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#when there'll always be someone else. someone better. hotter. sexier. funnier. smarter
bunnihearted ยท 2 months
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#im broken#im someone who is meant to be alone and be unliked and unlovable and unwanted#thats my place in the world. im foolish for hoping for more#it just hurts sm that it feels like everyone else has or have had someone#i've never had someone who has chosen me over everyone else#im surrounded by ppl who have been chosen above everyone else#and like i read a romance book abt two ppl in their late 30s who are virgins and meet eo#but both of them have kissed & made out w ppl before.... i havent even done that#like am i gonna be 30 and have my 1st kiss???? be fr who would wanna have sex w someone in their 30s who has no experience#they'd have to teach me and like ppl in their 30s are getting ready to settle down#i cant imagine anyone wanting to kiss me just bc im me either like everyone gets tired of me after a while......#i cant imagine anyone not tiring of me and choosing to be w me#when there'll always be someone else. someone better. hotter. sexier. funnier. smarter#im like actually fkn dumb for thinking that someone could want to be w ME above everyone else#spend their time with me when there are 1m things better than me#there will always be someone else everyone would choose above me#also im broken bc my heart is stupidly loyal. im like a penguin... but normal ppl dont work that way#i cant imagine anyone thinking im special enough to love and want me the way i feel love#so i've always known im meant to be alone#but its so hard watching everyone around me have a partner while i have to be lonely and ache to be that important and loved#im always gonna exist as a lonely island never being 1st priority or the favorite or more special than everyone else#and its making my heart so sad. why am i not worthy of dating or loving or choosing or bein no 1??#and being so unwanted and never chosen or special is making me so dejected and lifeless#friendships arent as big to me anymore bc sure i'll hang out or talk to my friends#but then they go home to their partner. the person that are no 1 in their lives#i can have friends but it only makes me sadder bc it reminds me that theyve all been chosen and i have not#i have cry myself to sleep everyday while they have the joy of bring chosen and important and held#i just dont care anymore... i'll only ever exist as a tiny side roll in ppl's lives#i'll never be a main part or the biggest part to anyone....#i'll always have to be completely alone in everything and watch while ppl around me get to have the comfort of partnership
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