#wheeeeee I'm gay

[birdyaviary]

DEPLOY THE AUBREY PLAZA

[acheronist]

I am reading The Goldfinch. I'm where he just started hanging out at the furniture/antiques place regularly. It's written well, it's holding my inerest, but I don't yet see what all the fuss is about. So not as a criticism but in an effort to appreciate something I might be missing, why is it a book you love?

well.

donna tartt is one of my favorite authors anyways. I think she's a spectacular freak and her storytelling skills are exceptionally good and i've read as much of her work as i can possibly get my little hands on!

but for tgf specifically, the narrative being soooo so so centered on personal emphasis & meaning being bestowed upon specific artworks despite them being very unpersonal objects (after they get out of the artist's hands, that is,) in stark comparison to the way that art that can belong to/be seen/be consumed any random fucking person alive in the modern age has been the only existential buoy in my life for a very very very long time. in my lowest times, instead of killing myself i go stand in art museums and think about how much love and creativity is innate in humanity despite times of crisis and war and disease and all of the fucking agonies and everything going wrong and having no control over it. ha ha. it's always been a balm to me, to remember that there is goodness and love preserved in artwork, and that artwork is tougher and longer-lasting than you'd initially think, and that it's always there waiting for me to come back to it and see it in a different emotional state to find new meanings in it. this is the same as how theo thinks about the painting thru different times in his life!! going from needing it desperately as a connection to his mom, obsessively as a comfort, and then reviling it for being a representation of his life's biggest trauma and yet still tending to it and caring for it, to the heartache of losing it and the relief of retrieving it with the one person who genuinely loves him as an act of devotion and apology for a previous betrayal....all while navigating how systems in power are neglectful and uncaring and capitalistic. it's all just So Much To Me.....

and I know the middle chapters where theo just goes on and on about the intricacies of antique forgery aren't as fun and sexy as the vegas chapters with boris (underage drug abuse and gay sex WHEEEEEE) OR the actual criminal chapters at the end (mysterious borderline-noir criminal heist slash subtextual romcom), but they're soooo so poignant to me. because in my own little life, curating the art and music around me and finding beauty and importance and symbolism in these subtle things is a vital central axis that i need to have, much like i need a nice bed or a good meal or a glass of clean water. much of how i cope and navigate the world is very deeply focused around art & art analysis, and I think the only other book i've read that articulated that sort of feeling quite as eloquently would be john berger's way of seeing, which is an academic and analytical text. but i just love fiction so much, so to have tgf as the extremely emotional fiction option to go along w my nonfiction art thesis books that are tonally very prim and objective and well organized..... DELICIOUS. i love it. and i love a fictive narrative built upon tragedy. i love works that call back to each other in conversation, and stories that cannot exist without the foundation of Something Else Existing A Millennia Prior. i love comparing works and establishing what makes them similar or different but how they approach the same themes. and i love to see characters (THEO. boris. pippa. hobie. andy.) that i can identify with who struggle with similiar problems i have, because it makes it easier for me to get thru my own life. this isn't groundbreaking reasoning though, that's just how every human alive consumes art and content. of course we look for ourselves in fiction. of course we as individuals want to find things that we relate to.

and also in a purely self-indulgence way, I also looooooove it when media is unbearably long and i can get completely entranced and study it closely and always be able to find new details that throw the whole story into a completely new light, which I think tgf does very well because it's almost 900 pages LMAO. every time i reread it there's a new nuanced angle for me to think about actions and thoughts leading into consequences and i just eat that up every single time.......

but despite all of this i do recognize that tgf is not everyone's cup of tea. like it's genuinely one of the most meaningful texts in my heart but i completely understand how it can be long, and boring, and melodramatic, and a bit insane, and convoluted, and pompous, and not worth the time to get from cover to cover.

but it is worth the time. to me.

[vashti-lives]

I really, really want a single payer medical system because our current system is absolute shit and not functional, but when I see the huge push for it happening right now, parallel with our steep dive into open fascism it makes me very nervous. What happens when the current white supremacist fascists in power decide that actually controlling this country’s medical care is a great idea?

Because you know what would suck EVEN more than our current system? Socialized medicine run by fascists who believe strongly in eugenics and don’t think people should have control over their own uteruses!! 

I really don’t think the politicians who are pushing for socialized medicine have really adequately addressed the degree of harm the US government has consistently done when it intersects with the medical care of POC to begin with, and our medical system is already deeply racist as it is. Its clear from what’s happening in the current concentration camps THAT ALREADY EXIST that there are doctors out there who would be fully on board with facilitating atrocities. It would not be hard for medical care in the US to become extremely frighteningly ugly. And I mean, its already pretty bad. 

So I’m at this weird point where if we can clean house politically and get Biden in office I’m going to be pushing for Medicare for All SO HARD. And yet, I’m also kind of hoping that if the worst happens Republicans will have been made so afraid of the boogie man that is socialized medicine that even the pandemic won’t be enough for them to want to change. IDK. We’re at a weird point right now.