#when i was a child i named my grandmother's dog Fuzz

[ub-sessed]

Inspired partly by @falseknees I knit a chickadee!

I say partly because I chose my reference photo a few months ago, but then Kneesvember motivated me to actually create the chart. That and my friend who wanted me to show her how to double knit over the holidays.

So this square is dedicated to Fuzzie!

Chart is here if you want to make your own.

[forehead-enthusiast]

A Buncha Tag Games (and yet not all of them)

tagged by: @eggyukhei mwah

tagging: this is a LOT of games so i’ll only tag @atinyphobe @nsheetee and @veonjun for the SECOND (2nd) game. if they or anybody wants to do any of the other games, absolutely go for it and say i tagged you <3 i’d love to see what you guys say!! (also, tk if you felt like you wanted to answer my questions from the second game i’d be interested to see!)

One:

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ok SO the song that probably got me into rv 100% (also yes ik this blog is 99% nct but rv is my forever fave no question) was probably ice cream cake!! i had been a casual listener of many groups up until that point and had never really stanned anyone, but icc was so infectious i found myself watching it over and over. i had heard happiness and be natural before but hadn’t really listened too closely, so icc was the song that captured me. after that, dumb dumb only cemented my love for them more, and the red is still one of my favorite kpop albums to date. rv attracted me primarily because of their incredible vocals and their versatility in genres and concepts. i still get so excited wondering what they’ll tackle next!! they’re just soooo unique and have one of, if not the best discographies of any group. i cannot stress enough, I. Love. RV!! also they’re funny and gay so. anyway stream monster once it drops uwu

Two:

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1. what is your favorite song that’s been released during quarantine? ooooo honestly??? probably something off of Sawayama. literally every song bangs so hard i highly recommend that album to anyone!! i can’t pick a favorite off it but who’s gonna save you now is awesome and xs is just,,, chef’s kiss

2. what is your greatest mishap when you tried cooking? (or something you’ve witnessed) one time, while making soup at my late grandmother’s house on her like gas stove, i put a lid on a pot and somehow that led the pot to be engulfed in flames. IN MY DEFENSE i was like 7, and i’m great at cooking/baking now

3. what’s your go-to outfit or article of clothing? oh i love a nice dress. they can be casual or formal, and you look like you put effort into your outfit except i didn’t because i didn’t have to match anything yo!!!! also shorts have trouble fitting me cause i’m a weird body type so dresses tend to be very comfy for me

4. what is your comfort food? am i allowed to say like all food??? eating in itself is comforting,,, that sounds depressing but also i just like eating yummy food. i guess i’d say like my dad’s fried rice?? its my fave and no one makes it like him soooo

5. what singular moment in your life would you like to relive? i couldn’t tell if this meant like, a good moment you want to re-experience or go back in time and redo a moment and fix it. it’s kind of a hard question so i might cop out and go with a bit of a silly answer: i want to relive the hi touch with astro...... i wanna look at rocky’s beautiful eyes and touch moonbin’s hand ok,,,,

6. what is your favorite line and/or character from a movie, show, or book? i got a bunch but a few off the top of my head are genie lo (the epic crush of genie lo), ty lee, suki (atla), klaus, and ben (umbrella academy) 

7. if you could only choose one ice cream flavor and pizza topping/style for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream flavor: this very specific one from a local store that is banana ice cream with strawberries and oreo mixed in. it is heaaaavenly. as for pizza topping, i love a breakfast type pizza with an egg on top and like sausage and stuff!!!

8. what is the worst injury you’ve ever had or witnessed? funny enough, i’ve actually gotten badly injured quite a few times, and always on the face!! god hates me. the worst was probably when i hit a metal bench with my face and it took a chunk out of my cheek. i still have the scar! as for “witnessed” i accidentally broke a grown man’s rib once as a child, so i guess that would count.

9. would you rather explore the unknown of space or the bottom of the ocean? oceaaaan!! i answered this in some other game, but i like how mysterious and yet close the ocean is. like proximity wise it’s so near, yet there’s an insane amount we know nothing about. that’s so frightening but so intriguing

10. if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? my first thought was literally “kirby. eat fast” GOD my followers are gonna think i’m just a glutton and they’re not even gonna be wrong im dying. but uhh idk mulan or smth?

my questions:

what is your go-to feel good movie?

are you the type of person who’s indecisive about buying, or the type to impulse buy once you see something you like?

do you prefer chocolate-y or fruity candy?

what idol do you think is most similar to you? (not your bias necessarily)

do you have any silly dealbreakers? if so, what are they?

what do you do to unwind?

what is a small thing you like to do for people you love? (be it sending memes, remembering their favorite shows, etc)

what’s/who’s your favorite myth/mythological being?

what is a non-typical pet you would want to have?

do you say pronounce data as day-ta or dah-ta?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people. 

AIR ༉��͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better! 

PERSONAL

name: sarah

nickname: bells

birthday: april 17th

zodiac: aries

nationality: chinese american

languages: english, some spanish, some korean

gender: female

sexuality: baby bi bi bi~

height: 5′10

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: i suppose nct since i write for them the most?? but i feel like sometimes i come up with the idea before i think of a member so sometimes the muse is just my own fantasies oops

meaning behind my url: i made it at a time where loads of idols were getting bangs and honestly i believe most of them look infinitely better without them, thus i was and still am enthusiastic about foreheads.

blog established: like winter of 2018...?? i think

followers: over 2.5k but most deactivated/left during my hiatus lol

FAVORITES

favourite animals: sharks, chickens, snakes, cats, penguins

favourite books: the epic crush of genie lo and then iron will of genie lo, PERIOD

favourite colour: pink and purple!!

favourite fictional characters: lol, again, genie lo, ty lee, suki, klaus, ben, and just a few more: richard and evelyn o’connell (the mummy), dave (dave), michael (the good place)

favourite flower: sunflower

favourite scent: baking chocolate, heating butter, blackberry, wisteria

favourite season: probably spring! i like warmth but not HEAT

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: ugh idek i sleep horribly

cats or dogs: both, but unfortunately i’ve never had either

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea but then hot chocolate

current time: 5:29pm

dream trip: go to paris and eat loads of pastries and enjoy the fashions and beauty of the city, and also learn to bake better maybe?

dream job: actress

hobbies: making jewelry, drawing, singing, reading comics

hogwarts house: according to the quizzes, all of them. people who have just met me think slytherin or gryffindor, people who i’m friends with think ravenclaw or hufflepuff, people who know me really well know you can’t box a person into oversimplified archetypes :’) in my assessment of myself, it varies by the day, but i think perhaps gryffindor today?

last movie watched: hot fuzz (a classic)

last song listened to: summer breeze by sf9

no. of blankets you sleep with: like 2

random fact(s): i won lego building competitions as a child, one of my dream roles is anastasia from the musical named after her, i played violin for a very short time, i bake the cakes for all my family and friends’ birthdays, i have strangely strong grip strength

SIX

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

love me 4 me- rina sawayama

cherry- rina sawayama

in & out- red velvet

crush culture- conan gray

manic- conan gray

the king- conan gray

summer- pentagon

told you now- jeremy jordan (originally sung by sam smith)

fuck this world (interlude)- rina sawayama

someone who loves me- sara bareilles

[pikartiste]

The Arrival 

December 5th 1901

“Okay little dude, 're ya ready for meetin' your new little siblin' ?”

Homer Jackson walked across the corridor of the hospital following by his son, Connor Judge. They came here to visit Susan Hart, who just gave birth of their second child this night. Jackson had to bring his wife at the hospital emergently because of contractions, and finally gave birth two weeks too early. Jackson had to stay all the night with her. But it didn't matter.

During the pregnancy, Connor was at first happy to have a little brother or sister, but with time he began more and more worried about it. In his mind, if his Daddy and Mommy had a new baby, they won't love him as much anymore, and pay more attention to the baby. He talked about it to his grandmothers, Nana Kate and Nana Sue, as well as his uncle, Ryan; and they all told him the same thing : that his parents will still love him as they love the new child. But it wasn't enough to confort the little boy.

Connor grabbed strongly the roses bouquet his father bought before coming, then looked at Jackson and nodded faintly. His father genuine smiled at him : “Good boy.” he said patting his son's shoulder.

They finally arrived in front of a big white door with the number 103 written. The door was half-opened and, in the opening, they could see Susan breast-feeding the baby, humming a lullaby.

“Come in, but don't make too much noises.” Jackson said opening slowly the door.

The Surgeon entered in the room on tip-toes, Connor on his heels. Susan's husband and son's arrival put her a bright smile on her face. “Hey, hi my handsome men.” she hummed.

“Hi Mommy.” Connor said showing her the bouquet. Susan thanked smooching his cheeck.

“Good morning my Love.” Jackson said giving a soft kiss to his wife. Then he bent to give a delicate kiss to the baby's forehead, who just finished his meal. Connor came closer, so Susan envelopped him in her arm for a tigh hug after replacing her breast in her blouse.

“So my dear big boy, I guess you're not only here to see Mommy, right ?” Susan teased her son. She spread the sheet which envelopped the newborn to show the face better. “Connor, my son, may I introduce you your new little sister : Violet. Violet Hermione Judge.” she said quietly, smiling to her little boy who remained puzzled in front of the pink baby wriggling and gurgling in his mother's arms.

“She's really beautiful, isn't she Son ?” Jackson asked in his most cheerful tone.

Connor couldn't leave her baby sister's eyes. “Yes … Yes she is.” he whispered.

The little blond boy stayed a while watching his parents slobbering in front of Violet, cooing and tickling her. Susan hummed and rocked the baby while Jackson talked her foolish tickling her stomach. But the baby just gurgled weakly and waved her arms. Sometimes they looked at their son smiling at him. Connor would like hating this newborn who just stole his precious parents, but … He couldn't explain, he felt something strange in his little heart … Fondness ? Sympathy ? … Love ? He didn't know.

Seeing the child's confusion, Susan interpelated him : “Would you like to hold her ?” she asked quietly.

Connor was surprised by his mother's request, he nodded by rote. Then Susan invited him to sit down in the bed next to her. Connor executed and Susan put Violet in his arms, making sure he held her correctly. “Hold the head.” Susan said helping him. Finally Connor found himself with the little being waving in his arms, he felt odd and unconfortable.

“C'mon, talk to her.” Jackson encouraged him.

Connor was impressed by this tiny human being he was holding, he looked at the closed tiny eyes, the black fuzz in her head, the pink skin... He took a deep breath.

“H – Hi Violet … I … ahem … I'm Connor … Your big brother.”

The baby suddenly opened her eyes – beautiful green eyes, and looked at her big brother with some interrest. Connor turned his head to meet his parents' gaze. The two made sign to carry on.

“Hm … I – I'm so happy to meet you. You … Y- You're so … Tiny.” Connor said unconfortably.

This sentence made the two parents chuckling. “Of course she is ! She's just born nine hours ago.” Jackson teased Connor.

Connor laughed with them, but his laugh was shy. Then he pulled himself together and carried on to talk to Violet.

“And … And y – you're really … Beautiful.” he said touching the baby's face with his finger. Suddenly Violet grabbed her brother's finger with her pudgy fists, looking him right in his blue eyes. She also cooed loudly. Connor froze instantanely.

“Violet already loves you, Baby.” Susan said softlty, a proud maternal glimmer lighting in her eyes. “I'm sure you'll be the best siblings in the world, trust me Connor. It shows like the nose in the middle of the face.”

Connor guessed his mother was right. The little baby who was just born already loved him. This baby he used to hate before her birth loved him, she won't steal his parents. The child felt suddenly guilty for the bitterness he had towards his sister. But now … Everythings changed, Connor loved Violet now, whatever happened.

“You know Violet, I'm going to protect you, it's my big brother's duty. If someone mess with you, I'll destroy him; believe me lil' sis. No one, I say, no one'll hurt my little sister I love with all my heart.” Connor whispered to Violet, stroking softly the fuzz in her head. Then he put a kiss in her forehead. “You must know Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Ryan, Nana Kate, Nana Sue and I love you very very much, don't forget that Violet.” he added smiling.

Susan and Jackson looked tenderly Connor and Violet with emotion : the loves of their life together, it was the most beautiful thing they saw. Susan leaned towards her husband, who envelopped her in a warm hug, holding her hands in his. With teary eyes, both watching proudly Connor always talking, ignoring totally his parents' presence.

“Hey, when you'll come at home, I'll show you all our pets. First my dog and best friend Peanuts, then I'll introduce you to Nero and Jewel, finally we'll go with Uncle Ryan to see all the animals of his house - ...”

Meeeeeh I use to hate this drawing X( it’s sooooo bad ! Susan’s face looks weird and I literaly failed Connor ... Sorry guys ><” The only thing I like is Jackson ^^’ ... Well...

Another little illustrated fanfic following the one I wrote for the RS Writing Club “The Summer’s Heat” . So there is Violet, new Sackson family’s member. I always see Susan and Jackson having a daughter (fun fact : I already headcanon a daughter for them long while before I watched the 4th season). Both always wanted a daughter, especially Jackson who cried his eyes out when Violet was born lol. Don’t ask me why they chose to name her Violet, but I always loved that name and I thought it’ll match perfectly with her. ^^ Moreover I headcanon they chose Hermione as middle name to pay tribute to their friend, the girl who helped them. (I headcanon they remained pen friends, as well as Reid :D) ... I also headcanon Jackson and Susan planned to call the baby Edmund if he was a boy.

Poor Connor, how could we blame him, he’s just a kid afterall X) ... Don’t worry, he’ll become the best big brother Violet could have ! :D

Yeeeeees Jackson wears plaid ! We can think Reid sent it as early Xmas present for him, or Jackson stole it from him XD

Ah just to clarify : Kate and Ryan are respectively Jackson’s mother and little brother, Sue is Susan’s mother; Nero and Jewel are the cats. (100% headcanon !)

Ps : I’m gonna call it : Sackson Family : The Begining of an Era, it’ll be small chronicles about Sackson, their kids and other family members. I’ll post it in AO3.

[thenaivereview]

Katherine Collins One Afternoon

About a year after U.S. politics ate my interest in comic books, I found myself sitting outside Vancouver Comic Arts Festival, studying a Ben Sears print. It had been the longest, shittiest winter in a hundred years and now I was in the sun, staring at a picture like a child.

I had decamped that morning from Seattle to Vancouver, which is both foreign to me and closer to my original home in Alaska. Trump had decamped to Saudi Arabia. Between the two, my constant IV drip of political news had dried up. My phone didn’t work that well in Canada, so I couldn’t even text anyone for a secondhand hit. The Asian stock markets wouldn’t re-open for another 24 hours. No information was coming in except the colorful details of the Ben Sears print in my hands.

Being in an unfamiliar place in new sandals gave me a feeling from childhood that I’d forgotten. There’s liking yourself, and there’s being all right with the world. As adults we try to do both those things and be reasonably happy. But sometimes when you’re a little kid you have this sensation of liking yourself in the world. Liking the places where you and the world touch.

So that’s where I was, with the sun warming my back and bright artwork in my eyes, when my boyfriend tapped my shoulder and said, “We have to go to this panel—not enough people are showing up!”

I hurried inside with him, out of the sunlight and into a small, dark auditorium. In a pool of light, a woman my mother’s age and a man about my age sat at a table. The woman was Katherine Collins, and the man was Brandon Graham. He was interviewing her about her life and career, and her return to actively working as a cartoonist. A collection of her Neil the Horse stories was being republished in a thick volume after a long hiatus. She held her Neil the Horse book parallel to the table and let it drop with a thud. “That’s my favorite thing about this book,” she said. She had a deep, wry voice and as soon as she spoke, I wondered if she had worked in radio.

The conversation started with her youth and her cartooning inspirations. I didn’t get the cartooning references, but I liked that she set workmanlike goals for herself when she was 9 years old. I liked that she was competitive and bluffed her way into a radio gig even though she didn’t have experience at the time. Among many other things, Katherine adapted old comic strips to radio skits. She said, “All the other people in the skits were much better than me, but I didn’t care. Because I wrote them.”

I didn’t know what Katherine and Brandon were talking about half the time, about cartooning and the CBC, and the scene in Vancouver and Toronto. It was like listening to BBC World Service when you can’t sleep, and letting the enjoyably unfamiliar flow past you. They talk about cricket and you stare at the ceiling knowing nothing about cricket, clenching and unclenching your toes.

When I was a kid, I tried to hear BBC English as a foreign language, reduced to the aesthetics of sounds bumping up against each other, and the texture of voices. We only got one FM station up and down the radio dial—it was static soft and hard everywhere else. That was the local community radio station, relayed by receivers on mountain tops to tiny logging camps and roadless fishing villages. There was also one station on the AM dial—a rightwing commercial Christian radio station.

At night I’d troll slowly through the static on both dials, listening for changes, trying to sift voices out of the noise. Once in a while, if conditions were just right, the CBC came in from somewhere. It was as if aliens made contact, me cross-legged on my bed in the dark, absorbing wisdom from another culture. But the next night, and the nights after that—no more CBC. Just fuzz.

Katherine said, “I’ve always had a great capacity for ignoring things I’m not interested in. It’s called being a snob.” This is the sort of bitchily quotable thing my Grandma Ann was always saying. She had a presence and a deep voice like Katherine. She even had a similar handsome look, with a strong nose and pleasing facial planes.

Ann was big-chested and rangy at the same time. From my bedroom perch, I watched her loping up and down the cannery dock throughout the 1980s. She was a jack of no trades. She did all right as a housewife but wasn’t into it. She was a little disorganized. She helped with her husband’s business and she raised three kids as well as her personality would allow. She liked her grandkids, but not excessively. She scribbled in notebooks. She liked novels, the newspaper, baseball on television when she could get it. She liked playing cards. She was sardonic and opinionated and mellow and mirthful. She walked her dog, admired her cat, and knew the names of wildflowers. She was probably depressed. She was hard on herself in a way that cut other people down too. Ann’s potential was unfulfilled, like everyone else’s I knew, but she had an air of just being and that seemed like more than enough at the time. Nobody at her memorial suggested that she’d been kind, and I was glad they didn't lie just because she was dead.

Katherine isn’t like Ann at all. Besides being a generation younger, she had and has direction, and passion, and ambition. She made Neil the Horse, and she interviewed comic book and cartooning greats on national radio. She wrote songs for a musical version of Neil the Horse that she produced. She was and is the voice of Neil the Horse. And then she'd been sidelined from that by life, circumstances, the publishing world, animation studios. In the early 1990s, when she was in her early 40s, she said she could no longer get published. Katherine said, “It’s kind of sad and ironic and irritating that I was stopped doing my work back when I had momentum."

I’m going on 40 and I feel like I haven’t worked up that initial head of steam yet. I’m low energy and inefficient, I lack confidence and am an all-around foot-shooter. If I were in Alaska, it would matter less. If I were fifty years ago, I would have had a family along the way. I could have been like my grandmother but I was trying to be like Katherine, and falling through the gap between them.

Katherine is trying to get that productive part of her life back, but has less energy and more health problems now. She’d just been granted a big award in Toronto. She said, “Now I have to come alive again and do the work I’d hoped to do.” She said she might only have about fifteen minutes before she keeled over. She was joking, sort of, but she’d been sick and the people in her family tend to get Alzheimer’s and check out by 80.

A man in the audience asked her what she’d done since the 1990s. Even if she didn’t get published, was she still working—did she have a backlog of work to bring to light? She had an answer about a half-finished graphic novel but I understood that she had just been living life and sometimes that’s the thing that takes you away from your work. Meanwhile, you watch people fall off the edge of the world and disappear, and you feel yourself getting older and closer to the edge.

When Katherine said, “The next thing is to see if I can actually do it,” it bolsters me. I need to see other people lack confidence so I know to muddle on despite my own lack of confidence.

She’s going to do more Neil the Horse, but she talked about the contrast between a singing, dancing horse and the state of the world. “The human race is exhibiting the worst characteristics all over the place,” she said. She wants a different point of view than before. “I don’t want it to be somber, but I want it to be a little more aware of what’s happening in the world.”

I don’t want to be somber either, but every day I’m shellacked. All day I feel the fact that we’re living through a national emergency. I listen to political podcasts, show up to marches, attend meetings, and shell out more than I can afford for human rights and life on earth. At night I religiously blog the headlines and the press briefings in a hit and miss, scrapbooky way. I keep this blog under the radar because I work with Republicans in a conservative industry. Still, every few nights a maudlin personal essay finds its way in. I’m flying off the handle and white American men will feel the heat of my scorn.

What I haven’t done is anything else. No Wednesday trips to my local comic book shop. No reading floppies on the bus ride home. No reading comics on a bench by the lake and scribbling notes. No reviewing, no blogging, no musings about comics.

Katherine reminded me of something I did know before—anything you want to say about the world you can say in a cartoon, even one featuring a singing, dancing horse. And more than that, writing about comics was never just an escape for me. Anything I wanted to say about the world, I could say it in essays about comics. Not in a direct, social justicey way. But just about these lives we lead and the things that hit our eyes on the way down.

(P.S. I learned later that night that Katherine Collins is a transwoman who previously published under the name Arn Saba. Although this information did round out my understanding of her childhood and the first part of her career, this essay is just about my experience of watching her and listening to her that afternoon when I didn't know.)