#when we're opponents in a 'send each other essays'-off

[forlix]

(it’s ya boi, 🪷 anon)

oh my gosh, don’t be sorry!! no worries at all 🫶🏻 I’m so happy you liked my interpretation ;w; I loved the fic so much!!

oh, don’t worry, I have so many thoughts! I just felt like my last ask was already too long as is, but I did listen to the playlist you curated! so, here goes: ofc ‘stay’ is such a strong choice, like it’s canon as a skz anthem at this point. but the cover version you chose was such a great way of incorporating the song while keeping the tone you set for ‘empty my mind’. I also feel like if jisung was going to do an official cover of ‘stay’ it would sound a lot like this? with him playing guitar and it being a lot softer than the original version. and the lyrics suit the story and relationship between jisung and the mc sooo well 💖

‘all of me’ is such a good listen for that first meeting/party scene? perfectly encapsulates the excitement and vulnerability that jisung and reader have for each other. ‘babydoll’ is soo perfect too, because jisung is so babydoll-coded (c’mon) but also it covers the desperation he has to mean something to reader. but also he’s nonchalant about it, he can’t say that he cares so we’re back to that ‘do whatever to me’ phase again. I’ve actually never listened to exo before, but ‘oasis’ was such a good pick?? sensual but also vulnerable, I like it. and ‘volcano’; if you told me this fic was entirely inspired by ‘volcano’, I would believe you. such a perfect choice too because you are quite literally taking han’s real lyrics and feelings and then developing them into an emotional fictional piece. yeah, what else can I say? it’s perfect 🤭

okay, so the first song I thought of after reading ‘empty my mind’ was gregory and the hawk’s ‘boats and birds’. a really sweet song that shows the insecurity of being in a relationship with someone who you think has more potential than you/will leave you, but also could represent someone (maybe mc??) seeing the potential that their loved one doesn’t see in themselves. in the same vein, ‘heart like yours’ by willamette stone is very representative of jisung and mc’s relationship. maybe the verses are reader reassuring jisung and the chorus is his reaction like ‘what did I do to deserve you? I can’t believe you make me feel so deserving’. and the bridge is a mix of both of them reassuring each other, like ‘don’t worry, I’m here, you can do this’ and the response is ‘I know you’re here, it’s always been because of you’.

I’m a slut for hozier so I HAVE to recommend one of his songs: ‘I, Carrion (Icarian)’ is inspired by the fall of Icarus, and one of my favourite songs. and I just think it represents that hopeless devotion trope that I adore so much, so of course it represents jisung in this fic really well too, lol. and taylor swift has so many songs so of course I can find a couple that apply to this fic too; ‘mirrorball’ is the anthem for people pleasing, emotionally distraught, desperate for attention girlies. han in this fic is girlies, he needs validation from mc and this is his song. and ‘forever winter’ is reader fully realizing his mental health struggles and being his support. now this song was written about losing someone to depression, but I think the intention to want to be there no matter what is synonymous in both the song and your fic. and the song has winter (snow) symbolism, and language about staying or going which is very literal for the fic. and ‘winter’ will stay if mc goes, or vice versa. AND THE LAST LINE OF THIS SONG?? suits the fic so well, imo.

and oh yeah, I very much agree that ‘fixed’ is a very delicate word to be using around mental health. and I’m glad that you understood that I don’t think mc ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’ jisung in any way. I really hate the trope that someone’s mental illness is magically cured when they fall in love, and I’m glad that you didn’t do it in this fic. because yeah, they are perfect for each other and there isn’t anything to fix. mc is just a new part of jisung’s support system that is going to help him endure his struggles. she’s joining him on this journey to heal and learn self love again.

oh yeah!! kisses are so okay uwu and omg your fic was such a treat to analyze. I don’t get to do this as often anymore, but I graduated uni with a bachelor of arts with english honours so I used to analyze lit CONSTANTLY. and I love it sm, I love just discussing interpretations. and I loved this fic so much. I find when I write fics, because I’ve gone through so much formal writing and academic lit, that I’m really lazy with it?? like, I lose interest in my plots very easily and I mainly just write a lot of mindless smut with some nonsense happening around it. and that’s fun for me, because I have a job where I have to think and articulate my thoughts a lot, so I don’t want to put in the effort. like, stupid porn is my escape lol

but, I really admire your writing. and no, not every fic has to be a masterpiece, but I can tell how much care and effort you put into ‘empty my mind’ and it really paid off. I saw someone mention that they would pay for your writing and I completely agree. writing is definitely a skill that can be honed, but it’s also a talent and it’s one that you have. so yeah, I loved reading your fic and it was so so so so so good 🥰

I’ll def reach out sometime soon but I’m also very anxiousss lol I overthink like everything a lot, so I like the anon because I feel like it’s really easy to run away if I embarrass myself 🤪 but yeah, I’m so glad I got to share my thoughts with you and I’m excited to read more of your works!! 🫶🏻 take care, buh-byyye!

🪷 anon. holy fucking shit. suddenly my birthday is january 13th i'm SCREAMING. thank you SO much for taking the time to write me another essay. you are getting one in return again because i simply refuse to be outdone!!! including under the cut so i can ramble to my heart's delight <3

so funny thing about the song "stay" is that it quite literally served as the wellsprings for the whole fic, but specifically this short of justin bieber singing it live while wasted out of his mind. something about his tone here... it's so raw and anguished and tender all at once, and it fueled me to write like nothing had in a long time. i agree, i loved jonah baker's version with its soft acoustics and amazing vocals, but this short was where it all began. thought u would enjoy that tidbit c:

and WAHH THANK YOUUUU for all the other reviews on the songs in the playlist, i said this last time but i think you might be in my mind bc yes yes and yes to everything you said. 'all of me' was the song i had on REPEAT during the first meeting. it just has that like intensity and adventurousness to it, yaknow, and a hint of sensuality too. 'babydoll' and 'oasis' were sex songs. no delicate way to say that. those were the songs i had blaring in my brain while Penetration Was Occurring.

and 'volcano,' of COURSE, 'volcano' my baby girl my everything my roman empire. this was the song i had on repeat during the final scene when he opens up to her. i literally sent sahar a screenshot of my google chrome window and it was just "han jisung volcano 3 hr. version" and an accompanying message that said "save me" 😭😭😭 THE FIC WAS HARD THAT SCENE WAS HARD i was going through it fr but this song got me through it. i doubt i'll ever be able to write for jisung without thinking about 'volcano' and its incredible lyrics, like those lyrics genuinely changed my life and the way i think about love as a whole, i'm so grateful to him and his mind

NOW ONTO YOUR ADDITIONAL RECS. I AM SOOOOO AHHHHHHHHH JUST ABSOLUTELY AHHHHHHHHHHH WOW. firstly i added every song you recommended into the 'empty my mind' playlist like. our minds have coalesced 🤞 secondly here's a list of my reactions to each song because i am just i'm feeling so overwhelmed by your stellar music taste and you need to know my every thought

boats and birds is INSANE, ABSOLUTELY INSANE, are you fucking kidding me? the singer's voice is stunning, so gentle and lovely and delicate, and the lyrics are so so jisung and mc coded i couldn't breathe while reading them. the similarities are fucking uncanny: the mentions of leaving stardust behind, of coming out at night to show off your light? the promise of living to make you free, to let you shine? reassurance that it's okay if you want to leave, as long as you leave behind something to remember you by? only the last scene in "empty my mind" was told from mc's perspective, but this song feels like it makes up for the lack of her voice throughout the fic; it's her, it's perfect, it's them, it's everything. i wanna die, you are brilliant

about heart like yours, i had the same thought as you, it sounded to me like there were two different voices at play in the lyrics: the verses being so certain and steadfast and the choruses being so careful and confused but hopeful all at once. ouch. once again, painfully jisung and mc coded. the "how could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?" line hit especially hard. i like to think ji asks her this question, not because he genuinely can't understand why, but because he's still wrapping his head around it and he just feels so lucky and so happy :') ah my babies

i, carrion is wow. wow. i need to come back to u to extract more hozier recommendations from you because i have always admired this man and his songwriting abilities so, so much but i've never gotten into his discography the way i want to. this song was absolutely unreal, god, when the chorus hits and the harmonies arrive i legit teared up. i've always been so powerfully affected by music and i don't even have the words to describe what came over me. you're so right, what a fantastical, reverent kind of love, and expressed in such prosaic, poetic words too. i felt breathless again listening to these lines in particular: "Once I had wondered what was holding up the ground / But I can see that all along, love, it was you all the way down." i don't feel deserving of my fic being associated with this degree of beauty at all. i love you and this track so much 😞

mirrorball and forever winter were both so so lovely too; i thought the people-pleasing motifs in the former were v interesting. i would wager that they more accurately describe ji in the past, as the version of him in the events of 'empty my mind' is too Tired with a capital T to try to win people over anymore. but 'forever winter' is so nice, i enjoyed how the music swelled and how much of the vocals were belted, all the emotion and power was palpable. and the last line ahhhhh

and thank you for your acknowledgement on the word "fixed" being used in discussions about mental health. i agree, and i love your interpretation of their relationship so much. she's not overriding his support system or introducing a new one, just becoming a part of it

also oh my god not you having an english B.A. i'm fangirling over you!!!! like three of my closest friends are english majors and i love love love talking to them about my interests because they're so incredibly insightful and intelligent and i get those exact vibes from you too. (i started out as an english major as well before switching to international relations. i had a Terrible poetry professor and i got the academic ick so fast) also no way are you also a stayblr writer hello!!!! that's so fair about the mindless smut, we all need an outlet like that in some shape or form, and all that matters is that you're having fun with it <3 i would love for u to show me ur writing if/when u become comfy enough to reveal to me your account (ZERO PRESSURE AT ALL MY BABY)! i'm sure your works are just as wonderful as your analyses of mine have been

and "writing is definitely a skill that can be honed, but it’s also a talent and it’s one that you have" 😭😭😭😭😭 lotus anon, i am actually about to explode. this ask had me feeling everything on the spectrum and currently it's just aggressive gratitude. i've talked ab my relationship w creative writing on here before and it's been difficult, regulating my expectations and my emotions and sharing my work in public again especially when i care so much about the things i write nowadays. but words like these make me glad i came back and hope that i never leave.

and again, please do not fret about reaching out if you're not comfortable, i have anxiety too and i understand you through and through. the only shortcoming i can think of regarding you continuing to send me asks is that i tend to respond to things late because i get overwhelmed by social media easily, but you've been so patient with me thus far, and if you'll be able to continue doing so then we can absolutely continue this system, my love ♡

thank you. i adore you. i'm thinking about you