#when i first listened to the acoustic stuff i was like 'ooh boy'

[fabfrnkie]

choose.... between gway as a singer and iero as a singer ..... u have five seconds to answer..... *cocks waterpistol*

GWAY 

frankwasreallybadatfirsti’msosorrybutthatmotherfuckergotbetterandihatehimforthat but gerard way is objectively a better singer fuwjoiw

// send asks!

[teamsarawatshusband]

Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 4

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

In case you haven't read my previous episode summaries, you should know that I now refer to alcoholic tanned tragic hero lord guy as Baby Xu (because he gave the name Zhou Xu), Wen Ke Xing is Smirky Xing, Ke Xing's female travelling companion is referred to as purple love of my life (because she rocks).

Alright let’s get started with Episode 4:

:O WHAT? Smirky Xing is qi-gong-balling nuts? Is he the red masked nut guy??? WTF? Is that why he said he's terrifying? Is that why he wasn't there at first during the fight in the dusty place? Waaaahhhh

Aww, he stilll wants Baby Xu and himself to be on first name basis. Giving horses as gifts. He's so determined.

Oooh the beggars caught up. And they openly state they're with 5 Lakes and want to bring the kid back to... some guy, I already forgot. Hmmm. The kid is instantly scared and hides behind Baby Xu. Baby Xu looks worried too. Nobody trusts 5 Lakes. Smirky Xing also doesn't trust them.

Wow, that's a lot of beggars.

Oh no, Smirky Xing insulted the talky beggar guy. And now they wanna fight.

Woahooooo, Baby Xu is pissy at Smirky Xing, but he trusts him to take care of the kid while he throws himself into the fight. Nice.

Less than 6 minutes in and we already have a million times more action than in the last episode. Thank you.

I see what smirky Xing meant when he called Baby Xu elegant. He is a VERY elegant fighter.

Offering nuts again, lol. Doesn't he know that the kid never wants to eat?

But jokes aside, the way Xing and the kid don't even go far but stay close enough to watch shows really well that smirky Xing is super confident in Baby Xu's fighting skills...

Oh no, they broke the alcohol jars, Baby Xu is gonna be so pissed.

And Smirky Xing is kind of an ass, teasing Baby Xu about his promise to keep an eye on the kid, while the beggar is chasing the kid around and Baby Xu is doing all the work.

Ahhh, it's cause he wants Baby Xu to admit that he needs him. Hehe, smart. Evil but clever.

:O The beggars got swords in their sticks! Cheaty little fuckers.

Baby Xu is fighting a bazillion beggars at once, no problem while the kid is almost caught.

Oh no, Baby Xu is mouthbleeding. That's never a good sign.

Oooooh, Smirky Xing notices and instantly steps in. No more teasing.

Oh how the turntables. Baby Xu and the kid flee, while Smirky Xing takes on the beggars. Nice. Sharing the workload. Like good husbands. Smirklord ftw!

Oh no, Baby Xu is worried about being a loser. And now he's doing the smelly meditation thing again. Awww :(

Meanwhile Smirky Xing has killed all the beggars, and it's not even shown on camera. Like... he probably did it with a determined look, some nut throwing and a snap of a finger or something. Impressive.

LOL, the purple love of my life comes on screen, looks around and has this, "Aww, dangit, he's on a killing spree again" look on her face. So this happens a lot, I gather.

She's concerned about the cleanup and the aesthetics, lol. My queen.

Whoa, what's that? Two tied up girls on a boat. And a jerk. I don't even know him but I know that much. Character introduction 101.

Oh wait, my purple love stops him. She knows him. He's one of the mountain ghost guys? And she knows him? There's a connection. That probably means that Smirky Xing really is nut guy. :O :O :O

She's striking a deal. And I didn't catch what she asked jerk guy to do in return for keeping him tying up girls a secret. But he leaves to do it.

Wow, Baby Xu knows how to cook. And offers the fish to the kid. And the kid ACTUALLY TAKES it. Impressive. I thought he hates food.

Ah, no, he spit it out. Okay. My worldview has been restored. And Baby Xu is not a good cook after all, lol.

My purple queen shows up and explains how to cook fish, lol. Yeah, they wish they had her cooking skills.

Oh, and baby Xu actually asks about Smirky Xing's whereabouts and looks longingly towards the boat where my queen points to.

Very lovely scenery, with Smirky Xing plaing the flute on the boat, and the two girls (who were previously tied up, I think, I still suck at recognizing faces) are enjoying his company, preparing drinks and listening.

Clearly Smirky Xing is playing just for Baby Xu. And then jumps off the boat with a flute twirl (clearly a Wei Wuxian fan, and who isn't?!) and then fly-jumps over the water to the beach and Baby Xu.

Heh, tempting Baby Xu with alcohol and good food, Smirky Xing is really trying everything.

LOL, you can't sit with the cool kids Smirky Xing.

But he never gives up and recites poetry again. Okay, now some story about historic white cloth. And a sword. Wait, is the "white cloth" the sword? Oh, and Smirky Xing is hinting that Baby Xu's sword is so bendy that it might be the legendary sword.

Always digging for info. Always noticing everything.

Oooh, Baby Xing compares their relationship to the fish he threw away, calls it "raw/unrequited". Nice pun. BUT, the fish wasn't raw, you literally discussed with the kid that is was cooked through, you little liar. I see what's going on there. Unrequited my ass. Smirklord setting sails.

Baby Xu explains that he doesn't know himself and couldn't care less about knowing Smirky Xing.

Smirky Xing is such a sweet talker. This whole "I hurt when you hurt" spiel... blergh.

He called him "My A-Xu" awww, cute. Also super invasive.

Some dark figure is playing headach inducing music. Huh? What is going on?

My purple queen and the kid are affected and Smirky Xing, stops them from running off by placing his hands on their backs. How? What?

Wait, Baby Xu plays the flute as well???

Everybody's a musician.

Oh, it's a music fight. The acoustic waves are hitting each other.

And the girls on the boats are jumping off, because they don't have Smirky Xing's hands holding them back.

Whooooooo, Baby Xu's flute sound lawnmowers the grass and the other musician down. Nice skills.

Oh, it's an assassination skill. The one that the dark figure used. :O A music assassin!!!

LOL, Baby Xu apologizes for getting Smirky Xing's flute dirty. Honey, he 100% won't mind your spit.

Why is the kid puking? He hasn't even eaten anything. Oh, he's lacking martial arts skills to defend against the attack, got it, got it.

Awwww, the one who dislikes you is the one who is really good to you. Of course you would live by that motto Smirky Xing, you lovesick boy.

Okay, the kid wants to learn martial arts now. Wants to be Baby Xu's disciple. And he's kind of agreeing, even though reluctantly, because he... doesn't wanna look good in front of Ke Xing?

Oh a camp of assassins. Pretty girl assassins. One of them is getting a leg massage. Nice. Being an assassin has perks, it seems. Ooh, and she gets touchy with some victim guy.

Did that guy just kill the several-times-stabbed victim by throwing a bone at his head? lol

Oh, the music assassin is one of this group, k, got it.

What? Smirky Ke Xing playing this special meditation song means he has a pure mind? I'm with Baby Xu, I would never have thought so. So, he's not nuts guy? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Dude, he does NOT look like of pure mind while playing that flute at all. It looks very... not pure. This looks like a mating ritual to me.

Wait, is he telling my purple queen to kill the two girls she saved? I'm so confused.

Aww, he LIKES Baby Xu. Not that it's a surprise. But he admitted it. Heh. And, once again, my purple queen gets it.

Aww, Smirky Xing plays for his boy all night long. And Baby Xu finally gets some rest. Nice.

And Smirky Xing finally gets to sit next to his crush after all.

But he doesn't get to hold his hand yet. I see how it is.

LOL, tough women can't resist clingy men, what? Is Smirky Xing ever talking about anybody other than himself and Baby Xu?

Ahaha, Smirky Xing is such a bad liar. But really good at making Baby Xu feel guilty. Yes, yes, you poor man driven off the boat, aching from all the flute playing, riiiight.

LOL, he ends up the coachman. Nice.

Oh no, the grandparents are fighting nice undies tree master guy and the mini Wangjis. Why can't they be friends?

Why are they all after that stupid glazed armor, this is so annoying.

Oh no, now pleated skirt soldier boss guy is joining in as well. Which side is he picking?

Okay he's fighting the grandparents, but is he on friendly terms with undies tree guy? Because I don't think so. But the mini Wangjis knew him and seemed to trust him. So confusing all of this...

Okay and there's another new guy. In green and gold with a tiny mustache. Is he the one they were supposed to bring the kid to? Ah yes, okay. Uncle Zhao.

Wait, the leader of the something something sect is chased. Who was that? Undies tree master? I need a name chart mind map or something. I should make one and add on to it as I go along.

Anyway, end of episode.

Okay this was interesting, what have I learned? Baby Xu can't get rid of Smirky Xing, no matter what. The kid wants to be his disciple. My purple queen is 100% a smirklord shipper. There's a bunch of assassins out there to hurt... I don't know, everybody, possibly. Everybody seems to want the glazed armor. Except for Baby Xu who just wants to be left alone, and Smirky Xing who just wants Baby Xu. I feel like I'm getting the hang of this. Except I STILL don't know how everybody is truly connected. And Smirky Xing might be nuts guy but also maybe not because he's pure, but I mean, who are you kidding?

Goals for future episodes: I should really actually make that character name chart mind map thing.

Also, we have officially reached the moment, where I wanna continue watching, even though I'm tired and have other stuff to do. I bet the point of no return strikes during the next episode. I can feel it coming.

[bundleofyarrow]

Ooh, I’d love to hear about you x Zeke! 😁 And maybe you x another character of your choice?

this is definitely going to be self-indulgent, i deserve it 😌

Gwen x Zeke

who’s the cuddler: definitely me, i want to cuddle every time i'm lying next to a partner. i feel like Zeke wouldn't initiate cuddling unless feeling vulnerable but would always draw me in when i do

who makes the bed: neither, or me until i give up because he's always napping and messing them up just after i made the bed 😒

who wakes up first: me, he strikes me as the sleeps-in type and i like to get up at the same time every day. but he would probably drag me back into bed, and on days where i'm not in a rush, i'd let him 🙄🥰

who has the weird taste in music: definitely Zeke, he goes out of his way to listen to underground and experimental stuff. i'm not always listening to the mainstream but i don't think my taste in music comes off as weird

who is more protective: Zeke, because he's a bit territorial and also doesn't like being worried over, even though i like doting. we're working on it 😅

who sings in the shower: 100% Zeke 🤣 and he's either belting it totally off-key just to be annoying or singing very well to himself enjoying shower acoustics

who cries during movies: i do sometimes and he teases me about it, but if we watch anything depressing/heavy he's the one that gets into a pensive mood

who spends the most while out shopping: both because i love shopping and he indulges me 💁🏽‍♀️ he always starts out uninterested but then has an opinion whenever i start picking out clothes 🙄 however, if this man is in a record store, we'll be there for days

who kisses more roughly: he does at the beginning until he learns i don't like that too much, except for certain special moments 🤐

who is more dominant: we both are, but he has a secret switch side i've learned to unlock so, i win 😏 i'm the mother in law to his daddy energy and he loves/hates it 😂

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 6ish in the beginning, 9ish as it develops. i think Zeke and i would clash at the start especially because he’s used to being dominant and getting his way, and those sort of tactics don’t work on me. things would feel casual/short-term until he opened up emotionally, then i think there would be a lot of progression! 💗

Gwen x Reiner

who’s the cuddler: this is more equal, i think Reiner would seek out cuddles, especially knowing that i like them so much. whenever he's had a tough day he just immediately seeks close physical contact 🥰

who makes the bed: it would be him i think, he seems like the type that distracts himself with chores

who wakes up first: we would probably get up together, he would have regular sleeping and waking times like me most likely ✅

who has the weird taste in music: neither? i feel like Reiner listens to a mix of acoustic guitar + vocals and metal, so maybe my music is a little 'weirder' but i would say he listens to more radio than me

who is more protective: both in different ways! i go to a lot of events in my profession but also get socially anxious around public perception, so Reiner would be very protective of me whenever we're out together. but when it comes to the people who hurt him, especially from his past (like his parents), or anything that triggers him, absolutely me 😤 i like doting on him when he gets in moods

who sings in the shower: he would hum whatever song he has in his head, but not outright sing

who cries during movies: if we're alone we both get weepy together 🤣😭💖 i think i would start getting misty and sniffle, and then that would make him get teary, and then i'd catch him rubbing his eyes and won't be able to hold it back anymore 😅

who spends the most while out shopping: probably me, i feel like he's much more efficient and knows what he wants before he leaves the house

who kisses more roughly: neither, i think we start off tender and stay that way for the most part 😍🥺

who is more dominant: i bring out his switch side hard, he has good boy syndrome and i take advantage of it, to his pleasure/dismay 😌

my rating of the ship from 1-10: a more consistent/solid 9 with potential for a 10 💗 i think we’d get along very well, i can handle when he gets down and he comes across as the deeply loyal type. he might be less exciting but i think domestic life would be so nice with Reiner 💕

[nobody-knose--archive]

well, today i figured i didn’t have anything better to do & liveblogged the pingry ep. it’s probably a better stepping stone further into the tally void than incomplete demos, coming right off of complete demos, at least.

-from what i know this one basically includes all the mmmm songs that weren't on complete demos (andrew singing ones wahoo) & the expected demos that didn't end up anywhere else + just a friend. i also believe this one was recorded similarly to complete demos so i really have no clue what to expect for taken for a ride's vocals. anyway here i go

-the bidding sounds impressively professional to start things off, but i suppose humming isn't a terribly complex technique anyway. the intro feels a little longer th

-whoah there if that aint a marked difference in audio quality here we go

-guitars also sound different & i don't remember if this album has steve or ross on it i now realize

-goodness the mixing is wonky for rob's segment. the backing vocals do not need to bounce between channels

-why do they have kinda weird voices for the chorus. sounds like they're trying an accent or something. i can barely recognize who's singing

-the keyboard backing in zubin's segment sounds the same as usual, as in, it sounds so stupidly similar to the questions answered backing music that i'm offended i couldn't pick up they're the same for so long

-less echo on disappear actually. at least they still had the brass section

-still a weird sound on the chorus but maybe i can chalk that up to different mixing & more red

-outro sounds not super different. still very good drumming on display which will give me the push i need to decide it's ross drumming

-however i don't hear him shouting out the auctioneer stuff, and given that it was presented as a video during the mmmm recording, i might assume it was done specially for the mmmm releases, so maybe he didn't drum for this album after all

-it does have a greater similarity to the live performances even if the keyboarding is using a different synth

-well now. that's a real piano

-and as any piano will be when played that low, it's out of tune. very

-and everyone's singing? i can't hear andy in the slightest. this is interesting

-i mean i can certainly hear him doing plenty on the piano. but. it's interesting

-i suppose given the ep's hallmanac description, as a compilation of acoustic/one-take recordings i shouldn't be surprised taken for a ride is this different. but boy is it jarring. sounds incredibly different without the heavy synthesizing and complementary instruments

-barebones certainly. not much more of a way to describe it. that's what i expected just not in this way. i like the sound of this bridge though

-do very much wish i could hear andrew's actual voice. even at acoustic live performances he would sing at the very least. then again, that was years later i suppose.

-and it's only now at the final chorus that i realize, somehow, this is a piano-only song. no guitar, no drums even. that's really interesting. even the album version had some drums & bass

-red's singing isn't as impressive here. not as many high notes. understandable. bitch

-different rhythm on the quick part! bet steve feels lucky he didn't have to drum this part although i am hearing some sort of. pants-slapping? now that would be a sight to behold irl

-and that's the end

-goodness. be born. considering how this song was always & every time performed acoustic live i really expect to hear nothing here i haven't from concert recordings

-we're missing whatever the hell that skittery little shaker is called. alas i am not a percussionist & do not know the name of every auxilliary instrument ever

-rippin it up on the melodica bay be. a suitable replacement for whistling considering that never was all that good live. nobody can compare to bora karaca at whistling

-there's extra bass harmonies on display here. swell

-also no percussion i'm realizing

-da-da-da!

-but yeah normally ross uses brushes on a box/seat drum (also don't know what that's called!) for some good gentle percussion & it's not here. really hoping this won't be a trend because i'm fond of drumming even if it's from stebev himself

-bah (chorus) bah

-wait a minute that's not a bah! that's a doo! big difference! what are you doing rob

-i can tell it's one-take because rob has to take a breath in the middle of that final long bah there

-ooh dropping off the guitar there real quick are you? and not even doing the full outro too. good way to spice things up at the end.

-honestly maybe the reason i & so many other th fans dislike be born so much isn't even the country sound and weird subject matter, it's the fact that this song lacks a whole lot of the variability that might separate it from other music. in the album versions there are violins/fiddles, and the live versions... don't have that. maybe some halfway decent whistling at best. it just is what it is. especially compared to the rest of mmmm- g&e could often be more faithfully recreated on stage, but mmmm got to mix things up most of the time, except for be born. food for thought

-anyway. of all the songs i would expect to be absolutely completely identical (other than be born) the whole world and you definitely takes the cake. a delightful song. i should listen to it more.

-but yeah it was a toy orchestra piece long before a tally hall piece, and toy orchestra was & is nothing but silly little live performances. how on earth could they make this one completely different

-other than. the "punk rehearsal" i've heard of from incomplete demos. that's just. a thing i think

-oh hold on i didn't even listen to the end of be born there was a tiny outro with chat at the end oh that's adorable

-hey i can hear andrew's voice! nice!

-starting off with a full ensemble vocals, all sorts of harmonies in action, and a normal piano instead of a toy piano, so already i'm being proven decently wrong on this song's inability to be greatly altered

-other than that. i kinda like how it sounds as if they're stumbling over their words at points

-boy has andrew's voice changed hasn't it. i know i haven't listened to the solo albums so i'm not exactly one to speak but he really developed his singing a lot over time

-clapping live & not in a studio sure sounds a lot worse, especially when it's like 4 people max doing it and not a whole crowd

-zubin (i'm pretty sure) flexing on us all at the end there. good for him

-ayyyyyyy

-it's the song that's sure to invoke an emotional response out of me >:}

-it's also the song i was convinced had andrew vocals in the background (the badadum's between verses) for a good while. still not 100% certain it's rob instead but it's not like i can ask them themselves

-yeah i'll admit it right here this is the song i listen to when i'm going through emotional turmoil. not this version of the song, and no, i don't mean i listen to i'm gonna win or even the tally hall rock version of this one. i mean i listen to the cover of it from we think we're playing in a band. and that's enough on this subject!

-however given the above information yeah i am pretty familiar with this song already. not a new experience right here

-i greatly appreciate the heavy piano work. it's one of my favorite parts about the song

-oh and i should stop talking about that subject right there as well. actually i think i should just say nothing about this song in general. you'll see why in about uhh pauses video

-this friday or so? damn that's sooner than i thought lucky me

-everything will be fine! i'll be making it through!

-oh hello there. "ALBUM" is not a word beamed directly into my brain with great volume thank you very much

-so. it's the outro to good day done with weird haste. looping. no actual chord pro-

-this is. is this some sort of radio performance? what the hell is going on

-steven!!! hello there thanks for the confirmation & god is it surreal to hear his name truly uttered in the context of red rob zubin andrew. wow

-pingry school spring fling. how the hell have i never heard about whatever the hell this track is before

-wait- is it over? song listed as good day but it's in fact the outro to good day done on. a radio program maybe. and now it's a really strange sounding performance of yearbook

-i genuinely can't tell if there's a filter on rob's voice or if the micro- shit that's loud

-what in the hell is going on is this another radio performance or something? like ok yearbook at least was on songs about girls by listedblack but i really want this to be made clear soon

-all i really think i need to know about yearbook is that it's another rob "heterophobic homophonic" cantor angsty boy band song and. listening to it for the first time her. that impression sure isn't going away

-at least i get to hear andrew twinkling those ivories in the back. got a good sound. even if the mixing here is all sorts of wack. a song this complex should not be performed live with only like one microphone

-alright rob i get it you were in love with a girl- and it's over? ok

-live performance of just a friend holy shit hell yes hell yes hell yes for some reason i thought this would be the studio version but no

-i cannot imagine what this song will sound like with steve on the drums hell yes oh will there be banter will rob forget his lines will red say some random 4-syllable phrase will zubin be the best singer in the whole damn band give me an answer now

-already hearing some banter :}

-they're moving weirdly fast and andrew's already got the piano playing even in the beatboxing part. wowie

-ooh kick it andy do those riffs hell yeah

-"that sounded fishy... zubin sedghi!" i'm in love

-KICK IT ANDY

-AND ZUBIN

-and there's the drums! go stevie. go stevie

-good ness andrew just will not let up on the sick as hell keyboarding will he fukc yeah bro kill it

-rob sounds unbelievably tired for this i'm half expecting him to trip up the lyrics at any moment

-"i don't buy it" "don't gimmie that!" you say it boys. oh classic zubin line right there preserved on an official tally hall recording for all eternity, what a treasure this is

-hm isn't this a bit early to go into the pseudo-breakdown chorus? no it works. andrew still rippin it up of course

-and there's the tambourine bay be!

-buildup to the "oh snap" isn't as intense as it could get in later performances which i will gladly blame in its entirety on steve <3

-boy oh boy does rob's voice just sound generally different here. so young so so young

-shooby-doo-wah. well i had low expectations which were not quite fulfilled but it's technically more than what we got on the studio recording so. i won't complain

-THERE IT IS

-BARBEQUE SAUCE BAY BE

-what a fool i was to pause the moment he said it. silly old me <3

-no, no, thank you for coming! but hold on one second. is there not... one more track? technically not a song, technically something i think i've heard before, but if i take a step over to the tally archive...

-cell phone call.

-circus you say? if i had to guess it's the whole world & you given the 08 version of the song but that's a vague guess. can't think of anything better but my current answer isn't that good on its own

-ah! it's joey jo joseph. this wouldn't happen to be that phone call spoken of that, like, invited joe into the band in the first place, would it? i remember that story from an old bio or something, but it doesn't seem like the type of thing that'd be recorded & put on an album. hard to say

-pj? like a certain rob cator frat dude voice JP!?

-well well well now. i'm not sure what to say. i don't recognize that song they're playing as the outro. it could either be some vague listedblack or miscellaneous early tally hall song lost to the void or a demo. i wouldn't exactly know. anyway that ends the pingry ep. shorter than i thought it be, lucky old me. hope you enjoyed!

[v-t-holmes]

1D songs rated by how much I want to hear MCR cover them

wmyb - I’m actually lowkey wondering how that would sound tbh, 7/10

gotta be you - if gerard doesn’t have the vocal range for the chorus, I would rather have him not strain himself, 2/10, but if he does, 6/10, I’m intrigued

one thing - I wouldn’t mind a cover of this one, 4/10

more than this - ooh yes, but there’s a 90% chance i’d cry, 7/10

uan - the way this song is, an mcr cover would probably sound lit, 9/10

i wish - and make me cry and drown myself in tears? 3/10

tell me a lie - change screwed up to fucked up and it’s a deal, 6/10

taken - the only reason i don’t start feeling Sad while listening to this song bc I’m so used to it, if mcr covered it i would be Ugly Sobbing, 5/10

i want - okay that would sound lit, 7/10

everything about you - okay this song is kinda boring ngl, mcr could spice things up, 9/10

same mistakes - this one already gives me existential crisis without thinking about an mcr cover, 7/10

save you tonight - I’m indifferent, it would probably sound lit tho 5/10

stole my heart - dunno if it would work as well while being sung by a guy literally the same age as my mom as it does while being sung by a (in the recording) group of boys aged between 17 and 20 - 1/10

stand up - SO PUT YOUR HANDS UP COZ IT’S A STAND UP, basically it’s an armed robbery, 5/10

moments - the subtle hinting at the fact everyone in this song dies,, fun fact that would just instantly kill me, 100000000/10, I would Cry but it would be worth it

another world - I rather would not be taken to ‘another world’ ‘every day’ ‘in every way’ by mcr, thank you very much 0/10

na na na - the cover would be worth it just for the title confusion, so yes, yes please, 10/10

i should have kissed you - the regret in the original’s is not Expressed At All, 7/10, fuck me up mcr

lwwy - i mean it would probably sound good, but lets be real, mcr doesn’t exactly fit the vibe of this song, 4/10, just because it lowkey has danger days vibes (i listened to it three times in a row before, I know what vibes danger days has)

kiss you - i’m torn between the fact that this is targeted at teen girls and sang by barely not underage anymore boys, and the fact the cover would probably sound lit 5/10

little things - it’s,,, too soft for mcr,,, 0/10

c’mon c’mon - eh, I’m indifferent to that one, 5/10

last first kiss - this one gives me an existential crisis and makes me Sad already, 8/10

heart attack - just for the ow! part, and also for the 1D just doesn’t do emotions right in this one, 7/10

rock me - in summer ‘09, they were literal babies, I’m fairly certain 16 year old harry styles did NOT fuck, mcr did shit other than going to school in 2009, and they probably fucked and this song is just one big innuendo, 7/10

change my mind - ah another song that would probably make me cry, 6/10

i would - idk, a song about high school drama? 1/10

over again - stabbing me would be more merciful than an mcr cover, 10/10

back for you - this one hits differently when you hear 1D promising they’ll come back for the fandom, And with the reunion rumours going around, it wouldn’t sound right if mcr did a cover, 2/10

they don’t know about us - unlike the original, it would make me cry, because it remind me of my gf, 3/10, covers of songs that remind me of my gf that would make me cry are illegal

summer love - the 1D version didn’t kill me, but the mcr version definitely would, 5/10

she’s not afraid - I’m actually kinda curious about what the cover would sound like, 8/10

loved you first - another one I kinda want to hear mcr’s cover of, 7/10

nobody compares - this one is either boring or it’s getting late, either way, mcr would spice it up, 7/10

still the one - it’s a bop already, 5/10

truly madly deeply - soft and tender and,,, can mcr do soft and tender? I mean, probably, but their songs that sound soft and tender end up in people in the song dying, 2/10

magic -THERE’S A 99.99999% CHANCE THE MCR COVER WOULD BE LIT, 219833/10

irresistible - mcr’s cover would make me cry and i’d thank them 8/10

bse - despite the title, not the best song ever out there (home is the best), and mcr could definitely improve it, 8/10

soml - the chorus starts, but with more SCREAMING, 8/10, sometimes you just want a soft song to have more yelling

diana - could be good, but really, I’m indifferent to it, 5/10

midnight memories - the fact 1D says 'same old shhh' instead of 'same old shit' is so unsatisfying, mcr would fix that, 10/10

you & i - yeah, just make me cry or whatever, 6/10, I’m already feeling like a trainwreck

don’t forget where you belong - that would be nice but it would also make me cry, 7/10

strong - the intro keeps reminding me one of the mcr songs and idk which one, probably famous last words, and it’s bothering me, 5/10

happily - I have no objections to this one, 9/10

right now - it would probably make me cry too much to handle, 2/10

little black dress - I’m kinda curious about this one honestly, it’s already a lot more rock than some other songs and I wouldn’t mind a cover, 6/10

through the dark - idk why, but I would definitely pay for an mcr version of this song, 10/10

something great - this one already gives me Feelings, I don’t think I could handle the mcr cover, 1/10

little white lies - it’s an okay song but really, I don’t need an mcr cover of it, 0/10

better than words - mcr wouldn’t censor fuck, 5/10

why don’t we go there - i’m actually running out of ideas of how to express what I want to say about this song, but basically, it would sound good but I don’t think it’s on the priority list, 2/10

does he know - i learnt that gerard is the same age as my mom so I legally can’t listen to him sing about sex while addressing the listener like that, 0/10

alive - it would be a headbanger, 10/10

half a heart - and make me cry even more than I cry while listening to the original? 2/10

steal my girl - not really something I’d want or need covered by mcr -10/10

ready to run - this song made me make this post, a clear 10/10

where do broken hearts go - I mean I’d probably cry, but I’d love to hear a cover, 7/10

18 - it makes me feel similar as songs from bullets or three cheers do, but on the other hand, this song already makes me sad and is crying so much I fill the ocean with my tears worth it? 5/10, probably

girl almighty - it would probably sound fun, I wouldn’t mind there being a cover, 5/10

fool’s gold - do you want me to cry? because that’s how to make me cry, no but also please/10

night changes - an existential crisis sounds nice in these trying times (not), 3/10

no control - it would be okay, I guess, 3/10

fireproof - why not, 5/10

spaces - another one presumably about the break up, it just wouldn’t Hit the same if mcr covered it, 2/10

stockholm syndrome - oh, please, that sounds like it would make a lit cover, 8/10

clouds - why tf not, I’d love to hear what mcr would do with it, 9/10, fuck me up

change your ticket - I can’t think about this song without thinking about that one tik tok where 1D members pop up in the girl’s room when their parts start, imagine that with mcr, I would scream (in a not good way), 0/10

illusion - I wouldn’t mind a cover, but really I don’t know what I’d do with it, 1/10

once in a lifetime - this song already makes me cry, I wouldn’t be able to handle an mcr cover, 3/10

act my age - heheh why not, it would make a fun cover, 8/10

hey angel - I wouldn’t mind a cover, so why not, 6/10 (would I cry? you can’t prove anything)

drag me down - I can see it being a good cover now that I think of it, 8/10

perfect - kinda curious how that would sound, 8/10

infinity - only if mcr is willing to pay for and play at my funeral, 8/10

end of the day - I wouldn’t mind an mcr cover if this one, but mostly I’m just indifferent, 5/10

if i could fly - the intro is too similar to cancer, and the original already makes me Cry, i would straight up get dehydrated and die from mcrying, but also, please 9/10

long way down - more mcrying, a whole party, 7/10

never enough - the cover would be probably pretty good, 6/10

olivia - it’s already a fun song to listen to, I wonder what the cower would sound like, 7/10

what a feeling - it has the potential to make me cry, 7/10, also it hits different in these times

love you goodbye - wanna see if they can be as tender as 1D is with this song,, 6/10

i want to write you a song - i don’t dare sending my gf mcr songs with the caption ‘that made me think of you’ in fear of the song having undertones of murder, collective death, nuclear winter or other dying stuff I haven’t noticed yet, this song is too soft, sorry mcr -10/10

history - it would most likely sound good, but it has a sentimental value that mcr just wouldn’t be able to capture, 1/10

temporary fix - HECK YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG THAT WOULD SOUND GREAT AS AN MCR COVER, 475475837/10

walking in the wind - I wouldn’t mind a cover, 5/10

wolves - it would be worth it just for the confusion between this song and house of wolves in search results, 10/10, bc i enjoy chaos

am - the original is soft and there’s really barely any instrumental background for most of the song other than acoustic guitar, so I’m wondering what mcr would do with it, 6/10

home - how much do I have to pay to hear mcr cover that one? 1000/10, it’s my fav 1D song

[nosferatyou]

New Tune: Chapter 3 (Jake Kiszka x Reader)

WC: 3.2k

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of alcohol and hard drugs, two of our favorite boys smoking weed

Summary: Two guitarists meet at a Rock Festival, only having a week with each other before they have to return to their own lives. The bond they create is unfeigned and resolute.

Notes: I HIGHLY recommend the songs I mention throughout this chapter, especially into the mystic. That song fucks me up.

I walked up to the tour bus, acoustic strapped to my back. I checked my phone one more time to make sure I had the time right. The band was still playing what seemed to be their last song. All of the members were putting everything into their playing, emotion from all of them pouring through. The singing belting out everything, the drums and bass seemed to be on the same wavelength with a steady and more relaxed rhythm, and finally, the guitar seemed angry and messy. Despite all of their conflicting tones they found a way to meld together, making their music them. It wasn't anything like me and the boys played,  I could only describe it as a mixture of Sabbath's first album and Pink Floyds “wish you were here” album. That style of a very heavy, angry blues with David Gilmour's bends and solos. I couldn't think of a genre to pin it down with. 

I decided not to burst in unannounced, so I opened up my phone and leaned against the bus, mindlessly scrolling through instagram. As soon as I started three guys walked off the bus, cigarettes in hand. They stopped when they saw me, each with a quizzical look on their faces. I quickly stuck my hand out and introduced myself,

“Jake Kiszka, I’m um, here to meet Y/N.”

Matt seemed to quickly realize who I was because a smile adjourned his face.

“Oh shit hey man! I dont think you've met the other guys. This here is Eli, our bassist.” Eli quickly shook my hand returned back to his cig. Matt continued. “And this is Asa, our baby drummer.”

 Asa shook his head and took a drag of his, then motioned towards me. “I’m literally the same height this guy.”

Matt looked at the both of us and gave out a quick laugh “ Oh shit, my bad.”

“I can't help that i’m the shortest, literally all of you are over 5’10! Y/N is a head taller than me, especially when she wears heels. Which is like, everyday.” Said Asa, trying to defend himself.

“Speaking of! She will be out shortly, she's on the phone. We are gonna go to the bar, see 

you around man.” 

They all threw me a hasty peace sign and walked away. 

They are quite the crew, I see why Y/N is the way she is. 

Not too long after Y/N hopped off the bus with a guitar strapped to her back and what seemed to be a small mason jar. 

“Well hey there, Rockstar. Ready to go jam?”

She seemed different than earlier, and it wasn’t that her hangover was gone. She just seemed… off. Still, she was peppy and seemed eager to see me.

She was dressed the same as this morning, but she put on a light denim jacket. Probably for how cold it gets at night here.

“Hell yeah. I'm assuming we aren't playing here, just that no fun.” I joked.

“My feelings would be very hurt right now if I didn't have a super cool spot planned.”

I raised one of my eyebrows, not entirely visible behind my sunglasses.

“Super cool spot?”

“Yeah! It's a bit of a walk, I hope you don’t mind. I just enjoy hiking through the desert while I’m here. A welcome change of scenery.”

I smiled at that sentence,there is just something about a girl who doesn't mind a hike that gets me.

“I don’t mind at all.”

She did look beautiful, I can’t deny that. Her hair was wild and curly, not unkempt but perfectly messy. The light from the sun catching her skin perfectly.

“Well let's get going! Can’t just stare at me all night.” 

Fuck.

A small blush rose to my cheeks. Guess I can't really smoothly play it off.

“Can you blame?”

“No I guess not.” A bright smile on her face as we started our trek.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And welcome to the coolest part of this whole festival.”

We stood on a massive boulder that went off the trail, overlooking the desert. It must've been about a 20 ft drop, at least. The vast desert ahead of us  seemed never ending, and it was all covered with green bushes. The sun still setting, about to disappear beyond the horizon.

“Fuck. The boys would kill to see this” I said, the view stunning me.

She already found a spot perched on a rock overlooking it all.

“Fuck is the perfect description for this place.”

I made my way over to her, grabbing a seat next to her. She pulled the small mason jar out of her pocket.

“Whatcha got there?”

“The surprise.” She looked over to me, excitement evident on her face.

“You never told me there was one.”

“It wouldn't be a surprise if i told you.” She said nudging my shoulder.

“Well show it to me then.” 

She unscrewed the lid and inside was a nug of weed, along with rolling papers and a lighter.

My eyes lit up, happy to see the product in front of me.

 I chuckled and said “Y/N, You're killing it tonight.”

“Rockstar, you don't have to tell me that.” She handed it to me suddenly, then continued 

“Thing is, I never learned to roll. Well-” She stopped for a moment, thinking. “Well I did learn, but my skills are laughable.”

I grabbed my guitar from my back, and laid it down in my lap, using it as a flat surface.

“You brought the right person with you.” I grabbed the items out of the jar and laid them out, staying as still as I could. Talking while rolling the blunt.

“Josh stopped smoking joints a while back, you know, for his voice. Sam and Danny still do, but both use bongs whenever they can. In fact, I remember Sam trying to make a bong in woodworking class, I think it’s still on the bus actually.”

I finished grinding it, setting it down in a little pile, then grabbing the papers. Continuing 

to talk while I rolled.

“Anyways they always left me to roll, and after MANY years of experience.” I stop for a moment to lick the edges and push the paper in with my tongue. “I can roll a pretty damn good blunt.”

I finally finish it off by running my lighter along the edge, cooking it.

“Under two minutes? Damn, man I’m impressed. If I did it we would have been here a while.” She laughed and then laid her guitar down next to her, leaning back on her hands. 

I grabbed all the stuff and put it back in the jar, sitting it down next to me. I tried to pass the blunt over to her.

“Ladies, first”

“Psh, please. I know proper etiquette.” She lightly scoffed, pushing my hand back over to me.

“I insist, it’s your bud.” My hand returning back to its spot, wiggling it around to tease her.

She was stubborn, her face was scrunched up in thought before finally accepted. She took it from my hands, going for the lighter.

“Ah, I got it.”

“Ooh, look at you being all chivalrous.”

I laughed and cupped my hand around it, blocking any wind, then lit the end of it.

She breathed in, holding it in a bit before finally exhaling, letting out a plume of smoke. It hanging heavy in the air for a moment before the breeze sweeps it away.

She passed it over to me, and I grabbed it out of her hand, taking an equally big hit.

“Its funny, usually by now i'm in the middle of a cough-” She cut herself off, going into an expected coughing fit. 

I cough out a laugh, not expecting that to happen. The both of us laughing and coughing before it eased.

It seemed like it had been a bit since she’d smoked, she was paying attention to all of her actions carefully before doing them.

We eventually calmed down and quietly passing it between each other, enjoying the sounds of nature and the setting sun.

“Fuck I hate when it gets this small.” She was doing her best to pinch the end of it, trying to get a hit.

“It's a fun challenge.” I laughed.

“I use this so I don’t have to deal with challenges.” She passed the roach over to me and settled back on her hands, staring off into the distance. A serene look on her face and seemingly not a bad thought in mind.

I took a final hit before putting it out on the rock and flicking it off the boulder.

“Wanna play something?” I asked.

“Just- Give me a second, this all is so beautiful its a bit overwhelming.”

I simply nodded and stared off myself, marveling in nature's beauty.

I caught my gaze drifting over to her several times, admiring her peace. She seemed so at home with all of this.

“Know the song “Junk” by John Denver?” She asked not looking away from the scenery.

I fully turned my head towards her saying “Of course.”

She pulled herself away and grabbed her guitar and pick, starting to strum the tune.

She sang along, never faltering. I listened for a bit, admiring her voice. The song matched the energy of the night, making the whole experience more surreal.

In the chorus I joined in, harmonizing with her soprano voice. Our voices melded together beautifully, our guitars singing and harmonizing together. A smile forming on her face, as we both sang together. Our guitars finding a rhythm together and continued on after the song ended. We played off of each other, either one of us soloing at any point, but we kept a steady strum pattern throughout it. 

We eventually found a way to segue into other songs, never really stopping. Continuing to sing, and if we messed up we’d laugh while continuing. We generally knew all the songs we started, and if the other didn't they’d play matching chords, listening to the other sing. I played my fair share of John Denver and Neil Young, never forgetting a word. She seemed kin to Jim Croce and James Taylor. Not that I ever minded. Both of us were so perfectly contempt with just staying there and never stopping. We stayed like that for hours.

Eventually we did slow down, finishing “Annie's Song” by John Denver. Which of course I started. I looked up to see her tearing up, still she never stopped playing, nor did it seem that she wanted to. Her voice cracking when singing the lyrics. Once the finished I gently set my guitar down on the ground, and moved hers as well, she didn't seem to mind. Her eyes never moved from the ground, staying quiet rather than her normal talkative self.

“Little Bird, what's wrong?”

She looked up, her eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down her face. 

“Little Bird?” She asked. 

“I don’t know just trying it out.” I said quietly.

“Well nor am I little or a bird, but its cute.” Very voice barely audible.

 I pulled her in for a tight hug, not letting go. I whispered “Talk to me, Little Bird.”

She relaxed in my arms, wrapping her arms around me, quietly crying onto my shoulder, muffling her sobs. We stayed like that for a while, I let her take the time she needed.

She finally pulled back turning her back to me to wipe her eyes and face, then turning back around to face me with sad eyes.

“It’s nothing really. It’s not anything I cant handle. I have been handling it.” Her voice 

trailed off, but I didn't push her. I let her take her time to get her thoughts together. 

“It’s just a big jumbled mess i’ve learned to deal with. You know how home life can be.”

I nodded, moving a bit closer, listening to her words.

“It’s just, this career, its taking a toll on my relationships. My dad, he was a musician too, he never got anywhere, but he is really fucking good. Anyways he always played folk and old country, I guess he never really got my heavier style. Which is fine, that wasn't a problem.”

She paused a moment.

“Just.. He hasn’t accept me as real musician in a way, because of it. In his eyes, my work is along the lines of all the pop shit out there. Which hurts more than anything else. It’s not like i’m doing this for my dad, this is all me. There is just something about a parents judgement though, you hold it above everything else.”

I stayed quiet for a moment, processing everything. I knew that wasn’t everything. Annie's song is what caused her to cry, these situations have no correlation.

“I think. I think he just sees these country and folk legends as what they are, the best. I mean we all know that, but I think he's so tunnel visioned that nothing else compares. I’ve heard you, you’re fucking fantastic. I won't lie to you, I found your instagram and made it to the bottom. You're an amazing performer who’s doing more than most out there, more than me. I found that video of you using the violin bow, it blew my mind. I tried my hand at it, but I didn't come close to what you can do.”

I stopped myself, fearing id go into a hole of compliments and guitar talk.

“I digress, your dad is honestly dumb if he can’t accept how talented you are. Yeah, I said it, your dad is acting dumb.”

She laughed lightly, and leaned against me.

“Ah so you agree?”

She just hummed against me in agreement.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

I turned my head to look at her face, and asked “What's really wrong? I know this is probably one of them, but I have a suspicion that this isn't the main problem.”

She took a deep breath and sighed. 

“I was hoping you wouldn't see that.” She somberly laughed.

“Well, um. I had a fight with my..” She trailed off, “With my boyfriend.” 

My own mood deflated when she said that, let down. I just stayed still and listened.

“I've been ignoring him for days. Which is extremely shitty on my end, I deserve what I get. We just, ever since my bands been growing he’s been getting harder to handle. If that 

makes sense?”

I nodded.

“Well, uh, he’s always been the jealous type. Asking me if i'd rather be with other men,and  if we went anywhere he’d make it extremely clear to anyone that I was with him. It's gotten to the point that he has convinced himself that im cheating on him whenever I leave to go on tour. Which is quite often. It hurts to hear that the man you're with has zero trust in you. It really fucking hurts, you eventually just start blaming yourself for his actions.”

She took a sharp breath, slowly exhaling.

“So I started turning my phone off and just leave it off for days. I couldn't handle it, so I ignored it.” 

“Y/N.”

She continued.

“ I swear he’s good to me, he loves me. He just lets his jealousy get the best of him, it just takes over. Once im home its all okay, but that's like two months out of the year. It doesn't help my case that I have to argue his case…”

She went quiet, just thinking to herself. I honestly didn’t know what to say, so I just continued to hold her and be there for her.

“Thank  you for being with me tonight.” She said

“No problem, little bird.”

She smiled for a second before it faltered. 

“God knows what I would've gotten into tonight. Usually this is when Eli would bust out the coke, and by that point I’d be hammered. Maybe Asa would have suggested acid instead of coke. God, the amount of acid i’ve tripped on during shows. I did it nights in a row, which isn't the safest thing. This is the tamest thing i've done weeks. I can't remember the last time I didn't drink into oblivion.”

“All to drown out the noise..” she said under her breath.

“I honestly don’t know what to say, Y/N.”

“I know, i’m a mess.”

“No, it's not that. I just, I want to give you some type of advice, I want to help you. I just don’t know how.”

“Thank you, Jake. The boys have all tried in their own ways. There is just nothing I can do.”

She gave a weak smile and pressed in closer for a second.

“No one should be treated that way, its bullshit. Love is trust, and that kind of jealousy isn’t the right kind of love. You know?” 

She weakly scrunched her shoulders.

“I’ve only known you for I think two days? I don't know if this is crossing a line for our two days of friendship, but I just have to say. You can’t take this bullshit from him, you’re a fucking rockstar who takes no shit. You definitely don't from any of these guys, and especially the business side of it. You're playing whatever you want on that stage, you obviously fought for that freedom. Fight for this one freedom.”

She moved out of my side, my arm falling from her shoulder.

She laid her head in her hands, running her hands 

through her hair. 

“Fuck. I know you're right. I know it, I.. I just can’t break away from him. Ive built my life around him, it’s just like that fucking Fleetwood Mac song.” 

She suddenly turned around, facing me, her eyes sad and heavy.

“Can we play one more song?” She asked.

“Anything, Little Bird. As long as it isn't Landslide.”

She weakly laughed and shook her head, focusing on her guitar.

She started the chord progression for “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison. 

Just like before at practice, she played with every emotion poured into it. Melting into the song, letting it all out. I joined it after the first few verses, playing the solo part on my guitar, letting her focus on the words. During the chorus the both of us threw caution into the wind and belted it. No longer harmonizing, but just being in the moment. Connecting with the universe, as Morrison intended. Never letting our voices falter throughout the rest of the song, belting every word. Both of us playing our guitars as if our lives depended on it. 

We crescendoed into silence, both just sitting in the moment. Reveling in it.

She suddenly broke the silence.

“Hungry?”

“Starving.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually we made it back to her bus, both of us exhausted. She made it to her small pantry searching for something. I plopped down on the couch, leaning back into it. I closed my eyes and heard her pop something into the microwave. The clicking of her heels getting louder as she grew closer. She sat down next to me, leaning her head against my shoulder. A small smile growing on my face. 

“Thanks, Rockstar”

“My Pleasure, Little Bird.”

Chapter 4

[sassyshoulderangel319]

The House in the Forest

“Wait. You have a human hostage?” a voice demanded in the other room. I groaned in complaint, stretching my sore neck. Human? Why did the voice say that like they weren’t human? What was going on? Why was I so sore? Where exactly was I and how did I get here?

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s a guest,” a more familiar voice replied. “She came willingly.”

The first voice said something in another language that probably translated into, “Bull crap.” There was a brief pause. “Humans don’t come to our lairs willingly, Killian. Unless they’re hunters.”

“She’s not.”

“I smell fresh blood. I can tell she’s not. Hunters don’t often get bitten.”

Fresh blood? Guest? Bitten? Came willingly? Were they talking about me?

Why was my head so foggy? Why couldn’t I think straight? What exactly was going on? Huh?

Another brief pause. “She’s awake,” the first voice said.

The familiar voice went, “Huh. So she is,” and then was silent.

“Think she can hear us?”

“Probably.”

“Show me her,” the first voice ordered.

The familiar one laughed heartily. “Oh Auggie. You’re cute if you think you can order me around.”

A door creaked open. There was a moment of silence. Then another creak. I shuffled. I was lying down, that much I was certain of. My hair was sprawled out on several silk pillows.

“I’m guessing the silk nightgown didn’t belong to her originally.”

“Of course not. But I’m a generous host.”

“Sure you are.”

The door closed, but I could still hear talking.

“She smells like a hunter, but she’s not one,” the first voice, Auggie?, remarked.

The second voice, Killian?, chuckled. “I think she’s a Van Helsing descendent.”

“Van Helsing?!”

“Yes. But she’s harmless. Drawn to this place like a moth to flame. I think she’s adorable.”

“So you fed off her.”

“Hunter bloodlines always taste the sweetest. But I didn’t take enough to kill her.”

What?

I tried to sit up. My neck was sore and didn’t want to support the weight of my head. Sitting up seemed like it wasn’t an option. I groaned in complaint at the pain in my neck.

“Sounds like your most recent escapade isn’t reacting well,” Auggie remarked.

“She’s not an escapade, Augustus,” Killian retorted. “She’s a—”

“I know. A guest,” Augustus finished, exasperated. “But she’s a guest you fed off of. That makes her an escapade.”

Killian sighed dramatically. “You’re so old-fashioned. And I just... got carried away, is all.”

There was a pause—during which I tried to sit up again and failed.

“Got carried away?” Augustus quoted. “Oh no. You’re not...”

“Not what?” Killian challenged.

“In love with her.”

A loud scoff assaulted my sensitive ears. “Of course not! She’s human---she’s fragile. Did you know it takes less than a pound of pressure to break human skin? That’s why paper can cut them!”

“I’m aware. But you know the rules, Killian. Humans are off-limits. Too fragile. Too short-lived. You’d be better served to have a cat for company.”

“Cats don’t live as long as humans do.”

“No but they are rather better company,” Augustus said.

Killian’s eyeroll was almost audible. “Whatever. I have stuff to do and a guest to entertain. Go home, Auggie. Before the sun rises and you’re stuck here all day.”

There was a quiet Whoosh and the talking stopped.

The door creaked open and a hand cradled my head. “You’re looking a little weak, darling. I think I got a little carried away,” Killian’s voice said. “I took too much from you. I apologize.” His face swam into my vision, cloudy at first and slowly coming into focus. Dark eyes, dark hair, gauntly pale skin with sharp cheekbones. He looked as familiar as he sounded but for the life of me I still couldn’t figure out why.

“Don’t remember...”

“Anything? No I’d imagine not. One of the downsides of vampire venom is it blocks the previous few hours from your memory—so you don’t remember the vampire. It’s a defense mechanism that keeps vampires from being outed to the world. It helps us live in secret. Vampires are a curse on the human world. We’re not supposed to exist. So we stay separate from humans as much as possible, despite them being our food source.”

“Vam... pire...?” I mumbled.

“Yup. That’s me, dear.” Still cradling the back of my head, Killian helped me sit up. “Ooh. I’m sorry. I should have cleaned you up better. The back of your neck is coated in dried blood. My sincerest apologies.”

“Why did you... feed off me?”

“Well, as I recall you gave me consent and we got a little carried away.”

“I... don’t recall.”

“No. I’m aware you don’t. Which, I grant you, makes it difficult to verify that I’m telling you the truth. Those memories of last night are still there, just blocked off by a curtain. You can find them if you look hard enough.”

I stared at his handsome face. “Uh...”

“Perhaps this will jog your memory.” He leaned forward and planted a kiss on my lips. I molded against him immediately—instinctually—like I’d done it thousands of times before.

———

“Whoa,” I muttered, looking around at the dilapidated mansion. “This is still here? I thought the city was gonna tear it down for being a safety hazard.”

Cautiously, I crept toward the front door. The top hinge was broken, making the door hang slightly, warping the other two. Caution tape was crossed over the front door in a narrow X while a Do Not Enter sign hung haphazardly on the wood. The whole place smelled of time. Old wood. Old weathered stone. Mildew and plants slowly reclaiming the elements of the house for the earth.

I pushed the front door in and ducked through the X of Caution tape.

The powerful flashlight in my hand would definitely be useful once the sun completed its descent and plunged me into darkness.

I’d been in this old mansion hundreds of times. I’d wandered it a lot from the ages of twelve to twenty-two. Whenever I needed a getaway or just some alone time. I knew the ruin better than anyone. The creaky stair leading to the crumbling upper levels. Which windows had glass in them and which might cut me for the broken glass on the floor. I knew where the wooden floors had rotted away and which rooms to avoid.

No matter how old I was when I came here, I always felt like there was a pair of eyes watching me. But as I got older and nothing bad happened, I stopped thinking too hard about it. I liked to imagine it was the ghosts of residents past watching me appreciate their home.

I made my way to my favorite part of the mansion.

The ballroom. It was remarkably intact and the acoustics were perfect. I could bring a portable speaker, set it with my old iPod on the floor, and dance without disturbing anyone.

Which was what I did. Despite the deepening twilight, I wanted to dance.

So I turned on my speaker and started to waltz as though I had a partner, slightly taller than me, whisking me around the floor. I was used to leading myself—every partner I’d ever had was flimsy and didn’t know how to dance so I ended up being in charge, despite being a good follower and longing for a strong partner to play the leader once in a while.

I smiled at the old ballroom as I danced around, imagining what it must have looked like in its prime. Gilded torch sconces, beautiful instruments on the slightly-raised stage, perhaps tapestries, gleaming windows.

As I spun, I slowly came to the realization that I was actually seeing the ballroom transform—not just my imagination projecting. “Holy cow—what the—?!” I breathed.

A slow clapping reached my ears. “Phenomenal dancing, my dear,” a voice said.

I whirled.

The man standing in the doorway under the torchlight was intoxicatingly handsome. Dark hair and eyes with marble-fine skin and a tantalizing smirk.

I backed away. “Who are you? What happened to this place?”

He chuckled and stepped into the ballroom. “You’ve loved this place rather fondly, haven’t you?”

“That doesn’t answer my questions.”

“Alright. My name is Killian. And you’re in my home. You’ve always seen it as a ruin because that’s what I allow humans to see. It’s been enjoyable, wasting a decade watching you wander around this place, seeing only what you can see and enjoying it regardless.”

“How... what? How do you make it look like a ruin?”

The man—Killian—chuckled. “I can make humans see whatever I want.” There was a Whoosh and suddenly he was directly in front of me. “I’m a vampire, darling.”

Holy crap. Run. NOW, I thought frantically.

My legs refused to budge.

“Holy...” I whispered.

His hand covered my mouth. His skin was frigid to the touch—like he’d been making snowballs without gloves on. “There’s nothing holy on these grounds, my dear,” he purred. He growled the word holy like it physically pained him to say it aloud. I took a step away, making his hand fall off my mouth.

“Don’t... come any closer,” I said.

He smirked but didn’t close the distance between. “Or what? You’re in my territory on these grounds. You came willingly. I can do whatever I want to you.”

I backed up again. “Vampires are monsters.”

“We’re a curse on your world, yes,” Killian agreed placidly. “But ‘monster’ might be a bit harsh. Most of us do our best to live in secret and only prey on guilty souls.” He tilted his head, dark eyes gleaming in the firelight. “And oh, how easy it would be for me to play right into your expectations and use my gifts to... convince you to stay here. But I won’t. I’ll let you choose of your own accord the path you take tonight. I’m too fond of you to force you into anything.

“I’ve watched you from your childhood wander this place. Spent a decade observing, listening to you rant about your problems to the walls as though they had ears. I know you better than you think I do, Angelica. You think I’m a stranger, but I’m not.”

I suddenly recalled every time I came to this place to sit on rotted furniture and yell to the forest and the ruined house about my problems. To talk aloud to myself just for the sake of processing the chaos of my thought stream.

He’d been listening?!

That was just embarrassing. I’d talked about boy problems in high school! I didn’t need some age-old vampire listening to me complain about how Brian from biology stared at me the entire class period instead of the whiteboard and try to figure out what to do about it.

My face turned bright red and I took several more steps away from him.

He took a deep breath through his nose and snickered. “You’re blushing. Makes it easier to smell your blood. It smells sweet, if you’re wondering. Most people are mildly salty, but there are a few bloodlines that are sweet.”

“You have the emotional maturity of a twelve-year-old,” I snapped.

“I have the emotional maturity of a twenty-five-year-old, actually,” he retorted, a playful glitter in his eyes. “That’s when I was turned. When my body froze. It was in the middle of the Revolutionary War. There were a few vampires on both sides turning other soldiers into vampires to gain an advantage over the other side. But your ancestors hunted most of them down and killed them in the centuries following the war.”

“My ancestors?”

“Yes. The sweet-smelling bloodlines invariably belong to vampire hunters.”

I stared, but Killian obviously wasn’t done.

“You ranted a lot about how your brother was always treated better than you. I imagine he’s been groomed into the next generation of hunter.”

“Boys are always treated nicer than girls. I was forced into responsibility at a young age while he was allowed to dink around like a lazy oaf with bad behavior well into adulthood. I doubt he’s been trained as a hunter.”

“You might be surprised. Your brother is Samuel Beckham, isn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“My friends have had run-ins with him. Carrying a wooden stake.”

I stared in alarm. “Uh...”

Killian smiled gently. “The world is much different than you know. Now. If you would allow me, I’d like to show you around my home now that I’m allowing you to see it as it is.” He offered me his elbow. I stared at it.

“Why now?” I asked.

“You’re an adult and I figured you probably wouldn’t run screaming at this point.”

“Being an adult and running away screaming are not mutually exclusive,” I pointed out.

“Indeed not,” he agreed. “But you’re brave enough to face the world so you’re brave enough face me.” He took my hand and looped it through his elbow, leading me from the ballroom. I relaxed slightly upon figuring out that he didn’t seem to have any intention of hurting me. He picked up on me loosening up and smiled at me.

As he gave me quite the grand tour, I found he was quite charming. He’d toned down the “intimidating supernatural creature” vibes and ramped up the “gracious gentleman” vibes. He was chivalrous and nice.

And a little flirty.

After he showed me the three-floor mansion, we ended up in a beautiful, moonlight-bathed room on the top floor’s balcony.

“So... what was with the intimidating act earlier?” I asked.

“I thought it might be good to see if you were scared. I’ve long held a fondness for you that’s deepened as you spent more time here and I wanted to see if you were brave enough to actually put up with being friends with a vampire.”

I turned and glanced at Killian. “You... want to be my friend?”

“Darling, in my mind, we’re already friends. I liked to think of myself as your imaginary friend when you were a child. Now that you’re an adult, I think we can be real friends now. You’ve spent so long talking to my walls, you now might as well talk to me.”

I fidgeted. “Thanks.” We were quiet for a minute. “So... my family really lied to me about being vampire hunters, huh?”

“Well, I’ve heard of Samuel Beckham, and your father is Richard Beckham, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I had an encounter with him. About five towns over. Few years ago now. He tried to kill me.”

“Can’t believe they lied to me,” I muttered. I looked Killian directly in the eye. “I want you to tell me everything you know about my family.”

“On one condition,” Killian said. “You stay the night here. It’s too late for you to go home and I have... a plethora of guest bedrooms for you to sleep in.”

I thought for a moment. He had a point. “Okay. Tell me everything.”

Killian smirked and pulled me into an embrace.

There was a Whoosh and suddenly we were in a beautifully lush parlor, sitting on the sofa, slightly turned to face each other.

Killian told me stories of more than just my father and brother—he had stories of my ancestors. Generations of vampire hunters in our area, traveling to hunt, occasionally joining with others. Killian always managed to avoid the hunters in my family, but did talk with them without them realizing he was a vampire.

He told stories in the most captivating way. I couldn’t look away, completely drawn in. He was engaging. I kept leaning forward, like I was trying to dive into the actual story.

Before I knew it, we were pressed together, my shoulder snuggled into his upper arm. I was staring up at his black eyes like he had the secrets of the universe in them.

After several minutes near the end of his stories, he blinked. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if I was using my compelling to capture you in the story or not,” he said.

I cleared my throat and leaned back, face flushing.

Killian cleared his throat as well and leaned away. “I should—I should get you something more comfortable to sleep in and show you to your room.” He disappeared with a rush of air that blew my hair away from my face. Another breeze struck me as he returned with a beautiful white silk gown in his hands. “This is an old nightgown of my sister’s. When she was alive. It should fit you.”

I took it into my hands. It was beautiful and must have been expensive back when it was made. Heck, it looked like it would be expensive now.

“Thanks.”

“Here.” He scooped me up and after a blast of air I was set down in a beautiful guest room. Four-poster bed with lush hangings and mahogany framing. An armoire and wardrobe of the same wood.

“Wow,” I said. “This place is beautiful.”

“Get, uh, get changed and get some rest. It’s already late for a human. I don’t sleep but you must be exhausted.”

Once he said that, I realized I was tired. “Thank you,” I said. I let Killian shut the door and I changed into the nightgown. When I was done, he knocked.

I opened the door.

His jaw went slack. “W... wow. You look... great,” he said.

“I mean, it’s a nightgown,” I said.

“No, I—I mean it. You look—”

“Shut up,” I hissed, grabbing him by the collar with one hand and the back of his head with the other. He smirked before planting his lips on mine.

We got carried away very quickly. I felt Killian’s fangs graze the skin on the back of my neck, making me shudder. The shiver travelled from my head down to my feet.

“Killian...” I whispered, barely more than a breath.

“Angelica... I—I got carried away. I’m sor—”

“Stop apologizing for being what you are.”

“I just—”

I took a shuddering breath. Tonight was full of impulses. “If you want to, do it,” I whispered.

“I’m a better monster than that.”

“You don’t have to be with me. You don’t want to hurt me. I’m giving you permission.” I brushed my hair off my neck. “Bi... bite me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Of course.”

“Alright.”

Two sharp stabs entered the back of my neck. My eyes rolled into the back of my head.

Spots entered my vision and everything went black.

———

I pulled away from Killian. “I... I remember,” I said. “I...”

“I swear I didn’t necessarily—”

“I trusted you, Killian,” I said. “I don’t know why. But I did. I do. You’ve... completely captured me. You gave me truth when my loved ones gave me lies. You pulled me in and I’m not sure I want to be let go.” I slid closer to him, pressing our fronts together, hands holding his shoulders.

“Angelica,” he whispered, hands circling my hips and gently forcing me back a half-step. “Stop tempting me. Your blood is dry but it’s exposed and being that close might make me lose control again.”

“You were in control last night,” I pointed out.

“No I wasn’t. I started in-control, but lost it. It’s why you passed out and why you’re weak right now. I took too much from you.” He pushed me even farther away from him with his grip on my hips. “Don’t get caught up in the throes of my abilities. I have no control over luring prey toward me like an anglerfish in a dark trench. You’re drawn to this place like a moth to flame and I think it’s because I’m here.”

“You’re saying your unconscious allure is responsible for my impulses last night?”

“Possibly.” His eyes were closed and his face half-turned away from me. “I should... help you clean up the dried blood.”

Neither of us moved. “Killian?” I asked after several drawn-out moments of silence.

“Hmm?”

“What... should I do now?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“You’re literally hundreds of years old. You have a lot more life experience than I do. And I just found out that my family is a family of vampire hunters and never told me about it. What should I do?”

Killian looked surprised. “I... it’s your life, Angelica. I can’t tell you what to do. My opinion isn’t one you really want.”

“Maybe not but I asked for it.” I blinked. “Wait. You bit me. I’m not going to turn into a vampire, am I?”

He shook his head and flicked his dark bangs out of his eyes. “No. I made sure none of my venom stayed in your system. You’d turn if I bit you and didn’t suck the venom out of your blood.”

I nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Angelica... you could... you’re welcome to stay here.” He looked away from me, letting me go. I leaned toward the loss of contact, body yearning to keep touching him. I released a breath that I’d held and shook my head, trying to clear it.

“It’d be ironic, wouldn’t it?” I asked.

“What?”

“If you turned me into a vampire. A daughter of a bloodline of vampire hunters—a vampire herself.”

“I would never turn another person into what I am. I was forced to become the way I am—and I would never—”

“What if I asked, one day?”

“I still wouldn’t. Not unless you were actively dying.”

“Killian, look at me. Please.”

He turned and barely met my eyes. “You know a lot about my problems from my years of wandering your house and ranting at the walls. You don’t always see me for who I really am. A fun-loving, caring, happy optimist.”

“I have seen you that way too. When you dance. I see the real you shining through.”

I blushed. Killian stiffened.

“Let’s finish cleaning you up, okay? The dried blood is really getting to me.”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

———

“Can I... hmm. How do I put this? I want to ask my family about the hunting thing. And if they don’t answer or lie to me... I don’t want to be around loved ones who do nothing but lie. So I’ll come back here,” I said as Killian French-braided my hair. I didn’t ask him to. He’d just done it. “If that’s alright with you.”

“You’re always welcome here,” he said. “If you weren’t, I would have made the illusion so dangerous it would have scared you off.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

He tied off my braid. I turned around and pressed my lips to his. He closed his eyes and sighed, tilting his head for a better angle. After a moment, he pulled away just enough to whisper against my lips, “This passion, Angelica. I don’t think it’s you. I think it’s my influence on you.”

“We’ll see. If I still feel like I want to push you against a wall and kiss you when I’m at my house, far away from you, we’ll know whether this impulsive passion is you or all me.”

“I mean, I’m not complaining. But being with humans romantically is strongly discouraged. Most of us aren’t strong enough to resist the temptation of having fresh blood so close by so often.”

“Are you?”

“Look at what I’ve already done to you.” His fingers ghosted gently over the two scabbed wounds on the back of my neck.

“I let you,” I pointed out.

“But I went too far. It’s my fault.”

“You went through so much trouble wanting to be my friend and now you don’t want anything to do with me.”

“You’re wrong on one count and half-wrong on the other. You say I don’t want anything to do with you and that’s false. I want you to stay here. I want to be around you as often as possible. But I want you to be safe and I don’t think you will be if you stay with me. I’m not going to pretend like you didn’t hear Augustus talking this morning. Even other vampires don’t think it’s a good idea to stay in close proximity to even one human.”

“And what am I half-wrong about?”

“When you were a child I wanted to be your imaginary friend and protector. You were innocent and sweet but sharp as a tack.” He paused. “But, when you became an adult and you vented your problems to the walls and puzzled through them in a calm and collected manner, I started to feel differently.”

“You said something about how your fondness deepened?” I muttered.

“Yes. I fell for you. It’s one of the reasons my charm is so potent to you. My subconscious recognizes that my consciousness wants you closer and acts accordingly. If there was any supernatural blood in your veins, all of my abilities wouldn’t work on you. But you’re human so you get the full force of a predator’s adaptations to lure prey. And I don’t want to put you in danger.”

“Stick to the plan,” I said, swallowing thickly to force the other words I wanted to say down. “I go home and ask my family. If I still want you when I’m there the way I want you here, I’ll be back. If it’s just your charm, you’ll never have to see me cross your threshold uninvited ever again.”

I adjusted my jacket and moved to leave.

Killian snatched my wrist. “Angelica,” he said, tone almost pleading. “You’re always welcome here. As a friend. Even if you don’t want me the same way, I’ll accept it and always be here to welcome you back.”

“Killian, I...” I didn’t know what to say to that.

He pressed a kiss to the inside of my wrist. “I never want to pressure you into anything.”

“I know. You seem like an incredibly genuine man,” I said. “I’ll... probably come back.” I smiled and left the mansion, feeling in my pockets for my phone, iPod, speaker, and flashlight. I had everything I came in with.

The French braid left the two scabs on the back of my neck exposed, so I pulled the hood of my jacket up and bunched it on the back of my neck to hide them. My family’s reaction to them would confirm or deny Killian’s claims that my father and brother were hunters.

The farther away from the mansion in the woods I got, the more I felt like I could breathe. Like there had been some sort of tense cloud hanging over me that lifted as I put distance between me and the house.

That had never happened before. But, then again, I’d never had a conversation with the occupant of the house before last night.

The closer I got to home, the more I felt my heart pulling me back in the other direction. Toward Killian’s mansion. I wanted to go back. I’d felt safer there than I had... even in my own home. Maybe my instincts were reacting to my father and brother being lethal all along and Killian wasn’t lying to me. Because of course it had occurred to me that he was lying to me—he was a vampire and I was a vampire’s prey—but he’d never gone out of his way to lure me in before. In ten years of me using his house as a sanctuary he hadn’t spoken to me until last night.

Hmph.

I pushed my front door open. “I’m home!” I called into the void.

“Angel!” my mom exclaimed, slamming into me with a strong hug.

“Oh. Hi Mom.”

“You were gone all night last night!”

“I know. I’m okay, I promise,” I said.

“Don’t ever do that again, Angel, without telling me, okay? Where were you?!”

“I went to Gina’s house for the night. We just got talking and I passed out on the sofa.” I made a mental note to text Gina to tell her what I said so if my mom asked, she could cover for me. We had a mutual agreement to cover for each other, but without warning it could be hard.

“You scared me.”

I shucked off my jacket. “Sorry Mom.”

“Did Gina braid your hair?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait. Honey.” Mom caught my wrist as I moved to go into the kitchen to find some breakfast. “What’re these?” She brushed my braid off the back of my neck and revealed the bite wounds, touching each one gently. They were slightly tender and made me flinch.

“Mosquito bites. I itched them hard.” I went and found the toaster still out. “Are Dad and Sam home?”

“Dad’s at work. Sam’s upstairs with Diego.”

Diego was Sam’s best friend. If I knew them as well as I thought I did, they were probably upstairs playing Halo or Minecraft or something that they would shout at me for not understanding if I poked my head in.

“Okay. Just wondering.” I made some toast.

“So what are your plans today?”

“Think I’m gonna go on a hike.”

“Mom?!” Sam shouted from upstairs. “Is that Angelica?”

“Yeah!” Mom called.

Thundering footsteps preceded my brother’s entrance to the kitchen. “Where were you?” he demanded.

“Gina’s.” I ignored the hostility in his tone and munched on my toast. “Why do you care?”

“I was worried about you!”

“You’ve never worried about me once in your life.”

Sam shoved my braid onto my shoulder. “What are those?”

“Mosquito bites.”

“On your neck?”

“Yeah. Why? What’s it to you?” The hostility in my tone slowly ramped up until I wasn’t even bothering to hide it.

“Your hair was down last night. A mosquito wouldn’t be able to get to your neck.”

“You’ve never had the absolute horror of getting a bug stuck in your hair when it’s as long as mine,” I deadpanned. “Trust me when I say it is possible and it sucks.”

Sam blinked. “Can I talk to you alone?” He took me and my slices of toast out the back door, away from our mom and his best friend. “Those look like a vampire bite.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you?” I growled lowly so any neighbors outside wouldn’t hear.

“What?”

“You and Dad are vampire hunters, aren’t you? That’s why Dad travels so much for work.”

“How did you find out?”

There it was. Confirmation that my family lied to me.

“Does Mom know?”

Sam chewed his lower lip. “Yes.”

“Great. So I was the only one left in the dark. It all makes sense now, why you were the favorite child—endlessly indulged to misbehave while I was forced into domestic responsibility from a young age. You’re the one carrying on the family legacy.”

“Angel, you’ve been bitten by a vampire. Those wounds are fresh. Hours old. One fed off of you. You’re not turning—I’ve seen the transformation before—so tell me who it is and I’ll—”

“No,” I said. “What happens to me is none of your business.” I turned sharply and went back inside. I went up to my room and changed into a new hiking outfit. I heard Sam follow me up the stairs. He was glaring at me from the door to his bedroom as I emerged. “Mom I’m going on a hike!” I shouted.

“Take Sam and Diego with you!” Mom yelled from downstairs. “They could use some sunlight!”

“They’re not plants, Mom! I’ll be back in a couple hours!” I ran down the stairs, grabbed my water bottle, threw it in my backpack, and ran out the door. There was no doubt in my mind that Samuel would follow me trying to find out who the vampire was who bit me.

So I ran the whole way back to Killian’s mansion, trying to buy myself some time.

“Killian!” I shouted as I shoved the front door open. I was weak from blood-loss still and the run tired me out.

He was immediately in front of me. “What is it?”

Panting, I tried to speak. “Make... this place... look like... a ruin. And let’s... get out of here. My brother will follow me here. We just... need to buy... some time.”

“You confronted him.”

“He confronted me about the bite wounds.”

Killian scooped me up into his arms. Wind sped across my face, tangling the baby hairs that escaped my braid. “They lied to me,” I muttered.

“You came back to me.”

“I told you I would. I wasn’t gone for long but I felt like I was being pulled back here the whole time. I figured it out, Killian. I want you.”

Killian slowed to a stop. We were far away from the forest outside my town. Heck we were probably in another state. “You’re... you’re sure about that?” he asked, barely more than a whisper, setting me down.

I nodded. “Positive.” I tilted up onto my tiptoes and planted my lips on his. He kissed me back enthusiastically.

“I want you too.”

[thesinglesjukebox]

MARTHA - LOVE KEEPS KICKING

[6.17]

Pop-punkers kick up little more controversy than last time around...

Jonathan Bradley: Pity Me faves Martha return a bit less punk and a lot more power pop, their effervescent slapdash glee extending now to a pert swing rhythm and attempts to mosh to Huey Lewis and the News. "Love Keeps Kicking" holds its optimism in check with an almost discomfitingly earnest despair -- and vice versa: you barely notice how quick "you were tripping fractals" turns into "sometimes I feel so empty I just wanna leave it all." But there are jokes as well -- "I need a paid interpreter to decipher your midnight texts" is shade worthy of Fight Like Apes. The first time I heard it, it sounded like the kind of classic that immediately asks you to pull together playlists so that it might literally sit beside other effortless classics, like say, "Where Have All the Rude Boys Gone" and "Another Girl, Another Planet" and "Alex Chilton" and "Beat Surrender" and "The Boys are Back in Town." (It's as rousing as any of these.) But it also made me want to cue it up again and again. Martha: I am listening. [9]

Alfred Soto: "Is that Weezer?" the dude at the other table wondered when I played the opening bars without realizing the headphones weren't plugged in. [1]

Ryo Miyauchi: Martha mines from sweeter-than-sweet jukebox favorites, and the verses leading to the big payoff of a chorus are filled with charmingly personal specifics. Every other line makes you want to inquire more about the story. "When you got smashed and tried to mosh to Huey Lewis and the News": they could make a whole other song based on this. [6]

Iain Mew: We're about a decade early for a song to precisely be to Belle & Sebastian's "I'm a Cuckoo" what "I'm a Cuckoo" was to "The Boys Are Back in Town", but never mind. It might be a scruffy ramble, but every time the harmonic guitar comes in it makes all the sense it needs to. [7]

Thomas Inskeep: Martha are supposedly a four-piece punk band, but all I hear on "Love Keeps Kicking" is mewling, whiny Brit indie that makes my teeth itch and my fist clench. [2]

Juana Giaimo: I find it easy to identify with self-deprecating songwriters -- that's probably why I love Paramore, especially in After Laughter. Martha often writes self-deprecating lyrics too, but "Love Keeps Kicking" also sounds really cheerful -- there's even an acoustic guitar strumming as the base of the song. However, there is something darker in the excess of energy. The backing vocals literally scream, and the main voice is too dramatic, as if he was pouring his heart out from desperation. This kind of irony is what makes Martha such a compelling band, able to understand the silly contradictions of love. [8]

Alex Clifton: I suddenly understand why people love pop-punk; I would too if there were fewer whiny frontmen and way catchier melodies like the ones Martha have given us. This will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day, and I'm fine with that. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: I love power pop, but with so much of it, you have two choices: Weezer-indebted stuff that coats your inner ears with Reddit gold, and/or great tracks with pinched voices, more like love keeps kicking the shit out of their vocal cords. Note: I'd probably love this if it were a Veruca Salt or Sarge song. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Songs like "Love Keeps Kicking" remind you that mediocre power pop songs can make you think they're good because of a repeated, catchy guitar riff. Don't be fooled. [3]

Tim de Reuse: Okay, okay, I'm charmed, Martha, you got me. You're not perfect, but you're loose and messy in an energetic way, and you're silly, but just the right amount of silly. I love the awkward pattern of emphasis on the stupendous line "I need a paid interpreter to decipher your midnight texts," and the whole-hearted harmonized "ooh-yeah" of the chorus, and that addictive, twangy guitar lick! The mix is a bit flimsy for my tastes, but they've laser-focused on achieving a particular high-octane atmosphere, and I can't disrespect people who are so clearly good at what they do while sounding like a bunch of goofballs. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: There is a certain kind of song that exudes kaleidoscopic joy, where every note is so beautifully placed that you can't help but love it. "Love Keeps Kicking" is one of those songs, dazzling in its shaggy glory. It's all jutting edges that hold in your memory, from the guitar lines down to the show-stopper of a bridge. I can't imagine getting this out of my head, and I can't imagine wanting to, either. [9]

Vikram Joseph: When I first heard Courting Strong, Martha's debut, I was enraptured; here was this headlong torrent of empathy, nostalgia, hope and anxiety, contained inside perfect three-minute bullets of jagged pop-punk, fired directly at my hypothalamus. They had grown up and come together as a band some 15 miles from where I grew up; it felt like it was meant for me. That kind of adoration and affinity generates expectations that border on fear, but this band keep on meeting them. The chorus of "Love Keeps Kicking" almost sounds a little too simple at first, until you hear the full phrase that gives the song its name: "Love keeps kicking the shit out of me, and there's no solution I can see." And then, despite the backdrop of rollicking, indie-punk power chords, it's suddenly devastating; they've never sounded defeated like this, and it's like seeing the most upbeat person you know in tears. The big chords dropping out feels like the mask - you know, the one you wear every day at work and when you see your friends so they'd never guess that, some days, you wake up feeling utterly hopeless - slipping to the floor. "No happy pill / no drinking bleach / no permanent lobotomy," sings JC Cairns, his voice endearingly strained as usual, but for once running out of reasons to stay positive or ways to fix everything. That empathy, though, still runs through the song like an artery; the hyper-specific anecdotes in the verses are Martha's way of making the pain communal, as they always have been. Love keeps kicking the shit out of us; remembering that might make it hurt a bit less when it does. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[harrynightingales]

3-10, 17, 24 for concert asks ! 💫💖

ooh thanks you!! 

3. Which artist/band have you seen the most live? this feels embarrassing almost but the canadian tenors? now called the tenors but i ignore that bc i want to highlight their canadian-ness. i’ve seen them at least 5 times now?? 

4. First concert you went to? shania twain’s up tour in december 2003 :’))) i’ll never forget bc avril lavigne had a concert the same weekend so everyone my age’s first concert was one of those 2

5. Last concert you went to? i can’t believe it but possibly antti tuisku last year??? have not been to many recently at all!!

6. What is your next concert? well that last answer upset me so now i gotta get tickets for something!! either the 1975 in april, or passion pit in may…

7. Which artists/bands would you love to see live? hmm maybe sia? i feel like she would be great live. or neon trees would probably be fun!! also i don’t know that many of his songs but i bet mika would be amazing too

8. The farthest you’ve traveled to go to a concert? i’ve gone to seattle which is about a 4-hour bus ride away for two concerts! once for fall out boy (wooo) and once for this band call misterwives but mostly because i wanted to see the opener, vinyl theatre

9. Best opening act you’ve seen? haha goes well from the last question! definitely vinyl theatre, they’re a small band but i listened to a lot of their songs while travelling and i love them a lot. 

10. Worst opening act you’ve seen? omg also in seattle, jaden smith opened for fall out boy.. i don’t want to call him the worst but i definitely did not understand his music at all

17. Funniest concert memory? ummm my first real concert after shania twain, i was about 15 and i went to see this christian rock band with my sister and she wanted to mosh at the front and i got overwhelmed so we had to get pulled out by the security guards and my pants almost fell down because they were loose i guess?? amazing. but also at that concert i met the opening band who was v famous in christian youth circles and they have a song played on the ukulele and i brought my ukulele (by that i mean my mom sat in the arena hallway with my ukulele) and i played that song with them….. the cursed video is out there somewhere… and they also signed the ukulele…. i sure did some odd stuff when i was younger

24. Least favorite concert venue? i feel very strongly about this, the university of bc has a stadium and its an absolute garbage venue!!!!! i saw both bastille and the killers there and the acoustics are so so bad, it upsets me. if you mess with the killers than you don’t deserve to exist as space for music

[tofangirlonly]

Any/all of the music box asks you feel like answering :D (and JJ answers are more than welcome so no worries there lol)

I’m going for all of them. So get ready!

(I will be nice and leave everything else below the foldsince it’s a lot, and I got a bit (a lot) gif happy.)

1)   a song you can listen to on repeat

       (I did already answer this one, but I can give you another one.)

       Underthe Sea – Jeremy Jordan

2)   a song from one of your favoritealbums

     Santa Fe - Newsies

3)   a song you loved when you were ateenager or kid 

     Nothin’ to Lose – Josh Gracin (This is so random. I still don’t knowwhy child me loved this.)

4)   a song that makes you feelstrong 

     Stronger – Finding Neverland(Jeremy’s version, naturally)

5)   a song that makes you sad 

     Prepared - Georgia Stitt,sung by JJ.

6)   a song that cheers you up

     Agony – Laura Osnes, JeremyJordan, Corey Cott

7)   a song that reminds you of yourfriend(s)

     Mood Rings –Relient K (hello @pandafish!)

8)   a song that reminds you of an expartner or crush 

      The Boys of Summer – The Ataris

9)   a song that reminds you ofyourself 

     Undiscovered – James Morrison

10) a song that brings back bad memories 

     Glass – Gavin DeGraw

11)  a song that brings back goodmemories 

     Sadie Hawkins Dance – Relient K

12) a song that grew on you 

     Tie Me Up – Island Song

     (in a I didn’t know what to expect the first time I listenedto it kind of way?)

13)  a song from a musical 

     So many choices! I’ll go with currently playing: 

     Raise a Little Hell –Bonnie and Clyde

14)  a song with a great music video 

     Can I just pre-love thepending Rodgers and Hammerstein one with Jeremy and Laura? Because I alreadylove it.

15)  a song that’s better as a cover 

     AnythingJeremy Jordan touches.

16) a song that’s better acoustic 

     Hmm I like a lot of acoustic stuff, but Ican’t really think of anything with different versions that I have a strongpreference for right now.

17)  a song with great lyrics 

     Ooh. So many. This is a hard choice.

     Nobody Needs to Know – Jeremy Jordan (TheLast Five Years)

     (I know, I know, but despite the actual actions of the scene,the lyrics have some creative choices and connections to other parts of thestory that are pretty brilliant.)

18) a song for summer

     Moving Too Fast – JeremyJordan (The Last Five Years)

19) a song for heartache

     Hold My Heart – Tenth Avenue North

20)  a song for car rides

     When I Drive – Jeremy Jordan + ClaybourneElder (Bonnie and Clyde)

21) a song for the rain

     Stay Awhile – Jeremy Jordan (Island Song)

22) a song for dancing 

     IF ONLY I COULD TAP.          

     King of New York – Newsies

23)  a song for making out

     Hold On – Jeremy Jordan (Is that weird? lol.I don’t know.)

24) a song for a lover 

     Never Stop (Wedding Version) – SafetySuit

     Ashley’s Song – Jeremy Jordan (becauseit’s the sweetest thing ever)

25) a song from before you were born 

     Part of Your World – The Little Mermaid

26) a song from a band that’s no longer together 

     Wonderwall – Oasis (uhh  definitely came to mind because of Jeremy andAshley’s 90s Medley?)

27) a song you’ve seen live

     Start of Something Good - Daughtry

28)  a song you want to see live

     I want to see Jeremy singing anything. Butespecially Under the Sea. Because I have a weird attachment to him singing that song?

29) a song by a band you don’t usually like

     The only other one I can’t think ofanything for right now, but I’ll leave it here since I answered almost all ofthem.

 30)  a song you recommend 

     Also anything JJ touches, butI will always plug for people to go listen to him in Finding Neverland. So dothat!

[pinupgalore-lanadelrey]

Lust For Life Review

*I put this as “personal” and more private because I honestly don’t want to be very public about negative opinions and such and I feel bad that I don’t love the album as much as all of her other albums and felt in a lot of areas that it was lacking - despite having some songs I adore. These are just my personal opinions and I don’t want to be attacked for them! I’ve made an album review for the last 2 albums when they came out and wanted to do one for this one too but was hesitant - which is why it took so long.

13 Beaches (9/10)  - Rhyming beaches & peaches is corny but who cares when Lana sounds so beautiful? I love the orchestral intro with the monologue.. it’s just haunting. “Can I let go and let your memory dance in the ballroom of my mind?” *goosebumps* Now that is easily one of the standout lyrics from the album. When she starts belting out the 2nd half of the chorus she RIPS YOUR HEART OUT. The second verse is so beautiful.. the instrumental (aside from the electronic chorus) is so haunting. I get Honeymoon album vibes.

Love (8/10) - A nice and uplifting departure from sadder songs. Not a whole lot goes on with the instrumental aside from a few random noises. The song is beautiful despite a couple corny lyrics “look at you kids, you know you’re the coolest.” But having such a gorgeous, dreamy, and artistic video makes me appreciate the song a lot more (adding a point for the video alone). “mmmm oh oh mmm oh oh oh oh don’t worry baby” literally makes the song for me. I LOVE that part so much and how ambient it is before it goes into the chorus again. 

When The World Was At War We Just Kept Dancing (7/10) - When I first heard the snippet of this song I thought it was going to be one of my favorites. I love the acoustic verses so much. So beautiful and nostalgic. I thought the “fucking youth” “fucking truth’ wasn’t necessary. I don’t like how electronic it gets when she sings the song’s title. I do enjoy the message of the song “boys don’t make too much noise and don’t try to be funny” telling them not to harass women. “Is this the end of America? No it’s only the beginning. If we hold onto hope we’ll have a happy ending” <3  

Heroin (9.5/10) - This song is really something else. Totally unexpected.. and not totally fitting with this album but in the best way. So dreamy & reminiscent of Barrie James O’Neill’s music. “I’m flying to the moon again”... I can only imagine how amazing this song would sound when high. The way it echoes is so haunting and gorgeous. The 2nd verse gives me UV vibes.. sort of like Sad Girl. I love the guitar added during “like the metal that you hear.” I understand that some fans don’t like the “It’s HOT HOT” part.. it sort of took me off guard at first too but in the right mindset it makes sense. The instrumental & lyrics lend to this sort of manic state of mind & also sort of retro psychedelic. 

Cherry (6/10) - I know at least half of the fandom disagrees with me and that this is their fave. I like the guitar and her voice.. but the “yuh” "hey” take away from the verse.. I’d like it a lot better if it wasn’t a synthetic bass.. maybe a bass chello instead? I like how dark the first verse sounds. I think “bitch” and “fuck” are so funny/ corny and take away from the song a little bit (to me.) I feel like this song could easily be a 9 to me if she took out the bitch/fuck, changed the trap beats to a drum, and added SOMETHING to the instrumental.. Imagine more of a UV (guitar) or BTD (orchestra) sound. I feel like the hip hop element just doesn’t fit this song? It’s just my personal opinion. I feel like it has so much potential and has a gorgeous song underneath it all.   

Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems (8/10) - This song even starts haunting and deep. The fact that Lana did a song with Stevie is so iconic. “My heart is soft, my past is rough” GOOSEBUMPS. The harmonies & piano backing.. simply beautiful. 

White Mustang (6/10) - I feel like White Mustang has / had so much potential. It starts out with Ride / AFFA / Starrey Eyed / Black Beauty vibes.. I like the melody and the way she sings it but the instrumental is so lackluster. :/ It just feels like it’s missing something.. and then the beats sort of take over/ drown the entire song... Like Cherry I also feel like this song could have easily been a 9 or even a 10 for me if this had real strings instead of the snyth & beats it could easily be Ride 2.0 but it fell short  :/

Change (8/10) - I feel like we were overdue for a stripped piano song from Lana, like Old Money & Bel Air. I don’t think the song needs anything added to it. I think her voice sounds perfect with piano. I think the message is featured and the song feels intimate and personal. I’m glad her voice isn’t drowned out by beats or anything. I think it’s simply beautiful & I love the “I can taste it turning sour” part.

Lust For Life (6/10) - I’m not big on the talking parts but I do like the doowop vibes. I love the “we’re the masters of our fate..” lyrics & instrumental during that part.. but the chorus is super repetitive & the instrumental is extremely underwhelming to me. I do feel like it sounds like a pop The Weekend song for the majority of it. I do enjoy the instrumental for the 2nd verse & the doowop mixed with Abel’s voice. I think I’d be much more in love with this song if it wasn’t so electronic & repetitive. 

Tomorrow Never Came (10/10) - THIS SONG MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. I love the instrumental. Her voice sounds so beautiful with an acoustic guitar and then the surf noir guitar comes in and sounds HEAVENLY “Lay lady lay” iHAVE GOOSEBUMPS EVERY TIME. Everything about the instrumental is perfection. Acoustic guitar, bells, surf noir wah wah guitars.. Then Sean Lennon comes in and sounds so much like his father & like a Beatles song and I start CRYING. This song is as nostalgic as it gets. I knew the second I heard the snippet this would be my favorite. I get that some think it’s corny that she sings “now that I’m singin with Sean” but when you think about it, and listen to just how Beatles-like the instrumental is during that line.. it’s just so cool. Like a peice of the Beatles is really in that song.. and as a Beatles fan.. it is crazy!

Summer Bummer (6.5/10) - I did not want to like this song.. at all. I am not a fan of rap. I’m not a fan of the rap in this. I think the “what what what what what what what what what what what what yup what what what what” is extremely annoying and honestly.. terrible. But I like the piano and love Lana’s haunting and “menacing” backing vocals. It’s so catchy / repetitive I can’t help but turn it up and jam in the car. I also love the high pitch “high tops in the summer” and added beautiful sounding instrumental mixed in the with beat towards the end. But I feel like the production could have been a lot better as well.

God Bless America (7.5/10) - I LOVE how this song starts. This song just brings you to New York. I like the instrumental to this song, I just really wish the loud trap beats and gunshots didn’t overshadow it. I would have probably given it a 9 w/o them (and maybe 1 less chorus). I love that she wrote an album for the women in this country. It really shows how far she has come. The bride of this song is fucking gorgeous. Her vocal layers & mandolin(?) and “ohhhs” are heavenly. The last 90 seconds of the song adds so much more it it. It becomes epic and bringing back the spanish guitar and her voice <3

Groupie Love (6.5/10) - This song gives really strong Honeymoon album vibes. I love the guitar part & her voice “and every time I look up I know what you’re thinking of.” Plus I love the lush strings during “groupie loooooove” despite disliking the beat and the wub wub wub wub going into the 2nd verse. 

Get Free (10/10) - I did NOT expect this at all. This song is everything. Just everything. No trap beats, heavenly vocal layers, and Doowop vibes. Then she breaks out the surf noir vibes and I’m hearing serious Lana Del Rey aka Lizzy Grant vibes and I’M IN LOVE. This song is optimistic, upbeat, without lacking instrumentals, has a great lyrics/ message.. Every time this song comes on I crank it up and dance / sing along and have to play the song twice. The beach/ seagulls / ambiance at the end.. just the perfect PERFECT way to end the record. I want this song to get a video so bad. This song FREES ME. I thought Tomorrow Never Came was my favorite.. I think it has the best instrumental & is the most beautiful.. but Get Free is my favorite. 

In My Feelings (4/10) - I’m sorry.. but I cannot get into this song. I think it’s the worst one Lana’s ever released and the lyrics are super corny, the instrumental could have been on Miley’s Bangerz or Selena Gomez’s.. or Kesha’s old stuff.. or any other pop singer.. It’s easily the black sheep of the album. “I’m runnin on the treadmill” “sobbing in my cup of coffee” “I’m feeling all my fucking feelings” “I’m crying while I’m cumming.” As a 25 year old woman I find it so cringey... maybe 10 years ago I would have found it edgy and cool. “who’s tougher than this bitch, who’s free-er than me.” 

Coachella (6/10) - I wasn’t a fan of this song at first but compared to IMF it’s amazing. I have to admit I think it’d be a lot better as an acoustic song. The acapella version she sang on Instagram was gorgeous. I think the synthetic instrumental sounds fairly nice but I do not like the beat at all. Having a song named Coachella is corny enough.. but I could see how she could relate to Woodstock with Father John Misty playing.. his latest album is absolutely brilliant. I would have figured they would have left it off the album or at least added to the instrumental/ production before putting it on the album. I do really enjoy the bride though. “A stairway a stairway. I got a few things I wanna say, what’s it all for, will it be okay?” and her heavenly “oohs’ echoing in an out. 

*FYI* This is my own personal opinion.. 

I’m not an expert. If you’ve been following my blog for years you know UV is my favorite album. I’m into classic rock & indie music and instrumentals can make or break a song for me because I was raised by a musician who showed me some of the most amazing music out there. I don’t care for radio music or most simple music. Everyone is allowed to have different tastes.. I posted this on read more because I know there are people who love simple upbeat fun songs and are going to be pissed that I think IMF is a crappy song and that I’m not crazy about Cherry, Summer Bummer, White Mustang, Groupie Love or Coachella.

[mindfulwrath]

HTCIC: Good Day, Worsening

"Addie?"

Adrien went hot all over. He turned away from the window to see Leighton standing a respectful distance away, watching him.

"Oh," said Adrien. "H-hi. It's you. Hi, yes, hello."

"What're you looking at?" they asked.

Adrien gestured lamely to the window. "Space?" he guessed.

"Oh," said Leighton, distastefully. "I thought maybe it was something interesting. Did you hear about the solar storm?"

"The one that might not happen? Yes, I got the briefing."

"I think it's going to happen," said Leighton. "It probably has to do with acoustic heating. Did you know that sound waves are actually the reason why a star's atmosphere is so hot?"

"I . . . did not know that, no," said Adrien. "That's really cool."

"We don't listen to stars enough," said Leighton. "I wish we had sensors that could pick up those acoustic waves. I bet they're fascinating. It wouldn't be impossible for the star to hit some kind of resonant frequency and blow a lot of stuff into space. It makes more sense than magnetism, anyway. And if it's associated with color changes, I'm sure the Akasteans can pick it up. They're way more sensitive to colors than we are."

"I'm sure."

"Not so much with sound," Leighton went on. "It's why they never have anything smaller than a whole-step in their music. I don't think they can hear the difference. A lot of their music ends up sounding really off-key if it's played live, without computerized instruments. The really good musicians can hear the difference. I bet they have audiophiles who can hear the difference, just like some people can distinguish really subtle changes in pitch and other people can't. Humans, I mean."

"That's really interesting," Adrien said. He wracked his brains to come up with a good question to ask. "Um . . . what do they use for instruments? Since they're . . . underwater."

"Lots of things," said Leighton, lighting up. "And it's all really bizarre. I have a bunch of pictures saved, do you want to see?"

"Sure," said Adrien. He didn't have anywhere urgent to be.

Leighton came up next to him and started pulling up pictures on their phone. Adrien oohed and aahed at all the right points, and Leighton kept up a steady stream of information that, while it was completely over Adrien's head, was nonetheless very pleasant to listen to.

"It's weird, how they have so many pictures," Adrien said.

Leighton tipped their head to the side. "Why?"

"Well—I don't know, I guess I expected them to use, like, sound bytes or something," said Adrien.

"That doesn't make any sense," said Leighton, wrinkling their nose. "If anything, they're more visually centered than we are. For them, a picture is literally a thousand words. It's probably the densest information storage possible."

"Oh," said Adrien. "Right. I guess I was just sort of—flipping it? They don't talk with noise, so. . . ."

"So you thought they did pictures with sound?" said Leighton. "That makes even less sense."

"No, it doesn't, but—you're being kind of condescending about it, and . . . it's making me feel kind of shitty," said Adrien.

"Oh," said Leighton, curling in on themself with contrition, "oh, jeez, Addie, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to. I'm sorry, I should've been paying more attention—"

"No, it's okay, it's fine, that's—that's why I told you," Adrien assured them. "I get it, it's okay. Um."

"Okay," said Leighton, uncertain. "I really am sorry. I really didn't mean to make you feel shitty."

"I know, I know," Adrien said. "Um. You—you were saying about . . . drum analogs?"

"Uhhhhh right, yeah, I was," said Leighton. "So because of the viscosity of water it's way more difficult to do percussion as fast as we do in air, but they have a lot more prehensile appendages than we do, so they compensate by having these really complex arrays—"

Adrien leaned his shoulder against the window and watched Leighton expound on the fascinating wonders of Akastean rhythmic stylings. Their face was alight, their eyes sparkling. They spoke in a rapid tumble, like all the words were piling up behind their tongue and exerting pressure on the ones that came before them. Their voice made the window ring a little bit behind Adrien. Once or twice they nearly smacked an incautious passerby with their broad gesticulations.

Adrien's face hurt from smiling. His chest was so warm it was making him sweat. At one point, Leighton tapped out something bogglingly complex on the window with a pair of pens to illustrate something. Adrien's eyes nearly fell out of his head.

"How did you do that?" he asked, picking his jaw up off the floor.

"It's just a six-eight with the left hand and a seven-four with the right," said Leighton.

"That's . . . time signatures?"

"Yes! I can teach you how to do it, it's really easy once you get the hang of it."

"I—I think I would like that," said Adrien, the warmth his his chest spreading up to his face. "Um. A lot. And—maybe we could listen to some of your Akastean stuff, and I could bring some of my—my music, or . . . something."

Leighton grinned. "That sounds great!" they said. "I really liked that one you played for me last month."

"Really?" said Adrien. "It—I mean it was all in Arabic, so I wasn't sure if. . . ."

"Language doesn't matter," said Leighton. "It doesn't make it any better or worse. Words just get in the way anyways."

"Right," said Adrien. "Yeah, so . . . so yeah! That's . . . a thing we should do."

"When?" Leighton asked.

"Um. Tonight?" Adrien suggested. His heart was so far up in his throat it was choking him.

"I can't tonight," said Leighton. "Emma and Sam and Sasha and I are having a no-boys night. It was going to be girls' night, but then they invited me."

"Oh," said Adrien. "Sure. No worries."

"But I can do tomorrow night," said Leighton. "I get done with my shift at eighteen-hundred. We could get food and bring it back to my room and then do music stuff."

"Okay," said Adrien. "Okay! Yes, that sounds perfect! We'll do that."

Leighton grinned even wider and flapped their hands excitedly.

"Yes!" they said. "I have to curate a playlist, I have like forty gigs of Akastean music, I'll have to pick the best ones to play for you. I can do it while I'm working today, it's only rust duty and I get to listen to music while I'm doing rust duty because it's easy and I'm good at it."

"Sounds like a plan," said Adrien.

"I should probably go, actually, I have to clock in in like five minutes."

"Go!" said Adrien. "Go, go. I should go, too."

"Can I have a hug first?" Leighton asked.

"Yes," said Adrien. "Yes, you can."

Leighton held out their arms, and Adrien hugged them tightly. They were warm, and smelled of coconut and graphite, and they squeezed him just tight enough. Adrien patted their back and they let go. The two of them stepped away from each other.

"Have a good day," said Leighton. "I'll see you tomorrow night!"

"You too," said Adrien. "Um. Have a good . . . rust duty."

"I will!" said Leighton.

They hurried off, their hands still tapping happy patterns into the air at their sides. Adrien leaned back against the window, his hand over his mouth, his heart turning somersaults in his chest.

He allowed himself one triumphant fist-pump and a full-face grin before he pulled himself together and went to work.

Ten minutes later, he was standing in front of Captain Isabel Battle's desk, sweat running down the insides of his arms and a deep, nauseous dread pooling in his stomach.

"Eight times this month, ensign," she said, throwing down the sheaf of papers she'd been reading from. "Eight times you've supposedly fixed that field generator, and it's still breaking. What's going on, ensign? Why isn't it staying fixed?"

"I don't know, ma'am," Adrien managed.

"None of the other field generators break down like this, ensign," said Battle. "Do I need to reassign you?"

"No," Adrien said quickly. "Ma'am. No. It-it-it's different things, breaking, every time. Ma'am. My repairs aren't the problem, ma'am."

"Well something's the problem, ensign!" Battle said, leaning back in her chair and throwing her hands up in exasperation. "The problem exists! I assigned you to Lucky because you're good at what you do. You work well with your hands. You're smart. I handed you an opportunity, Ensign Nadhim, to actually fix something around here. Not just doing maintenance, not just following orders. I handed you a beautiful little stepladder to a promotion, and so far you have done nothing but trip on it."

"I'm—I'm doing my best, ma'am," Adrien said. His throat was closing up on him.

"Not good enough," said Battle. "You're not here to put out fires, ensign. That's what we have enlisted spacemen for. If there's a systemic problem, you find it. If you need more hands, you ask for them. If you can't do the job, you get out of the way and hand it over to somebody more qualified. So, ensign: can you handle it, or do I need to put you back on filter duty?"

Adrien clenched his jaw and breathed through his nose. Sweat was tickling the insides of his elbows, crawling down the backs of his legs. He swallowed.

"I'll handle it, Captain," he said.

Battle examined him for a moment, then smiled.

"That's what I like to hear," she said. "We need everything in top condition this coming week, just in case that solar storm is real. That includes Lucky. If you need a few extra people, you can have them. Try out a little bit of command, you'll need the experience if you're heading for lieutenant."

"I'll . . . see what needs doing, ma'am," said Adrien.

"Good," said Battle. "Go do it. Dismissed."

Adrien snapped to attention, then headed for the door. He was almost out when she spoke again.

"Adrien," she said, and her voice was much softer. He froze, his joints locking up. The dread in his stomach swelled.

"Yes, Captain?" he said.

"You know that I'm very invested in your career," she said. "I want to help you."

"Yes, ma'am," he said.

"It can be very difficult to get ahead in this game unless you know the right people."

"So I've heard, ma'am."

"I'm the right people, Adrien."

He gulped. He did not turn around to look at her. He couldn't breathe.

"I'll keep that in mind, Captain," he said hoarsely.

"And," said Battle, "I would be more than happy to help you get ahead."

Adrien said nothing. His skin was crawling. He heard Battle move and nearly bolted.

"Just . . . for future reference, Adrien," said Battle. "I can make or break you. Right now I'd take some convincing for either one. So if you feel like convincing me. . . ."

"I will keep that in mind, Captain Battle," Adrien said.

There was a moment of silence.

"If that field generator isn't fixed by the end of next week, it'll be trending heavily towards break," Battle said nastily. "With your record, I'm surprised you think you can afford not to earn some extra favor in advance."

"Am I dismissed, ma'am?" Adrien said quietly.

"Adrien."

"Am I dismissed, Captain Battle?" he asked again.

She moved again. He couldn't suppress his flinch.

"Get out," she said.

Adrien got the hell out. It was all he could do not to sprint.

[nobody-knose--archive]

so guess who bought complete demos today on a whim

yeah i wasn’t expecting this one to be over as quickly as it was either. have your liveblog

-complete demos. i bought it today & already forgot the tracklist. listening to it on the mp3 player i got for hmcrmshcidshdamsth because why not. makes pausing/typing easier that's why

-who the heck just coughed

-good lord the mixing is. and boy that's steve drumming isn't it. wow

-i mean we've got the stereo panning just like ever but this is incredibly rough. they are true babies aren't they

-oh those flutes are amazing what the hell. can people stop yelling in my individual ears

-and there's the rough megaphone. it's so incredibly clear that these aren't studio recordings but like. still tally hall!

-i think i'm finding many of these a little too funny but gotdam you're pitchbending your own voice do you really expect that to not sound so goofy at such a high pitch

-oh we're not slowing down at all, this is the same tempo as before for sure

-the flipping around audio channels is very not good at all when it comes to disguising the cuts between takes

-a sculptor you say? (is that one in the later versions? i don't remember it at all)

-nothing but rob's voices in the background and maybe 1 or two from red. no ross bits whatsoever. that's wild

-quick move into the greener intro and even quicker movement into greener itself

-well those are extra harmonies. interesting that they removed them for later versions because they're not bad, maybe a little out of place though

-honestly the biggest difference in steve vs ross drumming seems to be more a difference in the quality of the drums themselves. or the recording software but that applies to everything in this album

-it's painfully obvious that everything was recorded in really different circumstances & not mixed professionally and yep. complete demos alright. not inaccurately named in the slightest

-reminds me of the beta versions of g&e songs we heard live before they appeared on the album, makes me wonder if we could've gotten an admittedly complete demos for g&e somehow

-anyway these little different synths-

-hello there rob. alternate bridge. i have remembered this is a thing. something about tissues? a shoulder to cry on? cool

-yeah the little different synths do capture my attention from time to time

-and a basic piano for the outro? huh. sure gives it a different tone alright

-hm? who's that right at the end there- ooh! wtth time! and this still has steve in it doesn't it?

-generally more enthusiasm when it comes to that T, wonder what lost him attention in later years

-boy is that beatboxing weirdly mixed.

-lawn

-well this chorus is actually rather snazzy. the vocals seem better mixed than anything else i've heard in this album

-"who's to blame?" that's like the 4th time now i've heard someone's random voice that i can't recognize. ...it couldn't be steve, could it? i am now aware i have absolutely no clue what his voice sounds like but that seems like it could fit. hm

-zubin sounds really unenthusiastic here. just faintly unenthusiastic all over the place. still sounds more like "badiggle" than anything else

-oh shit they're falling down a well

-red's bit is hella unchanged other than the direct invasion of my individual ears & extra megaphone useage (i really wish the megaphone became more of a tally icon than it did but that's neither here nor there)

-it's rather more barebones though. less andrew keys in general. the calliope-reminiscent synth he uses is different i suppose.

-they did more stuff with funny crowd voices i think i've noticed. playing around with falsetto, as a college band dude might do

-ok yeah steve is a worse drummer. don't ask me what made me change my mind but i did

-wow a crowd that can consistently clap on the 1-2-3-4? how utterly unrealistic

-no wonky wild & weird intro to taken for a ride because i don't think it's on this album. understandable, i can't imagine what sort of wild hell the vocoder would be if it was attempted this early in its lifespan

-1st 2 piano chords of just apathy has me thinking of i know your name (deporitaz ver.) which is certainly as good a start to a song as any

-extended piano intro has me thinking of the ending of mold en mono but nope here's rob's voice to completely knock that impression out of the water

-ohoho? rob cantor swearing momence? i hadn't realized there'd be this many lyric changes

-interestingly enough this track doesn't seem horrendously mixed so far- nevermind that guitar/piano together is way too loud

-the guitar itself does have a pretty cool unique sound. obviously they hadn't had any access to string instruments at this point so given that those're the main thing separating this song from your average sade rock ballad there aren't a whole lot of notable differences here other than said guitar

-very different tone to this lil bridge. faintly reminiscent of weezer but it's not like i know anything about weezer

-sounds like the same synth from wtth being used in the bg there. what, did they have just that limited a selection so as to need repetition that frequently, or did they really like how it sounds? hard to tell with 200 (uhhhh) 4 college band dudes

-and right into two wuv. yes i had heard there's no haiku in this one but i forget what else will be missing. not sure if anything else will other than hidden in the sand. they would have ruler of everything, right? and a track that appears here but not any other albums? something like that i think

-more of that piano in the bg and more of mildly unenthusiastic zubin singing. different melody for said singing but it's not much of a secret that these guys were more untrained vocalists at this time

- .subsides?

-this chorus sounds significantly more laid-back than the later version

-the extra piano part sure moves this piece way further away from "rock love song" & way closer to "andrew horowitz song", especially that lil flourish where a bee buzzing might otherwise be

-ooh! andrew! he speaks! so does zubin! this song's two olsen boys coming in for a weird bridge bit! hell yeah oh this is adorable

-"because there's 2 of them :}"

-hm. are they actually just removing various parts because they don't have the technological capabilities to do a straight fadeout here? got dam

-i suppose letting zubin do a final solo-ish cadence works too

-uh- say it ain't so‽ w. no this is stationary love, the song that appeared here & nowhere else. cool, cool. strange but cool i guess

-i guess that can explain the multitude of weezer comparisons made for these lads. it's certainly there. honestly andrew was the only thing keeping them from being true weezer successors

-pure acoustic guitar thus far. this is my first time hearing this song of course & it seems like a pretty typical rob "homophonic heterophobic" cantor song

-nothing but acoustic guitar. nothing but rob vocals. nothing but alloromanticism. guess what! it's not my cup of tea! however i can't help but think if this song was worked on more, fixed up a la either mmmm release, with some more andrew/red touches, i could enjoy it some more

-not even any drumming. the simplicity could easily explain why it wasn't played live very often at all

-so the next thing i expect is some very funky & very weird spring and a storm which should highlight steve's (worse) drumming more than anything else i'm sure

-nevermind banana man's just getting slapped directly in here out of order compared to the later mmmm releases. this version i have indeed heard before because it's the version used in the music video

-therefore i have very little to say about it i haven't said on any of the other banana men. or other tracks on this album. the intrusions of vocal harmonies seem jarring because they're not mixed professionally, an effect that's only enhanced by the stereo panning & intense reverb

-this song really didn't change all that much over its lifespan, did it? vocal flairs were redone, but relatively few harmonies were added/removed, i don't think things like the bridge(s) were modified severely. not as noticeably as any of the other songs, at the very least

-i'm pretty sure i can hear andrew's voice in there but beyond that this is severely unsettling

-back to the chorus wahoo. relievingly  familiar territory

-get out of my left ear hawaiian guitar- wait a minute are my earbuds on wrong

-no i'm good

-oh holy shit i forgot this had to be somewhere didn't it‽ i know it's just the same! ok ok

-i've heard this one but only because i had no idea it was from complete demos, it's like rather polished too so i had never considered it would be on an unpolished album like this. i also had no idea that was goddam steve drumming in there too hot damn

-and this is the only recording of it‽ that's wild i always thought it was redone at some point & just kinda. manifested in one of the vague ways miscellaneous high quality tally hall songs do

-it's another romance one but the guitar arpeggios and extra layers give it a pass in my book. man i should watch the music video for it shouldn't i

-i still think it's utterly wild how tally hall played this at an actual high school's homecoming once. wouldn't that just blow your mind

-there's not a major difference between how it's performed here & what i've heard of it in from the occasional live performance, which is making me realize i should watch more live performances of this song

-angstier prequel to hidden in the sand

-or sidequel maybe. depends really. we can tell whatever stories we like

-did my hidden in the sand sotry come out of the queue yet? i feel like i queued it a while ago but also like y'all would've said something if you'd seen it

-bit slow paced innit. much like everything else in this album, it would have gained much from a professional studio treatment, but its mixing & general quality is still surely the best out of everything i've heard so far

-working your falsetto there aren't you my dude? ooh boy

-ruler of everything.... so no spring & a storm? >{

-yeah. ok. weird glockenspiel. almost sounds like a music box

-no vocoding either! i just realized that's a thing here! curious. and... those are some heavily wonky sfx in the background

-who's singing those aaaaas anyway? it's not a chorus which i thought could surely be handled and there's really minimal reverb too; strange considering not only is reverb a jh trademark but easily doable here

-the piano synth used is mostly identical to the 05 mmmm- oh holy shit there's different lyrics & they're being beamed directly into my skull

-even more nonsensical & it's because you can hear them hella easily too. that backwards segment did not need to go on as long as it did. also

-so no zubin vocals? >{

-slapping 5 billion vocal effects on doesn't make up for a lack of the best singer in this damn band

-especially because he sounds reminiscent of goddam fred. being fred before fred was even a thing. oh how accursed

-quiet down your guitars when you're singing shouting through a megaphone if you please

-and there's the earstrain-ass reverb + vocoding on the flibbity jibber jabber reprise. i feared as much would happen. doesn't sound horrible i just need to turn down the volume on my mp3 player

-honestly thing whole thing isn't bad at all in the sense that it's mostly just strongly different from the later versions & lacks zubin

-lease stop yelling though my dude schwiggling your voice like that isn't always a good thing at high volumes

-is that the end? are we.... at the end? i heard that's the name of some song from like sketches or something

-no. how silly of me to assume as much. anyway my dude needs to fix up his ukulele this one sounds like shit

-no vocal effects makes me realize how few times we got this one live-

-now what would you call a wonky little transition like that? puts a smile on my face, even if it does take me by surprise at the same time

-but at least one of the times this was done live featured casey shea

-now for the love of god i already hate the ending of something glowing (view-monster) for its weird-ass asmr finale don't reverse someone's cough & twiddle your ukulele strings directly into my right ear to end an otherwise really nice version of hidden in the sand if you please. oh mama mia. good night

[songslaidupinstore-blog]

Steve Warren - Reflection

Steve "The Mirror" Warren was born in 1957 in Newton Aycliffe, England, the son of Eddie Warren, a carpenter who made mirrors. From an early age Warren became obsessed with the mirrors his father made, and would often stand in front of them surveying his own reflection with curiosity while belting out the hits of the big bands of the time -- Ponty & The Rascals, Gino & The Cappuccinos, Len Pond and Dog’s Dinner. He formed a band, Stevie & The Imbroglios, in 1976, and took to playing high school parties in the local area. While on stage, he wore a leather jacket, Hawaiian shirt and jeans, which perfectly complimented his natural perm. This look made him remarkably popular with an audience of young ladies, who would scream whenever he was on stage. But by 1978 The Imbroglios, jealous of Warren's ever-increasingly popularity, hired a much uglier singer, Roaming "Rod" Peeps, in 1978, effectively forcing Stevie to go solo.

Newton Aycliffe’s renowned, grade-I listed slope, where Warren played as a boy.

Warren changed his name from Stevie to Steve soon after, and backed only by his acoustic guitar began playing bars and clubs. Rex Von Wicked, who later signed Warren to his label Gumbo Records, described these shows as "electrifying and highly erotic"; "often," he told Melody Maker, "Steve would put down his guitar during the encore, point at a woman in the audience and take her back stage to have his way. They'd then emerge five minutes later with massive grins on their faces, and Stevie would pick up his guitar again and finish the song." In 1981, Warren released his debut album, Touch My Face. It received negative reviews in the music press, but turned Warren over night into a global sex symbol. He sold out shows across Europe and the US and even had a cameo role in Michael Winner's bawdy comedy film Ooh! Up The Bum, playing Man In Pub #5. His sex life was the stuff of legend. Stories abounded about his encounters with groupies. But this was ultimately overshadowed by a rumour, much reported on by the tabloid press, that Warren was sexually attracted mirrors. He strongly denied that he had ever had sexual relations with mirror at first, but in 1984 held a press conference to admit that he had been living a lie. "I'm not a perv," he said, as if about to cry. "It's perfectly natural for a man to be attracted to mirrors, and I feel deep down that every man in this room is lying if he says he's never thought about sleeping with a mirror. It's been hard for me and my girlfriend Janet. She's not entirely sure how to take all this. But if you're listening, baby, it's normal. I'm not some freak. I'm still yours. I'm still Steve. And I love you, baby. It's not you or the mirror. It's you and the mirror. I hope you can understand this." The following year he released a whole album of mirror-themed songs, Reflection, which caused great controversy at the time. In Norfolk, a Christian group took to the streets to burn mirrors along with copies of Warren's albums. Yet sales of Reflection soared; fans couldn't get enough of Warren and would often throw mirrors on stage while he performed. 

Norfolk Christian’s sending Warren’s album to where they believed it belonged -- Hellfire. 

"Of course it were dangerous," he told GMTV in 1997. "Of course some smashed and I'd have to go to the hospital, but I appreciated the support. To me it were the world saying: 'You're all right. You're normal. You're not a freak.' I really appreciated that." The Reflection tour lasted three-and-a-half years. When it was over Warren booked himself into a rehabilitation centre. He had developed an addiction to eating Prit Sticks, but was also struggling with an addiction to sex, particularly sex with mirrors. He effectively dropped out of the public eye and has never released another album. In 2007, a fan on the music site Splaz claimed that he had seen Warren purchasing a stack of frozen pizzas from a Bargain Booze in Peterlee, County Durham, England. The Newcastle Chronicle investigated and discovered that Warren had been living in the area since the early '90s. In a rare interview with the paper Warren said: "I'm happy here, in Peterlee. I weren't made for fame. It turned me into somebody I didn't like, and I couldn't control myself. Now I live a quiet life. I still have urges of course, and I still like to play the guitar down the Social, but I keep myself to myself, and I cause harm to nobody. I must admit I've not listened to the music in a very long time. Too many bad memories. But I'm thrilled others still enjoy it." In 2013, during a gig at the Sage, Gateshead, Jimmy Nail invited Warren on stage to perform Reflection and Big River. Cramlington man Sting was also present. 

[shuabert]

Top 50 Albums of 2016

Despite all the ways 2016 was terrible (Brexit, the Syrian humanitarian crisis, extremist violence worldwide, Donald Trump, the deaths of so many of our heroes), one area where 2016 was a success was in terms of the quality of music released. Many of this year’s best albums were a direct response to the state of the world, some angry, some resolved, and some comforting. And others just allowed us to tune it all out and get lost in the sounds. Here is my 2016 year in review. 

Best Soundtrack/Score: Stranger Things Soundtrack (Kyle Dixon and Michael Stein)

Best Soundtrack/Compilation: Jack White - Acoustic Recordings: 1998-2016 (runner up goes to Carly Rae Jepsen for Emotion Side B, which is catchier than any b-sides record should be)

Best Live Album: (It was probably that massive Kate Bush box set, but I didn’t listen to that yet, so let’s go with...) Lissie - Live at Union Chapel

Best EP: Dan Mangan - Unmake

Worst Comeback Attempt: Blink-182 - California

The Carly Rae Jepsen Emotion Award for Most Bangers for your Buck: The Weeknd - Starboy (runners up: Kaytranada - 99.9% and Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman)

And, my top 50 albums of the year (out of the 134 I listened to)

50 - 41

50. Savages - Adore Life 49. Sarah Neufeld - The Ridge 48. Loretta Lynn – Full Circle 47. Låpsley - Long Way Home 46. Kendrick Lamar – Untitled.Unmastered 45. Crystal Castles - Amnesty (I) 44. Car Seat Headrest – Teens of Denial 43. James Blake - The Colour in Anything 42. Swans - The Glowing Man 41. Swet Shop Boys - Cashmere

40 - 31

40. Mitski – Puberty 2 39. Laser - Night Driver 38. PJ Harvey - The Hope Six Demolition Project 37. River Tiber - Indigo 36. Dolly Parton - Pure & Simple 35. Jessy Lanza - Oh No 34. Drake – VIEWS 33. Angel Olsen – My Woman 32. Gord Downie -  Secret Path 31. Andy Shauf -  The Party

30 - 21

30. Santigold - 99¢ 29. Wintersleep -  The Great Detachment 28. Michael Kiwanuka -  Love & Hate 27. Majid Jordan - Majid Jordan 26. Blood Orange – Freetown Sound 25. Rihanna - Anti 24. Danny Brown -  Atrocity Exhibition 23. Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool 22. Lissie - My Wild West 21. Alicia Keys - Here

20 - 11

20. Run the Jewels – Run the Jewels 3 19. Pup - The Dream Is Over 18. Case/Lang/Viers - Case/Lang/Viers  17. Kanye West - The Life of Pablo 16. Kaytranada - 99.9% 15. Hannah Georgas - For Evelyn 14. A Tribe Called Red - We Are the Halluci Nation 13. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Skeleton Tree 12. Solange - A Seat at the Table 11. The Weeknd - Starboy

10 - 01

10. Anohni – Hopelessness

“I wanna burn the sky, I wanna burn the breeze / I wanna see the animals die in the trees / Ooh, let’s go, let’s go, it’s only four degrees”

Lines like “Let me be the one…you choose from above,” sound painfully romantic until they come in a song about drone warfare. And that’s only one example of the way Anohni’s Hopelessness blends the beautiful and the horrific. The album reads as the love letter to state-sanctioned violence (geopolitical, environmental, physical) that most of us won’t admit we’re living. Ahnohni’s dizzy croons over blissful electronics are more beautiful than something called “Hopelessness” has any right to be. 

09. A Tribe Called Quest - We Got It from Here... Thank You 4 Your Service

“You bastards overlooking street art / Better yet, street smarts, but you keep us off the charts / So motherfuck your numbers and your statisticians / Fuck y’all know about true competition?”

This never-expected final album from ATCQ exemplifies the phrase, “rolling in their graves,” like a legend resurrected (literally, in the case of Phife Dawg, who appears here posthumously) by a dark present. Making explicit reference to the campaign rhetoric of Donald Trump (even going as far as to sample the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka), the album was timed as a middle finger to a candidate expected to lose. That he won makes it is a necessary balm to the political lesions of the next term. Effortless and full of life, We Got It… shows a group that feels like they never left at all. Legends never die.  

08. Leonard Cohen -  You Want It Darker

“I heard the snake was baffled by his sin / He shed his scales to find the snake within / But born again is born without a skin / The poison enters into everything”

The opening title track on Leonard Cohen’s final album feels prescient, a potent exploration of God and death from a poet who saw both on the horizon. “Hineni, Hineni, I’m ready my Lord,” he sings wearily, but it feels ambivalent. Shit, who wouldn’t be? The instrumentations from Cohen’s son Adam act as a guide for Cohen’s minimalist vocals, here at their most powerful and tired. The blending of romance and religion, the physical and the spiritual are classic Cohen. “I’m leaving the table / I’m out of the game” he says on “Leaving the Table.” You can’t help imagine him tip that iconic fedora with a subtle grin on the way out. You Want It Darker is a stellar album to cap off an unassailable legacy. 

07. Thrice - To Be Everywhere Is to be Nowhere 

“Would you stay with me / if you thought the war was over / and everything made right? / Would you still believe in us? / And would your love for me grow colder / with no one left to fight?”

Thrice’s first album in five years after announcing an indefinite hiatus in 2012 couldn’t have come at a better time. Steeped in politics and apocalyptic imagery, TBEITBN recalls some of the band’s best work while sounding like a perfect encapsulation of the tumult and fear of the past 18 months. With songs about drone bombing, whistleblowing, and foreign policy, this is an album wholly concerned with the state of geopolitics today, though not without its songs of love and hope, however tenuous. It is a blues-rock-meets-post-hardcore manifesto exploring reluctant complicity in state-sanctioned terror, abuse of power, and the fear of self-destruction. All of this with the tight creative energy of a band of best friends who have played together for almost two decades. 

06. David Bowie - Blackstar

“Just like that bluebird / oh, I’ll be free / Ain’t that just like me?”

It is difficult to separate Blackstar from David Bowie’s death, because the album was calibrated and timed so much to be a part of it, a final confrontation to mortality and the legacy of fame. For the first few days it almost felt like his alleged death might be part of some grand performance art piece — that’s so Bowie. A year later Blackstar feels, as it should, like a David Bowie album, full of cryptic imagery, bewildering lyrics, inspired musical flourishes, and emotional resonance. “Blackstar” is the best Radiohead song of the year, jazz inflections and unexpected absurdist turns of lyrical phrase demand repeated, concentrated listening, and the haunting “Lazarus” perfectly  denotes the way in which Bowie’s consistent reinvention has made him an artist outside of time and beyond death. “Everybody knows me now,” he sings on Lazarus. And they always will. 

05. White Lung - Paradise

“I’ve got a basic need / Kiss me when I bleed / They say I split my pride in two / when I became a bride for you / But what do they know?” 

 As deliriously melodic and powerful a punk rock racket as you’ll ever find, Paradise finds Vancouver’s White Lung sharpening their skills and their teeth. Mish Barber-Way’s vocals are more refined but no less sneeringly powerful as she spits over meticulously-arranged and elegantly-produced instrumentations that average under 3 minutes in length. Clocking in at 28 minutes, “Paradise” is the tightest and most purposeful rock record of the year, which is impressive considering how deeply the record explores the body horror inherent in being a woman in a patriarchal society. 

04. Frank Ocean - Blonde

“You showed me love / Glory from above / Regard, my dear / it’s all downhill from here.” 

 Frank Ocean’s long-anticipated follow up to Channel Orange is a challenging first listen, less immediate and more thoughtful than its predecessor. “RIP Trayvon. That nigga look just like me,” Ocean sings on the album opener “Nikes,” a disarmingly down-tempo number whose bittersweetness creeps up and sets the tone for a contemplative and deeply personal album of tonal lethargy and spare instrumentations. References to “pink and white” skies and “black and yellow” streets are prescriptive: this is an album for the fading days of summer, the fading hours of the day, when a twilight drive brings pains of nostalgia and regret to light. 

03. Beyonce - Lemonade

“They say true love’s the greatest weapon / to win the war caused by pain / But every diamond has imperfections / But my love’s too pure to watch it chip away”

Lemonade is the stuff of great drama, a kitchen sink story by way of an epic as it spins out a relationship story without a neat conclusion. It is a master-work of rage and heartbreak and, ultimately, hope, blind as it may be. But that pain is more alive for how Lemonade makes the personal political. This is about more than just Beyoncé and Jay Z, it is about fathers making their daughters tough and setting them up to be betrayed by men just like them. It is about survival and resilience in a world that doesn't care about you. It is a testament to the vision and production that Lemonade mines so many disparate genres (pop, blues, country, r&b, reggae) yet feels so cohesive. Beyoncé was a career milestone, a pop album about the thrills and joy of marriage, but Lemonade is transcendent, a genre-defying album about betrayal and the challenges of marriage as a metaphor for the ways relationships of all kinds destroy and sustain us. 

02. Tanya Tagaq - Retribution

“Sacrifice / Our blood goes back into the earth / In. Out. Womb. Core.” 

 If Mother Earth groaned in pain on Tanya Tagaq’s 2014 album, Animism, then she delights in the destruction of humanity on Retribution, an album that finds the Inuk throat singer croon with a trickster’s smirk that “Gaia likes it cold.” Here, at her most metal, she asserts that “the retribution will be swift” if humanity continues down a path of ecological devastation. Her most sonically-diverse album in vocal and collaborative terms (featuring producer Jesse Zubot’s haunting strings, Christine Duncan and the Element Choir, a cover of Nirvana’s “Rape Me” and a collaboration with rapper Shad), Retribution is a career milestone and the most stunning work of Indigenous art of the year. 

01. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

“I don’t make songs for free, I make ‘em for freedom.”

Coloring Book plays like the kind of album that could only have been written by someone experiencing the life-changing miracle of childbirth for the first time. Gospel choirs and horns back an album of ebullient joy that in sound and title suggests a blank space full of possibility. The religious fervor of Chance’s unabashed positivity was just what we needed in 2016. Chance’s desire to “give Satan a swirlie” reminded us not to take ourselves too seriously while fighting evil, and “All Night” might be the year’s hardest banger this side of Drake’s “One Dance.” Coloring Book was like a big hug in the face of a cruel year, an invitation for us all to be with family, to remember the good times and to help one another through the bad. By the time the album closes with the refrain “are you ready for your blessings; are you ready for your miracle?” it feels like both a challenge and a plea. Bring on 2017.