#whatever no matter i'm getting another tattoo bc again i am in an episode and the stress pushed me to it so i'm hoping to get some good rest
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sigh i carry it w me. i carry it all w me. when and where do i put it down
#she bork#idk ik it's bc i'm in an episode (thanks period + stress combo) so everything is magnified and the biggest deal on earth but sometimes i#just feel like i carry so much sadness and tragedy not just from shit that happens to me but shit that happens to people i'm close to or#even people i just know in passing or even people idk at all (for example palestine) and sometimes it just feels like it all builds up.#there is so so so much loss everywhere and i try not to fixate on it and let it build on itself but sometimes it's hard. lol all this is#being brought on bc last night one of my friends (the one we were gonna move in w) showed me the poetry of his friend (who was also going to#move in w us so my bf and i like knew her in passing and were planning to get to know her more) who took her life last month and her work#just struck me. it was very good and it honestly reminded me of my own work like we had very similar styles and vocabulary and her work was#just very striking and it made me sad. sad bc like now she's gone and there will be no more words and also sad bc i feel like i really would#have liked to know her more and feed off of her and let her feed off of that part of myself as well. i feel like we would've understood each#other. god loss like this is just everywhere everywhere everywhere you cannot escape it and sometimes i just find it difficult to cope.#whatever no matter i'm getting another tattoo bc again i am in an episode and the stress pushed me to it so i'm hoping to get some good rest#while i'm being tattooed and/or for it to be therapeutic. sometimes it can be a form of like mindfulness or zen so that's what i'm hoping to#get out of it (along w a sick tat obviously)
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