#whatever i guess. ill feel better in a bit

[phagodyke]

when the post workout worldcrushing depression hits 🤪

[ianthesmells]

like ooouuuughhh the sadness n grief makes me nauseous and then i cant eat anything because im nauseous which in turn makes me more nauseous

[hollowfacility]

Sigh, kinda in a slump, I have a bunch of things I wanna make progress on (and a bunch of others that I HAVE to do), but I haven't really found much inspo lately. I have some ideas in my mind but I can't bring myself to start them because I have other projects that I said I'd finish (for friends and such) that I haven't, yknow, finished.

Idk, I wish I could just finish the those projects just so I can start new ones, but it's that kind of situation where you started it super excited but not really knowing how you would make it, and now there's some glaring issues that would require way too much effort to fix, and it's way too late into the project to start over again.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[mbat]

honestly my biggest wonder about yesterdays drama was like... who even was that? not the person being called out, but the one calling them out. like, its one thing to make a throwaway to make a callout post, but to go on anon and try to pull unrelated people into it? this was clearly someone still in the taleblr server since they had screenshots from literally the same day in their callout

this isnt me taking sides because genuinely i have more important things to worry about than all that, but its different when it comes to this person because like... i just thought yall were different than that? maybe we all dont totally consider eachother friends entirely but i liked to think we were all somewhere around there for the most part

theres only so many of us and we all try to stay chill (to more or less success) because like... theres probably less than 100 of us left, and we're all adults by now as far as i know, and i know age doesnt really equal maturity, but its just so immature to try and stir drama by messaging unrelated parties.

honestly even if the person told me in private who they were its not like id make shit worse by posting about them or something because, again, i have bigger things to worry about, im just curious at this point. its not even an obligation for them to come forward, im just admitting that im curious.

if anything all i have to say is be the bigger person and block and move on when you dont like someone or something someone did. i get that you saw stuff that you found gross and you wanted everyone to feel the same way you did, but the rest of us just want to live our lives. plus i think the people that were messaged arent even in the discord so it was honestly even weirder to do that

ive had my fair share of seeing things that made me feel gross to see or read or know about, like, seriously i found out one of my friends was a pedo last year (and i promptly blocked the cunt). but it doesnt do anything to pull other people into the mess and try to start shit.

basically, just be more mature, cause i know yall are better than that. you dont have to read fics that you dont like, and you dont have to interact with people you dont like. your online experience is yours and the best option is always to block and move on. ive had my fair share of drama, and all it does is ruin peoples days, and not much else.

my biggest point, honestly, is that this is such a small fandom and i dont want whats left to come crashing down because some drama makes everyone left hate it here. i dont care whos right or wrong because literally whatever its internet drama, i just dont want this community to die out.

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

[cathalbravecog]

Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

[zemnarihah]

what if i i skip my high school best friends wedding on saturday and instead go to a show of all woman fronted metal bands

[thecherrygod]

Hm

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[sycamoregirlsworld]

If I can’t have us.. -L. Castellan

luke castellan x fem! reader

a collection of memories between luke and his girlfriend, because no one understands him but her.

“i’ll build you a fort on some planet where they can all understand it.” -taylor swift

i’m back surprise surprise

The days following the betrayal had been hard for her.

She seemed to be stuck in limbo, she was like a ghost- a husk of herself floating through the day, not knowing where to go or what to feel.

Camp without Luke didn’t seem right, life without Luke didn’t feel right.

The girl sat at the dining pavilion alone, fiddling with the hem of one of his old crewnecks as she averted her gaze from her fellow campers. They eyed her with an expression of wariness, and while it hurt, she didn’t blame them.

The whispers were what cut deep.

I’m not surprised he ran off his Kronos! He always seemed off to me… I’m surprised she didn’t run off without him!

She had been living in her head the past few days to ignore the whispers, thinking of better times to distract from the hurt.

Despite everything, (Y/n) couldn’t bring herself to think ill of Luke, unlike her fellow campers.

They didn’t know him like her.

And maybe there was a nostalgic haze clouding her vision, but maybe it was just love.

⋆✦⋆

“Babe, watch my dive!”

(Y/n) sat up from her spot on the rock and frowned as she saw Luke standing on one of the taller rocks.

“That water is really shallow, Luke!” She called back, shielding her eyes from the warm sun.

“It’ll be fine!” He waved her off as he begin to back up slightly, preparing to take a running jump.

(Y/n) bit her lip in fear as she watched him jump off the rock and into the sparkling water, droplets from the splash sprinkling her face.

She breathed out a sigh of relief when he popped out of the water with a boyish grin, shaking the water from his curls like a wet dog. “Did it look cool?” He smiled up at her as he swam closer.

The girl rolled her eyes but couldn’t bite back her smile as she brushed a wet curl from his forehead. Okay yeah, it did look cool. But she wasn’t going to admit that. “You had a good form, I guess.”

“You guess?” Luke scoffed as he grabbed her ankles. “That dive probably could’ve gotten me an Olympic ten!”

“An Olympic ten?” She snorted. “What do you know about an Olymp—” Before she should finish her question, Luke had tugged on her legs and pulled her into the water with a laugh.

And even though she was choking up the water that had went up her nose, (Y/n) hadn’t felt more at peace then in this moment.

⋆✦⋆

“Morning, beautiful.” Luke smiled softly as his girlfriend sat down next to him. “You slept in late.”

(Y/n) frowned and looked at the table, seeing how little food was left. “Probably too late, I missed breakfast.”

Luke sighed dramatically and grabbed her hand. “That really sucks. You have no food, you’re going to starve.”

“Luke—” Her shoulders fell as she looked up at him. “Don’t rub it in.”

It was silent for a moment before Luke pushed a plate towards her, smiling softly. “Yeah, it must suck that your boyfriend didn’t save you any breakfast.”

A sense of pride swelled within his chest as her face lit up at the sight of chocolate chip waffles, her favorite.

Before she grabbed the plate, she pressed a kiss to the bottom of his jaw. “You’re the best.” She mumbled.

Luke laughed fondly before kissing her forehead. “Yeah, yeah. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you starve?”

This was weird for him, but it was a nice kind of weird. With (Y/n) he didn’t feel like Luke Castellan: Best Swordsman in Camp and the  counselor of the Hermes cabin.

He was just Luke. Or, as she liked to call him: babe, baby, dumbass, jerk, or whatever other nickname she came up with.

It all melted away with her. They just felt so… domestic. They werent two demigods who were dealt a bad hand at life when they were with eachother. They were just Luke and (Y/n), and he loved Luke and (Y/n).

⋆✦⋆

Quiet days at Camp Half-Blood were hard to come by.

There was always something going on. Capture the flag, sword training, archery, or other physically strenuous things.

So whenever there was free time to sit around and spend time with eachother, Luke and (Y/n) made sure to take it.

Sure— they practically saw each other every hour of everyday, but most of the time they were sparring.

And (Y/n) wasn’t a fighter.

It’s not that she wasn’t a good fighter, as she had trained with Luke and he made sure she was good, she just didn’t enjoy it.

What she enjoyed most was spending time doing the things she enjoyed, like reading and Luke.

There was an area by the lake they had made their own. It was semi-secluded and far enough away from the shoreline to keep dry but close enough for a pretty view. (Although both would argue that eachother was the prettiest view.)

None of their friends ever found the two in this spot, but it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to be found draped across the picnic blanket, Luke’s head in her lap with her fingers tangled in his hair and the sound of (Y/n)‘s voice struggling through a book.

Luke laughed as he heard his girlfriend mess up another line. He thought it was cute that she enjoyed reading out loud to him, despite her dyslexia.

Currently, she was attempting to read Emma, which was written in older English which made it all that harder for her to read.

But yet she persisted, and Luke admired that about her.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes playfully as pushed his head off her lap. “Don’t laugh. You can’t even read this either.”

Luke frowned as he was pushed off of her lap and sat up. “Why’d you push me off?”

“You’re such a baby..” She mumbled with a smile. “Imagine what everyone would think if they saw you right now.”

The brown haired boy grabbed her chin gently and leaned in closer. “You know I don’t care about that.”

His warm breath fanned her face as he spoke. “I just love you, why wouldn’t I be like this?”

For her, he would mold like clay. Forming to be whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

Of course, (Y/n) never wanted him to be anything but himself.

And that was even better. She never expected anything but love out of him, and that he was happy to give.

(Y/n) averted her face from him as she bit her lip. “You go so soft around me. Nothing like swordsman Luke.”

“I definitely don’t go soft.” Luke snorted as he pulled her into his lap.

“Luke!” Her face bloomed red as she heard his innuendo. “You’re such a freak.”

“Yeah, but you love it.” He shrugged before leaning forward to connect their lips.

⋆✦⋆

The seventeen year old bit at her nails in anxiety.

She was standing outside the Hermes cabin, debating on whether or not she should go see her best friend.

“What are you doing outside?”

(Y/n) flinched in shock at the sudden noise and turned around, frowning as she saw Luke standing behind her.

“Oh.. sorry, I thought you were inside.” She rubbed at her arm as she looked away, a nervous habit she had picked up.

“Oh? Did you want to see me?” Luke smirked as he leaned against a post, his brown eyes glinting up at her.

“I mean… yeah.” She shrugged as she stepped down to his level. “You know, you’re going on that quest and—”

“Aw, you wanted to wish me luck!” Luke reached down to intertwine their fingers, something normal between the two friends.

“Duh.” She snorted before taking a deep breath. “I also wanted to tell you to be safe. You’ve got people back at camp waiting for you.”

Luke’s cheeks felt warm at her words. Of course him being careful was always the plan, he didn’t want to die on the quest.

And he did have people he wanted to come back to, like her.

“Who are these people?” He covered up his feelings towards her with a teasing smile, running a hand through his brown curls.

He held his breath in anticipation as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading. Was this it? Was she finally going to admit that she liked him?

“Annabeth. She’s like your sister, she’d be heartbroken if you left.” (Y/n) said in a hushed tone, knowing that the little girl could’ve been anywhere around camp. “Be safe for her.”

Luke deflated as he heard Annabeth’s name. That can’t be why she came here! He huffed and grabbed both of her shoulders, pulling her closer.

“(Y/n).” He said firmly, looking down at her with hooded eyes. “I find it hard to believe you came here to tell me to be safe for Annabeth’s sake.”

“W-what do you mean?” She asked incredulously. “Why is it hard to believe that I want to to be safe for Annabeth.”

“Because Annie can speak for herself, you know that.” He rolled his eyes. “She’s not the only one who cares about me, is she?”

“Well, of course not..” (Y/n) sighed as she crossed her arms. “I care about you.”

“But you don’t want me to come home to you?”

“L-Luke that’s not— I didn’t mean—” She stuttered as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and frantic.

“Then be selfish for once, ask me to come home for you.” He breathed out as he cupped her face.

The tender way in which he held her contrasted with the roughness of his hands, years of sword fighting causing them to become rugged. It felt right.

(Y/n) gave in as she melted into his touch, it never took much convincing from him for her to break.

“Come home for me.” She whispered as squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Luke. I—”

Luke’s thumb grazed over her cheek as he fought the urge to lean in closer. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll always be here.”

Slowly, Luke tilted her head towards him. “Can I—” He pursed his lips in hesitation. “Can I kiss you?”

⋆✦⋆

It was a miracle. Divine intervention, perhaps.

It wasn’t often that Luke’s team had won against Clarisse’s during capture that flag, but when they did it was a huge deal.

“Babe!” Luke’s boisterous voice yelled as he ran over to his girlfriend. “We won!”

His body slammed into hers as he hugged her tightly, their armor making a clash! as they collided.

“I know! I’m so proud of you.” She beamed up at him as he pulled away. She really was, beating the team that had the Ares cabin on it was always difficult.

(Y/n) squealed happily as Luke picked her up by her waist and spun her around, happy laughs escaping his mouth as he squeezed her.

“Proud of me? I’m proud of you!” He said as he set her down on the ground.

“Oh whatever, you’re the captain.” She leaned up on her toes to give him a peck on his cheek. “I didn’t do much.”

“Is it a crime for me to be proud of my girl?” He smirked and threw an arm around her waist, tugging her closer.

“No.” (Y/n) blushed when he called her his girl, “But you should be more proud of yourself.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Luke shrugged nonchalantly. “But I like sharing my victory with my girlfriend.”

He leaned down and kissed her, his hands immediately finding their home on her waist.

He didn’t care if his friends thought he was lame for being so openly affectionate towards (Y/n), she was the only one that mattered.

The girl laughed into the kiss as he squeezed her waist. “Luke, we’re still in the middle of everyone.” She mumbled as she pulled away.

Luke looked around at the crowd before smirking.

“Well…” He started as he looked down at her, his eyes hazy and his smile wide.

Before she knew it, Luke had thrown her over his shoulder and began to march out of the field.

“Let’s get out of here!”

⋆✦⋆

[identitty-dickruption]

Is there anything that you see when someone writes addiction/alcohol addiction specifically that really annoys you? As someone trying to write something related rn, having someone who actually knows about it's perspective is really useful :]. Obviously no pressure to answer! Have a nice day <3

oh absolutely yes. I've seen some truly shocking things of late. and also in general very happy to bitch about it for a bit

it may sound obvious but don't. like. blame the entirety of a person's addiction on a single factor or act like "if only they had access to x piece of information, they wouldn't be an addict!". in candy house by Jennifer Egan, one of the characters became an addict because of her dyslexia and her inability to find fictional characters who Truly Understood Her. don't do that.

try not to smooth them out into a singular dimensional person. or even a two dimensional person (where the two dimensions are addiction and trauma or whatever). an addict is a human being. weirdly difficult for people to conceptualise this

NOBODY gets withdrawal right. withdrawal is Not a couple shakes and then you're good. withdrawal can last weeks, if not months, depending on how dependent the person was on the substance and depending on what the substance is

similar to the above, if someone relapses while they're experiencing withdrawal, the withdrawal symptoms do not immediately disappear. if you're throwing your guts up you won't be magically fine the moment you get your substance in you. you will still feel incredibly shit for a good couple hours Minimum

implying that addiction is inherently irrational, or selfish, or stupid. addiction is a response to a set of circumstances that make sense to a person at the time. nobody becomes an addict for shits and giggles. there is always something else going on

likewise, the "high functioning alcoholic" trope has. problems. like I spent an entire year being tipsy non-stop while I was also doing alright in university and whatever. very definition of high-functioning alcoholism I guess. but I think those characters are done Poorly a lot of the time in that the nature of the interpersonal issues they have never feels Quite Right

"I got sober for love" shut the fuck up. "you saved me from myself" go away. "one real human relationship fixed my dependency on substances" no it did not. if love cured all ills, I would be the healthiest guy on the planet. it simply does not work that way <- falling in love makes it easier to love myself and have hope for the future but at the end of the day I'm still a traumatised bitch who struggles with shit

the entire concept of an intervention. addiction does not end with One Grand Event that will make everything better. forcing someone to go to rehab barely ever works. interventions are not one-off events, they are a series of kind and compassionate conversations that occur over a long period of time

sorry this ended up being a lot more than I thought it would. I think if you asked me again tomorrow I would have five to ten more things to bitch about. idk. people get the complexities of addiction wrong A Lot and I've read/seen more bad rep than good rep. but oh well. it's important to me that people are out there trying their best to do better! so thanks for asking

[lanitalay]

When a High Lord is powerless.

summary: Eris x human reader, reader is sick, Eris is freaking out.

a/n: since i'm just getting over a sickness I wrote this to feel better about myself. enjoy

Warnings: none

wordcount: 1.1k

Eris pulled at his hair, helpless at the scene before him.

You were sick. The night before you told him it was a “common cold.” 

“It’s a human thing I guess, since you ethereal fae don’t ever get the sniffles.” 

He had never been around anyone ill. Fae got injured. Accelerated healing made it so only deadly blows would do any real harm. But it was never anything invisible that would wound, it was magic, blades, fire. Yesterday you had been perfect. Eris listed the things he saw you do in his mind: breakfast, ride through the groves, read, play a game of chess… all the usual things that kept you busy. 

“High Lord, I beg, don’t touch the High Lady. She has a very high fever and we must lower her temperature.” The words were a blow to his gut. A contradiction to the very instincts that urged him forward, closer to you. 

“High Lord, please.” The healer looked at him with wide eyes. He could not find malice in them, only worry to match his own. “What can I do?” 

The healer sighed and wiped her brow. “If you could find ice, it would help the fever.” 

He nodded, exiting the room at once. In all his years his magic, his fire had never been the cause of his self loathing. It was the fire that kept him going in the dark days when Beron was alive. The same fire that kept you warm in the cold Autumn nights when you first arrived was now aggravating the monster that ravaged your body. 

He winnowed to the border with Winter as soon as he stepped out of your chambers. Scooping chunks of ice and snow and praying to whatever gods might hear him that it would be enough. That they might spare you. 

Would a god implore him in a bargain? Your health for his magic. If it would bring you harm when you needed help he would be rid of it entirely. Or perhaps his immortality. There’s no him without you, not anymore. He might trade his lifespan for a human one. You’ve said that you have sixty years if you’re lucky. That would be enough… what god might- “Oh thank the Cauldron you found some! The ice in the kitchens ran out.” The healer yanks the bag from him and begins to coat your body in the frigid substance. You moan, discomfort rousing you from sleep. 

“Eris… where is he-”

“I’m right here, love.” Your hand reaches for his, but the healers instructions were clear. Heat would worsen your condition and he was a walking furnace. “I’m right here, the healers say the cold will help with the fever.”

“I don’t- I don’t like this Eris, I’m cold. Hold me, please…” He can’t stand it. The paleness of your skin, the heaviness in your eyes and the dark circles beneath. Your teeth are chattering. He steps closer. “High Lord! She is merely uncomfortable, the ice is helping. Please try to remain calm.”

He fumes. “Then make her comfortable! She’s your High Lady! If harm comes her way I will not hesitate-”

“Don’t yell, my darling. I’m alright… just a bit cold is all.” Your voice is barely a whisper as it slaps him across the face.

“I apologize, I’m worried about my mate.”

The healer huffs in acknowledgement and returns to her ministrations. “It’s just a cold Eris, I’ll be fine by tomorrow. Back in the Human Lands my mother would make me broth and I’d be back to normal.” 

“What kind of broth?” 

Then he was in the kitchen. No cooks were on duty in the middle of the night so he followed a recipe from a book, which he ignored a soon as he foud a medicinal journal. He boiled anything he could find with healing properties to make an unappetizing broth but at the very least it would help your body fight. 

“This smells terrible.”

“Humor me.” You gag as you get another whiff but manage to down a few sips. The lukewarm liquid soothes your throat so, against your tastebuds screaming otherwise, you sigh in relief. “Is that better?” 

You nod and give him a quarter of a smile. 

“Is there nothing else I can do?” 

“You can brush my hair.” Eris looks towards the healer for her approval. “So long as you only touch her with a brush, it should be fine, High Lord.”

He  massages your scalp with the soft bristles of the brush andthen proceeds to rid your hair of the tangles being in bed had caused. If he was being honest, it looked like a bird’s nest. He’s as gentle as he can, and a loud snore makes his heart jump to his throat. You’d fallen asleep again. 

“Her fever is better, I will return by sunrise to check again. If anything happens please do not hesitate to call, High Lord.” 

“Thank you, Willa.” She nods and pats him on the shoulder. “She’ll be fine, my Lord.”

It’s morning when Eris wakes up in the chair beside your bed. A sneeze that startled both of you was his good morning. “I need a handkerchief.” You request while covering your nose and mouth with your hands. Eris digs into his pocket and gives you his. “Don’t look at me while do this, sweetheart.”

“Why not?” 

You roll your eyes and just urge him to “look away!” He does and what follows in a wet, squelching sound he cannot imagine is coming from the beautiful creature on the bed. “All done,” you say in a defeated tone. The energy you had gathered from sleep had been wiped out by a sneeze and a blow of the nose. 

“How are you feeling?” It takes you a while to reply as you cuddle up closer to the pillows substituting Eris’ body. “A bit better, I suppose.” 

“You said you’d be back to normal today.” What if you had taken a turn for the worse? Had the fever been too much?

“It’s not an exact science, my love. But my throat doesn’t hurt anymore, so I am better.” 

  “You’ll be the death of me I swear.” You reach your hand out to his. He hesitates. 

“I don’t have a fever anymore, hold my hand.” He has no power agaisnt his mate and has been craving your touch for hours. Your hand is icy in his, but its just as soft as he remembers it. “See, I’m right here, not going anywhere yet.” 

Yet. Because you had your days numbered, illness or not. He would never be ready to part. Never wants to face eternity with out you. So he reaches out to the gods again, hoping at least one would take up his bargain.

[jackiespurnell]

it's just pretend, right? - part two (fake dating au jackie taylor x fem reader)

part one part three

summary: jackie’s boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend, and what kind of teammate would you be if you didn’t help her out?

tw: none

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“okay.” jackie says. “so we need to come up with some rules for this whole thing. like, we need to piss of jeff and shauna as much as possible but we should probably come up with some sort of ideas.”

you just laugh, ignoring the pang in your chest at the remembrance that this was all fake. that she didn’t really kiss you because she wanted to, but because she had to in order to make this plan believable. “right. um, i’m sorry, by the way. about jeff. and shauna….that wasn’t cool of them.” you shift awkwardly on jackie’s bed and notice how she tenses up as well. way to go you think. not even a minute since she finished shoving her tongue down your throat and you’re fucking things up.

“sorry.” you whisper again. “no, it’s okay actually.” she says, shaking her head. it’s an obvious lie, you can tell immediately, by the way her smile didn’t reach her eyes and her head was still titled downwards. “um, i found out from reading shauna’s diary. yeah, i know, it’s a shit thing to do, but some things just weren’t adding up. and she wasn’t telling me anything. i don’t know what i was expecting, to be honest, but….not this.”

“it’s fine though.” its not. “it happens, i guess.” it shouldn't.

you’re unsure of what exactly you should say so you just nodded and dropped it. you had a feeling jackie wanted to, anyways. “okay, well, um, you said this should be public, right?”

jackie immediately untenses, nodding. 

“yeah. so, you know how lottie invited the team to go to that diner tomorrow? we should go together. like, together-together. and tell everywhere there. people will talk and im sure by the time monday rolls around everyone will know.”

you nod, pursing your lips together. “okay. so, should we just be really obvious and hope that someone notices it or just outright tell someone?” you’re not entirely sure which one would be worse - blatantly obliviously flirting with your long-term crush in front of everyone, or smiling at the team and announcing you’re together when it’s very much not true, despite the fact that you wish it was. both of them sounded like torture to you.

you did to yourself you thought, even though the reminder stung. you masochistic little bitch.

jackie just shrugs, letting out a noncommittal hum, which snaps you out of your thoughts. “i guess it really depends. whatever feels right in the moment, you know?”

you nod. “alright. shauna usually would pick you up, no?” to that, jackie bites her lip awkwardly, and you internally curse yourself for bringing it up. “so, um, ill pick you up. that’s better, anyways, if we go together. is 12 good?”

“yeah, 12 is good. just text me in the morning for confirmation, okay?” “yeah, okay.”

you two hang around her room for a bit longer. you avoid talking about the situation, for both hers and your sakes. you realize, despite your obvious awkwardness, just how easy it is for you to fall in and out of conversation with each other. you two weren’t really friends, but you were friendly, and this was the most in-depth conversation you’ve ever had with her. you smile to yourself, wondering if this is what it would be like if you were actually dating jackie. 

eventually, the next morning rolls around, and on your way back to jackie’s house to pick her up for the brunch (you had to head back to your place last night, which totally didn’t make you a little bit sad).

jackie walks out of her house, looking pretty as fuck, with a tiny denim skirt and lacy white tank top does that amazing things for her breasts. you try to focus on her face, on her gorgeous, smiling face, and not her boobs or her legs or really anything that would possibly be considered inappropriate if you got caught because you have some self respect. well, okay, obviously not enough to decline jackies offer to really fake date but, you know, everyone fucks up sometimes. (at least, that’s the excuse you’re telling yourself). (it’s not all that convincing).

“hey.” jackie says, getting into the passenger seat of your car. “you ready for this?”

fuck no. you nod anyways. “yep. totally ready to tell all of our friends about my fucking amazing girlfriend.” you say, with a teasing edge to your voice, smirking softly in her direction.

“and i can’t wait to flirt with you in front of you with everyone. after all, you’re my girlfriend, i should be able to flirt with you whenever i want, no?” and fuck, shes laying it on heavy, and you try to ignoring the way your heart flutters at jackie saying the words “you’re” and “my” and “girlfriend”, especially in that order directed at you.

throughout the car ride, you find yourself sneaking glances at jackie. you notice everything about her, the little pout she makes when checking her hair in the rearview mirror, as if it was some sort of habit she picked out. the way she picks at her nails with her teeth, but never actually bites anything off. the way she bites the inside of her bottom lip whenever she smiles, which is often, and it totally doesn’t make you want to be the one to bite her lip yourself. totally not.

you eventually arrive at the diner, just on time. about to get out, jackie stops you. “wait. should we like…i don’t know. practice? like, i know we kissed and everything last night, but even just our mannerisms and whatever have to be believable, you know? i mean, it’ll only take a minute.”

you froze up for a second. does she want to kill me?

“um okay. what exactly do you want to do?” you ask her.

“just..come here.” she motions for you to come forward, and you shift awkwardly in your seat, leaning over to her side, just a few inches from her face. you can practically feel the heat radiating off of jackie’s skin, and you’re convinced she can hear just how fast your heart is beating. “is this good?” you ask her, refusing to make eye contact. she places her hands around your neck, casually slipping them around as if it was something natural, something you two did on the daily. you swear you even hear her whisper a “closer” as you tugs your body even more towards hers, all while maintaining the gap between you two. 

finally, you close the space between you two, pressing your lips against hers. 

you let your hands rest on her waist, and you can’t help but let out a soft whimper when you feel her slip her tongue into your mouth. you pray she doesn’t hear you, but you can’t help but think maybe she’s a bit too preoccupied to notice. just then, she tugs even harder and pulls you directly into her lap. your legs straddle her thighs, and even though the both of you in one car seat pressed up flat against the window is very uncomfortable, but you’re too happy kissing jackie that you can’t even bring yourself to care. you’d pick being crammed up in her lap over your own personal space anyday.

in fact, you’re so happy that you don’t even notice when your friends start hooting and hollering at you guys from outside the car.

“shit” you murmur, pulling away from jackie, still on her lap. you roll the window down as jackie awkwardly shifts around to see who exactly it is watching you guys. you ignore the way you feel her tense up slightly when you see her notice shauna in the group.

as awkward as the situation you feels, you secondly remember you’re supposed to get caught. this was apart of the plan, anyways. (well, okay, maybe the plan wasn’t to get caught kissing and straddling jackie but close enough).

“we were just looking for you guys.” mari laughs. “heard you were coming together, but wow, this was not what we expected.”

“surprise.” jackie playfully laughs, as you reluctantly climb off of her lap and over to your side so you can get out. 

the both of you follow the rest of the yellowjackets as they - mainly mari, lottie and misty - bombard you with questions. you notice that shauna is eerily quiet, but you refuse to look over in case you were to notice jackie staring at her as well.

throughout the brunch, jackie is very touchy with you. not that you’re complaining, but just, it’s kind of hard to tell the waiter if you want chips or fries with your chicken and waffles when there’s a pretty girl right next to you, stroking your thigh and twirling your hair through your index finger. “you okay?” you feel her whisper to you, quietly enough that only you could hear, as if it was a secret she was trusting you with. you let out a low hum to signify that yes, you were totally fine, despite that being far from true. she whispers “okay, baby.” and you feel your face go a bit red at the pet name. 

just as everyone is about to leave, van pulls you aside, asking to talk really quick. you tell jackie to wait in the car, and even though she seems a bit confused, she agrees, leaving you and van to talk. as much as you trust her, it does scare you a little bit to think that maybe somebody is catching on. “hey, van, what’s up?”

 “you and jackie aren’t really together, are you?”

fuck.

“um, yes we are?” you defend yourself, although even you can hear the hesitation in your voice. “she’s my girlfriend.”

“alright, then. how did you start dating?” van challenges.

“well, i went over to house yesterday and um…one thing lead to another…we kissed and then kinda talked it through and made it official.”

“who kissed who first?”

“she kissed me.”

“and you said this happened yesterday.”

you swallow. “um yeah. after practice.”

“bullshit.” van says, and much as you want to keep denying it, you know there’s no point. “jackie was dating jeff for all that time and wouldn’t even have sex with him. there’s no way she’d be making out in a car with you perched in her lap like that for everyone to see after one day. it hasn’t even been 24 hours.”

yeah, okay, she got you there.

“okay. fine.” you say. “we’re faking it. i wasn’t thinking and said we were dating in order to get her out of a heated argument with jeff and we just kinda decided to roll with it.”

van raises her eyebrows. “i’m assuming it’s cause of the shauna thing?” you bite your lip, nodding softly. “yeah. shit, does everyone know about that?” 

van nods awkwardly, a sympathetic look on her face. you can’t tell if it makes you feel better or worse. “yeah, you know how it is, word gets around pretty quick. we kind of figured not to talk about it in front of her. i mean, i was never jackie’s biggest fan, but what shauna did was fucked up. not entirely sure why she was even invited here to be honest. but i mean, if misty fucking quigley got an invite, i guess it makes sense that shipman did too.”

“but” van immediately cuts back in, her voice taking on a more playful tone. “now that we established you’re not dating jackie already, is it safe to say you want to? i see the way you look at her, all pining and lovesick.”

you know there’s no point in trying to deny it. “yeah, okay, i like her.”

van just smirks. “knew it. well, from what i can tell, i think she likes you too. i mean, she definitely didn’t seem too opposed to having your tongue down her throat in that car.” you don’t bother to tell her it was actually her tongue down your throat. “i mean, hey, i’ll stay out of it if you need but if you want any help, i’m here. think of me as your lesbian fairy godmother.”

 “do i have to be back by midnight?” you ask jokingly.

“nah, i’ll give you til three am.” you just shake you head, laughing. “no but seriously. go get your girl. she’s waiting for you. both literally and figuratively.” “ah, yes. thank you for the wise words of wisdom.” you tease.

as you go back to the car, sliding into the drivers seat, you can’t help but get butterflies at the feeling of jackie’s eyes on you. i can get used to this feeling, you think. you let yourself, just for a second, think about what it would be like dropping jackie off from school and soccer practice with her sitting right next to you like the passenger princess she is. you think about leaning in to kiss her without having to use ‘its for practice’ as an excuse. you think about how much better you could treat her than jeff ever did; how much better you want to treat her. how he fumbled a girl like that, you’ll never know. then again, maybe it’s a good thing he fumbled her cause if he didn’t, you wouldn’t be in this position. you feel a tad bit of possessiveness, thinking back to how van called jackie “your girl.” you would fucking love it if she was yours, for real.

and as you start the car and pull out of the parking lot, you can’t help but look over at her one more time.

and as it just so happens, she was already looking first.

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[i-yap]

Batboys x quiet! reader(who is not quiet in private)

( some of the reasons for the quietness is a bit traumatic so uhh warning)

Dick grayson -

opposites attract is possibly my favorite trope ever. And that is exactly what you guys are . Not exactly golden retriever x black cat though people who didn't know you guys well assumed such .

Dick would get exhausted spending forever being charming and charismatic for even the most extroverted of people get tired when they had to manage multiple superhero teams, a detective squad and the whole batfamily.

You were silence, peace serenity almost..until you weren't. Grayson was worried about this relationship in the start, after all you guys were really different. He was afraid you were going to be annoyed by his sunshine self, and that when he isn't feeling like talking, the conversations would go silent.

But you really are so different when comfortable with someone, and its tough not to trust and drop your shield with grayson.

It took him by surprise slowly seeing you open up and show your weird side. It somehow made him cherish it more and even want to show sides of him that only you got to see.

When he asked you why you weren't like this with everyone you said " My parents had a habit of talking over me, sometimes outrightly not hearing me speak at all. No matter how loud I spoke..i wondered if they couldn't hear me...if anyone even wanted to you" "why me then?" asked dick , "you're nothing like my parents, I know you care" and he does..he really does. He won't ever let you feel like that every again. He will make sure everything you want said is heard, and if not he will burn it into the skyline

Jason todd

he appreciated it, a quiet person in public. He hated being in public, he hated the buzz the noise the push the touch of humans around him. He felt strange

till he feels you hold his knowing you felt just as strange as him. Leave the gala and walk around the library , one earphone in each ear listening to whatever you wished to play.

Pulling you close in crowded areas- was it for you or for him? Glaring at anyone who dared tease you about your quietness. A single glare usually does the job but don't worry ...other ways exist too.

He loves that when you two are alone, you are a completely different person. It makes him feel special, like he is the only one who understands you. Because you're the only one who understands him.

When he asks " well I guess I never felt like people liked what came out of my mouth.. my humour too dark, my words too dumb and I didn't make sense. So I stopped trying" don't worry about being cringe..he understands you completely

Tim drake

he is intruiged. How do you pull such a perfect facade. How does one look so poised and collected with those rich assholes and so wild and untamed with him?

He could never really perfect the act the way you did. He's seen you grow up, but somehow its like you were born with two people living in your brain.

If you're this mysterious to your childhood lover, how does anyone in the world even think that they could know you, both versions of you.

Dont get me wrong, he loved it, A mystery he never could solve, not even with your help.

" Teach me your ways master" "I remember you wanting me to call you that last night..oh no wait it was si-" "shut upp" "fine ill tell you timmy boy, I just believe those rich stick up their ass puppets don't deserve to see all ..this.." "what about school kids, friends , teemates-" "I don't need anyone to get me as long as you do"

He will never get it, even if someone engraved it into his skin he wont understand everything about you , you'll always be the case he couldn't solve.

AND WE ARE BACK BICHES , send in requests and stuff, inbox open again blah blah I'm feeling much better now but I might push angst stuff more

[sillyzlaurr]

SOMEONE ASKED ME FOR COLOURING TIPS AND I DELETED MY ANSWER DRAFT BY ACCIDENT IM SORYYYY

But i still wanna try to give some tips that i use (i hope you'll see this post, anon!!!!). Im not really good at explaining things and im not a professional artist but ill try ma best💥

Before I start a new painting, I make a few sketches of exactly what I want to draw. This helps me to find the right composition and color scheme

The environment an object or character is in has a great effect on its color. In the first pic, Spammy looks ok, but if we warm up the colors a bit, it looks like he's really standing in that room. You can also experiment with layer modes to achieve the color u need. Sometimes I crop the main background color over the character and poke layer modes until Im like "this shit looks good, lets go". But ofс you'd better find the colors yourself, it's useful for learning color theory

I also swept the main background color into the reflexes and shadows on the object. Like on this pipis

Buuut you can also use bright contrasting colors. This gives a funky, stylized look to the artwork

And about white color in my arts. I think that there is no pure white color in nature . White color and close to it will always have its unique shade depending on the lighting. So, I prefer to mute the white color in my works.

You can also try filling the area with some color and over paint it with light color, mixing colors together. This is a new technique for me, I usually put colors on the bare sketch, but I like it<)

And also coloring on the sketch layer. I'm not trying to lighten it or anything. It gives a kind of dirty look to the work and a kind of unfinished feeling. I don't like to lick my drawings to a shine. Plus bc of the brush I use, it gives me extra shadows. I prefer to use the standard marker brushes and some brushes I found on clip studio paint assets. These are mostly brushes that mix colors so i use them to add different strokes to my work

I guess that's all, hope it would help someone!!

Remember, you can do whatever you want to your art, the main thing is that it makes you hapi💋