#where is the big red button that says YEP THAT WAS BULLSHIT & YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THIS OR CAUSE THIS & PEOPLE MAY HAVE LIED & HURT YOU: NEXT! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

psychelocktango · 5 years ago

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Therapist: it sounds like you want justice that will never come. I know you feel bad because you have anger and don't like feeling like you want the people who hurt you to hurt you but that's good! That's progress!

Me: okay so how do I get rid of that want for justice/ revenge?

Therapist: that's sort of just being human. Your anger is justified! And that's a good thing to have!

Me:

#I WANT ANSWERS NOT SHIT LIKE THIS MY DUDE #he suggested breaking some pottery and pretending it's people who hurt me & BRUH that only works for me when its objectively terrible PEOPLE #none of these people are 'chuck in the hate bin you trash' people. so no #so no- the implication of 'hurting' them like that is not satisfying #at least im good at not using my anger as a weapon? unlike my exs- different levels though #i just wanna live my life because at least i have the peace of mind now that i didn't do anything to cause any of the shit that happened.#but not doing shit wrong and having shit happen anyhow still sucks especially for the people caught in the fallout & how it disrupts things #i dont want anger i just want to enjoy my own life and while i can at least keep it well contained so it doesn't hurt others #it still LEAVES a bad taste in my mouth #where is the big red button that says YEP THAT WAS BULLSHIT & YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THIS OR CAUSE THIS & PEOPLE MAY HAVE LIED & HURT YOU: NEXT!#okay no one's reading this but ive got larengitis still so i just needed to get this dowb #i guess we both gave disclosures like i said i talk a lot and they didnt think i mesnt that much (despite talking all the time???)#and they said they got defensive but i assumed that they would continue the same kind of 'weirdly inappropriate response' and then thinking #but now i know: people can be mature in many ways but can still act like a child when it comes to their emotions #tbh my most reasonable want is just for my ex to go to fucking therapy and learn how to manage their emotions so rhey dont do this again #and then eventually It'll either dawn on The therapist or them that oh shit i made a very wrong call and was a major asshole #i mean i wont get an apology im sure- admitting they were wrong? i had to once explain that telling someone something upset you is HEALTHY #just the backwards logic of i feel guilt therefore this person is MAKING me feel guilt- like maybe you have morals? maybe life is complex?#or it's your baggage from another relationship- whatever it is i just wish less adults like that existed because shit's tirinfy #i wish being certain in myself was as powerful feeling now as it wss when I felt it towards my abuser #instead it just feels unjust and sad and my brain likes to focus on the worrt that they'll hurt someone else #and i need to let that go because it jsnt my responsibility and unfortunately that's probably what it will take to make them grow up #they didn't make me the most upset though- it was shocking but it fits their personality #people who said they cared and didn't even talk to me at all that's what fucked me up.#how do you trust people again when seemingly honest people just dont care about truth or even hearing someone out like #I'll never understand that level of cruelty that someone can do to someone else #and i did what i needed to so i could have closure but its still just terrifying that people DO that and dont think much of it #because it means i didnt know them- if I'd known... idk if i could have become close with them because clearly they see people as disposable #and hearing multiple sides before reaching a conclusion as irrelevant and that's just against all of my morals #i don't want any more scars. i wish i could judt detach and not care about people and go against my word as easily. be able to breathe

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