#what's the legality of a band of women screaming. drinking and having sex in a forest? /HALF joking

[bugwolfsstuff]

Are we sure we cant bring back Maenads

[candychronicles]

bodyguard // s. todoroki

A/N: my take on the rockstar/band/performer au for bnharem! i’m not a big fan of au’s normally but this one was a lot of fun to write! todoroki is definitely ooc in this one but i took a lot of liberties with his character in order to better fit the au storyline.

CHARACTER PAIRING: Todoroki Shouto x F!Reader

WORD COUNT: 5,091

WARNINGS: mentions of blood, gore, fighting, death, oral sex (f!receiving)

SYNOPSIS: you were in it for the money, he was an unhinged popstar. how could you two ever possibly get along?

want to read more rocking stories? click HERE !

the days at work were tiring, the nights even longer, but the pay was good and it was always satisfying to make a grown man cry as you knocked him to his knees and manhandled him away from your client.

Todoroki Shouto, one of the elite, the famed, the rich, and absolutely fucking annoying. sure, he was hot (anyone with an eye could see that) but he was just like everyone else in his industry: a cocky bastard. you didn’t mind his lifestyle too much except when it interfered with his job, like having to pry off whiny people who clung to him like their life depended on it, and for some, it probably did.

his biggest claim to fame was being in a now wildly famous band, namely the main singer. he was charming with a sultry voice and a personality that oozed confidence but he wasn’t always that way. in fact, he was originally a shy, anxiety ridden teen when he first joined, not sure how to use his voice or deal with people coming up to him in the streets. the life he lived was sheltered before that, training under his dad to take over the family business, but when sweet, innocent Todoroki confessed that he much rather be artsy and sing at the age of sixteen, things quickly changed for him. his father, Todoroki Enji, tried to convince him otherwise, told him that he didn’t know how the real world worked and that he would never be successful, but Shouto wouldn’t budge and eventually Enji caved in, or so it seemed.

Enji immediately enrolled Shouto in lessons, instructing him to shape up or ship out. if he couldn’t become successful in the industry, he would take over his father’s business instead, but that didn’t happen. Shouto excelled in lessons, blowing his instructors away with his timbre and control. he was a natural, and frankly, good enough to be a star. they weren’t so concerned with his stoic yet endearing personality. they had broken enough pop stars, molded them to be perfect model citizens, so what was one more?

the plan backfired immensely. as Shouto’s talent grew, Enji seeked out the biggest in the game, convincing them to give his son a chance at stardom. while reluctant, the board agreed, not wanting to piss off one of the most powerful men in Japan but were thoroughly surprised at the fact that his kid didn’t suck at all. in fact, he was actually good, really, really good.

they signed him immediately, whisking him away into the life of fame and fortune at the young age of seventeen. his range, the slight rasp to his tone and the ability to reach into somebody's soul and pluck the very feelings they try to hide so deeply from it’s depths pushed him towards the life of a rockstar. the freedom he had never been able to experience living at home pushed him over the edge and spiraled him out of control.

Todoroki drank, smoked, and fucked his way through cities big and small, getting himself into a lot of trouble along the way. the behavior went on for years, only getting worse as time went on. nobody seemed to be able to get control over the boy with the pretty hair and wild scar. after almost killing several women and one of his bandmates in a drunk driving accident, his team, label, and most importantly his father had enough.

the conversation between the two did not go well. Shouto was now an adult, legally free and clear from his father’s power. he had his own money, enough to live comfortably for awhile, even if he dropped the band, and all of the repressed rage, longing and anger that was pent up from his childhood. he was not stopping his lifestyle for anyone. that was, until you came along.

you were always a scrapper, getting yourself in trouble more times than you could count. it was just in your nature to defend those who couldn’t defend themselves and you spent many days on the playground beating up the bullies who picked on the sweet girl braiding flowers into her hair, or the boy who liked to play with baby dolls instead of trucks.

as you got older, your fights got fewer and farther in between, at least when it came to the public.

when you turned sixteen and kicked some kid who was trying to look up your skirt so hard in the chin that he saw stars, you were approached by a few men who slid you a card and told you if you wanted to make money fighting, come meet them.

you were a dumb kid and instead of running in the opposite direction and telling the police, you showed up at the seemingly dingy door behind the alley of a fairly run down ramen restaurant. knocking on the door and rocking back on your heels, you waited to see what would happen. it took a few seconds before a panel slid open, allowing you to see nothing but someone’s eyes peering at you in the mid-afternoon sun. hesitantly, you raised the business card in your hand, showing it to the person and jumping in surprise as the panel slammed shut and the door creaked open, inviting you in.

you nodded your head politely at who you realized was a rather bulky, burly man, before a woman dressed in a silky black dress plucked the card delicately from your hand and led you through the hallway. when she opened the door, you were taken aback by the scene.

people of all shapes and sizes stood cheering as two rather muscular men fought in an arena across the room. spit and blood flew across the floor as the two pummeled each other over and over again before one tapped out, the other man raising his fist in the air in victory. you stood, gaze fixed on the scene in front of you, blood racing at the thought of you being in the ring.

“addicting, isn’t it?” the woman whispered in your ear, a knowing smile on her face before she gently took you by the sleeve and guided you away from the screams and shouts into a private room that was much quieter.

you sat down in front of a man who was rather tall and thin, graying hair across his head and a clean shaven face.

“so, i heard you’re a good fighter. how good do you think you are?”

“uh-” you stuttered, not sure how to respond, “i think i can kick someone’s ass if i have a reason to.”

“is money a good enough reason for you?”

“money is a nice reward, yeah, yeah it is,” you confirmed, not pondering the question over for a second.

“good, you start on Saturday. come in comfy clothes that you won’t mind getting sweaty and dirty in. you’re my new ace, a secret weapon. give it six months time and you’ll be defeating guys like that out there in seconds.”

and defeat you did. over and over again, men, women, anyone who thought they were better than you were defeated by your own fists. you worked hard and then some, through literal sweat, blood and tears, to reach the status of champion of the underworld by the age of eighteen.

you were a wild card, unpredictable in your stature. you didn’t have hulking muscles and a sturdy frame, but what you did have was speed, the element of surprise, and the ability to calculate in a split second, all of which allowed you to defeat your enemies time and time again. this relative victory didn’t come without your share of sacrifices: hiding the bruises, blackened eyes and bloody lips from your family as you trained relentlessly, having to figure out a way to manage the steady flow of income that started coming your way as you fought in your first official matches, defeat after defeat as you trained, chipping a tooth and having it promptly filled in like nothing happened, having to learn how to disarm and fire a gun, work with knives and most importantly, losing a bit of your empathy along the way.

it came as no surprise when people who were much more powerful and much, much richer started taking an interest in you, placing large bets upon your head at some of the higher staked matches, a feat you worked your way up to after many years. you never failed to disappoint, knowing that these fights were the ones that mattered the most, the ones that brought you, and your boss, the biggest pools of money.

it was at one of these fights on a dreary, rainy night that you met Todoroki Enji, a hulking man that failed to intimidate you. you were used to people his size and bigger thinking he could take advantage of someone like you and it only made you chuckle thinking of how easy it would be to have him on his knees in seconds.

“i’ve made a proposal to your boss that he couldn’t refuse. he said he couldn’t and wouldn’t force you to do anything, but since you’re quite motivated by money, i think you’ll be intrigued by my offer,” he started, sitting down next to you in one of the VIP booths, sliding his business card on the table with a sly smile.

you were interested and entertained him, listening to him ramble about his shitty kid and his bad behavior. amused, you sipped on your drink as you absorbed his rants and whines about the negative reputation his kid was creating for himself, how he abused his freedom and power to the fullest extent and how his life was spiraling out of control.

“what does this have to do with me, exactly?” you finally questioned, setting your drink down and turning to face him, eyes met squarely with his own.

“i’d like to hire you to be his personal bodyguard.”

“sounds like he needs a babysitter, not a bodyguard,” you retorted, getting ready to stand up and move away from this blathering idiot.

when he spit out a number so outrageous, however, you sat back down, now thoroughly intrigued by the situation at hand. satisfied that he had your full attention, he went into details, laying down a fairly thin stack of papers in front of you as you listened to every detail.

“so let me get this straight. i’m to be his personal bodyguard, keep his shitty behavior a little more under control, whip him up into shape sort of situation. that’s it? and i’ll get paid that much for being a glorified babysitter?”

“you will have to protect him, of course. there are some crazy fans out there that climb windows, seduce themselves into his bed, stalk him, chase him down, but i don’t think it’s anything that, with your expertise, you can’t handle.”

you continued to ponder the situation before gesturing him to continue with his story. he rambled for another moment or two before picking up the papers and going over them with you: standard non-disclosure agreements, a detailed list of your job description and a contract agreement that he was subleasing you through your boss.

after a few minutes of reading the contracts over and discussing them with your boss, you agreed to the scenario, locking yourself into what would be a rather entertaining six months.

the first time you met Todoroki, he instantly tried to hit on you, but when his hand lowered down to grab your ass, you had him on his knees with his left hand behind his back before he could even blink. after that encounter, your conversations were curt. he knew what you were here for and he wasn’t about to let you get his way.

what he wasn’t expecting was for you to be so relaxed about the whole situation. he still drank, still partied, fucked almost whatever girl or guy he wanted, but anytime things got too out of hand, you stepped in, firm but gentle, guiding the crying groupies out of his bedroom after their time was over, driving him every time he got too drunk, cutting him off from any supplies when he was getting out of hand and most importantly, keeping him safe during his travels.

he never realized how much danger he was always in until you mitigated the problems with ease. he just assumed that being assaulted on the daily was something that came with being in the public until you broke some robbers finger when they tried to swipe the wallet out of his own back pocket. after that, he almost clung to you like a koala on a tree anytime he was out in public. you provided stability in a time where he was drowning in his own worries.

that didn’t mean he was ever nice to you though. in reality, he was actually sometimes meaner to you, the simple fact that some girl could be stronger than him set him off, always feeling on edge around you. you weren’t necessarily quiet, offering up any and all small bits and pieces about yourself that he ever wanted to know, but he never really knew you: not your last name, where you were from, if you had any siblings, parents, where you went to school, what your job was, who you were on the inside. it bugged him like crazy to know what your favorite color was and that you liked cheese on your ramen but not anything important, anything he wanted to know.

you liked to keep it that way, however, and would stay as friendly yet aloof as possible. this was a job to you, a job that would set you up easy for awhile and gave you a break from fighting for the most part. you wouldn’t admit to yourself that you liked the man more than you would’ve expected. you felt the way he clung to you as fans swarmed him, the way he always looked to you in reassurance as you walked the streets at night, hearing his sobs in the shower, sobs that were so broken and confused. it showed to you a side of him that was vulnerable, that showed emotion.

he broke down towards the end of your stay, realizing a little too late how much easier it was for you to do your job when he was cooperative and nice. in fact, he began to be more open about enjoying your company and spending time with you. it made it harder for you to continue with your job knowing you were falling for the pretty rich boy, for the man you were hired to protect, for the man who looked at you like you could do no wrong but vehemently would deny it. you began enjoying the little moments with him, the stolen glances, the laughing. you didn’t know what changed in him but you were glad he was someone you could get along with. underneath that crazy exterior, he was just a guy who wanted a friend.

your six months came up relatively quickly. it sucked that your cushy job living in five star hotels, eating decadent meals and working out in state of the art facilities would be over soon but you felt yourself getting lazy, weak and losing your rather sharp edge. it was time to get back into the grind and despite your heart panging at the fact that you would leave the pretty boy with the angry and sad heart behind, you were ready to go.

your last night of work consisted of the final show in Tokyo. tens of thousands of guests were set to attend what would be the bands biggest concert ever. you were calm, cool and collected as always, but the singer, not so much.

he spent the day pacing back and forth, warming up his vocals, hydrating himself, stretching and generally doing his best to calm his nerves.

in a rare act of affection, you reached out to grab your hand with his own, looking him dead in the eye and telling him that this night would be one he would remember forever; and you were right, just not for the way either of you thought.

the show went amazing, the crowd loud and receptive, the choreography flawless, the singing perfect. Todoroki ran off stage with the biggest smile he had ever seen and in his own rare display of affection, twirled you around with ease, adrenaline still pumping through his system.

you congratulated him on the great show and waited patiently for him to remove all the makeup and his costume. he emerged a little while later, hair flat against his head, wet from the shower, sweatpants and an inconspicuous gray hoodie donning his body. you bid a pleasant farewell to his bandmates before escorting him back to the car. he had requested that you drive him back to the hotel and spend one final night in the comfortable hotel beds before you headed back to your hometown.

when you arrived, however, things felt quiet, a little too quiet, and the hair stood up on the back of your neck.

“Shouto, you need to get into the driver’s seat right now, turn on the car and lock it. do not let me in until i tell you to. do not get out of the car, okay?”

he began to question you but before he had a chance to argue, you were pushing him out of the way as a knife sliced towards him, figures cloaked in black emerging from the shadows.

one, two, three, four.

you counted out the four assailants as you shoved Shouto against the car, prompting him to unlock and scramble in through the back seat. only when you heard the click of the lock did you breathe a sigh of relief and begin your attack.

the first man with the knife was tall and lanky, using his height to his advantage, trying to overwhelm you, but with a quick kick to the back of his kneecaps, he went tumbling onto his knees. now shorter than you, you were able to control him by grabbing onto the top of his head and slamming it into the ground, effectively knocking him out.

one, two, three.

the next man thought his muscles would save the day, but his size lacked any true speed, and you were able to land fingers to his eyes, a punch square to his nose. a quick chokehold and he was knocked out against the concrete as well.

one, two.

they both came at once, knives flailing in the air as they sliced your way. one managed to gouge out a chunk of flesh in your arm but you paid no mind, too focused on the task at hand as you grabbed the knife with your hand and used the other arm to knock into their elbow, making them loosen their grip enough to let go of the blade that you then embedded into their shoulder. the other assailant took your distraction to swing the knife your way and as you were trying to dodge the serrated edge, used their other fist to swing up into your chin. you felt your teeth chatter against each other, blood mixing with saliva as you bit your tongue. spitting, you slammed your hand down against their wrist, grabbing the knife with your hand and yanking, not caring that it sliced into your palm as you flipped the weapon around to shove it into their abdomen.

with both men distracted, you slammed your fist against the car door, telling Shouto to quickly unlock it so you could get in. when you heard the telltale click, you instantly dove into the backseat, yelling at him to lock it and drive as fast as he could back to the hotel. he did as he was told with an eerie calmness to him, backing out and around the attackers that were attempting to survey the damage that had been dealt to them.

once you had made the relatively quick trip back to the hotel, you hurriedly jumped out of the car, telling Shouto to carry his own bags so you could be on alert if anything were to happen, scanning each and every corner for a possible other attack. thankfully, everything was safe as you made your way into his hotel room.

you dropped him off quietly, not even attempting to walk into his room, but only fifteen minutes had passed before he was knocking on your door, a first aid kit he had gotten from the front desk securely tucked under his arm.

you let him in without a word, locking the door behind you and turning to face him. before you had a chance to ask what he was doing there, he had dragged you into your rather grandiose bathroom, sitting you on the steps leading up to the jacuzzi tub and pulling out the contents of the kit onto the floor.

he began by assessing the damage to your wounds, cleaning and disinfecting them before wrapping both your hand and arm rather efficiently.

“i had to wrap a lot of my own wounds as well as my siblings. dear old dad let the temper get the best of him sometimes and it wasn’t always so pretty,” he explained, teeth clenching together in an attempt to remain calm.

“thanks for this. i’m sure they’ll heal just fine,” you replied, not wanting to put him in a situation where he had to talk about his troubling past.

“you could’ve died protecting me today, you know?”

“that’s my job Todoroki. i was hired to protect you, i protected you, and i’m fine, thank you very much. this is not my first fight and it definitely won’t be my last.”

he sighed, rubbing his temples as he sat down on the marble floor in front of you, holding your wounded hand in his own, tracing the fabric that surrounded your palm.

“i recognized one of the cars in the parking lot. it was a company car, one of my dad’s cars to be precise. i know they can seem relatively inconspicuous but i memorized every car my dad ever had, big or small. it was definitely his car.”

you mulled over his words for a moment before sighing yourself, slumping against the stairs as your head rested against the rim of the tub.

“your dad sent those men, huh? that’s why you were so eerily calm driving away. you knew you weren’t really in any danger, that those men were secretly there to kill me,” you finally concluded, anger boiling deep within the pit of your stomach.

“yeah, i think they were. i don’t think dad is too fond of the fact that you and i got close. i-i like you a lot more than i let on, i’ve told him so. i thought that would make him happy, knowing i have someone in my life that i could rely on and trust, but he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t control you after these six months were up, think he wanted to teach me a lesson.”

“wouldn’t be the first time i’ve had a hit out on my head. this one, however, is probably going to be a lot tricker to deal with.”

Shouto sunk deeper into himself, body shaking with rage as he saw the fight flash in his head over and over again.

“i’m going to protect you. if you want to, that is. i’ll sign you on as my own bodyguard, however much money you want. i’ll be by your side always, make sure that nobody tries to kill you, tries to hurt you like that again.”

“i can fend for myself Todoroki.”

“it’s Shouto. and why won’t you let anyone else take care of you? listen, i know i’ve been kind of an ass but i thought we were at least friends, and yet i know nothing about you. i know your favorite color, your favorite animal, that you like sunsets and the rain and snuggling under comfy sheets at the end of the day, that your eyes sparkle when you get a chance to fight but secretly crave peace and comfort, but i don’t know who you are. your name, your story, why you’re really here.”

you heaved as you sat back up, staring him straight in the eye to find no malice, no anger, only confusion, empathy and maybe even a bit of longing. so you told him, you told him everything: who you were, what you were, where you grew up, about your childhood dog and all the scraps you had as a kid, how two strange men in suits approached you and groomed you to fight at the age of sixteen, how it was the only thing you knew how to do, the only thing you were good at, how you scared yourself sometimes because you enjoyed the pain that came with the fights. he sat there watching, eyes wide and unblinking as he absorbed every word you said, every bit of pain and anxiety, of longing for someone to love and understand you, of not having to fight all the time, of wanting to be vulnerable for once.

“let me take care of you,” he declared, standing up and outstretching his hand towards you, helping you up from the cool tile, hand coming to rest behind your head once you had steadied yourself.

he leaned forward, unsure and hesitant, before placing his lips against your own, soft and gentle, tasting of mint chapstick and coffee. you were unsure of yourself, awkward, full of aches and pains, wanting so badly to let go but never wanting to get hurt.

“it’s okay, you’re safe with me. let me take care of you, please.”

that was all it took for you to open up, looping your arms around his neck as he led you back to the bedroom, careful to not run you into anything. your knees hit the back of the bed and you reflexively tensed up, like a deer in headlights.

he shushed you, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, heeding the bandage and wound underneath. you laid back after that, body attempting to relax as his hands ran themselves soothingly over your body, across your breasts, the flesh of your stomach, your thighs, the corded muscles in your calves, slipping your shoes off, your socks, kissing every inch of your body along the way, making sure you were comfortable. you shimmied out of your pants, your tight shirt, bra, underwear, finally bare for him to see, scars, bruises, all the imperfections of your life.

“so, so beautiful,” he murmured, taking his time to kiss every single blemish and scar that you had, wanting you to feel his dedication.

after what felt like hours of soft kisses, his thumb came to rest on your clit, rubbing in quick and precise circles, fingers gently parting your folds to press into your body, back arching at the feeling of him already.

“it’s all about you tonight, okay? just relax, let me show you how much i appreciate you.”

and appreciate you he did. he dropped to his knees, nose nuzzling into your pubic bone as he kitten licked your clit once, twice, three times, testing your reaction. you whined and squirmed at the feeling, already overwhelmed by his fingers lazily dragging in and out of you. you wanted, needed more, but Todoroki wouldn’t hear any of that. you deserved to be treated right, treated gently tonight, to allow your worries to melt away, if only for a few moments.

his fingers began picking up pace, pistoning in and out of you, his fingers curling in all the right spots, fists clenched into the downy comforter as you attempted to ground yourself from the overwhelming situation. his tongue worked against your clit, changing speed and pressure, trying to find what was the right combination to set you off, watching your every move intently as you squirmed around on the bed. before he even got a chance to get into a routine, you were already cumming over his fingers, creamy liquid coating the digits.

he hummed in contentment, pulling his fingers out to lick up the syrup, you watching with your pupils blown wide.

you went to sit up, body aching from the adrenaline of the fight, but he pushed you back down into the plush bed, tutting as he settled his head against your thigh, kissing, sucking and biting along the plump flesh, leaving little marks only he would know about.

his tongue began lapping at your clit again, this time harsher, more in tune with what your body wanted. you clenched your legs around his head, fisting his hair with your good hand as you tried to ground yourself yet again to reality. his velvety tongue felt like heaven against your body, coaxing moans and sighs out of your mouth. you felt your second orgasm hit you like a freight truck, tingles running up your spine. you tried to push his head away but he only held your body down, a frighteningly feral look on his face as he continued to lap against your clit, unrelenting in his pursuit to pull orgasm after orgasm from you.

after, two, three, four more highs, you couldn’t tell where one began and one ended, he was finally satisfied, pulling his face away, chin glistening in the dim light. your eyes were teary and red, overwhelmed by everything he had put you through. you had never been more satisfied in your life, and by the look on Shouto’s face, he knew it too.

your eyelids began to droop and your body relaxed into the mattress as you came back down into reality. Shouto shuffled around the room before settling you into your bed, tucking the sheets around your body and propping your head against your pillow.

he was enamored by your, by your story, how you opened up so willingly to him after tonight. nothing would get in between you two now. he was just starting to truly know you, know the real you, and nothing was going to stop him from wooing you until you were his, not even his father., and if her life was ever threatened again by him, well, Shouto would just have to kill Todoroki Enji.

[holylulusworld]

The third man - Part 3 – Such a tease

Summary: You and Bucky rule the underworld of whole of New York, always grasping for more. When your eyes land on a brand-new toy, you can’t resist. Will the golden boy, New York’s highly decorated Detective fall for you and the games you play?

Pairing: Mobster!Bucky x Mobster!Reader, Cop!Steve x Mobster!Reader, possible Mobster!Bucky x Mobster!Reader x Cop!Steve

Characters: Tony Stark, Clint Barton, T’Challa, Thanos (mentioned), Pietro Maximoff (mentioned)

Warnings: angst, language, tension, making out, groping, a hint of fingering, violence, mentions of roofies, mentions of sexual intercourse/affairs/anal sex (m/m)

A/N: Please be aware this series has nothing to do with the movie “the third man”. The title will make sense in later chapters.

A/N2: Divider by @firefly-graphics

The third man Masterlist

Another busy night at the club makes you itchy. Bucky is out of town for a deal with Thor, your best friends are away doing god knows what and you are alone and bored, forced to watch the club.

“Such a sight,” Tony purrs, sliding his fingers over the counter. “Where is your devoted husband?” you dip your head, faking a smile as Tony orders a drink.

“On the house, Captain,” you wave at the bartender, nodding as he asks if the drinks are still free for Tony. “What brings you here, into our shady establishment, Ton’s? Shouldn’t you be home with your fiancé.”

“I wanted to ask you about Rogers. It’s been two months since you asked me to help you get him into your clutches, but nothing happened,” you smile sweetly, hiding you know Tony is far from being on your side.

“I changed my mind, Tony,” sighing deeply you nip at your drink. “I think, Bucky and I are the best constellation. No more toys, boys, or girls distracting us from our marriage.”

“OH-you are serious,” brows furrowed Tony watches your face, but you play your role well when you silently nod.

“You see, Rogers is a handsome guy, and I bet he’s a beast in the bedroom, but he just doesn’t get me going, Ton’s. You were always such a good boy, Tony bear,” you move your hand over Tony’s chest, smirking as he starts to pant heavily. “We trusted you, you trusted us, everyone got a slice of heaven.”

“Heaven, yeah,” Tony licks his lips, remembering the nights he spent in your clutches, and Buckys. “We were good together.”

“We were, Ton’s, but I want you to have a good life with Pepper, baby. She is a great catch, smart and beautiful. I’ll not ruin your luck for a quick fuck in the restrooms,” Tony nods, still his cock strains painfully against his slacks.

“You’re right, Y/N,” he finally chokes out, watching you order another drink. “Playtime is nice but at the end of the day, your heart and body belong to Bucky, no one else.” You dip your head, smirking at Tony.

“I would have given Stevie a chance, but he was impolite, hurt my feelings by accusing us of killing poor soul for looking at me. If we would do so,” you grin wickedly, jerking your head toward a table with college boys, “those idiots would be dead by now.”

“Shall I talk to them, kick them out?” Tony watches the boys watching you, not liking the way one of them licks his lips. “I can arrest them.”

“Tony bear, we are on James Buchanan Barnes territory, sweetie. If anyone would dare only to have a bad idea, he will regret it,” pointing toward T’Challa you laugh at Tony’s worried look. “He’s my shadow, for the time Bucky is away, Tony. Clint is somewhere around too, just like Pietro and Vis. I am crazy, but not stupid.”

“Bucky is always prepared, I see,” while you turn your attention toward the bartender to order another drink, Steve hides in the shadows, watching you and Tony. “Will you excuse me, darling? I think Pepper waited long enough.”

“Greet the pretty baby mama, and buy her that goddamn house she wants, Stark,” winking at Tony you snicker as he rolls his eyes, excusing himself in a hurry. ‘Sorry, Ton’s but you are out of the inner circle.’

“Another one?” College boy asks, stepping closer and you look at T’Challa, silently telling him to not intervene. “What does the pretty lady want?”

“See the ring at my finger, it belongs to the owner of this club,” you raise your hand, showing the boy your diamond ring and the golden wedding band. ”Do yourself a favor and leave me alone, buy your buddies a beer or two, enjoy the atmosphere, music, and drinks.”

“Lady, you are extraordinary, and I don’t want to miss to buy you a drink, no strings attached,” you dip your head, glancing at his friends. “Promised. Scouts honor.”

“You mean you want to buy me a drink and distract me to slip something inside,” the boy turns pale and you snicker, now looking at T’Challa, nodding to signal he shall keep an eye on your new friend. “Be honest, why did you come over here? Did you believe a grown woman like me would jump into your car and have a ride on your pitiful dick? Pathetic, my little friend.”

“No need to be a bitch about it,” the boy sneers, getting up from the barstool he occupied. “From the distance, you looked hotter and younger, bitch,” the last word barely left the boy's lips before his face hits the counter.

“Little boys shouldn’t play with grown women nor should they use that word to address them,” Steve scolds, pressing the boy's face into the counter.

Clint waits for your instructions, ready to jump in but you shake your head, letting Steve play your hero.

“Detective Rogers, again you saved my honor,” you smirk, enjoying the way Steve’s muscles flex holding the boy down. “I think that you earned the drink I promised to you.”

“I’ll arrest that guy and you can order a drink for me, doll,” again you look at T’Challa who walks toward Steve, offering to take care of the boy.

“Show him the way out, his friends too. Check if he has any roofies or crap, call the cops. I think they tried to drug girls and take advantage of them,” Clint already takes care of the college boys, ‘showing’ them the way out. “They are not wanted at our club, tell Thanos so.”

“I am on it, Y/N,” T’Challa nods, giving Steve a warning look. “Tell me if you need me again.”

While you turn your attention back toward the bartender, Steve sits next to you.

“You have to excuse T’, he’s always worried about me. He’s not my bodyguard, you know, he’s like a big brother to me.”

“Nice big brother,” Steve grits out, hearing the boys scream when T’Challa, Clint, and Pietro drag them out of the club. “He looked like he wants to rip me apart.”

“He might do so, if you are not nice, Stevie,” you batt your eyelashes, licking your lips lazily. “I was just kidding, Detective. T‘ is a good guy, would never hurt anyone on purpose.”

“I will have to rely on your word on that, doll. I mean, he doesn’t have a file, but this means nothing in your kind of business,” Steve smirks, taking the drink you offer to him.

“Shirley Temple for you, without any alcohol as you are here to observe me and the club. You can have a look around, investigate as much as you want to,” you lean closer, sliding your finger over the arm he rests on the counter, “but you won’t find anything, Stevie. No drugs allowed. The girls are all at legal age and get paid well. The alcohol ain’t adulterated either.”

“What about your men? What did happen to the boys after they got kicked out?” You nod at Clint who walks toward Steve, handing him a card.

“Detective Miller will answer your questions with pleasure. He found coke, roofies, speed, and other shit in their pockets. We didn’t hurt a hair on the boys head, that’s a matter of fact,” Clint smirk, placing the visiting card onto the counter. “I’ll be around if you need me, Y/N.”

“Thank you, Clint. Tell T’ he shall go home to his wife and stop hovering over me like a mother hen. That man has a family,” you roll your eyes when your friend shakes his head at your words.

“You like them,” Steve watches you blow a kiss at Pietro, smirking as his cheeks are shades of pink. “Family or just friends?”

“Is there a difference? We stick together in good and bad times,” you sip at your drink, turning on your barstool to look around the club. “When Loki came to town, he tried to take over Bucky’s territory. We were close to losing it all, no money, power, or strength left.”

“I did you a favor by taking him down, huh?” You snicker, patting Steve’s thigh. “You owe me one if I did, doll.”

“No, Romeo,” teasingly squeezing his thigh you face the tall cop who tries to bring you down. “Loki, he learned the hard way that, even though, we had no money left, our men stood by our side. We are family, not friends or people paying them.”

“Family, nice thought, Y/N,” he hums, watching Pietro flirt with one of the waitresses. “Pietro, he’s one of your former lovers’ brother – right?”

“Well done, Mr. Rogers. You found all the people I had dirty and kinky sex with, Detective.” Your hand creeps higher, fingertips resting close to his swelling dick. “Do you know I fucked her wife too?” Color creeps into Steve’s cheeks, letting your smirk grow.

“Don’t be all coy now, Detective,” you lean closer again, a dark look on your face. “We both know you talked to Tony bear. Hmm, Tony was such a good boy for me and Buck. Did you know he likes a good prostate massage, Detective? It made me cum so hard when Bucky was balls deep inside my Tony bears little ass.”

“What the...,” Steve chokes on his drink, making you giggle at his flushed face. “I didn’t need to know anything about my superior’s sex life.”

“Why? You asked him questions about me, Bucky, and my life. You did not stop your investigations until you knew about my dirty affairs,” you pat his cock, licking your lip as you can feel his size.

“You’re a fucking tease, darling,” Steve slips off the barstool to cage you against the counter. “Do you know what I like to do with girls teasing me?” he breathes into your face and you, well you grip his dick tightly, squeezing him roughly.

“Oh-Detective, I can’t wait for you to tell me about it. Come on, Stevie, say it,” you snicker, running your hand up and down his dick. “I bet when my Bucky is back you want him to tell you how to please me, big boy.”

Steve squares his jaw, gritting his teeth hard to let the vein at his neck become visible. “If not for the people here, I’d like to bend you over the counter and punish you for your behavior.”

“I am flattered, Detective,” looking up at Steve with big eyes you give him your best pout, “sadly you talked with Tony bear and ruined my feelings for you. Such a shame.”

You slip off your chair, ducking under his arm to walk toward the restrooms. Steve follows you, not caring T’Challa and Clint jerk their heads toward the cop behind your back.

“Fucking tease,” he’s pressing you against the wall, close to losing control. His lips inches from yours, one hand between your legs Steve pants heavily. “I will tame you, doll.”

“Better men tried to do so, Steven Grant Rogers. You are not the first one who tries to tame me, sweetheart,” you grind against his fingers, looking up at Steve as you grip his hand to guide his fingers up and down your sex. “Sadly, I am not allowed to play with you without my husband around.”

“Pity,” Steve presses his free hand against the wall, watching your grind against his digits. “Let’s review when your husband is back, or maybe when you can sneak out to let me show you how good I can tame you.”

“No one tames me, Detective Rogers. Not my husband. Not Tony bear, not anyone,” you purr, rocking your hips slowly.

Lips brushing yours Steve retreats his fingers, a shit-eating grin on his lips. “See you, doll…” and then he is gone, leaving you one the edge of an orgasm, panting heavily.

“You son of a bitch, Rogers…”

“Calm down, my friend,” Steve smirks, leaning in the door frame. “She’s ready to comply,” he smirks now, offering his friend a beer.

“Do not underestimate that little succubus, Steve. She can trick you with one snap of her fingers or hips, whatever you prefer,” Steve’s friend smirks, giving his conspirator a wink. “This time we will have to teach her some manners.”

“Damn, in the restrooms I barely could hold back. I need to feel her wrapped around me,” his friend nods, giving Steve a knowing look.

“Soon, Stevie she’ll be a good kitten for us…”

“How was your trip? Did Thor agree to the terms?” you snuggle into your husband’s chest, sliding your finger over his metal arm. “Rogers was at the club. I think he wants to play, Buck.”

“Do you want to play,” Bucky smirks when you look up at him, nodding eagerly. “Does my little kitten want to show the golden boy her claws?”

“I want to play, baby,” you whine, rubbing your hand over Bucky’s erection. “Can we play, Bucky? Please, darling.”

“Yes, of course, doll,” Bucky smirks, watching you straddle his lap, rubbing your pussy over his length. “We are going to play…”

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

My Ryden Recs

not in any particular order

The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series (11/10)

~513k words

Ryan "Heterosexual" Ross and his incredibly popular prog rock band, The Followers, start their summer tour for their new hit album "Boneless" in June of 1974. However, Ryan begins to take a shine to their new roadie, the ever mysterious Brendon No-Last-Name-Given, who dodges questions about his past and flaunts his flamboyant homosexuality. After an assault by a member of the supporting act, Brendon and Ryan get their payback, and begin to bond. But much to Ryan's confusion and alarm, he starts to want something he can't let himself have, starts to feel something he can't let himself feel.

--Okay I kinda lied. This list is in no particular order EXCEPT for this one. This one is the best. Anna Green owns my ass. I'm not someone who's picky about first vs third person, but if you are, then just this once throw that out the window and read this utter masterpiece. Ryan's character development throughout is so touching, but my god he fucks up a lot. One of my friends who has gone through the process of buying the physical copies and annotating them says that Ryan majorly fucks up over 50 times. Emotional rollercoaster straight ahead!--

Freaks (7/10)

~45k words

Ryan's face was permanently disfigured when he was 12 years old, and since then, the only person who has ever stood by his side is his best friend Spencer. After earning the nickname "Freak" in high school, he finally accepts that nobody will ever want him, or ever treat him normally again. But after an accident that lands him temporarily in the hospital, he meets Brendon. They get along great, and Ryan begins to fall in love. One small problem though:

Brendon had been recently blinded. Neither of them know if it's permanent, and Ryan is sure that if Brendon knew about his face, he would leave him forever.

--I really liked this one. It makes you sit on edge and every single time you think that Ryan will finally confess and tell the truth, he blue balls you like an asshole. This story is so sad and so sweet, I definitely recommend. Also, there's some background Joncer, which is really cute. Definitely a worthy read if you're looking for some angsty fluff. Oh, and a little aside: the author, spazzyskittles on LJ, actually beta-ed a lot of Anna Green's Ryden fics, including THROAM! So do with that what you will ;)--

The Red Eyed Owl Series (10/10)

~403k words

As one of the best players of one of the best National Hockey League teams, the Chicago Hounds, Ryan Ross has everything he could ever want. Young, famous, and free to do whatever he damn well pleases, the world either wants him or wants to be him. But after a leg injury that could potentially ruin his career, Ryan begins to realise that perhaps he doesn't have everything. Perhaps some things can mean so much more than women throwing themselves at you every chance they get and receiving bottomless drinks at sports bars. Perhaps he could fall in love.

--This was actually recommended to me by @wandering-verses and it was 100% worth the read. I broke out crying in the middle of class during the second book, and I cried again at 3 am when I stayed up all night to finish it. It's one of those that fucks you up so bad that you can't read anything else for a little while after finishing. Now, both the authors are from Spain, so English isn't their native tongue, but it's so well written that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't read the notes at the very beginning. An all time Ryden fave.--

Missing In Action (10/10)

~204k words

In where the American Civil War goes differently, the nation once known as the United States of America is instead separated into two: DURA and Beauregia. The latter didn't change much in terms of their economy. Slavery is still legal, and the kingdom is ruled under a tight, Christian monarchy. Their king is Boyd Beauregard. His only son, crown Prince Brendon Beauregard, heir to the throne, resides in the highly respected Saint Francis' Academy. DURA on the other hand developed quickly, a democracy founded on new technology and equitable ideals.

Everyday, bipartisanship seems farther away from grasp, and DURA, realising that cooperation is impossible, creates the DURA investigative bureau. Identifying the crown prince as the Royal Family's weakest link, they realise that he could become an infinitely invaluable asset to them. Agent Ross, under the pseudonym "Ryan Hastings", is chosen to go undercover, enroll in Saint Francis' boarding school, infiltrate the Prince's friend group, and gain his trust by any means necessary.

--I'm ashamed to admit that I let this one pass me by for a while. I read the words "American Civil War" and I automatically assumed that this would be a mid 1800's Civil War fic about closeted gay soilders, and I'm not against that, but the premise didn't really interest me. But once I finally caved and started reading, I quickly realised not only was the premise entirely different, but it was really fuckin' good. Read this!!!!--

Esoteric Contagion (8/10)

~18k words

He wakes up with a note stuck to his forehead that reads, “You traded your memory in a spell. It was worth it.” The note is signed George Ross. He wonders if that’s his name.

In which things are lost and gained and remembered and forgotten, in that order.

--Despite being the shortest on this list, I loved it to death. You will cry so hard, I promise. This story is so sad. The author can deal so many shocking blows in less than 20,000 words, and you will be completely invested. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's massively underrated, and it will fuck you up.--

Two Vatos Locos Series (7/10)

~311k words

When you have your first dream with your soulmate, everything changes. But after years and years of watching all his friends have their dreams and fall in love, Ryan started to wonder if he would ever has his dream. At twenty, Ryan started to get desperate. He went to doctors, therapists, even a fucking palm reader. No one could tell him what was wrong with him. There was only one explanation: his soulmate had to be dead.

Ryan spent endless hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, begging, wishing, praying to have his dream and meet his soulmate. One day, with blood gushing down his face and vomit coating his tongue, his prayers were finally answered.

And now, as he stares at this scared, helpless boy, with bloodied rope burns around his wrists and tears staining his cheeks, he wishes that they never were.

--The title "Dos Vatos Locos Lleno de Carnalismo y Inamorates" roughly translates to "Two Crazy Dudes Full of Carnality and Infatuation," which is definitely accurate. I did enjoy this fic; it was cute, sad, and very interesting, but if you are interested in reading, you will need to be patient at times. Some passages seem like filler and the writing in a few places is kinda dry or cringey. But it's still overall a good story though. WARNING: Brendon is underage for most of this fic, but nothing sexual happens until he is of age.--

The Way Home From Nowhere Series (9/10)

~158k words

After his parents find out about his relationship with another boy, Brendon Urie makes a snap decision to flee from his abusive home. After a quick makeover to hide his identity, he decides to thumb a ride. He starts living the life he never even dreamed he could. Talking openly about things like sex, condoms, and homosexuality- he's happier then he's ever been.

There's one problem though.

His new roommates, Ryan and Spencer, have no idea that he is the missing Mormon boy from the nearby town of Summerlin.

--Ladies and gents, welcome to my first ever Ryden fic! This will always be a favourite of mine. Both Brendon's arc and Ryan's are are so heartbreaking, and there were so many times that I wanted to reach into the story and give Dallon a hug. So many tragedies in this story, and not all of them solved. I don't have any empathy for Brendon's parents in this story, but I feel so hard for his siblings, and for Marc. I just wish they knew. This story is so heartbreaking and yet so happy. Will play with your emotions like they're a shiny new toy.--

Filthy Lucre (10/10)

~362k words

Ryan Ross is living the American wet dream. He’s rich, he’s good looking, he gets paid just to turn up at parties and he spends his days drinking, doing drugs and climbing into bed with eager and willing boys and girls. His parents and PA beg him to quit, and his brother turns up his noise at his destructive lifestyle, but Ryan is desperate to sink into the void, escape the memories of what his father's friend did to him when he was fifteen.

Brendon Urie is a man bordering on desperation. He whores himself out to millionaire bankers and CEOs to fund his boyfriend's heroin addiction and pay off his ungrateful father's medical bills. Things could be worse, though. He's lucky enough to have a roof over his head, to be living with the love of his life, to no longer have to hook on the street, but instead be privileged enough to turn tricks in the wealthy circles of Wall Street and Goldman Sachs.

Where a broken boy meets another broken boy, and falls in love.

--Normally, I would never recommend an unfinished fic, let alone fic that hasn't been updated in four years, unless it was it was so good and so engaging that it made me literally scream. Trust me when I say that you have not experienced true hatred until you read this fic. I have literally never hated a character more in my entire life, and I know who Dolores Umbridge is, for reference. The best thing about this fic, in my opinion, is that the characters, whether good guys or bad guys, do evil. And they do it on purpose. Because the characters feel and act as though they're real, and real people fucking suck.--

The Black Rose Season (8/10)

~158k words

Ryan Ross' life is essentially over when his scholarship is inexplicably cancelled and he will be forced to pay his way through school. As a young, broke college student, Ryan is desperate to find cash fast, but to no avail. Just when he thinks all hope is lost, a mysterious benefactor promises to pay his tuition in full, on one condition: Ryan is infiltrate Sigma Chi Beta, the most prestigious and cultish fraternity that Swan University has to offer. And if, by some miracle, Ryan succeeds, his mission is clear:

Befriend Brendon Urie, fellow Swan Sigma, and, more importantly, alleged leader of Sigma Chi Beta's secret society, which might not even exist. He is to document his findings, and send them to his benefactor. One small problem though: Brendon fucking hates his guts.

--Did I mention that Anna Green owns my ass? Because Anna Green owns my ass. This one is so fleshed out, and there are some moments where it really spikes you in the chest. Every time that Patrick comes onto the page, my interest piques, and I remember That One Scene™ that completely changed my perspective of him (You'll understand once you read). Besides... college AU? Secret societies? Betrayal? Enemies to lovers? Sexual tension? Need I say more?--

I have more fics to recommend if you guys like this list, so tell me if you want more fic recs

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Thirty-Eight: As Above, So Below”

Day At Least Seven Solitary Coif: struggling

Alice’s thigh: stunning

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: FP’s jellybean tattoo: incredibly, tenderly sad

Certified pedigree: “I’m glad the Farm opened you up to the possibility of us”: either Alice thought about this to herself, or she (absolutely) asked the rest of her cult what they thought. what they THOUGHT about her sleeping with FP again. “What d’you think, girls?” Alice wine clubbed FP Jones’s dick!

who has more game, FP or Jughead? FP a) is a grown man, b) is oftentimes gainfully employed (I’ve forgotten if he’s employed right now), c) is strong enough to carry a high school boy out of the woods, d) was VERY smooth with his seemingly instinctual “Then don’t. Tell him,” e) did that thing where he took the gum out of his mouth when Alice came to his trailer, and f) looked pretty good in his crisp Pop’s uniform when he was employed at Pop’s. however FP also a) tends to drink when not employed and b) is fucking obsessed with Toledo, a town I will burn to the ground if I ever set foot in it. meanwhile, Jughead a) climbed up a fucking ladder to Betty’s bedroom, b) ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT when he and Betty almost fucked each other in the kitchen, c) KILLED IT AND BURIED IT in the moments before fucking her on the couch when he was all, “Or you could stay,” and fucking touched her dress like she was an angel of the Lord and he was just a humble shepherd boy whose eyes were not worthy to gaze upon her countenance, d) only strategically removes his hat, and e) rides a motorcycle. the hat is not a con, necessarily, and being a writer in high school is a cross some of us simply have to bear, but he is like, kind of a pain sometimes and a little squirrelly, but w/r/t the love of his life, he has tailored himself to her every need almost perfectly

OH AND I FORGOT WHEN HE KISSED HER SCABBY BLOOD KNUCKLES! OH SHIT!

Veronica has the most game on the entire show

I like when they have Jughead use words like “modicum”

“Ben’s death haunts me, Jug. He didn’t scream. Why not, I wonder?”: writing credits this episode go to Daphne de Maurier

YYEEEAAAAAHHH THE BLUE & GOLD CRIME BOARD BABY

I would almost expect something more from the warden’s tie, except that I know plain clothing is, in and of itself, a warning sign

anything that gets Veronica in her reading glasses is okay by me, and this includes Pop’s hemorrhaging money

Jughead can wear just a T-shirt sans jacket or flannel any old time he wants, I’m just putting that vibe out there

“Of course we’re calling it a speakeasy.”

Jug’s suspender game is strong, so really Betty should know she has nothing to worry about

his stupid dumb round face looking at her when she pulls him aside is pretty. remember when he kissed her hands? fucking Jughead sometimes, dude

“Evelyn...creeps me out.”

I like Betty’s overalls and Evelyn’s romper thing

what I expected when Kevin dialed the phone was for the whole booth to sink into the basement like a surprise elevator

Kander and Ebb wrote the music to, among much else, Cabaret and Chicago, those being some of their most gay

I LOVE VERONICA’S WHITE SHIRT. IT’S JUST A FUCKING PLAIN WHITE SHIRT, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: is there some heat between Veronica and Reggie? am I crazy?

the foursome of Reg, Ronnie, Josie, and Kev is basically just as strong as the cour four strictly in terms of hair

I don’t know that I like Penny’s sleeveless Ghoulies vest more than her leather Serpents jacket but I do know I like it at least the same amount (oodles)

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Day One Lifted Bag Off Head Hair: GREAT

OH MY GOD, JOAQUIN!!!! WHEN WILL JOAQUIN REST. DOES EVERY TERRIBLE THING HAVE TO HAPPEN TO JOAQUIN BEFORE IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE ELSE. IS JOAQUIN IN THE FARM

does Archie have a scar on his head? is it KJ’s? have I lost track of something?

Gay?!: BABY TEETH is an absolute twink and he was tapped to save his life

I’m suspicious of Peter because his name is, simply, “Peter”

Gay.: Cheryl and Toni are just like lounging in a single chair together and that’s the bisexual agenda

Veronica was rich: Veronica’s heavy card stock IS very nice

Ethel’s cute yellow cardigan is back, which matches her thermos and lunchbox

I enjoyed when Betty sits down and you think she’s going to apologize for being there at Ben’s death but instead she just fucking grills Ethel some more

“...G&G.”

OOOOOOHHHHHHH JUGHEAD’S TURNING IT ON WITH THAT PRINCESS SHIT

Please protect Betty: Betty’s entire expression at being told she’s “not worthy,” God bless her

The female gaze: I don’t know why Reggie’s shirt is off. probably Reggie doesn’t even know

Reggie’s panicked JJ face is one of the top five panicked faces of all time. he’s tied at least with the girl in Jurassic Park when she sees the raptor shadow and her hand holding that green Jell-O starts shaking

Minetta doesn’t even pretend he’s looking for something other than whatever was in those boxes. cold, Minetta

REGGIE’S SALUTE

Reg simply being aware that Minetta and the Ghoulies work for Hiram almost brings me to tears. not only is he a walking sculpture with a pair of lips that would make Sarah Steller throw herself off the Hoover Dam, but he is also a genius

VERONICA IS SO BEAUTIFUL. “Not until I’m properly armed.” just look at her!

Ethel didn’t even come to the first meeting of the Farm Club? cold, Ethel

Evelyn offering Betty a pizza slice comes off as her genuinely wanting Betty to have a piece of pizza if she wants, which is the first non-creepy thing she’s done (Jughead would take the pizza)

she of course follows this up with “that darn medication”

Archie looks like a corpse in the blue light

tell me “wakey, wakey” is a Kill Bill reference. TELL ME IT IS

the guy they have fighting Archie looks just enough like Khabib Nurmagomedov that I was like, is this an unconscious wish on someone’s part to do a rematch of red-haired McGregor vs. Khabib except it’s on Riverdale so it’s in something called “the Pit” which is a drained swimming pool and they’re in juvie? (it’d have to be a fantasy in that Conor McGregor would get his ass beaten by Khabib Nurmagomedov in any rematch in any universe, in the universe)

dude does his best but, as Sweet Pea and Vintage Reggie can tell you, you cannot let Archie land a) a right hook or b) an uppercut or he will end this fight

who’re the rando white women watching? their fucking wives? goddammit, white women

I think Baby Teeth could take Reggie jawline-to-jawline

Veronica’s kittenish heels sinking into the dirt as opposed to her striding effortlessly as Moses parting the Red Sea

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: “THAT VIPER BITCH”

Antoinette Topaz is fluent in many languages, including Veronica’s

God bless jingle-jangle: the fucking cat burglar sequence set to “Jingle Jangle” just about fucking did it

Ethel’s candle game is reaching midnight mass-levels of mastery

so did Betty and Jughead get their ad hoc sex den (good band name) out of the bunker before Ethel got there? or was it there the whole time but for Ben and Ethel?

I feel I want to write down that Ben abandoned Ethel to ascend prematurely with Dilton otherwise I’ll forget and will be tricked by something later on

POLLY’S KNITTED HALTER

closed captioning capitalized the Shady Man, the second strangest Riverdale skull

Alice really just did Betty like that! maybe Betty DOES need to live in a bunker

50 Shades of Betty: “The wig. The webcaming.”

I love how Betty always gets very sarcastically OH, OKAY THEN when she decides to start laying out some truths

Alice stands up and her dress has some sort of insane asymmetrical hemline and she’s also got an ankle bracelet!!!!!!

Dilton Doiley Ethel Muggs is a canonically great dancer the DM: Ethel’s little crush on Jughead circa his birthday party has not abated. even when he was being insane about the Serpents I bet she entertained sweet fantasies of buying a pleather jacket off ModCloth and Jughead “inducting” her. so she found herself a coterie of pliable boys who were also gangly and weird and obsessed with details and pacts and she became their princess. so THERE. you fucking bet she’s gonna get a kiss out of Jughead before she fucking poisons herself

Ethel’s dungeon master voice is giving me a sort of ASMR vibe

I don’t want to veer too wildly but she is wearing a crown, her character has “a crown”

dog, was she about to kill Jughead right then and there? Ethel goes hard. Ethel might go harder than Jughead

“You’re asking me to play Russian roulette!” “I’m asking you to play Gryphons and Gargoyles.” THIS BITCH (in context it’s very smooth and bitchy)

GOD BUT JUGHEAD DID DRINK IT. VERY WELL KNOWINGLY, HE DID IT

Jughead eats: Salud is just the sort of thing I’d expect Jug to say before maybe drinking cyanide (or skol, if he had been watching Ingmar Bergman)

I don’t know if I could drink that much Kool-Aid that fast. Kool-Aid and Sunny D always made my teeth feel filmy. I could definitely down that much Capri Sun, if it were in a pouch the size of my shin

anyway Ethel’s sick move telling Jughead he has to kiss her first got an emotional reaction from me at almost the level of when Cheryl came down to Jason’s wake in that white dress

Jughead and Ethel are almost of a height, which is weirdly lovely

These students are legally children: maybe Ethel put the poison in after Jughead had chosen. I maybe doubt she would’ve just fucking assassinated Jughead

Jughead was reading next to her when she woke up, which is just a specific kind of daydream you have, sometimes

Sixth period is Intro to Film: HEISENBURG

Toni’s pictures are certainly shot with a mind to lighting, depth

is blue light the light of evil? Hiram’s study, the warden’s office?

Archie > Dawson: of course Archie imagines talking to his father and of course he imagines his father telling him to “take one.” I love Self-Sacrificial Lamb Archie (or just momentarily self-sacrificing). better than Fascist Archie!

well, Betty’s room has blue light too. fucking forget it then

although she is SURROUNDED BY EVIL at all times

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “I trust them more than I trust you” is season one-level Alice-shade

Cheryl’s sheaths: I like very much Cheryl’s bosomy sequin thing and Toni’s back jewelry

I also like the RROTC boys in their like WWII uniforms, which may be anachronistic but still hard vintage, and the cigar girls

Jughead doubts it: there’s so much going on when Betty goes all melty and wipes some of the Fresh-Aid off Jug’s lips and Jug, who is not smiling, looks at Sweet Pea helping Veronica

Best costume bit: Veronica is in magenta, because I deserve it

I can’t wholly endorse Reggie’s non-black plaid trousers paired with a solid black blazer but I CAN endorse Reggie as a whole

Cheryl’s Hiram’s pins: I think Hiram has a fucking octopus pin! I think it is!!!!!!!!

the wallpaper behind Hiram downstairs is...interesting. it’s like a cutout from that Disney cartoon for “Winter Wonderland”

we stay on Veronica’s face for sort of an extra beat, so I can confirm a) she’s still beautiful and b) she has a sparkly thing in her hair

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie’s got that thing going on where you gem up the part in your hair

God I love a good Riverdale music/mayhem montage. like what were they playing when Jughead ran the gauntlet? fuck sometimes this stuff is just still so good (“Mess Around” when Reggie lunged for Jughead also counts, though not performed live somewhere else in Riverdale at the same moment)

“Anything Goes” is in fact not Kander and Ebb but Cole Porter

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: I love a good bead of bloody spit dangling from someone’s mouth during a slow-mo fight sequence

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: “THAT KID…..IS A STAR.”

that fucking rum, can you believe it? the fucking shade of it all

Fifth period is AP English: OH MY GOD. THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO. OH MY GOD, THE FUCKING HAMMER. THE COUNT OF MONTE MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN YES GOD HOLY BITCH

“Damn good coffee”: the goddamn shot of FP and Alice standing together flanked by the flames of their righteous destruction of the G&G manual

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica is pretty fucking brave to still be living in Hiram Lodge’s HOUSE. and of course that’s what her dressing gown looks like

oh my god, Joaquin is still alive? Joaquin’s STILL HERE?

ARCHIE’S GONNA BREAK OUT OF PRISON AND I MUST CLEANSE MYSELF OF SIN TO BE WORTHY OF ITS GLORY (I trust Riverdale a lot more again at the moment)

so wait, Jughead put the cot BACK? are these two different bunkers? is it the same effing bunker???

“It’s over”: you fucking fool

yes, it’s the same goddamn bunker. the candles are still there! I guess I thought the wicked juju from Ethel’s ~SUICIDE ATTEMPT~ would deter the two of them from FUCKING IN THE EXACT SAME BUNKER but Betty and Jughead literally do not give a single damn where they do it

Jug’s headphones!!!!!!!!!

Cheryl’s expression at reading the G&G manual is appropriately be-Blossomed

The Blossom spawn: she still has a photo of Jason in her locker and I think a sticker that says “Literally no one cares”

What damn high school in America: those manuals have a QR code on the back, so you can play on your phone! GIVE ME THE APP, RAS

who unsheathed Ethel? LORD, WHO LET HER LOOSE?

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NEXT WEEK: Camila Mendes wears glasses the entire time

[ourwickedworld]

The Rambling Man Travel Review: Reno, Nevada

Reno, Nevada…  The Biggest Little City in the world, located mere miles from scenic Lake Tahoe.  Reno, known for so many things.  Yes, gambling is probably the first thing that creeps into your head as you begin the initial descent into Reno / Tahoe International Airport on the East end of Reno.  But, Reno is so much more!!  And, to be clear, because in an odd way I get this question more often than not.  “No, Reno is not any where near Las Vegas!” Frankly, Sin City is a 6 plus hour car trip away.  And, yes, the two Old West towns have some things in common, but the truth is they have more uncommon than you would expect.  This is the Silver State, Ramblin with the Rambling Man, checking out the dudeability, the hang outs, the good time, hidden gems….  Rambling, walking, eating, drinking, fishing, hunting, sporting…   Rambling into town, and taking in the town for all its worth.  From local sporting events, to grabbing a cold beer, or strolling a midnight street in search of every dream inside my soul.

If you want to double down on 11 in a game of black jack, sure…  You can take lady luck for a twirl at most locations in Nevada.  Heck, you can gamble in the grocery store! Gambling, of course, does not hold a stick to legalized prostitution in the Silver State.  A must see “dude event,” a most unique experience while in Nevada.  One must visit a brothel.  The experience of Ringing the bell, having the ladies line up, and the entire pomp and circumstance of legalized prostitution…  This is Nevada!!  Embrace it Bro..    And, hey, I am not singing a sad cowboy tune, but one does not have to sleep with a hooker to visit a Brothel.  Gentleman, the experience of visiting the Whore House is truly West Coast Cowboy Country Cool.  The experience of visiting the relic of the old west sorta makes actually having to bang a hooker totally unnecessary.  But, if you do decide to go to Tuna Town in the desert.  The house madam at the Brothel, and Brothel ownership, usually have high standards of safety and satisfaction. Plus, the State of Nevada ensures STD safe sex.  What a Country!  More like what a State.  Yes, the only state with Legalized Prostitution, but not the only state with prostitution.  As the oldest profession continues its strong industry and economic success globally.  

Some suggestions: Mustang Ranch on the outskirts of Reno defines old west prostitution, and if you can avoid the rush of tires truck drivers who frequent the place, the experience is sure to remind you that being a dude is still groovy.  The experience is sure to make you proud once again to be the sole proprietor of your personal penis, regardless of size.  Mustang offers drinks and libations with the most perfect bar to take in a conversation with one of the many girls patrolling the room.  The many patrons, of course, have their own unique stories as well sitting near if you so desire to engage.  But, dang it bro, you are on vacation, strike up a conversation. Most Renoites will be more than happy to share a story or two, especially if you are talking golf, hookers, skiing, cold beer, or cards.  

I woke up a bit foggy… I think I got home around 3:30 AM, an UBER brought me from Mustang back to my downtown Reno hotel room at the Eldorado Hotel and Casino.  I was nude, my clothes from last night thrown over the chair adjacent to my bed, I could still smell the stench of Mustang and Crown Royal bellowing from my garments. What a night…  I need some coffee and to walk some of the haze from behind my eyes.  I take a quick walk upon exiting the casino doors at the Eldorado, moving South down Virginia St.  I then take a right turn on First St.  

I arrive at Hub Coffee Roasters on Riverside Dr in Reno.  I sit outside, a round table with an extra chair my only company.  I sip a tall black coffee and pick at my cheese Danish. My view is of the Truckee River and the adjacent walking trail and park.  The trees scream early fall as I sit still listening to the peace of the morning.  

On foot one can embrace a new city on a much more intimate level.  You can walk almost in slow motion as you take in the new sights, smells, and people.  My walk today has a walking path that winds around the Truckee River directly West towards the Keystone Ave Bridge, the Booth St. Bridge, and Idlewild Park.  The orange, yellow leaves under my feet, as cool mountain air surrounds me.  I hear chirps from a few birds, and the 10:00 AM train and its screech and horn.  The water from the river heads East, against my walk.  It is a most perfect morning, and I am stoned immaculate in my city by the big lake in the Sierras.  You can almost smell that the snow of Winter is near, I walk.  My head phones in both ears, music plays, song after song.  I hear my playlist, my shuffle playlist. The many songs from Apple I-Tunes subscription.  

Three miles is a decent introduction walk to Reno, as I start my daily stroll from Hub Coffee Roasters by directly heading west on the adjacent walking trail…  I walk with the morning sun on my back, music keeping me company.  Beck, REM, Pearl Jam, Band of Horses, Elliot Smith, Mount Eerie, Bob Dylan….  The Truckee River from the nearby Sierra Nevada Mountain range brings fresh and clear water from the tops of elevated peaks seen in the distance, the river keeps me company as I ramble on.  It is a most perfect walk, a mix of solitude, water, fall, and some strange faces.  My own music allows me to not skip a beat.  

I have a personal tour of a local Cannabis Dispensary at 4 PM.  And dinner with an old friend, Clint Cates.   Yes, above and beyond gambling and prostitution, Nevada has recently legalized cannabis.  Yep, you can literally go pick up a sack at a local retail weed dealer.  What a country?  And they deliver…  

The inner workings of a cannabis dispensary, a bit underwhelming.  It is all about security in a cash only business… And, the chronic has some street value, no doubt.  So, bullet proof sheet rock, big safes with secret codes and levels of management. Not to mention, a big wall of people. I thought “Starbucks but weed” after 15 minutes into my tour because the Mynt Dispensary in Downtown Reno.  The place was packed, all sorts of sour faces and young people alike looking at such a variety of products.  Heck, when I was a kid, getting a sack of weed was a crap shoot. You would get a plastic sandwich bag with something green inside, and you would pay the man the cash.  Today, its sativa or Indica.  It’s oils, wax, vape pens, and don’t get me started on the names.  Pot can’t just be pot anymore.  Marketing has invaded the space, so pot now is Orange Krusk Kush, or Spiral to Insanity. Regardless, Reno has it all, and the Mynt Dispensary is close and will satisfy one’s curiosity on what is recreational legalization.  Check it out….  

Mr. Cates urged me to see the Grow Facility, the actual place the pot is grown.  And, talk about impressive…  To see such a green forest of pot inside the facility was one most unique experience.  What a country?  And, Nevada, Northern Nevada.  This place is lit, no pun intended.  

And, when you are stoned? Besides taking a walk and being outdoors, I enjoy food, duh…  I think that is the pothead mantra, let’s get high and eat are faces off.  For Clint’s chronic hospitality, and world class tour of the Mynt Dispensary facilities, I offered to buy the pot entrepreneur dinner.

Clint, he suggests a local staple, but a Cougar Stop first.  

We walk into The Polo Lounge with glazed eyes and an unquenchable thirst.  We pull up to seats at the bar, we were Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday in a pair of cowboy boots galloping into this local dive bar. And, we were looking for a cold drink.  

The Polo Lounge located in Midtown Reno is a retro and freaky dive bar with strange faces everywhere. The bar, however, is first and foremost a place to drink in a town of drinkers.  Did I mention?  Reno can drink.  I am feeling a Vodka and Tonic with a lemon night is on the horizon.  I am in the land of milk and honey, as this dive bar is also a Cougar den.  Hot, horny, older women.  And like fine wine, and vodka to my tongue, an older woman is truly as sexy as a woman can possible be.  Especially, if the music is loud, the drinks are cheap, and last call is just a rumor. That’s right, you can drink all day and all night in the Biggest Little City.  No last call!!  What a country bro!!!

Clint stumbles back from a food run, we lost most of the night in a haze of laughter, pick up lines, and bar games.  We even missed the food reservation.  Clint finds a solution!  He brings back some food from Miguel’s Mexican Cantina, a short walk away from The Polo Lounge.  I am mouth first into an onion and cheese enchilada and a chili relleno in the most elegant egg crepe as 2 AM reared its ugly head.  I order a cold beer to wash it down, The Polo Lounge happily accommodates our request to bring in outside food.  Dive bar, check.  Great company and laughter, check.  Great Mexican food, check!!  The Rambling Man thinks highly in regards to the drinkability and Eatability in the Biggest little City…

I sleep until high noon. The partly cloudy fall day brings a day to catch up.  I have one more night in Reno, what will the last day of my weekend getaway bring.  I hope more laughter, and more food.  

What will today bring, a Sunday afternoon and night in Reno.  I stick to my vacation theme, let’s walk, drink, eat, and find some laughter.

I start my last night with a Sunset Walk at nearby Virginia Lake.  The manmade lake is exactly one mile around, it is a big oval walking / running path near the intersection of Virginia St. and Plumb Lane in Reno.  It is a most beautiful walk and sunset.  I start my walk, set for 3 laps, at approximately 5:45 PM, sunset set for 6:20 PM, and the sky was set ablaze with all of autumn’s glory.  The lake is full of aquatic life, ducks, geese, turtles, fish.  With the best feature of Virginia Lake, a forest of sage brush. As dusk approaches, the smell from the sage brush is worth a billion silver dollars.  The smell of sun fading from summer, the old west meeting the fresh air of ancient mountain shadow.  Air so still, my heart beats in rhythm with the season.  

After the walk, I go to the nearby Atlantis Casino….  The Atlantis, less than a quarter mile from Virginia Lake, is where I will partake in the Steam Room with Eucalyptus spray and a world class massage.  I feel like I am made of rubber, I feel happy.  So, I make my way down to the sportsbook within the bowels of the Atlantis casino.  I grab a beer and a nearby handicapping sheet, I am going to bet on the NFL Sunday night game of the Week, it’s the Patriots vs the Chiefs.  What a game!!  I put $500 on Tom Brady, the old man from Nor Cal, to win the game by more than two points.  

At halftime, I stagger over to the Purple Parrot restaurant within the Atlantis to get my all time favorite sandwich, The Monty Cristo.  This fried sandwich with a side of strawberry preserves is not something I eat, nor even have the option of ordering.  The Monty Cristo with a side of fries, I sit at my table, lost in the casino carpet, and flashy neon lights, my eyes fixed upon the next numbers in the never ending run of Keno games on the overhead TV.  In my head, I keep wishing for eight numbers to match, a dream of wealth and fame surely awaits if I can only just get 8 numbers correct.  

The night fades into the swallows of tomorrow, I make my way back to downtown and the Eldorado.  My flight leaves tomorrow at 10:15 AM….

Hue of the TV radiates upon my tired and sleepy head, a weekend in Reno.  I spark my lighter, weed set aglow, I inhale.  Stoned immaculate, I am the Rambling Man.  Reno ENVY… Reno, Nevada…  Walkability Score:  9 out of 10,  Drinkability Score:  7 out of 10, Eatability Score:  7 out of 10, Overall Value:  8 of 10, The Ability of the City to Provide a Unique Experience:  10 of 10.

Or course, my weekend getaway is meant to start a conversation regarding travel.  Reno has so much more to offer, like most cities, it would take multiple trips to take it all in.  I, do however, list below some activities or events to consider when traveling to Reno.  

1.       Fish for Brown or Rainbow Trout in the Truckee River. Entrance Point at Mayberry Park west of town make this easy to access.  Artificial flies, a Salmon Egg, or even a piece of Bacon on the end of the stick will find success at dawn or twilight.  

2.       Check out a University of Nevada Football game at nearby Mackey Stadium in the Fall, a Nevada Basketball game in the Winter, or a Reno Aces Minor League Baseball game in the Spring or Summer.  Hey, we love our sports, and checking out a new venue is always cool.  

3.       Walking Options: Mayberry Park, Downtown Reno, Virginia Lake, Rancho San Rafael

4.       Harrah’s Auto Museum – This is a legit place, full of classic cars that will blow your mind.

5.       Rib Cookoff, Balloon Races, Hot August Nights, all tourists traps but a place to start a weekend to Ramble On…..  

Finally, and in closing, what is the soul of the city, what is the Soul of Reno?  Reno has two faces, and contradiction surrounds.  The beauty of Lake Tahoe, the Truckee River, the Sierra Nevada Mountains, alongside the despair of prostitution and gaming.  The city is the chain of vice, and the elegance of a perfect small town.  It is the old west, yet modern day growth and opportunity abounds.  It’s the Wild, Wild West, it’s the Biggest Little City in the World.  Regardless, Reno is a fantastic place to Ramble On.

The Rambling Man continues next week, we explore Athens, Georgia.  Please follow us on Twitter, @BarkmanPete. We are no longer on Facebook.  Why? Because Facebook sucks.  

Please consider checking out other Podcast segments available on The Pete Barkman Show. Segments include the following: The Rambling Man, Las Vegas Larry’s Losers ( sports picks, predictions, and handicapping).  And, our How To Live a Happy and Healthy Life Series.  Plus, much more.  The Pete Barkman Show, available on most Podcast Platforms.  

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛   that 70′s show sentence starters   ❜

‘  you know what your problem is? i’m too good looking.  ’ ‘  god, what did you have for breakfast this morning? carnation instant bitch?  ’ ‘  oh, is this what we’re gonna do today, we’re gonna fight?  ’ ‘  because you’re breaking up the band, yoko!  ’ ‘  an apple? where’s my candy, you son of a bitch.  ’ ‘  she told me she loves me and then i told her i loved cake...  ’ ‘  how’d you’d like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?  ’ ‘  look, if i could run across the beach into my own arms, i would.  ’ ‘  you know he never liked phones. he said he could hear voices in ‘em.  ’ ‘  when my time comes, i wanna be buried facedown so that anyone who doesn’t like me can kiss my ass.  ’ ‘  you know what your problem is? you’re really cute... so no one ever told you to shut your pie hole.  ’ ‘  god, we are such the... perfect couple?  ’ ‘  you’re cold? well damn, i can’t control the weather!  ’ ‘  the gym, or as i like to call it, the institute of things i can’t do.  ’ ‘  well, i’d like to help but... not as much as i’d like not to.  ’ ‘  don’t put me in your fantasies. i don’t even like being in your real life.  ’ ‘  i don’t like people. i like rock n’ roll, sex, and pizza -- in that order.  ’ ‘  i’m not loving anybody that i’m not legally required to.  ’ ‘  and if somebody doesn’t tell me i’m cute in the next five minutes, i’m gonna scream!  ’ ‘  don’t hate me because i’m beautiful.  ’ ‘  i can’t count on much in this crazy world, but i can always count on you.  ’ ‘  i’m going to go out, meet some boys and crush their hearts one by one.  ’ ‘  where zen ends, ass kicking begins.  ’ ‘  you guys are fighting like cats and whores.  ’ ‘  cake is good, but you cannot have sex with cake.  ’ ‘  well, my head says no, but my heart says no.  ’ ‘  the three true branches of the government are military, corporate, and hollywood.  ’ ‘  hey man, if you don’t get caught, everything’s legal.  ’ ‘  yeah, but god didn’t see that. i was in my van, and he can’t see through lead.  ’ ‘  college is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.  ’ ‘  college is for women who don’t want to marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard moron children.  ’ ‘  i was never happy. i was just less pissed off.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i’m alone, i just love to cuddle.  ’ ‘  i have a definite opinion on this... i don’t care.  ’ ‘  when he’s unhappy, i know our relationship is in good shape.  ’ ‘  all right, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass.  ’ ‘  that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.  ’ ‘  we have some breaking news: i’m toasted.  ’ ‘  but i don’t want to go outside. there are people out there.  ’ ‘  oh, please. i’m a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-assed son of a bitch.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not pouting. that would upset our routine. god knows i wouldn’t want to move in a new direction and accidentally slip in a puddle of fun or anything.  ’ ‘  i’ve just decided being sad is a waste of my time.  ’ ‘  he called me ugly on the inside and the outside. i’m sorry, but he’s just wrong about the outside part.  ’ ‘  i don’t really cook much. i just plan on getting by on my looks.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, you just don’t move on from me. i’m like alcohol. you need a twelve-step program to break my smell.  ’ ‘  you know, being here under the stars, sitting on the grass makes me really glad i’m not poor.  ’ ‘  the person i love the most is me!  ’ ‘  i was voted most popular, best legs, and now godmother? what can’t i do?  ’ ‘  why am i alone and all of you less attractive people are happy?  ’ ‘  it’s better to have loved and loss than to be butt ugly.  ’ ‘  okay, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: everyone loves me.  ’ ‘  why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?  ’ ‘  i got a lot of free time. i mainly use it to nap and cry.  ’ ‘  i’ll just curl up in the fetal position and think about pancakes.  ’ ‘  have you been in bed all day?  ’ ‘  last night i only slept like... nine hours.  ’ ‘  i pity you because you’re dumb.  ’ ‘  responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted.  ’ ‘  they want to kill rock n’ roll because they know it makes us horny, man.  ’ ‘  i would love car sex... or just sex... or just a car.  ’ ‘  no, i don’t feel bad. i don’t feel anything.  ’ ‘  man, think about it. we hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends... i live for days like this!  ’ ‘  it’s like we’re too old to trick or treat and too young to die.  ’ ‘  talking isn’t gonna help me, okay? what’s gonna help me is, like, drinking.  ’ ‘  hey, yeah, that’s the worst idea i’ve ever heard!  ’ ‘  i wish i was an octopus.  ’ ‘  thanks, but i’ve gotta go to sleep because i have a big day of misery ahead of me.  ’ ‘  life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you.  ’ ‘  well, for your information, i’m already sorry i was ever born.  ’ ‘  i don’t have a hickey. i was using a curling iron.  ’ ‘  give me a reason why i shouldn’t set you on fire.  ’ ‘  i’m a hottie, you’re a nottie.  ’ ‘  prison is not an option for me, okay? i can’t pee in front of other people.  ’ ‘  man, time really flies when you take two naps a day.  ’ ‘  oh, no. now i have to act normal.  ’ ‘  oh, i just remembered i can’t loan it to you on account of i hate you.  ’ ‘  i’ve been diagnosed with a disease that makes me irresistible to women.  ’ ‘  you know what the best thing god ever did was? boobs.  ’ ‘  i’m like ketchup. i go good on everything!  ’ ‘  when we were about to fool around and i said that i washed my hands, but i really just got done playing with like six dogs.  ’ ‘  there’s a rabbit stuck in a tree and i want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.  ’ ‘  if this is about maturity then i want nothing to do with it.  ’ ‘  a wedding without a trampoline? that’s crazy talk.  ’ ‘  i don’t wanna blink ‘cause i’m afraid to miss even a second of your cuteness.  ’ ‘  you seem normal around your family, but out in the real world, you’re kinda nuts.  ’ ‘  i could get arrested. i could go to girl prison. this freakin’ rocks!  ’ ‘  my parents are fighting all the time and they want me to choose sides, but i can’t because they’re both idiots.  ’ ‘  why would sally sell seashells down by the seashore? i mean, that’s a terrible location for a seashell stand.  ’ ‘  i’m not strong, but i know a lot of ways to destroy men emotionally.  ’ ‘  i don’t have feelings for him. i just hate that bitch for making him happy.  ’ ‘  i’m not jealous, i just want to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room.  ’ ‘  hello, it is me, the object of your desire.  ’ ‘  i’m a beautiful girl with a shrill, demanding voice. i’m pretty hard to ignore.  ’ ‘  a gold digger is what these idiots call a woman who knows that love eventually wears off, but money is forever.  ’ ‘  you see, a more productive use of my time is revenge.  ’ ‘  i cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.  ’ ‘  i don’t answer stupid questions.  ’

[tara-l-blackmore]

For the ask thingy, could you maybe answer them all, if you want to? o///w///o

I’m fucking crying with laughter. Okay, I’ll do it. Here we go.

1. Tara L. Blackmore (the L is a secret)

2. 12-month: Aries, 13-month: Pisces

3. Burning to death, losing people I love, never getting published before I die.

4. Terry, writing and reading, making people happy

5. “Lover To Lover” by Florence + The Machine

6. Because I asked the Tumblr Twitter if I should and they said yes. (I’m not fucking kidding.)

7. Relieved that @anglejoyce is safe from her surgery. A little refluxy. Kinda stoned. Hungry.

8. Married. Happily, too.

9. It’s my fucking name.

10. Contact, The Incredibles, Harold and Maude, Princess Mononoke

11. There is not enough space for this answer.

12. Rapists, paedophiles, racism

13. Halloween

14. Being sincere and being called a liar, injustice to innocents, my inability to help everyone the way they deserve

15. Dogs (canids) and cats.

16. My cat, Milo, who adopted me, first.

17. *sigh* I’ve never fully shaved my head. I just said that because I thought it sounded cool.

18. My complete inability to help people; or worse, I think I am helping but am only making it worse.

19. Falling in the mud while trying to catch a bus and, while covered in said mud, screaming “FUCK YOU, DIRT!”

20. Chewing on my cuticles, obsessing over my hair, being unable to sleep unless Terry is, too.

21. To have my original fiction published, to be a good wife, to be able to function as a normal person instead of one always in pain.

22. My mom’s chicken casserole, sushi, noodles of many kinds and many sauces, sandwiches.

23. I went to the shrink, cried a lot, got stoned because I was tired of thinking, wrote and drew a lot, masturbated twice, wrote more, cried again, was comforted by Terry, wrote more, then slept.

24. Writing, I guess? I think so? I’m not terrible. And I do take great pride in it, even if I do suck.

25. No one.

26. Cuddled up on the could with Terry at my side, Milo in my lap, sushi in my belly, and either watching a movie or playing games, until we get horny and make love for the rest of the night until we pass out. I’m cheap.

27. See my page’s avatar.

28. This is a loaded question, but other than personal blogs, I like @yesterdaysprint and @babyanimalgifs

29. O.

30. I smoke both tobacco and pot, but I’m trying to quit the tobacco; the pot is medicinal. I do not drink very often, if at all, because it hurts my throat and gut and makes me depressed.

31. Night.

32. Introvert, but I do like people.

33. Messy. Sorry, Terry.

34. Both, fuck you.

35. No. I wish. But I give nicknames to others. Oh wait! @anglejoyce calls me Aneki, does that count? And @hadsadeath calls me Mom (??????).

36. Parrafin wax, bullshit.

37. I have two older sisters, a younger sister and brother, and a younger step-brother. (Yes, that’s 5.)

38. LOL yes. To spend time in a certain chapel with a certain husband (boyfriend at the time, lol).

39. Nope. I probably should have, but we were too poor.

40. 5'7"

41. Here.

42. A McDonald’s breakfast burrito.

43. My phone.

44. See my favourite movies.

45. PEAS.

46. A writer, or a witch.

47. Little Women; A Tale for the Time Being; Ghost Brush; The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck; Bad Feminist (I’m not including series because that would take up way more room.)

48. Fall.

49. April 5th, 1984

50. Lina Inverse, Alphys, Nakajima Youko, Alexia (Tarabotti) Maccon

51. I honestly cannot decide.

52. Taste.

53. Future.

54. Invisibility, and to stop crimes (I’m fucking serious).

55. My phone, my cat, and my husband.

56. Fucking fire and ebolish the Senate, fire everyone and fill Parliament with newbies, make so much more things legal and illegal, and ensure that all sex-predators are either neutered or executed.

57. I don’t know.

58. MY HUSBAND, WHY DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY?!

59. Indonesian, so that I could express myself better with Terry’s family, and truly convey what Terry means to me.

60. “Weird.”

61. Fencing or tai chi.

62. Woods, but as long as I get WiFi. Because too many people make me anxious and scared.

63. Terry, my mother, and morphine.

64. What’s the true source of my pain?

65. Myriad places, wherever my closest online friends are, so I could finally hug them.

66. Uh, I’m already here.

67. Being a useless piece of shit; Terry not loving me anymore.

68. Hugs.

69. “I’m not afraid of giving up, but I’m not strong either; I just can’t stand by and do nothing anymore!”

70. “💚💚💚💚💚”

71. The Shape of Water

72. Uhhhh…. *awkward silence*

73. Loaded fucking question.

74. Black.

75. My mom and I are really awesome and great friends; my dad and I aren’t close and only talk about food, politics, or video games.

76. Honesty, integrity, a killer smile, soft hair.

77. Being pinned on random furniture while having the breath kissed out of me; hands in my hair; being on top; hearing my name softly spoken in intense intimate moments.

78. Being ignored; getting leg cramps; my excessive sweating; feeling completely ugly.

79. None.

80. Long hair.

81. Florence + The Machine (IT SAYS BANDS, NOT SINGERS.)

82. Positive feedback on my fanfics, making people laugh/happy, Terry coming home every day.

83. Lynn.

84. Terry.

85. Confession: I want to be a Big Name Fan in the Undertale fandom. I’m well aware that I suck too much for this to happen, but fuck, do I want it.

86. Pain.

87. Bookstores.

88. Righty.

89. Fear of burning alive, being in crowds, just fucking, dogdamned bees.

90. Always early. Always.

91. Yepper!

92. Not really. I do love having my skin caressed, though.

93. DOGS

94. Beach.

95. Not really, but I’m always hoping for one to change my mind.

96. Yes.

97. I used to play soccer, but then we got poor and couldn’t afford it anymore. Haven’t sported since.

98. Fucking BlackBerry.

99. Undertale.

OH MY CAT THIS TOOK FOREVER. HERE. ENJOY.

[truemedian]

Harvey Weinstein’s ex-assistant explains in doc why it took her over 20 years to reveal alleged attempted rape

It took more than 20 years for Rowena Chiu to reveal Harvey Weinstein's alleged attempted rape. The movie mogul’s former assistant is one of several accusers speaking out in a new documentary on Investigation Discovery (ID) titled “Harvey Weinstein: ID Breaking Now,” which features interviews with Rosanna Arquette and Italian model Ambra Battilana Guiterrez, among others. On March 11, the 68-year-old producer was sentenced in New York City to 23 years in prison for third-degree rape and a criminal sex act as he maintained he simply had consensual “extramarital affairs” with the victims. CONVICTED RAPIST HARVEY WEINSTEIN SURVIVES CORONAVIRUS AND IS OUT OF QUARANTINE, SPOKESMAN SAYS Weinstein was convicted on two counts: criminal sex act for the 2006 assault of a production assistant and rape in the third degree for the 2013 attack on another woman. On the criminal sex act count, he faced a minimum of five years in prison and a maximum of 25 years, while the third-degree rape count carried a maximum penalty of four years in prison.

Rowena Chiu was one of several Weinstein accusers who participated in 'Harvey Weinstein: ID Breaking Now.' (ID) HARVEY WEINSTEIN MOVED TO NY STATE MAXIMUM-SECURITY PRISON “Was justice served? I think that’s a difficult question to answer,” Chiu, 45, told Fox News. “He’s in jail purportedly for 23 years, which is much more than any of us could have expected. And so there was much rejoicing on the day of the verdict… There is a significant victory and it’s a statement to the world and other powerful wealthy predators - that you can’t just get away with this. And for some of us, we sort of expected the worst. We’ve been condition to expect nothing.” “But … more than 90 women have come forward with stories about Harvey Weinstein," Chiu continued. "What happens to them? He has destroyed so many lives in over three decades. So relatively speaking, 23 years is nothing. I had two suicide attempts. I never went to work in film again. Many of us have struggled, mental health-wise. Making new relationships has certainly been difficult.” In 1996, Chiu had graduated from Oxford with a degree in English literature and had dreams of pursuing the film industry, the New York Times reported. In 1998, Chiu was hired to assist Weinstein in London on his European productions. “At the time, Miramax was a company that everybody wanted to work for because the opportunities were boundless in terms of getting exposure in Hollywood,” she recalled. HARVEY WEINSTEIN SUED FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT, BATTERY BY WOMAN WHO CLAIMS HE COERCED HER INTO SEX: REPORT

Miramax Films executive Harvey Weinstein (3rd L) and actress Gwyneth Paltrow (3R) w. producers of Shakespeare in Love holding their Oscars in Press Room at Academy Awards. (Getty) KATE BECKINSALE REVEALS HARVEY WEINSTEIN SCREAMED AT HER FOR NOT DRESSING SEXY ON A POST-9/11 RED CARPET However, future colleague Zelda Perkins warned Chiu that the big break came with challenges. Chiu was told she would have to handle Weinstein "robustly.” “He was known for being a difficult person, crude, and just someone filled with rage,” Chiu recalled. “It was advertised in the interview that he was hard to manage and his fits of anger were challenging. I suppose there was a belief in the film industry that the more dues you pay at the beginning of your career in terms of dealing with difficult personalities, the faster you would be promoted. And Harvey wasn’t the first boss with a difficult personality." “Many agents were known to lash out,” Chiu reflected. “Phones would be thrown, scripts would be thrown. It was a very dramatic industry. But there’s a big difference between working with someone who’s a legend with a reputation for being difficult and thinking you’re going to be raped at work.” Chiu said that while Weinstein had “moments of great charm,” he was also “angry almost all the time.” “He would always enter a room with great gusto,” she said. “He would either be super happy about something, loud and charming, or he would be furious.” NANCY GRACE SLAMS WEINSTEIN ATTORNEYS FOR 'WHINING' ABOUT DISGRACED MOGUL'S 'UNFAIR' 23-YEAR SENTENCE

Zelda Perkins (Photo by Ian West/PA Images via Getty Images) HARVEY WEINSTEIN ATTORNEY SUGGESTS DISGRACED MOVIE MOGUL WILL DIE IN PRISON: 'WON'T SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY' In September 1998, Chiu accompanied her boss to the Venice Film Festival where he was promoting his film “Rounders.” Chiu said she was on “high alert” and determined to make sure the trip went smoothly out of fear she would be fired. Chiu said that leading up to the alleged attempted rape, she fended off requests for massages. “I think he didn’t want to scare you immediately,” she reflected. “If he just grabs you, as an assistant, you’re going to immediately freak out. Instead, he tries things like, ‘It’s quite normal for me to be naked. This is what I do all the time.’ As an assistant, you think, ‘This is unusual, but he’s a big, powerful Hollywood film producer. Maybe this is how things are normally done. I’m just going to stand in a corner and keep myself very quiet and hopefully, he’ll go away.'" During the trip, Chiu had a late-night meeting with Weinstein alone in a hotel room where she was expected to discuss potential film productions and scripts. HARVEY WEINSTEIN'S SENTENCING BASED ON 'BROADER HISTORY OF ABUSE' AND 'NO REMORSE,' SAYS LEGAL EXPERT

Rowena Chiu said movie mogul Harvey Weinstein attempted to rape her. (ID) CELEBRITIES REACT TO HARVEY WEINSTEIN'S 23-YEAR PRISON SENTENCE WITH PRAISE: 'HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE' “I did try to persuade myself, ‘This a weird thing Hollywood producers do,'" she said. “‘But it won’t go further. We’re just here to talk about scripts, which is what I’m supposed to be doing for work.’” At one point, Chiu claimed she found herself pushed back against the bed. “He parted my legs and said, ‘Just one thrust and it will all be over. Everybody else does this,’” Chiu alleged in the documentary. “‘… If you do this, you can do anything you want in the film industry.’” Chiu also alleged that Weinstein told her that he’d “never had Chinese girls before.” She claimed Weinstein continued his demands, saying, “Just one thrust and I promise I’ll pull out.” According to the New York Times, a terrified Chiu pleaded with Weinstein to let her go, saying they should return to reviewing scripts, that she had a boyfriend and that Perkins would worry for her. She told the outlet that eventually “I was able to wriggle off the bed and leave.” She believed that at the time, Weinstein let her go because there would be another opportunity for him to try again. HARVEY WEINSTEIN ACCUSER CAITLIN DULANY RESPONDS TO SENTENCING: ‘I CAN NOW CELEBRATE A TRULY HISTORIC VICTORY’

Harvey Weinstein (L) and Bob Weinstein pose with the Motion Picture Showmanship Award backstage at the 52nd Annual ICG Publicists Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on February 20, 2015 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Mathew Imaging/WireImage) HARVEY WEINSTEIN SENTENCED TO 23 YEARS IN PRISON ON RAPE, CRIMINAL SEX ACT CONVICTIONS The next day, Chiu shared what happened to Perkins. The women quickly banded together and attempted to report Weinstein to his superiors. But despite hiring a lawyer, Chiu said Weinstein came armed with his own team of attorneys who reportedly bullied the women, allegedly insisting no one would believe their story. They were ultimately pressured into signing a nondisclosure agreement that prevented them from speaking out. Chiu told the New York Times the negotiations “were conducted under conditions of extreme duress.” The women were reportedly once kept at the office overnight, escorted to the bathroom and “provided with the barest minimum of food and drink." They were also reportedly not permitted to have pen and paper handy to keep notes. Chiu initially believed that after her ordeal was over, she would be able to bounce back to work in the film industry. However, she found herself blacklisted. Privately living in fear, unable to obtain psychiatric treatment for her trauma and unable to speak out, Chiu said she attempted to take her life twice. But Chiu wasn’t alone. More than 80 women have accused Weinstein of inappropriate to criminal behavior, from intimidating sexual advances to rape over the years. Weinstein has denied the accusations and contends that any sexual activity was consensual. HARVEY WEINSTEIN ASKED MICHAEL BLOOMBERG, JEFF BEZOS FOR HELP KEEPING HIS JOB: REPORT

Harvey Weinstein arrives at a Manhattan courthouse for jury deliberations in his rape trial, Monday, Feb. 24, 2020, in New York. (AP Photo/Seth Wenig) HARVEY WEINSTEIN WROTE JENNIFER ANISTON 'SHOULD BE KILLED' IN EMAIL, UNSEALED COURT DOCS SHOW Rumors about Weinstein’s behavior swirled in Hollywood circles for a long time, but he managed to silence many accusers with payoffs, nondisclosure agreements and the constant fear that he could crush their careers if they spoke out. Weinstein’s efforts to silence his accusers and thwart journalists who sought to expose his secrets included hiring Black Cube, an Israeli spy agency staffed by former Mossad agents. Weinstein was finally arrested and led away in handcuffs in May 2018, seven months after The New York Times and The New Yorker exposed his alleged misconduct in stories that would win the Pulitzer Prize. The Weinstein Co. went bankrupt after his disgrace. A tentative settlement was reached last year to resolve nearly all lawsuits stemming from the scandal. It would pay Weinstein's alleged victims about $25 million. Under the proposed deal, Weinstein would not have to admit any wrongdoing or personally pay anything; the studio's insurance companies would cover the cost. In 2019, Chiu came out publicly in the book “She Said,” penned by the two New York Times journalists who broke the story on Weinstein, Page Six reported. LAWYERS FOR HARVEY WEINSTEIN BEG FOR LENIENT SENTENCE, CITING DISGRACED MOVIE MOGUL'S CHARITABLE WORK, HEALTH ISSUES

Rowena Chiu today. (Photo by HGL/GC Images) HARVEY WEINSTEIN'S EX-WIFE WAS 'SHOCKED AND HUMILIATED' BY SCANDAL, DISGRACED MOGUL 'DISGUSTS' HER: REPORT Chiu said more work still needs to be done. “Is it justice within a system when women are assaulted and often not believed?” she said. “We have a lot of work to do. … The legal system needs reform. We have a long way to go before true justice can be achieved.” If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.  “Harvey Weinstein: ID Breaking Now” airs Sunday, April 12 at 10 p.m. EST on ID. The Associated Press contributed to this report. Read More Read the full article

[devilsadvocate007]

Facebook Posts July 2010 - December 2010

4th July 2010

The illusion that everybody's opinion matters has created a society in which stupidity must be considered just as seriously as brilliance. Gone are the days where stupid people weren't allowed to talk while big people were talking. Now they have their own facebook pages.... On the bright side, we no longer have to rely on television for entertainment

_________________________

10th July 2010

♫ Just gonna stand there and watch me burn....well that's alright because I like the way it hurts......Just gonna stand there and hear me cry....well that's alright because I love the way you lie...♫  - ‘Love the way you lie’, Rihanna ft. Eminem

_________________________

14th July 2010

If there's no such thing as no such thing, then there is such a thing as no such thing, which means that there really is no such thing as no such thing.

_________________________

15th July 2010

Bad?: So I was standing next to a fat girl and I turned to her and said "moo". At first she started to cuss and call me names and tell me about my mother. I quietly said "moo" again without lifting my gaze. This time she started screaming and clawing at me. For the last time...I said "moo". She stopped and looked at me, then after a minute of silence she said "father?"

_________________________

25th July 2010

You know you're doing something wrong when your fiancée tells you "I'd rather be his whore than your wife"... ♥ Titanic

_________________________

30th July 2010

You ever meet someone so dumb that you think they're up to something? "What?....no....what you playing at?....wait.....you're serious?"

_________________________

5th August 2010

The 1st tao of Jarid: {For all those in a relationship...the sentence "It doesn't matter anymore, I have a man, I'm gonna let loose" is not acceptable unless you're talking about a party or sex.}

_________________________

6th August 2010

I know I'm not the only person that finds irony in the fact that the guy that recently beat the JAMAICAN Bolt, is called Mr. Gay. lol "Gay shocks Bolt in Stockholm" is the Headline....So what did we learn? U can run from gays all u want my Jamaican brethren, but it'll catch up with you eventually...

_________________________

15th August 2010

Life is too short to waste on people who don't realize how awesome you are. I knew an awesome person who never followed the crowd or did what was 'expected'. She's gone now, but I can say she lived her life the way she wanted to, surrounded by people she liked who definitely liked her. When my time comes, I want someone to say the same about me. So fuck off and thank you.

_________________________

17th August 2010

Can someone explain to me how purposely doing something that makes your guy friends happy and like u, but at the same time leaves ur woman unhappy and unsatisfied, isn't gay? "Bow cat" it would seem is the opposite of "battyman"....not synonymous.

_________________________

20th August 2010

"Ur like a giant fucking cock blocking robot developed in a secret government lab or something" - Zombieland (lmao)

_________________________

21st August 2010

♫ That's alright, thats ok....g'on head believe what ur home girls say...a nigga like me drink alotta liquor, meet alotta bitches, take alotta pictures....I might break bread with 1 or 2 strippers, but that don't mean u gotta pull my zipper...thinkin that I dicked down the whole town, even tho I got dick to go round ♫ - ‘Smell yo dick’, Kay Luv

_________________________

22nd August 2010

♫ You say its my fault, ok then I'll go...its better to know...how theres nobody to argue with...cuz im not home...dont care who ur with....dont call my phone...or did u forget...u know you're wrong...I'm gone....and you're all alone....hearing your own damn...eh echo eh echo ♫ - ‘Echo’, Gorilla Zoe

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8th September 2010

♫ A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar, They're worth so much more after I'm a goner, And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin', Funny when your dead how people start listenin'...If I die young ♫ - ‘If I die young’, The Band Perry

_________________________

10th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Facebook is not a place to publish things you wish to remain private. By its very nature, anything put on here voluntarily is for people to notice, see, and by extension comment or ask about. Getting defensive when asked about something YOU put up in the public domain makes no sense."

_________________________

11th September 2010

The tao of Jarid: "Women treat the male gene pool like a real pool. They all jump in and splash around the shallow end in their youth...then wade out to the deeper end as they get older."

_________________________

15th September 2010

“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar [violin] to a gorilla.” - Jim Bishop

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17th September 2010

Taxi driver on the way home today: "You see men? Especially young men like you? You need to eat raw foods. Lemme tell u the other night I was with my gf and no matter WHAT position I put her in...me deya fight fi cum! FIRST time me haffu TRY cum. All when me done, cocky stiff stiff"

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22nd September 2010

Birthdays on facebook are really opportunities for people that never speak to you to subtly say "I care! Don't delete me! Look how I wrote on ur wall!" lol

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23rd September 2010

The tao of Jarid: The lawyer most people know is the American lawyer. That's why lawyers have a bad name. Caribbean lawyers are nothing like their American counterparts (the laws and practices here are vastly different). People should remember that before they band all "lawyers" together.

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23rd September 2010

Listen, I understand that having a BB means that u can talk to anyone at anytime for free, but seriously...10 grown ppl sitting in a room engrossed in their phones not speaking to each other, is ridiculous. What happend to common courtesy, what happened to meeting new people and saying hi to a stranger? Sheesh. U remind me of little kids in church playing their gameboys.

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26th September 2010

U know what I hate? The fact that hypocrisy is so prevalent. Any time you see someone stand up and strongly take a stand against something...9/10 times they do it. If they vehemently denounce homosexuals, 9/10 times, they're sleeping with little boys. Its SO common now, that I never want to take a strong stand against anything, lest ppl think I secretly do it. Chupz.

-

The tao of Jarid: For those of you who believe that "no means no, but unconscious means yes".....a prison cell awaits.

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28th September 2010

The legal way of saying “nigga stole my bike”:  “ A human being of the male gender wth black pigmentation on his skin appears 2 have acquired without my consent my 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, also known as "bike", and appears 2 have driven away with said 2-wheeled, non-motorized private and/or recreational transportation, despite my attempt of chasing the said human being, completely ignoring my request 2 give sed item bk” - username iani103. Man, I love my profession.

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1st October 2010

I think women should develop the same "fuck it" mechanism guys have. If there's a baby in the house crying for hours on end...what you will not find is a man around. Y? Cuz we can't fix it and its driving us crazy, so we roll out and go by Tony's house to watch football, i.e. fuk it. More women should do that instead of staying in the stress and snapping and shaking their babies to death or driving them into a river.

-

The tao of Jarid: Facebook should have a 'WHO CARES?!?' button....and make my page immune to it.

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2nd October 2010

The tao of Jarid: The more "LMAO"s and "LOLOLOL"s your status contains, the less funny the actual subject matter is. Contrary to popular belief, nothing gets funnier the more you laugh at it by yourself.

-

Grown men's fascination with penitentiary pussy confuses me... Sex with it = go to prison. What's the problem? Where's the option? All I see is "Sex with prison". No thanks. That's like the "option" 'get in this dark van so I can drive u to my abandoned cabin in the woods or I shoot you'. All I should be hearing is *gunshot*.

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4th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Drama vampires are not cool. While the rest of us need food and water to live, these creatures survive solely off drama and other people viewing it. The only effective way to deal with them is to block and delete them from everything. If you can't see their drama, they weaken and die. True story.

-

“I think when you put sex and spirituality in the same bottle and shake it up, bad things happen. Yes, I said I kissed a girl. But I didn’t say I kissed a girl while f-ing a crucifix.” - Katy Perry (on why she dislikes Lady Gaga’s music video for ‘Alejandro’) 

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5th October 2010

"This is my facade of civility; do not mistake for complacency, for once this veil is taken down, you'll see a vicious turn around...of all you grew to know and love...the hand lying beneath the glove.... An animal living in a shell. A beast who's come to raise all hell."

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6th October 2010

The tao of Jarid: Forget CNN, BBC or any other news organisation....nowhere else are world issues more discussed than on YouTube's comments section

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8th October 2010

You are one person, out of 7 billion people, on one planet, out of 8 planets, in one solar system out of a hundred billion solar systems, in one galaxy out of a hundred billion galaxies.......you are ENORMOUSLY insignificant, and don't let facebook ever make you forget that. [De-motivational Speech for the day]

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11th October 2010

Anybody remember when they FIRST came on fb YEARS ago? How it used to be? How Fb made hi5 look like the social networking ghetto? It was so clean and neat and classy. "Jarid Hewlett", likes, interests, lil about myself. Send ur friends who u havent seen since primary school messages. It was a magical innocent time. Why did you people have to rape facebook? Why?

-

Now? as NC17 says, no more "Jarid Hewlett", we have "Jarid fuckspussyallday Hewlett", we have "What kind of telly tubby would u have sex with?" quizzes, we have people fighting over who their baby's daddy is for the world to see. (Btw when did this shit become acceptable? Not knowing which guy ejaculated inside and impregnated you is something people used to be ashamed of and settle in private...why is it cool to broadcast this now?), we have break ups where guys blatantly put their numbers under "X is no longer in a relationship"..... What happened to CLASS??? I understand they don't teach that in school, but they bloody well should. No one comes on fb to keep in touch with people anymore. And the ones that do, spend 20% of their total fb time doing that. The rest of us laugh or bow our heads in sadness at the ridiculous shit people post. I'm black and I hate racists and racism, but goddamn it....sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it.....I see where they're coming from. <sigh>

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15th October 2010

♫ We're going out tonight...to kick out every light, take anything we want, drink everything in sight, we're going till the world stops turning while we burn it to the ground tonight! ♫ - ‘Burn it to the ground’, Nickelback

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21st October 2010

The tao: Men get bitter, just as women do. The difference is, a bitter woman will say "fuck men" and never have sex again. A bitter man will say "fuck women" and do just that.

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26th October 2010

The tao: "All inclusive" does not mean "free cheap rum and vodka with juice". Stop the false advertising.

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27th October 2010

The tao: Having high standards doesn't necessarily exempt you from whoredom. While we all agree that having low to no standards makes one a ho, having high, meaningless standards makes one a ho too. "I only sleep with guys that drive BMWs" is a high standard. It is not a substantive standard.

-

♫ And who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars....Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart........You’re gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul.........So don’t come back for me, who do you think you are? ♫  - ‘Jar of Hearts’, Christina Perri

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28th October 2010

"Labour all de way"? "UPP all de way?".....come on, man. I'm "all the way" with whoever makes Antigua a better country. Politics has come to mean arbitrary following of a party that makes your immediate life better regardless of the long term. Don't even get me started on 'patriotism'.

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31st October 2010

The tao: He who is slow to anger gets annoyed the longest.

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1st November 2010

♫....you just hurt my goddamn feelings, and that was the last one I had ♫ - ‘Here we go’, Eminem

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2nd November 2010

Lawyer talk: My Lord, my client was not anywhere near the building when the window was broken, and if he was, he did not break the window, and if he did break the window, he did so by accident, and if he didn't break it by accident, it wasn't the complainant's window, and if it was their window, it was their fault for putting it where my client throws stones.

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8th November 2010

Mr. Kartel, you sir, have lied to me.....apparently women do not want a man whose "buddy long like a thousand match stick line up"....apparently that hurts and more than 90% of it will be outside anyway. You have misled me sir, and I demand an apology.

_________________________

10th November 2010

On a serious note.....which do you think is more "loving" and less "heartless"? (Option A) Being in a relationship and cheating gratuitously on your significant other? Or (Option B) breaking up with your significant other who probably didn't see it coming, because you want to sleep with someone else?

_________________________

11th November 2010

The tao: No one really sees anything. Everyone thinks they see something. I might think I see a pudgy, ugly woman, you might think you see a curvy goddess. Who knows whats actually there...The difference between sane and insane people is that insane people are just a little more creative with what they think they see....and nothing can change their mind.

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14th November 2010

The tao: If someone tells you something you don't understand, don't repeat it. It might have been wisdom when they told you...but after your brain is done with it, there's a high chance it comes back out as crap.

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15th November 2010

"You're Cuban AND Jamaican?? That's a really.....illegal mix, lol. So you speak Spanish and bloodclaat?" - Mike Yard (*dead*)

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17th November 2010

The tao: One should never let emotions get in the way of reality. Sometimes people just don't appreciate you no matter how you feel about them. That's ok. Someone does.

_________________________

19th November 2010

♫ Well I'm a poet to some, a regular modern day Shakespeare.....Jesus Christ, the King of these latter day saints here ♫ - ‘Renegade’, Jay-Z & Eminem

  _________________________

25th November 2010

The tao: Whenever you think "don't let a good thing pass you by"....remember that many things are only good now BECAUSE you let them pass you by at first. Don't be afraid to let go.

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26th November 2010

"If my wanting to see you was on a scale of 1-10.....I'd still say no". It takes a while to fully appreciate just how horrible this statement is.

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27th November 2010

U know what I just realized..?..The first time I listened to the Marshall Mathers LP was on *cassette*...in my * Walkman*....that Michael Henry had copied for me.....I'm gonna reserve my rocking chair in the old folks home from now, see...

-

The tao: Stop saying "I'm just me". Everyone is just them. If you choose to be someone who tries to be like other people, that's still who you are. You are just a personalityless ninny, but it's still who YOU are. You can't ever be anything else but you. "I'm just me" is like saying "I breathe oxygen". No shit.

-

♫ Me start da day wit a flask, cranberry an ice inna glass....satellite can't find me me lost....buy me own liquor cuz me a me own boss....drink fi drunk dat me endorse....OH ♫ - ‘Rum & Red Bull’, Beenie Man &Future Fambo

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30th November 2010

Seriously....if I read one more comment under a political story with someone urging people to "wake up", I'm going to slap somebody. I always find it fascinating that politics turns otherwise sensible people into jackasses. "Belief is the enemy of reality".

-

Lesbians have life so easy.....girls are very gay normally, lol. Dressing in front of each other, dancing up with one another, feeling up one another etc.....you could pretty much spend ur whole life being a lesbian and no one would ever know once u lie every now and again about some boy u find hot.

-

"The fact is governments deal with the United States because it's in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us and not because they think we can keep secrets," - US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. If that's not gangsta, I dunno what is...

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2nd December 2010

♫ I love my life....none a we don't know wey tomorrow might bring cuz the future deh hours away...so me go live my life today...me ah live my life today...so lowe me mek me talk what me want fi talk, me have nuff fi say...so me go live my life today...me ah go live my life today ♫ - ‘I love my life’, Demarco

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7th December 2010

The tao: Never overestimate the power of friendship.

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9th December 2010

♫ De boy ketch me a stamp up him gyal postcard....want arrest me but....him anna sarge....he nah stop tell me how him a camouflage....never voice ya hear from him vocal cord because.....a we mek nuff man start drink Guinness ♫ - ‘A we’, Hawkeye

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11th December 2010

The tao: The next time someone you thought you mattered to lets you down, always remember that its not their fault you don't have better friends.

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17th December 2010

Men beware: "Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes" will never ever stand up in court.

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19th December 2010

The tao: Stop bitching about the 'true meaning' of Christmas. People like presents. Deal with it.

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21st December 2010

The tao: Put on a jamaican accent and include "bloodclaat" or "bumboclaat" and any sentence becomes five times funnier. E.g. "Where are u going, u unhygienic homosexual?" "Yow, a where dis dutty skin, yellow teet, shitty draws BUMBOCLAAT battybwoy a go?" Same message. Five times funnier.

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25th December 2010

The tao: "I have a boyfriend".........."Babes....you can have ALL the boyfriends you want...not "a", not "some".....ALL.....me still want u". - This conversation will always go like this. Saying you have a boyfriend is not a substitute for saying no.

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30th December 2010

New year new me! "Are u getting a sex change?" What? no..... "Are you changing careers?" Um..no.. "Are you radically overhauling your entire personality?" Not really... "Shut up and sit down"

[emilestrange]

Musicians, are really just people.  They even make a mistake or two from time to time.  So, just like other regular people, they sometimes get caught in some pretty sticky messes.  Sometimes, the mess is so sticky, they have to go to the pokey!  Here’s a list of a few of those messes:

Courtney Love

Photo: via Tumblr

In 2003, Courtney Love was convicted of felony drug possession following a painkiller overdose that nearly killed her. A year later in 2004, she was charged with felony assault for attacking a woman with a bottle and a metal flashlight.

Mark Wahlberg

Photo: via Tumblr

Mark Wahlberg is an upstanding member of society now, but he definitely had a rough time growing up. Addicted to cocaine at 13, and involved in a civil suit regarding hate crimes committed by Wahlberg at 15, it was no surprise when he was charged with the attempted murder and assault of two Vietnamese men at age 16. He attacked Thahn Lam first, knocking him unconscious with a large wooden stick while screaming, “Vietnam f*cking sh*t!” Later that day, he attacked Hoa “Johnny” Trihn by punching him in the face. He was sentenced to two years in prison, but only served 45 days due to overcrowding.

In 2014, Wahlberg began trying to get the attacks expunged from his record, claiming that he is a different man now, and would like to be pardoned for his crimes.

Snoop Dogg

Photo: via Reddit

In 1990, Snoop Dogg was charged with felony drug possession. In April 2007, he was convicted of two felony counts of drug and gun possession by a convicted felon.

Elgin James

  Elgin James is a filmmaker, musician and a former member of Friends Stand United (FSU).  James was arrested by the FBI in Los Angeles, California on July 14, 2009, stemming from an incident four years earlier. He was charged with a criminal complaint of federal attempted extortion filed in Chicago.  James was sentenced to one year and one day of prison in Chicago on March 8, 2011.  The same day James was sentenced he was hired to write a screenplay for Brian Grazer and Universal Pictures.

“The last few months have been a juxtaposition of the best and worst of my life. Today I faced my day of reckoning. … I have accepted responsibility for my past.”  James said in a statement after sentencing.

James served his sentence at Metropolitan Detention Center an administrative facility that handles situations such as containment of extremely dangerous, violent, or escape-prone inmates.  James was released from US federal prison on March 16, 2012.

  Chuck Berry

Chuck Berry has faced all kinds of legal trouble. His criminal career began in 1944 when Berry, along with two friends, robbed three stores then hijacked a car at gunpoint in Kansas City. He served time for two and a half years at the Intermediate Reformatory of Young Men and was released on his 21st birthday in 1947. In 1979, Berry was convicted of tax evasion and served four months in jail and had to perform 1000 hours worth of benefit concerts. In 1990, he was accused of installing a video camera in the women’s bathroom of a restaurant he owned. He claimed it was to catch a thieving employee, but a police raid of his home found tapes of the women, including a minor, using the toilet. The cops also found over two ounces of marijuana, and Berry plead guilty to misdemeanor drug possession in order to avoid child-pornography charges. He settled out of court with 59 women over the illicit taping.

  G.G. Allin

In the realm of crazy musicians, G.G. Allin is certainly a leading figure. The shock-punk rocker was known to mutilate his body and defecate onstage, covering himself in his feces. In 1989, Allin was arrested for assault and intent to do bodily harm to a female fan, who let him and his band stay at her home for a few days. During their sexual encounters, Allin handcuffed, burned and cut her with a beer can before drinking her blood. He claimed the acts were consensual and when the victim gave highly varying accounts of the acts, the charges were reduced to felonious assault. Allin was imprisoned for 15 months, during which time he wrote a mission statement claiming he would commit suicide on stage. He died two years later of a heroin overdose.

  James Brown

The Godfather of Soul’s criminal career got off to an early start when he was arrested for armed robbery at 16 and served three years in a reform school. Decades later, Brown would repeatedly find trouble, mainly for drug, weapon and domestic violence offenses. His most notable indiscretion came when he brandished a shotgun in his office, angered that someone was using his bathroom without permission. The police were called and set up a roadblock nearby that Brown drove through, and he led cops on a chase that went from Georgia to South Carolina and back. He eventually crashed into a ditch after the tires on his pickup were shot out. He served three years for a combination of weapon and assault charges.

  Jim Gordon

Though not a household name, Jim Gordon drummed for many big-name acts, most notably keeping time in Eric Clapton’s supergroup Derek and the Dominos. An undiagnosed schizophrenic, he started hearing voices, particularly those of his mother, and his life fell apart. In 1983, he went to his mother’s house, hit her repeatedly with a hammer when she opened the door and then fatally stabbed her. He was sentenced to 16 years to life for the crime and is still in jail.

  Leadbelly

Huddie Ledbetter was a three-time convict, beginning with a gun-possession charge that landed him on a chain gang in 1915. He escaped only to be arrested three years later for killing a family member over a woman. Seven years into his sentence, Leadbelly was pardoned after he wrote a plea — in song form, no less — to the Texas governor, who frequently stopped by the prison to hear the blues icon perform. In 1930, he was arrested for attempted murder and served four years.

  Phil Spector

Legendary producer Phil Spector was always a strange one. There are plenty of stories of him waving guns around while in the studio, and he kept his wife Ronnie Spector, the lead singer of the Ronettes, as a virtual prisoner in their L.A. mansion, out of jealousy. But Spector upped the crazy ante in 2003 when actress Lana Clarkson was found dead in the producer’s home. He originally claimed her death was an “accidental suicide” but, after two trials, he was convicted of murder in the second degree. Spector is currently serving 19 years to life.

  Rick James

Rick James was best known for his hit song “Super Freak,” an apt description considering his arrest in 1991 for torturing and imprisoning a 24-year-old woman for days. Both James and his girlfriend Tanya Anne Hijazi were jailed on charges of assault with a deadly weapon, false imprisonment, forced oral copulation, making terrorist threats and furnishing narcotics after they burned the victim with a crack pipe, coerced her into sexual asks and forced her to use cocaine. While out on bail, the two were accused of kidnapping a music executive and beating her. James was convicted and served two years in prison.

  Sid Vicious

Charismatic Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious was embroiled in controversy following the death of his longtime girlfriend Nancy Spungen, who died at the Chelsea Hotel in 1978 under suspicious circumstances. Vicious claims to have found her in their bathroom with a single stab wound in her abdomen after waking up from a heroin-induced slumber. His explanations varied from saying he had no idea what happened to alleging that Spungen fell on his knife during an argument. Vicious attempted suicide 10 days later, and was jailed at Riker’s Island not long after for assaulting Patti Smith’s brother. He died the day after he made bail from a heroin overdose.

  Varg Vikernes

A member of Norwegian black metal band Mayhem, Vikernes was accused of burning down several churches in 1992 as revenge for the Christian desecration of Viking graves. The following year, he was arrested for stabbing bandmate Øystein “Euronymous” Aarseth to death. Though Varg claimed it was self defense, he was found guilty of murder and arson with a 21-year sentence. He was released in 2009.

  Vince Neil

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The Motley Crue frontman’s wild ways led to numerous days behind bars. In 1984, he drunkenly crashed his car, killing his passenger, Hanoi Rocks drummer Nicholas “Razzle” Dingley, and severely injured two people in the vehicle he hit. He served 15 days of a 30-day sentence. Since then, he’s been caught driving drunk twice, most recently as 2010. He’s also been accused several times of assault and battery, including one incident in which he allegedly hit a worker at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel.

        Naughty, Naughty, Naughty!!!! Musicians, are really just people.  They even make a mistake or two from time to time.  So, just like other regular people, they sometimes get caught in some pretty sticky messes.