#whats the ace version of 'i bet the dick is insane'

[swampgallows]

i need him to be real so bad

[bluboothalassophile]

Welcome to Chaos

@chromium7sky, again a HUGE thanks to her for allowing me to use the Batlings for this story!

Spoilers for Hopes for a Bastard!

Disney and Disasters!

Raven walked in holding a bowl of popcorn with Helena on her hip.

“And you’re sure you can handle the four hellions?” Jason asked again.

“No, no I’m not sure that I, the Queen of Hell, can handle for kids under the age of three.” She sighed as she gave her best friend a baleful stare.

“Hey, I’m being responsible and asking!”

“Go, you and Dami will be back by three, we’ll be sleeping, if you’re running late, text me, and we’re having a Disney and Pixar marathon,” Raven stated as she set the popcorn down. Ace thumped his tail as he cuddled Lian on the couch. Alfred the cat was stretched out on the back of the couch and Titus sat in front of the Batcave entrance faithfully because Damian was going to go there, the dog would try to deter that. Terry giggled and held onto a floating Mar'i who was sucking her pacifier innocently as her solid green eyes stared down at them.

“Rae…”

“Go Jason, I babysit your hellion all the time.” she shoved at Jason’s shoulder towards the clock.

“Lian’s not mine,” Jason grumbled.

“And I’m your lover, get going Jason, Damian will be down soon,” she shoved him at the door.

“Seriously Rae, if anything happens…” Jason started.

“Jason Peter Todd If You Do Not Go Down That Clock I Will Send You To Hell! Go!” she snapped and pointed at the clock.

“Fine, if you need me call!” he called over his shoulder.

“Helena, your big brother is an idiot,” Raven smiled at the baby girl. Helena smiled.

“I’m not her brother!”

“Technically you are! Cat adopted you! Now Go Jay!” she shouted after him before shutting the clock behind him and flopping onto the couch. She used her powers to catch Terry who squealed in delight as at being caught by telekinesis then she set him on the couch. Mar'i flew onto Raven’s shoulder.

“Hello darling,” Raven smiled at her goddaughter. The baby sucked her pacifier as her riot of flaming black curls pinkened at the tips.

“Raven,” Damian's commanding tone had her looking up at the kid. He was about twelve.

“If you ask if I can handle this I would like to point out I am legal to drink on the solstice and can vote, have magic, telekinesis, shadows, and many other powers, which is more than you, so get your ass down to that cave and go!” she snapped. The tween huffed as he stalked to the cave then and Raven smiled.

“Incredibles 2!” she said, Lian and Terry squealed for joy at her words, Helena laughed, Mar'i tugged on her hair. Raven used the shadows to set it up, having the babies fascination as it started the movie then.

Raven summoned her math book for studying as she had that atrocious math final on Monday, then a wedding to attend on Saturday. Plus the week of prepping this was going to take, and the three day celebration for Dick and Kori’s wedding… it was going to be a long week.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Damian roused when he heard voice then bolted upright noticing the weight on his chest was missing, he was up and silently making his way through the house and came to the family entertainment room.

He stopped in shock as he stared at Ingo sitting there, holding the remote, sucking on a book; Huckleberry Finn, staring with wide eyes at the television. Damian just blinked several times to make sure he was seeing this right, when the lavender head turned on him and brilliant emerald eyes stared at him as Ingo sucked harder on the book. For being a year and about a half old, Ingo was a quiet baby who didn’t talk all that much.

“Mama,” Ingo suddenly blurted out, the book clattered onto the floor and his son looked bewildered and disappointed.

“Mama is resting,” he assured his child sitting down on the couch with Ingo and picking the kid up.

“Mama!” the boy pointed at the television and Damian stared at the video of his and Raven’s wedding. Raven was smiling, her lavender hair was pulled up and twisted into an intricate bun, her wine colored eyes were shining brightly and beautifully as a pink blush dusted her pale cheeks. She stood there before him in a beautiful feathery like dress, it looked like something of a dream. He hugged Ingo and stared at his wedding.

Jon had been his best man. Dick was with Kori and holding baby Mar'i, Tim and Stephanie were there, Jason was ginning mischievously, Maya, Mother, Selina, Father, they were all there, and he could only remember having eyes for Raven. It was something magical.

“Mama,” Ingo whined and reached for her.

“Mama is not here, she is resting.”

Tears formed in Ingo’s eyes and Damian stroked his son’s head.

“It is alright son, she will be back.”

“Mama,” Ingo whined.

Damian wanted his wife too, and he kind of wished he was there with her now. But that was not possible right now, she was at a spa resort in Vermont, and she’d be resting, pampered, cared for, everything he needed.

“Mama NOW!” Ingo screamed.

“No!” Damian snapped as he stood.

The room trembled, books rattled on their shelves and things started flying and Ingo screamed at the top of his lungs then.

“MAMA NOW!” Ingo screamed.

“No!” Damian repeated wincing at the pitch. There was a scream then there was darkness and Damian yelped as he was sucked into a void like one of Raven’s portals before he came stumbling out the other side in his family entertainment room and fell over the back of the couch, curling around Ingo to protect the baby.

“OW!” He landed on someone, there was a startled yelp before shadows warped and everything went flying. With a thud he slammed into a table, there were barks and low growls and screams, but pain burst forward when he smashed his elbow.

“Mama!” Ingo shouted then.

“What the Hell!?” a feminine voice gasped.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Jason was in his armor, on his bike when the demon spawn joined him.

“Raven is pushy.”

“She doesn’t like hovering,” Jason shrugged. He got it, he was hovering, but seriously, the four kids, under the age of four, together, they were trouble, and a handful, and he’d been duped into watching the four of them together often enough to hesitate. He also knew if Raven was in over her head she’d call her moms, right? Harley and Ivy were surprisingly good with Helena and Lian, he’d bet they could handle Terry and Mar'i. Oh, he needed to stop thinking and go get into trouble now. Something had to be happening tonight on patrol. Anything! It was Gotham!

“You are still insisting with Artemis as your date?” Damian sneered at the thought.

“And what’s wrong with Arty?” Jason demanded as he revved his engine, and kicked the stand up before they blasted out.

“She’s not right for you.”

“Jesus kid, it’s a date for a wedding, not an engagement for life!” Jason snapped. He had asked Artemis because Dick had gotten on his nerves, and apparently, Jason couldn’t go with Roy or Raven as Raven was the Maid of Honor and paired with the Bestman, Wally, and Roy was with Donna as they were both bridesmaid and groomsmen. Honestly, not his wedding, not his set up, not his worry, but he was going to the damn wedding as a peace offering for Dick. Dick had insisted he have a date, so Jason had asked the biggest lesbian on the planet to go with him; Artemis of Bana-Mighdall.

“It better not be,” Damian sneered.

“You do realize Arty is a lesbian, right?” Jason asked blandly.

Damian gave him a dumb look and Jason snickered then as he leapt onto the highway, they merged into traffic before speeding then, as they raced into Gotham.

Bat Brat was going to drive him nuts! Nearly two years later and the demon brat hadn’t stopped this ridiculous idea that Jason should be dating Raven, and that simply was not going to happen because she was his best friend with Roy. And Jason was not fucking up his best relationship to appease the bat brat.

There was an alert going off at WE labs, which had him and Damian turning hard down the exit as the Bat signal flickered to light then was solid as it loomed over Gotham.

Just another night in paradise!

For a mad minute everything was going to be hell and a handbasket and he was kind of looking forward to it as he raced Damian towards the precinct then for the WE problem.

-Be Safe

The text illuminated on his bike.

“How much you bet Cat forced B to text that rather than leaving to come here for the night?” Jason asked Robin.

“Father does as he pleases and does not submit to a woman’s whims!” Damian snapped.

Jason barked a laugh as they raced to the meet.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Raven had been dozing on the couch, with Mar'i, Helena, Lian and Terry, Ace on her feet, and Titus right below her, with Alfred the Cat on her shoulder. She didn’t remember falling asleep but she had woken to the glowing black screen, something had been tickling her empathy, and it was bothering her, then there’d been a burst of blackness, a body landing on her, which she had tossed off as she threw herself and the babies into the air, and floated ready to strike whoever it was down.

Then there’d been a scream for mama and now there was a baby with bright green eyes and purple hair flying at her.

“What the Hell!?” she gasped. Mar'i cried loudly now and there was a burst of star bolts at the baby, Raven wrapped all shadows around everyone and slammed them into a dining room as she sealed the babies in high chairs, and the stranger in a chair. The man was familiar and every flavor of his emotions a nuance she knew which had her forming a shadow blade as she approached him slowly.

“Ow,” he groaned out, then brilliant green eyes opened to stare at her. They weren’t the right eyes, but the face was right.

“Raven!?” he sputtered. “What are you doing here!? I gave you the weekend off!” he sputtered.

“Funny, no one can make me do anything, who are you?” she demanded as she lifted her shadow blade beneath his chin, tilting his head back a bit.

“Don’t be ridiculous Raven, you know exactly who I am,” the man snapped irritably.

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m your husband, Damian,” he growled.

“Okay, now I just think your nuts!” She decided. “What insane version of me, would ever marry a version of Damian Wayne, other than one that clearly fell for jailbait.”

“Jailbait!? Don’t be so crass, you sound like that imbecile Todd.”

“I see, so you are from a different dimension, the Damian from here would kill for me to end up with his idiot brother.” Raven sighed and released the shadows before she grabbed the man’s head to inspect where he had hit it. It was a habit, one she wasn’t out of as she dragged her fingers through his hair and found the knot before healing that little goose egg.

“Different dimension?” Damian sputtered.

“Yes, I had thought you were from demented future, but you are most certainly from a different dimension, which means, I’m Raven, but I’m not your wife,” Raven stated releasing him.

“Ingo,” he growled as he stood for the baby. The baby squealed and Raven gasped as she was tackled on her waist by a baby who smiled brightly up at her.

“Mama!”

“Oh dear Azar,” she sighed.

“Can you get us back?”

“I don’t even know where you’re from!” Raven snapped trying to pry the clingy baby off her to hand it back to it’s father.