#when we know from dalinar's flashbacks that that isn't the case; she knew he COULD be that man but she also knew that he wasn't

[bornuntohimself]

reading row chapter 54 again (fork spotted in kitchen etc) and this part is genuinely so brutal. like. renarin lost his mother, who he was very close to, at a young age, and was treated pretty poorly by dalinar – his only remaining parent – for the majority of his childhood/teen years. and it clearly means so much to him to see how hard dalinar is trying now, how he's making a real concerted effort to get to know renarin and be a better father – imagine how devastating it must be to finally build a relationship with a previously neglectful parent and truly experience having a loving and attentive father for the first time in your life, only to find out that he was the one who killed your mother. how do you come to terms with the fact that your mother died a horrific, painful death and your father, who you're only now finally getting to know as a real parent, was the one who made it happen?

and even the language he uses to describe it is so telling: "she hadn't lived" and "odium had seen her killed" are both technically true statements, but they're also very passive. he's not acknowledging the actual core of the issue here, which is that dalinar is the one who killed her. it wasn't intentional and he was being influenced by the thrill, but ultimately, he still did it. of course renarin can't look that fact directly in the face; it's not just that he would lose his father, it's that he's finally learned what it's like to actually have his father for the first time in his life and if he truly acknowledges how angry he is about his mother's death he'd lose him again