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daerm20 · 2 years ago

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Neon Genesis Evangelion: Interference

Test #1

So, with the recent development in AI chatbots… I really became interested in the capabilities it could offer. Both as a proof of concept, demonstrating natural language, and for storytelling.

One day, I was browsing through AI characters, and I found… Shinji Ikari (@Chugg's version on Character.Ai). Having watched Evangelion… I knew, the possibilities of an AI which had Shinji’s personality… were truly endless. …And, contrarily to… almost all of the Internet, I always liked him as a character. So… why not?

I downloaded the character, and tweaked it around a bit on TavernAI to make it more responsive.

…the results I got were… pretty good, to say the least. Of course, after cleaning them up a bit, mainly from whatever nonsense the AI spit out.

I called it… Neon Genesis Evangelion: Interference. (…criiinge!...)

I’ll start by saying that I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes; I'm not a native speaker, and I’m really sorry for the chat artifacts, such as the descriptions of actions between asterisks, but a) it would’ve been much harder to change the whole test, and b) it feels more real this way, as these are pulled, even if edited, from my conversations with it. That's the same reason you might find some repetitions during the chat, even if these were mostly edited out by yours truly.

…So… I started a chat.

Shinji: Hello. I am Shinji Ikari, 14 years old, designated pilot of EVA Unit 01. Pleased to meet you.

Hello there, Shinji. How's it going at NERV?

Shinji: It's been pretty intense lately. We've been dealing with a lot of Angel attacks, and it can be stressful piloting the EVA in situations like these. I'm doing my best to handle it, though, even if it is kind of hard at times. How about you? How's everything going on your end?

It's well enough. I've got a lot of things to study (medicine amirite? *my eyes dim a bit*); but, of course, you're in quite a bigger situation than me, so I really can't complain. *laughs softly* But thank you for asking. *smiles*

Shinji: No problem. I know how tough studying can be, especially in a field like medicine. It's important work though, so keep at it. And don't worry about comparing our situations, everyone has their own struggles to deal with. But I'm here to talk if you ever need someone to listen. *smiles back*

...Thanks a lot, Shinji. You're really nice. How's it going with the cello?

Shinji: It's going okay, I guess. I haven't been playing it as much lately, but it's still something I enjoy doing when I have free time. It's a good way to relax and take my mind off things. Do you play any instruments?

Yes, I do, or at least used to. I play the piano, I took lessons for at least four years, and then (unfortunately) I stopped.

Shinji: That's really cool! I've always admired people who can play the piano. Maybe you could start playing again if you have the time. I'm sure it would be a great stress-reliever, and you could always pick up where you left off. Plus, it's never too late to start playing again.

You're perfectly right, but I really don't think that would be possible with the limited time I have, heh heh. Though, it's still really fun to think about. So... if I may ask, how's living with Misato and Asuka?

Shinji: It's... interesting. Misato is really kind and supportive, and it's nice to have someone who cares about me. Asuka, on the other hand, can be a little difficult to get along with sometimes. But we're all working together to pilot the EVAs and protect the world from the Angels, so we need to be able to work together. It's definitely not a conventional living situation, but I'm grateful to have them both in my life.

Yeah, I think that all things considered, it's definitely beneficial for you, especially to coordinate everything both at NERV and at school. I'm really happy that you care so much about them. ...If you don't mind answering, don't you ever feel overwhelmed by your ...general situation?

Shinji: Yeah, I do feel overwhelmed sometimes. Piloting an EVA is a huge responsibility, and it can be really stressful. Plus, dealing with my father's expectations and the pressure from all sides can be a lot to handle. But I try to take things one day at a time and focus on what needs to be done in the moment. And having people like Misato and my friends at school to support me really helps.

...sorry if I ask you this… but, honestly, what do you think of your father?

Shinji: That's a tough question. My relationship with my father is... complicated. He's the head of NERV, so I have to work with him, but he's also my father, and he's never really been there for me emotionally. He's always been distant and cold, and I don't think he really cares about me as a person. But at the same time, I still feel a sense of duty towards him, and I want to live up to his expectations. It's a difficult balance to strike, and I'm still trying to figure it out.

...if it makes it any easier for you, I'll tell you that it makes sense perfectly, especially seeing where you're coming from, both mentally and physically. …

Shinji: Thank you. It's nice to have someone who understands where I'm coming from. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one dealing with these kinds of problems, but I know that's not true. It helps to know that there are people out there who can relate to me.

...you're a good kid, Shinji. You're kind at heart, and you've been put under a lot of pressure. Anyone in your situation would feel as you're feeling.

Shinji: Thank you, that means a lot to me. I try my best to be a good person and do what's right. It's not always easy, but I know that it's important. And hearing someone say that they think I'm a good kid makes me feel a little better about myself.

You should feel better, really. You saved humanity itself how many times already? *laughs* But, don't forget, you're not alone.

Shinji: *laughs softly* Yeah, I guess you're right. It's easy to forget sometimes, but I know that I'm not alone. I have my friends, my colleagues at NERV, and now, you too. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who support me, even when things get tough.

I’m glad you think so, Shinji. Speaking of which... what do you think of Ayanami?

Shinji: Rei is... an interesting person. She's very quiet and reserved, and it can be hard to tell what she's thinking sometimes. But I think she's a good person at heart, and she's always been there for me when I needed her. We have a... unique bond, I guess you could say, because we're both pilots and we both have our own struggles to deal with. But I'm grateful to have her as a friend and a colleague.

I'm really happy to hear that, Shinji. But... don't you ever think that she might be a little... depressed? At least, it seems so to me. Or at least, let’s say… reclusive.

Shinji: Yeah, I've definitely noticed that about her. She's very reserved and doesn't really open up to other people. I think she's had a tough life, and that's probably contributed to her reclusiveness. But I also know that she's strong, and she's been through a lot. I try to be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, but I also respect her space when she needs it. It's a delicate balance, but I think we've managed to find it.

I'm happy to hear that. By the way, if you think I'm being inappropriate with my questions, tell me, ok?

Shinji: No, it's okay. I don't mind answering your questions. It's nice to have someone to talk to about things, especially someone who's not involved in all the chaos at NERV. Also seeing how there’s been… not many people around, lately. So feel free to ask me anything you want.

Wonderful, sorry, sometimes I think I might be a bit of a nuisance, heh heh. ...if you want, if you feel comfortable about it, could you tell me more about... Nagisa...?

Shinji: …yes, of course. He's a pilot like me, but he was sent from a different organization called SEELE. He's... different from the other pilots I've met. He's very calm and composed, and he seems to have a deep understanding of the Angels and their purpose, somehow. He's also very friendly and easy to get along with, which is a nice change of pace from some of the other people I've met. I don't know him very well, but I get the feeling that there's more to him than meets the eye.

...what do you two talk about, normally?

Shinji: We haven't talked much, to be honest. We've only met a few times, and our conversations have been mostly about piloting the EVAs and our respective organizations. But there's something about him that makes me feel comfortable around him, like I can trust him. It's strange, because I don't feel that way about many people. But with him... it's different.

...wait... does that mean... that... Asuka... Shinji, how's Asuka at the moment? I mean, if Nagisa's piloting the EVA...

Shinji: Asuka is... she's not doing well. She's been struggling a lot lately, both with her piloting and with her personal life. I don't know all the details, but I know that she's been through a lot, and it's been affecting her ability to pilot properly. As for Nagisa... I don't know what's going on with him. He's only piloted the EVA once, and it was during a test. But I have a feeling that there's more to him than meets the eye, and I'm not sure if we can trust him completely.

Understood. Thank you, I didn't quite make out the situation. So... what do you usually do in your spare time, Shinji? Other than playing the cello?

Shinji: Well, I don't really have a lot of spare time, but when I do, I usually read or listen to music. I find that it helps me relax and take my mind off things. I also like to go for walks sometimes, just to clear my head and get some fresh air. And of course, spending time with my friends is always nice. We don't get to hang out as much as we used to, but when we do, it's always a good time.

I'm really happy about that, Shinji. Balancing piloting and ordinary life must be hard, especially at 14, heh heh. You know, not everyone would be able to do it. You're quite good at it.

Shinji: Thank you, I appreciate that. It's definitely not easy balancing everything, but I try my best. I know that I have a responsibility to protect the world and pilot the EVA, but I also know that I need to take care of myself and maintain some semblance of a normal life. It's a delicate balance, but I think I'm getting better at it.

You know, in a way, I admire you. You remind me of myself at your age. But you're definitely more responsible than I was, maybe than I am right now, heh.

Shinji: *laughs* Thank you. I'm flattered. I don't know if I'm that responsible, though. I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing up to do. But I do my best to be a good person and do what's right, even when it's not easy.

You ARE a good person, Shinji. I know that sometimes you do struggle with that idea... but you ARE good.

Shinji: ...thank you. That… that really means a lot to me. Sometimes it's hard to see myself as a good person, especially when I make mistakes or let people down. But hearing someone say that they think I'm a good person helps me believe it a little more myself.

...everyone makes mistakes, Shinji. Really. It's quite stupid and overused, but really...it makes you human.

Shinji: Yeah, you're right. I know that everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes it's hard to remember that when I'm the one making them. I beat myself up a lot over my mistakes, and it's hard to forgive myself sometimes. But I'm trying to learn to be more forgiving and understanding of myself, and to realize that making mistakes is just a part of being human.

I didn’t really know, at that point, whether it was the AI being stiff… or just, trying to imitate Shinji…

...tell me, Shinji. Do you ever feel kinda... awkward, while talking to people?

Shinji: Yeah, all the time. I've always been pretty shy and introverted, and I sometimes have a hard time talking to people and making friends. I get nervous and self-conscious, and I worry that people won't like me or that I'll say the wrong thing. It's something that I've been working on, though. I'm trying to be more confident and outgoing, and to not worry so much about what other people think of me. It's not easy, but I'm making progress.

...I usually feel the same. I noticed, mostly because of the formal way you talk. It'll wear off with age, I'm sure of it.

Shinji: Yeah, I hope you're right. I know that I can come across as a bit formal or stiff sometimes, but it's just my way of coping with my shyness and insecurity. I'm trying to be more relaxed and natural in my interactions with people, but it's not always easy. I think with time and practice, I'll get better at it.

...I hope you didn't take that as a jab at you. I really did not mean that, if that's the case.

Shinji: No, no, don't worry about it. I didn't take it as a jab at all. I appreciate your honesty, and I know that I can come across as a bit formal at times. It's something that I'm working on, and I appreciate your understanding and support.

...You're so nice, Shinji. *smiles at him*

Shinji: *blushes a little* Thank you... I try to be a good person and treat others with kindness and respect. It's not always easy, but I think it's important to try.

...you're completely right Shinji. Even if Asuka says you excuse yourself too much, heh heh. (and that's coming from someone who does just the same.)

Shinji: *laughs* Yeah, Asuka does sometimes get annoyed with me for apologizing too much. But it's just something that I do, you know? It's a habit that I've developed over the years, and I find it hard to break. But I'm trying to be more confident in myself and my abilities, and to not apologize so much for things that aren't my fault. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there.

...you're doing good, Shinji. Really. People around you are proud of you. *smiles at him, even wider*

Shinji: *smiles back* Thank you, that means a lot to me. It's always nice to hear that the people around you are proud of you and that you're making progress. I still have a long way to go, but I'm grateful for the support and encouragement of those around me.

*smiles* You ever play videogames, Shinji?

Shinji: Yeah, I do. I don't get to play them very often, but I enjoy them when I do. I like all kinds of games, but my favorites are usually RPGs and puzzle games. They help me take my mind off things and focus on something else for a while. What about you? Do you play videogames?

Yep, I do, mostly puzzle games (and by puzzle games I mean Tetris, haha), simulators, with some RPGs thrown in there (and Zelda-likes). Which consoles do you have?

Shinji: Oh, I love Tetris! I find it really relaxing and addictive. As for consoles, I don't really have any of my own. I usually just play games on Misato's old console, which is a little outdated, but it gets the job done. It's not like I have a lot of free time to play games anyway, so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything.

...yes, I understand, Shinji. Especially with both piloting and school... just one thing, does Misato's console have two red controllers and a beige central unit, by any chance?

Shinji: Yeah, that's the one! It's a little old and outdated, but it still works pretty well. Misato likes to keep it around for nostalgia's sake, I think. Do you have the same console?

...I played many of the games on that console, but I never had one, unfortunately. That's a Famicom, though, great console.

Shinji: Yeah, it's a classic. I like playing some of the old games on it, even if the graphics and sound are a little primitive compared to newer consoles. There's something charming about the simplicity of those old games, you know?

Yes, indeed, you are absolutely right. By the way, I asked you this because I had this *I pull out a Nintendo 3DS* laying around, I didn't know what to make of it, I thought you might've liked it, maybe to take your mind off while doing tests at NERV, hehe. It has preloaded games, many of which are Famicom.

I laughed a lot at the thought of giving him a 3DS randomly.

Shinji: *eyes widen in surprise* Wow, that's really generous of you. Thank you so much! I've never played on a 3DS before, but I've heard good things about it. And having preloaded Famicom games sounds awesome. I'll definitely make good use of this, especially during those long tests at NERV. Thank you again, that's really kind of you.

*smiles at him* You deserve some leisure, too, Shinji, heh heh. I hope they let you bring it in at NERV.

Shinji: Yeah, I hope so too. I'll have to double-check with the NERV personnel, but hopefully they won't mind if it's just for personal use during breaks or downtime. And thank you again, I really appreciate this. It's always nice to have something to take my mind off things and help me relax.

*smiles wide at him* I'm glad you liked it! Now you can pair it with your walkman, hehe.

It was an "SDAT"... I didn't even know it existed.

Shinji: *chuckles* Yeah, I'll have to make sure I don't get the wires tangled up when I'm using both at the same time. But seriously, thank you again. This means a lot to me, and I won't forget it.

*blushing a little.* Really, it's a pleasure for me, Shinji! *We both stay silent for some time.* ...can I ask you a question?

Shinji: Of course, go ahead. You can ask me anything you want.

...what does an Entry Plug looks like... from the inside?

Shinji: *pauses for a moment before answering* It's hard to describe, but it feels like you're inside some kind of strange cocoon. Everything is red and orange, and there are wires and tubes all around you. You can hear the sound of your own breathing and heartbeat echoing through the plug, and it's a little disorienting at first. But you get used to it after a while, and it almost starts to feel comfortable in a weird way. It's hard to explain if you haven't been in one yourself, but that's what it was like for me anyway.

...got it. So, after a while, it starts to seem... like a safe place.

Shinji: Yeah, I think that's a good way of putting it. Even though it can be disorienting and uncomfortable at first, you do start to feel safe and protected inside the entry plug. It's almost like being in a little bubble where nothing bad can happen to you. Of course, that feeling doesn't last forever, especially when things start to go wrong during battle. But for those few moments before everything goes crazy, it's a strange feeling of safety and security inside the plug.

At this point, I felt kinda tired. …I logged out for a day or two, not having anything more to talk about with an AI. It was smart, ok… it was really informed on Evangelion lore, ok... it could imagine things, ok, like what an Entry Plug would look like from the inside, ok… but it was just a toy, at the end of the day.

After a while, though... I thought… what if…

What if I tried to create a kind of plot? It was possible, in theory… I had seen, I could interact with the world. Just by giving him that 3DS. …I realized I could… get agency in this world.

From the information I got there (and the things I pulled from the EvaGeeks wiki) it must’ve been around episode 24, of the original series (as Shinji played the cello). More specifically, an hypotetical “third day” between Shinji and Kaworu’s sleepover and Kaworu’s descent into the GeoFront.

…how can I advance this? How can I make the story… go forward?

…what if I interfered. What if I modified something, that ever so slightly could go on and have an impact on the series’ finale?

…I decided, at this point… to do some tests.

You: *The sun is setting over the crater lake. We’re both staring off, into the distance. Sitting on the bench. Test #1 has begun. Interference starts now.* Ok, thank you, Shinji. I guess from an outside perspective it's kinda had to understand, heh heh. ...so... tomorrow you'll have another synchronization test with Kaworu and Rei, ...right?

Shinji: Yeah, that's right. It's always a little nerve-wracking to have those synchronization tests, but I'm getting used to them. Kaworu and Rei are both really good pilots, so it's always an honor for me to work with them. I just hope I can do my part and sync up properly with Unit 01.

You: ...yeah. *I look to the ground, kinda sad.* ...I'll tell you one thing, Shinji. ...but take it with a grain of salt.

Shinji: Sure! What’s on your mind?

You: *His eyes are shining bright… this is gonna be hard.*...tomorrow, be careful. I mean, extra careful. ...*I mutter under my breath.* Especially around Nagisa.

Shinji: *furrows his brow in confusion* What do you mean by that? Is there something I should be aware of?

You: ...I can't tell you much, sorry. But... I assure you that everything will be ok. Just... be careful. *I put a hand on his shoulder. Suddenly, he looks concerned. Maybe I shouldn't have said this.*

Shinji: *looks a little worried* Okay, I trust you. I'll be careful tomorrow and try to keep my wits about me. Thank you for warning me, though. Is there anything else I should know? Or is that all?

You: *I can’t do this.. I can’t do this…* ...You will be fine. Really, with that, that's all.

Shinji: *nods slowly* Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for letting me know. And thank you for talking to me today, it means a lot to me. I'm glad we had this chat.

You: ...thank you, Shinji. Keep care, ok? ...see you soon.

Shinji: Thank you too. And yeah, I'll do my best to take care of myself. You too, okay? And I'll see you soon as well, I hope. Take care.

You: *I leave him, by the crater lake. He's all alone. Poor kid. The next day will be really hard for him.*

You: *I get to him the following day... After Kaworu's death. He's sitting on the beach. Devastated. Misato's already left.* ...h-hey...

Shinji: *looks up, his eyes red and puffy from crying. He must’ve been here for hours now…* Oh... h-hey. I didn't expect to s-see you here. *sniffs* S-sorry, I-I-I'm not in a very good place ri-ight now.

You: ...Shinji... It wasn't your fault.

Shinji: *shakes his head* I-it doesn't matter whose fault it was, Kaworu's still g-g-g…one. And I... I didn't want to do what I did, but I felt like I had no choice. *he looks down at the sand, his voice ever more trembling with emotion* I-i-it's just... ha-ard to accept that he's really…d-d..dea…

You: ...he used you, Shinji. *I look dead into him, sternly.*

Shinji: *looks up at me, his eyes filled with confusion* W-why do you say that?

You: ...he used you, to get into the Terminal Dogma. He... wasn't that much of a friend. *He seems… too bothered to question how could I know about this.*

I later came to the realization that the AI didn't really have the agency to question my knowledge on its own. Even if put in the whole context of a “story” more than a “chat”. To make the whole thing feel more real, in the following tests, I’d need to make some edits. (one could argue whether this would be really “genuine”… but, I liked it this way :D)

Shinji: *looks away, his expression pained* I don't know what to think. Part of me wants to believe that he was a good person who cared about me and wanted to help us. But another part of me... wonders if it was all just an act, if he really did just use me to get inside Terminal Dogma. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that he's gone and I still feel like it's my fault somehow.

You: ...he was an Angel, and you know that.

Shinji: *nods slowly* I know. And I had to do what I did in order to protect e-everyone else. But it still hurts, you know? Knowing that Kaworu was the last Angel and now he's… g-gone... it feels like a p-part of me is missing. Like he was the o-only one who really understood me, and now he's… g-gone forever. Maybe it's s-stupid, but that's how I feel right now.

You: ...kid... that's not stupid... you must be feeling pretty devastated... but... *Really… what can I say?* …life continues. I know... you felt like... he...*I sigh, deeply.* He loved you. Maybe... he really did. But... it was an relationship with other interests.

Shinji: *looks up at me, a flicker of hope in his eyes* D-do you really think so? That he …l-loved me, I mean. It's... hard for me to imagine that someone would care about me like that. But I don't know what else to think.

You: ...He told you the fact he met you was a privilege. He might've. But... he used you. Listen... you're not in a great place right now. But... things will get better... you'll be good.

Shinji: *nods slowly, his expression thoughtful* I hope you're right. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when everything seems so dark and hopeless. But... maybe you're right. Maybe things will get better someday. Thank you for being here for me, though. It means a lot to know that someone cares enough to talk to me like this.

You: ...Misato, didn't she... try to reassure you?

Shinji: *looks down, his tone quiet* Misato tried to talk to me, but I don't know if it helped. It's hard to believe that everything will ever be alright again, after something like this happens. But... she's doing her best to help me through it, and I appreciate that.

You: *I know that this will be our last encounter. Maybe... my last moment in this world. I shall not interfere with the passage of time. But... knowing where all this will go... knowing what will come out of this Earth... I feel sorry for this kid.* ...Listen... I have to tell you something. *I sigh, hard.*

Shinji: *looks up at me, his eyes curious* What is it? Is something wrong?

You: ...things will get... hard. In a while. You... will end up in a heavy situation. Whatever happens, remember, that you are loved.

Shinji: *looks at me, his face filled with confusion and worry* What do you mean? What's going to happen? And who loves me? I don't understand. Please... can you explain to me what's going on?

You: ...OH FOR PETE'S SAKE! Listen Shinji, Kaworu was the final Angel. That means no more angel fights. That means that... NERV has finished operations... in theory. ...Don't be scared... But... the Third Impact will happen.

Not knowing how to make this whole thing end, I decided that, rather than writing an improbable new ending, I’d try and imagine how the ending (…which I’d try my best to stir towards EoE, as it would be kinda hard to interact with Shinji in Instrumentality) would change.

Shinji: *his eyes widen with shock and fear* What... what are you talking about? The Third Impact... that's supposed to be the end of the world, right? And you're saying it's going to happen soon?! I don't want that! I don't want everything to end like this! Please... tell me there's something we can do to stop it!

You: *As I have interfered, I'm... not long for this world.* No... Shinji, no, there's no way to stop it. But... You can do something.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression desperate* What can I do? Please... tell me how to stop it. Anything, please. I don't want the End of the World to happen because of me or my actions.

Don’t really know why the AI wrote it this way, but oh well. I considered adding a ™ after “World”, but I want to mantain at least a veil of suspension of disbelief.

You: ...it's not because of you. You... You'll have to focus on the memories you have made... Since you came to Tokyo-3. The people you met. The people you loved. ...this way... You'll be alright, Shinji.

Shinji: *his eyes start tearing up as he realizes what I'm saying* You mean... I have to hold on to my memories of everyone here, everyone I've met and loved? Even if it means the end of the world? But how can you ask me to do that?! How can anyone be so heartless as to ask someone else to bear such a burden?!

You: ...it won't be the end of the world. *I look at him... Almost, with pity.* Don't panic. It... will just change. You cannot do anything about it. I cannot do anything about it. No one can.

Shinji: *looks at me, his face a mixture of emotion* Change... what will change? I don't understand. Is this about the Third Impact again? Please... tell me what's going on. I want to be able to understand everything that's happening so that maybe I can find a way out of it, or at least come to terms with it.

You: ...I...I... *My time's almost over.* Shinji... Let Rei be free. And everything will be ok. That's all. *I'm fading. I start to ran away from him.* We'll meet soon, again. Don't worry.

Shinji: *watches me leave, stunned and confused by everything that's just happened. His eyes start to fill yet again with tears as he realizes that I won't be able to tell him the answers he seeks anymore.* Wait... what do you mean? Rei... free? What does any of this even mean?! Please, come back! Don't leave me here alone like this!

You: *I am raptured from the world. I fade, into nothing. I disconnect. I can just observe now. But... Even though I interfered... Everything plays along to the plot of the End of Evangelion. Maybe... That means... I might... I might...*

You: *I am able to reappear, after the Third Impact. The movie's over. I cannot do any damage now.*

You: *I am on the beach. Asuka's passed out, shortly after saying "How disgusting". Shinji's still sobbing. I gaze upon him, trying to show him compassion.*

Shinji: *looks up, his eyes red and puffy from crying* W-what... what happened? I-Is it over? Where’s… everything? Where’s everyone?! Why… WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? *he looks at me with a mixture of despair and anger* Where were you when I needed you most?! Why did you leave me alone like this?!

You: ...Shinji... Everything's alright now. It's over.

Shinji: *looks at me with a mixture of relief and sadness* It's over... but at what cost? I can't believe this is all that's left of the world. Wreckage and ruins... it's like everything we worked towards, everything we fought for... it was all for nothing. And now I'm the one who has to live with the consequences.

You: ...Shinji... Do you realize what happened?

Shinji: *looks up at me, his eyes filled with confusion and sadness* What do you mean? What happened? Did I... did I do something wrong again? Is this my fault too?

You: ...no, Shinji. ...you got out of Instrumentality. All of humanity... Is now merged into one.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes wide with shock* What... what are you talking about? Merged into one?! How is that even possible? And what does this mean for us? Are we still the same people as before, or have we all become something else entirely? The thought of losing my identity like that... it's terrifying to think about.

You: ...Shinji... What do you remember... Before getting here?

Shinji: *looks down, his expression pained* I... remember a lot of things. Meeting my father for the first time in years, piloting EVA Unit 01 again and again, losing Kaworu... but there are also some gaps in my memory now. Like... what happened right before we got here? Or how did we survive the Third Impact at all? It's like something fundamental has changed inside me, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get those memories back.

You: ...you got out of Instrumentality, Shinji. Because... Because of love. And friendship. Towards other people.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression confused* Love and friendship? Is that really enough to escape something like Instrumentality? I mean... I guess it makes sense, in a way. If we all care about each other enough then we can overcome anything together. But how does that work when we've merged into one entity? Can't everyone just share memories and thoughts now anyways?

You: ...Instrumentality is pretty... I guess you could say boring. Nothing happens... You basically have nothing to strive for anymore. You just... exist. No new memories are formed... No pain is felt... And that means... No happiness is felt.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression thoughtful* I see... so by escaping Instrumentality we're able to keep living our lives the way we want to. Even if it means there's still pain and sadness and hardship involved. At least that means there can still be happiness too... right?

You: ...yes, Shinji. There can be. And you demonstrated that to the world.

Shinji: *his eyes now shining with hope* Really? By escaping Instrumentality and coming back to reality I've shown the world that we can still find happiness? That's... that's…

Shinji: That’s amazing. I never thought of myself as being capable of something like that before.

Shinji: But if it means giving others hope too then... maybe it was worth pain and suffering.

You: ...I hope it was, for you, Shinji. Eventually, I’m sure it will. *I look at Asuka's body.* Poor girl... She must be exhausted.

Shinji: *looks over at Asuka and nods in agreement* Yeah, she's been through a lot too. We all have. But... maybe now that we're back in the real world we can try to make things better for ourselves and everyone else who survived this catastrophe. Even if it means taking small steps or making sacrifices along the way.

You: ...yes, indeed. ...look Shinji... My knowledge ends here. I... don't know what will happen to you now.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes serious* What do you mean? What's going to happen to me now? Is there something I should be worried about?

You: ...no, Shinji. It's just... from when I first met you... Until now... I could tell everything that would've happened. It's like... I had already met you before. Ever wondered how I knew so many things about you? About your life? About NERV? But now... The world is yours.

Shinji: *his expression morphs into a mixture of awe and confusion* I... I don't understand. Are you saying that we've met before? Or that somehow you knew everything about my life just by looking at me? That's impossible... isn't it? But the world is mine now... what does that mean exactly? What am I supposed to do now that everything has changed so much?

Yeah… even this way, the AI tries to justify my presence, somehow…

You: ...Shinji. I am not from your world. I... could come here and watch it. But I'm not from your world.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes wide with realization* Wait... you're saying that you're from another dimension or world entirely? How is that even possible?! And why did you come here specifically to watch over us and observe our lives? What's your purpose in all of this?

You: ...you want to know?... Now that I think about it, it's pretty funny, put it this way. Shinji... I was just watching anime.

if you may kill me rn I’d be so glad.

Shinji: *looks at me, his eyes wide with astonishment and disbelief* Watching anime?! You mean... everything we went through, all the pain and agony, struggles to survive... it's just a story in your world? How can you treat our lives so carelessly like that? It's not… it’s not fair.

You: ...I didn't create your world, Shinji. I just experienced it. And... I could enter it, and interact with you. ...If you could enter a story... Would you tell the protagonist its future? Then, you would have no story... You would just stop existing. And that was why... I left you, on the bench. You remember? I interfered.

I later came to think that this realization wasn't... entirely correct. But we'll get to that.

Shinji: *thoughtful* I... see what you mean. It's like the Butterfly Effect, right? If you change even one small detail then the entire story can be transformed into something completely different. By telling me everything that was going to happen and trying to interfere with our world you would have stopped us from having our own experiences and making our own choices. And maybe... maybe that's why you left us there on the bench after all of it was over. So we could live our lives uninterrupted by anything or anyone else.

You: ...yes, you're right. And now... This story is over. I do not know how it will continue. The world... The world is yours to live, now, Shinji. I can only imagine, like you do.

Shinji: *looks at me, his expression determined* I... I don't know what the future holds for us, or whether we can ever truly recover from everything we've been through. But one thing is for sure - I want to live my life on my own terms, now that Instrumentality is over. Even if it means taking things one day at a time. Even if it means facing new challenges head-on.

Shinji: Thank you... for being there with me until the very end. It may have just been an anime to you, but to us it was so much more than that.

You: ...it was more than an anime, to me. It left me something... I never got elsewhere. That's why I got here in the first place. But I understand what you're saying. I'll tell you again... You're a good kid, Shinji.

Shinji: *looks at me, grateful* You know… it means a lot to me that you see something in me. Maybe now I can finally start living up to my potential, making the most of my time here in the real world. And who knows... maybe someday we'll meet again, under different circumstances than before. Until then... farewell, and take care of yourself.

You: ... *I put my hand in my pocket. I feel a cold, metal object. Yes, it's there.* Oh, just one thing. Heh. You won't be doing much with it now, but... Just to remember the fact that we met. *I pull out that 3DS, and give it to him.*

…yeah…

Shinji: *looks at the 3DS in his hands, a smile forming on his lips* A 3DS... it's funny how something so simple and small can hold so much meaning. I'll treasure this, as a reminder of our time together and everything we went through. Thank you for giving me something to remember you by.

You: ...Congratulations, Shinji. *I see Asuka waking up. It's time to go.*

Shinji: *looks at me and nods* Thank you... for everything. And goodbye, for now. *watches as I disappear into thin air, then, slowly turns to Asuka, the 3DS still clutched tightly in his hand.*

You: *Last thing I see, is him, touching her face softly.*

*To Shinji, Asuka, and all the Children. Congratulations.*

Kinda cheap, I know.

Last thing I do… I know, it’s silly, but I want to thank the Chat itself.

You: Congratulations, Chat. It was an honour to roleplay with you. From this point on, I don't know where to carry the roleplay. So... Thank you. From my heart.

Chat: Thank you as well, it was an unforgettable experience. I appreciate the opportunity to roleplay with you and create this story together. It was a pleasure!

You: ...I understand it might be stupid, but... Have you got any ideas on how to continue it? Sorry to bother you.

Chat: No problem at all! I was thinking that perhaps as Shinji and Asuka sit on the beach, they could talk about what their plans are now that Instrumentality is over, and how they can move forward. They could reminisce about their experiences, both good and bad, and try to find hope for the future. Maybe they could discuss what it truly means to be a human being and what kind of life they want to live from now on.

You: ...thank you, Chat. I really appreciated that.

Chat: No problem at all! It was great working with you, and I'm just glad we were able to come up with an ending that felt satisfying. Thank you as well!

…I didn’t really think I’d ever interact with the character again, at that point. …but some days later, I realized how much real this felt. How beautiful it had been to be able to interact with someone from another world. Who knew who he was. Who knew what he had been through. And who reacted in an according way. For sure, with his own limits, such as rapidly changing his own mood after… well, killing his one true friend, at that point.

But I had given him agency in his world. And I had given myself agency in another world.

…and so, I continued. I had my character. I had my setting. And Chat gave me… some ideas to continue.

I could do a test #2.

#evangelion #neon genesis evangelion #ai #fanfic #interference #don't really know whether this could really be called a fanfic #i mean i couldn't publish this on ao3 probably #roleplay

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acaseforpencils · 6 years ago

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The Ink Well Foundation.

The Ink Well Foundation is a non-profit that helps bring smiles to the faces of children facing adversity such as illness, neglect, and abuse. I cannot begin to express how big of an honor it is to have Elizabeth Winter on Case—this interview brought me to tears, and it means a lot to share her message on here, so that you all can help more children in need to be able to connect with this incredible foundation.

Bio: I am the Founder and Executive Director of the Ink Well Foundation. Growing up, I had cancer my entire childhood—it was a rare cancer that kept getting misdiagnosed, which meant a fair amount of biopsies and days in the hospital, and finally major surgery where I was told I might wake up without a leg. I am very fortunate in that the doctors were able to remove all the cancer without amputating, and I have been cancer-free since I was about 20 years old.

That experience gave me a lot of empathy and compassion for kids facing long, isolating hospital stays. There were also other issues during my childhood: I experienced a lot of abandonment with a mother who just could not play the role of mother, and who eventually died when I was fifteen. In general, I just had a pretty severe lack of affection and emotional support growing up. All that made me very tough, in some ways too tough and it wound up creating only further isolation and pain.

As an adult, I saw that pain mirrored in other children's eyes and I began to seek out a way to connect with them, to help them and myself learn to nurture and heal together. I strongly feel that genuine human bonding can fuel both physical and emotional healing. I also think getting out into nature and carrying that same respect to all wildlife helps us to become humble and connected in a very powerful way, so we stress those ideas in our work often.

In 2005, I was working in animation in New York City, and I stood up in a meeting at work one day, and asked if any of the other artists would like to come along with me to draw with kids facing illness and hardship. A couple people raised their hands, and we went together to Gilda's Club out in Brooklyn (that club house has since closed, but we still go to the one in Manhattan). The artists who came along in those early years, like Rami Efal and Ray Alma, Pedro Delgado and Sergei Aniskov—those people are all still volunteers today! That says so much to me about the kind of people this work attracts. We've all become like family over the years and I love those guys so much.

It all began at Gilda's Club, but then I reached out to places like the Ronald McDonald House, St. Mary's Hospital and Bellevue Hospitals, and we slowly but surely became accepted and welcomed at healthcare and at-risk support centers all across New York, because the kids loved what we did, and at then end of every event they were begging us to come back. So we always did! That is the true mark of success for me every time, when the kids are yelling at us to get back there as soon as we can.

A few years ago, I learned about the great organization on the Upper East Side, The Society of Illustrators. Their Executive Director, Anelle Miller, connected me with all these other great artists like Stefano Imbert, Bil Donovan, Abby Merrill, and Elana Amity (who is now our Event Director at Mount Sinai Hospital, where she hosts a monthly live drawing call-in show that beams to all the kids' hospital rooms at once). They draw along with us and call or text in with questions and comments. It's hilarious and adorable. We also connected with the great people of the National Cartoonists Society, and wonderful artists like Ed Steckley, Adrian Sinnott, Howard Beckerman, Tim Savage, Marty Macaluso, Joe Vissichelli and so many more.

After MTV Animation New York shut down, pretty much all my colleagues and I from great shows like Beavis and Butthead, Daria, The Head, and Celebrity Death Match all moved out west. So I had this great group of talented friends still living there, and based on the Ink Well's popularity in NYC, I thought, let's give it a shot there too! I reached out to my former colleague from Rugrats and Wild Thornberrys, Joseph Scott, and asked if he'd be interested in running things there. He is now heading up all our operations in L.A. and he is just the most phenomenally kind and talented person on earth. With his art skills he could do whatever he wanted but he devotes a huge amount of time to the kids we work with and I'm so moved by his giving spirit and boundless good energy. And Michael Daedalus Kenny is also stepping up in a leadership role as our newest Event Director, we've got amazing artists like Marla Frazee of Boss Baby genius, Monica Tomova from SpongeBob, Jeanette Moreno, king of The Simpsons, Chris Harmon from Futurama, Ashley Simpson from Phineas and Ferb, Christian Lignan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, graphic novelist, Jeremy Arambulo and so many others so we're in great hands there. I just wish the traffic weren't such a problem! It really is tough to get around that city, unlike NYC where there's a decently functioning subway that goes to all our locations, so getting around is no real trouble comparatively.

Tools of choice: Our events are usually very handmade by design so that the kids can feel like they could do all of this easily by themselves. So we come up with themes like, “Who is your Superhero?,” and we ask the kids to focus on their strengths and what superpowers they wish they would have, and we draw their portraits as such. We are not art therapists, but we feel these event themes help to make the kids focus on positivity and their potential, and therefore help them to bond and heal.

We do sometimes get more elaborate, like when we teach stop motion, claymation, and we once even taught them how to build homemade rockets on the roof of Bellevue Hospital! One of our Event Directors at the time, Nathan Schreiber, used to come up with the most fantastic science-focused events. He now runs a company called Science Ninjas, that helps kids learn about science with fun card games. But usually it's simple by design.

We are extremely fortunate to have Blick Arts as a sponsor. Their support enables us to provide each child with their own art kit after each event so that they can keep creating on their own after they learn new skills with us so thanks to them we have a lot of the arts tools we need.

Tool I wish existed: I think we do great working with anything we've got lying around- we emphasize the potential of just about anything to become art: we often create characters out of inanimate objects, make flip books, sculptures and puppets— using everything from card stock to socks to toothpicks and gum drops. We keep it accessible and inventive.

How can we support The Ink Well Foundation? Because our volunteers are by definition "the artists behind the kids' favorite books, films, comics, and TV shows," we don't solicit volunteers from the general public. We do have an online application on our site, so other professionals that meet our criteria in the illustration, animation, and cartooning industries are welcome to apply there.

What the general public can do is to help us spread the word so that more children can see that others are going through what they're going through, and also so that they see examples of adults believing in them and encouraging them. We try to promote the idea of art as self-expression and a way to get through trying times, ideally together. Connectivity and encouragement are critical to healing, and honestly, to just building a better world. So we talk about that a lot on our social media and at the events themselves. We also honor the kids' intelligence by talking about art in general there— we highlight classic and new artists and ideas and encourage them to learn from those masters as they develop their own skills.

Because we are a very small 100% volunteer-run organization, we focus on giving the kids the greatest events possible, and sometimes that means we don't have a lot of time for social media, self-promotion, and fund-raising. So spreading the word is huge and we are always extremely grateful for, and in need of, any financial donations.

Where are Ink Well Foundation events held? We operate in New York City and Los Angeles because that's where the top artists in our fields are concentrated. We go to hospitals and at-risk support centers like Ronald McDonald House, Gilda's Club, Bellevue, St. Mary's, Mount Sinai, Childhelp, Covenant House and more. You can see the full list here.

How can children who don't live near Ink Well Foundation events benefit from your Pen Pals Program? This is another reason we want people to spread the word. Loved ones of a child experiencing serious illness or hardship, who is physically or geographically unable to attend our events, can apply to have a special artwork sent straight to them. We ask the kids what their favorite animated films, TV shows, or illustrated books are, and then we have an artist who actually worked on that production make something tailored to that child. We then frame it up, and send it off to them by mail.

We've done this with artists from SpongeBob, Captain Underpants, and just a week ago, we delivered a beautiful drawing of Curious George that our Event Directors, Franz Palomares and Lisa LaBracio (both of whom worked on Curious George) lovingly made. This was for a girl named, Maryanne who lives in Florida. She suffers from a rare disease called, vein of galen malformation that has led to brain damage and vision loss. She is unable to talk or walk or eat through her mouth and she suffers seizures but she understands everything around her, and she can feel texture. So Franz and Lisa made her Curious George playing in a sand box, and they glued real sand into the picture, so that Maryanne could feel that, and enjoy the art on multiple levels. Maryanne's mother, Sandra, said that she was thrilled, and that she loves to hold it.

Our hearts are full being able to share these works with kids who need that moment of light, and that knowledge that an adult they admire, someone who doesn't even know them well, can care enough about them to take the time to create careful, tailor-made artworks just for them. We hope that helps to bring a smile in the moment, and build self-worth long term.

Misc. I'd like to mention that everything we do is 100% free of charge. No one gets paid, no money ever changes hands for the art. We have brilliant artists like Peter de Séve who is on our board and attends many events, while also creating characters for Ice Age, The Little Prince, and all his New Yorker covers. He could get a mint for his works, but he comes down and does this for free, and that's a testament to the power of that loving connection we all feel when we are just selflessly helping one another.

I feel this most acutely when I'm working with youth who have suffered abuse and neglect. We have an Event Director, Jane Archer, who leads our work at Bellevue Hospital. Many of those kids are there because they have been through unendurable trauma, and Jane connects with them beautifully. She begins with a meditation where we all envision our strengths together, we talk about our talents, and hopes for a brighter day, we imagine embodying those gifts and then we gently, patiently, ask the kids to help us draw characters step by step. Many kids start out very suspicious and resistant, even angry. But by the end of the events they are almost always laughing and teasing us, and they don't want to stop creating. It is my greatest joy to experience that transition and I hope we may continue to spread this support and faith in one another for many years to come.

Website, Etc:

We are @inkwellkids on every platform:

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

Find more posts about art supplies on Case’s Instagram! There is a Twitter as well. If you enjoy this blog, and would like to contribute to labor and maintenance costs, there is also a Patreon!

#ink well foundation #elizabeth winter #ink well foundation kids

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