine, Toshi.” The wavering pitch in your voice gave yourself away. 

He narrowed his eyes at you and he turned back to the villain, who was struggling against the iron grip at his throat. 

“If I ever see you bothering anyone in this city again,” Toshi spoke to him, his voice dangerously calm, “I won’t be this nice.” With that, he released the man and looked down at him with disgust. “Now get lost.” 

The man wasted no more time scrambling to his feet and taking off in the other direction. Toshinori immediately went to your side and took your face in his large hands. 

“When you didn’t show up, I got worried,” he said, searching your eyes. That anger and rage was gone; it had now been replaced with concern and fear. “You promise he didn’t hurt you?” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat and shook your head. “He just grabbed my arm and asked for money, that’s all.” 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion as he pulled you into his chest for a hug. “I shouldn’t have left you like that, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” you said, your voice muffled by his shirt. “I’m okay. You saved me, Pretty Boy.” 

He pulled away and looked down at you, his blue eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. With a shaky breath, he put on a reassuring smile and tenderly touched your cheek. “I’ll always be there to save you, alright? I promise.” 

“You’re going to be a great hero,” you whispered, returning the smile. 

He pulled you in for another hug, his eyes glancing down at the bruises forming on your arm from where the man had grabbed you, a reminder that he wasn’t there for you, and he couldn’t protect you. Toshinori Yagi knew, in that moment, that you would never be harmed by anyone else ever again. 

“I like that name, by the way,” Toshi said as the two of you started walking together towards the movie theater. He kept you tucked under a protective arm as he gave you a sideways glance. “You think I’m pretty?” 

You rolled your eyes and smacked him. “You know you’re pretty.” 

He chuckled. “Yeah, but I like hearing it from you.” 

“Alright, fine, you’re pretty.” 

“That’s my girl.” 

[justletmeplayminecraft]

Moving Day

it's the day that comes at the end of every season. and yet, somehow, the hermits still get caught off guard by it.

featuring: hermit ensemble, slice of life fluff, imagine moving houses but like every year and a half, werewolf!ren, something!joe, artic fox!etho, he is vaguely developed, there's pretty much no plot, just fluff, an ode to the end of this season

"Zed, you're gonna be late!" Tango calls as he drops in through the ceiling. With a bang, a mop of blond hair pokes out of the central storage. Zed rubs his head, pulling himself up.

"You're the one who distracted me with the Create world!" He replies, hauling a bag up the ladder with him. Tango laughs, throwing it over his shoulder as Zed flops onto the stone ground.

"Sure I was, it's not like you brought it up." Zed huffs, rolling his eyes. He holds his hands up towards Tango, who laughs. "Oh, you want to go over my shoulder too?" He teases.

"You are insufferable," Zed mutters, pushing off the stone himself instead. The cold is starting to seep through his cardigan.

"Have you packed everything?" Tango asks. Zed holds his fingers up to count off.

"Yes, I've checked everything four times! Maybe five, actually. I don't think there's anything left." Zed looks back at the ladders, closing his fist. Tango examines the pile of bags, humming.

"So you're sure you don't want me or Impulse to check for you?" Zed's mouth opens.

"Actually, can you check anyway?" He asks, "You know, just in case!" Tango laughs, giving Zed's shoulder a bump.

"Of course we will. But let's move these before Xisuma forgets them." Zed nods, quick to grab some of the bags. He heaves them up, almost buried under them.

"Season eight here we come!"

-

"You two!" Doc calls, scooping up the white fox before he manages to rush past him. Ren very nearly runs straight into his legs. The wolf sits down, ears twitching as he stares at Etho. Etho sticks his tongue out, Doc struggling to keep a hold on the silky fur. "You two aren't helping, you know that?" Ren barks, tail wagging. "Yeah, yeah."

With a wiggle, Etho manages to slip out of Doc's arms. He jumps up, curling around his shoulders instead and getting comfortable. Doc sighs. He bats Etho's shawl out of his face, ignoring the amused chitter. Counting, he finds most of his bags already in his ender chest. Luckily, because the two animals playing around him are making it difficult. Unlike-

"Doc," Bdubs cries, "Have you seen my razor?" Bdubs doesn't even bother with the door. Doc looks down at him on the lawn.

"Have you checked your half?" He asks.

Bdubs throws a hand up, "Of course I've checked my half, but Keralis tried to drag me into packing all his junk so I had to make a speedy escape!" Doc chuckles, watching as Ren jumps down to nose at Bdubs' hand. "Oh, hello, Ren!" Bdubs jumps into baby-talk immediately, crouching down. "Fancy you being here!"

"Please, take him-" Doc waves, "-The two of them keep running through my feet." Bdubs strokes through the fluff of Ren's neck, glancing up and spotting Etho.

"Oh, Etho as well!" Bdubs waves. Etho yips in reply, ear twitching. Then Bdubs pauses, looking at Ren properly. "Ah-ha, Snips! Of course, right-" Bdubs jumps up, "Thanks guys, I'll see you at the town hall!" Doc looks at Ren as Bdubs runs off.

"You going with him?" He asks. Ren's tail wags, staring at Doc. He sighs. "Right, of course not." Doc picks Etho off his shoulder, dropping him on the floor to a surprised squeak. "If only there was a way to attach some bags to the two of you." Both animalmits freeze, sharing a look with each other. Doc can't help but feel satisfied as they scarper towards the nearest nether portal together. "Perfect." He can finish packing in peace.

-

"Do you think you've got everything?" Wels asks, perched on a chest. Beef hauls his bag out the door with a huff.

"Well, I've got you. That's half the challenge." He looks up in time to see Wels rolling his eyes, pushing his helmet up.

"I take it back, I'm not helping you anymore."

Beef laughs, clapping Wels' arm, "We've still got Three Fox Hole to look through, you're not going anywhere yet." Wels' lips twist into a pout, crossing his arms.

"You know, when I packed early, it wasn't with the intention of doing your packing for you," he replies. But, when Beef holds out a bag, he still takes it.

"And I appreciate it!" Beef grins at him. "Maybe I'll reward you with some of my finest wallpaper-"

"Oh, please no." Wels' eyes are wide, staring in mock horror. "I might never recover."

"Oh, blackmail works too, then." Beef stands, walking past him. Wels slips off the chest, frozen in place.

"Beef- Beef, are you joking?" Beef keeps walking. Wels runs after him. "Beef!"

-

"Thanks for heading out this far, man," xB says, smiling at Keralis. "I know you've got a big space to cover too."

"Ah, it's nice taking a break," Keralis replies, holding one of xB's bags in his arms. "And I know there's no way this would all fit in your ender chest, princess." xB chuckles, looking at the half-folded clothes, trinkets, and daily essentials all sorted into piles.

"Yeah-" he scrubs the back of his neck. "-I kinda forget I've got so much. Too used to my travel bag." Keralis bounces the one in his arms.

"Well, it's a good job you've got me!" He bumps into xB's side, barely knocking the other hermit off balance. "I can always lend you some extra bags if you need them."

"The luggage dimension is just going to be my stuff at this rate," xB jokes.

"Oh, you haven't seen how much I have yet." They both laugh, Keralis putting the bag down with the rest that have been packed. "Now, what are we doing next?" xB turns to observe his piles.

"I think that one," he decides. Keralis nods, skipping across.

"Then let's go, we don't want to be late!"

-

"Cub!" Scar's voice calls down the pyramid. "I cannot believe this." Cub turns to see Scar walking along the corridor, wings fluttering in annoyance behind him. "Xisuma says my crystals aren't essential items so I can't take them. That's so unfair." Cub laughs before he can stop himself, getting an affronted noise from Scar. "Cub! I come here, I confide in you-"

"Scar," Cub interrupts, squeezing Scar's arm. Vex magic sparks around them, electrifying the air. "You could make some once we're in the next world."

"It's not the same!" Scar protests. Cub leans closer.

"Or," he whispers, "We could sneak some across ourselves."

"Oh." Scar claps his hands together. "Now you're speaking my language."

"The language of crime?" Cub asks, calling one of his bags over to him. He catches it mid-air.

"The only language I know!"

-

"This is why you should've made a proper storage system!" Mumbo cries, as Grian pulls out the contents of another chest. "This could've been so much easier!"

"I didn't know it was this bad!" Grian replies, finally managing to find his towels buried in an unmarked chest. He throws them towards his 'to pack' pile, Mumbo jumping out of the way.

"Didn't you have weeks to prepare for this?" He asks, looking at the scattered items in dismay.

"I mean- I did host an entire world in-between," Grian reminds him. Mumbo hums in agreement, deciding to organise some of the piles before they end up vanishing into a pure mess. He looks for similarities amongst the items, beginning to sort them into manageable groups.

Mumbo's lucky he thought to get all his essentials together ahead of time. He gave his luggage to Xisumavoid to store, and he knows it's all taken care of. It didn't stop him from checking his base another ten times, but he's pretty sure he's got everything now. Pretty sure.

He's going to end up checking his base again later, isn't he?

"Grian?" Mumbo asks, pausing as he notices something. The rummaging through chests stops, with only a quiet thud & 'ow' before Grian is looking at him.

"Yeah?" He replies.

"Do you… actually have any bags?"

"Ahhhh," Grian's face turns a similar scarlet to his jumper. "You see, Mumbo, last season, I kinda… borrowed some."

"Borrowed, right." Mumbo sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "Were you ever going to buy your own?"

"Yes!" Grian replies, words fast. "I just. Never had time." Mumbo's had most of his bags since he joined, so he guesses he can't relate. Pretty much all the hermits gifted him one. Otherwise, he would've never remembered at that age, but that's its own problem. It's a good job he remembers the essentials even now.

"So, how do you intend on packing all this?"

Grian hums, "Do you think I could just shove it in there loose?"

"I'll go find some bags," Mumbo decides. And something to help his headache...

-

"How many cats do you think I could smuggle to the next server?" Cleo asks, holding up another of her kittens to Joe. Joe hums thoughtfully, bright green hair moving on its own accord.

"Well, I've certainly smuggled a few of my dogs inside myself." Cleo takes a deep breath, transferring her kitten to one hand so she can pinch her nose.

"Right, of course you have." She's long learnt to stop questioning how Joe works. She's a living zombie, he's Joe. At least it makes packing easier. "I think I might take some of them to my own world, this time," she muses. "Xisuma can do that, right?"

"I'm sure he can," Joe agrees. "If not, I will have a mass exodus of animals from the server." Cleo sighs, rolling her eyes. She sets the kitten down gently amongst the other cats.

"Right, are you actually going to help me carry my bags?"

"Of course! What kind of friend would I be if I didn't try to stop you losing an arm?"

"Ugh, don't remind me." She still can't believe that happened. First, her arm falling off, then nearly losing it amongst everybody's luggage? So embarrassing. She enters the main room of her base, where she's already got her bags set out. It's surprising how many skincare products you need when you're dead. Joe follows, looking around as if he doesn't know the place like the back of his hands. To be fair, Cleo would be surprised if anybody knew the back of Joe's hands.

"Right, I've shoved as much as I can in my ender chest. If you put what you can in yours, we can divide the remainder up," she lays out the action plan.

"Sounds perfect!" Joe picks up two bags. "Are you sure you don't just want me to transport them over?"

"Keep your true self off my stuff, Joe, you know what happened last time."

Joe sighs, "Fine, fine. We'll do this the human way."

"You'll do this the human way," she amends. "I'll do it the zombie way."

-

"Stress, it's only a spider," Iskall says, pointing his sword towards it. Said spider is standing triumphantly on top of her bags, red eyes glinting. Stress pokes around the doorway, brown hair falling across her face.

"Yeah, but it's a spider on me stuff!"

"You've fought worse than spiders!"

"Just get rid of it, Iskall!" He sighs. Readying himself for a fight, he crosses across the room, stamping his foot in front of the pile. The spider hisses, sharp fangs a warning. But when the creature jumps, Iskall's sword is there to meet it, throwing the spider to the ground where it disappears into twinkling orbs.

"Look, was that so hard?" Iskall asks, his hand on his hip as he looks back at her. Stress bounces in, grinning.

"It wasn't, was it? Guess I don't need to thank you, then!" Iskall rolls his eyes, slipping his sword back into his inventory.

"Like you don't need to thank me for helping carry your stuff?"

"Oh, I'll thank you for that." Iskall laughs, grabbing the strap of two bags and throwing them over his shoulder.

"How many trips do you think we'll need?" He asks, seeing her haul two up herself. Stress hums, observing the pile.

"Prob'ly only two or three. If we get started soon then we'll get done faster, too." Iskall can hear the teasing tone in her voice.

"Aren't you the one that was scared of a spider?"

"Don't know what you're talkin' about!" She calls, walking past him. Iskall shakes his head, smiling fondly before rushing after her.

-

"Hey TFC!" False calls, touching down at his base. She smiles at the sight of his usual suitcases, already neatly packed and organized. Everything's labelled in TFC's signature handwriting to boot. Far more planned out than her, she's gotta say. But that's a problem for the next world.

"False, what can I help you with?" TFC's smile is always nice to see. She flicks her elytra closed, waving.

"I came to ask you that, actually," she replies. "Wanted to know if you'd like help carrying things over. I did all my packing a few weeks back, so I'm kinda bored." And if she stays still for too long, X will probably try to rope her into admin duties. Sure, she knows the basics, but she doesn't want to be responsible for anybody's stuff going missing. Not her department.

"Well, I'm never going to turn down some extra hands," TFC replies. He walks over and pats the suitcases on the left. "These are all ready to go, I'm still finishing up with the others. Has Xisuma already started?"

"I think he was just finishing the pocket dimension, so you've still got a little while." The hermits always rush to be the first in, as if everybody's stuff won't fit. In False's opinion, being last is best. It's easier to get your things out when they're closer to the entrance.

"Good, good. Let him know I'm nearly finished, would you?"

False nods, saluting with one hand and picking up a suitcase with the other, "Will do!"

-

Hypno walks into Jevin's base to find him and Impulse slotting the last few items into boxes. He knows Jevin was mostly packed already, so it's nice Impulse has come to help out. But… Jevin might just be taking advantage of Impulse. Hypno won't think too much into it.

"X has finished setting up," he calls, not needing an introduction. Jevin twists to look at him, Impulse busy trying to fit a label on straight.

"So you're saying I'm late?" Jevin asks. Hypno chuckles, deciding to join them on the floor.

"You know what the rush is like to get stuff in. You'll be fine for a little while." Hypno shrugs, "After Wels, X'll probably be careful." Impulse nods, sitting back now the label of 'hoodies' is attached.

"I've already handed my stuff in," Impulse says, "I think False might have too? We both finished up pretty early."

"Yeah, there was a lot in the town hall ready to be moved." Hypno wonders if the hermits are getting more prepared for this. Somehow, he doubts it.

"So, you've come to help me carry these over?" Jevin asks, Hypno looks at the boxes, shrugging.

"With all three of us, it should only be two trips, right?" There are only five boxes, and two are pretty small anyway.

"That's the spirit!" Impulse calls, grinning. "Do you think you're all ready to go?"

"Yep, I think that's everything," Jevin decides. He pats a box, making more of a squelching sound. Hypno does his best not to laugh.

"Then let's get moving!"

-

Xisuma sighs as his visor adjusts to filter out the sunlight. Coding that in was a stroke of genius. It used to be such a nightmare to continuously adjust between the pocket dimension and hermitcraft. He looks at the stacked luggage to be moved, trying to figure out if there's more there than before. He swears there is. And they didn't even say hi when they dropped it off! Rude.

He jumps when something nudges the back of his knees, sending him stumbling forward. Turning, he finds Ren, his tail wagging proudly behind him.

"Oh! Hello there." He reaches down, giving Ren a scratch behind the ears. "Are you planning to change back before we move?" Ren barks in reply. "I'll pretend that's yes."

Turning, he sees a white tail flicking over blue diamonds. Of course, those two are together. Etho's curled up in the sun, black eyes watching the pair. One ear is stuck up, the other flopped lazily.

"You two aren't going to help me carry things in, are you?" X asks, sighing as he looks back at Ren.

"I think Ren forgot to leave a spare pair of clothes out, actually," Etho says, legs dangling off the throne. He's tugging his shawl over his nose now he's in human form. Or, as human as Etho gets. "And his outfit may have experienced some... unfortunate circumstances." Xisuma looks at Ren's sad eyes, shaking his head at the pair of them.

"And those didn't involve you in any way?" X asks Etho with what he thinks is an appropriate amount of suspicion in his voice. Etho holds his hands up, leaning back in a way that would have most people falling over.

"Are you accusing me, Xisuma?"

"I don't know, am I, Ren?" Ren gives a concise nod. Etho gasps, clutching over his heart.

"Betrayed by my own brethren!" Etho cries. Ren's tail is wagging, betraying his otherwise neutral expression.

"Come and help me carry things, you," X says, calling Etho over. "We'll be here for another month if you don't." Etho laughs, but jumps off the side of the throne, landing with barely a thud.

"What are we moving, bossman?" Etho asks. Xisuma surveys the piles.

"Mumbo's stuff next, I think," X decides, "He usually takes a while to unpack." Etho nods, following X's lead as they grab a bag and box respectively.

"So this is what you guys do at the end of the season?" Etho asks, Ren trotting along with them. Xisuma hums as he enters the pocket dimension, finding an open space at the back of the room.

"Yep, this is moving day," he explains. "I always try my best to make it easy for the hermits, but it doesn't often end up working." Etho chuckles, placing the bag on top of X's box.

"Seems like most people aren't done yet," Etho agrees.

"They'll get there," Xisuma replies. The hermits always do eventually.

They're just stepping out of the portal when a voice calls, "I'm not late am I?!" X scruffs Ren's neck, smiling at Zed, who's running over with far too many bags thrown over his back.

"Not at all, friend," he reassures him. Zed drops his bags, bent over and panting. Tango strolls up behind him far more leisurely.

"See, Zed, I said you wouldn't be!" Zed whips in his direction.

"Oh, you, mister 'oh Zed you're going to be late, we're all going to leave you behind', you-" Tango laughs, fluffing Zed's hair as he sets his bags down. They take the rest of his luggage out of the ender chest Xisuma left specifically for this purpose. Beef and Wels walk up together as they do, Xisuma waving to them.

"Beefers!" Etho says, grinning.

"Hey Etho, Tango, Zed, Xisuma." Beef pauses, "Oh, and a Ren!"

"Hey guys!" Wels simplifies, dropping his bags at the doors. "This should be everything from us."

"Perfect!" Xisuma nods, "You guys okay to help me carry things through?"

"Yeah, we can help out!" "That's cool with me."

Moving things goes a lot faster with five of them helping to carry things through. Xisuma just catches Impulse, Jevin and Hypno dropping one lot off, getting a frantic wave before the trio is rushing off again. The pocket dimension is quickly filling up with bags and boxes, the hermits a constant line as they drop in and out. Xisuma frequently checks, but it seems like the dimension is handling the pressure okay.

"Xisuma!" Joe calls, him and Cleo wandering up the town hall's stairs. By this point, Cub and Scar have joined them with TFC, False, Stress and Iskall all dropping things off too.

"Good to see you both," X greets, one of Wels' bags hugged in his arms. He turns away, before hesitating, something nagging the back of his mind. After a second of focus- "Joe, why do you have so many hitboxes inside you?"

"Ah, that's nothing you have to worry about, dear admin." Xisuma gives him a long look and decides this isn't a battle he's going to pick.

"As long as you're willing to help out," he says, instead. "We're only waiting for a few people. He takes a look at the gathered hermits. Cleo's now lying on the floor, Ren beside her. His tail is already wagging again. Cub is picking a box up, whilst Scar skips through the portal holding three bags with magic. Etho's chatting to Tango and Zed as they work.

"Of course! We'll be finished in no time." It's already taken most of the day, but X doesn't need to mention that. He sets his vision back to normal, does another check of the pocket dimension, and returns to carrying boxes.

The remaining hermits trickle in as the sun sets. Stress and Beef sort out dinner for everyone, Xisuma making sure the last of the luggage is safe.

"Wait!" A few heads turn at Grian's cry, heavy footsteps rushing up to town hall. "I- I've got my stuff." Xisuma blinks at the sight of the hermit carrying about four bags at once. One is bright pink.

"You're not too late," X reassures him. "You can just drop it in, there should be room." He's settled into a shaded corner, preparing for the process of safely moving over twenty players. And Joe. If he's being honest, the data is starting to give him a headache. But it'll be worth it once they're all in their new world. Their temporary 'in-between' world is already set up. Somewhere for them all to stay whilst he handles the switch over. Most of the hermits take the time to visit friends or do other projects during that, anyway.

"Thanks, X," Grian says, between gasps. He runs into the portal, X laughing softly to himself. Mumbo walks up a few minutes later, glancing at the group.

"Is Grian in there?" He asks. Before X can even reply, about four hermits are giving an affirmative. "Thanks, guys!" Mumbo heads in after, only two bags in tow. X watches, well-aware of the fondness in his chest. It's a good reminder of just what he does this for.

-

It's another hour until everything's ready. The sun is hanging over the horizon (Xisuma may have frozen the day cycle a while back.) X has watched warily as they've shared food, chatted, played games (including one very dramatic wink murder. He's not sure what happened in Grian's server, and he's not sure he wants to ask.) But now, they've all gathered around, watching as Xisuma enters the final commands.

"Okay, everybody here knows the drill. Stay with somebody else, I want to do a headcount on the other side, then you're all free to wander." He projects his voice, the hermits hushing to listen. "Is everybody ready?"

"Yeah!" "Born ready!" "We've been ready for hours!" "Is there food on the other side?"

X shakes his head. With a final press of the enter key, the portal opens in front of the diamond throne. There's a collective murmur of anticipation.

"Alright, you lot can head through. I'll join you in half an hour, max." He can't even make out words following that. TFC and False are first, walking through with a wave to the others. Stress and Iskall run after them. The rest of the hermits take their time. Some share hugs, some take a last look at the horizon. And Xisuma watches over it all, determined every single one of his hermits will make it safely through.

"X?" Impulse calls. He and Hypno are standing together. The town hall feels so much emptier now the hermits are gone. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine," Xisuma promises. "All standard procedure. I'll see you soon." They nod, sharing a last smile.

"Okay then. Stay safe, X."

"You two as well. Try and keep the others from misbehaving until I get there."

Hypno laughs, "No promises."

And like that, Xisuma's alone. He sighs, sinking back against the diamond throne. The sun casts golden beams over the land. This has been… a good season. They all are, but. Xisuma smiles as he sets the tick speed of the world to zero, freezing it in time. He thinks next season will be something special. It only takes fifteen minutes to finish his commands, the rest he needs to do on the other side.

"Goodbye, old friend." He pats the diamond throne. With a look over the eerily still shopping district, he sighs. It really is the hermits that fill a world with life, isn't it? "To more admin work," he murmurs, before laughing at himself.

"Shishwam?" Xisuma jumps, clutching his chestplate.

"Oh my goodness, you scared me." Keralis giggles. He's waiting in front of the portal, hands in his pockets. "I thought you went through."

"Well..." Keralis starts, "Somebody said we needed to go through the portal with someone else. And then I thought of a certain admin going through alone..." Xisuma laughs, shaking his head. He joins Keralis, swirling colours reflecting off his armour.

"Of course you did." He takes a deep breath. "Well, I'm ready to go." Keralis wraps his arm around Xisuma's shoulders, squeezing him tight.

"You've done a good job this season, Shishwammy. I hope you know that." Xisuma sneaks one last look out the doorway before they leave this world behind.

"Yeah." He smiles. "I think I do."

[dameronology]

to all the pilots i've loved before {poe dameron} - 3/4

part three: better half of a whole

summary: you’re in love with poe dameron. it’s both the most complicated and most simple thing in the galaxy - and it’s all shoved into a shoe-box under your bed, in the form of a thousand love letters. here’s to hoping he never finds them. (series masterlist)

warnings: language, mentions of injury

i'm so sorry this took me so long to write!! i got writer's block and then i was horribly busy with a thousand others things and sadly, i cannot prioritise fan fiction over real life duties. and i would know, because i've tried

enjoy!!

- jazz

Poe didn't sleep for...well, it was probably days. Felt like years.

Dear trouble,

Every time he closed his eyes, your face would flash into his mind. The sound of your laugh echoing amongst the cries of war; the feel of your soft hands tracing the remains of battle scars and wounds. What if the hug you gave him before you left was the last? What if your slightly pained laughter at the shitty joke he'd made in the jungle the night before was all he had left? He cherished every memory he had of you but he loved you more.

I know you hate when I call you that, but it feels pretty accurate - because you do cause trouble, normally with me but more recently FOR me. Anyways, I never considered myself to be much of a letter writer, but then I saw yours and...fuck.

Love. What a funny fucking word, right? Said so easily, but meant so much. Something that felt so hard to find, but even more difficult to hold onto. His parents had found it and they'd kept it for so long, and he'd always wanted the same - nothing less, nothing more. Just the kind of unwavering, undying love that can survive a war and be happy with the domesticity that followed. The only difference between Poe and his parents was that they'd been fearless with every aspect of their lives, not withholding their ability to express feelings. Perhaps that's where he fell short. Shara had taught him a lot of things but she'd been lost before he taught her how to pull his head out his ass and just...say things how they were.

What am I even supposed to say? I love you too would be a start, because I obviously I do. I've always wanted to say it but I never wanted to risk what we had in case you secretly hated me, and now I'm going to live out the rest of my days regretting it.

The first that Poe managed to finally get some rest was four days after Leia had broken the news of your disappearance. He'd fallen asleep in his quarters, curled up into Finn's side and clutching a t-shirt of his that he'd left in your room - you'd borrowed it a few months ago, and it still smelt of you. It was a mixture of your everyday body fragrance and a little of engine oil. BB-8 was snoozing quietly in the corner and for the first time in days, Poe's jaw and shoulders weren't tense and clenched.

The little robot did stir, however, when he got a comms system message from Leia. He was awake immediately, cruising across the room and crashing straight into the nearest human he could find - and it was at that point that Finn regretted leaving his leg dangling off the side of the bed. He jumped awake, brown eyes finding the droid peering up at him.

You're not just my best friend. You're my partner in crime, my soulmate and you know that twin flame bullshit that Rey always go on about? You're probably that too because we're both flaming hot. You're the better half of this whole. You and me.

"Poe is sleeping, buddy," he quietly said.

"There's a message from the general," BB-8 beeped back.

Poe suddenly woke up at that - it could have been any message, and certainly not one about you, but something in his gut told him otherwise. If it hadn't have been, Leia would have left it til morning, or not even bothered him at all in his current state.

"What?" the pilot asked. "What is it?"

"They're back, in the med-"

Poe didn't give him a chance to say anything else, because he was already up and out the door - jacket unzipped, boots half unlaced, hair sticking up in a thousand different directions.

And even though he hadn't slept for days, he was running for his dear fucking life. The medical bay was right on the other side of the base and he didn't care. You were there - in what state, he didn't know - and that was all that mattered. He was just wanted to be with you, beside you, and he never planned on leaving.

If I see you again, I'm not gonna hide it anymore. I love you and you deserve to know that. I'm gonna give you the fucking world, I promise.

Poe skidded around the corner, stopping his tracks when he saw you across the room. You looked tired - far past it, in fact - and his entire body tensed when he saw the bruises on your arm and up your neck. Still, he took comfort in the fact that he knew you put up a good fight. You'd sparred together enough times and given him enough bruises to last a life time.

There was a slight oof as someone crashed into the back of Poe (Finn's subtle way of announcing his arrival). He placed a hand on his shoulder, shoving him forward slightly. It was clear that Poe was in a state of shock - at your loss, at your declaration, and even more at your return - because the last few days had changed everything.

Everything he'd ever wanted was about to come to fruition. No pressure.

"Go to them," Finn murmured.

With that, Poe took a few steps forward - you met him half away across the room, chests colliding with enough force to knock down an ATAT. He wound his arms you, pulling you towards him with one hand tangled in your hair and the other holding your back. He clung to you, tears in his eyes and entire body shaking, almost as though he was using the feeling of you to act as a reminder that this wasn't a dream. You were here. You were back. Perhaps a little worst for wear, but alive and standing all the same.

I don't know how I'll say it. Am I meant to just blurt it out? I've never said it to anyone before, so...what the fuck am I meant to do? Normally, I'd come to you for advice on this sort of this but that feels a bit counter intuitive.

"Hey, Poe," you gently murmured.

"Hey, trouble," he let out a shaky laugh, pulling back from the hug to clutch your face in his hands. "You're alive. You're here-"

"- yeah, I'm here," you grinned.

"What happened?" he pushed. "If I ever find those First Order bastards, I swear it's on site."

"They were trying to shoot us out the sky, so we had to lay low on a random moon for a few days, but the residents of said moon were not very friendly and - you know what? It doesn't matter," you leant into his touch, relishing the feeling of his hands against your skin. "I'm here and that's what's important."

"I was so scared," Poe admitted. "And they had me search your room for back up plans and-"

You froze.

"You...you searched my room?" you stuttered. "What did you find?"

The main thing is, I AM gonna tell you. I promise. Just...please come back.

Love, Poe

Poe's eyes widened - maybe now wasn't the best time to break the news. You were bleeding from your head and hadn't slept for days. To spring it on you before you were even cleaned up felt a bit unfair. His worst fears had been avoided, so he didn't mind waiting just a little longer.

"Nothing," he forced a smile. "C'mon, I'll clean you up."

Taking your hand in his, Poe lead you towards one of the beds. He was hardly a medical expert, but he'd been through enough cuts and scrapes to have a basic understanding of stitches. And luckily, your injuries didn't look too bad. It was more just the fact you had them in the first place that hurt him.

What if he'd gone on the mission with you? Or convinced you to stay? Fuck, he would have gone in your place if he knew what was going to happen. The last few days had been the worst of his life and he almost felt responsible for what had happened to you. Your pain was his pain, and he felt it in every fibre of his being.

But, of all things, at least he knew what love was now - and if you had never have gone MIA, he never would have gone looking in your room, and he never would have found those letters. It felt like a bit of a dick move to call them a blessing in disguise but his mother had always taught him the value of looking for silver linings. The last week had been one giant thunderstorm. There had been no breaks in the rain, or sun peaking through the clouds. It had just been darkness and thunder, but it was all beginning to clear now.

What was it that Shara had said when Poe was a kid? Things have a funny way of working out. This was all a testament to that, and also to the fact that she always seemed to be right.

Poe's hands moved gently as he stitched up the cut on your forehead. They were still steady as they moved, brown eyes occasionally moving down to meet yours. He always smiled when they did.

"There we go," he said. "That shouldn't scar, but if it does, it would make you look like a bad-ass, so..."

You chuckled slightly. "Thanks, Dameron."

"You don't have to thank me," he quietly murmured, running a thumb over your cheek. "I'm just glad you're back."

"Right," you grinned. "What did you do whilst I was gone?"

Cried. Read those letters. Cried some more. Wrote a letter myself, then cried on that too.

"I just...I caught up some on some reading," he forced a smile. "C'mon, let's go to my quarters. I have some bactaspray there for those bruises."

Poe took your hand in his again and helped you up off of the bed - you seemed okay to walk, but he didn't let go. He needed to feel you, to know that you were there. He was worried you might float away into the galaxy and disappear all over again if he didn't cling onto you.

And for you, the feeling of his warm hands against yours was a welcome relief after a long few days. You were trying to push the pain and the incoming nightmares to the back of your head, and it was much easier when Poe was beside you. You already knew that he was going to make you sleep beside him that night. Being on the same wavelength so often was a great feeling.

Poe hadn't thought about tidying his room - why would he? He'd been so preoccupied with you, and finding you, that he'd barely considered the idea. Besides, it wasn't like you were going to care about the shoes by his door, or the letters on his desk, or the unfolded laund-

- fuck.

The letters.

Your box of letters, which was sat on his desk, which was right by the door.

By the time he'd even registered that they were there, you were already half way into the room. In a somewhat half-arsed attempt to shove them back in the box and toss them to the side, Poe dove forward and knocked them into an open draw, slamming it shut.

When he turned around and saw your wide eyes, it was clear he was a little too late. You'd already seen them.

taglist: tags: @neverlandlibrarian @asphyzzz @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @ubri812 @taina-eny @dessinemoiunehistoire @fangirl-316 @princessxkenobi @brandyllyn

[restlessfandoming]

“fever dreams” (chilumi sickfic)

this is in response to a [request] by @tiny-daisy where Lumine gets sick and Childe and co. have to take care of her! 

reverse [campfire in the snow] fic :p (SICKFIC!!!)

i wanted to write this as taking place after [family holiday] so pls read that first! ;_;

thanks for all the lovely responses <3

[Fic Masterlist]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

“fever dreams” (family holiday pt. 3)

When Lumine woke up, her entire body ached. Why…? She sat up in bed, her head suddenly reeling. Placing a hand on her forehead to steady herself, she felt it burn under her touch. Sweat plastered her hair onto her face. 

Oh no…

Sickness wasn’t something Lumine experienced often. Being otherworldly entities and travelling excessively, she and Aether rarely came down with illnesses. 

I think I’ve been in Teyvat way too long. She and Aether had never stayed on a world for this long. I guess my body finally caught up to me...

She looked around the room for something, anything, to alleviate the pressure building in her head. The curtains were drawn, only letting in a sliver of daylight. She was in Childe’s room; she had taken to crawling into bed with him at night for warmth, and falling asleep in his welcome arms. The Harbinger was currently nowhere to be seen. 

She tried crawling out of bed, but the moment she stood, the room spun, and she found herself collapsed on the floor with a loud THUD. There was a pattering of footsteps coming towards her. 

Anthon opened the door. “I heard something fall—” He looked down to see Lumine, and his eyes widened. “Teucer! Tonia! Go get big brother, NOW!” he shouted down the hallway through the open door. He rushed to Lumine’s side. “What’s wrong?!”

Lumine let out a haggard breath. “I-I think I’m sick,” she croaked. Teucer and Tonia crowded into the room. 

“Lumine!” they cried. All three children huddled around the sick traveler, attempting to help pick her up. Anthon shooed them away, and they dashed out of the room shouting for Childe. 

“You guys shouldn’t get so close,” she said. “I don’t want you guys to get sick too.” 

“But you need help!” 

If they get sick...their time together will be ruined… “It-it’s okay. I can take care of myself…”

They heard another wave of rumbling footsteps and Childe appeared in the doorway, obviously winded. “What-what’s going on?” His eyes fell on Lumine’s slumped figure on the floor and immediately rushed to her side, nearly knocking Anthon over. “Lumine, what’s wrong?” he asked, voice rushed with worry—the most worry Lumine had ever heard from him. 

“She’s sick!” Anthon answered. 

“Sick?!” Tonia and Teucer exclaimed from the doorway. 

“I thought she was invisible!” Teucer said.

“Invincible,” both Tonia and Anthon corrected.  

Childe slipped off one of his gloves, placing his hand gently on her forehead. His fingers were ice cold compared to her burning head, and Lumine also let out a heavy sigh of relief. “You’re definitely sick,” he murmured. He picked her up off the ground—bridal style—and carried her back to bed. 

As he was adjusting the pillows and blankets around her, Tonia scooted close. “Are you going to be okay, Lumine?” Her large blue eyes were full of worry. 

Lumine looked at the children, all their eyes glistening. I’m upsetting all of the children… She gave them all a weak smile. “I’ll be okay…” She raised her arm like she was showing off her muscles. “Just watch, I’ll be up and ready to run around in no time!” 

Childe crossed his arms. “Absolutely not. You are not leaving this room until you are fully recovered.” His expression was dark; it almost scared her. “Anthon, go help your brother and sister make some tea for Lumine.” Anthon nodded, and herded Tonia and Teucer out of the room. 

Lumine let out a sigh, deflating fully now that the children were gone. “I’m sorry for ruining your time with your family…,” she whispered. “Spend time with them. I can get over this on my own.”

His jaw relaxed and he sighed as well. “I’m not going to leave you when you need help.” He sat on the edge of the bed, and brushed some of the hair away from her face. “Try to relax; we’ll take care of you.” 

“No—”

He held up a hand to stop her. “‘No’ is not an answer. I can’t have you dying before our next duel, now can I?” 

She playfully scoffed. “I bet I could still bet you, even like this.”

“I wouldn’t fight you like this,” he said. He brought his face close to hers. “I’m not a fan of unfair fights.” 

Lumine put her hands on his chest, attempting to push him away. “Stay away. You’re going to get sick too.” 

He easily took her hands into his own. “I promise, I won’t.” He pressed his lips to her fingers. “So let me take care of you.” 

It was hard to let outsiders into her life. The only person she could be vulnerable around was Aether, and now, he was gone. 

But here was Childe, slowly making his way into her heart. 

Would it be so bad to let him in?

She looked into his eyes: eyes that were soft, focused only on her. Lumine let herself relax into the pillows, and Childe smiled. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, before kissing her forehead. 

“I should be the one thanking you,” she muttered. 

“Ahem.” Anthon cleared his throat. His cheeks were red (From watching us, no doubt, Lumine thought) and he was holding a steaming cup. Tonia soon joined him with a large bowl, and Teucer held a handful of towels. 

“I brought ice water!” Tonia announced. 

“And I have towels for your head, Lumine!” Teucer said. 

“You guys did that all by yourselves?” Childe asked. 

“Of course!” Tonia answered, going to the bedside table and putting down the bowl. “We remember all the times you’ve taken care of us when we were sick, brother!”

Anthon set down his cup as well. “Here is some herbal tea. It might be bitter. But brother said the more bitter, the more healthy.”

Teucer hopped over, jumping onto the bed between Childe and Lumine, and proudly showing the towels to her. “You just put these in the water, and then on your head, and your head will feel good!” 

Lumine chuckled. “Okay, thank you, Anthon, Tonia, Teucer.” 

“Why are you sick, Lumine?” Teucer asked. 

Tonia raised her hand. “I think I know! It was probably because we were playing outside too long yesterday!” 

Anthon nodded. “And probably because we had that massive snowball fight…”

“Yes, of course,” Chlide agreed. “And poor Lumine isn’t accustomed to our Snezhnayan weather yet.”

Teucer laid down, hugging Lumine through the blanket. “I hope you get better soon,” he said sadly. “Then we can play more!” 

She patted his head hazily. “Of course.” Her eyelids were fluttering, getting heavier with sleep. 

“Okay, everyone. Time to leave Lumine so she can rest. That means no bothering her throughout the day, okay?” Childe said sternly. 

Teucer slid off the bed, rejoining Anthon and Tonia. The three children let out a resounding ‘Aww,’ then left. 

Childe dipped a towel into the ice water, wringing it out, then placing it on Lumine’s forehead. She sighed feeling its cool touch. 

“Sleep,” he told her. “I’ll be right here.” 

She nodded, already closing her eyes, and quickly drifting into a slumber. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Flying. 

Lumine was flying again, no glider necessary. 

She laughed joyfully. She had missed this feeling: this feeling of freedom and endless possibilities. 

Ahead, she saw Aether. She couldn’t believe it. She called out for her brother. 

It had been too long! She would finally be reunited with him!

He turned. 

And Lumine screamed. 

His face wasn’t there. Instead it was a dark mass—the Unknown God’s magic. The mass grew, overtaking Aether’s body. 

“NO!” she screamed, trying to fly as fast as she could to get to him. “I won’t let you disappear! Not again!” 

She was almost there. Her hand was outstretched, her fingertips almost brushing him. 

The dark mass completely took over Aether’s body. Then, it all disappeared in a blink. 

Tears flooded her eyes. “No…”

Lumine started falling, her wings gone. 

“AETHER!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Lumine sat straight up in bed, breathing heavily. Her heart pounded, loud and fast enough that her ears drummed as well. Her hands went to her eyes, where she wiped away the tears pooling in them. 

“Bad dream?” 

Childe was sitting in an armchair opposite the bed. Lumine could see that it was dark out now, with the crack in the curtain. The fireplace next to him was lit, casting a dim, fiery glow across the room. 

Lumine caught her breath. “I—.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yes.”

He regarded her curiously, an underlying...darkness in his eyes again. He stood up, and went to take the towel off of her forehead before checking her temperature. “I think your fever is gone.”

“Good,” she said, relieved. “I do feel a lot better.” Minus that fever dream…

He nodded silently. He paused for a second. Then—

“Who’s Aether?”

Lumine froze. Damn it. She must’ve called out for him in her sleep. 

She hadn’t told Childe about the real reason she was in Teyvat; nothing about her brother had been said, nor anything about who she really was. There was no telling how people would react, especially someone as unpredictable as the Eleventh Harbinger. 

“Aether,” Childe said again, in her silence. “You yelled their name.”

Lumine looked at the fireplace. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She saw Childe’s jaw flex. “You know, as someone who works for the Fatui, I have an easy time telling when someone lies.” His eyes flickered to her, and she felt her blood go ice cold. “But I guess you still don’t trust me.” 

“No, that’s not—”

“It’s okay, I understand, really I do,” he said. His expression became something sadder—softer. “I just thought...I just...Nevermind.” He turned, walking towards the door. “Get some rest.” 

No! Lumine wanted to trust him. 

She was just...afraid. 

But what was more frightening was the fact that she was, yet again, losing someone close to her. 

She stood up quickly out of bed, trying to stop him from leaving. “Childe—” 

Her vision came crashing in on itself, and she started to fall, dizzy, and still sick. 

In a heartbeat, Childe was back at her side, catching her before she collapsed. “Careful! You’re—”

Lumine wrapped her arms tightly around him. “He’s my brother,” she whispered. The tears came back into her eyes, trailing down onto Childe’s shoulder. “Aether is my brother. Someone took him.” Her voice cracked. “I need to get him back.” 

There was a brief moment where Childe was completely still under Lumine’s embrace. Then, he hugged her back, just as tightly—if not even tighter. 

“You didn’t have to tell me,” he said quietly. “But...thank you for trusting me.” 

She pulled back from the hug, and gave him a look of gratitude. He gave her a small smile, and wiped away her tears. “We’ll find your brother. Together.”

Together...I like the sound of that…

Lumine leaned forward and kissed Childe; he joyfully kissed her back. 

After a while, he pulled back. “As much as I enjoy this, you should be in bed, resting.” 

Lumine pouted slightly. “Fine.” She started to get up on her own, but Chlide quickly swept her into a bridal carry once again. He put her gently back on the bed, helping her fix the pillows and blankets. He turned back to the armchair. 

“Wait,” Lumine said, her face filling with heat. Not sickness. Embarrassment. “Can you—Will you—ah—”

Childe raised a brow, the corner of his mouth smirking. “Stay with you?” 

Lumine only nodded once, hoping to curb her embarrassment. The previous nights, when she had crawled into his bed, were all silent exchanges—no questions or comments, just silent understanding. Now to actively ask him? So embarrassing…

Thankfully, he laughed lightly, then slid under the blankets on the other side of the bed, pulling Lumine close, and kissing her forehead. “Your face is hot; is it another fever?” he teased. 

“Shut up,” Lumine grumbled, but snuggled in closer to him. 

She eventually fell asleep again. 

And this time, there weren’t any nightmares.

[wheresmybuckyhoes]

Bad hair day

(Are you done part 2)

-> Read part 1 

Summary: The pollen begins to affect you, but Bucky is immune. What will he do?

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Swearing, sex pollen, smut (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), nudity, angst

I hope this does the first part justice, I did my best. I personally really like this one, so let me know if you liked it x

‘Think i misheard you, what pollen?’ you asked, Bucky throwing himself at the door causing you to flinch. Not even a small dent. ‘Sex. Pollen’ he replied between breaths as he walked towards you. ‘I’m so sorry, doll, I don’t think I can get you out of here before you inhale it’ Bucky spoke to you apologetically, topped of with the nickname he only used for you when you had done something very right, or he had done something very wrong. But it’s not his fault he can’t get us out, you thought to yourself as you noticed his desperation and sadness as he tried to jump up and claw at the vent to no success.

As the foggy substance crept towards you at an alarming rate, you backed up into the wall once more, desperately trying to escape it. ‘What’s it gonna to do to us, Buck?’ your voice cracking from sheer terror as you looked between the gas taunting you and the concerned super soldier whom the gas had already reached. ‘It won’t affect me, only you. Super soldier serum stops that from working. They would use an enhanced version on us in Hydra as a means of...’ he trailed off, ‘But this isn’t the enhanced version. but I don’t...’ he repeated, his voice wavering at the end as he made eye contact with you and felt his heart break when he saw how terrified you were. Truth was, he had no idea how this was going to affect you, but he wasn’t planning on telling you that. Lie to her, he thought to himself as he felt the urge to do anything to make you feel better. ‘I don’t know exactly what this one will do, but it won’t hurt you, I promise’ a small rise in his tone told you he was lying, but you couldn’t question him as it was too late.

His last words were shortly followed by your vision turning cloudy as the gas encircled you, the oddly sweet substance seeping into your every pore as you inhaled it. It felt like your throat was on fire as you choked and coughed and fell to your hands and knees, Bucky by your side, concern in his voice. ‘Shit, please tell me you’re ok, y/n? Please just try to breath and stay calm, I think the gas is stopping’ you faintly heard Bucky’s voice say, but everything was echoing in and out of your ears as you regained your breath and tried to stand up, falling immediately as your legs gave away. Bucky caught you before you could fall, placing you down carefully against the wall and stepping back.

Thing is, the place on your waist where he had caught you was literally burning. Your whole body was burning with an intense feeling of...not quite pain. ‘I know when you lie, Bucky. You know exactly what I’m feeling’ you groaned as Bucky ran a hand down his face as he experienced conflicting emotions. ‘Don’t you?’ you asked firmly, looking up at him through hooded eyes as you felt your nipples harden at the sight of him. How had I never noticed how fucking hot this man is? The way his jacket is tight at the seams, filled out so well by his muscular form, his long hair framing his chiselled face perfectly. The ringing in your ears had stopped and you tried to clear your head, but all you could think about now was the pressure growing between your legs as you squeezed your thighs together to try to relieve it. ‘What’s happening, doll? Does it hurt?’ Bucky asked tenderly, knowing very well exactly what you were feeling and choosing to ignore your previous line of questioning, but when he said doll this time, you could almost feel the vibrations of his voice going to straight to your core as you let out a small whimper.

Sweat was now pooling between your tender breasts, as you unzipped the top of your suit to try to cool yourself down. You wanted to tell him. You wanted to tell him how every nerve of your being was screaming for him to be inside you right now. How never in your life had you wanted someone to fuck you so badly. That aroused didn’t even come close to the horniness you were feeling at the moment. ‘Bucky. Help me’ you commanded, looking at him with lust filled, pleading eyes. But he shook his head and backed away. ‘Your not thinking straight. It would be unfair on you, and I couldn’t do that to you. I didn’t want it to happen like this’ he replied as your hand flew to your thigh, grabbing at the fabric there to try and stop yourself from grabbing somewhere else. You were practically dripping now. ‘You mean...you would have wanted...this to happen?’ you were a bit taken back as you thought Bucky didn’t even like you that much. ‘Why do you think I have to keep my distance from you in missions? Your so...’ he gestured to your body ‘and amazing, but I had to control myself so I stayed distant’ Bucky’s mouth was moving but you could only think of one thing as the pressure built up to the point of pain.

You stood up, and pulled Bucky close to your face by the collar of his jacket ‘look Bucky, I have never felt the need for someone so much as I do now and if you don’t help me then you are the one causing me pain. I need you to make it stop. There is no chance in hell I will regret this, so please just fuck me already’ you were panting, faces inches away from each other as Bucky slipped his hand up to cup your face gently. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked seriously as you nodded furiously. Bucky’s tongue slipped out to wet his lips as his eyes trailed down over your exposed cleavage. ‘Anything for you, doll’

With that, he pulled you in by the waist, kissing you deeply. You pried his mouth open with your tongue, running your fingers through his soft hair. With your extremely heightened senses, the kiss was like torture, and you needed more. Bucky spun you around so you were against the wall, not once breaking the kiss. You moaned into his mouth as you felt his hands explore your body, leaving a trail of fire. Bucky leaned down to kiss your neck as he unzipped your leather suit all the way down. You shook off the suit, ravenously pulling down Bucky’s combat trousers and jumping up into his arms. You kissed him hungrily, but it wasn’t enough. ‘It hurts so bad Bucky’ you whined into his mouth as you tried to grind against his growing bulge to try and get any friction at all. Bucky pulled back and placed you down, leaning you against the wall as you could barley support your own weight.

You watched hungrily as he pulled down his boxers, letting his thick cock spring free, mouth watering at just the sight. He kissed you once more as he pulled you up by the thighs, your legs wrapping around his strong waist. He held you bum up with one hand, back pressed against the wall and breasts pressed against his chest. You were desperate for him, and he could sense it.

‘Last time I’m asking. Are you absolutely sure you want this?’ he asked as you felt him rub the tip of his leaking cock against your clit, making you shake and thank him in your head for not making you stand up on your own. ‘I want you inside of me Bucky’ you whispered, giving him the final permission he needed. With that he slipped himself inside of you slowly, at first just the tip. When you whined for him to stop teasing you, he slipped in further until he bottomed out. You bit his shoulder as your breathing stuttered, walls clenching down around his enormous cock, wanting to scream out. It felt so, so fucking good but the pollen only made you crave more. Bucky let go of his cock and supported your legs with both hands, slowly moving you up and down to allow you to adjust, getting deeper and deeper with each stroke. ‘So fucking wet’ he moaned into your ear, causing your eyes to roll back into your head as you felt the fire in your core rage. He sped up the pace, railing into you as you whined and moaned and felt yourself near the thing you so desperately need.

With each thrust, you felt the knot tighten and tighten until it was unbearable, and you were gripping his shoulders and burying your head in his neck as you finally called out ‘I’m...I’m gonna cum Buck’. He sped up his thrusts, kissing your neck and sucking to leave a trail of hickeys, and all the pleasure was building up and up. ‘Come undone for me, doll. All over my cock’ he groaned as you practically screamed. You felt the first wave if pleasure take a hold of your body, starting as a burning in your toes and finishing as euphoria burning through your veins. ‘oh my... fuck’ you called out as he worked you through your orgasm, his cock hitting you g spot perfectly every time. You felt your walls pulsate and clamp down on him for what felt like an hour, as he soon followed and you felt himself spill his warm seed inside of you as he thrusted one last time deep, deep inside of you.

You both stayed there for a moment, not wanting the moment to end. You finally felt the pain subside enough so that Bucky could place you down carefully and your legs could support your own weight (barley). Bucky pulled you in sweetly for a kiss, as you held onto his shoulders for dear life. You pulled back reluctantly, resting your forehead against his as you both tried to regain your breath. ‘Thank you’ you whispered to Bucky as you giggled, embarrassed that he had to do that. ‘Although it didn’t happen in the best possible way, I’m so happy we finally did that’ you finished, taking his metal fingers in your small ones, the cool metal feeling pleasant against your boiling hand. ‘You have no idea’ Bucky laughed as he pulled up his trousers and bent down to help you back into your suit. When you were almost zipped up and the effects of the pollen had basically worn off, you heard voices just outside.

‘Your saviour is here!’ You heard Tony call out from the other side of the door as he used some sort of laser technology in his suit to melt a hole through the door. Nat stood behind him, looking you both up and down, a small smirk capturing her lips. ‘Tony, do you notice anything ... different about them?’ she asked as you and Bucky gratefully stepped out of the room into the well - lit corridor. ‘What? No not really. That ones having a bad hair day, though’ he replied as he messed with some sort if control on his arm, gesturing to you. ‘Yeah, ran out of...hairbrushes’ you replied nervously, noticing Bucky raise an eyebrow as Nat sarcastically replied ‘that explains it all’.

[stewy]

Excerpts from Yoko's 'Revolution Chaos' tape (4 June 1968)

This is mostly for my own organization, but I thought people might find it interesting. I can't find the actual tape (I think it was removed from YT because I once heard it there), but here is the full transcript. They couldn't actually hear her, btw. She seemed to be on the back of the studio with a tape recorder on, while they were recording Revolution 1. Trigger warning for psychoanalyzing John Lennon's handwriting!

Andy Warhol and Mario Meyer shot today in New York, I’m so glad that I wasn’t there. Because I would like to be there if I were in New York, oh, but that’s something that I should tell John, it’s so funny Mario used to, because he’s a f*g, I guess I don’t know what it is, but anyway he was very, I think he’s a real f*g, as much as he could as a f*g, I think terribly interested in me and all that so what he does is he would just sort of like touch me on the neck or like on my back or something like that or sort of scratch my arm or something like that when I’m talking to somebody.

***

John: Can you think of anything else?

Paul: No. Just. . .

J: Oh yeah, that’s the end.

P: Yeah, just organ and drums.

J: Should we just tape this?

Y: I wish John was in me right now, inside of me. [...] So, I was just thinking about it. It’s so important that you come inside me, instead of coming in my head or something. You see, and then you say that there’s no difference, but if you understand the difference of that, that’s when you would really start to understand what it means to love somebody it sort of occurred to me that . . . and the other thing is sex, in other words, like just physical sex senses, that the sensual things, but this bed is like all life reaching, reaching each other and giving something. And the fact that you gave me your sperm, I don’t know, probably. At some time of your life you had a situation where you became scared of a straight relationship, of giving to each other and instead of giving to women, you’d rather spit on the sky or shoot it to the sky kind of thing. I mean you said it, that’s like a strange kind of nihilism of kind of a “fuck you all” kind of thing. It’s avoiding, avoiding something. Avoiding communication. It’s like you don’t want to.

***

[...] Nothing that I notice today that I really feel proud of, is that for instance, your handwriting, it’s always been like, all your letters were going backwards, leaning backwards, which means tremendous insecurity (for fuck's sake). But today I’ve seen, that all your letters were leaning forward, not all, but most of them were sort of leaning forward. At least that you’re suddenly starting to, instead of being reticent, starting to become forward and aggressive. Which is like a very normal thing, for men. Their leaning backwards handwriting is typical of, sort of, insecure, terribly insecure high school girl or something like that. It’s very rare to see it in a man, did you know that? And when I saw, when I first saw your handwriting, I was really amazed ‘cause you very rarely see that in a man. And I always felt that I saw your secret there, in something, but now, it’s starting to change, and it’s beautiful. Why, why that insecurity? And the passiveness, paranoia, I hate to say, but I really think that that had a lot to do with, with her, your marriage. Or maybe you were like that, and that’s how your marriage became that. I don’t know, that seems like a long relationship like that, would really screw somebody up. Like I was screwed up. That it could screw up, screw people up, rather. Then again, it could be a good thing. But anyway that handwriting, and your marriage, somehow I felt that sort of an intuitive thing, the first time I saw it, I thought that there was a definite connection.

J: What are you saying?

Y: I’m just saying how I miss you.

J: Well, ladies and gentleman, I also miss her, and it’s a terrible feeling. Alone in a crowded room.

Y: You look so nice when you’ve been playing awhile, and perspiring and everything. It’s looks like you had a drink or something . . . so insecure about something and about. . .

***

Y: [...] And it’s silly because actually all I want to do is to just not say anything. Oh, John, I really miss you, you don’t know how. [singing begins] I don’t know you...

J: Smashing Rooney the steak.

Y: ‘Cause I don’t know you.

J: Oh, no it is too late for me.

Y: ‘Cause I don’t know you.

J: I have been stab-bed in the brass vertebrae.

Y: Who did that?

J: I did it myself.

Y: Don’t you ever do that.

J: I must do it now and then to keep myself in tune.

Y: No, you mustn’t do anything without me.

J: I wasn’t exactly doing it without you. I was just doing it in the corner. Oh, Mother McRae. Excuse me. I must just let myself reek a minute. Because I’m sweating to my boots I’m going to have a look at the photographs of the family. [end of singing]

***

[Insert quote about Paul being a threat had he been a woman, etc, Air signs, etc]

***

John is such a genius. This is the first time that just once in a while, I almost get jealous of his talent, which is really amazing because I was never jealous of any artist. Whenever I get sad about his work, I almost feel like kneeling down and kissing his feet.

[...] you look like a real nervous wreck. You’re a very nervous person, apparently. You looked that way, suddenly I remembered you looked that way when I first came to EMI to pick up some scores, I mean, a manuscript from you, you looked like somebody who was terribly nervous and difficult, and feel like a difficult artist or something. If I had seen you that way, probably, I’d be scared, if I didn’t know you, and all that, if I just meet you that way. I wonder what John really is thinking about. You really look like a tense, nervous person. Why do you look so difficult? Like as if you want to scare a guy or something, I think that’s amazing. Anybody who has some project in their mind to approach you with or something would really be scared with that look. But it’s kind of nice, it’s very masculine [cut] or something. I don’t know how you have that shift of character of very sharp, strong eyes and sometimes very soft and beautiful eyes. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m following you too much. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m looking at you too much and so I haste to go near you. Right now you’re in the other room, and I’m just sort of embarrassed, and I don’t know if I should be coming or not. But you’re in my mind all the time, so I guess that’s what it is. You look so intense. And maybe you’re angry or something with me, I don’t know. So I’m afraid to go near you now.

***

[...] I’m so nervous now because I’m always trying to find out when Cyn is coming back.

P: Jot the melody down.

GM: Can you hear me?

Y: I feel like running out of this room. This is Tuesday, sixth of June, 1968. If anybody in the world would know how I feel now, because I’m the most insecure person in the world right now. Is this what love is? It’s so unfair that you have to suffer so much for loving someone. John is not here, he went out into the hall. I don’t know for what. He’s out for a long time. I think probably he’s calling home, I don’t know. He’s been with her for over a decade and their other child, I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t want to think about it. It’s either that he had a terribly weak character or he was in love to her (well, I'm glad they decided to go with the weak character version! How dare John be in love with anyone but Yoko?). I just don’t want to think about it. I’ve never been with anyone for so long so I wouldn’t know. If I think very hard, then I know, I mean I don’t even think I have to think hard, I just get so jealous about it I almost think I’m going to go insane.

(RIP to your mental health if you read all that, really, I'm so sorry)

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been working on this theory lately about my own media consumption that I’ll call representational contrarianism because I’m tickled at giving it a fancy sounding name. And it’s like this: given the choice between media with canonical queer characters and media that has characters you could argue are queer, I’ll default to the latter nine times out of ten.

And it’s like. Why?

(And yeah, this is a post about Supernatural, but it’s not ABOUT Supernatural, you know? Also everything is about Supernatural except Supernatural which is about umm truly who fucking knows.) 

So, for me (and consider that the big disclaimer for this post) queer characters created by queer people either cut too close to the truth, or they’re disappointing. If they’re truthful, then the truth, through the warped lens of my own insecurities and uncertainties, becomes “yes Sarah this is who you are” or “no Sarah you ain’t this.” If they’re disappointing, if I don’t like them or I don’t like the romance or I like some other character better, I feel like I’m letting someone down--not always sure who, just someone, maybe it’s myself, maybe it’s the Community, maybe it’s this fictional person--and further, this becomes another tick in a column labeled “you’re straight and you’ve always been straight, you hurt gay people by thinking otherwise, and also everyone’s laughing at you.” Which is a lot of pressure to put on kindle lesbian romance novels I picked up for $1.99, but that’s what I feel. 

The important thing is, these characters and stories are tests I’m very capable of failing.  

And queer people created by straight people--look, it’s not universally true, but look at the shitty way explicit homosexuality is treated on Supernatural (a joke! flat! background! nothing!) versus the absolutely inadvertent queer-coding they did with Dean, Sam, and Cas. They wrote three distinct queer masculine allegories by complete fucking accident. They couldn’t have done that on purpose. They don’t think gay people are people in the same way that straight people are people. They think that they’re Gay and then a little later that they are people. (And does my hyperfixation on this issue mean that I approach gay characters the same way as shitty straight writers? Hahahahaha shut the fuck up I’m almost in therapy again, this is all on the docket.) 

Queer characters created by queer people are a litmus test, and queer characters created by straight people are pandering. And you don’t really know about the creators that often, and they shouldn’t have to list their identities on the back of the book (although catch me scanning acknowledgements for the words wife, partner, people thanked with love but identified only as an initial, like deciphering how this book might make me feel is a test I can cheat on, but what do you do with a writers room? Memorize the gay ones if you can, cross-reference who wrote what eps?). So I’m comparing myself against these characters (bad choice) in the hopes of learning about myself while also hyperanalyzing these characters in a way that would be insanely unfair to do to a real person (are they Truly Gay? are they Truly Good Representation? if I don’t like them, is it their fault or my fault or their story’s fault or God’s fault or or or or or or or). So I end up evaluating this central question about myself--literally the question Who Am I--against characters (again, a bad choice) that I swivel wildly between believing they are better at being gay than me (because they might have been written by queer people) or are worse at being gay than me (because they might have been written by straight people). 

(I know this is horribly reductive in regards to representation and own voices and good writing. You don’t want to see how long this post was with nuance.) 

And let’s do the ultimate thought experiment: let’s say they did Supernatural good. And now Dean is bisexual! Yay! Canonically! They decide this in season four and he comes out and maybe he always knew or maybe this is all new to him, whatever, it’s all handled fantastically. GLAAD awards for everyone. 

If Dean was gay, canonically gay, if he had what I do not--a cast of writers, a voice of God saying definitely, yes, yes, he is sexually and romantically attracted to multiple genders, he is Canon now, there was an interview in Entertainment Weekly about it and everything--then he is gayer by default than me--no writers, no God, no all hands meeting when everyone nods solemnly and concludes, let’s give the people what they want: this one’s a dyke. And he slips somewhere I can’t follow, into that tantalizing paradise called Certainty, and he learns the gay lingo, and he learns the hidden stereotypes only gay people get to know about other gay people, and he unlocks the Shared History and the Inside Jokes, and he speaks to the other people in the club with the knowledge that all of them deserve to be there because they know that they deserve to be there.  

(Meanwhile, I am not in the club, I am instead down at the courthouse where I get called forward before the Gender Judges who reviewed the emergency application I made in the middle of the night, and they ask, “It says here you want to change your name?” and I say, “Actually no, I thought about it but the idea of being called anything other than Sarah genuinely horrifies me,” and they ask, “But you did say you were considering experimenting with your pronouns?” and I say, “Again, no, I’ve toyed with the thought but the idea of me being referred to as anything other than she/her viscerally disgusts me,” and they ask, “Okay but what is it that horrifies and disgusts you: the thought of being identified as someone you aren’t, or making a fuss about your identity in a way that draws attention to it?” and being unable to come up with an answer, I throw myself out the nearest window and start running, also causing me to miss my scheduled meeting with the Sexuality forum where we were going to litigate whether I was allowed to use dyke like that a paragraph back.)

(We don’t have time to get into gender. Just assume this all applies to gender stuff as well, and we’ll move on.)

But. If he’s not canonically anything, then he is as gay as I make him. In this daydream or that fanfic, we make the subtext text and here is a queer story, a gay story, a story about me as I would like to be seen and would like to be, and when I am done, I spray him off with some windex and wipe him down to factory settings. And then tomorrow there’s a different fantasy where he’s gay in a different way, a nuance, a tweak, a thousand variations on the same basic premise (what if this guy liked guys), and if I don’t like one, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t stick. It’s a novel written in sand. The appeal is that it’ll wash away. Why should he be any more sure than me? 

Anyway, that’s why queerbaiting is good actually (joke). 

[venomous--fics]

You shuffled through your papers, doing your best to make sure they were organized. Once they were organized, the next thing to do was to put them into the system, and once you did that, it was onto a new stack. Just like every day.

"Y/n,"

You were too focused, thinking it was another nobody trying to interrupt you, you went to wave them off. Except your wrist was caught and you jumped a little your head upwards to look at the person.

Mobius raised an eyebrow and you quickly darted out of your seat, wiggling out of his grasp and dusting yourself off, "Right, it's- Sorry-"

"You coming with me or not?" he asked, already turning and walking away.

You glanced at your work before quickly following him, "Where are we going, Mobius, sir?"

He chuckled a little, "I told you to stop with the formalities."

"Right."

"To a hearin-"

You couldn't stop the small groan that escaped your lips, which of course got his attention. You cleared your throat, "With all due respect, remember what happened last time we attended one of these things?"

"Whatdaya mean?"

"I'm not going to say it. I just don't think we should meddle in Renslayer's business again.."

It was quiet for a moment before Mobius muttered, "It wasn't that bad."

"It was pretty bad." You rubbed your temples thinking about it, "I had so many papers to fill out because of you- And it flooded the- Just don't get us in over our heads again."

Mobius' hand rested against the big door, "Have I ever led you astray before?"

"Yes."

As per usual, the "courtroom," as Renslayer liked to call it, was pretty empty. There was only a few guards in there, and then the accused. You followed Mobius to the front, garnering an odd look from Renslayer, and using your hands, you were trying to assure her that you two came in peace this time. At least you did.

"I just don't understand why I'm here." the guilty party half shouted, "I mean, the other guys went back in time- Like farther back than they were supposed to."

"Because of you," Renslayer leaned forward, "If you hadn't-"

"Yeah, I know. Stolen the tesseract and gotten away with it. You guys keep telling me this. I get it." The person clapped their hands together, "However, I feel like I was supposed to do that because it was mine to begin with."

There was a silence.

"No? Not going to argue with me on that one?"

Again, no response, only a sigh.

"Does that mean I'm right?"

Your shoulder was tapped with something, pulling your attention away from the mess. Mobius handed you a file. It was plain and paper thin, which was surprising to you. Normally they had a little bit more to them than just a single printout.

You looked at Mobius for a split second again before opening the folder.

Loki. You looked back up towards the front of the room. That must've be that guy over there chatting it up with the judge. Poor thing. Doesn't even know that it won't make a difference.

"Don't mock me. I am a god."

Oh boy, you thought. You watched as they pathetically tried to use whatever magic powers they may or may not have had.

Renslayer had see and heard enough, "Prune them."

You watched as two guards grabbed each of their arms and dragged them away from the podium. Loki, you believed them to be, was struggling against them, saying how unfair and stupid this was and that we'd all regret this.

That when, much to your dismay, Mobius stood up. You panicked and stood up beside him, "Don't-"

Renslayer stared at Mobius as he appoarched the bench. By the look on Renslayer's face, you already knew how this was going to play out, so you opted to step into the aisle. Sure this could end in your guy's- Or Mobius'- favor, but you wanted to make sure you could run in case it went awry.

Sure, what a terrible choice to make. To abandon Mobius like that, but to be fair, he has gotten himself into more trouble than ever lately. How were you supposed to get him out of it if he get himself pruned?

Mobius, with a triumphant pep in his step, lead the variant over to you. "And this," Mobius had stated, gesturing to you, "Is Y/n. Kinda my assistant, but they don't really like to be called that. More of an equal to me."

Loki looked at you, almost no readable expression on their face, "I see."

You held your hand out, "Pleased to meet you."

Loki grabbed your hand and shook it eagerly, "Charmed."

You and Mobius led Loki to the interrogation room, "Sorry about Renslayer. She's a bit-"

"Hostile. Does she ever take a vacation?"

"Uh," you responded, "No. None of us do that."

Loki almost wanted to laugh, "You mean to tell me you do this all the time? Nonstop?"

"Sometimes I sleep at the break tables..." you admitted, "That's pretty exciting."

"What's with this place." it came out as more of a flat statement than a real question, but you answered him anyways. Whether it was out of habit or something else, the words just came out before you could process them.

"It's not so bad. The TVA really is just trying to keep everything in order. Without us doing our work, who knows, the whole universe could just unravel and," you paused to chuckle a little, "Maybe it would explode! Or maybe it would simply turn into a tangle mess of timelines."

"Doesn't that make you a little curious?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"You keep everything in order to prevent some sort of outcome. What if it's not a bad one?"

Mobius opened yet another door and ushered Loki in, "Let's not be putting cockamamie thoughts into anyone's heads."

Loki wanted to know the answer, though. Ever since he was dragged here, all anyone could preach about was how the sacred timeline would and should be maintained. But why? Why was that such a big deal. Seriously, what real harm could come from a few timelines branching out? It didn't seem like that big of a deal.

Mobius asked you, for privacy reasons, to busy yourself somewhere else. You understood, and left him to his work. You'd just met them, but Loki had already done it. He had already gotten into your head.

See, you always felt like something was wrong with this place, but you could never pinpoint why. Nothing seemed to fit in, yet everything still worked and made sense. You had no memories outside of work. No family, or friends, outside Mobius- Did he consider you a friend- That's not important.

Did you do anything before all of this? You asked yourself that every time Mobius brought you files upon files to catalog. You really could help but like your thoughts wander. Surely there's more to life than doing someone else's bidding. But no matter how hard you thought, everything either came up blank or hazy.

Your train of thought was interrupted by Renslayer blocking your path. Her glaze was cold and nothing less than stern. You stood straight in your spot, hands at your side. You could feel them tremble, but you tried to not let it show. She looked you over for another minute before handing you a new file.

Opening it showed that it was just and updated version of Loki's file. You stared at his profile picture for a good minute, wondering if he was trying to annoy you or if he was being truthful. You'd done this for so long but you could never tell if someone was ever lying to you.

You looked back at Renslayer, who tucked her hands behind her back. You straightened up a bit more.

"Don't mess this up." she said coldly, "One mistake and I'm pruning all of you."

You clutched the file to your chest and nodded silently, knowing better than to speak right now.

"Do I make myself clear?" is all she asked as she stepped past you.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good."

As naïve as you were, you knew she wasn't lying. You turned on your heel to deliver the file to Mobius. You couldn't help but mentally curse him out for this. One bad joke from this variant and you'd all be dead. You were silently praying that they'd both be on their best behaviors.

As you got to your destination, you hesitated. You just realized that Renslayer gave you a new file. But that wasn't the problem. You just processed the fact that she was withholding information from you.

Why would she do that? She's never done that before.

[clairecrive]

“Burn” - Bane x reader [Requested]

A/N: this is for this anon. Thanks again for requesting! I missed writing for Bane.

Warnings: angst

Word count: 2.5K

Taglist: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @sopxhiea, @shadow-of-wonder, @fandom--0verdose, @fuseburner, @kind-wolf, @innerpaperexpertcloud (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

The vastity of the night sky had always helped y/n ease her worries. Surely, whatever was bothering her couldn’t be as big and impossible to solve as she was making it out to be. Because, would you look at that? The universe is so big and we’re so small, so insignificant. and that applied to her problems too. 

At least that was what she always told herself whenever she’d feel lost and hopeless. Thinking this way helped her put things into perspective. And sure, not everything was as easily solved but, even in that case, it helped a bit.

And so here they were, she and Bane were laying down staring up at the starry sky. Sometimes, they would spend it in silence, just enjoying the warmth and comfort the other’s body would bring. Others, like this one, they would easily fall into conversations about everything and nothing.

“Was there someone special in your life? Someone you wish to get back to?”

“You mean, romantically?”

He nodded.

“No. Single for life.” She did a peace sign to lighten up her embarrassment but Bane was curious and did not pay it any mind.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never given your heart to anyone?”

“Well, if you put it that way I have to change my answer to yes. Being in a relationship with someone and giving someone your heart are two wholly different things.”

“Let me rephrase then. Have you ever been in love?”

She really thought about the answer, her mind going back to any romantic involvement she might have had during her life. Even if she scouted her memories, she found that it wasn’t a yes or no question.

“I guess,” not only was the word she chose explicative of her indecision but the tentative tone of her voice left no doubts as to where she was standing. But Bane was confused, to say the least.

“I’ve always been under the impression that love was one of those things where absolute certainty was involved when it came to its presence or absence.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I have had mostly one-sided crushes, you know?” she started but Bane could see the faraway look in her eyes and knew that she had more to tell but was lacking the right words. So he waited.

“I said ‘I guess’ because I don’t really know what love is. I mean, everyone has a different take on it depending on their experiences but I don’t think I’ve ever felt it,” she paused turning to meet his eyes, “once there was a guy I strongly had feelings for. Even that was one-sided though and it took me a long time to recover from that because he was my best friend at the time. Looking back to it, I guess it was love or the closest thing to it that I’ve ever felt for someone. It hasn’t happened again though so I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Maybe it wasn’t love, just deep infatuation. Or maybe I just confused my love for him as a friend for something more. I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I fall in love with someone else. “ She concluded and refrained from correcting that when with if. she couldn’t see herself being as lucky as to have someone that cared about her and that loved her in the future. But Bane didn’t need to know that.

Turns out that those unspoken words had become a sort of oracle, ‘cause here they were now, years after they had that conversation. Just when she thought that she had found that one person to share her life with, to give her heart to, life quickly come into play letting her know that that wasn’t the case.

Because the man that had saved her from a destiny worse than death, who had given her hope and made her trust him to the point where she had felt safe enough to open up to him and allow him close to her heart, had now shattered whatever remained of it.

"So let me get this straight, first you save my life than you decide to keep me with you so you basically kidnap me, get me to fall in love with you, put me through an insanely difficult training so that I could stay with you but it was all done in vain because now you’re  sending me away?"

"I'm not sending you away but you cannot stay here anymore. I’m doing this for you."

"And why is that? What changed?" and when Bane stayed silent she added, "what happened to 'I want you always' ?"

"I did not lie to you." His words were in striking contrast to the ones he had said before but y/n had learned to read him and could tell that this time he was not lying. But then the question naturally arises, what's really going on?

Nothing out of order had happened in the last few days. Bane and she had been the same as always, even his work had proceeded as usual. So what was it? What was she not thinking about? What was she not seeing?

Letting her mind go back through the last day to fat check that nothing happened, she went through their actions. Light breakfast together followed by a not so light tête à tête then they trained together until he had to deal with something for his work and she had occupied herself otherwise. She had called him to see when she could get dinner started and he said that he had a meeting with Talia first but had come right after. They had dinner and while they consumed their healthy and perfectly balanced meal she shared with him whatever came to her mind while he ate in silence. See, nothing out of order.

Wait a minute...

He went to meet Talia.

"It's her, isn't it?" Suddenly, everything was clear. She knew what had happened, what had changed. And she sneered at the pull Talia had on him. Suddenly, she understood but at the same time, the last year lost its meaning.

"I just wish I realized earlier that you didn't care about me as much as you said you did," turning she went to her cabinet to get her stuff, "I wouldn't have put myself through so much otherwise." 

Nodding, she knew what she had to do. She had to leave. There was no reason to stay. Resolute and defeated she put everything her eyes fell on that was hers in a little bag. Clothes, lingerie, cosmetics, books. But when her eyes landed on the little box where she kept everything connected to him, her heart broke further and her anger was fueled. 

In there, there was every present Bane ever gave her. Every little thing that made her think of him in some way. The letters he wrote her whenever spoken words failed him. She knew that going through its content would equal to a chronology of their relationship. If it was possible her heart broke even more. Everything she did to stay with him, everything he did to keep her now was all vain. She gave up so much for him, for a man. Her former self would be ashamed of her and knew that her heartbreak was contributing to making her feel something akin to that. 

"Here," she said walking where he was standing, "take this. I don't want it anymore," and she threw it at his feet. The only acknowledgement on his part was a tilt of his head but it wasn't needed. He knew what it was and what she kept inside of it. He felt a pang in his heart but kept his face void of any emotion. 

"I'll want you always," she said mocking his voice, still stuffing stuff in her bag and chuckled with mirth, "what a load of bullshit." 

"Actually," stilling for a second, with a shirt cramped in her fist she faced him, "I am the biggest clown between us because I believed you." retrying her stuffing, shaking her head she added in a whisper, "I should have known better," but Bane heard. 

As soon as he decided on this course of action, he had also prepared for her reaction. He knew her well and so far she hadn't done anything that he hadn't expected. And while he had been ready, he couldn't help but feel hurt by her words. He knew how she was looking at this situation, knew that his words had led her to believe it to be so. At the same time, a little part of him wished for her to oppose to his words, to see right through them and see that he was lying. That he had been honest when he had told her those things, he had opened up to her and meant everything. But knew that she was too lost to rage and hurt to think clearly. And it was also the reason why she was acting up and had thrown the box on the floor. He knew that she deeply cared about it and what it meant to her. He almost thought of offering some kind of comfort, to give her some hint about what was really going on. But knew that it would be unfair to her. After all, he was doing for the sake of her safety.

“You know,” her voice brought him back and his eyes were immediately drawn to her, “isn’t it funny how you man always pride yourselves to be strong and all that bullshit when even someone like you, who’s the epitome of masculinity and strength, at the end is totally subjected to a woman?” 

They would always have this kind of conversation. Bane, being a leader of a huge army, had the tendency to be bossy. Even in situations when it wasn’t needed. It was just who he was and he felt the need to remind her of his alfa status an unnecessary lot of times. While she could enjoy this inclination of his when they were in bed, she definitely couldn’t stand it in their everyday life. And now, it made her feel stupid that she had to put with it and learn how to deal with it but when it came to Talia, he just did whatever she told him to. Also, this changed her consideration of him. What a clown. She had tried to warn him about his rather toxic relationship with Talia but he’d always get angry and dismiss the conversation either by leaving or shouting at her. She could remember their last fight about it like it was yesterday. It was also the first time that she had ever doubted her relationship with him. The first time that she had thought that maybe she had made a mistake by staying with him, by falling in love with him. Maybe she should have left as soon as she had rescued her. It wasn’t for the motive of their fight, neither her jealousy and worry about his relationship with Talia, but it had all to do with what he shouted her in rage that made her blood run cold and her heart shatter. For it was said that angry and drunk people were the more honest ones. And since that moment she couldn’t help but wonder if he really thought what he said to her or if it was just an impulse propelled by anger as he had explained.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have saved you.” 

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, he decided to twist the knife further.

“I told you not to fall in love with me.”

As if one could choose who they fell for, she remembers thinking.

Those words still haunted her to this day. It happened a while ago and Bane had made it up to her, mostly. But it was in situations like this that they would come back and mock her for even forgiving him and thinking that he loved her as she loved him. To think that even a small part of him thought that it was best that he had left her to suffer in the hands of a sex abuser until he would have eventually tired of her and killed made her sick. How could anyone say something like that to another human being? One they presumedly loved? She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Bane had then explained that by that he didn’t mean leaving her with her captor but simply bring her with him and keeping her with him. Despite the fact that his explanation made sense, y/n still didn’t think it made things better.

And as for his second statement, it went mostly unmentioned. 

Sure, that had been something he had told her in the beginning. It was after her training required them to spend most of their days together since he wanted to attend to it personally. Y/n knew that being in the military and with his past, it wasn’t easy for Bane to show emotions let alone let someone close enough to him to allow himself to love them. She understood that. She had a few things she was dealing with that made it difficult for her to entertain the idea of something more between them.

But that was almost a year ago. So much had happened in their life and between them that even though the words were not spoken aloud, she felt the shift in both their behaviours when it came to them. Hell, they even started dating. 

Not that any of them labelled it that way. But that was beside the point.

They slept together, they ate together every meal, they lived together. If there was a band on both their left ring fingers and it was a more conventional setting, people would assume they were married. 

While y/n didn’t like thinking about what they had in that way, she surely considered the commitment they had made to each other equivalent to a marriage. 

She hadn’t considered Talia though. 

Or at least, she had hoped that if she ever would try and come between them, Bane would stand up for her. 

Turns out that she really was foolish.

“Whatever, I guess it’s not my problem anymore.” Giving him her back again, she closed the almost full bag and went to put on some shoes and coat. 

“I don’t have any use for it, you should take it with you.”

“Neither have I. Burn it, see if I care.” 

And with that, y/n turned around and walked out of their shared apartment at last.

It hurt to say the words, it hurt that things had ended to abruptly, it hurt that even after all this time he didn’t care about her, it hurt like hell but y/n was resolute in leaving all of this behind her. Yes, it wasn’t going to be easy and maybe it would be like leaving a hot fire trail behind her but at one point the fire would burn out, wouldn’t t? 

It may take a while but she would be okay,

[binnie-huaisang]

Silly Fight

Genre: angst, fluff(?

Pairing: Chan × reader

Words: 3.4 k

TW: Mental health issues, depression.

Also, this came out a little darker that I intended and by the end I didn’t have the heart to give it the final I was actually going to write, BUT if you wanna read the original ending I was planning, you can look for the “alternative” version in my blog where I added the original ending because apparently I like to make myself cry (:

Note: I'm sorry if there are some spelling or grammar mistakes, or if some expressions just don't make sense. English isn't my first language, but I promise I'm trying my best.

Chan and you started dating a few years ago, of course nobody knew that, except for your friends and his family.

At the beginning of the relationship you were really nervous all the time, always scared to make a bad movement or saying something that could maybe make him uncomfortable. That, and the fact that you didn’t even live in the same country, had you worried every moment of every day. You had always been an overthinker, and this certainly did no better to your condition.

However, things were going great, and it wasn’t too long for the little voices in your head to notice that. It was almost as if Chan and you were meant for eachother. It wasn’t like anything you had experienced before. Your relationship was one of those that you can only find in fairytales, and you knew that it was because both of you were so in love that every thing that could seem as a problem for other people, meant nothing to you.

Even with the distance, you would always be there for eachother. Every time he was getting frustrated over work or you were having a bad time because of college, you  would always be there to give support to the other.

Even if your personalities were very different, you barely fought, and it wasn’t because you weren’t able to see the other’s defects or mistakes, but because you knew that they were part of the person you loved and, in a certain way, you also had fallen for those things.

Yes, both of you were completely different worlds, but somehow, you made it work. Even after taking that big step that was making your relationship official, everything kept being the exact same way. Now, it wasn’t only your loved ones who would always tell you that you were basically soulmates, but also his fans and comrades.

Everything was just perfect, or at least it was until that afternoon…

You were visiting Chan after a few months of not seeing each other and, as usual, he took you to that coffee shop that was near his company building.

He was trying his best to act like everything was okay and that nothing was bothering him, but you knew him more than anyone in the world, and you could tell that something was off.

“Babe, is something bothering you?” you asked while caressing his hand over the table.

He saw the concern behind your eyes and that only made the guilt inside of him grow. He didn’t wanna do it, he knew it would end really bad for both of you, but he knew that if he didn’t tell you, someone else would, and that would be even worse.

“Everything’s alright angel” he lied. “Let’s eat, the food will get cold”, and there it was, that smile, the one that he uses every time something is bothering him but he doesn’t wanna tell you.

“Chan”, you called, making him look up to you. He could hardly look at you in the eye without getting nervous. He knew a fight was coming, and he was doing everything he could to hold it over. He was really trying, but he felt so guilty for being the reason for your concern.

Suddenly, the image of you crying in his bed popped into his mind. It was the first time he ever saw you cry, and no one could put in words how guilty and broken he felt for knowing that he was the reason behind it. Apparently you saw one of those mean comments people make on social media about him and you couldn’t resist it. 

You were the kind of person that never cared about what others said about you, but as soon as someone said something about your loved ones, it was on.

That was one of the hardest days for both of you. You were trying to give comfort words to each other, but it was useless. You could still not understand why would people be so mean towards the best person you’ve ever met, the one who was always there for anyone that needed some help. On the other hand, he would never forgive himself for making you cry. He knew it was because of him, and he was feeling so mad for making the one he loved suffer in that way. You were his whole world, his motivation on the hard days and his celebration partner on the best ones. 

You were everything he could’ve dreamed of, in his eyes you were just perfect, and the fact that he hurt you in some way was something that would never happen again. Or at least that was what he thought.

“Chan? Chan!” Your voice brought him back to reality. “Listen, I don’t know what’s happening, but you know you can tell me everything”.

“Well… Actually, there is something I need to tell you…” He finally said and you nodded. “I was talking with some people from the company the other day and… They asked me to talk to you about some things related to your podcast”.

Chan looked at you, examining every inch of your face, looking for any movement or expression that could let him know what you were thinking, but it was useless. Your expression was completely neutral.

However, in your head things were very different. You weren’t stupid, of course you knew what he was about to say. 

You and your best friend, Santiago, had a podcast where you would talk about random stuff, it could be mental health issues, cartoons, movies, or even political complains, it was basically two friends just talking to each other. This podcast had existed even before you knew Chan and it didn’t seem like there was a problem about it until some people of Chan’s company asked him to tell you that you should stop joking about your mental health online because it gave a “bad image”.

That happened just a couple months ago and you were still mad. Anyone who knew you knew that was your coping mechanism and they had the audacity to ask you to stop doing it. Of course you could just refuse to do it, but you didn’t want any problems, besides, after talking with Santiago, you both agreed that there were some comments that could actually be a trigger to some of your audience, so you ended up agreeing.

“What is it?” Your face could be inexpressive, but your voice revealed all the annoyance you were feeling.Of course, Chan noticed that and it only made him more nervous. He really didn't want to do it, he knew it was unfair, but he had to tell you.

“Well… It’s actually a very stupid thing, you will probably laugh when you hear it because it´s really stupid-”

“Just tell me” you said, cutting off  the babbling of the slightly scared boy that was sitting across from you.

“They say you should stop swearing so much”.

Chan was right, you did laugh, but it wasn’t for the reason he expected. You were so done with them. As much as you always hated the control they had over Chan, you could kind of understand it since he worked for them, but you didn’t, and the fact that they were trying to have control over you and your friend was unacceptable.

“You know what? I’m going to talk with them, I’m fucking done”. You said getting up from your seat. Even when you were keeping your voice in a low tone, some people turned because of the sudden move.

“Babe!” Chan took your wrist in his hand before you could start walking away. He didn’t say anything, but by the look in his eyes, you knew he wanted you to stay there and talk about it, and so you did.

“It’s just that… It’s so stupid!” You said a little more relaxed. 

“I know baby” Chan comforted you by caressing your left cheek.

“I mean, I would consider changing something if it made you uncomfortable, but I shouldn’t have to change because some people that don’t even know me think that I ‘swear’ a lot”.

“Well…” The panic showed on his face as soon as he realized what he had done.“

‘Well’?” You raised a brow. “So you think they’re right’“

“No! Of course not! I’m just saying that maybe you do swear in moments where it’s not completely necessary”. Despite his previous intent of calm you down, he was having some stressful days and he was beginning to feel tired.

“But that’s the way I talk!”

“Well, maybe the way you talk does give a bad image!”

“Oh, because I clearly care so much for my image! Why do you care anyways? You’re not even in the podcast!”

Chan let out a sarcastic laugh. “What did you say before? That you would consider changing something if it made me uncomfortable? Go ahead then, change it! Oh, wait. You won’t, because you are so used to people agreeing with you that whenever someone disagrees you just ignore it!”

You stared at him with a stunned look. Something inside you knew that none of you were thinking straight and that maybe you should stop, but you were so mad at him for agreeing with the people that were trying to control you, that you ignored that little voice.

“First of all, why do you all complain about it so much? Whenever I say a bad word or ‘swear’ or however you wanna call it, I do it in my first language, you don’t even understand what I’m saying so shut the fuck up! And second, it doesn’t even make sense that you are telling me that you are bothered because of my language! I never swear around you because I know that your holy ears bleed everytime someone says ‘fuck’. Why don’t you just tell me that you are so scared of them that you need to be a total jerk to me in order to make them happy?”

“Oh, so now I’m being a jerk? You know what? Maybe I am scared of them, but you are being selfish! You are not even thinking about how this can affect me!”

“Pleeease!” You said with a sarcastic laugh. “You’re no one to talk about it! You were the one who pushed me into revealing our relationship because ‘you didn’t want to hide anything from your fans’“ You mocked. “I wasn’t prepared and you still made me appear in front of a camera! You didn’t care what it would do to me, so don’t talk to me about being selfish!”

You could feel the tears forming in the corner of your eyes. You always tried to ignore the bad comments since they were minimum, but sometimes you couldn’t help being affected by them, especially when you were already having bad times.

“You know I’m sorry for that”. Chan said recovering from the sudden anger. He knew that he made a mistake by throwing you to the world like that and there wasn’t a day he didn’t regret it. 

“Well, that doesn’t make the death threats disappear”. As much as you tried to hold them, you felt the tears finally scape.

Chan was speechless, he wanted to say something, to hug you and say sorry for everything, but he couldn’t move. He was just there, sitting while he watched you fall apart. And the worst part was yet to come…

“I- I don’t care about this. I don’t care about those stupid coments and I wouldn’t care about  what your stupid bosses tell you if it wasn’t beacuse it’s always me who has to do or change something” Your voice was barely a whisper, but Chan could hear every single word. “My grades have been getting down, you know?” A sad smile painted your face. “I’ve been feeling bad for months and I cannot pay attention to my lessons. To be honest, I don’t even know if I like my career anymore, but I can’t quit, I don’t want to. I keep telling to myself ‘maybe it’s not the career, it’s just my depression, I’ll be fine in a few days’, but I’m not fine and I’ve been wanting to look for help but therapy is fucking expensive”.

Chan was looking at you completely devastated. He never knew you were feeling bad. Of course he knew about your depression, but you once told him that you’ve been feeling alright for more than a year now. How stupid he was for not noticing. He wanted to ask you why you didn’t say anything, why would you hide such important things, but, once again, he didn’t.

“The money I earn… I use everything to come here to see you because you are not allowed to visit me” You said in a more bitter tone than you intended. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you, I know this is your job but… It can be a little exhausting to be the one who always has to adapt, to be the strong one. I never say anything because I love you so much and I know I should support you because the path you chose is already hard enough but… I’m just… tired. I’m tired of everything”.

You didn’t even have time to react when your boyfriend got up from his seat and walked around the table to kneel in front of you and wrap his arms tightly around your waist. The initial shock fading as you heard his muffled crying on your chest. You were trying to comfort him by caressing his hair, but it was useless. After a few minutes, when both of you felt that the sobs of the other were fading, Chan finally looked up at you, sending a wave of guilt through your body as you saw his still teary eyes. 

Before you could say anything, he gave you a soft and long kiss on the forehead. The kiss was so full of love and emotions that it made you tear once again.

“I’m so sorry” He said with a raspy voice. “I’m such an asshole for not noticing. You’re always there for me and I just-”

“Shhh” You interrupted by caressing his cheek. “None of this is your fault. I shouldn’t have brought up the subject, this wasn’t the time to do it”.

“Hey, don’t say that!” Chan said as he lifted your chin to meet his eyes. “You’re right, I guess I’m taking more than what I’m giving, but this stops now. I will talk with my manager to see if he can fix something, and as for your therapy… I will pay for it”.

“Of course not!” You said with wide eyes. “I’m the one who has to handle this, I’ll find the way”.

“Angel, you don’t have to go through this by yourself, you have me now and I will not leave you alone… Not again”.

And with that said, he held you in his arms once again pulling you as closer as he could as if he feared you’d disappear at any moment. After a few seconds, you heard your boyfriend’s muffled voice again.

“Don’t say that again”.

“What?”

“That you are tired of everything, don’t say that. If you say that you’re tired of me, that you’re tired of college… I can take it, but please don’t say you’re tired of everything”. His words made you suddenly go pale. You didn't expect him to understand the meaning of your words, but he did. Even if you never told him the full story because you were so scared of him dismissing the matter, he knew you were struggling with something ever since you were a child. In fact, he knew more than you tought. 

As far as you knew, he was always very busy to listen to your podcast, but that was only partially true, since he did use to listen to some of the chapters. One of them was the one where you and Santiago were talking about the importance of mental health and how people should always ask for help if they feel like there’s something that’s not working as it should. In that chapter you talked a little bit about your experience with depression and you mentioned… Something. Something that you almost did in middle school. Of course, Santiago didn’t seem surprised, since he already knew about it and he only reassured you that you weren’t alone anymore, but for Chan, knowing about that situation really shocked him. Of course he never told you anything since he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but ever since he found out about this… Situation, he would find himself thinking about it in the most unexpected moments of the day. 

After thinking about what would be the best answer to the sudden request, you decided that a simple nod would be the only thing that wouldn’t make you burst into tears again, so that’s what you did.

“I still don’t want you to pay for my therapy tho” You said with a tired smile after your boyfriend had broken the hug just to start playing with your hands.

“We’ll talk about it later, angel” He said, smiling back at you, but this time it wasn’t a sarcastic or a nervous smile, it was a real one. “Now, why don’t we go back to the apartment? I will cook something delicious for you”.

“But we already have food here!” You said, letting out a little giggle at the ridiculous proposal.

You could see how the red color of his cheeks and ears became more intense before he leaned toward one of yours. “To be honest… I don’t know if I feel comfortable eating in a room full of people that saw me crying just a few instants ago”.

A sincere laugh escaped your lungs. You hadn’t thought about it until he pointed it out and he was right, it was kind of embarrassing. After a few more giggles from both of you because of the whole situation, you found yourselves walking towards the entrance while holding hands. It was weird, you knew that for most people, having that kind of discussion could've ended in so much pain, and even a breakup, but you weren’t like most people. Chan meant the world to you and you were the love of his life, which meant that he would not back down and he would not let anyone hurt you, even if that someone was you.

You were already walking down the street when you suddenly remembered something.

“Baby?” He looked at you with a sweet simile. “You don’t know how to cook”.

“Well, maybe by ‘cooking something for you’ I meant supervising the people who will actually cook for you”.

“Channie!” You whined, a little worried that his friends will get tired and refuse to keep cooking for you one of these days.

“It’s alright! Felix loves cooking for you! And Lino loves having you around, why would he refuse?” And there they were, the beautiful dimples you’ve been missing for so long. 

You stared at his face for a few moments and before he could ask why had you stopped walking, you planted a quick kiss on his right dimple, followed by a sweet peck on his lips.

You laughed at the flustered boy standing in front of you, your smile only getting wider as you felt him holding you by your waist and pulling you closer so he could hide his already red face in the curve of your neck.

“I love you _____“ He murmured, sending shivers down your spine and making you feel butterflies in your chest.

“And I love you, my angel“

“Hey! That’s my nickname for you“ He pouted.

“I know baby, but you truly are an angel to me“ “Stopthisatonceifyoudon’twantmetokissyoualloveryourbeautifulfaceohmygodIloveyoumuch“ You giggled again, barely being able to listen to his muffled words since his face had already found its way back to your neck.

“Channie… I’m sorry for starting that silly fight…”

“Hey, stop it! You had all the right to be mad! And it wasn’t a ‘silly fight‘. Actually, I’m kind of grateful that it happened, since it made me know how you were feeling”.

You were about to complain, but before you could, he planted a quick kiss on your hand and dragged you towards his body, making you get back to the pathway. “Let’s go angel! The faster we get there, the faster I will be able to start begging Minho to cook something for us”.

Hi! I’m sorry if this is too bad, this is my first time writing a short fic and it’s also the first time I write something this long only in english. If there are any grammar mistakes that you can find, feel free to send me a DM and correct me (:

©  binnie-huaisang 2021 All rights reserved. Translating or reposting is not allowed. 

[ellitx]

💚 anon said: Angry yan-ish Himmel? Now let’s give him something to be angry about~

submission

TW: fighting, cursing, smut, blood, slight Bennet slander, OOC Albedo possessive yan-ish behavior

The year-end assignment was coming up and you and Himmel were standing side by side waiting for Prof. Zhongli to assign partners, giving each other hopeful gazes and crossing your fingers.

“Chongyun and Xingqiu… Keqing and Ganyu… Y/n and Albedo… and Bennet and Himmel, please go to your assigned seats and begin please…” Himmel’s world seemed to pause as he held his breath. 

‘Y/n and Albedo… Y/N AND ALBEDO!? That guy’s gonna steal her away… any glance he gives anyone makes them swoon…’ He thought in a shocking state. All he could do is stand there and watch you walk away with Albedo by your side as you give him a solemn glance, not even noticing his own ‘partner’ waving in his face to get his attention. 

“Uhh, you okay there…?” Himmel flinches and focuses his mind back on the present moment. 

“We’re gonna be partners! You ready to go?” Bennet gleamed. An optimistic smile sent to Himmel’s way. “Yeah… let’s go…” He sighed out, slowly making his way towards his table and shooting you a side-eye glance. 

“I’m sorry…” you mouth to him, only getting a shrug in return.

‘Great, just great… He put them together and not us. And I’m stuck with the guy with the 2nd lowest GPA in the class on top of Mr. Pretty boy sitting with my songbird… he better not dar—’ 

His thoughts were cut off and his eyes widened as he watched Albedo lean in closer to you. He was sitting one table behind you so there’s that at least, so he kept a watchful eye and open ear to your conversation, not once breaking focus not caring about the academic subject matter at hand. It made him sick having to watch Albedo completely devour you with his gaze, even watching him glaze his eyes over your exposed thighs.

“Hmm this all seems to be lining up quite nicely, you seem to be the most applicable partner Y/n~” Albedo complimented in his ever so buttery tone. “U-uh yeah you too! Thanks!” You stammer out awkwardly getting more and more uncomfortable.

Bouncing his leg quickly and leaning his head on his palm covering his mouth to try and keep composure, watching the both of you made him vile. Watching all of Albedo’s ways of trying to finesse you wasn’t working and was making his blood boil, seeing his darling put in such a spot.

“So may I perhaps get your number? For further discussion about the project, or maybe there are other matters you’d like to discuss?” he cooed. His question flustered you and you turned around to silently ask knowing Himmel had heard everything “What do I do?” You mouth to him.

“So what’ll it be Sunflower-” The nickname made you shudder.

Hearing this snapped something within Himmel, quickly standing to his feet and slamming his hands on the desk. “What is your fucking issue?! Can’t you see she’s clearly uncomfortable?!” Himmel shouted, drawing the whole classroom’s attention towards him in silent awe. 

Zhongli sighed, “Himmel please return to your seat, I’ll let you off with a warning that knowing you are usually very obedient. But next time there will be consequences…” He said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Embarrassed and even more upset hearing Albedo’s sly cackling.

Not soon after did the bell ring, all students scramble for the door except for you. You were going straight to Himmel. “I-I’m so sorry about all of this, maybe we can—” He pulls you in and holds you so tightly it’s almost suffocating. “Where’s Albedo..?” He breathes out. His breath ragged and hot against the skin of your neck “Umm maybe in the hallway…” you look up at him concerned.

“That’s all I need to know…” He kisses your temple and storms off.

“Himmel wait!!” You chased after him but were late due to having to gather your things. But one thing for certain is the loud yelling and banging you can hear along with a few students chanting: “Fight, fight, fight!”

You rushed to where the commotion is and try to make your way through the ever-growing crowd.

“You cocky piece of shit!! How dare you go and borderline harass her?!” You heard Himmel yell. You stood there wide-eyed with shock, going completely stiff. Both Himmel and Albedo had hands on each other, faces bloodied, with Himmel shoving Albedo against the corner wall. 

“Oh, and what does it matter to you, you’re nothing more than a childhood friend!” Albedo snapped.

You quickly snap out of your frozen state to try to break things up before they could escalate. “STOP IT…! PLEASE WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?!” you shout with tears begging to form as you rush over to them. “C’mon Himmel, let’s go…” you pull on his sleeve to get him to pull away, and in this moment of courage you speak back to Albedo.

“For one, I am his girlfriend. And two, don’t you ever call me or anyone of that matter 'Sunflower’ ever again. Go. Get out here…” you quietly sob, leaving Albedo off.

Later settling yourselves in an old empty classroom to escape the crowd, most of the students and teachers had left for the day which was lucky, but you wanted to lay low for a bit while you tended to Himmel’s wounds. 

"You okay…?” You softly say while wiping away at the blood on his face. “I’m sorry Y/n. I’m honestly… just so scared to lose you to someone like him… so when I saw him make advances on you I couldn’t control myself…” He said with clear self-disappointment. 

“It’s okay. I just don’t wanna see it ever again… especially how easily you get sick, Himmel.” you say, pulling him to hold him close with him burying his head into your shoulder, squeezing you tightly. “I love you so much Y/n… I wanna show everyone you’re mine..” He whispers while starting to slowly nip and suck at your neck and pulling you into his lap. 

“Mmm… H-Himmel… W-what what if we get caught..?” You say instinctually wrapping both your arms and legs around him. “Honestly hope it happens, then no one would dare question us again~” He cooed pulling more of your supple skin through his teeth intending to leave beautifully dark marks. This causes you to grip onto him and bite your lip to keep yourself quiet. 

All the while Himmel’s hands started wandering downwards. Firstly running over your breast then down your sides then finally settling on your hips and tightly gripping them. “Mmm… Y/n it’s so unfair how the system makes you wear such revealing attire~ your beautiful form should be for our eyes only, you don’t know how much I hold myself back from taking you…” you didn’t think your face could get any hotter than it was but his breathy words right onto your ear made you weak. And at this point, you didn’t even care if you get caught. You needed him is all you could think of.

“Haa… then don’t, my love. Take me. Mark me. I’m forever and always yours, Himmel~” you say, slightly shifting your weight in his lap and grinding against him. Upon hearing your words, he almost instantly complied— placing a hand on your face to kiss you with such desperation it felt like it was going to be his last. His tongue was exploring every part of your mouth. 

Feeling him grow stiff under you, you began to move your hips on his clothed member, with him grinding against your soaked heat in tandem. 

“Mmm…! More… nng~ I want you so bad it hurts…!” You said looking at him with doe-like eyes. Himmel couldn’t resist letting his hand under your skirt and pulling your panties to the side and sliding two slender digits along your folds. “Ahh my love you’re already so wet… let me help you~” he whispers as he slowly begins to pump his fingers into you, curling them just right along with his thumb and swirling your clit to bring you pure ecstasy.

“Nngg…! Himmel s-so good ahh!!” You could feel him smirk into your skin. 

“Yes, my songbird~ I’m the only one that takes you there… not anyone or anything else…” His motions continued as you reached to undo his belt and pull out his shaft to try to please him in turn. “Mmm! Y/n… Haa~ I wanna feel your heat so bad…!” He moaned against you, only increasing the pace of his fingers as he felt every part of your inner walls he could even reach and rubbing the tip of your cervix, winding you tighter and tighter until… 

“Haa! Himmel I-I’m right there..!” Biting onto his shoulders and gripping onto him for some sort of stability as you release all onto his hand.

Shaking and coming down from your high, he slowly removed his fingers and licked your essence off of them. “Ever sweet my love~ now which one is Albedo’s desk?” Himmel asked with a smirk. You turned your head and pointed to the one in the back of the class. 

“I-I think it’s this one.” he smiles then picks you up and gently lays you. Stomach down and legs dangling over the other side. “You alright like this Y/n?” He lovingly looks down while turning his head to kiss you once more and you nod.

“Mhmm… thank you.”

He slowly pulled down your soaked panties whilst positioning himself behind you and lined his length up with your core and left himself there for a moment waiting for your permission. “Just let me know when, love…” you nod again and grip onto the edge of the desk as he slowly pushes himself within you. 

You both let out shaky moans as he filled you and stretched your walls. “Ahhh! You’re so tight…! You fit so perfectly around me…!

He began to slowly thrust into you, fully in and fully out, bending all the way over you and wrapping his arms around you to securely hold you close, leaving small kisses and love bites on your neck and shoulders. 

"Nnng!! Himme— Ahh…! More~!” you moaned out, feeling yourself clench around him.

“Y/n..! Don’t do that..! I can’t hold myself back… I need more!” He moaned deeply right into your ear while vastly increasing his pace, gripping onto your hips harder that completely clouded him with desire as he rutted into you with such force it makes your vision go white. 

“W-wait!! I- Ahhh…!” With each thrust, it shoots electric bliss through you. It’s so good all you could think of is how you wanted him to spill all of his white hot seed inside of you, and how each push hit your sweet spot every time. You could feel it creeping up on you again, your walls squeezing around him even tighter wanting to milk him for all he had. 

“H-Himmel—  I’m gonna— ahh!!” You almost yelled if it weren’t for you shoving a part of your shirt in your mouth to stifle yourself. 

“Yes, my sweet!! I– hng… I love you so much please! I’m so close!" 

And with just a few more thrust, you come unto him once more spilling everything you had onto the table and with him pulling out and shooting all of his seed onto the same spot. You slowly lift yourself off the desk and lean yourself onto him, until you notice he’s dragging his hand through your mixed essence to form the words: "She’s mine”

“"Just a childhood friend.” We’ll see about that~” he said with a smirk.

—

(to jail i go -💚)

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

Stay with me - tony stark x fem!reader

A/N: I've re entered my marvel phase once again and I'm not mad about it! I'm so desperate to see Black Widow it looks so good! Anyway enjoy this. The details about panic attacks are based on my personal experiences but they can effect different people in different ways.

Warnings: Panic attacks, swearing

***= Time Skip

Word Count: 2680

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Guys I’m going to be fine. I always am. It was a one-time thing, I promise” I sighed as Nat, Steve and Bruce followed me into the kitchen of the avengers compound.

“We just want you to be okay, it didn’t exactly look like you enjoyed the experience.” Nat said sitting opposite me.

“You almost passed out. That happening while your out is the last thing any of us want for you.” Bruce added. I sipped my drink, not wanting to continue this conversation. The team had becoming increasingly cautious around me since I had a really bad panic attack last week. The truth is I’ve been dealing with them since I was a kid, before I’d even met any of the avengers, I just learnt how to hide them. But last week, things got too much, and I lost control. I don’t remember much but evidently everyone found out. They thought this was a new thing to me and were now trying to wrap me up like some sort of fragile object.

“I’ll be fine. I’m going to be with Casey, and I’m literally just going to be sat in an office all day. The hardest thing I will have to do is battle her shitty coffee machine” I joked, trying to get them to drop the subject. My best friend Casey had asked me to come into work with her to sort through a bunch of files that her boss had dumped on her after she broke up with him. I have no clue what she actual does but she was apparently ‘up to her tits’ in paperwork so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to join her. Just then my phone rang.

“Hey Case, I’m just about to leave. Yeah I’ll meet you at the station. Okay cool. Bye” I hung up and grabbed my bag. “Well, this has been fun, but I have a train to catch so I’ll see you all later.” As I turned to leave I felt someone grab my arm, pulling me back.

“You’re not getting the train. Get happy to take you.” Steve said causing me to roll my eyes.

“Steve I’m not a child, I’m capable of getting a train. Plus, it’s not Happy’s job to chauffeur me around, he has tony for that.” I replied.

“Who has me for what?” Tony piped up walking in.

“Nothing, I have to go.” I said before once again turning to leave.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y call happy and tell him to get the car ready.” Tony said not looking up from his phone.

“Right away Mr Stark”

I groaned. “Are you kidding me?”

“Hey for once I agree with capsicle. We don’t need you dying on a train now do we?”

“I hate you.”

“Ouch my heart.”

It was starting to piss me off at how the were treating me. I get that they just wanted to look out for me, but it was just making me feel even more pathetic than I already did. I slumped down onto the sofa irritated. Suddenly I felt a light tap on my shoulder. Looking up I saw Nat leaning again the back of the sofa, looking down at me.

“I know it might feel like we’re being unfair or irrational, but we just want you to be safe. We need you.” I smiled slightly at her words.

“Thanks Nat.” She nodded at me before walking off.

“Miss Y/L/N. Happy is ready for you.”

“Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y” I grabbed my stuff, yelling a quick goodbye to everyone before making my way downstairs and into the back of the black Mercedes parked outside the compound.

*******************************************************************

“Seriously did you have to dump him 2 weeks before you were due to leave? There’s so much crap here.” I groaned jokingly, sifting through the many papers laid out in front of me.

“It’s not my fault he was boring. I just couldn’t hack it anymore” Casey replied chuckling.

“Why did I agree to this?” I said leaning back in my chair.

“Because you love and care about me.” She said smiling at me

“Hmm that’s debatable.” I joked, causing her to swat my arm with the file she was holding. Thankfully, there was a small knock at the door that saved me from any further attacks.

“Excuse me Casey, boss man needs you in his office. He didn’t sound too happy.”

“Okay thanks, I’ll come now.” She replied. As she left the room she shot me an anxious look to which I responded a very supportive thumbs up. I know, I’m great.

*******************************************************************

I don’t know how long Casey had been gone but I’d suddenly began to feel a trickle of anxiety wash through my bones. I’d felt uneasy as soon as she’d left but I tried to push the feeling away and throw myself back into the paperwork. But every time I looked at the page, my eyes couldn’t focus. All the words were merging together in front of me.

“Please not now.” I mumbled to myself. I could feel my heart hammering a mile a minute against my ribcage as my hands began to shake uncontrollably. My throat felt as if it was collapsing in on itself as I tried my best to get oxygen into my lungs. I wanted to get up, to run outside, but I felt like if I moved I was going to be sick everywhere. So, I stayed there, trapped, with my head in my hands praying for this to be over. After what felt like a lifetime, the feeling began to dissipate – only to be replaced with an overwhelming sense of tiredness. Physically unable to hold myself up any longer, I let my head fall against the desk. I felt so drained, so weak I wasn’t sure how I would get home at this point. Where the hell was Casey?

---AT THE AVENGERS COMPOUND(third person pov)---

“Mr Stark. You told me to alert you when Miss Y/L/N’s heart rate began to climb. It has rapidly increased over the past few minutes and does not appear to be settling” F.R.I.D.A.Y said. Tony rushed over to the screen that was currently displaying Y/N’s heart rate.

“Oh shit.” He said to himself, running his fingers through his hair. A moment later, Steve entered the lab.

“Everything alright stark?” He asked leaning against one of the desks.

“Not at all. Y/N’s having another panic attack right now.” Tony explained, visibly stressed.

“What?” Steve said standing up straight.

“I have to go get her.” Tony said pulling his jacket on. Before Steve could even reply, Tony headed for the door.

---BACK AT THE OFFICE(first person pov)---

I’d been able to prop my head up in my hands once again, but I was barely able to keep my eyes open. All I wanted was to go home. Suddenly I heard the door open.

“Oh my god Y/N. What happened? Are you okay?” Casey said rushing to my side, clearly noticing my dilemma.

“N-no” I stuttered. My voice came out as a sort of broken whisper. I’d never felt more drained. I heard the door open once more.

“Casey?-“

“Not now, I’m busy”

“No seriously-“

“Did you not hear me? Go away john”

“But Tony stark is looking for you.” He spat out. Relief spread throughout me at the mention of his name. Casey jumped up and ran out, soon retuning with Tony.

“Thank god” I breathed. Tony knelt down beside me in an instant.

“Hey you.” He said softly. “Let’s get you home okay?” He smiled at me sympathetically. I nodded and went to reach for my stuff.

“I’ll get that, put your jacket on.”

“Didn’t bring one.” I mumbled.

“Of course, you didn’t” He said sarcastically as he pulled his off and wrapped it around my shoulders. I slipped my arms in and hugged it tight to me, enjoying the heat it was providing.

“Come on then.” I felt Tony slip his arm around my waist as he pulled me to my feet. I wrapped one of my arms around his shoulders as the other fell by my side. “You okay?” He asked.

“Just get me home.” I whispered.

“Why do you think I’m here?” He joked. We made our way down the hall, tony taking the most of my weight.

“Thank you for coming.” I said as we got into the elevator.

“Anytime gorgeous.” He replied with his signature grin.

“How come you are here though? How did you know I needed you?” I asked.

“I have a sixth sense. Like peter, expect I sense panic attacks” he said chuckling.

“Seriously tony. I didn’t even call you.” I pressed. He fidgeted uncomfortably next to me.

“Okay don’t be mad at me. Because if you think about it if I hadn’t done it I wouldn’t have known you were freaking out and you’d probably still be stuck there, and I know that that’s the last thing you would want so technically I-“

“Just spit it out stark”

“I tracked you.”

I starred at him. “You tracked me?” He nodded sheepishly. “Wha- How?” I stuttered.

“You know I gave you that new watch? Well, I may have changed some things” He said avoiding my eyes.

“What things?”

“Well, I just made sure it would be able to give me your location. A-and if your heartrate reached a certain point, F.R.I.D.A.Y would let me know.” He explained. I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t even mad, but I like the fact he thought I was. “Look before you have a go at me I just wanted to keep you safe.” I smiled at his words.

“I know. I’m not mad.”

“Oh, thank god.”

********************************************************************

The journey home was harmless. The fresh air had done me the world of good. Even those I was still worn out; I was feeling a lot more human. When we pulled up to the compound, Tony rushed to my side to open the door and help me stand.

“I’m okay tony you can relax now” I chuckled.

“I just don’t need you passing out on my watch, Steve won’t let me hear the end of it” He joked.

“Nice to know you care about me.” I replied. As soon as we walked in, I saw Steve talking anxiously with Nat and Wanda.

“Y/N thank god.” Nat rushed over to me, pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m alive guys false alarm.” I said light-heartedly, letting her go.

“Do you know why this keeps happening to you all of a sudden?” Wanda asked. Before I could answer she gasped slightly. “Oh…” Shit. I forgot she could read minds. She’d figured it out.

“What is it Wanda?” Steve asked. Wanda starred at me for a moment. I really didn’t know if she was going to tell them so I cut her off before she could.

“Casey was having an affair with her boss.” I blurted out, causing them all to look at me. “That’s why I went in with her today, she broke up with him and to get back at her he’s been giving her a shit ton of paperwork for no reason. While I was there he called her into his office, leaving me alone. I guess I was just so stressed about what they were talking about I worked myself up.” I lied. Wanda nodded in agreement with me, but the look she gave me made me think that this conversation definitely wasn’t over.

“Okay well I’m going to get this one into bed, see you guys later” Tony said coming up behind me, placing his hand on my back. We made our way up to my room where I promptly flopped onto my bed, gladly expecting the comfort it provided.

“Nope come on get up.” Tony said tugging my leg.

“What? I thought we came up here so I could sleep? I’ve had a long day tony.” I groaned.

“Yes but you need to change. I’m not having you sleep in jeans. The thought of it alone is enough to give me nightmares.” He replied, pulling me so I was sitting upright. “You stay there, don’t fall asleep.” He said before quickly dashing out of the room. I sighed, leaning back on my elbows. Tony was my best friend, sure, but that didn’t stop him being a massive pain in the arse. He soon returned, holding what looked like pyjamas.

“Why have you brought those? I have my own clothes you know.” “No shit sherlock. But I know that you like to wear these when your ill so I figured you might want some comfort after what happened today.” He said setting them down beside me. His words caused me to stare at him for a second. The genuine care in his voice was enough to make my stomach flip. The fact that he’d even thought of something like that caused a few tears to come to the surface.

“Stop starring at me, it’s creepy” He said with a chuckle. When he looked over at me, his face dropped. “Y/N? Are you okay? Why are you crying?” He knelt down in front of me, taking my hand in his.

“I just- Thank you. For the clothes. The fact that you noticed that means the world to me.” I said softly, gazing at our hands.

“I always notice” He mumbled. I looked at him fondly, a strange feeling growing inside of me. We settled in a comfortable silence for a moment. For some reason, my view on tony shifted. That one gestured made my entire opinion of him change. I’d always known I cared for him deeply, more so than myself. And I won’t sit here and tell you I’ve been in love with him since I first met him, because that sure as hell isn’t the case. We’d been friends. Nothing more, nothing less. But now, seeing this side of him, maybe there was a possibility for us to be something more. Whatever that was we didn’t need to figure out right now. But I wanted him with me.

“I’ll leave you to get changed.” His voice snapped me from my thoughts as he dropped my hand from his.

“No, wait don’t go.” I said hurriedly going to pull him back.

“I’ll just be on the other side of the door.” He chuckled. I let him go and went about changing. He’d left me one of his old Metallica t shirts. It wasn’t too big for me, but big enough to be comfortable. I paired with a pair of basketball shorts I’d bought him a couple years ago for Christmas. Not that he actually played basketball, I just thought they were cool. I went over to the door and opened it, not expecting tony to fall back onto my feet. I laughed as he scrambled to stand up right.

“You could’ve knocked or something.” He said straightening his shirt.

“I didn’t expect you to be on the floor” I laughed.

“Whatever” He rolled his eyes, sitting at the edge of my bed. Once I’d calmed myself down, I sat down next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He moved so his arm was round my shoulder, allowing me to move closer.

“I like this.” I said softly.

“Like what?” “

This. Being with you.”

“So do I” He whispered.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the silence.

“No, you’re not falling asleep like this. Lie down” Tony said shrugging me off his shoulder. I didn’t even have the effort to argue as I slid back and pulled the covers over me.

“You’re coming to.” I stated, looking expectantly at him. He rolled his eyes before climbing in beside me. I curled into him, placing my head on his chest as I wrapped my arms around him. I felt him place his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. After the shit show I’d been through earlier, this was the exact peace I’d been craving. No matter where things went from here, Tony would always be my rock. And I couldn’t ask for anyone better.

[idkcantthinkofaname]

It takes time/ 16

 Pairing: BTS x Reader

Gene: angst, smut(certain chapters), Dark themes (in certain parts)

Warning: blood, death of minor characters

Summary: after finally getting the house y/n always wanted, she find a hybrid hiding in an old shed. Unlike most people who find strays, y/n doesn’t turn him into h.c mainly because there was a lot of shady things that happened with the hybrid control in the area.

prev

------------------------------------------------------------

A whole week had passed with no sign of Jungkook, the boys didn’t seem worried and I tried really hard not to...but something wasn’t sitting right. Most of the time when I would ask about him, they would distract me with mentioning what happened between Hobi and I, Which I would get red in the face. The foxes kept saying it was unfair and would cling onto me for most of the day. Hobi would just glow and I swear he would brag to the boys. Because at least one or more would show up and cuddle me, growling any time that Hobi would get near.  

I clocked out of work and headed to my truck. Today had been an early day, and I was going to use this time to drive around to see if maybe I could come across Jungkook. I know the others told me not to worry about him. I had to do something, seeing how him leaving was partly my fault. So, I headed towards my truck.  

I had been driving around downtown for about thirty minutes now. This was part of the town that I unfortunately had to drive through but never liked too. It always gave me the creeps. I slowly drove down the streets looking both ways to see if I saw any movements. Most that I did end up seeing was stray cats and dogs... no hybrids. I sighed, maybe I should call it a night. If I stayed out any longer the boys would start to think something is up. I turned towards the main road when I noticed a H.C. Truck that was parked on the corner of a road a block over. I barely caught a glimpse of it, I pulled over and parked my truck, I needed to get closer and my truck would be too easy to spot. I could hear voices coming from the block with the truck.

 “You are a wild one, aren't you?”  

“Thought you gave us the slip a couple days ago?”

“should had stayed home with your pack and little who...”

A growl echoed off the buildings and what sounded like jerking of chains. Other men snickered “let's get him loaded up in the truck. He won't be much threat once the injection take full effect.”

I could hear the footsteps of the men walking away from where I hide at a corner of a building. ‘Did they have him?’ I stepped out before thinking through.  

   “Jungkook?” I stood there shocked... I found Jungkook...and he was half beaten and still fighting against the H.C. members that were dragging him towards their truck. Upon me saying his name he looked towards me, eyes going round in shock for a moment then narrowed as he continued to thrash against the other men. From where I stood, I could see him bleeding from his head. They had a chain collar around his neck and two on his ankles. I started to lean out to run towards him, but what could I do? Even if I called the others boys, they wouldn’t make it in time... I wanted to help but I'm useless... But I got to try. I started running towards them.

 “DONT!” yelled Jungkook.

 I stopped in my tracks, tears peaking the edge of my eyes.

 “Don't you fucking move” One of the guys hold a chain wrapped around Jungkook neck had turned towards me with a gun. “Little lady, I would suggest that you just turn around and go on home.” 

Jungkook jerked “Leave!” he shouted again. 

They were loading him up in the back. I had to do something, but the guy still held the gun towards me. “Don't make me pulled this trigger y/n. You are just caught in the middle of something. Wouldn’t want an innocent one like you get hurt.”  

I was breathing heavy, ‘caught in the middle?’

 “Now go on and get back home.” His radio went off, ‘another one was sighted just south...’ he covered his radio. 

“Alright boys, you got this one?”

 “yes sir” he lowered his gun and walked to get into one of the cars behind the truck. They turned and headed off.  I took off back towards my own truck...there was one thing I could do...  

   I jumped into the truck and started her up. I buckled myself in and gripped the steering wheel as I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe...this was going to hurt.

   As their H.C. truck started to move forward the intersection. I threw the truck in drive and floored it. My truck launched forward, jerking my head back slightly, but the grip I had on my steering wheel didn’t allow me to go all the way back against the seat. I hope I timing this right. I flew fast towards their truck. I could see it getting closer and closer. No backing out now.

    I slammed hard into the cab of their truck. Glass shattered all around me, sounds of metal hitting metal and screeching tires echoed all around. I felt myself jerk against the belt and whipped back towards the seat. My head bounced off the streeling wheel before I covered it with my hands. I kept my eyes closed as I felt the truck whipped around.  

   Ringing in my ear was loud as I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked several times to get my vision to clear up. The hood of my truck was covering where my windshield had been before. I slowly lowered my arms from my head, pain shot through every time I moved. I slowly looked down at my seatbelt to unhook it, and with a few tries I managed to get it undone. I tried to open up my door but it wouldn't budge. I looked around and noticed that the window on the passenger side was open. I moved towards the window to crawl out. I could feel my body screaming at me in pain, But I had to get to Jungkook.  

   I placed my feet on the ground and stumbled slightly, leaning on the truck to get my bearings. Their truck was turned over on Its side. I slowly started to stumble my way over to the truck, I managed to get towards the back and tried to open that door. Gripping the handle and jerking. ‘damn it was still locked.’ they really made sure whoever they put in there was not getting out of there.

   I leaned back against it for a second. One of the people in the front have to had a key. I slowly moved towards the front of the truck. I managed to climb up on to the top of it and looked through the broken glass. There hung one of the men that loaded Jungkook up. He had so much blood coming from him, he was just hanging there against the seatbelt...I looked down towards the one on the side that I hit and almost lost it. He was pretty much a part of the truck now... I didn’t know where he began and the truck ended. I took a deep breath and try to calm my nerves... ‘I had just killed someone...two someone's...’

I tried to steady myself as I looked back down to try, there hanging on the drivers' belt was a set of keys... I leaned down to see if I could see the keys in the ignition. With some difficulty I manage to get a look at the keys, there was only one key on that hook so, the key had to be on the ring on his belt. ‘Great.’

I could feel my stomach turn as I moved my hand down to reach for the keys, they were cross the man that was just hanging there. I closed my eyes ‘I can't do this; they would have hurt Jungkook.’ with that in mind I used my other hand to steady myself as I tried to unclip the keys from his belt loop. I struggled with it, I huffed and got my knees in position so I could support myself better

The man’s hand gripped mine and pulled. I placed my other hand on the dash to keep myself from falling into the cab. I stared wide eyed at the man. He was smirking, even with all the blood running down his face, he was fucking smirking. “I think we underestimated you.” He pulled tighter and His other hand reached for something on his side.  

My eyes opened wide as I see a gun comes out of its holder. ‘fuck, why didn’t I notice that.’  

As he went to go aim it at me, I launched to the side and slamming my shoulder into his shoulders and I gripped the gun with my hands. “you little bitch, do you know you are protecting killers?”  

I jerked forwards and managed to get the gun from his hands. “stupid bitch...” he stopped talking as I pointed the gun towards him. “Give me the keys.” I held out my hand

He eyed me for a moment, “You don’t have the guts.”

“I just drove my truck straight into yours. Tell me again I don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.” I stared at him. Though my heart was hammering in my chest and I was scared shitless at this moment, I was trying so hard to seem like I wasn’t affected by this heavy gun in my hand threatening to take a life. I didn’t want to...please don’t make me do this.

He seems to stare and slowly lower his hand to get the keys. I watched his every movement. I heard the click of the seat belt just as he fell on top of where his partner was. I jumped He was moving to get up the side. I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. The guy screamed and dropped. “You shot me!”  

“hand me the keys!”

“okay, okay here.” He quickly unhooked the keys and handed them up to me. I snatched them so fast and jumped off the truck to run towards the back of the truck.  

‘please be okay’  

As I gripped the door handle and opened the door my eyes grew wide.

----------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Steeler sat at his desk working on some paperwork, He was not in a good mood. His office door swung open. “Don't you know how to knock?”

He didn’t look up from his paperwork. “I think I know how to get that pack you have been looking for.”

Mr. Steeler looked up and smiled “why hello there officer Charlie.”

Charlie sat down in the chair in front of the desk. “And how are we going to get this pack?”

Charlie smiled “Well you know how you mention we might need to kidnap the girl?”

Mr. Steeler nodded. “I think we should, I think they all care about her enough that they will do anything for her. Especially after what she managed to do to my guys to save that wolf.”

 Charlie smirked

“and how do you think we should go about doing this officer?” Mr. Steeler wasn’t dumb, He knew that Charlie wasn’t really doing this to help him, He had been obsessed at getting y/n back.

“The only real time she doesn’t have them things near her is when she goes and comes from work. So I think that we need to do a ‘traffic stop’ and get her there. She wouldn’t think twice to pulling over for a police officer.”

Mr. Steeler smiled big “I think that is a great Idea, but what is it that you want?”

Charlie smiled. “I just want her back, She was always mine.”  

Steelers nodded. He would agree to this for now, but he had plans for her as well, to get the boys to work with him without a fight. “I agree. But how I handle her before we have them you can not interfere with it.”  

“Agreed, I am only here to help you sir”

------------------------------------------------------------

next

Note: ATEEZ is coming soon

Tag List

@beach-bitch-bitch-beach​ @ghostkat23 @jiminslye @4evahevah @vantaescupid @calling-dips-on-j-hope @jennyjq @purplelady85 @sana-b @deeepvibes @purelyecstacy @peachyjk97 @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered @j3ngkoo @unicornbabylover @yourlipssoirresistible @shileh @sometingreallycool  @beeeb05 @fanoffandomss @ambersaesthetics @ ego-allie-bap

If I missed anyone I’m sorry!

[fluffy-lee-boa]

Teaching Me How To Move On

(A SamBucky tickle fic :3)

@tickleebug requested some Sam and Bucky, so I went a little wild with it and made a short story to show how Bucky is adapting to his new life, and his new partner. Spoilers for Endgame/TFATWS btw!

“Buhucky! Cut it out!” Steve snorted, swatting at the younger’s arm as he lightly dug into his sides.

Before he’d taken the serum, it had been a well-known fact that Steve Rogers was probably one of the most ticklish guys in Brooklyn. Sure, he hated to admit it in public, and Bucky respected that, but when he and Bucky were hanging out at home? All bets were off.

So James Buchanan Barnes took every opportunity like this to tease the other about his sensitivity, sitting beside him and carefully scratching at all the spots he knew would make the other squeal. He never took it overboard, considering Steve’s fragile state, but he did tire the other out enough that he would be sure the smaller wouldn’t get revenge.

“Come on Stevie, there’s no way you’re gonna make the army if you can’t handle a little tickling,” he smirked at the other.

Steve gave an snort, slapping a hand to his face before shaking his head rapidly, “This is just tohorture!!”

“Mhm. And?” Bucky snickered as he trailed his hands up to Steve’s stomach, relishing in the deeper laughter that it gave him.

This certain brand of “torture” continued for a few minutes, interspersed with cruel teases and barely-masked flirting that the ever-oblivious Rogers seemed to let fly over his head. Though it was easy to tell Steve wasn’t trying very hard to escape the other’s grasp, especially considering how lightly Buck was holding him down in fear of injury. He could stop any time he wanted, really.

Bucky finally let up once the wheezing started, almost immediately leaving the room only to reappear with a cup of water. He couldn’t help the smug grin on his face as the other struggled to hide his deep blush. The moment was perfect.

Too perfect.

He would wait another day to tell him about his draft card. He didn’t want to ruin what they had just yet.

~

Years.

Years had gone by since that day- decades, even. He had gone for most of that time without Steve, without those affectionate touches and softness, and without love. He’d gone for even longer now that Steve was....

No, he didn’t like to think about the past few months. About how the very man he’d grown up with, who’d told him he’d be with him to the end of the line, got off early. -He couldn’t be angry with him, though. It was his life, after all. His choice. Steve would probably be better off with Peggy, anyways.

But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell, and that he was absolutely starved for affection with no one in the world to fix it for him.

Well... almost no one.

Admittedly, he’d grown closer to Sam in the time since the new Cap was gifted the shield. Despite his reservations, and the rocky start to their partnership, they’d come to an understanding. Especially after all they’d been through in their mission to stop Karli, and then Walker thereafter.

And there was the boat, of course. Bucky hadn’t even known Sam had a boat before this week- never even been near one besides during war times. Yet he found himself spending hours and even days of his time on helping him fix it. Then the days after that teaching the new Captain to toss the shield.

Was this what having a friend was like?

He couldn’t tell. I mean, after Steve, nothing was going to feel just right. ...Or so he thought.

See, even if Bucky had tried to deny it, Sam felt safe. He felt like Steve did. They shared that same big heart Bucky had always admired, and honestly, the shield couldn’t have found a better wielder. But on the other hand, Sam was also more honest, and more direct. That was something he needed after all those years of manipulation and self-pity. Not exactly tough love, but the truth. A kinder, softer truth.

“Hey! Buck!” Sam had called from the other side of the open field, between a few lone trees that were wrapped in foam.

Bucky looked up, torn from his deep thoughts about friendship and Captains and shields. He didn’t give away any of it through his glance, much better at hiding behind an emotionless mask these days.

“Are you gonna throw it back or what? -The shield, I mean.” the figure laughed.

James rolled his eyes and walked over, trying to play it off, “Your stance is off. You’re gonna get someone killed if you don’t have enough balance.”

“Balance my ass,” Sam scoffed jokingly as he took the shield back from the other, looking him over suspiciously, “...You’re just deflecting again. You’ve been spacing out like crazy today... did something happen?”

Ah, there was that signature therapist-like concern that Wilson managed to worm into every conversation. It made Bucky’s heart beat faster and his stomach flip and he hated it. No one had been this worried about him since he came back from the icy abyss of HYDRA’s control. No one else had checked up on him so consistently for no other gain than his continued wellbeing.

“I’m fine.” He shot back despite himself, half of a glare on his face as he turned away to go back to his spot.

Sam rolled his eyes at the other’s dramatics, at this point being readily used to the cold demeanor Bucky used to push aside his own feelings. But he wasn’t ready to let it slide this time around. So he stepped towards him after setting aside the vibranium shield, reaching out to stop him from walking away again.

Quite a few things happened after that, one after the other.

For one, Sam had underestimated how quickly Bucky could power-walk away from him, and ended up grazing his side with a small grabbing motion rather than taking him by the wrist.

From there, Bucky had faltered in his pace with a quick giggle, before looking back at the other with a somewhat horrified expression. Oh no.

It was painfully obvious to Sam now, by Buck’s initial reaction and the way he seemed just about ready to jump out of his skin.

“There is no way in hell....”

“Sam, you don’t want to do this-”

“You’re ticklish?!”

Bucky cringed, almost immediately blushing just as Steve had whenever he’d done the same to him back in Brooklyn. Karma may have been delayed for almost a century, but it sure did come back to bite him. Figures as much, right?

Bucky had started walking backwards away from the now-very-menacing falcon, though with the woods around them, his ankle caught on a rock and sent him flying back onto his butt. Figures even more.

Before he could up and scramble away, probably going to rush to Sarah and beg for protection, Sam had pounced. The super soldier found himself being straddled, which didn’t help his confusing feelings from before at all. He hands ended up under Sam’s knees, and even if he knew he could probably escape, he was concerned he’d end up hurting the other if he lost control of his own strength.

“Sam! Get off!” He said in a shockingly squeaky shout, obviously flustered.

“Nu-uh. I need to see this for myself.” Sam snickered, making the other look away as his blush deepened.

“You su-AHAHUCK-“

Before Bucky could articulate what would have totally been a coherent and witty response, Sam had taken the initiative and dug straight into the dip of his sides. There was an explosion of sunny and bubbly laughter that didn’t suit the awkward Soldier at all, making Sam beam down at the other.

Bucky internally cursed as he looked up and caught glimpse of the smile. He was too perfect- it was unfair!

Sam chuckled as he lightened up, tracing circles around his hips and making Bucky jerk back and forth with a few left over giggles, “Wowwww... It’s worse than I thought.”

“Shut the hell uhuhup...” Bucky muttered in embarrassment, making Wilson roll his eyes.

Sam knew he could definitely find a worse spot, and ignoring Bucky’s continued insults and thinly-veiled threats, he scanned the other’s upper body as thought to himself.

His metal arm probably couldn’t feel anything, right? But what about the spot just where the two met...?

Bucky noticed where his partner’s gaze had fallen, suddenly looking alarmed as he turned to begging, “Hey, wait, hold on, that’s a bad idea, Wilson. -Agh- Please? Is that what you want? Fine! I’m saying please-“

Sam just shook his head with that stupid, handsome smirk on his face, “Saying please isn’t gonna save you this time around. Tell me what’s wrong.... and I won’t absolutely wreck you. And trust me, I have an older sister. I know exactly how to do it.”

Bucky went quite besides his quick breathes and squirmy giggles, looking off to the side as he tried to consider his options despite the continued teasing of his sides and hips. But no- he couldn’t say what was really on his mind. Stubborn is as stubborn does.

“Do your worst.”

There was only a moment of reprieve as Wilson took in the other’s bratty reply, before he wiggled his fingers into that horrible dip between Buck’s metal arm and his ribs, right in the hollow. His other hand went to the rest of his rib cage just as quickly, alternating between both sides and dipping in between the spaces for added torture.

Bucky was pretty much lost in a handful of seconds.

He cackled, kicking his legs and pulling at his arms with only a shred of resistance from the last part of him that was conscious, which was still bent on making sure he didn’t hurt Sam.

But, that part of him could only hold out for so long, and when Sam found an extra sensitive spot between his ribs, Bucky ended up arching so suddenly that Sam was sent a good five feet away by his super strength.

Whoops.

There was a long pause as the air around them stilled once more, Sam laying feet away and laughing hysterically at his friend’s reaction while Bucky himself calmed himself down to a frenzy of frantic giggling.

After he was able to regain control of himself, he sat up to look over at Sam, his arms wrapped around his own torso protectively so the falcon could no longer access his weak spot. His voice was hoarse as he asked sheepishly, “...Are you ok?”

Sam’s own laughter died down, and he waved his hand dismissively, “Fine, fine. I shoulda expected it. You’re a hyper-ticklish super soldier. I’m just lucky you didn’t break my arm.“

Bucky didn’t find much humor in that joke, but he got up and made his way over to the other anyway. He held out his hand to help him stand beside him, and Wilson smiled softly at the other’s still reddened face, “Maybe we should do that more often. You’re cute when you’re blushing like that.”

And he walked away.

Bucky, for better or worse, didn’t have the same luxury that his old partner did of obliviousness to such direct declarations of affection, so he simply stood in shock as he was left in the small field of grass.

...Maybe, just maybe, his new life wasn’t as empty and lonely as he’d previously thought. Maybe Sam... could be what he really needed, as a partner, and as a friend.

Or.... maybe something more.

Lots of maybes today. But then again, when is anything ever certain?