#whatever i guess. ill feel better in a bit

[winchesterwild78]

Unspoken Words pt 3

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, other characters

Warnings: fluff, mention of physical restraint, a little angst, child illness

A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This one is about a single mother with a nonverbal autistic daughter who loves Supernatural. The reader is going to a Supernatural Convention with her daughter and things unfold from there. The daughter character is near and dear to my heart. I have someone very close to me who is nonverbal, but he’s such an amazing kid. 

This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Jensen is single in this story. 

All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated. 

Minors DNI 18+

Later that morning we got ready for the last day of the convention. Jensen ended up letting Lily keep his shirt because she refused to let it go. She wore it to the convention and was upset when I tried to take it. 

Jensen knelt down, “Lily, do you like my shirt?” She smiled, but didn’t look at him. She gripped the shirt tighter. “Well, I tell ya what, you can keep it as long as I get to come visit you and it.” She smiled wider, “Jensen?” He chuckled, “Yeah, Jensen.” He kissed the top of her head and I stood smiling. 

“I guess I have to keep coming around, visitation and all.” He smiled as he walked up to me. He placed a soft kiss on my lips before walking out to the stage. The handler with him softly gasped, looking between Jensen and I. We watched his panel from the back and Lily got a few more pictures with some of the cast. She clung to Jensen whenever he was around. He didn’t seem to mind, because he took her around to meet everyone like she was his. It made my heart swell. When it was time to leave Lily cried. Jensen held her tightly, “Hey, I promise I’ll see you tomorrow. Your mom is taking you to the park, and I’m gonna tag along.” She squealed, “Jensen play?” He nodded, “Yeah, I’m going to play.” 

The end of the convention came faster than I wanted it to. Lily had an amazing time and it was the day of the first concert. Since I wouldn’t see Lily tonight I wanted to spend the day with her. I had already planned a trip to the park, and Jensen wanted to tag along. He wasn’t going to be able to stay all day with us since he had to go do his sound checks, but I was thankful he was coming even for a little bit.

Annie, Mrs. Jones was keeping Lily tonight, and I wanted to make sure Lily was calm and ready. So taking her to the park and having a picnic always seemed to calm her. 

Jensen met us at the park and as soon as Lily saw Jensen she ran to him. ‘Mama, Jensen!” She threw her arms around him and grabbed my hand. “Hey Lily, hey sweetheart.” He leaned in and placed a kiss on my lips and one on the top of her head. 

Lily giggled and ran towards the swings. “Well I guess we better go after her.” He said taking my hand in his. I looked down at my hand in his and then back to him. “Is this okay?” He asked softly. I nodded with a smile, “More than okay, Jensen. It’s perfect.” 

We went to the swings and Jensen pushed Lily. Her legs swinging wildly and her giggles filling the air. I had never seen her react to anyone like she had with him. She was a totally different child with him around and it made my heart happy, but I was scared too. 

What if whatever this is between Jensen and I didn’t work out. Was this just something to pass the time, or was this going to develop into something more. 

I’d see the women he had dated, and I definitely didn’t look like them. Hell, I have extra weight all over, I like to eat and I’m not what most would consider gorgeous. Somehow he sees past all that and thinks I’m beautiful. 

Jensen has a way of making me feel seen, wanted and desired. It scared the hell out of me. The last man that made me feel like that knocked me up and left me. 

Now with Lily, I had to be extra careful who I let in our lives. She loved Jensen, I could already tell he was quickly becoming one of her people. I knew he and I had to have a conversation, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to approach it. 

A little while later Lily was getting hungry, so I grabbed the blanket and basket and walked back to Lily and Jensen. They were running around playing tag and I set up the food. 

Lily ran to me and sat down between Jensen and I. “Mama, eat. Please.” “Wow, she’s talking more and more. Jensen, this is incredible.” He placed his hand on mine, “Yeah it is.” 

I handed Lily her food and picked at mine. Jensen was eating, then noticed I wasn’t. “Hey, you okay?” “Um, yeah. Just thinking about this, well, us.” 

“Well, I’m all ears. What’s on your mind?” 

“I just want to know where this is going. If it’s just a way to pass the time, I get it, but I can’t do that to Lily. If it’s something more I just need to know. I like you Jensen, I really do. I just can’t make decisions for myself anymore, Lily’s well being is my priority. Besides, you’re Jensen Ackles, and I’m well, me.” 

Jensen sat his food down and cupped my face, “Y/N, I don’t want this to be just a way to pass the time. I want you, I want to be in Lily’s life. The other night when we kissed I felt something I hadn’t in a really long time. Being with you and Lily feels comfortable, like home. I know we have things we have to figure out, but I want to figure it out together.” 

He leaned forward and kissed me. Soft at first and then his hands slipped in my hair and he deepened the kiss. 

Jensen’s phone went off signaling it was time for him to leave. My heart sank. “Guess I need to go. I’ll see you later, sweetheart.” “Yeah, I’ll see you tonight. I can’t wait to see rockstar Jensen in action. He laughed, kissed me quickly and hugged Lily goodbye, then left. 

A little while later Lily and I left to head home. I gave her a bath, got her packed and I took her to Annie. I kissed her goodbye and left to head home. 

Walking in the house it was quiet. I jumped in the shower and got ready for the concert. I snapped a picture and sent it to Jensen.

Me: Almost ready. Can’t wait to see you. *1 image attached*

Jensen: Damn, sweetheart. You look incredible. I can’t wait to see you. Just a heads up, my parents are going to be there. 

I swallowed hard. Did he want me to meet them? Should I say hello? Maybe he was telling me that because he was planning on keeping his distance. I took a deep breath, deciding to just let whatever unfold. 

Me: That’s great they still come and support the things you do. I bet your mom is going to take a lot of pictures too. 

Jensen: Oh I know she is. She’s always taking pictures of me. 

Me: That’s what moms do. Let her be proud of her baby. She earned it. 

Jensen 😀 yeah, she’s a great mom. Just like you. 😙

Me: 😊 thank you. See you soon.

Jensen: Be careful.

Sarah came and picked me up and we headed to the venue. The space was intimate, but I could feel the electricity in the air. I overheard a few people talking about Jensen’s parents being there, but I couldn’t figure out who they were talking about. I’d seen pictures of his parents, but that was years ago. I was sure they had changed some since the pictures. 

I was standing near the bar with Sarah when I felt my phone buzz.

Jensen: Hey baby. You look amazing. We’re about to go on, I’ll see you after the concert. 

Me: I can’t wait. Break a leg, Jens. 😘

Sarah and I walked towards the stage and got pretty close. I was so excited and nervous as hell. The lights went down and the stage lights went on, the crowd roared. 

Jensen and Steve took the stage with the rest of the band. Steve started talking, thanking everyone for being there. He and Jensen bantered back and forth and then started singing. 

Jensen’s voice was smooth like whiskey. The crowd around me disappeared as I focused on him. He saw me, smiled and winked. I of course blushed. As I turned to talk to Sarah I saw Jensen’s mom off to the other side of the stage, taking pictures and videos. A smile spread across my face. 

I took a picture of her and sent it to Jensen.

Me: *1 image sent* Now this is the face of an incredibly proud mother. ♥️

The concert was incredible and before I knew it Sarah and I were being ushered backstage. 

We were shown to a room and before the door opened I heard Jensen’s voice. The man walking us back opened the door and Jensen saw me as soon as the door opened. 

He jumped up, walked up to us and kissed me. Taking me by surprise. When we pulled apart everyone was staring. Jensen smirked, “Guess the cats out of the bag, guys, this is Y/N and her friend Sarah, Y/N, Sarah, this is everyone.” I nodded, blushed and said hello. 

Steve immediately jumped up and pulled me into a hug, “So this is the woman who has captured this guy’s heart. I’ve heard so much about you and your daughter, Lily.” I hugged him back and looked over at Jensen who was smiling and blushing a little. 

After Steve chatted with me for a bit, his attention turned to Sarah. The two of them sat on the couch talking while Jensen and I talked to some of the other band members. We talked to Angela and Sheree and they gushed over Lily’s pictures. Especially the ones with Jensen. 

I told Jensen I needed to use the restroom, so he told me where it was. I stood and walked out of the room and down the hallway. As I got to the bathroom I noticed a man standing by the men’s room door. 

I thought it was strange since the bar was closed, but I assumed he worked there. 

I went into the bathroom and came out a few minutes later. The man was still standing there, and I made eye contact with him. “Hey sweetheart, what’s got you here so late?” “Oh, I’m just here with my boyfriend. He’s in the band.”

My heart hammered in my chest. I looked back towards the door, hoping someone would come out but I didn’t see anyone. 

He stepped closer to me and I could smell the alcohol on him. “If you were my girlfriend I wouldn’t let a pretty thing like you out of my sight. Especially in a bar. Lots of bad things can happen.” As he said that he stepped closer, caging me between the wall and his arms. 

“I really should get back. I’m sure he’s ready to leave.” I was terrified and didn’t know if I should scream or what to do. I stood frozen. 

He grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him and he leaned in closer. Tears started to fall from my face. His hot breath blowing over my face and all I could think about was Jensen’s smile and how I wanted him to be here. 

I tried to turn my face away, but he held it in place. The pain of his fingers gripping my face was becoming overwhelming. 

He leaned closer and as he was about to kiss me the door to the room swung open. Jensen stepped out, looked up and saw me. 

“Y/N!” I swear he flew down the hall. Within a second the man was pinned to the other wall and Sarah had me wrapped in her arms. I crumbled to the ground crying. 

The bouncers of the bar grabbed the man and took him out, Jensen was by my side.

“Y/N, are you hurt? Oh baby. I’m so sorry. I should have gone with you. Shhh, you’re safe now. I’ve got you.” He held me tight. My fear started to melt away. I wrapped myself into his arms and held onto his shirt tightly. 

He helped me up and we walked outside. Sarah walked out with our stuff, “Jensen, I think I should get her home. She’ll be okay. I won’t leave her alone tonight.” 

He nodded, but didn’t let go. I wouldn’t let go either. “Sweetheart, let Sarah take you home. I’m gonna grab my stuff and I’ll be over, okay.” I nodded. Sarah helped me to the car, Jensen was loading his stuff as we pulled off. 

Sarah held my hand the whole way to the house. “Y/N, I am so sorry. I should have gone with you. Are you okay?” I just nodded. “Sarah, it’s not your fault. We had no way of knowing what was going to happen. I’m okay.” 

She just nodded. I knew she still blamed herself. 

We pulled up at the house and we went inside. About 5 minutes later Jensen pulled up. I went to take a shower while Jensen and Sarah stayed in the living room. 

“Sarah, is she okay? He didn’t do anything to her did he?” “She’s okay. No. I think he just grabbed her and tried to kiss her. We got to her in time.” He just nodded. His jaw tightened with rage, but his focus was me. 

I heard their muffled voices, but couldn’t hear what they were saying. I knew they both blamed themselves. 

I stood under the hot water, trying to clean the feeling of his hands off me. Nothing was washing away the memory. I cried and couldn’t stop crying. I slid down the wall and cried. 

I felt like I failed Jensen by letting another man get that close to touch me. Me going to the bathroom alone was a stupid move. If Sarah had to go I would have gone with her. 

Jensen and Sarah were sitting in the living room drinking and talking. Jensen’s leg nervously shook. He looked at his watch and realized I had been in the bathroom awhile. 

Sarah noticed too. She placed her hand on his leg, “Hey, I’ll go check on her, okay?” He nodded, “Thanks, Sarah.” 

She got up and walked to the bathroom, “Hey sweetie, are you okay in there?” I couldn’t answer. “Y/N, I’m coming in.” She pushed open the door and walked over, finding me crying. Reaching and turning off the water she grabbed a towel, “Oh sweetie.” She wrapped the towel around me and called for Jensen.

Jensen jumped up and ran to the bathroom. He saw me in tears and Sarah holding me. I looked at her and then at him. My voice barely a whisper, “I’m so sorry, Jensen.” He looked at me and then Sarah, “Sweetheart, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

They helped me to my room and Sarah grabbed me some clean clothes. Jensen sat on the bed holding me. I leaned into him, taking in his warmth and his scent. 

“Sweetheart, I’m going to step out and let you change. I’ll be right back.” I nodded, but really didn’t want him to leave. Jensen stepped in the hallway with Sarah and I changed. 

I opened the door and went straight into Jensen’s arms again. His arms pulled me in tight and held me. Sarah touched my arm, “sweetie, I’m going to the guest room if you need me. Jensen’s going to stay in here with you tonight, okay?” I looked at her and then at Jensen and nodded. 

Jensen and I walked into my room, he pulled the blanket back and we crawled into bed. He snaked his arm around me and pulled me flush to his chest. He placed a soft kiss on the top of my head. “I’ve got you sweetheart. You’re safe. You’ll always be safe with me.” 

Sleep quickly took over as I laid in Jensen’s arms. 

*Slight time jump to the 2nd concert*

The night of the 2nd concert I was more aware of the surroundings. Jensen had Sarah and I close to the stage and would keep an eye on us. He had a bouncer near us the whole night. 

The air conditioning in the building went out so it was extra hot in the building. Jensen was sweating but good lord did he look hot. I was completely mesmerized by him. 

I felt my body responding to him, and it excited and terrified me. Last night when he held me, everything felt perfect. I was starting to fall for him fast. 

The crowd was even more wild tonight and the way he looked, standing under the hot lights, hair damp from the sweat and his body glistening from the sweat trickling down his neck made my heart beat fast. 

The fan on the stage blew his hair back and when he ran his fingers through his hair I felt my knees go weak. I bit my lip to stifle the moan leaving my mouth. 

Sarah smirked and leaned over “He’s hot isn’t he.” I looked at her and smiled. I nodded yes. Jensen looked over at me and smiled and blew a kiss. I blushed. Sarah laughed, “That man has it bad for you.” I leaned over, “Yeah, I’ve got it bad for him too.” 

Jensen and I looked at each other again and I could see the jolt of energy run through him. He bounced on his feet and danced around the stage. It was amazing watching him. 

By the end of the night I was hot, sweaty and exhausted. Jensen kissed me good night. Our lips and hands lingered a bit longer than before. “I’ll call you tomorrow sweetheart, let me know when you have Lily. Maybe we can grab some lunch or I can come over.” 

I nodded, “Okay. Good night, Jensen.” “Good night, darlin’.” He kissed me again and I got in the car. I sighed softly and Sarah smiled. “Y/N, I’m really happy for you. You deserve this. He’s a really great guy, and Steve isn’t half bad either.” 

“Wait, what?” She smiled, “Yeah, we hit it off last night and exchanged numbers. We have a date Saturday night.” “Oh, Sarah. I’m so happy for you.” “Thanks, I would have never met him if it wasn’t for you. So, thank you.” 

Sarah dropped me off and went home. I sent Jensen a text.

Me: Hey. Just wanted to let you know I got home safely, and did you know Sarah and Steve have a date?

Jensen: Glad you made it home safely. I just got home myself. Yeah. He just told me. He’s a great guy. I promise. 

Me: He better be or I’ll have to beat him up. 

Jensen: I bet you would too. I’m heading to the shower. I’ll see you and Lily later.

Me: Thanks for the image. 😉 I can’t wait to see you later. Lily is going to be so excited. 

Jensen: You’re welcome darlin’, now get some sleep. Good night.

Me: Good night, Jensen.

I jumped in the shower and let my mind drift to the events of the past few days. Going to the convention and everything that’s happened has been a dream come true. 

Jensen has been incredible and above everything Lily talking has been the greatest thing I could have ever asked for. 

The next morning after I got ready I went to pick up Lily. She was excited to see me, but didn’t talk much. Annie said she did great, but she noticed Lily being a bit more reserved last night. “The first night she talked more, last night she seemed a bit off. I’m not sure if it was her missing you or missing someone else.” 

I thanked her and took Lily home. She still had Jensen’s shirt around her and her stuffies he bought her. She wandered around the house looking for something. 

“Lily, honey, are you okay?’’ She just kept walking around. Lily searched every room and when she came back to the living room she was upset. 

“Lily, what are you looking for?” She just grunted. I reached for her and she felt hot. My first thought was the shirt so I tried to take it off of her. 

She cried, “Okay baby you can keep it on. Are you looking for Jensen, honey?” Her big beautiful eyes flicked to mine, for the first time in a long time she made eye contact with me. “Jensen?” 

“He’s at home baby, he’ll be by later.” She started to cry. My heart ached for her, “Baby, he had a late night. He said he’s coming by later to spend the afternoon with us.”

When I placed my hand on her face she was burning up. I grabbed the thermometer and she had a fever of 104.2, I grabbed her and my stuff and we headed to the hospital.

I tried to call Sarah, but it went right to voicemail. I panicked. I called the only other person I could think of, Jensen. 

His groggy voice answered, “Hey sweetheart. Good morning.” “Jensen, I’m so sorry to wake you up, but it’s Lily.” 

He sat straight up in bed, “What’s wrong?” I could hear his panic too, even though he was trying to stay calm. 

“I’m heading to the hospital. Her temperature is over 104. I’m so scared.” “I’m on my way baby.” 

He grabbed his clothes and bolted out the door, speeding towards the hospital. When he arrived at the emergency department he saw me and ran up to me, taking me and Lily in his arms. 

She clung to him and cried. “Shh, I’m here baby girl. We’re going to get you better.” 

The nurse called us back and they started hooking her up to the machines. Tears streamed down my face. The doctor did his examination and ordered some tests. 

Jensen and I sat with Lily, he was holding her in his arms, and holding my hand. I had my other hand on her. She had finally drifted off to sleep in his arms after the medication they gave her to bring her fever down some. 

The doctor came back a few hours later and told us all the tests came back normal. He wasn’t sure why her fever was so high but they wanted to keep her in the hospital for a few days just to be sure. We thanked him and he left. 

We waited for them to transfer her to the pediatric floor. I sat and cried. Jensen held me, “It’s okay baby. She’s going to be fine. She’s in the best place she can be right now.” 

“I know, I’m just scared. This is so hard.” He kissed my forehead, “I know baby. I messaged Steve and he and Sarah are bringing some food. You need to eat to keep up your strength. I’m going to run by your house and get some things for you, then run by mine. I’ll be back by the time she’s moved.” 

“Jensen, you don’t have to come back, I know you’re busy.” “I want to come back, I’m not leaving you alone in this. You two mean too much to me.” 

I nodded, he kissed me and then kissed Lily’s head. “I’ll be back, sweetheart.” 

I sat holding my baby girl and thinking about the man who just walked out of the room. I couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky the two of us were to be loved by him. He didn’t have to say it, but I knew, because I felt the same way. I was falling deeper in love with him too. 

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[phagodyke]

when the post workout worldcrushing depression hits 🤪

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[mbat]

honestly my biggest wonder about yesterdays drama was like... who even was that? not the person being called out, but the one calling them out. like, its one thing to make a throwaway to make a callout post, but to go on anon and try to pull unrelated people into it? this was clearly someone still in the taleblr server since they had screenshots from literally the same day in their callout

this isnt me taking sides because genuinely i have more important things to worry about than all that, but its different when it comes to this person because like... i just thought yall were different than that? maybe we all dont totally consider eachother friends entirely but i liked to think we were all somewhere around there for the most part

theres only so many of us and we all try to stay chill (to more or less success) because like... theres probably less than 100 of us left, and we're all adults by now as far as i know, and i know age doesnt really equal maturity, but its just so immature to try and stir drama by messaging unrelated parties.

honestly even if the person told me in private who they were its not like id make shit worse by posting about them or something because, again, i have bigger things to worry about, im just curious at this point. its not even an obligation for them to come forward, im just admitting that im curious.

if anything all i have to say is be the bigger person and block and move on when you dont like someone or something someone did. i get that you saw stuff that you found gross and you wanted everyone to feel the same way you did, but the rest of us just want to live our lives. plus i think the people that were messaged arent even in the discord so it was honestly even weirder to do that

ive had my fair share of seeing things that made me feel gross to see or read or know about, like, seriously i found out one of my friends was a pedo last year (and i promptly blocked the cunt). but it doesnt do anything to pull other people into the mess and try to start shit.

basically, just be more mature, cause i know yall are better than that. you dont have to read fics that you dont like, and you dont have to interact with people you dont like. your online experience is yours and the best option is always to block and move on. ive had my fair share of drama, and all it does is ruin peoples days, and not much else.

my biggest point, honestly, is that this is such a small fandom and i dont want whats left to come crashing down because some drama makes everyone left hate it here. i dont care whos right or wrong because literally whatever its internet drama, i just dont want this community to die out.

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

[cathalbravecog]

Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

[zemnarihah]

what if i i skip my high school best friends wedding on saturday and instead go to a show of all woman fronted metal bands

[thecherrygod]

Hm

[sycamoregirlsworld]

If I can’t have us.. -L. Castellan

luke castellan x fem! reader

a collection of memories between luke and his girlfriend, because no one understands him but her.

“i’ll build you a fort on some planet where they can all understand it.” -taylor swift

i’m back surprise surprise

The days following the betrayal had been hard for her.

She seemed to be stuck in limbo, she was like a ghost- a husk of herself floating through the day, not knowing where to go or what to feel.

Camp without Luke didn’t seem right, life without Luke didn’t feel right.

The girl sat at the dining pavilion alone, fiddling with the hem of one of his old crewnecks as she averted her gaze from her fellow campers. They eyed her with an expression of wariness, and while it hurt, she didn’t blame them.

The whispers were what cut deep.

I’m not surprised he ran off his Kronos! He always seemed off to me… I’m surprised she didn’t run off without him!

She had been living in her head the past few days to ignore the whispers, thinking of better times to distract from the hurt.

Despite everything, (Y/n) couldn’t bring herself to think ill of Luke, unlike her fellow campers.

They didn’t know him like her.

And maybe there was a nostalgic haze clouding her vision, but maybe it was just love.

⋆✦⋆

“Babe, watch my dive!”

(Y/n) sat up from her spot on the rock and frowned as she saw Luke standing on one of the taller rocks.

“That water is really shallow, Luke!” She called back, shielding her eyes from the warm sun.

“It’ll be fine!” He waved her off as he begin to back up slightly, preparing to take a running jump.

(Y/n) bit her lip in fear as she watched him jump off the rock and into the sparkling water, droplets from the splash sprinkling her face.

She breathed out a sigh of relief when he popped out of the water with a boyish grin, shaking the water from his curls like a wet dog. “Did it look cool?” He smiled up at her as he swam closer.

The girl rolled her eyes but couldn’t bite back her smile as she brushed a wet curl from his forehead. Okay yeah, it did look cool. But she wasn’t going to admit that. “You had a good form, I guess.”

“You guess?” Luke scoffed as he grabbed her ankles. “That dive probably could’ve gotten me an Olympic ten!”

“An Olympic ten?” She snorted. “What do you know about an Olymp—” Before she should finish her question, Luke had tugged on her legs and pulled her into the water with a laugh.

And even though she was choking up the water that had went up her nose, (Y/n) hadn’t felt more at peace then in this moment.

⋆✦⋆

“Morning, beautiful.” Luke smiled softly as his girlfriend sat down next to him. “You slept in late.”

(Y/n) frowned and looked at the table, seeing how little food was left. “Probably too late, I missed breakfast.”

Luke sighed dramatically and grabbed her hand. “That really sucks. You have no food, you’re going to starve.”

“Luke—” Her shoulders fell as she looked up at him. “Don’t rub it in.”

It was silent for a moment before Luke pushed a plate towards her, smiling softly. “Yeah, it must suck that your boyfriend didn’t save you any breakfast.”

A sense of pride swelled within his chest as her face lit up at the sight of chocolate chip waffles, her favorite.

Before she grabbed the plate, she pressed a kiss to the bottom of his jaw. “You’re the best.” She mumbled.

Luke laughed fondly before kissing her forehead. “Yeah, yeah. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you starve?”

This was weird for him, but it was a nice kind of weird. With (Y/n) he didn’t feel like Luke Castellan: Best Swordsman in Camp and the  counselor of the Hermes cabin.

He was just Luke. Or, as she liked to call him: babe, baby, dumbass, jerk, or whatever other nickname she came up with.

It all melted away with her. They just felt so… domestic. They werent two demigods who were dealt a bad hand at life when they were with eachother. They were just Luke and (Y/n), and he loved Luke and (Y/n).

⋆✦⋆

Quiet days at Camp Half-Blood were hard to come by.

There was always something going on. Capture the flag, sword training, archery, or other physically strenuous things.

So whenever there was free time to sit around and spend time with eachother, Luke and (Y/n) made sure to take it.

Sure— they practically saw each other every hour of everyday, but most of the time they were sparring.

And (Y/n) wasn’t a fighter.

It’s not that she wasn’t a good fighter, as she had trained with Luke and he made sure she was good, she just didn’t enjoy it.

What she enjoyed most was spending time doing the things she enjoyed, like reading and Luke.

There was an area by the lake they had made their own. It was semi-secluded and far enough away from the shoreline to keep dry but close enough for a pretty view. (Although both would argue that eachother was the prettiest view.)

None of their friends ever found the two in this spot, but it wouldn’t be uncommon for them to be found draped across the picnic blanket, Luke’s head in her lap with her fingers tangled in his hair and the sound of (Y/n)‘s voice struggling through a book.

Luke laughed as he heard his girlfriend mess up another line. He thought it was cute that she enjoyed reading out loud to him, despite her dyslexia.

Currently, she was attempting to read Emma, which was written in older English which made it all that harder for her to read.

But yet she persisted, and Luke admired that about her.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes playfully as pushed his head off her lap. “Don’t laugh. You can’t even read this either.”

Luke frowned as he was pushed off of her lap and sat up. “Why’d you push me off?”

“You’re such a baby..” She mumbled with a smile. “Imagine what everyone would think if they saw you right now.”

The brown haired boy grabbed her chin gently and leaned in closer. “You know I don’t care about that.”

His warm breath fanned her face as he spoke. “I just love you, why wouldn’t I be like this?”

For her, he would mold like clay. Forming to be whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

Of course, (Y/n) never wanted him to be anything but himself.

And that was even better. She never expected anything but love out of him, and that he was happy to give.

(Y/n) averted her face from him as she bit her lip. “You go so soft around me. Nothing like swordsman Luke.”

“I definitely don’t go soft.” Luke snorted as he pulled her into his lap.

“Luke!” Her face bloomed red as she heard his innuendo. “You’re such a freak.”

“Yeah, but you love it.” He shrugged before leaning forward to connect their lips.

⋆✦⋆

The seventeen year old bit at her nails in anxiety.

She was standing outside the Hermes cabin, debating on whether or not she should go see her best friend.

“What are you doing outside?”

(Y/n) flinched in shock at the sudden noise and turned around, frowning as she saw Luke standing behind her.

“Oh.. sorry, I thought you were inside.” She rubbed at her arm as she looked away, a nervous habit she had picked up.

“Oh? Did you want to see me?” Luke smirked as he leaned against a post, his brown eyes glinting up at her.

“I mean… yeah.” She shrugged as she stepped down to his level. “You know, you’re going on that quest and—”

“Aw, you wanted to wish me luck!” Luke reached down to intertwine their fingers, something normal between the two friends.

“Duh.” She snorted before taking a deep breath. “I also wanted to tell you to be safe. You’ve got people back at camp waiting for you.”

Luke’s cheeks felt warm at her words. Of course him being careful was always the plan, he didn’t want to die on the quest.

And he did have people he wanted to come back to, like her.

“Who are these people?” He covered up his feelings towards her with a teasing smile, running a hand through his brown curls.

He held his breath in anticipation as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading. Was this it? Was she finally going to admit that she liked him?

“Annabeth. She’s like your sister, she’d be heartbroken if you left.” (Y/n) said in a hushed tone, knowing that the little girl could’ve been anywhere around camp. “Be safe for her.”

Luke deflated as he heard Annabeth’s name. That can’t be why she came here! He huffed and grabbed both of her shoulders, pulling her closer.

“(Y/n).” He said firmly, looking down at her with hooded eyes. “I find it hard to believe you came here to tell me to be safe for Annabeth’s sake.”

“W-what do you mean?” She asked incredulously. “Why is it hard to believe that I want to to be safe for Annabeth.”

“Because Annie can speak for herself, you know that.” He rolled his eyes. “She’s not the only one who cares about me, is she?”

“Well, of course not..” (Y/n) sighed as she crossed her arms. “I care about you.”

“But you don’t want me to come home to you?”

“L-Luke that’s not— I didn’t mean—” She stuttered as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and frantic.

“Then be selfish for once, ask me to come home for you.” He breathed out as he cupped her face.

The tender way in which he held her contrasted with the roughness of his hands, years of sword fighting causing them to become rugged. It felt right.

(Y/n) gave in as she melted into his touch, it never took much convincing from him for her to break.

“Come home for me.” She whispered as squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Luke. I—”

Luke’s thumb grazed over her cheek as he fought the urge to lean in closer. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll always be here.”

Slowly, Luke tilted her head towards him. “Can I—” He pursed his lips in hesitation. “Can I kiss you?”

⋆✦⋆

It was a miracle. Divine intervention, perhaps.

It wasn’t often that Luke’s team had won against Clarisse’s during capture that flag, but when they did it was a huge deal.

“Babe!” Luke’s boisterous voice yelled as he ran over to his girlfriend. “We won!”

His body slammed into hers as he hugged her tightly, their armor making a clash! as they collided.

“I know! I’m so proud of you.” She beamed up at him as he pulled away. She really was, beating the team that had the Ares cabin on it was always difficult.

(Y/n) squealed happily as Luke picked her up by her waist and spun her around, happy laughs escaping his mouth as he squeezed her.

“Proud of me? I’m proud of you!” He said as he set her down on the ground.

“Oh whatever, you’re the captain.” She leaned up on her toes to give him a peck on his cheek. “I didn’t do much.”

“Is it a crime for me to be proud of my girl?” He smirked and threw an arm around her waist, tugging her closer.

“No.” (Y/n) blushed when he called her his girl, “But you should be more proud of yourself.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Luke shrugged nonchalantly. “But I like sharing my victory with my girlfriend.”

He leaned down and kissed her, his hands immediately finding their home on her waist.

He didn’t care if his friends thought he was lame for being so openly affectionate towards (Y/n), she was the only one that mattered.

The girl laughed into the kiss as he squeezed her waist. “Luke, we’re still in the middle of everyone.” She mumbled as she pulled away.

Luke looked around at the crowd before smirking.

“Well…” He started as he looked down at her, his eyes hazy and his smile wide.

Before she knew it, Luke had thrown her over his shoulder and began to march out of the field.

“Let’s get out of here!”

⋆✦⋆

[lanitalay]

When a High Lord is powerless.

summary: Eris x human reader, reader is sick, Eris is freaking out.

a/n: since i'm just getting over a sickness I wrote this to feel better about myself. enjoy

Warnings: none

wordcount: 1.1k

Eris pulled at his hair, helpless at the scene before him.

You were sick. The night before you told him it was a “common cold.” 

“It’s a human thing I guess, since you ethereal fae don’t ever get the sniffles.” 

He had never been around anyone ill. Fae got injured. Accelerated healing made it so only deadly blows would do any real harm. But it was never anything invisible that would wound, it was magic, blades, fire. Yesterday you had been perfect. Eris listed the things he saw you do in his mind: breakfast, ride through the groves, read, play a game of chess… all the usual things that kept you busy. 

“High Lord, I beg, don’t touch the High Lady. She has a very high fever and we must lower her temperature.” The words were a blow to his gut. A contradiction to the very instincts that urged him forward, closer to you. 

“High Lord, please.” The healer looked at him with wide eyes. He could not find malice in them, only worry to match his own. “What can I do?” 

The healer sighed and wiped her brow. “If you could find ice, it would help the fever.” 

He nodded, exiting the room at once. In all his years his magic, his fire had never been the cause of his self loathing. It was the fire that kept him going in the dark days when Beron was alive. The same fire that kept you warm in the cold Autumn nights when you first arrived was now aggravating the monster that ravaged your body. 

He winnowed to the border with Winter as soon as he stepped out of your chambers. Scooping chunks of ice and snow and praying to whatever gods might hear him that it would be enough. That they might spare you. 

Would a god implore him in a bargain? Your health for his magic. If it would bring you harm when you needed help he would be rid of it entirely. Or perhaps his immortality. There’s no him without you, not anymore. He might trade his lifespan for a human one. You’ve said that you have sixty years if you’re lucky. That would be enough… what god might- “Oh thank the Cauldron you found some! The ice in the kitchens ran out.” The healer yanks the bag from him and begins to coat your body in the frigid substance. You moan, discomfort rousing you from sleep. 

“Eris… where is he-”

“I’m right here, love.” Your hand reaches for his, but the healers instructions were clear. Heat would worsen your condition and he was a walking furnace. “I’m right here, the healers say the cold will help with the fever.”

“I don’t- I don’t like this Eris, I’m cold. Hold me, please…” He can’t stand it. The paleness of your skin, the heaviness in your eyes and the dark circles beneath. Your teeth are chattering. He steps closer. “High Lord! She is merely uncomfortable, the ice is helping. Please try to remain calm.”

He fumes. “Then make her comfortable! She’s your High Lady! If harm comes her way I will not hesitate-”

“Don’t yell, my darling. I’m alright… just a bit cold is all.” Your voice is barely a whisper as it slaps him across the face.

“I apologize, I’m worried about my mate.”

The healer huffs in acknowledgement and returns to her ministrations. “It’s just a cold Eris, I’ll be fine by tomorrow. Back in the Human Lands my mother would make me broth and I’d be back to normal.” 

“What kind of broth?” 

Then he was in the kitchen. No cooks were on duty in the middle of the night so he followed a recipe from a book, which he ignored a soon as he foud a medicinal journal. He boiled anything he could find with healing properties to make an unappetizing broth but at the very least it would help your body fight. 

“This smells terrible.”

“Humor me.” You gag as you get another whiff but manage to down a few sips. The lukewarm liquid soothes your throat so, against your tastebuds screaming otherwise, you sigh in relief. “Is that better?” 

You nod and give him a quarter of a smile. 

“Is there nothing else I can do?” 

“You can brush my hair.” Eris looks towards the healer for her approval. “So long as you only touch her with a brush, it should be fine, High Lord.”

He  massages your scalp with the soft bristles of the brush andthen proceeds to rid your hair of the tangles being in bed had caused. If he was being honest, it looked like a bird’s nest. He’s as gentle as he can, and a loud snore makes his heart jump to his throat. You’d fallen asleep again. 

“Her fever is better, I will return by sunrise to check again. If anything happens please do not hesitate to call, High Lord.” 

“Thank you, Willa.” She nods and pats him on the shoulder. “She’ll be fine, my Lord.”

It’s morning when Eris wakes up in the chair beside your bed. A sneeze that startled both of you was his good morning. “I need a handkerchief.” You request while covering your nose and mouth with your hands. Eris digs into his pocket and gives you his. “Don’t look at me while do this, sweetheart.”

“Why not?” 

You roll your eyes and just urge him to “look away!” He does and what follows in a wet, squelching sound he cannot imagine is coming from the beautiful creature on the bed. “All done,” you say in a defeated tone. The energy you had gathered from sleep had been wiped out by a sneeze and a blow of the nose. 

“How are you feeling?” It takes you a while to reply as you cuddle up closer to the pillows substituting Eris’ body. “A bit better, I suppose.” 

“You said you’d be back to normal today.” What if you had taken a turn for the worse? Had the fever been too much?

“It’s not an exact science, my love. But my throat doesn’t hurt anymore, so I am better.” 

  “You’ll be the death of me I swear.” You reach your hand out to his. He hesitates. 

“I don’t have a fever anymore, hold my hand.” He has no power agaisnt his mate and has been craving your touch for hours. Your hand is icy in his, but its just as soft as he remembers it. “See, I’m right here, not going anywhere yet.” 

Yet. Because you had your days numbered, illness or not. He would never be ready to part. Never wants to face eternity with out you. So he reaches out to the gods again, hoping at least one would take up his bargain.

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[i-yap]

Batboys x quiet! reader(who is not quiet in private)

( some of the reasons for the quietness is a bit traumatic so uhh warning)

Dick grayson -

opposites attract is possibly my favorite trope ever. And that is exactly what you guys are . Not exactly golden retriever x black cat though people who didn't know you guys well assumed such .

Dick would get exhausted spending forever being charming and charismatic for even the most extroverted of people get tired when they had to manage multiple superhero teams, a detective squad and the whole batfamily.

You were silence, peace serenity almost..until you weren't. Grayson was worried about this relationship in the start, after all you guys were really different. He was afraid you were going to be annoyed by his sunshine self, and that when he isn't feeling like talking, the conversations would go silent.

But you really are so different when comfortable with someone, and its tough not to trust and drop your shield with grayson.

It took him by surprise slowly seeing you open up and show your weird side. It somehow made him cherish it more and even want to show sides of him that only you got to see.

When he asked you why you weren't like this with everyone you said " My parents had a habit of talking over me, sometimes outrightly not hearing me speak at all. No matter how loud I spoke..i wondered if they couldn't hear me...if anyone even wanted to you" "why me then?" asked dick , "you're nothing like my parents, I know you care" and he does..he really does. He won't ever let you feel like that every again. He will make sure everything you want said is heard, and if not he will burn it into the skyline

Jason todd

he appreciated it, a quiet person in public. He hated being in public, he hated the buzz the noise the push the touch of humans around him. He felt strange

till he feels you hold his knowing you felt just as strange as him. Leave the gala and walk around the library , one earphone in each ear listening to whatever you wished to play.

Pulling you close in crowded areas- was it for you or for him? Glaring at anyone who dared tease you about your quietness. A single glare usually does the job but don't worry ...other ways exist too.

He loves that when you two are alone, you are a completely different person. It makes him feel special, like he is the only one who understands you. Because you're the only one who understands him.

When he asks " well I guess I never felt like people liked what came out of my mouth.. my humour too dark, my words too dumb and I didn't make sense. So I stopped trying" don't worry about being cringe..he understands you completely

Tim drake

he is intruiged. How do you pull such a perfect facade. How does one look so poised and collected with those rich assholes and so wild and untamed with him?

He could never really perfect the act the way you did. He's seen you grow up, but somehow its like you were born with two people living in your brain.

If you're this mysterious to your childhood lover, how does anyone in the world even think that they could know you, both versions of you.

Dont get me wrong, he loved it, A mystery he never could solve, not even with your help.

" Teach me your ways master" "I remember you wanting me to call you that last night..oh no wait it was si-" "shut upp" "fine ill tell you timmy boy, I just believe those rich stick up their ass puppets don't deserve to see all ..this.." "what about school kids, friends , teemates-" "I don't need anyone to get me as long as you do"

He will never get it, even if someone engraved it into his skin he wont understand everything about you , you'll always be the case he couldn't solve.

AND WE ARE BACK BICHES , send in requests and stuff, inbox open again blah blah I'm feeling much better now but I might push angst stuff more

[sillyzlaurr]

SOMEONE ASKED ME FOR COLOURING TIPS AND I DELETED MY ANSWER DRAFT BY ACCIDENT IM SORYYYY

But i still wanna try to give some tips that i use (i hope you'll see this post, anon!!!!). Im not really good at explaining things and im not a professional artist but ill try ma best💥

Before I start a new painting, I make a few sketches of exactly what I want to draw. This helps me to find the right composition and color scheme

The environment an object or character is in has a great effect on its color. In the first pic, Spammy looks ok, but if we warm up the colors a bit, it looks like he's really standing in that room. You can also experiment with layer modes to achieve the color u need. Sometimes I crop the main background color over the character and poke layer modes until Im like "this shit looks good, lets go". But ofс you'd better find the colors yourself, it's useful for learning color theory

I also swept the main background color into the reflexes and shadows on the object. Like on this pipis

Buuut you can also use bright contrasting colors. This gives a funky, stylized look to the artwork

And about white color in my arts. I think that there is no pure white color in nature . White color and close to it will always have its unique shade depending on the lighting. So, I prefer to mute the white color in my works.

You can also try filling the area with some color and over paint it with light color, mixing colors together. This is a new technique for me, I usually put colors on the bare sketch, but I like it<)

And also coloring on the sketch layer. I'm not trying to lighten it or anything. It gives a kind of dirty look to the work and a kind of unfinished feeling. I don't like to lick my drawings to a shine. Plus bc of the brush I use, it gives me extra shadows. I prefer to use the standard marker brushes and some brushes I found on clip studio paint assets. These are mostly brushes that mix colors so i use them to add different strokes to my work

I guess that's all, hope it would help someone!!

Remember, you can do whatever you want to your art, the main thing is that it makes you hapi💋

[lvlyghost]

pairings: simon riley x f!reader

summary: reader suffers from a chronic illness and ghost finds out.

wc: 1.1k

tw: chronic pain, chronic illness, slight angst i think, comfort. not edited and not proofread. that's it.

a/n: sorry y'all i'm struggling a lot with writer's block lately so i'm writing these silly little things to help me out of it so don't mind me!

By the moment Ghost enters his shared office he's frowning so hard that he fears it might leave a permanent mark on his forehead. The first day wasn't unusual as it was normal for soldiers, technicians and federal agents to come and go. Gaz is humming under his breath and greets him with a slight nod when he spots him but he barely returns the gesture. His desk is full of reports waiting to be filled some labeled 'Urgent' in big red letters.

Sitting down he manages to get done the first stack of papers but his mind was lost elsewhere barely paying attention to the work he never had trouble getting done in no time. Part of him wonders if Kyle will tease him if he asked about her. But better asking him than Johnny. As he leans back in his chair, fidgeting with the pen in his hands. Gaz barely pays attention, too enraptured by whatever he's watching on his own computer.

"Where's the girl?"

The Sergeant startles at the sudden sound of his deep voice. Hard and demanding.

"Sir?" He half chuckles when brown eyes meet each other.

"Have you seen her? She's supposed to report back to me and she hasn't." It was only half a truth. She did have to report to him every progress made for future missions, give him the intel so he can report to the Captain. The thing was, there were no missions taking place soon. No black ops, nothing. But Kyle didn't know that.

Gaz lifts his brows, trying to figure out who his Lieutenant was talking about, until it hits him.

"Oh." He murmurs. "The tech girl, Lt?" He shrugs. "Haven't seen her in a few days, have you tried calling her or you know... going to the women's barracks?"

Ghost scoffs as if the mere idea was ridiculous.

"No. Guess she'll show up."

She has to.

Standing up he exits the office under Gaz's questioning look. The hallways feel endless the more he walks to the tech wing, he knows if he passes down that specific hallway he'd be able to see through the glass that serves as walls if she's there or not.

Much to his already building annoyance she's not there.

-

Rolling onto your back you squeeze your eyes shut once more. An unyielding pain throbbing in the back of your skull shoots yet another wave of nausea making you feel more miserable than ever.

It's been two days since the whole ordeal started. It began with a subtle pain that couldn't recognize the symptoms at first, merely blinking away the black dors that started to blurred your vision one afternoon when you were trying to fill the reports for Ghost, pages and pages of new intel recovered from long lost contacts online.

Saying it was hard to dig in all those dark places was an understatement. You had tried to push the symptoms of uneasiness to the back of your mind, typing and decoding algorithms for what could be days. Days without sleep or proper and much needed rest.

So, when the first wave hit you had ran to the bathroom, throwing up what little you had eaten that day. Oh how you hated it. Tears prickle in the corner of your eyes and the terror began, everything went down hill from there.

Shutting the computer off you gathered your belongings. The corridors were in complete silence, abandoned hours ago when everyone went to their dorms.

You remembered picking up some of your things from the women's barracks and retreating to your personal dorm where no one would bother you. As a member of the task force you had a place for you alone —just as the rest of the team— and you're grateful because the next days were a nightmare.

The curtains were tightly closed. Not the tiniest bit of light could pass even if the sun burned brighter. The earplugs helped but they didn't do much to alleviate the external noises. Fuck why were the soldiers so loud? You asked to yourself, jaw tight in an effort to soothe the pulsing on your forehead.

After laying in the same position for another hour you decide to get up, dragging your feet in an enormous attempt to get to the bathroom. With the lights turned off you undress as quickly as you can; standing on your feet is hard enough already but you wait nonetheless for the bath to fill with cool water.

With numb extremities you step in and lower yourself, it's almost soothing and calming the way the water swallows your body and then your head. Ever since these headaches —these migraines— started to interfere, you learned that cool water could help to ease the symptoms. Time passes by and when you emerge your teeth chatter, lips turned purple but it was worth it. God was it worth it.

You're exhausted, this has taken a toll on you. Fitting your pajamas feels like an impossible task. Your head throbs with the slightest of movement. And then the door opens just a tad, reveling the dark shadow of the man you'd recognize anywhere.

"Ghost," you murmur acknowledging his presence, half shocked half embarrassed that he's right here in your bedroom. Your bathroom.

"Why is everything dark?" His voice is too loud and it makes you flinch; he's quick to notice even in the sheer darkness. He notices the whimper in your voice when he speaks too loud. He notices the way your body sags, and when he takes a step close you lean on him. Forehead pressing down on his broad chest. "Hey." He calls you, voice lowering this time. "Let me take you to the bed."

And you almost want to say something it. Make a comment about it being inappropriate but you're too sick to even do it so you let him guide you. You let him lay you down and surprises you when he follows.

Bodies curling against the other. You rest your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes so hard until the pain soothes. "You never told me about it."

"Never had the chance. Thought you hated me, remember?"

Ghost sighs. He had never intended for you to feel like that around him, he just wasn't accustomed to having such a nice person around him. You were so different from everything he knew.

"Forgive me, love." He mutters. "They're gonna start asking questions."

"What do you mean?" You grab him by the shirt when a sudden wave of nausea hits you. He caresses your hair in a calming manner.

"I asked Garrick about you." Before you can fight it a smile spreads on your face.

"Johnny..." you snort, regretting it the moment the laugh rattles in your brain. The Scot is about to have a field day when he finds out. "Ow..."

"Will never hear the end of it." His thumb presses down on your temple massaging the spot. "Better?"

"Yeah." There's a moment of brief silence where all you can hear is the sound of feet outside your dorm. People carrying on with their lives. "Would you stay with me tonight Lt.?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

More Furina asks? You don't need to ask twice :)

How about Furina and an assortment of Genshin/GFL characters taking care of a sick S/O? Thanks in advance if you write it!

Taking care of a sick S/O

(Genshin Impact/GFL/iDOLM@STER/GG:ST)

Genshin: Furina, Chiori, Clorinde, Navia, Shenhe, Xianyun, Xinyan

GFL: UMP45, UMP9, G11, HK416, WA2000, Helianthus, Angelia, Kalina

iDOLM@STER: Madoka

Guilty Gear: Elphelt

Congratulations, dear follower! You have won the lottery of where I write an ungodly amount of characters for no real reason! (Simping is the reason)

(Furina) "Y-You're sick?...Hm, this shall be no problem for me! Worry not, for you are in great hands!"

They were in fact not in great hands.

Furina doesn't really know what to do for someone when they get sick. Hell, she wasn't entirely sure she could even get a cold.

But Furina would try her best, she heard soup would do good!

As for cooking it-

(Furina) "Don't worry, I will get the best soup in the city for you! I will be back in but half an hour!"

She ain't.

Furina manages to get S/O to at least feel happy with her company, even if she had no idea what to do other than pace around nervously.

When she's out of earshot and they're sleeping somewhat comfortably, she takes a deep sigh, thankful she wasn't entirely useless.

(Furina) "Thank goodness they'll be okay..."

Chiori raises an eyebrow the moment she hears her S/O cough violently.

(Chiori) "Come down with something?" sigh "Oh well, guess I can open a little later than usual."

Even if S/O protests that they're fine, Chiori is hearing none of it.

First she makes sure to get everything they need, ranging from food or medicine and looks back from the door.

(Chiori) "I'll be back once I close up shop. Make sure you follow the instructions on that."

She won't baby anyone, since she trusts S/O to take care of themselves.

But should they get worse, she won't hesitate to close up, at least for a little bit, and experiment with her clothing at home with them.

Chiori would much rather deal with S/O's illness than having to deal with illness the customers give her by just breathing the same air.

Clorinde has her duties to attend to, but she reassures S/O with a gentle squeeze of their hand.

(Clorinde) "I will return home as quickly as I can with medicine, until then please rest up."

Clorinde is a little nervous leaving them alone and getting peace of mind once she's actually back and not dealing with the drama of the court or the public in general.

Even though it's unfortunate S/O got sick, she is at least happy to spend the time with them that she can.

And more importantly, that she's here to help take care of them when they need it most.

Clorinde puts a warm towel on their forehead, a small smile forming once she sees their body relaxing.

(Clorinde) "Are you feeling better, S/O? Here. This is from a lesser-known restaurant I enjoy, their soup is quite refreshing."

With a snap of her fingers, Navia already has a gaggle of men under her command fetching medicine, food, entertainment.

Whatever S/O required, they would get it!

As for her, Navia did not intend to leave their side, not really caring about the risk of getting sick.

She hated getting sick herself, and she knew how boring it'd be to rest in bed.

Instead, she regales S/O with tales from her childhood, interesting things she's learned, or even just enjoying the time with them in an intimate silence.

As long as they were smiling and not thinking about how sick they were, it was mission accomplished.

(Navia) "Ah, that must be our food arriving! Allow me to set up the table-...Hm? No no, stay right there! I insist that we have nothing short of an exquisite atmosphere! A better atmosphere is a better state of health, I'd say!"

This was an area of expertise Xianyun was well researched in.

Taking care of her many disciples when they were younger, this really was no problem for her.

There was nothing quite as refreshing like Adeptus Medicine!

...Well, it could actually be too refreshing since it wasn't particularly made for mortals in mind. Especially the taste, according to Shenhe.

Regardless, they could heal the body in no time, but there was nothing better to help with it than a well made soup!

Made by her personally, of course.

(Xianyun) "One has prepared a broth to help with your stuffy nose, S/O. Be sure to drink it all, it will warm both the body and soul!"

Xinyan is rushing around the harbor, grabbing every medicine she knows that always helped her in a pinch.

(Xinyan) "Here ya go, S/O! These herbs taste gross, but they'll pack a heckuva punch for that cold ya got!"

She practices her guitar while sitting next to S/O, keeping in mind of the volume the entire time.

As long as S/O wanted some company, anyway.

Xinyan will constantly check their temperatures and bring them some homemade food, smiling when she sees them laughing or relaxed on the bed.

(Xinyan) "Heh, that herb tastes gross, don't it? I used to have them all the time when I was little, sure as heck don't like 'em nowadays!"

UMP45 would tease S/O for getting sick, with a little bit of a softer expression than usual if they were alone.

(UMP45) "Aw, you got sick? Well, good thing I'm a T-Doll. Have fun with that.~"

She hangs out with S/O on the bed, giving her an excuse to not go out that day.

Depending on how severe the sickness was, she would dial back her usual snarky attitude more and more.

If anything, these kinds of moments is what she wished for, once she no longer had to fight.

But for now, UMP45 would just have to make do with these fleeting domestic dreams.

(UMP45) "...Hm? I'm lost in thought? Nah, that's just your sickness messing with your head."

UMP9 is on the case!

(UMP9) "No worries, you won't get bored while I'm here!"

She immediately plops down onto the bed, giving warmth to S/O if needed! The base was in a colder region after all.

UMP9 would talk about excitedly about all the things she had in mind to S/O, to at least get their mind off being sick!

Plus she didn't really have to worry about getting sick herself. so there was no harm!

She'd also bring all sorts of treats and food from the Cafe, even if S/O couldn't really eat it.

(UMP9) "Here's some soup! Now, say 'aaah'!"

(G11) "...Does that mean you won't be cooking dinner tonight?"

G11 sighs heavily, but whatever.

She knew there was one thing she could help with.

She immediately crawls into bed with S/O, letting herself be used like a giant teddy bear and promptly falls asleep from the warmth of S/O and the blankets.

(G11) zzz

To her credit, she at least makes sure S/O is never freezing cold, but other than sleeping, she doesn't really do much.

Unsurprisingly.

(HK416) "Tch, idiot. I told you, you should have been wearing more layers."

She rolls her eyes, but never really comments on the fact she is making sure S/O is bundled up properly, getting proper medication, and even spoonfeeding them.

Of course she's not babying them, they were a fully functional human, if anything they're wasting her time, making her do such mundane things!

(HK416) "And I'm not blushing, T-Dolls can't blush, dumbass."

Which her flushed cheeks were telling S/O otherwise.

In the end, she'll grumble and mutter under her breath, but never once will she actually hesitate to immediately jump into help S/O, unless UMP9 was teasing her.

WA sighs dramatically, immediately putting the blanket over S/O.

(WA2000) "Tch, don't get it in your head that I'm doing this because I'm concerned! It's so that you can get back to your duties already."

She is yet another German tsundere T-Doll that takes care of S/O perfectly, down to getting them a new towel down to the most precise nanosecond.

WA still attends to her duties, but S/O's room is where she returns the instant she can.

(WA2000) "Has your fever died down already?...Finally, next time take better care of yourself! What would happen if I wasn't here, huh?"

Helianthus has S/O attended to by medical officers, and makes a trip to them in person.

(Helianthus) "I'm glad to see it was nothing serious. I hope that it is a swift recovery, S/O."

In front of the others, she is extremely professional.

But in private, it's diminished somewhat but she is far more prone to getting flustered.

(Helianthus) "...W-Why do you look so surprised to see me? It's not as if we never see each other! Hmph, if you're trying to tease me, then you must be feeling better already. Then hurry up and return to your duties!"

Helianthus is far more comfortable when she knows they're remaining in the medbay and receiving the best care Griffin can offer.

Angelia is pretty neutral on the situation.

S/O got sick? Welp, sucks to be them.

Work doesn't really stop for her, but she'll at least pay a visit or three.

(Angelia) "Hey, still feeling like crap? Thought so. If you need me to grab you something, let me or any of my girls know."

Although her tone sounds dismissive, her real hand ruffles their hair affectionately before she turns to leave.

And if they can spare the time, Angelia orders DEFY to at least keep an eye on S/O until they fully recover.

Kalina pouts when she hears S/O had gotten sick.

(Kalina) "Aw man, now I gotta pick up your paperwork too, S/O! You wound my very soul!"

She's only mostly joking.

Kalina likes to bug them after her shift is over for the day, deflating on their bed and mumbling into their blanket.

(Kalina) "Did you know the Commander just plopped another stack of papers onto my desk the moment I said I was done! It's cruel!...STOP LAUGHING, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SICK YA LITTLE PUNK!"

Madoka has her work as an idol keeping her busy, but after work she pops by S/O's room, water and medicine in hand.

And as usual, her expression remains stoic.

(Madoka) "Hey, got some stuff for you. Move over for a sec."

She takes care of them without saying much. Her gaze is focused, yet soft.

And once Madoka is finished, she avoids looking at them directly, her voice a bit quieter than before.

(Madoka) "...It's a bit pointless to thank me, it's something anyone would do."

It could be S/O's imagination, but they thought they saw her face getting slightly red after helping them.

She gives their arm a slight squeeze in response, still averting her sight.

(Elphelt) "Just do what I do when I have problems! SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!"

Being a Valentine, she was pretty sure(???) that she couldn't get sick. At least, not in the same way a human could.

But she doesn't like to see anyone sad, her S/O especially.

Elphelt brings S/O all sorts of things to see that smile, such as bush dog plushies, bush dog photos, bush dog songs-

And sweets! Lots of sweets as well!

(Elphelt) "...What do you mean you can't eat cake right now?...Oh, you're right! Duh, I should've brought some ice cream instead! BE BACK IN A JIFFY!"

Before S/O can say anything, else, she's already gone.

At the very least, S/O won't be bored while they're sick.

Did Elphelt make them feel better?

...Even mentally, that was up for debate. But at least they knew she loved them.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

the girl next door 12

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, manipulation, chronic illness, noncon/dubcon, coercion, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: A new neighbour moves in and upends your already disarrayed life.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself.

This lewk but silverfox

“How about it, Holly?” Steve’s voice brings you back from your trance.

You only realise then that you’ve zoned out. You look down at your plate, your burger half-eaten and the salad mostly gone. As your mom babbled on, you’d lost yourself staring out at the lawn. It didn’t really matter, she barely acknowledged you since you came out with dinner.

You glance between her and Steve, lost in the conversation already underway.

“I’d love that, it will be nice,” your mom answers, beaming across the table; the shade of the umbrella gathering in the lines of her face.

“How about you, kiddo? Grab you pajamas and join the party,” Steve looks at you.

“Huh?” You and your mom utter in unison.

“Both of us?” She asks in a brittle quaver.

“Yeah, sure, it’ll be a nice way to connect. Holly, I know you’re a mother first, it’s a package deal.”

“Mm, yeah, I just... I misinterpreted,” she puts her hand against her neck. “A sleepover, that’s fun.”

“I felt bad about last time. Don’t want anyone left out of movie night. I got popcorn, mph,” he turns to you again, “do you like cream soda? I got some cane stuff in the glass bottles--”

“That’s a lot of sugar,” your mother murmurs.

“It’s one night,” he shrugs, “it won’t hurt. Lots to go around.”

“I guess...” she forces a smile.

“Well, we can always hold off. I did promise ice cream,” he sits back and claps his thighs. “You all done?”

You stare at the table then look up in the silence. You don’t realise he’s talking to you. You nod. Your stomach won’t settle. It’s been off all day; you wonder if maybe the maple syrup was a bit too much yesterday.

“I’ll wrap it up for you, you can have it later if you want,” he stands and takes your plate, then your mother’s and his own. Where you nibbled through barely half, they had nothing left.

You sit back and cross your arms as Steve goes inside. Your mother sighs and glares past you. She’s annoyed even if you hadn’t made the decision yourself. You didn’t even accept the invitation.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“Whatever,” she rolls her eyes, “you just can’t help but get in the way.”

She leans forward. When she’s angry, her tremors worsen. She’s barely able to keep her head still.

“I didn’t...”

“Oh, be quiet. He only feels bad for you because he knows I can’t get rid of you,” she sneers. “He knows you have nothing go for you. No job, no friends, no hobbies.” She sits back and huffs, “I tried to raise you better. I really did. I don’t know what happened.”

You lower your head. Maybe you can come up with a lie. If you can find an excuse to leave, she won’t be able to hate you.

“I could say I’m not feeling well--”

“Just stay out of the way,” she snarls.

You sniff and turn away, hiding the gloss of tears in your eyes. Sometimes, you don’t do anything at all and she’s mad. You hear Steve coming back out and you wipe your nose, keeping your face down as you shrink.

You can be invisible. You’re good at that.

🏠

Not wanting to seem ungrateful, you accept a bowl of ice cream and finish it. Strawberry. It's delicious but you just can't enjoy it. You're uneasy, unsure.

You go to grab some pajamas, your mother issuing another warning before you return to Steve's. You wear a pair of polka dot bottoms and a jersey shirt. You'll just be watching tv, and hopefully, if you can settle down, sleeping.

Your mother sits on the couch. You can see the fatigue quivering in her lip and drooping in her eyelids. She never did as much before your new neighbour. You only ever stayed inside and wilted in the sunlight.

"Holly, you need anything?" Steve asks as he pushes up the ottoman, "how about you put your feet up. I just wanted to show her something."

"What's that?" Your mom asks.

"Oh, yeah, well, I know she likes art so I wanted to show her my studio. Or office, whatever you wanna call it."

"Mm, right. Upstairs, huh?" She grumbles.

"Right," he confirms, "we won't be too long. You can find a movie." He hands her the remote, "I had some extra pencils and stuff I found on the move. Figured she could take em off my hands."

"Sure, sure," she yawns and leans her head in her hands. You can't tell if she's witholding herself out of exhaustion or for Steve's benefit.

"Come on. We'll just pop up for minute," Steve nudges your arm.

You hug one arm across your stomach and push your shoulder up. You take his direction as he points you actoss the room. You go to the stairs and climb one by one.

Further down, he takes you into another room, just across from an open bedroom. You shuffle inside and can't help marvel at the interior. The walls are hung with still lifes in pencil, charcoal, and ink, and an easel stands by the window, a large drafting table at the center of the room.

"You do these?" You ask bluntly.

"Ha, yeah, I... when I saw your sketchbook, I admit, I got a bit excited. A fellow artist."

"You're an artist? You make money off of this?"

"Sure do," he smiles proudly. "Did some time in the army then had to get out, find some peace. Always found painting calms me."

"Oh."

"I wanted to say something sooner but I wanted to show you," he enters and brushes by you, hand dragging across your back. "Let me find those pencils."

You nod and pace cautiously around the table. There's an open sketchbook. A woman's naked back greets you, a piece of fabric draped around her hips as her refined profile is etched perfectly.

He's good. Better than you. You back away as he sorts through the shelf.

'Ah, here," he turns to you again, "pencils, sketchbook, oh and maybe you'll want these watercolours. I was sent two by accident."

"Oh, uh, thanks, but... you don't have to."

"You're talented. You'll make good use of them, I know it."

"Mm, I... try."

"There's this place I know. Great view. Maybe you can come one day. Good fodder," he offers. "Trees, water, and the sunset..."

"Maybe," you agree half-heartedly.

"Then maybe you can bring it to my next art show."

"Art show?" You mutter, eyes rounding.

"Sure. It'll be good for you. I know you take care of your mom and that's sweet but you gotta make your way. Eventually."

"I know," you slump and take the sketchbooks and flat tins from him. "Thank you. I..." you look at the brand names. You know they're expensive from the catalogues you look at but never buy from. "No one... these are so nice. I appreciate it."

"No problem, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything else. Hell, if you want a quiet place to work..." he stops behind you and looks around, "even just an escape..."

“That's okay,” you say as you go back into the hall.

You head back downstairs, the pencils clattering just a little in your hands. As you enter the living room, you hear a snort. Your mom's head lolls back against the couch as she snores. Steve walks into you from behind as he stops too late.

“Oop,” he frames your hips for just a moment as he presses again your back then parts. “Sleepyhead,” he chuckles and sidles past you, a waft of his cologne filling your lungs. He didn't smell so strongly before. “Well, guess it's your choice, sweetie,” he takes the remote and holds it out to you.

“Oh, uh, you choose,” you try to wave him off but he pushes the remote into your hand.

“You can put your stuff on the table,” he points to the sketchbook clutches against your chest, “better get cozy while I get the popcorn going.”

Before you can argue, he's gone. You turn to look at your mom. Why did she have to fall asleep? She could've said no to all of this, that she's too tired. Now it's you and Steve. Hopefully, the movie keeps the chatter to a minimum.