#when all too often women's concerns about erratic and unstable men go ignored

[randomsfandoms96]

in retrospect, mckay is better than me because if i had young man come in showing clear signs of emotional distance, only to then be told by his mother that she found a list of girls he wanted to harm and then have him flee the hospital and ONLY come back in the midst of caring for the results of a mass shooting and my attending told me i was 'ruining a young man's life' and that 'this mess was my fault' i'd have started swinging.

[woundedblackbird]

About

Name: William “Billy” Russo

AKA: Blackbird, Billy the Beaut, Jigsaw

Age: 36

Date of Birth: March 26th

Star Sign: Aries

Gender: Cisgender male

Sexuality: Bisexual, female preference

Occupation: Unemployed (Level 5, Redemption Arc)

Formerly: Lieutenant (level 2 + 3), ANVIL CEO (level 4)

Canon Media: Netflix’s Punisher series

NSFW Factlist: Switch, BDSM, slight sadomasochism

P E R S O N A L I T Y

GENERAL (Plus Jigsaw notes)

Billy has always been the selfish sort. Perhaps, had he not spent his formative years taking care of himself in various group and foster homes, he might have come out differently. As it is, he has grown used to having only himself to rely on. While charismatic and capable of great acts of charity, he will always put himself first. It is how he has learned to survive. His desperate need for self preservation leads him to committing some very violent and unforgivable acts, and while he does retain some guilt for what he's done, he excuses it by reminding himself that nobody else will look out for him, if he doesn't take care of himself.

His confidence comes mostly from his good looks, despite some insecurity stemming from a childhood trauma relating to his prettiness. Billy is more than aware of how attractive he is, and will use it to his advantage, preening at any compliments thrown his way. Though he might ignore this personality flaw, Billy has never quite managed to shake that childish desire for praise. Oddly, this need is particularly strong around Frank Castle.

(Note: This need remains even after the disfigurement, but in a far more twisted manner than before. He is also more erratic, prone to anger and arguably quite mentally unstable in his Jigsaw persona. He has outbursts where he appears entirely overwhelmed with emotion, and is unable to control his actions or words for the duration. It can last up to half hour at a time, and appears to be increasing. Recovery is always difficult, often spent shaking and weeping. Naturally, he does not like people to witness this and survive.)

REDEMPTION ARC

In this private AU, we witness a "what if" scenario with Billy. Given a second chance by Death herself ( @terrifiesall ), Billy is returned to his life with a new purpose; to do what he can to right his wrongs. Here we witness a shift in his previously selfish behaviour. He is quite sure that no matter what he does, he will still go to Hell; and yet he tries regardless. There appears to be no "moral dessert," no obvious gain in it for him and yet he tries. The loyalty that he ought to have clung to, the love for Frank's family, the understanding that what he did was wrong- all are present. Albeit it too late. Even with the resurrection of Frank Jr ( @juniorcastle ), there are still two dead people he cannot apologise to.

All in all, he is much the same person albeit it working toward a better version of himself. He will never completely change, and he knows this; but the fact that he is trying to be less selfish, and allowing himself to rely on others is a huge step in the right direction for him. Especially considering he willingly seeks out Dinah Madani ( @charmerlikeme ) and Frank ( @ravenwithagun ) in order to apologise to them, and more or less throw himself on their mercy. He also engages in a relationship of sorts with Natasha Romanoff ( @domina-natasha ) who gives him the punishment he feels he still needs, and who acts as a sort of guidance system.

Essentially, my baby boy is making big strides in this AU and I am proud of him.

H I S T O R Y

"You had a choice. Me, I never did. You saw to that. And yet here I am. You know, all those years in those group homes gives you a lot of time to think. And now I'm returning the favor. Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you If you want 'em strong, treat 'em hard."

William Russo was born the only child of a Carla Russo, a meth addict who frequently forgot her child and his needs, seeking only the sweet release her cravings brought her. Too busy chasing the next fix, her son was left to fend for himself in the broken down house they called a home. Forever filled with wastrels and vagrants, with little food to go around. There was no time made for compassion or games, nobody there to kiss him goodnight or wipe away the tears when they came. It gave him great pleasure in his adulthood to confine the woman to a dreary hospital bed.

Little William Russo hardened quickly, and knew just how to defend himself by the time he found himself at the group home; ironically named 'Ray of Hope'. It wasn't long before one of the volunteers noticed just how pretty the little gutter rat was, and his attentions left him with several large bruises and left eleven year old Billy with a broken arm and a lifetime of trauma.

"What, you don't trust him? Ours is not to reason why, Frankie boy. Ours is but to do or die." "That's from a poem about a bunch of guys who got their asses handed to 'em on the back of bad intel, right?" "You are shitting me. You read a poem?"

Frank was like a brother, that much Billy knew. Of course, he didn't particularly know what a brother would be like. Hell, no family connection was a feasible concept to him. Still, Frank had his back and he had Frank's. Billy figured that was enough to make the man family. The two men were inseparable from the beginning, even more so after the events in Basra. Something about being trapped, facing death together and coming out on top bonded people. He met Frank's family when they were both on leave, and instantly bonded with the children, particularly "Little Frank". He'd never known anything about family, but they did their best to teach him. Billy would have done anything for Frank, for his family. For the warm feeling in his soul when he was in their company.

Until something better came along.

Then? Well then... he just couldn't help himself.

"We didn't want our lives to just be gray. We wanted them to mean something. We wanted to be a part of something bigger than ourselves! And here at Anvil, if you are recruited you will find that something. A new brotherhood to call your own. Something to fight for. To live for even."

Orange. Rawlins... he offered everything Billy had ever wanted. Nothing shined more to a penniless orphan than the promise of good money. It seemed he had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. He had an out from an operation he'd long begun to despise; it was too dirty, too risky. He had nothing against the idea of bringing drugs into the country- it was going to happen, why not let it be the army? The method however, and the way it would look if it were to come out? He didn't like that. There'd be no coming back from that.

Frank wouldn't leave, but Billy didn't have the patience to wait for him.

Getting into bed with Rawlins may well have been a mistake, something he would come to regret. He ought to have known really, how dangerous it would be to trust a man like that. A man who could construct an operation like Cerberus without batting an eye but the allure of what he was offering was too much. Billy couldn't help himself. One day, an orphan with nothing to his name and the next? CEO of his own company. His own private, military contracting company where he called the shots.

Ignoring of course, the influence Rawlins would continue to hold over him.

"He didn't have to be alone. We could've helped him." "Yeah. He didn't want any help. He wanted to kill every bastard who had a hand in it." "I miss him. And I could see it. Even before what happened. He was changing. He was finding it harder and harder to come back."

It felt dirty. It felt wrong. He refused to take part.

He still didn't tell Frank.

It would be easy to tell himself that it was too late, that there was very little he could do to stop it. It would be easy to claim that there was no way of getting through to Frank without being stopped, that there would be nothing Frank could do, anyway. The man was a good soldier, but he was up against men just as efficient. There was little use in telling the sheep it was headed to slaughter. The fear would only make things worse. Better to go out in blissful ignorance. So he kept quiet, and hoped the operatives would do a quick and efficient job.

When the news came in, it finally hit him. Maria and the kids had been like a family to him, alongside Frank. Until that moment it hadn't felt real; he'd been able to distance himself from the idea. It wasn't him who pulled the trigger, but knowing the deed was done... made it real. That night, he drank an entire bottle of whiskey, and moved on.

At that point, loss was almost an old friend.

Then came Frank's rampage, and Billy watched the birth and death of The Punisher through the media of New York. It struck him as odd that the man hadn't reached out, hadn't called out to he or Curtis to help him in his quest for vengeance. Somehow, despite knowing he'd played a hand in the betrayal of Frank, despite knowing he could have done something to prevent the murder of his family- he felt hurt.

"Sometimes I think the only way to get by in this world is to step off it for a while, you know? And if it helps, I also had a shitty day." "So, what are we gonna do about that?" "I'm open to suggestions."

Madani was the best assignment he was ever given. The Homeland agent who got too close to discovering Castle, to discovering Rawlins and operation Cerberus. It was a suggestion at first, to get close to her, see what she knew. Happily, she made first contact. No doubt his name had surfaced in her own investigation, and she had no suspicions about how eager he was to talk. How happily he accepted her advances. They had been expected, almost premeditated. After all, he was no stranger to the effect he had on women.

As much as he would like to deny it, Dinah grew on him. He felt genuine concern when he saw the bruising on her ribs, hesitated when she came within his cross hairs. With everything that happened, he didn't want to hurt her. Even as he lied to her face, deceived her, murdered her partner in cold blood... there was a small part of him that liked her, enjoyed her company. But Billy had never known what love was like, save for the glimpses he saw of Frank and Maria. So in the end, he only knew how to love himself.

In that moment on the carousel, he acted on impulse. Had he known it was Dinah would he have hesitated? Perhaps not, but it’s impossible to know. The truth is, it all happened so fast... he had no idea who he was pulling the trigger on. In that moment, it was kill or be killed.

Billy had no intention of dying that night.

"So what? You're just gonna take them all on yourself? How's that going for you so far? Why don't you just let Homeland do it, man? Madani, she she wants them just as bad as you do. Hey. You really think this is what Maria would've wanted for you? We didn't have a choice back then. Now we do."

It was a bittersweet thing, seeing Frank again. For a long time he'd thought the man dead. Hell, he'd mourned him long enough- long nights sat by the makeshift grave Curtis put together, drinking themselves into a stupor and rambling on in nostalgic recollections. To learn that he'd been alive all this time had inspired a feeling of betrayal that threatened to outweigh the truth of his own failings. When he saw Frank again, he didn't know how he felt.

Rawlins wanted the man dead. Told Billy as such the moment Frank reared his head, but Billy couldn't do it. Much as he liked to claim himself an independent man with no real attachments- he couldn't bring himself to kill his only friend. Perhaps had he known the trouble Frank would cause him in the future, he might have reconsidered.

In the end he conceded to playing bait. To luring Frank out into the open with a false offer of asylum; shipping his friend out to another country where he could eke out his remaining days in peace. Frank, predictable bastard that he was; wouldn't take the offer. Even as he scowled out across the empty docks, Billy couldn't help but feel a twinge of relief. Inaction had been an acceptable excuse in the deaths of the Castle family, but he wasn't yet comfortable playing a direct part in the murder of the one remaining member. Still, Frank knew too much, and when the man finally put the dots together- would do what he could to utterly destroy Rawlins, Billy... everything he'd worked so hard for. Even when he helped Frank put Rawlins down, he knew there was no escaping it; Castle was gunning for him, too.

There was nothing for it, Frank had to die.

It was self preservation.

"Attachments are a weakness, Frank. I never had anybody." "You had us, Bill." "The Punisher? What a crock of shit."

In the end, it was always going to come down to him and Frank.

In the end, it was going to be one man standing.

Billy was determined to be that man, but he'd underestimated the utter brutality that Frank Castle was capable of. There had been a time where perhaps he would have stood a chance at besting him, back when the two of them were training daily, fighting daily. With Anvil, the suits, the position of power... he'd softened. Or at least, it was the excuse he gave himself as Frank slammed him into the ground.

Everything had been set up for his success. The location, the carousel... it had been designed to throw Frank into a sense of confusion, throw him off his game and leave him vulnerable. The blood, the screams and the crying were supposed to trigger Castle's PTSD and tip the scales in Billy's favour. Were it not for Madani's interference, Billy likes to think he might have stood a chance at winning.

The sheer agony that exploded across his face as Castle dragged him down the smashed glass was the salt in the wound of his defeat. Time and time again Frank slammed his face into the jagged mess and Billy saw his own terror reflected back to him over and over in the shards. He pleaded, begged with Frank to finish it; to kill him, but Frank refused. Frank Castle, The Punisher; the man who never left an enemy alive decided to spare him. To let Billy live with his mutilated face and remember his crimes.

P O S T  S E A S O N  O N E (2 ROUTES)

CANON DIVERGENT

coming soon

SEASON TWO

coming soon (well, as soon as the season does)